


The Establishment: Gerard Butler/Jonny Lee Miller (2004)

by helens78, jennandanica, ktnb, kyuuketsukirui, Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels), msilverstar, padawanhilary, Telesilla, valuna, zillah975



Series: Establishment - Ger/JL [3]
Category: The Establishment (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: 24/7 D/s Relationship, BDSM, Dom/sub, Kink, Power Exchange, Role-Playing Game, Role-played characters in a role-playing game having role-playing sex, The Establishment, Vampire Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-01
Updated: 2004-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 360
Words: 508,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktnb/pseuds/ktnb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuuketsukirui/pseuds/kyuuketsukirui, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels, https://archiveofourown.org/users/msilverstar/pseuds/msilverstar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/padawanhilary/pseuds/padawanhilary, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valuna/pseuds/valuna, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zillah975/pseuds/zillah975
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As a played character, Peter Wingfield was written by Luna. However, for this log with him as an NPC, I can't remember if he was written by me or by Luna. </p><p>~Lanna</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

In 2003, I followed Luna into joining the Establishment RPG on Journalfen. She was writing Jonny Lee Miller and I started writing Gerard Butler, his co-star on Dracula 2000. Together, we wrote the Gerard Butler/Jonny Lee Miller storyline until 2008. The storyline included a lot of other characters and other writers.

Luna died on March 5th, 2010. Since then, I've been wanting to upload Ger/JL to AO3, and have done bits and pieces towards organizing it, but never did it. (It helped that I'd previously had an inking towards archiving and had done organizing while it was still going on.) Journalfen has been very wonky lately and that was the incentive I needed to actually start to do this.

I haven't edited the logs between JF and here. This is the storyline as best as I can reconstruct it.

-Lanna

* * *

Player/pup list (in progress):

Character Journal  |  Character Name  |  Author Username   
---|---|---  
alexis  |  Alexis Denisof  |  aq   
alexkingston  |  Alex Kingston  |  thalassatx   
angel  |  Angelina Jolie   
angelina  |  Angelina Jolie   
ashton  |  Ashton Kutcher   
billy_boyd  |  Billy Boyd  |  MSilverstar   
billy_crudup  |  Billy Crudup  |  jennandanica   
c_a_moss  |  Carrie-Anne Moss  |  telesilla   
christian_bale  |  Christian Bale  |  dragonkal   
cillian_murphy  |  Cillian Murphy  |  steelbutterfly   
eliaskoteas_dfw  |  Elias Koteas  |  Doreene   
eric_bana  |  Eric Bana  |  jennandanica   
est_marton  |  Marton Csokas  |  ktnb   
estbrandon  |  Brandon Flowers  |  dly7609   
ethan_hawke  |  Ethan Hawke  |  helens78   
ewan_mcgregor  |  Ewan McGregor  |  kyuuketsukirui   
fillion  |  Nathan Fillion  |  helens78   
gerard  |  Gerard Butler  |  lannamichaels   
guy_pearce  |  Guy Pearce   
harry_sinclair  |  Harry Sinclair  |  lunasv   
james_marsters  |  James Marsters  |  aq   
jason_isaacs  |  Jason Isaacs  |  darkrose   
jonathan_r_m  |  Jonathan Rhys-Meyers  |  padawanhilary   
jonnyleemiller  |  Jonny Lee Miller  |  lunasv   
judel  |  Jude Law  |  texta   
karl_urban  |  Karl Urban  |  jennandanica   
liam  |  Liam Neeson  |  telesilla   
lutz  |  Mark Lutz  |  zillah975   
mattdamon  |  Matt Damon  |  lannamichaels   
mcconaughey  |  Matthew McConaughey   
natalie_portman  |  Natalie Portman  |  yueni   
orlandobloom  |  Orlando Bloom  |  deleerium   
peterwing  |  Peter Wingfield  |  lunasv   
pierce_b  |  Pierce Brosnan  |  helens78   
purefoy  |  James Purefoy  |  fiercy   
rpgstipe  |  Michael Stipe   
sean_bean  |  Sean Bean  |  helens78   
sexysadie  |  Sadie Frost  |  texta   
shadow_tom  |  Tom Hardy  |  padawanhilary   
stephend  |  Stephen Dorff   
stownsend  |  Stuart Townsend  |  hystericalblond   
viggo_m  |  Viggo Mortensen  |  dragonkal 


	2. gerard: Ghosts of the past

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/01/) 22:44:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=9792&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=9792) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=9792) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=9792&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Guilty  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Soft Cell - Tainted Love  
  
_**Ghosts of the past**_  
[private]  
  
  
  
Conner. Jonny Lee. There's nothing in common between the two of them. Things I had with Conner I don't want with Teak. Things I have with Teak I never could have imagined with Conner. It's like comparing apples and oranges. It doesn't bloody work.  
  
I got Jonny Lee a collar for Christmas. And I...I sent Conner his roses. Every year since that bloody train station, I've sent him a white rose and a crystal rose. One to keep and one to wither. Never sent a note, but he always knew it was from me. I've been filming in the godforsaken middle of nowhere, I've been broke between projects, but Conner got his present. And a few weeks later, I'd get the thank you card with the invitation to drop by whenever I was in town. This would always be followed by a private letter from Jesse telling me that I was welcome. I've been in that part of Scotland twice since, never looked them up. They changed their address once and Conner wrote me out of the blue in the middle of August to tell me about it. When I'd seen his handwriting on the letter, I'd feared the worst.  
  
  
I can't remember when I met Conner. He was one of those people who was always there, hovering at the edge of your vision, and one day you blinked and he was right there in front of you the way he'd always been. We were friends, we were lovers, and he looked fucking amazing kneeling for me. But the whole time I knew it wasn't going to be permanent. We ended well, we really did. And Jesse is good for him.  
  
  
But every year I've sent him the rose. Every year I've let him know that I still hold a candle for him. I know he'll never come back to me. I think knowing that makes it easier for me. Conner's happy where he is.  
  
  
But if he did come back to me, would I leave Teak?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't know. God help me, I don't know. I love Teak. I gave him my collar and that fucking _means_ something. I gave him my promise that I'll always be there for him and I don't break my bloody promises. I love Teak. I love him when he's grumpy, I love him when he's too distracted to notice I'm walking around in naught but my boxers, I love him when I catch him mouthing off at me behind my back. He wouldn't be the man I love without any of that.  
  
  
I don't love Conner. I don't know what I feel for him, but it isn't love. Sentimental attachment, maybe. But it isn't love. But if he came back to me...if he came into my house...and here the illusion fades. Because Conner doesn't know I've found somebody else. Conner doesn't know I've moved in with Jonny Lee. I have my mail forwarded here, but he doesn't know that. Conner's too good a man to ask me to choose.  
  
  
But there's a part of me that feels like I'm cheating on Teak. Cheating _him_. I didn't promise him to be exclusive. He didn't promise me to be exclusive. But I think having a lover on the side wouldn't quite count as a one night stand. And I'd never do that to him. I'd level with him first and I can already see the look he'd have. The sort that makes me feel like I've kicked a puppy.  
  
  
  
Conner won't come back. This whole thing is moot. But when the letter comes, will I have the balls to write him back that I've moved on? Teak'd understand, if I told him, when I tell him. He'll understand that I haven't severed all ties. I hope.  
  
  
  
You're a bloody coward, Gerard Butler. You don't deserve him. I love him with all my heart, so why do I feel like I'm rationalizing?  
  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/9792.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	3. gerard: Of cabbages and kings

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/04/) 22:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10069&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10069) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10069) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10069&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_**Of cabbages and kings**_  
[public]  
  
  
Ever get the feeling that if you dig too deep in the member lists, you'll find out things like the fact that Sir Lawrence Olivier liked to get it up the arse by Sir Alec Guinness while wearing a pink tutu?  
  
And this would be such a shame, of course, because Sir Lawrence's complexion would lend itself better to a _purple_ tutu.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Teak, when the men in the white coats come for me, just lead them into the living room. No reason to disturb the neighbors.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 06:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=6997&format=light#t6997))   
---|---  
You are talking to (I think) the one man on the planet who's shagged all six James Bonds (Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton, Brosnan, Isaacs), all thanks to the Establishment. You would not _believe_ some of the things you'll find out if you look through the member lists enough. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=6997&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=6997&format=light#t6997))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 06:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7509&format=light#t7509))   
---|---  
A very impressive record, sir. Makes one wonder if the casting directors are members themselves. I was rumored to be in the running for the role when Mr. Brosnan bowed out, but I was very pleased to hear that it went to Mr. Isaacs. I believe he will do it justice. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=7509&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=6997&format=light#t6997))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7509&format=light#t7509))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 06:39 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7765&format=light#t7765))   
---|---  
I was, too. He's a damn fine actor ~~and even better in bed~~ and I'm sure he'll ~~look fucking brilliant in a tuxedo~~ make the most of the part.  
  
As for you, you're young yet. You've lots of time. _*grins*_

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=7765&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7509&format=light#t7509))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7765&format=light#t7765))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 06:48 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9045&format=light#t9045))   
---|---  
Thank you, sir.  
  
I don't believe I've had the pleasure of formally making your aquaintance. I'm Gerry Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=9045&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7765&format=light#t7765))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9045&format=light#t9045))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 06:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9557&format=light#t9557))   
---|---  
No need to be formal. I'm Sean Bean. And it's a pleasure to meet you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=9557&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9045&format=light#t9045))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9557&format=light#t9557))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 07:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10581&format=light#t10581))   
---|---  
Telling me not to be formal is very often like telling the sun not to shine.  
  
  
I'm a huge fan of your work, Mr. Bean, particullarly the Sharpe films. I'm more than a little awed. *laughs awkwardly* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=10581&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9557&format=light#t9557))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10581&format=light#t10581))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 03:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13397&format=light#t13397))   
---|---  
~~Mmm, awestruck fanboys. Useful for all sorts of--~~  
  
 _*looks innocent*_ Did I say anything? I don't _think_ I said anything... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=13397&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10581&format=light#t10581))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13397&format=light#t13397))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 06:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14165&format=light#t14165))   
---|---  
Um. Well, I'm ~~thankfully~~ living in London. If you're ever back on the proper side of the pond, look me up and I'll buy you a drink. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=14165&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13397&format=light#t13397))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14165&format=light#t14165))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 06:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14677&format=light#t14677))   
---|---  
Sounds like a good idea to me. Or if you ever get out to Los Angeles, let me know. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=14677&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14165&format=light#t14165))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14677&format=light#t14677))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 09:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14933&format=light#t14933))   
---|---  
Well, that's incentive to ~~make~~ , ~~beg~~ , ask him take me back to LA, much as I hate the place. Drinks with you.  
  
I'm Jonny Lee, by the way.  
Less a Sharpe fan than a Locke one.  
But then I've hung 'round with Jude and Ewan a chunk of my life, so I got a weird sense of things.  
  
Nice meetin' ya in a round-bout way.  
Gotta go get a spankin' now.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=14933&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14677&format=light#t14677))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14933&format=light#t14933))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-08 06:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=15189&format=light#t15189))   
---|---  
You're a Locke fan? Well, well. I really do learn something new about you every day.  
  
  
Over my lap now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=15189&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=14933&format=light#t14933))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-01-05 06:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8021&format=light#t8021))   
---|---  
You know, I always did wonder whether you'd managed Lazenby... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=8021&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=6997&format=light#t6997))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8021&format=light#t8021))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-05 06:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8533&format=light#t8533))   
---|---  
Ah. Well. I did.  
  
...actually, in retrospect, I feel a bit guilty about my motivations...

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=8533&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8021&format=light#t8021))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[**alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-05 06:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7253&format=light#t7253))   
---|---  
I always thought Sir Lawrence would look lovely in blue.  
  
You made me laugh aloud, sir! Nice to meet you. I'm Alex :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=7253&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7253&format=light#t7253))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 06:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8277&format=light#t8277))   
---|---  
_I always thought Sir Lawrence would look lovely in blue._  
  
I bow to your superior colour sense.  
  
  
Name's Gerry and it's a pleasure to make your aquaintance. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=8277&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=7253&format=light#t7253))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8277&format=light#t8277))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[**alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-05 06:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9813&format=light#t9813))   
---|---  
You were Attila, right? I was Boudicca. Those damned Romans.... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=9813&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8277&format=light#t8277))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9813&format=light#t9813))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 07:04 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10325&format=light#t10325))   
---|---  
I was Attila, yes. Not all Romans are bad. The man who played Flavius Aetius, a bloke called Powers Boothe, gave me a great time one night on the town...but I digress. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=10325&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9813&format=light#t9813))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10325&format=light#t10325))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[ **alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-05 07:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11605&format=light#t11605))   
---|---  
Ahh, Powers. God, he's a handsome man. You're a lucky bloke! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=11605&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10325&format=light#t10325))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 07:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11349&format=light#t11349))   
---|---  
Oooh, _that_ was you! Wicked warrior woman.  
  
Oh, yeah, intro ... Jonny Lee Miller. I belong to the guy who owns the journal. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=11349&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9813&format=light#t9813))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11349&format=light#t11349))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[ **alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-05 07:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11861&format=light#t11861))   
---|---  
How do you do? Yes, I'm the warrior woman. *laughs* Not much of a warrior in my off time though :) Nice to meet you! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=11861&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11349&format=light#t11349))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/profile)[**mcconaughey**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/)  
2004-01-05 06:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8789&format=light#t8789))   
---|---  
Now _that_ is a thought, Gerry.  
  
Hmm, I might just have to go delving into the records and see just what I can come up with. Might be interesting.  
  
And I do agree with you. Purple is a _far_ better color on Sir Lawrence Olivier. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=8789&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8789&format=light#t8789))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 06:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9301&format=light#t9301))   
---|---  
Please share what you come up with. *grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=9301&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=8789&format=light#t8789))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9301&format=light#t9301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/profile)[**mcconaughey**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/mcconaughey/)  
2004-01-05 07:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10837&format=light#t10837))   
---|---  
Oh, I will. I'll be sure to pass along any juicy tidbits of information that I may uncover. ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=10837&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=9301&format=light#t9301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 07:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10069&format=light#t10069))   
---|---  
You plan on being in the living room?  
I planned on you being in the bedroom.  
Maybe my leash is longer than I thought.  
*g*  
  
P.S. I love you when you're crazy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=10069&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10069&format=light#t10069))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 07:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11093&format=light#t11093))   
---|---  
If you say bedroom, who am I to argue? *grin* But I didn't want to assume that you wanted to _fuck_ the men in white.  
  
  
  
P.S. I love you regardless of sanity. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=11093&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=10069&format=light#t10069))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11093&format=light#t11093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 07:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12117&format=light#t12117))   
---|---  
I get to fuck men in white?!  
Wow. Way wicked cool.  
  
Wait a minute.  
Are they cute?  
Not fuckin' anyone, mate, less he's cute. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=12117&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=11093&format=light#t11093))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12117&format=light#t12117))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 07:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12373&format=light#t12373))   
---|---  
You are a kinky, kinky bastard, Jonny Lee Miller.  
  
  
  
You think I'm cute?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=12373&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12117&format=light#t12117))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12373&format=light#t12373))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 07:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12629&format=light#t12629))   
---|---  
_You are a kinky, kinky bastard, Jonny Lee Miller._  
If I'm kinky, _Mister_ Butler, then you're the fuckin' professor who taught me.  
  
 _You think I'm cute?_  
No. I think **you** are drop-dead fuckably gorgeous.  
And I get down on my knees every day in thanks that I'm yours.  
Don't mean praying, either, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=12629&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12373&format=light#t12373))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12629&format=light#t12629))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-05 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13141&format=light#t13141))   
---|---  
_If I'm kinky, Mister Butler, then you're the fuckin' professor who taught me._  
  
I'm not disputing that, _Mister_ Miller. But I do suppose you might have some kinks I haven't come across yet.  
  
  
  
 _And I get down on my knees every day in thanks that I'm yours.  
Don't mean praying, either, sir._  
  
Are you trying to get yourself spanked?  
Because when I see you next, boy, you're going over my knee.  
On second thought, fetch me a paddle.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=13141&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=12629&format=light#t12629))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13141&format=light#t13141))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-05 05:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13653&format=light#t13653))   
---|---  
Me? Try to get spanked?  
I'd never do that.  
*smiles innocently*  
  
Fetching one paddle, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?replyto=13653&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10069.html?thread=13141&format=light#t13141))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	4. gerard: After Christmas Present for jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/06/) 15:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10255&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10255&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**After Christmas Present for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
[Left on top of the stereo with a big red ribbon attached]

  
The note:

Teak-

This is what I was gonna give you if you didn't like the collar, plus an offer to plan a surprise scene.

As you can tell, I was hoping you'd go for the collar. But I think it might be a nice addition to your music collection.

-Pire

_FetishMusic Dungeon/Bedroom Music - suitable for all occasions!_

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10255.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	5. gerard: E-mail to jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/11/) 18:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10924&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10924) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10924) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=10924&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Your Pire is a devious man.  
Attachments: [Attachment 1](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/antiquesdealer.wav) [Attachment 2](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/neverfuck.wav)

Your pressie for getting me a computer with a DVD player. I asked the salesman for some good software and he recommended an audio editor. Seems you can clip in the middle as well at the ends. I couldn't resist. It was just too tempting.

Oh, and I plan on fucking you blind tonight when you least expect it. Keep that in the back of your mind.

Cheers,  
Gerry  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-14 04:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15532&format=light#t15532))   
---|---  
To: gerard@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: Your Pire is a devious man.  
  
No, my Pire is warped, wicked man. And I love him.  
That's so friggin' cool. Need to put it on the answering machine. *eg*  
  
 _Oh, and I plan on fucking you blind tonight when you least expect it. Keep that in the back of your mind._  
*shiver*  
Yes, sir.  
  
Where are you anyway?  
I was thinking of starting dinner if you're hungry.  
  
~ Teak 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?replyto=15532&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15532&format=light#t15532))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-14 05:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15788&format=light#t15788))   
---|---  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: Re: Your Pire is a devious man.  
  
  
  
 _That's so friggin' cool. Need to put it on the answering machine._  
  
You can _do_ that?!  
  
I might have to craft a suitable Draculian response to that, then. Defending my honor and all.  
  
  
  
  
 _I was thinking of starting dinner if you're hungry._  
  
*grins* _Least expect it_ , Teak. Not when you're setting yourself up for it.  
  
  
  
-Pire 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?replyto=15788&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15532&format=light#t15532))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15788&format=light#t15788))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-14 05:13 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=16044&format=light#t16044))   
---|---  
To: gerard@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Not a problem  
  
Yeah, I can do that.  
Just make the .wav file and leave it where I can find it.  
  
 _Not when you're setting yourself up for it._  
Drats. So wanted to be taken over the kitchen bar.  
*g*  
  
No matter, I'm making dinner anyhow.  
Red beans and rice. Cajun spicy.  
  
~ Teak 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?replyto=16044&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=15788&format=light#t15788))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=16044&format=light#t16044))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-14 05:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=16300&format=light#t16300))   
---|---  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: You may have a point there.  
  
  
Kitchen bar, eh? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?replyto=16300&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html?thread=16044&format=light#t16044))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	6. gerard: Kitchen Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/11/) 19:34:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11442&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11442) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11442) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11442&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Kitchen Sex** _  
[players only. After [exchanging e-mails](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/10924.html), Ger and JL have a quickie in the kitchen.]

Jonny Lee's still laughing when he pulls himself from the couch and heads to the kitchen, laptop in hand. He's already mentally rummaging through ideas for abusing .wav files. The second email pops up on his screen as he's shuffling through boxes in the pantry. "Need something that'll cook itself and keep all night," he muses as he pulls out the red beans and rice mix. "Perfect." He quickly types a response to Pire's email and sets about making the dinner he's mentioned. He puts on his wireless headphones and fires the laptop's audio player and starts the soundtrack shuffle, then goes back to cutting up andouille sausage to add to the beans and rice mix he's dumped into a large stockpot on the stove.

Gerard's searching through scenes on his Dracula DVD, his old script in his lap, looking for useful lines. He can't think of any off the top of his head and his search is proving fruitless. A microphone came with the audio software and Gerard picks it up and plugs it in. It's simple enough to set up and Gerard tests it out, figuring out the best distance to keep it from his mouth so his breathing doesn't make static. He's never been involved in the mixing process and wonders if Harry might be a good man to ring and ask for help. But he can do that later. Right now he'll go for a dry run, see if the idea pans out.

He makes a conscious effort to reduce his accent and add on the rich tones of Dracula. "I thought I just did," he purrs into the mic. It doesn't sound half-bad on playback. He gives it a few tweaks here and there and then sends it off to Jonny Lee.

Dropping the last of the ingredients into the spot, Jonny Lee gives it a quick stir, covers it and sets it to simmer before turning back to the kitchen island's bar, fiddling with the controls of his laptop. He notices the mail icon flashing and taps open the program. Another email. "Where the fuck is he?" Jonny Lee shakes his head and opens the .wav file, letting it override the music for a moment. "Shite. That's going on." He shuts down email and goes back to puttering around the kitchen, music blaring in his ears, tracks from _Velvet Goldmine_ segueing into those from _Trainspotting_ , looking in the fridge for salad fixings. He starts singing along with the music, going totally oblivious to the real world.

Gerard puts the finishing touches on what he was doing, saves everything, and then shuts down. The smells coming from the kitchen are reminding him just how long it's been since lunchtime. And since he's already as good as told Teak there will be no sex in the kitchen, no reason _not_ to have sex in the kitchen. He hears muted singing as he walks downstairs and abandons his attempts at not hitting the creaking floorboards. If Teak's singing, it means he has his music on. And with Teak, it's always loud. No way he'll be able to hear a sneaky Pire coming to jump him.

"We'll take the whole shebang," Jonny Lee sings out loud, in a rather good voice, bouncing off nervous energy. Exhibitionist in him coming out strong in his own house, he's dancing to the glam rock sounds, his jeans riding even lower on his hips, the t-shirt teasing up his stomach as he twists and raises his arms. "All or nothing, anything. Ecstasy's the birthright of our gang."

Gerard drops his shirt off on the railing at the bottom of the stairs and merely stands in the entryway to the kitchen, arms crossed, smirk planted firmly on, just watching.

Jonny Lee's eyes are closed, his head moving in time with the sound of the music in his ears, his voice echoing in the kitchen, "I've been told you've been bold with Harry, Mark and John," as he spins around, stretching his arms out in classic rock star fashion.

"Harry, yes." Gerard interrupts, loud enough that he knows Jonny Lee will be able to hear it. "Mark, yes. But who's John?"

Gerard's voice cuts through the music and he stops, mid-spin. "Who's John? Don't know." He pulls the headphones down, hangs them around his neck. "Must be one of yours."

"Possibly," Gerard allows. "Did you like my e-mail?"

Jonny Lee nods hard. "Yeah. It was wicked. Gonna upload up to the machine later."

"And are you least expecting it?"

"If I put the headphones back on, I'll not even realize you're in the room." Jonny Lee smiles shyly, drops into a bit of guttersnipe. "That not'specting it 'nuf for ya, sir?"

Gerard nods. "I'm not here. You're alone in the kitchen, listening to music. And since no one's around, there's no one to catch you stripping."

Jonny Lee slides his headphones back on his ears and turns back to his laptop, fiddling with the buttons for a minute, keying up "Gimme Danger." He starts moving slowly, swaying his hips in time to the beat, fingers wrapped in the hem of his shirt, rolling it up. "Oh, give me danger little stranger and I'll heal your disease," he starts singing, the shirt pushed up his stomach.

Gerard's unzipped his pants in preparation and he palms his cock, stroking it slowly. Of all songs, Jonny Lee had to choose this one.

"There's nothing my brain," the words pour from Jonny Lee's mouth as if he were the one on stage. He has the shirt up to his shoulders, then over his head, where he leaves it, locked behind his neck and under his arms. "But some ugly memory kiss me like the ocean breeze." His hands travel back down his chest, fingers grazing nipples, stopping to pinch, tweak, rub between forefinger and thumb.

Gerard's eyes are locked on Jonny Lee's fingers, following them, watching their every move. Gerard wants to be where Jonny Lee's fingers are, teasing, nibbling at those tempting nipples, but he's being a voyeur now. There'll be time for that later.

His jeans are already slung low, riding his hips, barely held up by the runner's trim physique. Jonny Lee continues kneading one nipple while his other hand slides down over taut stomach muscles. "Well, if you would be my lover," fingers dip below denim waistband, "I will shield you from tears," they seize cock, pulling it up, "but if you will be my master," its tip jerked against constraining button, "then I will do anything." Jonny Lee looks directly at Gerard on the lines, pushing his hips forward, mimicking every lewd rock singer's move he's ever seen.

Oh, Christ. It takes all the self-control Gerard's ever possessed to pull his hand away from his cock. His pants are around his knees and he can't take his eyes away.

Jonny Lee fights back the smile threatening to erupt from the reaction he sees he's having on his lover. He pulls his hand out of his jeans and inches it back up his body and with both hands then grabs the t-shirt and stretches his arms up, sliding it off and drops it to the floor. "There's nothing left alive but some dark glassy eyes," he sings out, "erase my feeling one more time." He crosses his arms, bringing them down behind his head, then around and over his shoulders, his fingers lacing up under the collar at his throat.

Gerard's fingernails bite into his palm as his resolve not to jump Teak immediately rapidly diminishes. He wants it to be his hands on Teak's collar, his teeth at his throat. He wants Jonny Lee screaming under him. And he wants it now.

The pull back down his chest is agonizingly slow. Jonny Lee doesn't want to let go of the collar for the longest time. But he does and his hands find their way back to the waistband of his jeans. "Oh, gimme danger everyday can you feel it." The song's nearing its end, ready to segue into whatever shuffles up next. Jonny Lee pops the first two buttons, slinks his hand back in and pulls his cock free, his fingers circling its tip.

Must. Not. Jump. Teak. Must. Not. Jump. Teak. Gerard's self-control vanishes abruptly as he watches Jonny Lee touch himself. He launches himself from the doorway and grabs Jonny Lee's hands away, pushing him back against the counter. " _Mine_."

"Yes, sir. Yours." Jonny Lee tilts his head back, the next song cueing up and filtering through the headphones. "Please."

Gerard pulls the headphones off gently and sets them to the side. He catches Jonny Lee's chin and pulls him close into a harsh, claiming kiss. He wants it all and he wants it now, but he's content to pace himself.

Jonny Lee braces his hands on the counter, pushing back into the kiss, meeting Gerard's tongue and sucking gently at the offered lips. He wants more. Contact. Friction. Everything. Just more.

If Gerard had a tail he'd be wagging it furiously. He pushes Jonny Lee backwards and starts moving down, sucking hard against the side of the neck, wanting to recreate the first hickey he ever gave him.

"Can I?" Jonny Lee starts as Gerard moves lips to his neck. Then he moans, whimpers, loses track. "May I, please, touch you?"

"No," Gerard says, teasing the skin between his teeth, pulling it back, watching it redden. Jonny Lee marks easily. It's fucking wonderful.

The denial sends Jonny Lee's hands clutching at the counter's edge, just to keep t hem down. He cranes his head, exposing more of his neck, stretching the collar's leather against one side of his throat, pushing his flesh into the bruising.

Gerard finishes the mark and moves south. It's just below the collar and it's going to be damned interesting listening to Jonny Lee explain it away. Gerard can't wait.

"Please, sir. Pire, let me touch you." Jonny Lee's fingers are turning white at gripping so hard, almost hurting so much as to make his aching cock feel good.

"No." He's got Jonny Lee bent backwards, and he wonders how much further back he can go. Gerard pushes forward, traps Jonny Lee's hands above his head, and start to lap at the valley by his collarbone.

Jonny Lee knows Gerard could push him back past the breaking point, lay him out on the counter, fuck him till he raw, and he wouldn't say another word if that's what he ordered. This is about serving, being consumed by the one who owns you.

Hearing no complaint, Gerard pushes more until Jonny Lee's halfway lying on the counter. He licks and bites and sucks until he gets down to Jonny Lee's navel. "Ask me anything, boy."

"Fuck me? Suck me? Let me not come for hours?" Jonny Lee rattles off the questions, heedless of what he's really asking.

"Sounds like a plan." Gerard pulls back, turns Jonny Lee over. "Spread your legs."

Jonny Lee obeys without thinking, without speaking, spreading his legs shoulder-width apart as he leans over the counter.

Gerard pulls his pants off, rolls a condom on, and, without any warning, shoves into Jonny Lee. He holds on tight to Jonny Lee's hips as he thrusts into him. He wants to form bruises one way or the other. And then he can play with those later while Jonny Lee catches his breath.

Jonny Lee stretches his body across the counter, pushed forward by the force of Gerard's thrust, his fingers scrambling for the other edge. "Christ, yes. Damn that's good."

Good and harsh. Gerard grins, imitates Curt's American accent. "Can you feel it?"

"Ah, shite, don't." Jonny Lee's mixed on whether he's really asking for it to stop or not. The last thing he needs is to call up Curt's image in his brain, 'cause that's Ewan's face, and he hasn't had Ewan like this in a long time. But Ewan's coming home. And Ewan called. And there was this discussion of playing naked with the Eye Toy. And not that he'd really been thinking about Ewan, or fucking Ewan, until he heard Ewan's voice. And then he'd been cleaning out the CDs and loaded up the damned album. And then he had to strip to _that_ song. And ... "Fuck, yeah. Fuck me." He's forgotten all about propriety and saying _sir_ and _please_ and just wants it raw and unrelenting.

The absence of any respectful address goes right over Gerard's head. He's too busy submerging himself in Jonny Lee, losing himself in the heat, wanting more, taking it, just more now need.

Gerard's hard, fast thrusts slam Jonny Lee into the counter edge, his cock barely missing the drawer pull, which he's not sure he'd notice if it did happen. He's starting to float on the adrenaline rush, spread out, spread apart and being fucked like a kitchen wench. Damn, life's good, he thinks with the last coherent brain cell.

Gerard almost screams as he comes, all the pleasure overloading his brain. He wants to tell the world about this and keep it all for himself. Fuckin' hell.

"Please," Jonny Lee rasps out, his face down against the cool black Corian. "Sir. May I come?"

"Thought you said, said you wanted to fucked, to be sucked, and not let come?"

"Aw, fuck." Jonny Lee raises up just enough to slam his head back down into the hard counter. That's exactly what he said.

"Be careful what you wish for, Teak. Still want it?" Because, hey, good fuck, very relaxed. He's open for negotiation.

It's an agonizing decision. If he takes the offer for negotiation, he goes back on what he said. If he doesn't, he's torturing himself because he's rock hard and aching. "Yes," he slurs out, biting down on the intense desire to say no, knowing he's going to regret it by the time dinner's cooked.

"Good boy." Gerard didn't really expect anything else. He stands back and wonders how he's going to be able to blow Jonny Lee without doing something like getting his head stuck on the range.

Jonny Lee slowly pushes himself up off the counter, standing up, stretching out the suddenly kinking back muscles. He turns, leans slightly into the counter edge. "That was," he pauses, licks his lips, "unexpected. Sir."

Gerard grins. "I'm going to suck your brains out through your cock. Know where I can do that where I won't ruin your kitchen?"

"You're worried about the kitchen?" Jonny Lee's almost laughing, except that he doesn't have enough breath to laugh. "I can clean it."

"On your hands and knees and with your tongue?"

The laugh stops abruptly and Jonny Lee straightens. "If it pleases you, sir." And he hopes against hope that Gerard wouldn't make him do that. Not to the whole kitchen.

"Up onto the counter with you, then."

Jonny Lee hops up on the other end of the counter, the food prep area, which is slightly higher than the bar counter, designed for cooks who don't like to lean over too much to get things ready. He stays near the edges, spreads his legs and braces his hands on either side of his hips.

Gerard leans over a little and deposits a kiss on the head of Jonny Lee's cock. "I bet a napkin holder would make a wonderful cockring."

Shudder, shiver and shake. The reactions convulse Jonny Lee's body, his cock too sensitive. "Just don't use the one mum sent," he spits out when his brain kicks back in. "Couldn't face her again."

The drawer's just off to the right and Gerard rummages around in there, but he's too distracted to separate what he should be pulling out. Oh, well. He'll trust in Jonny Lee's self control. "Don't come," he orders sternly.

"Uh, no, Pire," Jonny Lee counters with a smile. "Christ, get the blue one." He's pretty sure he doesn't have that much self-control, not at this moment, not after the stripping and the fucking. Then he sees the look on Gerard's face, that stern _what did you say?_ look. "Oh, yes, sir. Self-control. Turning it on."

"Just for that, I don't think I'll let you come tonight." Gerard gives him his best glare and then does his best to deep-throat Teak.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee's voice goes up a good octave as his cock slides to the back of Gerard's throat. He doesn't give a damn about coming now. Or ever. As long as this keeps up.

It's an interesting angle and, surprisingly, it makes it easier to go all the way down. Gerard's nose nuzzled against the tight curls and the part of his brain that never sleeps is wondering just how much he'd have to bribe Teak to get him to do a full body shave.

"God, that's good." Jonny Lee pushes down, bearing his weight on his lower arms and hands, tilting his head back and slightly arching his body up. "Fuck," he whimpermoans.

Gerard grins around Jonny Lee's cock and pulls back just enough so that Jonny Lee'll feel it when he slides forward once more. Being a tease is fucking brilliant.

For an instant, Jonny Lee thinks Pire is learning too well how to suck cock, then the slide back down reminds him that no, it's perfect. Fuckin' absolutely perfect. He's on edge in a heartbeat, but he bites back the beg that wants out. Pire's already told him he's not coming. So, instead, he breathes out, centers the control.

Gerard can tell that Jonny Lee's close and he tempted to pull back and make him beg for it, but Jonny Lee hasn't suffered nearly enough yet. So he sucks harder, does all the tricks he's ever learned, and wonders how long it'll take before Jonny Lee's babbling.

"Oh god Pire please stop or don't stop and let me come it's so fuckin' intense and I want more and shite." The words spill from Jonny Lee's mouth, nonsensical streaming sentence. "Christ so hard want to come so badly."

Gerard bites down slightly. There's one word he didn't hear, the one word he's waiting for. The one word Jonny Lee should be spewing almost automatically by now.

Jonny Lee winces at the bite, sinks his own teeth into his bottom lip as counterache. "Please sir want to come sir please," he tilts his head back, stares down at Gerard. "Forget what I said. Sir please."

Gerard waits one long moment before nodding. He braces himself and takes a deep breath.

The nod's all he needs, and Jonny Lee sucks in a breath and is coming with such a force that it shakes his whole body. He tries to hold back, control it a bit, take in account it's Pire's mouth on his cock, but he can't. So he just lets go, decides to take the consequences.

Gerard chokes more than a little and has to pull back, has to breathe. He swallows as well as he can.

Coming down's always painful, the brush of lips, tongue on a cock that's quickly getting way too sensitive. Through it, in a dull sensation, he notes the choke, the pulling back. "S'alright, sir. I can finish it." He makes the offer out of love, not wanting to give more than can be taken, unsure of how Pire will interpret it.

Gerard nods, thankful at least that Teak knows what he's doing.

Jonny Lee sits up a bit straighter, just to take the weight off his arms. He wraps his hand around his cock and tugs gently, pulling into a long stretch, milking the last of the come out onto his hand. He raises his hand to his lips, licks the sticky white streams off one finger at a time, thankful it's not the kitchen floor.

Gerard watches, humming absently to himself, enjoying the sight of Jonny Lee finishing himself off. He reaches, pulls Jonny Lee off the counter. "Wanna skip dinner?"

"What you got in mind?" Jonny Lee slips easily into Gerard's touch, embrace. "Dinner can keep for hours. It's on a low simmer."

"No real plans. Just thought we could wing it."

"I'm for it. You lead. I'll follow."

"Sounds like a plan." And with that, Gerard leads Jonny Lee out of the kitchen.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/11442.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	7. eliaskoteas_dfw: [public to estab]I am beyond bored  lone

| Elias Koteas ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/2004/01/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/2004/01/16/) 21:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=eliaskoteas_dfw&itemid=102166&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=eliaskoteas_dfw&itemid=102166) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=eliaskoteas_dfw&itemid=102166) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=eliaskoteas_dfw&itemid=102166&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

[public to estab]

I am beyond bored ~~lonely and miss my master~~

Anyone know a good joke?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpg_rufus/profile)[**rpg_rufus**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/rpg_rufus/)  
2004-01-17 08:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=44822&format=light#t44822))   
---|---  
All alone on a friday night? Poor you.  
  
I'd love to help but I'm the world's worst at remembering jokes - especially punchlines.  
  
Pizza and DVD's are the traditional cure for a boring friday night at home. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=44822&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=44822&format=light#t44822))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-17 08:37 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45078&format=light#t45078))   
---|---  
Thank you  
I think I'll rent the entire Friday the 13th series or something.  
Gotta love a sheesy horror flick or two or ten.  
  
*g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=45078&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=44822&format=light#t44822))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/profile)[**gordy_woolvett**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/)  
2004-01-17 12:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45334&format=light#t45334))   
---|---  
Don't know any good jokes...  
  
...I could just run around naked flapping my arms like a chicken and you could laugh at me?!? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=45334&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45334&format=light#t45334))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-17 12:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45590&format=light#t45590))   
---|---  
or other things  
  
*grins*  
  
Just teasing ya  
  
Thanks Gordy  
Humor in any form is a good thing  
  
Flap away if you feel the need 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=45590&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45334&format=light#t45334))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45590&format=light#t45590))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/profile)[ **gordy_woolvett**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/)  
2004-01-17 01:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45846&format=light#t45846))   
---|---  
*runs around... flapping my other things*  
  
  
ahhhh..... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=45846&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45590&format=light#t45590))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45846&format=light#t45846))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-17 01:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46358&format=light#t46358))   
---|---  
Feel better now?  
  
Can't thank you enough for the humor there. *g*  
  
*sneaks a theoretical peek*  
  
  
*blushes* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=46358&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=45846&format=light#t45846))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-18 02:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46614&format=light#t46614))   
---|---  
Why couldn't the sub cross the road? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=46614&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46614&format=light#t46614))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46870&format=light#t46870))   
---|---  
Hmmm  
I do not know Mr Gerard  
Please tell... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=46870&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46614&format=light#t46614))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46870&format=light#t46870))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-18 02:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47382&format=light#t47382))   
---|---  
Because he was at the end of his rope.  
  
Bad joke, I know, but the best I could do under pressure. Hmm...got a better one. What did the cop say to his favorite criminal? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=47382&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46870&format=light#t46870))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47382&format=light#t47382))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47638&format=light#t47638))   
---|---  
Ahhh it was funny enough.  
  
Do tell Mr Butler.  
  
What did the cop say to his favorite criminal? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=47638&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47382&format=light#t47382))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47638&format=light#t47638))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-18 02:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47894&format=light#t47894))   
---|---  
I want to nail you for life. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=47894&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47638&format=light#t47638))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47894&format=light#t47894))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48150&format=light#t48150))   
---|---  
Laughing on this end  
Thank you  
Jokes are a wonderful way to pass the time. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=48150&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47894&format=light#t47894))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48150&format=light#t48150))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-18 02:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48406&format=light#t48406))   
---|---  
*grins* Any time, mate. Hey, listen, give me a call if you want, if you find yourself in with time to kill. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=48406&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48150&format=light#t48150))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48406&format=light#t48406))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:37 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48662&format=light#t48662))   
---|---  
With the exception of a bit of work here and there it's about all I do have at this point.  
  
*rereads that*  
Ok that was self pity  
but yeah , I will call.  
  
I assume the number is in the directory Mr. Butler or... is it Gerard now? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=48662&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48406&format=light#t48406))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48662&format=light#t48662))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-18 02:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48918&format=light#t48918))   
---|---  
The number, yes, and please, call me Gerard. Or Gerry, whichever tickles your fancy. May I call you Elias? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=48918&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48662&format=light#t48662))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48918&format=light#t48918))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=49174&format=light#t49174))   
---|---  
Gerard it is then.  
I just can't see myself calling you Gerry at this point *g* and yes, Elias is just fine by me.  
  
Cheers Gerard and I will call soon.  
~Elias 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=49174&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=48918&format=light#t48918))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-18 02:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=47126&format=light#t47126))   
---|---  
and I meant to say Mr. Butler 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?replyto=47126&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46614&format=light#t46614))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	8. gerard: Gerard and Elias

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/17/) 23:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11926&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11926) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11926) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=11926&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Gerard and Elias** _  
[players only. After [bad jokes](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/102166.html?thread=46614), Elias calls Gerard.]

Right after tagging in his journal with a few old friends and getting to know some better, Henry had called, making his day. _'Yes, it’s been an all right afternoon so far,’_ Elias muses to himself and remembers that he has no plans for the evening. Again.

“Come on Elias man get off your ass and go do something or at least call someone,” he mutters out loud. Not sure who really to call, as almost everyone seems to be busy lately, he remembers Gerard’s post replies. Grinning just a bit, Elias reaches for his cell and looks up the man’s number in the directory.

Punching in the numbers, he waits for an answer.

Gerard's playing around with the audio software when his mobile rings. He checks the number, but doesn't recognize it. Hits the 'answer' option. "Butler here."

"Hello Gerard, this is Elias speaking. You said that I could call and well I guess...here I am," he grins as he switches to speaker phone.

"Elias!" Gerard smiles. "Yes. How are you doing?"

"Oh I am doing all right I suppose. I am learning to adjust to life without sir, I mean Henry for the next two months possibly. I think I am getting the hang of it though. Though it does take a bit of practice," Elias answers back, beaming at the sight of all three of his cats actually behaving.

"I can imagine. That's got to be hard. Thank god for Alexander Graham Bell."

"Exactly and he did just call an hour or two ago," his smile widening as he picks up Fabio kitty.

"Sounds wonderful. Is he filming?"

"No, Henry's on a spoken word tour this time around. Mostly he alternates his band and poetry tours every other go. They have already added another week on since he headed out."

"Are you going to fly out to visit him?" Gerard realizes a little too late that he knows pretty much nothing about the dynamic between the two of them, so he adds quickly, "not that it's any of my business."

"Yeah I think I'll be getting out to see him when the schedule gets set in stone a bit more and he's in one place for more than a day. And ask away. As far as establishment members go, I'll tell pretty much anything except Henry's secret fetish," Elias laughs a bit in response.

Gerard laughs at that. "Understandable. I don't think I have any secret fetishes myself."

“I’m not sure it’s really such a secret either but more of a test to see if I can keep a secret. Say, I can’t remember if I saw it in the directory or not but if you are located in L.A, I would love to just hang out and have coffee or tea sometime. Schedules permitting of course,” he asks, almost losing his balance as Ivan and Vladimir pounce in unison on his feet.

"London, sadly, though I might be visiting LA next month or so. But if you're ever on this side of the pond, look me up."

"I'll do that Gerard. London...oh god I didn't wake you up at some ungodly hour did I?"

"No, not at all. I'm doing the filming thing and I keep horrible hours."

"Well glad to hear it. Oh, not that you keep horrible hours but that I did not disturb your rest. I probably should be going now. If you like, you are more than welcome to call or post to keep in touch. It's always nice making new friends around the estab."

"Oh, well. It was great talking to you."

"Right back at you Gerard. Gotta run, I have three cats that are demanding their share of my attention," Elias laughs a bit as he hangs up the phone, dropping to the floor and grabbing all three of his pesky felines.

"Talk to you later." Gerard smiles at the phone as he clicks it off.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/11926.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	9. establishment: London Bar Chat: Saturday 17th January

| Jude ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) ) wrote in [](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/profile)[**establishment**](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/) ,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/01/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/01/18/) 22:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=105985&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=105985) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=105985) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=105985&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar Chat: Saturday 17th January** _  


**Jude Law:** *enters the bar with Ewan, laughing at some joke and brushing rain out of his hair* It seems almost warm compared to New York.

**Ewan McGregor:** Yeah... *looks around the bar* God, I haven't been here in ages.

**Jude:** *smiles* Time for a beer.

**Jude:** *heads to the bar and perches on a bar stool to order a beer and a vodka and lemon* Are we scening tonight or anything? I shouldn't have any more than this if we are.

**Jude:** On the other hand... we could just hang out.

**Peter Murphy:** *lights a cigarette from his perch on a barstool*

**Natalie Portman:** *enters the bar, by herself, looking around until she spots people she knows*

**Ewan:** Uh...I dunno. See how it goes, I guess. *spots Natalie and waves* Hey!

**Jude:** *waves too* Can I get the lady a drink? *winks*

**Natalie:** *waves back* I'd like a drink. *grins and settles on a stool next to Jude* I got your message.

**Jude:** Good. *grins* What would you like?

**Natalie:** A G &T, please, thanks. *grins* Don't think I've ever been in here before.

**Jude:** *laughs* It's not so scary. Just don't be surprised if naked people start wandering past.

**Ewan:** *leers at Jude* Is that a promise?

**Natalie:** Mmm, naked people. You joining them?

**Ewan:** Possibly. *grins*

**Jonny Lee Miller:** *enters, glancing at watch, knowing he's early to meet Gerard, and heads straight to the bar to wait*

**Jude:** *to Natalie* Yeah, Ewan is more overdressed than usual.

**Natalie:** *gives Ewan the once over* What's the usual?

**Jude:** *rooks round* Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. *grins at Jonny Lee* Oi! Wanker!

**Ewan:** Jonny!

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up from ordering* Yo, wanker yourself. You do actually exist!

**Rufus Sewell:** Rufus wanders in shaking raindrops out of his hair. He heads straight to the bar and orders a pint. He sits on a stool and surveys the room.

**Natalie:** *turns to look at who Ewan and Jude are talking to*

**Jonny Lee:** And I thought you were just disembodied voices on the phone. *takes beer that's set in front of him*

**Jude:** No, no, I'm really real. *hugs Jonny* Pinch me. Or better yet, pinch Ewan. He'll enjoy it.

**Jonny Lee:** *hugs back, taking care not to slosh beer* C'mere, Ewan. Jude says I can pinch you.

**Ewan:** *gives Jonny a hug* Hmph. Jude's not the boss of me. But you can pinch me anyway. *grins*

**Jude:** *steps back and turns to Natalie* Natalie, meet Jonny Lee. Steer well clear of him, he's a very dodgy character. Jonny? Natalie Portman.

**Jonny Lee:** Didn't think I needed permission. *hugs tightly. pinches shoulder.* Glad to see you back, mate.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jude* Me? Dodgy? Got the wrong bloke. *to Natalie* Hello. Nice to meet you.

**Natalie:** *nods and smiles* Nice to meet you. *to Jude* If he's that dodgy, why the introduction. *teasing*

**Jude:** Because you might need the warning... he cheats at Nintendo.

**Gerard Butler:** *enters from the far side of the bar and walks silently over to JL* *leans down* Boo.

**Jonny Lee:** *to natalie* I do not cheat. I'm just better than these two and they don't like it. *stiffens at the voice behind him. turns his head.* Pire, hi. You got here.

**Gerard:** *kisses him* Yeah, I got here. Whatcha got?

**Alan Rickman:** *Alan walks in, stopping to let his eyes adjust to the darkness, then spies Rufus at the bar. He grins and walks over to him, leaning against the bar* Hello, Rufus. It's been ages.

**Rufus:** *Rufus sees Alan and waves him over* Alan. It's good to see you.

**Natalie:** *snickers. to Jude and Ewan* Just can't handle losing, can you?

**Ewan:** I never lose to Jonny. If he says otherwise he's lying. *leans over and stage whispers* Compulsive liar, our Jonny is.

**Jude:** *straightens and looks sternly at Natalie* I never lose. Unless he cheats

**Jonny Lee:** *to Gerard* Beer. Need to introduce you. *to Ewan* I am not. Natalie, just ignore them.

**Gerard:** Am I the only one who'll admit to losing to Jonny at Nintendo? *to bartender* Just water, please.

**Alan:** *leans over and half-hugs Rufus* Great to see you as well. How have you been?

**Rufus:** Pretty good. *He returns the hug* Stephen has moved into the house with me and there's the whole getting used to having someone around thing. But all in all it's good. You're looking well.

**Alan:** *grinning* I _am_ well. Orlando and I are very happy. Thank you. And I'm happy to hear that you and Stephen are doing well. You deserve it.

**Ewan:** No reason I should admit it. I'm not the compulsive liar here.

**Gerard:** *does a comic double take* You're not?

**Natalie:** *grins* I'm afraid to ignore them. They know where I live. They'll force me to do something repulsive.

**Jude:** *grins* *to Gerard* Hiya... a bad Nintendo player, huh?

**Jonny Lee:** *to Natalie* Oh, they're already done that. You're here in public with them. *sticks tongue out at Ewan*

**Ewan:** *to Ger* Whatever Jonny's told you, it's all lies. *sticks his tongue out at Jonny*

**Jonny Lee:** Jude, Ewan, this is Gerard. The one I mentioned in the email.

**Gerard:** *to Jude* Yes. Horrible. Want to play for money? *grins*

**Jude:** *opens mouth to answer and then shuts it* *narrows eyes at Gerard* Oh no you don't. I've fallen for that one before.

**Gerard:** *smirks* Too bad. *sticks out hand* Gerard Butler.

**Natalie:** *to jonny lee* Well, now. That explains the call I got earlier today. It was a trap.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan with decided smirk* That tongue looks well-used. Washed it lately?

**Ewan:** *sticks out his hand to Ger* Ewan. Thanks for taking Jonny off our hands. *grins*

**Jude:** *shakes hand* Jude Law, pleased to meet you.

**Rufus:** *Smiles* Thank you. I was glad to hear that Orlando had recovered. That was a terrible shock.

**Alan:** *seriously* Yes, it was. It brought home how fragile our lives really are. And our relationships. If it hadn't been for Orlando's mother knowing about us, I wouldn't have even been able to see him at all.

**Gerard:** *shakes* *to Jude* Pleasure. *shakes Ewan's hand*

**Jonny Lee:** *to natalie* You really should be careful who you hang out with. They're notorious for getting kind souls into horrible trouble. *smiles*

**Natalie:** Oh, I knew that already. *chuckles* I expected no less from them.

**Rufus:** That's the worst part of it. Luckily my mother is perfectly civilised about it all too. *He drinks and adds* I wanted to tell you again how much I appreciated your help

**Alan:** *orders club soda* Which help was that? *grinning*

**Kristin Scott Thomas:** *strolls in wearing a deep blue silk suit with a thin oatmeal-colored sweater underneath, rubbing her hands to get them warm*

**Peter:** *spots Kristin and puts out his cigarette* Hello! Krisin! *waves*

**Kristin:** *her face lights up with relief as she sees a few familiar faces at the busy bar*

**Kristin:** Peter! *waves back merrily* hello! *begins to head towards him at the bar*

**Peter:** *stands up to greet Kristin* What a pleasant surprise! How are you?

**Rufus:** *blushes faintly and grins* Introducing me to your wicked ways. It was most instructive.

**Alan:** *laughing softly* My wicked ways? I assure you it was my pleasure. So, I take it you've put some of those wicked ways into practise?

**Ewan:** *hears Kristen and turns to wave at her* Kristen, hi!

**Jude:** *sips vodka and taps pockets for cigarettes*

**Kristin:** *kisses Peter fondly* Stir-crazy, thank you! And you? *looks down the bar for the bartender, notices Ewan and nods hello as well*

**Peter:** *shrugs* Well, I think. Keeping busy.

**Kristin:** *gives bartender her order, turns back to Peter* Busy is good, though. I've alphabetized almost everything imaginable in my house, to keep myself busy

**Peter:** *laughs* Oh dear. Well, as I've already done that, I've been writing to keep myself occupied.

**Kristin:** *drums her fingers against the counter* itchy palm syndrome, I'm calling it!

**Rufus:** *nods* A bit. We're both relative novices so there's some learning to be done still. *His smile widens.*I t's a lot of fun actually.

**Rufus:** *Rufus adds* I may need to call you for pointers.*

**Alan:** *raises eyebrow* Yes, the exploring is always quite... stimulating. And of course, feel free to ring me anytime for consultation. *gentle leer, not really serious but he can't help himself* And I make house calls.

**Rufus:** House calls? How interesting. *Rufus laughs softly.* Every kinky couple should have an experineced trouble shooter they can call on.

**Kristin:** Speaking of itchy palm, *retrieves her case and gets out a cigarette* I've been dying for one - I promised my mother over the holidays I would cut down.

**Peter:** *smiles* Aha. Has it been working?

**Kristin:** *snorts* Well, I don't know if my mother would consider limiting myself to one every other hour 'working', but more or less I'd say...*rolls her eyes* who am I fooling, it's been a crashing failure. Bad timing, I'd say.

**Jonny Lee:** *settles into space between Jude and Gerard* *to Jude* You guys back for awhile this time?

**Jude:** *to jonny lee* Oh yes... indefinitely for me.

**Jude:** Something will crop up eventually, I'm sure, but for the moment I'm going to be in London for the foreseeable future

**Ewan:** *takes a sip of his beer* Yeah, same here.

**Alan:** Absolutely. *grinning* I am at your beck and call. Unless, of course, Orlando needs me, then you're out of luck, I'm afraid. *smiles* I really am happy for you, Rufus.

**Peter:** *nods in sympathy* Terribly sorry. It took me ages to get to the point I'm at...I used to be awful. Wreaked havoc on my voice.

**Kristin:** *relishes her first inhalation* Did it really? Well, of course, you're a singer, you must protect your vocal cords. But actresses? Good lord, cigarettes are a major food group! Very difficult to quit.

**Natalie:** *to Ewan and Jude. little smile.* You two were just dying to get out of New York.

**Jude:** *shrugs* I love New York. But it's not home. I look around here and I know most of the people here, by sight, if not by name.

**Jude:** *points at Rufus* That guy I know from my theatre days, Rufus. *gestures at Alan*and that's Alan. Everyone knows who Alan Rickman is... and um... well, most of these people. It feels comfortable.

**Rufus:** *Rufus lays his hand briefly on Alan's shoulder.* We'll have to have you both over for dinner some time. It's good to know there are like minded people around. *he finishes his beer.*

**Rufus:** Now I'm going to run off I'm afraid. It's been lovely bumping into you though. Are you going to be in London for long?

**Alan:** For the moment, yes. Soon the buildup for summer movies will start, and it will get insane again. It really was nice to see you, Rufus. Please keep in touch.

**Peter:** *laughs softly* You'd be surprised how many of us rock singers do smoke! *takes a sip of his drink* It's awful. Terrible habit. Looks brilliant in a publicity photo.

**Kristin:** *grins* Well, fetishes often do, Peter *takes scotch from bartender, murmurs her thanks*

**Peter:** Don't they just? *grins* Terribly fashionable.

**Kristin:** *gaze strays back to Ewan, speculative* Oh, most definitely.

**Peter:** *arches an eyebrow and takes a sip of his drink* You should have seen what some of the punks used to wear. Or, God forbid, me.

**Natalie:** *nods, looking around* It's where your heart is, where your friends are.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jude* Not that London really wants you guys back. *grins broadly* Well, 'cept maybe for Pertwee. I think he's tired of seeing just my face.

**Jude:** London wil have to suffer us.

**Ewan:** How is Sean, anyway?

**Rufus:** Good. I'll be in touch. Definitely. *Rufus hugs Alan* Give my regards to orlando too. *He heads out but stops on the way.* Jude! My God. How long has it been?

**Jude:** Years! Far too long. Haven't seen you round here for ages.

**Rufus:** No. I took a break for a while. It's so good to be back.

**Jude:** *goes to shake Rufus' hand and then pulls him into a brief hug* Glad to see you back. We must have a drink some time.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* He's cool. I run by the office every few days just to poke him, make sure he's still living.

**Natalie:** *watches the group talking*

**Ewan:** *to Jonny* I should pop round and bother, I mean visit him myself. *grins*

**Kristin:** *returns her focus to Peter* Hmm? Oh - I missed that phase, myself. I was already in Paris, and too ambitious for all of that to appeal

**Peter:** *makes a face, then laughs softly* You weren't missing much. Great fun, but embarassing to look back on...

**Rufus:** *returns Jude's hug and nods* I'd like that. I don't have a pen but my numbers in the est directory. I need to be somewhere else but... call me, mate.

**Jude:** *grins at Rufus* Yeah. Will do. And you'll probably fall over me somewhere around. London's not that big.

**Jude:** Oh wait... Natalie Portman, meet Rufus Sewell. Rufus, Natalie. We're working together.

**Natalie:** *smiles, sticks out her hand* Nice to meet you.

**Rufus:** True. *Rufus smiles * Nice to meet you. *Shakes her hand.* Thank God London seems to be picking up. It was a desert here over Christmas.

**Kristin:** *laughs, looking Peter up and down* I shudder to think, dear*

**Peter:** As well you should. *smiles* At least I had the figure for fishnets.

**Jonny Lee:** *reaches back, tugs at Gerard's hand, pulls it to his waist* *to Ewan* I'm sure he'd love hearing from the silent partners.

**Gerard:** *slips his hand inside Jonny Lee's pants* You two should come around some time.

**Jude:** Same every year. People off to the aged parents places... or Jamaica where it's warmer.

**Rufus:** They do. It's a chore really. *He makes a face* The Aged P's not Jamaica... I wish I could stay but... Next time. *He smiles and heads out.*

**Kristin:** *smiles, then blanches a bit* well, the legs, certainly

**Peter:** *raises an eyebrow* Are you all right?

**Kristin:** *caught off-guard* What? Yes, yes - I'm fine, no worries.

**Ewan:** Yeah, now that Jude and I're settled in again, we should definitely get together.

**Jude:** *trying not to smile at Jonny Lee getting groped* Would love to. No nintendo though...

**Gerard:** Yeah, no nintendo. Hard to keep up a pleasant conversation while getting blown to smithereens by the person sitting next to you.

**Peter:** *shrugs elegantly* Just making sure. *takes a sip of his drink* As I was saying, I used to have a collection of fishnet shirts, as well. Which almost looked good.

**Kristin:** *contrite* Don't mind me, I've had a time with my family of late, and, well - you know, what I spoke of at dinner. But nothing a night at the bar isn't going to fix - so, did you have an entire wardrobe of fishnet, then?

**Jonny Lee:** *goes perfectly still at Gerard's gropes. tries to talk coherently.* Yeah. Dinner. Great.

**Natalie:** *listens quietly*

**Gerard:** *leans closer, gets his teeth under JL's turtleneck and start to nibble at the collar*

**Jonny Lee:** *tries to distract himself* *to natalie* So, Natalie, you live ... where?

**Natalie:** New York. I actually just got myself an apartment.. *bites her lip so as not to grin*

**Alan:** *slides out silently, with a wave at the group, going back to Orlando*

**Peter:** *looks a moment at Kristin before going on* Mainly a few shirts and several pairs of tights. I'm not sure what look I was going for...

**Kristin:** Well aerated?

**Peter:** *laughs* Perhaps that was it.

**Jonny Lee:** Staying. London. Hotel? *getting rather distracted by lover nibbling on neck. still working to have intelligent conversation.* Could have coffee.

**Natalie:** *nods* Yeah, I'm staying in one of the hotels, and sure, we can do coffee. *maybe when you're less distracted? lil bit amused* I'll be here for a bit.

**Kristin:** Do you still have them, your old trendy fashions, Peter?

**Peter:** *thinks a moment* A few, I think. I got rid of a good portion of them when I moved to Turkey.

**Kristin:** *nods seriously* Yes, wouldn't be as much call for them there, I imagine

**Jonny Lee:** I'll call. *stops trying to talk, drinks nearly half the pint of beer he has in hand*

**Ewan:** *finishes his beer and turns to Jude* Shall I order another? I don't really feel like doing anything that requires me to be sober, d'you?

**Jude:** *nods at Ewan* Yeah.. go for it.

**Peter:** *stifles a grin* Very little call for fishnets and G-strings, true. *takes a sip of his drink* And you? I'm sure you were at the height of fashion, in those days...

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* Get me another, will ya?

**Natalie:** *grins* All right.

**Jude:** *leans forward and looks hard at Jonny lee, catching his eye* *lifts hand to his neck and runs his fingers across his throat, indicating a collar* *lifts his eyebrows*

**Kristin:** *takes a generous drink of her scotch* Of course I was, that's what I was getting paid to do. This is the early 80's we're speaking of, yes?

**Peter:** Early to mid, yes.

**Kristin:** *nods* That would be when I first met Giorgio, in fact.

**Jonny Lee:** *notices Jude's close inspection. knows exactly what's going through his mind. smiles.* Want something, Jude?

**Ewan:** *orders two more pints and hands one to Jonny* Here ya go.

**Gerard:** *sees Jude's motion, pulls back enough to give him an unobstructed look at JL's neck*

**Jude:** *undoes top shirt button and pulls shirt collar open to show the silver necklace he always wears around his neck* Yeah... wondered if you wanted to compare *smiles slowly at Jonny*

**Jonny Lee:** *trades empty for new beer* *leans in, as much as Gerard's grasp will allow, and looks at necklace* Nice. I like the silver.

**Jude:** Well, lets have a look at yours *glances at Gerard* May I touch?

**Gerard:** Go ahead.

**Peter:** Ah! Lovely. *grins* I've always been jealous of actual fashion people. I ran for a time with the younger end of Vivienne Westwood's crowd...but that doesn't count.

**Jude:** *leans in to inspect, touching gently* Nice work. *sits back* I'm... impressed.

**Jude:** *to Jonny Lee more than Gerard, but including both* I never... I didn't think you were that seriously into it but... well, it's funny how quickly things can happen.

**Kristin:** Oh, but my god! What a crowd! They terrified me, when they would invade Paris! *shifts her seat so she can watch the show and tell across the room*

**Kristin:** *quietly to herself, noticing Jude's collar* when did that happen? would have thought it would be the other way 'round

**Peter:** *glances at the show and tell with a bit of indifference* They were awful. I used to date a boy who ran around that shop...was never so much my scene in those days.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jude* I've changed a lot in the last couple months. Know more what I want.

**Natalie:** *listens*

**Gerard:** *to Jude* It means more to me as representative of my promises to him than as what most people consider it to be.

**Jude:** *looks down thoughtfully and then looks up at Gerard* I understand that.

**Ewan:** *is somewhat uncomfortable with all the talk of collars and just concentrates on his beer*

**Kristin:** They were incredibly loud, is what I remember most *laughs suddenly* Loud - indeed!

**Peter:** *laughs* That would be them. I used to hang around the London shop...terribly loud, always.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks apologetic* Wasn't exactly something I was gonna tell you guys in email.

**Jude:** *runs finger around his own collar* This just means... I belong to him. It's not a symbol of who gets to be on top... it's a sign of commitment.

**Gerard:** 'Commitment'. Exactly.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* Doesn't mean I can't still play naked Eye Toy with you. *coy, head-cocked grin*

**Ewan:** *grins* Well, I certainly hope not after all those promises.

**Jude:** Promises? You mean empty boasts....

**Jonny Lee:** Fuckin' promises, mate. *throws a definite bit of attitude* To cream him.

**Jude:** *to Natalie* You want a refill? Gin and Tonic, wasn't it? Or are you thinking of exploring around.

**Natalie:** *shakes my head* No on the refill, but yeah, I'd love to look around.

**Kristin:** *sighs a bit* Have you beaten anyone lately, Peter?

**Peter:** *shrugs* Not terribly lately, no...

**Kristin:** Hmm. I've half a mind to come back tomorrow and see if I can scrounge up good old Reg.

**Peter:** *nods thoughtfully* Well, that is one of the benifits of joining this place...

**Ewan:** *to Jonny* So you gonna bring that Eye thingey over this week sometime, then?

**Jonny Lee:** Yeah. Just let me know when you're free.

**Jude:** Want a tour then, Natalie? Be careful though, it could end up with you over someone's knee. *winks*

**Natalie:** *grin* I'd love a tour, and it all depends over whose knee I end up over now, doesn't it?

**Kristin:** That is true - it's just, I'm dubious about the success of going back to hired hands, as it were, after some quite extraordinary volunteers *glances to Ewan, sees Jude with Natalie and watched with interest*

**Jude:** All right then. *nods to the guys* Back a bit later... *to Natalie* You've seen the bar... *gestures around* Come this way. The spa and steam room are through here...

**Ewan:** See ya. *waves* Don't have too much fun.

**Natalie:** *waves* There's nothing called too much fun. *follows Jude*

**Jude:** *blows Ewan a cheeky kiss and wanders off with Natalie*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* You don't do tour guide?

**Ewan:** Not for girls. *pulls a face and then grins*

**Peter:** *nods and looks into his drink* Yes, I understand. I'd give you leads, but I've got nothing...

**Kristin:** That's kind of you, Peter. I just need to get on the horse about putting the word out...*she considers this* Perhaps I need to update my journal with my c.v. again

**Peter:** *nods and considers* That does often work, I've noticed.

**Jonny Lee:** M'not a girl. *grins* Wanna show me your favorite spots? Or just get drunk?

**Ewan:** Well, see, this is the thing. *takes a drink* I'm actually terrible with these tours. *whispers confidentially* People only want them for the sex.

**Jonny Lee:** *whispers conspiratorially* Now why would you be bad with a tour that's only for sex? *adds a hint of smirk* You do sex really well, as I recall.

**Ewan:** Well, yes. *preens* But no, I meant, I wasn't much good at the actual tourguiding part so much as the sex at the end.

**Jonny Lee:** Ah, well, that makes a lot more sense. *takes a drink of beer* Had me worried there for a minute, mate.

**Kristin:** *sighs again, noting emply scotch glass* *to peter*Yes well, I can't do much of either right now anyway *stifles yawn, then makes a face at that* Damn.

**Peter:** *places his empty cup down on the counter* Tired, my dear?

**Kristin:** Yes, I'm the official crashing bore, it seems. *rises from seat* too much nervous energy, I suppose

**Peter:** *smiles and stands as well* All the alphabetizing.

**Kristin:** *kisses Peter on both cheeks* I think, before I am laying face down upon the bar, I should make my goodbyes.

**Peter:** *smiles* Well, it was brilliant seeing you, my dear. I do believe I should be going myself...

**Kristin:** Lovely - walking company to my car! *begins to head to main entrance* *turns to wave her goodbyes* Ciao all!

**Peter:** *goes with Kristin*

**Ewan:** *waves as Kristin leaves, a bit put out that he didn't get to talk to her*

**Ewan:** *turns back to Jonny* So, you know, I figured it's really best to dispense with the pretence of giving tours in the first place.

**Jonny Lee:** *still rather tightly held in lover's hands* That said, if I've gotten less shy in the last few months, I'd just tell you I wanna fuck again.

**Ewan:** *laughs* Well, that approach's always worked for me.

**Jonny Lee:** Okay. *shrugs* Wanna fuck. Same rules as last time?

**Ewan:** What, right now?

**Gerard:** *coughs a little* *takes a drink of his ice water that has since melted to room temperature*

**Jonny Lee:** One option. *looks over shoulder at Gerard* Or it could wait. What day'd you want to play games?

**Gerard:** Whenever. I don't mind.

**Ewan:** Any day's good for me. *shrugs* I'm not doing anything.

**Jonny Lee:** Tuesday's good for me. Wanna get pissed tonight?

**Ewan:** *grins and downs the last of his pint* Sounds good to me.

**Ewan:** *orders another*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/105985.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	10. jonnyleemiller: voicemail gerard butler

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/19/) 09:12:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9658&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9658) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9658) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9658&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****voicemail[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)****_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) butler  
[monday, january 19, around 9 a.m.]

Jonny Lee pulls out his cell phone as he leaves the house. As suspected, he gets the message center for Gerard's mobile. "Hi, Pire. Got note this morning from Natalie." He nods at one of the neighbors heading up his steps. "One we met at bar. She wants to get coffee, so I'm meeting her before I head over to Nylon." He sidesteps a bicycling kid. "Let me know if we're still on for that late lunch. Love you." He hits the end button and pockets the cell phone as he rounds the corner block from the coffee shop where he's meeting Natalie.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **Voicemail left on JL's phone over at Nylon**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-20 07:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=3770&format=light#t3770))   
---|---  
Hey, it's me. Lunch sounds *long pause, punctured by a laugh* Lunch sounds good. Want to fast-food it? I'm in the mood for something oily and very very bad for me. How did the meeting go? *a noise comes over from a bullhorn somewhere in the background* Shite. Gotta go. *click* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?replyto=3770&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=3770&format=light#t3770))  
  
|  **Return voicemail left for Gerard on cell**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=4026&format=light#t4026))   
---|---  
He's shuffling through papers, wads up one and tosses it at Pertwee's head while the phone rings. Smiles at hearing Pire's greeting. Not as cool as the one at their house, but it's his master's voice.  
  
"This is your afternoon arousal call, Mr. Butler," he says in a sultry voice. "Are you thinking of your boy? He's thinking of you."Jonny Lee absently palms his cock through the thankfully loose cargo pants. "Meeting was nice," his voice goes up an octave, back to its natural bounce. "Sweet girl, even if is messed up with the likes of the insanity duo."  
  
He laughs, pauses to answer a question from outside the office. "You want oily and bad. Hmm. I'll pick up some fish and chips and meet you at the set. Quick and easy lunch. What?" There's shouting in the background. "Gotta scoot. All-out spitwad war here. See ya, Pire."  
  
He hangs up the phone, picks up a stack of ammunition and runs out the door. "Pertwee, you're fuckin' dead, mate." 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?replyto=4026&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=3770&format=light#t3770))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=4026&format=light#t4026))  
  
|  **Very rushed voicemail message left in return**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=4282&format=light#t4282))   
---|---  
Aroused as hell. Going to take it out on you. Oily and bad? You should know better than to give me ideas, Teak. Too fucking bad it's public. When we get home, want you groveling on the floor, want my feet on your back, want a bad movie on the telly and a bowl of popcorn in my hand. See you in an hour. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?replyto=4282&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9658.html?thread=4026&format=light#t4026))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	11. gerard: Out of this icy furnace...

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/21/) 22:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=12477&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=12477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=12477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=12477&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Cuddly  
---|---  
  
_**Out of this icy furnace...**_  
[public]  
  
  
There is something to be said for days so cold you think your balls are about to freeze off.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-22 05:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=21949&format=light#t21949))   
---|---  
And that something is "blech". 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=21949&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=21949&format=light#t21949))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 05:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))   
---|---  
*laughs* Perhaps I should have elaborated. There is something to be said for coming in out of the cold and settling down with your boy and a blanket. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=22205&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=21949&format=light#t21949))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 05:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22461&format=light#t22461))   
---|---  
Your boy thinks there's something to be said for it, too.  
Something sinfully, succulently sensational. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=22461&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22461&format=light#t22461))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 05:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22717&format=light#t22717))   
---|---  
You're sexy when you're alliterating. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=22717&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22461&format=light#t22461))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-22 05:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22973&format=light#t22973))   
---|---  
Oh, well, _that_ I'll grant you. Wouldn't mind a blanket and my ~~boy~~ lover myself.  
  
  
  
  
Must remind self that he is _not_ under contract anymore...

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=22973&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-01-22 06:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23229&format=light#t23229))   
---|---  
Good job you clarified or I was going to ask... "Are you _mad?!!_ "  
  
Definitely "staying indoors" weather. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=23229&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23229&format=light#t23229))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-22 06:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23485&format=light#t23485))   
---|---  
The voice of reason! I'm rather fond of my balls, myself. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=23485&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23229&format=light#t23229))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 06:13 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23741&format=light#t23741))   
---|---  
Very mad. Mad as a hatter. *grins* So mad that I wished I was a masochist this afternoon so I could ask for lashes to warm me up.  
  
  
Take it from me. Old opera theatres? Very very drafty. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=23741&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23229&format=light#t23229))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-01-22 06:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23997&format=light#t23997))   
---|---  
Amen to that.  
  
*grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=23997&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=22205&format=light#t22205))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23997&format=light#t23997))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 06:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24253&format=light#t24253))   
---|---  
Does _everyone_ think I'm nuts? *shakes head sadly*  
  
I don't think we've met. Gerry Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=24253&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=23997&format=light#t23997))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24253&format=light#t24253))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-01-22 06:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24509&format=light#t24509))   
---|---  
Karl Urban. And no, we haven't.  
  
But I believe _your_ boy has met _my_ boy.  
  
And nuts? Hmm. I'd have to meet you before I could say for sure. *wicked grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=24509&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24253&format=light#t24253))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24509&format=light#t24509))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 06:39 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24765&format=light#t24765))   
---|---  
Jonny Lee has never mentioned getting together with someone's boy...only thing I can think of is he did mention getting together with the bloke who played Lestat in the second Vampire Chronicles movie. That one belong to you?  
  
  
  
 _I'd have to meet you before I could say for sure._  
  
Is that an offer, Mr. Urban? *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=24765&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24509&format=light#t24509))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24765&format=light#t24765))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-01-22 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25533&format=light#t25533))   
---|---  
_he did mention getting together with the bloke who played Lestat in the second Vampire Chronicles movie. That one belong to you?_  
  
Yeah, that one would be mine. Stuart Townsend.  
  
 _I'd have to meet you before I could say for sure._  
 _Is that an offer, Mr. Urban? *g*_  
  
Well, now, that would all depend on where you're located and just what you have in mind. *wicked grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=25533&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=24765&format=light#t24765))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25533&format=light#t25533))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26301&format=light#t26301))   
---|---  
You've a very handsome boy, Mr. Urban.  
  
  
I'm in London at present, but in a few weeks I need to fly down to LA to record the cast narration and do documentary interviews for the DVD version of a movie I was in called _Timeline_. I'll only be staying over a couple of days, however.  
  
  
As for what I have in mind, coffee for starters. We can work from there, if you wish. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=26301&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25533&format=light#t25533))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26301&format=light#t26301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26557&format=light#t26557))   
---|---  
_fly down to LA_  
You do?  
Plan to leave me a note? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=26557&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26301&format=light#t26301))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26557&format=light#t26557))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27069&format=light#t27069))   
---|---  
I was going to tell you once I got the tickets. I know you don't like LA. Figured I'd spend the time until the studio got them to me by figuring out how to tempt you into coming with. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=27069&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26557&format=light#t26557))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27069&format=light#t27069))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28093&format=light#t28093))   
---|---  
I _don't_ like LA ... but I hate it less than I used to ... and if you're going, that's all the temptation I need.  
  
Actually don't need the temptation, sir. You just tell me to get on the plane and I will. *g*

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=28093&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27069&format=light#t27069))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28093&format=light#t28093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28349&format=light#t28349))   
---|---  
If you say so.  
  
  
*smile turns into a harsh glare* You're going with me to Los Angeles, _boy_ , and if I hear one word of fucking protest, you're not getting fucked, not gonna be allowed to blow me, not gonna be allowed to do anything other than watch, for two motherfucking weeks. And even after that you're going to need to beg for it on the kitchen floor, tongue on the linoleum, while I come in your hair and on your face and making a fucking sticky mess of you. Then I'll fucking tie you to the shower curtain while I watch porn in the other room, cuff your hands behind your back, and put you in a fucking _cage_. One word of protest, boy. Don't try me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=28349&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28093&format=light#t28093))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28349&format=light#t28349))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28605&format=light#t28605))   
---|---  
eep  
  
Yes, sir. No protest, sir. Would you come upstairs and fuck me now, sir? Please. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=28605&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28349&format=light#t28349))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28605&format=light#t28605))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28861&format=light#t28861))   
---|---  
We both know you can beg better than that, boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=28861&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=28605&format=light#t28605))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-01-22 07:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26813&format=light#t26813))   
---|---  
_You've a very handsome boy, Mr. Urban._  
  
Thank you. Yours is quite attractive as well.  
  
 _in a few weeks I need to fly down to LA to record the cast narration and do documentary interviews.. I'll only be staying over a couple of days, however._  
  
We're in Berlin at the moment but we should be back in LA by then.  
  
 _As for what I have in mind, coffee for starters. We can work from there, if you wish._  
  
Coffee it is. My number's xxx-xxx-xxxx. Give me a ring.  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=26813&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26301&format=light#t26301))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26813&format=light#t26813))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27325&format=light#t27325))   
---|---  
_Yours is quite attractive as well._  
  
Thank you. And I don't tell him often enough.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _My number's xxx-xxx-xxxx. Give me a ring._  
  
I will, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=27325&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26813&format=light#t26813))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27581&format=light#t27581))   
---|---  
Hi, Mr. Urban ... nice to see you're meeting Gerard ... tell Stuart I said hello and look forward to seeing him again, which it appears we're going to be doing. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=27581&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26813&format=light#t26813))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27581&format=light#t27581))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-01-22 09:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=29117&format=light#t29117))   
---|---  
Jonny, Jonny, Jonny... what were you thinking?! You should have protested! Such fun you--err... Gerard could have had!  
  
Come to LA. I will tempt you with Lestat. Or me, if you'd prefer. Though of course, now the tempting is unnecessary.  
  
I look forward to seeing you again. And to meeting Gerard. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=29117&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27581&format=light#t27581))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=29117&format=light#t29117))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-22 07:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=29373&format=light#t29373))   
---|---  
Well, you see, Stuart, in Pire's mind, that _was_ protesting. I didn't beg prettily enough. And if I play my cards right, I'll be in sheer agony for the flight. *g*  
  
As for temptation ... hmmm ... Lestat's nice ... like Dorian, too ... just you with that delicious voice ... and I have a whole new outlook on things to share 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=29373&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=29117&format=light#t29117))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-22 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25277&format=light#t25277))   
---|---  
*would say many things but too busy laughing*  
  
Hmmm sorry to hear of the weather...  
Bundle up yeah? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=25277&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25277&format=light#t25277))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25789&format=light#t25789))   
---|---  
I do as much as I can, but there's only so much you can do. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=25789&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25277&format=light#t25277))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25789&format=light#t25789))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-22 07:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26045&format=light#t26045))   
---|---  
Well there you have it then.  
Hope to talk again soon.  
I'm running out of jokes. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=26045&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=25789&format=light#t25789))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26045&format=light#t26045))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-22 07:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=27837&format=light#t27837))   
---|---  
I'll try to find some good ones, then. *G* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?replyto=27837&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html?thread=26045&format=light#t26045))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	12. karl_urban: Karl and gerard, Wednesday night, Jan 21st

| Karl Urban ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/01/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/01/23/) 01:53:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=92717&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=92717) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=92717) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=92717&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Karl and[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/), Wednesday night, Jan 21st  
[players only - following some [comments made](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/12477.html) in Gerard's journal]

Gerard takes a sip of his cider, holding the cup carefully with one hand while the other holds the snub of a pencil against a yellow legal pad. The point is long-broken and so Karl's number comes out blurred but readable. Berlin, Karl had said, and so Gerard dials the country code by memory, then the number. Settling back on the couch, he closes his laptop and listens to the call connecting.

It's fairly late and Karl's got to be up and on the set early the next morning. He's just placed his glass in the dishwasher and begun turning out the lights in the flat, Stuart having already turned in, when the phone rings. Yawning, he picks it up. "Hello?"

"Mr. Urban?" Gerard does some quick mental calculations and winces. While he considers it early, it's a subjective early. He got off two hours ago and it's only been a half hour since he finished eating and started settling him. "It's Gerry Butler. I hope I'm not disturbing something."

Karl shoves a hand back through his hair, leaning against the wall. "No, you're not. I have to be on set early and I was considering turning in but I'm good for a while more. How are you?"

Gerard considers the question. "Pretty good. I'm in the middle of an extended shoot, so a part of me is exhausted. The other part is, in true cliched form, enjoying the hell out of the experience. And yourself?"

"I'm almost done with this one. It's the sequel to Bourne Identity. And then we're headed back to LA in the next week or two," Karl says, maneuvering the phone so he can stretch out on the couch, legs crossed at the ankle. "I understand you'll be visiting the city of angels yourself soon."

"I will, yes. I'll be bringing my boy with me also." Gerard grins as he remembers the threats he gave Jonny Lee, what he'd do if he even said one word of protest, and a large part of him is disappointed that Jonny Lee didn't try him on it. "Are you a native?"

Karl laughs. "Do I sound like a native? No, I'm a kiwi. New Zealander, born and raised. Just moved to LA this past summer." He pulls the quilt from the back of the couch and bunches it under his head. "I think my boy would enjoy seeing your boy again."

"Honestly, I don't know what a native sounds like. Wasn't very sure LA _had_ any natives." Gerard takes a sip of the warm cider. "My boy probably would as well. From what I can tell, they're on very good terms."

"Did Jonny Lee tell you how he met Stuart?" Karl asks.

"No. Then again, I didn't ask. Who he scenes with is his own business," Gerard shrugs, knowing that Karl can't see it. From what he knows of Karl's relationship, it seems a lot more structured than his own is. He doesn't know if Karl would understand that Gerard would feel nervous if Jonny Lee was _not_ getting any on the side.

"Well, then, I'll leave it up to him to tell you the story, if he's so inclined," Karl says, grinning from ear to ear. He's heard all about it and damned if he wouldn't like to see Jonny Lee and Stuart together. "If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been together?"

"On and off since Dracula shooting. Four and a half years? Something like that. Our most recent 'on' is only since November, though. How long for you and your boy?"

Karl rubs a hand over his face, covering his mouth as he yawns again. "Sorry." Does a few quick mental calculations. "We're coming up on seven months together, six collared and contracted."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," Karl murmurs, wondering what else to ask Gerard and deciding to hell with it, he might as well cut to the chase. "So, I take it, based on our discussion in your journal, that you and your boy are up for a bit of play?"

"We are, yes, though I make it a practice never to assume on his behalf. In this case, however, he's given me permission to negotiate on his behalf. Can I assume you have Mr. Townsend's?"

"Most definitely," Karl smirks. _Mr. Townsend_. He likes Gerard's formality. Wonders if he'd sound as good on his knees.

"Well, then. Shall we discuss limits?"

"Sure," Karl says. "I basically don't have any and Stuart's are permanent marks, watersports, scat and bestiality." He slides one hand down, adjusting himself, his body already reacting to the scenes being played out in his head. "No one calls him boy but me and fisting's reserved for us alone. Yours?"

"He doesn't beg anyone for permission to come but me and if his collar has to come off, I'm the one who puts it back on. His only restriction on my behaviour is that I don't sleep next to anyone." Gerard runs his tongue over his bottom lip. "Jonny Lee's limits are bathroom use, scat, extreme age play, and cages. The last includes canine and pony play. My own limits are few and probably won't come up in a first scene. Also, I don't drink, recreationally or otherwise."

"Okay, well, add the same permission-wise for Stuart. And his collar doesn't get removed, period." Sometimes Karl forgets that there are even people out there who would consider doing that. "I'm assuming you bottom but do you prefer to be taken down or just put on your knees?"

"I don't switch," Gerard says frostily. It comes out harsher than he intended it to, but, dammit, he's given no indication to this man that he does anything other than top.

"Oh, really?" Karl says smiling, his voice edging into that low, soft growl as he works his cock through his jeans. "Is that a challenge, Ger? Or a hard limit?"

"I don't believe I gave you permission to call me by my first name, Mr. Urban, let alone a nickname."

Karl laughs. "No one gives me permission to do anything, as I'm sure you'll find out." _Christ, this is fun_. "I guarantee you this, _Mr. Butler_ , we meet and I'll have you on your knees inside of two minutes."

"Then you better anticipate some fisticuffs in those minutes, Urban." Christ, what an asshole. "I. Do. Not. Bottom."

"Is that so?" Karl says, his hand moving to pull at a loose thread on his jeans. He likes a challenge but this? He could take it or leave it. The man's far too fucking serious for his liking. "What do you do then?"

"I top. I vanilla." Gerard's voice is cold. Fucking arrogant bastard. "As I recall, nothing was said about tops _or_ bottoms in the entry. Coffee was all."

"My mistake then," Karl says, raking a hand back though his hair. "And for that I apologize. Maybe we can still get the boys together for our mutual viewing pleasure, if you're still interested." He pauses, smiling to himself, before adding. "And we'll keep it to coffee."

Gerard relaxes a little. It takes a good man to apologize and a better man to back down. "Maybe. I understand they enjoy each other's company. Perhaps it'll rub off." The two of them have had a rough start, but Gerard's never been one to judge solely on the first impression. "About coffee, I leave it up to your judgement as to the location."

"If you'll give me your number, I'll ring you when we're back in LA and we'll firm up things then," Karl says, thinking Stuart'll get a kick out of this when he tells him about it.

Gerard rattles off his cell phone number and Jonny Lee's land line. "Sounds like a plan."

"Good," Karl exhales softly. "And again, Mr. Butler," he can't help grinning at the words, "I apologize for our getting off on the wrong foot. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm blunt as hell but I don't push where it's not wanted."

Gerard wants to point out that Karl _did_ push, but it's water under the bridge. "It's fine. And I should let you go. You said you had an early call."

"Yeah, I do," and besides which, this has been far less fun than Karl would've expected although it's been pretty damn amusing. "Take care."

"You, too. Give Jonny Lee's regards to your boy." Without waiting for an acknowledgement, Gerard hangs up the phone and throws it across the room, where it bounces off against a chair and ends up on the rug. Fucking hell.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/92717.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	13. gerard: Letter from Conner

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/26/) 15:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13552&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13552) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13552) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13552&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Letter from Conner** _

Gerard ruffles through the mail on the table. There are a couple letters forwarded from his flat, mostly bills, and he throws them to the side to look at later. Familiar handwriting catches his eye and Gerard freezes. He opens the letter with shaking hands, reads it, then leaves it open on the table, abandoned to fate.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/13552.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	14. jonnyleemiller: jonny lee reacts to conner's letter to gerard

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/26/) 17:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9974&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9974) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9974) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=9974&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****jonny lee reacts to conner's letter to gerard** ** _  
[players only. occurs monday, january 26, follows [this entry](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/13552.html).]

  
Jonny Lee comes in from running, toes out of his trainers at the door and walks in sock feet across the living room. "Pire, I'm back," he shouts out, not having any idea where his lover is. He knows he has a day off from filming, from for all Jonny knows, he went out. He notices the stack of mail on the table and picks it up to sort through, but the open letter catches his attention. More to the point, the salutation, "Sir," and the name at the bottom. Conner. He puts it down, starts to turn away, picks it back up and just stares at it. He's looked at it for a good two minutes, read through it and seen the words, but not connected them.

Roses? Pire sent Conner roses? Something Jonny thinks he knows about that, or he should. And he corrects himself. It was _Gerard_ who sent the roses, not Pire. _This slave_ invites. _This slave_ misses. He throws the letter back on the table and turns around to head upstairs. No reason for Pire to know he saw it. He can deal with it. Just needs to get into the shower, stand under the hot water for three, four hours.

Finally having a free day, Gerard had gone out to the coffee shop and sat nursing several cups of steaming cappuccinos for an hour and a half, relaxing, reading the paper. It was a wonderful experience and it helped him unwind from reading Conner's letter. Every year it comes and every year Gerard has regrets. And every year he's always so fucking tempted to take Conner up on the offer and just drop by to see how everything's going. And every year he manages to restrain himself.

Gerard drops his keys on the table as he walks in. Freezes. The letter's across the table. _Fuck_. "Teak?" He calls, not knowing where his lover is, and almost starting to panic.

Steam's pouring out of the walk-in glass block enclosure, and Jonny's sprawled into the corner of the opposite wall's black ceramic tile, letting the hot water sear and scald as it sees fit. His clothes are strewn over the bathroom floor, where it'd taken him 15 minutes just to undress, watching himself in the mirror.

His lover's old lover still wants him. What's not to understand? Pire ... Ger he corrects himself again ... must still want him. A little. He sends him roses. Jonny can't figure out which has him more upset, the flowers or the letter. He doesn't even like roses that much. And he's not really upset. Just confused. And he knows what it is. It's the language, the damned formal tone, even in the fuckin' writing, that he can't for the life of him get right.

Gerard's getting more worried by the moment. He's calling out Jonny Lee's name, hoping he's still around, or at least left an open line. Finally he hears the faint noise of water running. He pushes the bathroom door open hesitantly and can't see for a long moment for the curtain of steam. "Teak?"

Jonny hears the door open. "Needed a shower, Pire," he says, voice muffled into the tile. "Just got back from running." He tells himself he can do it, let everything wash over him just like the water.

"I know you saw it. Don't lie to me, love." The steam dissipates slowly and Gerard kicks his shoes off as he walks in. The condensation on the tile floor seeps into his socks and he slides a little as he walks over to Teak.

He turns his head, looks over his lover, fully clothed. "You're getting wet, Pire." He laughs, just a little, at the insanity of the moment, instead of responding to Gerard's comment.

Gerard shrugs. So what? "Yeah, I am. But I'll dry." He isn't wearing anything that can't stand the rain. Just a pair of dockers and a pull over.

"That's good, I guess, since I didn't plan on getting out till the water turned cold." Jonny doesn't mean for it to come out as snippy as it does. "Sorry," he immediately adds, scooting himself down the wall into the water's full jets.

Gerard crouches down and almost crawls next to Jonny Lee. The water is soaking his clothes and he thanks god that at least Jonny Lee didn't feel in the need of a _cold_ shower. At least he isn't freezing. "It bothered you that much?"

"Why would it bother me?" He tilts his head up, lets the water pound his face. Maybe it'll drown him, and he won't have to think about where he's going when Pire doesn't want him anymore. "Nothing's bothering me."

"You're sitting in the shower with the water so hot you'll probably welt from it." Gerard says, trying not to let too much of his concern bleed into his voice. Fucking hell. Rule number one, do not scare Teak. It's been there since day one.

"Don't like welts, Pire? Hmm." He's not upset, he keeps telling himself. Just very frightened. He pulls his knees up, turns his head and looks directly at his lover. "Not the way Conner would act, is it? He'd be good. Probably wouldn't even have read the letter."

"Conner would have slapped me." And he would have. Still would, if Gerard knew him as well as he knew he did. Conner believed in monogamy.

Whatever it was Jonny Lee wants to say is lost in even more confusion. "He'd've slapped you?" He wraps his arms tighter around his knees. "I wouldn't do that," he adds hesitantly, not sure if it's a good admission or a bad one.

"He would have slapped me, given me a black eye, then picked up a bird at the bar and brought her back to the flat to fuck in front of me." Gerard shrugs, his shirt sticking uncomfortably to his arms and chest. "That was us. We weren't built to last."

"Shite, I'm more confused now than before." The smile erupts into a laugh and Jonny Lee gently slams his head back into the tile. "The tone wasn't of someone who'd stand up to you," he rolls his head up and then back to the side, meeting Gerard's gaze once more. "It was fuckin' formal, Pire. He called you _Master._ " The water's streaming in and out of his mouth as he talks. "So, no, nothing's bothering me."

"Don't let him fool you, Con's got some major backbone. He's a trial lawyer when not getting tied up. He's gotta have balls." Gerard frowns. He's turning Jonny Lee's last over in his mind. He'd memorized the note. Conner'd called him sir a few times, but that was just part of the form. "He called his master _master_."

"My bad." Jonny Lee shrugs. "Still called you 'sir' and he misses you."

"He was my best mate through all of college, through my years playing lawyer. Don't you have a friend like that?"

Even without thinking, he answers. "Ewan. Jude." Then pauses. "Not that either of them are going to be calling me 'sir' though."

"No," Gerard agrees. "Can't see either of them doing it. But Conner's a career submissive. He gets off on respectful address."

"And I'm not." The pause this time is longer, and then he launches into talking nonstop, not giving Gerard a chance to interrupt. "Just not sure I'll ever be what you want, what you need. I know you want something more formal. Ewan asked if you controlled me. I told him no, not outside the bedroom. Not really. But it's what you want. Deep down. I know you don't want me to be Conner. You told me that. But you'd like it if I called you 'sir' all the time, I bet." He runs out of words as he starts to notice the water's slight temperature decrease. No more chance for welting.

Gerard wants to lie, but he won't let himself. "Yeah, I'd like if you called me 'sir' when we weren't in role. But I know enough to know that, if it's not attainable, then that's that. Not everyone is the same and I didn't lie before when I told you there's no right or wrong to this. There are things, let's call them icing, that I'd like. But the cake's still brilliant without the icing."

Jonny Lee uncoils himself and kneels up under the shower's stream, water pushing his hair down flat against his head, beading and dripping over his face. He laces his fingers behind his back. This is what it boils down to, a touch of jealousy overlaid with an overwhelming desire to please the man he's fallen hopelessly in love with. "I _want_ the icing, sir," he says, putting considerable emphasis on the 'sir'. " _Your_ boy wants to be more than brilliant."

Gerard pushes him away. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to get his point across. "And I don't want you in an eternal 'subber than thou' with a man you've never met."

Pulling his hand back just before it reaches Gerard's face, Jonny Lee slams his palm against the wall, wincing at the pain. "Damnit, Pire," he screams, "I didn't compare myself to Conner." He's unleashing anger he didn't know he had in him, and it's even more frightening than the thought of Gerard leaving him. "This is about you. And me. _I_ want to please you. This boy. Your boy."

Gerard glares at him. "Then tell me what the fuck you want, boy. What _you_ want, not what you think you fucking owe me."

"I want you to believe me when I say I want, as you put it, the icing." The water's cooling more rapidly now and he knows it's going to be damned uncomfortable soon. "I want to get out of the shower before it turns ice cold," he says with a smile.

Gerard can't resist a relieved sigh at those words. "Yes. Let's." He stands abruptly and holds a hand out to Jonny Lee. "And let's get you in a bathrobe. I can't discuss anything rationally when you're wet and naked."

Taking the hand, he pulls himself up against Gerard's leverage. "You look rather sexy yourself in wet, clingy clothes."

There are several come backs to that, but Gerard doesn't say any of them. Instead, he helps Jonny Lee to his feet and then proceeds to strip himself methodically and mechanically, not lingering over any soaked garment.

Jonny Lee walks out of the shower enclosure and grabs two oversized towels, handing one to Gerard and drying himself off, staying silent for the moment.

Gerard peels off his boxers, then straightens. He takes the towel gratefully and rubs it along his neck and shoulders. "For what it's worth," he says softly. "I'm sorry."

"For what? I'm the one who read the letter. I owe you an apology." He finishes toweling off, drapes it over the warming rack and moves to the door to retrieve the robes.

"Yeah, but I should have been overt about showing it to you. And I should have explained with it. That sort of thing."

He shrugs a robe onto his shoulders, belts it loosely and waits on Gerard to finish. "And I shouldn't've jumped to conclusions, let my," he bites his lip before continuing, "jealousy at old loves get to me."

Gerard rubs at his hair with the towel, scrubbing hard at a particularly itching spot. "You've no need to be jealous. Think on his words, Teak, and not just his language. We haven't seen each other in _years_. We haven't spoken in years. Our only contact is Christmas gifts."

"His _words_ say he misses you." He quietly slips the robe over Gerard's shoulder. "And wants to see you."

"And I miss him also. And if he really wanted to see me, more than just a dull desire, he knows where I live."

"Do you want to see him?"

"If I did, I know where he lives."

"Would you want him to meet me?" He carefully words the question, not 'me meet him.'

"I'd like you to meet him, yeah. Maybe it'd help you get over whatever it is you're worried about. But, then again, I don't want the two of you near each other." Gerard cracks a smile. "You two would be sharing Stupid Gerry stories within two minutes and I'd never hear the end of it."

"I don't know any Stupid Gerry stories." He runs a hand through his hair, trying to smooth out the wet mess. "I never knew Gerry. You were Pire to me from the first minute, even though you didn't have the nickname till that morning in the alley." He's smiling, more genuine now, even though he's not sure Gerard understands how he can differentiate between two names for the same person. "May not seem logical, but my mind doesn't see you like others do."

"I'm the same person," Gerard says, very puzzled by Jonny Lee's answer. "But maybe you could elaborate. Later. Right now, I want to hear where _you_ want this relationship to go." Gerard unfolds the robe Jonny Lee gave him and slips it on, ties the sash as tight as it'll go.

"In bed maybe? Talk, then I can nap."

"Sure." Gerard leads the way into the bedroom and waits until they both get settled before speaking again. "Stop stalling, boy."

"Yes, sir." Get called 'boy' answer 'sir'. It seems damned natural. Good place to start. "Let's start there. With the respectful address. I want to use it more. Maybe all the time. I don't want to not be able to call you Pire, though."

"Fair enough. I like it when you call me Pire. But I love it when you're polite. How about, only 'sir' in scene, and switching between the two out of it?"

"I think that would work, Pire." He scoots down against the pillows. "The formal tone. The 'this boy' and 'your boy' and third-person stuff. I'd like to try it again, sir."

" _That_ we're going to need to take slow. Work our way into it." Gerard cups Jonny Lee's chin and starts stroking his cheek. "Do you want me to use it also?"

"We didn't get that far into it the other night. What would it be like?" He cocks his head, rubs into the touch. "Do you want to?"

"It can go pretty extreme. Lack of any real direct address can get very confusing very fast. But I love it. I haven't used it myself in fucking years, though." He'd done a little from the submissive side with Peter, but the last time from the top was experimenting with one of his and Conner's mutual friends.

"Lack of any real address." He repeats the words, not understanding them. "So, you'd never call me by name?" He starts thinking about things Ewan alluded to, Gerard taking control of his life. And not all the thoughts are uncomfortable.

"I'd mostly call you boy and you'd mostly call me sir. Unless we were in a roleplay that calls for something different."

"Okay, sir, we can work slowly on that if you like." He snuggles in, hesitantly, not wanting to just invade Gerard's space. "I'd like a more permanent mark, Pire. Would you mind if I got another tatt? Probably think I have too many already."

"Tattoos are your fucking business, Teak. It's your body and you do what you want with it. But if you're asking my _opinion_..." Gerard leans forward and presses a light kiss to Jonny Lee's lips. "Then I say to you, that you getting a permanent mark on you to remind you of me is one of the most fucking erotic things I've ever heard."

"Would you pick it out?" he breathes out against Gerard's kiss. "Tell me what to get, sir?"

"Oh, yeah. I'd tell you what to get." Gerard's tongue peaks out to lick Jonny Lee's lips. "Fang marks, that's what. Fang marks on your inner thigh. A very," lick, "personal," lick, "mark." Kiss.

"I like that. A lot. Pire's personal mark."

"Mm-hmm. And I'd want to reciprocate, of course. Get your mark on me."

"You would?" He can't keep the amazement out of his voice.

"Yeah. Christ, Teak, what I have with you, I've never had with anyone before. I think that alone deserves some artwork." His grin turns shy. "And I've always wondering what it felt like."

"Hurts a bit, Pire, not that much if you're into pain." Jonny Lee places his hand on Gerard's arm and slides his fingers up toward the shoulder. "Would you put it right here?"

Right now, Gerard would agree to anywhere. His shoulder sounds perfectly reasonable. "Yeah. What would you want?"

Jonny Lee's actually thought about it, almost from the first night they fucked, how he'd mark his lover. "A cross dagger with three drops of blood."

Oh, Christ. Gerard can already imagine it in his mind's eye. And it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. " _Yes_." His fingers reach up to trace where the tattoo would go and then his hand covers Jonny Lee's. "When?"

"As soon as you like, sir." He shakes his head, remembering the 'sir' at the last minute. He's still not if it's supposed to come with every sentence. Or just some. Decides it might best to err on the side of too much. "I've got a friend who did a coupla mine, sir."

"I'm a newbie. I need coddling." Gerard thinks, considers the amount of time it'll take for basic healing. "Say, the second the month? That give you enough time to scout out a place?"

"Sure thing, Pire." He mulls it over again, asking or not asking. "There's something else, sir, that Ewan brought up, about you wanting to control my life. Is that part of it, of all this, sir?" It's coming much more naturally, he notices. "Would you tell me to do certain things, Pire?"

Gerard gets the feeling there's a trap in there somewhere, and so he answers very carefully. "I would never try to 'control your life.' There might be certain things in your life that I'd ask you to do. If it turned out that we both liked these sorts of things, a day might come when I would order you to do something out of scene and expect you to do it. These requests would not be anything major or embarrassing." Gerard purses his lips. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yes, sir. Completely, sir." And it does. Answers the question that was asked.

Gerard knows that tone. "What am I missing?"

"Nothing, Pire. Just wondered if you wanted to tell me to do things, sir," he starts, fingers continuing to trace along Gerard's shoulder, "like how to dress and who to fuck and ..." his voice trails off as he nuzzles into Gerard's chest, his nose nudging apart the lush robe.

"I like the way you dress," Gerard ticks the points off on his fingers. "And who you fuck is your own business. I told you at the beginning that you're a free agent and you can negotiate your own scenes, play around without having to tell me first or afterwards. But, yeah, it might be nice sometime to tell you to go commando or to wear a harness under your shirt."

"So if I went cruisin' and just picked up a guy in a bar and got fucked, you wouldn't care about knowing?" Jonny Lee can't keep the tinge of concern from creeping into his voice.

Gerard shrugs. "I'd've probably told you to do it. And if not, sure, I'd like to know. If you're sweaty and smelling like strange men and too tired to get it up for me, I'm gonna know _something_. And you know I like bedtime stories."

"Okay, guess that makes sense." Jonny Lee's curling up into Gerard's body, the hot shower cooling his body temperature down and lulling him into sleep. "Sir, can I take a nap now?"

"Yeah." Gerard shucks his bathrobe as much as he's able and spoons himself around Jonny Lee. "That sounds nice."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/9974.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	15. gerard: gerard calls lutz. Tuesday night.

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/27/) 15:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13760&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13760) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13760) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13760&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) calls [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)**. Tuesday night.  
[players only. Out of the blue, Gerard calls Mark to catch up.]

  
Gerard checks his watch as it beeps the hour. Eleven on the dot. Perfect time to call Los Angeles. He's kept meaning to call Mark to see how he's been doing, but Mark's been moving around and Gerard's always been conscious about calling people late at night without being specifically invited to. But it's still the early afternoon on the Pacific coast, so it shouldn't be all that bad. Gerard hits speed dial seven on the phone and listens to it ring across an ocean.

It takes Mark a moment to understand that the ringing he's hearing is his phone, and that it's in the pocket of his robe. He's been standing on the beach behind the house, watching the surf, trying to decide whether he knows what time it is, or even what day it is, and whether the tide is coming in or going out, and is laughing at himself when he answers the phone. "Hello," he says, "and can you tell me what day it is in Los Angeles?"

Gerard blinks and then smiles. "Tuesday, Mark. Unless you've fallen into some parallel universe, in which it should probably be Yadsuet. Or something like that. I've been watching too many late night movies."

"Let's go with Tuesday," Mark says, still laughing, "and assume I'm not in some parallel universe. Great to hear from you--how are you? How's Jonny Lee?"

"I'm doing good. And Teak's great. And in excellent shape," Gerard adds with a smirk. "How've you been? Back from going around the world in thirty days?"

Mark starts down towards the water, saying "Looks that way, and thank god for it. Berlin was great, but I'm glad to be back home." He scuffs his toe in the sand and grins. "You can only take so many nights of a stranger cleaning your room before you just want your own clutter around you, you know?"

Gerard grins. "I know. Scared me for a moment. I thought you were going to complain about having a stranger in your room. Don't know about you, but I've always liked those sorts of encounters."

"Oh, yeah, I'm not one to complain about strangers as a rule," Mark says, hunkering down in the sand to look at a shell. "Only when they clean for me." He stands up again, wandering vaguely between the water and the house. "I'll tell you though, having Billy looking after my clothes is gonna save me a ton on dry cleaning--I never trip over my suit jackets anymore," he says with a chuckle.

"Billy?" Gerard knows he's been out of the loop, but he didn't know he was out of the loop enough not to know that Mark picked up a houseguest. "Anyone I know?"

"Oh, god, that's right," Mark says, his eyes widening. "Oh, you're gonna love this," his voice still amused, and maybe a little apprehensive. "Harry and I... we met a guy, Billy Crudup, who, um... wanted a Master. He--Gerard, he's fucking amazing," he says, making it as far as the back door and heading inside. "Sweet, and shy, and such a painslut, and absolutely adorable." Shutting the door, he lowers his voice, which seems suddenly loud now that the ocean is quieted. "He'd had a master for 12 years, who died a few years ago, and he'd started looking. We're, um. We've signed a six-month contract with him, me and Harry." He laughs softly. "Harry and I have a boy," he says, shaking his head. "Do you believe that?"

Gerard's still miles behind. "You signed a contract? Wow." He hadn't let himself think about that sort of thing in months. Too formal for his relationship with Jonny Lee, though when lying awake at night, he'll admit to himself that he wants one. "The both of you?" Gerard shakes his head, grinning. "The poor boy. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Mark says, laughing again, heading for the kitchen. "I think we were both a little surprised by it, but hey, you know, sometimes you just have to jump." He trots up the stairs and forgets what he was doing, shrugs to himself and wanders towards the living room. "But what about you? What's been going on? How were your holidays?"

"Jump, yeah. I know the feeling. Holidays?" Gerard laughs. "I've been doing almost nonstop filming, but we had a good scene Christmas Eve. I gave him my collar, did you know that?"

Mark collapses onto the couch, then stretches out. "No, I didn't but I do remember seeing a post from you looking for someone to make one. Congratulations, Gerard, that's really fantastic news." He smiles a little. "You two just seem so great together. I'm really glad for you."

"Thank you. He looks fucking wonderful in it. We should arrange a visit. Nothing like that time," Gerard grins. "Something sedate. Maybe a mass orgy." Not much could hold a candle to helping out with a gunfucking. "Have you collared your boy, or are none of you into that?"

"Oh, collaring is out, at least for now," Mark says. "They mean--a lot to Billy, and Harry's very uncomfortable with them as a permanent thing, so we may... well, we're just sort of playing it by ear. But we don't put a collar on Billy, even just as part of a scene. And yes," he says, smiling broadly, "a visit is definitely in order. Are you getting to LA soon by any chance?"

"A few weeks. Two or three, it's not certain yet. I have to go to LA to record the cast commentary and do some interviews for Timeline and I've ordered Jonny Lee to come with."

Mark gives an amused little snort. "I can't imagine he's protesting too much," he says. "I know he doesn't love LA, but you did just give him your collar." He slides one hand inside his robe and hooks a finger through one of the rings, toying with it idly. "So, any idea how long you two will be here? Tell me at least a few weeks."

"The studio needs me for at least three days, just because of all the scheduling conflicts with bringing in people from all over the world. After that, I don't know. Phantom's going quicker than the director thought it would, so we might be finished by the time LA comes around. If so, we could stay almost indefinitely."

"Yeah?" That gets Mark sitting up. "Okay, now there's incentive for me to find things in LA you'll like. What do you and Jonny Lee like best out here? I'll find more things like that." He's serious, too. As far as Mark's concerned, every one of his friends should move to California, so he can have them close at hand.

"Don't get your hopes up too much, Lutz. We're both very happy in London." That said, Gerard's thinking over the offer hard. "We both like coffee. You should see him after having a double hit of espresso. Could power a fucking nuclear plant."

Another laugh, and Mark nods. "He's energetic enough all on his own, but yeah, I know a few places just offhand I think you'll like. One of 'em--are you a reader? It's this old bookstore-slash-coffeehouse. They've got all kinds of great stuff, used books too, and it's really cozy. It's not far from where I used to live in Venice Beach."

"Tempting," Gerard admits. "Very tempting. I could see myself losing days in a place like that. I've never been one of those people that collect obscure first editions, but there's something about old books."

"It's the way they smell," says Mark. "I love the way they smell. Sort of sweet and dusty with something underneath. Word musk." He stands up again, padding towards the gym. "Maybe it's the ink. And yeah, it's easy to lose time in there." He smiles a little and adds, "Though I'll bet Jonny Lee'll keep you from losing too much--I can't imagine him sitting still for more than forty-five minutes at a stretch."

"Not even when I chain him down. Maybe I should stop leaving so much slack in the chains." The mental image that comes to him, of Jonny Lee straining against a wall while Gerard relaxes with a good long book, leaves Gerard's mouth very dry.

"You have a wicked mind," Mark says with a grin. "I like that about you. What we need," he goes on, heading into the gym and sitting down on one of the weight benches, "is a used bookstore-slash-coffeehouse that doesn't mind having boys in chains amongst the customers."

"I'll bet if you asked at the club, they'd tell you they already have one, along driving directions and recommendations on the specialty of the house."

Lying back along the length of the bench, Mark laughs softly. "Yeah, you're probably right," he says. "I swear to god, sometimes I the whole place must be run by aliens. What--oh my god," he says, a memory surfacing, "that Star Trek episode.... _Shore Leave_ , that's the one. The Establishment is run by the aliens from Shore Leave."

Gerard laughs. "Fuck yeah. Exactly. Except that your old domme isn't likely to pop out of the woodwork at strange moments. Or get killed by a black knight. Unless you're into that sort of roleplay, of course."

"Yeah, true," Mark says, laughing with him. "And death so rarely features in my fantasies, except when I'm thinking about certain members of the current political administration."

"Mark, Mark, Mark. Wouldn't want the Secretary to deny all knowledge of your existence." Gerard's clearly joking, of course, and the thought of Mark fucking certain holders of political office to death is a very entertaining one.

"Well, ya know," he says, still laughing, "everyone has their secret perversions. Apart from a few little kinks like that, though," he goes on, sitting up with a groan, "I'm the original boy next door."

"Who likes to get tied up," Gerard continues, "and beaten. And on alternate days to do the tying up. Who likes to put boys on their knees and have them do family unfriendly shit."

"Yes yes," Mark says with a smirk, getting to his feet again and looking around. "But that's not really a _perversion_ so much, is it?" he asks plaintively. "Not nearly so much as, oh, say, what was that store that was selling thong panties with cherries on them to twelve-year-old girls, and tee-shirts that said 'Tease' and shit like that? Now that," he says, picking up a stray hand weight, and taking it to the rack, "is the real perversion."

"Tee-shirts that advertise teases? Don't tell Teak. He'd want me to get some." Gerard doesn't really pay much attention to fashion. His clothes tend to run to the dark and stay mostly in the primary colors, along with black and white.

"Wouldn't mind you wearing 'em--it's when fifth-graders do it that it bothers me. So anyway," he says, settling the weight gently back among the others, "coffee and books. And a bookstore that doesn't mind chained up boys. Anything else I can try to find out here to tempt you into staying?"

"Real weather?" Gerard suggests. That's one of the things that's always bothered him about Los Angeles. You couldn't tell what time of year it was without looking at a calendar. "But besides for that, we're probably set. Thank you."

Mark laughs. "Weather, check. I'll make a note and look into it. Shall I try to make certain it's rainy and grey all the time, remind you of home?" he asks teasingly.

"Mad dogs and Englishmen." Gerard chuckles a bit. "What's the weather like in Hong Kong this time of year?"

"Mild and humid, and often rainy. We should go sometime," he says, wrapping his arm around the heavy bag. "Have you ever been?"

"No, I'm afraid not. But aren't we supposed to talk about weather at the _beginning_ of the conversation?"

Mark chuckles. "Blame it on the jet lag," he says. "Guess it's not just my sleep that's gotten all turned around."

"Or maybe it's just a kinky thing. Talk about sex, and only then go on to polite topics. Speaking of jet lag, how's Harry holding up?"

"He's doing all right," Mark says. "Tired, I think, but Berlin went really well. He's--it was good, you know, seeing some of his old friends and like that."

"Anyone I know?" He doubts it. He's not well-connected in the actor world or in the kinky one.

"Have you met Karl Urban? He and Harry--um, have known each other for a million years, but they kind of fell out of touch a couple of years ago." Mark sits again, resting his elbows on his knees. "Him and his boy Stuart. They seem really great

"Urban? Harry and Urban?!" But when he gives it a second thought, Gerard can see how they would get along. "Jesus fucking Christ. And as for his boy, yeah, he and Jonny Lee are on very good terms. They did a scene a few months back, in fact."

Mark sits up, a little startled, a little bemused. "I'm getting the impression you at least know _of_ Mister Urban.... Wanna tell me about it?"

"Nothing much to tell. He commented to my freezing my balls off post - did you see that one? He mentioned that his boy knew my boy. I called him. He's a fucking arrogant who thinks everyone switches." Gerard bites back more, then sighs. "Fuck, Mark. I'm sorry. I don't do the telling tales thing. I didn't mean to say stuff like that about a friend of yours."

"I did see that one," Mark says, grinning. "Didn't realize he thought everyone switches, but he did give Harry hell pretending he thought I was Harry's boy. Thought for a minute Harry was gonna clock him."

The thought of Harry decking Karl fucking Urban is an oddly satisfying one. "Yeah, well, anyway, I'm sorry. I've been, I don't know, I've been testy lately. I think I need to get fucked."

Mark laughs. "Well, then, get fucked, Gerard!" he says delightedly. "No reason to go around testy when you've got a boy there ready to see to your every need!" He shakes his head, still chuckling. "Don't take Karl seriously--he's just, y'know, fucking around most of the time, figuratively speaking."

"Yeah, I got that impression. It's just...I don't mind that stuff from people I know. Goddammit, Teak and I sit around for fucking days just taking the piss at each other. I just don't expect it from someone I've never laid eyes on." Gerard's frown deepens. "And I didn't mean getting fucked in the traditional sense, though Christ knows last time Jonny Lee was on top, he was nervous as hell. I mean being taken down. It's been some years and I'm thinking I might want to go there again."

"Oh, yeah?" Now, that surprises Mark. He hadn't pegged Gerard for someone who'd be interested in that. "Did, um," but he hesitates, then says, "Well y'know, kiwis--not the most formal lot God ever made, it's no wonder you and Karl got off on the wrong foot." Mark leans forward again. "Have, um. Do you--is there anyone you'd want to do that kind of scene with?" he asks. "Because, I mean, I don't know how close you and Harry are, but, if you wanted, you know, he and I--we're not exclusive," hoping he hasn't inadvertently offended Gerard.

Mark's incoherence goes mostly unnoticed. "There's one man I know that I trust to bring me under and he's the one man I can't ask. I suppose I...there was a time before, about five years back, when I needed to go under, and he was there for me. I could probably ask him. But I think I might be better off with a complete stranger. But on the other hand, there's no fucking way I can trust a stranger not to break me at the worst moment." The words come out in a rush. "But if you're pimping your boyfriend, I might take you up on it. I don't know. It's something I'm going to have to think long and hard on, and get Jonny Lee's opinions before acting."

"Well, it's not _pimping_ so much," Mark says, laughing. "Just, um, mentioning, more than anything else. He's very good at that kind of scene, and Christ knows he and I both think you're a damned attractive man."

"I don't need someone who's cruel," Gerard admits. "And all I've seen of Harry in scene is him being cruel."

Mark shakes his head, frowning a little. "No, no, there's a lot more to him than that. He's got a tremendous strength and subtlety. He's cruel with people who like it, who want it, but you should see him with Billy. But--well, what _do_ you need?"

"I don't know," Gerard answers honestly. "I honestly don't know. I just have this...this lack. This need to return to old ground, see if I still turn into a blubbering mess when I'm down. I don't know, maybe it's finally having a boy that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with."

"That makes sense," Mark says. "At least, it does to me. Well, you know, maybe just play it by ear. Come and visit, maybe you and Harry'll click that way. Hell," he says with a laugh, "if you can get past seeing me on my knees for Harry, maybe you and I'll click that way, y'never know. And if not, not."

"I have this problem that once I see someone submissive, I have a hard time seeing them as a dominant." Gerard shrugs. "It's a character flaw. But playing it by ear sounds nice."

"Oh, it's not a flaw," Mark says. "I've got a similar thing, though for me it's only if the first time I see them they're submissive." He stands up, remembering that earlier he'd thought he'd go to the kitchen. "First impressions and all that."

"Yeah. Fucking lasting. Though some fade with time and you can't even remember..." Gerard trails off wistfully. "So, what are you up to?"

"Today? Just recovering from the trip, I think," he says, taking the steps two at a time. "Maybe read some, try to play my cards right so I sleep through the night. And in general, just looking for work, the cry of the not-famous actor," but he's smiling when he says it.

"I know the feeling. I'm more well known in your country than in mine. Which, on second thought, is a pretty good thing."

Another chuckle and Mark nods. "Sad, but true," he says, opening the refrigerator and staring at the contents. "Thank god for good investments or I'd never be able to support myself in the manner to which I've become accustomed."

"'To which I've become accustomed,'" Gerard repeats incredulously. "You sound more proper than various stiff arse Brits I've been compared to, and that's saying something."

"I'm making fun of my sister the divorce lawyer," Mark says with a grin. "Sadly, she's not here to hear me do it. But thank you--I'll take it as a compliment."

"Oh, trust me, it was. Divorce law, eh?" The professional bad lawyer in Gerard is intrigued. "I never saw the appeal of having to deal with bad marriages, but I've known several who take it as a 'what not to do in relationships' sort of on-going seminar."

Mark grabs a bottle of grapefruit juice and lets the door shut as he gets a glass from the cabinet. "Yeah, I think she gets a little depressed sometimes about all the crap people put each other through, but she's got a pretty great relationship herself, so that sort of helps."

"An old friend of mine does criminal law. Much more romantic of all the fields." Gerard smiles at the thought of Conner. "I was more partial to civil law myself. Less violent."

"It's an actor's life for me," Mark says, struggling with the recalcitrant bottle cap but getting it open at last and pouring. "More fun, and no one's future is depending on me."

"Except your own." Gerard agrees. He's not going to mention that he dovetailed his own career because he broke up with his boyfriend.

A wry grin, and Mark says, "Well, yeah, there's that. So were you in practice before you started acting?"

"I was pulling grunt work at a law firm for a couple years, but got myself fired. Did a career change, waited some tables, propositioned the right person and got myself a reading for a part. It sort of went from there. What about you?"

"No, I actually started off doing improv comedy," he says, re-capping the juice. "The law didn't hold much appeal for me apart from school."

"Ditching it?" Gerard grins. "I've never had much talent in the comedy department. When people laugh at me, I tend to take it personally."

Getting the bottle back in the refrigerator turns out to be more challenging than getting it out, and Mark almost knocks over two beers and the jelly before he manages it, laughing. "You grow up with the kind of family I have," he says, "you learn pretty quick not to take it all so seriously," but he makes a little note not to laugh at Gerard unless it's clear Gerard's looking to get a laugh.

"When they're clearly laughing with you, that's one thing. When they're laughing _at_ you, well, that's a horse of a different colour. Am I interrupting lunch?"

"Lunch? No, just getting a drink," Mark says. "And you woulda done fine in comedy, then," he adds with a grin, letting the door shut. "The whole point is getting them to laugh with you."

"Yeah. But I could never got that far." Gerard stifles a yawn. "Sorry."

"What time is it there?" asks Mark, glancing at the clock. "I'm keeping you up, aren't I?"

"It's almost midnight." Gerard tactfully says nothing about the call keeping him up.

"Well, go!" and Mark laughs again. "Good lord, man, you've got a boy to keep warm--get to bed!"

"Yes, sir," Gerard teases. "Right away, sir. Would you like a lemon with that, sir?"

Mark gives a little snort and grins. "Now is that you laughing _with_ me," he asks, "or _at_ me?"

"Oh, definitely at you, Mr. Comedian, sir." Gerard licks his lips. "But if you were here with me, well, I'd soon see to it that you were laughing _with_ me. If you catch my drift."

"Oh, I think that's the sort of thing I'll need a demonstration of," Mark says, turning to lean against the counter. "Tell me again when you're coming to LA?"

"A few weeks. When they send me the tickets, I'll call you, give you the exact date."

"You do that, and between now and then I'll see what I can do about finding cozy bookstores that have eyebolts in the floor and an understanding staff."

Gerard grins. "See you then."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/13760.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	16. gerard: [e-mail for karl_urban]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/27/) 16:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13981&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13981) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13981) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=13981&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[e-mail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)**_[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)]  
To: karl.urban@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Apology

Dear Mr. Urban,

I wish to apologize to you in regards to my remarks the other night. They were simply uncalled for. It should have been obvious that you were not being fully serious and, furthermore, I should have taken the opportunity to apologize while on the phone with you. I did not, even though I knew that the fault was more than partially mine.

I _would_ like to have to have a civil and friendly meeting with you and your boy sometime during the week of February 8th. If this is impossible, I understand.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/13981.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	17. viggo_m: thoughts

| Viggo ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[ **viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/2004/01/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/2004/01/27/) 18:56:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=viggo_m&itemid=39915&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=viggo_m&itemid=39915) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=viggo_m&itemid=39915) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=viggo_m&itemid=39915&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  weird  
---|---  
  
_**thoughts**_  
 _public_  
  
I am impressed at the amount of interest in my tongue. I mean...tongues are like assholes. Everybody's got one.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 05:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=171755&format=light#t171755))   
---|---  
But some are more impressive than others. Consider Gene Simmons.  
  
  
  
Hello, sir. Name's Gerry Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=171755&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=171755&format=light#t171755))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 05:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172267&format=light#t172267))   
---|---  
Hello, Gerry Butler. It's good to make your acquaintance. And you make a good point about Gene Simmons.  
  
I suppose I should have more accurately wondered why it is that _my_ tongue garners such attention. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=172267&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=171755&format=light#t171755))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172267&format=light#t172267))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 05:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172523&format=light#t172523))   
---|---  
Perhaps because it is longer than the norm? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=172523&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172267&format=light#t172267))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172523&format=light#t172523))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 05:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173035&format=light#t173035))   
---|---  
This is beginning to feel a little like flirting.  
  
I'm not sure it's longer than the norm. I think it may just appear that way because of the yoga exercises... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=173035&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172523&format=light#t172523))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173035&format=light#t173035))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 05:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173547&format=light#t173547))   
---|---  
I assure you, Mr. Mortensen, that flirting was not my intention. I was merely stating an observation.  
  
  
You can do yoga exercises to lengthen your tongue?! Could anyone be taught this trick, or would it require ~~inner peace~~ some sort of acceptence of Eastern philosophy? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=173547&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173035&format=light#t173035))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173547&format=light#t173547))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 07:13 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174315&format=light#t174315))   
---|---  
_I assure you, Mr. Mortensen, that flirting was not my intention. I was merely stating an observation._  
  
My mistake, then. (Although a happy one.)  
  
The yoga exercises don't depend on any particular belief system. A little understanding of why they work physically is helpful, but not absolutely necessary. You can just follow along and do them every day and watch the change manifest. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=174315&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173547&format=light#t173547))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174315&format=light#t174315))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 07:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174571&format=light#t174571))   
---|---  
Really? Woah. Would it be too much a trouble if you could write out a list of the steps to follow? ~~I have a very torturable boy. </small>~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=174571&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174315&format=light#t174315))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174571&format=light#t174571))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 07:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176363&format=light#t176363))   
---|---  
Begin on hands and knees. (Yes, stretching your tongue involves your entire body.) Take the time to align your limbs; shoulders should be directly over hands, and hips should be directly over knees.  
  
First, lower your head and let it dangle between your arms as you round your back in as exaggerated a fashion as possible. Press your belly against your spine and let that press your spine up toward the sky. Press your hands against the floor, lengthening your arms. Press your knees against the floor, lengthening your thighs. Stretch up as far as you can with all of your very being.  
  
Second, slowly reverse this position by coming into an exaggerated back arch, pushing your belly out toward the floor and letting that draw your spine downward. At the same time, tilt your head upward. Only go as far up as is comfortable; don't tilt your head back far enough that you feel you're smushing your skull against the top of your spine. Open your eyes wide, open your mouth wide, stick your tongue out and down as far as you can, and make the sound "haaaaaa," using as much of the back of your throat to make the sound as possible.  
  
Repeat three or four times.  
  
For what it's worth, this particular stretch of the tongue stimulates the vagus nerve, which can help correct difficulty swallowing and digestive disorders such as nausea, heartburn, and acid reflux.  
  
I have no scientific proof, but it seems to me that the more I practice this stretch, the easier it becomes to control my gag reflex. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=176363&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174571&format=light#t174571))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176363&format=light#t176363))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 07:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176619&format=light#t176619))   
---|---  
Thank you, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=176619&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176363&format=light#t176363))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176619&format=light#t176619))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 06:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180459&format=light#t180459))   
---|---  
You are most welcome. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=180459&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176619&format=light#t176619))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/profile)[**notdom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/)  
2004-01-28 10:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179179&format=light#t179179))   
---|---  
Just chiming in with supporting testimony: this really does work bloody miracles. Hand of God. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=179179&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176363&format=light#t176363))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179179&format=light#t179179))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 06:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179691&format=light#t179691))   
---|---  
I forgot to mention that this also helps prevent head colds. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=179691&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179179&format=light#t179179))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179691&format=light#t179691))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/profile)[ **notdom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/)  
2004-01-28 09:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181227&format=light#t181227))   
---|---  
But not allergies, damn the luck. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=181227&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179691&format=light#t179691))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[**alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-28 07:50 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180715&format=light#t180715))   
---|---  
I shall endeavour to practive this.  
  
If anyone would care to test me in a few weeks, or even get a baseline reading now, then test again in a few weeks, please email.  
  
*wicked grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=180715&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176363&format=light#t176363))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180715&format=light#t180715))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-01-28 08:11 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180971&format=light#t180971))   
---|---  
_**There** you are!_  
  
Christ, I wondered what had happened to you.  
  
You still wanna get that drink? Or was it dinner? Anyway, Harry and I are back in town, and looking like we'll be here for a little while--be in touch? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=180971&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180715&format=light#t180715))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180971&format=light#t180971))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/profile)[ **alexkingston**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexkingston/)  
2004-01-28 09:10 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181483&format=light#t181483))   
---|---  
Oh yes, please. Dear, did that sound desperate? Okay then, it's desperate. Call me? xxx-xxx-xxxx 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=181483&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180971&format=light#t180971))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-28 07:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174827&format=light#t174827))   
---|---  
While I wouldn't mind your tongue being longer, sir, it fits perfectly well as it is.  
  
And I don't think Mr. Mortensen's tongue is _that_ great ... I mean, I've personally met ones I like better. Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=174827&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173547&format=light#t173547))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174827&format=light#t174827))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-28 07:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175083&format=light#t175083))   
---|---  
*grins* You're a good boy. Still not getting yourself out of torture, though.  
  
That's two 'sir's in one message. Are you trying to suck up?  
  
  
  
As for my tongue fitting, one merely needs to expand the hole to the desired size for a better fit. It has nothing to do with anything else.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=175083&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174827&format=light#t174827))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 07:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175595&format=light#t175595))   
---|---  
Oh, you're that friend of Ewan's, aren't you? Has he gone down on you? ~~Did you forget about it too?~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=175595&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174827&format=light#t174827))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175595&format=light#t175595))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-28 08:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176875&format=light#t176875))   
---|---  
Shite, yeah. Ewan's got a fuckin' fantastic tongue.  
Have you used it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=176875&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175595&format=light#t175595))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176875&format=light#t176875))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177643&format=light#t177643))   
---|---  
So they tell me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=177643&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=176875&format=light#t176875))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 06:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174059&format=light#t174059))   
---|---  
Oh yes it is. But the yoga exercises don't hurt. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=174059&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173035&format=light#t173035))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174059&format=light#t174059))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 07:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175339&format=light#t175339))   
---|---  
The yoga certainly helps to increase the flexibility and level of control, which I assume are considerably useful... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=175339&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=174059&format=light#t174059))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175339&format=light#t175339))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 07:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175851&format=light#t175851))   
---|---  
And having a partner who does yoga exercises who then proceeds to kiss you breathless for hours on end...  
  
...get over here, you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=175851&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175339&format=light#t175339))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175851&format=light#t175851))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 08:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177131&format=light#t177131))   
---|---  
Ssh, if you keep talking like that, everyone will want to know the breathing exercises next... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=177131&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=175851&format=light#t175851))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177131&format=light#t177131))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 08:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177899&format=light#t177899))   
---|---  
Well, they can't bloody have those. Or at least not from you. Breathplay's a tricky enough area I'm not letting you go there without me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=177899&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177131&format=light#t177131))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177899&format=light#t177899))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 08:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178155&format=light#t178155))   
---|---  
Yogic breathing is completely safe, Sean. Easily practicable while alone or while tonguing a fiancee's tonsils. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=178155&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177899&format=light#t177899))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178155&format=light#t178155))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 08:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178411&format=light#t178411))   
---|---  
Hrmph. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=178411&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178155&format=light#t178155))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 05:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172011&format=light#t172011))   
---|---  
I've had an impressive number of tongues and assholes in my day and I'm consistently amazed by yours.  
  
Love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=172011&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172011&format=light#t172011))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 05:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172779&format=light#t172779))   
---|---  
Consistently amazed by my tongue, or... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=172779&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172011&format=light#t172011))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172779&format=light#t172779))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 05:48 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173291&format=light#t173291))   
---|---  
Your tongue, your arsehole, everything in between, all the combinations of yours and mine.  
  
Everything you've got.  
  
Just you.  
  
Love you still. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=173291&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=172779&format=light#t172779))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173291&format=light#t173291))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 08:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178667&format=light#t178667))   
---|---  
That's possibly one of the most raunchy and beautiful things I have had the privilege to hear.  
  
I love you, too. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=178667&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173291&format=light#t173291))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178667&format=light#t178667))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 10:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181739&format=light#t181739))   
---|---  
I like the idea of being raunchy and beautiful. Suits me just perfect.  
  
Like you do. ~~And your tongue.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=181739&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178667&format=light#t178667))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181739&format=light#t181739))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 11:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181995&format=light#t181995))   
---|---  
I like your icon, Sean.  
  
And I like you, too. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=181995&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181739&format=light#t181739))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181995&format=light#t181995))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 11:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182251&format=light#t182251))   
---|---  
Mm. Glad. (It took hours to get the text to line up just so. Well, minutes.)  
  
Like yours, too. But I haven't been there today. We need to fix that. Feel like begging for it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=182251&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=181995&format=light#t181995))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182251&format=light#t182251))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 11:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182507&format=light#t182507))   
---|---  
This boy begs for the privilege of expanding his boundaries by performing in front of the mirror for you, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=182507&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182251&format=light#t182251))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182507&format=light#t182507))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-01-28 11:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182763&format=light#t182763))   
---|---  
Get to the playroom. Now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=182763&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=182507&format=light#t182507))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-01-28 06:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173803&format=light#t173803))   
---|---  
Okay, maybe it's just the weird mood I'm in. I've been staring at paint chips all day, looking for the perfect shade of blue. And you can consider it flirting if you want, Vig ... while tongues _are_ like assholes and everybody's got one, not every tongue fits every asshole, and some tongues never venture in the realm of assholes, thus missing out on one of life's truly unique explorations. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=173803&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173803&format=light#t173803))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 08:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=177387&format=light#t177387))   
---|---  
Well stated. Couldn't agree more. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=177387&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=173803&format=light#t173803))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlando/profile)[**orlando**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlando/)  
2004-01-28 10:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178923&format=light#t178923))   
---|---  
Well, we see a lot more of your tongue I suppose. And it is a talented tongue! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=178923&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178923&format=light#t178923))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 06:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179947&format=light#t179947))   
---|---  
You make a good point. A high-profile tongue is likely more often discussed.  
  
And thank you for the compliment. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=179947&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=178923&format=light#t178923))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-01-28 02:50 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179435&format=light#t179435))   
---|---  
I was told that it's not the size that counts but what you do with it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=179435&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179435&format=light#t179435))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
2004-01-28 06:21 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=180203&format=light#t180203))   
---|---  
Indeed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=180203&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=179435&format=light#t179435))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
2004-01-29 04:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?thread=204011&format=light#t204011))   
---|---  
Trust you to get tongues and assholes comfortably together (haha) in a non-kinky, presumably general-rated sentence. Amazing. I'm totally impressed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/39915.html?replyto=204011&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	18. gerard: Your very absent lover.

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/28/) 11:12:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=14471&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=14471) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=14471) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=14471&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Your very absent lover.** _  
[JL only]

Attention to orders: Go out tonight. Get laid. Usual rules apply. Even if you get back late, you'll probably still be early enough to get undressed and warm the bed for me before I stumble in, too exhausted to fuck you properly.

~~Outdoor lots and midnight shoots in January, what the _fuck_ are they thinking?~~   
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/14471.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	19. gerard: Travel Plans

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/29/) 16:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15006&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15006) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15006) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15006&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Travel Plans** _  
[public]

Travel plans have been finalized. Teak and I will be landing in Los Angeles the morning of 8 February, LA time. Current plans are to stay until the 13th, but we could be ~~bribed~~ shown proper incentive to stay longer if necessary.

I will be working odd hours, but so far as I know, Teak's unencumbered by prior engagements, in case you only want the cute ~~redhaired slave~~ hunter and not the evil ~~Hun~~ vampire.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-01-30 01:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29598&format=light#t29598))   
---|---  
Well Gerard, when you do land in Los Angeles, I look forward to meeting you and yours when and if you get the chance.  
~Elias 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=29598&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29598&format=light#t29598))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 04:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30366&format=light#t30366))   
---|---  
As do I. When I get my exact schedule, I'll e-mail you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=30366&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29598&format=light#t29598))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-01-30 03:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29854&format=light#t29854))   
---|---  
*makes note*  
  
I've found the greatest coffeehouse/bookstore. You'll love it. The eyebolts are in the wall, not the floor, but I'm sure that can be worked around.... *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=29854&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29854&format=light#t29854))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-01-30 04:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30110&format=light#t30110))   
---|---  
And exactly why are you taking the time to tell Mr. Butler about it and not dragging Billy and I out of the house and over there right this minute? *smirk*  
  
Oh, yes ... hello, Gerard. Nice to hear you're coming back to town. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=30110&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29854&format=light#t29854))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30110&format=light#t30110))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 04:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30878&format=light#t30878))   
---|---  
Thank you, Harry, and hello to you, too. It's going to be nice to be back. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=30878&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30110&format=light#t30110))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 04:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=30622&format=light#t30622))   
---|---  
It certainly can. One merely needs to adjust the line of sight.  
  
  
What sort of books does it carry? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?replyto=30622&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15006.html?thread=29854&format=light#t29854))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	20. jonnyleemiller: jonny lee goes out, gets laid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a played character, Peter Wingfield was written by Luna. However, for this log with him as an NPC, I can't remember if he was written by me or by Luna. 
> 
> ~Lanna

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/29/) 04:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10401&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10401) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10401) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10401&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****jonny lee goes out, gets laid****_  
[players only. occurs night of wednesday, january 28. jonny lee, on [orders from gerard](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/14471.html) goes to the club to pick up someone. the person he finds is none other than [peter wingfield](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=Peter&filter=all), who was gerard's dom for a short time. ]

  
Pire’s instructions had been clear: _Go out tonight. Get laid. Usual rules apply._

So Jonny Lee had chosen his clothes very carefully. Black leather pants, not the lace-up ones Pire had bought him, but tight and accenting each of his assets perfectly. Firm runner's legs. Tight ass. The black t-shirt clings to his body, its high neckline laying against his collar so it appears to be part of the shirt. He's not trying to hide it, just ends up that way. It's all complemented by bomber jacket and combat boots, and he's spiked his hair. He looks like a punk out to get laid, and it's just the effect he wants. He sidles up to the bar and orders a beer, surveying the crowd.

Peter didn't come here looking to get laid. He wants a cold beer and to look over the crowd, maybe amuse himself by wondering just how certain boys managed to get into the clothes their masters were dressing them in. If they were wearing clothes, that is. Peter spots a good few boys kneeling naked at their masters' and mistresses' feet, wearing nothing but collars and leashes. His eyes flick once more over the crowd and he's just bringing his Guinness up to his lips when he spots Jonny Lee walk in. It's an effort not to try to undress him with his eyes and so Peter doesn't even bother, slowly imagining lifting each article of clothing and exploring the skin beneath it. He'd drink to that.

Jonny's glanced over the room twice when he spots tall and dark and handsome staring at him. He smiles, and he studies the face for the longest five minutes ever, trying to place it. It isn't until the third sip of beer that his brain makes the connection. Peter Wingfield. Something gnaws at his brain. His master's former dom. And he's still smarting just a bit from the language of Conner's letter, even if he has moved past the words.

"Great. Pire didn't specifically say Peter was off-limits," Jonny mulls as he drinks. "This going out and getting laid could be fun."

The face nudges at the back of Peter's mind, but it doesn't come to him. He supposes he could ask the bartender for an introduction, but it would be better to tease the boy into making the first move. It puts the boy in the position of a supplicant and Peter in a position of power.

Jonny opts to make the first move. Beer in hand, he heads down the bar, ignoring the proposition from the Bowie look-alike with a shoulder shrug. He stops just as he's standing off to the left of Peter's shoulder. "Mind if I stand here, sir?" No reason not to be submissively polite.

"Yeah. I do." Peter's eyes flicker to the stool next to him. "Sit down, boy. Tell me your name."

Taking a seat, he puts the beer on the bar. "Jonny Lee, sir. May I ask yours?" He's pouring on the charm, every word effusive, but he's tamped down just a bit on his natural energy, tapping a finger on the bar instead of his foot on the floor.

"If you want what I can give you, you can call me Sir. If you don't, the name's Peter." Peter signals the bartender for a refill.

"Peter's a nice name." He recalls how Pire had told him they'd started with first names and by the end of the night he was ‘sir'. Jonny decides to jump in with both feet. "But I prefer Sir."

"You been doing this long, Jonny?" Peter thanks the bartender then turns to Jonny Lee. He gives him a very long once-over. Can't see any visible marks, but that might just mean that the boy's got something against marks that would show in public.

"Picking up blokes in bars, sir? It's my master's task," he says, very carefully choosing his words. "Or was there something more specific you were asking, sir?" He's playing it somewhere between guttersnipe and Primrose Hill, trying to gauge which excites Peter more. He makes eye contact, hesitantly.

Peter's voice goes cold and he looks away, takes a long gulp of his beer. "I don't pick fights. You have a master, you find someone else who'll fuck you without his permission."

"I have his permission, sir. His orders, in fact, sir, in that I'm not to come home till I've been fucked." He turns up the wattage of his smile, channeling it into his voice. "He thinks I need more experience, sir."

That shit might work on his master, but Peter isn't charmed. "He put any limits on you, boy?”

"Yes, sir. Not allowed to beg to come and the collar doesn't come off, sir." Okay, so that's an extension of Pire's actual rule, but Jonny has no intentions of letting Peter remove it. Ewan or Jude, maybe, but sure as hell not Peter.

"Reasonable.” Peter doesn't particularly care for collars. They're useful for marking property and pulling around submissives, but otherwise he figures that outside their useful functions, they're nothing more than gaudy jewelry that plays into egotism. As for begging to come, that's harder. He likes orgasm control. Always has. It's another level of control. He's had a few submissives who didn't care for it, and one or two that had told him straight off that they didn't do it. Gerry Butler was one of them. Good old Gerry. This boy reminds Peter a bit of that bloke. _Wonder what ever happened to Gerry._ Probably found himself a nice boy to settle down with and hasn't looked up since.

"I'm glad, sir." Jonny's studying Peter, his moves and words. He hasn't seen anything yet that impresses him to want to go to his knees. Has trouble imaging what Pire found so commanding about him.

"Got a safeword? Any limits I should know? Or do you just want to go in blind and your master trusts random strangers enough not to kill you?”

Jonny swallows the smart-assed comment gnawing at his throat. "No to animals, scat, showers and cages, sir, and I don't do puppy or age play. Everything else is negotiable, sir." He takes a sip of his beer. "The word is cacophony, sir."

"Cacophony,” Peter repeats incredulously. "Nice and long. Very likely your tongue would trip over it. I'm not fucking impressed, boy.”

"I have no trouble saying it, sir.” Jonny doesn't think he needs to justify the choice of a safeword, especially when it's one he chose with a specific person in mind. "And, pardon my boldness, sir, but I don't plan on using it.”

"Then you're a bloody fool. Always plan on using it. It makes not giving into temptation that much sweeter.” There's a bite in Peter's voice, a bite that says ‘don't mess with me on this one'.

"Yes, sir,” he says flatly, not quite sure what to make of the advice. He straightens his back, stretches out a kink of sitting, something he's not keen on doing for long periods of time. "I'll remember that, sir.”

"See that you do.” Peter stands abruptly, throws some bills onto the bar. Starts walking off, but pauses enough to throw an order over his shoulder. "Follow.”

Jonny finishes off his beer, stands up and follows, keeping a step or two behind Peter, not  
knowing if he's one of those sticklers for formal presence. He's nice to look at. He can definitely see the physical attraction Pire would've seen. Hell, he had it himself once. Lanky, great curve to the waist. Would be nice if his hair was a little longer, Jonny thinks.

Peter leads Jonny Lee into an empty room without once looking back to make sure he's  
following. Either Jonny Lee is taking him up on the offer or not. Either way, it'll be a good night. Peter's never been above wanking to some good porn; the Establishment shows only the best.

Jonny Lee walks into the room, not as nervous as he thought he would be in doing this. Maybe because it _is_ Peter, and even though he doesn't know details, he knows enough to not worry like he might with a completely unknown entity. He moves past Peter and stands in the room's center, waiting on instructions.

Peter starts working at the buttons of his shirt without turning around. "If you aren't kneeling,” he orders harshly, "I'm walking out and finding myself a proper sub.”

Dropping quickly to his knees, Jonny Lee locks his hands behind his back, figuring Peter can position him if he wants him some other way than Pire likes him. "Yes, sir. Kneeling, sir.”

Peter snorts at that. He pulls off the midnight blue shirt with a harsh yank and throws it in the general direction of Jonny Lee. The white undershirt comes next, but Peter takes his time with it, stretching and inching it up his back.

The shirt falls to Jonny Lee's right and he cocks his head to watch, undeniable snugness tightening his jeans as the t-shirt comes off. Not an intense arousal; a slow, gradual building.

The undershirt gets thrown the same place as his shirt and Peter steps out of his loafers before undoing his leather belt.

Nothing to write home about yet, Jonny thinks, and he finds himself focusing on the smooth leather of the belt as it slips through long fingers.

Peter takes an experimental strike against his palm before turning around. "Simple rules.  
You do what I say, or there's the door. You want more and you request it. Politely. I don't abide swearing.”

"Yes, sir.” He understands completely. The simplest of rules, actually, except for the swearing. He'll have to remember to bite back the fucks.

"Get naked.”

_Get naked._ Implies quick and dirty, not a show. Jonny Lee shrugs out of his jacket and tosses it aside to the floor. He grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it up, over his head in a fluid movement, adding it to the pile. The leather unzipped, he pushes the pants down his hips and stands up only when it's necessary to get the skin-molded fabric down his legs, bend over and unlace the boots.

Peter watches with interest. He's never seen a boy with so many tattoos. It's a kink he doesn't indulge in nearly often enough. "And be neat about it,” he adds in a warning tone.

Off with the boots, the leathers come down over Jonny's feet easily and he takes a minute to  
loosely fold everything into a stack off to the side before taking position again, knees slightly spread apart, hands laced behind back, posture straight and eyes straight ahead.

Peter nods. "You've good form, boy. Did your master teach you how to use your teeth?”

"To bite, sir.”

Peter raises an eyebrow. "You've a kinky master, then. Do you think you can manage to get  
my pants off without biting?” His voice is heavy with sarcasm. He's happy that he didn't pick up a boy he'd have to fight every step of the way. He's in a mood to take this very slow tonight, see where he can go with a complete unknown.

"I have an imaginative master, sir, with a wicked sense of play.” Jonny Lee's favorite thing about Pire is that wicked imagination, and how it plays out in symphonies on Jonny's body. "Yes, sir, I can do that.”

"Then do it.” Peter lets the belt hang loosely from his hand and he spreads his legs to  
at-ease. Let's see what this boy can do.

Jonny crawls the short distance, kneeling up again directly in front of Peter. This has never been one of his strong suits, nor one of his favorite things to do, but he keeps his hands out of the way and goes to work on the buttons, mouth over and teeth pulling the fabric up as his tongue pushes the button back. It's not really difficult to get the buttons undone and they're finished in no time. The trickier part is actually getting the denim down Peter's body and with a quick breath Jonny starts on that.

Peter's hands are held behind his back, and the feel of leather beneath his fingers helps him keep his erection down. He doesn't want the boy to think he's enjoying it as much as he is.

Jonny tugs at the waistband, nudges the denim down, aside. It's tight, and there's just the hint of an erection making it more difficult. Then he remembers being on the floor of an LA hotel room, working in earnest to unlace those fucking boots with his teeth. Didn't quite make it, but the punishment was sublimely worth it.

Peter waiting for the telltale sound, that sound that tells him the boy's ripped the fabric with his teeth. None come. He's almost surprised. He didn't expect this boy to be that good.

It takes a few minutes, but Jonny Lee manages to accomplish the task, without ripping the fabric, and the jeans are pooled at Peter's feet. He looks up. "Would sir mind lifting his foot so I may finish?”

The tone of Jonny Lee's voice has Peter very, very tempted. Oh, what the hell. "So _this  
boy_ may finish.”

The wince is barely noticeable, but there, and the shudder runs through Jonny's body. Fucking formal tone. Shite. Pire's only tired it once with him and it hadn't been a resounding success. He swallows and asks again. "Would sir mind lifting his foot so'I,” he hitches, "this boy may finish?”

The mistake is very, very noticeable. "Is there a problem, boy?” Peter's voice is ice and  
brooks no argument.

"No, sir. It won't be a problem, sir.”

"Good boy.” It is, Peter notices, the first compliment he's given the boy. "Do you have any  
special talents?”

Ice thaws very quickly, Peter going from reprimanding to complimenting in a few words. It's  
unsettling, Jonny doesn't know why, but he does like compliments. "Thank you, sir. Master says I rather excel at sucking cock, sir, and I do have a high pain threshold, if you consider that a talent.”

"And is your master a connoisseur of such things or is just feeding your ego?” Peter lifts his foot only slightly, and kicks his jeans off into Jonny Lee's face.

Letting the jeans strike and fall, Jonny Lee looks up. It's all he can do not to tell the condescending bastard exactly who his master is and why he'll be going back to him after this is over. Instead, he smiles. "My master knows what he likes, sir.” _And it's not you anymore._

"Don't we all.” Peter smirks down at him. Good, he's getting the boy angry. Perfect. "Up  
against the wall with you.”

Opting to err on the side of caution, he crawls to the wall before standing. "Face up or down, sir?”

"Unless you'd rather I give you welts on your chest, with your face to the wall.” Peter lets  
the first hints of Death's purr into his voice. He's had boys who've thought the changing tones to be the most frightening thing ever, the idea that another being lurked beneath Peter's skin. Others found it erotic as hell. "Or are you an idiot?”

The voice echoes in Jonny Lee's brain. It's intoxicating, almost like Pire dropping into Dracula. Not quite the same, but it has him responding without question. He turns, faces the wall, hands flat and up over his head. "Not an idiot, sir,” he hears himself saying, "just not very bright sometimes.”

"I suppose you don't have to be very smart to be a cocksucker,” Peter allows. He fastens the manacles to Jonny Lee's wrists, spreading them up and out. He kneels down to fasten similar cuffs around Jonny Lee's ankles.

"No, sir,” he replies with self-deprecation, "just have to like being on your knees.” Manacles snap shut and Jonny Lee'd swear it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. Spread wide. Vulnerable. And at the mercy of a man who could take down his lover. He closes his eyes and sinks himself into the cool wall.

Peter wraps the end of the belt around his hand. The Establishment stocks the room with less  
crude tools, but Peter's always liked the way even simple objects can be used to inflict great pain. "Count,” he orders, and it's pure Methos.

"Yes, sir.” A small part of his brain wonders what the obsession with counting is. He's never understood the fascination.

The first strike falls along fading bruises that look like they were made by teeth. A trail  
of them inches down to Jonny Lee's very tempting arse and Peter plans to replace each of them with a mark.

"One, sir.” He can tell exactly where the strike lands, along the line of bite marks, barely fading.

Peter gives the boy ten and then pauses to survey his work. Jonny Lee's back is a tempting mix of welts and teeth marks, and Peter wants to continue painting, but he wants to hear Jonny Lee beg first.

"Ten, sir. Perfect, sir.” His head rolls back at the exquisite pain. It's not as much as he can take, the welts stinging into sheer bliss. "Please, sir, more,” he slurs out, not really a beg but a well-placed plea.

"You can do better than that,” Peter chides. He strokes a hand down Jonny Lee's sweaty back, fingers the welts. "And you're going to have to, if you want more.”

The stroke would be nice, except for the finger pressing against the fresh welt. It brings a more earnest plea to his lips. "Please, sir, this boy wants more. He wants to hurt, sir. Please.”

Peter's fingers trace back upwards and come to rest just below Jonny Lee's collar. "Beg me like you'd beg your master,” he orders.

His first instinct is to say "hell, no, you're not him” and go to the next order, but he changes his mind as the finger slide near his collar. "Please, sir, beat me. Hurt me. Make me bleed,” he breathes out. "That's how I'd beg for my master, sir.”

"Passable,” Peter dismisses. "But I suppose if he puts up with it, then so will I.” Peter gives one last twist of his thumb along a welt and then stands back to give the eleventh stroke.

Jonny Lee pushes into the wall at the sudden, sharp continuation. "Thank you, sir. Eleven, sir.”

Oh, that's good. That's very good. Peter gives him another stroke, harder than all the ones before put together. "Keep thanking me. I like the way it sounds on your tongue.”

He gasps at the pain that breaks through, shivers his body. "Twelve, sir. Thank you, sir. Please, more, sir.” He drags out the last ‘sir' long and languid, licking his lips.

Peter rewraps the belt around his hand, tighter this time. He pulls his arm back and gives Jonny Lee one with all his strength behind it. "Scream for me.”

The pain's blinding, searing, bypasses his brain and shoots straight to his cock, which lengthens, hardens against the cold wall, the chill doing nothing to tamp down the erection. "More. One more. Please.” He's so close to slipping over.

"Has your master taught you nothing?” Peter screams. It's loud, it's abrupt and it's sharp. And it's never failed to shock a sub into submission.

The sound pierces his brain and he collapses against the manacles. He can't explain it, but the only words his mouth can form are begging and pleading to please. "Let me scream for you, sir. Please, sir. I'll do it right, sir. I promise, sir.”

"I know you will.” And it's back to the purr. The death purr, all silk and velvet and danger. "Because you're a good boy and good boys beg for everything they need.”

"Good boy,” Jonny lee echoes, sinking rapidly at the hypnotic purring. "Very good boy, sir.”

"Yes, you are.” Peter agrees. "So prove it to me. _Beg_.”

He isn't sure what to beg for first. More beating. To be fucked. Or let loose so can crawl and suck off the man bringing him down so nicely. "Fuck me. Want to touch you, suck you. Please, sir. More pain. Please.” He doesn't know if he's coming off desperate or just mildly insane as he continues the litany of needs, desires.

Peter positively smirks. There's nothing like bringing a boy to desperation. He'd make him beg to come, but that's against the boy's master's rules. And Peter always plays by the rules. The belt whistles in the air as it descends to strike across the marks. He's hard as fuck, but he can wait. He wants to hear the boy beg some more for it.

Jonny Lee's mind swirls at the pain, even more blindly than the last strike, endorphins teasing the edges of his sanity. He's wanting more, everything. "Pleasefuckmepleasehurtme.” The words run together, slurred and spat out.

" _Yes_.” Peter gives Jonny Lee one last strike and then brings the belt up, pulls Jonny Lee's head back. "Kiss it.”

He does so, not really thinking about it, pressing his lips against the leather.

"You're beautiful,” Peter hisses into his ear, "dressed in only your tattoos and your pain.” Kissing the instrument of torture is one of Peter's favorite kinks. Peter puts the belt reverently to the side and strokes Jonny Lee's back like a lover. "I can see why your master keeps you.”

"Thank you, sir.” He leans back into the touches, pushes into them for more than's there. He's not completely under, but far enough that he all he lets himself hear is Peter's voice, and it's becoming a beautiful noise.

Peter scrapes his nails along the welts, then reaches up to let Jonny Lee out of his bounds.

He collapses into Peter's hold as the manacles are undone, the weight of having been held in place overwhelming any desire to stand, drop to his knees gracefully.

Peter guides Jonny Lee's fall, keeping it controlled. Once he's certain the boy won't fall over, Peter walks over to the chest of drawers on the other end of the room and pours himself three fingers of bourbon from a decanter on the polished surface.

It's only the wall holding him up and he watches through a glaze as Peter pours the drink. He's barely coherent, but enough so to see what Gerard might've found so intriguing. A scream. A touch. And he wants more. He closes his eyes against the sudden dizziness.

Peter lifts the glass in salute and then drinks it down. "When you feel you can,” he says casually, purr still very apparent, "crawl.”

The voice brings him out of whatever reverie he might've been slipping into and Jonny Lee drops to his hands and knees and crawls, very slowly, very predatory, across the floor to Peter's feet.

There's nothing submissive about the boy's movements, but Peter lets it go without comment. Boy's earned some privilege. He pours himself another drink. "You remember the rules. Beg.”

"Please, sir, how may I serve you now?”

"Be specific.” Peter leans back against the drawers and crosses his arms. "Or you don't get anything.”

He thinks, rises to his knees and assumes position. "This boy begs to be allowed to suck your cock, sir. Please, sir, grant him the honor.” It's not desperate begging, but calculated submissiveness.

Pretty good formal voice. Peter's impressed, especially since he'd gotten the feeling earlier that the boy had never seriously attempted it before. He uncrosses his ankles and stands up properly. "You may.” He pauses, then adds, "Impress me.”

Impressing is easy, as cocksucking is something Jonny Lee excels at. He keeps his hand behind his back and leans in, pulling the cock up with his tongue and sliding it into his mouth. Then he pushes forward until his nose brushes the fine curl of hairs and the cock tickles at his throat. Slowly, he pulls back and pushes forward again, taking up a steady rhythm, not too fast but not torturously slow.

Peter lets out an appreciative moan. The boy's mouth is hot, wet, and very, very skillful. Oh, yes, he can see why this one's master keeps him. Fuck, _Peter_ would keep him, just for this mouth. Bloody brilliant, really.

There's a hinted smile on his lips at the moan, definite pride at pleasing Peter, and Jonny Lee pushes himself farther, small sucks and tongue twirls as Peter's cock severs his gag reflex.

Peter pushes his hips forwards, angles them, just to get more. Peter has to swallows before he can get out through gritted teeth, "Good boy.”

Jonny Lee doesn't acknowledge the praise, at least not physically. He just keeps up his pace, quickening it perhaps a fraction, the changes in Peter's position pushing the cock deeper into his throat, nearly choking him

It takes all of Peter's self-control to pull Jonny Lee's head off his cock, to move away. Has to put out an arm to steady himself. No matter how inviting the boy's mouth is, no matter how hot, no matter how wet, no matter how fucking amazing it is, he needs to be able to fuck him. And that means he can't come down the boy's throat like he's itching to. "On the bed,” he croaks.

He turns and crawls, much more contritely than before, pulling himself up onto the bed on his knees, arse in the air and his head pushed against his hands on the mattress.

Peter takes a moment to steady himself from steering over the edge. Grabs a packet of lubricant and throws it Jonny Lee's way, then grabs a condom and puts it on.

He notices the lube packet, but doesn't move to take it. He's not going to presume anything other than what he was told. On the bed.

It takes Peter a moment to notice that Jonny Lee didn't take his hint. "Slick yourself up,” he orders with extreme fucking patience. He finds that he wants to use this boy, use everything he can, because there's very little chance the boy's master will let him play again.

Taking the packet and ripping it open, he squeezes it out on his fingers, repositions his body for better reach and works two fingers inside himself. It's awkward, but the sensation is incredible, not nearly as good as Peter's cock going to be.

The condom's lubricated and Peter's always liked it just this side of rough. He waits only long enough to be sure he won't damage another's boy before stalking over, climbing onto the bed, and sliding into that willing ass.

The invasion is quick and the pain harsh, then passing into a fullness as Peter buries himself in Jonny Lee. He settles his head back against his crossed hands and wills himself not to push back, to be submissive and take, not demand.

Peter establishes a demanding rhythm, knowing that it won't last, but wanting everything he can claim from this encounter. His thrusts are rough and hard and bring so much satisfaction that he's coming before he realizes it.

It's unconscious, the desire and the need welling up in him, the place where Peter's brought him. "Please, sir,” he stops himself in the breath before he asks permission to come.

Peter pulls out only reluctantly. "Do what?”

"Nothing, sir. I'm sorry, sir.”

Peter's a little surprised that Jonny Lee hasn't come yet. Most boys he knows would take advantage of not having to beg for it with coming as soon as they can. "What time do you have to be back to your master?”

"Before dawn, sir.” For the most part, he's ignoring his need to come, using long-practiced orgasm denial techniques to tamp it back.

"Mm.” Peter flops down on the bed next to Jonny Lee and runs his fingers over the collar again. "You never mentioned. Who does your collar bind you to?”

"Huh? The collar.” Jonny Lee slides down onto the bed. "Gerard Butler,” he says, his voice calmer than it should be. "You know him, I think.”

Peter starts, then grins broadly. "Gerry Butler.” He shakes his head. "I should have known. So you're Gerry's, then? I take he didn't tell you.”

"He's pretty much told me everything,” he says, "everything that matters.”

That could mean almost anything. "He told you why?”

"Why what?” Jonny Lee's voice turns more assertive, its submissive edge slipping away. "Why he went down for you in the first place? Or why you're not still together?”

Peter blinks. "It was a one night stand that lasted half a month. It wasn't meant to last longer. And, yes, I meant why he agreed to try to submit to me. It's not a story anyone would be proud of.”

"He told me. About what he did. Conner. The person he used to be.” Jonny Lee smiles as he runs a finger under his collar. "It's sorta what led to him giving me this.”

Peter's not sure he can see the natural progression of the two events, but Gerry never was a rational one. "Congratulations to you both.”

"Thank you, sir,” the word doesn't have quite as much reverence as it did a few minutes earlier, more a polite submission. "We're happy,” he adds with a smile.

"Then what sends you out - alone - into the bar tonight?”

"He did.” Jonny Lee stretches, pulling lightly the welts on his back, shifts his body to a more comfortable position. "Told me to go out and get laid.”

"Any specific reason?” Peter hasn't had much contact with Gerry since their last scene, and he's curious what brought Gerry to send out his submissive to get fucked by a complete stranger.

"It's a way of broadening my horizons, testing what he's teaching me.” Jonny Lee wonders what the TMI zone is on telling your lover's former dom about your current relationship.

That answer throws Peter for a moment, then he shrugs. None of his business. "So did you learn anything tonight?”

"Learned what kind of man it takes to put my lover on his knees.” He settles down, pressing chest and stomach against the cool sheets.

Peter smirks. He's never been above fishing for compliments. Or insults, whichever the case may be. "And what sort of man does it take?”

"One who can make me come damn close to breaking a main rule we have for me scening with others.” He says it quickly, matter of factly, not putting any more compliment into it than necessary.

"And it says something about you that you didn't beg, even though you knew I wasn't likely to report you to your master.” Peter presses a kiss to Jonny Lee's forehead. "Now I think you should be a good boy and scurry home to master.”

The kiss comforts in a very strange way, one Jonny Lee might figure out later. "Anything you'd like me to tell my master.” He's not planning on hiding who's he been with. No secrets between them.

Peter thinks for a moment. "Tell him that I thought you reflected well on his influence.” A part of him later will consider the delicious irony of fucking your boy's boy, but for now there's only a lingering regret that this couldn't have lasted longer.

"Thank you for the compliment,” he says as he starts to move off the bed. His back is sore and burning still, a slow simmer, and he's hard, but that'll wait, but mostly he's not looking forward to putting any clothes on. "I enjoyed the experience, sir.”

Peter nods. "Does your back need any seeing to that can't wait for your master to provide?”

"Don't know. What do you think?” He stretches back out, just thankful for not having to move anymore, the stiffness quickly catching up with him. "Ger says I haven't found my pain threshold yet, so I tend to not realize how badly I'm hurting.”

"Still, best to be safe.” This being the Establishment, there's supplies in the bedside table. Peter pulls out the default first aid kit and puts some aloe vera on the marks, and then some antibiotics from various tubes and packets.

He moans at the touch, a soft gentle rush of breath relaxing himself. "Unless you really want to kick me out, sir, could I just lie here for a bit longer?”

"Yeah. Sure.” Peter rubs at a patch of unmarked skin, enjoying the boy's warmth. "Need a lift home, or can you manage?”

"Took the Tube over,” his voice is getting slurry, sleep coming on before he can answer the question completely.

"I'll drive you back then.” It's more an order than an offer. Peter's not letting Gerry's boy take the Tube back after having been beaten. It wouldn't be polite.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10401.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	21. gerard: Talking and Spanking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/29/) 22:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18575&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18575) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18575) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18575&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Talking and Spanking** _  
[players only. Follows [Jonny Lee picking up Peter Wingfield in the Establishment bar](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10401.html), which itself follows [Gerard ordering him to do it](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/14471.html). Takes place the morning of January 29th.]

Peter had awakened Jonny Lee in time for him to shower and get him home before 5 a.m., despite Jonny's insistence that he could cross London in the wee hours of the morning without being hurt, that he'd done it all his life. The drive home had been in relative silence, a few passing remarks about careers and films, and Jonny had managed a polite good-bye before heading into the house. The sleep had been enough to keep him from wanting to pass out the minute he hit the bedroom, so he changed into shorts and a jersey his back still angry at the notion of having anything against it, even the loose football colors, and pulled back the bed, crawled in and picked up one of the books from Gerard's side of the bed he'd started reading.

The sun's been up for over an hour now when Gerard pulls into the driveway. He's tripping over his feet, his make up only half off, and he's grateful as hell that the side door into the house is a combination lock so he doesn't have to fumble with his keys. He punches into the combination, thankfully getting it right the first time, and makes as little noise as possible. The door goes straight into the kitchen and Gerard toes off his shoes, kicking them under the kitchen table and undresses on the way upstairs. He doesn't bother with a shower, just washing his face in the bathroom sink, and grabbing some sweat pants from the floor. Jonny Lee's sleeping on the bed, looking adorably mused, with a finger marking his place in a book. Gerard just looks at him for a long moment, drinking in the sight of him, before climbing into the bed and gently maneuvering his lover so he has room to lie down.

The touch is enough to rouse him, but not completely waken, and Jonny Lee turns, the book falling away, and snuggles back into sleep, his body content to rest and recuperate as long as his brain will allow.

Gerard smiles fondly down at him and lifts the book, places it to the side. He puts a tissue in as a bookmark and places it where Jonny Lee will easily be able to find it should he want to read more. Gerard likes to encourage him. He cuddles in close, closes his eyes, and is asleep within seconds.

It's mid-morning when Jonny's internal clock finally decides to go off, and he starts to move, wincing at his body's stiffness. "Shite," he murmurs, shifts again and realizes he's not alone, that at some point, Gerard came home and has snuggled up behind him, arm wrapped tightly around Jonny's waist. He settles back into the pillow, not the least bit interested in waking his lover, who obviously had a much later night than he did.

Gerard's dreaming something about old libraries with flying buttresses and stained glass ceilings. There are frogs hopping around and something about batons. Mmm....batons. Turns into a crop and Gerard smiles in his sleep. Crops are fun.

He can shift enough without moving the bed too much to turn over and face Gerard, and he touches gently, a hand on the thigh, not moving, just resting, seeing just how asleep Gerard is.

One of the frogs hops into the center, croaks, and shatters into Jonny Lee on his knees, smirking upwards at him. The crop finds its way into his hand and morphs into a leather flogger. Much better. Gerard kisses Jonny Lee and then pushes him onto his back, trails the tails of the flogger over his chest.

The smile on Gerard's face has Jonny Lee curious about his lover's dreams. They must be good. He slips his body closer. His fingers tuck into the sweats' waistband and pull down enough to free Gerard's cock, and he leans over, giving its tip a tentative kiss, followed by a long lick. He's remembering Christmas morning and how his dream had finally segued into reality, and he's curious, too, how far he can get before Gerard wakes up.

Jonny Lee's hands wrap around his cock and Gerard moans, in sleeping and in the real world, and he leans forward for an enthusiastic kiss. Pulls Jonny Lee's hands off his cock and pins them over his head, not breaking the kiss.

Jonny Lee almost giggles at the moan, but holds it back and slides his mouth over Gerard's cock, easing down, gentle motions. He hums softly as he starts working up and down the cock, extremely careful not to use teeth.

Something's not quite right. Gerard double checks that Jonny Lee's hands are above his head, then looks down. The dream dissolves and Gerard wakes up with a gasp. "Teak!"

Only a great deal of practice and attention to his work ensures Jonny pulls up rather than bites. He turns his head, lips parted and resting on the tip of Gerard's cock. "Morning, Pire. Sleep well?"

"Not as good as wakin'." Gerard's still more than half in dreamland and his voice is slurred and so accented that even he can't understand it very well. "How was your night?"

"It was," he hesitates, not sure how to answer, "an experience. Want me to finish?" he asks hurriedly, happy to deflect conversation about last night till later.

"Mm," Gerard says in agreement, and falls back against the bed, spreads his legs, and puts his hands behind his head. He's willing to let the boy do all the work.

Jonny Lee eagerly takes position and goes back to work, deep-throating his lover with ease, doing everything exactly the way he knows Gerard likes it.

Gerard lets out a moan of contentment. For some reason, he's earned the best. Either Jonny Lee feels sorry for him, or someone was very naughty last night. Gerard doesn't care at the moment. He's reaping the rewards. He'll worry about dealing out punishment later.

He's trying to draw it out, pressing his tongue flat against the shaft and pulling back, but he knows it's not going to work. And there's still the damned irritation of being half-hard himself from having never come last night. That only adds to the overall intensity of the moment.

Gerard's fingernails bite into his palm and he thrusts his hips upwards, but it's the only control he's taking. It's relaxing like this and the talented mouth around his cock is quickly making this a morning to remember.

Jonny relaxes his throat, takes Gerard deeper, pushing past physical limits even he might've had, not concerned about his comfort or pain, wanting only to pleasure Gerard, not even caring that doing so will push his lover over the edge, bring him that much closer to having to deal with the realities of last night. Or maybe it's the anticipation of punishment that's driving him. He's not clear on which overrides his gag reflex at the moment.

Oh, fucking flaming Christ, that's good. That's very good. Gerard comes with a cry, fingers scraping at the pillows, the headboard, anything. When Jonny Lee's milked the last from him, Gerard lets himself collapse. "Jesus, you're good at that, Teak."

He pulls back and kneels up on the bed, the dull throb in his back asserting itself as he straightens himself out. "Thank you, sir. I try to please."

Gerard isn't so far gone that he fails to notice the stiffness of Jonny Lee's motions. His gaze turns guarded. "Spill."

"I did exactly what you told me to do, sir. Went out and got laid." He knows the truth's coming out, just a matter of how forthcoming he's going to be with the information. "It was intense, sir, a dom who knew exactly what he was doing."

Gerard expected himself to get a little jealous and he's very relieved when he finds he doesn't. "So who was it? Anyone I know?"

So forthcoming comes a little sooner than later. Jonny Lee shifts, offers a half-grin, decides it's probably best to just say it and brace for the onslaught. "Peter," his voice hitches and he swallows. "Peter Wingfield, sir."

The name doesn't register for a long moment and then Gerard's look of complete incomprehension dissolves into one of apprehension and more than a little fear. "Peter." He repeats.

"Yes, sir." He wants to close his eyes, but doesn't. Is almost afraid if he does, then Gerard won't be there when he opens them again. The look on Gerard's face, the hint of fear, makes him wonder if he really did the wrong thing.

" _Fuck_." Gerard exhales slowly. Christ. Peter Wingfield. Gerard trusts him. Trusts him with his life. And, he has to admit to himself, he trusts him with Teak. But...Christ. "Did he know you were mine?"

_Honesty, Teak. Go with honesty._ "Not till after we were finished, Pire," he drops back into the more familiar address, a level of comfort.

Gerard breathes easier. He'd been half-worried that Peter had been checking up on him, making sure that his boy wasn't getting hurt. To know that it had been nothing more than chance is a relief. "Did...did anything go wrong?"

"No. What would go wrong?" Jonny Lee wonders if Gerard doesn't trust Peter, if he should've been afraid, but nothing Gerard had said of their previous relationship had implied that. "He sent you a message. 'Tell him that I thought you reflected well on his influence'," he quotes Peter. "I think I impressed him a bit, sir."

Gerard closes his eyes. "I'm glad you impressed him. He's...he's a hard man to impress." Memories flash in his mind. Being on his knees, crying for a single touch, receiving only scorn. Chained to a wall and forced to recite inane verses while Peter jerked him off. Licking seemingly eternally dirty boots with his hands cuffed behind him, while Peter talked nonchalantly on the phone to a friend. "He's a good man," Gerard whispers.

"Maybe. He did drive me home," he says with a shrug, "but he's also petty and condescending and thinks he walks on water."

Gerard's reaction to that is immediate and fierce. He pushes Jonny Lee away roughly and gets out of bed without a word. He gets a sweatshirt from an open drawer and pulls cuffs out from underneath it. He throws the cuffs at Jonny Lee, and then stalks out of the room for the kitchen to grab some coffee. _No one_ says bad things about his old lovers and gets away with it. No one. Teak's going to pay for that.

The cuffs hit his shoulder before landing on the bed. "Aw, shite. Fuck." He picks up the cuffs and then tosses them against the pillows. "Couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you, Teak? Had to say it." He crawls off the bed and heads out after Gerard, knowing he's headed for the kitchen and coffee. It's where he almost always goes when he's angry.

Gerard readies the coffee maker and sets it for four cups. He's going to need that much. The clock tells him that he got about seven hours of sleep, but coffee is more than a stimulant. It calms him down, makes him think logically and rationally. But he's still going to whip the hide off Jonny Lee for saying that about Peter.

Jonny Lee comes barreling into the kitchen . "Pire, I'm sorry. And before you tell me to shut you or criticize for me not using formal tone and 'sir' , this is about me, Jonny, Teak," he launches into talking, not giving Gerard a chance to interrupt, putting all that nervous energy he channels to good use. "I shouldn't've said it, but it's the truth, of how I felt, and there's more, and I didn't say that. Yeah, he came across as all those things, but I also understand now why you went to your knees for him, how you could want to do everything he says without question, because he had me nearly wanting to break our rule of begging to come."

He gets out everything he wants to say in a rushed breath. He stops talking, takes a deep breath, drops to his knees and locks his hands behind his back. "Your boy apologizes, Sir, for speaking ill of your former lover, and presents himself for whatever punishment his Master sees fit."

Bloody hell. Anger completely diffused, Gerard abandons the cup of coffee on the counter and goes to his knees in front of Jonny Lee. He lifts Jonny Lee's chin and kisses him lightly. "Teak," he murmurs. "You're right; I'm wrong. And there's no way I can blame you for wanting to break the agreement, because I know what he can be like. And he's a great man when he's not feeling you out, trying to find your buttons. And he's _very_ talented at doing that. Very fucking talented." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cheek. "And don't hide behind formal voice. It's you I love, my Teak."

"It's not hiding, Pire, if I want to be there." Jonny Lee uses simple words to build the sentence that explains where his mind is. He doesn't understand why it's there. Not yet.

"Of course it is. You can hide yourself behind anything. Words are just the easiest building blocks. Saying 'this boy' hides Teak behind a label. It disassociates you from what you're experiencing."

"You're confusing me again, Pire. I thought you wanted formal." He doesn't break position, but mentally he's shrugging himself down, trying to understand. "I went to so easily last night when Peter demanded it, except I wanted it to be you I was saying it to."

"I love formal voice." In his more contemplative moments, he thinks it's just a natural extension of his love for all things polite and proper. "But it's so easy to hide behind. It so easy to think that everything's happening to the part of you that needs to submit."

"Yes, sir. Understood, sir." He doesn't really. He's getting confused by the day as to who he is and what he is and how he's supposed to act. He guesses it'll all click one day, all make sense, but right now his brain is rather muddled, his back is sore and his cock is only getting more aroused by Peter's talking to him.

Gerard's tempted to tell him to drop the 'sir', but he likes them too much. Likes the way the word sounds. He kisses Jonny Lee and then stands up. "So, drop all role. Tell me, friend to friend, about your date last night.

"I wore the black leather with the black tee," he starts, smiling a touch more. "And I hit on him first."

Gerard grins. Picks up the coffee cup and sits down at the kitchen table. "What'd he say?"

"Told me to sit down and that if I wanted he had to give, I could call him Sir." He's still on his knees, rather content to be there, even if it feels a bit weird having a friend-to-friend talk about your date when one of you's on your knees. "He started to back out when I said my master had sent me out to pick up guys, and, oh yeah, sir, get this, he thinks my safeword's too complicated."

Gerard grins. "Well, it is. Most of them I've heard of are one syllable. But I can't believe he picked up on that."

"Then why'd you give it to me?" He smiles. "And why can't you believe it?"

"I like the word." And he does. It describes perfectly what goes on inside him whenever he's fucking Teak. "Though it's pretty neurotic to beat someone up over a safeword."

"Speaking of beating, that was nice. I'm still hurting."

"He beat you?" Gerard had never taken pain from Peter. It wasn't what he was looking for. "With what?"

"His belt. My back."

Gerard wants to ask to see it, but he doubts that's something friends do. Lovers, yes. Friends, he isn't sure. Best to err on the side of caution. "How many strokes?"

"A dozen. I think. I know I counted to eleven, and he didn't go much farther than that."

"He make you beg?" Because, damn, but the man is good at that.

"Yes, sir." And that was damned good. "Made me scream, too, and crawl, all before he fucked me." He's laughing inside at how bizarre a conversation this is for friends to be having.

"Mm. Sounds lovely. Did he take you in the bar or in a private room?"

"Private room. I wouldn't've done it in the bar. No."

Private rooms are a blessing from God. Gerard leans in and smirks. "So what'd you think of him?"

"I told you already," he returns the smirk, "and that's why I'm on my knees, sir."

"Not of him as a person," Gerard dismisses, "though we'll come back to that."

"As what, then? A fuck? He's good, not great. Definitely not you."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Gerard finishes off his cup and walks over to the pot to refill. "Did it turn you on, to know that it was all happening because I told you to?"

"Yeah, it did. That made it more intense."

"Would you want to do it again?" Because Gerard has to admit to himself, the thought of his boy and his former dom together is hot. And though he knows that Teak probably wouldn't pick Peter up again, there's a heady feeling in knowing that your boy is out getting fucked by a stranger just because you told him to.

"Pick up a bloke?" Jonny Lee hesitates in asking. "Or do Peter?"

Either. Both. "Picking up a bloke."

"Yeah, I'd do it again. If you told me to."

"I might." Something's tingling at the back of his mind. "Yeah. Los Angeles. Is there anything special you want to do there?"

"Stuart," he says quickly.

And that means Karl. "I've sent his master the dates we'll be there. Once we're there, I'll call to set something up. Unless you'd rather meet with him separately?"

"No. With you's fine."

"That's good, then." Gerard licks his lips thoughtfully. "And since we're already out of role, is there anything you want to say to me? Anything like you told me about Peter?"

"No, nothing else like that."

"Anything not like that? I'm serious, Teak. Anything if it's been bothering you, or you want to tell me, or you liked or you didn't like."

"I did okay, didn't I? Even though it was Peter I picked up? You're not really mad that it was him, are you?"

Gerard has to think about that one. "I'm happy it was him," he admits finally. "He's a good man, a good dom, and I trust him not to hurt you."

"He didn't hurt me." Jonny Lee smiles. "Not anymore than I could handle. He's good at what he does, sir."

"When did you come?" There's no doubt in his mind that Peter made his boy come, possibly even twice. Peter's very talented.

He squirms at the question. "Well, sir, I didn't."

"What?!" He....he didn't come? From _Peter_?

"When I almost begged for it," he starts, not really wanting to explain it, 'cause it sounds so stupid. "I wouldn't, though, and then I didn't want, not for him, and I fell asleep, and then he drove me, and it just kinda fell outta my head."

Gerard blinks, trying to absorb it. "Alright," he says finally, mentally shrugging. Coming or not coming was at Jonny Lee's discretion. He smirks a little. "Want to be tortured?"

Jonny Lee bites his lower lips, trying not to just scream out _yes_ as loud as he can. "Yes, sir, please."

Gerard nods. "Where are the handcuffs I threw at you?" He's already analyzing and undressing Jonny Lee with his eyes, considering what should go where and how for most satisfaction.

"Still upstairs, sir." He's slipping himself back into that mindset, centering in on the more formal address. "Your boy would be happy to retrieve them, sir."

"Then my boy should. And he would do well to bring down the harshest clamps he can find, as well a cockring he would beg not to be put into." Gerard ruffles Jonny Lee's hair and stands up. "See to it."

Jonny Lee makes quick time back to the bedroom, snagging the cuffs from the bed and opening the drawers to find the other. He debates, picks up one set and puts it back down, opts for another, and runs back downstairs. He drops to his knees to present them, eyes down, holding them out in his hands, the claw nipple clamps and the multi-ringed cock cage. "Your boy hopes his choices please his Master."

Gerard's been watching the clock out of the corner of his eye, not really marking time, but not really ignoring its passage either. He's cleared off the kitchen table and moved all the chairs to the walls. Jonny Lee comes skidding in when he's just finishing, but Gerard doesn't bother to notice him until he's presented properly. He looks over the offering with a critical eye, inwardly pleased. Just what he would have chosen. He takes the cuffs from Jonny Lee and places them to the side for later. "Good boy. Put them on yourself."

Not a problem, he thinks, and Jonny Lee sits back, quickly shucking shorts and tee, before coming back to his knees, pushing his semi-hard cock through the graduated rings. Pire was right; he'd beg to not be put into it. He pulls the leather strap tight around cock and balls, and breathes out against the incredible snugness. The clamps are no less painless, the tiny prongs creating an intense claw-like effect when the rubber rings are tightened down. Jonny secures them in place, pushing the rings down as far as possible, sucking in a breath at the sudden, sharp pain.

His boy looks positively delicious like this, hurting himself on command. Gerard grins and points to the bare kitchen table. "Up on there," he orders. "Bet you're wondering why I didn't order you into a plug." It's not a question, more of a set up. But there's no reason for Jonny Lee to know that yet.

"No, sir." He sits on the table's edge and pulls his legs up, twisting around till he's kneeling again. "Hadn't really thought 'bout it." And he hadn't, had been too occupied with getting what he was told to retrieve to think about what he wasn't getting. Plus, he knew he didn't have to use a plug for orgasm control.

Gerard walks over, puts his hand between Jonny Lee's shoulder blades, and presses down. There are welts spiraling down from below his hand, welts Gerard can only assume came from Peter. And they look beautiful. He can see why Teak wanted to beg to come. But Peter's marks had covered over some of Gerard's. Only thing he can do is add more of his own. Gerard smirks. Like that would be a hardship. "I'm going to spank you," he announces. "And with every stroke, you're going to move a little. And it's going to be excruciating." Gerard pauses. "I think we'll both enjoy this."

Jonny Lee drops his hands to the table, bracing as best he can against the wood, mentally cursing himself for having polished the fuckin' pub table with the lemon oil. "Yes, sir." A tiny thrill runs down his spine from the point where Pire's touching.

This is going to be awkward, finding the best angle to do this. It takes Gerard a moment to find a good position, and then his hand comes down without warning, palm connecting solidly with Jonny Lee's ass.

Jonny Lee's knees scoot forward just a fraction, his hands bracing down hard. "Thank you, sir."

"Count for me, boy." Gerard gives him another one just as hard, then waits a moment, watching the pink handprints come to the surface.

"Two, sir. Thank you, sir."

Three more and Gerard gives it another rest. He picks the handcuffs from where they had been put to rest and walks around the table to where Jonny Lee's hands are fisting the air. There's a bar right near it, meant for hanging wet towels, or something like that, and it's so easy to flip the cuffs over so that they hold Jonny Lee's hands against it.

"Five, sir." He barely gets the count out before Gerard's grabbing his hands. "What the fuck--" he catches himself and doesn't finish the sentence as the cuffs are locked down.

Gerard slaps Jonny Lee's forearm. "Not smart, boy. You aren't allowed to mouth off." He walks back around and administers five more harsh slaps, then continues until his hand is stinging.

Jonny Lee starts to apologize, but any sounds he makes are swallowed in counting. He's really trying to be good at this, but feels like he just can't get the hang of it. Last night had him headed to a place, and he knows he can get there. "That's twenty-eight, sir." He's wincing, not so much from the pain, but the pull of the cuffs since his knees are slipping on the damned polish and jerking him back when he should move forward.

"How're the nipples?" Gerard asks absently as he switches hands. He gives Jonny Lee ten more before giving him a respite.

"Sore, but okay, sir." They're absorbing some of the pain from his ass and taking his mind off his knees, truth be told.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee one more. "Count!"

"Thirty-nine, sir," he blurts out as that one catches him a bit off guard, causes the chain between the clamps to shift too suddenly, pull everything in a twisting pain.

"Good boy." Gerard surveys the room, looking for something tempting to hit his boy with. Nothing presents itself. He shrugs, makes a mental note to keep the kitchen better stocked. "How far does my boy think he can go?"

"To 50, at least, sir." That's as far as he's gone before, knows he make that, maybe more.

"Then we'll try for fifty." Gerard says. He cracks the fingers on his right hand systematically. "Where were we up to?"

"Next strike is forty, sir."

"Good boy." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse appreciatively, loving the heat, the color. "Your master loves you."

Jonny Lee wiggles his arse appreciatively. "This boy loves his Master," he says, voice eager. "May your boy have more of your hand, please, sir?"

"He may." That's the only warning Gerard gives before giving Jonny Lee a slap so hard it reverbeats up to his shoulder.

"Fuck," he lets out at the sudden sharpness of the strike. "Forty, sir." The wince is obvious in his voice.

"Good boy." Gerard gives him another, just as harsh, then has to pause to rotate his wrist.

"Forty-one, sir." God, he hates counting. Just cannot see the sense in it. The numbers aren't making it hurt any more or less.

Gerard gives up on his right hand and switches to his left, delivering the next two right on top of each other.

Jonny Lee can feel the heat sear through his cheeks, and his damned knee gives again. _Fuckin' housekeeping._ "Forty-three."

Gerard pauses, strokes his fingers down Jonny Lee's thigh. "Forty-three, _what_?"

_Shite._ "Forty-three, _sir_. Sorry, Pire." He instinctively pulls, then pushes into, the touch.

"Better." Gerard rewards Jonny Lee's obedience with another slap.

He rattles off the count with the appropriate respect, but his attention's diverted to his cock, which is making itself rather annoyingly known, balanced only slightly by the pricking of the clamps' tiny claws.

That's forty-four. Six more to go, and Gerard makes them good. Each one is delivered as hard as he can, with a long enough pause between for Jonny Lee to savor the renewed pain as it comes.

Each strike shifts his body forward, action rippling into a domino effect, swinging the clamps' chain and shifting them, cock bobbing against its restraint, knees sliding forward and the inevitable pull back that ratchets the cuffs down just a bit tighter. The pain's exquisite, nowhere near the limit his body can endure but sweetly crying to the endorphins in his brain. "That's fifty, sir," he breathes out with a pleasured hiss.

Gerard rubs his hands together slightly, more than a little awed by how well Jonny Lee's taken it. He walks over to the other side of the table and unlocks Jonny Lee's hands. He positions them carefully on the table, then pulls Jonny Lee up by the ring on his collar. Gerard smiles down at his boy's blissful face. "Does my boy want to come?"

Jonny Lee smiles wider, that first rush of adrenaline slamming into his veins. "Yes, sir, your boy wants to come," he says, locking his gaze on Gerard's, "for his Master."

Gerard grins warmly down at him. He rolls Jonny Lee over gently and unclips the clamps before reaching down to unbuckle the cockring. He strokes Jonny Lee's balls lightly. "Come for me."

The pain gushes at the clamps being released, blood rushing back to where it'd been siphoned off. Then it's a matter of a stroke and three words, and Jonny Lee's coming with a force that shakes his body to the core, forces him to grit down his teeth and slam the heels of his hands against the polished tabletop as he stretches his fingers. "Fuck. Oh, god. Yes." He draws in a breath and holds it as he shoots out over Gerard's hand, the table, not caring in the least of the mess he might be making.

Gerard whistles under his breath. Jonny Lee never ceases to amaze him. He licks Jonny Lee's come off his fingers, and then starts tracing up the rest. "My boy is so good for me," he whispers. "So good for me."

"Good boy all forgiven now?" Jonny Lee mumbles out the words. "Hungry." It's a weird thought, but exactly what pops into his brain, the reminder that he hasn't eaten since mid-afternoon the day before and all this activity's whetted his appetite something fierce.

Gerard chuckles. "Yes, I can imagine so. And, yes, completely forgiven." He strokes Jonny Lee's chest lightly. "How about I make you something, and then we can eat it together in bed?"

"Can I have pancakes?" he asks, his voice taking on a boyish tone. "And eggs and bangers?" He smiles. "I'll make the coffee."

"Sure." Gerard smiles down at him. "Anything you want."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18575.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	22. gerard: Safewords

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/30/) 11:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15160&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15160) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15160) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15160&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Safewords** _

There's a lot of talk about safewords going around right now, the usage of them, and the reasoning behind their usage. I don't have a safeword. I've never had a safeword. And unless it will make my boy feel more secure, I don't see myself as ever needing a safeword.

I heard Conner's safeword three times. The first time was after we'd come back to the flat with a few mates completely sloshed and I'd asked him to get me something from the fridge. He flashed me a goofy grin and gave me his safeword.

Second one was the week after final exams. I had Conner tied to a cross and he'd been bleeding from cuts for about ten minutes already. Then I brought out a plug. He took one look at it and said no. I took him at his word and threw it to the side, then picked up the whip again. He safeworded after three strokes.

Third time was in the kitchen and I stumbled on one of his limits without either of us realizing. In hindsight, it was bloody idiotic. I was too far in headspace to remember his hatred of oranges. I was about to squeeze one on him and lick it off, and I didn't realize that he was saying no. Then he grabbed my hair, pulled my head up, and glared at me as he safeworded.

That last time should have been unnecessary, but I'm glad he safeworded. I just damn well wouldn't have listened to him just tell me to stop. _Beowulf_. It's a beautiful word.

Years later, the word I wanted to hear was Genesis. I didn't want to hear it then. I wasn't listening for it then. But if he'd bothered to say it, it would have saved me a lot of pain.

With Peter, we talked each scene out in advance. We talked about what he'd do, about what he expected from me, and about how far I would not go. He told me if I ever said no, he wouldn't do it, and if I said stop, he'd end scene. But I don't think those can reasonably be called safewords.

I've never heard Teak say his. That doesn't worry me. I know that if he needs to, he'll say it. And there have been times I've been listening hard for it, almost needing to hear it. But I've never pushed him over the edge.

But, Teak, it's better to hear it too often than not hear it at the moment of necesity. If I find out after that you would have safeworded but didn't because you didn't want to disappoint me, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. You have it for a reason. If you need it, say it.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-31 08:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?thread=31032&format=light#t31032))   
---|---  
_And unless it will make my boy feel more secure, I don't see myself as ever needing a safeword._  
Your boy is secure in whatever works for his master.  
  
 _With Peter ..._  
After scening with him, I understand so much more, Pire.  
  
 _And there have been times I've been listening hard for it, almost needing to hear it. But I've never pushed him over the edge._  
Can we talk? I'm in the kitchen. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?replyto=31032&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?thread=31032&format=light#t31032))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-31 08:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?thread=31288&format=light#t31288))   
---|---  
_Your boy is secure in whatever works for his master._  
  
And your master doesn't think he needs a safeword.  
  
  
  
  
 _Can we talk? I'm in the kitchen._  
  
On my way. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?replyto=31288&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15160.html?thread=31032&format=light#t31032))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	23. jonnyleemiller: still alive

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/01/30/) 09:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10136&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10136) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10136) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10136&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  whimsically mischievous  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Radiohead's "Climbing Up The Walls"  
  
_****still alive****_  
[public]  
  
You'd think I'd actually use this thing more often, seeing as I'm on the friggin' computer all the time. I forget it's here. And, uh, well, Pire keeps my hands pretty busy ... or else locked in cuffs or those nifty armbinders I gave him for Christmas. Just gotta love those gifts that keep on giving.  
  
I am _so_ glad Ewan and Jude came home. _*slips into mock mauldlin mode*_ Missed having 'em around ... mostly 'cause I got tired of the easy victories against Pertwee ... Ewan's a much stiffer vid gamer and I busted my arse kickin' his the other day. You let me know when you're up for a rematch, Ew.  
  
Gotta scoot ... make plans for dinner ... I was thinking something that could be eaten in bed ...

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 06:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4504&format=light#t4504))   
---|---  
_uh, well, Pire keeps my hands pretty busy_  
  
*smirks*  
  
Wanker.  
  
  
  
  
 _I was thinking something that could be eaten in bed ..._  
  
  
Or maybe not so much a wanker. Nothing with crumbs, mmkay? And grab some of those cake icing tubes. I want to recreate all your tattooes and then lick them off. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=4504&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4504&format=light#t4504))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 06:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4760&format=light#t4760))   
---|---  
_Nothing with crumbs_  
What if I bring crackers, crumble 'em up and spread 'em over the mattress, sir?  
  
 _And grab some of those cake icing tubes. I want to recreate all your tattooes and then lick them off._  
You must have a real sweet tooth, if you plan on doing all of 'em. *smirk*  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=4760&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4504&format=light#t4504))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4760&format=light#t4760))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 06:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5016&format=light#t5016))   
---|---  
_What if I bring crackers, crumble 'em up and spread 'em over the mattress, sir?_  
  
I'll glare, go shower, and make you clean up. And you'll be sleeping on the floor. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=5016&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=4760&format=light#t4760))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5016&format=light#t5016))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 06:54 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5272&format=light#t5272))   
---|---  
Hmmm ... sleeping on floor ... rethinking crackers ... tough decision ... how 'bout I let you know later?  
*feigns innocence* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=5272&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5016&format=light#t5016))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5272&format=light#t5272))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 08:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5528&format=light#t5528))   
---|---  
I love you when you're trying to get yourself beaten raw. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=5528&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5272&format=light#t5272))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5528&format=light#t5528))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 09:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5784&format=light#t5784))   
---|---  
Wow! We both have sunglasses icons. How cool is that!?  
  
Was I trying to get myself beaten, sir? Wouldn't it just be better to come find you and ask for the privilege, sir? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=5784&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5528&format=light#t5528))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5784&format=light#t5784))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 10:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6040&format=light#t6040))   
---|---  
_Wow! We both have sunglasses icons. How cool is that!?_  
  
Nice to know you're easily amused.  
  
  
  
  
 _Wouldn't it just be better to come find you and ask for the privilege, sir?_  
  
It would. But that would be taking the easy way out. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=6040&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=5784&format=light#t5784))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6040&format=light#t6040))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 11:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6296&format=light#t6296))   
---|---  
Dinner ... Chinese takeaway ... little cartons piled on the bed ... and crumbly fortune cookies. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=6296&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6040&format=light#t6040))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6296&format=light#t6296))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 11:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6552&format=light#t6552))   
---|---  
You're still sleeping on the floor. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=6552&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6296&format=light#t6296))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6552&format=light#t6552))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 11:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6808&format=light#t6808))   
---|---  
*trying to be contrite*  
  
Even if your boy licks up all the crumbs, master? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=6808&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6552&format=light#t6552))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6808&format=light#t6808))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 11:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7064&format=light#t7064))   
---|---  
Yes. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=7064&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=6808&format=light#t6808))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7064&format=light#t7064))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 11:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7320&format=light#t7320))   
---|---  
*still working on contrite, though not succeeding because he's not trying very hard*  
  
Master is too kind to his boy, to allow him to sleep on the nice clean floor. This boy appreciates the privilege, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=7320&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7064&format=light#t7064))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7320&format=light#t7320))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 11:45 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7576&format=light#t7576))   
---|---  
Annoy me any more, boy, and I'll give you the privilege of sleeping on the couch. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=7576&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7320&format=light#t7320))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7576&format=light#t7576))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 11:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7832&format=light#t7832))   
---|---  
*loses the contriteness altogether in a fit of laughter*  
  
Does this boy get to take his fortune cookie crumbs with him to the couch, sir? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=7832&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7576&format=light#t7576))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7832&format=light#t7832))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 11:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8088&format=light#t8088))   
---|---  
My boy better not _have_ any cookie crumbs to begin with. *loses the stern look, just shakes head sadly*  
  
  
We'll eat dinner on the table. Then I'm going to tie you face up on the bed and have fun. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=8088&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=7832&format=light#t7832))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8088&format=light#t8088))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-01-30 11:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8344&format=light#t8344))   
---|---  
_We'll eat dinner on the table._  
  
That mean I get to actually be _on_ the table, Pire? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=8344&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8088&format=light#t8088))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8344&format=light#t8344))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-01-30 11:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8600&format=light#t8600))   
---|---  
Be good and we'll see. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=8600&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8344&format=light#t8344))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-01-31 01:52 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?thread=8856&format=light#t8856))   
---|---  
You seem a bit confused as to who kicked whose arse. :p 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10136.html?replyto=8856&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	24. gerard: Bar Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/31/) 23:03:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16255&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16255&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Bar Sex** _  
[players only. A Scotsman and an Englishman walk into a bar and have public sex in formal voice. Takes place Saturday, January 31st.]

  
"Get on your knees and fucking beg for it."

He's prepared, in that they'd talked about pushing his limits, but the words come as a shock, sudden and catching him unawares.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee drops to his knees. "May this boy ask what he's begging for, sir?" He rushes through the words with little emotion.

"He may, but he won't get a _fucking_ answer. Now beg!"

"Please, sir, may I," stops, grimaces, "may this boy have whatever his master sees fit to give him. Please, sir."

"Not if he can't address his master with the proper respect." Gerard glares. "Forehead. Floor."

Jonny Lee does so without replying, touching his forehead to the floor and leaving his hands locked at his back, fingers laced tightly against the pull of stretched muscle the position causes.

Gerard places his booted foot on the curve of Jonny Lee's back and presses his face into the ground. "Now try again."

"Please, sir," he says slowly, words muffled into the floor, "may your boy have whatever his master sees fit to give him."

Gerard resists the urge to press down harder. "And why does my boy want what his master sees fit to give him?"

Jonny thinks before he answers. "Because, sir, your boy wants to please his master and begging for what his master offers is the most respectful way to do that, sir."

"Fair enough." Gerard's smile turns obscene. "Your master is going to strip you naked and parade you through the club with your hands cuffed in front of you. Would my boy find this humiliating?"

"Yes, sir, your boy would be humiliated by that act, sir." He doesn't have to think on an answer for the question. He knows he would be humiliated beyond imagination, having always felt awkward about public nudity, never blatantly opting for it in films. But there's another train running through his brain, and on that track he feels a great sense of pride, desire. "Your boy would, however, be honored to be humiliated for you, master."

"A better question would be," Gerard says slowly, "would you be humiliated to levels I have sworn never to push you?"

"I don't know, sir. I'm sorry, sir, but I think I might be, but I can't honestly say."

Gerard takes a long, deep breath. He wants to do it. He really wants to do it. But _he_ doesn't like humiliation, and _Jonny Lee_ doesn't like humiliation, so what the fuck's wrong with him? "If it gets that far, we can leave."

Jonny Lee realizes he'd dropped back into first person speech and mentally slaps himself for it. "Your boy thanks you, sir, for the concession to his failings."

"It's **not** a failing!" That came out harsher than he'd meant it to. "It isn't."

His whole body shivers with the shout, the way Gerard's voice cuts through him. All he can do is push his head against the floor, praying that he could just sink right through it.

Gerard takes a step back. "Strip. You're going to be naked in the car."

"Yes, sir," he says haltingly as he pushes himself up on his knees, then to a standing position. "How does master prefer his boy strip, sir, quickly or for show?"

"Quickly." In fact, Gerard's not even going to watch. He goes upstairs to change into proper clothes for the club: black leather pants, see-through white tee, and a vest. When he comes downstairs, handcuffs on his belt, Jonny Lee's finished stripping.

Stripping alone is no different than getting ready for bed or bath, and Jonny Lee makes quick work of it, folding his clothes and putting them on the chair out of the way. When Gerard comes back downstairs, Jonny is kneeling, hands at his back, head straight and eyes down.

Gerard barely looks at him. "Follow." There's a blanket in the car to cover Jonny Lee enough so he doesn't freeze, but the windows are tinted, and Gerard doesn't really give a fuck.

Jonny Lee assumes he's to crawl, not walk, since it's covered from house to garage and pretty much solid, even concrete, so he does, following Gerard just like he's told, in spite of being incredibly nervous and borderline scared to death.

Gerard opens the passenger door for Jonny Lee, then climbs into the driver's seat. He tosses the blanket onto the dashboard and turns on the ignition. "I'm putting no restrictions on your mouth. Say what you will when you will. And since you're wearing nothing but my collar and cuffs, they'll know you're owned."

"Yes, sir." He settles into the seat, buckles the belt around him and doesn't pull down the blanket.

Gerard waits until the engine's warmed up before turning the heat on. Air blows over them and Gerard reaches over to place his hand lightly on Jonny Lee's cock. He looks him in the eye and smiles slightly. "It's all going to be fine. I swear."

Jonny shivers at the rush of air. The touch, however, is soothing more than arousing at the moment. "I, um, sorry, your boy is rather sc--, a bit frigh-i." He's starting to stutter, a very old defense mechanism. He stops, takes a deep breath. "Pire, I'll do my best.'"

Gerard's smile turns relieved. He's forgotten the way formal voice can stifle and it's unnerving. "That's all I want, Teak. It's all I expect."

He settles back, comforted at the return of his nickname, closes his eyes and says a very hushed prayer that Ewan and Jude _aren't_ at the club tonight. Give him that one grace and he might make it through the night.

The ride to the club is silent. Gerard shows their membership cards at the gates and parks as close to the entrance as possible. He huddles Jonny Lee as they walk through the lot and he handcuffs him just before they enter.

It's strange, but when Gerard fastens the cuffs, Jonny Lee feels more dressed than before, as if collar and cuffs cover him completely. He doesn't think it'll last, that it's fleeting sense of security, but he's content to ride it for the moment. "Thank you, sir," he says very quietly.

Any other club, Gerard thinks, and they'd be thrown out in an instant. Here no one gives them a second look. Gerard leads Jonny Lee into the bar, very aware of his boy's presence at his back.

Not sure of how to act, at least thankful that his hands are bound and he doesn't have to figure out how to deal with them, Jonny Lee finds himself staring at everything. Floor, ceiling, bar, people. He can feel the nervous energy flooding his body, and he takes in deep, conscious breaths to counter it, as he's sure Pire doesn't want a bouncing bound boy to cope with.

Gerard leads Jonny Lee over to the bar and sits down on the stool. He orders a club soda for himself, then pauses, wondering if Jonny Lee's in the sort of headspace where it wouldn't even occur to him to ask for a drink.

He's not sure where his headspace is, but it's quickly spiraling down as he processes through the voices and faces around him, how they're _not_ seeing him, how he can displace them. Jonny Lee not only doesn't ask for a drink, but he kneels beside the stool, his face close to Gerard's leg, without hesitation or being told.

Gerard's hand goes down automatically to rustle Jonny Lee's hair. They're going to talk about this later and he's going to find out just how far Jonny Lee's sinking. But until then, Gerard will reap the benefits. And having his boy kneeling at his feet is an amazing benefit. Gerard sips his drink, chatting amicably with the man sitting on the stool next to him.

Jonny Lee stares at the small crease in Gerard's leather pants, black folding over into a mottled grey. His mind is racing, going through all the actions he's need to make this work, to make Pire proud of him. He slows his breathing, keying in the techniques he uses in running, lowering his heart rate, consciously willing his body to be still, tamping down on the incessant natural nervous energy. He's perfectly quiet, hearing but not listening to the conversations around him. Except for Pire's voice.

The man sitting next to him has a fascinating view on the nature on the need for dominance and Gerard's so enthralled in the conversation that he can almost forget Jonny Lee kneeling next to him. Almost. His hand goes down against to muss Jonny Lee's hair, and finally rests on his collar, all the while not pausing in his diatribe.

It's only when Gerard's hand brushes his collars and fingers settle along its edges that Jonny Lee responds. It's barely a response. A small tilt of the head, hardly measurable. And a soft, virtually inaudible, satisfied whimper.

Gerard's thumb strokes Jonny Lee's neck. It's an automatic motion and it soothes the both of them. Gerard realizes with a jolt that he could very easily get used to this.

Gentle strokings push through the haze covering his mind and Jonny Lee almost asks for more, his lips parting and closing before any sounds comes out. He doesn't stop staring at the leather.

After a while, the man has to go and he and Gerard exchange goodbyes. Still thinking the man's thoughts over, Gerard's flicks his fingers in his drink and then brings them down to Jonny Lee's lips.

The motion helps Jonny Lee find his voice. "Is it permissible for your boy to taste, sir?" The question comes out in a hushed breath over the fingers touching his lips.

"It is." Gerard waits, not moving, wondering what Jonny Lee will do. They've never even approached this sort of territory before.

He tentatively parts his lips and lets his tongue slide through, licking gently at the cool liquid on Gerard's fingertips. A single swipe, then a second one, and he stops. "Thank you, sir." He's not sure why he stops, when what part of him wants to do is boldly wrap his mouth around the fingers and suck at them. Except he hasn't been given leave for more than a taste.

Gerard brings his fingers back up and rewets them. "How is my boy feeling?"

"Your boy is fine, sir," he answers automatically.

Gerard's fingers trace Jonny Lee's mouth. "And how's my lover?"

His breath hitches slightly at the touch. "Your boy believes he is fine, too, sir." The phrasing's awkward, but he can't put his finger on why. That's just how his answer comes out.

Gerard frowns slightly. There's something off about that. Jonny Lee's making too much of a separation. "What do you want to drink, boy?"

"This boy will drink whatever his master chooses, sir." He knows somewhere in his mind the response has to please because it puts Gerard in control, but there's not a conscious effort to pick the sounds his mouth is making.

Gerard orders a Guinness for Jonny Lee and begins to feed it to him on his fingers. It's not quiet here and it's not private, but somehow it feels like both. It's their own little world.

Jonny Lee laps up each wet offering, very slowly and very efficiently, with a "thank you, sir" every time Gerard pulls back his hand. He's completely put away the voices, his surroundings, hearing nothing but his master's voice, feeling nothing but the brushing touches and seeing nothing but the grey-black streak in front of his eyes.

It takes a good half hour for Gerard to make a dent in the beer, but he thinks Jonny Lee's had enough. "Does my boy have any preference as to where he gets fucked?" he asks softly. He doesn't want to break the mood, but humiliation hasn't come into it yet, and he doesn't want it to.

"No, sir. It is master's choice, not his boy's," Jonny Lee says in a whisper. "Your boy would be grateful to have his master anywhere, sir."

"Then my boy should get off his knees and get his master ready." Gerard's eyes are drawn to a pair who are staring at them very blatantly. He meets their gaze and nods in acknowledgement of how many people are probably watching their every move.

He responds immediately to the specific command, rising to his feet. Keeping his eyes lowered, he undoes Gerard's pants and gently pulls his cock free. "How does master prefer this boy prepare him?"

"With your mouth, boy." Gerard says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Bending over slightly, he takes the cock in his mouth and sucks gently, teeth tucked properly in under his lips. It won't take much, he knows, as Gerard is already half-hard.

Gerard moans a little at the wet heat, the suction. He's been one step from it all evening and it takes very little to make him ready.

Jonny Lee does love sucking cock, and it shows in his technique and enthusiasm. He'd be content to do it all night, but he'll stop when he's told and that's all he's listening for. His Master's command.

Gerard turns his body slightly so he's not angled so much into the wall. They're here for exhibitionism, so might as well give the people a show. It's only fair. Gerard moans as Jonny Lee's tongue snakes in and around and goes everywhere at once. Bloody brilliant.

He shifts in response to Gerard's movement, not paying any attention to where they are or who's watching, not caring, intent on how his tongue touches, presses against his Master's cock. That's his sole focus, his only purpose.

Gerard fists Jonny Lee's hair, taking control, pushing and pulling him as he wills. "You're mine," he whispers. "You're my boy."

If he could watch himself, he'd see how body slips into submission, deeper by the minute, every muscle responding to the words, the fist in his hair, letting Gerard assume utter control of every subtle motion.

Gerard knows his body well enough to know when he's about to come and so he pulls Jonny Lee's head back at the last moment and bites the inside of his cheek to distract himself. It works and he slowly remembers how to breath.

Jonny kneels back as much as Gerard's hold on him will allow, casting eyes down, waiting.

Gerard lifts his chin. "Get me ready."

"Yes, sir," he says very quietly as he reaches up, cuffed hands taking a condom and lube packet from the basket on the bar. He tears it and unrolls the condom along Gerard's cock, daring the briefest hint of smile at the thought it'll be inside him soon. Ripping the lube packet at its notch, he squeezes it out onto his fingers, rubs them together to warm his hands and then slicks up the latex.

When it's enough, Gerard pulls Jonny Lee's hands away by the chain. Pulls him close enough for a biting kiss. This has stopped being a performance, become more about the two of them and what he wants to give to Jonny Lee.

He responds to the kiss, letting his lips be parted, bitten, bruised, relishing in the intimate touch. This is what he wants, to be possessed and consumed and devoured, no matter where they are.

Gerard bites down hard on Jonny Lee's lower lip, then pulls away. His hand slips around Jonny Lee's waist. "I hope you're ready for me," he murmurs.

"Yes, Sir. This boy is ready for his Master."

Gerard tugs on the chain and leads it around so that Jonny Lee's facing towards the bar mirror. There's no way now that Teak can ignore all the people staring at them. Both can see their reflection and Gerard will know if Jonny Lee closes his eyes. He won't be able to escape the crowd. "Sit," he orders, and he knows everyone can hear it.

He doesn't question, but follows the order, sitting into Gerard's lap, lowering himself onto the thick, stiffened cock. The hiss that would come on first breach is bitten back, Jonny Lee's tongue catching between his teeth. He holds his hands out, the chain Gerard holds keeping them elevated. He's prepped enough that it's not extremely painful, just pleasantly discomforting.

"Eyes open," Gerard hisses into Jonny Lee's ear. He just manages to bit down and stop himself from grabbing Jonny Lee's hips and forcing him down. Instead, he busies his teeth by Jonny Lee's collar, nibbling just above it.

"Yes, sir." He hadn't closed them, but Jonny opens his eyes wider, staring at the mirror, watching Gerard bite at the flesh above his collar. He's seated fully. He finds himself staring at the reflection of his collar; he hasn't looked at it this intently since getting it. "This boy is ready for his Master, sir," he says, head not moving, lips barely parted.

"Look beyond us," Gerard whispers. "You're on display for all to see." Gerard meets Jonny Lee's eyes in the mirror. "They all know you're mine."

His gaze flickers up to meet Gerard's eyes, beautiful nightblue eyes. "Yours, Master. Your boy." _Display ... all to see ..._ The words wash over him, not sinking in.

Gerard thrusts slightly upward and his eyes half close from the pleasure. "Mine. Everyone knows it. You're marked and collar and cuffed. You're Pire's."

Jonny Lee barely moves at the thrust, his body absorbing the impact, keeping it from his face. "Pire's," he echoes, almost wanting to close his eyes, put out of his mind everyone in the room except for Pire. He blinks, the first in minutes, and instantly refocuses on the mirror.

"Look away from me," Gerard whispers. "Look at our audience, your audience. Their eyes caress you, love you. Wonder at how good a boy you'd be kneeling at their feet."

He shouldn't want to look away. It's safe staring straight ahead, meeting his Master's gaze. And Jonny Lee has always been afraid of the notion of large quantities of people seeing him naked; it's why he doesn't do nude scenes. But Gerard's words ... _audience ... love ..._ they caress his ears, cater to the submission, and he glances away. The sight entrances him, a couple sipping wine and staring directly at his reflection, a wink from the tall shaggy blond walking up to the bar.

It sinks him deeper as he's transfixed by the mirror's reflection of the room as a whole, its other mirrors echoing what he sees and can't see. _You're the beautiful boy, Teak. Pire's boy._ He's still not moving; Gerard controls his actions, guides his thoughts.

Gerard's mesmerized by Jonny Lee's face. He can almost see him sinking deeper. And it's the most beautiful and perfect thing he's ever seen. "Yes," he whispers. "My boy. My beautiful Teak, displayed for everyone to see and admire." He thrusts upwards, his breath goes out in a long sigh. "Open and naked before them."

_Open and naked before them_ At those words, something breaks down in Jonny Lee's mind and it's not him he's staring at in the mirror. It's his Master's boy. And the only thought in his head is in pleasing his Master, in being every possible thing he can be. "This boy welcomes the opportunity to be on display for his Master. Sir, your boy desires only to please you." The words are pulled from his lips without thought, with careful wording. They just seem incredibly natural.

Gerard nearly comes just from the words. "Christ, boy," he mutters. "My boy. Master's good little boy. You please me. You please me so fucking much." There's a breakthrough here, and they'll talk about it later, but right now he has his boy in his lap, and so he has no worries. Nothing matters right now but Teak. "And I'm going to take you home and mark you so well so that you'll always know you're mine." Gerard's hands inch downwards and palms Jonny Lee's cock. "All of you, it's mine. Property of Gerard James Butler." He stretches out his name and bites Jonny Lee's neck. This is more than perfection.

Jonny's hearing the words, but not really hearing them. He's too intent on the mirror, fixated on watching something transpire that pushes so far past limits he set for myself or thought he had. Everything he knows is being jerked out of him with each thrust of Gerard's cock inside him, splattered against that glass and chrome and shattering itself back into his body. He feels the hand palm his cock, but doesn't respond. He hasn't been told he can, and for Jonny Lee the universe has collapsed in the last half hour into a very literal existence.

Gerard smiles against Jonny Lee's throat and thrusts upwards one last time. He groans loudly as he comes. "Christ, Teak...." He doubts he's ever loved anyone as much as he loves Jonny Lee in that moment. For going along with this, for letting Gerard fulfill a fantasy. For going under for him like no one's ever gone under before. So fucking brilliant.

He sees that smile before he feels it, and returns it with a small one of his own, a thin curve of lips, as Gerard comes, filling him. He has no thought for his own needs and lets his body clench around Gerard, make his orgasm complete. "Your boy thanks his Master for the privilege of being fucked, sir."

"Your master thanks his boy for a very wonderful fuck." Gerard replies. He begins to stroke Jonny Lee's cock, rubbing the head with the pads of his fingers. "Does my boy want to come for his master?"

"Only if my Master wishes it," he says very quietly. "Your boy is content to deny his release if it pleases his Master more."

"It pleases your master for you to come in his hands because he gave you pleasure." Gerard sucks a little at the bite marks on Jonny Lee's neck before continuing. "Is my boy close?"

"Yes, sir. Your boy will come when his Master says it is permitted." He _is_ closes, once he focuses for a second on his body, right on edge even, amazed he hasn't wanted to come before now.

Gerard's more than impressed by Jonny Lee's control. He itches to see how far he can go with it, but that's for a different night. For now, he increases the pace of his strokes on Jonny Lee's cock. "Come for your master, boy."

The words are barely out of Gerard's mouth before Jonny Lee jerks slightly and comes hard, his eyes never once leaving the mirror, seeking out the final approval of the crowd that watches.

Gerard's stopped looking at their audience. His sole focus is the boy is his lap, the oh so obedient boy in his lap. Gerard brings his hand up to Jonny Lee's lips. "Clean."

He does so without thinking or speaking, licking each finger clean, then swiping over the palm, switching his eyes in the mirror to focus on his Master's face.

Jonny Lee's tongue tickles a little on his hand and Gerard can't help but turns Jonny Lee's head to him so he could kiss those gaping lips, taste Jonny Lee as thoroughly as possible.

Contact's broken as Jonny's turned away from the mirror. He's pulled into the kiss, the breath he'd started to take sucked out of him, and he wills himself not to gasp or struggle for the lost air.

Gerard pulls back after a moment and then kisses Jonny Lee's nose lightly. "There are some couches in the next room and your master would very much like to cuddle his boy."

"Your boy would like to," Jonny Lee starts, a flood of images and thoughts invading his mind. He wants to go home. He doesn't want to be here any longer. He starts over. "Whatever Master chooses is acceptable to this boy, sir."

Gerard isn't too far gone that he doesn't notice the slip. "What would my boy like to do?" he asks gently.

"He'd," he stutters over the words, "he'd like to go home, sir."

Gerard nods, mentally kicks himself. He should have known. "Then we'll go home." Gerard pauses. "Would my boy like some clothes?"

"No. Your boy is fine the way he is, sir." He's not, in reference either to clothes or mental state, but he doesn't really understand that yet. He just knows he feels out of sorts, wants to be in his own bed.

Gerard can recognize the signs of what Jonny Lee's going into and he knows that the best thing for the both of them would be to get them both cocooned up in bed, talking, touching, being reassured and reinforced by the other. "Up," he orders softly.

He complies without response, resting his bound hands lightly on the bar as he levers himself up. He doesn't realize how sore he is, the adrenaline and endorphins still working their magic, clamping down on connections between brain and body.

Gerard peels the condom off and deposits it in a nearby garbage can. His pants are easy to refasten, and he pulls his coat and wraps Jonny Lee in it. With a smile to their audience, Gerard ushers Jonny Lee from the bar.

The chilled night air brushes his face, cooling the heat of Jonny's senses. He doesn't make an effort to pull Gerard's coat any tighter around him, letting the small gust of air whip its edges.

Gerard's concerned about Jonny Lee's continued silence, but he refuses to let it worry him. Later, in bed, they'll talk. Or maybe tomorrow morning. It doesn't really matter when.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16255.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	25. gerard: Fantasy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/01/) 19:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15752&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15752) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15752) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=15752&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Fantasy** _  
[JL only]

I'm bored. Tell me your favorite fantasy. It could be anything: roleplaying, some toys we haven't tried out yet, or some we have, even adding in a friend or two. I want to hear what you think about when you wank, what keeps you warm on cold nights when I'm not there.

String it out for as long as you can. If you wank during, don't come until you're done.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 05:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31624&format=light#t31624))   
---|---  
Intriguing prospect, Pire. I've got lots of fantasies; some of 'em, you've already fulfilled.  
  
Can I think on it? Just for the night? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=31624&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31624&format=light#t31624))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 05:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31880&format=light#t31880))   
---|---  
Certainly. Don't feel constrained by what we've done and what we haven't. If it's your favorite, I want to know it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=31880&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31624&format=light#t31624))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31880&format=light#t31880))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 06:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32136&format=light#t32136))   
---|---  
Thanks. Love you for wanting to know.  
  
You coming to bed? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=32136&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=31880&format=light#t31880))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32136&format=light#t32136))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 06:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32392&format=light#t32392))   
---|---  
That'd mean I'd have to turn off Trainspotting, wouldn't it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=32392&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32136&format=light#t32136))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32392&format=light#t32392))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 06:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32648&format=light#t32648))   
---|---  
If you're wanking over the new laptop, I _will_ kill you.  
  
Anyhow, you've got your own druggie waiting for you in bed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=32648&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32392&format=light#t32392))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32648&format=light#t32648))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 06:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32904&format=light#t32904))   
---|---  
Threats, eh? Well, that's not very nice. That's not very nice at all.  
  
  
And you _do_ know that if you're really high, I won't touch you with a ten foot spreader bar? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=32904&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32648&format=light#t32648))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32904&format=light#t32904))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 06:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33160&format=light#t33160))   
---|---  
You know I don't get high ~~since you moved in~~.  
  
And don't consider it a threat. Just a friendly warning 'cause that damned computer took a lot to set up special like it is. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=33160&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=32904&format=light#t32904))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33160&format=light#t33160))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 06:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33416&format=light#t33416))   
---|---  
Special? Hmm...didn't notice anything special about it. Care to elaborate? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=33416&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33160&format=light#t33160))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33416&format=light#t33416))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 06:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33672&format=light#t33672))   
---|---  
Bring it to bed and I'll show you, Mr. Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=33672&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33416&format=light#t33416))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33672&format=light#t33672))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 06:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33928&format=light#t33928))   
---|---  
And then wouldn't it stand it a greater risk of getting sticky there, Mr. Miller? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=33928&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33672&format=light#t33672))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33928&format=light#t33928))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 06:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34184&format=light#t34184))   
---|---  
Maybe. Maybe not. Who says it's sticky up here? I'm not sticky. Yet. Could be sticky. If you come ... up to bed.  
  
Close the laptop, Pire? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=34184&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=33928&format=light#t33928))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34184&format=light#t34184))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 07:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34440&format=light#t34440))   
---|---  
Hrmph. You're gonna get yourself a spanking for that, Miller. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=34440&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34184&format=light#t34184))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34440&format=light#t34440))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 07:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34696&format=light#t34696))   
---|---  
Whatever you say, sir.  
Whatever you feel I need, sir.  
  
I'll await my punishment properly, sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=34696&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34440&format=light#t34440))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34696&format=light#t34696))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 07:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34952&format=light#t34952))   
---|---  
You do that. Meanwhile, I'll stick these clamps in the icebox. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=34952&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34696&format=light#t34696))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34952&format=light#t34952))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-02 07:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=35208&format=light#t35208))   
---|---  
You do that, sir. I'm turning off my computer. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=35208&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=34952&format=light#t34952))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=35208&format=light#t35208))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-02 07:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=35464&format=light#t35464))   
---|---  
That icon makes me want to beat you until you scream. Which was probably its inteded effect. *smirk*  
  
I'll be up in five. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?replyto=35464&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html?thread=35208&format=light#t35208))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	26. Chapter 26

| Peter Wingfield ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/02/) 23:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1058&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1058) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1058) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1058&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  renewing old ties  
---|---  
  
_****Settling down****_  
There's something to be said for being back in London. Home. Even though it's not.  
  
Home is Cardiff, where my house overlooks the bay, where I can walk in heavy jumper and worn jeans and blend in, where the words that trip off my tongue are uncomfortable to foreigners.  
  
But the city is more alive, and I am glad to be reconnecting with it.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-03 07:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4130&format=light#t4130))   
---|---  
It's good to know that you've settled in, ~~Sir~~ Peter. If it is possible, I would like to set up a lunch between the two of us, preferably at the club or a club-approved restaurant. At your convenience, of course. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?replyto=4130&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4130&format=light#t4130))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-03 08:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4386&format=light#t4386))   
---|---  
Gerry. It's nice to see you, such as it is within the journaling system. I wondered how long it would take you to seek me out.  
  
Lunch would be good. I free pretty much any time. Between films.  
  
Meeting on club-sanctioned property. Hallow ground, Gerry? How about that Thai restaurant we both like so much? If it's just for lunch. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?replyto=4386&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4130&format=light#t4130))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4386&format=light#t4386))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-03 08:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4642&format=light#t4642))   
---|---  
Shooting just wrapped for me, and I'll be leaving for LA at the end of the week. Is Thursday good for you?  
  
  
And as it _will_ be just for lunch, that Thai place sounds wonderful. I look forward to seeing you there. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?replyto=4642&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4386&format=light#t4386))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4642&format=light#t4642))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-04 04:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4898&format=light#t4898))   
---|---  
Thursday's excellent. Let's make it 1:15; lunch crowd will have thinned out a bit. You'll be wearing black, of course. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?replyto=4898&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4642&format=light#t4642))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4898&format=light#t4898))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-04 04:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=5410&format=light#t5410))   
---|---  
~~Yes, sir.~~ Of course. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?replyto=5410&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html?thread=4898&format=light#t4898))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	27. gerard: Biker Roleplay

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/03/) 01:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16659&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16659) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16659) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16659&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Biker Roleplay** _  
[players only. Gerard and Jonny Lee exercise Christmas presents and push limits. Will be backdated to 3 February.]

They'd been discussing it, in the days after the bar scene, how to push Jonny Lee's limits, work on sinking him into subspace different ways. Tonight they were a harsher scene, not in public, but played out in the garage, something involving bikes. Pire'd told him to put on jeans and a t-shirt and be out in the garage at 10. It was five minutes till 10 and he was heading through the kitchen, dressed as ordered, and sinking into what he assumed was the proper role.

Gerard had been thinking about running a scene like this for a good long time. And ever since Christmas it's been a recurring theme in his dreams. Now that he at last has a chance to play out his fantasy and push Teak's limits at the same time, he's playing it very carefully. He slides into the leather pants, not bothering to wear anything under them, and laces up the 20-eyelet boots before pulling on a thin black shirt. Over that goes the leather jacket. He checks himself in the mirror before composing himself to go downstairs.

Jonny's barely in the garage before his confusion begins. Knees or not? It's roleplay, but if he's truly submissive, he'd always be waiting on his knees for his Master. It hurts his brain some days, trying to figure out what to do and when, knowing he's getting it right only about half the time. He opts for standing, mentally crossing his fingers that he's not fucking up before he starts.

Gerard waits a moment in the kitchen to allow Jonny Lee time to settle before barging in. "What do we have here?" he sneers. "Looks like a lost boy to me."

"Not lost. It's where I'm supposed to be. Meeting a bloke here. You him?" He's trying to get into character, trying _not_ to just fall on the floor at the sight of Pire in leather. His leathers.

"Yeah," Gerard replies nonchalantly. "That's me." He gives Jonny Lee a chilling look, the hunter sizing up the prey. "You don't look like much. Put your hands behind your head, spread your legs for me. Let's see what you got."

Jonny Lee does as told, spreading legs just slightly beyond shoulder width, lacing his fingers together and cupping the back of his head.

Gerard walks around him slowly, glaring all the while. The leather jacket is only halfway done up, but the shirt is black underneath it, so it's hard to tell the difference between layers. He keeps his hands locked behind his back as he paces. Without warning, he spits on Jonny Lee's cheek. "Straighten up. You're an embarrassment."

Flinching, Jonny Lee fights the instinct to make a comeback or ask a question. He stiffens his back, straightens his posture, but doesn't bring his legs together, assuming that's not what Gerard meant.

Gerard makes one more circle of Jonny Lee, then reaches out blindly and grabs his cock harshly. He squeezes, all the while not changing the expression on his face.

The pain's blinding, a flash of white slamming his brain. He swallows back the hiss, bites down but manages to stay in position except for a small forward jerk.

Gerard says nothing, but inwardly he's nodding in approval. Good boy. He counts off sixty seconds before letting his grip slacken.

"Sir. Sorry, sir," he rasps out as Gerard lets up his grasp. He almost wants the pain back, the feeling on being released rather empty. "I'll do better, sir."

Gerard's glare is harsher than before and he squeezes down on Jonny Lee's cock with everything he has. "Did I fucking tell you to talk?"

"No, sir," Jonny Lee barely gets the words out around the grimace. The pain passes white and shades into red, searing. He arches his back, digs his head back into his hands, nearly pushing the fingers unwoven.

"Then don't fucking do it! Understand?"

Jonny Lee just nods, doesn't say another word, and mentally coaches himself back into proper position, straight posture, eyes head, fingers tight again. _It's a scene. Do it._

Gerard cracks a smile at Jonny Lee's assent, but it's brittle and devoid of all warmth. "Are you a virgin, cocksucker?"

Don't speak. That's what he was told. And now a direct question. Confusion is second-nature in scene, Jonny Lee's starting to think. He doesn't speak, just shakes his head in denial, truth in reality but a lie in scene. What red-blooded man wants to admit he's a virgin?

Gerard's tone is patronizing and sardonic. "Then we'll have to take care of that, won't we?" His free hand comes up to stroke Jonny Lee's chin. "You look almost... _breakable_."

The touch is almost too intimate, in direct contrast to how Gerard clutches his cock. He shakes his head again. _No. Not breakable._

Gerard's thumb passes over Jonny Lee's lips, rubs at them. His smile turns outward into a smirk. "Do you want me, boy?"

Jonny Lee shakes his head violently. An empathic no. Best to stay in character, he thinks. Biker wannabe isn't gonna down easily, definitely not as easy as Jonny Lee would.

"Too bad." And without blinking, Gerard's pulled his hand back and punched Jonny Lee just above the jaw.

It's obvious Gerard pulls his punch enough not to really hurt Jonny Lee, definitely not hit him hard enough to break anything, but the blow still catches him off-guard, throws him off-balance, backwards and to the side. He breaks stance to reach out, balance himself against the nearest piece of furniture, not fall to the floor. He doesn't say anything, just shakes his head against the pain.

"One." Gerard counts coldly. "Two. Three. Four." He's waiting to see how long it'll take Jonny Lee to get back into position, if he does at all. "Five. Six."

It takes to the four-count for Jonny Lee to realize what Gerard was doing, what he expected. At six, Jonny Lee knew he wanted it too, despite the ache in his cheek. At seven, Jonny Lee's back on his feet. At eight, back in position. At nine, fingers laced once again. And at 10, his face was plastered with the sullen apathy of a biker noviate.

Gerard opens his mouth for number eleven, then closes it once he can't find anything glaringly wrong with Jonny Lee's position. "How old are you?"

Jonny Lee winces as he opens his mouth to speak, the jaw bone a bit stiff. "Twenty-five, sir."

Gerard crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. "And still a virgin. Keeping yourself for me, boy?"

"No, sir," Jonny Lee spits out. He's assuming he can answer direct questions, and dares another response.

"Oh, I think you were. I think you were keeping that arse nice and tight for me." Gerard's tongue traces his upper lip as he muses. "After all, you must've known that I'd've wanted it as admission price."

Jonny Lee just scowls, doesn't say a word, snaps his eyes forward. _Good little sub._ He flexes his fingers every so briefly.

The role can only take the silence one way and Gerard laughs. "You mean that you didn't know? Why else would you chose my gang over any one else's?"

"No, didn't. Just wanted to be in."

"How shortsighted of you. Wanted the end result so much you didn't even think of the process. How positively..." The word 'virginal' is on the tip of his tongue, but Jonny Lee's motion didn't go unnoticed, and point of this isn't to get into a fight for dominance. "Naive."

"So, what's the process, sir?" Jonny Lee almost hisses the question, not caring if he gets hit or not.

Gerard backhands him. "First I get you on your knees. Then you blow me. If you do a good enough job, maybe I won't give you a black eye. Or maybe I'll just skip over those steps and give you to the boys to have fun with."

"Just give me the black eye now, why don't ya? 'Cause I ain't going to do that."

"I think you will. I think you've been waiting for me all your life, and if not me, than someone like me. Someone to put you on your knees and tell you what to do." The words are more arrogant than anything else, but Gerard takes a slim satisfaction in them. At least they aren't _as_ clichéd as the rest of what he'd been spewing.

"And what makes you think I want that?" Jonny Lee's holding position, but his attitude is getting snarkier, fueled by Gerard's in-character directness. "Do I look queer to you?"

Gerard gives him a cold once over and then says one word. "Yes."

"Fuck you." Jonny Lee spits on the floor, barely missing Gerard's feet. "Not doing it."

"We'll see." Gerard sidesteps Jonny Lee and then grabs him by the collar of his white tee and pulls him down sharply. A boot to the back of Jonny Lee's knees accompanies it. Gerard doesn't give Jonny Lee a chance to fight back before he's got Jonny Lee face down on the ground with Gerard's boot on his back.

Jonny Lee goes down hard, too fast for him to break his fall, and his forehead hits the floor a second before his nose. He doesn't hear a crack, but feels it pop, just before the boot slams into his back. "You bastard," he screams, getting into the moment, the scene. "If you fuckin' broke my nose, I'm gonna kill ya." He struggles to strike back with his arm, knock Gerard off-balance.

Gerard easily evades Jonny Lee's wild motions. There's a moment of worry that he _did_ break Jonny Lee's nose, but he replays the motion in his head and decides it's very unlikely that it's broken. And if it is, they'll deal with it. "Wrong," he growls. "You want in? Then I'm your leader, and you take what I give you and with a 'thank you, sir'. Got it?"

"You want it? You try to take it?" Brash arrogance wins out in Jonny Lee's mind. He worries for a second that he's pushing too hard, but remembers that night in the Est dungeon and doesn't think there is such a thing as too hard with his lover. Jonny Lee's stronger than Gerard probably realizes. All that running. He pushes up, catches Gerard off guard enough to scoot out from under his boot as he goes momentarily off balance. "And no thank you." He scrambles to get back to his feet. "Sir."

It takes Gerard a moment to realize what's going on and when he does, he's more amused than angry. He didn't realize Jonny Lee was in a fighting mood. Well well well. "Proud of yourself, boy?"

It takes everything in Jonny Lee not to cave in at the _boy_. He pulls himself up on the table's edge. "Yes, sir. Told ya you gotta take it." He's slurring his words, Americanized guttersnipe if it had to be categorized. They hadn't really set parameters before the scene started. Just general setting of biker club and Gerard wearing the leathers, which Jonny Lee has to admit look damned good. He crinkles his face, nose aching and jaw still smarting from the earlier punch.

"Maybe there is something in you worth salvaging. Maybe you're not just a waste of skin." Gerard looks at him curiously. "Maybe you do have what it takes.

"Aren't I the lucky one?" Jonny Lee leans against the table, snark coming full to the surface. "Do I get the secret decoder ring now?"

"You gonna do what I say?"

"Drop to my knees and suck your fuckin' cock?" Jonny Lee snorts out the words, adopts a more defiant stance, arms crossed and feet spread slightly. He knows he's digging himself deeper, and is loving every minute of it because he can see in Gerard's eyes just how excited he's getting by the game. "Make me."

"You make it sound like you don't want it, like I'd have to force you." Gerard laughs. "Now, we both know that's not true, cocksucker."

"Can't be a cocksucker if I ain't never done it, now can I?"

"Then we'll have to remedy that situation, won't we?" Gerard smirks. He knows it won't be this easy to get Jonny Lee on his knees, but the role requires him to be a bastard. Easy enough.

Jonny Lee smiles, shrugs. "Nothing to remedy. It ain't happening." He knows it's a boldfaced lie. He's gonna be on his knees before the night's over. Probably sooner than later. And probably a bit bloodier than he is now. Or at least hurting a lot more.

Gerard gives him a penetrating look, smirks, but says nothing. He's willing to outwait Jonny Lee. And he'll bet good money that the persona's a submissive under all that bravado. Wait enough and he'll go to his knees and beg of his own accord.

Not going that fast, bastard. Jonny settles in, pulls out a half-crushed cigarette pack from his back pocket and shakes out one into his fingers, then retrieves the lighter from his front pocket. He has a mental bet going with himself on how far Gerard's gonna let him go with it.

So that's how he's going to play it. Well, Gerard's amenable. He crosses over to Jonny Lee and lifts a cigarette from the pack. He places it between his lips and gives Jonny Lee an expectant look.

He lights his own first, then flicks the lighter and holds it to the cigarette hanging from Gerard's mouth. He's sure he didn't even know his lover smokes. "We can wait each other out till doomsday, bud." Pocketing the lighter and pack, he takes a long draw from the smoke and blows out the smoke. "Ain't sucking nothin' but the nicotine outta this cig."

Gerard sucks in, enjoying the taste. He hasn't had a cigarette in two days. He's been doing voice work and one of the conditions was cutting back. But the urge never really fades. He says nothing to Jonny Lee's remark, but when he blows the smoke it, he blows it directly into Jonny Lee's face.

Jonny laughs, sucking in the smoke. He doesn't do this nearly as much as he used to, what with the running and all, so it's a double pleasure. "Not another way 'round it, is there?"

Gerard shakes his head. "Naw." He takes another drag. "So better get used to it." He saw a trick once, keeping the smoke in the boy's lungs until the dom kissed him. Gerard's never tried it and he thinks Jonny Lee might bite his tongue if he did. More's the pity.

"So, you're telling me," he holds the smoke longer than necessary, expelling it with his words, "the only way to get in your little biker group is to suck your cock." He cocks his head, makes a clicking noise with this mouth, like he's thinking. "How do I know it's worth it?"

Gerard shrugs. "You don't. But your acceptance is conditional on your performance. Do a bad job, and I just break your ribs."

Jonny Lee laughs. "Wait a minute. Not only do I go down on you, but I have to be good at it?" He drops the nearly finished cigarette to the floor and grinds it out under his boot. "Shite, man, ain't never done it, so you might's well break 'em now."

"You offering?" Gerard takes one last drag on the cigarette before aping Jonny Lee's motion. "Because I'd hate for you to change your mind in the middle. Broken ribs and you'll have a hard time blowing me."

"If you think you can, be my guest." He shrugs.

"No." Gerard knows when his boy is baiting him. And, dammit, he wants a blowjob and doesn't particularly want to do any lasting harm to Jonny Lee. "I know I can. Just as how I know you're a fucking cocksucker."

Jonny Lee pulls his shirt up just a bit, tucking the cotton in under itself against his stomach and undoes the first two buttons of his jeans before he looks up. "Why don't you show me how it's done?" he quips. He knows full well he's sinking himself deeper, but the roleplay's too much fun.

"What? Breaking your ribs?" The leather jacket comes off with a smooth motion and he throws it off to the side. He rolls his sleeves up slowly, keeping eye contact the entire time.

"No, I was thinking you get on your knees and show me this cocksucking thing. I've had girls go it, but I've always heard guys are better." He tells himself to shut up, but it just doesn't work. "And you got a big enough mouth to handle me."

The growl grows in his stomach, travels through his lungs, and comes out full force vibrating on his tongue. Gerard slams Jonny Lee up against the wall, forearm across his throat. " _Bastard_." And then he's kissing him, hard, rough, no fucking mercy, and dry humping Jonny Lee's leg as he invades.

It's not what he expects. He's anticipating being knocked to the floor, told off or a combination thereof, but not kissed. And not like that. Fuckin' intense. The air's knocked out of his throat. He throws his hands up in defense, only partially mock.

Gerard's been wanting this all night. Been wanting the taste of his boy, been wanting to force himself down Jonny Lee's throat, one way or another. The nicotine taste on his boy's tongue is only dressing. He doesn't even register Jonny Lee's hands moving.

He doesn't really want to fight. Wants to drop to his knees and give Gerard exactly what he's looking for. But that wouldn't be in character, and he's supposed to stay in character, so he strikes out, punches Gerard in the side, then pushes, struggling to get out from under him.

Gerard doubles over in pain, and just manages to hide the shocked scream that wants out. "Ye bastard," he hisses. "You'll pay for that."

Jonny rubs at his throat, wincing as he realizes just how hard he probably hit. Yeah, he's gonna pay for it. Big time. "I told you, you son of a bitch, I ain't sucking anything."

Gerard glares. "Fine." His erection's gone down and his fight or flight instinct is dampened. He can't deal with the fact that his boy just hurt him. _His boy_. And therein lies the problem. Gerard hasn't sunk into the role the same way Jonny Lee has. "No sweat off my back if you go back to whoring yourself in alleys."

"What?" He's confused. Where'd that come from? "Whoring myself?" he asks, half dropping out of scene.

"You want into the group, you suck my cock. No fight's gonna get you out of that." Gerard spits. "So either you do it, or you don't. There's a whole line after you, some of them even begging on their knees for the fucking privilege. So get out or put out."

Jonny stays silent for the longest time, running his hand through his hair so much it's standing on end. He debates stopping the scene, and opens his mouth twice to say cacophony, but never gets it out. He refuses to safeword over a simple roleplay, just because he's physically hurt Gerard. And he knows he shouldn't be smarting over being called a whore, one of any number who'd be willing drop to their knees without question. He knows he isn't, and it's just a word.

Gerard winces as he straightens up. He doubts there's any internal damage, but the pain is long in fading. "Well, slut?" He isn't sure why Teak's hesitating but right now, he honestly doesn't care. He wants a blowjob or he wants to end scene. Either one and he doesn't give a fuck which.

_Scene or not, he's your Master. Do what he says._ That's the overriding thought that finally breaks through Jonny's brain. He's dropping completely out of scene, and he's sure there's some unwritten rule about how that's not supposed to happen, but his desire to not disappoint is greater than his need to stay in character, and so he pulls himself off the wall and takes the few steps over to Gerard, then descends gracefully to his knees. "Yes, sir," he says quietly.

Jonny Lee's submission comes as a surprise. Gerard's honestly expected him to be stubborn and fight back with all he's got. But he's more than a little relieved that Teak's taken the easy way out. He figures it's too much to ask Jonny Lee to open his pants, so, with shaking fingers, he unbuttons his leather pants. "Suck."

He carefully raises his hand and lifts Gerard's cock free, putting first his tongue to its tip, then sucking in the head, gradually taking in its full length, just like he always does, careful attention to Pire's needs, knowing exactly what he likes and doesn't.

The pain dissolves into pleasure of Jonny Lee's mouth and Gerard wonders absently if this is what it's like for Jonny Lee to be hurt, to feel it as pleasure. He's muttering encouragements under his breath, but it's not in character, not like any of this is in character.

Words slide into Jonny Lee's brain, random phrases, all positive, and he sucks harder, pressing his tongue flat against the base of the cock for a good half minute before pulling it up along the underside, a trick he's learned that especially pleases Pire. He's still hurting from the sudden rejection, but the pain's diffusing with each encouraging word.

It takes awhile for Gerard to get close. Time enough for him to take in everything, everything from the set of Jonny Lee's shoulders to the stains on the concrete walls across from him.

Jonny Lee can tell Pire's getting closer, balls tightening as he licks near them as he settles into a deep-throat rhythm. It's all he wants. The release. To take it in.

Gerard stays silent as he comes, but his fingers tighten in Jonny Lee's mused hair. He knows Teak's done his best, but he wasn't in the right mind to appreciate it. There's a pang of regret at that thought.

He swallows hard, loosening his throat to take it all, then when Gerard's finished, he pulls back and quietly licks him clean, tucks him in and rebuttons the leather. "Pire," he says almost under his voice, settling back on his heels, "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you bad?"

"No." It's an easy, quick answer. Because he didn't hurt him bad. Not really. The pain will fade soon and he'll forget it ever happened. But Teak _did_ hurt him. He'd known going in that in roleplaying things can happen. He just never thought that Teak would actually...hurt him. And that hurts. He was stupid for not realizing it at the beginning, for not letting it sink in. "What about you?"

"I'm okay." He starts to stand, decides not to, that maybe being on his knees is better. "I didn't mean to hit you. It was just a reaction, in character."

"Yeah. I know that." It just hasn't really sunk in yet. "You wanna get up?"

"Please, sir. May I?"

"Yes. Of course." Gerard stands back a little to give Jonny Lee room to get up.

He pushes himself up, less gracefully than he went down, and stands, stretching out muscles sore from the fighting. "You need anything put on that? Need me to run you a bath? Get you a drink?" He tries to smile. He's genuinely concerned that's he messed up somehow; Pire's too quiet. "Sleep on the floor?"

Gerard blinks, then shakes his head. He needs to think about this. "I'm going to catch a shower. Feel free to get yourself a drink, or whatever you want, but you're sleeping with me."

The smile returns, just a little, comfort taken in that he's not relegated to floor or couch tonight. "I'll snag a couple water bottles from the fridge and wait for you in bed, if that's okay?"

"That's fine." Gerard mutters absently. He's started stripping, just pulling at his clothes, really, and things are beginning to register again. "You can wank if you want. I don't mind."

"No, thanks, sir. I'd rather not. I'll just get the water and change into some shorts."

So there's more wrong here than he'd thought. "Alright," Gerard answers softly.

"Pire, you sure you don't want me to help you?" Jonny Lee's puzzled as to why Gerard's stripping down in the garage rather than waiting to get inside the house. "I'd really like to do that for you, sir."

"What? No. 'M fine. Really." Gerard walks back into the house wearing nothing. All the clothes from the scene are left behind in the garage and they'll fucking _stay_ there if he has any say in it. He pads up to the bathroom and turns the water to scalding. Maybe that can wash away the pain.

Jonny Lee doesn't say anything else, just watches as Gerard leaves the garage, then he gathers up the clothes and carries them to the laundry room, where he strips down and grabs a pair of shorts from the dryer. He stops in the kitchen and gets two water bottles, and by the time he gets upstairs, steam's filling the bathroom doorway, which has been left open. He puts one water bottle on Gerard's side, then crawls into bed and grabs the book from the table, sitting with his back as far into the headboard as he can and the blankets pulled up tight.

Gerard spends a half hour in the shower, milking the knobs every so often so the water doesn't get too hot even for his mood. It won't scrub off. All the self-hatred, all the guilt, all the pain, it isn't leaving. _You're a fucking drama queen, Gerry._ Peter's voice. Out of fucking nowhere.

_I was right,_ Gerard thinks. _I need to break this. I need to break_ something. _I need to sub._ He shouldn't have fallen out of headspace tonight. He shouldn't have as well as told Teak he'd abandon him for someone else. Because it's by god not true and Gerard doesn't even want to think about Teak believing it.

He listens for the water to stop running, but it doesn't, not even after a half hour, and Jonny considers going in, but weighs the options and decides Gerard's less likely to get upset if he just stays in bed, like he said he was going to. He gives thought to wanking, which Gerard said he could, but he's punishing himself for what he did wrong that Gerard doesn't seem to want to punish him for, so he doesn't do that either. So, he reads, and manages to make it through three chapters before his eyes start hurting.

After a while, all Gerard can feel is the pounding of the spray. That's when he knows it's time to get out. He turns the water off slowly and grabs a towel. It takes him several minutes to realize he'd been crying. Gerard takes a bathrobe at random and wraps it around himself before making for the bedroom.

Water stops and Jonny puts down his book, slumps down into the pillows a bit. When Gerard comes into the bedroom, Jonny pulls back the covers. "Kept it warm for you," he says softly, turning up on his side.

Gerard manages a small half-smile at that. "Thank you." He abandons the robe for scrubs from the dresser and he takes a deep breath before joining Jonny Lee in bed. "We need to talk."

"Figured as much, sir." He reaches out a hand tentatively toward Gerard's arm.

Gerard pulls away almost instinctively, then forces himself to move forward. "Something," he begins. "Something went wrong back there. Something that shouldn't've happened."

The tug away scares Jonny more than the words. "I, I know. I hi-t you," he stutters out before taking a deep breath, forcing his voice to control. "I shouldn't've done that."

"You were in role, Teak. I wasn't. Not then. It kicked me out, as much as I can tell. I don't know if this is anyone's fault, or just something I failed to take into account when we decided to do some limits-testing."

"Still my fault. Even if you fell out of scene, it's 'cause I hit you." He lays his head against the pillow. "I should never hit you."

"Yeah, *you* shouldn't. But the character you were playing wanted to hit my character. And that's alright and that's fine." The distinction's very clear in Gerard's mind. He just isn't sure he can translate it into words. "And if we ever got back into the same territory, I'd expect it."

"Maybe we shouldn't be testing my limits. Maybe I should just do what you tell me, like a good boy."

Gerard shakes his head. "You know as much as I do that that's not what either of us are here for."

"It wasn't that you pushed them. That's not why I," he stops, shifts, moves a little closer to Gerard, pulling the covers up over his shoulder against a sudden chill. "When you told me to go back to whoring, I got lost. Didn't wanna stop. Didn't wanna disappoint you."

It takes Gerard a good moment to think of a good response to that. "No matter what you do, you will never disappoint me. That's not one of the objectives we're trying to accomplish. I don't want to shame you into doing anything you don't want to do."

"But I wanted to do it. I just didn't know which way to go. If I kept up with the scene, you were gonna walk away and I'd feel like I'd let you down." Jonny Lee's just about buried in the covers and pillow at this point, cocooning himself, whether consciously or not. "If I dropped out of character, I was letting you down, too. Either way, I fucked up, but I thought if I dropped scene, at least I could suck you off and make you happy."

Gerard's fingers trail over the lump in the sheets that is Jonny Lee. Something's just occurred to him, two things clicking together. "Were you close to safewording?"

Jonny Lee completely buries his head into the pillow, his words muffled by the well-washed cotton. "Thought about it." He shakes his head. "Wouldn't."

"I need reasons, Teak." Gerard strokes what he thinks is Jonny Lee's neck through the blankets. "Why you wanted to and why you ended up not."

''I don't have a good reason. Couldn't handle that I hurt you. Finally decided it was worse to safeword than just fall completely out of scene.'' He knows it's not logical, but he can't find the words for it.

_Worse to safeword_. Gerard's never thought of it in those sorts of terms. He's not sure he likes it. "Do you think it would be worthwhile to replay that scene some time in the future?"

"Yeah, I think so." He peeks out from under the covers. "I don't think I should've even thought about safewording. It's not a limit, and at the bar, cacophony didn't even cross my mind while we were there."

Ah, there's his boy. Gerard leans down to give Jonny Lee a kiss before answering. "Safewording isn't just for the limits you have down on paper. It's for when you know you can't go on the way things are going, or you desperately need to end scene for any reason and there's no other way for you to get that across to me. The bar was different. Your place was very obvious. The role didn't require you to be disobedient and surly."

He smiles at the kiss. "It wasn't a role," he says very softly. "I know I freaked after, shut down, but I'd rather be in that headspace than where I was tonight." He tugs the covers up enough to move over, working on burying himself into Gerard's body.

Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee. "Makes sense." He'd watched Jonny Lee rise up out of headspace and it hadn't seemed anything but natural and inevitable.

It didn't make any sense to him, but he's beyond arguing at the moment. He snuggles down into the embrace, slipping his hands between their bodies against Gerard's chest as he's pulled closer. He's almost comfortable to fall asleep, except for the self-imposed denial and the orgasm that's nagging at his balls, wanting out.

Gerard presses light kisses to Jonny Lee's hair. "I want you to come tonight," he whispers.

His first instinct is to object, say he hasn't earned the privilege, but boys aren't supposed to argue with their masters, or he's heard. "How would my Master like for his boy to accomplish that, sir?" he asks instead.

Gerard frowns at the sudden return of formal tone, but if Teak finds it comforting, then who's Gerard to object? "With his hand. Or my hand," he remedies, "if he so prefers." It's been a while since Gerard jacked Jonny Lee off when not fucking him and it'd be a welcome change of pace.

The formal tone is very comforting, not because it allows him to distance himself, but because it makes him feel even more Pire's, like he's owned. "Your boy would very much like to have his Master's hand on him." He pushes the covers down from around his face, to his shoulders.

Gerard places his hand flat on Jonny Lee's neck and strokes against his Adam's apple. "Then my boy needs to stop hiding," he says softly.

"Yes, sir." He pushes himself up out of the covers against the propped-up pillows. "Out of hiding."

"Good boy." Gerard smiles and trails his hand slowly lower, down Jonny Lee's shoulders, chest, stomach. He cups Jonny Lee's balls and massages them lightly.

He lets out a small whimpering moan at the touch, clenches and unclenches his fists, just for the movement. "Please, sir, your boy hurts so much."

"And is that a bad thing?" Gerard teases. "You've standing permission to come, boy, so whenever you want."

The words are all it takes, the reminder, and Jonny Lee comes with a loud grunt, slamming his head back into the wall, white jets of cum spraying wherever they want. He's shivering from the intensity, the rush, his hands nearly tearing holes in the dark red sheets.

Gerard's more than awed at Jonny Lee's self-control. "Good boy," he whispers. He brings his hand up to his mouth and licks Jonny Lee's come off.

Jonny Lee just watches, more than turned on by the sight of his lover, his Master, licking his hand clean. He catches his breath. "Your boy thanks his Master for the privilege of coming in his hand. Is there anything else his Master would have of him tonight?"

"No," Gerard replies. He smiles a little, then gets under the covers with his boy.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16659.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	28. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/04/) 17:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16549&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16549) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16549) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=16549&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Lunch plans

Tomorrow (Thursday) I'll be having lunch with Peter. Is there any sort of message you'd like me to give him? Any restriction you want to put on my behaviour?

~~Christ, one word out of his mouth and I want to get on my knees for him~~

-Gerry  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[email response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-05 01:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=35749&format=light#t35749))   
---|---  
To: gerard@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: Lunch plans  
  
  
If my Master feels it is appropriate, he should say hello to Mr. Wingfield for his boy. Your boy feels it is not his place to put restrictions on his Master's behavior.  
  
 ~~And he won't say a damned word about you signing the email Gerry.~~  
  
~ Jonny 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?replyto=35749&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=35749&format=light#t35749))  
  
|  **Re: [email response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-05 04:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=36005&format=light#t36005))   
---|---  
To: jlm@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Out of role, please  
  
  
  
I'm going to be very candid here, Teak. There's a bloody good chance that by the time two o'clock rolls around, I'll going to be on my knees. Is there anything you wouldn't want me to do while in subspace?  
  
  
  
-Your Pire 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?replyto=36005&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=35749&format=light#t35749))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=36005&format=light#t36005))  
  
|  **Re: [email response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-05 04:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=36261&format=light#t36261))   
---|---  
To: gerard@establishment.rpg  
From: jlm@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: Out of role, please  
  
Okay, out of role now. **Way** out.  
  
I'm not having this conversation via email when we're in the same damned house. I'm coming downstairs and finding you, and we can talk face-to-face.  
  
~ Teak 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?replyto=36261&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/16549.html?thread=36005&format=light#t36005))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	29. peterwing: A boy and his Master do lunch

| Peter Wingfield ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/05/) 18:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=2302&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=2302) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=2302) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=2302&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****A boy and his Master do lunch** ** _  
[players, not pups, follows [this journal exchange](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1058.html) between peter wingfield and gerard butler, taking place thursday, february 5]

  
Peter arrives at the restaurant early, as usual, and takes the table he's been sitting at for years. In the back corner, nearest the kitchen, a paper screen separating it from the main traffic flow, dimly lit and walls at both their backs. Thi, the owner, knows him well enough that she's always overlooked anything that happens in the corner. He orders starters and drinks, water and oolong tea for Gerry and sake for him, and sits back to wait, not bothering to glance at his watch as he knows Gerry better than to think he'd be late.

Gerard arrives exactly three minutes early. Five minutes early would make him seem too eager, five minutes late disrespectful. And exactly on time would make it seem like he was trying too hard. By now he's got it down to a science and Gerard walks through the doors with time to spare. Of course, Peter, being the bastard he is, probably beat him there. But Gerard had never expected anything less from Peter.

He doesn't get up as Thi shows Gerry to the table. Peter's betting Gerry hasn't set foot in this restaurant since they were here together last, but he can tell from the animated expression on Thi's face that he remembers him. But, Peter smiles, it's hard to forget someone who spent nearly every meal on his knees in the corner.

Gerard can't help but blush at the look Thi gives him. It's been ages since he's been here and he can't believe she remembers him. The old feeling of humiliation is crawling back into his stomach, slowly but surely. It's given a jolt as Gerard sets eyes on Peter. "Hello, sir," he murmurs.

"Gerry," Peter nods, his voice cordial. "Sit."

It's an order and neither of them are going to pretend otherwise. Gerard obeys, taking a seat across from Peter. He folds his hands in his laps and focuses to a point just above and to the right of Peter's head.

"I've ordered for us, of course." Peter pours himself a small cup of the hot sake. "For starters, we're having the satay, po-pia and tom yum hed." He nods to Thi, who moves off into the kitchen. "You still drink the oolong tea, I presume."

"Yes, sir." Gerard replies. "Thank you, sir." He's never liked the tea, but it was better than nothing.

"So," he sips at the sake, "how have you been?" Polite conversation has its place, and it's best to start off easy. "It's been, how many years?" Peter doesn't need to ask; he knows down to the day. But there's no reason for Gerry to know that.

"Six years, sir?" Gerard's in no mental space to do math right now. Later on, once he gets back and is in Jonny Lee's arms, he'll do all the math, get it down exactly. But for right now, it's a haphazard guess.

The sigh is audible even over the cup's rim. "Times change. It's polite now to answer a question with a question, I assume." He sits down the cup, ignoring the transgression. "And you've been well, I take it."

As much as he doesn't want it to, Gerard find that it hurts that Peter's found him to be impolite. He bites back a retort and forces himself to meet Peter's eye. "Yes, sir, I have been very well. And yourself?"

"Quite well. Keeping busy. There's another _Highlander_ on the radar, and I assume I'll be headed back to Vancouver if I choose to do that." He sits back as the food arrives, already plated into equal portions, chicken satay and vegetable springs rolls on plates and the soup ladled into oversized bowls. "Go ahead, Gerry. Eat. It is not impolite to carry on conversation during the meal. Tell me what you've been doing."

Gerard picks up his soup spoon hesitantly. "Thank you, sir. I've been doing well. I just finished shooting _Phantom of the Opera_ and I'll be going to Los Angeles in a few days to record the cast commentary on another movie I did, called _Timeline_." Gerard knows it's too much to hope that Peter's seen any of his movies, but he can't help wishing nonetheless.

" _Timeline_." He pauses. "Ah, yes. Crichton novel. I read it. Enjoyed the concept. Perhaps I'll get the DVD, now that I know you're in it." He takes several sips of the soup, then puts the spoon down and picks up the skewer of satay. On to less polite issues. "And your personal life. I _know_ how that's going." He pulls the chicken off with his teeth, licks the peanut sauce from his lips. "A boy, Gerry," he says with the smallest of wicked smiles, the condescending tone rather loud.

This time Gerard does flinch. "Yes, sir. A boy. Jonny Lee Miller, I believe the two of you have met."

"Did we meet?" It's too easy to make this humiliating. Peter finishes off the satay. He knows which buttons to push, and being with Gerry again for five minutes has him wanting to push every last one. "Oh, yes. Brown hair, beautiful eyes," he drops the skewer back to the plate, "and crawls as well as you do."

Gerard bites his lip. "No, sir, I can't say he does. My boy is better at it than I'll ever be. He's graceful and athletic, two things that I most certainly am not."

Peter laughs, retrieving his sake cup. "Right. I had forgotten just how clumsy you are."

Peter's words bring back too many memories for comfort. "Yes, sir, this boy is pretty damn clumsy."

"And is that who I'm having lunch with," Peter asks, his voice eerily monotone, showing no desire in the answer to the question he's asking, "my boy?"

There is no fucking right answer to that one, and Peter knows it. Gerard has to take several deep breathes before he can answer. _Don't let him get to you. He's just trying to get a rise. He's trying to pinpoint your weakness, Pire, so don't show him any._ "If you wish, sir."

"That is not an answer." _If you wish_. The unequivocally non-committal way out of any question. And Gerry should remember how much Peter doesn't like it. "My boy would know his place and the proper responses to my questions."

"Then sir should take it to mean that I'm no longer his boy." The words come out more stiff and formal than Gerard had intended but, damn it, he's sick of Peter treating him like an idiot.

"That _is_ an answer." Peter leaves it at that, leaves Gerry to suss out what he may or may not mean, to stew if he chooses. He goes back to eating, picking up the spring roll and dipping it into the plum sauce and biting into it.

Gerard finishes his soup, content to eat in silence. Now that he's here, now that he's facing his past, he isn't so sure he wants to ask Peter anymore. It seems too scary a solution.

The silence gives Peter time to reflect. His boy has grown up, changed, taken on responsibilities he may or may not be ready for. He wonders if that's what brings him to lunch. "Jonny Lee is quite an interesting boy, Gerry," he says, starting conversation back after Thi's taken their entree order. "I presume he relayed my message back to you."

"He did, yes. And he sends back his regards." Gerard licks his lips nervously. "About why I asked you to lunch," he trails off. "I, um." Get a grip, Gerry. "I was wondering, if you're free."

"An impressive boy, actually," he starts, then picks up on Gerry's second thread. "Free for what, Gerry?" Now comes the time for truth, Peter thinks, and as to why he was asked to lunch.

Gerard looks away, then forces himself to meet Peter's gaze. "This boy needs to sub," he says slowly, quietly.

"Then why is he sitting across from me?" Peter asks just as quietly. Any action to reinitiate what they once had has to be Gerry's, not his.

Gerard bites his lower lip and takes a shuddering breath before answering. "Because he isn't sure yet if this is what he needs."

Peter finds himself willing to indulge, help the decision-making process along. "Test your theory, then, Gerry." He looks straight at Gerry, meeting his gaze. "Come over here and kneel beside me, like you used to do. See what it makes you feel."

That makes sense, and it should be all that painful. Gerard nods silently and slides to his knees. He crawls the few steps to Peter and then kneels up next to him, eyes lowered, hands behind his back.

The smile is genuine, thin across his lips, as Peter runs a single finger through Gerry's too-short hair. "What is my boy thinking?" he asks softly.

The touch is electrifying and it makes Gerard shiver. "That maybe he made a mistake," Gerard whispers.

"At which point, Gerry?" He will admit to a rush of adrenaline at having Gerry at his side again, of being able to glance down and see him on his knees. "When you slid from your chair just now? Or when got off your knees six years ago?"

Just the two choices Gerard was thinking of, and he has no fucking clue which one he was talking about. Leaving Peter when he did was a good thing. He knows that, Peter knows that, the entire fucking world knows that. And going back to him might not be such a good idea, even if only for an afternoon. "I'm not sure. Either. Both. Maybe neither of them."

Peter knows the dilemma Gerry's facing. The desire to submit is intense, some would say more powerful than the need to dominate. For the switch, there is a delicate balance that it usually held in check, a thin edge he walks on between the two worlds. At the moment, Gerry wants to be in both worlds, and that's a hard trick. "What happens, Gerry, if you stay on your knees through lunch? Eat from my hand, be my boy." Peter offers what might be considered a compromise. "Does your world disintegrate?"

"No, it would not." That answer's easy, quick, and immediate. There's nothing degrading about eating from Peter's hand. There's nothing even degrading on being on his knees for Peter. The degradation starts when Peter talks to him, tells him how he looks while submitting. "I would be happy to."

"That's my good boy," Peter says, dropping back into a familiar voice pattern, the light airy tone he compliments with. He looks up to see the rest of their meal arriving, nods casually at its placement on the table. "Now, would my boy like to try the beef first or the noodles?"

The choice is harder than it sounds. Gerard's never liked the beef, but it will be a lot easier to eat on his knees. And the noodles here are to die for. "Noodles, sir."

Peter smiles, knowing exactly the dilemma Gerry faces. He sticks his finger into the dish of noodles, twirling it and coiling the strands, then quietly he puts the finger to Gerry's lips. "You know how I dislike a mess, Gerry. I expect you to be neat."

"Yes, sir," Gerard whispers, then opens his mouth to Peter's finger. He sucks the noodle off quickly, then circles his tongue around the digit, cleaning up the sauce, then moving on to almost fellating it.

"Did I give you permission to do that?" Peter jerks his finger from Gerry's mouth. "Sucking on it like a common whore." He coils another noodle around his finger and holds it up. "Try it again, Gerry."

Gerard doesn't blush at the whore remark, but Peter's tone of voice is enough to send his heart rate up and make him want to shudder. "Yes, sir," Gerard replies softly, shamed. He pulls the noodle off using only his lips and then licks them off.

"Much better." Peter picks up his fork and twirls a mound of noodles, bringing them to his own mouth. "Your manners leave a lot to be desired, Gerry, but they never were the best." It should be easy to humiliate him, and Peter wonders just how much his boy had matured in the years apart.

Gerard's fingernails dig into his palm. _This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake._ "Yes, sir."

The body language is unmistakable. Gerry's uncomfortable, about to explode, Peter would guess, much like the man who came to him begging to be broken. "Perhaps you should ask that boy of yours for lessons. His manners were near perfect." He puts the fork down and picks up a piece of the seasoned beef and holds it just above Gerry's mouth. "Be a good boy and eat your lunch."

There's a growl building in the pit of his stomach, but Gerard forces it down. Control. He has to learn control. And so he says nothing about Jonny Lee not having to deal with Peter outside of bed and opens his mouth to accept the beef.

"You never were any good at controlling your emotions." Peter pushes the beef onto Gerry's tongue, nearly down his throat. "They always ended up getting the best of you."

Gerard gags a little on the meat and lurches forward so he doesn't choke. He manages to get the beef between his teeth and begin to chew it. It doesn't taste as good as the noodles did.

Peter unceremoniously dumps the remnants of soup out of its bowl onto an empty plate and fills it with the water from Gerry's glass. He sits it on the table's edge. "Don't choke yourself."

Gerard can't help it. He glares up at Peter even as he's trying to figure out how he's supposed to drink from the bowl without teetering it over the edge.

"You never were any good at controlling your emotions." Peter pushes the beef onto Gerry's tongue, nearly down his throat. "They always ended up getting the best of you."

A smirking glance is all that's warranted, or given, and Peter returns to eating, spearing two pieces of the dripping beef and lowering them with great drama into his mouth. Gerry will either drink or not. The choice is his.

Gerard settles on twisting his tongue inward and using it as a straw to suck up the water. It isn't the first time Peter's put him in this sort of position, but it's bee a long time since he's had to practice holding his temper while giving into Peter's deranged sense of humor. And Gerard can't help but admit to himself that he's enjoying this.

Peter's pleasantly surprised Gerry remembers how to do it. Perhaps he hasn't lost all his training. "When my boy finishes, he may ask for more to eat. I'm sure he's hungry." And if he's not, Peter knows other things he can do with his mouth.

Gerard doesn't give voice to his groan. There's no way he can drink all the water without tipping it over, so he grabs the brim of the bowl in his teeth and deposits it on the floor, being careful not to spill anything over.

Peter tracks the movements, the decision-making, is impressed by the ingenuity. But, unfortunately, it's not what he wanted. He doesn't raise his voice, or his hand, but speaks calmly, actually pitching his voice a tone lower. "If I had intended the bowl to be on the floor, boy, I would've put it there myself." There is no mistaking the displeasure in his words.

Gerard can't hold back the groan. Crap. He tucks his head against his chest and murmurs, "Your boy is sorry, master."

"My boy always managed to get himself in trouble by second-guessing his Master." Peter swirls noodles around his fork, shoves them in his mouth, keeps talking. "How does my boy intend to make amends for such serious an infraction?"

"By....by....," Gerard gulps and closes his eyes tightly. "By offering you everything and keeping nothing of himself back from master."

"That's a rather generous offer." Peter pushes his chair back. "Thi would not blink at seeing my boy service his Master." He turns the chair, spreads his legs. "Head up, boy. I want to see your eyes."

Gerard gulps, but raises his head obediently. Opening his eyes takes longer, and once the darkness passes, he sees Peter glowering at him. Gerard flinches and takes several steadying breathes before managing a, "Thank you, master."

"Come to think of it, you don't deserve to be called boy. Even now you flinch at just having to look at me." Peter leans down, elbows on knees. "I trained that out of you, boy. Obviously you've backslid." He smiles, not an ounce of comfort in it. "I almost feel sorry for Jonny Lee, having to please such a pathetic excuse for," he pauses, looking for the right word, "well, everything."

It takes all Gerard's self-control to keep looking at Peter. "Yes, master," he murmurs. The words cut him to the quick, and he needs to keep reminding himself that what Peter says doesn't fucking matter and it isn't fucking true.

"That's all you can say. 'Yes, master'," he mimics Gerry's voice. "You should thank your Master for pointing out your shortcomings." He sighs. "Although pointing all of them out would take so much longer than lunch." That smile again, thin and drawn out. "That boy of yours isn't expecting you home any time soon, is he?"

Gerard's cursing himself for not establishing such a limit as that with Jonny Lee. He knows better than to lie to Peter, though. "Yes, master. Thank you, master, for pointing out this unworthy boy's," Gerard trips over the words, but he goes on nonetheless. "obvious deficiencies. And, no, master, this one's boy is not expecting his master until dinner."

"Then my boy can strip. We'll start there." He turns back to the table, pours another small cup of sake. "I don't expect to issue orders more than once," he says without looking up.

Gerard was already working on it once the last word was out of Peter's mouth, but he hurries it up once the rebuke comes.

Peter turns back to see Gerry rushing through the undressing. "Too fast," he reprimands, settling back against the chair. "I said 'strip' not dash and throw your clothes on the floor. Do it again."

He freezes, not sure if he should redress and then strip, or just continue from where he is. After a moment, he starts stripping again, slower this time, making a show of it.

"A bit better." Peter would make Gerry completely redress and start over, but he's not in a mood. It's been a long time since he's seen what he once owned, that body he felt tremble at his touch. "Do you remember what I taught you about properly undressing? Even with stripping, neatness counts."

Gerard's given up on hoping that his blush will recede any time this afternoon. "Yes, master," he murmurs, and takes the buttons down slowly and properly. He folds his shirt once it's off, and then goes at his pants, circling his hips as he does it.

"That's adequate," Peter allows.

Adequate. High praise coming from a man who regulates every word that passes through his lips. Gerard grimaces, hating that he needs this, needs this sort of tacit approval. "Thank you."

"It is reassuring to see you haven't lost all your training, Gerry." He sips at the sake. "Have you been passing it on? Been teaching your boy how to do things properly." He motions absently with his hand. "Finish. Quickly. Efficiently. Then back on your knees."

"No." The word comes out harsh and rough. "Sir. No, I haven't. I treat my boy with kindness, which is more than can be said for you." Gerard had been perfectly correct when he'd told Jonny Lee that Peter was a great man. But he hadn't qualified his statement. Peter could strip him to shreds with a glance. And Gerard had always been protective of what was his.

Peter tamps down his temper, a learned control over the years, a far cry from when he would leash out in pure rage, much more like Methos than himself. "On. Your. Knees. Boy." He says each word clearly, precisely, with a much sharper edge than Gerry's harsh sputterings.

The reflex is automatic. Before the last word is out of Peter's mouth, Gerard is back on his knees, his head tucked against his chest, his hands clasped firmly behind his back. He's counting down from a hundred in his head, waiting for hell to come loose. He knows it'll be soon.

Calmingly setting down the sake cup, Peter slides himself to the chair's edge, reaches out and wraps his hand around Gerry's throat. "Was it not kindness that prompted me to take in a miscreant?" He squeezes, his other hand sliding to the back of Gerry's neck, keeping him from pulling away. "Was it not kindness that allowed me to deal with such a pathetic creature as you?" His grip tightens as he talks. "I wasted so many hours trying to make something decent out of you, and this is what you give me back." He doesn't have to look down to know how hard Gerry's getting, just on being reprimanded. "A boy who can't control himself in public, an embarrassment to his master."

Gerard, if pressed, will argue until he turns blue that he does not like humiliation. He will talk about how it makes him feel like shit, like not worth the air he's breathing. He will mention how this and that, will give examples from here and there, but there is no way he can deny that when Peter talks to him like this, he gets hard. He wants more. The shame in that almost overwhelms Gerard's shame at the words. He bites his lips, but he can't stop the shaking in his shoulders. _Anywhere but here._

"Those were not rhetorical questions, boy." He loosens his grip just enough for quick breaths, words.

Oh, fuck, he can't mean...Gerard takes in a shuddering breath and tries to exhale out all his tension. He needs to relax. The only way out is through. "Yes, sir." he answers steadily. "Sir was indeed kind. This boy is an ingrate, an embarrassment, and he reflects poorly on Sir's time and effort."

It's almost music to his ears, the admission. He knows exactly how hard it is for Gerry to get the words out. They spent hours just on that element alone, coming to terms with verbalizing his inadequacies. "Now," he says, fingers reapplying a pressure, slightly more gentle, to the throat, "my boy is going to show me just how grateful he is. He's going to touch himself the way I taught him, the way he done before, in this same restaurant, on his knees, telling me how much he appreciates what I do for him."

Gerard can't help but lean into the touch on his throat, wishing it was harder, wishing Peter's fingers were digging into his skin. He doesn't want bruises, but he wants to come almost up to that. Gerard opens his mouth to beg for more, then remembers what Peter did to him the last time he begged for pain. Flinching a little, Gerard's hand slips down to his thighs. His thumb and forefinger dance lightly up and down his cock. "Sir," he begins, timing the movements of his hand to coincide with the rhythm of his voice, "your boy appreciates everything sir does for him. Your boy knows how aggravating it must be for sir to have to deal with this boy's insuffiencies. This boy is not worth sir's time and he is grateful, very grateful, that sir takes the time to discipline this boy and remind him of his place."

Peter's fingers tighten as Gerry talks, so by the time the last words are out, there's no more air for language. "That's infinitely better," he hisses in a low whisper, a deathly calm softness. "My boy may come and please his Master even more."

Gerard can hardly breathe, but somehow, it's easy to come. After all, Peter ordered him to. And it's nothing new, this. Nothing Gerard hasn't done a hundred times over. He comes over his hand, but knows better than to lick it off without permission. And he's no breath to beg.

He counts, very slowly, to a thousand, before easing up his fingers, knowing to the second how close Gerry can go. "Clean yourself up, boy," he says, sitting back, steepling his fingers and watching.

In those words, Gerard knows, is an order to use his mouth. The memories come rushing in with the air, but Gerard doesn't waste any time before bringing his hand up to his mouth and licking himself clean. Funny, but it's always tasted better when he was doing this for someone he loves.

"Adequate, Gerry." High praise, actually. "If I were impressed easily, I'd give you points for not having to be told exactly _how_ to clean yourself."

"Thank you, master." Gerard can see how hard this has been making Peter and if he were any less trained, he'd ask if he could get Peter off. But Gerry's not that stupid.

Peter's been denying his own needs, other than the desire to watch Gerry sink back into the headspace. "What is my boy's next responsibility to his Master?" It's open-ended enough to let Gerry drop himself down that final step.

"To bring his master pleasure in whichever way Master prefers." It's the best way Gerard can think to say what Peter wants to hear.

"Then beg me." Peter can wait all day if he needs. He doesn't really care. "I want to hear very specific words, boy. You know how to ask."

Gerard licks his lips and tastes his come. It centers him, brings him back down, reminds him what he needs to do for completion. "Master, this boy would like to bring you pleasure with his inadequate mouth."

"My boy has permission to try to pleasure me." Peter smiles, calling to mind the familiar exchange of words. "I'm sure he'll be as adequate as he can."

Gerard crawls the few paces over to Peter and kneels up. His hands go behind his back and his teeth start to work at the button. Out, up, and over. Yes. He remembers how to do this. Then the zipper, tugging it down slowly, carefully.

Peter sits back, stretches out his legs, relaxes. It has been a long time since he had anyone serve him like this. A part of him truly misses it. An even more suppressed part of him misses Gerry. But what was can't be again. Not like before. Too many changes. "That's nice, boy," he says softly, reaching out a hand and running it over Gerry's too-short hair. "I always liked it longer. It is a shame what we have to do for careers." The musings are his own, not meant to elicit response.

The kindness in Peter's voice startles Gerard, but not enough to make him stop what he's doing. He frees Peter's cock and starts to give it tentative licks along the base.

Too hesitant. Too gentle. "Have you forgotten how I like it?" Peter's voice condescends again. "Your boy didn't have to seem any trouble picking up on my needs."

Gerard doesn't need any more prompting. His licks turn into attacks as if he's trying to put his mouth everywhere at once.

Peter's sucked-in breath is the only response Gerry gets, the hiss out the only encouragement. That's definitely more like he remembers Gerry being, all eager and willing to do anything to please.

In the years between, Gerard's forgotten how this feels. _Fucking wonderful._ Peter in his mouth and no way of knowing if what he's doing is good or bad.

Closing his eyes, he lets the sensation of a hot mouth overcome him, taking him back so easily. His hand pulls Gerry forward even as his hips thrust slightly. "All of it, boy," he hisses, calculating the little amount of time he has to savor this. "Take it deep."

"Yes, master," Gerard murmurs, then pulls back so he can get the proper angle. He's been practicing this and so it's easier than expected to deep-throat Peter.

Peter can tell Gerry's been practicing, going down with much more ease, a good bit more expertise. Jonny Lee's been good for more than Peter thought. "Almost there," he says. "Count to 10 and stop."

Gerard nods and his fingernails dig into his palm as he counts. Once the count is finished, he stops sucking, but he does not pull back.

Teetering on the edge, Peter chooses his words carefully. "Pull off, Gerry, and beg for it." He smirks. "You know how."

Damn him. Why can't he just come in Gerry's mouth like a normal person? Gerard can't quite hide the growl as he pulls back. Licks his lips, swallows, and tries to look obedient. "Master, your boy begs for the pleasure of tasting you."

Peter wraps his hand over his cock, fingers flexing as he strokes. Once. Twice. Then he's coming, streams of white jetting over Gerry's face. "There, my boy, taste all you want," he moans through the orgasm.

Gerard flicks his tongue up and licks up all the come he can. "Thank you, master," he moans. "May this boy have permission to use his hands?"

"Yes, he may," Peter says, settling back again.

Gerard grins. "Thank you, master." His hands come up immediately and soon he's licking his fingers clean of the last of it.

“Aren't you forgetting something?"

Probably. Gerard's always forgetting something around Peter. "This boy knows that he probably is, but he is too," Gerard searches for the right word, "he is too obtuse to know what."

"Stupid boy." Peter shakes his head. "Never were very grateful for the things you didn't deserve."

Oh. That. "Your undeserving boy thanks you for the gift of tasting you, master. He knows he is not worth it and that it was a kindness on Master's part to give this boy that which he does not deserve."

There's not an ounce of sincerity in Gerry's voice, and it drips over Peter's brain. No going home again. He slaps Gerry hard across the face. "Pathetic. Insincere. Bastard." Straightens himself up, not the least bit concerned about being cleaned. "Why the fuck are you here, Gerry?" His words are more angry than his voice, a trait Gerry always found annoying, that Peter was so slow to ire.

Gerard's standing before he even realize his knees were straightening and he ignores the way they complain from standing so quickly after kneeling for so long. He doesn't give a shit. "You bastard," he hisses. "Did you ever even _think_ how hard this is for me? I haven't subbed in five bloody years, _sir_. Whereas, how long as it been since you put someone on his knees for you? Two hours? Two days?" Gerard can feel his cheeks going hot and it's not only from Peter's hand. "I'm damn well trying, Peter! I'm trying to sub to you and I knew from the start that it wouldn't be fucking easy, but at least I'm trying. That's more than I can say for you. Have you expended even a fucking _ounce_ of effort at all?" Gerard sneers. "Of course you haven't. This is all just a walk in the park for the high and mighty Peter Wingfield. And the rest of us should just bow and scrape and be grateful to be in his shining presence, eh? Fuck. That."

Peter stands, calmly pushing Gerry's body back into the wall with solid, commanding steps forward. "Not that it's any of your business, but your boy," he pauses, faces inches from Gerry's, "your boy was the first since you walked out the door." He's not at all sure why he's admitting that. Maybe he needs to prove something. "It's not _my_ place to expend effort, Gerry. You know how we played the game." His hands are on Gerry's shoulders now, pinning him into the cool plaster. "You remember the rules, Gerry. You tried, I reprimanded. You succeeded, I condescended."

Gerard doesn't resist as Peter shoves him back into the wall. Just keeps eye contact, not really caring that his eyes are getting wetter by the moment. He doesn't even hear Peter's words, just the tone, and it cuts deep. "Damn you, Peter Wingfield," he whispers. "Can't you be kind for one fucking moment in your life?"

The words cut into Peter's brain, ripping into his heart, even through Gerry would say he doesn't have one. "You never asked for kindness, Gerry." His hands fumble their way to either side of Gerry's head, holding him steady. "You asked me to break you." And he does something quite unexpected. Peter kisses Gerry, roughly, popping his head back against the wall.

Gerard's mouth is open to retort and suddenly Peter's kissing him, hard, rough, and delicious. He doesn't think, he doesn't even wonder how they got from being angry to kissing, but he doesn't care. It's Peter and he's kissing Gerry and Gerry _hasn't begged for it_. And so Gerard does the only thing that seems natural. He meets Peter head on and moans.

Peter deepens the kiss enough for tongues to swab each other, refamiliarize, then just as abruptly, he pulls back. "There, Gerry," he says, sucking and biting Gerry's bottom lip, "there's your one fucking moment of kindness." He pushes himself off, steps back. "Hope you enjoy it."

Oh, Christ. That's enough to send the first tears over. "You were right, sir," he says, amazing himself at how steady his voice comes out. "Kindness hurts more than humiliation." He swallows hard. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Wingfield, I don't think we have anything left to say to each other."

"No, I don't guess we do." Peter turns without another word, biting back the hitch in his breathing, denying that it's emotion, tears welling up. "Lunch is paid for, so don't worry about that." He pauses. "Please tell Jonny I said hello and that I think he," swallows hard, "I think he has an excellent Master." With that, he walks off, around the screen, heading out of the restaurant. As he nears the door, he turns his head, smiles. "No, Gerry, we have a lot left to say to each other," he muses under his breath.

Numb, Gerard gathers up his clothes and manages to get his arms and legs through their proper holes. _An excellent master_. Peter thinks he's...Peter thinks he's...ah, fuck it all, Gerard tells himself. It shouldn't bloody well matter what Peter thinks. But it does, and it hurts. Of course it hurts.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2302.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	30. Chapter 30

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/06/) 10:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=17662&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=17662) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=17662) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=17662&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Conflicted  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Billy Squire  
  
_**What's he to Hecuba?**_  
[as private as it can get without it being burned in a garbage can fire]  
  
  
  
Once upon a time, there was a boy who found freedom in submission. And you got to hand it to Peter, being talented enough to put me under without giving me pain. I don't think I could do it. Well, I probably could. But Teak's different. He's naturally a submissive. I'm not. But there was a part of me that desperately wanted to stay with Peter. Fuck it, I'm _still_ barely a step away from going to my knees around him. He gives me a look and I'm under. I've never met anyone who could do that to me.  
  
  
Except for Harry. He had me going...but he backed off when I told him to. And I trust him enough to scene with, but I don't trust him enough to put me under. It's part of that character flaw thing I was talking to Mark about. First time I saw Harry as a dom, he was being cruel. It's going to be close to impossible now to stop seeing him as cruel when I think of him in those terms. So, no, I don't trust him to put me under. Come to think of it, when I first met Peter, I didn't trust him enough to put me under. Not that I thought he could.  
  
  
I need to go under. I've known that for a month now, maybe. Only came out to myself about it a few days ago. I need to go under again, see the world from the side of the submissive. I've promised Teak that he can watch if someone else does it, but that's a promise I don't want to have to keep. I don't want him to see me crying on my knees, offering myself in exchange for eternity in subspace. I don't want him to see me degraded, crawling around on the floor after the dom, begging. I don't want him to think of me that way. When he closes his eyes to think of me, I want him to see me thrusting over him, loving him. I don't want him to see me like that.  
  
  
Teak's a switch. It's so easy to forget that. I've never seen him dom _anyone_ , and the few times I've seen him be one of those whirlwind forces that make you want to kneel was in our one scene together when he sets me on fire. And Wes couldn't understand why I couldn't stop getting hard when I looked at him. Told me to keep off-set off-set. Which is impossible when whenever you look at your lover, you see him looking at you with pleading eyes, begging you to cut harder, deeper, to fuck him harder, deeper, to own him, possess him...  
  
  
  
 _Butler_.  
  
  
  
  
Alright. Fact is, I love him and I trust him and I _do not_ want to sub to him. I want to own him. I want to come home to him to see him kneeling for me, wearing nothing but his collar. I want him to sit on my lap while he plays his video games. I want to fuck him during, to see how many times I can make him die. I want to torture him, to beat him until he safewords, to hold him afterwards and tell him what a good boy he is.  
  
  
  
And I want so much more than that. The more I take, the more I want. I want to explore all his limits, see which of them are hard and which of them we can break through. I want to walk him through the club on my leash and then fuck him for everyone to see, just so they know who he belongs to. Fuck, I want to go to Tourist Bloody Central and fuck him for the _world_ to see. I want everyone to know that Teak's mine and I love him and he loves me and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of that.  
  
  
  
But before I can own him, I have to learn how to be a dominant. One of the few things I did with my membership the first time around was take lessons in using floggers and knives. Still don't know how to single-tail, but if it ever comes to that, we'll decide on a mutual friend to do it. I don't think I want to know how to use a single-tail. Little extreme, even for me. But I don't know if the Establishment gives lessons in dominating. I wouldn't need anything major, just someone to tell me how to punish him.  
  
  
  
I can count very quickly the number of times I've punished him. Ever. Usually punishment was not getting fucked, or not getting to sleep in bed with me. Mind you, there's never all that much to punish him _for_. If he ever resisted me in a scene, and if it looked to me like he really didn't want to do this, I'd end scene. And if it looked like he was just resisting me to be the snarky bastard I love, then I'd fight him every step of the way, but what happens in scene stays in scene. What's to punish about that? Last time I punished him was for coming without permission, and there was that guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach for doing that. It's a point of pride for me that I don't ask a submissive to do anything I wouldn't be willing to do. But Teak gets off on orgasm control. He gets off on being hurt. So those are two things I do that I would refuse to have done to me. And those two aren't all that bad, I suppose.  
  
  
  
But I think he wants to go under further for me. Fuck that, I _know_ he wants to go under further for me. And the day will probably come when he doesn't address me properly, or doesn't want to do something just because he's being stubborn, and then I'd have to punish him. And I have no bloody idea how to do that. Can't beat him, because he likes being beaten and I like beating him. Punishment by its very definition isn't meant to be enjoyed. I don't know how to punish him. If he came to me one day and asked to be tied to a wall and beaten until he screamed, that wouldn't be punishment. Is it punishment if he didn't ask for it first?  
  
  
  
Fuck it all, I can't even remember when he started calling me Master all the time. Before it was something that was said almost as a joke. I could come from it alone, just that word on his lips. But sometime in the past couple months, it became much more regular than that. Half the time it's begging his master. Occasionally he'll drop back to 'sir' and even less occasionally he'll call me Pire during a scene, but I can't ignore all the connotations of the word 'master'.  
  
  
  
  
And we won't even mention that I traced the word 'slave' on him when I was cutting him. Won't. Even. Mention.  
  
  
  
 ~~I need~~  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/17662.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	31. gerard: London Bar, Saturday night 2/7

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/07/) 10:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20827&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20827) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20827) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20827&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar, Saturday night 2/7** _  
[players, not pups. Ger and JL didn't stay long in the bar chat, so their interactions are crossposted here and the rest is just being linked to.]

**Gerard:** *Gerard walks in, dressed head to toe in black. Jonny Lee follows him in, and they make their way to the bar*

**Ewan:** *Ewan and Jude enter from the restaurant. Spotting Jonny and Ger, Ewan waves and heads towards them* Hey!

**Jude:** *Jude follows behind Ewan. He is slightly flushed, his tailored suit a little disheveled*

**Jude:** Hullo guys. Fancy meeting you here.

**Jonny Lee:** *pushes up too-long sleeves on tailored white shirt* Hi. Good to see you.

**Gerard:** Where else is there to go on a Saturday night? *grins*

**Ewan:** Hell, I remember when I first joined the club and wasn't working, I'd be down here every night of the week. *laughs*

**Jonny Lee:** Who wants what? I'll get first round. *motions to barkeep*

**Gerard:** Water for me, Teak.

**Jude:** Tomato juice, thanks. *takes a seat on a barstool, moving carefully*

**Ewan:** Pint for me, ta.

**Jonny Lee:** Got it. Two pints, a water and a 'mato juice. *places order and turns back to bar*

**Jonny Lee:** *holds out pint to Ewan* Here you go, mate. *to Carrie-Anne and Jason* Hi. Nice to see you again.

**Ewan:** Ta. *takes a drink and leans up against the bar*

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Jonny* Yeah, been a while! How've you been?

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles* Fine, ma'am. You doing well, I hope.

**Gerard:** *looks from Jonny to Carrie-Anne* We haven't met properly. Gerry Butler.

**Carrie-Anne:** *smiles at him* Not in real life. *holds out her hand* Carrie-Anne. This is Jason.

**Gerard:** *shakes it* We met at Michael Stipe's party. You were handing out brownies.

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs* Oh yeah, which may be why my memory's so fuzzy.

**Jonny Lee:** *notices Natalie and waves more exaggeratingly than he should* Nat!

**Gerard:** *bristles a little* Yeah. Anyway, it's nice to make your acquaintance.

**Jason:** Nice to meet you. *offers his hand to Gerard*

**Gerard:** *shakes* Pleasure.

**Carrie-Anne:** *gives Ger a slight smile and then turns to Jude* So did Ewan tell you we had a torrid affair while you were in LA?

**Natalie:** *hears somebody call her name. Spies Jonny. Waves back and makes her way over* Jonny! Hello.

**Jonny Lee:** Hey, Natalie. *steps in, hugs her* Good to see you.

**Jonny Lee:** I'm great. *pulls back, lifting her arm* Got any new charms?

**Natalie:** *grins at Jonny* Not yet, I'm working on it. *sticks out her other hand and shakes Carrie-Anne's* Nice to meet you, too.

**Jonny Lee:** *having let go of Natalie's hand, drops back to bar, picks up pint and sips at beer*

**Gerard:** *grins, decides to torment his boy* *slides very close to Jonny* *whispers* Do you remember what we did here last week?

**Jonny Lee:** *feels less vulnerable with Pire's hand on him* Yes, sir. I do, sir.

**Gerard:** *strokes Jonny* You were so beautiful.

**Jonny Lee:** *leans back into Gerard, taking in conversation around him* What time's our flight?

**Gerard:** Two, but we'll need to get there a few hours beforehand.

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls Gerard's arm tighter around his waist* Then we've got a bit of time to relax. Promise I won't get drunk, sir.

**Gerard:** Get drunk all you want. *kisses Jonny's hair* It's a night flight and I've porn.

**Carrie-Anne:** Hmmm, you know they have a rack around here somewhere. Wanna be taller, Ewan?

**Jonny Lee:** *takes a long drink, but nearly sputters his beer at Carrie-Anne's rack comment*

**Gerard:** *pats him on the back* All right, love?

**Jonny Lee:** Fine. *coughs, takes a wash-down drink* Just the thought of being taller than Ewan. *like he thinks anyone believes that*

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins over her shoulder at Jonny* Gotcha!

**Gerard:** *grins* You're bigger than him where it counts. But if you _want_ to play with a rack, I wouldn't say no.

**Jonny Lee:** *blushes* *wiggles his arse a little* I play football better, too.

**Gerard:** *hand inches down towards Jonny's arse* *nibbles on his ear* Oh, do you? And you've prettier tattoos.

**Jonny Lee:** Especially the new one. *whimpers* Damn, but I forgot how long tats irritate before they heal.

**Gerard:** But you like it. *kisses him again* *smirks a little* Want to show it off?

**Jonny Lee:** Love it. Just not wanting to strip down right this moment. *smirks back* I'll show it to the flight attendant.

**Gerard:** *raises eyebrows* No, you won't.

**Gerard:** *checks watch* We should be going, love.

**Jonny Lee:** Yeah, we should. Want to get there early enough not to avoid the strip search.

**Gerard:** Yeah. I don't think they'd take well to the plug. *smiles a little* Shall we make our goodbyes or sneak out the back?

**Gerard:** *walks over to the group, smiles a little* Jonny and I need to catch a flight. We'll see you all later.

**Ewan:** *waves to Jonny and Ger* See ya!

**Carrie-Anne:** Take care, you two!

**Gerard:** Thank you. We will. *bows a little to her, then leads Jonny out*

**([The Bar Chat](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/108222.html) )**  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20827.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	32. jonnyleemiller: Making his mark: Gerard and Jonny Lee

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/08/) 16:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10555&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10555) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10555) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10555&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  being a good submissive  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Blink 182  
  
_****Making his mark: Gerard and Jonny Lee****_  
[players, not pups. warning: intentional cutting and bloodplay. takes place monday night, february 2. takes places after [this exchange](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/15752.html)]  
  
  
Gerard wasn't watching _Trainspotting_ so much as rewatching the first thirty minutes over and over again. And he was watching it on the telly, refreshing the journals every so often when he needed to key the 'previous scene' button. And so he just closes the new laptop and leaves it on the coffee table when he's done.  
  
Gerard's been planning this since they decided to get tattooed. Tomorrow Jonny Lee will get Gerard's mark put on him by someone else. But tonight, it'll be Gerard marking every step of the way. He'd had a special collection of cutting knives made back when he first joined the Establishment. Eight of them had never been used,, and Gerard doubted there was a better time to inaugurate them than now. The knives were sheathed in a small black briefcase. Taking up most of the space in the briefcase was a first aid kit as comprehensive as Gerard had ever seen. Anything that could possibly go wrong was covered. Gerard doubted he'd use any more of it than he usually did, but it was always better to be prepared.  
  
Jonny Lee isn't sure what to expect. They're getting tatts in the morning, him fangs and Gerard a dagger cross. Their own designs for eachother. But tonight's different. Pire wants to mark him before the tatt artist gets to him. He's not sure exactly what's planned, but Pire'd mentioned something about chaining him to the bed, so Jonny's stripped and gotten the manacles from the closet, along with the ankle restraints. He puts the restraints in place, attached to the bed, and cuffs each ankle, then stretches out, locks one manacle on his left hand and threads the chain through the headboard slats before placing his right hand inside the cuff and pressing it into the pillow to latch. Easy to get on, impossible to get off without the key. He's going on faith that Pire's headed upstairs soon and thay he won't be upset with the preparations Jonny's made.  
  
Gerard washes his hands thoroughly in the bathroom before making his way towards the bedroom. The door is open and so Gerard gets a glimpse of Jonny Lee lying on the bed, tied and ready for him. The sight takes his breath away. Jonny Lee isn't going anywhere without Gerard letting him out. It's a beautiful, heady, and sobering thought.  
  
It takes a great deal of trust to lock yourself down, but Jonny Lee has implicit trust in his lover, his Master. He tilts his head back, a darting thought in his brain thankful for shorter hair that doesn't get in his face. He's clearing his head, slowing his breathing, dropping his heart rate. Marathon training put to sexual use. He closes his eyes, stares at the mind's image of Pire in black and pressed out over him.  
  
Gerard puts his hand out slightly and watches it for a moment. It's not shaking. He smiles in relief. Good. He enters the room silently, keeping his eyes on Jonny Lee at all times.  
  
He's near trance from the breathing, zoning, almost like he did in the bar. He's been practicing the past few days, trying to figure out why he sinks, dissecting the process.  
  
Gerard lays the briefcase on the side of the bed and crawls to kneel up between Jonny Lee's spread legs. He rests a hand on Jonny Lee's knee and squeezes lightly. "Wake up, Teak."  
  
Jonny Lee opens his eyes, his body and brain light from the breathing exercises. "Not asleep, Pire." He shifts, spreads his legs farther apart. "Sorry, sir, just relaxing while I waited."  
  
Gerard smiles. "Figured." He strokes his fingers down the inside of Jonny Lee's thigh. "Is my boy ready to be cut?"  
  
He moans, as much from the words as the touch. Marking. His mind had skirted lashes and welts, not cutting and scars. "Yes, Master, your boy is ready. He begs for your touch, the blade in your hand."  
  
His fingers trace back upwards and his hand comes to rest on Jonny Lee's thigh. By the time he's done, all of this pale skin will be tinged red. He moves down on the bed to get into position.  
  
"Is your boy where you need him, sir? This boy took the liberty of restraining himself. He hopes he did not overstep his place."  
  
Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's stomach lightly. "My boy is a good boy. Your master likes it when you show initiative."  
  
"Thank you, sir." His body pulls inward at the kiss, involuntary shudder at the touch. "Your boy tries to be good."  
  
Gerard loves watching Jonny Lee's reactions. That's one of the main appeals of this - to see his boy shudder and moans above him. He opens the briefcase and takes out the first slim knife. He traces the first cut with his thumbnail, and then presses the steel to the top of the thin white line. "Ready, boy?"  
  
"Yes, sir." He breathes in, anticipates the blade's tip touching.  
  
Gerard presses lightly down and watches almost in awe as the small blade cuts sharply into Jonny Lee's thigh. It's a shallow cut, about two inches long, but the blood wells up quickly.  
  
The near-scalpel edge cuts a thin line, really no more pain than the needle that'll apply ink in the morning. It's just enough of a rush to put his brain on alert that there's more to come.  
  
Gerard cuts another line parallel to the first, but slightly lower. Deeper as well. Teak'll be able to feel this one.  
  
That cut does bite a bit deeper, causes Jonny Lee to startle, then instantly still his body. "Please, sir."  
  
Ah, there. The first of many, Gerard hopes. He leans forward and laps lightly at the blood. The taste of it is sharp and metallic in his mouth, and he wants more. "Good boy," he mutters against Jonny Lee's skin.  
  
Gerard's tongue on his flesh cuts more deeply than the blade, its rough pressure slicing through his body, causing him to twist the manacles' chain.  
  
Jonny Lee shudders under him and Gerard pulls back in satisfaction. He moves forward up the bed to press a kiss to Jonny Lee's lips.  
  
He tries not to push up into the kiss, to be good and let it happen, but he fails and pushes his tongue out, demanding more.  
  
Gerard rewards Jonny Lee by opening his mouth and lengthening the kiss. He knows what Jonny Lee wants, and he lets his boy take it all.  
  
Jonny Lee pulls at his bindings, slowly writhing his body beneath his lover's, working his tongue around Pire's mouth, taking every last second he's offered.  
  
As much as Gerard would love to debauch Jonny Lee's mouth all night, there's more he wants to do. He hasn't cut Jonny Lee in months and he's forgotten how hypnotic the cut of the knife can be.  
  
Cutting is Jonny Lee's secret vice, the one he's had for years. They all think it started with Angie, but it didn't. The first cut was when he was 14, and it was an accident, a slip of the scissors cutting a loose thread. Then came the more experimental cuts, pocketknife slipping across the top of his thigh as he jerked off. Angie just showed him how to play with the blades, have more fun. And now he has Pire to take care of him, to indulge his secret.  
  
Gerard cuts five more lines in Jonny Lee's thigh before licking up the pooling blood. He can't remember when he realized he loved doing this. Probably about the time he realized he had a vampire fetish. He cuts a line across the tops of three of the lines and then slices sharply downward to dissect another.  
  
Each cut sinks him deeper into a space and time that is uniquely his, theirs. The pain of the cuts sears and doesn't dissipate, and Jonny Lee can feel the blood well seconds before Pire's tongue touches it. Cutting came before vampires, but it was the vampire who taught him to embrace the cutting for what it could be. Unknowingly. A simple nick during filming had set his brain on fire. "More, Pire." He clears his throat, swallows, finds the appropriate words. "Your boy begs his Master to be cut, to be allowed to bleed for him."  
  
Gerard likes the first plea better, but he's not one to object. He licks up the new blood, then switches legs. This is the one that will receive the taytoo, so Gerard's very careful where he cuts and how deep he does. "Beg," he whispers. "Tell me how much you like it."  
  
"Your boy craves the touch of the blade. He needs it to cut deep, sir. He wants to know the pain for days, Master, for it to overwhelm and consume him." It's not difficult at all to put words to what he wants the most. "Your boy loves how the blade kisses him, stings at first caress, then scalds." He's shaking, not from fear but the endorphins rushing, the place he's sinking into. He slows his breathing, concentrates on dropping himself even lower.  
  
Oh, that's good. That's very good. Gerard presses a kiss to unmarked skin, then cuts as deep as he can with the blade. Which isn't very deep, considering, but it's enough. "Like that, boy?"  
  
"Please _perfect_ Master." The blade bites as it slices his skin, sharp prick easing into slow burn. It's not enough, not nearly, and Jonny Lee's body arches up into the cut, insisting it go deeper. "Yes. _More._ "  
  
Gerard adds a half circle to the line, then licks up the seeping blood. There's a red-tinged 'P' and Gerard starts in on the 'I', cutting deep.  
  
Jonny Lee's slipping happily, each twist of the knife pulling his hip up in a small countertwist. He's wrapped his fingers into the manacles' chain and tugs, just to have something to occupy his hands. He can't put words to how much he wants it, the sounds coming out incoherent smatterings instead of sentences. _"Pleassse Maasster"_  
  
It takes Gerard several minutes to finish the mark, but when he does, there's his nickname, shining in blood on Jonny Lee's thigh. "Mine," he whispers. "All mine."  
  
"Yours." The word comes hissing out of Jonny Lee's mouth as the blade pulls up for the last time. He doesn't know what the mark is, will have to wait to see it, but he knows it's his and that Pire made it, and nothing else matters. He wants more, doesn't want the cutting to stop. His cock is hard with the thought of what else he can take.  
  
Gerard traces the word with the tip of his tongue, pressing the flat into the small spaces between the letters to leave a wet mark. "Does my boy want more?"  
  
"Yes." Soft, murmured, the single syllable all he find voice for.  
  
"All right." Gerard gives the mark one last kiss before moving down to Jonny Lee's calf. He digs his nails into the skin and scrapes downwards to Jonny Lee's ankle. He stops just before the manacle. It's a toss up between carving 'MINE' and 'TEAK'. Gerard thinks for a minute before making the first downward slash of the 'M'.  
  
Each swipe of the blade drops Jonny Lee deeper and faster into a space where he can't think of words or form them. His body goes limp under the knife, the pain almost numbing in its completeness. He is a canvas to be painted, marble to be etched. But his mind is even beyond those esoteric thoughts. The only thing he can focus on is opening himself to Pire's hand, to the will of his Master. His eyes are wide open, pupils nearly fixed and dilated, almost trance-like, his breathing shallow. It's a perfect place to be, in that cacophony of his own mind.  
  
Gerard feels Jonny Lee still under him, and he looks up, somewhat worried. What he sees doesn't exactly relieve him, but it doesn't stop him from going on. He finishes the 'Y' and laps at the blood.  
  
Jonny Lee's body twitches under the blade's caress, slight hitches and twinges with each lap of tongue. His fingers are curled into the chain, rubbing absently, threatening to draw blood of their own accord.  
  
Ah, movement. Gerard smiles, more than a little relieved. He nibbles a little next to the cut and begins on the next word. The 'T' slices somewhat lopsided, but Gerard barely notices.  
  
If he concentrates, hard and long enough, on his mind's image of the blade's point, he can almost make out the letters. Like running that marathon, where the brain focuses on something other than the body's torture to get past those last few miles. Almost, but not precisely. His brain doesn't want to yield the pain needed to decipher a T from an E.  
  
Gerard pauses before starting the K. "Boy?" he mutters. "Beg me for it."  
  
 _Beg._ For that, Jonny Lee has to find his voice again. " _Ple-_ " he mutters, swallowing against parched throat. "Please. Master, _more_. Please, _Master_." The words come out in rapid-fire, as if he doesn't get them out all at once, they won't come at all. "More, _yes_ , please."  
  
Gerard savors the sound of Teak's voice on the air. He never sounds quite so beautiful as when he's begging for more. Gerard presses the point of the knife to Jonny Lee's skin and cuts down slowly, watching with rapt attention as the blood wells up. "Good boy," he whispers. "My good boy."  
  
"Good boy," he echoes, barely audible, the pain shuddering through his body, taking with it every last defense he has, breaking him down to nothing. "Your boy, Master."  
  
Gerard finishes the mark and puts the knife to the side. He licks up the blood, then looks up a little nervously at Jonny Lee before tracing a five letter word with his tongue just above the manacle. 'Slave'.  
  
Pain triggers endorphins and the adrenaline rush opens a sluice in his veins. He barely registers the knife leaving, being replaced by tongue, except that he senses the blood flow stopping. There's little to do but wait and ride out the cresting wave.  
  
Gerard sits back to survey his handiwork. He strokes Jonny Lee's cock with a hand tinged red. "My boy is beautiful," he murmurs. "So beautiful."  
  
The sensation's jarring, being touched by hand instead of blade, and it causes Jonny Lee to move his head, look down his body, through haze and veiled eyes. "Please, your boy wants," he manages before expelling a long breath, "come."  
  
"I know," Gerard smiles slightly. "I know." He leans forward to kiss the head of Jonny Lee's cock. "Come for me."  
  
The orgasm that wracks his body is anticlimactic to the pain that coursed through him with each cut, but it empties his body and soul, makes him ready to be filled again. His fingers draw blood finally, tiny oozes from constant rubbing, as he jerks up, his chest heaving and subsiding.  
  
 _Beautiful_. Gerard brings his hand up to Jonny Lee's gaping mouth and pushes his wet fingers slightly into Jonny Lee's mouth. His other hand is busy stroking his own cock, trying to make this last as long as possible.  
  
Instinct takes over and Jonny Lee's tongue caresses the invading fingers, wraps around them and licks them clean, the taste familiar and welcomed and bringing another step back toward reality.  
  
Gerard comes with a groan, his eyes open all the while, watching Jonny Lee. He licks his own hand clean, smiling at the feeling of two tongues on his skin. This is heaven.  
  
The world seeps slowly back into Jonny Lee's brain, the taste of Pire's flesh grounding him again. He closes his mouth and sucks harder, savoring the unique flavor of himself overlaying his lover.  
  
Gerard would be content to stay here forever. He gives it a few more minutes, loving Jonny Lee's tongue on him, before pulling back gently, but firmly. He stands up off the bed and makes his way to the adjourning bathroom to wash his hands before returning to his chained lover.  
  
Even in dimmed vision, he sees movement, tracks its leaving. In his mind's eye, he's still floating somewhere, content to stay there, chains holding him tightly against being pulled back. He closes his eyes, willing the blade's edge to cut again, the pain to sear through his mind once more.  
  
Gerard settles on the bed, doing his best not to disturb his boy. The antiseptic wipes come out of the packet with a slight rustling sound. He cleans up the cuts, putting the bandages on them. They're light enough so they don't need anything more, though Gerard will check in the morning just to make sure, and to reapply the bandages in case something goes wrong. All the while, he's muttering encouragements under his breath, telling Jonny Lee just how good a boy he is.  
  
Gentle touches, soothing words. _Good boy._ He's slowly realizing it, how good he can be, how much he can please Pire. He winces when Gerard's fingers graze a particularly tender scratch, a sign he's coming back into his own mind and those endorphins are going to wear off very quickly, leaving Jonny Lee quite sore.  
  
Gerard finishes up and clears everything away. He thinks some blood might have gotten on the bedspread, but he doesn't really care. The key to the chains is in the headboard and Gerard unchains Jonny Lee's hands, then returns to his mouth to kiss him properly.  
  
His hands fall to the pillow, sore and stiff and not of any accord to go any farther than that, even if he does want to wrap his arms around Pire's body. He returns the kiss, pressing up lightly, savoring the moistness of Gerard's lips on his too-dry mouth.  
  
Without breaking the kiss, Gerard's hands reach up to wrap around Jonny Lee's wrists and massage them slightly. If anything ever happened, he'd take this night and put it on the pedestal as how amazing Teak could be.  
  
Jonny Lee flexes his fingers, tiny motions in response to the massage, and his tongue pushes slightly forward.  
  
Gerard thoroughly debauches Jonny Lee's mouth, bearing down on him, smiling as best he can. But eventually he has to stop. He wants to roll Jonny Lee over and cuddle, but he can't do that until he frees Jonny Lee's ankles. The key goes in easily and Gerard pushes the chains to the side. He can take them off in the morning. Right now, he sits back down on the bed and puts Jonny Lee's feet in his lap, giving Jonny Lee's ankles the same massage he gave his wrists.  
  
That massage elicits whimpers and even a more audible moan. Jonny Lee hadn't realized how much he'd pulled his ankles during the cutting, and while the abrasions aren't anywhere as bad as his fingers, the outside of his ankles are sore.  
  
Gerard rubs at Jonny Lee's ankles until he can feel the worst of the stiffness leaving. "Does my boy need anything?"  
  
"Only his Master."  
  
He does grin foolishly at that. He lifts Jonny Lee up slightly to pull the covers down. "Then that's what he'll get."  
  
Jonny Lee curls into the arms that wrap around him pulling the cover back up. He's happier, more content than he has been in a long time, maybe forever, and he's wearing his Master's mark. He's positive life can't get any better.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10555.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	33. gerard: Los Angeles Plans

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/10/) 12:32:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18219&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18219) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18219) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18219&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Los Angeles Plans** _  
[JL only]

There are some things I'd like to do while we're here in LA. This doesn't preclude anything I might think of on the spur of the moment. Feel free to add your own desires to the list.

**1:** You. Me. Saint Andrew's Cross. Whip of your choice. It doesn't stop until you safeword or pass out.

You mentioned that you wanted to find your pain threshold. So, for this one, I think we should get a room in the Establishment so we don't disturb our hosts with your screams. Because I do intend to make you scream until you can't anymore.

**2:** Mark found me a bookstore where boys can be chained to the wall by their masters and no one gives it a second glance. I want to spend an afternoon there.

**3:** Last time we were in LA, I received [an interesting tape](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/7554.html) from a rent boy. I would like to hire this boy for a night. I'm thinking of asking Harry or Mark if they would like to co-hire him with me. That's being run by you first before I ask them.

**4:** Going to the bar one night and showing you off. Incidentally, this is why I had you pack your leather pants and boots.

**5:** Service. More on this later.  
  
  
  
  
Thoughts?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[private to gerard]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-11 02:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?thread=36395&format=light#t36395))   
---|---  
You said you wanted me to express my feelings more, so I guess this is how you force it out of me. Make point-blank suggestions and I have to respond. *g* Not that I mind. But you know me, Pire. I get tongue-tied when I try to talk. That’s why I suck at giving interviews. Writing’s only marginally better. Every time I sit down, I just want to shove the laptop aside and pick up the game controls. But, anyway, here are my thoughts on your ideas.  
  
 _1: You. Me. Saint Andrew's Cross. Whip of your choice. It doesn't stop until you safeword or pass out._  
Yeah, I’ve never been able to pinpoint my pain threshold; I just know it’s damned high. And trying to reach it thrills the hell out of me. Shouldn't. Should scare me. But pain's never frightened me. I think it's all that running, pushing my body so hard for hours on end. What ~~scares~~ intrigues me is safewording. Or not. ~~I feel like I'm fucking up either way. I safeword and I've not pushed my limits. I don't safeword and I've not let you push far enough. I'm damned no matter which I choose.~~  
  
 _2: Mark found me a bookstore where boys can be chained to the wall by their masters and no one gives it a second glance. I want to spend an afternoon there._  
Okay, now that's different. Is this the way we get Jonny Lee more culture? ~~Or we just prove how stupid I am, 'cause I'm probably not gonna understand what you're reading.~~  
  
 _3: Last time we were in LA, I received an interesting tape from a rent boy. I would like to hire this boy for a night. I'm thinking of asking Harry or Mark if they would like to co-hire him with me._  
I think that rent boy's for hire. And rather cheap, too. If I get a say in it, Mark. Not that I'd mind Harry. ~~Hell, I'd go down in a minute for the man. It's just that I trust myself more with Mark, 'cause I think I'd tap into that cruel streak I saw of Harry's and drown.~~  
  
 _4: Going to the bar one night and showing you off. Incidentally, this is why I had you pack your leather pants and boots._  
Your boy would love this, Master. ~~Especially since we're in LA and he doesn't have to wrry about running into Ewan and Jude.~~  
  
 _5: Service. More on this later._  
What? You want breakfast in bed? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?replyto=36395&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?thread=36395&format=light#t36395))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-11 03:04 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?thread=36651&format=light#t36651))   
---|---  
Thank you for giving me your thoughts. I know how awkward it can be to get them down on the computer screen. The urge to just erase them all can be overpowering.  
  
  
  
 _What ~~scares~~ intrigues me is safewording._  
  
When you can't go any further, that's when you safeword. When the next stroke would be too painful for you to bear it, that's when you safeword. We're going into it with the intent that you'll safeword. We're trying to find your limits, Teak. We all have them. Honestly, Teak, if you swallow your safeword and I beat you until you pass out, then we won't have fulfilled the intent of the scene. I want to know your limits. You've told me you want to know yours. And I've a feeling you'll know your limit when we stumble upon it.  
  
  
  
  
 _Is this the way we get Jonny Lee more culture?_  
  
No. This is a way to torture my boy. Though I could be tempted to find a book of erotic poetry and wank you while you recite it for me.  
  
  
  
  
 _I think that rent boy's for hire. And rather cheap, too._  
  
I'll keep that in mind. *wink* How about you surprise me with this one?  
  
  
  
  
 _If I get a say in it, Mark. Not that I'd mind Harry_  
  
Mark it is, then. I'll wrangle him and ask.  
  
  
  
  
 _What? You want breakfast in bed?_  
  
No. At least, not unless _you're_ breakfast. I was thinking more of dinner. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?replyto=36651&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html?thread=36395&format=light#t36395))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	34. gerard: What the fuck?

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/11/) 21:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18871&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18871) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18871) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=18871&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Puzzled  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Queen Mix  
  
_**What the fuck?**_  
[public]  
  
  
How can it be this sunny in _February_? Not to mention warm.  
  
  
It's bloody unnatural. Maybe these Los Angelians really _have_ perfected a climate control system. Though knowing Americans, it's probably already patented to its teeth. Pity. We could have used one of those back in Glasgow.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-02-13 05:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?thread=37047&format=light#t37047))   
---|---  
Yeah, it does take a bit of getting used to doesn't it?  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?replyto=37047&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?thread=37047&format=light#t37047))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-13 05:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?thread=37303&format=light#t37303))   
---|---  
You can say that again, mate. Does it ever. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?replyto=37303&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18871.html?thread=37047&format=light#t37047))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	35. jonnyleemiller: Breakfast at Harry's

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/11/) 08:36:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12190&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12190) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12190) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12190&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  learning new things  
---|---  
  
_****Breakfast at Harry's****_  
[players, not pups. follows immediately after [learning about craig’s accident](http://www.journalfen.net/~harry_sinclair/20744.html), morning of february 11]  
  
  
"So, anything in the paper worth reading this morning?"  
  
That’s what Harry asks, and Jonny Lee pulls the paper together. "What section did you want, sir?" The sir comes naturally, he thinks, moreso than with Gerard. It’s very strange. Not in a bad way.  
  
"Sports is fine." Harry rubs his eyes and smooths out his hair. “No, comics.” He decides he needs the laugh more. He is worried about Craig, as much as he can be. Doesn’t have any nasty thoughts about how the driver of the other car didn’t do a great job or even how it fucks up his work schedule.  
  
"Oh, okay, sir.” Jonny puts down the comics and slides them across the bar with a sigh he means to keep to himself. He doesn’t want to piss off their host.  
  
"You were reading them?” Harry asks, a touch of genuine concern in his voice.  
  
"It’s okay, sir, I’ll finish later.” _Defer to the master._ Except that he’s not the master of Jonny Lee, and then again, it seems so fuckin’ natural.  
  
“Why do you do it?”  
  
Jonny’s gone back to his coffee, now cooling considerably. “Do what, sir?”  
  
Harry pulls the comics to him and folds it in half. “Call me sir. I’m not your master.”  
  
“No, sir, you aren’t.” There’s a slight smile on Jonny’s face that Harry chooses to interpret as intrigue and not snark.  
  
Harry slides his tongue into the coffee, then drinks, a long sip, stares straight ahead. “If I told you to kneel, would you?”  
  
“Yes, sir.” The answer’s quick, instinctive.  
  
“Why?” Harry asks without pausing his drink.  
  
“Because it’s what I should do, sir.”  
  
Such a good boy, Harry thinks, does exactly what he’s told. He knows Jonny Lee’s not off-limits, and he has to admit he’s rather inviting sitting there in shorts that don’t cover nearly enough and T-shirt clinging to body that’s crying for a shower.  
  
“Pain or humiliation?”  
  
“Pain,” he answers even more quickly, not caring why he’s being asked to choose. “sir.”  
  
And the answer draws a smile to Harry’s lips, a grin he hasn’t in the mirror too much recently. He doesn't say a word, but reaches across the bar and refills his coffee mug. Then he slowly sits it down and slides it until it’s beside Jonny Lee’s arm. Slowly, silently, he pushes it into the back of the wrist and counts off the seconds as the ceramic conducts the heat through to flesh.  
  
For the first minute, it’s warm, not unpleasant, but the coffee’s hot and the mug provides little or no insulation. The burn seeps into his skin, crawls into his muscles, until it’s shaking his whole body. And the flight instinct kicks in, incredibly intense, and Jonny tamps down on it, willing the pain away with short, panted breaths.  
  
Harry understands how even such a simple thing can unsteady some men, bring them crashing down, so he’s quite impressed with Jonny Lee’s resolute desire to not move his arm back from the fire. It’ll be a good 20 minutes before the cup cools completely to the touch, and after 10 of that the skin will be reddened enough to need a swipe of aloe. So Harry counts, and at just over 600 seconds, he pulls the cup back.  
  
Jonny Lee startles at the loss of contact. The heat had settled itself into a widening area, almost dissipating at the end. He’s never played with temperature before, never was a pyro like a couple childhood friends. He looks down at his wrist, the bright red ring mottling out to pink, then over at Harry. “Thank you, sir,” he says quietly.  
  
“Would you like more?” Harry’s careful not to use name or label, just ask the question.  
  
“Yes, sir. Please, sir.” Too eager.  
  
“Turn your wrist over, palm facing up.”  
  
He does, pushing the scalded area to the cool bartop, shuddering at the mix of sensations.  
  
Harry picks up a spoon and dips it into the black coffee, then holds it over Jonny’s wrist. He drips it slowly, cascading the espresso-quality blend over the pulse point.  
  
It’s a unique sensation, not unlike standing under a scalding shower, except it’s concentrated on a specific area. It’s not so intense as to be overwhelming but just sharp enough to have Jonny wanting more, wanting to have the cup turned up and the liquid drenching his skin. He watches his skin turn red, small burns at each drop.  
  
"This boy appreciates the pain, sir." He spurts out the words between biting hisses.  
  
There's no response, as Harry has a spoon of coffee in his hand and he's intent on broadening the pattern of tiny blisters on Jonny Lee's wrist. After a quarter of the mug's contents are gone, and the flesh is threatening white welts, Harry puts down his spoon and stands. "Strip."  
  
Jonny Lee's brain still focuses on the pain and he's a half-beat behind. "What?" he asks blindly.  
  
The smile on Harry's lips is more smirk now than grin. "I'm not in the habit of repeating myself."  
  
Jonny Lee looks up, studies the expression, the irritation in the eyes that belie the grin. He digs in his mind for what was said. _Strip_. He told you to strip. He pushes back from the bar and stands up, not giving thought to why he's doing it, but just obeying the command. "Yes, sir." He skims his t-shirt up over his head rather quickly, drops it to the floor, and hooks his thumbs in the shorts' waistband, tugs them down. "This boy apologizes, sir. He should've been paying attention to sir rather than his own pleasure."  
  
It's all Harry can do not to chuckle at the scrambling. He couches his emotions, hides them in a serious near-scowl. "Yes, he should pay attention. Or else he'll miss the pain that leads to the pleasure."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12190.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	36. jonnyleemiller: post-breakfast clean-up with gerard and jonny lee

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/11/) 07:43:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15165&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15165) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15165) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15165&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****post-breakfast clean-up with gerard and jonny lee** ** _  
**[occurs on the morning of february 11, immediately after[harry sinclair and jonny lee miller do breakfast in the kitchen](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12190.html).]**

  
Gerard had woken up a half hour before, but he'd taken one look at the rumbled sheets besides him, remembered Jonny Lee's running kink, and had promptly closed his eyes again. He's been drifting in and out, not really sleeping, but not really awake.

He doesn't even bother to pick up his clothes before heading out of the kitchen, tray in hand laden down with breakfast fare. He's not trying to process what just happened, either, except that his senses are still reeling from hot coffee, iced juice and lukewarm spatula. The door to their bedroom is cracked open, just enough that Jonny Lee can nudge it without having to put the tray down. He's being quiet, so he doesn't wake Gerard if he's still asleep.

Gerard rolls over, tugging the comforter around him. He's imagining the way Jonny Lee looked for him on the plane, desperate and begging, and he smiles contentedly. "Good boy," he mutters, and pulls the comforter tighter.

"Sir," he says very quietly as he moves around the bed, "your boy brought breakfast up."

Gerard opens one eye to peer curiously at his boy. "There you are. Come to bed."

Jonny Lee puts the tray on the table beside the bed, nudging the stack of books to make room. "Morning, sir." He pulls back the covers and slides into bed. He's a bit sore from the thorough fucking and even though the aloe worked wonders, his wrist is rather red and tender. Plus, juice, even the low-pulp variety, makes for a sticky lubricant.

Gerard makes enough room under the covers to let Jonny Lee under them, then curls into him. There's something strange and familiar about the way Jonny Lee's holding himself. "You brought me breakfast?"

"Yes, sir. Your boy made it." Jonny Lee would really like a shower, but Gerard wants him in bed, so he'll make the best of it for the moment. "With a little help." No reason not to tell.

"Oh?" Gerard rests his head on Jonny Lee's shoulder and nibbles lightly at the skin there. "Who helped?"

"Mr. Sinclair." He pulls slightly at the light bite, which hits right where the spatula had caught him good. "He came in after your boy finished running, sir."

"And did my boy reflect well on his master?" Gerard nibbles more on the skin, wondering if Jonny Lee's reaction was a fluke or not.

The pull turns to a small wince, nothing he can't handle and Jonny Lee actually finds the additional pain a bit of a turn-on. "Yes, sir, your boy performed exactly as his master would expect." He finds the formal tone coming incredibly easy at the moment, but he can't pinpoint why. _Don't think. Just speak._

Gerard can't count the number of times he's explored this little patch of skin, and Jonny Lee's _never_ reacted like that. So Gerard puts two and two together. "Something you want to tell me?" he asks, grinning against the reddened skin.

"Your boy's just sore, sir. Nothing his master needs to worry about, sir. Kept within limits." He settles more into Gerard's touches, thinks on how to explain exactly what happened in the kitchen, since he's not positive himself. "Mr. Sinclair does pain very well, master. He taught your boy something this boy didn't realize, about hot and cold."

"And what was that?" Gerard's inexplicably jealous that Harry taught his boy something Gerard didn't, but he swallows it down. Must not scare Teak.

"Your boy likes temperature extremes, sir." He's not whether to read Gerard's seeming terseness as good or bad. Immediately his defenses start to kick in, the concern that he's fucking up again. Gerard hadn't said Harry was off-limits, and that he could do anyone as long as he obeyed the rules.  
"Particularly hot, sir. Would master like to see?"

Gerard curses himself. He's known Jonny Lee for five years and he didn't know that. _You're a fucking fool, Gerard Butler._ "Certainly." Gerard disentangles himself from his boy.

Jonny Lee pulls his arm out from under the covers, holds up his wrist, showing off the red circle on the outside before turning it over, where Gerard can see a pattern of small reddish-white shapes. "Mr. Sinclair dropped coffee on it." He seems fascinated as he talks, as he is, having just discovered something he didn't know he liked. "This boy never thought about liking it."

So it's a new kink, then. Gerard relaxes a little. He hadn't dropped the ball. Gerard examines the burn marks. "My boy enjoyed it?" It's very obvious he did, but Gerard needs the time to take it all in.

"Your boy thought it was really intense, sir, and would love for master to try it on his boy." He pauses, lowers his eyes. "Your boy is sure his master could make him hurt more."

Gerard grasps Jonny Lee wrist and brings it up to his lips. He kisses the marks lightly. "Well, that would certainly depend on how much Harry hurt you."

"Mr. Sinclair didn't make this boy scream, sir."

"No, he didn't," Gerard agrees. "Because that certainly would have woken me, and then I'd've been very worried." He punctuates his words with butterfly kisses along the back on Jonny Lee's palm and up his fingers. "Though your master thinks he could make his boy scream using only candles and matches."

Jonny Lee doesn't even try to suppress the eager laugh at the suggestion. "Your boy would love for his master to bring him pain that way." He's getting harder, the erection that'd subsided coming back with a vengeance just on kisses and words.

"He would?" Gerard smirks. He sucks lightly at the tip of Jonny Lee's thumb. "Would my boy beg for it?"

"Yes, sir," he answers quickly, decidedly. "Your boy would beg for the privilege of pain at your hands."

Gerard sucks a little harder on Jonny Lee's thumb, drawling little designs on the nail with his tongue. "What else did Harry do to my boy?"

He likes that sucking, and it's doing what it's supposed to do. "Mr. Sinclair spanked your boy, sir, with the spatula, because your boy was turning the eggs properly." Or that's the reason Harry'd given Jonny Lee. "Then there was the juice, icy cold all over your boy's back. And Mr. Sinclair fucked your boy." He stops the slightly rambling speech, his face going nearly ashen. "Your boy hopes that was okay, sir."

Gerard's still back on the spatula spanking. Fuck, and he'd thought _his_ kitchen kink was extreme. The rest of it filters in. "He spanked you, dumped juice over your back, and then fucked you?" Gerard touches a finger to Jonny Lee's back. He grumps good naturally as he releases all his holds on his boy and rolls out of bed. "Come, boy. We're taking a shower."

Jonny Lee follows Gerard's lead, pulling himself out of the bed. "Yes, sir. A shower would be _very_ nice, sir."

"And remind me to have you strip the bed later." He grins as he shakes his head and skins himself out of the loose sweatpants he'd worn to bed. One of these days he's going to remember to tell Teak that it's allowed to ask for things he needs. "How long has my boy been awake?"

"It was around 5 when this boy went running, sir." He walks on into the bathroom, starts the shower, testing the water's temperature, adjusting for a medium warmth. "Down on the beach, sir."

Gerard runs his hand down Jonny Lee's spine, and starts stroking his boy's arse. "Sounds lovely, though cold. Did you see anything worth mentioning?"

It's easy to respond to the familiar touch, the caressing strokes, and Jonny Lee wiggles his arse just a bit. "Not that cold, sir. LA's a lot warmer than London this time of year, sir, so your boy could run in shorts and not worry." He's not exactly sure how to answer the question, though, so he leaves it for a minute while he finishes twisting the hot faucet.

Gerard's fingers ghost over old, mostly faded welts. "Go on," he prompts. "Any seagulls? Surfers? Interesting shells?"

""Wasn't really looking for that sort of thing, sir." He half-turns. "Water's right temperature, sir. If master wishes, when your boy runs tomorrow, he'll look for something special."

"Was just a thought." Gerard shrugs, pushes Jonny Lee ahead of him into the shower. "I'll wash your back, you wash mine?"

Jonny Lee steps in, immediately putting head and upper back under the pulsing water. It feels damned good, sluicing off sweat and stickiness, especially knowing he's going to get all sweaty and sticky again later.

There's a cake of soap on the wall and Gerard lathers it up before sliding it slowly down Jonny Lee's back. His free hand slides around Jonny Lee to wrap itself around his cock. "Did my boy come for Harry?"

"No, sir, your boy did not." He pushes into Gerard's hand. "Mr. Sinclair sent your boy upstairs with breakfast instead, sir."

Gerard frowns at that, but doesn't let his tone reflect on it. "My boy knows the rules."

"The rules, sir? Your boy is not to beg to come, sir, and he didn't." There's that nagging feeling again that he's done something wrong, and he doesn't know what. "This boy didn't ask to come, sir, and Mr. Sinclair didn't offer to let him."

"But did my boy want to come?" Gerard asks. If so, and Jonny Lee didn't just because Harry didn't offer, then Gerard wants to know why. Last time Teak tried to hold himself back, it was in self-punishment.

"Actually, sir, I didn't even think about it. Sorry. Your boy was concentrating on the pain, sir."

"Oh. Well, that's better then, I suppose." Gerard drops to a squat behind Jonny Lee and starts soaping his thighs.

Jonny Lee tries not to be too eager, pushes his hands into the wall, shakes his head under the water's spray. There are few things he likes better than having his lover's hands on him, caressing him.

Gerard lets the water wash away the lather and then moves the soap higher. He pushes Jonny Lee's legs slightly apart and then reaches around to glide the soap up and down Jonny Lee's cock.

"Mmmm," he moans. "That's nice, Pire." Murmured in spits of water. "Just what I want. You making me come. Please, sir."

"You can beg better than that," Gerard chides. His hand speeds up and he has to squeeze down hard on the soap to keep from dropping it.

"Sorry, sir. Didn't realize I was supposed to be begging." There's a lilt in his voice that could be chalked up to the increasing pressure on his cock or just the good mood he's in. "Please, sir, let me fuck your hand. Let your boy come." He's not sure if he's where Pire wants him to be, yet, but his pleas are definitely sincere. "Hurts so much, not letting go. Wanna come so badly now."

Gerard lets the soap fall and rests his hand just above Jonny Lee's balls. "Mm. Sounds good. Tell me more."

"More? Your boy likes hurting for you, sir. He likes not coming till you tell him he can." Jonny Lee stretches up the tile, face full in the water spray. "It made Mr. Sinclair's touches even better, sir, knowing I wasn't coming till I was here, with you."

Gerard takes one of Jonny Lee's balls between his fingers and pinches lightly. "You're a bit of a slut, aren't you, Teak?"

"Yeah," he tosses out, the formal tone not yet second nature, the casual slipping in when he's not concentrating. "M'slut," he slurs into the hiss of pain, "your slut, Pire. Just yours."

Gerard pinches harder. " _Just_ mine?"

"Ahh." Jonny Lee's body jerks forward at the sudden intensity. "Anyone else _you_ say, sir."

"Good boy." With that, Gerard pulls his hand back. "You may come."

In the months they've been together, he's discovered that's all it takes, just the words, the voice, and he can come. It's harder, the need to release having built up for so long, and he sprays the wall, the white jets breaking the water spray and streaking the tile. He screams with it. No real words. Just noises.

Gerard watches it, absently shaking his head to get his wet hair out of his eyes. "Good boy," he whispers, then slowly gets to his feet. He waits for Jonny Lee to calm down before grabbing for a towel on a bar outside the shower. "Let's get breakfast."

"Okay." It's all he can muster as he steps out of the water flow. "Breakfast," he echoes, "already had mine, but I'll feed you if you like."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15165.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	37. lutz: [Mark and Gerard]

| !Mark Lutz ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/02/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/2004/02/12/) 01:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=12489&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=12489) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=12489) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=lutz&itemid=12489&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Mark and Gerard]**_  
[players, not pups. Mark and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) lounge poolside, drinking tea and chatting idly about perversion.]

"Yeah," Mark says, adjusting his sunglasses, which have slipped a bit, "it is weird, being so warm in February." He sips his iced tea, half watching Gerard, and half watching the play of sunlight on the pool. "Of course, it does mean I can get Billy naked in the sun more of the year than I could if we were in my home town, so that's a bonus."

Gerard grins. "Having seen your boy, I can imagine the appeal. I don't think I've ever seen Teak do a full body tan, though neither of us have a tanning kink." Gerard thinks for a minute. " _Is_ there a tanning kink?"

Mark thinks about that, and after a moment answers, "Well, since you've thought of it, there probably is. I've heard it said that whenever you ask, 'I wonder if anyone gets off on _that_ ,' then whatever 'that' is, someone probably gets off on it."

"Kind of like 'I believe in fairies'?" Gerard asks, taking a long sip of his drink. "The way I see it, that can't be possible. People can get off on any number of things, but there must be something that no one gets off on. After all, there's an exception to every rule."

"I suppose that's true," Mark says, considering it. "I mean, it makes sense that that'd be the case." He takes another sip of his tea. "The mind is a strange and wonderful place, Gerard," he goes on thoughtfully. "I knew a girl once who dug rocking chairs. Let me tell you, you wanna have sex in a rocking chair, be prepared for bruises from those damned--what do they call them, the slats, those things are fucking brutal. No pun intended."

"Rocking chairs?" Gerard repeats, almost incredulously. His mind is starting to warp, just trying to figure out where all the various appendages would go, and how you'd make sure you didn't fall off because of a particularly hard thrust. "Sounds very athletic."

Mark nods, then laughs a little. "Yeah, but she was a lovely girl, and far from the strangest lover I've ever had. What about you?" he asks, turning to Gerard. "I mean, clearly we're all pervs here, but do you have any memorably odd lovers in your past?"

Gerard thinks for a moment. None of his lovers could really be called 'odd', though some of them were quite possibly less than sane. "Back in college, I fucked this bloke called Timmy. He got off on doing it in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed. So I couldn't put my head up too much or I'd bang it on the top bunk. See, he and his roommate were both voyeurs and exhibitionists, and so they'd bring a couple back to their dorm, and split them up. Timmy and me on the bottom and Rick and another bloke on the top."

"Now that's cute," Mark says with a grin. "I probably would have given myself a concussion like that. Sounds like the not-fun kind of pain to me."

"I was more concerned that we'd break the bloody thing," Gerard admits. "Four men on a rickety wooden structure that'd seen better days. But at least I wasn't on the way bottom with that."

Mark laughs, nodding. "Yeah, thank god for that. Only two guys, a mattress, and a splintered bunk bed to fall on top of you. And hey," he says with a grin, "maybe that's the thing no one gets off on."

"I dunno," Gerard drawls out. "Timmy sure was hard as sin. Would have begged for more if I'd had the forethought to ask him."

"Oh, he sounds like fun," Mark says. "What sort of more d'you regret not giving him? Or do you do regret?"

"Timmy? Don't regret anything. One of those casual partners you go to when there's nothing else around, you know?"

Mark laughs again. "Oh, yeah, I'm very familiar with those. Hell, I _am_ one of those for a great many people, or have been." He shrugs a little and adds, "It suited me, though, and hey, I got a lot of good perverted fucking out of it."

"There's always that. Fucking is great and perverted fucking is always a plus."

"I'll drink to that," Mark says, raising his glass.

Gerard copies the motion. "To perverted sex."

They drink, and pass a few moments in companionable silence. After a while, Mark says, "So what's your favorite perversion? Or can you choose just one?"

"Favorite?" A few thousand possibilities come immediately to mind. "There's cutting, which you know about already, but it isn't the sort that's guaranteed to get me off. I fancy a bit of roleplaying, but you need to have someone who loves it as much as you do to pair off or else it doesn't go well. Kneeling is guaranteed to get me hard. Nipple play." Gerard shrugs. "Those are the main few. You?"

"Non-con," Mark answers immediately. "Not real non-con, not, like, real rape or like that, but faux non-con, and consensual non-consensuality, from either side of it." He thinks about it for a while, then goes on, "Harry's brand of sadism is right up there with the non-con now, too. You know, that sort of... slow, thoughtful administration of pain, of sensation." He pauses for a moment, then says, "Y'know I can't tell you quite when I fell for him, but I can tell you that the minute I _started_ falling for him was in our first scene together, the day we fucking _met_ for godssake." He chuckles softly and says, almost to himself, "He called me a good boy, and he told me no." The chuckle turns to laughter, and he shakes his head. "I'd make such a lousy goddamned boy, Ger, but right then I'd have given him _anything_. I had no idea the feeling was going to last."

Gerard smiles at his friend. "Oh, yeah, I've seen Harry like that. Tell me something, was that gun loaded?" It's not a question sparked by any real concern, just amusement and curiosity.

Mark laughs out loud at that, and he shoots Gerard a wry grin. "Truth? I have no fucking idea."

"Really? That would have been my first question, if it had been me. Just to know how close it'd gotten. Mind you, though, I don't tend to do things from that side of the equation."

"Y'know, I never even thought to wonder," Mark says. "Huh. You'd think I would have wondered." He shrugs a little, then goes on, "I don't know, with Harry I just never worry."

"Yeah. I trust Harry also. I can't imagine him hurting you ever, even without meaning to."

"Yeah, Harry's amazing," Mark says. "You're no slouch yourself," he adds. "How are things going with you and Jonny Lee?" He grins a little. "Jonny Lee's a fucking doll, you know. I get such a kick out of how he keeps calling Harry 'Mr. Sinclair.'"

"Jonny Lee and I are doing fine. I get the feeling sometimes we're going a little fast, but that's only to be expected, I guess. Neither of us are very patient. As for the Mr. Sinclair bit...oh, that one's all my fault, I'm afraid. When I met Teak, he had just enough polite bones in his body that he didn't offend anyone. When I got through with him, he was calling everyone he met Mister."

"Man, from one extreme to the other," Mark says, laughing again. "That's really cute." Mark's quiet a moment, wondering what Gerard means, 'going a little fast.' After a bit, he says, "So, do you feel like you're going _too_ fast?"

"No," Gerard answers immediately."Definitely not. If I did, I'd slow us down. That's one thing I do know how to do." Gerard shakes his head. "I didn't even trust myself to introduce him to the Establishment, because I thought that would be going too far."

"Well, then it's right for the two of you," Mark says. "There are folks who'd say I'm crazy for being this involved with Harry this fast, and now we've got Billy, too, but hey, it works." He picks up the pitcher of iced tea says, "You need a refill?"

"Yeah." Gerard offers Mark his glass. "Thanks. I don't know if you're going too fast. All three of you were already in the lifestyle before, right?"

"Oh yeah, to greater and lesser degrees," Mark says as he pours. "Jonny wasn't, was he? Or was he?"

"Teak had no bloody clue. Actually, that's wrong," Gerard amends. "He knew a little, here and there. Had experimented a bit. But otherwise he was a complete novice. And there's me, doing it since puberty."

"Well, then you're a good teacher for him," Mark says, refilling his own glass. "Have you ever been on the other side of things? If that's not too personal a question."

Gerard chokes a little on his drink. "Yeah," he says finally. "For two weeks, I was a sub on my knees. To Peter Wingfield. Do you know him?"

Mark shakes his head. "No, I know of him though. Played Methos on Highlander? That Peter Wingfield?"

"There's any other? Yeah, that one. Peter fucking Death on a horse. He's good, Mark, don't get me wrong. Very good."

"Oh, I believe it," Mark says. "He was the best thing on that show. Plus, I can't imagine anyone who wasn't pretty damned good getting you on your knees at all, even just for two weeks."

"Harry could do it, but you've already pimped him." Gerard grins a little at that. "Peter actually dommed Teak a couple weeks back completely by accident."

Mark actually does a double take. "Wait a minute. Your ex dom accidentally dommed your current boy?" He frowns, puzzled. "How does that happen?"

"Well, you remember how last time I was here I mentioned how the London club is a lot smaller than the LA one? I'd sent Jonny Lee out to get laid and lo and behold, Peter was there that night, surveying the masses. Teak picked him up, Peter beat him, and then returned him in the morning."

"Wow." Mark shakes his head. "That's, um. Wow. So, how are you with that?"

"I'm fine. Perfectly fucking fine." It's close enough to the truth. Mark doesn't need to hear Gerard's paranoid ramblings about Peter checking up on him. "And it was Jonny Lee's decision, in the long run. I don't put restrictions on people he can fuck."

_Perfectly fucking fine_ doesn't sound so fine to Mark, but he's not sure Gerard would welcome being pushed. He nods a little, thinking about it, and finally says, "Yeah, I try for that sense of equanimity, but I don't always achieve it." He laughs a little and says, "I got _really_ fucking jealous of one of Harry's exes for a while, but I think I'm over it."

"I don't suppose Teak has any of those sorts of exes. There's his wife, yeah, and there's Ewan and Jude. But about _my_ exes, that's a whole 'nother story." Gerard snorts and downs the rest of his iced tea in salute to the ghost of Conner.

"Any stories you wanna tell?" Mark asks, a little gently.

"Not particularly. I sent my old sub a Christmas present and the thank you card was written mostly in formal voice. It freaked Jonny Lee out more than a little. I found him in the shower." And wasn't that painful to watch, seeing his boy trying to burn it all out of himself.

"Fun," Mark says, wincing a little. "Yeah, not the sort of scenario we dream up in our fantasies, huh?"

"Not at all," Gerard agrees. "Needless to say, I'm going to keep the two of them very far apart."

Mark nods. "Yeah, probably for the best. Looks like you two got it worked out, though, yeah?"

"Yeah. We're fine, got it out. Though it directly lead to us using formal speech at each other, so I suppose I have to thank Con for something."

"It did?" Mark says. "How come?"

"I honestly have no fucking clue." Gerard admits. "First he was talking about how Con had called me Master, which he didn't, then suddenly Teak was asking me to use formal speech with him. He uses it from the bottom, I use it from the top, and get bloody confused half the time because I haven't used it from the top for thirteen bloody years."

Mark chuckles. "It takes some getting used to, I'd imagine. Harry's having a hard enough time getting used to 'Sir'."

There's probably a story behind that, but Gerard doesn't want to pry. "It takes different strokes to move the world."

"And thus the conversation comes full circle," Mark says with a grin. "The question is, is there some stroke out there that fails to move anyone?"

"A golf stroke," Gerard offers. "A chest stroke, the sort that leaves you paralyzed. Or maybe not the first. I'm sure I could find golf porn if I looked hard enough."

"Oh, someone's bound to get off on golf," Mark says, "as perverse as that might sound to you and me, and there's probably more than one soul who has fantasies about being half paralyzed and at the mercy of some hot nurse."

"Well, that wouldn't be me, if only because I'd be the nurse. Unrepentant dom, you know. Though I've no doubt I'd be as horrible a nurse as I was a lawyer."

"I'll bet you could dominate the hell outta some nurses even from your sick bed," Mark says with a grin. "But don't go there just to find out," and he thinks suddenly of Craig, and sends up a quick prayer.

"I won't," Gerard promises. "I've nothing against medical scenes, but I'd prefer they weren't taking place in an actual hospital."

"Like the way prison scenes are always better if you're not actually in prison."

"Oh, yes. Most certainly." There's a huge grin behind that. "Did I tell you that me and Teak did one of those? A prison scene, I mean. Fucking amazing."

"Yeah?" Mark grins. "Man, I love prison scenes. Prison, interrogations, torture, all that shit." He chuckles. "There's that non-con kink rearing its head."

"I love it all. One of these days I want to get Teak under a swinging light bulb, tie him to a chair, and interrogate him about something he has no fucking idea about, like what a certain person's favorite colors are, and where the million pounds are hidden, just to see how flustered he gets." Gerard chuckles. "Knowing my boy, of course, he'll be poised and confident and lie through his teeth. There is a downside to having an actor for a boy."

"I don't know, Ger," Mark says doubtfully, still grinning. "I'll bet you could be menacing enough to fluster just about anyone, actor or no."

"Hm. Probably. I'd have to work on it, though. Practice my technique." His smile turns feral. "Want to be my victim, Mr. Lutz?"

"Always willing to help out a friend," Mark says, smiling back. "Gonna have to wait a day or so, though," he adds. "A friend's coming over later, she's upset about Craig Parker being in the hospital, and I'm thinking for a good interrogation, you'll need a little time."

"Take all the time in the world." It'd been nothing more than a throw-away suggestion, though now that Gerard's had more than a moment to think about it, he can see the appeal. But, no. He'll leave a scene of that intensity to Mark's lover. "Do I know her?"

"I don't know," Mark says. "Gorgeous redhead named Alex Kingston."

The name means nothing to him. "I'm afraid we haven't been acquainted."

"She and I haven't actually met face to face yet either, but we sort of know each other through Craig. When she asked if she could come over," and he trails off, and shrugs. "Craig was sort of mentoring her. She's pretty submissive, I guess, and I think she feels sort of lost. Craig left town without telling her, and now this."

"Great. Well, I would love to meet her."

"Yeah, great indeed," Mark says with a wry smile. "It really startled me that he did that, but, hell, I don't know what else might've been going on." The sun's starting to dip a bit in the sky, shade now covering part of the pool, and Mark glances towards the huge windows of the house. Someone's turned on a lamp inside, a small bubble of warm light peaking through the dark glass. "I wonder if we should go find the boys, see what kind of trouble they've managed to get into."

Gerard finds the mental imagine of his boy and Mark's boy together very appealing. "We should. And then punish them for getting in said trouble in the first place."

"Yes!" Mark says, delighted by the idea. "And if they're not in trouble, we can punish them for not giving us a reason to punish them."

"Oh, I like the way your mind works." Gerard grins. He sets the glass down on the table and clasps Mark around the shoulder. "Let's go find our boys."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/12489.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	38. gerard: LA Bar Chat: Friday, February 13th

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/13/) 21:25:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21206&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21206) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21206) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21206&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**LA Bar Chat: Friday, February 13th** _  
[players only. Ger and JL parts isolated, but it's a long chat. Short synopsis: James Marsters was getting crawling lessons from Stuart Townsend. After Gerard went up to prepare the room for their [safewording scene](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/19935.html), JL started playing. Complete chat can be [found](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/108998.html) [here](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/109103.html).]

**Harry** : *walks in ahead of large group, looks around and leads them to a set of tables in the middle of the bar at the wall. Accompanied by Mark and Billy, followed by Gerard and Jonny Lee.*

**Harry** : *wearing boots, black leather pants and long-sleeved black silk shirt. pulls out chairs and motions everyone to sit down.*

**Mark** : *gropes Harry discreetly, then sits, pulling Billy down beside him*

**Gerard** : *is dressed almost exactly as Harry completely by accident, except that the shirt is gray instead of black* *sits next to the wall and wraps his arms around JL's shoulders*

**Ethan** : *looks around the bar. the guy from "Hackers" is here! So cool. And they're sitting with Billy and that guy.... Harry, I think. I might have to say hi.*

**Jonny Lee** : *leans in, whispers to Gerard* Does master wish his boy to get drinks, sir? *looks just a little nervous*

**Gerard** : *kisses his forehead lightly* No, he doesn't. And his boy is not to have any alcohol or stimulants tonight.

**Jonny Lee** : *sits back* Yes, sir.

**Gerard** : *while the waiter is still there* Teak, you want anything?

**Jonny Lee** : *smiles* Whatever master orders will be fine for this boy. *wants a beer, but isn't going to order it.*

**Gerard** : *orders* A coke for my boy and water for me.

**Harry** : And a club soda, too, for the good lookin' frat boy. *nods at Billy*

**Mark** : He does make a damned fine-looking frat boy, doesn't he? *grins* We should try some of those hazing rituals on him sometime.

**Harry** : *ruffles Billy's hair* Yes, we should. Paddling. *smile widens*

**Mark** : Indeed.

**Gerard** : *watches* Paddling would only encourage him.

**Mark** : You can buy those, y'know. Very authentic looking.  
 **Mark** : And it's good to encourage him.  
 **Mark** : I like encourageable boys.

**Gerard** : Mm. Point. And it's so much better than throwing them into lakes at midnight.

**Mark** : *laughs*

**Jonny Lee** : *eyes light up at mention of paddling* *stays silent, though*

**Mark** : *notices Jonny Lee's interest, and laughs again*

**Gerard** : *grins at his boy* You wait your turn.

**Karl** : *Karl, Stuart and Lin enter the bar chatting amongst themselves. Karl catches sight of Harry and gang, nods in their direction, and the trio heads over to join their friends*

**Harry** : *looks up* Karl. *waves* Okay, guys, scoot in, make room for the rest of the gang.

**Mark** : *much scooting ensues*

**Gerard** : *looks guarded at Karl, but moves over*

**Stuart** : *hangs back just a bit, anticipating an order for drinks, offering quick smiles to the folks he knows*

**Karl** : *takes a seat* Hey, mate. How's it going? *nods at Gerard and Jonny Lee* Hello. Have you met Lin?

**Lin** : *smiles at Gerard and Jonny Lee* Nice to meet you both. Lin Fiorentino.

**Gerard** : Lin? *frowns for a moment* Ah, Ms. Fiorentino. We met in my journal. You like poetry.

**Lin** : Yes! *smiles more broadly*

**Gerard** : *offers hand* Gerry Butler. Pleased to make your acquaintance in the non-digital world.

**Lin** : *takes his hand* The pleasure's mine, Mister Butler.

**Gerard** : And this is my boy, Jonny Lee Miller. *indicates JL with a jerk of his head*

**Lin** : *smiles*It's good to meet you as well, Mister Miller.

**Jonny Lee** : *smiles charmingly* It's very nice to meet you, ma'am.

**Lin** : Yes, please babe-- red wine, something big.

**Lin** : *to Jonny Lee* You two are visiting Los Angeles?

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, ma’am. This boy and his master are visiting LA, staying with Mr. Sinclair. *scoots a little closer to Gerard*

**Lin** : How are you liking it?

**Gerard** : *rubs JL's thigh under the table, incidentally running his nails against the semi-new tattoo*

**Jonny Lee** : *to Lin* LA's okay, but this boy prefers London, ma’am. *moves his thigh, pushing Gerard's fingers back over the tattoo*

**Lin** : *wonders if she should tell Jonny Lee to call her Lin*

**Gerard** : *starts pinching the skin* *to Lin* I don't think we'll move here, but it's a nice place to visit.

**Lin** : I never thought I'd move here either--I’m really an East coast girl, but I love it here

**Jonny Lee** : *squirms at the pinch* *smiles too widely*

**Gerard** : There are things you can do in London you can't do here. And I suppose there are things you can do here that you can't do in London. But it's our home.

**Gerard** : *strokes JL's thigh through the leather and begins to pinch him*

**Jonny Lee** : *startles at the first pinch, sitting up straighter, a small gulp coming out of his throat*

**Gerard** : *smirks* Yes, boy?

**Lin** : *grins at Jonny Lee*

**Jonny Lee** : Nothing, sir. Sorry, sir. *smiles back at Lin*

**Gerard** : *tsks* Don't lie to your master.

**Jonny Lee** : Your boy was caught off guard by the pinch, sir. He shouldn't've startled, sir.

**Gerard** : Did my boy enjoy it?

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, sir, your boy enjoyed it a lot. *tries not to smile too wide*

**Gerard** : *pinches harder* Then don't apologize. *leans closer, starts nibbling on JL's ear*

**Lin** : *to Jonny Lee* Pinches always startle me, too.

**James** : *as he approaches the table, James bows his head before gracefully settling to his knees near Karl's feet* "This boy's Master sends his greetings to Sir, Sir's boy, and Mistress" *murmurs softly.*

**Jonny Lee** : *watches the new boy with great interest, almost studying him*

**Gerard** : Someone you know?

**Jonny Lee** : *grins back at Stuart* *whispers to Gerard* No, sir. Just the way he moves. It's perfect.

**Gerard** : Do you want to find his owner and ask to play with him?

**Jonny Lee** : Perhaps, sir, if it would please master. *watches, his gaze going back and forth between Stuart and James, intrigued by their actions, words*

**Gerard** : *watches also* I think it would be better if we waited for later, boy. He doesn't look too happy. Is that Stuart?

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, sir. *bites at lip* That's Stuart, sir.

**Gerard** : I can see why you like him.

**Jonny Lee** : *squirms at watching Stuart crawl, take hold of James* Yes, master. He's quite beautiful.

**Gerard** : *unbuttons JL's fly slowly* Yes, he is. But not as beautiful as my boy.

**Stuart** : *chuckles at the look, crawling closer, adding a deliberate sway to his leatherclad hips* Relax. It doesn't hurt, honest.

**James** : *shivering wildly, as he knows he must go through with this so publicly, he adjusts himself to hands and knees as bidden.*

**Jonny Lee** : This boy appreciates the compliment, sir. *sits still*

**Gerard** : *strokes JL's cock* Do you want to be down there next to them on the floor?

**Stuart** : *crawls slowly around James, reaching to adjust the position of his knees or arch of his spine, the touches more like caresses* *leans to murmur in his ear* Don't think about it, James. No one's watching at the moment.

**James** : *moans softly, eyes slamming shut as his blushing just doesn't seem to quit. Relax? In a room full of strangers? Easier said than done*

**James** : *that said, James manages to sink easily into the posture dictated by Stuart.*

**Jonny Lee** : *slows breathing at the touch* Yes, sir, no, sir. Your boy is happy here with his master.

**Gerard** : Does my boy want to come before getting beaten?

**Stuart** : *crawls around in front of James, turns to face him, reaches to brush a touch along his jaw* Eyes open, beautiful. You have to be able to see where you're going.

**James** : *swallows harshly, then opens his eyes, fixing them on Stuart, with a small nod.*

**Stuart** : *smiles warmly, a hint of mischief in his eyes, and crooks his finger at James again, crawling backwards once more, the movements slow and slinky* Remember... you're a predator, on the hunt. Slow and fluid, stalking your prey, sneaking up on it.

**James** : *Predator, right, James has years of experience with that under his belt. Eyes subtly shifting to something less open, and rather more dangerous he begins to slink slowly forward towards Stuart, back arching and undulating gracefully.*

**Jonny Lee** : No, sir. Your boy, if his master permits, would rather wait and beg to come. *although Gerard's stroking and Stuart's writhing is conspiring to undo him*

**Gerard** : *frowns* Teak...are you sure?

**Stuart** : Mm, lovely. *continues backwards, working a wide circle that will eventually take them back toward the table, keeping himself turned toward James the whole time* The look is absolutely perfect, mate.

**James** : *all but purrs low in his throat as he follows the course laid out by Stuart, flashes of his 'Spike' persona flickering at the edges of his mind.*

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, sir. *cannot take eyes off Stuart and James, stares almost blankly* This boy would like to defer his orgasm till later, sir. Please.

**Gerard** : *presses lips together and removes his hand* Alright. If that's what my boy wants.

**Stuart** : Mmmyeah. Perfect. *groans low, slowing his movements even further, now backing toward Karl and the others*

**James** : *eyes narrow slightly as he starts to literally _stalk_ Stuart back towards the group, still slinking across the floor on hands and knees.*

**Jonny Lee** : Please, sir, would master not stop?

**Gerard** : *gives him a look, decides to be very very evil* *gives JL the handjob of his life*

**Stuart** : *purrs, backing right under the table everyone's seated at, dropping a bit lower to the floor to avoid hitting his head*

**James** : *continues to stalk his prey, dipping his upper body lower to the floor as he follows Stuart under the table*

**Jonny Lee** : *moans as the tension increases, the torture of Gerard's hand working his cock* Thank you, sir.

**Gerard** : *strokes thumb over foreskin* Does my boy want to blow me?

**Jonny Lee** : Your boy wants to please his master. *zoning slightly* If that would please him, then, yes, your boy would like to do that.

**Gerard** : Your master wants to beat you bloody.

**Gerard** : *to JL* *whispers* Want to get out of here?

**Karl** : *to Stuart* *grins wickedly* I don't think you're done yet, boy. Think there's anything else you could teach James?

**Jonny Lee** : Whatever master wants is acceptable to his boy.

**Stuart** : *lays his head on Lin's knee, purring deeply, almost missing Karl's words* Hmm? Oh. What would you like your boy to teach him next, Master?

**Gerard** : Master wants to get the whip and find a nice secluded cross.

**Stuart** : *glances toward Ger and JL, smirking*

**Jonny Lee** : *grins at Stuart, tongue slightly out*

**Gerard** : *swats JL lightly* *starts to disentangle the from the orgying masses*

**Stuart** : *makes a face at JL*

**Jonny Lee** : *sticks tongue all the way out* Would master let this boy play with Stuart one night?

**Gerard** : *sighs* Want me to make it a _rule_ that you don't have to ask me? Mind you, you'll have to negotiate with his master first.

**Stuart** : *starts to make another face at JL, but his attention is caught by Karl" Oh, yes, Master, this boy believes that's something that can be taught.

**Jonny Lee** : Your boy apologizes, sir. *smile weakens*

**Gerard** : *looks from JL to Stuart and back again* *shakes head* Teak, I'm going to get the room ready. Come on up when you're done digging your grave. And if I hear of you getting one drop in you....well, I better not. *gives him a steady glare*

**Mark** : Don't worry Ger, we'll keep an eye on him.

**Gerard** : *to Mark* Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Don't mess him up too much.

**Mark** : *laughs* We'll keep him in one piece.

**Gerard** : See that you do. *rolls eyes*

**Gerard** : *fingers JL's collar lightly before exiting*

**Jonny Lee** : *rubs head against Gerard's fingers as he touches the collar, then watches him leave.*

**Jonny Lee** : *picks up Coke and basically chugs it down before returning gaze to the new floor show*

**Stuart** : *chuckles softly, dropping his hand to press against James' erection through his jeans, murmuring in his ear* They all want you. That's why they watch you. You're beautiful, precious in your need. *he squeezes gently*

**Jonny Lee** : They're fuckin' beautiful. *nearly whimpers at muttering the words*

**Jonny Lee** : *knows he should get up, walk out and go on to the room, but the chance to stay and get in trouble is too tempting*

**Stuart** : *ducks his head, peering up through lashes and the spill of hair at the audience, making it a point to snag a moment of direct eye contact with each of them as he works the button of James' jeans open* Hear them? Hear how much they want you?

**Karl** : *looks over at Jonny Lee, having caught his whimpers* *grins* Enjoying the show?

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, sir. Very much, sir. *tongue slides out over teeth, slipping over edge of glass*

**James** : *James' breath comes in hard pants, as his back arches wantonly, platinum blond head dropping backwards to rest against Stuart's shoulder.*

**Karl** : *to JL* *smiles* And are /you/ a shy one or are you more like Stuart? *head swinging back to the show* Oh, God. *shifts Ethan slightly before he does something he'll regret*

**Jonny Lee** : *to Karl* This boy isn't like Stuart, but he could do that.

**James** : *A sharp intake of breath breaks out as a wild, ragged moan, and again James' hips buck forward, chasing after Stuart's talented hand.*

**Karl** : *to JL* *nods* And do _you_ need your Master's permission to play?

**James** : *murmurs softly,* "Oh, God. _Please_ "

**Jonny Lee** : No, sir. *sighs just a little* Master keeps reminding this boy of that fact.

**Stuart** : *nuzzles against James' neck, licking at his skin, and pulls his cock free of the jeans, letting the others watch as he draws languid strokes along its length*

**Karl** : *to JL* Then why don't you join them? It'd be interesting to see if Stuart could keep his mind on the task at hand *grins* with a little distraction of his own. Up to you, though. *shrugs*

**Jonny Lee** : Yes, sir. *pushes back chair, stands up, looks to catch Stuart's eye* This boy thinks he can be enough of a distraction.

**Karl** : *murmurs to Lin* Now this ought to be good.

**Lin** : *chuckles lightly* Oh, yeah.

**Stuart** : *catching the tail end of JL's statement he glances up, eyes going wide for a moment* *grins, speeding up the strokes of his hand, ducking his head to murmur in James' ear again* You see? So irresistible that we've got company.

**James** : *presses back into Stuart, suggestively rubbing his ass against his tormentor, shoulders heaving slightly with each deeply indrawn breath.*

**Jonny Lee** : *stalks, not quite as predatory as Stuart, but more streetwise, punkish* Yes, irresistible. Positively fuckably beautiful.

**Lin** : *is suddenly quite distracted by Jonny Lee*

**Stuart** : *watching JL now, he twists his hand on every other upstroke along James' cock* You oughta know, pretty boy.

**James** : *The sights, the sounds, the mere _knowledge_ that so many are watching, fuels James' arousal like quicksilver. A harsh swallow, and he finds himself fighting for control, unwilling to come without a direct command.*

**Jonny Lee** : That's a pretty boy you've got there, Stuart. *slurs the name as he reaches out, touches James's cheek.*

**Stuart** : Isn't he though? *purring the words, his smile turning sultry, his strokes easing a bit when James' distress finally registers* Want to play with him?

**Jonny Lee** : *turns back, looks at Lin, smiles charmingly* And what torment would please Mistress the most? *he's zoning, slipping into himself, knowing the more trouble he gets in here the more fun he'll have later being punished*

**James** : *can't seem to stop twitching his hips forward, rocking his aching cock through Stuart's amazing grip. So, hard, so ready, and yet . . . somehow James manages to hold on to the tattered shreds of his control.*

**Stuart** : *nuzzles at James' neck again, never taking his gaze off JL* You're doing so well, James. *purrs, the sound bordering on a moan* So beautiful......

**James** : *A soft litany of small sounds streams from James' lips, "Oh, God. So good. _Please_. So Good." *His own arousal while being watched is almost surprising to him.*

**Jonny Lee** : Well, m'lady, that can be taken care of. *turns back to James, trails hand down over James's neck, brushing Stuart's cheek, and all the way down his chest*

**Stuart** : *snaps his teeth playfully at JL's hand as it passes, taking half a step back so as not to interfere with the undressing, but never once letting go of James' cock, or slowing his strokes*

**James** : *Swiping his tongue over dry lips, James lifts his arms above his head to facilitate his disrobing.

**Jonny Lee** : *both hands grasp the hem of James's tee and start rolling it up over his stomach. he dips his head and swipes his tongue over the tight muscles* Tastes as good as he looks.

**James** : He's so very lost to the glory of the moment, awash in sensations that threaten to drown him.*

**Stuart** : *purrs, pausing the strokes of his hand to squeeze gently, once, then resuming the pace* This boy would just /love/ to taste him more.... intimately.

**James** : *moans raggedly as Stuart's words imbed themselves in his mind, "Oh,  
 _Christ_!" If he were any closer to the edge, he'd explode.*

**Jonny Lee** : *continues work, shirt now rolled to just under the arms. his tongue dances over a nipple.* _This_ boy would like to taste you again. *pushes the shirt on up as his tongue works a path from one nipple to the other*

**James** : *shivers as inch after inch of his ivory skin is exposed, his arms still firmly in place above his head.* "Anything, oh God, please, _anything,_ "*

**Stuart** : *glances quickly at Karl and Lin, eyes dark, then ducks his head to drag his tongue along James' neck* No doubt that could be arranged, Jonny. Perhaps another visit from the rent boy? *twists his hand along James' cock with the next stroke, abruptly picking up the pace to something harder, faster* If you beg real pretty, James, eventually she'll give in.

**Lin** : *smiles* Stuart's right, James. I do like to hear begging.

**Jonny Lee** : No, no, no. *nibbles at James' shoulder as he pushes the tee up over James' head, Stuart leaning back enough to allow the movement* No rent boy, Stuart. I want Lestat this time.

**Karl** : *murmurs to Lin* Everyone wants Lestat.

**Lin** : Not me. I want my kitten.  
 **Lin** : Dorian Gray was pretty hot, too.

**James** : *stiffens under the sensual onslaught, the words 'beg' and 'pretty' registering in his passion-soaked mind.

**Karl** : And not me. I want my boy. So.._ maybe not everyone.

**Stuart** : *smiles slowly, wickedly, letting his lips part at a languid, lazy speed, and setting his teeth against James' skin he bites down*

**Jonny Lee** : *glances at Lin* Would Mistress like this boy to take care of his jeans now?

**Lin** : *laughs lightly* Mistress would, thank you Jonny Lee.

**Jonny Lee** : *blushes at her laugh* Yes, Mistress. *sinks to his knees, hands gripping at the waistband of the jeans*

**James** : *Oh God, the simplest touch, and James is lost, on edge, ready to let words he's been chaining up inside of him spill out so very easily. Instead he merely purrs out "Mistress, so good, Mistress. So good."

**Stuart** : *again he pulls back, careful not to go so far that he loses his grip on James' cock*

**Jonny Lee** : *slides jeans down over hips, along thighs*

**James** : *is almost weak in the knees from the combined assaults of his three tormentors. Surely, he's died, and this . . . This moment right here is his admission into heaven.*

**Lin** : *strokes her hands up James's thighs as Jonny Lee slides the jeans off, scratching fingernails over the muscles of his stomach*

**Jonny Lee** : *licks right across the top of James's knees as he pushes the denim down*

**Stuart** : *curls his fingers just enough to just barely touch his nails against James' cock, lightly scraping*

**James** : *A ragged moan catches in James' throat, the muscles of his abdomen twitching in reaction beneath Lin's nails.

**James** : His legs quiver with each swipe of JL's tongue, as Stuart's caressing fingers make it more and more impossible for him to remain in control.*

**Jonny Lee** : *jeans off, he turns his attention to James's thighs, licking along the inner right one, from just below the knee upward.*

**Lin** : Such pretty sounds. *leans in to kiss James's throat, still scratching his skin lightly*

**Stuart** : *ducks his head to nibble lightly at the back of James' neck*

**Lin** : *presses close to James and kisses her way around his throat to find Stuart, nuzzles in for a kiss*

**Jonny Lee** : *nibbles on the thigh, small nuzzling bites dead center of the upper inner thigh*

**James** : *The pretty sounds grow louder with each new taunt to his senses, his cock all but jumping in Stuart's hand at Lin's words.

**Stuart** : *one last swipe of his tongue across the back of James' neck leads him right into the kiss Lin seeks, and he moans, tightening his grip on James' cock unconsciously*

**James** : "Please, Mistress. Beautiful, perfect Mistress, _please_." He's shaking now, wildly, uncontrollably.*

**Lin** : *purrs into Stuart's kiss and slides one hand down to ghost over James's cock* *murmurs to James* Is there something you want, pretty pet?

**James** : *James could swear his heart skips a beat as Lin's touch burns a path of fire over his skin. The answer is so very simple, "You, Mistress. Anything for you."*

**Karl** : *his complete attention on the foursome on the floor, all he can think of is fucking both Stuart and Lin right through the nearest hard surface when he gets them home, if he even bothers waiting til they get home* * _Christ_ *

**Lin** : Anything...? *kisses the side of his throat, stroking him along with Stuart* And if I told you to wait until you got home, and let your Master bring you off? Would you do that for me?

**Jonny Lee** : *kneeling up, he licks over the top of James's thigh, a long, particularly wet lick. he's really enjoying this.*

**Lin** : *reaches down with her free hand to stroke Jonny Lee's hair*

**Stuart** : *blinks, glancing at Lin* Oh, that's so fucking wicked there aren't words for it.

**James** : *A deep moan and shudder rifles through James, "This boy," he pants out, "exists to serve. If . . . If Mistress desires it so, this boy will obey."*

**Jonny Lee** : *pulls back, looks up, watching with fascination* Mistress has a delightful sense of pleasure. *he gets hard just thinking about being denied*

**Lin** : *chuckles lightly* Well, Mistress doesn't especially. Mistress wants to know, first though, whether this boy likes being fucked. Because Mistress would like to see one of these boys buried balls-deep in your ass, if your Master and theirs are okay with that.

**Karl** : *laughs more* Yeah, that they are.

**James** : *whimpers softly, hazy eyes focusing on Lin. "This boy is at the command of Mistress or Sir tonight. Master was clear to this boy on that subject, Mistress."*

**Stuart** : *smiles slowly, slyly, he lets Lin take over the stroking, locking his fingers around the base of James' cock*

**Lin** : *glances to Karl, then to Stuart and Jonny Lee, still stroking James's cock, more firmly now that Stuart's gripping the base so snugly* Can either of you oblige me, and fuck James for me? Since I didn't bring the appropriate equipment to do it myself....

**James** : *shudders uncontrollably at the thought, words tumbling from his lips, "Oh please, God, _please_. Yes."*

**Jonny Lee** : *smiles, then smirks at Stuart* Wanna flip a coin for it, mate?

**Stuart** : *grins at JL* This boy would be delighted to, though it may be moot if Master would rather his boy didn't fuck James.

**Stuart** : *glances at Karl, his grip firm on the base of James' cock*

**Karl** : *smirking* Actually, I wouldn't mind watching you fuck James at all.

**James** : *doesn't care what happens. Doesn't care so long as Lin never stops touching him, and a hard cock slides home inside of him, stretching him open and full. "Oh, Christ."*

**Jonny Lee** : *shrugs, sits back on heels*

**Stuart** : *is about to ask whether or not he gets to come if he fucks James, then remembers he's not allowed to ask for such things, so he snaps his mouth shut, dropping his gaze to JL and arching an eyebrow* Umm.... got a coin?

**Jonny Lee** : In these pants? What do you think?

**James** : *Somehow Stuart's words register and James murmurs out, "In this boy's jeans."

**Stuart** : *almost laughs, purrs instead* Mmm, you're closer to his jeans, Jonny.

**Jonny Lee** : *leans over, searches in discarded jeans pockets and comes up with a quarter* Heads or tails, Stuart?

**Stuart** : *smiles slyly* This boy prefers tails, actually. Nice, well shaped.... *he slides his free hand down to grip James' backside* tails.

**Lin** : There's a lot to be said for head, too, kitten.

**Stuart** : Yes, certainly, luv. But in this case, it's all about the tail.

**James** : *grunts softly as his ass is gripped, and he pushes himself willingly back into the warm hands that feel so damn good against his skin.*

**Jonny Lee** : So, are you calling tails or claiming the one you're grinding against? *casually flips the coin into the air*

**Stuart** : *grins, shifting the hold of both hands this time, gripping James' hips to pull him roughly back against his own cock, still trapped in leather* Calling.

**Jonny Lee** : *the coin falls back into Jonny's and he flips it over onto his arm.* Lucky bastard. Tails. Your choice, mate.

**James** : *moans, and gyrates wantonly against the leather-clad erection pressing against his ass, "Please. This boy _needs_. Oh, God, please."*

**Lin** : Poor pet. Don't worry dear, soon enough.

**Stuart** : *it's a tough choice, one that takes quite some time to make, Stuart considering the situation very carefully before finally stepping back from James, both hands dropping to rub along his own thighs* You do it. *the words are teasingly reluctant* This boy would likely die in the process. *his gaze flicking to Karl, mutters* Or fuck up royally.

**James** : *somehow keeps from swearing and railing. Stuart thinks _he's_ going to likely die in the process? James is already half way there.*

**Jonny Lee** : *thinks for a minute on just how much trouble he's walking into, but only for a minute.* Hands and knees, handsome.

**James** : *groans as he drops gracefully to his knees, then tilts forward, resting his weight on his hands, bare ass tilted into the air on display for all to see.*

**Jonny Lee** : *rubs hand over James's arse* Stuart, wanna toss me a condom? *slides thumb into cleft, over puckered muscle.* Bit of lube, maybe.

**Stuart** : *drops one hand from Lin's hip, automatically going for his own pocket, then remembers he doesn't have pockets* *leans and stretches to reach the basket on the bar, tossing a handful of condoms and lube packets toward JL*

**James** : *Head snapping upwards, shudders wrack through James' frame, as he presses back needily towards the exploring digit.*

**Jonny Lee** : *snags 'em mid-air and drops 'em to the floor beside him* Eager, aren't we? *pushes thumb in slightly. undoes leather pants with free hand.* Could probably come from just me doing this.

**James** : *moans as the finger presses inside of him, a small whimper attesting to JL's claim.* "This boy could, oh, God. Need . . . Please."

**Jonny Lee** : *makes quick work of ripping open condom and rolling it on* But that'd be such a waste, wouldn't it?

**Jonny Lee** : *does same with lube, coating himself. he pulls his thumb back and positions his cock, pushing forward with a single, slow thrust* This is so much better.

**James** : *It's all James can do, not to come as Lin says those words, as tightly wound as he is. Then . . . _Christ_ , he's bucking, and screaming with pleasure as JL slides so deeply inside of him, "Yes, fuck. _Yes_ " So good. So fucking good James' head is spinning as he's fucked full of hard cock.*

**Jonny Lee** : *pulls back, pushes forward again, in a slow, steady rhythm. he has no interest in coming himself, so he's focusing on James's pleasure* Fuckin' tight, mate. Christ, you're good.

**Lin** : James, baby, do you want to come?

**James** : *James' head drops, his entire body on fire, as he moves back in a rhythmic counterpoint to JL. "So. Fucking. Good. Oh, God." *Each thrust and he's more and more open, welcoming*  
 **James** : *Lin's words stir a reaction out of James and he's looking up, whimpering, begging, "Please Mistress. If Mistress desires it, this boy would love to come."*

**Lin** : Come for me then, James.

**Jonny Lee** : *watches Lin and Stuart as he moves inside James, pushing harder at her words*

**James** : *Those five words strung together are all it takes. With an incoherent shout, James' cock throbs once, twice, then explodes. White hot fluid pulses from it, his ass clenching around the cock buried so deeply inside him.*

**Jonny Lee** : *it takes concentration not to come at the clenching, but Jonny tamps down on the natural urge and rides out James's orgasm without releasing himself.*

**Lin** : *purrs, still stroking Stuart's hair* That's gorgeous. Really fucking gorgeous.

**James** : *trembles, almost collapsing over his hands as heated pleasure threads down his spine in jolting aftershocks. "Mistress, thank you, Mistress," he manages to moan out.*

**Lin** : Thank Jonny Lee, too dear. He's the one who did such a beautiful job fucking you.

**James** : *swallows harshly then croons, "So good. Oh, fuck, so good. Thank you. Thank you for fucking this boy."*

**Jonny Lee** : *pulls out, sit back on heels, rolling condom off.* You're welcome. And this boy thanks you for the opportunity to play.

**James** : *fights to get his breathing back to normal, small sounds of infinite pleasure still erupting from his throat now and again.*

**Lin** : *kisses Stuart, then goes over to James and Jonny Lee* *murmurs* You're both so beautiful. Thank you.

**Lin** : *smiles* Good boy. *turns to Jonny Lee, blushing a little* Jonny Lee, it was really good to, um, meet you.

**Jonny Lee** : Thank you, Mistress. *blushes as well* This boy is very pleased to have met you.

**James** : *cranes himself around, then leans in to brush a kiss to Jonny Lee's lips, more coherent now. "Thank you. So fucking fantastic."*

**Jonny Lee** : *pulls back, startled, then leans into the kiss* You, too.

**Lin** : *smiles up at Karl and Stuart and stands* All right, I think we're supposed to get out of here. You two are good to get home?

**Jonny Lee** : *smiles* Just have to walk down the hall to get beaten.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21206.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	39. gerard: Laid out for Jonny Lee

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/13/) 20:18:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19378&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19378) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19378) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19378&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Laid out for Jonny Lee** _

_Laid out for Jonny Lee on their shared bed at the home of Harry Sinclair, Mark Lutz, and Billy Crudup:_

Also, a white jewelry box containing wrist cuffs that match the collar. They differ in that the cuffs have two silver studs for buttons and that there are two O-rings between the buttons, so that a chain can be run between cuffs and a different chain between the cuff and the collar. Each cuff is approximatly 2.5 inches.

The note:

_You are to wear these tonight, and nothing but. Come to me to have the cuffs put on. We'll be going to the bar._

-Pire  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/19378.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	40. gerard: Safewording

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/13/) 21:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19935&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19935) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19935) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19935&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Safewording** _  
[players only. After JL comes up from [Est](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/108998.html) [bar](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/109103.html), he and Ger knock something off [the itinerary checklist](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html). Takes place the night of Friday the 13th.]

After exiting the bar, Gerard went upstairs to the prearranged room. He had deposited a small black duffel up here beforehand with a change of clothes for the both of them, bandages, and six bottles of water. He isn't sure how long to wait for Jonny Lee. He knows his boy enough to know that he won't be 'right up', but he also knows that Jonny Lee won't make him wait all that long. The room has a bed pushed against one side and Gerard lays back down on it, fingers stroking the braided tails of the heavy cat.

Jonny Lee pulls himself off the floor of the bar, tucks everything in, winces at just how damned hard he is, and makes his way to the playroom's front area and gets directions to the room Gerard's gotten. He's light-headed, still in the edges of a zone, not sure exactly what went down in the bar, but knowing it was intense. Looks up at the door. Right room. Pushes open the door slowly.

Gerard turns his head to the side when he hears the door open. His boy looks almost drained and looks so hard he could come from just a change in the wind. Gerard chuckles and sits up. "How did it go, boy?"

On instinct, he drops to the floor, kneeling up. "Your boy hopes he didn't dig his grave too deeply, Sir. This boy followed Mr. Urban's instructions, Sir, and played with the others." He laces his fingers behind his back.

"And did he play because he wanted to, or because a dominant told him to?" That's all that really matters. When Gerard says that Jonny Lee's free to fuck who he wants, he means it.

There's not a good answer, at least not in Jonny Lee's brain. "Your boy played because he wanted to, Sir, but what this boy did was at the direction of Mr. Urban and Miss Fiorentino, Sir." He chooses honesty. "This boy fucked the pretty blond because it was what the mistress ordered."

"Alright then. And my boy obviously didn't come." Gerard passes a hand through his hair, messing it up. "He should get undressed if he wants to be beaten."

"Yes, Sir. This boy wants that, Sir." He grips the hem of his shirt and pulls it up, quickly bringing it up over his head and putting it aside. "Master isn't angry with his boy?"

"Why should he be?" Gerard had gotten rid of his shirt and boots, but kept the pants on. He unbuttons the top button, but leaves the rest done up. "Did my boy do anything he feels he needs punishment for?"

Jonny Lee drops to his hands, arches his back and crawls toward Gerard. "Your boy doesn't know, Sir. He only wants to please Master." His movements are deliberately predatory, nearly provocative.

"He does." Gerard leans forward and ruffles Jonny Lee's hair. Slides to his feet and slips his finger through the ring on Jonny Lee's collar, propelling him forward.

He nudges his head against Gerard's leg, smiling to himself, and crawls on forward, letting his Master lead the way.

The cross is set up against the wall and Gerard pulls Jonny Lee to his feet in front of it. "Get into position."

"Yes, Sir." He undoes the leather pants and pushes them down his legs, quickly unlacing boots, and kicking it all aside before taking position on the cross, leaning into its cool frame, arms stretched out on the upper crosspieces, spreading legs. He breathes in, then out, starting the familiar exercises, calming himself.

Gerard fastens Jonny Lee's wrists to the cross, then kneels down to do his ankles. Once he's certain that Jonny Lee is secured, he stands back up and starts to rummage through his pocket. "Remember, boy. Safeword or passing out. Say your safeword for me."

_Safeword or pass out._ It's a unique choice. "Cacophony," he says very softly. He flexes his fingers, twists his wrists in the restraints, eases his brain down into even of a zone.

"Good boy." Gerard pulls a small object out of his pocket and presses it into Jonny Lee's palm. "This is a buzzer. It's in case you want to safeword but can't speak. Push it and the scene stops."

Jonny Lee clutches the buzzer for a moment, then palms it against the crosspiece, pressing down tightly. _Point of no return._ "Your boy understands, Sir."

Gerard kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "Good boy." He takes a few steps backwards and picks up the cat. "One," he says, then delivers a relatively light stroke to Jonny Lee's back, warming him up.

The sensation's immediate, light and pleasant. "Thank you, Sir," he purrs out, shrugging his shoulders up.

"No need to thank me. You can do that later, if you like." Gerard delivers another stroke. "And I'll be counting. That's two."

Jonny Lee's head rolls forward. Thank god, no counting. Just can enjoy it. He relaxes, letting the subtle pain wash over him.

At ten Gerard steps the force up, at twenty he's giving Jonny Lee all he's got with every stroke. "Twenty five." He pauses for breath and then pulls the cat back once more. "Twenty six."

At two dozen, the pain mutates from subtle nuances of shifting degrees to searing strikes, each one biting and pushing Jonny Lee's body into the cross. "More, Sir. Please. Harder." He can take so much more, he knows, as he zones farther into headspace, past just going down into submission. "Your boy wants to hurt, Master."

"I know he does. Your master knows." Gerard smiles a little, then delivers the next. "Twenty seven."

"Your boy loves the pain, Sir. He craves it."

Gerard just smirks and shakes his head at that. He's never any closer to understanding the appeal behind taking pain at times like these, but giving the pain...now, that is beautiful. "Twenty eight."

Momentarily, it'll segue into a more unique pain, his body's resiliency giving way to the cat's braids retracing reddened flesh, laying welt on welt.

Gerard gets up to fifty before giving his arm another rest. "Still good, boy?"

Talking brings him out of the space he's trying to sink into. "Yes, Sir," he murmurs, his head hanging between the crosspieces as he takes a breath, centers himself enough to answer.

"Good." Gerard shakes out his arm, running the tails between his fingers. After he relaxes enough, he gets back into a good stance and flicks the cat back. "Fifty one."

Fifty is good, but Jonny Lee wants more. "More, Sir," he breathes out. "Harder, Sir." He's not near incoherency, and he so wants to be there, to hurt that much.

There isn't much harder Gerard can go and still have his shoulder in its socket, but he can try. Fifty two makes him wince, but the sound that comes from Jonny Lee's throat makes it worth it.

That's it. Perfect force. He pulls against the restraints, rides through the pain, arches his back for another.

"Fifty three," Gerard grunts, throwing the cat at exactly the same force as before, hitting the exact same place as before.

The replication of the strike cuts through Jonny Lee's body and he gasps out. It sears, along with the next strikes, spiraling him toward a wave of endorphins. He goes silent as the strikes continue, his mind's eye focusing on the visual of Gerard in leather, black and molded to his body, a single crease interrupting the fluidity. His breathing slows, his heart rate falls. And as Gerard's count creeps higher, Jonny Lee sinks lower.

"Seventy," Gerard calls out. He's been watching as Jonny Lee goes deeper and deeper. Jonny Lee's barely bleeding and Gerard wants to keep it that way, so he's been varying the placement of his strokes. But now he takes a deep breath and gives Jonny Lee five harsh strokes all on top of each other.

Five strokes blend into one in Jonny Lee's brain, a single soul-stripping strike against his flesh. It lunges his body forward into the crosspieces.

The effect of his strokes on Jonny Lee is thrilling and heady. "Seventy six," he murmurs softly, not wanting to disturb the mood, and delivers the next.

Jonny Lee's not even registering Gerard's count. He's falling in on himself, taking the pain and twisting it around his brain, letting it curl his spinal column, the lashes digging and drawing the blood from his body.

Gerard goes up to eighty before giving into his urge to touch Jonny Lee. He knows it won't be productive, might even be counter-productive, but he wants to touch, to know that his boy is alright. He closes the gap between them quickly and rests his hand, palm flat, fingers spread, on a relatively unmarked section of Jonny Lee's back.

The touch is foreign, flesh on flesh too startling. "No," Jonny Lee gasps out, his throat giving voice to his brain scrambling in fear of the pain stopping. It takes him a moment to note the touch is familiar, Gerard's hand, and welcome it, rolling his head back with a whispered whimper.

"Shh," Gerard soothes. "It's just me. Just me." He strokes his thumb lightly up and down the red skin. "Just need to know you're ok."

"Master," Jonny Lee purrs out. "So good. Hurt." He pulls his shoulders in, motion that pushes his back out, increases the pressure of Gerard's thumb against the seared flesh.

"I know, Teak." Gerard leans forward and kisses the back of Jonny Lee's neck lightly. "You're so good for me." He smiles against Jonny Lee's skin, then steps back. "Eighty one," he calls, and lands the tails against where his thumb had just been.

He can slip back into his own mind again, put his Master's voice in the corner, listen only to the sounds of pain, the hiss of the cat, the thud of its braids hitting him, the silent gasp of breath as each strike pushes him closer to an invisible threshold.

"Ninety nine. One hundred." Gerard can't quite keep the awe out of his voice that his boy has lasted this long. He pulls his arm back. "One hundred one."

If he were keeping count, Jonny Lee might be impressed with himself for reaching a hundred. Or greatly concerned he's not feeling more pain. The burn's there, the pain rushing in and around his body, but he barely flinches. For the last while, maybe twenty strikes, there's been a scream gurgling in his lungs, but it can't find the air to get out.

"One hundred two," Gerard says, softly. The thud of the tails is very loud in the quiet of the room. The Establishment believes in sound-proofing but they've barely needed it so far. He isn't sure why Jonny Lee isn't screaming by now and there's a part of him that really doesn't want to know. "One hundred three."

In the zone, that inner space where he puts himself, the headspace or subspace or any other assorted psycho-babbled names, there's a too-silent acceptance of what's going on outside Jonny Lee's body. His brain knows his body can take a certain amount of pain, knows it's been pushed through marathons and the myriad of torturous pleasures Gerard has inflicted. But the limit's never been pushed before, never tested, and the brain isn't clear on what to look for. And in that flaw of the system, his body isn't getting signals through to his brain, and the pain that should've registered minutes ago, before his back was hissing with more than a hundred scratches, slams into his nervous system. At one hundred five strikes, Jonny Lee screams out, the harsh edge ricocheting off the soundproof walls and shattering the room's silence into shards of moaning whimpers.

Gerard starts so hard at the scream that the cat falls from his hand to land with a soft thud on the floor. His clammy fingers can't quite get themselves around the handle. He's listening so hard for that one word, the word that'll let him stop, the word that will let him off the hook. "Please," he whispers. "Just give me it."

_Give you what? My pain? You've got it._ The internal conversation permeates the zone Jonny Lee's in. _Give you ..._ He's trying to think on what it is Pire wants. The pain stabs at his back, coiling around his spine, creeping into every muscle, working its way over shoulders and up along stretched-out arms. Bound arms. Into fingers, fingers clutching something. The buzzer. _Safeword or pass out._ Their agreement comes back to him, shoving its way through the zone's barriers. _Your word, Teak. He wants the word. Cacophony. Just say it. Let him stop._ He sucks in a breath of air. _He needs to hear it._ "Cacop--," he breathes out. "Cacophony." The zone collapses in on itself and Jonny Lee goes limp, his hands flexing, dropping the buzzer off behind the crosspieces.

Gerard almost collapses as he hears that word coming from Jonny Lee's lips. No word's ever sounded so beautiful. It takes him a heartbeat to steady himself on his feet and start untying his boy's ankles and then his wrists. "So beautiful for me," he whispers in Jonny Lee's ear. "So beautiful. Thank you for this. Thank you for giving me your pain."

His body goes limp, safe in familiar arms. "Master," he manages weakly, lips and mouth and throat parched. Pain catches up, triggers dormant sensors and he winces through the last thought. "For you."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/19935.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	41. peterwing: Pity the holiday

| Peter Wingfield ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/02/14/) 19:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1437&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1437) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1437) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=1437&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  morally bankrupt  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Puccini  
  
_****Pity the holiday****_  
It never ceases to amaze, impress and otherwise confound me how so many insist on celebrating this day as a joyous occasion.  
  
St. Valentine's Day.  
  
Do you, my friends, know the history of dear Valentine and how he became a saint? Probably not. All we see is Cupid, traipsing around with his arrows. I've always thought the visual of an overgrown man in diapers was rather unsettling. But that's another subject.  
  
Valentine was a Roman bishop who pissed off Claudius the Second because he insisted on marrying lovers against the emperor's decree. Claudius, for all his supposed insanities, was quite astute in believing men made better warriors unmarried. Our power unvented, left to unleash on the battlefields.  
  
Love is an illusion. What we call love in our daily lives is little more than veiled lust, desire to suit our most base and selfish needs. Love is not heard in half-muttered purrings in front of a roaring fire. It whispers in the beggings of a boy crawling after your turned back. It echoes in throat-rending screams of one left alone.  
  
So, there, my friends, you have it. To pay homage to St. Valentine, exchange not flowers and sweet words this day, but rather lashes of tongue and the reprimanding touch.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-02-15 04:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=5789&format=light#t5789))   
---|---  
Well, well, Peter,  
  
Fancy running into you here. It has, indeed, been quite a long time.  
  
I remember back in the day (coincidently around the time I filmed on _Highlander_ with you) thinking the same; that love was merely an illusion. That only lust drove and fueled us. I clung to that notion for the better portion of thirty six years.  
  
Of course, then Joss did the unexpected (or perhaps not so unexpected), and sent James over to _Angel_. There can't be any illusions for me anymore. Not since my boy's entered my life, and changed it so completely.  
  
Take care, Peter,  
Alexis 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=5789&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=5789&format=light#t5789))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-15 04:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6557&format=light#t6557))   
---|---  
Alexis,  
  
Good to see you, old friend. It is a small world, and we do run into those we do not expect. Where are you these days? In the States, I assume, but I don't keep track of what films where.  
  
A boy? It seems to be the trendy fashion these days. I am happy for you if you feel you have found what you want and need.  
  
~ Peter 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=6557&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=5789&format=light#t5789))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6557&format=light#t6557))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-02-15 05:33 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7837&format=light#t7837))   
---|---  
Indeed.  
  
Yes, we're in the States now, Santa Monica to be exact. Who knows, however, where we'll end up once _Angel_ has wrapped, since we'll both be out of work. Perhaps we'll head back to my house in London. As they say, anything is possible.  
  
As for having a boy being 'trendy', I fear it's rather more complicated than that, really. James may be my boy, but our relationship runs far deeper than a simple contract. He's my co-star, friend, and lover first and foremost. We've only been together since July, but we've known each other for going on five years, since we've both been employed by _Mutant Enemy_ all this time.  
  
[Filtered to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)**peterwing** only]  
  
So, how have you been, Peter? It's been far too long since we've talked, and I fear it's been ages since I've heard anything about your life. Our cell is 310-555-Vamp if you care to get in touch.  
  
Alexis 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=7837&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6557&format=light#t6557))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-15 05:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6045&format=light#t6045))   
---|---  
Sir, it is never my intent to contradict you, no matter how much it may seem that way, but you arguement doesn't follow. I'm not going to argue that love exists - I believe it does, I believe I love my boy - because I believe that love is a feeling that cannot be explained, it must be felt.  
  
  
The Emperor Claudius, probably not the nicest of blokes to begin with, got pissed because a bishop was marrying off men who could have been spending their time dying in his wars. However, you claim that it would not be paying homage to Saint Valentine by exchanging flowers and doing deeds to prove love. How is this so?  
  
  
Before this, you claim that love is an illusion. The evidence supporting this statement is the example of lovers getting married against the will of the government of the times. I will not argue if marriage is the true outlet of love, or it they follow each other, and if so, which way, or any of those arguements, though I will say that love does not destroy a person's capability to fight. In fact, it helps him by giving him something to fight _for_.  
  
  
  
  
 ~~And as a boy who has crawled after your turned back, I would like to state for the record that I _never_ loved you.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=6045&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6045&format=light#t6045))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-15 04:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7069&format=light#t7069))   
---|---  
Ah, Gerry, you are contradicting me. But that's to be expected. You never could just let an argument die, not when you felt you had logic behind you to come back at me. I do wonder exactly how many times you rewrote your post before hitting the send button. The solicitor in you, I assume, looking for the perfect words.  
  
Love is felt, not explained? Then my logic holds for the gifts one would offer if one does believe in the conceit of love. What did you give your boy for Valentine's Day, Gerry? Flowers and chocolate? I don't see our Jonny Lee appreciating them very much. Oh, no. Your boy begs for the reprimanding touch, just like you did. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=7069&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6045&format=light#t6045))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7069&format=light#t7069))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-15 05:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7325&format=light#t7325))   
---|---  
I gave my boy nothing for Valentine's Day for the simple reason that I did not think a gift was necessary or called for. He knows I love him.  
  
  
And he's not _your_ Jonny Lee.  
  
  
  
 ~~The only reason I begged, _sir_ , was because you wouldn't even look at me if I didn't~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=7325&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7069&format=light#t7069))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7325&format=light#t7325))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-15 11:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8349&format=light#t8349))   
---|---  
Semnatics, Gerry. And they are a matter of perception. How many times did we have this discussion? How many hours did you spend in restraints? And still you don't understand.  
  
 ~~You did and always will fascinate me.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=8349&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=7325&format=light#t7325))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8349&format=light#t8349))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-15 11:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8605&format=light#t8605))   
---|---  
You, sir, are an bleeding pedantic pervert. But knowing you, you'd take that as a compliment and not in the spirit in which it was intended.  
  
  
  
 ~~You want me in restraints, just bloody _say_ so. I'm more blunt than you'll ever be.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=8605&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8349&format=light#t8349))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8605&format=light#t8605))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-16 12:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9373&format=light#t9373))   
---|---  
[private reply]  
At this point, I choose not to air our discussions in public, Gerry.  
  
Pedantic pervert?  
I would take it as compliment only because the syllables trip so eloquently from your tongue, that tongue which so pointedly begged for its owner to be put on his knees when I said he could sit by my side.  
  
I am pedantic, I assume, because I understand the use of words, and had a penchant for making you listen to obscure texts before I'd let you come. I am pedantic because I choose to use _our_ instead of deferring to _your_ in reference to a particular boy.  
  
I am a pervert for what reason, though, Gerry? Because I took _you_ to your knees? Because I took Jonny Lee to where he almost broke his word to you? Or because, given the opportunity, I'd have him begging you to come at my command? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=9373&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8605&format=light#t8605))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9373&format=light#t9373))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 12:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9629&format=light#t9629))   
---|---  
...Sir, there is nothing this boy can say to that. He only asks that Sir not refer to this boy's boy as his own. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=9629&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9373&format=light#t9373))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9629&format=light#t9629))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-16 12:31 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9885&format=light#t9885))   
---|---  
Did I do that, Gerry? Look again. And use your brain to read the post.  
  
I said _our_ boy. Not _my_ boy. There is a difference, which is the point I made earlier about semantics. It is your perception in that using the word _our_ I took possession of Jonny Lee unto myself.  
  
I could no more do that than take you back, _my_ boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=9885&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9629&format=light#t9629))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9885&format=light#t9885))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 12:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10141&format=light#t10141))   
---|---  
Sir, the word 'our' infers that ownership is shared between two or more parties. In this case, those two parties are Sir and myself. But my boy does _not_ belong to anyone but me, and so to refer to him as "our boy" is a misnomer and a mistake and it is one this boy wishes Sir would not repeat. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=10141&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9885&format=light#t9885))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10141&format=light#t10141))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-16 12:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10397&format=light#t10397))   
---|---  
You have come a long way, Gerry. The boy who kneeled at my feet and begged to be broken would've backed down, but you continue to challenge me. I am truly fascinated.  
  
I look on Jonny Lee as a shared experience now. We have both had him, and he has had us. I am not naive so as to think he would ever choose anyone other than you, but I wonder ... no, it is perhaps best left to the imagination. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=10397&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10141&format=light#t10141))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10397&format=light#t10397))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 01:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10653&format=light#t10653))   
---|---  
_The boy who kneeled at my feet and begged to be broken would've backed down, but you continue to challenge me._  
  
Let's just say that I've grown a backbone when it comes to you, sir. If only about my boy.  
  
  
When I left you, sir, it was with the understanding that you would stay out of my life, and I of yours. My boy sought you out on his own time. There is nothing shared about the night Jonny Lee spent with you. It would be the same as saying that you were present in spirit every night I've ever fucked my boy.  
  
  
  
  
 _it is perhaps best left to the imagination._  
  
Yes, it is. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=10653&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10397&format=light#t10397))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10653&format=light#t10653))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-16 02:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10909&format=light#t10909))   
---|---  
~~I did not come back into your life. _You_ sought out lunch with me. I'm not the one who needed you.~~  
  
That's quite enough, boy. Discussion ends. Now.  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=10909&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10653&format=light#t10653))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10909&format=light#t10909))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 02:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=11165&format=light#t11165))   
---|---  
  
  
  
  
Yes, sir.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=11165&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=10909&format=light#t10909))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-02-15 09:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6301&format=light#t6301))   
---|---  
Greetings,  
Normally I would never intrude but in the back of my mind I kept thinking, 'this is a public post...just say something,' so I am. It's none of my business the reasons you feel the way you do but I do know love exists. I have loved my master Henry first as a friend and platonic play partner, and now for the last six months approximately as master/boy. It was very gradual and did not happen overnight.  
  
I hope yo find that someone as well.  
  
~Elias 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=6301&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6301&format=light#t6301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-15 04:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6813&format=light#t6813))   
---|---  
It is perfectly acceptable to comment, as it is a public post. And I know my sentiments are not shared by the vast majority of those who would read. It is merely my situation, my experiences.  
  
I will not to argue that what you feel is less than love, more than need, as they are your feelings and you must reconcile them to your reality.  
  
Thank you for your hopes on my finding someone. I am not actively looking, though.  
  
~Peter 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=6813&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=6301&format=light#t6301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-15 09:47 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8093&format=light#t8093))   
---|---  
If you hear love in the begging of someone you've turned your back on, or the scream of someone you've left alone, what are you saying with the turning of your back? what are you saying with your leaving? What should they hear, if they could hear anything over that pain?  
  
I ask in all sincerity. Because y'know, reading what you wrote makes my stomach twist. Makes me feel heading to the gym for a few rounds someone just a little bigger, a whole lot meaner, and not quite as good as I am. But I think I must be misreading you, if you're a friend of Gerard's. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=8093&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8093&format=light#t8093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-02-15 11:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8861&format=light#t8861))   
---|---  
_a friend of Gerard's_  
You would to ask Gerry if that's the proper terminology to use.  
  
 _what are you saying with the turning of your back ... what should they hear_  
That I care enough about the person's sanity to not keep him. That I am mature enough to know when to turn away, to stop it. That, in my own way, perhaps I am showing what he could perceive as love.  
  
I do not expect you to understand, nor do I have the inclination to explain the existence that led to this reasoning. Although I do like your idea of heading to the gym and taking out the conflicting emotions on an innocent. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=8861&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8093&format=light#t8093))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8861&format=light#t8861))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-15 11:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=9117&format=light#t9117))   
---|---  
Everyone at the gym is there for the same reason, and no one is hurt more than he can take. It's no more me taking it out on an innocent than it would be if he'd had a bad day at the office and came there looking for a match with me.  
  
And I might well understand, if you had the inclination to explain.  
  
Might be just as well, though, all things considered, if neither one of us bothers to go past this point. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?replyto=9117&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1437.html?thread=8861&format=light#t8861))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	42. gerard: In awe

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/15/) 00:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19989&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19989) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19989) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=19989&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**In awe** _  
[public]

I beat him. I beat him until my arm ached and blood trickled down his back. I beat him until I heard that beautiful word and then I took him down and tended to him and he was so fucking beautiful.

Thank you, Jonny Lee. Thank you for giving me your pain. Thank you for giving me your safeword.

I love you.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/19989.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	43. Chapter 43

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/16/) 16:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20255&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20255) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20255&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Guilty  
---|---  
**Current music:** | _Star Trek: The Next Generation_  
  
_**It's an ID10T error**_  
[private]  
  
  
  
What the fuck was I thinking, bringing him here? I know, fucking _know_ , how much he doesn't like this city. Bloody hell, he good as told me once that he got divorced so he wouldn't have to deal with Los shitting Angeles.  
  
I don't want to live in this city, but that doesn't mean I can't stand to stay here for a month or two. But Jonny Lee, he just fucking doesn't like the city. And I ordered him to come here, _knowing_ that.  
  
Jonny Lee is the most important thing to me. Harry's been talking about a role and it sounds very interesting and something I would definitely like to tackle, but it would include being on this side of the Atlantic. And I'm not doing this role without Teak there with me. I need someone to come home to. And if Jonny Lee really hates this place so much, then I'm not taking that role. Because Jonny Lee is much more important to me than Harry, or my career, or anything.  
  
And Peter. What the **fuck** was I thinking, having lunch with him? I have a lover, one I want to spend the rest of my motherfucking life with. I have a boy, one that I want to beat and cut and hold tightly against my chest. And I have a friend.  
  
Peter fucking Wingfield does not fit in to this equation _anywhere_.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[visible to Jonny Lee]  
  
  
  
Teak, we've been moving incredibly fast lately. When we got back together in November, I didn't dare dream we'd get this far in three months. We've gone from not talking to each other to you wearing my collar and calling me master. It's a lot of changes and I'm interested in knowing what you think about it all. Six months ago, I never would have believed I could have you back again, and like this. I've always been of the mind that getting feelings out, on paper, on screen, is a lot better than keeping them locked up inside you.  
  
I want you to write in your journal, either making it completely private (in which case I'll trust you that you're doing it) and visible just to me. It doesn't have to be major stuff, or it can be, if that's what you want. What I would like to see is entries by you talking about what we're going through, how you feel about it, or even just what you had for breakfast. Even if I can't see them, it would just relieve me to know that your feelings are out there somewhere, not hidden, and we can deal with any worries that come up. I'll reciprocate in kind.  
  
  
I love you.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 06:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37407&format=light#t37407))   
---|---  
Yes, sir. Start putting it in writing.  
  
Should that be in formal tone, Sir? Or just me talking?  
  
And do you want something every day? Or just when your boy has issues? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?replyto=37407&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37407&format=light#t37407))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-17 06:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37663&format=light#t37663))   
---|---  
I would rather it wasn't in formal voice, but if it would make you feel comfortable, then by all means.  
  
Once a week would be good, more often if you feel there's more you want to say. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?replyto=37663&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37407&format=light#t37407))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37663&format=light#t37663))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 06:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37919&format=light#t37919))   
---|---  
Yes, Pire. Understood.  
  
*g* Love the icon. Is that supposed to be a hint? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?replyto=37919&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37663&format=light#t37663))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37919&format=light#t37919))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-17 06:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=38175&format=light#t38175))   
---|---  
A very _strong_ hint. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?replyto=38175&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20255.html?thread=37919&format=light#t37919))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	44. jonnyleemiller: Zone fallout

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/16/) 08:16:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10767&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10767) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10767) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=10767&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  bewildered and bothered  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  hardcore LA '80s punk compilation  
  
_****Zone fallout****_  
Confused.  
It's becoming a permanent state of being for this boy.  
At least running wasn't too painful this morning.That's something.  
  
LA trip's lasting longer than planned.  
Something about a film Pire's discussing with Mr. Sinclair.  
Missing London.  
Christ, but if I don't get a decent, greasy fish and chips soon, I'm gonna hit something.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[private to Jonny Lee]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 05:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=9999&format=light#t9999))   
---|---  
Teak, if you're really not liking it here, we can catch the next flight back home. It's only that I didn't think you'd want to sit that long on an airplane so soon.  
  
  
You left before I could check your back this morning. Are you doing any better? If it doesn't hurt that much, maybe I _should_ start checking on flight information. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=9999&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=9999&format=light#t9999))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-16 07:18 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10255&format=light#t10255))   
---|---  
Your boy apologizes, Sir. He meant no disrespect and he has no intentions of disrupting Master's plans. He is happy to be where Master is, whether that is in LA or London.  
  
Your boy understands if Master wishes to stay here for a time to work. Your boy's own schedule is clear, Sir, and he will find ways to occupy himself as long as Master is here. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=10255&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=9999&format=light#t9999))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10255&format=light#t10255))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-16 07:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10767&format=light#t10767))   
---|---  
Jonny, if you're really miserable, I want you to _tell_ me. Don't hide behind role. I take your happiness into account in everything I do, and if you really don't like LA, we don't have to be in LA. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=10767&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10255&format=light#t10255))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-16 07:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10511&format=light#t10511))   
---|---  
I called my brother, who called his friend Frank, who knows one of the guys at Rock 'n Soul in Covent Garden, who called Neville, one of the chefs at the Est club here, with instructions, and Neville has promised good, greasy fish and chips, as close to like home as it's possible to get without actually being at home. When do you want to go? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=10511&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10511&format=light#t10511))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-16 10:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11023&format=light#t11023))   
---|---  
That's wonderful. ~~could kiss you~~  
As long as Pire doesn't have conflicting plans, anytime would be fine. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=11023&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=10511&format=light#t10511))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-02-17 03:45 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11279&format=light#t11279))   
---|---  
This reads like some sort of strange modern poetry. Like something Viggo would write. What's going on? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=11279&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11279&format=light#t11279))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 04:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11535&format=light#t11535))   
---|---  
Shite, it's worse than I thought. Must be sunny LA warping my brain. Maybe once I get that food Mark's promising.  
  
  
[filtered to ewan only]  
Scened the other night, whipping. Zoned out of myself. Then something triggered me back and the pain crashed in. Safeworded. Shouldn't've. Not really. Pain was not untolerable. I'm not sure if I was really safewording for me or for Pire. Just trying to process through the fallout. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=11535&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11279&format=light#t11279))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11535&format=light#t11535))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-02-17 06:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13327&format=light#t13327))   
---|---  
Huh. Erm...sounds complicated. Well, I hope you're all right anyway. Give me a ring anytime, yeah? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=13327&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11535&format=light#t11535))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13327&format=light#t13327))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 07:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14351&format=light#t14351))   
---|---  
Sure thing, Ew. I'll call. I might even get you to ship me some things, if it looks like we're gonna be here a bit. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=14351&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13327&format=light#t13327))  
  
|  **Eating Unhealthily in LA**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[ **c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
2004-02-17 04:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11791&format=light#t11791))   
---|---  
OK it's a lame name but try Ye Olde King's Head in Santa Monica. I always liked their fish and chips and Liam says their greasy enough to be a taste of London, so that's something.  
  
Also when in the Sates, eat like a Yank. So if you want the best burger in LA you need to go to the Apple Pan. It's right across the street from the Westside Pavilion but it's not at all part of the mall experience. It's totally the burger joint that time forgot; just a lunch counter and a one page menu. And God ... save room for pie. Trust me on this. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=11791&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11791&format=light#t11791))  
  
|  **Re: Eating Unhealthily in LA**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 04:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12303&format=light#t12303))   
---|---  
Thanks, Miss Moss!  
  
Been eatin' like a damn Yank for a week now. Even tried a tofu something or other. But I'll check out the burger joint.  
  
Think you could box up some overcast sky and FedEx it? *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=12303&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11791&format=light#t11791))  
  
|  **King's Head indeed ;)**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 06:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13839&format=light#t13839))   
---|---  
_try Ye Olde King's Head in Santa Monica._  
  
I recommend it myself. The line starts here. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=13839&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=11791&format=light#t11791))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13839&format=light#t13839))  
  
|  **Re: King's Head indeed ;)**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[ **c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
2004-02-17 10:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14607&format=light#t14607))   
---|---  
Hey aren't you supposed to be lost in marital bliss right now? So stop spamming poor Jonny Lee's journal and go get some of that fine King's head. *snickers* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=14607&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13839&format=light#t13839))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14607&format=light#t14607))  
  
|  **Re: King's Head indeed ;)**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 05:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14863&format=light#t14863))   
---|---  
Yes ma'am. *grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=14863&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14607&format=light#t14607))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 04:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12047&format=light#t12047))   
---|---  
_Christ, but if I don't get a decent, greasy fish and chips soon, I'm gonna hit something._  
  
I can help you on that, but not until we're back in town. You all right there for now? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=12047&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12047&format=light#t12047))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 04:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12559&format=light#t12559))   
---|---  
_I can help you on that, but not until we're back in town. You all right there for now?_  
  
I think I'll survive, Sir.  
Were you offering help with the food? Or the hitting something? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=12559&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12047&format=light#t12047))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12559&format=light#t12559))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 04:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12815&format=light#t12815))   
---|---  
Oh, I _meant_ the food. I'm all for hitting things, though, in that safe-sane-consensual sort of fashion... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=12815&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12559&format=light#t12559))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12815&format=light#t12815))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 04:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13071&format=light#t13071))   
---|---  
Sorry, Sir. That was rather forward of me to assume you meant anything other than food. Although this boy is quite fond of safe-sane-consensual hitting, and the discussion of such. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=13071&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=12815&format=light#t12815))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13071&format=light#t13071))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 06:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13583&format=light#t13583))   
---|---  
This boy's fucking adorable. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=13583&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13071&format=light#t13071))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13583&format=light#t13583))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 07:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14095&format=light#t14095))   
---|---  
*blushes*  
  
This boy is embarrassed by such compliments, Sir. Perhaps he should hold off on his dining experiences till you come back into town and can show him first-hand the pleasures of the restaurant you and Miss Moss so highly recommend. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=14095&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=13583&format=light#t13583))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14095&format=light#t14095))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 05:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15631&format=light#t15631))   
---|---  
Are you asking me out to dinner? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=15631&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=14095&format=light#t14095))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15631&format=light#t15631))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 05:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15887&format=light#t15887))   
---|---  
Is that what I did, Sir? Oh, shite, and you just got married, Sir, and if you want to tell me to leave you alone, this boy will understand, and he won't make any more posts.  
  
I was just thinking it'd be nice to have dinner with somebody who appreciated what was on the table. So, yeah, I guess I did ask you out to dinner.  
  
 ~~ah, fuck, miller. you are so in deep water.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=15887&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15631&format=light#t15631))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15887&format=light#t15887))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-17 05:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=16143&format=light#t16143))   
---|---  
If you were nearby I'd put you on my lap ~~or over it~~ for being so jumpy. Calm down...! I only bite in the good way. Same for my lover. Husband.  Husband! aa!  
  
I'd like dinner. Though my lov--husband aa! has first rights to me for the foreseeable future. On the other hand, then there's dinner with both. Let me ask him if he'd be amenable to that... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=16143&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=15887&format=light#t15887))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=16143&format=light#t16143))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-17 06:33 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=16399&format=light#t16399))   
---|---  
That sounds ~~fuckin' fantastic~~ nice, Sir. I don't think Master'll have any problems with ~~Hell, Master'll get off on the idea of~~ me doing ~~you, uh,~~ dinner with you, Sir.  
  
I look forward to the possibility of meeting you outside the journal, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?replyto=16399&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html?thread=16143&format=light#t16143))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	45. jonnyleemiller: Fish and chips

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/17/) 16:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11907&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11907) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11907) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11907&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  still hungry  
---|---  
  
_****Fish and chips****_  
[players, not pups, follows [exchange in this post](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/10767.html); mark lutz and jonny lee miller have lunch february 17]  
  
  
"So the chef here told me that if the fish and chips aren't good enough, you can take a flogger to him," Mark says with a grin as the waiter leaves with their order, "but he's not a masochist so don't worry that he's gonna make it crap just so he can get a beating."  
  
Jonny Lee laughs, Mark's ease making him feel more than comfortable. "Thanks, mate. Don't really get off on flogging other people, course if it's really good, maybe I could get the flogging instead." He shifts in his chair to get comfortable, the welts on his back a lot less painful but noticeable when he leans back too hard. "Or, maybe that's not a good idea either."  
  
Mark's grin broadens. "Still a little sore?" he asks.  
  
"Yeah, a bit." He leans over, elbow on the table, cheek resting in his hand, a much more comfortable position. "Brain's fried, but body's healing."  
  
"Well, that's good, about the body healing," Mark says. "What's happened to the brain?"  
  
"Safewording happened to the brain," Jonny Lee says without thinking. "Sorry, this was just supposed to be lunch. Not therapy."  
  
"Eh, it's lunch, it's talking," Mark says. "Safeworded, huh? Had you ever safeworded with Ger before? I mean unless you don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"No, never. Not with anyone. Course Pire's the only person I've played that hard with." His nervous energy comes out, and he's moving his hand. Over his neck. Through his hair. "Feel like I'm a fuckin' idiot, Mark, 'cause I don't know why I did it."  
  
Mark frowns a little. "Well, what was happening?"  
  
Jonny sips at his water before answering, wondering if it's okay to talk about it, thinking maybe it's better to discuss it with someone who doesn't have a vested interest. "He was whipping me. We'd gone into it with the understanding I'd safeword or pass out, but that was it." He knows he's rambling, talking half into his glass and half over it, and his foot's started bouncing with the excess energy from just thinking about everything. "I zoned. You run?"  
  
"I used to. Same kind of thing?"  
  
"I do marathons, and you know how you zone yourself to get past the pain, make it that last mile. Always been able to manage any degree of pain that way." He's animated, talking with his whole body, alternately sipping at water and moving his hand over his face. "I found a few weeks back I could do the same thing and get into a sub headspace. That's what I did Friday night. Zoned out on the whole thing, then something snapped me back, the pain crashed in on me and Pire was asking me to safeword and I did."  
  
Mark nods, thinking about that. "So, is it that you don't know what it was that snapped you back? 'Cause it sounds like you safeworded for a good reason."  
  
"Did I?" Jonny Lee's not sure about that. Is safewording because you're told to the right reason? They were testing his limits. He shrugs, sits back as the food comes. "Not sure about that."  
  
"I don't know, Jonny Lee," Mark says. "If Ger was that worried, maybe just giving him that was a good enough reason. Have you talked to him about it? about how much pain you felt and how much more you think you could have taken? And about why you safeworded?"  
  
"A little. After. But I wasn't too coherent." He picks up a chip, sucks the salt off it. "Then we got into the LA thing. And that freaked him out." Pops it into his mouth and chews. "Not bad, Mark."  
  
Mark tries one as well, and arches a brow. "Pretty good." He picks up another and says, "Well, try not to let it go too long, talking about it I mean. Be good for you both, I think, to understand better what happened. Is it something you'd want to try again, see if you can get to where _you_ want to safeword without Ger feeling like he needs you do it?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd like to try it again, 'cause I know it wasn't just the pain that did it, 'cause I like pain." He spears a piece of the fish and starts nibbling at it. It is good. Not home. But pretty darned close. "Like when Harry poured coffee on me the other morning. Fuck, that was intense. And good." He pulls off a bigger piece and stops talking long enough to eat it.  
  
Mark grins. "Harry poured coffee on you?" He laughs a little, nodding. "I'll have to ask him about that. Sounds like fun." He munches on a bite of fish, and after a while says, "Well yeah, then. Talk to Ger about doing it again. But remember that he may be a lot more worried about hurting you than you are about being hurt, so, y'know. Patience with him." He winks and adds, "Doms can be so sensitive."  
  
"Coffee was fun. Didn't know I was temp sensitive till then. Kinda weird finding it out while you're trying to make breakfast." Jonny Lee focuses on eating for a few minutes, his fingers slick and oily and he finally ends up sucking them clean as he talks. "Yeah, I know, patience with him. I know I try his, with stupid questions and thinking I'm doing it all wrong. Wish I could just get it right, ya know, that's what started the zone Friday, Stuart and James on the floor, the way Billy was curling up on Harry's lap. I've sat and watched him the past week, ya know, sure he'd think I'm crazy."  
  
It takes a few moments for Mark to process all that, and finally he says, "I know you know that 'right' for Billy or Stuart or James or you is going to all be different, just like 'right' will be different for Karl, or Harry, or Alexis, or me, or Ger. You're in it together you know," he says, reaching over to tap Jonny Lee's hand gently. "You don't have to get it right all by yourself. You _can't_ , any more than he can." He shakes his head. "There aren't any stupid questions, kiddo, not if you're really wanting to know."  
  
"You dom. Right. Yeah, I knew that. I think." Jonny Lee doesn't have a clue where hs going. He's not really attracted to Mark, not in that gotta have or gonna die way. He's a good listener. "So, if you were whipping me, would you ask me to safeword? Since there aren't any stupid questions." He smiles, rather lopsided with the half-eaten chip between lips and finger. "I mean, knowing that I zone. Just curious, mate, You don't have to answer."  
  
"It'd depend, really," Mark says, thinking about it. "I mean, if you and I scened, now, you being with Gerard, no, I'd just stop if I thought you were too far under, because I don't think I'd be running a 'till you safeword' scene with you." He takes another bite of fish, and after a moment goes on, "But if for whatever reason we _were_ doing that, doing a 'safeword or pass out' scene..." and he pauses, frowning. "It would really depend on the cues I was getting from you. I'd probably want to check to see if I thought you were capable of safewording." He shakes his head. "I don't know," he says. "I mean, it's a lot to ask someone, to pass out for you, but it's a lot to ask someone to _let_ you do that for them too, to let you pass out from them hurting you. It can be really hard for most people to hurt someone that much, even if they're not in love with them."  
  
Jonny Lee puts his food down and pushes his plate out of the way, quietly crossing his arms on the table edge and putting his chin down on his hands. He doesn't talk for several minutes, processing what Mark's said, is saying. "So, maybe Pire was asking too much of both of us," he says, almost under his breath. He looks up, rolls his head to one side. "That makes some sense, Mark."  
  
"Well, maybe," Mark says, "and maybe not. You should talk with him about it." He shrugs, takes a swallow of his water. "I don't know Gerard all that well, Jonny Lee--he might well be able to do that, and may have had another reason for wanting to call a stop to the scene. He may have thought you were too far under to know how to safeword, or, who knows? Could be a lot of things."  
  
"Yeah, talk to him. I'll do that." Jonny Lee shrugs and watches Mark eat. He can feel himself starting to zone out, his mind either not wanting to process the thoughts anymore or churning them over too much. Either way, it's hard to put out really coherent sentences about safewording, so he just makes idle conversation. "He likes to talk. Does it real well. You know, he was gonna be a lawyer. Mum's right happy, her son snagging an almost solicitor."  
  
Mark chuckles at that. "Yeah, my brother almost strained something he was so excited that I'd hooked up with Harry. You'd think I'd won an Oscar or something."  
  
"I understand that. Harry'd impress anybody." The words come out in a strange blend of awe, lust and amusement. "So, whatcha doing with me after lunch?"  
  
"The world is at our feet," Mark says with a chuckle, biting back the several unsubtle rejoinders that spring to mind, "or at least the greater Los Angeles area is. What are you in the mood for?" Jonny Lee is adorable, but Mark doesn't want to step on any toes, and anyway, half of Jonny Lee's adorableness is in his obliviousness. It seems as likely that wasn't a come-on as that it was.  
  
"Where's the best arcade? We could spend the afternoon beating each other's arse." He's smiling broadly now, chin still perched on crossed arms, eyes filled with mischief. "High score gets the blowjob."  
  
Mark laughs, nodding. "All right, now that sounds like a win-win proposition," he says, "no pun intended. Finish your lunch, though," he adds with a smirk. "You'll need your strength."  
  
"Yes, sir." He sits back up, pulls the plate to him, picks a bit more at the food. "Finishing my lunch, sir."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11907.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	46. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/17/) 08:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11235&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11235) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11235) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11235&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  hesitant  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Stabbing Westward  
  
_****Journal****_  
 **[private, locked to himself and[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ]**  
  
Okay, I'm supposed to say what I feel. I'll start off easy, 'cause I still can't process what happened Friday night. Not completely. Maybe later today, after Mark takes me to lunch. Amazing what a simple statement about greasy food will get you. Ever borderline propositions from sexy guys.  
  
  
  
I love you, Pire. I have since the minute you walked out the door after that damned argument. I probably started falling the first minute I saw you, in that friggin' black duster and that voice saying my name. But it took losing you to make me realize I gave a damn, that I didn't want to try to be what everyone thought I should be. After you left, I tried to make it work with others. Mostly, I just found myself thinking of you when they touched me.  
  
We fought that day because I wouldn't admit to what I wanted. I shut down instead of talking. I'm gonna try not to do that again. So I'll start by being honest about LA. Yeah, I hate it, not being able to just get out and walk down the street and get where I want. And, yeah, it's part of why the marriage didn't work and why I went back to London. But there's another reason the marriage blew up; it wasn't what I wanted. I mean, I love Ang and she's a great gal, and lots of fun, but I think I knew even then it was where I was meant to be. That's what makes LA more tolerable now. I'm where I want to be, with you.  
  
So I've got all these offers for good food, I'll get my vids shipped over, we'll find a nice place to rent for a few months and you'll make your film.  
  
Phew. That wasn't so hard. Maybe I can try for something more intellectual next time.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11235.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-17 05:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11235.html?thread=15587&format=light#t15587))   
---|---  
First of all, thank you for letting me see this. It means a lot to me.  
  
You don't know how much you've set me at ease with this. I was so worried....worried that I was making you miserable. Didn't want you to hate me, or resent me.  
  
  
Thank you.  
  
  
  
  
And on a lighter note, sexy guys, eh? Anyone I know? *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11235.html?replyto=15587&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	47. gerard: Thoughts

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/17/) 20:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20534&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20534) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20534) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=20534&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Thoughts** _  
[Locked to himself and to Jonny Lee]

  
These last few weeks have been extraordinarily busy. I've been taking moments just to breathe and this place is very helpful for that. Big enough so you can be alone when you need to be, and small enough that you can chat amicably if you want. I would love to see my boy and Billy sixty-nine, but just the thought of how many people I'd have to run that by first gives me a headache.

I haven't been wearing too many tee shirts lately, but I don't go many hours without seeing my tatoo. I've been wanting one for maybe fifteen years now, but I'd never been satisfied by any one thing, and so I kept pushing it off. I think my brother would laugh at me, and he probably will, when he finds out I have a cross on my bicep. Oh, note to self. The stockroom's just got a penknife in stock. Figure out some special occassion, see if you can get it monogrammed, or something horribly sappy like that.

About the tatoo, though, I couldn't be happier. Every time I look at it, I'm reminded of my boy. Pain is temporary, but his mark on me will last forever. And now that I think of it, we both gave each other the way to kill us. Dracula uses his fangs; Simon uses his dagger cross. There's some symbolism in there, I'll have to think on it.

And Teak's right, these things are addictive. I want another, a couple inches above my ankle. Not sure what I want (how typical) but if I ever get another, that's where I want it.

I don't want us ever to fight again. I don't want the last time I talk to him for months on end to be a terse phone call telling him I recommended him for a part I just turned down. Thinking only of yourself, being selfish, it's no way to have a successful relationship, and I was very guilty of that last time. I think these journals are a very good way to communicate. Fuck knows there are things I do not want to have to look at him when I say. If only because I can't concentrate when he's looking at me, all adorable and shaggable and....

Sorry, Teak, ending this here. I need to use my hands for, erm, other things.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-18 03:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?thread=38454&format=light#t38454))   
---|---  
_I would love to see my boy and Billy sixty-nine, but just the thought of how many people I'd have to run that by first gives me a headache._  
Maybe it doesn't have to be so complicated, Sir. And your boy wouldn't mind at all making you happy that way. He thinks Billy is rather cute.  
  
Master doesn't know how good it makes his boy to hear he likes his tattoo. God, Pire, it makes me almost giddy. I have so many of 'em, but I don't even see the others for the fangs on my thigh. I can easily come up with some design for your ankle. *g*  
  
Now your boy needs to find Mr. Sinclair and get into those binders, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?replyto=38454&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?thread=38454&format=light#t38454))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-18 05:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?thread=38710&format=light#t38710))   
---|---  
_Maybe it doesn't have to be so complicated, Sir._  
  
You're right, it doesn't. Just have to find Harry and Mark and ask them permission 1) for Billy to play, and 2) for Billy to come. Then have to find Billy and ask him if he wants. Then find you and ask, but that one I figured was an assurred yes. You're right, he is cute.  
  
  
  
  
 _I can easily come up with some design for your ankle._  
  
Start thinking.  
  
  
  
  
 _Now your boy needs to find Mr. Sinclair and get into those binders, Sir._  
  
Yes, he does. Good boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?replyto=38710&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/20534.html?thread=38454&format=light#t38454))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	48. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/17/) 22:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11447&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11447) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11447) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11447&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  upset, needing a video game  
---|---  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard** ]  
  
You said talk, Sir, and I hope you meant that sincerely. I'm even taking it out of the public forum.  
  
This boy understands that he is not a slave, not in the sense of Stuart and James, and he never will be, no matter how much he uses the word Master. He understands your feelings on him scening with others without your express permission.  
  
But it upsets him to be called a _free agent_ , Sir. Your boy likes feeling he's owned, and such a term makes him feel like he's on the streets, available to anyone.  
  
I love you, Pire. Master. I want to be yours, no matter who else I may play with.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-18 05:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=16823&format=light#t16823))   
---|---  
You're right.  
  
  
I hadn't thought of it that way. I'm sorry, and I'll do my damnest not to call you that again. I didn't realize you thought of it that way.  
  
  
You're always mine. When you wake up, when you walk down a hallway, when you're out in a coffee shop, no matter where you are, no matter who you're with, no matter what you're doing, you're _mine_. What I meant to say to Mr. Denisof was that you did not need my permission to do anything, because I know that I'm always first for you, and that you're thinking about me even with you're with someone else. I expressed that badly and I apologize. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?replyto=16823&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=16823&format=light#t16823))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-18 05:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=17079&format=light#t17079))   
---|---  
Thank you, Sir.  
Your boy apologizes for getting angry. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?replyto=17079&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=16823&format=light#t16823))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=17079&format=light#t17079))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-18 06:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=17335&format=light#t17335))   
---|---  
My boy shouldn't apologize for getting angry. He had a good reason for it and he managed to convey to the source of his anger the reason for it. My boy should remember that he's human and therefore he's allowed to have human emotions. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?replyto=17335&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11447.html?thread=17079&format=light#t17079))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	49. karl_urban: [locked to Establishment members]I recen

| Karl Urban ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/17/) 15:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=99238&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=99238) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=99238) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=99238&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

[locked to Establishment members]

I recently drew up [an extensive set of rules](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/96627.html) as an addendum to my contract with Stuart.

My boy feels he's been having trouble finding headspace as a slave and it's our belief that making our relationship more formal will aid in this.

That said, I'd like to ask the members of our community to help us in this endeavour by being aware of the rules that Stuart's now living under and in helping him adhere to them wherever possible.

Which, for those of you who know Stuart well, means not baiting him. Not in the journals and not in person. Please.

If anyone has any questions or comments about the rules, I would ask that you post them in response to this and not in response to the rules post. Thank you.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[locked to Karl]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[ **ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/)  
2004-02-17 10:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157350&format=light#t157350))   
---|---  
I'm sorry if I come off sounding stupid, but I've never had to deal with hanging sound slaves much. Does this mean he'll have to use formal speach, like James does, all the time? Even if it's just him and I talking? And do I have to go through you before talking to him? I know that I sound stupid, but I don't hang out with many slaves. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=157350&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157350&format=light#t157350))  
  
|  **Re: [locked to Karl]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-17 11:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157606&format=light#t157606))   
---|---  
Not a problem, Ethan. When it comes to this stuff, there's no such thing as a stupid question.  
  
Yes, Stuart will be using formal speech _all the time_ but just in terms of referring to me as Master and himself as "this boy" and/or "he" when talking or writing. You'll get used to hearing/seeing it and then you won't even notice.  
  
And no, you don't need to go through me before talking to him.  
  
If you have any more questions, just ask. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=157606&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157350&format=light#t157350))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157606&format=light#t157606))  
  
|  **Re: [locked to Karl]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[ **ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/)  
2004-02-17 11:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157862&format=light#t157862))   
---|---  
Thanks Karl. I read the new rules and was kind of worried for a bit. I feel better now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=157862&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=157606&format=light#t157606))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/profile)[**billy_crudup**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_crudup/)  
2004-02-18 01:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158118&format=light#t158118))   
---|---  
Stuart,  
  
With Karl's permission, and if you're interested, I'd be happy to talk to you anytime about my experiences as a slave and with the headspace you seem to be seeking.  
  
You can drop me a line or call anytime, and I'd be happy to meet for coffee if you wanted so we could talk face-to-face.  
  
I won't be offended if you're not interested but I just thought I'd put the offer out there.  
  
Billy 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=158118&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158118&format=light#t158118))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 02:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158374&format=light#t158374))   
---|---  
Mr. Crudup,  
  
Thank you for the offer. If Master does not object, this boy would be most interested in meeting with you. The more advice this boy gets, the better. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=158374&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158118&format=light#t158118))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158374&format=light#t158374))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-18 04:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165542&format=light#t165542))   
---|---  
I think Billy would be an excellent resource, Stuart. He's managed to convert me. *g*  
  
On a personal note, I'm going to be good (well, try to be) and do as Karl asks, and not bait you. ~~Gonna be fuckin' hard and I'm gonna be bitin' my tongue a lot.~~ Just wanted to say that here, so you and Karl know I'm taking this all seriously. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=165542&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158374&format=light#t158374))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165542&format=light#t165542))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 05:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167846&format=light#t167846))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Sinclair, both for taking this so seriously (oh, the sighing going on) and for allowing Mr. Crudup to assist this boy in his endeavors.  
  
It's only temporary. Soon you'll be able to bait away again

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=167846&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165542&format=light#t165542))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167846&format=light#t167846))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-18 05:13 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168358&format=light#t168358))   
---|---  
_(oh, the sighing going on)_  
Excuse me, Stuart, that wasn't snark, was it?  
  
Between you and Jonny Lee, I can get real used to this _Mr. Sinclair_. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=168358&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167846&format=light#t167846))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168358&format=light#t168358))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 05:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168614&format=light#t168614))   
---|---  
_Excuse me, Stuart, that wasn't snark, was it?_  
  
Oh, no, Sir. Not at all. Only... this boy will miss your baiting, Mr. Sinclair.  
  
Don't get used to it from this boy. As mentioned before, it's only temporary. (This one's snark)

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=168614&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168358&format=light#t168358))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-18 03:47 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170662&format=light#t170662))   
---|---  
Thanks, Harry.  
  
By the way, Marton's coming over later today. I have some application forms he needs to fill out. *wicked grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=170662&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165542&format=light#t165542))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170662&format=light#t170662))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-18 04:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170918&format=light#t170918))   
---|---  
Is that a polite way of saying 'get your arse over here'?  
*smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=170918&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170662&format=light#t170662))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-18 03:44 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170406&format=light#t170406))   
---|---  
Billy,  
  
Thank you for your offer of help to Stuart. We both appreciate it very much. And Stuart has my full permission to meet and talk with you at any time.  
  
Karl 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=170406&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158118&format=light#t158118))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-02-18 02:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158630&format=light#t158630))   
---|---  
Sir,  
  
This boy offers any assistance to either Sir, or Sir's boy, that Sir would possibly desire, as well as this boy's support.  
  
This boy wishes both Sir and his boy all the best,  
Alexis' boy, James 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=158630&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158630&format=light#t158630))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 02:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158886&format=light#t158886))   
---|---  
So many offers of help! Thank you, Mr. Marsters. This boy would welcome any help he can get, providing Master approves. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=158886&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158630&format=light#t158630))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158886&format=light#t158886))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-02-18 02:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159142&format=light#t159142))   
---|---  
This boy will help any way that he can. Perhaps Sir will call for more crawling and exhibitionism lessons?  
  
A boy can hope?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=159142&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158886&format=light#t158886))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159142&format=light#t159142))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 03:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159398&format=light#t159398))   
---|---  
You don't _need_ crawling lessons, damnit. Never did. And you ought to be ashamed of yourself for indicating that you did, you wanker.  
  
However, crawling _displays_ we can do. And more exhibitionism lessons. Yes.  
  
Of course, that's if Master approves.  
  
As if he wouldn't

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=159398&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159142&format=light#t159142))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159398&format=light#t159398))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[**ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/)  
2004-02-18 03:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159654&format=light#t159654))   
---|---  
I'm not allowed crawling lessons.  
  
The other ones? He's very much ok with those!  
  
*grins* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=159654&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159398&format=light#t159398))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159654&format=light#t159654))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 03:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160166&format=light#t160166))   
---|---  
Tsk. This boy bets that Tobey would very much appreciate it if you learned to crawl properly. But, alas, he must abide by Tobey's wishes. *grin*  
  
The other lessons, though... well... a talk with Master might be forthcoming. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=160166&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159654&format=light#t159654))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160166&format=light#t160166))  
  
|  [Re:](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160678&format=light#t160678) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[**ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/) , _2004-02-18 03:27 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=161958&format=light#t161958) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/profile)[**tobey_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/) , _2004-02-18 03:41 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [Re:](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=162726&format=light#t162726) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[**ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/) , _2004-02-18 03:44 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=163494&format=light#t163494) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 03:48 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=166822&format=light#t166822) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 04:36 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=169894&format=light#t169894) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/profile)[**tobey_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/) , _2004-02-18 07:22 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-02-18 03:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159910&format=light#t159910))   
---|---  
This boy begs to differ!  
  
No one told this boy that to crawl effectively he only needed to tap into his 'inner Spike'. That made all the difference! *smirks*  
  
Although, this boy is more than willing to put on whatever sort of displays Sir would desire to see in the future. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=159910&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159398&format=light#t159398))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159910&format=light#t159910))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-02-18 03:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160422&format=light#t160422))   
---|---  
What did this boy say in email, huh? A predator stalking its prey. If that doesn't say "inner Spike", then what does? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=160422&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159910&format=light#t159910))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160422&format=light#t160422))  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=161446&format=light#t161446) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) , _2004-02-18 03:37 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=161702&format=light#t161702) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 03:39 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=162470&format=light#t162470) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 03:43 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=163238&format=light#t163238) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 03:47 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=163750&format=light#t163750) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 03:51 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=164774&format=light#t164774) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 04:04 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=164006&format=light#t164006) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 03:52 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=164262&format=light#t164262) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 03:56 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165798&format=light#t165798) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 04:22 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=166310&format=light#t166310) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 04:28 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=166566&format=light#t166566) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) , _2004-02-18 04:33 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167078&format=light#t167078) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , _2004-02-18 04:56 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168102&format=light#t168102) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) , _2004-02-18 05:10 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-18 03:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160934&format=light#t160934))   
---|---  
This boy would agree with Stuart. You need no lessons, mate.  
  
But, then again, if Stuart's willing to conduct classes, sign me up. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=160934&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=159910&format=light#t159910))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=160934&format=light#t160934))  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=161190&format=light#t161190) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) , _2004-02-18 03:34 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=162214&format=light#t162214) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 03:43 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165030&format=light#t165030) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , _2004-02-18 04:07 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=166054&format=light#t166054) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 04:28 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167334&format=light#t167334) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , _2004-02-18 04:58 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=167590&format=light#t167590) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 05:05 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=169126&format=light#t169126) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 05:35 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=169638&format=light#t169638) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 05:41 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=168870&format=light#t168870) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 05:33 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=169382&format=light#t169382) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , _2004-02-18 05:40 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=162982&format=light#t162982) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) , _2004-02-18 03:46 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=164518&format=light#t164518) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , _2004-02-18 03:57 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  [(no subject)](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=165286&format=light#t165286) \- [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) , _2004-02-18 04:07 am UTC_  
---|---  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-19 08:54 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=171174&format=light#t171174))   
---|---  
Master does approve and thank you, James, for the offer. We appreciate it very much. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=171174&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=158886&format=light#t158886))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-18 09:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170150&format=light#t170150))   
---|---  
And here I'd always thought I was more likely to want the level of formality indicated in the new rules you've got set up than you were. Karl, Stuart, if you need anything, an ear to listen, you've both got a number of volunteers, I'm sure, but here's another.  
  
Good luck to both of you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=170150&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170150&format=light#t170150))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-19 08:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=171430&format=light#t171430))   
---|---  
_And here I'd always thought I was more likely to want the level of formality indicated in the new rules you've got set up than you were._  
  
Yeah, I don't know what to say about that. I'm not sure it's something I _want_ per se, but it's definitely something Stuart needs. We'll see.  
  
And thank you, most of the offers made have involved Stuart's end of the things and I may very well need an ear when I take a wrong step, as I'm sure I will.  
  
Thanks again, mate. Really appreciate it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=171430&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=170150&format=light#t170150))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=171430&format=light#t171430))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-20 03:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=171686&format=light#t171686))   
---|---  
_And thank you, most of the offers made have involved Stuart's end of the things and I may very well need an ear when I take a wrong step, as I'm sure I will._  
  
I wonder if people realize how difficult topping can be. It's not easy giving your boy what you know he needs, what _he_ knows he needs, and being strong as much as he needs you to ~~despite what[some tops](http://www.journalfen.net/~christian_bale/) would have you think~~. None of it's any easier on the top than it is on the sub, I think. My door's always open. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?replyto=171686&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/99238.html?thread=171430&format=light#t171430))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	50. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/19/) 12:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11684&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11684) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11684) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=11684&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  wanting more  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Blink 182  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard** ]  
  
I've been thinking. I know that's a scary concept, worse than watching _Braindead_ really late at night when you've run out of popcorn, but getting upset about the _free agent_ comment got me worried I'd fucked up again, so I went running down the beach and started thinking.  
  
What we have is good.  
  
I read the post from Mr. Urban about Stuart's new rules. Gotta admit I had a good wank over a few of 'em, but then a lot scared the hell out of me. We've got a contract of sorts, an agreement between us, just it gives me a lot of freedom, maybe a bit more than I want. It's not that I want to have to ask permission to just talk to people ~~and Ewan would fuss at me if I asked for that anyway~~ but would it be okay if I asked you to make it so I need to at least tell you who I'm gonna be with _before_ I do it?  
  
Uh, while I was out, I stopped and got a couple things done. I know you like the look, and it's not bleached out totally, just the tips. Roots are still brown. And after six weeks, you can replace the simple stud with whatever you like.  
  
Off now to figure out how to get to the next level of _Final Fantasy_. Gonna sharpen up. Damned near lost to Mark the other day.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-19 07:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?thread=17572&format=light#t17572))   
---|---  
_but would it be okay if I asked you to make it so I need to at least tell you who I'm gonna be with before I do it?_  
  
  
My first instict it to approve this. I've no problem with you telling me first. And you know my cell's with me quite a bit, so in case you run into a situation, you can call and tell me.  
  
But what I _don't_ want is for you to have to break the mood with someone just so you can call your master to tell him that you're about to blow this handsome bloke from California. If that sort of thing happens, tell me afterwards.  
  
And what would you say to unconditional approval, like "Pire, I'm going down to the bar and I'll be having sex with the first man who buys me a drink" and afterwards (or not) telling me who it was?  
  
  
  
  
 _Uh, while I was out, I stopped and got a couple things done. I know you like the look, and it's not bleached out totally, just the tips. Roots are still brown. And after six weeks, you can replace the simple stud with whatever you like._  
  
Have I ever made you come without touching you below your shoulders? Your dirty and deviant master is very eager to try.  
  
  
  
  
 _Off now to figure out how to get to the next level of Final Fantasy._  
  
To throw popcorn or not to throw popcorn, that is the question. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?replyto=17572&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?thread=17572&format=light#t17572))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-19 10:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?thread=17828&format=light#t17828))   
---|---  
~~~~_And what would you say to unconditional approval, like "Pire, I'm going down to the bar and I'll be having sex with the first man who buys me a drink" and afterwards (or not) telling me who it was?_  
That's exactly how this boy ended up with Peter, Sir, which was nice but ended up confusing your boy more than before.  
  
Your boy will abide by whatever rules Master feels appropriate.  
  
No, Sir, Master hasn't made his boy come like that. He would much enjoy it, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?replyto=17828&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/11684.html?thread=17572&format=light#t17572))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	51. james_marsters: [Chat Log: jonnyleemiller and james_marsters

| (Not) James Marsters ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[ **james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/2004/02/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/2004/02/28/) 21:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=james_marsters&itemid=18372&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=james_marsters&itemid=18372) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=james_marsters&itemid=18372) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=james_marsters&itemid=18372&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Sated  
---|---  
  
_**[Chat Log:[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)**_[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
[Players Only]  
  
Game Time: 02/19/04 (Will be backdated later)  
Location: James and Alexis' Santa Monica beach house.  
  
After the events of the L.A bar on 02/13, Jonny Lee and James get together to get better .  
  
Jonny Lee finds his days too free sometimes, and video games can only keep a person occupied for so many hours. Well, that's not true. He could zone out on vids 'bout as easily as he zones into subspace, but he's stuck on getting to the next level of Final Fantasy so he feels the need to stretch his legs. A quick call gets him an invite to Santa Monica, and a bit of begging gets Mark to drop him off.  
  
So he finds himself standing at the door in jeans, t-shirt and collar, Converse hi-tops and one of Ger's semi-nice Oxford shrugged onto his shoulders, knocking and waiting.  
  
James has the day off filming, a rather welcome relief during a tense time. Alexis is still on set, however he’s already left explicit permissions for the day with his boy. It’s strange, to James, to be on his own like this, but everything that occurred at the Establishment bar has left him intrigued, not to mention wanting more.  
  
Garbed in jeans and a red tee shirt, he swings open the door to the beach house, murmuring shyly, “Hi there, Jonny Lee.” Much to the blonde’s chagrin he’s _already_ blushing, as he steps out of the way of the door, adding, “Come on in.”  
  
"Hi, James. Thanks for the invite." Jonny Lee's just about as shy, rather amazed at himself for actually taking the initiative to call, but he's curious about this new friend. He walks in, hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Whatcha doing? Uh, you can just call me Jonny or JL even. The Lee's mostly to avoid career confusion."  
  
James’ first dilemma is whether or not to use the formal. Dark brows knit together as he answers, “This boy was getting damned frustrated with the Playstation,” he waves an arm in the general direction of the television to punctuate his words. “This boy is _more_ than happy to have a good reason to give up for the day.” Fidgeting now himself, he asks quietly, “Do you wish this boy to use the formal . . . Or?”  
  
Jonny smiles broadly at the mention of Playstation. A boy after his own heart. He's a bit more unnerved by the formal tone, hadn't realized it was something James used all the time. "Whatever you're comfortable with," he says almost too softly. "Don't want you to get in trouble." He wants to ask more about it, but turns his attention to the game. "What was giving you fits?"  
  
James coughs slightly, then colors up even more, “Was trying out the Buffy game. My son gave it to me.” Relieved to drop the formal he continues, “Yeah, I know that’s really wrong on some level. Fuckin’ strange to have a little game Spike running around on my T.V., you know?” Shaking his head, he ushers his guest further into the house. “Uhm, can I get you anything? Food, drinks, whatever?”  
  
He laughs, knows the feeling. "Yeah, I feel that way when I load up the Lara Croft games. Way weird playing with a virtual reality version of your ex-wife." Jonny follows, taking in the house. "Nice place." He slowly picks up on the questions. "Not hungry. Drink fine. Whatever you're having." He can't help but blush a bit. "As for whatever, yeah, that would be, well, nice."  
  
“Thanks.” Shooting a grin at Johnny, James leads the way into the kitchen, “Don’t think I could handle a virtual version of my ex any better than I could handle the real one.” A soft snicker, and he’s reaching into the fridge, “Ale okay? Alexis made me give up ‘that American swill that doesn’t pass for ale’ a while back.” He pulls out two bottles and deposits them on the counter, before opening a nearby drawer and drawing out a bottle opener from its depths.  
  
"Sure. Solid Brit here. Can't stand that Yank swill." Jonny leans against the counter edge, relaxing as the conversation turns to what passes between friends. "You got a nasty one? Ex, that is."  
  
“Yeah.” Sometimes James hates even thinking about it, but he doesn’t quite feel like hiding his emotions from Johnny. “Lived a lie the entire time, really. I loved her, but after several years, and one son later, I found out she never loved me at all. We ran a theater company together, guess she thought . . .“ He pauses, head shaking. “Fuck, don’t know what she thought, actually.” A deep sigh rifles from him, “Of course now, with Alexis and I having been outed, she’s having a field day using that against me.”  
  
"That sucks, mate. And not in a good way." Jonny runs his hand through his hair. "At least I ain't got that to worry 'bout. My ex is weirder than I am." He starts bouncing his foot lightly, nervous habit. "Didn't mean to stir it up. And you can tell me shut up anytime. 'Cause I do respond well to orders."  
  
“It’s okay, really. Wouldn’t have said anything if it really bothered me.” Picking up one of the bottles, James holds it out to Jonny, determined not to offer an opinion on Angelina’s purported weirdness. “I worked with Alexis’ ex for years. Glad that all blew up _after_ the show was over, you know?” For some reason James simply can’t seem to stop a Cheshire Cat grin from spreading across his features, “Guess we’re both good at taking orders,” his voice turns husky, suggestive, as he arches his scarred eyebrow, “any good at giving them?”  
  
Taking the bottle, Jonny swigs back a solid inch or so of the ale before daring to answer. "Technically, yeah," he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Until a few months ago, I was a bonafide switch. Prefer just being Pire's boy now." He takes another quick drink. Dutch courage. His smile's mischievous, but his voice is still light, almost hesitant. "But, I could tell you to strip for me."  
  
Which only serves to send jolts of arousal right down James’ spine, and straight into his cock. The memory of Jonny’s body pressed up behind him is still seared into his memory. For some reason though, James turns slightly cheeky, hands catching at the hem of his shirt, “Yeah? Think I like the sound of that.” Catching tongue between his teeth in a wicked smirk, the offending red cotton is peeled up and over the blonde head, revealing an expanse of creamy skin and whipcord muscle.  
  
He likes what he sees. Hell, he more than likes it. It's imprinted on his brain from the bar. He wants to touch, but instead wraps his fingers more tightly around the bottle's neck.  
  
"So, do you give orders?" Jonny asks all too snarkily.  
  
Fuck. James freezes for a moment, a blush creeping across his face and down his neck. “I . . . Fuck. I never have, actually. I’m not . . .” Right. Time for some Dutch courage himself. Scooping up his bottle, he downs half of it in a single quaff. “I don’t have a lot of experience with men,” he admits softly, “at all.” The blush deepens, “I’ve only topped once, and that wasn’t in a scene.”  
  
Jonny blushes a rather intense scarlet, a bit humbled and taken aback all at once. He was under the decided impression James was a lot more experienced at this than he. "So, try it like I did. Just tell me what to do."  
  
Okay, James thinks he can do that. Definitely remembers what was all too fleeting at the bar. Setting his bottle down on the counter he croons encouragingly, “Come over here and kiss me.”  
  
"Nice start." Hands dropped to his side, Jonny takes the few steps and leans in, sucking very quickly on his lower lip before kissing him properly, a good bit more than chaste but shy of brutal, tongue slipping between parted lips.  
  
A moan catches in the back of James’ throat, before he’s reaching out, one hand twisting into the strands of Jonny’s hair, the other snaking around his companion’s waist, pulling him closer. With a sigh, he catches Jonny’s bottom lip between his teeth, before slicking his tongue across it wetly. Then it seems like James is all lips, tongue, and teeth as he drops into the kiss, his responses avid, the motions decidedly sensual rather than brutal.  
  
It takes his breath away, the immediate sensory overload, just from a kiss. It's not pain, either, not the biting into kisses he's familiar with. He blindly sets his bottle on the counter, hoping he clears the edge enough, and wraps his arms around James' s waist, fingers clutching and tracing absently over the flesh.  
  
James shivers as fingers skate across his bare skin. It’s shocking how absolutely fucking _amazing_ this feels. Not nearly enough flesh, though. Reluctantly, James pulls his mouth away, hand dropping from the back of Jonny’s head to fist into the fabric at the front of his shirts. James’ voice is breathless, edgy, as he demands softly, “Shirts. Off. Now.”  
  
"Yes, sir," he says, instinct ruling. He shrugs out of the top layer, letting it fall to the floor, then skims the t-shirt off over his head, dropping it alongside. He absently fidgets with his collar, pushing it down on the back of his neck where undressing had brushed it up. "Much better." He places the flat of his hand on James's shoulder, tentatively drawing it down, fingers tracing along the dip of the throat.  
  
“Much,” James agrees, his voice turning into a low growl. “I’d prefer it if you called me James, though, and not Sir.” Keeping still is not an option, his body eagerly arching forward towards the caressing hand as his free hand traces over his own collar for a moment. Another soft growl, and then the arm draped around Jonny’s waist tugs, fitting their denim clad lower bodies together, James’ rock hard erection rubbing against Jonny’s hip as he dives in for another greedy kiss.  
  
Jonny barely has time to agree before he's engulfed in the kiss again, this one a touch more forceful than the last, and he finds himself demanding more, pressing forward, pulling James to him. He explores with his hands, first the line of flesh barely covered by denim waistband, then slipping down over the jeans to clutch at the ass he had but didn't take time to notice. He plans to correct that today.  
  
Soft growls and hums of pleasure vibrate in James’ throat, each sensation sending a sizzling jolt of erotic heat shooting through his frame. Too. Fucking. _Good_. Hands stroke, trace, and pinch restlessly at exposed flesh, mapping out the feel of it beneath his fingertips. Pulling away from the kiss once again for breath, the blonde head drops back, wantonly displaying the stretch of his neck as James presses his ass shamelessly into Jonny’s grip. “Fuck, yeah, baby. Want you to fuck me again. Make me _feel_ it. Every inch of it,” he moans out.  
  
"Fuck you? Sure, mate." Jonny doesn't have to think twice about that. "Here?" And that's not a problem either, if it's what James wants.  
  
James bucks his hips into Jonny’s, dropping his mouth to apply several sharp, stinging nips along his jaw with his front teeth. “Bedroom, playroom, your choice. Never found the kitchen floor too comfortable.”  
  
"Bedroom. Playroom." He mulls the choices, difficult with James nipping at him. "Depends on what you want, and how intense. Anything we can't do."  
  
“Marking,” James murmurs in reply, still trailing lips and teeth along Jonny’s jaw, tongue rasping out now and again to lave soothingly in the wake of the stinging attacks. “Don’t know when, or if, they’ll have my clothes off at work.” His own hands are sliding down now, cupping Jonny’s ass suggestively, fingers clenching and relaxing in time with the occasional bucks of his hips. A soft purr, “Anything else is fine, within hard limits.”  
  
Jonny doesn't bother holding back the moans and whimpers. "Christ, that's good," tilting his head back, "yeah, bedroom," his hands slipping around to the front of James's jeans, playing with buttons, "can be decadent. Now."  
  
James grunts his agreement, bucking his hips forward one last time, before pulling away reluctantly. Twining one hand through one of Jonny’s, he begins to lead the other man towards the bedroom. It’s a rather simple affair, consumed mostly by the large wrought iron bed, draped decadently in black silks. Once James steps through the doorway, he drops his companion’s hand, and steps back, toying suggestively with the top button of his jeans, tongue caught between his teeth in a sexy smirk.  
  
Decadence in extreme, Jonny thinks on stepping into the room. Sensual and rich and completely the opposite of his bedroom, extreme in its functionality rather than looks. He sprawls himself on the bed's end, leaning back on his hands. "All off, James, then c'mere and do me."  
  
James quirks a brow, wicked intent shining clearly in his eyes, after all, there’s no reason to rush this, is there? Ever so slowly, James works each button of his fly free, exaggerating and drawing out each movement for the benefit of his audience. Once the last button is undone, James’ cock springs free, achingly hard, the tip glistening with telltale moisture. Turning around leisurely, he slowly pushes the jeans down over slender hips, affording Jonny a shameless view of his ass when he bends to slide them down his thighs and calves, before straightening again and kicking the garment off, then aside.  
  
"Very nice." Jonny says, licking his lips. "And I'd have you stay right that way 'cept I want you over here."  
  
James makes far shorter work of Jonny’s jeans, carefully freeing the buttons, waiting for him to shift his hips upwards so that James can slide them down and off. Growling the words softly, “Lift up.”  
  
Obligingly, Jonny lifts his hips and pushes himself back on the bed as James pulls his jeans off. It's sort of like crawling, nudging up toward the pillows. "C'mon, James. Come and get me," he teases, voice sliding into a bit of guttersnipe as he becomes more playful, less shy, just hinting on the edges of his zone. "You wanna fuck, you gotta ask for it."  
  
Climbing up onto the bed, James balances himself on all fours, then crawls up the length of Jonny’s body, using every trick that Stuart so kindly taught him. Once he’s hovering over the other man, his mouth drops to Jonny’s jaw, nibbling and nipping once again. Pulling his mouth away he growls out, “Want. You. To. Fuck. Me,” each word is punctuated by a small, sharp bite.  
  
Seductive. Sensual. Sexy. Jonny's mind keys in on all the S words he knows to describe how James overtakes him. He's oh so tempted just to throw his head back into the pillows, lounge in the silk and just experience. But he wants to fuck James into next week, too. Oh, hell, decisions. "Want to keep you like this. Ride me, James." He blushes at having stated a preference. "Please."  
  
 _Christ_. Lately, James has begun to understand the effect that begging has on others, all too well. As if he could refuse Jonny at this moment? Not likely in a million years. A soft moan escapes him as he shifts to the side, fumbling around in the nightstand for the box of condoms and lube he knows must be there with a shaking hand. Aha! Victory. Kneeling to straddle across the thighs of the man beneath him, James purposefully locks eyes with his ‘prey’. With a groan, he wraps his fist firmly around Jonny’s cock, stroking slowly, intently; up-down, slide up, slower, squeezing slide down, reveling in the weight and thickness of the shaft in hand. Ripping the foil packet open with his teeth, James switches hands; slowly rolling the condom down Jonny’s length, gaze never wavering.  
  
"Mmmm, that's good." It's odd being on this side of the action, of not being the one doing for his Master. "Now, James. Please." At least begging's the same from both angles.  
  
It feels strangely powerful to James, to hear Jonny begging _him_. A soft moan, he firmly holds Jonny’s cock, and positions himself over it. One long, slow slide down to the base later, a moan rips from his throat. Then James is so fucking full of the cock he’s been dreaming about since the bar that his head is spinning from it. “Fuck. Yes. _Yes_ ”  
  
Jonny immediately clutches at James's waist, hands splaying down onto hips, holding him, keeping him from moving, just letting him settle. "Tight. Just right." Then slowly, he eases his grip, allowing for the smallest range of motion. "Rock. Slowly."  
  
James is more than happy to oblige. Feels so good like this, stretched full. Picking up a slow rhythm, he starts to rock up and back, forward and down, in tiny increments. James’ head falls forward, tongue licking across his dry bottom lip, small sounds of pleasure catching at the back of his throat.  
  
"Damn, that feels good. Haven't had it this way in a long time." He digs his fingers into James's flesh, steadily increasing his motions, bucking up gently, tilting his head back at an odd angle, hissing out breath after breath as his cock hardens, lengthens inside James. Fuck, it's fantastic.  
  
“So good,” James’ voice is little more than a broken whimper. He wants harder, faster, more, everything. Most of all he doesn’t want it to end. Timing his own increasingly aggressive movements to match Jonny’s thrusts, he’s enthralled, eyes locked on his partner, jaw slackened with the pleasure rocketing through him. “So fucking _full_ , Johnny. So. Good.”  
  
Jonny focuses on James's eyes, losing himself, zoning on that intense blue. He takes his hand off the hip he's been clenching and wraps his fingers around a cock instead. "Yeah. So fuckin' good." He pumps slowly along James's length. "So different from the bar." It's not a show. This is for them, for fun, for the release.  
  
James moans, the sound intense with need, cock throbbing in Jonny’s hand. “ _Christ_ , Jonny. You’re so fucking good. Too fucking good.” He can’t keep himself from speeding up, alternately slamming himself down on the cock impaling him, then thrusting forward through the hand wrapped around him. “God, never fucking _stop_.”  
  
"I won't," he purrs out, hand gripping tighter, exerting a bit more control. "Up to you. You keep fuckin' me that fast." He draws in a hitched breath as his orgasm teases the edges of cock. "Gonna come. Real soon."  
  
Oh, God. Talk about being torn. James wants to come desperately, but at the same time . . . Somehow, he manages to exert his will, and his hips once again slow down, riding Jonny at a lazy pace. Drawing out every possible moment of this delicious fuck. His question comes out as a moan, “Better?”  
  
"Better." Jonny slows down his fisting of James's cock. "Much better." Rocks up to meet James's down motions. "Want to draw this out. Make you hurt for it. Would you like that, James?"  
  
What is it about Jonny that gets to James so thoroughly? He can’t figure it out. Can’t quite wrap his brain around it. Especially at times like this when Jonny’s buried balls deep in him. Hurt. _Hurt_ for it. Oh, Christ, yeah. “Yes,” he gasps out, “Yes, make me hurt for it. Ache for it. Fuckin’ _burn_ for it.” He slows the pace even more, barely shifting up and down on the delicious cock imbedded in him. A seductive hiss, “You want to hurt for it too?”  
  
"Yes," he hisses out. _Hurt_ only touches the surface of what he wants, what he needs. He's just on the edge of the zone, out of it enough to go with what happens, but coherent still, and everything's slowed enough to talk. "Do you like pain? Hurting so badly all you can do is beg for more?"  
  
“I . . . I . . .” The words are hard to get out, considering the sensations shooting through him. A hard swallow, “I’m still learning. Never,” he moans brokenly as his prostate drags across Jonny’s cock, “never had pain before Alexis.” He starts shaking violently, only adding to the thrill, as he repeats the same motion again, pleasure-pain spearing through him.  
  
"Pain's good." Jonny makes a hard pull-twist motion with his hand. "Very good." He consciously starts slowing his breathing more, focusing on the way James's arse tightens around his cock, shifting his hips to ratchet up the pain, just a touch. "He could teach you to love it, I bet."  
  
“It scares me,” James admits, just before gasping harshly at the new pinpoints of that very same sensation threading through his cock. “Some pain I like,” wincing, he presses down into the thrust, “this kind of pain I like.” Hands skitter over the chest beneath him, pinching sharply at his partner’s nipples, “Other kinds, like flogging,” a sharp hiss of need, “I do for him.”  
  
Jonny's body keens involuntarily at the pinching. " _That_ kind of pain, I like _very_ much." In fact, Jonny suspects he could lie here for hours just letting James do exactly that and little else. "But I like flogging, too, and being restrained and a lot of things you'd probably think extreme." His voice trails off as James comes down again and he clutches at his waist, not letting him rise back up. "Tell me when it's unbearable, James."  
  
Fuck, he wants to move. Instead, James does his best to stay still, although the urge to shift his hips -- rub his prostate against Jonny’s cock -- is just this side of uncontrollable. “I don’t,” he applies another sharp squeeze to the nipples trapped in his fingers, “dislike flogging. It’s just . . . Different. I enjoy it _for_ him. Giving my pain to him, because he needs it, and I want to please him.” He swallows though a tight throat, “This, here, is all for _me_. Fuck, I want to move . . .”  
  
"How close to coming are you, James?" Jonny flexes his fingers out and back, wrapping them down over James's cock one by one.  
  
It’s there. Hovering. Just beyond immediate reach, but close enough that it’s painful and delicious, just like the fingers wrapped around his cock. “Close,” James pants out, muscles straining and tensing from his effort to remain still. “Not close enough that I can’t, oh God, control it.”  
  
"You don't sound like you're controlling it." Jonny smiles, almost a wicked grin, a delight from being on this side of the issue. But he doesn't top. And he doesn't even switch anymore. Unless it's something Gerard tells him to do. "If I do this." He shifts, bucking his hips up off the bed, moving both their bodies. "Closer?"  
  
“Oh, fuck,” it’s more a deep, guttural moan than a statement, “yeah, when you do that.” James bucks back into the thrust, taking Jonny as deep as he can get him. He wonders if he’s supposed to beg for it, but if he does, it’ll be over, and he isn’t sure he’s ready for it to be over yet. It’s too fucking hot. All of it. “What do you want, Jonny? Want me to beg, or want us to hurt?”  
  
"Both." It's very simple in Jonny's mind, not an either-or situation at all. Begging comes with pain, pain with begging. So why's James think he needs to choose. "You beg till it hurts so much you're going to explode," he rocks up, "and then you beg once more."  
  
“Fuck,” James’ eyes slam shut as he throws his head back, arching against the thrust. “Please let me move.” The need for it is becoming overwhelming. “Can’t,” he pauses to bite on his lower lip, “can’t stay still anymore. Please. Need to move. _please_.”  
  
"That's perfect," he breathes out, letting up on his hold. "Move, James. Fuck yourself on me."  
  
And James does. Free to finally move again, the pace he sets is brutal; pulling up quickly and slamming himself back down on Jonny’s cock even faster, ass clenching around the invasion. So blindingly good he can’t form words, only grunts, mewls, and slack jawed moans.  
  
"That's it, James." Jonny's thrusting up to meeting James's down motions, bodies slamming against one another, his fist wrapped tight around James's cock, pumping harder. "Wanna come?"  
  
“Please. _Please_ ” James’ words are harsh, choked out sounds, his fingers brutally pinching at Jonny’s nipples again, twisting them. His hips snap into every motion with as much force as he can physically muster. Downward first, then up and forward, pushing his aching shaft through the hand wrapped around it. “Need to come so fuckin’ bad, I could die from it.”  
  
Jonny works his fist down slowly, drumming fingers around the base, over the balls. "Do it, James. Come." He slides his hand back up, demanding the orgasm be released on his say-so.  
  
James’ cock twitches one, twice, then he screams hoarsely, as orgasm steamrolls over him, spraying Jonny’s hand, stomach, and chest with think, ropey spurts of come. Pain and pleasure race through him in equal measure as his ass tightens convulsively around Jonny, keeping him deep – so deep – as each sensation rolls through him. Not enough though, and he’s grating out harshly, “Want to feel you. Come for me. Now. Please. Fuck, do it.”  
  
He can't beg for it, but being begged for it is different. "Christ, yes, coming." His body shudders at the clenching, how James rides him just perfectly. Then he comes, hard and shivering. "Oh, damn, yes. Oh, fuck, James, that's good." It takes a very short eternity for the orgasm to wash over him, slam into his zone and take him away. He tilts his head back into the pillow, breathing out slowly as they both start to come down.  
  
With one last moan, James slides off his partner, collapsing next to him on the bed, head coming to rest on his shoulder. “In-fucking-credible,” he breathes out appreciatively, before craning upwards to ghost a kiss across Jonny’s lips, “thank you.”  
  
"You're welcome," he breathes out into the kiss. "More than welcome. And I should thank you." He stretches out, thinking he needs to move, get cleaned up, postpones the thought. "You're pretty incredible yourself."  
  
A slight flush creeps to James’ cheeks at the compliment. Humming softly, he drops his head back down to Jonny’s shoulder, breathing finally starting to resemble something somewhat close to normal. “I’m glad. I mean . . . If you,” he practically stumbles over his words, “if you want to hang out, come over again, whenever . . . uhm just let me know.”  
  
"Sure. Don't know how long we're here, but I'm sure I'll need company while Pire's in negotiations and such." He tilts his head, turns enough to kiss the top of James's head. "And if you move to London, we can ... uh ... play together, too."  
  
“I think we’re going to. Master really misses it there, and I’ll be glad to know someone there.” One of James’ hands rises to idly trace patterns across the skin of Jonny’s chest. “Be strange, not having the ocean right outside the door though,” he laments softly.  
  
"You could get one of those wave machines for beside the bed." He nudges James's head. "Don't go melancholy on me. We still got Buffy to figure out." He pauses. "Can you kill her?"  
  
James can’t help but laugh at that, then rolls away, “Why don’t we go find out? Though I’m betting she wouldn’t stay dead.”  
  
Jonny sits up, slowly pulls the condom off and ties it up. "Point me to the bathroom and give me five minutes, then we'll find a way to keep the bitch dead."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/18372.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	52. gerard: You and Stuart

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/23/) 12:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21731&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21731) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21731) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21731&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**You and Stuart** _  
[JL only]

Do you have any thoughts on Mr. Urban's [generous offer](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/102568.html)?  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-23 08:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39139&format=light#t39139))   
---|---  
Out of role? Sure.  
  
I got thoughts I'd like to be fucked till next Sunday. The scene I did with him a few months ago put me on top. It was okay. Hell, the scene was great. And let's not even talk about the other Friday at the bar. Damn.  
  
But I'd really like to be taken instead of being the one in charge.  
  
Not sure what Mr. Urban's looking for, though, if that fits in. You wanna run interference for me?  
  
Oh, by the way, I've been asked to dinner. Well, dates not set, but Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen want to take me out. I know it's okay, from what you keep pounding into me about not having to ask permission, but I wanted you to know before, not after. And it's just dinner, right now, but it might be more. I don't know. Apparently there's something I'm doing that's making Mr. Bean smile a lot. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=39139&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39139&format=light#t39139))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-23 10:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39395&format=light#t39395))   
---|---  
_But I'd really like to be taken instead of being the one in charge._  
  
By Stuart, by Mr. Urban, or by a combination of the two?  
  
  
  
 _Not sure what Mr. Urban's looking for, though, if that fits in._  
  
That's why you ask. ;)  
  
  
  
 _You wanna run interference for me?_  
  
Sure. Just tell me what you want.  
  
  
  
 _Oh, by the way, I've been asked to dinner. Well, dates not set, but Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen want to take me out. I know it's okay, from what you keep pounding into me about not having to ask permission, but I wanted you to know before, not after. And it's just dinner, right now, but it might be more. I don't know. Apparently there's something I'm doing that's making Mr. Bean smile a lot._  
  
Sounds delightful. And you know I'm going to want all the gritty little details. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=39395&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39139&format=light#t39139))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39395&format=light#t39395))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-24 03:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39651&format=light#t39651))   
---|---  
_By Stuart, by Mr. Urban, or by a combination of the two?_  
Can I say yes to all of the above?  
  
 _Just tell me what you want._  
If I knew the answer to that, I'd feel more confident about talking to Mr. Urban directly.  
It was all I could do to ask him the question about punishment the other day.  
And even then I felt a bit stupid.  
  
It's definitely not like talking to Mr. Bean. He makes me feel at ease, not nearly like such a daft kid.  
  
You know what my fantasy is with Stuart. The vampire. Having Lestat.  
But, sheesh, I feel like such a geeky fanboy asking for that. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=39651&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39395&format=light#t39395))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39651&format=light#t39651))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-24 03:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39907&format=light#t39907))   
---|---  
_Can I say yes to all of the above?_  
  
In theory, yes. In practice, I'm going to need to know what sort of scene you want me to negotiate for you.  
  
  
  
 _It's definitely not like talking to Mr. Bean. He makes me feel at ease, not nearly like such a daft kid._  
  
That's definitly a good thing.  
  
  
  
  
 _You know what my fantasy is with Stuart. The vampire. Having Lestat.  
But, sheesh, I feel like such a geeky fanboy asking for that._  
  
Well, considering that's what I want as well, our desires mesh nicely. However, I was going to want on asking until I knew the both of them better. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=39907&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39651&format=light#t39651))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39907&format=light#t39907))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-25 02:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40163&format=light#t40163))   
---|---  
Thought 'bout it.  
  
I want Lestat. Just me and him.  
  
Then I want to come home and be marked by my own Pire. Hard and permanent, so it hurts like a dream. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=40163&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=39907&format=light#t39907))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40163&format=light#t40163))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-25 03:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40931&format=light#t40931))   
---|---  
... _Permanent?!_  
  
  
Explain yourself. **Now.**

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=40931&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40163&format=light#t40163))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40931&format=light#t40931))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-25 03:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41187&format=light#t41187))   
---|---  
A cut that won't heal.  
A bruise that'll never fade.  
A bite so deep it drains me.  
  
Your boy's wanting his Master this morning. Very badly. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=41187&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=40931&format=light#t40931))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41187&format=light#t41187))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-25 03:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41699&format=light#t41699))   
---|---  
And your master wants his boy. So much he can taste it.  
  
  
  
But he doesn't trust himself, talking to you about this face to face. For the love of God, Teak, speak English. What do you want from me? What do you _need_ from me?  
  
  
  
Knives?  
Fingers?  
Teeth?  
A chain flogger and little squares of ice? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=41699&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41187&format=light#t41187))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41699&format=light#t41699))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-25 03:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41955&format=light#t41955))   
---|---  
Queen's English, Pire ...  
  
Hurt me, make me hurt just for you.  
  
Remind me that no matter who touches me, I _belong_ to you, that you control me.  
  
The tatt says it. And the collar. You know it's not been off my throat, with the exception of showers, since you put it on. I even lied to Peter that night at the bar, told him it _couldn't_ come off, because I didn't want _him_ touching it.  
  
I want your hands and teeth and, yeah, the chain flogger and ice sounds good, too. I want to be cut and bleed, just for you.  
  
Your boy needs boundaries, Sir. His mind's all over the place. And it's confusing him even more. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=41955&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41699&format=light#t41699))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41955&format=light#t41955))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-25 05:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=42211&format=light#t42211))   
---|---  
I...oh, Christ, Jonny Lee.  
  
  
I don't want to have this conversation here. Where are you? I want you on my lap. I want to hold you while we talk about this. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=42211&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=41955&format=light#t41955))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=42211&format=light#t42211))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-26 06:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=43235&format=light#t43235))   
---|---  
Yes, Sir. I'll come downstairs, Sir.  
  
 ~~Oh, shite, I've gotten him angry.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?replyto=43235&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21731.html?thread=42211&format=light#t42211))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	53. karl_urban: [locked to friends]Part of being a slave

| Karl Urban ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/22/) 22:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=101969&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=101969) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=101969) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=101969&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

[[locked to friends](http://www.journalfen.net/~karl_urban/info#friends)]

Part of being a slave, as far as I'm concerned, is being prepared to service anyone at any time in any way as your Master desires.

So, as part of Stuart's training, I'm issuing an open invitation to our close friends in the area. You are all welcome to visit the house during the next two weeks and make use of Stuart, in any way you please, as often as you please, taking into account the following limits:

1) Stuart will not be beaten unless I'm present - this includes everything from slapping and spanking to cropping and whipping

2) Stuart will not be addressed as boy - slave, Stuart or anything else is acceptable but boy is reserved for myself - the corollary is, of course, that he doesn't call anyone else Master - any other term of formal address is fine

3) the following are not acceptable: permanent marks, scat, watersports and cages (the one in the playroom is not to be used) - please note that fisting and bloodplay/cutting are acts reserved for myself alone

4) Stuart's safeword is coisc (pronounced kos'k) and it is to be honoured and respected - he doesn't usually have a word for slowing down but will be given the use of the word "yellow" for the next two weeks

5) Stuart's collar does not come off and it is not to be touched or have anything attached to it

If anyone has any questions, concerns or comments, feel free to express them here. And I don't expect that everyone will take advantage of the invitation. It's simply that - an invitation.

Anyone interested in making use of Stuart need only ring me on my cell. He'll be available from 11 am - 11 pm daily for the next two weeks and I'll be keeping track of his appointments (which he won't know about until you show up at the door) to prevent overlapping.

I don't have to be around, or even in the house, unless you want to beat him. If that's the case, let me know and we'll make arrangements for a time when I can be there.

Lastly, I would ask that anyone who makes use of my slave let me know if they were pleased with his behaviour and if his skills were to their satisfaction.

Here's hoping at least a few of you perverts will take me up on my offer. *grin*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/profile)[**tobey_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tobey_m/)  
2004-02-23 06:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=176977&format=light#t176977))   
---|---  
hmmmmmm.  
  
Interesting.  
  
My schedule's going to be very busy over the next two weeks with award shows and promotions tied to Seabiscuit.  
  
But I'll try to make sure to schedule a time to come over. Perhaps either Wednesday of this week or Wednesday next week.  
  
Anything in particular you'd like to have tried with Stuart? Is this part of his testing as slave? And do you want doms alone working with him, or is a dom and his sub acceptible as well?  
  
Thanks. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=176977&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=176977&format=light#t176977))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 04:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=179793&format=light#t179793))   
---|---  
Either day sounds good.  
  
And no, there's not anything in particular. There's a few aspects of training involved with this but those are my concern.  
  
As for whether it's you or you and Ethan, I'll leave that up to you, with the caveat that I know the whole slave/formal voice thing unsettles Ethan somewhat. If he's uncomfortable, it might be better for him to first get used to Stuart's behaviour under the new rules outside scening, but that's just a suggestion and I'll trust your judgement on the matter.  
  
Thanks, Tobey. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=179793&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=176977&format=light#t176977))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-23 06:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=177745&format=light#t177745))   
---|---  
*g* I'll be giving you a call. Might well want to have you around for it, too--Stuart's ass is just too cute not to want to smack it, y'know? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=177745&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=177745&format=light#t177745))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 04:44 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180049&format=light#t180049))   
---|---  
I'll look forward to hearing from you and yeah, wouldn't mind being there at all.  
  
By the way, I was thinking that maybe we should get together sometime. For drinks. (And yeah, boy, if you're reading, I mean _actual_ drinks.) Wouldn't mind getting to know the man who's managed to turn my mate into mush. *laughs* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=180049&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=177745&format=light#t177745))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180049&format=light#t180049))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-23 05:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=181329&format=light#t181329))   
---|---  
*g* Drinks sounds like a great idea--count me in. I can laugh in person about the idea of Harry turned to mush. ;) When's good for you? Maybe one night this week? We could meet up at the Est bar, or you could come by the house, though I guess it's just barely possible that the ambience of either place'd encourage us to non-actual drinks. You have a favorite place? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=181329&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180049&format=light#t180049))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=181329&format=light#t181329))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 06:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182097&format=light#t182097))   
---|---  
You used to live in this neighbourhood, right? How about James' Beach, Wednesday night, 8 pm? And should we keep it to drinks or throw in dinner too? They make the best pan fried sand dabs. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=182097&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=181329&format=light#t181329))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182097&format=light#t182097))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-23 06:11 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182353&format=light#t182353))   
---|---  
Sounds great to me, and yeah, let's call it dinner, too. It's hard to be in a place that does good seafood and not eat. See you then! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=182353&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182097&format=light#t182097))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-23 06:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182609&format=light#t182609))   
---|---  
Forget the boy reading the public posts.  
Apologize to the mate. *smirk*  
  
Mush, indeed.  
You do realize I'm going to need to pound into something to feel better now. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=182609&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180049&format=light#t180049))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182609&format=light#t182609))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 08:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182865&format=light#t182865))   
---|---  
I'm not doing anything at the moment. *grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=182865&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182609&format=light#t182609))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182865&format=light#t182865))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-23 11:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183377&format=light#t183377))   
---|---  
I find it hard to believe you have any spare time, given the daunting task of weaning Stuart from his snark. *quirky grin* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=183377&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=182865&format=light#t182865))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183377&format=light#t183377))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-24 12:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183633&format=light#t183633))   
---|---  
*snort* Well, I'm sure I _could_ find something to do but I was just trying to help a mate out. I'm sure Mark or Billy will be happy to oblige though. Not like you need me under you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=183633&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183377&format=light#t183377))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-02-23 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178257&format=light#t178257))   
---|---  
I should be insulted at being labeled a pervert. But you and I both know it'd be a waste of breath. I will simply say that a night at the bar was not nearly enough, and I would enjoy helping you in Stuart's training in whatever way you need. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=178257&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178257&format=light#t178257))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 04:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180305&format=light#t180305))   
---|---  
Heh.  
  
Knew I could count on you, mate. Give me a ring. Or hell, just come over. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=180305&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178257&format=light#t178257))  
  
|  **[locked to Karl and Viggo]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-02-23 07:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178769&format=light#t178769))   
---|---  
Karl,  
  
Viggo dragged me over to the computer tonight and sat me down in front of this entry -- not that I'd not have noticed it in due time, but when one's boy is prodding at him to notice an entry...  
  
Ahem. At any rate, we'd both like to see Stuart, if you'd be amenable to that.  
  
I have ideas. Actually, I have a number of ideas, and have had for some time... these are just the ones I could see taking place in an afternoon when it's just the three of us -- me, Vig, Stuart.  
  
I want to sit down with Viggo between my legs, both of us on the floor, and have Stuart crawl over to us. I'll have clamps on Viggo, and I'll be teasing the hell out of him. I'd have Stuart suck Viggo off, but Vig wouldn't be coming. Not then he wouldn't.  
  
I want Vig fucking Stuart. I'm not going to let Vig come until Stuart's screaming with it, coming for us. And I'm going to be fucking Viggo into him; Vig's going to be waiting for me to scream with it, too.  
  
Providing this works for my boy and for you, any time you can fit us into Stuart's schedule will work for us.  
  
\--Sean 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=178769&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178769&format=light#t178769))  
  
|  **Re: [locked to Karl and Viggo]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-23 04:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=180561&format=light#t180561))   
---|---  
Sean,  
  
In what fuckin' universe would this not work for me?  
  
 _Christ_.  
  
I would say more but I think I need to go find my boy.  
  
Hope it works for Viggo,  
  
Karl  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=180561&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=178769&format=light#t178769))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-02-24 12:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183889&format=light#t183889))   
---|---  
Karl,  
  
Such an intriguing offer is something I could hardly pass up. I think that perhaps I shall have to bring my boy along as well, after all, I did miss the crawling lessons. Yes, I think I definitely have a need to witness both of them on the floor. From what I've heard, it was quite a sight.  
  
Timing, however, could be somewhat rather tricky with filming still in full swing.  
  
Perhaps on the weekend?  
  
~Alexis 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=183889&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183889&format=light#t183889))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-24 06:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=184657&format=light#t184657))   
---|---  
Alexis,  
  
It was indeed a sight and definitely something you should get to behold. By all means, bring James and _enjoy_. The weekend is fine.  
  
Take care,  
  
Karl 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=184657&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=183889&format=light#t183889))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/david_wenham/profile)[**david_wenham**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/david_wenham/)  
2004-02-24 06:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=186193&format=light#t186193))   
---|---  
Seems I've been neglecting the damned computer again. Am I too late to sign up for the party? What if I say please? *smirk* Gimme a call ya bastard, that offer is just too good to pass up. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=186193&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=186193&format=light#t186193))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-25 07:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=187729&format=light#t187729))   
---|---  
I'm not even going to ask where the hell you've been, ya bastard, but it's great to hear from you. And I'm sure we can manage to fit you in somewhere. *grin*  
  
Will give you a ring tomorrow, mate. Take care. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?replyto=187729&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html?thread=186193&format=light#t186193))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	54. karl_urban: [locked to gerard and jonnyleemiller]

| Karl Urban ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/2004/02/23/) 09:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=102568&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=102568) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=102568) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=karl_urban&itemid=102568&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[locked to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
[locked to Gerard and Jonny Lee]

Given how well our boys seem to get along, I wanted to extend [this invitation](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/101969.html) to you and your boy, together and/or separately.

I hope you won't be offended - God knows, I've already messed up there enough already - if I mention that I'd prefer to be around if you'd like to do anything with Stuart on your own.

Anyway, just a thought. Harry mentioned you were staying in LA longer and it seemed a good idea to open it up to you and Jonny Lee.

Take care,

Karl

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/102568.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-23 05:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/102568.html?thread=181160&format=light#t181160))   
---|---  
Mr. Urban,  
  
Thank you for your generous offer. The restriction is understandable and one I would have brought up myself had you not mentioned it first. I personally do not think I will not be taking you up on it, if only because what I want to do to your boy is more suitable for friends rather than acquaintances, but I will encourage Jonny Lee to not follow my example. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/102568.html?replyto=181160&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	55. Chapter 55

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/24/) 08:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12292&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12292) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12292) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12292&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)****_[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
Hi, sexy!  
Oh, yeah, hi to you, too, Ew.

Stuck in LA for foreseeable future.  
Shouldn't say stuck, I guess, since I am having a bit of fun. Kinda nice being a kept boy. No worries for the moment other than maxxing out Final Fantasy.

Anyhows, miss you guys. Was wondering ... you headed out for Oscars? If you are, let me know. We'll definitely toss back a few.

~Jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12292.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	56. gerard: If I never have to call myself inadequate again, it'll be too soon

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/24/) 08:58:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21842&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21842) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21842) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=21842&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**If I never have to call myself inadequate again, it'll be too soon** _  
[private]

I don't know what in the bleeding hells [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/1701.html) is. Peter'll tell me I'm being arrogant and self-important if I think he's talking about me, and maybe I am, but I can't help thinking that he is. And, _fuck_ am I relieved, because, if he is, he'll walk out into the morning, stumble across a boy who needs his touch, and then Peter will forget all about that stubborn boy named Gerry.

And a part of me will admit to being disappointed, but the rest is relieved. I've moved on. I've a boy of my own. I don't need what Peter can give me anymore.

Feeling's fucking freeing, I tell you.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/21842.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	57. gerard: Headspace

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/25/) 10:22:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22336&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22336) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22336) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22336&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Headspace** _  
[[Friends-Locked](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/info#friends), minus Jonny Lee]

  
Couple weeks back, Jonny Lee and I did a safeword scene. I beat him and he safeworded. Good and fine. 'Least, I thought we were fine.

This morning Jonny Lee told me that he only safeworded because I told him to. I didn't intend to, I didn't even think he'd heard. He was so far gone and hurting so much, that I didn't think _I_ could go on. It was a prompt, not an order, and I honestly didn't think he'd heard me. But he did, and he safeworded. For me, not for him.

Headspace for me has always been one of two things. The first is topspace, where I want to give my boy everything and protect him, possess him, hurt him. This is headspace I know very well and I feel safe in it. The second, and much more rare, is subspace, and I've only found it under Peter. This space is scary. It's where I'd do anything for even the slightest hint of approval, where I'd beg, degrade myself, anything just for Peter to look at me. I can't deny that there's a part of me that craves being there, but when I come out of it, I'm frightened at the thought of what I could have done, if asked.

Jonny Lee's talking about headspace. He's comparing it to running. He's calling it zoning. And, fuck it all, this doesn't seem _safe_ to me. He wants me to hurt him more, do something _permanent_ , and I don't know how aware of me he'll be in his zone. When I'm in topspace I'm hyperaware of everything and in subspace, everything I am is focused on one immovable object. I'm not used to the thought that my boy isn't paying complete and perfect attention.

I don't know what to do. He says he wants me to give him a permanent mark. I like hurting him. I like watching him bleed under me. But I just don't think I'm capable of giving him what he wants. And now I'm worrying about where he goes when I beat him.

I don't know what the fuck to do.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-25 06:25 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42304&format=light#t42304))   
---|---  
I think you talk to him, Ger. No, wait--not "to" him. I think you talk _with_ him. Tell him what you heard when he told you about his headspace and that scene--maybe you misunderstood? If you tell him what you heard, he can tell you if you were right, and if you did misunderstand, he can clear it up.  
  
And tell him how you're feeling about what he wants, and your worry that you can't give him that. Y'know, it may be that you really _can't_ give him that, but that's all right. We don't have to give the people we love everything they want, especially not if it'd hurt us to do it, and I'll bet you that Jonny Lee wouldn't want you to give that to him if it'd hurt you to do it.  
  
You and Jonny Lee love each other, and you would even if you weren't doing D/s. You two will manage just fine, Ger. Just remember that you're in the relationship _together_. Being the Master doesn't mean you have to do it all by yourself. Talk with Jonny Lee.  
  
And call me if you feel like it, Ger. Any ol' time. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=42304&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42304&format=light#t42304))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-27 07:20 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43328&format=light#t43328))   
---|---  
You're probably right, Mark. But it just hurts me to have to admit to myself that there's something Jonny Lee wants and I can't give it to him. I love him and I want to do everything humanly possible, not just "me" possible, to make him happy.  
  
  
And I won't call you, you swarthy bastard. I'll hunt you up and drop ice down your shorts. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=43328&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42304&format=light#t42304))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43328&format=light#t43328))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-02-27 08:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43840&format=light#t43840))   
---|---  
I liked what Karl said, too, and having had a boy of his own for quite a while now, I'm pretty sure he knows better than I do. I also liked your idea of using the finger test--that sounds promising.  
  
I wish I could help more.  
  
If, however, hunting me up and dropping ice down my shorts will help, well, I'm willing to shiver for the cause. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=43840&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43328&format=light#t43328))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-25 08:02 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42560&format=light#t42560))   
---|---  
Honestly? I don't see a problem with what Jonny Lee wants. But I also don't see a problem with your feeling you can't give it to him.  
  
And I guess it all depends on whether it's something he wants or something he needs. If it's something he wants, it's not your responsibility to give it to him and it's your prerogative not to. If, on the other hand, it's something he needs from you, then you might want think things through a bit more.  
  
Stuart deep in subspace is much the same way as Jonny Lee. Does his own version of "zoning" and playing with him in that state requires a great deal of care. Far more than usual. And we've both had concerns about whether he'd be able to let me know if he was in trouble and more importantly, whether he'd even realize he was.  
  
Does Jonny Lee have a non-verbal safeword? If he doesn't and he goes this deep, he probably should. But that said, his safewords (both verbal and non-verbal) are not his only protection. There's how much you love and care for him, and how you'd do everything in your power not to hurt him. I don't know you well but you seem like a good man who loves his boy very much and I can't picture you not being so finely attuned to his every response that you wouldn't know if he was in danger.  
  
There's also nothing to stop you from safewording out of anything that's exceeded your comfort level. And there's no shame in that. Quite the reverse, actually. And in time, you'll be able to go deeper until you find Jonny Lee's 'real' limits and if you find that his real limits aren't safe or he's truly incapable of acknowledging them for himself, then you'll have to set them and he'll have to accept that.  
  
Anyway, I've probably spoken out of turn here and totally pissed you off but there's no offence intended and I've assumed you wanted some advice or at the very least, some commiseration. If you ever want to talk about this more, give me a ring. We can keep it to the phone or we can meet for coffee. I promise I'll behave. I swear. *grin*  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=42560&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42560&format=light#t42560))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-27 07:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43584&format=light#t43584))   
---|---  
During the safeword scene, I gave Jonny Lee a buzzer to use in case he lost his voice and wanted to safeword. I had planned on using it in the future. Do you have any ideas for a better non-verbal safeword? One that I have been considering is the finger test. I put my finger in his hand and if he doesn't make a fist, that's a safeword. I think it might put my mind at ease about how "here" he is, but Jonny Lee's been known to surprise me in the past.  
  
The problem with watching him is not only that my boy is a very good actor, but if I'm testing out his pain limits, I'm going to probably be more than a little stubborn and want to see where his limits are. Of course, if he's screaming his lungs bloody, that's more than enough of a hint, but my boy tends to go quiet. Barely even screams.  
  
  
  
  
And, no, you haven't pissed me off. Your advice has been very helpful. As for coffee, my boy is interested in using your boy. I don't know if he's contacted you about this, though he asked me to negotiate for him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=43584&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42560&format=light#t42560))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43584&format=light#t43584))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-02-27 09:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=44096&format=light#t44096))   
---|---  
Both the buzzer and the finger test strike me as great non-verbal safewords.  
  
And I'm sure you'll work things out with Jonny Lee. Talk your concerns over with him. I'm sure he'll understand.  
  
 _my boy is interested in using your boy. I don't know if he's contacted you about this, though he asked me to negotiate for him._  
  
No, he hasn't contacted me. What's he interested in?  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=44096&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=43584&format=light#t43584))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-02-25 10:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42816&format=light#t42816))   
---|---  
I'm not certain I am able to offer any more wisdom than both Karl and Mark already have, Gerry. Though I most definitely offer my support.  
  
I wholly understand what you mean by your definition of both 'topspace' and 'subspace,' as they rather echo my own experiences. I do, on the rare occasion sub, and like you, I find it nothing short of terrifying, for much the same reasons.  
  
On the other hand, my boy, as a rule, stays very vocal, alert, and aware, no matter the type of scene, though we do have a non verbal safeword, as well as a verbal one. If he 'zoned' I would most definitely fear for the situation, because that is simply not his usual response. That would, indeed, be the moment I safeworded and ended it.  
  
In the Dominant role, we've as much right to safeword out of a scene as our submissives do, should we be uncomfortable with how the encounter is progressing, or if we fear for our submissive's well being. That is certainly _not_ something to feel guilt, regret, or shame over. We each have our own limits, both of what we are willing to endure, and what we are willing to inflict.  
  
At any rate, I'm uncertain what more I can add, save to say that if you ever need to talk, or merely feel the need for quiet support, our cell is always at hand, and our door is always open to friends.  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=42816&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42816&format=light#t42816))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-28 08:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=44352&format=light#t44352))   
---|---  
You make a good point. Up until now, I have not had a safeword. I _have_ ended scenes early, but not in a way that could be seen as safewording. It is something I will keep in mind. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?replyto=44352&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22336.html?thread=42816&format=light#t42816))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	58. gerard: What a fool is man

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/25/) 08:16:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22222&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22222) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22222) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22222&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Flummoxed  
---|---  
  
_**What a fool is man**_  
[private]  
  
  
I...I....  
  
  
  
 _Shit._  
  
  
  
  
  
I screwed up royally, didn't I?  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22222.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	59. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/25/) 07:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12777&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12777) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12777) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12777&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current music:** |  X's _Los Angeles_  
---|---  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard** ]  
  
It's taken me a week to work up the nerve to write all this down.  
  
I can't stop thinking about the whipping scene and safewording.  
  
I was in the zone. Pretty damned hard. I know. I could hear you, but I couldn't. And I was floating on the pain. But something triggered me out. I'm not sure what. Your voice. Combination of words. A particular strike. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I safeworded because you asked me to. There was a prompt and I responded. And that's not a bad thing. You needed to hear it and I gave it to you. And I love you for wanting to make me.  
  
But I keep thinking I could've stayed under longer, given you more pain. And that's got me wondering how long you could keep me in that zone. Hours? Days? Could you make it permanent? I don't know. I like that space, where all I want to do is be there for you, taking what you can give me.  
  
I don't know if I'm making any sense, Pire. I've been out running, and I think too much when my head's that clear.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-02-27 06:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?thread=18153&format=light#t18153))   
---|---  
There's a lot in this, Teak, and I know we're going to have to sit down and talk about it and talk about it and talk about it.  
  
But I just want to know one thing right off. Do you want to redo the scene? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?replyto=18153&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?thread=18153&format=light#t18153))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-02-28 07:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?thread=18409&format=light#t18409))   
---|---  
Took me till this morning to be able to answer that.  
  
No. Not right now. Maybe when we're home, back in London, where it's just us. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?replyto=18409&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12777.html?thread=18153&format=light#t18153))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	60. sean_bean: email to jonnyleemiller and gerard

| !Sean Bean ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/02/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/02/26/) 20:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=147817&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=147817) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=147817) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=147817&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Playful  
---|---  
  
_**email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
Subject: Dinner invitation  
Cc: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)**viggo_m**  
  
Jonny Lee--  
  
Viggo and I would love to have you join us for dinner next week, if you're free. Wednesday, perhaps?  
  
Gerard--  
  
We've been told Jonny Lee doesn't have to ask permission to play with others, but call us old-fashioned; we want to make sure this is all right with you. Not even necessarily as Jonny Lee's top, but as his lover. There's some thought that dinner might lead to... well, more than dinner. And we'd like to make certain that's not going to get anyone in trouble. Would we have your approval here?  
  
With affection,  
Sean and Viggo  
  
 _so_ effin' adorable

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/147817.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	61. gerard: [E-mail to Sean and Viggo]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/02/26/) 23:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22604&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22604) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22604) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=22604&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to Sean and Viggo]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
CC: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: [Re: Dinner invitation](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/147817.html)

Dear sirs,

I have discussed this with my boy and he has expressed an interest in meeting the two of you for dinner. Wednesday is good for him.

As Jonny Lee's top, his lover, and his master, I should tell you that, while he does not need permission and need only tell me beforehand, there are three restrictions that I place on his conduct when he is with others. Since you have hinted that the dinner may well turn sexual, I feel it would be remiss of me not to enumerate them here. My boy is not allowed to beg to come, which means no orgasm control. If my boy's collar needs to come off for any reason whatsoever, then I am the one who puts it back on. Also, I do not want any marks on him of the sort that would normally take over a week to heal. His hard limits are of the sort that should not come up during dinner, but if you feel that this is an erroneous assumption, his checklist is on file.

I wish you both the best.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/22604.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	62. ewan_mcgregor: Chat log: Jude, Ewan, JLM, and Ger, Friday afternoon 2/27

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/02/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/02/27/) 13:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=99349&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=99349) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=99349) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=99349&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Chat log: Jude, Ewan, JLM, and Ger, Friday afternoon 2/27** _  
[players only]

  
Leaning back in his seat, Ewan sips his beer, watching as the waiter makes his way to the kitchen with their order. "So how much longer are you planning on staying in LA?"

"It seems to be on an 'until we leave' basis, actually." Gerard smiles wryly. "No definite dates, no flight plans. We'll probably stay until we outlast our welcome."

"But we are coming home," Jonny adds quickly, reassuring himself aloud, "so don't think you've gotten rid of me for good, Ew."

Jude grins. "Glad to hear it. It seems so long since the old gang were all at home at the same time."

"Well, we _were_ , and then Jonny here had to go and run off," Ewan says. "Anyway, I thought you hated LA."

"I do," Jonny admits. "Did. Still don't like it. It's not London." He smiles. "But it's okay this trip. I'm having more fun. Lot better company."

Raising his eyebrows, Ewan says, "Making lots of new friends, too, from the sound of things."

"Yeah, it's hard for me, you know, but I'm meeting new people." Jonny knows what Ewan's alluding to. The stumbled-over post in Sean's journal. "Is there a problem with that?" he asks hesitantly.

"No..." Ewan shrugs, suddenly interested in his silverware.

Gerard looks from Ewan to Jonny Lee. "Is there something I missed?"

Sipping his soda water, Jude settles back in his seat and watches curiously.

"It's nothing, Sir. Just something Ewan saw he wishes he hadn't." Jonny stares at the fork Ewan's fingering. "Am I right, Ew? Wanna talk about it?"

"It's not anything," Ewan says. "It was just weird is all."

_Ah, so that's it._ Jude leans forward in his seat. "You mean Bean talking about you subbing to him? I saw that." He turns to Ewan. "What's so weird about it?"

"I'd be interested to know, too," Jonny says quietly.

Jude feels a quick surge of sympathy for Ewan. _Talk about being put on the spot._ Sliding his hand under the tablecloth, he squeezes Ewan's knee and smiles at him.

Glancing over at Jude, Ewan gives a little half smile and then turns back to Jonny. "I don't know..." He frowns, wishing he'd never said anything. "Just weird to find someone writing all that about my mate, I guess."

"I'm sorry, Ew. It's kinda gotten weird with Mist-, uh, Sean," he corrects midstream, reminding himself not to be so formal. "Somehow I've managed to make him think I'm just wonderfully adorable." Jonny cocks his head, smile turning lopsided, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe you should correct him, tell him all those juicy stories you know about me."

Shrugging, Ewan looks around for the waiter, though he knows it's too soon for their food to be ready. "Yeah, well...anyway, I shouldn't've said anything."

Gerard frowns. "I know I'm not as technically proficient as other people. What should I know that I don't?"

Jonny wonders if it would be rude to just slide under the table, forget the conversation happened, but he doubts he'd get away with it. He turns to Gerard. "I responded to Sean's public post about the things he wants to do to me on that weekend that's been talked about. Ewan happened upon it, and that's what this is about." He lets out a breath. "In a nutshell, Sir."

There are things he wants to ask, but Gerard knows he can ask them later. Jonny Lee seems embarrassed as hell about this conversation. "All right," he says. "Reasonable."

Leaning forward, Jude looks at Gerard. "Part of it is that all of this is revealing a side of Jonny that we," he waves a vague hand at Ewan and himself, "just never knew existed. It's a bit of an eye-opener."

Embarrassed doesn't begin to cover how Jonny's feeling. He's shifting between looking for the never-coming food and staring at Ewan, wishing Gerard and Jude would just have their conversation by themselves. He's not sure what to say even, about the _eye-opener_ aspect of it. They've known he's bi and that he was experimenting to some degree.

"It wasn't your response, though," Ewan says, trying to clarify. As if maybe that'll make things a little less awkward, though he knows that probably futile. "It was just Bean going on like that..."

"Yeah, a bit explicit, it was," Jonny adds, keeping to himself just how hot the suggestions were.

"Bean always is a bit...well, he's fairly open about stuff," Jude says. "I mean, he doesn't hold back. "

"Yeah. That's what got me started talking to him in the first place," Jonny says. "Very engaging, pulled me right into a conversation in the journals."

"I've known Bean for a while now." Jude smiles. "We've never scened together, but I think I know more about his sex life than about most other people's."

"Yeah..." Ewan drums his fingers on the table. "And so...yeah, like Jude said. Er...eye-opener..."

"I suppose it's the formality of it all, and just how quickly you've taken to it," Jude says thoughtfully. He looks into his drink, swirling the ice around the glass. "Don't get me wrong...I know how that can happen. I pretty much did the same thing, diving in the deep end and all that." He flicks a glance at Ewan. "Long time ago now."

"Okay, that's a valid point, Jude, but I tend to jump into things. I mean, how quickly did I marry Angie? Without thinking almost." He winces, thinking that didn't end well and maybe wasn't a good example. "But I'm just exploring. Nothing's set in stone. I mean, seriously, if I were totally in the deep end, I'd be talking that way now."

"I was just surprised, okay?" Ewan says.

"I'm sorry, Ewan," Jonny says, sinking a bit in his chair. "I didn't mean to surprise you. Honest."

Jude looks across at Gerard. "You...you've been around the scene for a while, though, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Gerard says, a little surprised by the question. "Not so much the Establishment, though. I've only recently started using my membership."

"So, it's not like Jonny's jumping in without a lifeguard." Jude grins and makes swimming motions.

"I don't think I've ever been called a lifeguard before," Gerard says, watching Jude's pantomimes with amusement. "Do I get to wear a windbreaker? Do I have to watch _Jaws_?"

"Pire takes good care of me," Jonny offers, feeling a need to justify something. "He's not gonna let me do anything stupid."

"I didn't say it was stupid. Don't-" Ewan sees the waiter coming, finally, and shuts up while they're served. He asks for another beer and then concentrates on his burger, hoping the conversation will get dropped.

"Mmm...this is good," Jude says after a while. He shovels another forkful of quiche into his mouth. "Good stuff," he mumbles.

Jonny twirls fettuccine around his fork, thankful the conversation has turned to just silence for a bit. "Whatcha doing all weekend?"

"I'm gonna watch TV and see if there's anything good on," Jude says dryly.

"Want I should relay you the porn channel numbers?" Jonny sticks out his tongue at Jude. "I mean, you probably could use 'em."

Ewan snorts. "I should've brought our tape."

"Shhhhh! Oh God, Ewan. Shut up!" Jude drops his fork and covers his mouth, half laughing, half horrified. "You keep quiet about that..."

"Oh, no. Not now. Spill, Ewan." Jonny smiles. "And do you have it on DVD?"

Jude just groans theatrically and throws his hands up in resignation. "We're secret porn stars. Look for it on the net next week."

Grinning, Ewan pokes Jude with his elbow. "Don't _worry_. You worry too much. Anyway," he says, turning back to Jonny, "'s just a tape we made one night. I'll show you when you're back home if you want."

"God, why don't we hold a party and hand out popcorn and Coke?" Jude mutters and rolls his eyes. "I'll come round with a flashlight at intermission and hand out ice cream."

"I'll bring the popcorn," Jonny says. "And can we sit in the back and make out, like you do at the theater?"

"Absolutely." Ewan grins.

Jonny pushes back his chair, stands up and moves to Gerard's side. "May I finish my meal here, Pire?" Looks over at Jude and Ewan. "We are staying for dessert, aren't we?"

Gerard sits back against the chair, making room for Jonny Lee. "Of course." His smile isn't at all innocent, but he's not going to molest Jonny Lee in front of his friends.

"Yeah, I think so," Jude says, watching Jonny with a smile.

Jonny settles himself, curling into Gerard's lap. "Should've eaten the whole meal over here." He leans his head against Gerard's shoulder. "Or at your feet."

Gerard chuckles as he pats Jonny Lee's back. "Then you wouldn't have done much eating. And then we would have had to eat once we got back to Harry and Mark's, which would have taken away from shagging you breathless."

"Not to mention you'll probably need the energy for later," Jude adds. He nudges Ewan. "You too. You need your strength."

"Huh?" Ewan looks at Jude. "What for?"

"Well, breathless shagging, I hope," Jude says, grinning.

"Oh well, always that, yeah." Ewan nods enthusiastically.

Smiling at the exchange, the return to lightheartedness, Jonny nuzzles into Gerard's neck, nibbling kisses along the collar line. "Saving energy. Having just a little dessert now."

"Oh, so I'm dessert?" Gerard smiles down at him. "Should I get some whipped cream? Chocolate? Maybe some sprinkles?"

"No, Sir, I like my dessert plain." Jonny swipes his tongue up along the neck's vein. "Pure and simple." He drops a kiss under Gerard's ear. "Anyhow, we're not molesting today."

"Actually whipped cream and chocolate doesn't sound like such a bad idea," Ewan says, leering at Jude.

"Tiramisu," Jude mutters and nearly chokes on his drink.

"Would it be molesting if I told you to bite me?" Gerard grins. "Though pure is something I haven't been in a long time."

"Bite's fine." Jonny glances up at Jude. "Actually, I like the tiramisu idea, too. Haven't had that in ages." He worries his teeth over Gerard's neck, increasing the nibbles until he bites hard.

Gerard arches his neck into the bites. "Christ, that's good."

"Thank you, Sir." Jonny bites again.

Jude slides an arm along the back of Ewan's chair. "Want me to feed you then? Something with whipped cream?"

"Feed me...?" Ewan raises his eyebrows.

"Well, uh... it was just an idea," Jude says and pulls his arm away, reaching for the menu. He looks at it, frowning.

"Er, well, I didn't say it was a bad idea...I just wasn't sure what you meant is all..." Ewan says. "Like...on the floor or what?"

Tossing the menu on the table, Jude lifts his chin and raises an eyebrow at Ewan. "Of course, you can always feed me. I'll have the crème brulée, thanks." And with that, he slides to his knees and disappears under the table.

Jonny watches as Jude slides down, under the table. "Well, maybe molesting is on the menu," he says with a wry smile. He increases the biting, nibbling, working his way along Gerard's throat while he slips fingers into his shirt, popping open the buttons as he works his hand up his lover's chest. "Can your boy do anything for you, Sir?" he whispers, tugging with teeth at Gerard's earlobe.

The waiter's coming 'round now, and Ewan has no idea what he wants for dessert. Fuck dessert. Jude's under the table; Ewan can feel him nuzzling against his leg. Not to mention, seeing Jonny molesting Ger like that is more than a little distracting in itself.

"Erm...two crème brulées here," he says, handing the menu to the waiter, who then looks over to Ger and Jonny. Doesn't bat an eye. _That's the Establishment for you,_ Ewan thinks, reaching down to lace his fingers in Jude's hair.

Gerard pulls Jonny back enough to see the waiter. "A slice of apple pie, please. With whipped cream." He turns back to the boy in his lap. "My boy can start by kissing me."

"Not a problem, Sir. One kiss, coming up." Jonny sucks on Gerard's lip before settling on something with a bit more demand, tongue sliding over the parting mouth.

Sliding his hands up Ewan's thighs, Jude grins to himself. This is not something he'd normally do, but this weekend seems like a big carnival and it's fun to just go with excitement. He wishes he could have seen Ewan's face when he dived under the table. Still grinning, Jude runs his thumbs up Ewan's fly and starts to unbutton his jeans.

_Fuck_. Ewan doesn't know why he's startled, as it's obvious why Jude's under the table, but still, he's surprised when he feels Jude's fingers on his cock, pulling him out of his jeans. Sliding down a bit, he spreads his legs and grins at Jonny and Ger, who seem a bit preoccupied themselves.

Gerard opens his mouth to the kiss and pulls Jonny Lee closer in. It's just how he wanted it. The public aspect only adds to his excitement.

Jonny shifts to more straddle Gerard's hips, his knees sinking down into whatever free space is left on the seat and his hands bracing on the chair arms. His tongue strokes in hard, swabbing Gerard's mouth, and then he pulls back, suck-biting before doing it again. He's more than a bit turned on by the performance aspect, especially for old friends.

Jonny Lee's movements put him in exactly the right place and Gerard can't hold back the moan. He thrusts upwards as the kiss intensifies, wanting more.

There's something happening behind him too. Jude can hear muffled moaning and the occasional thump of someone's foot kicking the furniture as they move. It's such a thrill. Ewan's cock is in his mouth now, firming rapidly, and Jude sucks hard, using his tongue to lick and tease along the shaft.

Ewan leans back, not even bothering to hide what's going on. Why should he? Reaching down, he laces his fingers through Jude's hair, nails scraping lightly on his scalp. When the waiter comes back with their desserts, Ewan just winks at him.

Jonny barely notices the waiter's return, could care less about apple pie, even with whipped cream. He spreads into Gerard's lap as he pulls back, slides his tongue over Gerard's lips, pushes his arse into his lover's erection. "Want I should take care of that?" he breathes out, nodding over his shoulder. "Bet Jude could make room for two of us down there."

Gerard reaches around Jonny Lee and scoops up some of the cream. He dabs it onto Jonny Lee's nose and then licks it up. He pretends to think about Jonny Lee's offer before smirking. "On your knees, then. And make it good."

"Yes, Sir," Jonny says with a crinkle of nose from the cream licking. He slides out, down to his knees and settles, his foot only slightly nudging Jude's leg. Foreplay over with it, he gets straight to the matter at hand, or rather the cock, undoing Gerard's pants and pulling him out, working the already hard shaft with his hands for a few moments before swirling his tongue around the head.

Gerard's hands slip under the table with Jonny Lee, finding their way to cup Jonny Lee's head. He doesn't say anything, just moves Jonny Lee closer and closer.

Picking up his spoon with his free hand, Ewan takes a bite of the crème brulée, only half paying attention to how it tastes. He's more interested in how Jude's mouth feels on his cock, the slight hint of teeth each time he pulls back. Perfect.

Closing his eyes, Jude moans softly. This is delicious. Much better than dessert. Ewan is rocking slightly in his seat, thrusting into his mouth and Jude wonders if he can get a groan or a noise from him. Pulling Ewan's jeans as wide open as possible, Jude circles his thumb and forefinger around the base of Ewan's cock, squeezing in time with the long glide of his lips down Ewan's shaft.

Jonny Lee does very few things well, or thinks he does, but blowjobs is tops on the list. He wonders absently, for all of about five seconds, about sharing tips with Jude over a pint at the pub, but the thought lasts just long enough for him to sink his mouth on Gerard's cock and push forward till it's rubbing the back of his throat. He holds steady for a second, then leans in, shoving gag reflex out of the way and taking Gerard deeper for a mental ten-count before pulling back, tongue pressing along the underside, teeth grazing just as his lips near the head.

"Good boy." The phrase is completely automatic by now, but that doesn't make it any less true. Gerard's very happy to let Jonny Lee control the pace. He strokes Jonny Lee's neck just above the collar and hooks a finger through the ring. He thinks he can feel his cock through Jonny Lee's throat.

_Good boy._ Jude smiles at that, even though the Scottish-accented voice is not Ewan's. But still, it conjures up an image of the two men looking at each other over the table while their boys serve them under it. He keeps sucking, aware of Jonny crowded against him, feet and hips bumping against his as they squeeze themselves into the small space. Reaching behind him, he gives Jonny's arse a quick friendly squeeze before returning his attention to Ewan.

Ewan inhales sharply and reaches down, fingers curling in Jude's hair, scraping lightly over his scalp. He'd had a vague idea of saying something to Ger - not that he has any idea what to say and it doesn't look like Ger's really up for conversation himself, anyway - but he can't think like this, not with Jude kneading his thighs and sucking him down, his throat convulsing around the head of Ewan's cock as he swallows. _Fuck._ Dessert forgotten, he bites his lip , eyes closing as he comes.

Jonny Lee startles at Jude's squeeze, then wriggles back into it. _Fuck, I'd like more of that._ He's not sure if he means Jude or the insistent tug on his collar from Ger's hand. Both are overwhelmingly nice, but it's master's cock wedged into his throat that commands his attention, and he's sucking harder, doing his best not to look to his side and watch Jude swallow Ewan. The sounds and scent are fuckably enticing, a helluva lot more than any dessert being served up top.

Listening and watching Ewan come is enough to send Gerard over and his boy's mouth is a perfect complement. He comes hard down Jonny Lee's throat, giving up his grip on the collar to allow Jonny Lee to pull back.

Jonny's concentrating solely on swallowing, taking every drop that's shooting down his throat. He finishes, pulls back, licking Gerard's cock clean and straightening everything out. Then he sinks back on his heels, letting out a satisfied sigh.

Hands on Ewan's thighs, Jude caresses him gently as he slowly recovers. At last Jude pulls back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before tucking Ewan's softened cock back in his jeans and carefully zipping him back up. For a moment he rests there, his head on Ewan's thigh, letting Ewan pet his hair.

Looking down at his crème brulée, Ewan's not exactly sure what to do next. He likes having Jude down there - at least he thinks he does - but it feels sort of weird at the same time. He lifts up the table cloth, peeking under. "You want your dessert?"

"In a bit..." Jude murmurs and gives Ewan's thigh a squeeze. He's achingly hard, his jeans horribly tight and he'd love to do something about that, even though they're in the restaurant. He's beginning to feel a little embarrassed but that, after all, is part of the thrill. Squirming round, Jude looks to see what Jonny is doing.

So apparently Jude's not coming back from the under the table. All right. Ewan will just use this opportunity to get to know Gerard better. Taking a bite of his dessert, he asks, "So what are you doing in LA again? Can't remember if Jonny ever said."

"Originally it was to record cast commentary and the documentary interviews for the Timeline DVD," Gerard says. "But that's over. Now we're just staying for the people. And you two? Planning on staying on for the next few weeks?"

"No, we've got to get back..." Ewan tilts his head, trying to remember their schedule, "Monday or Tuesday, I think. Jude's in the middle of filming right now"

Gerard reaches under the table and pets Jonny Lee's head, then lifts up his boy's chin. He grins. "What some pie?"

"Not really, Sir. This boy's had his dessert." Jonny Lee's damned hard, something he hadn't really thought about until he stopped focusing on Gerard, and he shifts a bit in his discomfort. He glances over his shoulder, notices Jude watching him, feels just a bit awkward. "Hi, stranger," he says with a smile, turning his body to face Jude. "Come here often?"

"Not really," Jude says with a crooked grin and reaches out for Jonny Lee. "The company's pretty good though." He scoots closer, running his hand down's Jonny Lee's belly to cup the bulge in his jeans.

"Company's brill." Jonny Lee mirrors Jude's motions, his own hand going to clutch at Jude's cock through its fabric covering. "Masters are satisfied," he says quietly with a touch of smirk. "Should we indulge?"

"You have to ask for permission or anything?" Jude murmurs, stroking harder. He hooks his thumb under Jonny Lee's waistband, tugging at the button. The tip of his thumb brushes over the head of Jonny's cock.

"No, not for this. Can make my own decisions," Jonny slurs out softly, murmuring a small whimper at the touch of Jude's thumb. He grinds the heel of his hand down over Jude's erection. "And I want you," he says, quickly leaning over and kissing Jude's lips, a brush of a kiss that doesn't linger.

"Yeah," Jude murmurs and tugs harder at Jonny Lee's waistband. The button pops undone and Jude eases the zip down carefully, digging inside to wrap his hand around Jonny's cock. It's still awkward. Shuffling around and trying to avoid bumping his head on the table, he wraps an arm around Jonny's waist, pulling him closer. "C'mere," he mutters and this time the kiss does linger.

Jonny manages to bump his elbow on the table leg as he lurches up when Jude's fingers wrap his cock. "Coming, sir," he says at Jude's command, the _sir_ tripping from his tongue out of habit. His fingers are fumbling with Jude's pants, tripping open button and getting zipper down with less elegance than his counterpart as he settles into the arm around his waist, pushes into the kiss, makes it last. He's sucking on Jude's lip when his hand slides down, in, finds warm flesh.

Jude grunts, trying to spread his knees. He succeeds in kicking a chair, his own he thinks, the dull thud distant over the soft snuffle of their breathing, Jonny Lee is pliant in his arms -- irresistible -- so Jude bends him backwards enough to lick down the line of his jaw, across his throat nipping with his teeth at the cords of his neck. Yes, irresistible.

Pliant is all he can be, and bending back pushes Jonny Lee's head against a leg, human he thinks, possibly Gerard's. He doesn't look, doesn't care. His fingers stretch to increase their contact with Jude's cock, gripping harder, even as his brain just wants to shut down and let Jude have his way. Especially when the biting starts.

That's good, very good. Jude thrusts into Jonny Lee's hand, as far as he is able, squeezing closer to grind against his hip. He'd like more skin to play with, to be able to strip Jonny and bite down along a collarbone, suck on a nipple, taste more of him but there's not enough room and not enough time. He growls, frustrated, and bites down on Jonny Lee's shoulder.

Not enough skin. Not enough time. Always the problem, Jonny Lee thinks, when they've gotten together as of late. He's determined to correct that. Some day. Soon. For now, though, he contents himself with fisting Jude's cock a bit harder and trying not to hit his head on the table when he reacts to the bite. "Shite, that's good," he spits out, pushing himself into the touches.

Jude laughs softly, keenly amused by the absurdity of their position, groping each other under a table. He can vaguely hear Ewan and Gerard making polite conversation up above, as if this sort of thing were normal. Kissing his way up Jonny Lee's neck, he whispers in his ear. "One of these days, I really am going to have to fuck you."

Jonny Lee laughs, a small, wry tickling in his throat. "Yeah, you are," he says, kissing Jude's cheek as he leans in. "Long and slow." He pulls back on Jude's cock. "Hard and fast." He hears his name filter down from above, knows he's not being called but is curious as to what's being said. Well, sort of curious. Not as curious as he is about the kisses that seem to be sliding into sucks along his neck.

"Yeah," Jude murmurs, his breath tickling over Jonny Lee's throat as he kisses him lightly. His hand, wrapped around Jonny Lee's shaft, is moving faster. "Long and hard..." Nipping at Jonny Lee's collarbone, Jude holds back on sucking too hard. As much as Jonny is one of his closest friends - his best friend after Ewan - it still isn't done to mark another man's boy without permission. Jude suffers a fleeting moment of regret but it's gone as soon as he manages to nuzzle under the collar of Jonny Lee's shirt and bite down hard, just where his neck meets his shoulder.

"Aw, fuck." And Jonny Lee nearly hits his head on the table bottom again. This making out on the restaurant floor, under a table with lovers' legs and chairs at every turn, is all well and good, he's starting to think, but he'd much rather be on a bed. Or at least draped over one of the chairs. He doesn't lose position, his hand still firmly in place, moving more swiftly. "Feel about seventeen," he murmurs, "and damned close to exploding. Right there, Jude."

Jude laughs softly against Jonny Lee's neck, amused by the idea of them making out like teenagers, franticly groping out of sight of the adults. It's hot and sweet and silly and he's enjoying every minute of it. He kisses Jonny's jaw, his grip tightening as his hand speeds up. "Come on then...before the grown-ups catch us," he whispers. "Explode."

Laughter's contagious, and coupled with a speedy hand, it brings Jonny Lee off almost before Jude finishes his sentence. _Explode_ , he says. Okay. Explosion. Implosion. It comes and he's clutching at Jude's cock. "Not sure the adults are paying any attention," he spits out. "You, too."

Jude grins and the grin turns into a grimace as he closes his eyes and comes in Jonny Lee's hand. "Oh, fuck," he grunts softly and pulls Jonny Lee close. "That was..." Whatever it was, he can't think because he's giggling now, high on the rush. "Oh! Where are the napkins?"

"Shite, you brought me down here to jerk off and didn't get the napkins?" Jonny Lee pulls his hand back, wipes it over his jeans. "They'll wash," he says when Jude gives him that 'you should know better' look. "Do we have to go back to the adults now?"

"Oh, I suppose we ought to," Jude says, tucking himself away. He leans forward quickly, avoiding the chair legs and other people's feet and kisses Jonny Lee. "Thanks..."

"You, too," Jonny breathes into the kiss, not letting it linger too long. "Go on up. I'm right behind you."

Nodding, Jude pulls away and shuffles back, leaning against Ewan's leg. He runs a hand up Ewan's thigh as he ducks his head out from underneath the table cloth, flashing Ewan a satisfied smile. "Hello, lover."

"Was beginning to think you'd taken up residence down there." Ewan grins, pats the chair next to him. "Your dessert's still here if you want it."

"Mmm, yes." With a grin, Jude slides into his seat and starts to tuck in.

Jonny Lee's a smidge slower in moving back from under the table. He doesn't bother to tuck in his shirt once the jeans are fixed, and he crawls out, back into his own chair. "Pire," he says, then smiles. "Ewan. You two have fun up here?"

"Not as much fun as you seemed to have." Gerard smirks. He pulls Jonny Lee closer to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. "Enjoy yourself?"

"Your boy had lots of fun," Jonny Lee whispers into the kiss. "He thinks lunch under the table might be the way to go from now on."

"Dead boring up here in comparison." Ewan grins. "Although the excitement of never knowing when I'd next be elbowed in the shins kept me on my toes."

"You thought that was an elbow?" Jude says with a wink. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Elbows are easy to mistake." Jonny Lee's trying real hard not to laugh. "Or it could've been that knee I kept running into." He reaches over and forks the last bit of pie from Gerard's plate. "Might wanna consider doing dinner with room service, though, Ewan."

"Huh? What about dinner?" Ewan asks, confused.

"To avoid elbows and such." Jonny Lee smiles, licks the apple taste from his lips. "Joke, mate. I don't know what you guys plan for dinner. Since it's Friday, we'll probably end up at the bar." He leans into Gerard's shoulder. "If it's what Master wants."

"Mmm, well we'll probably end up at the bar anyway," Jude says, scraping his spoon around his plate to capture the last of the crème brulée. He licks his lips, wiping his mouth quickly with the back of his hand. "Well, that was delicious. It was all delicious." Grinning over at Gerard and Jonny Lee, Jude sits back. "That was really enjoyable, guys. We must do this again some time."

"Name a time and place and we'll be there," Gerard answers. "It was a real pleasure meeting the two of you."

"Well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities once you're back home," Ewan says, grinning. "At least I hope so."

"Sure, lots of chances to eat," Jonny Lee says, trying not to smirk too much. "And have you over to the house."

Ewan laughs. "Oh, we were talking about eating? Yeah, that, too."  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	63. ethan_hawke: jonnyleemiller and ethan_hawke, post-bar scene

| Not!Ethan Hawke ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[ **ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/02/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/02/28/) 03:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=4185&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=4185) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=4185) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=4185&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current music:** |  The Rolling Stones - Paint It Black  
---|---  
  
_**[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)**_[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/), post-bar scene  
[players only]  
  
 _[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)_[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/) spend some time talking after the [Est bar chat](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/113648.html), in the very early morning hours of 2/28.  
  
  
Jonny runs his hand through his hair for the third time, starts to say something for the sixth, then stops because he knows that anything that comes out of his mouth is going to sound stupid. He doesn't do conversation well, not with strangers. Pire, he can talk to. Sometimes. Ewan. But then Ew's his mate, and that's different. So, instead of talking to the face that every so often smiles up at him, he just curls himself into the chair.  
  
Ethan figures he could say something obvious, like _Some night, huh?_ , or _People around here... friendly, aren't they?_ , but he's not quite sure how they'd go over with Jonny Lee. Hell, he's not sure how _he's_ gone over with anyone here tonight--sitting in the back of the room drinking _coffee_ of all things. It's a wonder anyone even noticed he was here.  
  
He bets the guy's thinking _slut_ every time he looks up. That's what Jonny's done tonight. Zoned out, gone into subspace just enough to take the edge off, let him be on display, put on the show. It's not him. Not really. But it's a place he could live. And he does love being Master's boy. He glances up again, timing off, and he meets the stranger's eyes. He smiles weakly, actually manages to move his hand from his hair this time, across his mouth and then into hint of a wave. More a wiggling of fingers. But in civilized society, it'd pass for a greeting.  
  
Alright, sitting here not talking to the guy next to him would just be rude after that. Ethan clears his throat, takes another drink of coffee, and tilts his head a little. "Hi," he says. "We were sort of introduced, but there were a lot of names going around. I'm Ethan..."  
  
"Jonny," he says very softly, almost under his breath. Ice broken. He might as well step out on it. Suspects he can't get hurt any more out there than back here. "Jonny Lee, actually, but Jonny's okay."  
  
Ethan turns a little more to face Jonny and extends a hand. "Good to meet you," he says. He's good with names when it's one-on-one. He'll remember this one. "Been around here long?"  
  
Hesitantly reaching out his hand, Jonny shakes it. _There. Didn't hurt._ "In LA? No. Few weeks."  
  
"This is my first time at the L.A. bar," Ethan admits, half a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "It's been almost six years since I was at an Est club at all, and then it was Chicago. It's different here. Think I like it so far."  
  
"Yeah, I understand it is. Different, that is, from the other clubs." He's stammering, ever so slightly, the real Jonny Lee, the one who walks out on interviews after a few minutes because he can't handle the talking. "I've only been here and," pause, "in London."  
  
Ethan nods. Nods again, a couple of times, because he's still not quite sure what to say. Doesn't want to say the wrong thing. He takes another long drink of coffee.  
  
"Do you-" Jonny starts, but stops, either not sure of the question or whether he should be asking it. "Uh, tonight. I mean. I don't." He's stuttering around an apology for his actions. "Sorry." He curls back up a bit, thumb worrying at his lip.  
  
That gets a tiny frown out of Ethan, just enough to put a line between his eyebrows, and he turns on his bar stool, propping an elbow up on the bar. "Tonight...?" he prompts. It's not often he's around someone more skittish around people than he is.  
  
"I'm not normally like that," he gets out after minutes of deciding on the right words. "Something about James just puts me in the zone." He relaxes his body, put more at ease by Ethan's movements, the appearance of caring.  
  
"Ah," Ethan says, nodding--he understands that much, _the zone_ , how it feels to have the rest of the world fall away. "You looked good. Like you were enjoying yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all."  
  
"I was. I love being in the zone, not feeling anything except exactly what's inside me. It's pure and intense and -" Jonny realizes he's talking, and not just talking, but about the zone and being in it and with a man he's just met. "It's hard to explain, and I'm not very good with words."  
  
"You're doing fine," Ethan says. He gives another half-grin. "I'm not very good with people unless I'm--where you're describing. Inside. Where everything else gets stripped away and you don't have to _think_ anymore..." Ethan blinks a little and looks down at his coffee. "It is hard to explain, isn't it?"  
  
Jonny doesn't try to suss out why he can talk to Ethan. Just returns the grin with an equal smile, uncurls himself enough to ask for a cup of coffee. "When I'm there, inside, I can talk to anybody, do anything. Out here is where it's hard." He nods slightly when the coffee comes, picks up the cup, sips at it. "I don't like having to think. Want other people to do that."  
  
"I don't mind thinking when I'm alone. Probably going to go home after all this and write some long boring journal entry and think myself to sleep. You get caught up in thinking, though, you know? Am I doing this right. Am I doing that right. Am I saying the right thing. Did I fuck up..." Ethan grins, shakes his head, takes a long drag off his cigarette. "And none of that matters if somebody's got you crawling."  
  
"Did I fuck up." Jonny laughs a little. "I think that one a lot. Every day."  
  
Another wry grin from Ethan, and he nods. "Yeah. And if you're under somebody, it's easier, because when you fuck up--and you always fuck up--it gets dealt with, and paid for, and then it's over. No more wondering. Or that's what it's been like for me..." Ethan glances over at Jonny. _Did I fuck up... hope I'm not fucking up through this whole conversation._  
  
There's that concept again. _Dealt with. Paid for. Over._ Is it, though? Really? He tucks that one away for later. "I guess. But when you're fucking up every time you do something, when you feel like you're never getting it right, it's ..." He goes back to sipping his coffee, worrying his fingers along the rim. _Christ, Miller, he probably thinks you're a complete idiot. Just stop talking._  
  
Somebody else would probably have a much more comforting answer for that than Ethan does. Ethan's not sure he's got an answer at all. "...then it's time to give yourself a little more credit?" Ethan offers.  
  
Jonny has absolutely no response for that. _Credit for what? Being a fuck-up?_ He allows a puzzled grin over the cup's edge. "Maybe," he says at last, thinking on it. "I'm good at a couple things. You do that, give yourself credit?"  
  
"Yeah--well. You know. You get it drilled into your head enough times that you're doing OK, it sticks." His grin's a little faulty now. _You're not helping. Shut up._  
  
"My master," he stumbles over the word unconsciously, "uh, lover, tries. Tells me I'm doing okay, there's no right way or wrong way. But there should be." _He doesn't want to hear about your life, Miller._ Jonny retreats into the coffee, taking a long drink.  
  
"Um." Ethan looks down at his own coffee, at the way steam isn't coming off it anymore. "Why?"  
  
"Huh? Why what?"  
  
"Why's there supposed to be a right way and a wrong way?"  
  
"Every game has rules, and somebody has to make 'em, so there should be a right way to do it and a wrong way." Jonny's starting to wonder if he's just so dense he doesn't get what everyone else seems to grasp about this. To him, it's simple, like his vid games, things you can and can't do. Or it should be. If someone would set the rules.  
  
"Yeah, but then there's a right way and a wrong way in every scene. And everybody needs something different." _And you're arguing with a complete stranger at three in the morning, Hawke. Jesus, what's the matter with you?_  
  
Jonny takes a sip of his coffee, still hot enough to steam into his face, starts to respond, then stops. Actually tries thinking about what Ethan's saying. _a right way and a wrong way in every scene_ It _can_ be that simple. Just have to break it down. "That makes sense, Ethan. Don't think Pire's ever put it quite that way." He pulls the cup back, wraps both hands around it, soaking up its heat. "So, like, not one set of rules for everything. Works better."  
  
"Right," Ethan agrees. "As long as it gets you where you need to go and you don't end up dead, then..." He flicks ash off the end of his cigarette. "That's what we're here for, right? Getting where we need to go?"  
  
"Yeah. Need to go. Living in the zone. Where the pain is perfect." Jonny pulls the cup against his cheek, lets out a sigh. "Didn't quite get there tonight."  
  
"Next time," Ethan says. "Always a next time."  
  
"Bar doesn't do it, not when I'm here by myself. Next time. Yeah. Maybe."  
  
Ethan smiles down into his cooling coffee. "Can't even imagine trying for it when I'm here by myself. Barely managed to introduce myself to people. Didn't even say hi to Jude."  
  
"It's only 'cause I know most of the people who were here tonight." He returns the smile from half-behind the cup. "Pire and I are staying with Mr. Sinclair, and I've gotten to be friends with James, uh that's the guy I was, yeah ... You know Jude? We go back a long way, he and me and Ewan."  
  
All the names float past, and Ethan remembers putting a name to a face for Harry Sinclair--that's got possibilities--and then he keeps nodding until he hears names that he recognizes. He's glad he wasn't drinking coffee while Jonny was talking, because hearing _Jude_ and _Ewan_ that close together probably would have made him choke. Again. "I've known Jude since we did _Gattaca_ , but I didn't realize he... well." Ethan mumbles the rest of it into his coffee cup all at once. "Did guys and is doing _Ewan_."  
  
"Oh, he doesn't advertise it. Not open, except here, within the Establishment." He laughs, a small chortle against the coffee cup. "Unlike some of us, he has a career he gives a damn about."  
  
"So I don't need to feel like a complete tool for not noticing before? That's good." Ethan grins, but he can't quite look up at Jonny. He _does_ feel like a tool, unfortunately. _Should have at least said hi to him._  
  
"Nah, don't feel like a tool." He smiles at the word. "Unless you want to. Then that's okay."  
  
Ethan laughs. "Your kink is okay, even if it's beating yourself over the head?"  
  
The laugh's shared. "Over the head? Well, that's one way. I prefer back, arse, upper thighs." He slides the cup down and retreats safely from the visual into the comforts of caffeine.  
  
"The classics," Ethan jokes. "Symphony of masochism, for cane and flogger. It does sound better than self-flagellation."  
  
"I prefer something less classical if we're beating to music," Jonny follows up on the joke. "Rammstein. Stabbing Westward. Iggy."  
  
That gets a genuine smile out of Ethan, familiar musical names breaking through nervousness and introversion for a moment. "All of the above, yeah. Never tried making a mix CD of 'songs to get beaten to', but it's a fun thought."  
  
"That'd be wild. A CD for zoning." The smile's more genuine than before. "Got something to do with my days now, till we go home." He starts mentally running through all the songs he likes.  
  
"Oh--not a complete expatriate, huh?" Ethan asks. "I think I'm pretty much here to stay, unless someone makes me an offer that takes me elsewhere."  
  
"London's home. Couldn't leave there permanently. Definitely not for LA." He shakes his head. "Nope, gotta go home, soon as Pire decides on this film."  
  
Ethan nods. "Maybe I'll see you around the journals after you go."  
  
"I'd like that," voice hesitant, unsure about asking for more. "Maybe email and such."  
  
"Email's good," Ethan agrees. "Easier than face-to-face a lot of the time. Do you, uh..." He goes digging through his pockets for pencil and paper--trouble with carrying a PDA around is that you leave the old-fashioned stuff at home. He manages to find an ATM receipt and a colored pencil--blue--and scribbles down his email address. "If you want my address."  
  
"Sure. Thanks." Jonny takes the email addy, stuffs it in his jeans pocket. "You want, well, mine? It's just the Establishment account, jlm at, if you ever ..."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good." Ethan tugs out his PDA, inputs the email address. "We can trade songlists. You can tell me how you're doing with learning the new rules, or lack thereof." He grins.  
  
"Cool. Works." Jonny's actually excited about having someone to talk to, someone who understands. Words slide into an awkward silence, an eternity long, at least two minutes. "You know what time it is?" He's starting to think maybe he should go home. Not sure he wants to.  
  
Ethan never wears a watch. He's got a decent sense of time, unless he's been put so far into submissive headspace he can't even remember to breathe half the time, and more to the point, he's got that PDA-cellphone and it's got a clock on it. He double-checks. "Three-thirty-five," Ethan says. "You need a lift somewhere?"  
  
"Not as late as I thought." Jonny suspects Pire might make him start wearing a watch if he keeps staying out late on his own. "Yeah, could use a ride. Whenever you're leaving. It's fine. I'm not in a rush."  
  
"I'm not exactly stuck on staying, either," Ethan says. "Tell you what. We can get out of here, I can give you a lift along the scenic route. You can flip through the CDs I've got in the car and make fun of my taste, and we can toss ideas for zoning music back and forth. Maybe?" Ethan doesn't remember the last time he put this many sentences together for someone out loud; it's nice. It's a change of pace.  
  
"Car ride sounds great. Not sleepy anyway. Caffeine jolt. Mates think it should illegal to give it to me." As he says the words, Jonny realizes he hasn't been jittery the whole time talking to Ethan, his leg not bouncing, not even rocking. Weird. "Where we're staying's on the coast anyway, so scenic's even better."  
  
"Good." Ethan finishes off his coffee and stabs out his cigarette. "Great. Do you know your way back well enough to give me directions? 'Cause if not, I can try the take-random-turns-until-you-get-there method of navigation." Now that's a shit-eating grin all over Ethan's face.  
  
Jonny thinks for a minute. He doesn't know specific directions. "Uh, let's go with the second option, at least in the direction of Venice." He smiles, more a canary-left-the-cage-open grin. "I know where it is once you get in that general vicinity."  
  
Ethan swings out of his bar stool. "Venice is easy from here. We oughta do just fine." He doesn't even stick his hands in his pockets in that uncomfortable, nervous, twitchy motion he usually would. Just grins.  
  
Taking a final swig of the coffee, Jonny sets the cup down for a last time and slips off the stool, feet planted firmly on the ground for the first time in hours. "Yep. Fine. So, whatcha drive?"  
  
"Hybrid Honda in the ugliest shade of yellow that they ran off the assembly line in 2002." Ethan digs his keys out of his pocket. "The kind of car only a proud father could love."  
  
"Thought everybody in LA drove Mustangs or something with no tops." Jonny laughs, shrugs. "Course, I don't drive, so moot point."  
  
Ethan leads Jonny out to his car--he wasn't kidding about the ugly shade of yellow--and hits the button on the remote to unlock the doors. He slides into the driver's seat and gets the car started, then flicks on the GPS module on the dashboard. "Just in case random turns land us somewhere we don't want to go," he says. He taps a finger against the display, though, as he takes off. "Ever been geocaching?"  
  
"No. What's that?" Ethan wasn't kidding. It is ugly. But it moves, and that's what matters. He stares at the GPS, not having a clue what it is. "Something fun?"  
  
"Uh-huh. It's like high-tech treasure hunting. People hide things--treasure chests--and give out the coordinates. And you go off, find the chest, take something, leave something. They do it all over now." The car's electric engine takes over, and Ethan sits back as they head for Venice Beach.  
  
"Oh, wow. That's like major cool." _Aw, fuck it, Miller. You sound like a complete geek._ "Like a real-life vid game, hunting for the treasure." He curls back into the seat, hoping he'll just blend in.  
  
Relieved that Jonny didn't seem to think Ethan was a geek for having the idea in the first place, Ethan keeps talking. "I keep thinking the Est oughta have their own caches. You could swap a pair of nipple clamps with weights for a cock ring with spikes. Give us something to do while we're between projects and bored as hell, you know?" He coughs. _Okay, now you're overdoing it._ "I'm sorry, I'll shut up. Just babbling anyway."  
  
"No, it's okay. I don't mind." He really doesn't. It's nice listening to Ethan talk, just another voice. And he's intrigued by the geocaching idea. "Hmm, CDs. Where?"  
  
Ethan points at the visor over Jonny's head. "Visor. I don't even remember what's up there..."  
  
Jonny pulls down the visor, grabs the CD holder and starts flipping through. "Great sounds, Ethan, definitely potential in here." He pulls out the Woody Guthrie. "Guthrie's good, but don't think so. Couldn't do it with a straight face." Pushes it back in, pulls out the second one. Stones. "Awright, how 'bout _Paint It Black_? Zonable. Sound spirals down. Lyrics solid."  
  
"Nice hard rhythm. Good beat. Do you want to put it in?"  
  
Jonny lets the innuendo slide, doesn't blush as much as usual. "Uh, yeah." He pops the CD into the player, cues up the song. " _Under My Thumb_ 's not bad, either." He starts singing with the song, goes back to skimming CDs.  
  
" _...yes it is / the way she does just what she's told / down to me / the change has come, she's..._ " Ethan stops singing as soon as he realizes he's doing it; his singing voice is not something he should be subjecting polite company to. He coughs. "Anything else good?"  
  
"Well, pretty much anything of Iggy's is fuckable. And rather beatable. Don't know how many times I've done it to _Lust for Life_ ..." his voice trails off and he blushes intensely. "Uh, you got a favorite?"  
  
" _Search and Destroy_ off that one," Ethan says immediately. "Um... done a lot of stuff to The Who. Former master was a big fan. Actually can't listen to _Quadrophenia_ without getting hard, and... ah. Probably more information than you needed, huh?"  
  
"Uh, while we're sharing, kinda partial to the _Goldmine_ soundtrack. Makes great stripping music." He looks down at the CDs while he talks. "So, gotta add a few cuts from that. Standard CD-R holds, what, about 79 minutes, so we could probably come up with enough cuts for two." _Fuck you sound geeky._ Jonny makes a quick mental note to scrounge and find his Who discs; hasn't listened to _Quad_ in years.  
  
" _Goldmine_ was fantastic." Of course, now it's distracting as hell thinking about that. "Jude and Ewan. I must be the only one who didn't see that coming."  
  
"Nah. I didn't at first." Still flipping through CDs, mentally making notes about tracks, wondering how much to share. "I was pretty oblivious, though, for a few, straight and not even thinking that way."  
  
"Ah. I always knew I went both ways, but I tend to assume most guys don't, you know? And he was living with Sadie at the time."  
  
"Yeah, well, it took 'em a while to get to the living together part."  
  
Ethan thinks his head's going to explode. "Jude and Sadie? Or Jude and Ewan? Are they living together again? Not just roommates this time?" _Okay, shut up, you're gossiping. How rude is that?_  
  
"Uh, yeah." Jonny looks up, detecting something in Ethan's tone. "You having trouble with that one? Them together."  
  
"No, no, nothing like that," Ethan says quickly. "I just shouldn't be trying to get gossip out of you. Sorry..." He shakes his head.  
  
"Oh, no trouble there. That's pretty much the extent of my gossip chain. Other than me and Gerard and a little of what goes on at the Sinclair house, I'm totally clueless on gossip."  
  
"Gotta talk to people to get gossip," Ethan agrees. "I'm always the last to know everything." He pauses. "The Sinclair house? I've been commenting back and forth with Mr. Sinclair..."  
  
"Yeah. That's who we're staying with. Mr. Sinclair and his lover, Mark, and their boy, Billy. Is that gossip?" He laughs. "You've been talking with Mr. Sinclair? 'Bout scening?"  
  
"Mm-hm. Don't really know what to expect, but I think he can probably scare me. So that's good." Ethan's eyes focus on the road, and his voice goes a little quiet. "That's what I look for these days. Getting scared."  
  
"Oh, Mr. Sinclair can scare you." Jonny shuffles the CDs in his lap, pops out the Stones and pushes in the Iggy. He knows first-hand what Harry Sinclair can do, just a taste. "He likes surprising you with pain."  
  
"Well, that sounds promising. I like getting surprised with pain." Ethan's right hand comes off the wheel and does a quick tactile search for cigarettes before he remembers he's driving. Nervous habit anyway. "And you?"  
  
"Me?" He assumes he's being asked for a preference. "Yeah. I like getting surprised. And I like pain. That what you're asking?"  
  
"Yeah," Ethan nods. "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have--tell me to shut up if I'm asking too many questions, alright?"  
  
"Nah, it's okay. And I'm not even gonna try to explain it, but I don't mind you asking the questions and I don't really mind answering them. For some reason. It doesn't make much sense right now." He breathes, having put together too many words at one time, just to get the thought out.  
  
"Maybe it's too late at night to second-guess much," Ethan suggests. He's made it out to the Pacific Coast Highway, and now they're going the wrong way, but Ethan figures if neither one of them's in a hurry he'll just turn around the next time he has a chance and bring them up to wherever Jonny's been staying along the beach. Even at night the ocean's beautiful; it's one of the reasons Ethan loves being on the coast.  
  
"Yeah, too late." He leans his head back, letting the music wash over him, starts to roll the window down. "You okay with?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely." Ethan does the same, lets his window down, and slips comfortably into silence. For once it's not because he's nervous and can't think of anything to say. It's just easy taking the drive with Jonny, and it's okay not to fill up every second with words. He's glad he went out to the bar tonight.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	64. jonnyleemiller: Jonny Lee's checklist

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/27/) 01:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12873&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12873) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12873) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=12873&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Jonny Lee's checklist** _  
**[private unless unlocked to specific people he's playing with]**

  

    
    
    Abrasion                                Y     5
    Age play                                N     3
    Anal sex                                Y     5
    Anal plugs (small)                      Y     3
    Anal plugs (large)                      Y     4
    Anal plug (public, under clothes)       Y     4
    Animal roles                            N     0
    Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)          Y     5
    Asphyxiation                            N     4
    Auctioned for charity                   N     1
    Bathroom use control                    N     NO
    Bestiality                              N     NO 
    Beating (soft)                          Y     3 (not much purpose in it, IMO)
    Beating (hard)                          Y     5
    Blindfolds                              Y     5
    Being serviced (sexual)                 Y     4
    Being bitten                            Y     5
    Breath control                          N     4
    Branding                                N     3
    Boot worship                            Y     4
    Bondage (light)                         Y     4 
    Bondage (heavy)                         Y     4
    Bondage (multi-day)                     N     3
    Bondage (public, under clothing)        N     3
    Brown showers (scat)                    N     NO
    Cages (locked inside of)                N     NO
    Caning                                  N     5
    Catheterization                         N     0
    Cells/Closets (locked inside of)        N     0
    Choking                                 N     4 
    Clothespins                             N     4
    Cock worship                            Y     4
    Competitions (with other Subs)          N     2
    Cross-dressing                          N     0
    Cuffs (leather)                         Y     5
    Cuffs (metal)                           Y     5
    Cutting                                 Y     5
    Double penetration                      N     0
    Electricity                             N     3
    Enemas                                  N     0
    Enforced chastity                       N     NO
    Examinations (physical)                 N     0
    Exercise (forced/required)              N     0
    Exhibitionism (friends)                 Y     4
    Exhibitionism (strangers)               Y     3
    Eye contact restrictions                N     2
    Face slapping                           Y     2
    Fantasy abandonment                     N     1
    Fantasy rape                            N     4
    Fantasy gang-rape                       N     3
    Fisting (anal)                          N     3
    Following orders                        Y     5
    Foot worship                            N     1
    Forced dressing                         Y     3
    Forced nudity (private)                 N     4
    Forced nudity (around others)           N     3
    Forced servitude                        N     4
    Full head hoods                         N     1
    Gags (cloth)                            Y     3
    Gags (rubber)                           N     3
    Gags (tape)                             Y     3
    Gates of Hell (male)                    Y     5
    Given away to another Dom (temp)        N     3
    Given away to another Dom (perm)        N     NO
    Golden showers                          N     0
    Hairbrush spankings                     Y     3
    Hair pulling                            Y     3
    Hand jobs                               Y     4
    Harems (serving w/other subs)           N     1
    Harnessing (leather or rope)            N     3
    Having food chosen for you              N     4
    Having clothing chosen for you          Y     5
    Head (giving fellatio)                  Y     5
    Hot oils (on genitals)                  N     4
    Hot waxing                              N     4
    Human puppy dog                         N     0 (borderline NO)
    Humiliation (private)                   Y     3
    Humiliation (public)                    Y     3
    Ice cubes                               Y     5
    Infantilism                             N     NO
    Initiation rites                        N     1
    Injections                              Y     2
    Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage       N     3
    Interrogations                          N     4
    Kidnapping                              N     4
    Kneeling                                Y     5
    Leather clothing                        Y     5
    Leather restraints                      Y     5
    Lectures for misbehavior                Y     4
    Licking                                 Y     5
    Manacles & Irons                        N     3
    Massage                                 Y     3
    Medical scenes                          N     3
    Modeling for erotic photos              Y     4
    Mouth bits                              N     2
    Mummification                           N     0
    Nipple clamps                           Y     5
    Nipple weights                          N     5
    Oral/anal play (rimming)                Y     5
    Over-the-knee spanking                  Y     5
    Orgasm denial                           Y     4
    Orgasm control                          Y     5
    Outdoor scenes                          N     4
    Outdoor sex                             Y     4
    Phone sex (serving Dom)          	N     5
    Phone sex (serving Dom's friends) 	N     3
    Piercing (temporary, play-pierce)	Y     5
    Piercing (permanent)                    Y     5
    Prison scenes                           Y     4
    Pony slave                              N     0
    Public exposure                         Y     2
    Pussy/cock whipping                     Y     1
    Pussy worship                           Y     0
    Riding crops                            Y     4
    Rituals                                 N     3
    Religious scenes                        Y     3
    Restrictive rules on behavior    	Y     4
    Rubber/latex clothing                   Y     2
    Rope body harness                       N     2
    Saran wrapping                          Y     2
    Scratching                              Y     4
    Sensory deprivation                     Y     3
    Serving                                 Y     3
    Serving as art                          Y     3
    Serving as ashtray                      Y     2
    Serving as furniture                    Y     3
    Serving as a maid               	N     1
    Serving as toilet               	N     NO
    Serving as waitress/waiter       	N     1
    Serving orally (sexual)                 Y     5
    Serving other doms (supervised)  	N     2
    Serving other doms (unsupervised)       N     0
    Sexual deprivation (short term)  	Y     3
    Sexual deprivation (long term)  	N     0
    Shaving (body hair)                     Y     2
    Shaving (head hair)             	N     NO
    Sleep deprivation               	N     2
    Sleepsacks                              N     2
    Slutty clothing (private)               Y     4
    Slutty clothing (public)                Y     3
    Spanking                                Y     5
    Spandex clothing                        N     3
    Speech restrictions (when, what) 	N     4
    Speculums (Anal)                        N     0
    Spreader bars                           N     4
    Standing in corner        	        N     1
    Stocks                                  N     1
    Straight jackets                        N     2
    Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)     	N     0
    Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)  	N     2
    Strapping (full body beating)    	N     3
    Suspension (upright)      	        N     2
    Suspension (inverted)     	        N     2
    Suspension (horizontal)   	        N     2
    Supplying new partners for Dom   	N     0
    Swallowing semen                        Y     5
    Swallowing urine                        N     0
    Swapping (with one other couple) 	N     4
    Swinging (multiple couples)      	N     3
    Tattooing                               Y     5
    Teasing                                 Y     1
    Tickling                                Y     2
    Uniforms                                N     1
    Including others                        Y     3
    Verbal humiliation                     	N     3
    Vibrator on genitals               	N     2
    Voyeurism (watching others)      	N     3
    Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)    	N     1
    Video (watching others)                 Y     3
    Video (recordings of you)               Y     5
    Water torture                           N     1
    Wearing symbolic jewelery         	Y     5
    Whipping                                Y     5
    Wooden paddles                          Y     5
    Wrestling                               Y     3
    

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12873.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	65. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/02/28/) 13:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13095&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13095) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13095) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13095&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  caffeine-crash sleepy  
---|---  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and Gerard]  
  
Morning, Pire. Didn't want to wake you when I got in, since I didn't know if your headache was gone yet, so I just went straight to running, showered and sat down to write. I'm really trying to be good about this writing thing.  
  
  
Missed you last night. Don't send me to bar alone again. I like having you there too much. Typical night. Except that Jude and Ewan were there. Mr. Denisof showed up, with James in tow this time. Mr. Sinclair and Mark, of course, and Mr. Urban brought Stuart and Lin. By the way, Mr. Urban sends his regards and said to let him know about the scene next week. I think I told you, I want Lestat, geeky that it is. Anyhow, there was some guy with them all that I don't know.  
  
You'd been proud of me. I think. James and I crawled over to where Stuart was ~~on a leash, which was kinda erotic in a weird way~~ and I ended up fucking James again. Not a bad thing. Kinda nice. Just I don't like topping, well not unless it's part of something you're telling me to do, and yet at the bar I'm seem to be the one doing the fucking. I did come, though. Didn't ask to do it.  
  
I'm not sure you want to hear this, but I zoned a bit. Maybe it was just enough to be able to do all that with Ewan there. Don't know. Anyhow, I didn't go so far in that I couldn't get myself out.  
  
And then I got talking with this guy that was there. Ethan Hawke. Was in _Gattaca_ with Jude. It was really weird, Pire. I don't like talking, but I felt comfortable with him. Kinda like with Billy, but even moreso. I checked out his journal this morning. He's a lot like me. And he understands the zone, what it allows for. Maybe that's why we could talk.  
  
Anyhow, he said something that made me think about how I keep thinking I'm fucking up. He said there's right or wrong for each scene. And maybe that's what I need to do. Just look at it like scenes. That there's no right or wrong overall, as long as I'm doing what you want me to do. But the rest is like rules for the vid games. What's right in TR will get me killed in Fantasy.  
  
So, I think I understand how I need to ask for things.  
Still wanna talk.  
About setting rules.  
But I think I'm okay now.  
  
Love you, Pire. Master.  
  
  
 **ETA** : Oops, meant to tell you, I put my [checklist](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/12873.html) in my journal, just in case you need to share it with anyone. The emails with Sean made me think about doing it. And I modified some of the numbers from when we first did it, 'cause I've changed on some things.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/13095.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-03 05:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/13095.html?thread=18471&format=light#t18471))   
---|---  
Good morn-, um, afternoon. Why is it always that time goes faster when you're viewing it through squinting eyelids? Missed you last night, but it sounds like you had fun.  
  
Fucking James in public with Lin watching...this seems to be becoming a habit for you, boy. Anything you'd like your poor master to know? Should I start investing in a new DVD collection and lay out towels?  
  
I've just looked up Mr. Hawke and he seems to be a decent bloke. And I like what he said, about right and wrong being subjective rather than set in stone. The world's how you choose to make it.  
  
  
  
Love you, boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/13095.html?replyto=18471&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	66. gerard: Rules

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/03/) 10:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23297&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23297) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23297) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23297&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Rules** _  
[JL only]

About what you said, about wanting rules. I've been giving it a bit of thought, and I know we need to discuss them. But I think this might be a better medium. Easier when it's all written out in front of you and you can cross things out and add and do everything but doodle in the corner. I want you as out of role as you can be for this.

We've been talking about you calling me before you shag someone else. I was thinking of adding an orgasm control provision here. Unless I tell you beforehand, when you call me, that you are allowed to come, you may not. This permission will not be in response to begging, but a reasonable request, such as "He bet me dinner that he couldn't make me come in his mouth". Appealing to your master's better sense won't work, if only because your master doesn't have one. The reason for this would be that when you're with someone else, I want you to remember that you still belong to me and that orgasm is a privilege, one that can be granted or taken away on a whim.

However, this wouldn't take away from your outstanding permission to wank whenever you want, except to say that if I want you at any time and you aren't able to get it up for me, I'm going to be very insulted.

Another rule I've been considering has to do with you topping. I don't want you doing it when I'm not there. Not topping in the pure sense of fucking someone, topping in the sense of taking any sort of control over the scene. You've said that you aren't all that much of a dom, so let me rephrase. I don't want you topping under instruction unless I'm there. This includes nights at the bar. This is just becuase you've a very protective and perverted master. In cases where I've cleared it advance, well, I'd love to a video. This would be impossible in most cases, so your master will only have to suffer and then shag you hard once you got back.

Then there's forms of address. I don't want you calling anyone Mistress, or anyone but me Master. Everyone else is Sir and Ma'am. Exceptions to this would be people you know are more than casual submissives. These would be referred to either as the property of their masters, or Mister. This would make your friend Stuart 'Mr. Urban's boy'. The reasoning behind this rule is to remind you of your place in relation to those around you.

Any thoughts?  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-03 07:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44545&format=light#t44545))   
---|---  
Yeah, Pire, out of role ...  
  
 **Unless I tell you beforehand, when you call me, that you are allowed to come, you may not.**  
I'm confused. Thought you didn't want me calling. Can you clarify. And how about tonight, with Sean and Viggo. I understand I'm not allowed to ask or beg to come, but if it is offered, is that okay?  
  
 **Another rule I've been considering has to do with you topping. I don't want you doing it when I'm not there.**  
Not a problem. At all. However, it would be nice if you didn't send me off to bar alone. Your boy really doesn't like being there without his Master.  
  
 **Then there's forms of address. I don't want you calling anyone Mistress, or anyone but me Master.**  
Yes, Master. Thanks, Pire.  
  
 **Everyone else is Sir and Ma'am. Exceptions to this would be people you know are more than casual submissives. These would be referred to either as the property of their masters, or Mister. This would make your friend Stuart 'Mr. Urban's boy'.**  
Okay, most confused on this. Is this in speech and journal? Just speech? Just when I'm with them? Or all the time? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?replyto=44545&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44545&format=light#t44545))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-03 10:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44801&format=light#t44801))   
---|---  
_I'm confused. Thought you didn't want me calling._  
  
I want you calling unless I've told you in advance you can scene with that person. But if it breaks the mood, don't want you to call and tell me until afterwards. Yeah, I can see how that would be confusing. Sorry.  
  
  
  
 _And how about tonight, with Sean and Viggo. I understand I'm not allowed to ask or beg to come, but if it is offered, is that okay?_  
  
If they offer, yes. If they order, yes. But they may not order you _not_ to come.  
  
  
  
 _However, it would be nice if you didn't send me off to bar alone. Your boy really doesn't like being there without his Master._  
  
I know, Teak. Sometimes I just want to be cruel. Othertimes I want you to have fun when I know I'll just ruin it for you. Next time, though, just hit me over the head, and we can spend the night cuddling and testing how much nipple-tweaking it'll take for you to scream.  
  
  
  
 _Okay, most confused on this. Is this in speech and journal? Just speech? Just when I'm with them? Or all the time?_  
  
In speech, and just when you're addressing them or speaking about them when they're around. I guess that could count for speaking to them via the journal system if you want it to, but I hadn't considered that. If we're talking about Stuart, you may call him by name. It'd get right confusing otherwise. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?replyto=44801&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44545&format=light#t44545))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44801&format=light#t44801))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-04 06:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=45057&format=light#t45057))   
---|---  
Okay, got all that. Makes sense. Except the last. Does that refer to everyone? In scene and out? I mean, I don't have any problem with it, Sir, with most people, except I don't think Ewan's gonna handle it well. He's still coping with me being, well, doing what I'm doing. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?replyto=45057&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=44801&format=light#t44801))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=45057&format=light#t45057))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-04 10:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=45313&format=light#t45313))   
---|---  
I'm not sure that should be 'in scene' so much as 'in role'.  
  
As for Ewan...yes, you'll probably want to tread carefully there. If you feel like he can take it, call him that. If you think he can't, well, that's life. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?replyto=45313&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23297.html?thread=45057&format=light#t45057))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	67. harry_sinclair: Let's make a movie!

| (in no way the real) Harry Sinclair ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[ **harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/2004/03/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/2004/03/04/) 21:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=harry_sinclair&itemid=22694&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=harry_sinclair&itemid=22694) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=harry_sinclair&itemid=22694) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=harry_sinclair&itemid=22694&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  damned happe  
---|---  
  
_****Let's make a movie!****_  
Finally on go for filming.  
  
New Line ok'd the final prelim budget today. _Final prelim._ Fuckin' oxymoron of a business. That's a polite way of saying "Harry, here's how much money we're giving you and we want some of it back when you finish." Christ, I knew there was a reason I hated Hollywood. It's a pain in the arse to work here. Every nuance of a detail has to go through six people before they can decide it needs to go to three more. Never worked on a freakin' budget before. Just did what we did and spent as little as possible.  
  
Just have to finish the script. It's this Stephen Daedalus/Leopold Bloom in LA sort of thing. A meandering through the subculture or reality and all that. Har! Like that's gonna happen. This is Kiwi filmmaking. We don't finish scripts. We write and rewrite until the camera starts rolling. And sometimes even after that. Part of that'll depend on where in LA we end up filming, I guess.  
  
And, oh yeah, need a cast. Fortunately, I have carte blanche on that. Thanks to the intercession of Saint Peter. I'd get on my knees and worship ... no, not going there ... Jacko has enough worshippers these days. Anyway, I can hire pretty much whoever I want. And have money for.  
  
Anyone not doing anything and wanna putter around for a bit in our back yards playing at acting?  
  
For the record, fucking the director doesn't get you a script any faster. *smirk*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-05 05:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31142&format=light#t31142))   
---|---  
Harry, I'd assume any sane person would realize that fucking the director would get you the script _slower_ , so I'll say nothing on that.  
  
As for New Line, they need to rename it "Putting Kiwi directors to work R us". Lame, but with all those Oscar jokes, they have it coming.  
  
  
  
 _It's this Stephen Daedalus/Leopold Bloom in LA sort of thing._  
  
Ulysses and A Portait of the Artist. I don't know what's worse, that you're comparing yourself to Joyce, or that you're sticking them in Los Angeles. Frankly, they're both terrifying.  
  
  
  
Ok, I'll bite. Just how much of this plot do you have sketched out? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=31142&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31142&format=light#t31142))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 06:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32678&format=light#t32678))   
---|---  
Plot? What's a plot again? *laughs*  
  
Pretty much got the plot. Follows young man on exploration of life in LA, characters he encounters, life's twists and turns, that sort of thing. I'm bad about writing as I go. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=32678&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31142&format=light#t31142))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32678&format=light#t32678))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-05 06:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32934&format=light#t32934))   
---|---  
A plot's a series of events, with at least a loosely connected order.  
  
For example, if I were to make a porno with myself and Jonny Lee, the _plot_ would be that an innocent delivery boy came to the home of a vile corrupter quite by accident and that, by the end, that innocent delivery boy was no longer very innocent.  
  
  
  
Playing everywhere, summer 2004. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=32934&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32678&format=light#t32678))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32934&format=light#t32934))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-03-05 06:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33702&format=light#t33702))   
---|---  
I think I'll get in line right now to see that one, mate. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=33702&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32934&format=light#t32934))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33702&format=light#t33702))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-05 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34470&format=light#t34470))   
---|---  
Come by early enough and I'll give you a role. ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=34470&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33702&format=light#t33702))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34470&format=light#t34470))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[ **est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-03-05 07:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35750&format=light#t35750))   
---|---  
Does the vile corrupter need a pool boy? ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=35750&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34470&format=light#t34470))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35750&format=light#t35750))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 07:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36262&format=light#t36262))   
---|---  
Pool boy?  
Ah, yes, I recall ... you do naked water scenes rather well. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=36262&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35750&format=light#t35750))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36262&format=light#t36262))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-03-05 07:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36774&format=light#t36774))   
---|---  
Hey, I do all kinds of naked scenes rather well.  
  
...I can't believe I just said that. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=36774&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36262&format=light#t36262))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 06:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33958&format=light#t33958))   
---|---  
Well, now, I'd pay money to see that film.  
Hell, I'd be willing to shoot that film.  
  
Okay, forget that. Plot. Yeah, I know what one is. You familiar with sarcasm?  
Slightly less-than-innocent young man spends day walking around LA, has cathartic experience by the shore and ends up understanding life better than before.  
That work? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=33958&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32934&format=light#t32934))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33958&format=light#t33958))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-05 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34214&format=light#t34214))   
---|---  
_Hell, I'd be willing to shoot that film._  
  
It has occured to me that you have a pool.  
You have a pool.  
Oh, the pornos I could make.  
  
Hope you have a lot of film, Sinclair. And mind if I borrow your lover? Some things just need three men.  
  
  
  
  
 _Slightly less-than-innocent young man spends day walking around LA, has cathartic experience by the shore and ends up understanding life better than before._  
  
...  
  
  
Harry, Harry, Harry.  
  
  
And I'm holding you to that porno promise. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=34214&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33958&format=light#t33958))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-03-05 05:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31398&format=light#t31398))   
---|---  
_For the record, fucking the director doesn't get you a script any faster. *smirk*_  
  
What about handjobs? Blowjobs? Allowing onself to be tied to the rack? You've got to accept some sort of sexual favors in return for parts, Harry. You're working in Hollywood now; being a filthy bastard is simply par for the course. ;)  
  
In all seriousness though, I'm definitely interested. God knows I've got nothing else going on. And I can only imagine what you're planning on doing to compare with Joyce. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=31398&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31398&format=light#t31398))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 06:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32422&format=light#t32422))   
---|---  
_You've got to accept some sort of sexual favors in return for parts, Harry._  
Oh, never fear, Marton, I'm accepting sexual favors. It won't get you a finished script any faster. *g* Consider yourself on the casting couch. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=32422&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31398&format=light#t31398))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-03-05 05:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31654&format=light#t31654))   
---|---  
_For the record, fucking the director doesn't get you a script any faster. *smirk*_  
  
Really? Worked before. *grin*  
  
Seriously though, Stuart's not doing anything, if you're interested. I suspect you and I would kill each other and it's his turn for work. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=31654&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31654&format=light#t31654))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 06:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32166&format=light#t32166))   
---|---  
_Really? Worked before. *grin*_  
No, it didn't. You have a Guinness-shrouded memory, mate. It got you laryngitis. *smirk*  
  
 _Seriously though, Stuart's not doing anything, if you're interested. I suspect you and I would kill each other and it's his turn for work._  
While I'm not sure we'd kill each other, I'd love to work with Stuart. Think the concept would suit him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=32166&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=31654&format=light#t31654))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32166&format=light#t32166))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-03-05 06:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33190&format=light#t33190))   
---|---  
This boy would be delighted to audition for a part, Mr. Sinclair. And you _did_ promise to consider this boy for a part in your next film........ 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=33190&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=32166&format=light#t32166))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33190&format=light#t33190))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 07:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34726&format=light#t34726))   
---|---  
I _did_ promise, didn't I, Stuart. You are so kind for reminding me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=34726&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33190&format=light#t33190))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34726&format=light#t34726))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-03-05 07:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35494&format=light#t35494))   
---|---  
Mr. Sinclair, this boy hopes he wasn't being too impertinent by reminding you of your promise.  
  
Now. When do the auditions start? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=35494&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34726&format=light#t34726))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35494&format=light#t35494))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 07:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36006&format=light#t36006))   
---|---  
Stuart, you could never be too impertinent for me. I lived with your Master for four years. I'm pretty much impertinent impervious.  
  
You know, I think I hurt my tongue saying that.  
  
Auditions, for you at least, start when Master says you can come. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=36006&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35494&format=light#t35494))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36006&format=light#t36006))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-03-05 07:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36518&format=light#t36518))   
---|---  
Ahem. This boy isn't allowed to ask for permission to come, though. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=36518&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=36006&format=light#t36006))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-03-05 06:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33446&format=light#t33446))   
---|---  
_For the record, fucking the director doesn't get you a script any faster._  
  
*g* See, this is my cue to ask whether _not_ fucking the director would get me the script any faster (hey, it worked for Lysistrata), but I don't have that kind of willpower.  
  
Take you and our boy out to celebrate? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=33446&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33446&format=light#t33446))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-05 07:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34982&format=light#t34982))   
---|---  
Ah, Mr. Lutz, there you are. You're needed in make up.  
  
  
*g*  
  
  
What do you say? You, me, Jonny Lee, and a movie camera? Perhaps Billy as well, if he's into that and you and Harry feel like sharing. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=34982&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33446&format=light#t33446))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34982&format=light#t34982))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-03-05 09:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=37030&format=light#t37030))   
---|---  
*g* Count me in. I'll talk with Harry and Billy too, see what they say. Harry's already offered to shoot the thing, though I'm thinking I might like a turn behind the camera with Harry in front of it, too.... Hell, we can all have a turn!  
  
*cough* With the camera, I mean. I mean, as cameraman. Uh. Yeah. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=37030&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=34982&format=light#t34982))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/)  
2004-03-05 07:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35238&format=light#t35238))   
---|---  
Taking out sounds great.  
  
 _You_ might actually have the power to get the script out of me faster, lover. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=35238&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=33446&format=light#t33446))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35238&format=light#t35238))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-03-05 09:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=37286&format=light#t37286))   
---|---  
Now that's too tempting to refuse. I'll be up shortly to start the wheedling process. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?replyto=37286&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/22694.html?thread=35238&format=light#t35238))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	68. sean_bean: email to jonnyleemiller and gerard

| !Sean Bean ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/04/) 20:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=149747&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=149747) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=149747) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=149747&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_**email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
Subject: Thank you  
Cc: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)**viggo_m**  
  
Dear Jonny Lee and Gerard,  
  
Viggo and I just wanted to thank you for Jonny Lee's visit to our home on Wednesday night. We both had a brilliant evening, and would love to see Jonny Lee again if he's amenable.  
  
You've got a beautiful boy, Gerard. Viggo and I were glad he was willing to spend the evening with us, and glad that you were willing to entrust him to us.  
  
Hope the two of you are well.  
  
Sincerely,  
Sean and Viggo

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/149747.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	69. jonnyleemiller: email to sean_bean, viggo_m

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/05/) 02:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13910&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13910) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13910) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=13910&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)****_[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
Subject: Re: Thank you  
Cc: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)

Dear Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen,

Thank you very much for the complimentary email, Sirs.

This boy very much enjoyed his evening. The dinner was quite good, and dessert was even better.

He would be most amenable to spending more time with both of you, whenever Master permits it, and patiently awaits that permission.

Gratefully,  
Jonny Lee

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/13910.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	70. gerard: [E-mail to Sean and Viggo]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/04/) 16:44:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24136&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24136) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24136) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24136&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to Sean and Viggo]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
CC: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: [Re:](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/149747.html) [Thank You](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/13910.html)

Dear Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen,

Thank _you_. Jonny Lee came back positively glowing. I'm also amenable to him spending more time with the two of you.

What sort of thing did you have in mind?

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24136.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	71. gerard: To my secret admirer-

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/05/) 02:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23926&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23926) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23926) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=23926&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Blushing  
---|---  
  
_**To my secret admirer-**_  
  
  
Um. To whom it may concern:  
  
Thank you very much for the sword, the glove, and for the mask. They are beautiful. If I ever attend a costume ball, I'll be sure to put them to good use.  
  
Thank you, um, whoever you are.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/23926.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	72. gerard: Rent Boy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/06/) 22:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24325&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24325) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24325) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24325&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Rent Boy** _  
[players only. Gerard and Jonny Lee knock something else off their [LA itinerary](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/18219.html), but not everything goes to plan.]

The rent boy scene's been in the back of Jonny Lee's brain since he read the list of LA plans in Gerard's journal. He even bought new clothes for it, a black suit and dark red shirt, almost crimson, with a black tie. With the newly dyed hair, it's sort of Sick Boy gone upscale. He arrives at the club hotel and asks for Mr. Butler at the front desk, and is told he's expected in room 713. A quick elevator ride, in which he tries not to get too excited, hoping he's what the buyer wants, and he's deposited on the seventh floor, knocking on the door.

Gerard had received a very pointed note to tell him that his payment had gone through and that his boy of choice would be delivered to him at the hotel. Gerard had wondered if he should dress up, settling instead of a nondescript business suit with the collar undone. He'd gotten a nice suite and had sat back and relaxed on the comfortable couch, a glass of mineral water in his hand.

When he hears the knock on the door, he gets to his feet and pads over. The door gets yanked open and Gerard glares at his boy. "You're late," he spits, then turns and goes back to the couch without looking back.

"My instructions didn't specify a time, Mr. Butler, just between 9 and 10." He walks in, shuts the door behind him, goes for contrite. "But I apologize if your desires were not conveyed to me properly."

"Fine," Gerard says brusquely. Looks up, takes in the sight of his boy. Makes him lick his lips in hunger. "What other instructions did you receive?"

Standing straight, he shoves his hands into the pockets of the tailored suit pants, the coat's hem bunching up around his hands. "That I was to be prepped and ready, Mr. Butler. Which I am." He cocks his head. Gerard's note had said _bring a little attitude_. "Also said you'd bought me for the night, and I was to do exactly what you told me to do or I'd hear about it in the morning."

Gerard's thumb strokes his champagne glass. "Excellent. Kneel down and tell me about yourself." Gerard's curious about the persona. How much of Jonny Lee is his boy putting into it?

"Yes, Sir." He kneels, pulling hands from pockets, letting them rest on his thighs, which he has farther apart than he really needs. "Which story you want, Mr. Butler? That me da's an alcoholic, don't know mum, got turned out of the street when I was 13." His accent's pure London gutter at first, slipping back into perfect Primrose Hill as he finishes. "Or that I'm a brat who's living on his inheritance, but's got a thing for sucking off fine-looking gentlemen." He shrugs his shoulders. " 'Cause I can be what'er you want me to be. Don't got no past to speak of."

Gerard sips his water, then sets it down on the table in front of his feet. He steeples his fingers and surveys his boy for a long time. "It would make more sense," he drawls out, "if you knew your mother but _not_ your father, seeing as how it's easier to identify the mother instead of the father. And a spoiled brat would certainly not come with the highest recommendations and also could probably afford to rent his own gentlemen. Try again."

"Well, it would, Sir, 'cept me mum died giving birth to me. Or at least that's what da says. Truth's the better part of both tales, Sir. Da's got money, but I ain't seeing none of it. Not the fag son who dropped outta school and can't amount to nuffin'." There's a bit more Jonny Lee truth in this tale, just a grain of it. He smiles hesitantly, thin-lipped. "I do this right well, though, Sir, so it's a livin'."

"And a pretty good living, considering what I paid for you." Gerard sucks on his lower lip thoughtfully. Finally, he continues. "Tell me five things you're exceptionally good at."

"Five things." He mulls it over. "I'm great at being seen and not heard, if you want to take me out and show me off. That's one."

"Yes, it is." Gerard agrees. "And I asked for five." Being seen and not heard. Gerard hadn't ever thought of that as one of Jonny Lee's talents. But now that he considers it, Jonny Lee's quiet even in places where he doesn't have to be shy.

"I know, Sir. I'm trying to be thoughtful in my answers." His natural shyness shines through in a gentle blush over his cheeks. "I suck cock damned well," he blurts out. "Got a wicked tongue, I been told." He pauses, trying to think, the question more difficult than one might imagine. "I can cook, but I doubt that's a skill you need."

"Cocksuckers, in my experience, usually overrate themselves, however...," Gerard picks up a single white sheet from the table and glances at it. It's a direct copy of the paper that Gerard had given to Jonny Lee, "you rate pretty high on that. As for cooking, I do require actual service."

"You're serious?" He can't help but keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Very serious." Gerard's stare turns harsh. "If you can't cook, make a bed, and set out clothes, there's the door, and I'll be expecting a full refund."

"I'm sorry, Sir. I should've thought more about what would be required of me. The instructions given me were not that specific, Sir. I can keep house as you need, Sir." He straightens a bit. "More to other requirements you might have, I am well versed in a number of techniques and I have a very high," he stutters, barely noticeable, over the words, "pain threshold, Sir, which is at your disposal."

"Good to know you're competent." The words are meant to seethe and Gerard can see their effect. Normally he steers very clear of giving the slightest hint of superiority, but he mollifies himself by telling himself that it would be expected in such a role. Besides, what good is an incompetent whore? "I expect I'll have to pay more if I mark you," Gerard adds dryly.

"No, Sir. That's part of the price, Sir." He speaks very slowly, very precisely. "It should've been noted in the contract, Sir, but that's part of the reason my price is so high. I am _yours_ in every way, no questions asked."

"How...delightful." Gerard runs a finger across the top of the glass, swirling it around the brim. "That's not yet five."

"Five. You wanted five. Yes, Sir." He shuffles, shifting his weight from one side to the other. "Outside of sex, Sir, there's not really much I can do. Like I said, Mr. Butler, I dropped out of school. No real training for anything. So the other things I'm exceptional at would be sex, and I can do pretty much anything you want there."

Gerard dips his finger into the liquid and paints his lower lip with it. "Come here and kiss me. And make it good."

"Yes, Sir." Jonny moves softly, silently, the few steps between them. He bends from the waist, leans in, hands kept behind his back, and kisses Gerard. First softly, a brush, then barely pulling back before he presses forward again, deepening the kiss, coaxing lips open with his tongue before sucking hard at the upper lip.

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee by the hips and pulls him onto his lap. Otherwise he lets Jonny Lee take control, impress him.

Going onto Gerard's lap, Jonny's pulled forward and the kiss deepens more on his own, gravity pulling tongue into mouth until there's nothing separating them. He keeps it more gentle than bruising, though, dueling for a moment, then pulling back, out, licking his tongue over Gerard's lips. "Oh, yes," he whispers out, "I forgot. I kiss well."

"Yes, you do," Gerard breathes. Oh, fucking hell, yes, he does. "Now do it again."

"Of course, Mr. Butler." Jonny sinks himself down again, lips pressing in tight, repeating nearly every action, but bruising into the kiss this time.

Gerard moans, needing all his self-restraint not to take control of the kiss. He grinds against Jonny Lee, cupping his arse.

Jonny Lee grinds back, moans and whimpers into the kiss, swabbing his tongue around Gerard's mouth, pulling back when he's nearly out of breath, sucking this time on the bottom lip. He settles down, wriggling over Gerard's lap. "How was that, Mr. Butler?"

"Good," Gerard gets out. "Very good. A hundred quid right there, but I paid several times that." Gerard somehow manages a leer out of that when all he wants to do is get Jonny Lee prepped and riding him.

He straightens his back, spreads his legs a bit so he's more evenly straddling his lover. "What may I do for you now, Sir?" He gives him a coy look. "I took the liberty of prepping before I got here, Sir. I hope that meets with your approval."

Gerard leans forward and deposits a light kiss on Jonny Lee's lips. "Strip for me. Show me what I paid for. Then fuck yourself on me."

Jonny shrugs the coat back off his shoulders in a practiced move, letting it slide down his arms, catching it in his hands and draping it over the couch's arm. He's kneels up just a bit and starts unbuttoning the Oxford shirt, cuffs first, then each of the placard's buttons very slowly.

He's watching for reaction, gets little more than a faint smile, but it's enough and he shrugs out of the shirt, depositing it on top of the jacket. Only then does he slide off the couch, after brushing Gerard's lips with another kiss. It's a much more subtle strip than what he did for Gerard in their kitchen. No music, except what's in his head, which for some reason is _The Windmills of Your Mind_ , a song picked up from Muzak on the way through the lobby. He's standing now, fingers unbuttoning the khakis, tugging down the zipper, splaying open the fabric and hooking in the waistband of cotton trousers and silk briefs, a whim at the last moment. He pushes it all down over his hips, thighs, toeing absently out of the loafers before it all pools on the floor at his feet.

Gerard is almost drooling by the time his boy is naked. No matter how many times he sees his boy strip, there's always some new surprises in store for him. Gerard's fingers fumbling with his zipper have absolutely no effect. He can't take his eyes off Jonny Lee. "C'mere," he orders roughly. "Get...get me ready." _If I don't get inside him soon, I'm going to fucking burst._

Jonny Lee wastes no time moving back to Gerard, making a graceful motion of picking up his pants and pulling the condom from the back pocket. _Good rent boy carries them everywhere._ He drops to his knees in front of the couch, leans in and takes Gerard's cock in his hands, pulling it from the last of its confines, stroking it gently. He's already hard, and Jonny Lee allows a small suck, all the way down and back up while his fingers destroy foil to get at latex.

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee's head almost too late. "Do. Not. Blow. Me." he manages. "You do what I tell you and nothing but. Got it?" He glares at Jonny Lee long enough to know that he'll listen and then releases Jonny Lee's hair. "Now get the fuck on my lap."

"Yes, Sir." Jonny Lee kneels back and finishes rolling the condom down over Gerard's cock before he pulls himself up. He takes position straddling Gerard's hips, knees pressing into the couch, arse brushing the erection. "Now, Mr. Butler?"

Gerard leans forward to press a kiss to Jonny Lee's lips before relaxing against the back of the white couch. "Now."

He lowers himself slowly, assuming Gerard wants a whore for the night, someone who'll cause himself a bit of pain. Inch by inch, he sinks his body, taking the cock up his arse, wincing at the momentary pain of breach, then hissing at the pleasure of fullness.

Gerard moans loudly at the feeling of Jonny Lee sinking down over him. He can't quite manage to keep his eyes open, but he fights it nonetheless, trying to memorize how his boy looks doing this for him.

Bracing his hands on his thighs, Jonny Lee pushes himself down the final bit, holds steady against the overwhelming sensation of being so filled. </i>Fuck yourself.</i> That was the order. After a moment, he moves back up and begins a slow rhythm of fucking himself, never once breaking eye contact with his lover.

Gerard's arms come up to wrap around Jonny Lee and his hands settle on his hips. He doesn't hold Jonny Lee down or give him any order. This is his boy, his rent boy for the night, and he's content to let the whore do all the work.

Steadily he increases the pace, not rough or brutal but just fast enough to pick up the edge, sting cock over prostate with nearly every stroke. "Is that what Sir wants? He is paying for me, so if I'm doing it right, Mr. Butler, then you should tell me."

"Yes." Gerard smiles more than a little evilly. "The slut's doing very well. For a slut."

_Slut._ He wasn't expecting it, but knows he should've. Wasn't expecting it to be quite the turn-on either. "Thank you, Mr. Butler," he says, grinding his body down as he slurs out the name, zones a bit deeper into role. "You're paying for the best. You should get it."

Gerard moans loudly, thrusting upwards into Jonny Lee. "Paying for...paying for a slut. 's not the best."

"Best slut you'll ever have," he says with a bit of defiance, dropping himself just as hard against Gerard's upward movement. "Sir."

Gerard grips Jonny Lee's hips hard. "Might. You're bad enough to put me off them forever."

Jonny Lee pulls against Gerard's hands, forcing Gerard to grip harder, push him back down. "If you're not pleased with the service, Mr. Butler, you can ask for your money back." He rocks back, switching the angle slightly, his body clenching around Gerard's cock more tightly. "Or just take it out on me."

"I'm gonna, gonna take," the rest of Gerard's answer is lost in a loud moan as he comes deep inside his boy.

Holding himself down, Jonny Lee rides through the orgasm, his own cock throbbing and aching with need. He knows better than to touch it. Or even ask. He just stares at Gerard's face, taking in the contours as everything settles.

Once everything settles, Gerard opens one eye to glare at his boy. "I am going to take it out of you," he enunciates clearly, "and then I'm going to send you back and ask for my money. I shouldn't have to pay for teaching you a lesson."

"Lesson, Sir? What is it you're teaching me, Mr. Butler?" He smiles, a bit too coy.

Gerard slaps Jonny Lee hard across the face. "How to be good at what you do," he growls. "Understand? You backtalk, you disagree with me, and bad things happen. Don't think I can't get you fired from that pretty agency of yours. I can have you on the streets, selling your arse for drug money. Don't try me."

The blow catches him off guard and he recoils, his jaw smarting with the pain. He wants a slut? He's got a slut. "Been there, Sir. Not much of a threat to go back."

"But you're not there right now." Gerard smirks. "I know what it was like for you, pet. Never knowing where the next cock would come from, not knowing if they'd just leave you with a black eye and a bloodied nose. At least this way you know you'll get your money." Gerard raises his hand again, but this time just strokes his fingers down Jonny Lee's cheek. "I should keep you. Loan you out. I know people who won't care how bad a slut you are, just that you're a willing hole and that no one's gonna talk."

"Oh, Christ," he murmurs, not from fear but arousal. Gerard's touch alone is enough to send him spiraling. But the words. They're like being bathed in Guinness, soaking his brain in an unparalleled intoxication. Jonny Lee zones so fast his brain can't catch up. "You could buy me, Mr. Butler," he purrs out, dropping fully into role. "I know the boss would sell you my contract."

Gerard grins. His fingers trace over Jonny Lee's lips, not quite entering his mouth. "He already offered. Said he was getting tired of you, that you're not drawing in what you used to. Gave me quite a bargain. Or so I'd thought." Gerard's tone is light and friendly and hadn't changed at all despite the words. "Now that I see you, of course, I see that he was trying to rip me off. You're not worth the price he offered. Not even half."

Jonny Lee sticks out his tongue, teasingly licks at the invading finger. "Fuckin' Mikey. Bastard doesn't know how good I am." He throws back his head in a laugh, then brings it forward, stares at Gerard with a wry smile. "Try me, Mr. Butler. See what I'm worth."

At the first touch of that tongue, Gerard brings his hand back against and slaps Jonny Lee. "I've already tried you," he responds coldly. "And I know what you're worth. Not even two pennies to rub together. Now get me something to drink."

Second slap's as good as the first and Jonny Lee's rubbing at his face as he pulls himself off Gerard and off the couch, going to his feet to head to the wet bar. He's reveling in the pain, reeling in the roleplay headspace. "What does Mr. Butler want?"

His punching bag temporarily out of reach, Gerard takes a moment to start cracking his knuckles. Slowly. Loudly. "Take a guess. Any guess, really. There's no possible way for you to be right."

"Well, that makes you easy to please," he mutters as he pads to the wet bar, bends over exaggeratingly and retrieves a beer from the fridge. Upon returning to the couch, he holds the opened bottle out. "Here you go, Sir. Your slut hopes it's alright."

A beer. His boy brought him a beer. This time the glare is more real than ever. He grabs the bottle and, with a quick move of his wrist, turns it upside down over Jonny Lee's head. It's a pity it's glass. It would have looked lovely sliding in and out of Jonny Lee's arse.

"Don't like beer?" he asks as the foamy alcohol drips from his hair down his face. He swipes out his tongue to taste it. "I do."

Gerard's sitting down, so his knee doesn't quite connect where he wanted it to, but no matter. He's standing now, standing over Jonny Lee. "Crawl. _Crawl_ , you fucking slut. I want a gag in your mouth and a plug up your arse and some fucking contrition on your face! Into the kitchen and get me some fucking Pepsi." Gerard places a kick to Jonny Lee's stomach. "Crawl!"

He's dropped to the floor first, then the words slam into his brain, seeping through the zone and shouting at him. _Gag. Plug. Contrition._ Role's been set, and Jonny Lee sinks perfectly, so well he almost doesn't register the kick, takes it on a five-second delay, winces with the pain and then rolls himself over, up onto his knees and crawls off to the kitchen.

Gerard takes the time his boy is getting him a proper drink to finish getting naked. The clothes get tossed into random places. Later, he thinks, when he has Jonny Lee properly brought down, he'll sit and watch his boy clean up, grin as Jonny Lee tries to move with all those bruises. It's a good thought.

"Crawl, he says." Jonny Lee opens the fridge, pulls out a bottle of Pepsi. "Now, how exactly do you crawl and carry a Pepsi?" He muses, swaddled in headspace, shrugs his shoulders places the bottle's cap between his teeth, dropping to hands and knees, crawling back into the living room. It doesn't faze him what he's doing, that he's just stepped over the line of a rather hard limit.

Gerard's standing in front of the St. Andrews Cross when Jonny Lee comes back in, assessing it. If this was an ordinary torture-Teak scene, he'd get Jonny Lee facing the room and then do some nice sensory deprivation on him. But now he's got a slut to put in place. When Jonny Lee crawls over to him, Gerard takes the bottle without even looking down. Twists the cap off and takes a long gulp of the cold drink.

He kneels up, not in true position, more casual, definitely slut. "So, you want me on that?" He nods up at the cross. " 'Cause I don't mind." He's digging his own grave and doesn't have a clue he even has a shovel in his hand.

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee's chin and pulls it upwards at a horrible angle. He knows it's going to hurt. "You. Don't. Say. _Anything_. Unless. Spoken. To." He beings to squeeze. "Do you understand?"

The sudden, intense pain slides the zone left and Jonny Lee's brain shifts from slut to submissive willingly participating in his own downfall. "Yes, Sir," he grunts out, not struggling at all in Gerard's grip.

"Good." Gerard releases Jonny Lee as quickly as he'd grabbed him. "Remember that." Gerard spends the next few minutes quietly drinking his Pepsi and looking over the cross. Finally he nods and tosses the empty bottle to Jonny Lee with a terse order to recycle, and then starts looking for a good flogger.

Grabbing the bottle, he carries it back to the kitchen, to the recycling bin and returns quickly, watching Gerard in his search. He knows, somewhere in the back of his brain, he's going to be beaten. And there's no part of his brain that's really concerned about that. Even outside the zone, he knows he can take the pain. Inside the zone, however, he knows he can take more. Like he talked with Ethan, drop away till there's nothing but you.

Gerard selects a nice dearskin flogger from the selection. It's a good weight in his hand and he gives the air a few test lashes. Without even turning to check if Jonny Lee's returned, he tosses a cockring behind him. "Put it on," he orders, "and get on the cross. I'm not going to tie you down, so grip it hard, slut. Wouldn't want you to fall down and bruise your pretty little arse."

Jonny Lee picks up the cockring and slips it on without thinking or balking. It's just chrome and it's nice and cool going over his cock. He ignores the discomfort of a nearly too-hard cock as he jerks it into place, and then crawls the few feet to the cross, pulling himself up and placing himself against it.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee the chance to get himself situated properly. That's the only kindness he allows as the flogger begins to make its descent. He doesn't have a particular goal in mind. He just likes the way it feels to be hurting this slut.

It's awkward at first, holding on to the cross without restraint as the strike hits his back. He loops his fingers into the leather straps that would hold down his wrists and by the third or fourth strike of the flogger, he has enough of a hold to feel secure.

Gerard's warming up, not hitting hard enough that his boy would even need to think about screaming. He knows it hurts, but it's not the sort of hurt that would preclude any other sort of hurt that night.

The hurt's a good pain, warm against Jonny Lee's back, a gradual building, layering of pain. It'll take awhile for the agony to seep in, the ecstasy to hit upside the head.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee about twenty minutes of it, solid stroke after solid stroke. He's not intentionally trying to hit the same places in a row, or trying to mark Jonny Lee. But he can't deny how good Jonny Lee looks, holding himself up, taking the blows.

Ten minutes into it, his grip isn't as solid, simply because it's hard to concentrate on holding still as the zone caresses his brain, lets him forget everything except for the pain. At some point, around 15 minutes or so, the zone takes complete hold and he's holding onto the leather, not knowing how and not caring, and all he senses is the strike and its unleashing of pain.

A few minutes more and Gerard begins to get bored. He's made his point and now all he's doing is giving the slut something he enjoys. Well, fuck that. Tonight's not about Teak, it's about Pire. "Enjoying yourself, slut?" Gerard asks callously, delivering the final stroke much harder than the other ones had been. Once he sees Jonny Lee settle from it, Gerard approaches him and kicks him to his knees.

Jonny Lee goes down, not even realizing he's going down, not even feeling the pain from dropping to his knees. He's past the point of caring about anything other than the pain. And, fuck it, the pain's good. Intense, coming at him from all directions. He looks up at Gerard, not really seeing him. "Yes, Sir, whatever you want," he sorta snarls out.

The tails of the flogger dangle in front of Jonny Lee's face and Gerard nudges Jonny Lee forward with his toe. "Kiss," he prompts.

He moves forward the half a step and kisses the flogger's tails, pulling a strand between his lips ever so briefly.

That sight's more erotic than it has a fucking right to be. Gerard whips the tails up and around and places the flogger down on the closest flat surface. "Fetch me a gag," he orders.

Crawling over to the toy cabinet, Jonny Lee picks out the first gag he sees and carries it back over, dropping it from mouth to hand in time to kneel up to present it to Gerard. All with a canary-eating grin.

It's a simple gag, not unlike the ones you'd see in action movies. It can be made with anything, a man's tie, a strip of cloth. This one is rough and firm. Jonny Lee _could_ chew through it, but it would take him a good long time. Gerard takes the two ends and ties them tightly behind Jonny Lee's head, enjoying the stretched look of his boy's mouth, the way his lips are bared over his teeth. It's a good look.

It's an odd feeling, not totally uncomfortable, but definitely not pleasant. Jonny Lee shakes his head, now plastered with the drying beer, and considers saying he doesn't like it. Instead he swallows the words, letting them choke their way down his throat.

Gerard rubs his hand against Jonny Lee's scalp, amused by the stickiness. "You're a good boy, aren't you? Beneath it all, you're desperately trying to be a good boy. Just can't get it through your head that you're not good at what you do."

Unable to give decent voice to any real words behind the gag, he just moans and nods, then shakes his head. Yes, he's a good boy. And, yes, he's good at what he does.

Gerard chuckles. "I can hear what you're thinking, slut. You're thinking that I'm wrong, that you're so much better than this. You're thinking that I'm lying, that this is all a game." Gerard traces the twists of the gag against Jonny Lee's cheek. "Let me tell you something, slut. I'm not."

Jonny Lee blankly stares at the room in front of him. He knows he's better, knows he's a good boy. Good sluts stay in the zone, where it's just them and their pain. He responds to Gerard's touch, craning his neck, cocking his head into the tracing of fingers. It's good, his Master's touch. All he needs.

Gerard smiles. So responsive. So beautiful. He continues stroking Jonny Lee's face. "You're a horrible slut. You spread 'em and you suck 'em, but you're just not that good. I've had good. I've had blowjobs that left me screaming. I've fucked someone who was so good I saw sparks. You? You don't have it, slut."

Jonny Lee's responding only to the touch at this point, the words only half sinking in. He's a slut. He gets that point crystal clear. And not a good one. He begs to disagree. Or would beg, if he could talk. But, as it is, unable to do more than make mostly incoherent sounds, he opts for the silence of his own brain.

"I should lend you out," Gerard continues, fingers not pausing. "I know Mark would love to fuck you. Bend you over a table and just claim you over and over again. You'd scream and maybe he'd care enough to stuff a rag down your throat. Then Harry would come in and do the same. I could bring you to the bar. You'd like it there, slut. So many people to take advantage of you."

_Mark and Harry and the bar._ It's a nice mantra his brain picks up on from Gerard's continuing lecture. And then there was something about screaming and rags and, oh yeah, he has the gag in his mouth and he can't talk, so he can't tell Gerard all his ideas sound positively wonderful.

"And then there's Ewan, of course," Gerard muses. "He'd love to have you up against a wall, or over his lap, or in a parking lot somewhere. With Jude and him just taking turns for hours until you're bloody and crying and begging for mercy."

At that point, he stops hearing Gerard at all. Shuts down. There's no more pain to process, and the zone's collapsing on itself. He's nearly stopped breathing, heart beating so slowly he can count its rhythm inside his head. He just rocks back and forth on his knees, listening to nothing but the sound of a voice in the distance that isn't saying anything.

Gerard pauses for a moment to order his thoughts and takes a moment to look over his boy, see how he's holding up. What he sees worries him very much. Teak doesn't seem to be aware of anything. Someone could sound a gong not four inches away from Jonny Lee's ear and Gerard doesn't think Teak would do so much as blink. "Teak?" he whispers, hoping for a response.

Jonny Lee wishes the voice were closer, then he could hear it, could figure out where it's coming from. He wonders if it's someone talking to him. It could be Pire, he thinks, but Pire doesn't live in the zone and doesn't know how to get there.

Christ. No answer. Not even a hint that he heard. Gerard fumbles as he tries to get the gag off. Finally succeeds, pushes it to one side, then gently gets Jonny Lee down onto his back. Gerard kneels down next to him, stroking his boy's arm. "Teak? Can you hear me? It's Pire. It's me."

The voice grows louder, almost deafening in a matter of minutes. He's surfacing, not nearly as fast as being pulled out when he'd been whipped. This is gradual, the voice slowly turning from just sounds to words. _Teak._ That's him. The touch is gentling, soothing, like a tepid bath cooling off a fever. And suddenly his mouth works again, whatever'd been holding his voice in is gone. He gasps in a rush of oxygen, rasps out a single syllable. "Pire."

Thank fucking Christ. Gerard doesn't know where Teak went. Headspace, yes. But this...what if something had happened? What if Gerard hadn't noticed? How far could Teak have gone? How long would it have taken to get him back into the real world?

Would he have even wanted to come back?

Not that he's ever overdosed, but Jonny Lee feels like he's had a particularly volatile hit of the good stuff and been tripping. He focuses on Gerard's face, doesn't like at all what he sees there. Concern. Anguish. Maybe a bit of anger. "I zoned." It's not a question as much as a verbal confirmation of what he suspects.

"I noticed." It comes out a hell lot more clipped than Gerard intended but, dammit, he has an excuse. He was worried. Wasn't supposed to go like this. "When?"

It takes a minute to go back through, try to see where it happened. Roleplay was fine, up until the slap. He shakes his head. That wasn't it. Then he realizes, remembers. Days of fighting with himself after the whipping scene have made this analysis easier. "Started when you called me a slut," he says softly, his throat and mouth still sore from the gag. "Pretty much gone completely by the time I went to get the Pepsi."

Gerard makes an extreme mental note to never call Jonny Lee a slut again. Or any of those sorts of words, which are very descriptive of his boy, but would probably sink him. Gerard has nothing against his boy sinking, but he doesn't want him to do it as fast as he did tonight. Too fucking scary. "Do you think you could have stopped it anytime during?"

_Stopped it? Hell, I didn't know I'd done it._ "I'm not sure," he talks slowly, taking deeper breaths as he pushes himself up on his elbows. "How far gone was I?"

"Pretty damn far, Teak. I think you would have let me done anything I wanted to. Might not even have noticed I was doing them."

"Shite. Guess that's not good." He forces a weak smile. "Or is it? You mind me being that far down?"

Gerard's thumb strokes the inside of Jonny Lee's elbow, not really noticing what he's doing, just needing to touch. "I do mind, Teak. I mind very much. I, I don't like knowing that you wouldn't be there enough to say no."

The touch soothes, strengthens the smile on Jonny Lee's lips. "But you'd stop it for me. You realized where I was, brought me back." He shifts, sits up straighter. "I trust you to be there."

"I have to realize you're there first," Gerard points out. "Christ, I should have realized. Should I known you were going down too fast. Even in role you wouldn't try to get me to drink."

He starts to respond to the first part of it, then the words catch up. "I what?"

Gerard forces himself to remain next to Jonny Lee, swallows the urge to be up and pacing. "You brought me Guinness, Teak. When I asked for a drink."

"That explains why I smell like a distillery?" He reaches out, takes Gerard's hand in his, plays with his lover's fingers, rubbing absently. "Fuck, that's really zoned, if I bringing you beer."

"Yeah, I dumped it over you. Sorry." Gerard lets Jonny Lee play with him, an amused smile on his face. Things are getting back to normal. "Um. We should shower."

His breathing's back to normal, enough to bring up a laugh. "Yeah, should." It's an awkward silence that follows as he moves to kneeling, working on getting up off the floor. "Probably need to talk, too, suss out how to keep me from zoning so hard." He holds back giving voice to the sudden fear tugging at his chest, that he could lose everything because of what he can't control.

Gerard pushes himself up onto his feet and then offers Jonny Lee his hand. "We do, yes. But that can wait, if only for thirty minutes."

Taking the hand, Jonny Lee pulls himself up against Gerard's weight. "Okay, Pire." He runs his free hand through his hair, his fingers sticking in the matted clumps. "Might take a bit longer than that to get this out."

Gerard grins, bringing his hand up to rub Jonny Lee's hair. It doesn't feel like it should, but Gerard's determined to get it back to the way it was. "It's ok. We got time."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24325.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	73. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/07/) 20:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14300&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14300) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14300) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14300&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  looking for the light  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Stones' _19th Nervous Breakdown_  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
This is out of role, Pire.  
Hell, so far out I can't even see the headspace I was in before.  
I tossed and turned, as much as you'd allow. You hold tight when you're upset.  
Still couldn't sleep.  
Even after hours.  
Got up. Went running. Got my head back together.  
  
I'm not what sure what happened [last night](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24325.html), but I know how I feel. How I trembled in the shower, the hot water not doing a damned thing, your touch warming me more.  
  
I'm scared.  
Not of zoning. Or even being in that headspace.  
I trust you. With. My. Life. I know you wouldn't let me get hurt. I wasn't joking with Jude and Ewan about that. I trust you not to let me do stupid things.  
What scares me, Pire, is what happened after, when we both realized where I'd been, what I'd done. Hell, I ignored my own limits. I forgot one of the fundamental things that makes you who you are.  
That scares me because I'm afraid of what it'll do to us.  
Maybe there's a place in the zone where I can be and not be gone. Help me find it?  
  
You asked one night what I want. I said whatever you wanted. That was me trying to do what I thought you wanted. Maybe that wasn't the best approach. So I'll try again.  
  
I like the formal moments.  
I like the rules.  
I like knowing you control me.  
I like you giving me pain and pleasure.  
  
I want to be Pire's boy.  
I want to be Gerard's lover.  
I want to belong to you in whatever way we make it out to be.  
  
I love you.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-08 05:33 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=19164&format=light#t19164))   
---|---  
Teak.  
  
Thank you for this. Last night was...difficult, for both of us. And I think the sooner we can work through everything, the better off everything will be.  
  
  
  
 _Maybe there's a place in the zone where I can be and not be gone. Help me find it?_  
  
I will. And I have a few thoughts on how to keep you from going too far into the zone. I don't want what happened last night ever happening again. You have limits and they aren't the sort of thing that should just be discarded because you aren't aware enough - and I'm not aware that you're not aware enough - to know that we're coming up on them. And, in the end, it all boils down for me to the issue of consent. I don't know if you really want what I'm doing to you if you're not _there_. Does that make any sense?  
  
  
  
  
 _You asked one night what I want. I said whatever you wanted. That was me trying to do what I thought you wanted._  
  
Honestly, Teak, for future reference, that answer is _never_ the one I want.  
  
When I ask what you want, I'm serious. I want to know what _you're_ getting out of this. There might be some things you do just because I want you to do them, but that shouldn't be the reason for _everything_ you do, or even a good portion. We're in this together and your desires count just as much, if not more, than mine do.  
  
  
  
  
 _I like the formal moments._  
I like the rules.  
I like knowing you control me.  
I like you giving me pain and pleasure.  
  
Thank you.  
  
  
I also like the formal moments.  
I like setting rules for you and watching you obey them.  
I like controlling you.  
I like hurting you and then holding you afterwards.  
I like looking at you and knowing that you're mine.  
  
  
  
I love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?replyto=19164&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=19164&format=light#t19164))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 03:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=22236&format=light#t22236))   
---|---  
_And I have a few thoughts on how to keep you from going too far into the zone._  
Like what? Wanna tell me here? Or just try 'em out?  
  
 _I don't know if you really want what I'm doing to you if you're not there. Does that make any sense?_  
Yeah, it makes sense. It's not gonna if I say I want _everything_ you do to me, is it? But I know what you're saying. If I'm coherent and responding, it's better.  
  
 _I like setting rules for you and watching you obey them.  
I like controlling you._  
Can we talk about this? For when we get home? I really do want you having more of a say in my life. Not to the master/slave level. I'm sure that's where either of us need to go. But somewhere between here and there, we can find something that works. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?replyto=22236&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=19164&format=light#t19164))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=22236&format=light#t22236))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-09 08:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=24284&format=light#t24284))   
---|---  
_Like what? Wanna tell me here? Or just try 'em out?_  
  
Most of my thoughts were revolving around having you talk while we're doing whatever we're doing.  
  
  
  
  
 _Can we talk about this? For when we get home? I really do want you having more of a say in my life. Not to the master/slave level. I'm sure that's where either of us need to go. But somewhere between here and there, we can find something that works._  
  
  
Frankly, Teak, I'm hoping we'll never even approach the master/slave level.  
So I'm all for finding the right balance.  
What sort of 'having a say' were you thinking of? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?replyto=24284&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=22236&format=light#t22236))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=24284&format=light#t24284))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 04:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=27100&format=light#t27100))   
---|---  
_What sort of 'having a say' were you thinking of?_  
  
Not exactly sure. Like setting my day for me. I'm kinda unfocused, Pire. I mean, I'm acting half the time now. Just on random projects here and there. Nothing substantial. And dressing me. Well, telling me what to wear. Can I admit I got really hot when you talked about buying me new clothes just 'cause they're what you wanted to see me in.  
  
I think it's some of the ritual stuff I see Billy and Stuart and James doing. I like the idea of serving you, even if I don't sink into any slave headspace.  
  
I don't know, Pire. I'm randomizing a bit. Hyperkinetic tonight. Think I've been vidding too much today. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?replyto=27100&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14300.html?thread=24284&format=light#t24284))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	74. gerard: [Jonny Lee]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/08/) 10:43:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24673&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24673) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24673) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=24673&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Jonny Lee]** _  
[JL only]

As long as we're being painfully honest and frank and everything with each other, I just have to ask.

Is there any way you can not go running so early? I miss waking up next to you. It's not the same when you crawl back in after your shower.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24673.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-08 07:52 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24673.html?thread=45665&format=light#t45665))   
---|---  
Sure thing.  
  
Your boy would gladly put off his running to have you wake up in his arms.  
Or mouth.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24673.html?replyto=45665&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	75. jonnyleemiller: Shopping trip!

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/08/) 14:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14577&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14577&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  geeky vid boy  
---|---  
  
_****Shopping trip!****_  
Okay, best thing for depression ... spend money.  
  
Just hit the game store and loaded up.  
  
Way wicked cool is _James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing._ I get to control James Bond. And actually kill him. Not that I'd want to do that in real life, but hey, it's wild. Mark, James, you so gotta play with me tonight. Okay, spine-chill time. Willem Dafoe does the villain voice. Russian, of course. I mean, aren't all the good Bond villains Russian?  Sure, his Nikolai is no Alec, but hell, who is?  
  
Okay, if anyone wants me for the next few hours, I'm zoning (in the good way, Pire) in the living room.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-03-08 10:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19441&format=light#t19441))   
---|---  
I'm all for spending money, but... why are you depressed?  
  
 _I get to control James Bond. And actually kill him. Not that I'd want to do that in real life, but hey, it's wild._  
  
If I had a pound for every friend of mine who'd said something like that...  
  
 _Sure, his Nikolai is no Alec, but hell, who is?_  
  
*cough* *grin*

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=19441&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19441&format=light#t19441))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-08 10:31 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19697&format=light#t19697))   
---|---  
Oh, shite, I forgot. You.  
*blushes*  
Christ, just shoot me now.  
  
  
 _... why are you depressed?_  
Rough weekend. Scene went a bit off. It's cool now, but it made me think too much, so I'm ditching myself in vid games. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=19697&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19441&format=light#t19441))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19697&format=light#t19697))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-03-08 10:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19953&format=light#t19953))   
---|---  
No need to blush. I thought that was... well. Effin' adorable, as the saying goes.  
  
You all right? You need anything? A friend, an ear, a kitten that's just learning why pants are not suitable for climbing? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=19953&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19697&format=light#t19697))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19953&format=light#t19953))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-08 10:47 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20209&format=light#t20209))   
---|---  
And why aren't pants suitable for climbing, Sir? Well, at least for kittens. *g* Anyhow, I don't mind Fidget crawling up me. It's kinda cool.  
  
Friend would be nice.  
This boy can think of others things he'd like, too.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=20209&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=19953&format=light#t19953))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20209&format=light#t20209))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-03-08 11:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20977&format=light#t20977))   
---|---  
Ahem. Can certainly think of other things that'd be nice, yeah. Need to run that past Mr. Butler, though, I'm thinking, if only just to be polite...  
  
*clears throat*  
  
You let Fidget crawl up you now, you wait until she's three years old and weighs a half tonne. Those claws cut into pants and suddenly there are no pants. So goes my argument, anyway.  
  
Don't think I'm too awfully distracted, though I'll let it pass if you need me to. Scene goes off for a friend and we get worried. It works that way, you know?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=20977&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20209&format=light#t20209))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20977&format=light#t20977))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 03:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21745&format=light#t21745))   
---|---  
_Those claws cut into pants and suddenly there are no pants._  
Okay, Sir, it's likely I'm just stupid, but I'm not seeing your argument  against the kitty claws. I mean, where's the problem with no pants?  
  
  
I know. I appreciate it. And I'd like to talk. Not here.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=21745&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20977&format=light#t20977))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21745&format=light#t21745))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-03-09 03:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22001&format=light#t22001))   
---|---  
_where's the problem with no pants?_  
  
...  
...  
...the boy might have a point.  
  
  
I'm here. You've got the number. Anywhere you like.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=22001&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21745&format=light#t21745))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[**ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/)  
2004-03-08 11:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20465&format=light#t20465))   
---|---  
I've never been a fan of shooting games. But my PS2 and my DDR pands are arriving form New York this week. If you're ever in the mood for some Dance Dance Revolution, call me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=20465&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20465&format=light#t20465))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 03:13 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21233&format=light#t21233))   
---|---  
Oh, man, you so don't want to see me dance.  
It's a fuckin' sad sight. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=21233&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20465&format=light#t20465))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21233&format=light#t21233))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/profile)[**ethan_stiefel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_stiefel/)  
2004-03-09 04:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22513&format=light#t22513))   
---|---  
It's not as much dancing as it is using feet instead of hands!  
  
I'm serious! If you guys are still in LA you should come over! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=22513&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21233&format=light#t21233))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-03-08 11:50 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20721&format=light#t20721))   
---|---  
I think all good villains in general are Russian, although I might be a bit biased. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=20721&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20721&format=light#t20721))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 03:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=21489&format=light#t21489))   
---|---  
From personl experience, Sir, I've found myself partial to Eastern European villains, Transylvanians and the like, but the Russians are nice in a particularly ~~wanna be slammed against the wall~~ naughty way. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=21489&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=20721&format=light#t20721))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-03-09 05:20 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22769&format=light#t22769))   
---|---  
_Way wicked cool is James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing. I get to control James Bond. And actually kill him. Not that I'd want to do that in real life, but hey, it's wild._  
  
Meep! Should I be nervous? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=22769&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22769&format=light#t22769))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 05:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23281&format=light#t23281))   
---|---  
*mini-cringing*  
  
Uh. No, Sir.  
Wouldn't think of it, Sir.  
  
And, by the way, nice to see you, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=23281&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22769&format=light#t22769))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23281&format=light#t23281))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-03-12 07:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29937&format=light#t29937))   
---|---  
*grins* Nice to see you. And you certainly don't have to call me 'Sir'. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=29937&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23281&format=light#t23281))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29937&format=light#t29937))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-13 09:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30705&format=light#t30705))   
---|---  
What should I call you then?  
Master prefers his boy remain respectful, even in the journals. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=30705&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29937&format=light#t29937))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30705&format=light#t30705))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-03-13 07:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=31473&format=light#t31473))   
---|---  
Er, well...I'm not sure. I'm still pretty new at all of this, and I don't know what the etiquette is for one submissive addressing another. The other Jonny and I just use first names, and that seems to work okay. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=31473&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30705&format=light#t30705))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=31473&format=light#t31473))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-13 09:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=31729&format=light#t31729))   
---|---  
Well, I guess I could be the _other_ other Jonny, but that'd probably get confusing, which is most likely why other than Ewan and Jude, everybody calls me Jonny Lee. So we can start there, Jason. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=31729&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=31473&format=light#t31473))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-09 07:20 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23793&format=light#t23793))   
---|---  
Not this time. But when it's your voice on the video game soundtrack, then you get to worry.  
  
Looking forward to your premiere, by the way. I'd say I have to hate you on general principle, since I've hated all the other Bonds on principle, but I hear I actually get to let that go now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=23793&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=22769&format=light#t22769))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23793&format=light#t23793))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 07:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24049&format=light#t24049))   
---|---  
Uh, Sir, just for the record and all, don't want to kill you either. *g*  
  
 ~~Got a few other fantasies I'm not talking about, though.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=24049&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23793&format=light#t23793))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24049&format=light#t24049))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 02:04 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24561&format=light#t24561))   
---|---  
Well, I'm glad to hear you don't want to kill me. Pity you're off-limits. I'm starting to see why Sean thinks you're effin' adorable. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=24561&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24049&format=light#t24049))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24561&format=light#t24561))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 02:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24817&format=light#t24817))   
---|---  
Excuse me, Sir, off-limits? I am? Wish people would tell me these things. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=24817&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24561&format=light#t24561))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24817&format=light#t24817))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 02:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25073&format=light#t25073))   
---|---  
To me, at any rate. I have a policy of not playing with other people's boys. Saves trouble in the long run. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=25073&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=24817&format=light#t24817))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25073&format=light#t25073))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 02:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25841&format=light#t25841))   
---|---  
Oh, well, that's different, Sir. It's a matter of self-control, not me being just off-limits. I understand that, Sir.  
  
Still promise to try and not kill your alter ego too many times, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=25841&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25073&format=light#t25073))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25841&format=light#t25841))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 02:48 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26097&format=light#t26097))   
---|---  
I'm sure I appreciate it, lad. And self-control's a strong suit for me. No, really. It is. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=26097&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25841&format=light#t25841))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26097&format=light#t26097))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 03:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26353&format=light#t26353))   
---|---  
I admire self-control, Sir.  
I don't have a lot of it. Friends say I'm hyper and impulsive.  
Course I'm habitually shy, too, Sir ... well, maybe 'cept in the journals. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=26353&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26097&format=light#t26097))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26353&format=light#t26353))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 03:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26609&format=light#t26609))   
---|---  
Your Master must all but have his hands full with you. You certainly don't seem shy in the journals so far, lad. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=26609&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26353&format=light#t26353))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26609&format=light#t26609))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-10 05:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27377&format=light#t27377))   
---|---  
Nothing wrong with having your hands full of that one.  
  
I don't believe we've met. I'm Gerard Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=27377&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26609&format=light#t26609))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27377&format=light#t27377))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 05:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27633&format=light#t27633))   
---|---  
Have we not? Pierce Brosnan. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=27633&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27377&format=light#t27377))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27633&format=light#t27633))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-10 05:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27889&format=light#t27889))   
---|---  
I may have congratulated you somewhere along the line, but other than that, no.  
  
I believe you've met my boy, Jonny Lee. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=27889&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27633&format=light#t27633))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27889&format=light#t27889))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 05:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28145&format=light#t28145))   
---|---  
Indeed. And a very charming lad he is, too. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=28145&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=27889&format=light#t27889))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28145&format=light#t28145))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-10 05:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28401&format=light#t28401))   
---|---  
Thank you, though I can't take any credit. He came that way. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=28401&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28145&format=light#t28145))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28401&format=light#t28401))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/profile)[**pierce_b**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/pierce_b/)  
2004-03-10 06:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28657&format=light#t28657))   
---|---  
I'm sure he ~~does~~ did. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=28657&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28401&format=light#t28401))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 06:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=28913&format=light#t28913))   
---|---  
It's easy to not be shy here, Sir. Lots of walls between us.  
*smiles* And I see you've met Master now. I do have a tendency to keep him busy, Sir. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=28913&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26609&format=light#t26609))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-03-12 07:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30193&format=light#t30193))   
---|---  
Heh. Well, given recent publicity, the premiere will be interesting. Of course, having gone back and read some of Fleming's original books, I've come to the conclusion that Bond was a repressed gay boy anyway. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=30193&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23793&format=light#t23793))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-09 05:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23025&format=light#t23025))   
---|---  
Checked in on you today. I don't think you noticed, you were so wrapped up in the game. I was tempted to throw popcorn.  
  
You know, Teak, if you like Bond that much you could have just _said_ something. I only had a cameo, but that's no reason not to do a marathon. I own the DVD collection and I do believe I packed it, though I can't remember why. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=23025&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23025&format=light#t23025))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-09 05:52 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23537&format=light#t23537))   
---|---  
Okay, I've jerked myself away from the game long enough to ... what was it I was doing ... oh, yeah, pee and make popcorn. Meet me at the plasma TV? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=23537&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=23025&format=light#t23025))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-03-10 02:31 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25329&format=light#t25329))   
---|---  
_Mark, James, you so gotta play with me tonight._  
  
This boy is sorry he wasn't around the other night, Jonny Lee. Filming's been an utter bitch, and Master and his boy now have a house guest. Though this boy would wager that Vincent probably enjoys PlayStation as well. *g*  
  
This boy would very much like to get together with you again, _soon_

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=25329&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25329&format=light#t25329))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 02:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25585&format=light#t25585))   
---|---  
Not a problem, mate!  
  
Not sure how much longer we're in LA, but I'd ove to get together again. Maybe during the day this week. What's filming schedule? I can bring the game over, meet Vincent. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=25585&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25329&format=light#t25329))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25585&format=light#t25585))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-03-10 03:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26865&format=light#t26865))   
---|---  
That would be fantastic. This boy has Thursday free from filming, although this boy has no clue what your schedule is.  
  
This boy also thinks it would be wonderful for Vincent to meet and make new friends. Just let this boy know, and he will cook up a great playstation playing, semi-junkfoodish feast for three. *g*  
  
yikes, or are you a vegetarian?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=26865&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25585&format=light#t25585))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26865&format=light#t26865))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-10 06:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29169&format=light#t29169))   
---|---  
Thursday's great for me.  
  
Borderline vegetarian, but I don't have a problem with burgers and the like if you're junkfooding. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=29169&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=26865&format=light#t26865))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29169&format=light#t29169))  
  
|  **[Locked to Jonny Lee Only]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[ **james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-03-10 10:10 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29425&format=light#t29425))   
---|---  
_Thursday's great for me._  
  
Cool, I'm looking forward to it!  
  
Listen, I just wanted to let you know, between you and me, because I know how _we_ get . . . *g*  
  
Vincent's been seriously hurt in the past, and is in a really bad place mentally/emotionally right now. Just wanted to warn you, because it's pretty obvious to Master and I that he needs friends, not fucks, know what I mean?  
  
I'm just concerned that if we started flirting with him, he'd agree to something he might not be ready for. I thought it'd be fairer to give you a heads up on that, ahead of time.  
  
Of course, that doesn't at _all_ put a damper on mutual ravishment where you and I are concerned. :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=29425&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29169&format=light#t29169))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/vincent_k/profile)[**vincent_k**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/vincent_k/)  
2004-03-10 10:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=29681&format=light#t29681))   
---|---  
_Though this boy would wager that Vincent probably enjoys PlayStation as well._  
  
You'd be right! It sounds like fun. :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=29681&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=25329&format=light#t25329))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-03-13 11:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30961&format=light#t30961))   
---|---  
Jonny, Jonny, Jonny...  
  
I wish we were in the same city. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=30961&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30961&format=light#t30961))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-13 04:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=31217&format=light#t31217))   
---|---  
Soon, Jude.  
Our flight leaves here the 24th, and on the 25th I'm back in London.  
And wanting to see you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?replyto=31217&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14577.html?thread=30961&format=light#t30961))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	76. alexis: [Email for gerard Butler]

| (Not) Alexis Denisof ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[ **alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/2004/03/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/2004/03/07/) 23:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=alexis&itemid=9618&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=alexis&itemid=9618) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=alexis&itemid=9618) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=alexis&itemid=9618&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  groggy  
---|---  
  
_**[Email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) Butler]  
To: Gerard.Butler@Establishment.rpg  
From: Alexis.Denisof@Establishment.rpg  
Subject:   
  
Hello Gerry,  
  
I hope both you and Jonny are doing well? I do hope you don't mind my writing to you, but I rather needed to speak to someone I felt I could trust in such matters.  
  
Recently, I learned that a dear friend of mine was terribly abused in a scene at some rather unsafe non-Establishment club. That I was unaware that any of this occurred right under my very nose is distressing to me, to say the least. Needless to say, the amount of rage and self-recrimination this has evoked within me is almost nearing my needing to take violent action.  
  
Throughout my life, I've generally preferred, and remained on, the Dominant side of the equation, but there are times . . . Times rather like this one, where I find myself _needing_ to accept pain, accept being terrified, accept . . . submitting. James, being as naturally submissive as he is, would be rather incapable of dominating someone such as myself.  
  
I was rather wondering if you would be amenable to opening a dialogue, perhaps, about scening together, with you in the Dominant role -- that is, if such an offer would interest you?  
  
My thanks,  
Alexis

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/9618.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	77. gerard: [E-mail to alexis Denisof]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/10/) 17:32:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25178&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25178) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25178) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25178&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)**_[ **alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) Denisof]  
To: alexis.denisof@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: [Re:](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/9618.html)

Alexis,

Sorry to hear about your friend. I hope he's doing better. It's horrible to realize that no matter how hard we try, things like that happen. It's good that you're there for him.

I've given your proposition a lot of thought and yes, I believe opening a dialouge would be a good idea. I'm not sure I can _terrify_ anyone, but we'll see.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/25178.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	78. jonnyleemiller: [voicemail for sean_bean]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/10/) 11:53:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14739&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14739) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14739) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=14739&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****[voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ]****_  
 _*sounds of video game music and digitized voices in the background*_ Uh, hi, Sir. You said this boy could call and so he's doing that and you must be doing something else. _*he shuffles controls, switches the phone to the other ear*_ And that's okay. It's not so important. This boy didn't mean to cause Sir distress by admitting he was depressed in his post. He's thought about it, and he's really sorry. He's also bouncing off walls, maybe too much of this vid game, and needs a bit of grounding. _*long silence*_ Uh, um, this boy hopes he gets to see you and Mr. Mortensen again before he goes home. Okay, he's hanging up now. _*click*_  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14739.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	79. sean_bean: sean_bean and jonnyleemiller, phone call

| !Sean Bean ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/10/) 23:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=152674&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=152674) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=152674) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=152674&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_**[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , phone call**_  
 _players only_  
  
 _After Sean gets_[Jonny Lee's voicemail](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/14739.html?mode=reply), he makes his second difficult phone call of the day...  
  
  
Sean barely gets through Jonny Lee's voicemail before he's thumbing through his list and hitting the "send" button, looking to get Jonny Lee on the phone. _Didn't mean to cause any distress. That boy..._ "Pick up," he murmurs, scooping up Fidget under an arm despite her squeak of protest.  
  
It was a long debate between a midday nap and a run on the beach, and Jonny Lee agonized over it, his body demanding rest till his brain reminded all the other parts they'd be going back to London soon and running in the surf would be a thing of the past. He's just slowing down to a jog when the cell phone in his jacket pocket starts beeping. He notices the caller ID as one of the new LA numbers he's programmed in, but he can't place which one. "Miller here" he says just a bit breathless, dropping back to a brisk walk.  
  
"Hello, Jonny," Sean says. "You busy much? It's Sean."  
  
Sean. Voicemail he'd left him. It clicks in Jonny's brain. "Uh, no, Sir. Just out running."  
  
"Got your voicemail," Sean explains. "You do know I've been worried about you? Thought you might want to talk."  
  
"Yes, Sir. Sorry about that. This boy was very sincere in his apology, Sir. He didn't want to distress you." Jonny Lee kicks through a tidal pool as he continues up the beach, thinking on how easy it is to drop into the formality Pire likes when he's talking to Sean. One day, he may figure out why.  
  
"Well, I can imagine you didn't want to distress me," Sean agrees, "but that doesn't mean I wasn't distressed. Or that there might not have been a reason to be distressed." He shakes his head. This boy just brings out his protective instincts all at once until he wants to put Jonny Lee on his shoulder and carry him around like he does for Fidget. He's a bit big for that, though. "Do you want to talk about this scene of yours, maybe? Get it off your chest?"  
  
"This boy isn't sure how to explain it, Sir. He fucked up. He zoned and went so far under his Master couldn't reach him." Jonny Lee's dropping back to a more comfortable walk and readjusts the phone's headset in his sweat-dripped hair. "This boy forgot he had limits, Sir. Shite, he forgot everything."  
  
"Oh," Sean breathes. Yeah, it's easy enough to see that sort of thing happening with Jonny Lee. Easy enough to picture him in the middle of a scene like that. "Are you all right?"  
  
"No," he answers quickly. "Yes." He stops, kicks a shell into the receding surf. "This boy is confused, Sir, but he's coping. And he's working through it with Master." _Or trying to._  
  
"Good," Sean says, "good, that sounds like a good idea." _Wish I were always so good at talking things out with people._ "Tell me about the 'no', though. You said 'no' before anything else. What's not going well?"  
  
 _Shite, Miller, why can't you keep your fuckin' mouth shut?_ "This boy can't focus, Sir, can't seem to stop bouncing off the walls. He's been playing his new video game nonstop. Well, except to run. And when Pire's here and says stop." He does stop, walking at least, stretching out his leg against a rock outcrop.  
  
"Take what's wrong with you and what's wrong with me and between the two of us we might be normal," Sean jokes, then winces. _Now there's a way to undermine his respect for you._ "Sounds like you're going the opposite direction from zoning. The other end of the spectrum."  
  
Jonny Lee laughs. If anything, Sean acknowledging he's human makes him more enticing. "Yes, Sir, we might be, but normal's not nearly as much fun." And he knows Sean's right. He's zoning the other way. "And this boy really shouldn't be let near the journaling system when he's on that end of the spectrum. He talks too much."  
  
"Better than not talking at all." _Pot, kettle..._ Sean sighs again. "Have you and Gerard talked about what went wrong? Do you have an idea about it?"  
  
"No, Sir, not really. Well, we've talked, and this boy can tell you _when_ he slipped, but not why." Jonny switches legs, stretches out the other. "Pire says he has some ideas for not letting it happen again, Sir," he says with a sigh. They're ideas, but they don't answer the questions.  
  
"Does it worry you going down that far?" Sean asks quietly. The questions about getting lost -- he's asked them of himself from both ends of the equation and never had real answers.  
  
The question stops Jonny Lee cold. It's one of the fundamental problems with zoning. It doesn't worry him. He settles himself into the rocks, stares out at the breaking waves. "No, Sir, it doesn't bother this boy to sink that far. He likes getting lost in the sensations." He hesitates, almost not wanting to answer, then speaks very softly. "But it bothers Master. It frightens him, so it scares this boy, too."  
  
"It _is_ good getting lost that way. Good not having to think any further than the next word or the next pain or the next order," Sean murmurs. "But it's important to know how far down you can go, and to be sure it stops before you go further than is healthy for you. Let your Master have his worry for a bit. It's hard realizing you've taken someone further than either of you realized."  
  
"That makes sense, Sir." It does. It's logical. And Jonny Lee suspects that's what Pire was telling him last night, but he wasn't using the same words and his words were getting all tangled with fear and a large dose of love. "The whole thing has this boy thinking more than he wants to, Sir. He much prefers to just be told what to do, and not have to think too much."  
  
Sean chuckles. "Yeah," he agrees, a little dryly, "it's easier that way. And it can go that way a while, especially if you have someone who knows you well and cares about you and pays attention. But it's better on both of you if you take some time out of role to talk about where you're going and whether it's good or not. How you can make it better." The irony of _Sean_ telling someone talking's worthwhile is not lost on him at all, but he's hoping Jonny Lee won't call him on it.  
  
"This boy anticipates doing a lot of talking, Sir, when we get back to London." He expects a lot of changes, too. "Is that why you and Mr. Mortensen get along so well? You talk everything over?"  
  
Something between a groan and a snort comes out of Sean's mouth, and he shakes his head. "Viggo's the first lover I've ever had who's sat on me and _made_ me talk to him," he explains. "And things have been better with him than with anyone else, so yeah, I'd say that explains some of it."  
  
"Yes, Sir, it does explain some. This boy doesn't know much about having lovers," he pauses, rethinks the sentence, promises himself not to bitch about the ex-wife, "well, lovers who give a damn. He's not used to having so many people care about him, either."  
  
"Get used to it," Sean says, with just a little backbone to it. He chuckles after, hoping to take the edge off. "You bring out the growling protective instincts in me, at least, and I'm sure others feel the same."  
  
"Yes, Sir," Jonny Lee snaps at the order, the near growl of it almost dropping him to his knees on the sand. "No complaints from this boy, Sir."  
  
Sean shakes his head, chuckling a little more. "Wouldn't expect there to be. Though it'd be all right if there were, you realize."  
  
"This boy understands that, Sir." Jonny Lee slides off the rock, not to his knees, but at least to the sand, leaning back into the damp crags. "He just likes taking orders from you, Sir."  
  
 _God._ Sean shakes his head. It seems entirely too self-serving calling a boy to offer help and an ear and end up getting a compliment and tight jeans out of the bargain. "Just tell me there's a way for me to thank you for that without wanting to give you more orders," Sean murmurs.  
  
Jonny Lee smiles at Sean's words, slips himself completely off the rock and starts walking again, back up the beach toward home. His brain's feeling a bit lighter, just from the talk. "Sir? There's a problem with wanting to give me more orders?" He's a bit confused. "Is this like Mr. Brosnan telling me I'm off-limits?" And he's not at all sure he wants the answer, 'cause he sure as hell hopes it's not the same thing.  
  
"The only problem is I'm greedy enough," Sean says, but he's brought up short by the rest of it. "Pierce said you were off-limits?"  
  
"Yes, Sir. In this boy's journal, Sir." He blushes, even though Sean can't see. "This boy was hitting on him, in a way, and he said he had a policy of not playing with other people's boys, Sir."  
  
 _I really am going to have to kill him one of these years,_ Sean thinks with a sigh. "He's maybe not one you should be hitting on right now. Has a habit of pushing people until they don't know what's up and what's down."  
  
"Well, this boy can understand that, Sir. He was going to need a shower if Mr. Brosnan called him 'lad' one more time." Jonny Lee's not sure why the word was having such a nice effect on him, but was decidedly a huge turn-on. "But if Sir thinks it better this boy not engage him, then this boy will do so."  
  
There's no wall handy. That's a shame. Sean would really enjoy beating his head against one right now. "Would you take my word on that one?" Sean asks. "It's still your decision, but no, I don't think you should be engaging him just now."  
  
Jonny Lee wants to ask why. Not that he doesn't trust Sean's judgment. It's more an inane curiosity that has him wondering what the connection is between the two men. But he doesn't. "Yes, Sir," he says emphatically. "You don't have to ask twice, Sir."  
  
Sean really shouldn't feel this relieved about it, but there it is all the same. "Thank you," he murmurs. "We were talking, earlier, about--" What _were_ they talking about before it got into Sean giving Jonny Lee orders and Pierce being off-limits? "Talking about wanting to keep you safe," Sean finishes softly; that's what this has all been about. "I just want to know that you understand you _do_ have people to turn to. And if it's not me you're wanting, or your master, there are still more people to talk to if something goes wrong. All right?"  
  
"Yes, Sir." Jonny Lee's uncertain why so many people feel protective of him. But it's a comforting sensation. "This boy understands that, Sir. He has several people he can talk to when he needs." Although he doesn't _want_ them all nearly as much.  
  
"Do you know when you're leaving yet?" Sean asks. He pauses. "Do you know if you'll be coming back?"  
  
"This boy believes we're leaving sometime next week, Sir, since Master's decided not to do Mr. Sinclair's movie." Jonny Lee lets the silence gather with his thoughts about Sean's second question. "This boy doesn't know, Sir, when he might be coming back," he pauses, "but if Sir wishes ..." his voice trailing off, knowing he shouldn't be offering temptations Sean doesn't need.  
  
"Sir's flattered," Sean murmurs. "Jonny, I'd love to see you again. It'd be good getting to spend more time with you. The distance between here and London's been annoying as hell lately; this isn't going to make it any better."  
  
"If this boy could be not shy for a moment, he might suggest spending time with Sir this weekend." Jonny Lee's picked up speed in his walking, almost back to a jog in the wet sand. "But that would be rather bold of this boy to do. And he tends not to ask for the things he wants."  
  
"Do you know how much I'd like that?" Sean murmurs. "But Viggo's been trying to pull me into a conversation for a while now, and we haven't had it yet, and when we do--" Sean's eyes close. "Could be all weekend sorting it out."  
  
"Oh. Well." Jonny Lee doesn't really know how to respond to that. He tries best he can to keep any disappoinment out of his voice. "This boy," he pauses, stops in his tracks, needing to concentrate to get the words out right. "He understands, Sir, and hopes everything will be all right." It's not what he wants to say, not exactly, but it's what he knows he should say.  
  
"Do you remember my saying talking was a good idea?" Sean says softly. "It's advice I'm not terribly good at keeping to. I worry about what's going to come of conversations, and what he's going to think if I'm honest with him. And sometimes I come up with ways to avoid talking to him until it's long past time."  
  
Jonny Lee plops himself down in the sand, not giving a damn about how wet it is or how it's sticking to his legs. "You should've talked with him weeks ago, this boy assumes, but now it's going to all explode and you'll spend all weekend fighting." He sighs, scoops at the dripping wet sand and letting it drop into piles. He really could try to be more helpful. "So, it has to be _that_ big an argument? You can't just talk?"  
  
"I have no idea," Sean says, frustrated; he sits down and lets Fidget hop to the floor. "There are things I haven't told him yet that are going to hurt me to mention, and things I haven't told him yet that are going to bother him to hear, and if I could predict how we're going to be after that, then I could go even longer without having the talk."  
  
"That doesn't sound good, Sir," he swallows back the emotion, not sure of which one it was, and steels his voice a bit. "But it sounds like a conversation you need to have, Sir. Someone very smart told this boy that talking is a good thing."  
  
"Someone not so very smart," Sean murmurs, "but thank you, Jonny."  
  
"You're welcome, Sir." Jonny Lee shoves at the sand with his foot, frustration biting at the dejection he's feeling. "If it's okay, Sir, this boy would like to call you when he gets home, if it's not an intrusion, Sir."  
  
"It's not an intrusion," Sean says. "I'd like that. Very much. Jonny..." Sean runs a hand over his face. "I like _you_. It's not everyone who can make me grin the way you do, you know."  
  
"And you make this boy feel very special, Sir." He pauses, the silence more awkward than before. "Perhaps this boy should let you go, now, Sir. He's sure Fidget needs reprimanding for clawing Sir's pants."  
  
It so happens that Fidget _is_ trying to climb up Sean's pants. He gets a hand under her belly and lifts her off, gently unsticking little claws from denim, and pulls her into his lap. "Will you be all right?" Sean asks quietly.  
  
"This boy will be fine, Sir." _At some point. Later. Not right now._ Jonny Lee's sure he can run it off, as soon as he pulls himself up from the sand. "Sir needs to be concerned about himself and his husband," he says in a whisper you could hear over the ocean's roar, "and not worry about this boy."  
  
 _Damn it. You need to be warned away from the telephone altogether, Bean. Christ, nothing good's going to come of all these conversations._ Sean shakes his head. There's not much he can say to that. "Take care of yourself," he murmurs.  
  
"Yes, Sir," Jonny says. "You, too."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	80. gerard: [Left taped to the gaming system]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/11/) 10:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25463&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25463) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25463) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25463&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Left taped to the gaming system]** _

_One first class ticket for British Airways flight BA0268 from LAX to Heathrow, departing the night of March 24 and arriving the next day._

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/25463.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	81. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/11/) 09:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15016&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15016) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15016) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15016&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  dejected  
---|---  
  
_****Journal****_  
 **[locked to himself and gerard]**  
  
Running's supposed to be good for you. Make you feel better. Work out the tensions. But sometimes that doesn't even help. Ran for hours, a damn marathon of my own making, and I still can't shake the frustration. Maybe I need the pain instead. Something to displace the ache of wanting.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15016.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-12 07:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15016.html?thread=30376&format=light#t30376))   
---|---  
You. Me. Flogger. Now.  
  
  
We both have frustrations and while it's probably not the best way to work it out, I don't really care right now. And it's always relaxing to watch your back take my strokes. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15016.html?replyto=30376&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	82. gerard: Bootworship and Flogging

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/11/) 01:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25895&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25895) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25895) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=25895&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Bootworship and Flogging** _  
[players only. After [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15016.html), the boys work out their frustrations. Takes place March 11th.]

  
Gerard's response to his journal post had been succinct. _You. Me. Flogger. Now._ Jonny Lee couldn't think of a better offer. He's stiff from running four times longer than normal the day before and still frustrated from the phone call with Sean and a beating sounds perfect. He shuts down the laptop in their bedroom and heads out to find him. It's easy enough, as Gerard's in the living room. Jonny Lee's almost on his knees before he can cross the room, placing himself in near-perfect position at Gerard's feet. "Sir, your boy would like to beg for pain," he says softly.

Gerard put his boots on this morning on a whim. He'd laced them up without thinking about it, hardly even realizing he was wearing them. But it pays off now. "He would," Gerard replies, matching tone. "Then he may."

Chin up, eyes lowered, he takes a deep breath. "Please, Sir, your boy wants the pain only his Master can give him," Jonny Lee begins. "He desires to please his Master by offering his body to whatever pain Master chooses."

Gerard leans over and pushes Jonny Lee's head down hard. "Very well. I'll give you what you want. But first you'll do what I want." Gerard's smile turns into a sneer. "Lick my boots."

"Yes, Master," he says eagerly, dropping himself instantly closer to the floor, his tongue making short, pressing licks over the leather. It's what he needs, what he wants, a way to refocus, center himself.

There's a portion of Gerard's mind that's worrying about putting his boy too deep into headspace. The rest of his doesn't care, that they'll burn that bridge when they come to it. That's the part of his brain that's quickly becoming incoherent at the sight of his boy so enthusiastically licking.

Jonny Lee licks with precisioned abandon, throwing himself into the actions, his tongue making long swaths of clean over the only slightly dusty boots. He doesn't need to drop into headspace to do this. Well, not that far. He's genuinely coming to love serving this way.

Gerard touches himself lightly, timing his strokes to the rhythm of Jonny Lee's tongue. "Such a good boy," he mutters under his breath. "Such a very good boy."

"Yes, Sir," he murmurs against the leather of the second boot. "Your boy tries to be, Sir."

Gerard nudges Jonny Lee's cheek up with his toe so he's looking at him. "You _are_ a good boy. Even when you're being bad."

Jonny Lee smiles. "Thank you, Master."

"Good boy," Gerard says, then returns his foot to flat on the floor. "Continue."

Without a word, Jonny Lee goes back to the boot, finishing it off quickly, efficiently, then kneels back up into position, waiting for orders.

It takes him a moment to realize why Jonny Lee isn't licking anymore. So he thinks that just because he's finished cleaning, he's done? Gerard clears his throat and glares. "Did I tell you to stop, boy?"

"I'm, uh, this boy is sorry, Sir. He took your instructions to mean 'clean', Sir." Jonny Lee cringes, half in real concern for having messed up, half in arousal for having done the same thing. "He begs to make up for it, Sir."

"The orders were to lick, boy." Gerard says harshly. "Are you deaf, or merely stupid?"

"We established a long time ago I'm stupid, Sir," Jonny Lee spits out without thinking, immediately cursing himself before the words are completely out of his mouth. "Fuck it, this boy isn't worth your time, Sir." He bends forehead quickly, touching forehead to floor and not moving. He's feeling dejected and rejected and about as useful as a broken doorknob.

"I know you're not," Gerard replies coldly. He reaches down and strokes Jonny Lee's collar with his thumb. "But I'm keeping you anyway, so you better shut up and obey orders. Got it?"

"Yes, Sir. Please, Sir. Make it hurt, Sir." He's moaning at the touch, how Gerard's thumb slides the collar against his neck, rubbing the flesh, reminding him who he is, who he belongs to. "What may your boy give you now, Master?" The space is simple to sink into, so comforting.

Gerard's hand slides to the back of the collar and he gives the ring a sharp yank. "He may continue licking my boots, and not stop until I tell him to."

His head jerks up at the tug, but as soon as Gerard's hand moves, Jonny Lee lowers his head and goes back to licking the boots, short swipes of his tongue, taking extra care to draw out the moments.

"Good boy," Gerard says with apparent approval. His hand returns to his crotch and his strokes speed up.

Jonny Lee only mentally thanks his Master, his actions too intent on the leather under his mouth. He kisses the very tip of Gerard's right boot before switching back to the left, licking it just as carefully and attentively as he had the other. He wants nothing more, at that moment, than to please Gerard, exist just for him. He's tapping into the zone without even trying.

Gerard unbuttons his pants slowly, not wanting to look away from his boy while he frees his cock. Jonny Lee looks very good like that, pink tongue sliding over black leather, wet lips shining from saliva. Beautiful boy.

He can't see, head down, concentrating on leather and its caresses, the taste of the shine as it starts to glisten, but he can smell his lover's arousal, hear the faint tear of buttons from fabric, and he's growing hard himself inside the grey sweats. It's the edge of pain, that first gnaw of discomfort at his cock hardening and lengthening of its own accord.

Gerard moans and his foot kicks lightly. "S-stop. Stop. Blow me. Want your mouth."

Jonny Lee's not so far gone he can't hear, especially the words _want your mouth_ and he's kneeling up, lacing hands more tightly behind his back and leaning in, taking Gerard's cock with his tongue, swirling underneath before sliding it solidly into his mouth.

Gerard moans again, this time significantly louder than before. He thrusts forward, wanting it all.

The sound's enough to urge him on, but the thrust seals it and Jonny Lee opens wider, takes the cock as far into the back of his throat as he can, then moves back and forth, not too slowly, content to let Master set the pace.

And the pace is fast and harsh and frantic, his hand on Jonny Lee's head, pushing him forward, choking him.

Jonny Lee's happy with that, willing to choke for what he loves, craves above all else. His fingers clench and twist in on themselves to keep occupied while his throat's being brutalized. He knows he won't have a voice for hours. Doesn't care.

There's nothing quite like working out your frustrations through a blowjob and that's what Gerard's doing. He doesn't like Teak zoning, he doesn't like the weird awkwardness that's been between them since, and he doesn't like not knowing what to do. And so maybe he's harsher than he should be, but he just can't get enough.

It creeps out of the recesses of his brain, the zone clouding his thoughts, taking him away, letting him forget that damned phone call and how he feels like shite for even thinking anything else could happen with Sean and Viggo, blocking out everything except the taste of precum slicking his throat, rubbing it down like fine-grade sandpaper, erasing every sound in the room except for Pire's breathing. It's a perfect place to be, just taking what's offered, no matter how much it's gonna hurt.

Gerard pushes Jonny Lee's head forward one more time, then he comes hard in his mouth, jerking forward, halfway grateful that Jonny Lee's hair isn't longer so he isn't in danger of pulling any of it out.

That first splash chokes, but the gag reflex on instinct shuts down and Jonny Lee takes it, every last drop, before pulling back, or rather holding steady as Gerard moves back, taking instructions literally for the moment.

Realizing that Jonny Lee isn't going to be moving unless told to, Gerard pulls his head back slowly then drops his hand. "Lap," he murmurs. He needs a little time to recover and he wants to do it while holding his boy.

"Yes, Sir," he says quietly, moving very slowly to precisely where Gerard points him, still in a self-induced haze.

"That's better," Gerard says, wrapping his arms around his boy.

Jonny Lee pulls himself against Gerard's body, curling into his lover's chest, tucking his feet up into the edge of couch's cushion. It's not the pain he'd come seeking, but it's the touch he probably needs more. He doesn't pull himself out of his zoning, but consciously doesn't let himself go deeper, just stays at that place where he's not hurting so badly, quiet and responsive only when talked to.

They spend a good few minutes like this before Gerard sighs. "All right. Let's get you flogged." While he would love to continue like this, a flogging's what Jonny Lee came for.

"That would make your boy very happy, Sir," he whispers out, still not moving, waiting on specific directions. "As long as it pleases Master."

"It does." Gerard says. He stands up and leads Jonny Lee down to Harry and Mark's playroom. He gets Jonny Lee naked and set up on the cross and then pulls out a leather deerskin flogger. "When was the last time I beat you?"

"The other night, Sir, when we got all messed up." He almost doesn't want to say it, his words slurry in not wanting to come out. "When I zoned so badly." He clutches at the cross pieces, flexing his fingers and wrists in the restraints.

Gerard ignores the flash of panic that comes with the thought of Jonny Lee going under like that, and clears his throat. "And how many stripes did you take then?"

Jonny Lee shakes his head, clearing the zone cobwebs enough to think, try to recall, but it's no use. "Your boy has no idea, Sir."

"Take a guess."

_Shite. Christ. I don't know._ "A few dozen, Sir. This boy wasn't counting and he was so lost it wouldn't've mattered if he had been." His body sags against the cross, the dejection of not being able to answer his Master just piling on top of the rejection he's already feeling.

Gerard categorically refuses to think about their last scene. It has no bearing on this one. They aren't trying to recreate it. If Jonny Lee zones, it'll be because of pain, not humiliation. "A few dozen. Let's call it forty-eight. Think you can take sixty?"

"Sixty," he repeats, the faint smile there even if Gerard can't see it. "Yes, Sir, your boy can take that many." _And much more if his Master wants._ He doesn't say that, though, lets it die in his brain, not wanting to push too far, risk taking him over the edge this soon.

"Good boy." His boy sounds very happy at the thought of getting beaten and so Gerard doesn't make him wait. He gives Jonny Lee the first five without pausing.

Jonny Lee tucks the mental count of strikes into one corner of his brain as he lets go with the rest of his conscious thought, sinking and taking the pain, reveling in its familiarity.

For once Gerard's happy that Jonny Lee doesn't prefer to count. He likes the quasi-silence of the room, the way the sound of the flogger fills the space. When he gets up to thirty, he pauses. "How many was that?" It's a superficial question, but he needs to know if Jonny Lee's still there.

There's a five-second delay in words to brain to where he's storing the number. "That was thirty, Sir," he says after a moment of processing, his voice still hoarse from the deep-throating, the words slightly slurry in his haze. "Your boy, uh, thanks you, Sir."

"Good boy." Gerard smiles at the answer. "Is my boy feeling less frustrated?" They're halfway through, but Gerard doesn't have to stop at sixty.

"Your boy," he starts, but doesn't finish, the rasp of pain catching up with him, hitching his thoughts. He's feeling a lot of things but not less frustrated. The frustration sits like a lodestone in his soul, not going anywhere and pulling in every dejected emotion he's ever had. "No, Sir. Honestly, not."

"Fuck. Right." Gerard bites his lip, thinks for a moment, and then starts beating him again, harder than before.

Along about stroke 47, it hits him. Gerard's beating him harder, maybe harder than he ever has. Jonny Lee's not sure. The zone's zapped him and the pain's searing, striking against that lodestone, sharding it. He'll make it to sixty, but the frustration won't. There's something in the combination of intensity and zone that's whittling it down faster as Jonny Lee ticks off the strikes in his head.

At sixty Gerard drops his hand and rubs his wrist with his free hand. He hurts a little, but not as much as he knows Jonny Lee must. "Sixty," he announces.

Jonny Lee knows he could be hurting a lot worse, that he could take a lot more, wants more even, but he's past the frustration. There's still the dejection, but it's not gnawing at him quite as badly, so there's no reason to push, force Gerard to give him more. "Thank. You. Sir." The words come out in ragged pants, each separated by a huffed breath.

Gerard smiles. Assesses Jonny Lee's back, watches the marks as they come to the surface. It's beautiful. "Want some more?"

The conflict is sudden and heated. He wants more. But not necessarily the beating. "Yes, Sir," he says almost too softly, clearing his throat, trying to get out more voice. "May your boy ask for something else?"

Gerard's hand was raised to give Jonny Lee more, but then the second part sinks in and he drops his hand. "He may," Gerard says, intrigued.

"Your hands, your mouth. Your boy needs his Master's touch." He wants to be taken completely, consumed, fucked till he can't move. "Hurt me so many ways I can't think anymore."

"Alright." Gerard changes his grip on the flogger so that it hangs directly down, and approaches his boy. His other hand goes between the cross and the wall and wraps around Jonny Lee's cock.

"Remind me who I belong to, Pire," Jonny Lee whispers as Gerard's fingers encircle his cock.

"Mm. You belong to me. Got the tattoo to prove it." Gerard moves in close and wraps his tongue around the ring on Jonny Lee's collar. He tugs on it lightly and then slides his tongue off, almost fellating the metal.

"Yes. Yours." The flogging released the tension, the frustration. The touching will ground Jonny Lee, and he needs that so much right now, to be focused solidly on what matters.

"My boy," Gerard whispers. "My Teak." He bites down on the ring and tugs hard, pulling the collar tight against Jonny Lee's throat.

He wants to beg for more of that, but the tightness of the collar sucks the voice from his throat, and it's the most perfect sensation he's ever had.

Gerard's hand speeds up on Jonny Lee's cock as he pulls against the ring. "Come," he mutters, not sure if it comes out at all comprehensible but not really caring. "Come for master."

The single word shoots through to Jonny Lee's brain. The added _for master_ slams into his cock and he comes hard, the hand at his throat choking him with leather. He knows who owns him, who he loves, who he wants to be with forever. And when he has voice, he'll tell him all that. But for now, it's the orgasm that has control and it has Jonny Lee scratching his fingers against the cross pieces, hissing out breath after breath, panting through the intense release.

Gerard releases the collar as Jonny Lee comes. "Such a good boy." he whispers. "Such a good boy."

Jonny Lee's body sags as the release lets go of him, thankful for the cross restraints to hold him upright. _Good boy_ echoes in his brain. "Yours," he rasps out.

"Mine." Gerard gives the collar a quick kiss before bringing his hand up to his mouth and licking himself clean. He doesn't get away with doing this all too often.

Leaning his head to the side, temple against the cross' cool metal, Jonny Lee breathes himself down a bit, waits for whatever his Master wants next.

Hand clean, Gerard considers what to do next. He's beat his boy, wanked him, but he still wants more. He wants his boy in his arms, both of them in bed, and a long time just to themselves.

"Master," he says after regaining his voice, a bit of composure, "your boy appreciates you letting him have the pain." He doesn't know if it's enough of a thank-you, but it's sincere, even as tired as he is.

"Master was happy to give it to you." Gerard smiles and kisses Jonny Lee's neck. "Now how about he gets you down from there, cleans you up, and then make it an early night?"

"Your boy would be happy with that." He's already planning on not running in the morning, maybe even sleeping all day. "So tired now."

"I know," Gerard says. "So let's get you to sleep." He unties the straps and helps Jonny Lee down. "Need anything first?"

He probably should ask for something, knows in the back of his brain there's a logical process to coming down, but all he wants is arms and legs wrapped around him and a bed. "No, Sir. I'm fine, Pire."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/25895.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	83. gerard: [Email to alexis Denisof]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/14/) 22:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26156&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26156) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26156) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26156&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)**_[ **alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/) Denisof]  
To: alexis.denisof@establishment.rpg  
From: gerard@establishment.rpg  
Subject: [Re:](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/10958.html)

I think a phone call would work wonders in the communication department. I'm going back to London a week from Wednesday, however, so it would have to be quick.

Apologies for my delayed response. My boy and I had issues that needed to be worked through.

Sincerely,  
Gerry  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26156.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	84. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/14/) 11:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15725&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15725) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15725) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15725&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  floating on ibuprofen  
---|---  
**Current music:** | _Quadrophenia_  
  
_****Journal****_  
[left public]  
  
This boy isn't sure he's ever going to move right again. A marathon run in wet sand, an [incredibly cathartic flogging](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/25895.html) and then so many hours of sleep without even flinching has him aching in places he forgot he had. Not sure the ibuprofen Pire pumped into him is totally absorbed, but it's getting there.  
  
He found the flight ticket and left it taped right there to the PS2 so he can see it every day.  
  
Eleven days and we go back to London.  
Twelve days and this boy will be home.  
Not that LA has been bad.  
Not this time.  
It's been ... altering ... numbing ... searing.  
  
So putting you on notice, City of Angels (and demons and purveyors of delight) ...  
you've got this boy for about 260 more hours.  
Wanna see just how ~~fucked up you can get him before~~ much fun he can have before he goes home?  
*smirk*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15725.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	85. sean_bean: email to gerard

| !Sean Bean ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/2004/03/17/) 17:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=154978&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=154978) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=154978) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=sean_bean&itemid=154978&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_**email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
 **backdated: 3/17**  
  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
Cc: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)**viggo_m**  
Subject: Weekend invitation  
  
Dear Gerard,  
  
We've been remiss in getting back to you on your offer to spend more time with Jonny Lee, and for that I apologize; the both of us enjoyed our dinner with your effin' adorable boy immensely, and we'd like to see more of him.  
  
We understand he'll still be in town this weekend, and were hoping you'd see fit to letting us play with him. Friday evening through Sunday afternoon, perhaps? Would you be willing to let us borrow him for that long? Any limits or restrictions you'd have for us would be welcome and respected, of course.  
  
Affectionately,  
Sean and Viggo

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/154978.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **email reply**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-21 06:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/154978.html?thread=470882&format=light#t470882))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Re: Weekend invitation  
  
  
Sirs,  
  
Master says he'll allow it and told this boy he's emailing restrictions directly to you. This boy is looking forward to spending his last weekend in LA with the two of you. Well, he should say four of you, he guesses, since he's assuming Sirs' 'children' will be around for the weekend. *g*  
  
Sincerely,  
Jonny Lee 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/154978.html?replyto=470882&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	86. gerard: [E-mail to Sean and Viggo]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/17/) 18:59:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26754&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26754) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26754) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26754&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to Sean and Viggo]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: [Re: Weekend invitation](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/154978.html)

Dear Sean and Viggo,

Based on how much my boy was bouncing when he came back from lunch with the two of you, I can see no reason why Jonny Lee shouldn't spend his last weekend here with the two of you. I'm sure he would enjoy it and get a lot out of it.

I know that you know the rules under which I allow Jonny Lee to scene with others. Since the nature of this weekend is different than a casual scene, I'm lifting the restriction on orgasm control and have instructed my boy likewise.

My request is a strange one and I ask that you not tell Jonny Lee about it. I'm very protective of my boy and no offence is intended. I just need to ask it because, as Jonny Lee would tell you, I worry too much.

Jonny Lee likes private humiliation and takes well to verbal abuse. Please, and I say this knowing that it probably never crossed your mind to do it, please don't tell him that he's stupid, that he's worthless, or, most importantly, that he wasn't good enough for his master to want him anymore. My boy can go to strange places when he's very far into subspace and I don't want him even for one second believe that it's true.

If this request doesn't scare you off, I can drive Jonny Lee over to your house on Friday, or you could come to pick him up. We're staying at Harry Sinclair and Mark Lutz's place.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26754.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	87. gerard: Los Angeles, California, United States of America

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/18/) 16:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26565&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26565) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26565) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=26565&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Los Angeles, California, United States of America** _  
[public]

I get the feeling that it's a good thing I'm going home soon. I'm beginning to understand the way they talk about here.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 02:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46021&format=light#t46021))   
---|---  
Okay, like, dude, if you start surfing, I'm bumping our flight up.  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=46021&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46021&format=light#t46021))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 02:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46277&format=light#t46277))   
---|---  
...You are going to get beaten black and blue and bloody for that.  
  
Just thought you should know. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=46277&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46021&format=light#t46021))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46277&format=light#t46277))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 02:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46533&format=light#t46533))   
---|---  
Well, duh.  
  
You like the new icon though? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=46533&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46277&format=light#t46277))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46533&format=light#t46533))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 02:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46789&format=light#t46789))   
---|---  
Did you just say...?  
  
No, of course not. I must be seeing things. My boy would _never_ be that disrespectful. He knows better than to be that impolite. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=46789&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46533&format=light#t46533))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46789&format=light#t46789))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 03:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47301&format=light#t47301))   
---|---  
Your boy's been out soaking up the sun, Sir. Was he impolite? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=47301&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=46789&format=light#t46789))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47301&format=light#t47301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 03:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47557&format=light#t47557))   
---|---  
Yes. He was very impolite. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=47557&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47301&format=light#t47301))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47557&format=light#t47557))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 03:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47813&format=light#t47813))   
---|---  
Hmmm ... he _could_ blame it on the Vicodin doc gave him for the strained muscles. But that doesn't get him out of apologizing. Sorry, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=47813&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47557&format=light#t47557))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47813&format=light#t47813))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 03:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48069&format=light#t48069))   
---|---  
Is there a reason you didn't see fit to tell me you were on prescription meds? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=48069&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47813&format=light#t47813))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48069&format=light#t48069))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 03:52 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48325&format=light#t48325))   
---|---  
Sorry, Pire. Swung by one of those doc in a box places Tuesday when my body wouldn't stop aching. Got a cortisone shot in the shoulder that knocked out the stiffness and a couple days' worth of Vicodin for the muscle pain. Doc said your boy should know better than to try and run that much in one day. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=48325&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48069&format=light#t48069))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48325&format=light#t48325))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 03:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48581&format=light#t48581))   
---|---  
I wish you would _tell_ me these things. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=48581&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48325&format=light#t48325))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48581&format=light#t48581))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 04:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48837&format=light#t48837))   
---|---  
Sorry ~~again~~ , Sir, your boy didn't think it was necessary to bother Master with his pain. It was of his own making, and he's really feeling a lot better now, despite the floating. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=48837&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48581&format=light#t48581))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48837&format=light#t48837))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 04:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=49093&format=light#t49093))   
---|---  
To _bother_ me with the fact that you pushed yourself so hard you need meds for it?  
  
You think something like that would _bother_ me? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=49093&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=48837&format=light#t48837))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=49093&format=light#t49093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 04:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=49349&format=light#t49349))   
---|---  
~~Godfuckingdamnit. I'm supposed to be independent. Then I'm supposed to tell him everything. I just want to know the fucking rules.~~  
  
Your boy can only apologize so many times, Sir. He realizes you are concerned about him, but it was his running ~~moreso than the beating and fucking and staying on my knees~~ and nothing else that caused the problem. Bruised, strained muscles. It'll be fine. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=49349&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=49093&format=light#t49093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[**eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-03-19 03:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?thread=47045&format=light#t47045))   
---|---  
Gerard,  
  
So sorry that we did not get a chance to meet up before you and yours left our fair city.  
~Elias 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/26565.html?replyto=47045&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	88. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/19/) 00:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15978&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15978) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15978) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=15978&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  in a lot less pain  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Lou Reed's _New York_ (don't ask)  
  
_****Journal****_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
This boy takes it back, Pire. He can apologize more. And should. Over and over again until his Master tells him to stop. He was stupid (something he seems to excel at) and should've told Master about the doctor's visit and the pain meds. He forgets sometimes (probably way too often) that he has someone who gives a damn living with him 24/7, that he belongs to someone who loves him.  
  
He left the doctor's diagnosis sheet and care instructions on the dresser so Master can see for himself. It's a pulled calf muscle. Not torn, just nicely strained. And the shoulder is an old football injury acting up a bit. Neither is a problem. Your boy feels the Vicodin was more the doctor's way of telling your boy to stay on his arse for a few days and rest, which he has done (note he has mastered the last level of Final Fantasy and killed Bond only twice) and now he feels much better. He's left the bottle on the dresser, too, so Master can see he hasn't taken too many.  
  
Your boy didn't mean to be impolite, Master. Honestly. He was playing, moreso than he should've, and if he deserves punishment for that, he'll gladly take whatever Master sees fit to give him.  
  
Love you, Pire. Very much.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-19 06:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?thread=31850&format=light#t31850))   
---|---  
I love you.  
  
I'm sorry I overreacted. I just worry so much about you. I know you can take care of yourself. You're a grown man and you know how to deal with muscle injuries. That's something I need to remember.  
  
I looked over the sheets and, no, I didn't count the number of pills left. That Doctor's advice sounds very sensible. No more running until your injuries are healed sort of thing.  
  
  
Can I make this up to you? Maybe give you a back rub? Or something. I didn't mean to come across as...well, as how I came off. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?replyto=31850&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?thread=31850&format=light#t31850))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-03-19 08:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?thread=32106&format=light#t32106))   
---|---  
You didn't overreact, Pire. And it's okay. Don't have to make anything up either, but if Master wants, his boy wouldn't mind the back rub. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?replyto=32106&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15978.html?thread=31850&format=light#t31850))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	89. jonnyleemiller: Weekend with Sean & Viggo: Spanking lesson

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/19/) 23:22:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17850&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17850) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17850) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17850&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****Weekend with Sean & Viggo: Spanking lesson** ** _  
**[players only. takes place the night of friday, march 19, at the bean-mortensen house, where jonny lee is spending the weekend as their boy.]**

  
Dinner's done for the night, and Sean, Viggo, and Jonny Lee have spent some time in the living room. Sean even managed to build a fire, and Fidget is curled up on the hearth, back turned to the heat so her fur picks up the firelight. Viggo is taking Molly on her evening walk -- only fair, since it's Sean who takes her out in the morning -- and it's given Sean a chance to curl up in a LoveSac with Jonny Lee.

Jonny Lee shifts, uncurls, and wraps his arms up around Sean's neck. Sean can't help smiling, but then, he's expecting to smile a lot this weekend. He watches Jonny Lee, curious what the movement means, whether the adorable boy's going to ask something.

And he does: he blinks at Sean, looking just a smidge more serious than Sean would say is strictly necessary, and asks, "Is there anything Sir would like tonight? He or his husband?"

God, how pleasant; Jonny Lee is nothing if not attentive. Sean slides his hands down Jonny Lee's sides and rests them on his hips, shifting underneath Jonny Lee to get a little more comfortable, to settle Jonny Lee just a bit better on his lap. "Yes," Sean decides, smiling back. Oh, that smile feels good. "I'd like to spend some time kissing you." Sean leans up and nuzzles softly into the hollow of Jonny Lee's throat. "Just kissing you. Slowly, and softly. Sliding my hands up into your hair and holding you close."

It's all Jonny Lee can do not to squirm all over Sean. He's doing his best to stay steady, but Sean's fingers are kneading at his hips, and his thumbs are making small circles and what Sean's describing does sound good. Very good. Jonny Lee manages a nod. "This boy would very much like that, Sir, and very much appreciate the privilege of it."

Sean hums approval against Jonny Lee's neck and begins making his way up, soft kisses that sweep up over his throat, then glance across the line of his jaw, one settling at the point of his chin before Sean's mouth fits itself over Jonny Lee's, tongue teasing at Jonny Lee's lower lip.

Jonny Lee tries not to close his eyes, but the gentleness is almost overwhelming. Sean keeps the kiss slow and gentle, running fingertips up Jonny Lee's back, finally just wrapping his arms around Jonny Lee and holding him close. He rocks his hips up just a little as the kiss deepens, tugging Jonny Lee down so his arse presses against Sean's cock.

Slowness and gentleness usually unsettle Jonny Lee, but this is easier to follow somehow. Jonny Lee lets himself ease into it, pushing small whimpers from his throat into Sean's mouth as the kiss deepens.

Christ, those _sounds_ \-- Sean ends up growling low in his throat, and he thrusts his tongue harder into Jonny Lee's mouth, unable to keep the pace as gentle as he'd intended. He pulls away for a breath. "Christ, boy, but you're irresistible," he whispers. He licks at Jonny Lee's lips, just enjoying the taste, and then he nips softly at Jonny Lee's lower lip and tugs at it. Only a bit, only a fraction of an inch, but enough to be felt, enough to let himself enjoy the feel of doing it. Jonny Lee whimpers at the nips, and Sean licks across his lower lip, humming softly. "Gorgeous," Sean whispers.

Jonny Lee does squirm now, even blushing a little. "M'not," he whispers back. "You just like making me blush."

Sean pulls away so he can look at Jonny Lee, giving him an appraising stare for a few seconds. He cups the side of Jonny Lee's neck in his hand and rubs his thumb down the line of Jonny Lee's jaw. When he starts talking again, his voice is low but very firm. "Would a good boy contradict Sir when Sir's offering him a compliment?"

Jonny Lee's body stiffens at the touch of Sean's hand on his neck. "No, Sir. He wouldn't, Sir." And Sean's words push him into the zone in an instant; suddenly it's all clear, and what he needs to say and do aren't in question anymore. "This boy apologizes, Sir, for not taking the compliment as it was offered."

Sean can feel the difference in Jonny Lee's posture, even though he hasn't really moved. He's familiar enough with headspace to know it when he sees it.

He lowers his voice, going into the soothing register he sometimes uses to talk to Fidget when she's exhausted and crying because she can't quite get to sleep. "Good boy," he murmurs. "The apology's accepted." And in Sean's mind, that would be good enough, but he senses it's not quite good enough for Jonny. "Do you feel a need to make it up to me further," Sean asks, "or are we clear now that you've apologized?"

It's not a difficult choice. Just being told his apology's accepted isn't enough, even if Sean seems to think it is. "This boy feels he would best learn from his mistake if he were permitted to make it up, Sir."

_Thought so._ Sean doesn't smile, though. He's settling into the place where he can give the sort of punishment Jonny Lee seems to want, and that means the indulgent grin on his face needs to come off. "All right," he says. He leans up and kisses Jonny Lee's forehead, and that move is all he needs to feel his role solidify. "Get up and undress. And then I want you over my lap, arse up," he orders.

The change in tone doesn't keep the smile off Jonny Lee's face as he realizes what the different position's going to mean. He stands and strips his clothes off quickly, leaving them in a pool at the edge of the LoveSac.

Sean follows Jonny Lee out of the LoveSac, getting his own clothes off. Fidget mews and hops down off the hearth, crawling immediately to Sean's sweater and making a nest for herself in it. Sean doesn't even notice. He climbs back into the LoveSac, fluffing the cushion a little so there's room for Jonny Lee over his lap.

Jonny Lee climbs into Sean's lap and squirms into position. "Thank you, Sir."

Sean runs his hand down the length of Jonny Lee's spine from the nape of his neck to his arse. "You get ten swats for contradicting Sir's compliment, and _then_ you get the promise that if you contradict a compliment from me again, you won't be getting more spankings. Clear?" Sean asks.

"Yes, Sir. Very clear, Sir," Jonny Lee answers. He shivers slightly; anticipation, the slight nervousness of knowing he's about to be punished for doing something wrong, the feel of Sean's bare legs under his stomach and upper thighs, all of it has a way of combining into something that makes the air in the room seem cooler, maybe a little more electric. "Does Sir wish this boy to count the spanking?"

Sean nods. "Mm-hm. But you don't have to thank me for them unless you want to." To him, the room seems just as warm as it always has. A little warmer now, with the fire going and a nice warm boy across his lap. He rubs his hand across Jonny Lee's arse and then pinches just in the center of his right cheek, giving an appreciative curve of his lips as Jonny clearly tries not to squirm. "And I'm sarting," Sean warns him, lifting his hand.

He starts off hard, bringing his hand down hard enough to hurt and bring up a pink impression. It's just enough that ten swats are going to make him squirm for the rest of the night when he sits.

"One. Sir," Jonny gets out. The pain's biting into his skin, just right. Enough to punish, but not enough he doesn't want it.

Sean gives the second swat just as hard, to the other cheek this time. His hand lingers for a quick grope afterwards, and he grins as the grope makes Jonny's breath catch.

"Two, Sir."

The third swat, then, and Sean squirms up against Jonny a little. His cock's quite hard from this, from giving this lovely squirming boy pain and punishment, and his cock nudges at Jonny Lee's hip.

"Three, Sir. Thank you." Jonny has to voice his gratitude after Sean's squirming. He behaves, though, and doesn't squirm back down against Sean in an answering motion.

"Good boy," Sean murmurs, not just for the count, but for the way Jonny was able to keep himself still. He gives Jonny the fourth swat, and growls a little when he does. Jonny's definitely starting to pink up, and Sean's enjoying watching his skin color. He's enjoying the idea that he's giving this oh-so-effin'-adorable boy pain, and hoping Jonny's getting what he needs from the punishment, too.

"Four, Sir," Jonny gasps out, words spat out in a rush.

Sean doesn't allow Jonny any time to recover after the last blow. He gives the fifth, harder this time, and growls out, "Good boy."

Jonny squirms on his own from the force of the swat; he can't help it. "Five, Sir," he pants. "This boy appreciates the effort you're putting forth, Sir." With a little effort, he manages to slow his breathing, something that does not go unnoticed by Sean.

"Oh, very good boy," Sean praises. The need to be serious is wearing off now, especially with that squirm of Jonny Lee's. He gives Jonny's arse a sixth swat, as hard as the last one. "Enjoying yourself?" he asks. It's a bit of a trick question, but not a cruel one.

"That's six, Sir. Enjoying?" Jonny asks. He winces, and gnaws a bit at his lower lip, trying to figure how to answer. "Honest?"

"Honest," Sean agrees, laying down a seventh hard swat.

"Seven, Sir," Jonny counts out, before anything else. "And, yes, Sir, enjoying. But this boy likes pain."

Sean does smile at that. He lays his hand down and gropes Jonny Lee's arse, pinching at reddened flesh. "That's quite all right," Sean says, nearly teasing now. "So do I." Another hard pinch, this one definitely teasing. "Are you learning anything?" he asks, just before the eighth swat comes down.

Whimpering, mostly from the pinches but partly from the swats in general, Jonny Lee bites back asking for more before managing an answer to Sean's question. "Yes, Sir," he says. "That's eight," he adds. "And this boy is learning that he needs to take compliments as they're given, Sir. He won't forget it, Sir."

"And if you don't take your compliments gracefully...?" Sean prompts. He lays down the ninth swat, this one harder than any of the others.

"Then he won't get any more spankings, Sir," Jonny answers. The words are rushed out before the pain connects from arse to brain, and now Jonny has to squirm all over Sean's lap. The punishment's almost done, and it would be punishment indeed not getting more spankings by the time the weekend's out. "Nine, Sir," he gasps.

Sean smiles; Jonny's got the hang of this now. And the squirm was not at all unwelcome. "Precisely that," he grins. "A boy's got to take compliments as they're given." And he lays down the tenth hard spank, hand lingering once he's done. The skin of Sean's palm tingles from delivering all ten swats, and it feels wonderful. Sean's hand makes a nice contrast to Jonny Lee's pinkened arse cheeks, and he keeps rubbing, groping just a little, enjoying himself with the touches.

"That's ten, Sir," Jonny manages. The burn from the spanking radiates out, warming his whole body as he lies across Sean's lap. "This boy thanks you for his lesson, Sir."

Sean grins. One last pinch, and then he's helping Jonny back up into his lap, where his arse will end up against Sean's thighs, so Sean can squirm under him and make sure he doesn't forget his lesson for a moment. "You're welcome," he says, running hands up Jonny's back. "Very good boy."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17850.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	90. jonnyleemiller: Weekend with Sean & Viggo: Towel boy

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/20/) 23:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18164&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18164) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18164) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18164&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****Weekend with Sean & Viggo: Towel boy** ** _  
**[players only. takes place the morning of saturday, march 20, at the bean-mortensen house, where jonny lee is spending the weekend as their boy.]**

  
The warmth at his feet is definitely different from what Sean's expecting. Normally it's Fidget at his head and Molly at Viggo's feet, and this is something else entirely. Fidget's still on his head, but...

_...ohhh._ Sean grins down at Jonny Lee, cuddled up at the foot of the bed under Sean's green blanket, head and arms resting over Sean's calves. _Is it possible to perish from adorable?_ Sean wonders.

He shifts his legs a little under Jonny Lee's arms, hoping to wake him up without disturbing Viggo too much in the process. Not much chance of that; Viggo's hard to wake up in the morning even if Sean's trying.

Jonny Lee's still in the depths of a wonderful dream when the nudging starts. It's an easy nudge, sand shifting under his head at the beach kind of nudge, and he shrugs it off at first, wanting to go back to sleep, back to the prince and the other prince and some fairy godfather, but the shifting continues.

He opens one eye very slowly, his internal clock telling him it's early, prime running time. Surroundings are vaguely familiar, a hazy hue of green, blanket and eyes he can't see but knows are there. The shifting isn't sand, but Sean, and it comes back rather quickly where he is and what he's doing, and he opens both eyes and starts to stir, muttering an almost silent "Morning, Sir."

"Shh..." Sean puts a finger to his lips, then sits up more so he can reach down and tousle Jonny Lee's already-tousled hair. He glances back at Viggo and grins, then slides his legs out from under Jonny Lee and tugs himself out of bed. Once he's on his feet, he gives a small "follow-me" gesture to Jonny Lee and heads for the bedroom door.

Smiling at the conspiratorial "shh" and Sean's tousling, Jonny Lee slips off the bed and follows Sean, shrugging off the last of the dream's imagery and its arousing accompaniment, rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes.

Once out of the bedroom, Sean catches Jonny Lee's shoulder and presses him into the wall, finger going up to his lips again -- _quiet_ \-- before leaning in, nipping at Jonny Lee's neck.

Just the merest hint of a word escapes Jonny Lee's lips before he goes silent again, wondering how long he can stay that way with Sean's teeth at his throat, their erections rubbing together. He knows he can zone and stay completely quiet, but that's not what he wants. His hands go flat against the wall, where they're out of the way until told differently.

Sean slides a hand down between them, catching both cocks in one hand, long fingers wrapping around them. His other hand keeps Jonny Lee's shoulder pinned to the wall, and he nuzzles against Jonny Lee's neck, humming approval. _Very nice._

Pinned is good. Trapped is better. And the combination has Jonny Lee scratching at the wall, begging silently with his body for more, pressing up into the wrapped fingers, craning his head to better Sean's access to his throat.

"Good morning," Sean whispers. "Can you come quietly if I get you off like this? Don't want to wake up the husband." He grins.

Jonny Lee nods, but doesn't speak. He can do that easily. Well, not _easily_ , but with a bit of lip-biting and wall clutching.

"Good," Sean breathes. The strokes of his hand pick up speed, and his teeth sink into Jonny Lee's neck with sharper, harder bites. Sean's breathing hard already, so damn close it's starting to hurt.

He hurriedly pulls back fingers sliding down the wall as the bites intensify, clutching and digging into wallboard that's not yielding. He's so damned close, wants to cry out, beg, knowing he's allowed, but he stays silent, biting down hard on his lips, tilting his head against the wall.

Sean's lips move up Jonny Lee's neck, licking over skin that's just begging to be marked, and his breath is warm against Jonny Lee's ear. "You can come when I do," he whispers. And the order's all it takes to send him over; he jerks in his own hand, come falling in jets over his cock and Jonny Lee's, the warm sticky pulse of it coating both of them as Sean's hand keeps working.

_Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir._ He'll say the words aloud later, when he's not focused on coming, spilling out over Sean's hand, not wanting him to stop working his cock till it hurts too much to continue. His lip is sorely bruised and his fingers stiff from flexing by the time Sean lets up.

Sean pulls back and looks at Jonny Lee, and he can see why Viggo's always saying _don't bite at your lip_ ; it makes him want to flick his tongue out over Jonny Lee's lips and get that lip uncaught. There's no reason not to do it, either, so he leans down and starts licking at Jonny Lee's lips, brushing his lips against them, coaxing him into a kiss.

It doesn't take much coaxing. Jonny Lee responds, presses back into the kiss, in just the way he's quickly learning Sean like, eager but not demanding. He'd be tempted to bite his lip all day to get kisses like this.

Oh, and that feels _so_ good. Jonny Lee's mouth is warm and his tongue is absolutely wicked, and Sean pushes him back further into the wall, leaving a sticky smear of come against Jonny Lee's hip to keep him pinned back.

That's perfect, the force and the swabbing of tongue and his body being held back. But his hands are free, and Jonny Lee tentatively pries his fingers from the wall and brushes Sean's hips, positive he's violating some unspoken rule about staying put but not really caring as he's caught up in the moment.

"Mm," Sean murmurs, enjoying the play of fingers against too-warm skin. "Come on," he whispers, "let's get out of earshot of the sleeping man. Thought we might like to figure out what's happening this morning."

"Yes, Sir," he mutters absently, letting himself be guided away from the wall. "What would Sir like to do this morning?"

Sean heads into the kitchen and leans down to give Molly a nice rub down her flank. She tilts her head up, looking pleased to see him, but as always, she's slow-moving in the morning. "First thing to do is get my princess up and about," Sean explains. "Usually take her out for a run, then come back in, shower off, and crawl back into bed with Viggo. Would you like to join me?"

All of the above sounds like a great morning. "Sure. Would love to go running. Trainers are in my duffel." Jonny Lee smiles as Molly acknowledges his presence with what sounds like a stilted whimper. Then he remembers doctor's orders to cut back. "How far do you run, Sir?"

"A mile or two, depending on how the girl's feeling." Sean's already making the long strokes down her back that get her muscles relaxed in the morning, let her move a little better. "Truth be told, I'm not one for exercise. Really just do this for Molly, and to get myself a little more awake."

"Mile or two's easy. Can handle that," he says, more to himself than Sean. "Yes, Sir, I imagine the run's good for her, stretching muscles and all."

"Mm-hm. And she loves to do it." Sean trails a hand down her back, nape of her neck to tail, and Molly begins stretching a little, jaw opening and tongue lolling out as she wakes herself up. "Just can't manage the stretches or the sprints she used to."

"I sympathize with her, Sir." Jonny Lee crouches down, gently places his hand on Molly's back and rubs in long, soft strokes. "Yeah, girl, hurts to push too hard, doesn't it? Run those long distances."

Molly turns her head to Jonny Lee, and her tail starts a tentative little wag, one that gets progressively more enthusiastic as he keeps rubbing her back. Sean grins and lets his hands drift away from Molly, running them up Jonny Lee's back instead. "She likes you," he murmurs. "But not as much as I do, I'm thinking." He bites at Jonny Lee's shoulder again, growling softly.

He shivers at the bite, blushes at the affectionate words, but doesn't deny it, takes them with grace, sidesteps into headspace. "This boy likes Sir a lot, too." He lengthens the strokes along Molly's back. "He enjoys being here."

"Good boy. Let me go get dressed while you keep Molly company, and then you can go off and get your trainers and your clothes while I rub her down. We've got this cream we use for that; seems to do her a little good."

"Yes, Sir." Jonny Lee settles to the floor, stretching out his leg, starting to flex the muscle as he gently strokes Molly, talks to her while Sean's gone.

Molly approves of the attention, nosing into Jonny Lee's armpit as he helps get her muscles moving. By the time Sean makes his way back from the bedroom, dressed in short shorts and a hooded sweatshirt that zips up the front, trainers in hand, Molly's licking at just about every inch she can reach on Jonny Lee.

"Stop, Molly," Jonny Lee laughs as she licks his face for umpteenth time. He looks up at Sean's arrival. "Would it be bad to safeword out of this?"

"She understands the universal doggie safeword of 'no'," Sean grins. "I think I can take over from here. She doesn't normally warm up to people so fast, you know."

"Yes, Sir." He barely gets the words out before he's licked again. "No," he says firmly to Molly with as menacing a scowl as he can muster. When she settles back away from him, Jonny Lee pulls himself up off the floor. "I'll get dressed now, Sir. It won't take a minute."

"Mmm," Sean says, getting a firm hold on Molly's collar and watching Jonny Lee's backside appreciatively as he heads away. He turns back to Molly and grins. "You're not to bite that," he says. "Even if it _is_ tempting."

It's a little more than a minute, probably five, but Jonny Lee's back in the kitchen in no time, trainers on but untied and tugging on a Kingston football sweatshirt over his t-shirt and running shorts. He stops short of tripping on Sean, bends down and finishes the laces, double-knotting them.

Sean grins, bending back a little to get a good look at Jonny Lee's arse, and he pushes away from Molly so he can take a nice bite at the center of one cheek.

"Ouch." It doesn't really hurt, not as much as startle and cause Jonny Lee to lose his balance, dropping forward to his knees.

"Damn," Sean grins, "didn't mean to drop you to your knees that fast. You all right there?" Molly noses at Jonny Lee's face, letting out a soft, concerned whimper.

Jonny Lee looks over his shoulder. "You know, you could've just asked though, Sir," he says with a broad smile. "This boy is more than happy to go to his knees for you."

"I know," Sean grins, running his hand down the curve of Jonny Lee's arse. "And you look damn good on them. But later. After our run, yeah?"

~*~

Sean opens up the door and unclips Molly's leash, hanging it up on the rack just inside. Molly takes off for her pillow in the kitchen, still panting, and Sean, who feels like panting himself, wraps an arm around Jonny Lee's waist, tugging him back so Sean's front is against Jonny Lee's back.

"Going to want a shower after all that," he murmurs. "And you?"

"Yes, Sir, a shower would be quite nice. That was a good run." Jonny Lee finds it more than comfortable to step back into Sean's arms, let himself be wrapped up. He's sweaty, but not too bad, the run being considerably less than the five to eight miles he usually puts in. "But this boy can wait until Sir's finished with his shower." He wouldn't presume to think Sean's suggesting anything else.

"You ever served as a towel boy?" Sean asks, grinning, rubbing the stubble of his chin against the side of Jonny Lee's neck.

"Not officially, Sir." The rubbing tickles and Jonny Lee laughs just a little. "Does it require special training?"

"Mm, no. You'll need to have towels on hand to take care of me when I'm out of the shower, and you'll probably need to be watching me..." He grins, leans down and licks up a drop of sweat from the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Very carefully."

That elicits a moan, slow and from the chest. "Yes, Sir," he swallows at the thought of wet Sean. "Watch you. Towels on hand. This boy thinks he can do that."

"Like that idea?" Sean breathes, grinding his hips into Jonny Lee's arse. "Want to serve me that way?"

"Sir, this boy wants to serve you every way he possibly can." He knows he's rushed through the words, a touch breathless at the increasing contact. "He has no other desires this weekend, Sir, except serving."

"Effin'," Sean grins, nipping at Jonny Lee's earlobe, "adorable. The fresh towels are in the linen closet just outside the bathroom. Go on and get them, and I'll be starting my shower while you do."

"Yes, Sir." As soon as Sean lets go, Jonny Lee's headed to the linen closet, where he grabs the large bath sheets, then detours by the laundry room to hot fluff them in the dryer. He makes a point of slipping off his trainers by the washer since they hit a couple too-dusty spots on the run and there's no sense in continuing to track dirt through the house.

Smiling as he heads into the bathroom, Sean slips out of his clothes, dropping them into the hamper next to the tub. He turns on the water, getting it nice and hot, and then steps under the steaming spray, sliding the glass shower door closed as he murmurs approval of the hot, stinging-needle sensation on his skin.

Steam's misting over the bathroom when Jonny Lee comes in, folded hot towels in his arms. He's not sure what to do next. Kneel? Undress? Just stand there? He clears his throat softly. "Sir, the towels are here. This boy took a minute to dry them so they'd be nice and warm. What would you have him do now, Sir?"

Sean glances out of the shower and pulls the shower door aside for a moment so he can talk to Jonny Lee. And not incidentally, show off the way the water's streaming over naked skin, and the way his cock's still hard from rubbing up against Jonny Lee earlier. "Undress, and kneel on the bath mat for me," he says. "Conscientious boy. What do you like for rewards for good behavior?"

The show's not lost on Jonny Lee, who's unconsciously licking his lips at the remembered taste of Sean's cock. He starts to undress, skimming sweatshirt and T-shirt as one off over his head. "Whatever his," he swallows the _Master_ that nearly slips out, "Sir wishes to give this boy as reward will please him." The shorts are pushed down and off easily, socks following with a slight hop, and in a minute he's on his knees, working himself into proper position.

"Sir's thinking about it," Sean grins, going back to his shower. It doesn't take very long. Sean finishes with the soap, gets his hair shampooed, and then he's turning the water off and shaking his head to get some of the water out of his hair. He slicks his hair back with a rough, quick gesture, and then opens the glass doors of the shower.

_Towel boy._ It clicks in Jonny Lee's brain the second the door opens. He breaks position, hoping it's the right thing to do, and grabs a towel from the stack he'd placed on the bathroom's corner chair, shaking it out. "Where would Sir like his boy to start?"

Sean steps onto the bath mat, and droplets of water patter down on the plush surface. "You come up and start with my hair, and then move down from there. A good towel boy's duties end with him kneeling at his Sir's feet."

"Yes, Sir." He rises to his feet and starts on the hair, mass of golden locks dripping water, toweling Sean's head with a brisk circular motion. Then he moves down, one shoulder and arm, then the next, before sliding the towel over Sean's chest. "Sir, is this the sort of thing a good boy does for his Master all the time?" He knows Pire's mentioned ritual and service, but they haven't really talked about it or done anything.

Sean hums softly and leans down to leave a warm, hungry bite on Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Might be," he murmurs. "Depends on how much the boy likes service and how much the Master gets off on it."

Jonny Lee shrugs up and then out of the bite with a small cast-off whimper. "This boy likes service very much," he says, not moving to Sean's back but wrapping the towel around Sean and pressing in, his hands working the cotton down the damp spine and out over Sean's hips before dropping to his knees to work on the lower extremities.

"I can tell," Sean murmurs. "Can you tell how much I'm getting off on it?" It should be fairly obvious; Sean's hard, his cock standing up between his legs, all too near Jonny Lee's face as he keeps moving his towel down Sean's body.

He rubs the towel gently, almost reverentially over Sean's cock, can feel it harden and lengthen at his touch. "Yes, Sir," he whispers. "This boy is pleased he can be of such service." He lets the towel's edge fall between Sean's legs, his free hand rubbing it over the thighs and behind the knees and down over the calves of both legs while he still gently dries Sean's cock and balls.

"This boy's doing beautifully," Sean murmurs. He reaches down, runs still-damp fingers through Jonny Lee's hair. "What's this boy thinking?"

"That he'd like to kiss every inch of Sir's body, wipe away the last of the moisture with his tongue and lips." He says the words almost too quietly, as if afraid of answering the direct question so honestly.

"Do you think you've earned it?" Sean asks softly, still petting fingers through Jonny Lee's hair.

"It is not for this boy to say whether he has earned such a privilege or not." He likes the soothing touch, rolls his head under Sean's fingers. "He would hope Sir sees fit to allow him the honor of serving in such a fashion."

Sean tangles his fingers in the threads of Jonny Lee's hair. "When you're asked a question," he says gently, "you need to learn to answer it. I asked whether you thought you'd earned it." He draws Jonny Lee's face closer, to the crease where hip meets thigh. "Didn't ask whether you had the right to decide if you did."

"Sorry, Sir," he snaps out, drawing in a quick breath at the sharp tug. "This boy honestly doesn't know if he's earned it, Sir. He feels he's done what was asked of him, if that's the answer Sir is looking for." The taste of flesh, beaded with water and steamsweat, is almost within reach, and it's such a temptation.

"Do you feel you've done a good job?" Sean asks, dragging Jonny Lee's face over his hip, down toward his crotch, edging him slowly closer to his cock.

"Yes, Sir." Words kinda slur out as temptation nears, the warmth of Sean's skin shooting straight to his own cock. _Damn. Control, Miller._

"Say that again," Sean says, pulling Jonny Lee's face further over, brushing his cheek against Sean's cock, "slower this time, so I can feel your breath on my skin."

"Yes. Sir." He draws out the words overly long, breathing out at the last over Sean's cock.

"Then taste me," Sean murmurs. "Lick the water from my skin and taste me."

Jonny Lee slips out his tongue and tentatively chases a dewdrop of moisture beading up on the side of Sean's cock. He draws his tongue down and through the patch of hair, out along that crease of flesh Sean had guided his face.

"Good boy," Sean breathes, tightening his grip and drawing Jonny Lee's mouth back toward his cock. "More..."

Letting his tongue trail over Sean's skin, Jonny Lee soaks up several more drops of cooling water before his lips touch the cock, his head tugged back and his mouth nudged over the moist tip. He opens wider, easily taking it in, flicking his tongue up along the ridged flesh.

"Oh, God -- fuck, that's good -- just like that," Sean murmurs. Jonny Lee's mouth is so warm, and he's so damn good at what he's doing; Sean could stay like this for a good long while before wanting to go anywhere.

If Jonny Lee Miller's a slut for anything, it's sucking cock. He absolutely adores doing it. He moves slightly, shifting his knees to better center himself and works his mouth down over Sean's cock, increasing the suction incrementally as he sucks it in then pulls back.

"Such a good boy," Sean murmurs, only letting his voice tremble slightly, "Christ, you're so good for me, aren't you?" The feel of Jonny Lee's tongue gliding against the underside of his cock is driving him half-mad already; he wonders if he's going to come before he's expecting to.

_Yes, Sir. Good boy for you._ He can feel Sean's growing arousal, the first hints of orgasm weighing heavy as Jonny Lee deep-throats him, holds steady, then slowly works back. _Want to please you, Sir._ He wants to feel the come rush down his throat almost as much as he wants to be hauled up, thrown on his hands and knees and fucked senseless. And he knows better than to ask for either.

Sean gasps -- he's right there, and another minute would be too much. He pulls Jonny Lee back and glances down at him. "Tell me what you're fantasizing about," he pants lightly. "How you'd want me to finish."

"Huh?" It takes a second, the loss of contract damned irritating, and Jonny Lee grasps the question. "Fantasizing, Sir? Is it permissible for this boy to voice a preference?"

"It doesn't mean you'll get it," Sean says, grinning, "but I want to know where your thoughts are."

"Then, this boy is of mixed mind, Sir." He looks up, head tilted. "He would love to feel Sir's come soaking his throat, splashed on his face." He can't help but blush ever so slightly. "But he'd also very much like to be turned over and fucked hard before he's allowed his shower."

Sean lets Jonny Lee's hair go and gestures toward the counter. "Go and bend over that," he says. He slides his hands through his hair, slicking some of the leftover moisture out of it as he gets his hair pushed back from his face.

Jonny Lee pulls back and turns, staying on his hands and knees, crawling the short distance to the counter before standing and bending over it, across a stack of handtowels. He spreads his legs shoulder-width, but leaves his hands against the counter on either side of the towels, unsure of where Sean will want them.

Sean opens up the medicine cabinet and tugs out condoms and lube, and rolls a condom over his cock. He opens up the lube and gets his fingers slick with it, then circles his fingertips around Jonny Lee's opening. "You look good bent over my countertop, Jonny," he murmurs.

Pushing back into the touch, Jonny Lee twists his back, right shoulder going down, and whimpers. "Thank you, Sir. This boy likes being bent over Sir's counter."

"This boy's squirming," Sean teases. "Going to keep squirming until I'm fucking you hard?" He looks over Jonny Lee's shoulder at the sight of them in the mirror and grins at that, too -- it's not a focused mirror scene like the ones he's run with Viggo on and off, it's just another good way of watching this beautiful boy while he's being fucked. And it's very nice indeed. Sean slides two fingers inside Jonny Lee and begins moving them in and out, fast and just this side of rough.

"Only if Sir wants his boy to squirm." Jonny Lee glances up and catches their reflections. It's a bit embarrassing, watching himself like that. He wants to close his eyes. Does for the briefest of moments, but can't keep them closed when Sean's fingers slip inside him. "If Sir wishes," he says, just a touch breathlessly, "his boy can try to stay still."

"No," Sean murmurs, "I'd rather have honest reactions out of you. And you don't have to watch us if you don't want to." His fingers come out of Jonny Lee, then, and he lines his cock up, pressing the head of it against Jonny Lee's opening. "But you _do_ have to ask for it," he grins. "Ask me to fuck you."

"Like watching you, Sir," he says, smiling at the mirror image. "Just never liked seeing myself." That's honesty. And so is the small step back, pressing arse to cock. "Please, sir, fuck this boy. He wants to feel you inside him, stretching him."

Sean puts a hand on Jonny Lee's shoulder, steadying the both of them, and slides forward in one long, smooth thrust. He presses Jonny Lee forward against the counter, letting it bite into the fronts of his thighs, more than aware of how that feels from mornings spent bent over the countertop himself. He lets out a long breath once he's in to the root, and holds still, breathing hard.

The counter's pinch is comforting, a sharp balance to the building pressure of Sean pushing in, settling. Jonny Lee clenches and unclenches his fingers until Sean's movement stops. Then he nudges his hips back, not away from countertop but shifting weight enough to be eager. "Please," he purrs out, eyes fixed on the glass in front of him.

"Oh, yeah," Sean agrees, pulling back, shoving forward _hard_ , letting the weight of his body carry Jonny Lee into the countertop again. " _Fuck_ , you feel good, boy..."

That time the pain's much more biting, the countertop pressing thighs and cock and Jonny Lee moans outright. "Oh, yes, so good."

Sean starts up a rough, fast rhythm, one that pushes Jonny Lee forward with every hard thrust of his hips, and he glances into the mirror to see what he's doing. He can see the roll and press of his hips, the clench of his fingers on Jonny Lee's shoulder, the way his other arm's supporting much of his weight so he has the leverage to shove forward. He can see Jonny Lee moving back against him, and he grins, altering his angle just a little to carry his cock in deeper.

Staring into the mirror, Jonny Lee fixes on their combined image, how Sean seems to be moving effortlessly, shoving Jonny's body closer to the mirror, rumpling the towels with each stroke. He's conscious of only that, the sensation of being fucked, the pressure, the fullness, the momentary pain when his cock brushes against the counter, not quite enough friction to take him to the next level.

Sean curls a hand around Jonny Lee's hip, pulling him back away from the counter, and takes his hand off Jonny Lee's shoulder to wrap it around his cock. The strokes start off light, but as Sean keeps fucking him, he squeezes harder, makes the strokes rougher, perfectly in time with the way he's fucking Jonny Lee. He grins into the mirror at Jonny Lee's reflection. "Good?" he breathes.

"It's perfect, Sir." He could stay just like this for hours, just being held and fucked. His reflection is fixed, his pupils nearly dilated, and he's focused on being a good boy, taking everything he's given and silently begging for more with his body, small pushes back and forward.

"Good enough to go over?" Sean teases, giving Jonny Lee an extra little twist with his next stroke, fucking him just a little harder. He's not going to last long at this rate, but damn if he's not impressed with Jonny Lee's control so far.

"At your word, master." Jonny Lee's on edge, but he knows he can control it, and if Sean wants, he can keep from coming for hours. And he's been given permission to beg for it, which shifts the game's parameters a bit.

The word jolts Sean hard, enough to make him lose his rhythm for a moment. It doesn't last long, though, and stopping _now_ to talk about it would be more punishment than Jonny Lee deserves -- it wasn't something he said to get a response from Sean, as far as Sean can tell. "Word's granted," Sean pants out, and as soon as the words are said, he's coming himself, gasping as he gives Jonny Lee the last few, hard, desperate strokes.

At the last stroke, Jonny Lee lets go and comes hard, coating Sean's hand in streaky white streams, shivering in his hold, body tightening around Sean's cock. "Oh, god, yes, fuck," he spits out before biting down on his lip, letting the rest of the orgasm ride through on a deep moan. He's smiling when he looks into the mirror, sweat-drenched and sticky.

The smile's going to be the death of Sean, he just knows it. He ruffles a hand through Jonny Lee's hair and then pulls back, reaching for one of the towels on the countertop to dry his hand off. "That was wonderful," Sean says. "You'd make an excellent towel boy, you realize."

"Thank you, Sir," he says quietly. "That was, um, fantastic." He doesn't move. Isn't sure he can for a few minutes.

Sean takes up a place next to Jonny Lee, running both hands down his back. "It's all right," he murmurs. "You don't have to go anywhere. You can stay here if you like."

Jonny Lee purrs at that. "Would like a shower, Sir, if that's all right?"

"Mm-hm," Sean says, leaning down to kiss the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Go on ahead. I'll be back in bed when you're done."

"Yes, Sir," he says, leaning back into the kiss. "This boy will finish quickly and come right to the bedroom."

"Good boy," Sean murmurs, standing up again and giving him a light smack on the arse. "No rush."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18164.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	91. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Monday, March 22

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/22/) 09:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16267&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16267) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16267) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16267&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Monday, March 22****_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
Revelations are strange. They strike like lightning, fast and hard and they leave you burning.  
  
Your boy found out a lot about himself this weekend, Pire, with Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen. Your boy is much more centered than he was before he left his Master on Friday afternoon. Not so much from what they did, but from within, from what he allowed to happen. Your boy understands a bit more of what Master is trying to do, if not exactly why, and he's looking forward to moving to the next step.  
  
He's not still completely down from it, but he's packing and thinking and counting the minutes till we're on the plane home. And he expects to be talking to you about it throughout the flight. Unless Master has other ideas about how his boy should spend his time.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16267.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-03-26 07:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16267.html?thread=33675&format=light#t33675))   
---|---  
No, no, talking sounds wonderful. I'm very interested in hearing what you've found out. I've always loved epiphanies. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16267.html?replyto=33675&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	92. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Wednesday, March 24 [public entry]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/24/) 00:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16580&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16580) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16580) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16580&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  ready to go home  
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Wednesday, March 24 [public entry]****_  
 **[public, locked to Est members]**  
  
Twenty-four hours and this boy will be home. Or nearly. He isn't sure what time the flight touches down at Heathrow. Didn't look that closely at the tickets. And he's happy to be going home, but he's bittersweet about it, too.  
  
First time in LA was nearly 10 years ago and it was awful and this boy couldn't wait to leave. This time, though, he almost hates leaving. Almost, Pire. Don't get scared. He's packed the PS2 and his bags are by the door.  
  
Last-minute notes for a few LA folks:  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[ **ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/) : Ethan, there's a CD log in the computer ready to be burned. It'll be on its way to you by the weekend. Plus this boy is seriously looking into the geocaching and hiding something in London for you to find. Of course, there's a couch waiting with game hookup handy if you fly over.  
  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[ **james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/) : Crossing fingers the show is picked up, but if it isn't, this boy will plan the biggest "welcome to London" party for Mr. Denisof and his most adorable boy. Don't keep us in the dark about your plans.  
  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[ **stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) : *smirk* All vampires crossed off this boy's list now, except he hears the new _Van Helsing_ lets Richard Roxburgh do a turn at Dracula. Wonder if he plays?  
  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/): Dude, this boy is so relaxed from living in that house. Must be the Zen rubbing off. Or is that fucked in?  
  
  
[private to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)**sean_bean** ]  
This boy doesn't have the skills to put words together to thank Sir, and his husband, for everything. Pain and punishment aren't the same thing. That's probably a stupid revelation, but it never really clicked with this boy before. And it's never his place to ask for the punishment. He knows that now, along with a healthier respect for compliments paid him. He's not guaranteeing he'll be a good boy all the time, but he thinks Master will be pleased with the changes.  
  
If Sir is ever back in London ... well, it's presumptive of this boy to think Sir might want to see him again ... but, Sir is always welcome at our house.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-03-24 07:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?thread=32452&format=light#t32452))   
---|---  
Jonny Lee, you and Gerard have been the best guests in the world--we're going to miss the hell out of you both. I'm really glad your trip was good, and that we managed to make you like the place a little better than your last trip. Come back soon, all right? We'll fuck some more Zen into you. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?replyto=32452&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
2004-03-24 08:44 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?thread=32708&format=light#t32708))   
---|---  
This boy doesn't suppose that pouting prettily will do a thing, alas, or he would.  
  
This boy is going to miss his PS2 partner-in-crime, for myriad reasons. This boy will make certain he stays in touch. He promises.  
  
This boy is going to be counting the days until London. . . 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?replyto=32708&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-03-24 08:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?thread=32964&format=light#t32964))   
---|---  
Jonny Lee,  
  
I do hope your flight back to London is a safe and happy one. Please, give my fondest regards to your Master.  
  
I understand all too well the feeling of needing to go home. While I may have been born in America, most of my adult life was spent in London, and I'd never really intended to return to the States. A story for another time though . . .  
  
We should be wrapping filming by mid-April, and I'm planning to return home directly after. I wish you and your Master health, sucess, and happiness in every endeavor.  
  
Affectionately,  
~Alexis 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?replyto=32964&format=light))  
  
|  **[private to Jonny Lee]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-03-25 05:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?thread=33220&format=light#t33220))   
---|---  
Jonny Lee,  
  
Having you over this weekend meant a great deal to me, and to Viggo too, I'm sure. I know I'd had difficulty managing aspects of domination and punishment in the past, and playing with you has given me a good deal to think about.  
  
And you're _still_ the most effin' adorable boy ever.  
  
I'll miss you. And getting out to London's something I used to do with a fair amount of frequency. If Viggo's in Spain over the summer, I might well be there with him, and then there's the matter of whatever my next project's going to be...  
  
Hope you've had a safe trip home...  
  
With adoration,  
Sean 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?replyto=33220&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/)  
2004-03-25 05:47 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?thread=33476&format=light#t33476))   
---|---  
I _still_ say I can kick your ass in Soul Caliber with button-mashing.  
  
Hey, they've got couches where you are? Sounds perfect.  
  
And you know, I'm gonna miss you, too. Should've stowed away in your luggage. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16580.html?replyto=33476&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	93. gerard: London

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/25/) 08:44:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27226&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27226) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27226) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27226&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London** _  
[public]

Home at last. Land of Shakespeare, Marlowe, the Beatles, and proper weather. Scotland will always be prettier, but London's got my boy and so all is well.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27226.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	94. jonnyleemiller: [making a call to judel]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/26/) 02:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16795&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16795) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16795) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=16795&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  not altogether sure  
---|---  
  
_****[making a call to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)****_[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)]  
Jonny Lee's been home long enough to unpack, start a load of laundry and reconnect the PS2 to the TV downstairs. Life's good, he thinks, so he snags a soda from the fridge and props himself on the kitchen counter to ring up Jude, let him know he's back in town. He's betting it'll go straight to voicemail as he listens to the rings, most likely unplugged so the boys can sleep in.  
  
 _You've reached ..._ "Blah, blah, blah," he says, listening to the recorded message, waiting for the tone. "Morning, Jude. I think it's morning. Or rather, Jude's answering service." The smirk's probably near audible. "Now why'd I think I'd actually get a human? Shoulda known. You guys probably need your beauty rest." He swigs at the soda, sets the bottle down on the counter and thumbs through the mail while he's rambling. "Anyhows, back in town. Probably gonna sleep all day, just to get mind back on track to London time." Bill, bill, solicitation, bill. "Call when you roust yourself and we'll do lunch or such."  
  
He hangs up the phone and tears open the top envelope. It's an invoice for delivery of one locking steel cage. He reads it again. "A fuckin' _cell_. Oh, shite, he can't mean ..." He scoops up the mail, leaves the soda on the counter and grabs a beer before heading into the living room.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16795.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	95. gerard: Playroom Discussion, Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/31/) 00:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27642&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27642) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27642) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27642&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Playroom Discussion, Sex** _  
[players only. Follows [Jonny Lee's phone call to Jude](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/16795.html). The boys talk about the cell, plan their new playroom, and then get dommy. Takes place March 26th.]  
  
  
  


Jonny Lee's sitting on the couch, nursing his second beer, processing through the implications of a delivery invoice for a locking cage. He shouldn't be concerned, he keeps telling himself, after every other sip of beer. They'd talked on the flight back about revamping the basement, making it a true playroom, but there was no mention of cage. He finally just puts his head back into the cushion and closes his eyes.

Gerard's been busy in the basement with a measuring tape, walking the distances between walls, wondering where he could get padded flooring around here. Something he can throw Jonny Lee into and not have to worry about cement floors breaking bones. Maybe give one of the local gyms a ring and ask where they buy their mats. That might work. Gerard writes down the last of the figures and climbs upstairs. He has some new ideas for the room.

The near empty beer bottle's still in Jonny Lee's hand, the mail's scattered along the couch, some opened and some not, and he's relaxing, absently singing _Paint It Black_ , oblivious to the world.

It's easy to track his boy into the living room. Gerard grabs a can of coke from the fridge before going into the living room and sitting down in the chair across from Jonny Lee. Too late Gerard realizes the beer bottles, the half opened mail. There's a part of him that immediately begins to fear the worst. "Teak?"

The familiar voice, loving pet name rouse him, even though he hadn't really dropped off, and he's definitely not beyond sober yet. "Hi," Jonny Lee says, opening his eyes and looking across to meet Gerard's concerned eyes. "You finish already, Pire? Measurements and all?" He's not sure if he's smiling too much or not enough.

"Yeah, I'm done." Gerard slides the yellow legal pad across the coffee tables towards Jonny Lee. "Unless there are other measurements I should be taking?" He's not trying to be crude, but it's occurred to him that he's going to want some cuffs and such custom made.

"Like what?" Jonny Lee snarks without thinking, almost immediately trying to take back the tone. "Sorry, Sir." He sits up, sets the bottle on the table and fiddles with the legal pad's edge, not really reading the very precise writing. "What else would you want to measure?"

Gerard pops open the can and takes a sip of the fizz. "Your wrists. Your ankles. Your cock at rest and at attention. Maybe take measurements for a harness if you want one. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." He sounds less than enthusiastic, even though he is, genuinely excited about the idea of restraints made just for him, that Pire loves him that much. It's just nagging him about the cage and, while they haven't made any steps toward tightening the rules he operates under, Jonny Lee's not wanting to question too many things, put up too many obstacles. There's still so much of that _got him back, not gonna lose him_ mindset operating. "That'd be nice, Pire. My own restraints." He scoops up the sorted mail and sets a stack down in the center of the table. "I sorted it all. Bills on top, unopened personal-looking stuff at the bottom."

Gerard can't remember the last time Jonny Lee sorted the mail, so the part of him that's telling him to fear the worst is suddenly a hell of a lot louder. He takes the first letter off the top and takes the sheet out of the already opened envelope. _Oh, fuck._ He'd forgotten that it'd get sent separately. And just his luck, Teak's seen it before Gerard could have slowly brought it up. He'd planned on having it set up in the corner before Teak noticed and then just brushing it off as a prop, but he doesn't think that excuse would wash right now.

"I found that top invoice rather interesting," Jonny Lee continues in a flat voice, arms resting across his knees as he plays at going over the legal pad's measurements. "Locking steel. Must be well-made. Bet it'd be hard to get out of."

"It's not what it looks like." Gerard pauses. "Ok, maybe it is." Might as well come completely clean and throw himself upon the mercy of the court. But, dammit, how could he have been so stupid? "It's a cage, yes. It's for the playroom, yes. It's for you, that's up for debate. I don't honestly expect us to ever use it. I just though that it'd, you know, add character to the room. Mood. Setting. Whatever it's called."

"Mood. Setting." He smiles, slides it into a smirk. "Nothing to do with pushing my limits, seeing just how quickly you can get me to zone. No. We wouldn't do that." He grabs the beer, swigs the last dregs of it and near-slams the bottle down. He's not angry much as he is scared at the idea of using it. Hell, of /not/ using it. And it's the second thought that upsets him more, that he'd refuse to try if it's what Pire really wanted. "I'm sure Master will use it in the way he best sees fit."

Gerard jumps at the noise the bottle makes and the coke sloshes a little over the brim, sliding down to cover his fingers. He very carefully sets the can down on the table. Christ. He'd thought Jonny Lee would be upset. Figured he'd be. Nothing like this. "I wasn't bloody planning on using it!"

"Then why buy the fuckin' thing, Master?" There's only a marginal amount of respect on the title. He slides to his knees, still on his side of the table. "Your boy wants to please his Master," a bit more genuine tone that time, "even if it means walking into a," he swallows, "cell that's locked behind him with no hope of getting himself out. Sir."

Gerard thinks if Jonny Lee calls him master one more time he's going to scream. He's never asked Jonny Lee to do something against his hard limits. Well, not really. That one time didn't count. He hadn't realized what it was until Jonny Lee'd already done it. But he'd _never_ given Jonny Lee a fucking _reason_ to think that he'd just up and order him to do something against his limits.

Well, Gerard supposed, I guess buying a cage might give Jonny Lee that impression. Should have thought that one through more, Pire. Should have considered it from all the angles. In the end, it's your fault he took it the way he did. Now what do you do?

Jonny Lee knows what he's doing, being damned disrespectful, and he knows he's /not/ doing it just to get a rise out of Pire. Well, not entirely. They're talked around it for weeks, changing the way things run. After a few minutes of silence on his knees, Jonny Lee starts thinking again, mostly back on something Sean had said, /You don't ask for punishment. You don't misbehave just to get reprimanded./ That's part of what he's doing, if he's honest about it.

"Sir," he says quietly, "your boy is very sorry he's causing such a fuss. Honestly."

"Don't be. You've every right." Now how to explain this without confusing Teak more? "You know I like cages. I like the way they look. I like what they represent. I would have bought one just for aesthetic reasons. I didn't mean for it to signify that I didn't like your limits or I was tired of them. I didn't intend that you'd think I was unhappy with where we are and where we're going. I don't want to jumpstart anything and I don't want to go anywhere where you don't feel like you want to go."

"Sir, there's nowhere you want to go that your boy isn't willing to at least try to get there. He's frightened of cages, of being locked up, and he doesn't understand it." Jonny Lee laces his fingers behind his back, twists them in on each other. "He loves serving you, doing what you ask."

"Drop the third person." Right now the last thing Gerard needs is to keep track of it and this really isn't a conversation he wants to have in role. "You don't understand why you're frightened of cages or you don't understand the appeal behind cages?"

"Yes, Sir," he says, his mind spinning out of third person as quickly as it had spun into. He wonders if that's going to stop happening one day, and then he'll just think in third person altogether. "Both, Pire." He doesn't move from kneeling though. "Don't know I'm afraid of them. And don't really see the appeal. It's not hands-on restraint."

"That's one of the reasons it appeals to me. You can close the door and watch your sub strain at the bars, trying to get out, knowing that there's only one person who can get them out. It's the ultimate bit of control. And from the inside...," Gerard pauses a little, not sure if Jonny Lee really wants to hear about Peter, but he goes on, "it's a bit of a mindfuck. The cage I was in was so small that I really couldn't do anything but kneel hobbled over and wait until it was time to come out. And there's nothing to do in there but think. Mas-the one who put you in can come and go, but you're there, just waiting on his pleasure. It's a powerful thing."

Jonny Lee listens, both excited and nervous, especially when Pire's talking about being in the cage himself. "Maybe it's that, Pire, the being left alone, the not knowing for sure that Master's coming back to get his boy."

"I'll _always_ come back for you. Always. If you don't believe that..." 'Then there's the door,' Gerard fills in. Fuck. Just what he needs right now, to revisit memories of a very painful breakup.

"I trust you." It's all he can say, knowing how Pire's sentence should end, how it had ended when they fought, when he sat there on the couch and watched the man he loved walk out the door. "Fear's irrational, I know, but it's there. Just have to refocus my mind a bit, move away from it." He pauses. "So, where's it gonna go in the room? Got that drawn out?"

Gerard refrains from mentioning that it might not be such a bad idea to stay away from using the cage. Now that he has it, it doesn't seem like such a smart idea in the first place. "The corner," he says. "Far, back corner. Hidden, just the hint of menace. Like I said, I got it for the atmosphere."

"Back corner. I guess that's good. Out of the way." He's actually starting to smile a bit. "So, is there anything I should know about? I mean, before I get hit with it."

"Well, I was thinking of getting a new paddle, leather with holes, but I suppose what wasn't what you're thinking of." Gerard grins. "But beyond that? Can't think of anything. You? Any surprises I should know about?"

Jonny Lee laughs. "No, not what I was thinking. But your boy really, /really/ likes the idea of the new paddle," he says, unconsciously slipping back into third person. "He'd be most grateful to test it when it arrives."

That reminds Gerard. "We might want to look into spanking benches. Or something that can convert between positions. There's only so much you can do with freefalling chains."

"Yes, Sir. Would you like for your," he catches himself this time, "for me to look into it. See what we can get." He won't say how much he likes the idea of freefalling chains and how they remind him of a warehouse in Amsterdam. Instead he just squirms a little, shifts the weight on his knees a bit.

"That'd be great. Something with adjustable straps. Maybe wood?"

"Wood would be better than metal?"

Gerard thinks for a moment. "Well, we could play with heat with metal. Get it hot and then sit you down on it. Then again, wood's classier."

"Heat play." He's squirming a good bit more at the thought. "How 'bout one of each?"

"Think there's room for two and for the rest of the stuff on our list?"

"If we take everything else out of there." He thinks for a minute. "Don't know of anything down there worth keeping."

"There are some barbells and a benchpress. Those need to stay. Otherwise?" Gerard shrugs. "Can't think of anything."

"Yeah, sure, gym stuff can stay. We can put it off in a corner, opposite from the cage."

"Corner towards the door. The one towards the back is going to have the rack of toys."

"Yes, Sir," he snaps out. "Want me to organize those?"

"Yes." Gerard leans forward and flips the page over. The second page of the legal pad is a scaled down sketch of how Gerard wants the back wall to look. "In size order by harshness. So whatever ticklers we have left over, slappers, paddles. Up to floggers and whips. Then here," Gerard points to the small hooks, "are for handcuffs and clips and clamps. Only once that's over do we have the Cross."

"Well, that makes sense," he says, glancing over the drawing. "I can do that. I'll start making a list of supplies we need, and get things going. When'd you want it finished, Sir?"

"As soon as we can. I don't have any real set dates. Why? Do we have an anniversary coming up that we should inaugurate it on?"

"Not one I can think of, Sir. We could make up a day, I guess." He shrugs his shoulders, rolls his neck, stretches without breaking position too badly. "Any excuse to inaugurate the playroom."

"It'll probably take us several days to do it." Gerard licks his lips. He sips as his now warm coke and slides his tongue through the ring, almost fellating the can. "Because I'm going to want to try you out on everything."

"Try me out on everything. I /really/ like that idea, Sir." He watches Pire with the coke can, swallows hard. "Um, Sir, would you like something else?"

Gerard flicks his tongue out from the aluminum and then circles the edge. "I might. Are you offering anything?"

"Anything you want, Sir. I'm yours to command." He straightens his back.

"What do you _want_ to do to me?"

Jonny Lee wants to complain that he has nothing he wants to do other than what Pire wants. But he's learning. "This boy wants to serve you, Sir," he says quietly, recalling Sean's admonishment to be honest in his desires. "He wants to take your cock deep in his throat and suck you till you're hard and wet, and then he wants to be fucked, so hard he can't move for hours."

Oh, hell, that sounds wonderful. More than wonderful. Bloody perfect. Gerard sets the can down on the table and motions Jonny Lee over. "Then I suggest you do it."

Jonny Lee drops to his hands and crawls around the end of the table, moving into position in front of Gerard. He kneels up, runs his hands up his lover's legs and over the knees onto the thighs. "Does Master wish his boy to undress him?"

Gerard ruffles Jonny Lee's hair and then tugs him up by his collar. "No. Master wants his boy to watch." He smirks. He unbuttons his fly slowly, each button taking its own sweet time. Once the last button is free, Gerard teases his thumbs by the elastic of his boxers. "Do you want it?"

Gasps at the tug on his collar. "Yes, Sir. Your boy wants it. Very badly." He loves when Gerard's like this, teasing and wickedly playful, when he says all the right things. "Please."

Gerard tsks. "I know you can beg better than that. Where's that honeyed tongue of yours?"

He cracks a smirk and tilts his head. "It wants to be wrapped around that cock, Sir. It wants to slide under and curl up." He slips his tongue out over his lips. "Master," he says, purring out the word, "your boy would do anything for the privilege of having your cock in his mouth. Everything."

Gerard can just imagine how it would feel to have Jonny Lee's tongue wrapped around his cock. He wants to do more than just imagine, but he's in a stubborn mood. He wants more begging. "You call that better?"

Jonny Lee lays his head on Gerard's thigh, glances up. "Master may take whatever he wishes from his boy. His body. His mind. His soul. And all his boy wants is the taste of that cock." He flicks his tongue out over the denim. "Please, Sir, your boy begs you to be allowed to serve you, please you."

Gerard pulls Jonny Lee's head back and glares at him. "Did I give you permission to touch me?" He doesn't give Jonny Lee a moment to answer. "Of course I didn't. You're going to have beg _very_ hard now to get what you want."

"Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir." He snaps out the words with utter sincerity. He wasn't thinking. "Your boy isn't worthy of the privilege, Sir. He begs for it, though, begs to earn it again. Please, Sir. Tell your boy what he needs to do to gain your favor."

"Beg, boy. Beg like you mean it."

"Shite." He stops himself. "Please," he says quite earnestly, "let this boy suck your cock. He wants it so fuckin' badly. Please, Sir. Please."

Gerard raises an eyebrow. "And that bland doggerel is supposed to convince me? _Beg_ , boy, or shut up. But if you do beg, I want to hear a damn fine reason."

"Bloody hell, what do you want?" Jonny Lee doesn't even try to stop the words that time, exasperation flaring when he knows it shouldn't. "This boy wants to suck you so he can get fucked. He wants your cock inside him in every way he can think of. Please, Pire, he's not sure he knows how to beg any better."

"You're not sure?" The informal address does not go unnoticed and Gerard grips Jonny Lee's hair hard. "You're not _sure_? What did I spend all that time training you for, boy, if you can't follow a simple fucking order?"

"Fuck," he cries before catching himself. "I'm sor-" He stops, draws in a deep breath, realizes what he's done, dropping out of formal. "Your boy is sorry, Sir. He's confused, Sir. May he have permission to try again?"

"He shouldn't need to try again," Gerard replies coldly. "He should have gotten it right the first time. Nevertheless, he may try. If he succeeds is up to him."

"Yes, Sir." He concentrates, tries to think on the right words, then speaks very slowly. "Sir, your boy wants to please you, to pleasure you. Please give him the privilege of doing so with his mouth." He's knows it's better than what came before, but still isn't sure he's done it right.

"Why should I? You'll only fail, like you always do."

The words cut. They're not exactly expected. Pire's very good about not putting him down, or so Jonny Lee thinks. "Yes, Sir," he says quietly. "Your boy realizes he's inadequate at fulfilling Master's needs. He /does/ try, Sir." There's nothing else he feels he can say. There's little defense against the truth.

Christ. He hadn't meant for it to come out as harsh as it did. But he's too far in to back out now. "I know he does. And you may try again. Do your best to impress me, boy."

"May your boy touch you, Sir?" he asks very tentatively, eyes cast down even though his head's held straight. "To show you the proper respect."

"He may."

Jonny Lee pulls back as Gerard releases him and leans down, kissing then licking the leather of his Master's boots. "Your boy isn't worthy to do even this, Sir," he says, swiping his tongue over the dusty eyelets. "But he's privileged to do so." He caresses the leather with his tongue, dropping kisses between swathings. "He loves his Master, and he wants nothing more than to serve his Master as best he can."

Gerard tracks his moments, awed by Jonny Lee's actions. His boy never fails to surprise him. He'd expected Jonny Lee to show off, not say he wasn't worthy to lick his master's boots. "My beautiful boy," he murmurs. "I love you so much."

Kind words. Better words. Jonny Lee smiles and switches to the other boot, lavishing the same attention on it. "Your boy gets confused when he's jumping in and out of role so fast, Sir. He needs focusing."

"He needs a beating. A good strong beating that leaves him panting and screaming and bleeding. Then to be tied to the bed and fucked until he begs for more. Then to be woken up with a blowjob and pampered until he feels well enough to do it again."

"If Master feels that's what his boy needs, then his boy will gratefully submit to Master's desires." /Eagerly submit. Give himself over. Completely./ Jonny Lee doesn't raise his head, but continues licking the boots, tongue sweeping over the eyelets and laces.

Gerard growls low in his throat. "No." He lifts Jonny Lee's head with his boot. "Something you should have learned a long time ago. Never even give the hint that you'll only do it because I want you to. I like knowing you want what I'm going to you. Understand?"

Move and voice both startle Jonny Lee, and he's quick to respond. "Yes, Sir. Your boy /wants/ everything Master gives him. The pain and the pleasure. He understands it is his place to leave the choice of which he receives to Master, though." The look in his eyes is confusion, sincerity. "Isn't that what he's supposed to do? Master didn't ask what his boy wanted. He was listing what he felt his boy merited."

"Hmm. You may have a point." Gerard leans forward and cups Jonny Lee's chin in his hand. "But for future reference, unless I tell you otherwise, I want to know why _you_ want what you'll be getting, not why you feel like it would be in my best interests to give it to you."

"Yes, Sir." Simple answer seems best at the moment, even though there's so much more Jonny Lee's wanting to say.

"Good boy." Gerard releases Jonny Lee's chin. "Now, do you suppose you've been a good enough boy to be allowed to blow your master?"

"No, Sir, your boy doesn't think he's made amends enough to be allowed the privilege." The words are hard for Jonny Lee to say, but he honestly feels he's not done what he should do. "Your boy keeps making mistakes he shouldn't make, Sir, and he shouldn't be rewarded for half efforts."

Gerard's surprised and pleased at Jonny Lee's answer. It was the conclusion he'd come to himself. As much as he honestly doesn't mind when Jonny Lee screws up, the boy hasn't been good enough to earn the privilege of blowing his master. "Good boy."

"Thank you, Sir." He resists smiling, but is inwardly very happy that he made the right decision, knew that he hadn't earned the privilege.

Gerard pulls his boxers down and manages to pull them off with a minimum of awkwardness. He takes his cock in hand and strokes it slowly.

Jonny Lee can anticipate what's going to happen, but he doesn't. He just steadies himself and waits, knowing whatever punishment Master chooses will be appropriate.

Gerard's been at the edge since Jonny Lee first started licking his boots, but he's been working on his control. If his boy can hold himself back, Gerard figures, and Peter seemed to never need to come, then it shouldn't be too hard for Gerard to learn the skill. So he deliberately does not come, though his strokes are steady and he keeps perfect eye contact with his boy.

The boy would compliment his Master on the increased control were it proper. It's better just to be pleased in silence.

"Close your mouth," Gerard whispers and gives Jonny Lee a quick moment to obey before he can't hold back anymore. He comes all over Jonny Lee's face.

In the split second, he complies, closing mouth but not eyes, blinking only when the come coats his forehead and starts dripping, long white streaks. He bites down to keep from licking out, running his tongue over it all, tasting his Master.

Gerard's impressed with Jonny Lee's self control. He wants the pleasure for himself. Doesn't want Jonny Lee taking away from any of it. He pulls Jonny Lee up onto his lap and starts licking his come off of his boy's face.

Jonny Lee's surprised when he's pulled up, surprise doubled when his lover and Master licks his face clean. He knows he's smiling, even though he's trying not to, and he's fighting the urge to kiss, lick, tell Pire just how much he loves him. It's more important to be Master's boy for the moment, malleable and compliant.

This is the best sort of narcissism, Gerard thinks. He loves the taste of himself on Jonny Lee's skin. It's intoxicating and he wants to do it forever. But after a while there's nothing left, as much as he wants to pretend there is. He brushes a soft kiss against Jonny Lee's lips. "My boy."

"Yours, Master," Jonny Lee breathes out on the end of the kiss. "Always."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27642.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	96. jonnyleemiller: [voicemail for ewan_mcgregor and natalie_portman]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/27/) 23:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17126&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17126) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17126) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17126&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  settling back in  
---|---  
  
_****[voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/natalie_portman/profile)****_[**natalie_portman**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/natalie_portman/)]  
Sleep's a good thing, and Jonny Lee's had enough of it the past three days to catch up for months. He's in manic mode, bouncing around the house, happier than 24 hours ago, when he and Pire had _the talk_ about the recent delivery and plans for converting the basement. He's making a list of what they to do, notebook on the couch arm as he stretches out.  
  
He's also catching up on reconnecting with folks and Ewan's next on the list. He wonders if he'll get a human this time at the Law-McGregor house, and a series of rings followed by the ubiquitous _beep_ tell him it's a no-go. He's laughing when he starts talking.  
  
"Oi, mate, you about? Mouth full and can't talk?"  
  
He pauses, adds _edible lube?_ to the shopping list.  
  
"Okay, that was prob'ly in the grey area of taste. I'll let you win at my new 007 game to make it up."  
  
Another pause. _Black or red paint for pegboard?_ gets jotted down.  
  
"Gave Jude a ring the other night, when we got back. Just wondered what you wankers are up to these days. Ring when you get a sec."  
  
  
  
He hangs up, expands the to-do list by _eyebolts_ , _ceiling hold it?_ and _CROSS_ as he speed dials Natalie's number. Answer service again.  
  
"What, am I the only one who stays home anymore?" Small sigh. "Hello, Miss Natalie," he says with a decided sweetness, "this boy is home and he has a pressie for the lovely lady. Plus the promise of good coffee. Please ring back at your convenience and we'll set a date. Ta."  
  
Jonny Lee punches the off button and puts the phone down on the floor, picking up the TV's remote in exchange. He turns the volume back up to suitable white noise level and goes back to his list making.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17126.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	97. gerard: [Delivery for karl_urban and stownsend]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/29/) 15:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27052&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27052) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27052) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27052&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Delivery for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[ **karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)**_[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)]  
[Delivered via those lovely and discreet Est couriers]

  


**Martinborough Vineyard Pinot Noir 2000**  
 _It was Martinborough Vineyard who began New Zealand`s love affair with Pinot Noir and they continue to set the standards for the new generation. A first rate Pinot that would not look out of place in a line up of Premier Cru Burgundy. Complex berry fruit nose with spicy overtones. Excellent structure and concentration on the palate with a long, silky finish._  


The Note:

Karl and Stuart,

Jonny Lee and I are delighted to hear about your upcoming marking scene. Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend due to being in the wrong country. We wish you both all the best. As for the wine, it was recommended by our mutual friend, Harry Sinclair, so if it not up to standard, please, by all means, take it out on him.

Congratulations,  
Gerard and Jonny

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27052.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	98. ewan_mcgregor: Chat log: Ewan and JLM

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/03/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/03/29/) 13:23:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=93427&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=93427) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=93427) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=93427&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Chat log: Ewan and JLM** _  
[players only]

  
Ewan's finished his lunch and there's still half an hour or so before he's needed back on set. He digs in his pocket for his mobile, meaning to check his messages and maybe ring Jude while he's at it, when he remembers he should ring Jonny. Scrolling through til he finds the number, he presses enter and taps his Coke can on his knee, waiting for Jonny to pick up.

Jonny Lee nearly trips over the paint can as he turns, trying to figure out exactly where he put it. The ring's slightly muted, so he starts pulling tarps off the barbells and finds it wedged in-between the latest delivery of boxes. He taps the on button and manages to drop the black-covered brush down his leg, leaving a trail of ebony paint on its way to the floor. "Fuck it," he exclaims before realizing he has the phone turned on. "Miller here. Make it count."

"Having problems?"

The voice is immediately recognizable and Jonny laughs. "Ewan! Just dropped the bloody paint brush and now my leg's a lovely shade of black." He grabs a towel and works at wiping up the paint. "You?"

"Just another day of battling invisible aliens while Lucas cracks the whip." Ewan takes a sip of his Coke and adds, "What're you painting?"

"Ahh. Cool. Didn't realize you were back on set." He picks up the brush and sets it on the paint can edge. "Basement walls. Black with black trim. Gives the room a nice dungeony feel."

"Really? Yeah, I've got reshoots for a couple weeks here," Ewan says, pulling a face. "Anyway, we'll have to come and see it when it's done, yeah? Sounds impressive."

"Well, it's gonna be _different_. I'm supposed to put mirrors up when I finish. Something about seeing my reflection while we play." Satisfied he's less black than he was, Jonny tosses the paint rag aside. "Where's here?"

"Where's here where?" Ewan asks, frowning. "Oh! No, I just meant 'now'. Reshoots are in London, nowhere special. The mirror's'll be brill, though. Jude and I did a couple scenes like that."

Some convos make sense only to the people having them. "You gone after that? Or grounded for a bit?" Jonny and Ewan are like that, talking in their own world sometimes. "Brill's what we're after. I think. Course, when we get all the furniture in here and the racks up and the cell in the corner, not sure how much of the wall anyone's gonna really see."

"We're back and forth, I think," Ewan says. "Just got the scripts for Alexander and Baz wants us there on Saturday."

"Okay, where's _there_?" Jonny asks with a sigh.

"New York," Ewan says, as if Jonny should have known.

"Okay, so you're pond-jumping for the weekend." _Like I know where Baz lives._ "So, anything fascinating happen while I was in LA? Hate to be out of the gossip loop."

"Eh...not really... Did you say you're putting a cell in the basement?" Ewan says suddenly. "What, like a cage?"

Jonny thinks for a second, backtracks his convo. Fuck, he did mention it. "Uh, yeah," he says, retrieving the paint brush and going back to painting while he talks, making his voice as lighthearted as he can. "All part of that dungeon realism Pire's going for in the playroom."

"What d'you do with one of those, exactly?"

"You put people in it when you're scening," he says, adding quickly, "or when he's misbehaved."

"So you've got to sit in there doing nothing?" Ewan makes a face. "Sounds wretched."

"Guess so. Never actually been in one. Don't really want to."

"Yeah..." Ewan trails off, not sure what to say to that, because obviously "what the bloody hell d'you have one for, then?" is not the right answer. "Uh...oh, did you know we went on holiday last weekend. Rode up to Scotland on my bike."

"You did? Jude went for that? Wow. Was it fun?" He doesn't mind switching subjects, not at all, and he continues his painting. "Give me all the details."

"Was brilliant," Ewan says, grinning. "You sure you want _all_ the details?" Not giving Jonny a chance to answer, he continues, "Like how we took a little detour off the highway and he fucked me over my bike, or how I took my kilt up with me - patriotic, you know - and he flipped it up and paddled my arse and then fucked me over the sofa? I could go on..."

Jonny starts to say something, but it's caught up in the whirlwind of Ewan talking. He coughs at the detour and barely has time to get the visual in his brain clear but there's the kilt and that causes him to miss a brushstroke and paint the lightswitch. He shrugs it off and continues painting. "So, what happened the second day?" he deadpans.

"Well, the bit with the kilt was Saturday. Sunday was pretty much just relaxing in the jacuzzi and then the ride home. Stopped off in Crieff for a bit."

"Jacuzzi." Jonny thinks for a minute, ponders which corner one might fit in as he scans the room. "Sounds fab." Shakes his head, shrugging off the idea. "Crieff? See anyone?"

"Mum and dad is all, but listen," Ewan says excitedly, "I've decided we're getting a hot tub, too. No room in our house, right? But we've been planning on getting a second place outside London, and I've made up my mind it has to have a jacuzzi, or at least have room to get one put in right away."

"Place outside London? Like a weekend party house? We could throw some wicked flings there." Jonny's getting just as excited at the notion. "Jacuzzi's good. Could make it one of those Roman-sized things."

"Uh, was thinking more like somewhere to put down that's in Jude's name, you know, like, he can't be staying with friends forever... Anyway...maybe you oughtta come with us when we go househunting, just so it doesn't look like, well, anyway, it's definitely going to have a hot tub."

"You don't have to say it." Touchy subject. Best avoided. "I'm there. Just give me a couple hours' notice so I can clear it. And it's a great idea, whatever the reason."

"Yeah, well it's not like, right now or anything, but sometime soon," Ewan says. "Been talking about it for a while. But yeah, thanks, I'll let you know. Anyway, I gotta get going, but you should get Jude to come over and help you with painting."

"Hadn't thought 'bout that. He left a message earlier today. I'll ring him back," Jonny says. "You go back to work. I need to get this one wall finished so I hang pegboard. Ring me back when you get a clear night."

"Will do," Ewan says, finishing off his Coke. "See ya, then."

"See ya, mate." Jonny pushes the off button and tosses the phone into a pile of rags before dipping his brush and tackling the wall again.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	99. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/03/31/) 01:04:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17153&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17153) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17153) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17153&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  confused  
---|---  
  
_****Journal****_  
 **[locked to himself and gerard]**  
  
Sir, your boy's been thinking the past few days, mostly while he was painting the basement, about [the other night](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27642.html) and how he messed up so much trying to beg properly. He thinks he knows exactly what happened.  
  
One of the things about the weekend with Mr. Bean and Mr. Mortensen was that your boy was in role continually, from the moment he got there till he left. He was their boy, doing exactly what they said, using formal voice with every word that came out of his mouth, sleeping at the foot of their bed. It felt right. It felt natural. It was comfortable.  
  
This boy knows his lover doesn't want a full master-slave relationship, and that's not what he's asking for. Not now. Maybe not ever. But he needs more controls. He wants more structure to his day, more specific guidelines for how he's to act. We've talked about it before, and agreed to some things, but it's never been formal, in writing, where this boy could, ah hell, post it on damn fridge so he remembers what the fuck he's supposed to do.  
  
He wants to serve the man he loves.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17153.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 04:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17153.html?thread=33793&format=light#t33793))   
---|---  
I love you, too.  
  
I've posted what I think would make some good new rules. Give them a look over, tell me what you think. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17153.html?replyto=33793&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	100. gerard: The Rules

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/31/) 21:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27872&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27872) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27872) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=27872&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**The Rules** _  
[JL only]

I was reading over [your message](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17153.html) and we seem to be thinking in parallel lately. I think that's a good thing. Here's what I've got so far. These are loose. I want for us to talk them over before deciding to implement any of them.

  
**The Rules:**

  * You are to act deferential at all times. Keep your eyes lowered and your hands behind your back when serving your master.
  
  

  * You are to call me 'sir' or 'master' at all times. You are to refer to yourself as 'your boy'. When speaking to others, that may become 'this boy' or 'Mr. Butler's boy'. Keep in mind that your master has a formal kink. When in doubt, be polite.
  
  

  * You will refer to other people as 'sir' and 'ma'am'. Those who you know to be more than casual submissives are to be referred to by their first name, or as the property of their masters. Therefore Harry would be 'sir' or 'Mr. Sinclair' while Billy would be 'Billy' or 'Mr. Sinclair's boy'. I'd prefer you use the last one, but I can understand how it could get confusing.
  
  

  * These titles hold over onto the journals, as do all rules regarding formal tone.
  
  

  * Your activity on the journals will be unrestricted. Have fun. Your master likes stumbling upon you being cute.
  
  

  * In the morning, should you wake up before me, you are to wait for me to wake up before leaving bed. Barring emergencies, et cetera, et cetera. Your master may order you to help him wake up with a blow job but other than on special occasions, you are not to offer one.  
  
Your master will then shower. When I come out, I'll expect breakfast to be ready for me downstairs. Coffee, toast, biscuit, newspaper. You are to serve me and then sit down across from me at the table. You don't have to eat anything. Breakfast will be mostly informal and it will be a time for us both to relax.  
  
After breakfast is your running time.
  
  

  * Unless being punished you will sleep next to me every night. If you are being punished, a hierarchy will be used to establish where you will sleep.  
  

    1. Mild Infractions: On the floor next to the bed.  
  
-This includes things like being rude or embarrassing your master.
  
  

    2. Medium Infractions: On the floor by the door.  
  
-This will be for disobeying the orders of another dom during a scene with him or her, and that only.
  
  

    3. Serious Infractions: The couch in the living room.  
  
-Let's just hope you never do anything that would warrant this.
  
  

  * In the morning after one of the first two punishments has been dealt out, you will kneel by the side of the bed. In the morning after the third, you will kneel next to the couch. In all cases, you will not be allowed to make breakfast for your master and punishment will extend until after you come back from running.
  
  

  * At all times you will dress to please your master. I'm not going to choose your clothes for you (except for bar nights), but I don't want you walking around looking like an eyesore. Jeans are perfectly fine. Leather should be saved for when you particularly want your master distracted.
  
  

  * You will keep the house neat and presentable, including the playroom and all the toys. You will keep _yourself_ neat and presentable. If roles require, roles require, but otherwise you will keep your hair cut and your face clean shaven. You will keep a condom in your pocket at all times, unless you're naked, in which case I expect there to be one close at hand.
  
  

  * Dinner will be a formal affair. You will serve it and then kneel next to me, lubed and plugged. Afterwards you will load the dishwasher and await any further orders.
  
  

  * If we are in a room together, you will not leave that room unless excused.
  
  

  * Pain may be requested at any time. Punishment may never be. My boy would do well to note the difference between pain and punishment. Punishment is up to me and isn't something you're allowed to ask for. Pain is getting hurt because you like hurting and I like beating you.
  
  

  * You are allowed to scene with other people. I expect to be informed in advance. This can be done in person or over the phone. You may at that time request permission to come during that scene. This request should be rational, polite, and brief. That means no begging. If permission is refused, you are not permitted to come. If permission is granted, have as many orgasms as you want.
  
  

  * You are not to top (as in, take any sort of sexual control over a scene) unless I'm there. If there are extenuating circumstances and no way to tape it and I've cleared it beforehand, well, your master will have to content himself with shagging you very hard once you come back.
  
  

  * After every scene with another, you are to find me, get on my lap, and tell me how it went with all the nitty gritty details. If I did not give you permission to come during that scene, chances are I'll give you it then.
  
  

  * If you want, I'll negotiate scenes for you.
  
  

  * During these scenes, you are not permitted to come unless given permission; if you have been given permission you are not allowed to beg permission from your scene partner; your collar is not to come off; no marks are to be administered that by their nature would last more than three days; no cutting, fisting, or bloodplay; and you will not do with another things you wouldn't do with your master.
  
  

  * You are permitted to wank. However, if doing so will mean that you will not be able to get it up for your master, permission may be revoked.
  
  

  * Friday nights are out of role. This is a time for you to beat my arse at Final Fantasy, or to have a movie marathon, or just hang out. For clarity's sake, we'll say it starts before dinner and ends some time before dawn on Saturday.
  
  

  * I will respect your safeword and your limits. However, I know that limits can change over time. Therefore, every month or so, you and I will sit down out of role and discuss your limits, both hard and soft, and see if there are any changes you want to make.
  
  

  * In scenes in which you may lose control of your voice, a buzzer will be given to you. This buzzer acts as your safeword. If a buzzer is not readily available, I will periodically check on your status by pulling my finger in your hand. If you do not make a fist, I'll consider it like you safeworded.
  
  

  * I reserve the right to end a scene at any time and for any reason.
  
  



  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 05:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49632&format=light#t49632))   
---|---  
Yes, Sir. Dropping out of role for this. Most of these rules seem pretty simple and straightforward. Thank you.  
  
I did have a couple questions, though.  
  
 _You are to act deferential at all times. Keep your eyes lowered and your hands behind your back when serving your master._  
This is both at home and in public. Correct?  
  
 _You will keep a condom in your pocket at all times, unless you're naked, in which case I expect there to be one close at hand._  
Will you specify times I'm to be naked?  
  
 _Dinner will be a formal affair. You will serve it and then kneel next to me, lubed and plugged. Afterwards you will load the dishwasher and await any further orders._  
See above. Is this one of those times?  
  
 _you will not do with another things you wouldn't do with your master._  
What if it is something you don't want to do with me? You have limits, too, I assume.  
  
 _Friday nights are out of role. This is a time for you to beat my arse at Final Fantasy, or to have a movie marathon, or just hang out. For clarity's sake, we'll say it starts before dinner and ends some time before dawn on Saturday._  
So the rest of the week is totally in role? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=49632&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49632&format=light#t49632))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 05:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49888&format=light#t49888))   
---|---  
_This is both at home and in public. Correct?_  
  
No. This is at home and in the club.  
  
  
  
  
 _Will you specify times I'm to be naked?_  
  
Generally, I don't want you naked. I like being able to unwrap you. But, yes, if I want you naked, I'll tell you.  
  
  
  
  
 _See above. Is this one of those times?_  
  
Dinner's a formal affair. That means you wear clothing.  
  
  
  
  
 _What if it is something you don't want to do with me? You have limits, too, I assume._  
  
If there ever comes a time that you want someone to do something to you that I don't want to do or not equipted to do, we'll discuss it then in detail. Until then I'm going to assume that casual play with others won't come even near things I don't want that you do.  
  
  
  
  
 _So the rest of the week is totally in role?_  
  
Yes. Well, varying degrees. It won't always be strict. But I'll expect you to be able to get into headspace if necessary. I'm not looking for a 24/7 service relationship, but I do want to be able to dom my boy whenever I please. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=49888&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49632&format=light#t49632))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49888&format=light#t49888))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 05:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50144&format=light#t50144))   
---|---  
That clarifies everything, Pire.  
  
And your boy has no trouble dropping into headspace whenever his lover needs him to.  
  
Most of all, he looks forward to waking up in your arms every morning.  
  
love you,  
jonny lee 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=50144&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=49888&format=light#t49888))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 09:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50400&format=light#t50400))   
---|---  
Was going back over it, Pire ... yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be in bed, but I was thirsty and got up and the laptop was still on ... anyway ... two more questions ...  
  
 _You are not to top (as in, take any sort of sexual control over a scene) unless I'm there._  
So, under this rule, the scene in LA, where you sent to the bar by myself and I ended up fucking James at Lin's direction ... that couldn't happen? Also, about James. When we fucked in LA at his house, it wasn't topping per se, but I was in control of what I guess was a friendly fuck. Same with Ewan; when we fuck, I'm the one 'in charge.' How's that sort of thing affected?  
  
 _no cutting or bloodplay_  
Would you add fisting to that? I really don't want anyone else to do that to me.  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=50400&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50400&format=light#t50400))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 04:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50912&format=light#t50912))   
---|---  
_So, under this rule, the scene in LA, where you sent to the bar by myself and I ended up fucking James at Lin's direction ... that couldn't happen?_  
  
Not unless I'm there. And I'm not too keen on the idea of someone domming you without having cleared it with me first. There's a difference between being on top of someone and dominating them.  
  
  
  
 _Also, about James. When we fucked in LA at his house, it wasn't topping per se, but I was in control of what I guess was a friendly fuck._  
  
Did you order him around? Get his safeword or make sure that there was a way for him to tell you to stop if he wanted to? Hurt him? Make him beg? _Tell_ him to beg?  
  
'Yes' answers I see as being in control. Otherwise, you were just on top.  
  
  
  
 _Same with Ewan; when we fuck, I'm the one 'in charge.'_  
  
Again, what exactly do you mean by 'in charge'? I don't honestly see Ewan allowing you to dominate him, but, then again, I don't know him very well.  
  
  
  
 _Would you add fisting to that?_  
  
Done. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=50912&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50400&format=light#t50400))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50912&format=light#t50912))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 05:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51168&format=light#t51168))   
---|---  
I think I don't understand the difference between topping and domming.  
But, then again, I don't understand a lot of things most likely.  
  
No, I don't dom Ewan. Christ, that would be weird. We fuck. Or, rather, I fuck him. Never the other way around. Wish it was.  
  
James might be in more of a grey area, if we count begging.  
  
But I see what you mean, Pire, and I think I can tell the difference.  
  
So, when do we start? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=51168&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=50912&format=light#t50912))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51168&format=light#t51168))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 05:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51424&format=light#t51424))   
---|---  
What you do to Ewan is topping.  
What I do to you is dominating.  
  
I'm really not the best at explaining these sorts of things. The differences are so clear in my mind (even when topping and domming blur) that I find it hard to verbalize what I know to be true. Well, true for me. I suspect that there are many who don't notice a difference between telling someone to suck you off and telling a _sub_ to suck you off. I suppose it's all just a matter of headspace.  
  
  
  
 _So, when do we start?_  
  
How about Sunday morning? Good a time as any. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=51424&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51168&format=light#t51168))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51424&format=light#t51424))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 06:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51680&format=light#t51680))   
---|---  
Sunday morning's wonderful, Sir.  
  
Oh, another point ... on weekends, would Master like a larger breakfast? Something served in bed, perhaps? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=51680&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51424&format=light#t51424))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51680&format=light#t51680))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 06:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51936&format=light#t51936))   
---|---  
Is there a reason why the weekend would merit a larger breakfast? Or is this merely because it's the weekend? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=51936&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51680&format=light#t51680))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51936&format=light#t51936))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 06:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52192&format=light#t52192))   
---|---  
Don't weekends merit special treatment? I mean, Saturdays and Sundays are usually lazy days, nothing much to do, unless filming schedule's wonked.  
  
If Sir wishes, his boy would fix him a large breakfast every day.  
  
Maybe this boy is just channeling his upbringing, Sir; large family breakfasts, with even Grandfather Lee around some times. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=52192&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=51936&format=light#t51936))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52192&format=light#t52192))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 06:45 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52448&format=light#t52448))   
---|---  
Master doesn't mind a large breakfast on the weekends, but then he'll have to do something to work such a large breakfast off.  
  
And, no, Master doesn't want it in bed. Too many crumbs. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=52448&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52192&format=light#t52192))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52448&format=light#t52448))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-01 07:11 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52704&format=light#t52704))   
---|---  
Yes, Sir. No crumbs, Sir. Not that he'd serve Master anything crumbly. Or this boy would make sure to lick up all the crumbs.  
  
As for working off large breakfasts ... the playroom's coming together rather nicely and is nearly ready for Master's inspection. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=52704&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52448&format=light#t52448))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52704&format=light#t52704))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-01 07:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52960&format=light#t52960))   
---|---  
Nevertheless, let's keep meals in the kitchen or dining room.  
  
  
Good. When you're ready to let me see it, come and present with your armbinders. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?replyto=52960&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html?thread=52704&format=light#t52704))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	101. gerard: Bar chat: Ewan's birthday spanking, Wednesday night 3/31

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/03/31/) 18:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28090&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28090) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28090) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28090&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Bar chat: Ewan's birthday spanking, Wednesday night 3/31** _  
[players only. Ewan, Jude, Carrie-Anne, Liam, Jason, Jonny Lee, Gerard, Christian, Jon, Hugh, Guy, Cillian, and Natalie in attendance. The unedited log can be found [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/94046.html). This one has been edited for Gerard Butler and Hugh Grant interaction since the mun was too lazy to do two different edits for her two pups.]

**Ewan:** *Ewan enters the bar, dressed all in black: tight t-shirt, kilt, and boots; spotting Liam, Carrie-Anne, and Jason at the bar, he points them out to Jude and waves as he makes his way over*

**Gerard:** *walks in with Jonny Lee. Both are dressed in slacks and polo shirts, Ger in grey and JL in black. They make their way to the forming crowd*

**Jonny Lee:** Ewan! *shouts from still a few feet out, then nearly pounces the birthday boy*

**Ewan:** *hugs Jonny* Hey, how's the dungeon coming?

**Jonny Lee:** Dungeon's brill. *hugs, kisses cheek* Happy birthday, mate.

**Gerard:** *walks up behind Jonny Lee, smiling at the birthday boy*

**Guy:** *wanders into the bar, dressed in leather jeans and a black Dead Kennedy's t-shirt. Looks around, then goes to the bar and orders a scotch and soda*

**Carrie-Anne:** *sees Guy* Hey, stranger!

**Guy:** *surprised* Hey, Carrie-Anne!

**Guy:** How've you been? God, I've not seen you in ages.

**Carrie-Anne:** *moves over and hugs him* I've been great! And you...you look good.

**Jonny Lee:** *glances over* Hi, Jude. This count as pub-hopping?

**Hugh:** *Hugh walks in quickly and goes to the bar. He isn't quite sure if he's welcome, but figures socializing can't hurt*

**Guy:** *hugs Carrie-Anne back, grinning* Thank you! And you, as always, look edible.

**Jude:** Jonny...no, don't think so. *hugs Jonny*

**Jonny Lee:** Then we're still one for that. *smiles, hugs back* Missed you guys.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins* Flatterer. Have you met my guys? *turns* Liam? This is Guy. And this is my husband Jason. Jason? Guy.

**Guy:** *waves to all* Nice to meet you all.

**Liam:** Pleased to meet you. *reaches out to shake Guy's hand*

**Ewan:** *to Jonny* So are you back home to stay or will you be running off to LA again?

**Guy:** *is impressed by Liam's handshake*

**Jason:** *offers his hand to Guy* Nice to meet you.

**Hugh:** *sees Guy standing in the middle of a lot of people and smiles to himself that there's someone here he knows. He orders himself the warmest beer they have and tries to get closer to the group*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* Home to stay, unless it's for work.

**Jonny Lee:** Might head back to LA for a weekend here and there.

**Guy:** *accepts Jason's handshake* You too! So, you landed this gorgeous woman? Congratulations. *grins*

**Jason:** *grins back* Thanks. I'm much luckier than I deserve.

**Liam:** *spots Hugh* Everyone's out tonight, it seems. Hullo, Hugh.

**Guy:** *smiles at Hugh* Hey, buddy!

**Hugh:** *grins* Liam! I didn't know you were in this madhouse.

**Hugh:** *hears Guy, turns to him* *goes a little more submissive* Hello, sir.

**Liam:** Yeah, have been for a while. *grins*

**Guy:** *grabs Hugh and ruffles his hair* Guy, it's Guy. *smooches cheek*

**Hugh:** *blushes* *to Liam* I had no clue.

**Liam:** *to Hugh* Well, I tend to keep fairly quiet about it.

**Hugh:** *nods* I can understand that.

**Jude:** *orders himself a tomato juice and Ewan a beer*

**Jude:** *hands the beer to Ewan* Here you go. Happy birthday.

**Ewan:** Ooh, birthday beer. *kisses Jude* Ta.

**Liam:** *introduces Hugh to Carrie-Anne and Jason*

**Jonny Lee:** *orders a beer* *leans against bar casually*

**Carrie-Anne:** *smiles* Hi. *reaches out to shake his hand*

**Hugh:** Hello, ma'am. *shakes hand*

**Jason:** *smiles at Hugh* Hi there--nice to meet you.

**Hugh:** Hello, sir.

**Guy:** *to Carrie-Anne* You know, I've been in this bar half a dozen times since I re-upped my membership and I've never seen this many celebrities here at once.

**Jason:** *shakes his head* Just Jason.

**Guy:** *blinks* Spank Ewan? There are spankings? Now, that's a happy surprise. *grins*

**Jude:** *overhears Guy* Hi there, Guy...yeah, it's Ewan's birthday.

**Guy:** Birthday spankings! Better and better.

**Hugh:** Yes, sir. Jason. *blushes a little* I'm Hugh.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jude* So, we _each_ get to give him 33. Right? *sips at beer*

**Jude:** Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't mind...

**Ewan:** Yeah, but with this crowd, thirty-three each could take a while... *laughs*

**Guy:** *laughs* 33 from every person in the bar--that'll take a while.

**Liam:** We could set up a gauntlet.

**Guy:** I like that idea.

**Carrie-Anne:** Master's smart that way.

**Gerard:** *gets a drink for Jonny Lee and then turns back to the group* We have all night.

**Jason:** *to Hugh* Have you been a member long?

**Hugh:** Yeah. For a while. You?

**Jude:** *slides his arm around Ewan possessively*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* And we don't all have to spank you. *smiles* Can give you 33 other things.

**Guy:** We should use those big wooden fraternity paddles, too.

**Guy:** *wonders idly if he should meet Ewan before offering to spank him*

**Jason:** Just about a year now.

**Ewan:** Thirty-three other whats? *raises an eyebrow at Jonny and takes a drink*

**Hugh:** I'm assuming that you're loving it so far.

**Jonny Lee:** *takes a longer drink* I'm more for getting than giving spankings, Ew. I was thinking maybe I could just, you know, deep-throat you 33 times.

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Jonny Lee* That's creative.

**Jason:** *grins* Oh yeah. Especially with the whole finding a Master, a Mistress, and a wife all at once.

**Hugh:** *is somewhat shocked* slave confesses to being amazed.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Carrie-Anne, nervously* Thank you, ma'am.

**Jason:** *to Hugh* Amazed? Why?

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Jonny Lee* Hi, we met at Ewan and Jude's housewarming. *shakes his hand*

**Hugh:** slave's been trying to find a long term master for a while. he hasn't found anyone willing to take him like that.

**Jonny Lee:** *tentatively reaches out, more nervous than he should be, takes Carrie-Anne's hand* Yes, ma'am. This boy remembers you.

**Jonny Lee:** *returns smile* *to Carrie-Anne* Yes, ma'am. Wouldn't have missed it.

**Jason:** *purrs a little when Liam pets him* *to Hugh* Well, we've got a bit of an odd arrangement.

**Hugh:** May slave inquire? slave always wants to hear about how others do it. He thinks he could learn something.

**Jason:** *to Hugh* Are you...er, if you don't mind my asking...did you do the whole training thing?

**Jonny Lee:** *chuckles, nervous in a room of so many people he doesn't know well* *to Carrie-Anne* Beating Ewan's always fun, but this boy does it mostly as video games, not in the flesh.

**Hugh:** *long pause* slave did. slave...slave didn't finish.

**Ewan:** *to Jonny Lee* Oi! You don't beat me at video games.

**Guy:** *kisses Hugh's cheek* Slave still kicks ass.

**Jason:** Oh...was it that rough? I definitely got the feeling that it was pretty intense from talking to Jon.

**Hugh:** slave prefers to get his arse kicked.

**Guy:** *laughs*

**Hugh:** It's intense, yes. Very intense.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* Yes, I do. *to Carrie-Anne* He just got lucky, ma'am, most likely. He's not very good.

**Ewan:** I am so good! *sticks out his tongue at Jonny*

**Jason:** *nods* Master and Mistress have been talking about having me go. I want to...but I'm awfully nervous.

**Jonny Lee:** Wanna start a duel? *sticks out his tongue at Ewan*

**Jason:** And as far as how it works with us...I belong to Liam and Carrie-Anne. Carrie-Anne's also Liam's girl.

**Hugh:** If you ask slave, slave would say that training is something to try. It's not for everyone, but slave does think that everyone can get something out of it.

**Jason:** *to Hugh* Have you met Jon?

**Jonny Lee:** *turns back to Carrie-Anne* *smiles at new arrivals*

**Hugh:** slave doesn't think he has.

**Carrie-Anne:** *hugs Jon sideways* Looks like. Jonny Lee? This is Jon Rhys-Meyers if you haven't met before.

**Jon:** *thinks about it as he sticks his hand out* Not sure if we have, outside the journals.

**Jason:** Let me introduce you-- *turns and notices that things have gotten a lot more crowded*

**Jonny Lee:** No, sir, not outside the journals. *shakes Jon's hand*

**Jon:** *leans in close* I'm not a sir... *grins*

**Hugh:** *gets incredibly nervous as he sees the crowd* It's okay, you don't have to...

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jon* Sorry. Instinct with most everyone.

**Jason:** Have you met Hugh? Hugh, Jon...and Jonny Lee, right?

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jason* Yes, sir. Jonny Lee. Although most people drop it to Jonny these days.

**Jason:** *laughs* I'm not a sir either. We seem to have the submissive bloke corner over here.

**Jon:** *grins* The world needs more Jonnys.

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs*

**Hugh:** *laughs*

**Jude:** *strokes a hand down Ewan's back and leans in to kiss him*

**Jude:** *whispers in Ewan's ear* You want to start some time soon?

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jon* So, do you prefer Jon or Jonny?

**Jon:** *shrugs* Either works. Jon is fine to avoid confusion.

**Guy:** *to Hugh, sotto voce* Hey. Let's grab a table, get out of the crush, whaddaya say?

**Hugh:** *nods very quickly* Yes, sir. Please, sir.

**Guy:** *leads Hugh towards a miraculously free two-top*

**Hugh:** *follows Guy gratefully. The crowd was beginning to overwhelm him*

**Guy:** *to Hugh as they sit* So how've you been?

**Ewan:** *to Jude* Yeah, we can get started any time.

**Hugh:** Good, sir. Not doing much of anything. slave's been reading scripts. And sir?

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jon* Yeah, nice meeting you.

**Nat:** *goes over to Jonny Lee, hugging him* Hello, Jonny Lee. I got your message, but I've been a bad girl and I completely spaced calling back. Forgive me?

**Guy:** I'm all right. Weekends are killing me, but in the good way.

**Hugh:** What'd he do to you last week?

**Jonny Lee:** *startled just a bit by Natalie as he's been staring at Carrie-Anne and Jason* Uh, hi. Yeah.

**Nat:** *giggle* You seem a trifle distracted. *turns to look at what he's been staring at*

**Jonny Lee:** *blushes, but is still staring* No. Not distracted.

**Jude:** *leans in and kisses Ewan* All right...where'd you want to go? This chair is good...come on, you want to be over my lap for this?

**Jude:** *sits in chair he pointed at and pats his knees* Don't forget to lift your kilt.

**Nat:** *waves at Carrie-Anne* Hey hey, Carrie-Anne. *knowing smile at Jonny Lee* Oh, I see.

**Guy:** *to Hugh* Looks like the birthday spanking's starting. Here's where I fight back my envy.

**Ewan:** *finishes his beer and sets the glass down on the counter* *to Jude* What, you're not going to announce it or anything?

**Jonny Lee:** *to Nat* No, it's not that. *flustered* How've you been, Miss Portman?

**Nat:** If you say so. I've been doing quite well, thank you, Mr. Miller. And yourself?

**Hugh:** slave could spank you later, if you want. slave knows how to.

**Jude:** Oh damn... *stands again and clears throat* Ahem...your attention please, folks.

**Guy:** *perks* Yeah?

**Guy:** *shushes*

**Jude:** Right...friends and fellow reprobates, we're gathered tonight to perform one of the hallowed rituals of the Club...the birthday spanking. Tonight, it's Ewan's birthday... *indicates Ewan*

**Carrie-Anne:** *puts her fingers in her mouth and whistles. Loudly*

**Jude:** *is grinning widely*

**Guy:** *applauds*

**Ewan:** *grins*

**Jude:** And he's thirty-three.

**Jason:** *yells* He's a baby!

**Jon:** *laughs*

**Nat:** *chuckles*

**Jude:** So, in accordance with tradition he's going to get thirty-three smacks from the person of his choice, that's me, *bows slightly* and then all you lot get to have a go.

**Carrie-Anne:** *giggles* Hope he didn't ride his bike here.

**Jude:** And...I expect you all to do your best and make sure he has something to remember this birthday from right into next week. *grins, knowing he's exaggerating slightly*

**Jason:** Is that in Base 10?

**Hugh:** *whispers to Guy* I thought base two didn't go up to three?

**Ewan:** What's base ten?

**Liam:** Geeking later, Jason. *grins to soften the order a bit*

**Jason:** *blushes* Yes, Master.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Ewan* It's math, Ew. Just count.

**Guy:** *whispers back* I thought base ten was further than you could go with a girl in high school.

**Jude:** So, wish him luck. I can assure you he deserves every single one of those smacks and more, but we haven't got all night... *grins* So let's get to it.

**Jude:** *nods his head to the crowd, sits back down and waits for Ewan*

**Ewan:** *hitches up his kilt and settles himself over Jude's lap* Ready when you are.

**Jon:** *loudly* Any time you want to share some about, Ewan, at least one of us is willing to be altruistic in your name.

**Carrie-Anne:** *whistles again*

**Jude:** *runs a hand over Ewan's upturned arse* Been looking forward to this. Count for me. *smacks Ewan sharply*

**Ewan:** One.

**Jude:** *smacks Ewan again, even harder*

**Ewan:** *hisses* Two.

**Jude:** *strokes Ewan's cheeks and then smack again*

**Ewan:** Mmm, three. *squirms*

**Jude:** *continues to smack, keeping it even and quite hard, even though his hand is beginning to tingle*

**Guy:** *quietly, to Hugh* He's pretty good at that.

**Hugh:** He is. Makes me miss getting hurt regularly.

**Ewan:** *hard now, he thrusts against Jude's leg as he counts*

**Guy:** *whispers* I'll hurt you later.

**Hugh:** *whispers back* Thank you, sir.

**Jude:** *pauses to stroke Ewan's backside gently, mainly to give his hand a rest* Nearly there...

**Jude:** *smacks low on Ewan's cheek near the top of the thigh* *smacks the other side too*

**Ewan:** Nngh! *grits out* Twenty-eight, twenty-nine...

**Jude:** *a few more ringing blows, right on the fullness of Ewan's reddened arse*

**Hugh:** *leans very close to Guy as the smacks seem to get louder and louder*

**Guy:** *slips hand around the back of Hugh's neck and squeezes* I've not given anyone an over-the-knee spanking in a long time...

**Jonny Lee:** *squirms in Gerard's hold, quite envious of the birthday boy*

**Hugh:** slave's willing to be used for practice.

**Gerard:** *holds Jonny Lee tight on his lap* I'll do you later.

**Guy:** Good. *nods* *grins*

**Ewan:** God... Thirty, thirty-one...thirty-two... *spreads his legs and arches his back, waiting for the last one*

**Jude:** *whispers* Love you... *raises his hand high for dramatic effect and brings it down sharply, a cracking blow*

**Ewan:** Fuck! Thirty-three... *closes his eyes, taking a deep breath*

**Jude:** Happy Birthday, Ewan!

**Carrie-Anne:** *applauds*

**Guy:** *applauds*

**Jason:** *applauds and cheers*

**Ewan:** *turns to look at the crowd and grins* Thank you, than you.

**Hugh:** *claps softly*

**Jonny Lee:** Fuckin' brill, mate! *wriggles, shifts*

**Carrie-Anne:** So who gets the next go?

**Ewan:** First come, first serve.

**Gerard:** *softly so only Jonny Lee can hear* Oh, the jokes I could make. You want to spank him?

**Jonny Lee:** *almost as quietly* You know your boy, Sir. He'd rather _be_ spanked than spank, but if Master wishes him to, it would be interesting.

**Jude:** Okay, come on guys and gals, line up...or just take your turn.

**Gerard:** Master doesn't really care. He just thought his boy might want to take advantage of Ewan while he's in an exposed position.

**Jonny Lee:** All right, Sir. *pulls himself from Gerard's lap and goes over, kneeling down beside where Jude and Ewan sit* Is this the line?

**Hugh:** *whispers to Guy* slave wants to leave.

**Guy:** *whispers back* Does slave want company? 'Cause I wouldn't mind...a nightcap. *grins*

**Hugh:** *smiles slyly* slave could manage to give Guy a...nightcap. If Guy wants.

**Guy:** *grins more broadly* Let's sneak out while they keep blistering the birthday boy. I'd take a swat myself, but we've not even been introduced.

**Hugh:** That makes some sense. *spots an exit nearby* Want to make a run for it while they're all admiring his arse?

**Guy:** *nods* *takes Hugh's arm as they get up to make their way out*

**Carrie-Anne:** *begins spanking Ewan rather briskly, putting a lot of strength into it*

**Jonny Lee:** *fidgets, is nervously impressed*

**Carrie-Anne:** And of course... *lands one really hard one where his thighs meet his arse* One to grow on.

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers with mega-envy at that last spank*

**Ewan:** Fucking hell...my arse is going numb already...

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs and bends and kisses one red arse cheek lightly* You know you love it. *moves back and stands up* Who's next?

**Jude:** *raises eyebrows and looks around*

**Jude:** Anyone?

**Jude:** Come on, you all have to give at least one smack. Even if it's just a tap.

**Jude:** *looks at Jonny Lee* Well?

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles* Hmm, last time I spanked you for your birthday, Ewan, we were what, twenty or so?

**Ewan:** *grins at Jonny Lee* Yeah, I think I pretended not to enjoy it.

**Jonny Lee:** Yeah, well you can pretend not to like this either. *repositions, kneels up in front of Ewan* Although I'd really rather be giving you the _other_ gift.

**Jonny Lee:** *begins spanking Ewan, slow at first, concentrated hard spanks with a good bit of force*

**Ewan:** *bites his lip* Nngh...

**Jude:** *nods encouragingly* That's it, Jonny. *grins*

**Jonny Lee:** *picks up speed, hitting him just a bit harder* Like that, Ewan?

**Jude:** *laughs at Jonny* Is this the only way you get to beat him?

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs at Jude's attempt at humor and lands the next spank extra hard*

**Ewan:** Fuck!

**Jude:** Alright, Jonny...

**Jude:** *smiles* Leave some for the rest.

**Jonny Lee:** *moves more quickly through the blows, delivering the last with a stinging hand* You're lousy at pretending, Ewan. I'll be 'round in a few days to deliver on the other gift.

**Ewan:** *grins* A new bike?

**Jonny Lee:** Uh, right. *laughs, moves off and returns to Gerard's lap*

**Gerard:** *cuddles Jonny Lee*

**Jude:** *slowly peels up the front of Ewan's kilt to reveal his erection* Well, if you will insist on getting up early... *starts laughing at the unintentional pun*

**Jude:** *leans in to lick Ewan's cock from root to tip, swirling his tongue around before wrapping his lips around the head and beginning to suck*

**Jude:** Mmmmm...

**Ewan:** *lets his head fall back, closing his eyes* Yeah...

**Jonny Lee:** *moves to the floor and crawls a few feet before sitting, cross-legged, just watching, absently licking lips every so often*

**Jude:** *keeps sucking, pulling Ewan in deep and then sliding back, keeping the strokes long and even* *looks up at Ewan and smiles, his eyes lighting up*

**Jonny Lee:** *it's getting harder, in lots of ways, to juggle attention between the two scenes*

**Ewan:** *turns around to the bartender and orders another beer* You want anything, Jude?

**Ewan:** *sips his beer and pets Jude idly* Quite a turnout tonight.

**Jonny Lee:** Fuckin' fantastic. Haven't had that much fun at the bar in weeks. But then, that was LA.

**Ewan:** *to Jonny* Yeah, I don't like the LA club as much.

**Jude:** *grins up at Jonny Lee* That was a pretty amazing night, though.

**Jonny Lee:** It was LA. Different people. *shrugs* It was fun.

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls self from sitting to kneeling* I suppose I should track down Pire and see if we're staying here or going home. He muttered something about options.

**Ewan:** *grins at Jonny Lee* See ya.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28090.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	102. establishment: [delivered by hand via Establishment cou

| The Committee ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/the_committee/profile)[ **the_committee**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/the_committee/) ) wrote in [](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/profile)[**establishment**](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/) ,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/03/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/03/31/) 14:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=115770&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=115770) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=115770) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=115770&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

[delivered by hand via Establishment courier]

[An invitation to all members of the Establishment](http://overit.net/centennial/)  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/115770.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	103. jonnyleemiller: The night before life changes

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/04/) 01:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17452&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17452) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17452) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=17452&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  nervously excited  
---|---  
  
_****The night before life changes****_  
 **[players only. night of saturday, april 3. jonny lee and gerard share time before the rules take effect.]**  
  
  
Jonny Lee finishes his Splinter Cell game and puts down the controller, turns off the box and heads upstairs. He's blown two games by just not paying attention. He's nervous. Excited. But a bit antsy. The new rules take effect in a few hours, and they're what he wants, but there's an old adage about being careful with your wishes. He pokes his head into the study, finds Gerard sitting there, in the oversized chair, reading.  
  
Clearing his throat lightly, he speaks quietly. "Pire, whatcha doing?" Immediately he's fidgeting. That was a stupid question. It's obvious. "I mean, um, thought you might want to go to bed early. Or something."  
  
Gerard looks up. He'd heard Jonny Lee come upstairs but he'd assumed his boy was going to take a shower or turn in. Gerard had picked up the book a few hours before and hadn't been able to put it down. One of the hazards of reading, he's always found. If you find something good, you'll be up with it all night. "Reading. Is there a reason to go to bed early?"  
  
"Just to be in bed." He shrugs. "If that's a good book, and you're wanting to finish, I can go shower. It's cool." He wants to be held, to curl up, to get his brains fucked out, but he's not asking. Nervous, doesn't want to bother.  
  
"It's fine." Gerard folds down the corner of the page he's on and puts the book down. When it comes to a choice between cuddling with his boy and reading, cuddling wins out every time.  
  
Jonny Lee smiles. "May I ask for something?" He's out of role, completely, has been since he woke up, sort of a last-day thing they'd agreed on. "Just me, asking my lover?"  
  
"Certainly." Gerard stands up. He stretches his arms up above his head and pulls them to one side and the other. Ahh. That feels good. "What did you have in mind?"  
  
"I wanna be fucked, like you did the first couple weeks we were together, Pire. Hard, but no kink." He pauses, thinks maybe it wasn't the thing to say. "Not that I don't love the kink. Christ, I do." He lets out a small laugh. "Tonight, before it all, well, before tomorrow comes, I want my lover to fuck to sleep." He knows it has to sound incredibly stupid and corny. He shoves his hands into his jeans' back pockets and leans into the doorjamb.  
  
It doesn't sound stupid. In fact, it makes a great deal of sense. It's like a stag night before the wedding, though the analogy makes Gerard wince. One last fling before the fall. "We can do that, Teak. Do you want to be on top?" It's a fair question. Back in the beginning, they did a fair bit of switching.  
  
The question takes him by surprise, and Jonny Lee's sure he's not hiding it on his face, the puzzled look. "You want _me_ to top you?" He hesitates. "I know we did a lot of switching at the start, but since you've come back," he stumbles over the words, "the only time I've done it was that day in LA." There's no stopping the blush that comes with the memory, chain and collar.  
  
"Not top me," Gerard finds the distinction important but he can't for the life of him think why, "but be on top. And just because we haven't done it since LA is no reason not to do it now."  
  
Jonny Lee's brain hadn't made a distinction. He hears /top/ and he thinks one thing. "Oh, that's different, I guess. So, yeah, we could try that."  
  
"All right." Gerard smiles. He walks over to Jonny Lee and kisses him lightly. "So," he says, "want to do it here, or would you rather wait until we get to a bed?"  
  
"Bed. Please, Sir?" He smiles at the kiss.  
  
"Good boy." It comes automatically and Gerard has to laugh at that. "No, no role. No sirs, no boys. Just Pire and Teak. Sound doable?"  
  
"Sure, Pire," Jonny Lee says, pulling his hand from his pocket and sliding his arm around Gerard's waist, perfect boyfriend style. "No roles. Just us."  
  
Gerard duplicates the motion and brings Jonny Lee close for a long kiss. He can't remember the last time they were truly out of role and the night before some very strict rules go into effect seems like the best time to throw it all to hell and just be two guys.  
  
Moving from study to bedroom isn't a long journey. Just a hallway. But for two guys in love it's more stumble, kiss, walk a step, back against the wall in a bruising kiss and nearly fall into doorway together, fumbling fingers pushing at shirts and teasing jeans. Jonny Lee breaks the last kiss, desperate for air, and takes a half-step back. "Strip for you, Pire? Or wanna just see who can get their clothes off first?"  
  
Gerard only has eyes for Jonny Lee's lips. Specifically, how he can get them parted and kissed again. "Just get naked." He matches words to actions and tugs his shirt over his head and then tugs the drawstring on his pants.  
  
"Naked." Jonny Lee strips his t-shirt off, tosses it across the room. "Good thing." He almost forgets what he's doing when Gerard's shirt comes off, caught up in staring at his chest. Shakes his head. "Yeah." Quickly shoves the jeans down his legs, just barely remembering his trainers before he tangles denim with canvas.  
  
Gerard steps out of his pants and then yanks down his boxers. Once he's naked, he pounces Jonny Lee and pins him to the floor. Before Jonny Lee can recover, Gerard's kissing him.  
  
It's almost like the first night, on the floor, underneath him, and Jonny Lee's laughing into the kiss. The laugh ceases quickly, Gerard's tongue parting his lips, his own mouth responding, seeking out familiar territory.  
  
Jonny Lee's mouth tastes good, and as much as Gerard thinks he could do this all night, he wants to fuck Jonny Lee. Or, rather, he wants Jonny Lee to fuck him. He doesn't really care right now, doesn't see the difference. He wants his boy.  
  
It's tricky, and he's not sure he can do it, but there hasn't been all those years of aikido training for nothing, and Jonny Lee maneuvers for the leverage, pushing Gerard up and then rolling them over, so he's on top. The kiss breaks for a moment, long enough for Jonny Lee to move his mouth to Gerard's throat. "Hmm, you taste good. Like you like this."  
  
Gerard's lips stay parted and he breathes heavily through them. Damn, Jonny Lee's good. Very good. He can't remember Jonny Lee turning the tables, but the floor feels good against his back. It keeps him from falling down. Or something. He knows its along those lines and that's good enough for now. Jonny Lee's lips are on Gerard's throat and that's a very, very wonderful feeling.  
  
Jonny Lee keeps kissing, doesn't ask the question he's wanting to ask about those differences between top and topping and domming. They're out of role. It doesn't matter. He bites into Gerard's throat, sharp and deep, just shy of drawing blood.  
  
Gerard yelps and jerks away from the bite, which only serves to stretch the skin and make the bite worse. It fucking hurts, but right now it's the good sort of hurt, and they're out of role so there's no fucking way he'll let himself punish Jonny Lee for hurting him without asking first.  
  
"Didn't hurt you too much, did I?" Jonny Lee switches to soothing tongue bath, drawing across the throat and down onto Gerard's chest. He's scooting his body down Gerard's as he licks.  
  
Gerard shakes his head. "'m fine." Hard as hell, but fine. Jonny Lee's tongue is getting closer and closer to Gerard's cock and he wants it so badly.  
  
"Good." He wriggles down, pressing his erection against Gerard's, whimpering at the sensation, and licks over a nipple, taking it lightly in his teeth. He knows he's being assertive, perhaps aggressive, maybe too much of both. He nibbles, doesn't bite properly.  
  
Gerard moans at the teeth on his nipple. "Bite, damn you." It comes out more demanding that he wants it to, but it's no where near being an order. "Bite!"  
  
"Yes, s-," he stops himself from saying it, switches gears, "lover," he purrs, then he bites down, sinking his teeth into the surrounding flesh, pulling up and finally sucking off the fresh wound.  
  
"Christ!" Oh, that's brilliant Right there. Just brilliant. Gerard forces his eyes open and he looks down at his lover. "Do the other one."  
  
"Greedy lover." Jonny Lee moves quickly to the other nipple. He licks, swirling his tongue around the hardening flesh, then bites, just the nipple, working it between his teeth.  
  
"Very greedy," Gerard gets out, then moans. "Perfect. So fucking perfect."  
  
Jonny Lee sits up, straddling Gerard's body. "Do you want more, lover?" He grinds his ass down against Gerard's erection. "Want me to fuck myself? Let you watch."  
  
That's it. Loss of all higher brain function. Or whatever it is. Gerard doesn't think he can think rationally anymore. He wants it. Anything Jonny Lee will do, he wants it. Fucking, being fucked, he just wants his boy.  
  
Slipping his hand between them, he takes Gerard's cock, already hard, and strokes it, feeling it stiffen more and lengthen under his touch. "I could do it just like this." He works the flesh, slicking precum down its sides. "This is enough for me."  
  
"Then do it!" No condom, no real prep. Sounds fucking lovely right now. Just him and his lover.  
  
It's gonna hurt like fuckin' hell, but he doesn't care. It's too good a moment to pass up. He even ignores they never made it to the bed. Jonny Lee goes up on his knees, guides Gerard's cock into position and then lowers his body. The head pushes through tight muscle and it hitches his breath.  
He's intent on not breaking eye contact with his lover, and so he focuses on the eyes that film can decide should be green or blue or grey. To him, they're just beautiful, and they mirror his pain perfectly. He doesn't stop, that would only hurt more, and slowly works his lover inside him.  
  
Gerard gasps as Jonny Lee begins the torturous process, but he doesn't let himself close his eyes. If Jonny Lee can manage it, Gerard can as well. And his part is so much easier. All he needs to do is lie back and watch as his boy fucks himself.  
  
Jonny Lee moves his hands to his thighs and pushes, forcing his hips to sink himself deeper onto Gerard's cock, until he's finally seated and he just stays still for the longest minute, letting the fullness seep out into the rest of his body.  
  
"Beautiful," Gerard breathes. He breaks eye contact enough to examine Jonny Lee's body. They're both sweating, and Jonny Lee's erection is very prominent. Gerard wants to wrap his hand around it and wank Jonny Lee as Jonny Lee fucks himself.  
  
He starts moving, slowly at first, pulling himself up and pushing back down, then picks up the pace. He's not even thinking about his own pleasure, other than knowing its Gerard's cock up his arse and he's being fucked so good.  
  
His cock's hard, he knows that much, but he doesn't give a damn. When his lover comes, maybe he'll come or maybe not. "Christ, Pire, it's so fuckin' good." Right now, it's just the feel of nothing between them, that incredible friction, the tug his body gives of Gerard's cock as he pulls up, the resistance when he pushes back down. "Love having you inside me like this."  
  
Gerard's eyes closed long ago. As much as he loves to watch his boy do this, it takes too much energy. And, besides, with his eyes closed its easier to concentrate on the pure pleasure of his boy around him, fucking himself on him. He can feel Jonny Lee warm and tight around him and the friction is so fucking good. Gerard thrusts upward once and then comes.  
  
For an instant, it catches him offguard, but then Jonny Lee's filled with his lover's orgasm. He rides it out. "Yes," he hisses, his body tightening, not wanting to let go for the longest time. And then he's subsiding, sinking to a low kneeling position, Gerard's cock still inside him. "That was incredible, lover. Fuckin' fantastic."  
  
Gerard opens his eyes and smiles up at Jonny Lee. "Yeah," he breathes. "It was." An arm comes up and grabs Jonny Lee, pulling him down into a kiss, softer and gentler than before, but no less claiming.  
  
The kiss is warm, reassuring in its claim, and Jonny Lee stretches out into it, purrs against it, moans into Gerard's mouth.  
  
Gerard works his hand between them and starts stroking Jonny Lee's cock while deepening the kiss. He wants his boy to come in his hand. He wants to go to bed sweaty and sticky and wake up needing a shower.  
  
The moans get deeper, stronger, a bit louder, and it doesn't take much. A few strokes and he's coming, just like he wants, all over Gerard's hand, in-between their bodies. He'll wake up sticky and not get up and he'll be happier than he's ever been.  
  
Gerard brings his hand up and he breaks the kiss long enough to lick Jonny Lee's come off his fingers and palm. Almost as tasty as Jonny Lee's mouth.  
  
"Love you, Pire," Jonny Lee whispers when his mouth is freed, quickly swiping out his tongue to taste himself on his lover's fingers. "Don't want a shower now. I'll wash the sheets tomorrow. That okay?"  
  
"Perfect." Gerard pulls his hand away from Jonny Lee's mouth so he can kiss him again. Tomorrow morning they'll wake up and they'll be in role, but tonight, for now, it's just Pire and Teak, Gerard and Jonny Lee, and it's damned nice that way.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/17452.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	104. jonnyleemiller: First day of new rules

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/04/) 10:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18593&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18593) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18593) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18593&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  happy just being a boy  
---|---  
  
_****First day of new rules****_  
 **[players only. occurs sunday morning, april 4, when the new[rules](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/27872.html) went into effect for jonny lee.]**  
  
  
Sunday morning comes too early after Saturday night and Jonny Lee's still a bit sore from the rough tumble he and Gerard had. He wakes up as usual for a weekend morning, 'round 8, and stretches, pushes back the covers and starts to pull himself out of bed.  
  
Then it hits him. Sunday. New rules in effect. He can't go running, can't go downstairs and play video games. He's supposed to stay in bed. He's not a hundred percent sure, but he guesses a quick trip to the bathroom's within the spirit of the rules, so he continues the forward motion, hurriedly takes care of the morning piss, swipes a brush over his teeth and crawls back into bed.  
  
/Not so bad. Running can wait./ Jonny Lee snuggles up to his lover's back, curls into the warm body, and wills himself to rest, if not go back to sleep completely.  
  
Gerard wakes up slowly, feeling something against his back that's not usually there. It's Jonny Lee, he realizes slowly, and it makes him smile. Today's Sunday and the rules start today. His boy's his for now, entirely his.  
  
Jonny Lee feels the body under his hand stir. "Morning, Master," he says very quietly, letting his fingers dance lightly over Gerard's stomach.  
  
Well, this is a reverse. Usually it's him spooning his boy. "Morning, boy. How are you this morning?"  
  
"I'm wond--," he starts, catching himself, swallowing back the words. "/Your boy/ is fuckin' fantastic this morning. He feels sore in all the right places."  
  
Caught himself in time. Gerard's proud of his boy and intends to let him see it. He turns and presses a kiss to Jonny Lee's lips. "Shower. Then shag."  
  
"Yes, Sir," Jonny Lee breathes out after the kiss. "Does Master want his boy to start the shower now?"  
  
"Sure." Meanwhile, Gerard can take his time getting out of bed.  
  
Jonny Lee rolls over and out of bed, rubbing hands absently through his hair as he walks to the bathroom. He pulls the towels out and folds them loosely on the counter, then steps to the large enclosed shower, turning the water on, getting it to the right temp and letting the steam start to build. He doesn't presume anything other than to drop into position, settling on his knees beside the shower, hands behind his back and eyes down.  
  
Gerard gives himself another minute in bed before rolling out. He stretches thoroughly, pulling his arms over his head and listening to the satisfying pop. Once his back aches lightly, he enters the bathroom and gets under the spray. Only once he's suitably wet does he motion for his boy to join him.  
  
Pulling himself up quickly, Jonny Lee steps into the shower, just at the edge of the spray. "May your boy wash your back, Master?" he asks with an edge of innuendo.  
  
Gerard twists halfway around to look at his boy. He can recognize that look in Jonny Lee's eyes. He's seen it often enough. "He may."  
  
Soaping up his hands, Jonny Lee starts at the shoulders, rubbing in small massaging circles, working his way down to the center of Gerard's back. He likes this, having this time. If that's what the new rules means, he's definitely glad for them.  
  
This is service. This is what Gerard's always dreamed of, a boy who will do these things for him with absolutely no prompting. Gerard braces his arms against the linoleum wall and lets Jonny Lee have access to his back.  
  
Jonny Lee grabs the cake of soap and slides it over Gerard's skin, down the center of his back, then returns his it to the wall holder. He works his hands into the small of the back, kneading with just a bit more force. "Does Master wish his boy to do more?"  
  
Gerard moans as Jonny Lee's hands work magic on kinks he didn't even know where there. "He can continue doing what he's doing."  
  
"Yes, Master," he says dutifully, moving his hands down over the curves of the hips, taking care to make the massaging touches as non-sexual as he can, not presuming he's allowed anything more. That's part of serving as Master's pleasure, not his own, denying his own desires as his fingers dance over the outer edge of hip bone, curving back up along the torso.  
  
It occurs to Gerard that Jonny Lee never actually penetrated him last night and that this morning isn't all that bad a time. Topping from the bottom seems an excellent way to start off the week. "Finger me, boy."  
  
"Sir?" It comes out as much more of a question than Jonny Lee intends. He wasn't expecting to be asked, no, ordered, to do _that_. He recovers his voice, composure. "Yes, Sir." And slowly he slides his hand over Gerard's ass, slipping his finger through the tight muscle, working it slowly.  
  
'Don't question my orders' is on the tip of Gerard's tongue, but Jonny Lee's actions make it quickly unnecessary. The intrusion feels strange, but Gerard gets accustomed to it surprisingly fast. "Good boy."  
  
He's not at all sure how literally to take the orders, whether he's to wait on specific instructions for more, knows he's fucked that up in the past. "Thank you, Master," he says quickly for the compliment, crooking his finger slightly, just almost raking over the prostate.  
  
"You're a very good boy," Gerard repeats. "Now take some initiative. That's an order."  
  
Ordered to take initiative. It's odd, but it's exactly what Jonny Lee wants, needs. He pulls back, adds a second finger and works them, twisted one around the other, into Gerard's ass. He's not on the giving end of this very often, can damned well count on one hand the number of guys he's done, but he's eager to please, so he slips his free hand down over Gerard's stomach and loosely wraps his fingers at the base of the cock.  
  
Gerard moans. "Feels good, boy." Two fingers up his arse, a familiar hand around his cock. Gerard could do this more often. Though he won't. Let it be a treat for the both of them. "Go on."  
  
"On, Master?" Jonny Lee asks, wanting to be crystal clear on what's expected. "With just your boy's fingers? Or does Master wish to be fucked properly? Not that his boy has _earned_ such a privilege."  
  
"His fingers, then his cock," Gerard elaborates. "And it's not my boy's place to say what he's earned and what he hasn't."  
  
 _Shite. You should remember that lesson, Miller._ "Yes, Master." He works his fingers in deeper, knuckles pressing against Gerard's arse, as his fingers wrap and stroke the cock.  
  
Gerard lets Jonny Lee hear him. His boy's earned it and, anyway, Gerard isn't in any mood to be silent. He has enough control that he won't let himself come until Jonny Lee is inside him, but everything else is up in the air.  
  
A few minutes more and he pulls out his fingers and works his hand over his own cock, slicking it with precum and water. Logistically, sex standing up isn't the most comfortable for them, given the height difference, but Gerard's sprawled against the wall enough, legs spread and Jonny Lee rocks up on the balls of his feet as he pushes his cock inside his lover's body.  
  
Gerard mentally counts every inch of Jonny Lee's cock as it penetrates him. Such a good boy, to do this for his master. Such a good boy.  
  
He rocks forward, making his thrusts slow and steady, long and filling. Gerard's tight, much more so than he remembers, anticipates, and the muscles clenching so firmly around him having him wanting to come within minutes. He matches the strokes on Gerard's cock with his thrusts, long and drawn-out pulls down the full length before sliding back up.  
  
Gerard bows his head to keep the spray from going into his mouth and pushes back hard against Jonny Lee. There haven't been many times in his life where's he's been taken like this, and each is a treasured memory.  
  
"Master?" Jonny Lee says as he thrusts forward against Gerard's push. "Your boy loves giving you this pleasure. He's so close." It's not begging to come, more like asking permission to do it inside his lover. Nothing without permission. It's a basic rule.  
  
"Is he." Not a question. Gerard imagines that he can feel it in the way Jonny Lee's filling him, imagines that he can feel Jonny Lee's orgasm building up. "Not until I do."  
  
"Yes, Master, your boy wouldn't think of doing otherwise." He keeps his pace constant, not speeding up, not appearing too eager, and his hand strokes down Gerard's cock end with a tugging twist. He's seated deep in his master's body, holds steady for a moment, and then pulls back, shoving in again, just a smidge harder.  
  
Gerard wasn't ready for a thrust and when it comes, he slides forward a little. He holds himself steady, straightens his arms, and closes his eyes. Just a little more. He isn't desperate, but he isn't in a mood to make Jonny Lee wait.  
  
Jonny Lee repeats the move, sensing it pleased his Master, and strokes, thrusts, holds. He can hold out for hours if need be, a practiced art of self-denial when wanting what he couldn't have.  
  
Jonny Lee's thumb flicks over the head of Gerard's cock and it's enough to make him come in Jonny Lee's hand. He clenches down instinctively around Jonny Lee's cock and it hurts, but in the good sort of way. The water's going quickly from hot to chilly and it serves very well to bring Gerard back to earth.  
  
The water dissipates the white streaks too quickly, and the shuddering of Gerard's body gives Jonny Lee the permission he needs. He comes on a final quick thrust, spilling himself deep inside his lover's body, riding through the shivers of his own orgasm with a muffled slur of expletives.  
  
Gerard would be content to stand like that for hours, braced against the wall, legs spread, and his boy still inside him, but the cold is quickly making itself known. "Towel," he mutters, turning off the spray with a quick twist. "Then wait for the hot water to replenish and we do this again."  
  
Jonny Lee pulls out, steps back and grabs the towels. "Did Master want it wrapped around him? Or should his boy dry him off?" he asks with a small smile.  
  
Gerard steps out of the shower and runs a hand through his wet hair, tugging at the knots. "Since you did such a wonderful job soaping me, why not? Dry me."  
  
The smile on Jonny Lee's face erupts in a grin. This he can do with no problem. He takes the towel and starts at the shoulders, rubbing the towel briskly down around Gerard's arms, first one then the other. "Yes, Sir, your boy likes doing this." He moves the heavy cotton over Gerard's chest, stretching the edges around his torso, rubbing onto the back.  
  
Gerard sighs happily as his boy tends to him. Jonny Lee's hair's growing out a little, but it's still very spiky despite the shower. Gerard waits until Jonny Lee's gotten to his legs before giving into the urge to muss his hair. "Love you, boy."  
  
"Love you, too, Master," he says, glancing up for a second before rubbing down the legs. He's on his knees now as he finishes drying Gerard's feet, then crawls around and works his way up the back side. He goes back up on his feet, scrubbing the towel over Gerard's shoulder and then rustles it through his hair. "Does Master require anything else at the moment?"  
  
"No." Gerard smiles, turning around. "Just his boy."  
  
"Master has his boy for as long as he wants," Jonny Lee says, knowing the double entendre. "What would Master like for his boy to do? Breakfast now? Back to bed?"  
  
"Oh, breakfast." Gerard grins. "Then shower and back to bed. Or maybe the other way around. But breakfast first."  
  
"Breakfast. Yes, Sir. I'll pop down and fix it, call you when it's ready." Jonny Lee quickly towels himself off.  
  
"Good boy." Belatedly Gerard remembers that Jonny Lee's now allowed to leave until he excuses him. "Go, um," shit. Should have thought this through. How awkward is it going to be to have to dismiss his boy when he doesn't want him anymore? "Go do it."  
  
Jonny Lee grabs his jeans from the bedroom floor and shrugs them on as he head downstairs, mostly 'cause he's not completely comfortable walking 'round naked, even in his own house. He's getting there, is pretty sure he'll be there one day, but it's still a process. He starts the coffee, mostly for him, and puts the kettle on for Gerard's tea, then sets about retrieving scones picked up at the baker's, toast and jam.  
  
Gerard grabs a towel, rubs it against his hair, and then throws it into the hamper. He pulls out a black wool sweater from the closet and a pair of boxers from the floor. His ass hurts a little, but he doesn't mind. He does a lot worse to Jonny Lee on a regular basis. Chuckling a little, he walks down the stairs to see how breakfast is coming.  
  
The table's set for two, and Jonny Lee looks up as Gerard comes into the kitchen. "Wasn't sure which you wanted, Master, so there's scones and toast," he says, opening the jam and sticking a spoon into it. "Tea'll be ready in another minute." He grins at the combination his lover's chosen to wear, how friggin' sexy he looks in the sweater, hair dipping down to the collar again. "Unless you want coffee, Sir. It's brewed."  
  
"Tea's good." Gerard grins. His boy is still wet and the jeans seem to be clinging even tighter to him because of it. "And scones, and toast." And Jonny Lee over the table once he's up to it.  
  
"Okay." His smile grows wider. He _knows_ what that grin means, that Gerard's plotting. "Sit down, get started," he says, turning back to the stove and the whistling kettle. He fixes the teapot and grabs himself a cup of coffee before returning to the table, setting the cup down at the place opposite Gerard and moving around the table to pour his Master's tea. "Breakfast is casual. Right?" he asks as he fills the cup. "Your boy's not supposed to be on his knees?"  
  
"That's right." Gerard smiles up as his boy. "So sit down." Gerard blows across the top of his cup and then takes a sip of his tea. Hot, but good. "What do you think so far? New rules working?" Not that they've had much time to test them.  
  
"Don't know, Sir," he says, setting the pot down and taking his seat. He picks up the coffee mug, wraps his hands around its hottest edge rather than holding the handle. "Woke up all right. Your boy _did_ get out of bed, long enough to take a piss, then right back in. He assumes that's okay." He sips at the coffee, pressing his fingers into the heat.  
  
"Perfectly fine." Gerard takes a piece of toast off the plate and butters it. "How long before me did you wake up?"  
  
Jonny Lee thinks for a minute. "Couldn't've been more than a few minutes, maybe 15 or 20."  
  
"All right." Gerard swallows and takes another bite. "So we're good?"  
  
"So far." He leans his elbows on the table, perched with coffee mug's edge pressed against forehead and eyes closed. "Plans for today, Master? Your boy needs to put some finishing touches on the playroom if Master doesn't need him for anything else."  
  
Gerard shakes his head. "No plans." He's snuck peaks of the playroom, but nothing more. He wants to see it all at once, once it's done. He wants Jonny Lee to give him the grand tour, and then he wants to shag his boy against whatever wall is closest.  
  
"Then, if it's all right," Jonny Lee says, opening his eyes, peering out from beside the mug, "his boy will spend the day finishing." He smiles. "And then he can show Master tomorrow morning."  
  
Gerard leans over the table and kisses his boy. "Sounds like a plan."  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18593.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	105. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Thursday, April 6

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/09/) 21:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18353&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18353) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18353) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18353&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  fluxed  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  INXS, _Need You Tonight_  
  
_****Journal, Thursday, April 6****_  
 **[locked to himself and gerard]**  
  
Four days into the new rules and this boy is doing well. He's managed not to fuck up anything too badly, not even serving dinner properly. But then ~~I haven't~~ he hasn't been out of the house for more than running, and hasn't had to talk to anyone other than Master.  
  
He's having trouble staying in bed, though. That rule's a lot harder than ~~I~~ he thought it would be. This boy is used to waking up early, getting up and running, then coming home and crawling back into bed later in the morning. This morning, ~~I~~ he just sat there, rocking against the headboard, reading, waiting on Master to wake up. Okay, so it shouldn't be that hard. And ~~I~~ he should be wanting to stay in bed with Pire. Just have to get over it.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-10 04:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34225&format=light#t34225))   
---|---  
Of all your habits, I hadn't thought that this one would be the hardest to break. Oh, and if you have a problem with anything, it's very fine for you to go out of role for it. It puts us back on even footing.  
  
Is the problem the urge to run or the problem that you've been waking up hours earlier than me _to_ run and so you're spending that time now waiting for me to get up? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?replyto=34225&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34225&format=light#t34225))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-10 05:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34481&format=light#t34481))   
---|---  
It's being so conditioned to wake up, get up, run. And you're not a morning person, Pire. You'd rather sleep in. Which your boy doesn't mind some mornings, but yesterday and today I woke up like 2 hours before you and I wasn't sure if it was okay to wake you or not. All the rules say is to stay in bed until you wake up. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?replyto=34481&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34225&format=light#t34225))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34481&format=light#t34481))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-10 05:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34737&format=light#t34737))   
---|---  
Two hours before?  
  
In that case, wake me up. If it's that early and you know you aren't going to be able to go back to sleep, give me a blowjob. Let me wake up in your mouth. Then we'll do breakfast, you'll run, and I'll go back to bed.  
  
  
Work for you? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?replyto=34737&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34481&format=light#t34481))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34737&format=light#t34737))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-10 05:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34993&format=light#t34993))   
---|---  
Yes, Sir. Works perfectly. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?replyto=34993&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34737&format=light#t34737))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34993&format=light#t34993))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-10 05:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=35249&format=light#t35249))   
---|---  
Then we'll do it that way. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?replyto=35249&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18353.html?thread=34993&format=light#t34993))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	106. gerard: It's Friday, I'm in love

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/09/) 16:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28708&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28708) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28708) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=28708&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**It's Friday, I'm in love** _  
[public]

It's Friday and that means the first out of role night for me and my boy.

Just a question for those that have specific out of role times either for themselves or for their submissives. Is it easier to have more than one per week? Is it a better idea that instead of having an out of role time "together", Jonny Lee also have one (perhaps daily) to be by himself?

I'm doing my best to anticipate his needs, but I don't have any experience with this sort of thing.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-04-10 01:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?thread=53028&format=light#t53028))   
---|---  
Hmmm. Well, when Billy had out-of-role time, he had time daily as well as one day a week. But I think instead of trying to anticipate his needs, maybe you wanna ask him? He may not know, and knowing Jonny Lee, he may want you to just decide, in which case, were it me, I'd start off giving him out-of-role time--not necessarily alone, but just to do what he wants, whether that's alone or not--every day, until you see how it works. Does that make sense? Are you worried that he won't take time to be by himself if you don't push for that? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?replyto=53028&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?thread=53028&format=light#t53028))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-10 04:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?thread=53284&format=light#t53284))   
---|---  
Ask him, ask him. You know, it sounds so much more common sense when you mention it. ;)  
  
I'm not worried that he won't tell me that he wants to be out of role if I'm insisting he is, I'm worried about his zoning thing and also if he needs time out of it. Our new rules don't say that he needs to be in role 24/7, but he has to be ready to jump into headspace when I want him there. I think a few hours "safe time" might alieviate any possible stresses from that. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?replyto=53284&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?thread=53028&format=light#t53028))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[**alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-04-10 07:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?thread=53540&format=light#t53540))   
---|---  
Interesting question, Gerry.  
  
This is a subject I have the distinct feeling I shall have to reevaluate myself after next week. Sundays are completely out of role for James and I, as we'd determined before I'd collared him. That said, with being on the set five days a week, there is quite a lot more time spent 'out of role' than merely Sundays, for rather somewhat obvious reasons.  
  
What you've said about Jonny . . . Does make me wonder after James, whether or not he _would_ volunteer that he needed more out of role time, or would merely find a way to resign himself to the changes for _my_ sake. That thought makes me really rather slightly uncomfortable, come to think of it.  
  
I'd rather think that Mark has the right idea of it though, and asking would be the best course of action. Asking James (and not allowing him to wriggle around the answer) is what I shall have to do after we settle in London week after next. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/28708.html?replyto=53540&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	107. gerard: Five Fantasies

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/12/) 01:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29429&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29429) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29429) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29429&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  sad  
---|---  
  
_**Five Fantasies**_  
[JL only]  
  
  
Take out your cock. Begin to stroke it. You are permitted to come. These are five roleplaying fantasies, some I do plan on doing, some I'm not sure of. Read them over as fast or as slow as you want to. Feel free to go back and reread.  
  
  
  
  
 **1:** _Attila Fantasy:_  
  


> One day you will find instructions to go to the make-up room in the club. There they will die your hair red - a dark red, not the color of blood - and shave off all your hair below your neck. You will then come home, where the second room of the basement will have been decorated as well as your Master can mimic the set of Attila's tent. There will be clothes on the bed for you to wear, the stereotypical harem outfit, plus trick handcuffs. You will put them on and then wait for me.
> 
> But I won't make you wait more than ten minutes before I come in. I saved the outfit I "died" in, but I'm not trying to recreate a post-wedding shag. Rather, you are a slave I picked out of the lineup for my pleasure, and you are _very_ eager not to get thrown to my Huns. So obedient, so beautiful. At the end of the night, I offer you your freedom and you refuse.

**2:** _Doctor Fantasy:_

> There is a room in the London Club that I discovered quite by accident. It's a fully equipped examination room, complete with stethoscopes, dressing gowns, and everything one would need for a medical role play. My aim is much smaller. Meet Doctor Butler. He's been tending to young Jonny since he was fifteen and Jonny's come to relax around the good doctor. You can't call it taking advantage if they both want it. There's a bit of an age play element here. The ideal age for you to act would be eighteen or nineteen. That's why this is one of those I'm not sure if we'll ever do.
> 
> This one is very light-hearted. All those bad jokes that come to mind about opening wide are fair game. And remember, Teak. Good boys take their medicine.

**3:** _Dracula Fantasy:_

> One of many. This time, you're not Simon, you're Jonathan Harker, and we're in Transylvania. I know you've read _Dracula_ , so take yourself back to the near beginning when the count has Jonathan under lock and key. Jonathan isn't going anywhere. He's scared of the count and, even more so, he's scared of what Dracula's going to do to him. Not to mention the Victorian view of sex, and the thought of Jonathan Harker bending over for some blood sucker must be enough to scare the poor boy silly.
> 
> But he can't escape from the count. One night the count turns the key in the lock. Jonathan gets on the bed in panic and huddles against the headboard, clutching his diary. The count approaches slowly, giving time for Jonathan to quite thoroughly panic. Finally the count towers over the poor boy. Jonathan starts babbling, but he stops as the count puts a finger to his lips. What follows is surprisingly gentle, but Jonathan does not stop crying until, at last, Dracula turns Jonathan into a vampire.

**4:** _Priest Fantasy:_

> You. Me. White collar. Confessional. I'll even brush up on the formulas to say.
> 
> Needless to say, your penance won't be the sort of thing a real priest will give you, and you'll be extra rewarded for how devious and thought-out your sins are.

~~~~**5:** _Role Reversal Fantasy_

> You're on top in this one. You play a disreputable dom with a reputation for brutality. I'm a submissive who's been tossed from one master to another with little thought for my own desires. I need pain and lots of it, but most of all, I want to take this new dom of mine and show him who's _really_ in charge. You know, on second thought, I don't think I'm ready to admit this one. No, definitely not

**5:** _School Fantasy:_

> Once upon a time, there was a headmaster with a problem. That problem was a disobedient and surly head boy. The head boy thought he ruled the school and didn't have to listen to authority. He lorded it over the underclassmen and had the smartest kid in the class take all his tests for him.
> 
> As you would expect, such behaviour can not go unpunished. One day the headmaster had the boy, who happened to be named Jonny, brought up to his office. There, the boy got introduced to a cane and a little thing called deference. Once the beating was over, of course, the headmaster expected to be _personally_ thanked for the lesson.

Now, boy, tell me truthfully. Which one made you come?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29429.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	108. ethan_hawke: Ethan Hawke/Jonny Lee Miller: controller bondage

| Not!Ethan Hawke ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[ **ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/04/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/2004/04/19/) 21:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=6543&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=6543) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=6543) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ethan_hawke&itemid=6543&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current music:** |  Bruce Springsteen--Atlantic City  
---|---  
  
_**Ethan Hawke/Jonny Lee Miller: controller bondage**_  
 **backdated: 3/9, afternoon**  
  
[players only]  
  
 _Two subs, one PS/2. Somebody's got to think of illicit uses for the controllers._  
  
The phone conversation's quick and to the point. "Wanna play?" "Sure." Jonny Lee gathers up his PS2 system, along along with a half dozen of his most favorite games, and bums a ride off Mark to Ethan's house. The days are getting longer in waiting to go back to London, and he's starting to bore himself with playing at the house.  
  
Ethan hasn't been waiting for very long. Just long enough to throw all his shit into closets and make sure the house is aired out enough that the smoke won't choke Jonny Lee as soon as he walks in the door. He hears the sound of footsteps crunching up his path, and opens the door to his condo, leaning against the doorframe to let Jonny Lee in. His glasses are a little dirty, he notices; he takes them off and cleans the lenses with the hem of his shirt, a move which exposes a little stomach. Not that he's thinking about looking attractive. Surely not.  
  
"Hey there," he grins. "Long time no see."  
  
Jonny Lee smiles more than he should at the exposed flesh, tries to tell himself he's not _that_ turned on. And, yeah, like his brain believes it. "Hi. Since I've got another week or so in town, thought we could put a dent in a couple games." He shifts the rucksack on his shoulder. "Or chat. Or something."  
  
Ethan can't stop grinning. He knows it's going to make him look nervous, but he doesn't really mind. Not with Jonny Lee, anyway. "Going already?" he asks. "You think I could stow away in your luggage?"  
  
Jonny Lee laughs at that, something he finds easier with Ethan than most people. "Sure thing. I don't think Pire would mind. Too much." He moves to step over the threshold into the house.  
  
"Well, as long as he doesn't mind and we don't get caught by the TSA, then we're all set," Ethan says as he closes the door. "TV's in the back room, straight through the hall there," pointing over Jonny Lee's shoulder but coming to a stop behind him, chest pressed to Jonny Lee's shoulders. "You want a soda or something?"  
  
"Soda's fine," he says, taking a half-step back into Ethan's body. "Something's great, too. And I'm betting I could sneak you through customs without too much trouble."  
  
Ethan chuckles, resting his chin on Jonny Lee's shoulder. "I do have a passport," he points out. "Anyway, let me get you something. I've got the weirdest shit in my fridge, I should warn you now. Fresca, diet Coke with lime, ginger ale..."  
  
"Then there's no excuse for you not coming to visit me after I leave." The words are out of Jonny Lee's mouth before he realizes how forward he's being. "Uh, whatever. From the fridge, that is. Don't think I've any of those options before."  
  
"You want to be scared or do you want something relatively harmless?" Ethan grins, squeezing a little tighter. "And of course I'll come see you if you want me to. I haven't been to London in ages."  
  
"Love being scared. Harmless is no fun." He shrugs the rucksack off his free shoulder and lets it rest on the edge of his shoe, held loosely by one hand.  
  
"All right." Ethan leans down and nips at Jonny Lee's shoulder before heading to the kitchen for the Fresca.  
  
The nip doesn't exactly scare, but it startles, and it takes Jonny Lee a half second to process, smile at Ethan's departing frame and head toward where the TV resides. "I'm gonna g'head and hook up things," he shouts over his shoulder. "Then we can figure out what we want to play."  
  
"Sounds good," Ethan yells back, digging out a two-liter bottle and two glasses. He fills both with ice and then pours soda over them, waiting for the bubbles to die down so he can top them off. Back out in the TV room, he actually manages to find coasters to set the glasses on, not that it'll really matter on carpet.  
  
Jonny Lee's kneeling in front of the TV, hooking up cables and unraveling cords. "So, you put together that CD yet? I was listening to some tracks the other day that'd be good on it." He holds up one of the controllers and irritably unsnags a knotted cable.  
  
"Not yet," Ethan says, plopping himself down next to Jonny Lee. "I keep coming back to instrumental drum tracks, because vocals can be distracting."  
  
"I don't mind the words," he starts, laughing a bit at the unceremonious plop, more amused at how he's not nearly as nervous as when they first met. "Sometimes I think that's what sinks me. Words. And then, when I'm zoning, I can tune out what I don't wanna hear." Cable unsnarled, he makes the last connection. "So, what'd you wanna play?"  
  
"What've you got in the way of fighting games?" Ethan asks. "The kind where there are a dozen fancy moves you can do with button pushing, or you can just mash buttons until something cool happens."  
  
That elicits a bonafide, deeper laugh. "Oh, so you're the button-mashing type. Figures." Jonny Lee digs in the bag and produces a stack of games. "Mortal Kombat, Soul Calibur, Seven Samurai, Tekken. Take your pick."  
  
"Soul Calibur," Ethan says immediately. "I think I know one good throw from the bondage guy with the knife hands." He shoots Jonny Lee a shit-eating grin.  
  
"Should it surprise me you know the bondage guy?" Jonny Lee asks absently, popping the Soul Calibur cartridge into the console. "Nah, don't answer that. Prolly don't wanna know."  
  
"Hey, we're all perverts here. Nobody's gotta hide anything, right?" Ethan's still grinning.  
  
"So that mean you're gonna tell me your deepest, darkest fantasy?" He hands off a controller to Ethan. "And you're up first. Owner's prerogative," he says, stumbling only a little over the sentences.  
  
"Ha -- um..." Ethan says, grinning and looking down at his controller. "Um, I don't know. My deepest, darkest fantasies scare the hell out of me, and I go into things looking to be scared." He selects a character and looks over at Jonny Lee. "Are we going head-to-head here, or trading off?"  
  
"Head-to-head's more fun, prob'ly. Here, let me get a character up." He chooses one and reaches for the glass of Fresca, taking a long swig. "Now that's an interesting taste." He shakes his head. "Okay, kick us in gear, mate."  
  
"It's a diet grapefruit something thing," Ethan explains seriously, and selects a stage, skipping through the intro and the characters' cheesy taunts. "And you _will_ fear my button-mashing skills by the time I'm done with you."  
  
"Oh, yeah, right," he slides into a much more American accent, videoDadespeak he's labeled it. "Dude, I'm gonna so blow you off the screen, ain't gonna have time to be impressed." Flexing his fingers, he settles into the controller's grip and watches the action unfold.  
  
Jonny Lee's expertise and Ethan's rapid button-mashing techinque are a surprisingly decent match for the first few rounds, though Ethan loses more than he wins. It doesn't seem to bother him, though. He just grins, and takes swigs of Fresca between fights, and eventually settles flat on his back with the controller propped up above his chest so he can see the buttons he's matching and the TV at the same time.  
  
Jonny Lee laughs when Ethan stretches out. "You can really play like that?"  
  
"Why not?" Ethan asks, mashing down on the X and Y buttons together and hitting the "up" direction on his controller. Voldo makes a bizarre spinning move that ends with some kind of crotch thrust, and Ethan cracks up. "Wanna join me?"  
  
"I'll still beat ya," he says, stretching out beside Ethan, propping controller and going back to strategy button-pushing. He squirms, unable to get really comfortable, and fidgets for a few minutes. "Nope. Not right for playing."  
  
"OK..." Ethan says, putting his controller down and pushing up on one arm. "So do you want to do something _other_ than Soul Calibur, maybe?" He pushes his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and grins down at Jonny Lee.  
  
Jonny Lee mimics Ethan's move, on a whim, pushing glasses up into his hair instead, and going up on one arm. "There's probably _lots_ we could do _other_ than Soul Calibur," he says, grinning. "Music. Sex. Watch a movie."  
  
"All at once?" Ethan jokes. He puts his free hand on the center of Jonny Lee's chest and runs it up to his shoulder. "Or one at a time?"  
  
It's kinda like the mirror game, except Jonny Lee's always had trouble playing without specific rules, so he interprets, putting his hand on Ethan's hip. "Depends on the movie. I'm partial to the first two. Good song. Great shag."  
  
"Mm-hm," Ethan agrees, and he presses at Jonny Lee's shoulder until he gets Jonny Lee on his back, then slides a leg over his. There's a certain amount of confidence Ethan picks up at moments like this, when the anticipation of something sexual turns into inevitability, and he ends up half-rolling onto Jonny Lee, still grinning. "I can get up and find something to put on the stereo. But..." One hand trails up Jonny Lee's arm, fingers tangling into each other. "I'd rather stay right here."  
  
He hasn't figured it out, might never understand it, but Ethan does everything _but_ make Jonny Lee nervous. He feels utterly comfortable, at ease, like two old friends doing what they're supposed to do. He stretches out under Ethan's body, twines his fingers into the hand seeking out his. "Maybe in a minute," he says quietly. "After you've kissed me."  
  
And just like that, it's easy. Ethan leans down, not closing his eyes until the last minute, and gently nuzzles Jonny Lee's lips open with his own. He runs the tip of his tongue along Jonny Lee's bottom lip before sliding it forward and pressing his lips to Jonny Lee's -- not too hard, not too soft. Just right.  
  
It's shy and tentative and so perfectly unlike every other kiss he's had. Jonny Lee opens his mouth, sliding his tongue out to lick over the edge of Ethan's lips just as the kiss starts. He doesn't want to close his eyes, but they fall shut instinctively, and he finds his free hand wanting to move, roam up Ethan's back, pull him slightly closer.  
  
Ethan obliges, sliding a little further on top of Jonny Lee, thigh moving between Jonny Lee's legs. He moans, just a little, into the kiss, tongue tangling with Jonny Lee's, and his fingers squeeze harder, pressing Jonny Lee's hand into the floor.  
  
The little bit of force prompts immediate response, a decided tightening in his jeans, as Jonny Lee shifts, stretches out to accommodate Ethan's movements. He squeezes back with one hand, just as hard, and rakes the fingers of his other over Ethan's shirt, bunching up the fabric.  
  
Ethan's breath stutters out against Jonny Lee's cheek, and he pulls back for a moment, just long enough to get his glasses off. He grins down at Jonny Lee -- who's looking a bit fuzzier around the edges now -- and leans in to kiss him again.  
  
"You're sexy with the glasses," Jonny Lee mutters in the brief respite, noting his own are probably going to end up on the floor behind his head in a minute. The thought's lost, though, with the second kiss, which is definitely not hesitant for either of them. Jonny Lee pushes up into it, tongue parting Ethan's lips, sucking gently on the lower one before letting the kiss deepen.  
  
"You're just..." Ethan lets his tongue rub against Jonny Lee's, stroking in until he's half-gone on the sensation. Kissing is underrated as a way of getting to know someone better, he thinks, and his fingertips go dancing up the inside of Jonny Lee's forearm, tickling at the inside of his elbow.  
  
Jonny Lee tries not to laugh, but Ethan hits his most ticklish spot, and he's squirming with the chuckles. "Don't," he whispers, the sensation ghosting up his arm and down his spine.  
  
Ethan stops the motion immediately, flattening his hand and pressing Jonny Lee's forearm down to the floor. "Sorry," he murmurs, lips moving down Jonny Lee's neck.  
  
"S'okay," Jonny Lee mutters, his mind immediately drawn to the kisses on his neck. "Just ticklish a bit." He's liking the way Ethan's mouth feels on him, how the sensations build on each other until they're overwhelming. "That feels better." He's not even wanting to ask for more, willing to wait for the explosion.  
  
"Will you freak if I tell you you're hot when you're squirming?" Ethan grins, licking a path down Jonny Lee's neck and sinking his teeth in just a touch.  
  
"No," he says, squirming at the touch of teeth. "Do that again and I'll be writhing."  
  
"Compliment you again or bite you again?" Ethan asks, but he's got a good guess. He moves a little lower on Jonny Lee's neck and sinks his teeth in, just this side of sharp.  
  
"Fuck. That." Jonny Lee arches up, then squirms down, stretching and bouncing his leg out from under Ethan's, wrapping his foot up over Ethan's ankle. "Would it freak _you_ to say you just hit on a major kink of mine?"  
  
"Uh-uh. Just want to know how to hit it harder," Ethan grins. He lets Jonny Lee's arm go and arches up a little, tugging at the hem of Jonny Lee's shirt. "C'mon. Let's get you out of this..."  
  
"Not a problem. To either." He reaches down, their fingers tangling again, and takes the hem of the shirt, rolling it up and over his head, managing at the last minute to remember the glasses and pull them off before they get mired in cotton. "You, too," he says. "Shirt off."  
  
"Not arguing," Ethan says, and strips his off, tossing it aside. He leans forward onto Jonny Lee again, sliding fingers through his hair and tilting his head to the side so he can lean in and add another bite to the two left earlier. This one's harder, and he licks across it after letting his teeth dig in.  
  
"Oh, Christ, Ethan, that's friggin' perfect." Jonny Lee cards his fingers through Ethan's hair, tangles them, tugs, just to be doing something other than squirming. "Wanna taste you. All over."  
  
" _Ahhh,_ " Ethan gasps out, more than pleased with the tug in his hair, "fuck, yeah, I'd like that. C'mon."  
  
Jonny Lee tugs a bit harder, playful still but more sharply. "Off me," he breathes out. "Strip down. Let me get at you."  
  
Ethan hisses out another pleased breath and then comes up on his knees, unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them down over his hips. "Not gonna argue at all," he agrees, kneeling up, wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking, "want you to get at me. Come here."  
  
Pushing up on his elbows, Jonny Lee's licking his lips as Ethan unbuttons the jeans. He maneuvers and gets to his hands and knees, a hungry predator eagerly watching his prey. He stretches out his body, sliding forward till Ethan's cock is brushing his cheek. "Want that. Please, Ethan."  
  
Cupping the back of Jonny Lee's neck in one hand, Ethan takes the base of his cock in the other and slides it against Jonny Lee's lips. "Go ahead," he murmurs. "And fuck, you look good like that..."  
  
He takes the compliment with a blush and a murmured "thanks," then he opens his mouth, lets the tip of Ethan's cock slip over his lips, onto his tongue. First taste is flat, bland in contrast to the sweetness that settles in his mouth as he opens wider, takes in more of it.  
  
Ethan's hand is a little more insistent as Jonny Lee's mouth slides down over his cock. He lets out a long, slow breath and groans, rocking his hips forward.  
  
Jonny Lee's wondered about this since the first night in the bar, when they talked for hours over coffee and ended up driving and listening to music. He's thought about what Ethan would taste like, feel like. The reality's turning out nicer than the fantasy. He swallows, supresses the gag reflex and lets Ethan push in as far as he wants, Jonny Lee cocking his head at an angle to accommodate.  
  
 _God_ this is nice -- Ethan groans and slides back, then pushes in again, loving the way Jonny Lee's throat closes around the head of his cock. It's good just being able to enjoy this, good to share sex with a friend, without worrying about expectations or what comes next. It's just fucking _good_ , and Ethan's enjoying burying his hands in Jonny Lee's hair and tugging him forward.  
  
It _is_ nice, just sex, something he doesn't do a lot anymore, and even though Ethan's pushing into him, pulling him forward, there's not the domination, the roleplay. They're just fuckbuddies, and a nice afternoon of vid games is turning hotter. Jonny Lee swirls his tongue around the base of Ethan's cock, making a slightly slurpy hum as he pulls back as much as Ethan's tugs will allow.  
  
The hum draws another gasp out of Ethan's throat, and he pushes Jonny Lee back just a little. "Not too fast," he says. "Still want to fuck you..."  
  
 _Fuck, yes._ Jonny Lee smiles around Ethan's cock at the suggestion. It's a damned good one. He slows down, sucking just hard enough to create the friction sensation.  
  
Ethan's hands dig into Jonny Lee's hair, and he starts thrusting again, making a long, slow, lazy rhythm out of it, the suction making him put his teeth together and breathe in tandem with his thrusts. Just needs a little more of this, and then he'll pull away. He wants to bury himself in Jonny Lee's ass almost as much as he wants to feel that tongue gliding up his shaft. Just a little more, and he'll move. " _Fuck_ , yeah, that's good," he whispers.  
  
Consciously slowing even more, Jonny Lee matches Ethan's lazy rhythm, raking the pinpoint of a sharp canine over the cock as he pulls back. Good doesn't start to describe it, he thinks, but he's greedy and he wants more, wants Ethan taking him, so far inside him he thinks they're one person. Jonny Lee presses his hands into Ethan's thighs, fingers stretching around over the denim and gouging, this thumb worrying with a small slit at the inseam.  
  
" _Mm--_ " Ethan catches one of Jonny Lee's wrists and holds onto it with a grip that's probably just a little too tight. "You're going to get me in trouble with those hands," he says, grinning.  
  
 _Fuckin' perfect._ Jonny Lee's breath catches as Ethan's grip tightens, the pressure shooting straight to his cock, making him even harder, wanting more. He moves his free hand so the thumb slides through the slit, rubs over bare flesh. _See just how much trouble you can get into._  
  
"God," Ethan breathes, reaching for Jonny Lee's other hand. "C'mon, enough. You want me to fuck you?"  
  
He pulls back at that implicit order, coming off Ethan's cock and settling onto his heels, wrists still bound by Ethan's fingers. "Yeah, want you to fuck me, Ethan," he says, looking up and licking his lips. "Make it rough?"  
  
"How rough you want it?" Ethan's already glancing around the living room and trying to figure out ways to improvise. "How strong do you think the wires on your controllers are? Or would tying your hands behind your back with 'em be considered sacrilege?"  
  
Jonny Lee laughs at the thought of controller cords wrapping his wrists. "No, not sacrilege. I think it's kinda cool." He puts his hands behind his back. "Where'd you want 'em? Here?" Then he moves them, crossing his wrists above his head. "Or here?"  
  
Ethan grins and reaches forward, unsnapping the front of Jonny Lee's jeans and slipping his hand inside. "I think I want 'em behind your back, and I want you kneeling on the carpet. Maybe balanced on your shoulder, your cheek. Anyone going to mind if I send you home with carpet burn?"  
  
Carpet burns? Hmm. They'll disappear quickly enough. "That's not a problem," he says, sucking his stomach in as Ethan's fingers slide around his cock. That's excellent. Fuckin' great. He slips his hands down and behind his back. "Kneeling's good, too."  
  
"Believe me," Ethan says dryly, "I know the feeling." He grins and slides Jonny Lee's jeans down, and then cups a hand over his shoulder to help him get bent over, forehead leaning on the carpet, ass in the air and legs tangled up in clothes. It's messy and nothing even approaching elegant, and it looks fucking _perfect_. Ethan snags a controller and winds the cord around Jonny Lee's wrists, careful that it's not too tight. "How's that feel?" he grins.  
  
"Could be tighter," he says casually, settling his forehead against the carpet.  
  
"Is that a complaint?" Ethan asks, reaching for either end of the cord dangling from Jonny Lee's wrists and tugging them a little harder.  
  
The tug pulls Jonny Lee's wrists together, tightens upper arm muscles, pops a joint in his shoulder. "Nope. Just an answer to a question." And it all feels fantastic. He stretches his body out, pushing his ass even higher, insinuating into Ethan's touches. "It's fuckin' perfect, Ethan."  
  
"Good," Ethan grins, digging into his pocket for condom and lube. "You look good like that. Just making me wonder how much you squirm when you're getting fucked hard." He kneels between Jonny Lee's legs, slicks the condom on. "And how much lube you need."  
  
"How much I squirm is directly related to how much you lube you use, I'm betting." He shrugs his shoulders, as much in indifference to the amount of lube being used as in fine-tuning his body position, turns his face to distribute the weight of being pressed forward on the floor. "Up to you, man."  
  
"Not _too_ much," Ethan decides, popping open a packet and coating two fingers with it. He slides them in, twists his fingers hard once they're in all the way.  
  
Jonny Lee lurches forward, temple sliding on the short pile rug. First carpet burn. "Just enough," he says, pushing back.  
  
Ethan grins. "Not too greedy, either," he says, pulling his fingers back and lining his cock up. "Just enough," he says, voice lowering as he slides in.  
  
"I can be greedy," he says, scotching his face against the carpet, burns be damned, and holding steady as Ethan pushes in, not giving an inch in pulling away, making it scorch and fill him. "Can beg for more, if you like, Ethan."  
  
"Don't need you to beg," Ethan says, pulling back and pressing forward again, eyes closing as he pulls Jonny Lee's hips back. "Just need you to take it. _Fuck._ " And he's taking it beautifully; it feels fucking fantastic.  
  
Taking it's not a problem, and it's made easier when Ethan takes hold of Jonny Lee's hips, takes a bit of the forward weight off his neck, head. He shifts his knees, stretches, slams his ass back with as much momentum as he can. "Fuck, that's incredible." He wants so much more, even ounce of pain Ethan can wring from him.  
  
"Want it that way, huh?" Ethan asks. Not a problem. He digs his fingernails into skin, lets them bite at the thinnest parts of Jonny Lee's hips as he slams his hips forward harder.  
  
"Damn, Ethan," Jonny Lee spits out, shoving his face into the carpet, burning the hell out of the right cheek. It's brilliant. Bloody perfect. "Yeah, want it that way. You like that, don't you?"  
  
"Oh, I like it just _fine_ ," Ethan says, grinning now, teeth bared and fingers looking to bruise. "I know what it's like on your end of things, and I know you look _god_ damned good on your knees like this..." He leans forward, gets a hand on Jonny Lee's shoulder to shove him down into the carpet a little more.  
  
One shoulder slides onto the carpet, mushing Jonny Lee's face down more. He's taking short breaths, less from wanting to zone than from needing to get the air in through the carpet fuzz. "If you know," he pants out, "then fuck me bloody hard. Send me spiraling, Ethan."  
  
Ethan's hand pins Jonny Lee down, and the shock of impact runs halfway up his arm. It feels good, being able to give something this rough to someone and have him asking for more. And it's easier than he remembered being on top this way.  
  
"C'mon, Ethan. More." Rough. Harsh. Unrelenting. Just damned hard sex. It's what brought Jonny Lee to the realization he wanted more in the first place, being fucked by one man while being held tight by another, being pinned and not going anywhere, just taking it.  
  
"Jesus," Ethan breathes, "so how far's too far?" And the irony doesn't escape him; there's no such thing as _too far_ for Ethan, not that he's run into, so why it should be any different for Jonny Lee, he doesn't know. His pace hasn't slowed down at all, and he's not easing up in the slightest.  
  
Jonny Lee would push back, answer Ethan's question with his body, but he's not going anywhere. He turns his head, raking cheek and lips over the carpet. "No such thing," he rasps out. Especially not when you're able to zone and just keep taking it. He knows they talked about that, the first night, how it happens. "Get us to the zone?"  
  
Going there _together_. Ethan's not sure he's done that before --he's never really had the opportunity. It was friendly fucks with friends, and then it was Gary, and then everything stopped because he was in love and he didn't _need_ to be taken deep in order to have everything he wanted. After that it was getting scared, and here he is, with friends who want it just the way Ethan does, with even the friendliest of fucks involving carpet burn and light bondage. And it's _good_ getting to push Jonny Lee, hear the sound of pain flickering under his voice, know he's making it happen and that it's wanted.  
  
"All right," Ethan whispers. "Come on." And his hand tightens on Jonny Lee's shoulder as he slams his cock in harder -- faster -- deep enough to ache for the rest of the day and on into tomorrow.  
  
The minute he asks, Jonny Lee's questioning his sanity. He's not zoned outside of scening, not outside of playing with Pire and definitely not for friendly fucks. But then the friendly fucks he's had were with Ewan and James, and neither did this kind of pain. He's not sure what'll happen, either, if both of them zone, but he's curious as hell.  
  
He slows his breathing, centers his attention on the details: Ethan's hand digging into his shoulder, concentrating on the bruises that'll be there for days. Ethan's cock buried in him, pushing deeper till there's nowhere to go, searing its own unique path through the chasm. Ethan's voice, soft as his breaths falling out over Jonny Lee's back.  
  
"You're fucking beautiful," Ethan's murmuring, not even sure where the words are coming from, "but you know it best when you're bruised, don't you? And you can feel it in your skin when you've got red and purple painted on you from hands--" his grip tightens-- "or teeth--" and God, he'd love to be biting into skin when he says it.  
  
Words are fuckin' music. Blink 182 and Everclear and Rolling Stones slammed end-to-end. "Bruise. Yes." Paint it red and purple. And, hell, paint it black, too. Jonny Lee doesn't care if he goes home so mottled he looks like he's rolled in the crayon box left out in the sun too long. "Bites, too." There's enough of an edge to make it a pleading without the please.  
  
Ethan slides an arm under Jonny Lee; the angle's almost too awkward to allow for the kind of bites he'd like to leave on Jonny Lee's shoulders. It's going to ache, arching his back like this -- Ethan's been in Jonny Lee's position enough times to know exactly how that feels. And maybe that's where the words are coming from. He knows what it's like being twisted up the way he's twisting up Jonny Lee, and he bends his head down, getting his teeth on his friend's shoulder and sinking them in hard.  
  
Ethan's hurting him in all the right ways, twisting his body where it shouldn't go, almost snapping him. For a moment, Jonny Lee can feel the muscles pull, the joints stretch, but then the bite erases all that pain, recenters him on just what matters. "Yes," he cries out, word muffled in the carpet.  
  
"Fuck, not yet," Ethan breathes, and it's not an order, just a hope. He doesn't want Jonny Lee coming yet because he's not ready to follow him over the edge. There's a bright red glow around the edges of his vision, and when it eclipses everything else, then it's time to find out what's past the edges here. Until then, he's going to keep fucking Jonny Lee _hard_ , keep biting him, give him all the pain he can stand until it's got them both screaming.  
  
 _Fuck, not yet, what?_ It takes a minute for Jonny Lee to process what Ethan's thinking. "No. Not there yet." He breathes, much more slowly, sinking into the void, where there's nothing from blackness and a faint voice and the cutting edge of teeth. He's spiraling, taking the pain, craving more. Begging for it with every inch of flesh yielding over to Ethan's bruises.  
  
"That's it," Ethan says. He's fucking Jonny Lee hard enough that his back's going to ache in the morning, and it's worth it -- more than worth it, if it gets them both where they want to be. Another hard bite, and Ethan's only sorry he's got Jonny Lee pressed down against the floor where he can't bite back; it'd be fucking perfect if he had bruises to match his friend's.  
  
When the zone hits, there won't be words, just screams. He'll be past them. For the moment, though, he manages a "fuck yeah" at the bite. Damn, it's friggin' good. He can't move, pinned down perfectly, can't respond other than to let his body be abused. And it's sheer heaven. He wiggles his fingers, touching as much as he can Ethan's body, wanting the contact. When it's done, he thinks, he's going to cover Ethan in bruising kisses and bites and leave his fingerprints all over.  
  
 _There_. The tone in Jonny Lee's voice pushes Ethan right up to the edge, where everything reds out and it's just about seeing someone take everything he can give. And maybe on any other day he'd rather be taking it rather than giving it, but maybe right now giving it's as hard and shattering as taking it would be; maybe this is exactly where he needs to be right fucking now. He leans up, and although it takes his teeth away from Jonny Lee's shoulder, it gives him the leverage he needs to get his hands on Jonny Lee's hips and fuck him hard enough that it's hurting _him_ to do it. Fucking _perfect_ , that, and if his fingernails are breaking skin, he won't be at all surprised.  
  
Nails dig in, gouge, and Jonny Lee knows he'll leave DNA evidence in Ethan's grasp. Doesn't care. The leverage is dead-on and Jonny Lee feels like Ethan's moved inside him, taken possession and is working his way out. The void's black and there's almost no sound now. He's in the zone. It's just the pain, what Ethan's willing to give, what his body can absorb. He's aching, his cock sliding over the carpet, burned and frictioned. He knows the marks on his face will still be there tomorrow when he looks in the mirror.  
  
Ethan's not even trying to hold back anymore. There's nothing left to hold and nothing left to hold him, and when he feels the orgasm building up, he just grits his teeth together and lets it come, letting himself pound into Jonny Lee for the last few hard, growling strokes.  
  
The growling takes him deeper into the void, Ethan's orgasm slamming him up against the zone's wall. He can't come. Can't get the right angle. Or the perfect friction. Or something. So he rides out Ethan's coming, his shoulders burning from being pressed down so long, his brain processing the incredible pain, transmuting it to pleasure.  
  
When it's over, Ethan manages to blink his eyes open. He moans softly as he pulls out, strips off the condom and aims it for the trash bin in the corner. Then it's getting the controller off Jonny Lee's wrists, unwinding the cord and hoping the controller still functions after all this. He gets down on the floor and helps turn Jonny Lee over on his side, pulling one of Jonny Lee's wrists up so he can rub soreness out of joint and muscle.  
  
Jonny Lee's aware of being moved, of having the wires off his wrists, of Ethan rubbing him. And he's responsive, marginally, involuntarily, his body reacting to the need, his brain still nicely entrenched in its zone. It's slow, coming back to reality. He closes his eyes, focuses on the splash of color invading the blackness, takes a much deeper breath.  
  
More kneading, up along Jonny Lee's arm, and then Ethan wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's chest and pulls him close, pressing his face to the back of Jonny Lee's neck.  
  
Freed hands find their way to Ethan's thigh, squeeze and rake nails over the flesh. "Fuck," he breathes out, the word sounding more like fush with the exhausted slur.  
  
Ethan lets his breath hiss out between his teeth, and he slides his hand down Jonny Lee's chest, wrapping it around his cock. "All that and you still didn't get to come. You want it like this? Or I'd suck you off, if you'd rather have it that way."  
  
"Want it like that," he says, voice still floaty. "Want your mouth on mine, body where I can reach it. Wanna bruise you."  
  
"Fuck," Ethan breathes, eyes closing. "Sounds fucking great. C'mere." He presses Jonny Lee over, onto his back, and comes up to straddle his hips. He lowers himself down on one forearm, other hand sliding between them and curling around Jonny Lee's cock. Everything's in reach now. "How's that?"  
  
"Perfect." Jonny Lee runs his hand over Ethan's chest, rubbing nipple in his fingers, then raking his nails down over Ethan's stomach before abruptly moving his hands to Ethan's face, pulling him down and biting his lower lip, sucking into a bruising kiss.  
  
Ethan moans; if his last orgasm hadn't been under a minute and a half ago, he'd be squirming, ready to beg for more and then beg to be fucked. His hand starts up a warm, rough rhythm, not taking it easy on Jonny Lee at all.  
  
It's gentle repayment for the mind-blowing trip Ethan took him on, and Jonny Lee could prefer to roll over, sleep a bit and then come back at Ethan full-force, pay him back in kind. As it is, he suffices with the tongue-delving kiss, fingers leaving Ethan's face to slide over his throat, press gently, then harder, before nails start digging into the shoulders' curve.  
  
" _Fuck_ , yes," Ethan breathes against Jonny Lee's lips, and those nails, those fingers -- they're stronger than Ethan was expecting, strong enough to hurt in all the right ways. He presses his mouth back to Jonny Lee's and thrusts his tongue in deep, remembering how it felt to fuck him, letting his tongue recall the hard, insistent rhythm from before.  
  
Jonny Lee pulls off the kiss, brings his head up enough to bite at the shoulder he's been playing with, worrying it with his teeth, making it bruise. "Almost, Ethan." He's close, can feel the orgasm teasing at his nerves. He slides his hands down and out around Ethan's waist, clutching at his hips. "Just there. Harder."  
  
"Anything you say," Ethan breathes out, "just keep biting me like that." _Harder._ He can manage harder. Somehow he can always manage harder, or faster, or whatever he's told to give, and the strokes drag across his palm, but he's not going to stop until he feels Jonny Lee's come streaking across his skin.  
  
Biting's not a problem. Jonny Lee can do that as long as Ethan wants. Or until he comes, and that's gonna happen sooner. He bites a few new spots, mottling Ethan's shoulder with teeth marks and red splotches. Ethan's touch is exacting, demanding and on the mark. His body shudders, jerks up, and he's coming, not so hard as agonizingly, the orgasm wracked from his body in unnerving pulses. "Fuck _god_ damnyesnow."  
  
Ethan doesn't stop until the last of the spasms have rocked their way through Jonny Lee's body, and his palm is sticky by the time he's done. He licks his lips and looks down at Jonny Lee, and the urge to just fucking bury himself in Jonny Lee's mouth, just fucking devour him, is a little too strong to resist. He ends up curling his clean hand into Jonny Lee's hair and kissing him hard, groaning a little and biting at his lips.  
  
Jonny Lee digs his fingers into Ethan's hips, rocking up to meet each separate kiss and bite. He thinks he could melt, just pool into the carpet and be happy. Hell, he could get to having this all the time. Might even not bother with playing the vid game next time. Just bring extra cable. He resists laughing at the thought of the controller cable, most likely crimped beyond repair. Almost. A small chuckle curls out of his throat and he drops his head to the floor again.  
  
Ethan can't help grinning, too, and he slides off to Jonny Lee's side, groaning. "You all right?" he mumbles, slinging an arm over Jonny Lee's chest.  
  
"Great, mate. Friggin' perfect." He's muttering, working on getting breathing patterns back in shape, laughing a little. "Just had a random thought about abused controller cables."  
  
"I did ask if that was sacrilege," Ethan protests. "But I'll get you a new one if we just took that one out." He grins.  
  
"Don't sweat it. Just thinking I need to invest in more of that stuff." He rubs at his wrists. "Hurts like a fantasy."  
  
"Wrapped cable's good in a pinch," Ethan agrees. "Glad I could give you the right kind of hurt."  
  
"Oi, mate, you gave me the best kinda hurt. Was it," he stops, laughs, "sheesh, I'm gonna sound like a 17-year-old. Was it good for you?"  
  
Ethan bites at his lower lip before answering. "Hell, I _feel_ like a 17-year-old," he says, half-grinning. "These questions never get less awkward, huh? It was really fucking good for me," he admits. "Which is a little weird, 'cause I don't normally think I'm that toppy."  
  
"Well, you fake it good." Jonny Lee's not moving, isn't sure he's going to for a while. "Any of the Fresca left? Without minimal reach?"  
  
"Wasn't faking," Ethan says, already reaching for the glass behind him. He gets his fingers on it and drags it over, setting it on Jonny Lee's chest. "It was good. I just wasn't expecting it."  
  
"Didn't mean you were _faking_ ," Jonny Lee starts, jerking back at the still cool glass. "Fuck, water ring." He lifts it off and pulls himself up enough to drink without dribbling. "Just doing good at being toppy if you're not."  
  
"Well... thanks," Ethan says, rolling back onto his elbows and sitting up some. "Do you ever do that?"  
  
"Top? Not intentionally. By accident, at the bar, that night." He shrugs. "It's not me. No interest. I like being a sub, serving."  
  
"I like being a sub. Getting scared," Ethan offers. "Part of it's serving and part of it's that sense that you don't get to decide what happens next." And this wasn't as far off from that as Ethan's always thought. He's got a hell of a lot to sort through.  
  
"Oh, yeah, the not knowing. That's the wicked fun." Like not knowing what Master's going to say when he comes home so nicely bruised. "I'm just getting there. Well, more there than I was. Just trying to get Pire to take it farther."  
  
Ethan grins. "Should I wish you luck on that?"  
  
"Guess so. Wish me luck on getting him to be Master? Odd sounding, isn't it?"  
  
"It's not, really, when you think about it. Who says masters are always the ones who push for more? Or that they're always ready for everything first?" Ethan shrugs. "I've seen that kind of thing before. So yeah. Luck." He nudges Jonny Lee with his shoulder. "And if I had a Fresca in hand, I'd say _Here's to getting what we need, and finding that it's what we want, too._ "  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah. We'll just have to share." He takes a sip, then passes it over. "To getting to the zone."  
  
"To getting there," Ethan agrees.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	109. gerard: Sundae Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/13/) 22:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29602&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29602) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29602) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29602&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Sundae Sex** _  
[players only. Tuesday night and there's bondage and dessert toppings and sex. Doesn't follow anything. BWHAHAHA!]

  
It's Tuesday night and Gerard's hungry. Dinner's been over for about an hour. His boy had been very good so far and Gerard thinks he deserves a reward. It's been longer than he can remember since he last tied Jonny Lee to the bed and did wicked things to him, and Gerard figures tonight's a good night as any to correct that gross oversight. He gets up from the couch and heads for the kitchen to scrounge up dessert toppings.

The last of the dinner dishes are done, a load of laundry's gone from washer to dryer, and Jonny Lee's feeling fuckin' domestic as he pads back into the kitchen from the mud room. He spies Gerard bent over and rummaging in the fridge. "Still hungry, Pire?" he quips, walking on the other side of the kitchen island, heading toward the living room. "There's some cheesecake left if you've got a sweet tooth."

Gerard pulls two cans of whipped cream out of the depths of the fridge and snags the chocolate sauce as the door swung closed. He drops the chocolate chips from between his teeth and balances it on top of the cans. He turns to grin at Jonny Lee. "I do have a sweet tooth. Where are the sprinkles?"

"Middle shelf of the pantry," he says, making a half-turn, nearly laughing himself silly at the sight of Gerard juggling chips and whipped cream. "Do you need help, Master?"

Gerard gives him a dirty look. "Yes. Get the sprinkles, the sauce that hardens," the one he pulled from the fridge had a guarantee that it wouldn't, "and a shit load of paper towels. And a handful of the long-stemmed cherries I picked up today."

Jonny Lee returns the dirty look with a confused, but slowly seeing the light, one. "Yes, Master," he says, drawing out the word, and he turns completely around, heads to the pantry and gets the required elements. Sprinkles. Hardening sauce, both the fudge and the caramel, cherries and a new roll of paper towels. "Does your boy want to know?" he asks with a smile as he turns back around, moves toward the kitchen door.

"Probably not." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a quick kiss, "But you'll find out soon." He leads Jonny Lee up to the bedroom. The supplies go on the nightstand and Gerard takes a moment to organize them properly. Whipped cream in front, three sauces right behind it, then the non-essentials. Perfect. "Now, boy, you get one choice. Cockring?"

"Yes, Sir," he answers quickly, not having to think about it. He could say no and keep himself under control, but it's more fun to let Pire take total control of the situation and not have to worry about not enjoying it.

"Good boy. Now strip and get yourself spread-eagled on the bed. Face up." Leaving Jonny Lee to do that, Gerard looks through their collection of cock and ball restraints before settling on a simple tight metal ring. It won't do much, but Jonny Lee's going to be coming by the end of the night, and Gerard doesn't want to go out of his way to make that hard for him.

Jonny Lee skims off his shirt, folding it and laying it on the dresser. He strips out of the jeans, taking care not to dislodge the plug placed there before dinner, just as the rules call for, and roughly folds the denim on top of the shirt. He walks to the bed, settles in its center and spreads himself, hands and feet stretching as far as they can. He's quiet, thinking on what's to come, imagining his body coated with chocolate and whipped cream and sticky till tomorrow. He's licking his lips by the time the daydream finishes.

Gerard pulls his own shirt off and steps out of his pants. He brings the chair over from the corner and then goes about securing Jonny Lee's wrists and ankles with the bed chains. Once Jonny Lee's good and tied down, Gerard gets the cockring on him, and then turns the vibrator on. "How does my boy feel?"

"Tense, Sir." He'd nearly forgotten the plug Gerard had chosen earlier in the day was a vibrating one. He can't help but squirm as the sensation swirls up his spine. "But good." He pulls at the cuffs, testing restraints he knows will hold him for hours. "Perfect, in fact."

"Good boy." Gerard sits down on the side of the bed and runs his hand from Jonny Lee's collar bone to his stomach, taking the time to swirl his fingers around various tattoos. "Don't move," he orders, and then puts a dab of whipped cream at each of Jonny Lee's nipples.

_Don't move._ Might's well tell the Mona Lisa to frown. Sheesh. Jonny Lee wills himself not to react to Gerard's touches, but the cold whipped cream elicits a shudder he has no hopes of stopping.

Gerard's tongue makes a broad swipe at the cream on Jonny Lee's right nipple and then traces circles in the remaining cream. He sucks lightly, liking the combined taste of Jonny Lee and whipped cream, then bites down, teasing the nub between his teeth. He can feel Jonny Lee shuddering beneath him and he grins, loving the power of being able to do this to his boy.

"Master, it's going to be hard for your boy not to move." He bites at his lip, gnaw-sucking on it as Gerard's tongue, then teeth, tease at his nipples.

"Mm." Gerard blows lightly across Jonny Lee's nipple. "I know." It doesn't bother him. It's an order that he knows his boy won't be able to obey, but he had to give it. Gerard's too much of a sadist to not try to torture Jonny Lee and his boy's self-control.

"Christ, Pire," he blurts out at the warm breath that chills instantly on hitting air. He wriggles, his leg shaking just a bit.

If Jonny Lee reacts like that just to a little nipple play, then reducing him to a puddle of incoherency shouldn't be that hard. Gerard smirks and moves on to Jonny Lee's other nipple, this time biting down before taking the time to lick.

There's a reason Jonny Lee's never thought seriously about getting his nipples pierced. They're too fuckin' sensitive, and the notion of having something through them that could touch off a landslide in his body is more than he's willing to deal with. Yet. At the moment, however, he's savoring the distinct sensation of biting teeth, minutely pulling his body down on the bed to increase the pain.

Once the taste is all but gone, Gerard reapplies the whipped cream. This time, however, he sticks a cherry at the top of each hill of whipped cream. Smirking, he takes the stem of one of them between his teeth and, making sure it's liberally covered in whipped cream, moves up the bed to dangle the cherry just above Jonny Lee's lips.

Jonny Lee watches with interest, tracking Gerard's movement, then flicks out his tongue as the cherry hovers over, taking care not to touch it till told. "May your boy taste it, Master?"

Gerard nods a little, not daring to open his mouth to talk and thereby drop the cherry.

Jonny Lee slides his tongue up, swipes at the whipped cream, sucks the cherry in between his lips.

Gerard twists his head up a little and pulls the stem free of the cherry. He spits it onto the nearby pile of towels and then grins down at his boy. "More?"

"More, Master," Jonny Lee says, slurping the cherry into his mouth, chewing it. "Your boy wants to be covered in chocolate and smothered in caramel if it pleases his Master."

"Master can arrange that." Gerard takes the can of whipped cream, shakes it a little, then sprays a line of it down Jonny Lee's chest. He licks it off carefully, with short, quick movements. Once it's gone, he reapplies it, this time trailing the chocolate sauce down over it.

The soft weightlessness of the whipped cream barely has time to register before it's thick and heavy with chocolate sauce, and Jonny Lee's brain is scrambling to register the differences in the way Gerard's tongue laps at them. It's infuriating and exhilarating, and he counts the second till the next sensation. "Master is too good to his boy," he purrs out as Gerard licks upward.

Gerard doesn't dignify that with an answer as his tongue twists and twirls, loving the way the three tastes blend in his mouth. For the next strip, he adds caramel, moving up the bed to let Jonny Lee have a taste of it from his lips.

Jonny Lee licks a spot of caramel from Gerard's cheek before he pushes into the kiss, tasting chocolate and cream and caramel, all swirled in the familiar honey-vanilla taste of his lover. His cock is hard in spite of the ring, and as he arches up, the plug in his arse shifts a fraction, sending shockwaves into his groin. "Fuck," he slurs into Gerard's mouth, following the expletive with a long moan.

Gerard grins and gives Jonny Lee's lips a decadent lick before going back down to finish cleaning Jonny Lee off. He can see how hard Jonny Lee is and he has a very good plan to make him even harder. Gerard squirts some cream into his palm and then rubs it slowly up and down Jonny Lee's cock.

"Oh god, that's good," he pants out, the cool cream slicker than lube against his cock. And, yes, he gets harder, with every stroke Gerard makes. His squirms threaten a full writhe with the combination of plug pulsing in his arse and lover working his cock.

Once the cream is smeared enough, Gerard licks his hand off and gets the chocolate sauce, squirting it down on top of Jonny Lee's cock. The sprinkles go on next and then the chocolate chips. When he's done, the sight is enough to make Gerard scramble off the bed to find the camera. _This_ is something he wants to record for posterity: his boy spread out, desperate, with little bits of whipped cream across his chest and face, his cock decorated and looking so fucking tempting. It's beautiful.

Be careful what you ask for. It's an adage Jonny Lee's always had trouble following. And not following it is getting him into more trouble by the minute. He closes his eyes for a second at the sensation of chocolate sauce dribbling down his cock, just warm enough, but then there's a drip-drip-drip of something and he opens his eyes to see himself covered in sprinkles and chips.

And, to make matters worse, Gerard's headed back toward the bed with the camera. "No," he says without thinking. "Pire, you're not going to take photos. Not really."

"Yeah, I am." Gerard answers. He plays around with it for a moment, checking the batteries and that it's fully loaded. He catches Jonny Lee's look and laughs. "They aren't going anywhere embarrassing, I promise. I'll take 'em down to a one-hour place by the club and no one will ever see but you and me."

"At least get the digital," he says, squirming as the sauces mingle and the chips settle. "I'll upload 'em for you. You just have to press the button."

"And then delete them when my back is turned." Gerard watches as one chip slides a little down Jonny Lee's cock and he licks his lips without realizing it. "Or do something and the pictures will come out so you can't see them."

He really doesn't want photos floating around London, not even in the one-hour place by the club. "Master, your boy promises _not_ to do anything that would harm the photos," Jonny Lee says sincerely. "He swears on his PS2 and Xbox and all the Lara Croft games."

There's something wrong, Gerard thinks, when your boy's strongest oath is on his video games. But he doesn't mind. It's part of what makes Jonny Lee so fucking adorable. "Fine," Gerard relents. "Where's the digital?"

"Top shelf of the closet." He breathes a sigh of relief, a little one. He's still not sure about having the photos made, but he trusts Pire. Implicitly.

Gerard gets the digital camera and gives it a doubtful look. He turns it on and hopes that it doesn't, well, he doesn't know. Spontaneously combust. Magically lose a picture. Gerard blushes a little and walks back over to his boy.

Jonny Lee knows Gerard doesn't use the digital very often, and he hopes it's not breaking too much of a mood -- well, how much mood can chips and sprinkles on your cock create that can't be waylaid -- by offering suggestions. "Turn the button on the top one click toward you. That turns it on. Then just do like the film camera. Click the button on the top front." He's smiling at the blush he can barely make out, and he squirms appreciatively as the plug's vibrations catch up with his brain again. "Yeah."

Gerard follows the instructions and takes one practice shot at a bad angle. It's been a while since he used this thing so he's a little surprised when the shot shows up on the little black panel on the back. But at least it's working. Smiling nervously, Gerard walks around to the other side of Jonny Lee and starts lining up good shots.

Wrapping his fingers around the chain, Jonny Lee pulls himself back on the bed, stretching his legs out to their limit. "The lever controls the zoom, Pire," he says, shivering as the sauce dribbles down over his balls and around the plug. "If you want close-ups."

Gerard gets up onto the bed and lies down as best he can between Jonny Lee's legs. He sets the camera up so Jonny Lee's cock in is the foreground, but Jonny Lee's face can be seen peaking up to get a better look. Gerard takes several loving close-ups, then plays around with the zoom, changing angles and such. He better not lose these.

After a few minutes, Jonny Lee is squirming even more, chocolate dripping, chips falling and sprinkles starting to itch. Not to mention the plug's vibrations being kicked up a notch or two by Gerard's jugglings on the bed. He's into hyperdrive on the arousal front. "Master," he says, his whole body starting to bounce, "your boy wonders if you might be about finished with being Lord Bloody Snowdon."

Gerard grins and takes one last shot of a chocolate chip doing a suicidal nose dive onto Jonny Lee's stomach. "If you insist." He puts the camera to the side where he can easily grab it and then leans forward. Starting at the base, Gerard makes a long lick along the underside of Jonny Lee's cock, barely tasting his boy underneath all the sweets.

The sensation's excruciating pleasing, and he hardens even more as Gerard's tongue reaches the tip of his cock. He's throbbing against the simple restraint, not sure if it'll keep him from coming or not. Jonny Lee whimpers as Gerard continues licking, swiping his tongue through the melange of sauces and garnishes.

Gerard swirls his tongue over the top and then starts back down again. Here the chocolate sauce pooled the most and Gerard takes several decadent moments covering Jonny Lee's cock with chocolatey kisses. They really need to do this more often.

"Master, please, gonna, wanna," Jonny Lee's spitting out the words, stretching his body and squirming under Gerard's licking and kissing.

"Want what?" Gerard asks, licking his lips slowly. "Want my mouth on you, licking you, sucking you? My tongue, mapping out every inch of you? Do you want more kisses, Jonny Lee? Or my hands on you, covering you in toppings that will take forever to get off?" Gerard smirks at Jonny Lee's look. "Or is it that you want to come, have your semen mix with the whipped cream and caramel and then have me feed it back to you on the palm of my hand?"

"Ohgodnotoomanychoices." He slams the sentence out of his mouth, his brain overloading with the options. Jonny Lee takes a deep breath, forces himself to think for a minute. "Want to come, Master. Please? Want you to fuck me."

"You want to come. You want me to fuck you. That's two things." Gerard shrugs. "You can have one. Choose."

He weighs the options, for a full 42 seconds. "Your boy wants to be fucked, Master. He doesn't need to come."

Good choice. Gerard goes back to licking Jonny Lee's cock, taking even slower this time, taking the time to experience every whimper Jonny Lee makes for him. When Jonny Lee's cock is mostly topping-free, Gerard picks up the camera again and takes three quick pictures from the right, center, and left.

Jonny Lee doesn't try to figure out why Gerard wants more photos. He's too damned aroused and too damned happy to be getting to be fucked. And he's squirming like hell, wrists and ankles pulling against restraints.

Once he's sure that the pictures will come out ok, Gerard puts the camera safe under the bed, and then starts giving Jonny Lee a normal blowjob. Normal, at least, until Jonny Lee makes that noise that drives Gerard mad. He turns the vibrator off and then starts to work it out of Jonny Lee. His boy is more than ready for him.

"Damn," he mutters on feeling the vibrator ease out, the emptiness overwhelming for a moment. He's ignoring the pain in his cock, the unrelenting ache at wanting to come and not being able to, forcing himself to tamp it all down. "Please, Master, fuck your boy."

"I fully intend to," Gerard mutters under his breath. He places the vibrator to the side and then starts fucking his boy.

It's a welcomed pressure and fullness, Gerard's cock sliding easily into Jonny Lee's body, fitting snuggly in spite of the plug's loosening him. He loosens his hands' hold on the chain and pushes himself down, craving more, needing as much contact as he can get.

Gerard thrusts hard, knowing Jonny Lee can take it. He wants to reward his boy for taking his master's kinks so well and without complaint. Jonny Lee's such a good boy, so tight, so perfect. Spread out for him like a fuckin' meal, just begging to be tasted all over, debauched just right. With that last image of his head, Gerard comes deep inside his boy.

Jonny Lee's near speechless from the pounding, his own need for release and just the strange intensity of the whole evening. "Thank you, Master," he rasps out. "Your boy loves you for doing this to him."

Gerard smiles and collapses a little onto the bed next to his boy. His smirk is pure mischief. "Does my boy want to come?"

"Want, Sir? Yes." Jonny Lee's breathing a bit ragged, and he's easing his body back down, letting himself fall into a bit of sedation. "But he doesn't need to, unless it's what Master wants."

Gerard swats him a little and then leans over to kiss him lightly. "I ask a question, I want an answer. Clear?" He's smiling, but the words are hard. It's a lesson Jonny Lee's never managed to learn, no matter how many times Gerard repeats it.

His body jerks at the swat, no matter how light it is, just instinct winning out. "Sorry, Pire," he says, swallowing dry. "Your boy _wants_ to come, very badly, but he was given the choice of coming or being fucked, and he made his choice. He hopes that's a suitable answer, Sir."

"It is." Gerard's too lazy to turn over, so he reaches over his shoulder and gropes around until he finds the supplies. He grabs the first can he touches and then brings it around. It just happens to be the hardening caramel, and Gerard smirks. "Tell you what. I'm going to pour this all over your chest. You may come while I'm licking it up."

"Uh-huh." It's all Jonny Lee can get out, his brain completely gone at the sight of the caramel and Gerard's words. He can come while being licked. Okay.

"Good boy." Gerard squirts the sauce over Jonny Lee's chest and spreads it around a little. Once he's satisfied that Jonny Lee's covered, he brings his hands to Jonny Lee's mouth. "Lick," he orders.

Jonny Lee sticks his tongue out, swiping over the golden-brown goo on Gerard's hand. He licks, taking in the all-too-sweet caramel flavor, sucking the fingertips to get every drop off.

Gerard's breath goes out in a rush as he watches his fingers disappear into his boy's mouth. Jonny Lee's tongue is so fucking good at this. His hands are clean far too quickly, so Gerard lets Jonny Lee keep sucking. When it looks like the caramel on Jonny Lee's chest is half hard, Gerard pulls his fingers out of Jonny Lee's mouth and then leans down to start licking at the caramel. It's an interesting taste. Gerard has never been big on caramel, but if they do this a few more times it could quickly become his favourite dessert topping.

He can feel Jonny Lee squirm beneath him and he purposely rubs himself against Jonny Lee's very hard cock. "Come," he mutters. "Want to know you love this."

_Come._ Easy word. The action's a bit more difficult, the metal constraining him, not to the point of _not_ coming, but it's going to be fuckin' painful. Jonny Lee shivers, his body anticipating the agony as his orgasm coils, clenches and tightens his groin, pivoting itself into position. He's moaning, incomprehensible words, hands clutching at the chains. He can feel the cuffs abrading his ankles where he's tugging, arching himself off the bed, and finally, with a rasped shout, coming through the pain and through the restraint and not wanting to come down from it all.

Gerard finds himself gripping the sheet as Jonny Lee comes. Once the last is over, Gerard releases them carefully. He'd seen Jonny Lee have violent orgasms before, but he'd never been so much on top of him during it before. It's an interesting experience, one Gerard's very interested in repeating. When he's sure Jonny Lee's completely in his head, Gerard continues licking, a little faster this time, not wanting to leave any of the caramel for the shower to wash off.

He didn't zone, not really, just went out of himself for a second, and as soon as he comes, Jonny Lee's cycling back on himself, his brain picking up the nuances of Gerard's movements, the resumed licking, the stickiness all over. He doesn't complain, much as he wants to about how he feels utterly gooed together. He's betting part of that is having been fucked so thoroughly and coming so damned well, as much as the caramel and chocolate and chips and sprinkles ... his mind stops cataloguing the kitchen essentials spread out over him.

Gerard licks off the last of the caramel with some finality, then tries to pull himself off of Jonny Lee. He manages, then unlocks the cuffs. He gives Jonny Lee a lengthy kiss before finally letting go of the scene. "C'mon, you." He says with a kiss to Jonny Lee's nose. "Let's get cleaned off." The bed will need to be stripped and some of those stains might never come off the sheet, but Gerard doesn't care. He's never had such a good dessert.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29602.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	110. angelina: Email to jonnyleemiller

| not_angelina ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)[ **angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/04/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/04/13/) 11:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=1487&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=1487) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=1487) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=1487&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
 **To:** crash_override@establishment.rpg  
 **From:** acid_burn@establishment.rpg  
 **Subject:** [none]

I thought of you the other day. I was in the car, stopped at a light. The whole world just froze with my foot on the brake, and suddenly, it sped up again, this gorgeous woman taking a left from the cross street, driving an immense boat of a Mercedes. She passed me, and I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was older, wore a turban around her head a la Jackie O., and she had one hand on the wheel and another in the air, fingers rubbing together, and (I can only imagine) rings and bracelets clinking. It was like witnessing time passing. It was...beautiful

I just re-read that, and wow, I really don’t make _any_ sense sometimes. I have no idea why I thought of you when I saw her, why I even told you. I just...wanted to share it with you. For some reason I don’t even understand. A bit strange, yes. But honest.

So, from what I can gather, you and Gerard are doing well. I won’t lie and tell you that I’m not a bit...overwhelmed/surprised/intrigued by what I’ve read on your journal and heard through the grapevine. You had told me bits and pieces while you were in LA, but...well, I just didn’t _know._

Anyway, you seem to be quite the regular at the London club. A place I have yet to visit, but hope to do so once I return home.

Home. _England._

That’s another strange one, yes? All those years ago when I wouldn’t go there to be with you, when you wouldn’t stay to be with me, and now I go there to be alone, and you’ve got Gerard and I’m certain I’m more than a little bit jealous. Of who, I don’t know.

Anyway. What’re you up to? Attached by the thumbs to your beloved PS2?

\- Angie

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/1487.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	111. jonnyleemiller: [email for angelina]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/13/) 16:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18788&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18788) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18788) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=18788&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  fuckin' hot  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Blink 182, _First Date_  
  
_****[email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)****_[ **angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/)]  
To: acid_burn@establishment.rpg  
From: crash_override@establishment.rpg  
Subject: Re: [none]  
  
 _I thought of you the other day. I was in the car, stopped at a light. The whole world just froze with my foot on the brake, and suddenly, it sped up again, this gorgeous woman ..._  
Wow! Way wicked cool. Do I even want to know why seeing a woman in a turban at a stoplight makes you think of me? Uh, no.  
  
 _A bit strange, yes. But honest._  
It's why I love you. Can always count on Ang to set me straight. Uh, well, not straight, but ... aw, hell, you know what I mean.  
  
 _overwhelmed/surprised/intrigued ... well, I just didn’t know...._  
Well, yeah, things kinda accelerated after we parted ways. ~~I got fucked up and over and six ways to Sunday.~~ Pire ended up coming back last November and we've settled in. Not a _regular_ regular at the club, but there enough.  
  
You got questions? Ask 'em. I won't lie to you, Ang.  
  
 _Home. England._  
You know if you'd thought that ..anyhow, doesn't matter ... Mads will _love_ growing up here.  
  
 _Anyway. What’re you up to? Attached by the thumbs to your beloved PS2?_  
Guess what ... Pire's learned to play. Or he's getting there. He's no Ewan ... Christ, don't tell Ew that, he'll think it a compliment. *g* I've converted the basement into a playroom. You'd like ... uh, not insinuating there ...  
  
Uh, how's the family? Still not talking to Da? Oh, saw Jamie a few months back. Passing in a coffee shop down near Hampstead. He's still friggin' snoggable. And just _who_ was the redhead hanging on him? Curious minds didn't find out in the tabs.  
  
~ typing as well as i fuck these days,  
jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/18788.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	112. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, April 13

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/13/) 20:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19006&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19006) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19006) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19006&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  fuckin' happy  
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Tuesday, April 13****_  
 **[locked to himself and gerard]**  
  
Sir, your boy apologizes for not immediately replying to Master's [roleplaying fantasies post](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29429.html).  
  
First, your boy had to print out the post and take it away from the computer. He wasn't in any mood to cream another keyboard. Does Master have any idea what come does to the keys? Not to mention the crevices of the joystick. And, sure, it's only 75 pounds or so to replace it, but that's quid this boy could be spending on vid games.  
  
Anyhow, printed out the pages and did just as Master asked. Took cock in hand and stroked as he read. Will admit to reading Attila fantasy twice, just to make sure this boy saw the _shave off all your hair_ line properly. Okay ... not something your boy has considered doing before. Intriguing, yes. Don't think he'll look good as a redhead, though.  
  
Had to slow down the wrist action after the doctor fantasy. Kept repeating the mantra _does not do age play_ and then asking _why the fuck not?_ Definitely interested, Sir.  
  
Dracula ... damned near came just reading the name, but then Master knows very well the effect the vampire has on his boy, and that particular incarnation. Better than Lestat. *g* Would it be totally sacrireligious to play out Dracula and the priest in one weekend? Your boy's just asking.  
  
Master asked which one his boy came on. Well, it's the last one. But that could be because his boy held out, and Master knows his boy likes doing that. But also there's something about the bad schoolboy roleplay that just has your boy squirming. Even as he's writing this response. Invoke that mantra again.  
  
Ah, hell, Master. Fuck the mantra. Your boy wants to play, no matter what the fantasy his Master has.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19006.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-14 05:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19006.html?thread=35390&format=light#t35390))   
---|---  
_not something your boy has considered doing before. Intriguing, yes. Don't think he'll look good as a redhead, though._  
  
I have to admit, I'm not sure what it'll look like on you, but I think it would be fun to try. And if we don't like it, hey, at least we tried it.  
  
And I think you'd look sinful as a redhead.  
  
  
  
 _Kept repeating the mantra does not do age play and then asking why the fuck not?_  
  
If we ever do play around with this, we're going to have a talk first about age play and what you could or couldn't do. We can age the character up a little if it will make you more comfortable. But whatever happens, we're going to discuss it.  
  
And, fuck, if you just want to talk about it, without the insination that we're going to play with it, that'd be fine as well. You know I'm always interested in learning how that brain of yours works.  
  
  
  
  
 _Would it be totally sacrireligious to play out Dracula and the priest in one weekend?_  
  
It would not. In fact, if you want, we can combine them and have Dracula seduce the _priest_.  
  
  
  
 _But also there's something about the bad schoolboy roleplay that just has your boy squirming._  
  
Indeed. Well, Mister Miller, why don't you report to me for some detention? If you're suitably ~~good enough~~ bad enough, I might make you copy lines out of ~~The Joy of Gay Sex~~ the encyclopedia. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19006.html?replyto=35390&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	113. gerard: Karl & Stuart

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/15/) 08:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29919&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29919) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29919) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29919&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Karl & Stuart** _  
[JL only]

It's always fun seeing your friends on cheap newsprint at the grocery, except when you realize that they've just been outed. Hopefully they're doing all right. I'm going to try to find them at the island and see how they're holding up. For all I know, they were planning on the reporter being there, but I very much doubt that.

It got me to wondering. Are you actually in the closet? We haven't talked about "coming out" or anything of that matter, but I haven't gone out of my way to hide you.

Should I have?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-16 07:02 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=53983&format=light#t53983))   
---|---  
[locked to gerard]  
  
Never really thought about it, Sir. Your boy has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" view on being gay. His family and friends know, and if he's asked in public, he's going to be honest. And if Master wants to tell the world he has a boyfriend, then the boy's not going to complain. He'll be the perfect media boyfriend, in fact. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=53983&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=53983&format=light#t53983))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-16 07:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54239&format=light#t54239))   
---|---  
Perfect media boyfriend, eh?  
  
I'm going to take that to mean that I can dress you up in a tux and take you with me to an awards show. Sit you on my lap, or put my hand in your pocket when no one's looking. Maybe be devious and take you out for dinner while you're wearing a remote control vibrating plug, ready to turn it on when you least expect it. Show you off to the world and let them all know that you're mine. Actually, considering who your ex is, I don't think anyone would be surprised to find out that we have tatooes for each other. Which isn't to say that I plan on showing anyone mine or letting any reporter close enough to see yours. Only close friends, or cute strangers.  
  
  
Though to be a true Hollywood boy toy, I suppose, you'd need to be more than three years younger than me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=54239&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=53983&format=light#t53983))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54239&format=light#t54239))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-16 07:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54495&format=light#t54495))   
---|---  
Your boy can't do anything about the age difference, Master. He apologizes for not being younger.  
  
As for being dressed up and taken out, your boy would very much like that. As long as Master isn't concerned about his image, this boy doesn't really care what people think of him, other than knowing that he belongs to you. Hell, he's always been a bit quirky, hanging out with Ewan.  
  
So, what's the next opportunity for displaying your boy? Are you going to Cannes this year? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=54495&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54239&format=light#t54239))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54495&format=light#t54495))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-16 07:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54751&format=light#t54751))   
---|---  
Master doesn't have an image to be concerned about. There are very few people in this world who will care that I'm gay, Teak. Very few.  
  
  
I _was_ thinking about going, yes. You? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=54751&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54495&format=light#t54495))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54751&format=light#t54751))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-16 11:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=55007&format=light#t55007))   
---|---  
Your boy hasn't usually gone. Not his thing, the networking and socializing. But he knows Master likes that kind of thing, and he'd love to go with Master this year.  
  
 _Master doesn't have an image to be concerned about. There are very few people in this world who will care that I'm gay, Teak. Very few._  
Does this mean Pire will introduce his boyfriend to his Mum? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=55007&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=54751&format=light#t54751))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=55007&format=light#t55007))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-17 08:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=55263&format=light#t55263))   
---|---  
...you want to meet my mother?  
  
Actually, it's quite possibe you've already met her. She was in Toronto during the time we spent there. But, you've a point. She met you as the cute boy playing a vampire hunter, not as her baby's boyfriend. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?replyto=55263&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29919.html?thread=55007&format=light#t55007))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	114. gerard: St. Denis

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/16/) 18:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29996&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=29996&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**St. Denis** _  
[public]

The boy and I have made it. We're in Cabana 13, to the left of the pool, and down past various orgying friends. If you can make it past them, come visit.

In other news, Teak tastes as good as ever.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29996.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	115. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Friday, April 16, 2004

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/16/) 18:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19282&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19282) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19282) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19282&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  ready to party  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  B-52's "Love Shack" (hey, it's on the radio]  
  
_****Journal, Friday, April 16, 2004****_  
 **[public to Est members]**  
  
Okay, it's official: We're on the island.  
  
And tucked away nicely in a cabana. At least this boy thinks it's a cabana. He wouldn't really know one from a bungalow, except that the woman checking us in said the cabanas were on the beach and this boy sees sand, so he assumes he's in a cabana. Either way, it's No. 13, somewhere left of the pool.  
  
This boy ... oops, Pire's peeking over my shoulder ... *wriggle* ... well, actually, slurping my shoulder ... and whispering "It's out of role night." Shite. Fucking easy to forget ....  
  
He's slurped off now, gone to take a shower, said something about making the rounds and catching up with old friends, that I'm on my own tonight. Okay, I'm headed to the bar area. After a shower.  
  
Ethan, if you're here, connect, dude.  
  
Same goes for J &E. Don't make me come looking for you.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19282.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **Who would blame me?**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-17 06:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19282.html?thread=35666&format=light#t35666))   
---|---  
You taste too good.  
  
  
So what did you get up to last night? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19282.html?replyto=35666&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	116. gerard: Centennial Masquerade - Saturday 17/04/04 - Part One

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/17/) 17:19:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31966&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31966) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31966) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31966&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Centennial Masquerade - Saturday 17/04/04 - Part One** _  
[players only. This log has been edited to show only the parts of the masque where Ger and JL were involved. Much love to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/telesilla/profile)[**telesilla**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/telesilla/) for editing the entire mamoth of a log. [The](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121240.html) [full](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121571.html) [masquerade](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121766.html) [log](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122111.html) [can](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122199.html) [be](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122413.html) [found](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122826.html) [here](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/123127.html). This is part one. Part two may be found [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32040.html).]

  
**Gerard:** *Ger and JL walk in. Gerard's stolen his Phantom of the Opera costume and JL looks like he stepped out of a harem with tight tapered pants, a poet's shirt, and a beaded leash. Gerard takes a look around and then heads over to what

**Gerard:** *looks like the largest socializing group*

**Gerard:** *notices the whipping going on, so he takes Jonny Lee and joins the audience*

**James:** *shoots a glance across the room at the other 'harem' boy from his position at Alexis' feet*

**Jonny Lee:** : *sticks his tongue out at golden boy. looks around the room*

**James:** *manages to resist the impulse to stick his own tongue back out at the other harem boy, though a small grin lights up his face*

**Harry:** *to Tobey, ignoring the audience as well* Very well. I won't draw blood. And I won't take this more than a few minutes. *pauses* Might be smart to ask for a safeword, though.

**Tobey:** *smirking* Fire engine. Sounds good. I'm not concerned about marks at the moment anyway. *Relaxing, standing in the center to give him a wide space.*

**Harry:** That's good. *steps back, lets whip uncoil at his side. takes a deep breath and sends the singletail lashing out, striking into the air to the right of Tobey, its crack echoing in large room*

**Gerard:** *winces at the sound of the whip, and puts his arm around JL*

**Tobey:** *flinches a little at the crack, groin tightening. God yes. That was nice.*

**Harry:** *wraps the whip around the curve of Tobey's hip, then pulls it back, strikes out again and pulls his wrist just at the last moment, minimizing the strike as it lands in the center of Tobey's back.*

**Tobey:** *head falling back a little, grimacing at the sweet sharp pain.* Oh fuck . .. *losing the accent entirely. He grins at Harry.* We're doing this again sometime.

**Harry:** I think that can be arranged. *smirks* Provided we move in the same circles at home.

**Harry:** *cracks the whip out into the air again before drawing back and landing another strike on Tobey's flesh, higher up, across the shoulder blades, followed quickly by another in the same spot.*

**Harry:** Striking isn't about finesse, though. Wrapping is. That's what you wanted to see, isn't it? *to Tobey*

**Tobey:** *whimpers, the whimper turning into a soft cry as the flesh is hit twice, feeling the heat and power from the whip spreading through him.* Yes. Please.

**Harry:** *turns, looks for Zorro and heads toward him. holds out whip.* I believe this is yours. Thank you.

**Gerard:** *slides his hands down JL's pants* How are you holding up?

**Tobey:** *putting the doublet back on, still breathing a little hard as he follows Harry over to Zorro.* Indeed, thanks. Fantastic instrument. *grinning broadly, a little flushed*

**Jonny Lee:** : *has been curling into Gerard's hold throughout the whipping. is hard and arches up at the touch* Master, that was beautiful. Your boy wants so badly.

**Gerard:** My boy wants to be beaten?

**Jonny Lee:** : *to Gerard* Yes, Master, your boy would like to be beaten like that.

**Jonny Lee:** : *to Gerard* Does Master wish something from his boy? He missed out last night? *smiles too widely*

**Gerard:** *is immediately suspicious* What does my boy have in mind?

**Jonny Lee:** : Your boy can do whatever Master wishes, with him or others? If Master prefers, his boy could work the room while Master watches. *pushes back into Gerard's body*

**Gerard:** Work the room? *smirks* Master would like to see that.

**Gerard:** *looks around* Who should you blow first?

**Jonny Lee:** : Your boy doesn't know, Master. Is there any costume that strikes your fancy?

**Gerard:** *looks around* Well, there's another harem boy here. Why don't you proposition his master?

**Jonny Lee:** : *muses* Harem boy looks delectable. And your boy is sure his Master is scrumptious. Anyone else?

**Gerard:** We'll play it from there.

**Jonny Lee:** : *goes to knees, looks back over shoulder* Your boy assumes Master wishes him to crawl tonight.

**Gerard:** No, Master wants his boy to walk. Master will tell his boy when he wants him to crawl.

**Jonny Lee:** : *pulls self up* Master is absolutely no fun tonight.

**Gerard:** *swats JL* Didn't I let you blow me earlier?

**Jonny Lee:** : *whimpers at swat* That was after your boy recited you chapter and verse of what he did last night.

**Gerard:** *swats him again, enjoying his reaction* Can you blame me for needing a blowjob after that?

**Jonny Lee:** *wriggles* Perhaps this boy should just stay here and get swatted all evening.

**Gerard:** My boy will do what his master tells him to do, or he won't get any more pain tonight.

**Jonny Lee:** : And Master's orders were to suck off the first person his boy meets after leaving his side. Correct?

**Gerard:** As a matter of fact, they were.

**Jonny Lee:** : *turns around, sets out to blow the first person who crosses his path*

**Jonny Lee:** : *muttering to self* Boy gets to blow first person who talks to him. Could be fun.

**Gerard:** *follows Jonny Lee around, very amused*

**Jonny Lee:** : *heads across room, eyes mostly down, semi-zoning on the whole experience, wondering who's who in this mess*

**Carrie-Anne:** wanders up to JL and smiles* Well aren't you pretty?

**Jonny Lee:** : Huh? *looks up.* Hello. Thank you, Sir.

**Gerard:** *turns to look at who JL's looking at*

**Carrie-Anne:** *amused at the "Sir"* Someone let you wander around by yourself?

**Jonny Lee:** : *to CA* Master sent me out on a mission. *puzzled look, tries to place the voice, looks her over and realizes she's a bit curvy for a guy* Looking for sex, Sir. Or M'am.

**Gerard:** *catches up with JL, but stands a bit behind him, listening*

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs* Oh did he? Do I count?

**Jonny Lee:** : Not sure. *shrugs. to CA* Supposed to blow the person this boy talked to. He guesses you'd count.

**Carrie-Anne:** *smiles* Well you're in luck; when I dress like a man I tend to go all the way. Here or somewhere more private?

**Gerard:** *butts in* Here. Hi, I'm this one's owner.

**Jonny Lee:** : *startled* Master.

**Carrie-Anne:** *holds out a hand* And a lucky owner you are Sir.

**Gerard:** *shakes hand* Thank you.

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks at the harem boy and smiles* Go right ahead then boy.

**Jonny Lee:** : *to CA and Ger both* Here? *drops to knees even as asking*

**Gerard:** Yes, here. *pats JL's head*

**Jonny Lee:** : Yes, Sir. *isn't at all sure about this, but Master wants. looks up at CA* Uh, where was this boy, M'am?

**Jonny Lee:** : *undoes the buttons of CA's trousers, squirming a bit. isn't surprised at their being no shorts underneath. is mildly surprised at the lifelike stap-on.*

**Jonny Lee:** : Does M'am have a preference as to where this boy's hands stay?

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks down at JL with amusement*

**Jonny Lee:** : *slides his tongue over the tip of the cock, then takes it into his mouth. not that unlifelike. finds it easy to slip all the way down it. locks hands behind back*

**Gerard:** *enjoys the show very much*

**Carrie-Anne:** *rests her hand on JL's head*

**Cath:** : 'cos it keeps coming off. Cheeky. *pokes blueboy*

**Jonny Lee:** : *pushes into CA's hand, perfectly natural, although he's skittish as hell inside. pushes forward till he's pretty much deepthroating the damned thing*

**Carrie-Anne:** Good boy ... that's it...

**Jonny Lee:** : *pulls back, sets himself to an easy rhythm, shallows his breathing, concentrates on the act and the voice, adds a swirl of tongue on the next downward slurp*

**Carrie-Anne:** *lets the harem boy work her over a bit more; the angle's such that she's not going to come from this* *finally pulls back*

**Jonny Lee:** : *kneels back. utterly confused* Yes, M'am. Of course, M'am.

**Gerard:** *touches himself through his pants, watching JL and CA*

**Jonny Lee:** : That's cool. *responds to the kiss, letting it deepen for a moment before it ends. blushes at recalling what it's like to kiss a woman.* This boy enjoyed the experience, M'am.

**Carrie-Anne:** And so did I. *winks* I'll look for you at the unmasking. *stands up and buttons up her pants*

**Jonny Lee:** : *sits back on heels at CA leaves. sighs.* That was definitely interesting.

**Carrie-Anne:** *to the Ger* Thank you Sir. You have a lovely boy.

**Gerard:** Thank you.

**Gerard:** *watches CA leave* Yes. Very interesting. *Interesting is definitely a euphemism*

**Jonny Lee:** : What next, Master? *still on floor, looks around, trying to pick out a familiar face, leg, random belly button*

**Gerard:** *pats JL's head* *looks around* There seem to be a lot of animals here.

**Gerard:** *looks around, sees a man in a tux sitting all alone* *points at him discreetly* Why don't you ask him if he wants a pretty boy on his knees?

**Jonny Lee:** : *looks where Ger is pointing* Yes, Sir. May your boy crawl?

**Gerard:** He may beg for the privilege.

**Jonny Lee:** : *turns around, eyes cast down* Please, Master, may your boy should you how good he can be for you? May he crawl so Master may watch his backside slink across the room?

**Gerard:** You can do better than that.

**Jonny Lee:** : *deep breath* Please, Master, let your boy show you what a slut he is, how he can move over the floor like he was fucking it?

**Gerard:** Hmmm. *considers* Yes.

**Jonny Lee:** : *smiles, turns around and drops to hands and knees. crawls toward man in tux, slinking low to the ground, pushing his groin against it and coming back up, looking exactly like he's

**Jonny Lee:** : fucking the floor as he moves forward. kneels up when he reaches the man at the table* Sir, this boy thought you looked lonely.

**Gerard:** *follows, oogling JL's arse from behind*

**Peter:** *looks down at boy crawling up to him* Now why would you think that, presumptuous creature?

**Gerard:** *comes up enough to catch Peter's words* *starts a little* *whispers* Master.

**Jonny Lee:** : *swallows hard, looks down* Sir was sitting alone, and this boy's Master thought ... *stops at the interruption of Gerard's voice*

**Peter:** *smiles at new arrival, connects that the boy is Jonny Lee* Well, not so much on the costume, Gerry. And you sent your boy over to play with me. How nice.

**Guy:** *turns to find Peter, wondering if he should check and see if he needs anything, and sees two men talking to him, one from his knees*

**Guy:** *frowns a little, feeling inexplicably nervous*

**Gerard:** *goes to stand directly behind JL, but resists the urge to drop to his knees* I didn't know it was you.

**Hugh:** *notices Guy looks away* Is something wrong?

**Peter:** That much is incredibly obvious. *sips his wine* You wouldn't send the boy over to me otherwise. *puts his glass down* Why don't you sit, though? We're in public.

**Guy:** *to Hugh* Um, I was going to go see if my Master needs anything, and I wanted to introduce you but I don't even know if he's going to want to see me right now. *nods towards the tableau*

**Guy:** I don't know who they are, but does it...look...off to you? Body-language I mean?

**Gerard:** *hesitates, but sits down* Yes, sir.

**Hugh:** *looks worried* Slave isn't good at reading body language, he's afraid.

**Guy:** I'm not sure I am either.

**Jonny Lee:** : *kneels up* Master, would you prefer your boy elsewhere? He could continue his mission, Sir. *doesn't really want to stay here with the two of them*

**Hugh:** Should slave go with Guy to his master?

**Gerard:** *looks towards Peter, not sure if Peter wants JL there or not*

**Guy:** *thinks* *frowns* Um. I have no idea.

**Hugh:** Slave can be unobtrusive.

**Peter:** *notices Gerry's looks* He's your boy, not mine. But I understand you might be more comfortable without him here. *smiles* And I promise to be good tonight.

**Guy:** *nods at last* Okay. Um. And hey, it's not like he'd /actually/ kill me for turning up at the wrong moment. Let's both be unobtrusive.

**Hugh:** Yes, sir. *follows Guy*

**Guy:** *approaches Peter, trying to be invisible, and kneels beside his chair without saying a word*

**Hugh:** *hides behind a marble column*

**Gerard:** *notices the boy kneeling down at Peter's feet* *to JL* You stay.

**Jonny Lee:** : Yes, Master. *casts eyes down, but glances at Guy with faint smile*

**Gerard:** *feels a little better now that Peter's boy is there* How have you been, Peter?

**Peter:** *notices Guy* Don't hide, boy. Come out. *to Gerry* I've been excellent. You?

**Gerard:** So have I. *examines Guy* Care to introduce me to your boy?

**Guy:** *comes closer* Yes Master.

**Peter:** Boy. *nods at Guy* Former boy. *nods at Gerry* There, introductions made. Or did you want something more elaborate?

**Guy:** *blushes furiously*

**Gerard:** I was thinking...*catches up with how Peter introduced him* *sighs* Gerard Butler.

**Guy:** *murmurs* This boy is honored to meet you, Sir.

**Gerard:** *thinks that he's going to have to find this guy after the unmasking* How did you meet Peter?

**Peter:** *smiles* Oh, yes, he has an identity now. And a boy of his own. *points to Jonny* That adorable creature is named Jonny Lee.

**Guy:** *swallows hard* This boy met Mister Wingfield in the Establishment bar, Sir.

**Gerard:** A place more and more people seem to meet him. *isn't quite glaring*

**Jonny Lee:** : *fidgets, trying desperately to hold position in front of Peter* Master, may your boy move to your side?

**Gerard:** Yes. He may. And he should.

**Jonny Lee:** : *sigh of relief* Thank you, Master. *moves quickly to Gerard's side*

**Gerard:** *grabs hold of JL's hair*

**Peter:** *laughs. sips at wine* My dear Gerry is alluding to his own boy picking me up at the bar one night. Quite an interesting tale.

**Gerard:** *mutters* Interesting's a good word for it.

**Guy:** *still blushing, is very nervous about being here*

**Jonny Lee:** : *tugs into Gerard's hold, laces fingers behind back* Thank you, Master, for reminding your boy of his place.

**Gerard:** I always will. *strokes his cheek*

**Peter:** *pets Guy, running his hair through the boy's head* It's perfectly all right, Guy. We're all friends of a sort. A rather large, extended, dysfunctional family.

**Guy:** *presses into the touch* Yes, Master.

**Gerard:** 'Very large'? Who else is part of this dysfunctional family?

**Guy:** *glances over to where Hugh is; glances at Peter; frets faintly*

**Hugh:** *notices Guy's look, does his best to blend into the marble work*

**Guy:** *murmurs* Master, may your boy beg your indulgence?

**Peter:** Not /very/ large, Gerry, but you and your boy take your share. *to Guy* What would you indulge your Master for, boy?

**Gerard:** *looks down at JL* *smiles a little* He thinks you're very large.

**Guy:** *blushing* Master, you boy would like to introduce a slave of his acquaintance to his Master. You've heard me speak of him.

**Peter:** Of course, boy. Bring him here. *muses* How long till the unmasking? This is getting rather tiresome.

**Guy:** *gestures to Hugh to come forward* Master, I believe the unmasking is a midnight.

**Hugh:** *has a bit of a fight with the 'flight or fight' reflex* *fight wins out, and he walks over and then drops to his knees next to Guy*

**Guy:** Master, your boy would like to introduce you to Hugh Grant.

**Peter:** And should I address you as Hugh? *glances over the man kneeling* Somehow that doesn't seem right.

**Hugh:** *blushes, keeps his head down* Sir, slave will accept any form of address sir sees fit to give him.

**Peter:** Any form? *smiles* Slut? Whore? Unworthy to even kiss my boots? *to Hugh* Do those appeal to you?

**Guy:** *shivers a little*

**Hugh:** Yes. Yes, sir.

**Peter:** Gerry likes those words, too, don't you? *glances over at Gerry* And I do believe Jonny loves to be verbally taken down. Even if he won't admit it.

**Gerard:** *bites lip* I may like them, but it's no longer your place to give them to me.

**Hugh:** *tries to sink into the floor while keeping as perfect posture as he can manage* *isn't sure what he got himself in the middle of and doesn't like it*

**Peter:** That's true, Gerry. You gave up the privilege. *tangles his fingers in Guy's hair, looks back and forth between Guy and Hugh* Another boy has it now. And he values it.

**Guy:** *blushes furiously, feeling distinctly uncertain*

**Gerard:** Values it? Well, I suppose it's something he wants.

**Master Van:** *walks in, an older man in a black tuxedo, no mask, heading toward the opposite side of the room*

**Harry:** *wanders back in, with Billy on leash and Mark on arm* My, the crowd got larger. Still unfamiliar. Find us a suitable place, Mark.

**Mark:** *glances around, finds a table near where Ger and Jl seem to be talking with a man in a tux; points it out* Over there.

**Mark:** *catches a definite tension in the air at the next table and blithely ignores it, leaning down and giving Ger a smacking kiss on the cheek* Hey, stranger!

**Gerard:** *jumps a little* *looks up* *is very very relieved* Mark!

**Master Van:** *turns to face the room, grinning at all the scenes taking place*

**Mark:** *grinning* How you doing?

**Gerard:** I'm well. You? *looks around* Harry with you?

**Mark:** Oh yeah! *nods to Harry and Billy* Yeah, we're good. Looking forward to seeing who's who.

**Master Van:** *glances up at the balcony, nods once, then clears his throat*

**Gerard:** *notices Harry* You were the one singletailing.

**Hugh:** *now that the focus is away from him, he starts inching away*

**Master Van:** Ladies and gentlemen. Can I have your attention, please? *his voice carries clearly over the crowd*

**Gerard:** Very amazing. I think Teak was three seconds from jumping in.

**Guy:** *reaches out and touches Hugh's arm*

**Hugh:** *gives Guy a panicked look*

**Guy:** *whispers* S'all right--don't go.

**Hugh:** *whispers back* You were right. He's too much.

**Harry:** *follows Mark, settles in, with Billy kneeling beside him* Sshh, Butler. It was supposed to be secret.

**Gerard:** *grins* Secret, hell. *checks watch* Fifteen minutes. Bloody negligible.

**Guy:** *frowns* *nods* Okay, okay. I can find you later.

**Hugh:** *is very relieved* Thank you. *crawls off*

**Guy:** *sighs sadly, watching him go*

**Harry:** And how is young temperature-sensitive friend? *to JL* Hello, Jonny Lee.

**Mark:** *glances at Peter and Guy, wondering who they are and whether they're going to get introduced*

**Hugh:** *gets behind a pillar and stands up. He brushes himself off and goes to see if anyone will give him a nice anonymous fuck*

**Jonny Lee:** : *looks up* Hello, Mr. Sinclair. Mr. Lutz. This boy is pleased to see you both again. Hello, Billy.

**Gerard:** *smiles at them* Meet Peter Wingfield. And his boy.

**Master Van:** Attention! You can get back to your fun soon, I promise.

**Mark:** *grins* *whispers* Good to meet you.

**Peter:** *strokes Guy's head* It's all right. Master will allow his boy to look for his friend later. *hears introduction* Hello. Nice to meet you.

**Guy:** *presses into Peter's touch gratefully*

**Master Van:** Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Master Van, head of the resort facilities. The rest of the Committee and I do

**Master Van:** hope you've been enjoying yourselves.

**Master Van:** The unmasking will begin soon, but first... who wants to play a game?

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks curious, calls out* A game Master Van?

**Sid Vicious:** : *calls out loudly* Hide the sausage?

**Cat Guy:** *softly, over his shoulder, amused* We're already playing a game...

**Tobey:** *laughs at Sid, giving him the thumbs up*

**Master Van:** *eyes Sid, grinning* I do believe that game's been played tonight already.

**Casanova:** *chuckles*

**Mark:** *laughs*

**Sid Vicious:** : *waves back at the thumbs up*

**Master Van:** This game is quite simple. And, unfortunately, doesn't involve sex. Sorry.

**Gerard:** *grins at all the melodramatic groaning*

**Liam:** *looks at CA* are you volunteering?

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods and walks up to Van* Were you needing a volunteer?

**Master Van:** *turns to CA, grinning* Why, yes, thank you. *slips an arm around her waist*

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at him*

**Master Van:** Now then. I'm sure you've all been guessing at who's behind which mask. Here's the game. You unmask one at a time, starting with this lovely gentleman. *winks* You'll all have a chance to guess who it is before they unmask.

**Carrie-Anne:** *snuggles Van and then grabs his ass*

**Master Van:** *jumps, eyes going wide, smacks CA's ass in return* Cheeky little brat.

**Liam:** *laughs* *mutters* That's my girl.

**Jason:** *chuckles*

**Carrie-Anne:** Thank you sir may I have another? *to the crowd* Any guesses?

**Master Van:** Since you asked so nicely..... *lands a harder smack*

**Cath:** : *pipes up* Liam Neeson!

**Carrie-Anne:** *wriggles and sighs happily*

**Ninja:** *laughs*

**Master Van:** *chuckles* That's one for Liam Neeson. Any other guesses?

**Carrie-Anne:** *goes up on her tiptoes and then shakes her head*

**Master Van:** C'mon, now. I know no one in this group is shy.

**Ninja:** *laughs more* I think his name's Andy!

**Casanova:** *shakes his head, calls out* Carrie-Anne.

**Trash Bride:** *lets breath out, hissing, pumping a little faster* Yeah, Carrie.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Casanova and removes her mask*

**Master Van:** And we have a winner!

**Master Van:** Now, Carrie-Anne.... you get to pick the next victim.

**Jonny Lee:** : *whimpers at the unmasking* Shite. Fuck. *under his breath*

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks around and then moves over to Cath* So ... who's Britannia?

**Gerard:** *pats JL* You want to go over later?

**Master Van:** Guesses on Britannia! *gesturing toward Cath*

**Master Van:** Carrie-Anne, do be a dear and haul her up here. *grins*

**Cath:** : *pokes her tongue out* Traitor!

**Carrie-Anne:** *grabs Cath's arm and pulls her out in front of the crowd* Now now don't make me spank you.....

**Cath:** : *giggles, following CA and dragging her trident. The headdress is very wonky by now*

**Master Van:** Alright, people. Start guessing. *catching Cath around the waist to keep her there*

**Gerard:** *calls out* Alice Krige

**Jason:** Dame Judi!

**Cath:** : Oooh! I'm flattered! *curtseys*

**Ninja:** Emma Thompson!

**Cath:** : *looks down, dubiously* With these tits?

**Ninja:** *laughs!*

**Ninja:** They do wonderful things with underwires these days, I hear!

**Cath:** : Yeah, and breastplates. *grins*

**Vixen:** *laughs* I should look into that.

**Master Van:** *laughs*

**Master Van:** Any other guesses?

**Cath:** : *just stands there, giggling*

**Cath:** : Nobody guessed meeee! *beams*

**Liam:** Liam Neeson?

**Ninja:** *DIES laughing*

**Master Van:** *grins* With these tits?

**Alexis:** : *starts chuckling*

**Night Goddess:** *laughs*

**Vixen:** *laughs*

**Cath:** : *pokes her tongue out* I'll spank you good and proper for that, young man!

**Jason:** *cracks up*

**Trash Bride:** *snorts*

**Master Van:** Alright then. Off with your mask, my dear.

**Cat Guy:** *groans at the joke and tightens his hold on the bride's hip*

**Cath:** : Hang on a sec. It's sort of complicated. *unties the apron string* Could someone give that to the poor starkers waiter over there, please? *removes the headdress*

**Master Van:** *arches an eyebrow, stepping back*

**Cath:** : *fiddles for another moment, then whips off her mask* Ta-da!

**Cath:** : *pouts* Oh that's it. Nobody still recognizes me.

**Master Van:** My God, you were right. *to Liam* It is Liam Neeson!

**Bird Boy:** *laughs*

**Mark:** Nah, Liam was never that gorgeous!

**Cath:** : *pokes him, giggling*

**Ninja:** *applauds her, whoever she is*

**Master Van:** *bats at Cath's hand, chuckling*

**Cath:** : Do I get to pick the next one? *claps her hands together and bounces*

**Master Van:** Indeed you do.

**Cath:** : Ooh! I know who! I want to know who the Fearsome Flamingo Wielder is! Up you come, Mrs. Hearts!

**Cat Guy:** *groans very softly, trying not to draw attention*

**Master Van:** *crooks a finger at the Queen of Hearts, grinning*

**Sigourney:** *laughing, coming up to give Cath a hug.* My fellow conspirator!

**Cath:** : *kisses her cheek* May they live in fear of us.

**Master Van:** *holds an arm out for Sigourney* Any guesses?

**Carrie-Anne:** Well she's almost tall enough to be Liam.

**Sigourney:** *laughing* And I DON'T have the tits.

**Master Van:** Hmm. *wraps an arm around Sigourney's waist* Bit too thin, I think.

**Ninja:** You could always borrow that miracle breastplate!

**Gerard:** Elizabeth Hurley!

**Liam:** I think I know that voice! Sigourney?

**Hugh:** *looks around in panic* *realizes that it's not her* *calms down*

**Ninja:** Ah yeah!

**Sigourney:** *removes her mask.* Glad somebody around here remembers me. *winking at Liam*

**Liam:** *bows*

**Master Van:** *grins* Your turn to pick, Sigourney.

**Sigourney:** *smiling* Oh let's see . . . *crooking finger at velvetlady.* Up here, shy one.

**Master Van:** Come to me. *waving velvetlady forward*

**Velvet Lady:** : *she reaches down to stroke blue boy's hair gently* Good boy. Looks as though the game is up for me. Come along.

**Blue Boy:** *glad he can sink back on his training, he follows quietly and politely and kneels besides her.. him... whatever* when they get up there.

**Velvet Lady:** : *she walks slowly and elegantly over to Sigourney and smiles at her*

**Master Van:** *eyes blueboy appreciatively a moment, then clears his throat and slips an arm around Velvet Lady's waist* Take your best guess, folks.

**Blue Boy:** *has never been so grateful for formal training*

**Velvet Lady:** : *she turns to face the crowd, a quiet, secretive smile on her lips*

**Ninja:** Emma Thompson! I'll keep hoping!

**Zorro:** Sexy Smurf.

**Bird Boy:** *yells* Ewan!

**Sigourney:** *laughs at ninja*

**Gerard:** Liam Neeson!

**Velvet Lady:** : *she laughs* With these tits?

**Night Goddess:** *grins*

**Sigourney:** *stands next to velvet lady* Not tall enough.

**Master Van:** *chuckles*

**Trash Bride:** Monica!

**Ninja:** Henry Rollins!

**Velvet Lady:** : Oh, now I'm offended! *she laughs again*

**Master Van:** Any more guesses?

**Sun Mask:** Natalie Portman?

**Master Van:** Alright then. Time to remove your mask, beautiful.

**Cath:** : *giggles and claps her hands together, watching*

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks amused*

**Velvet Lady:** : *with a gentle caress of blue boy's hair, she unfastens her mask and removes it. Fully made up, she knows her identity still will not be guessed*

**Casanova:** *shakes his head* *murmurs to Zorro* I have no idea. You?

**Velvet Lady:** : *She turns to Sigourney with an apologetic smile, and then back to the room* Ladies and gentlemen, I doubt you'll see me under all this *Her voice is much lower now*

**Zorro:** *squints, shaking his head* No clue.

**Velvet Lady:** : My name is Baz Luhrmann. *grins, delighted that he's fooled everyone*

**Vincent:** *blinks in shock*

**Gerard:** woah.

**Carrie-Anne:** *cracks up* I knew it was a guy!

**Master Van:** *blinks* Well.

**Sigourney:** Oh Baz! *laughing, blushing a little.* That was wonderful.

**Trash Bride:** *stares*

**Mark:** *applauds and whistles*

**Blue Boy:** *hopes this means they can go now so they can deal with this*

**Jason:** Oh...wow!

**Alexis:** : *blinks and shakes his head, bursting into applause* Bugger me!

**Night Goddess:** *stares. holy...* Oh god! *cracks up*

**Casanova:** *chuckles, having been taken in completely*

**Zorro:** *laughs* Now there's a brave man.

**Ninja:** *applauds*

**Master Van:** *grins* Very nicely done, Baz.

**Baz:** : *smiles and leans over to kiss Sigourney* You came close to getting the shock of your life there, love.

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Your turn to choose, Baz. Who's next?

**Sigourney:** But it would have been a pleasant shock, sweetie.

**Baz:** : *once more addresses the crowd* So this should come as no surprise to you all... *leans down to take off blue boy's mask, revealing his boy, Craig*

**Gentleman:** *laughs* Of course

**Mark:** *laughs* *applauds* *to Harry* Never doing drag, just so you know.

**Master Van:** Ah, but now that Craig's been the latest unmasked, he gets to choose who's next.

**Master Van:** Providing, of course, that you agree, Baz.

**Gerard:** *lifts JL's chin* *softly* Did you have any idea?

**Baz:** : I agree entirely. Craig? The next choice is yours, my boy.

**Jonny Lee:** : Not really, Master. *cuddles into Gerard's hand*

**Gerard:** *pets him* I intend to get some insane mileage out of your costume later.

**Craig:** *Lifts his head up and looks around, since he's not been paying attention for a bit. Points to the ripped up bride*

**Master Van:** *eyes trash bride and catguy, trying not to smirk* Pause that and get up here.

**Craig:** *bites his lip trying not to laugh*

**Trash Bride:** Oops, sorry! *grins* *disentangles from the cat, winks at him and smoothes his dress, walks across and up slowly*

**Cat Guy:** *groans, disappointed but grinning*

**Velvet Lady:** : *leans down to whisper in Craig's ear* Come along, love. I'm taking you away from the insanity now.

**Master Van:** *snags the bride around the waist in a loose hold* Guesses, please.

**Cat Guy:** *reaches back to zip himself up just far enough for decency, openly curious as to the identity of his partner*

**Trash Bride:** *leans in, shuffling on his feet*

**Gerard:** Elijah Wood!

**Carrie-Anne:** *whistles*

**Ninja:** Liam Neeson!

**Trash Bride:** *giggles, curtseys* the size gave me away, huh?

**Alexis:** : *blinks* It may well could be Elijah, now that I think on it . . .

**Elijah:** *removes his masks, and waves with it, smiles,* Yep. Size always gives me away.

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Alright, your turn to choose.

**Carrie-Anne:** *whistles* Go Lij!

**Bird Boy:** *covers his mouth and laughs*

**Night Goddess:** *claps*

**Tobey:** *wolf whistles* But you look great anyway!!

**Ninja:** *applauds*

**Cat Guy:** *nods and applauds*

**Elijah:** Thank you, thank you! *looks around, grins at Carrie-Anne* Mmmm..

**Devil Pirate:** I thought it was him.

**Zorro:** *laughs* Oh, little Elijah's grown up and become a woman. How adorable.

**Jonny Lee:** : *smiles* Master is very good at this game.

**Gerard:** Master's pulling answers out of his arse.

**Elijah:** *points* Zorro!

**Master Van:** Open mouth, get chosen next. Up here with me, Zorro!

**Zorro:** Fuck.

**Casanova:** *laughs*

**Carrie-Anne:** Two bits, four bits, six bits, a paseo....

**Elijah:** *steps down, goes back to the cat, swats Zorro on the way as they cross*

**Tobey:** *laughs, giving Zorro the thumbs up*

**Zorro:** *swats the bride back as he heads up*

**Master Van:** *wraps his arm around Zorro's waist* I'm willing to bet your name isn't Diego de la Vega. Start guessing.

**Night Goddess:** *calls out* Liam Neeson!

**Gerard:** Antonio Banderas.

**Ninja:** George Hamilton!

**Casanova:** *laughs, shaking his head*

**Elijah:** *chuckles, turns to call out* Vincent Cassel!

**Zorro:** Not big enough! *laughs*

**Vincent:** *grins*

**Gerard:** Guy Williams.

**Ninja:** Guy Pearce!

**Liam:** *glances at Night Goddess thoughtfully*

**Tobey:** Don't shortchange yourself, Zorro! *laughing*

**Cat Guy:** Surprised, but not disappointed. *grins* I'm impressed.

**Carrie-Anne:** George Hamilton!

**Liam:** Dominic

**Elijah:** *to the cat* Yeah? To be frank I'm impressing myself with this. *smiles*

**Zorro:** *shakes his head* You're all horrible at this game.

**Harry:** Well, give us a hint, big guy.

**Casanova:** *smirks in Harry's direction*

**Zorro:** What kind of hint? *grins*

**Ninja:** Tim Roth! Kenneth Brannagh! Mick Jagger!

**Ninja:** Emma Thompson!

**Gentleman:** *laughs and nudges the Pirate* Who do you reckon it is?

**Harry:** How tall are you? *shouts to Zorro*

**Gentleman:** Elizabeth Hurley!

**Jason:** Jason Isaacs!

**Hugh:** *winces again, wishing people would lay off Liz*

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Oh, you've got them going now.

**Gentleman:** Pierce Brosnan.

**Zorro:** Six foot three. *smiles*

**Romeo:** *snickers*

**Romeo:** Viggo Mortensen!

**Mercutio:** *swats at Romeo* cut it out.

**Bird Boy:** *calls out* Ooh a _big_ boy.

**Romeo:** Ow. *swats back*

**Ninja:** Marton Csokas!

**Mercutio:** *hissing* Harder baby.

**Zorro:** Yes! *points to the ninja*

**Devil Pirate:** Tony Blair!

**Marton:** *takes his mask off* Good job.

**Tobey:** *howls at devil pirate's guess*

**Elijah:** *takes a step closer to brush against the cat-- then turns at the yes*

**Master Van:** Well done!

**Elijah:** Nice!

**Ninja:** *applauds* Nice costume, Marton!

**Master Van:** Who's next, Marton?

**Alexis:** : *starts to laugh helplessly at the pirate's suggestion.*

**Harry:** *claps*

**Night Goddess:** *applauds*

**Mark:** *applauds*

**Vincent:** *claps*

**Marton:** *points to Casanova* Get up here.

**Tobey:** And THANK you for bringing the whip!!! *cheers*

**Marton:** *takes a bow* Oh, you're quite welcome.

**Mark:** *cheers and whistles*

**Master Van:** *grins, waving Casanova up* Your turn!

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/31966.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	117. gerard: Centennial Masquerade - Saturday 17/04/04 - Part Two

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/17/) 17:22:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32040&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32040&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Centennial Masquerade - Saturday 17/04/04 - Part Two** _  
[players only. This log has been edited to show only the parts of the masque where Ger and JL were involved. Much love to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/telesilla/profile)[**telesilla**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/telesilla/) for editing the entire mamoth of a log. [The](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121240.html) [full](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121571.html) [masquerade](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/121766.html) [log](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122111.html) [can](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122199.html) [be](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122413.html) [found](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/122826.html) [here](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/123127.html). This is part two of the edited log. Part one can be found [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/31966.html).]

**Master Van:** *grins, waving Casanova up* Your turn!

**Harry:** Yeah. Thanks, Marton. Owe you one.

**Casanova:** *shakes head* *goes up to the front*

**Hugh:** *watches intently as Casanova walks up*

**Master Van:** *catches Casanova around the waist* Alright, let's hear the guesses.

**Casanova:** *smiles at Van*

**Gentleman:** Nicole Kidman!

**Casanova:** *laughs*

**Gerard:** Liam Neeson!

**Harry:** You've got a deal, mate.

**Liam:** *mutters to Jason* I was expecting that.

**Ninja:** *laughs at Gerard* Tony Blair!

**Gerard:** Margaret Thatcher!

**Casanova:** Not big enough. Well, not tall enough anyway.

**Master Van:** Marg--*sputters*

**Alexis:** : *turns his head to look at the 'Phantom' for a moment* What in the world? Ah, well, the bloke's enjoying himself. *chuckles*

**Gerard:** *chuckles at Master Van*

**Romeo:** *snickers* I'm tempted to yell out 'Queen Elizabeth'

**Ninja:** Margaret Thatcher? The club does have standards, people!

**Night Goddess:** *is giggling uncontrollably*

**Bird Boy:** *laughs again*

**Mercutio:** *rolls eyes at Romeo* Why not George Bush?

**Romeo:** Go for it. I double dare you

**Master Van:** Anymore guesses?

**Mercutio:** George Bush!

**Carrie-Anne:** Dom?

**Sun Mask:** *laughs*

**Master Van:** Hey now! That kind of language is not allowed here!

**Harry:** Stuart.

**Casanova:** *shakes head* *laughs* *grabs Van's arse* Someone guess so I can go back to fucking Zorro.

**Master Van:** *jumps, eyes widening, smacks Casanova's arse in return*

**Marton:** Yes, please, someone guess! *laughs*

**Harry:** Fucking Zorro? *looks at Marton. shouts out* Let me guess. Karl!

**Mark:** *laughs*

**Karl:** Thank you, Harry. *removes mask*

**Alexis:** : *blinks at Harry, then bursts out laughing*

**Marton:** *grins* Thank you.

**Hugh:** *whispers* Karl? Which Karl?

**Harry:** *removes mask from where he's standing* And thank you, Karl. Now I don't have to go up on stage.

**Master Van:** *grins* Well done, Karl. Pick the next one.

**Master Van:** Oh!

**Master Van:** *tsks, shaking his head* Now it's Harry's turn.

**Master Van:** *smacks Karl on the arse again* And now I don't get to grope him.

**Karl:** *sticks his tongue out at Harry, smiles at Van* You can keep groping me if you want.

**Harry:** *slings mask onto table and walks to stage* Move over, Kiwi boy. I want my grope.

**Master Van:** Off my stage! *shoving Karl playfully*

**Master Van:** Ah. *grins, reaching to wrap an arm around Harry's waist, hand landing on his arse*

**Harry:** *wriggles* Nice hands, Van. I get to pick a victim next?

**Master Van:** Nice ass, Harry. You do indeed.

**Harry:** You can check it out later, if you want. *smirks. looks around room. points at Vixen* C'mere, beautiful. You got me curious as hell.

**Vixen:** *blushes like hell* *heads for the stage*

**Alexis:** : *bounces slightly on the balls of his feet* Oh, oh, I know this one! *smirks*

**Vixen:** *reaches stage and does a twirl*

**Master Van:** Stop by my office. *grins, letting Harry go to reach for Vixen as she draws near*

**Gentleman:** *frowns, trying to guess* Kate Winslet?

**Alexis:** : Lovely Lin, I'd know you anywhere. *smirks*

**Vincent:** *grins*

**Romeo:** *smirks*

**Elijah:** Lin! *double takes at Alexis*

**Lin:** *laughs* *unmasks*

**Lin:** Thank you, thank you!

**Master Van:** *sighs* Damn. Barely enough time to grope her. Choose the next victim, Lin.

**Carrie-Anne:** Damn and I thought that was Liam.

**Elijah:** *giggles at CA*

**Ninja:** *applauds Lin*

**Lin:** *peruses crowd* Oh! The jester. I want to know who that is.

**Lin:** *kisses Van's cheek* You can grope me any time, handsome. *heads offstage*

**Harry:** *smiles, extends hand to help Lin down* You and I are talking later, Miss.

**Master Van:** *grins, waving Jester up* Let's go.

**Lin:** *smiles* Thank you, love.

**Hugh:** *figures that the Jester must be this Karl's boy, and thinks that if he recognizes the Jester, he might have a clue who Karl is*

**Jester:** *takes Lin's place, turning to face the crowd*

**Master Van:** *wraps his arm around Jester's waist* Start guessing.

**Karl:** *watches intently over Marton's shoulder*

**Gerard:** Danny Kaye!

**Jester:** *shakes his head at Gerard solemnly*

**Ninja:** Emma Thompson! Hope springs eternal!

**Gerard:** Liam Neeson?

**Jester:** *shakes his head again*

**Night Goddess:** *laughs. to ninja* You have a love for the lovely Emma Thompson?

**Tobey:** *laughing* Ask him to crawl, maybe more will recognize him!

**Gerard:** Alan Romeoman?

**Jester:** *another head shake*

**Romeo:** *snorts and chokes on his laughter*

**Carrie-Anne:** Stuart?

**Jester:** *touches a fingertip to the nose of his mask, pointing with the other hand at CA*

**Romeo:** Well fuck me. Stuart Townsend I wonder....

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins* Blame him. *points at Tobey*

**Stuart:** *then pulls off the mask, exhaling explosively* Thank fucking God! You got any idea how hard it is to keep quiet with everyone giving such perfect openings?

**Lin:** *laughs*

**Karl:** *laughs*

**Hugh:** Lestat!

**Tobey:** *grinning* It's the sway when he walks.

**Normal:** *laughs*

**Liam:** This is the Establishment. There are a lot of those around here.

**Stuart:** *grins, bows low* The one and only. Except for Tom Cruise.

**Carrie-Anne:** *faceplams*

**Stuart:** *sticks his tongue out at Tobey*

**James:** *bursts into another fit of laughter at the thought of Stuart going silent all night* This boy thinks that must have been painful.

**Night Goddess:** *little grin* Not me. Well, if you weren't satisfied, I'm afraid you have to find the real Emma Thompson.

**Romeo:** Well fuck me! Stuart Townsend. Huh. Learn something new every day.

**Master Van:** *grins* Alright then. Who's next?

**Hugh:** *mutters* Stuart Townsend. Master's Karl. Fuck, think they have a directory?

**Karl:** *grins at Stuart, nodding him over*

**Stuart:** *looks around the room slowly, points to the ninja*

**Jonny Lee:** : *looks around while Master's making guesses, content to keep a very low profile. wonders if anyone he knows is here*

**Ninja:** *stealthily approaches Van*

**Master Van:** *chuckles, letting Stuart go to latch onto the ninja* Guesses, anyone?

**Stuart:** *heads over to Karl, shooting a grin at Lin, Harry and Marton*

**Harry:** *arms still crossed and standing in front of Karl and Marton, watching* You actually gonna let him, Karl?

**Master Van:** C'mon, folks. Someone's got to have an idea of who our ninja might be.

**Gerard:** Ralph Macchio?

**Elijah:** Emma Thompson!

**Master Van:** *eyes Gerard* You're definitely earning a spanking.

**Cat Guy:** *looking up with a smirk even as he pushes back against Elijah's hand* Liam Neeson!

**Carrie-Anne:** *giggles*

**Romeo:** *smiles*

**Jason:** *leans against Liam*

**Ninja:** Bit short for Liam OR Emma, I'm afraid!

**Normal:** Dominic Monaghan!

**Dom:** A hit, a palpable hit! *pulls off his hood* Hiyaaaa!

**Liam:** *cuddles Jason* Getting sleepy boy?

**Elijah:** *smiles, whistles*

**Night Goddess:** *laughs, clapping*

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Well done!

**Carrie-Anne:** *whistles* Whoooo!

**Bird Boy:** *laughs and applauds*

**Master Van:** Who's next, Dominic?

**Jason:** A little, Master. *sighs* I must be getting old or something--I used to be able to hand on longer than this.

**Dom:** Oh, who to pick, the bloke who guessed me, the bloke my boyfriend's molesting... or... *points to the night goddess* My mystery lady!

**Master Van:** Mystery lady, come on up here!

**Elijah:** *glances over at nightgoddess*

**Night Goddess:** *laughs, picks up skirts and heads for the stage*

**Dom:** *steps down as night goddess approaches, stays nearby, grins at Elijah and waves at him and the cat*

**Master Van:** *wraps an arm around nightgoddess' waist* Who'll start the guessing?

**Gerard:** *pets JL* Should I say it?

**Master Van:** *glares playfully at Gerard*

**Liam:** Natalie!

**Gerard:** *gives Master Van his most innocent look*

**Gerard:** Diana Rigg?

**Dom:** *heads toward Elijah and the cat, looking back as the guesses go out* Liam Neeson!

**Jonny Lee:** : *winces* Master likes to be different, doesn't he?

**Natalie:** *points to Liam Neeson, removing mask* Oh nuts.

**Elijah:** Billy Boyd!

**Master Van:** You. *points at Gerard* And you. *points at Dom* Somebody spank those two.

**Liam:** *bows to Natalie*

**Mark:** *laughs* Ger, you need a spanking?

**Dom:** And considering what we're being punished for, it really ought to be Liam Neeson!

**Natalie:** *curtseys back at Liam*

**Master Van:** *grins* Who's next, Natalie?

**Liam:** *settles Jason at his feet, where Jason half nods off*

**Natalie:** Hmm... who to pick, who to pick? *surveys the crowd* I'm really interested in who the cat is. *points to Cat Guy*

**Master Van:** *grins, waving Catguy up* C'mon, now.

**Gerard:** *mutters* that cat's gotta be Michael Keaton.

**Jonny Lee:** : *looks up at Gerard* Master, are you sure you didn't get into the brownies?

**Gerard:** *swats him hard* Yes.

**Jonny Lee:** : *winces at the delightful smack* Just checking, Master. Would hate for you to get stoned and me miss it.

**Cat Guy:** *muttering* Yes, yes. *takes up his place*

**Cat Guy:** *grins*

**Gerard:** *grabs the end of his leash and pulls on it hard enough to begin to choke JL* Enough, boy.

**Master Van:** *arm around the cat's waist* Any guesses?

**Dom:** Ethan Hawke!

**Carrie-Anne:** Some guy from Cats!

**Tobey:** *laughs*

**Dom:** *laughs!*

**Cat Guy:** *laughs and shakes his head*

**Jonny Lee:** : Fuck. *resists urge to move hands to collar, chokes back on the lack of air*

**Dom:** Someone from Cheshire!

**Master Van:** *eyes CA, trying not to smirk* You going for a spanking, too, young lady?

**Gerard:** Is that clear? *is a little harsher than he should be, but he's had too many surprises tonight*

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks innocent* Who sir? Me Sir?

**Dom:** Liam Neeson! Emma Thompson! Tony Blair! Sting!

**Liam:** *looks down at her* You sir.

**Jonny Lee:** : *nods, unable to get his voice from the choking*

**Cat Guy:** *chuckles and shakes his head*

**Gerard:** *releases leash and reaches towards JL's throat to pull it down*

**Gerard:** Good boy.

**Master Van:** *to Dom* I'll make sure it's Liam spanking you.

**Liam:** It's not a cat, it's the Bat. Christian!

**Christian:** *pulls off his mask* Right you are, Liam!

**Jonny Lee:** : *swallows, now that his throat's not dry* Thank you, Sir. Your boy apologizes for angering his Master.

**Elijah:** Fuck. Me.

**Romeo:** Too late

**Liam:** * Looks at Christian* I'm not Liam. *points at CA* that's Liam.

**Bird Boy:** *swallowing down more laughter*

**Gerard:** *strokes JL's throat* I love you.

**Master Van:** *grins* Well done! And now, since you've outed Liam, it's Liam's turn to choose the next victim, because *voice rising in an amused yell* we all know it's you, Liam!

**Christian:** *pretends to peer very hard at Liam and CA* Right, sorry then!

**Liam:** *draws himself up to his full height* How did anyone guess? *pulls the mask off*

**Master Van:** *laughs* It was either you or the guy in red over there. *pointing to Reddeath* He's pretty tall.

**Liam:** Since my boy's sleeping at my feet here, this is Jason. *points down*

**Master Van:** *blinks, stands on tiptoe to glance at Jason* Oh my. Well... you'll have to take his turn, then.

**Liam:** *looks around* The sun masked gentleman

**Jonny Lee:** : *leans into Gerard's more gentle touches* Your boy loves his Master, and gratefully takes what he gives him.

**Master Van:** *grins at sun mask* Up here with me.

**Sun Mask:** Err.. *gets up and goes up to Van*

**Master Van:** *wraps an arm around his waist* Start guessing, folks.

**Gerard:** *strokes a little more* Want to be rude and leave now?

**Peter:** *paying much less attention to the unveilings than to the exchange between Gerard and Jonny Lee, the first time he's been able to watch his former boy take control*

**Master Van:** Any guesses on who this gentleman might be?

**Dom:** *shouts* LIAM-- Oh wait. Never mind!

**Carrie-Anne:** Dom I can arrange that spanking Van talked about.

**Master Van:** *narrows his eyes at Dom* Liam should cane you.

**Dom:** Jarvis Cocker! Rowan Atkinson! Chris Barrie!

**Master Van:** Any guesses?

**Liam:** *looks at Dom* You're just looking for trouble aren't you?

**Master Van:** Liam, I have this lovely cane you can borrow.....

**Dom:** *to Liam* Every minute of every day! *cheeky grin*

**Carrie-Anne:** Tony Blair!

**Sun Mask:** *laughs* Now I'm just offended

**Natalie:** Nothing new there, Liam! *chuckles*

**Mercutio:** George..... Eads!

**Dom:** Steve Coogan! Hugh Laurie! Stephen Fry! Michael Caine!

**Jonny Lee:** : *smiles* If Master wishes to leave, then his boy would be happy also. But doesn't Master want to see the rest of the unmasking?

**Carrie-Anne:** Rowen Atkinson!

**Gerard:** Master does. *runs a finger across Jonny Lee's lips* Up on my lap.

**Dom:** *to CA* I said him! Bagsies on Rowan Atkinson!

**Master Van:** *quick glare at CA, then a smirk* Liam knows what punishment will work best for you, I think.

**Liam:** *looks at Dom* If you're serious Dominic....

**Master Van:** Are there anymore guesses about this one?

**Liam:** *grins at Van* Oh I do indeed.

**Jonny Lee:** : Yes, Master. *eagerly climbs onto Gerard's lap, settling into the position he knows Master likes best* Boy is much pleased to be up here, Master.

**Gerard:** *cuddles his boy* Who do you think the sun boy is?

**Dom:** Cillian Murphy! Leonardo DiCaprio! Gordy whatsis!

**Elijah:** *squeezes Dom close, grinning at Liam*

**Cillian:** *takes his mask off* Cillian, yeah. *smiles*

**Bird Boy:** *blinks*

**Master Van:** *eyes Dom* Well, at least we're getting back into the Esta--*blinks, laughs*

**Dom:** I got one right? Ace!

**Master Van:** Alright, Cillian. Who's next?

**Lin:** *blinks, looking at Cillian* *murmurs to herself* What a pretty, pretty boy....

**Cillian:** Uhm..*points to birdboy, curious as to who he is* the bird.

**Carrie-Anne:** *gropes the bird boy as he passes*

**Master Van:** Alright, little birdy. Your turn.

**Bird Boy:** *hops up, bounding up to the stage and spinning the ends of his boa--squeals as CA gropes*

**Cillian:** *goes back to his seat*

**Liam:** *suddenly laughs*

**Master Van:** *grins* He's got a nice squeal, anyway.

**Bird Boy:** *shifts in the shoulder straps that hold the wings on and grins*

**Master Van:** *wraps an arm around the bird's waist, careful of the wings* Guesses?

**Peter:** *strokes through Guy's hair* Is my boy having fun? Or is he rather bored at this point, as is his Master?

**Dom:** I knew Cillian joined recently, cos Ewan mentioned Jude gave him a tour.

**Carrie-Anne:** *whistles again* Brian Slade!

**Bird Boy:** *leans against Van and whispers conspiratorially* Liam Neeson.

**Guy:** Your boy is never bored when he's at his Master's feet.

**Master Van:** *smacks the bird's arse* Don't make me pluck you.

**Carrie-Anne:** OK OK it's Jonny ... uh Jonny Rhys Meyers that is

**Peter:** Come up here and sit between my legs. Master thinks we should start work on your reward. *settles back into the chair, spreading his legs out*

**Christian:** *grins*

**JRM:** *claps his hands and tugs the mask up, bouncing some more and laughing, then winking at Cillian*

**Elijah:** Ooh, the bird is JRM!

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Well done.

**Guy:** *suddenly breathless, obeys, startlingly nervous*

**Master Van:** Now then. Would anyone object to me hurrying this along? It's getting late, and it means giving up both the guessing and choosing who's next.

**Jonny Lee:** : *leans back on Gerard's shoulder* Master, your boy doesn't have a clue who anyone is. He can't even pick out people he's fucked.

**Master Van:** You can still guess if you like, but I'd noticed that a great many of you are getting distracted.

**Gerard:** The gentleman looked a little familiar. Something in the way he carried himself.

**Jonny Lee:** : It's most likely because your boy's been distracted, Master. His mind is not on the masks and those behind them.

**Master Van:** Alright then. When I point to you, stand up. I'll give everyone a chance. Three guesses.

**Master Van:** *points to Alexis* Stand up.

**Carrie-Anne:** *quietly to Liam* I'm gonna get Jason home here, and be back as soon as he's tucked in.

**Alexis:** : *groans, Ottoman robes flowing around him as he steps forward* Well, here goes nothing.

**Master Van:** Anyone want to guess?

**Master Van:** The crowd gets three guesses.

**Romeo:** Queen Elizabeth!

**Liam:** Good because you need punishing

**Gerard:** Alexis?

**Gerard:** *covers up* I mean, Liam Neeson

**Master Van:** So make them good ones. *eyeing Romeo with a smirk*

**Alexis:** : *laughs* Gerry, you've finally gotten one right! *pulls off the Kaffiyah.*

**Carrie-Anne:** *bends down* Jason love? C'mon. Bed.

**Gerard:** I got Elijah.

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Alright then. *points to Tobey* Both of you.

**Alexis:** : *chuckles* All right, since Elijah, then. *winks at Gerry*

**Jason:** *mumbles a little and stands up, letting CA lead him away*

**Master Van:** This is a pair, but you still only get three guesses.

**Gerard:** Ernie and Bert?

**Romeo:** Ethan and Tobey!

**Dom:** Tobey Maguire and Ethan Stiefel!

**Gerard:** *kisses JL's forehead* This is fun. You have to try it.

**Master Van:** *starts to glare at Ger, then pauses* Actually, that was a pretty good one.

**Gentleman:** *laughs* Well, that was easy.

**Tobey:** Thank you!!!! *dragging Ethan toward the door, hand around his waist*

**Master Van:** *chuckles at Tobey's rush to get out* *points at devil pirate* Three guesses, folks!

**Natalie:** *laughs* Ewan McGregor!

**Gerard:** Jonny Depp.

**Dom:** Oh yeah! Ewan!

**Gentleman:** *grins* Nicole Kidman!

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Ewan:** *pulls off his mask and takes a bow* Nat and Dom got it. *punches the Gent again* You did not.

**Elijah:** And the gentleman is Jude, then! It's also a pair! Of wankers!

**Master Van:** *grins, points at the Gent* You're next. Three guesses!

**Cillian:** Cher!

**Elijah:** *to Jude* I said it already!

**Elijah:** Pair of wankers! Always together groping in corners!

**Ewan:** You're one to talk. *sticks out his tongue at Lij*

**Elijah:** *sticks tongue out back*

**Jude:** *to Elijah* Yeah, you were right *pulls off mask and waves, going back to Ewan's side*

**Master Van:** *chuckles, standing on tiptoe to pick out his next target, grins as he spots a pair hiding* You two! *pointing to James and Vincent*

**Vincent:** meep!

**Master Van:** Stand up, both of you!

**James:** *The gilded, golden haired slave steps forward, small gems glistening in the ambient lighting.*

**Vincent:** *The smaller Ottoman slaver steps forward only slightly*

**Master Van:** Another pair, folks. Three guesses.

**Gerard:** *whispers* What's Alexis' boy's name, again?

**Romeo:** *squints, think he recognizes the blond hair* James....Marster.

**Jonny Lee:** : It's James, Sir. Is that him?

**Gerard:** The slave, I'd assume. You'd look fucking amazing together.

**Vincent:** *fidgets*

**Master Van:** Anymore guesses? There's two left!

**Jonny Lee:** : He's moving to London, Master. Both of them. Next week.

**Jude:** *shouts out* Val Kilmer!

**Gerard:** *smirks* David Boreanaz?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Vincent:** *laughs at the very idea of being big huge David*

**Master Van:** James was guessed correctly. Would the other gentleman please remove his mask?

**Vincent:** *manages to unwind his headwrap, glad it's off, aware that his hair is everywhere*

**Gerard:** *shrugs* Can't blame me for trying.

**Master Van:** Next! *points at Mercutio*

**Mercutio:** *looks at Liam then back at Romeo* What?

**Master Van:** Step forward, please, let everyone get a look at you.

**Master Van:** Three guesses, people!

**Master Van:** Anyone care to guess about this one? *gesturing at Mercutio*

**Sigourney:** *smirking* The Rock.

**Gerard:** John Leguizamo?

**Master Van:** One more guess

**Mercutio:** Nick Strokes

**Master Van:** *makes a face at Mercutio* You don't get to guess.

**Master Van:** One more guess!

**Gerard:** Pierce Brosnan?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**George:** *rolls eyes at Romeo and removes mask*

**Vincent:** *to Alexis* *after hearing Mercutio guess himself* Oh! He's the CSI guy!

**Master Van:** Next! *points at Normal*

**Normal:** *stands up*

**Master Van:** Three guesses, folks!

**George:** *whispering to Romeo* Pierce?

**Romeo:** *shrugs* can try.

**Master Van:** *doesn't hear the whisper* Three guesses!

**Romeo:** *calls* Pierce Brosnan

**Master Van:** Two guesses!

**Gerard:** *smirks at his boy* Jonny Miller!

**Master Van:** One guess!

**Dom:** *pauses to guess* Peter Wingfield!

**Master Van:** No more guessing!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Normal:** *takes off mask* Daniel Radcliffe!

**Vincent:** *does a double take*

**Mark:** Daniel!

**Mark:** *applauds*

**Alexis:** : *blinks* Goodness, I'd never have guessed!

**Daniel:** *bows*

**Master Van:** Next! *points to Reddeath*

**Red Death:** *stands slowly*

**Vincent:** Who's left?

**Master Van:** Three guesses, folks!

**Gerard:** Al Pacino.

**Master Van:** Two guesses!

**Red Death:** *snickers*

**Elijah:** Tom Hanks! *giggles*

**Master Van:** One guess!

**Liam:** *grins at Ewan* People usually guess me; it's been a running joke for years. Someday I'm gonna shave my head and go to one of these things in a wheelchair.

**Gerard:** Liam Neeson!

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Vincent:** *watches*

**Red Death:** *removes the hat, pulls the mask off* Jeff Goldblum. *performs a sweeping bow, complete with brandishing hat*

**Romeo:** Wow. I didn't know Jeff Goldblum was in the Establishment....

**George:** *nods to Romeo* Yeah, he's....nice.*flushes slightly* Oh...wow... Jeff Goldblum. well. That's interesting.

**Jeff:** *winks at Hugh, one finger to his lips in a shushing gesture*

**Alexis:** : *blinks then shakes his head* I'd forgotten I'd seen Goldblum the other night.

**Hugh:** *blushes* *mouths: yes, master*

**Master Van:** Next! *points to blue Romeo*

**Master Van:** Three guesses!

**Master Van:** Three guesses about our Romeo!

**Gerard:** Lawrence Olivier?

**Master Van:** Two guesses!

**Jude:** : Orlando Bloom!

**Romeo:** *snickers*

**Master Van:** One guess!

**Carrie-Anne:** Leo?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Gerard:** Joaquin Phoenix?

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Romeo:** *removes his mask, revealing his dyed hair* Richard Dean Anderson.

**Master Van:** Next! *points at Sid Vicious*

**Sid Vicious:** : *stands and flips everyone off, his sneer just visible beneath his mask*

**Master Van:** *grins* Three guesses!

**Jude:** : *turns* Kevin Spacey!

**Gerard:** Kevin Sorbo!

**Master Van:** One guess!

**Gerard:** Kevin Bacon?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Jude:** : *cracks up laughing*

**Gerard:** *winks at Jude*

**Sid Vicious:** : *removes the mask, revealing Leo's groggy smile*

**Ewan:** Oh, 's Leo.

**Master Van:** Next! *points at Gerard*

**Mark:** *grins and applauds Gerard*

**Gerard:** Me? *grins* *gets JL onto the seat next to him, then stands up*

**Master Van:** Three guesses!

**Alexis:** : *stops* Oh, I know this one! Gerard Butler! *smirks*

**Mark:** Liam Neeson!

**Master Van:** One guess!

**Carrie-Anne:** Michael Crawford!

**Ewan:** Jonny Lee Miller!

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Gerard:** *pull the mask off* December! Theaters! Watch me sing! *takes a bow*

**Master Van:** *chuckles*

**Mark:** *applauds and whistles*

**Master Van:** Next! *points to Jonny Lee*

**Master Van:** Three guesses!

**Ewan:** Robert Carlyle!

**Master Van:** Two more guesses!

**Rick:** *offers each an arm* Oh stop. You'll make be feel good

**Jude:** : Ewen Bremner!

**Gerard:** Ewan. *grins*

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Jonny Lee:** : *takes off mask, smirks at Ewan.* Since when do I look like Carlyle, Ew?

**Master Van:** *looks around* Did I miss anyone?

**Hugh:** *congratulates himself on blinding into the woodwork*

**Ewan:** *grins at Jonny* I already guessed you for Ger, so I figured you had to be someone else.

**Master Van:** Aha! *spots Hugh* One more, it looks like!

**Hugh:** *oops* *steps out a little* Yes, sir?

**Master Van:** Three guesses, folks!

**Jonny Lee:** : Oh, forgot, excellent McGregor logic. *settles back, tosses mask on table*

**Gerard:** Colin Firth?

**Mark:** Liam Neeson!

**Karl:** *looks up, watching Van with slave*

**Master Van:** One more guess!

**Hugh:** *mutters* Two from Love Actually. Where's one more?

**Jude:** : Mark Hammill!

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Karl:** *to Stuart* Did you have any idea who he was?

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Hugh:** *lifts the mask obediently and blushes*

**Guy:** *glances at Peter for permission, then applauds and whistles*

**Stuart:** *leaning to peer as Hugh removes his mask, blinks*

**Karl:** Holy shit. *chuckles and runs a hand back through his hair*

**Stuart:** Holy fuck.

**Master Van:** Anybody else I missed?

**Jeff:** *grins at Hugh, sitting back down finally*

**Hugh:** *when people stop looking at him, goes over to Jeff*

**Master Van:** One more! *points to Mark*

**Mark:** *blinks again* Huh?

**Gerard:** Galen Gering?

**Master Van:** Two more guesses!

**Vincent:** David Boreanez?

**Gerard:** George Cloony? Jeff Bridges?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Harry:** *laughs* They're clueless, aren't they?

**Mark:** *laughs* *unmasks* George Clooney!

**Gerard:** Hey, you got the looks for it. Or, you know, not.

**Harry:** Shite, I've been fuckin' George Clooney?

**Mark:** *snogs Harry*

**Master Van:** Next! *points at Billy*

**Mark:** *pets Billy*

**Master Van:** Three guesses!

**Gerard:** Brad Pitt?

**Master Van:** Two more guesses!

**Billy:** *blushes, standing up at Mark's urging*

**Gerard:** Tom Cruise.

**Jude:** : *puzzling* Gordy Wolvett?

**Master Van:** One more guess!

**Tobey:** Nicole Kidman

**Harry:** Brad Pitt? Do you really think I'd fuck Brad Pitt?

**Master Van:** No more guesses!

**Mark:** *laughs*

**Master Van:** Off with the mask!

**Jude:** : *laughs at Tobey*

**Mark:** *unmasks Billy*

**Gerard:** Harry, I think you'd fuck anything as long as it stood still long enough.

**Mark:** The worlds most adorable creature /ever/, Billy Crudup.

**Master Van:** *chuckles*

**Harry:** *blows a kiss at Gerard* Well, that explains you, Mr. Butler.

**Mark:** *pulls Billy onto his lap*

**Master Van:** Next! *pointing to Peter*

**Gerard:** *wisely stays silent about who Peter looks like*

**Master Van:** Three guesses!

**Peter:** Must we go through the charade? *still has hand on Guy's cock*

**Guy:** *tries not to squirm*

**Master Van:** Aw, where's your sense of fun? *smirks*

**Mark:** David Boreanaz!

**Master Van:** Two more guesses!

**Gerard:** *whispers* Peter bloody Wingfield.

**Alexis:** : *stops at Peter's words memory twigging* Peter Wingfield.

**Guy:** *blushes like mad*

**Peter:** Bloody, Gerry? That's rather nice. *takes off mask and tosses it aside* And thank you, Alexis, for not adding the adjective. *whispers to Guy* Do you want them to know?

**Guy:** *startled* If Master's willing, yes.

**Gerard:** Yes, bloody. *rolls eyes*

**Alexis:** : *chuckles* Now Peter, would I really do that?

**Peter:** Master Van, if you wish, you may de-mask him.

**Master Van:** *arches an eyebrow, then grins, stepping down off the stage* No tormenting him while people guess?

**Gerard:** *is very interested to know who Peter's new boy is, so he squirms over to get a better look*

**Peter:** I'm already tormenting him. Aren't I, boy? *to Van* Did you wish to add to his discomfort?

**Master Van:** Oh, that would be entirely up to you, Peter. *chuckles* You are, after all, his Master.

**Guy:** *still trying not to squirm, but between Peter and Van's focus it's damned difficult*

**Master Van:** Though... debating it is something of a torment, yes?

**Alexis:** : *arches a brow* *softly* Interesting, I've only known Peter through professional venues, I think I'd be damned frightened of him as a Dom.

**Gerard:** *to Alexis* he's frightening. Trust me.

**Guy:** *breathless* Please, Master...

**Peter:** Van, old friend, I knew there was a reason I liked coming here. *strokes Guy's cock*

**Master Van:** *chuckles* If you feel he's been tormented enough.... *letting the words trail off and reaching for Guy's mask, but not yet removing it, waiting for Peter's okay*

**Peter:** Please what, boy? *nods to Van to take off mask* Tell them who you are.

**Gerard:** *leans forward*

**Guy:** *voice breaking just a little* Guy Pearce, Sir.

**Master Van:** *removes the mask with a bit of a flourish*

**Guy:** *pressing back into Peter, biting his lip*

**Peter:** That's my good boy. *whispers* Now, Master will take you to the room and give you your reward.

**Guy:** Oh, Christ, Master your boy is very grateful.

**Master Van:** *chuckles* Well earned, no doubt. *hands over the mask, turns to survey the crowd to make sure he hasn't missed anyone*

**Master Van:** *sighs happily, rubbing his hands together* Lovely. Ladies and gentlemen, I bid you good night. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

**Mark:** *applauds Van*

**Lin:** *applauds as well*

**Gerard:** *applauds*

**Vincent:** *claps for Van*

**Christian:** *bends over a little* Better, yeah...

**Master Van:** *bows, grinning, and sweeps out of the room, snagging a server along the way to drag with him for his own fun*

**Alexis:** : *stifles a yawn* *to Gerry* I'm going to take my boys off to bed. If I don't see you tomorrow, I'll be certain to catch up with when we get home to London *grins*

**Gerard:** Ta, Alexis. *grins*

**Jonny Lee:** : Master, may we go now? Your boy wants to apologize properly.

**Gerard:** Good idea. *kisses JL's head* Think we can get back to the cabana before I molest you?

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32040.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	118. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Sunday, April 18

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/18/) 13:19:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19564&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19564) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19564) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19564&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  confused and sore  
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Sunday, April 18****_  
 **[locked to himself and gerard]**  
  
Master, your boy was in bed when Master woke up, like he's supposed to be, but he got up earlier and went running, flat out and hard through the rainforest. He knows he's not supposed to do that, leave the running till later, but he needed to clear his head.  
  
  
Last night's masque was unnerving. Not so much for Ms. Moss, although that was a unique moment. This boy doesn't play with girls, hasn't since Ang. And even when he was playing with them, he was awkward and backwards about it. Last time he thinks he managed well with a bird was when he was 17 and that was mostly trying to impress his mates. Mostly girls scare him to the point of being too nervous to talk or else he's bouncing through the whole conversation.  
  
  
  
Your boy didn't have the chance Saturday with Master going off with friends and getting ready for the masque to explain a lot of what happened in our out-of-role night. Your boy doesn't like those. Or rather, your boy doesn't like being left on his own during them.  
  
  
  
This boy is still trying to wrap his brain around everything that happened Friday night. There was sex. But that's bound to happen when Stuart and James end up in the same room with your boy. No, your boy didn't top anyone, and he was very conscious of letting others lead the way down that path of sin.  
  
Speaking of which, there's a new church your boy's a bishop in. Church Jude or Church Ewan. Your boy never got the name quite straight. But it involves worshipping Ewan's cock, and since your boy's done that on numerous occasions, he was committed into the faithful. Master ought to try it once. And that's where Friday night got really confusing.  
  
Jude fucked your boy.  
  
Even when your boy types it hours later, he's still puzzling over it. In the 16 years your boy has been friends with Jude, he's never been fucked by him. There's been the mutual handjobs and occasional blows over the years. And your boy _thinks_ he might've fucked Jude once, maybe twice, but they'd both have been in inebriated hazes more than likely 'cause neither of us were much on admitting to the other we weren't completely straight till pretty recently.  
  
It was always more like shagging by Ewan proxy. Your boy did Ewan, Ewan did Jude and by the logic only three blokes six sheets to the wind in the pub could come up with, Jonny'd managed to do Jude. It's just weird. Your boy assumed he'd go his whole life and never be fucked by his oldest friend.  
  
  
  
Coming down Friday night was strange, too, Master. Your boy ended up sitting on the sand, drinking Guinness and leaning his head against the nearest knee. The knee, rather nice and not too bony, belonged to Mr. Neeson, who had Ms. Moss curled up on his lap, except for the times when she was bouncing off to greet the late arrivals, Mr. Wood and Mr. Monaghan. Interesting couple, that.  
  
  
  
Ms. Moss has always petrified your boy when he's seen her at the bar. Between the masque experience and Friday night, your boy's getting less scared of Ms. Moss. She runs, too, Master, through Hyde Park, but it's earlier than your boy's allowed out of the house.  
  
Mr. Neeson, however, made your boy feel very comfortable, very secure and a good bit aroused, despite the fact your boy'd come twice in an hour. It seems, if your boy recalls correctly, that your boy owes Mr. Neeson some sort of makeup sex or something. He definitely owes him a thank-you for seeing your boy.  
  
Your boy's written all this out and Master's still sleeping. Master had a good time at the masque, his boy thinks, in spite of running into Mr. Wingfield. Your boy knows Master would not have sent him over to Mr. Wingfield if Master had known who it was, but your boy must admit a certain desire to show off where Mr. Wingfield is involved. Your boy was a bit taken with Mr. Wingfield's boy. He's rather attractive, and very attentive and seems to be a very good boy.  
  
  
Your boy apologizes again for making Master angry with his rather snarky comments. He was distracted and not in the proper mindset to be a good boy. He knows punishment is Master's decision to give or not, so your boy humbly presents himself for whatever Master chooses. It's funny, Master, in that your boy is slowly coming to understand something Mr. Urban said to him in the journals once about being punished and then letting it go.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19564.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-18 10:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19564.html?thread=36204&format=light#t36204))   
---|---  
_He knows he's not supposed to do that, leave the running till later, but he needed to clear his head._  
  
That's fine. I had a feeling you'd need some time to yourself. Had I been thinking last night with my head instead of my cock, I would have realized that running would be a good idea and given you permission. I know you find it catharitic.  
  
  
  
  
 _This boy doesn't play with girls,_  
  
Is this something set? Should I add "no girls" to your checklist? Your master will admit to fantasies in which his boy kisses, licks, and fucks a girl. Should I shelve it under "Teak's gay"?  
  
  
  
 _Your boy doesn't like those. Or rather, your boy doesn't like being left on his own during them._  
  
You know...or maybe you don't. I was worried for a while that you might find only one night out of role too little and you'd need a set time every day to yourself. I'm very happy to learn that you don't. Next time I'm not going to be able to be with you Friday nights, would you rather stay home? Be in role? Something else that I'm too quasi-hungover to think of?  
  
  
  
 _No, your boy didn't top anyone, and he was very conscious of letting others lead the way down that path of sin._  
  
Good boy.  
  
  
  
  
 _Speaking of which, there's a new church your boy's a bishop in. Church Jude or Church Ewan. Your boy never got the name quite straight. But it involves worshipping Ewan's cock, and since your boy's done that on numerous occasions, he was committed into the faithful._  
  
...A new church. Devoted to blowing Ewan.  
I wonder what the membership dues are.  
  
  
  
  
 _Master ought to try it once._  
  
Master might. But there's no way he's kneeling to Ewan, so it's up to my boy to figure out the schmantics.  
  
  
  
  
 _Jude fucked your boy._  
  
Congratulations.  
  
  
  
  
 _Ms. Moss has always petrified your boy when he's seen her at the bar._  
  
...I didn't know that. Why? Because she's a Domme, because she's a woman, or because she's sexy?  
  
  
  
  
 _She runs, too, Master, through Hyde Park, but it's earlier than your boy's allowed out of the house._  
  
If you can arrange to go running with her, tell me about it, and you can have permission to not wake up next to me.  
  
  
  
  
 _Mr. Neeson, however, made your boy feel very comfortable, very secure and a good bit aroused, despite the fact your boy'd come twice in an hour. It seems, if your boy recalls correctly, that your boy owes Mr. Neeson some sort of makeup sex or something. He definitely owes him a thank-you for seeing your boy._  
  
Makeup sex is fine. I assume that means a bit of domination.  
Thank him for me also. Anyone who can make my boy feel comfortable is a good man.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Your boy knows Master would not have sent him over to Mr. Wingfield if Master had known who it was, but your boy must admit a certain desire to show off where Mr. Wingfield is involved._  
  
Show off? You want to show off? _Why?_ To prove how good a sub you are, how good a dom I am, or that ~~you~~ I have ~~me~~ you and he doesn't?  
  
  
  
  
 _Your boy was a bit taken with Mr. Wingfield's boy. He's rather attractive, and very attentive and seems to be a very good boy._  
  
  
First you want to show off to Peter and now you want to arrange to shag his boy?  
  
  
  
  
 _Your boy apologizes again for making Master angry with his rather snarky comments._  
  
Well, your master was being snarky enough for the both of us. My boy can't be faulted for following his lead. Your master just wasn't ready for that sort of snarkiness from his boy. In the cold (well, warm) light of morning, he thinks he may have overreacted. Peter was watching and I felt almost pressured to punish you. Which isn't an excuse, dammit.  
  
  
  
  
 _He knows punishment is Master's decision to give or not, so your boy humbly presents himself for whatever Master chooses._  
  
  
What is it my boy thinks he did wrong? In order, so I can think up a suitable punishment. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19564.html?replyto=36204&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	119. jonnyleemiller: [birthday present for sean_bean]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/18/) 21:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19860&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19860) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19860) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=19860&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[birthday present for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) ]**  
 **[packet delivered via Est couriers]**

_personal handwritten note_

> This boy did some searching and found out Sir has a very important birthday this weekend. This boy has been reluctant to say much of anything to Sir over the past few weeks, since leaving LA, both in where this boy's mind has been since that time and from the bits of public journaling he has seen. However he could not let Sir's birthday pass without a gift.  
>  It's not much, just something this boy thought Sir would enjoy trapped in LA. The jersey's 'cause he knows Sir's got a bit messed up.  
>  Happy birthday, Sir.  
>  ~ Jonny Lee

[enclosed in the package is a certificate explaining [Sean's yearlong membership to Blades World](http://www.sufc.premiumtv.co.uk/page/WorldKickOff/0,,10418,00.html) with complete coverage of all the games and extra features, along with [a new 1970s era vintage jersery](http://www.toffs.com/stock/1330LG.gif)]

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/19860.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	120. jonnyleemiller: [delivered to ewan_mcgregor's house]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/18/) 22:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20213&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20213) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20213) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20213&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[delivered to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)**_[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)'s house]  
When they return from St. Denis, Ewan and Jude find a package waiting, delivered by Est couriers, of course ...

_handwritten note_

> All right, so it's late. Sue me. But you got your birthday spanking on time. Anyhow, this had to be custom-made and there was a backlog for some U.S. biker convention, so live with it. Hope you and Jude enjoy ... next birthday, Jude gets his own bike, and we can all go riding.  
>  ~Jonny Lee
> 
> [enclosed are two pairs of [Oakley sunglasses](http://www.ducati.com/images/shop/dbimages/2533.gif) and [two matching Double Diamond bike jackets](http://www.classicjackets.com/images/cmj-dd03a.jpg)]

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20213.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	121. gerard: Slice of Heaven

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/19/) 00:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30374&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30374) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30374) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30374&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Amazed  
---|---  
  
_**Slice of Heaven**_  
[public]  
  
  
Only in the Establishment will the luggage boy be lubed and ready for your pleasure, the grill tenders wearing nothing but hairnets and cockcages, and you can grope a complete stranger and they'll ask for more.  
  
  
In the past three days, I've gotten the urge far too many times to lean over and ask my adorable boy to pinch me. Of course, I haven't. Maybe I should get Jonny Lee out of the handcuffs and tell him to grab me where it counts and squeeze. And then make it up to me with a nice long blowjob.  
  
  
Yes, that sounds like a plan.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30374.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	122. gerard: Warning: Introspective Scotsman Ahead

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/20/) 00:58:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30620&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30620) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30620) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30620&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Warning: Introspective Scotsman Ahead** _  
[Establishment members only]

Tonight at the bar we somehow got to talking about dominating and safewords and punishment before we went back to the important things, like torturing Stuart and getting blowjobs. I think YKIOK is the best invention since double-locking handcuffs, but there are certain things I just can't get my mind around. Doms who punish on a whim is one of them.

Let me define my terms from the very beginning. Pain is good. If I'm in a mood and my boy's in a mood, I might tie him up and beat him until he screams. That's pain. It's the whole basis of the sadomasochistic relationship, in my eyes: the free giving and receiving of pain. But then you add in the dominance and submission bit and there it gets tricky. If Teak steps out of line and disobeys an order, or does something spectacularly wrong, it is my duty and responsibility as his dominant to punish him. I'm not going to lie and say it hurts me more than it hurts him, but I don't think I've ever enjoyed punishing him. Usually punishing him that punishes myself also, which is good. A boy only fucks up because his master fucks up.

But the punishment must fit the crime. If Teak is chained to the bed (bondage) and I'm calling him my boy (dominance) while working his thighs over with a slapper (sadism) and he's enjoying it (masochism) and he calls me by my nickname, I have every right not to let him come. I have every right to make him sleep on the floor. I have every right to stop beating him and ignore his begging.

I _don't_ have the right to string him up by his toes and leave him hanging in the playroom while I call up my friends and have them come and laugh at my boy.

I'm not going to quote Spiderman at you. I'm not going to say that with great power comes great responsibility. I'm going to say that he's my boy and I love him and since I'm his master and we both want to be where we are, I have a responsibility to punish him when he fucks up. In fact, it's something I have to do. Otherwise, he'll come to think that the behavior is ok when it really isn't. I know my boy better, but other boys, SAMier boys, would take a lax master as permission to extend that inch into a mile, and soon the master is left with no authority and the submissive has long lost any respect he's had for him. Punishment is necessary.

However, I see no reason for it to be arbitrary. If I'm in the mood to beat my boy, I beat him. That's what he's there for. If he's in the mood to be beaten, I beat him. That's what _I'm_ there for. If I want to beat him, there is absolutely no need for me to go over to him and tell him that he fucked up when he really did no such thing. Why should I nitpick his day, decide that such and such behaviour was not up to par when in actuality I couldn't be happier with his performance, just so I can hurt him? I'm not here to confuse my boy. If some thing is fine one day and not fine the next, how is my boy to learn how to please me?

Submissives, no matter what a dominant might say during a humiliation scene, are not stupid. They learn from their mistakes. And that's what punishment, in my opinion, is supposed to be. He fucks up - I correct it - I reinforce the lesson with punishment - he doesn't do it again. While punishment isn't meant to be enjoyed, my boy shouldn't live in fear of what I'll find wrong tomorrow. He shouldn't have to be scared of punishment. Avoid it, yes. But be scared enough that it turns his stomach? How the _fuck_ is that sort of lifestyle consensual?

For all that we talk about slaves and for all that some submissives give up their rights completely to their masters, _they are not slaves_. Extreme submissives aren't born. Over time with their dominant, they decide to cede control, sometimes to an extent that I personally do not think I could ever go. I don't trust myself that much. But even without any rights, those slaves can still walk out. They can, or, at least, I assume, break scene if necessary and discuss what's going on with their masters. If some thing is wrong, it can be corrected. A slave does not have to enjoy everything his master does to him, but he shouldn't lead a miserable existence. He can exist for his master's pleasure, but attending to that pleasure shouldn't be a chore. Establishment slaves are slaves because they choose to be, not because an accident of fate made them so.

If punishment gets too much for Teak, he can safeword out of it, and I hope that he would. Because, when you boil down to it, this is all just a game. Masters, slaves, kneeling, it's all a game. At the root of it you have people, consenting adults, who voluntarily choose to follow this sort of lifestyle, no matter if they're 24/7 or just in the bedroom. People with varying needs and desires, yes, but at the heart of it, we're all equals. I have no right to make Jonny Lee's existence hell just so I can feel better about my own inadequacies.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[Locked to Gerard]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[ **lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-04-20 02:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55452&format=light#t55452))   
---|---  
Hey, Ger! Bear with me a minute--I'm still rubbing sleep out of my eyes, and now I'm sorry I didn't stop by the bar last night after all. What happened? Where's all this coming from? 'Cause damn, no, 'course slaves can leave, or -- and who would want to make their slave feel like that? like they can't ever know what's expected of them, or what the rules are, or what's going to lead to punishment? Christ. Y'know I snuck out of bed so early this morning Billy's not even up yet (and I might sneak back in before he wakes up), and I can see back into the bedroom from here and see him and Harry all tangled around each other, and I remember I came home one day after I'd had a shit day and Billy was so there, just _right there_ and I could let the whole thing out on him and no way in fuck would I have wanted him to think I was _punishing_ him for something. Would have undermined everything we're doing, and it wouldn't have made me feel better. How would it make me feel better to tell my boy he's fucked up, _especially_ if he hasn't? 'Cause then not only am I punishing him, which sucks, but I'm _lying_ to him.  
  
Ah, I'm not awake enough to talk about this kinda thing in an open post, even just open to Est members 'cause I'll say something the wrong way and sound like I'm being a prick about how other people handle their subs or slaves, but you know, Billy doesn't have a safeword except for one circumstance, but that just makes it more important that Harry and I pay the fuck attention so we don't go too far, don't make him feel like he's done something wrong when he hasn't, don't screw up the communication between us--  
  
I'm probably not even making sense. Listen, give Jonny Lee a hug for me, and tell him to do the same. You've gotta come back to LA and visit soon, yeah? We start filming when we're back in town so it might be a little while before we can get to London, but don't wanna let it go too long.  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=55452&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55452&format=light#t55452))  
  
|  **[Locked to Mark]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-20 09:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55964&format=light#t55964))   
---|---  
_What happened? Where's all this coming from?_  
  
I think it had nothing to do with anything but that everyone has had an exhaustingly fun time so far and such topics inevitably come up. But there are some things you just don't say to a person's face. One of them is that you think the sort of lifestyle he's describing is the worst sort of abuse, and is not nor will it ever be d/s.  
  
  
  
 _'Cause damn, no, 'course slaves can leave, or -- and who would want to make their slave feel like that? like they can't ever know what's expected of them, or what the rules are, or what's going to lead to punishment?_  
  
Exactly. I can see the appeal of keeping your boy on his toes, but it's just mindboggling that someone would do that to someone who's placed his trust in him.  
  
  
  
What you and Harry have with Billy is amazing. I think it's a wonderful sign of the trust he has in you, and the trust you have in yourselves, that you can play without a safeword. For me, a safeword isn't just his way out, it's his last line of defense if I get too far into it to realize that he's no longer enjoying what I'm doing to him. _Cacophany_ will sink through the worst haze. Thank god I haven't sunk ever with Teak, but I don't want to take chances with my boy's safety.  
  
  
  
  
 _You've gotta come back to LA and visit soon, yeah?_  
  
We just imposed for two months and now you want to see us _again_? Dammit, Mark, you need some hobbies - Oh, I get it. It's Teak you want. You want to see him bent over your kitchen table while you spank him and beat him and listen to him scream.  
  
What's that you say? You can do that with your boy or your lover whenever it strikes your fancy?  
  
Oh. Fine, then. I'll just take my boy and love him. ;)  
  
  
  
 _We start filming when we're back in town so it might be a little while before we can get to London, but don't wanna let it go too long._  
  
Convince Harry that he really wants to shoot in the Highlands. I'll come up and be your translator. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=55964&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55452&format=light#t55452))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-04-20 03:17 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55708&format=light#t55708))   
---|---  
I kept myself out of last night's conversation, because I didn't think I'd be able to bring anything to the discussion except nodding and head shaking. And once again, I'm not sure I can really give an eloquent response to this, nor a response born of experience, since I have none in this area of the lifestyle. But I do have to say that I agree with everything you've said here. Anyone who hurts their partner arbitrarily, whether they're master and slave, or in a vanilla relationship...I don't consider that to be a kink. That's abuse, both physical and psychological. There's a difference between hurting your partner for punishment, and hurting your partner for pleasure that you alone experience, and it takes a good master to know which is which.  
  
Anyway, all this is to say that I think you made some extremely good points, and I think Jonny Lee is very lucky to have you as his master, although I'm sure he knows that already. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=55708&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55708&format=light#t55708))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-21 08:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56476&format=light#t56476))   
---|---  
I've always been careful about calling something abuse, but I think you're right. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to go around and tell a random master that he's an abuser, because I won't know all the circumstances behind the front they put up in public.  
  
  
And I know that I'm lucky to have him. :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=56476&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=55708&format=light#t55708))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56476&format=light#t56476))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-04-21 06:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=57244&format=light#t57244))   
---|---  
Er, yes. This is why I stayed out of the conversation in the first place, because I knew I'd end up saying something the wrong way. I wouldn't call it abuse to anyone else - what I mean is, I wouldn't tell someone else that they were being abusive. But if I was the one being treated this way by my master, I'd probably consider it abusive.  
  
You certainly are lucky to have him. I don't know if there are many people out there who could learn to put up with you. ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=57244&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56476&format=light#t56476))  
  
|  **[Locked to Gerry, Jonny Lee, James, and Vincent]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/profile)[ **alexis**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/alexis/)  
2004-04-20 10:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56220&format=light#t56220))   
---|---  
Absolutely wonderful thoughts, Gerry. I've really found myself nodding my head in agreement through the entirety of your post. I am hoping you do not mind my commenting on this in my usual verbose (read: longwinded) fashion.  
  
 _but there are certain things I just can't get my mind around. Doms who punish on a whim is one of them._  
  
I most wholeheartedly agree with this. I've never quite understood the need to fabricate 'infractions' simply so one may mete out punishment under a thin veil of excuse, rather than treating the situation honestly.  
  
 _But then you add in the dominance and submission bit and there it gets tricky._  
  
Again, agreed. I have found this to be exceptionally tricky. It can be a very fine line to ride. It's certainly something I must be continually aware of, because there is such a delicate balance in the relationship between James and I. He is, obviously, extremely submissive, but at the same time he is most decidedly _not_ a masochist. He enjoys some pain, yes, but he's much more of a sensualist bent, all told. I'm both a dominant _and_ a sadist. As much as I would love to mark his lovely skin with a singletail, I highly doubt that will ever be something he would be ready for.  
  
At the same time, there is a part of me that fears that he _would_ agree to a singletailing, and any other amount of severe pain I wished to inflict, simply to please _me_ , regardless of his own enjoyment of such an activity. It most certainly gives one pause.  
  
I have no doubt he would give up every one of his limits to me, and I find myself _not_ wanting that from him.  
  
 _A boy only fucks up because his master fucks up._  
  
An interesting statement. At the same time though, I find myself in the peculiar situation of having a boy who is . . . well, really rather phenomenally amazing. That's not something I cannot take any sort of credit for. His extreme submission, his near-perfect obedience comes somewhere from deep inside of himself, and I must shamefully admit, I'm not entirely certain what fuels it entirely. I'm not entirely certain he's aware of what fuels it.  
  
In truth, I really can only remember a very _few_ occasions when James has ever displeased me, and those occasions were before his collaring, in fact, before he even fully understood the dynamics of a D/s relationship.  
  
 _I'm not here to confuse my boy. If some thing is fine one day and not fine the next, how is my boy to learn how to please me?_  
  
I really can't have put this better myself. I really rather don't care to have a boy who's afraid of my every reaction, or afraid that I may find fault at the most inane, manufactured, arbitrary infractions. I want a boy who is confident, happy, and secure in the life that he is leading. I suppose, simply put, the one thing I would never wish to see is James' spirit broken, as that's precisely what I'd fallen in love with to begin with.  
  
Exceptionally wonderful post.  
  
~Alexis 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=56220&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56220&format=light#t56220))  
  
|  **Re: [Locked to Gerry, Jonny Lee, James, and Vincent]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-21 04:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56988&format=light#t56988))   
---|---  
_I am hoping you do not mind my commenting on this in my usual verbose (read: longwinded) fashion._  
  
Of course not. I want people's opinions. That's why I posted this.  
  
  
  
  
 _I've never quite understood the need to fabricate 'infractions' simply so one may mete out punishment under a thin veil of excuse, rather than treating the situation honestly._  
  
I can answer this somewhat. Jonny Lee and I have done some scenes in which humiliation played a large role. I would deride him, bring him down, tell him he was horrible at giving blowjobs and should be sold back onto the streets. In the course of the scene, I've always considered those things "talking dirty" and nothing harmful. He always knew I didn't _mean_ it.  
  
  
  
  
 _At the same time, there is a part of me that fears that he would agree to a singletailing, and any other amount of severe pain I wished to inflict, simply to please me, regardless of his own enjoyment of such an activity. It most certainly gives one pause._  
  
It does. I've often wondered how far Teak _would_ let me go, or agree to just because he thought I wanted it. It's why I've always hated that pat answer "whatever you want, master". When I ask him a question of what he likes, I want him to tell me, not give me carte blanche.  
  
  
  
  
 _I really rather don't care to have a boy who's afraid of my every reaction, or afraid that I may find fault at the most inane, manufactured, arbitrary infractions. I want a boy who is confident, happy, and secure in the life that he is leading. I suppose, simply put, the one thing I would never wish to see is James' spirit broken, as that's precisely what I'd fallen in love with to begin with._  
  
Exactly. I want a boy who loves me, not fears me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=56988&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=56220&format=light#t56220))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hugh/profile)[**hugh**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hugh/)  
2004-04-22 12:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?thread=57500&format=light#t57500))   
---|---  
Mr. Butler, sir, slave hopes sir doesn't mind slave posting his thoughts on this matter. slave thinks that Mr. Butler has forgotten to look at the issue from the slave's perspective. As a dominant, Mr. Butler is completely in charge of the scene, but since Mr. Butler is not a submissive, slave thinks that He doesn't quite understand how it feels to let go. When slave is with his master, only master matters. slave is with Master for _Master's_ pleasure, not slave's. That slave gets pleasure from pleasing Master is immaterial. slave lives to serve, and so serving is his life.  
  
And if Master comes home one day and He's had a bad day, He's going to find things wrong with slave's performance that He normally would not. Master might say that dinner was too hot, or too cold, or he wanted roast beef instead of turkey, and it will only be an excuse to chain slave up on the wall and hurt him. Mr. Butler seems to think that this is wrong. Sir says that telling a slave he fucked up when he really didn't and then punishing him even though he's done it right is detrimental. slave doesn't think so. If Master is in a mood, slave knows it. he's prepared to have Master be angry and to decide that slave should have been wearing leather when he greeted Him at the door instead of being naked as per standing orders. slave understands that Master doesn't want slave to permanently change his behaviour; He's merely justifying the giving of pain as "Hugh deserved it" instead of rightly being "I'm in a bad mood and I want to beat him." slave doesn't see what's wrong with Master thinking that it was slave's fault for as long as it takes for slave to charm Master out of his mood. slave knows what he did was fine.  
  
  
slave apologizes if he spoke out of turn. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30620.html?replyto=57500&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	123. gerard: Getting To Know You...

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/21/) 02:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31638&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31638) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31638) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31638&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Getting To Know You...** _  
[players only. On the way back from the Island, Ger and JL play twenty questions. Takes place the night of April 21st.]

  
The pilot has just announced that they've reached cruising altitude and Gerard unbuckles his seatbelt. They're on an Establishment plane with a few other guests who were late to leave and there's a good deal of space between Gerard and the seat in front of him, so he stretches out his legs and turns to grin at his boy. It's going to be a long flight and Gerard has a good idea of how to pass the time. "Want to play a game?"

"Sure, Master," Jonny Lee says, settling himself into the seat, scrunching up and crossing his legs, nestling the GBA bag in his lap and pulling the headphones on, leaving them hanging around his neck. He's not even being cautious about asking. "What'd you have in mind?"

The last time he and Teak played a game on an airplane, Jonny Lee joined the mile high club. Gerard's idea is much different. "Twenty questions. No lies. No evasions. I ask, then you ask, then I ask, then you ask, until we run out of things we want to know about each other. Want?"

"Uh, sure," he says, just a bit hesitant. "No limits? Any questions?"

"Any questions," Gerard confirms. "Anything you want to know, I have to tell you, and vice versa."

"Okay. Sure." He leans back against the headrest, turns his face toward Gerard. "Wanna start? Or me?"

"I'll start." Best to start with an easy one. "What's your favourite colour?"

"Black and blue," he spits out. "No, wait. Mottled purple." He smiles until he sees Gerard roll his eyes. "That's not you meant, right?"

"To wear as clothes, not bruises," Gerard corrects.

"Oh, then probably black. Your boy looks very good in black."

They're both wearing black right now, and, damn, is his boy right. Black Nike's, black pants, black shirt, and a nice black and blue mark on his neck. Gerard gives him his best leer. "So you do. Your question."

Jonny Lee manages not to blush. He's better about that some days than others. "Okay, your boy knows you don't drink, and don't want to," he says after a minute, "but if you did drink, what'd be your favorite drink? And why?" He pauses. "That's not two questions, Master. Just a two-part one."

Favorite drink. It makes Gerard think. "They say people's tastes change over time," he says slowly. "But I've always liked Guinness. Don't see how that would change. As for why I liked it," Gerard shrugs. "Everything else just tasted wrong. Guinness tasted right." Enough with the easy ones. Let's make Jonny Lee squirm. Gerard leans in close. "What's your favourite position for sex?"

He squirms, just a smudge, then licks his lips. "Favorite position? That one's easy, Master." He looks into Gerard's eyes and speaks slowly. "On my knees, face pressed to the floor, hands cuffed behind my back, and your cock so far up my arse I can't breathe." He leans in, breathes out his question in a quick kiss. "What's your favorite place for sex, Pire?"

It's a good thing Jonny Lee isn't asking what he likes, because Gerard would flip him over right then and there. On his knees, face pressed to the floor, hands cuffed behind his back, and Gerard's cock so far up his arse neither of them can breathe. "Bed," he breathes, and kisses Jonny Lee lightly. "Definitely a bed. But I won't say no to a nice bit of floor. Yours?"

"Hmm," Jonny Lee purrs, half in thought and half in wanting more of the kisses. "Couch. Has to be. Can lie down or sit up. And usually couch sex is off the cuff." He runs his hand down Gerard's black silk shirt. Always so nice looking, even for a flight. "Okay, my turn. What's your favorite piece of clothing?"

Gerard catches Jonny Lee's hand and brings it to his lips. He kisses each of the fingers in turn, then presses a kiss into the palm. "My leather jacket. Always sexy, always in style, and it seems to have a good effect on certain people." Gerard gives said certain person's wrist a kiss, then lets it drop. "Which do you prefer - being fucked or giving blowjobs?"

That one's like a no-brainer, but Jonny Lee's not thinking past his fingers being kissed. "Yeah, great effect. Where'd you get it?" He collects himself. "And your boy prefers sucking to being fucked. Love the service bent of that, plus just developed a taste for cock."

"My boy's a bit of a slut, isn't he?" Gerard grins as he says it, then answers Jonny Lee's question. "Bought it with the money I made on Tomorrow Never Dies. Little bastard used up all the money, but it was worth it. But that doesn't count as your question."

"Didn't think it would." He shrugs back into the seat, thinks for a minute. "Fucking or beating me? Which do you like more?"

"Fucking." Immediate answer. "With beating, there's something between us, even though it's my hand wielding the whip. Fucking, it's just my cock in your tight arse." Even if there's a condom, which Gerard has gotten much more lax about these days. "Have you ever felched?"

Jonny Lee blushes. "Not that I remember," he says quickly, then slowly adds. "Uh, Master, your boy doesn't even know what that means." He's not sure he should admit it, but he does, with a shrug.

Gerard grins. "Felching. I come in your arse and then lick it out." The grin turns into a smirk at Jonny Lee's reaction.

It's not exactly a grimace that spread over Jonny Lee's face. More puzzlement. "No, definitely, never done that, Sir. Not sure it's even on that list your boy made," he says. "On that, though, what's one hard limit of mine you'd like to erase?"

Normally Gerard doesn't let himself think abut the what-ifs. What if Jonny Lee liked this, or if Jonny Lee liked that. He likes his boy the way it is. But with the question posed to him, he has to answer. "Animal roles. Cages." No, Jonny Lee said _one_. "Cages, then." It's something he thinks that there's actually the slightest chance of him training Jonny Lee to like. He's all but put animal roles down as a lost cause. "Put you where I want you and keep you displayed for my own personal pleasure. The things I could do to you..." Gerard trails off, shakes his head. "What's the one thing you want me to do to you, but don't have the balls to ask for?"

Jonny Lee winces, and he's not sure which brings the stronger reaction, animal roles or cages. He doesn't like either, but thinks he could do it, for his Master. He doesn't want to answer the next question, though. He starts to beg off, but remembers Pire's admonishment at the beginning about no evasions. He takes a deep breath and blurts it out, all in one run-on sentence. "Let me zone completely for you, take me into slavespace, just for a time, and then give you carte blanche to do with my body what you want." He breathes again, and watches Gerard's jaw drop, as if he's going to say something but doesn't. "But I won't ask," Jonny Lee adds quickly. "Ever."

"Thank god," Gerard says before he can think about it. There's nothing _wrong_ with Jonny Lee's fantasy, he reminds himself absently. He's perfectly allowed to want whatever it is he wants. But to want that...Gerard had no idea. No idea that Teak wanted it. But he's very certain that it's not safe. Not safe at all. Because if Jonny Lee goes that far down, Gerard's going to follow. He's going to get deep into domspace and it's been too long since he felt comfortable there. "Your question," he says softly.

Jonny Lee senses he's gone somewhere he should've gone. He knows he should ask a lighthearted question, get it back on laughable terms, but there's something he's wanted to know since last November, when he got the phone call. "Why'd you call from Prague and offer to come back?" he asks just as softly. "Your," he stops himself, "I wasn't expecting you to ever come back."

"Because I realized I wanted you enough to change myself in order to be with you." There's no other reason for it, none he can think of. He decided that there was nothing in life he wanted more than he wanted his boy, and he would do anything to get him back. "Why didn't you go after me?" he says softly. Even softer, "I wanted you to."

"And at the time you left, your boy had no arguments to convince you not to walk out." Jonny Lee doesn't like thinking on it, how he rebounded into Angie's arms and others'. "Your boy wasn't your _boy_. He wasn't even much of a boyfriend, much less perfect. Hell, he didn't know what he wanted." He smiles, a cocked half-grin. "Mostly, Pire, your boy was stupid, and he didn't come after you."

"My boy didn't need any arguments," Gerard answers quietly. "It would have been enough just to have told me you wanted me. I thought that it was just an arrangement of convenience by then and the convenience and novelty had long since worn off."

Convenience. Novelty. That's what they'd been to each other at first. "Yeah, he could've said something." Jonny Lee toes out of his Nikes, pushing them to the floor. "Pire, we've really talked about this, but would you want your boy to top you? For us to switch?"

Yes. No. It's something Gerard's been thinking about even since before Teak managed to stumble over Peter in the bar. He's been wanting to sub again, this time to someone he loves, but the only man he both loves and trusts to this sort of thing is also his boy. And Gerard's not sure what his boy would think of him after dominating him. Gerard knows very well what he's like when he goes down and it's nowhere near pretty. "I don't know," he answers honestly. "I definitely wouldn't want it to happen more than rarely, but I'm not sure if I want it even then." Gerard's shoes drop down next to Jonny Lee's on the floor. "What about you? Do you want to top me?"

"No," he answers hesitantly. Gerard looks at him, cocks his head, as if waiting for the _rest_ of the answer. "I don't want to top you, but I'd be curious to see it done."

He's blushing by the time he finishes, and almost doesn't hear Gerard's follow-up. "So you want someone else to top me and you watch?"

The blush just intensifies. "Is that perverted?"

"No, not perverted," Gerard laughs. "You're just a voyeur." He ruffles Jonny Lee's hair. "Welcome to the club. There are many many worse things in life."

"Thanks, Master," Jonny Lee says, leaning into the touch, then settling his head on Gerard's shoulder, pushing up the armrest between the seats so he can get closer. "So, what's the next question? Mine or yours?"

Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's waist and holds him close. "Mine." He thinks for a moment. "If you could have anyone in the world fuck you, who would it be, and why?"

"Other than you? Well, yeah, duh, other than you. That's just silly, Miller. Before this weekend, your boy might've said Jude. Not sure. Hadn't given that one much thought one way or the other. There's Pertwee. Always been curious about that one. But you probably mean someone this boy doesn't know. Right? Sure. Course if your boy doesn't know 'em, how can he know he wants to fuck 'em?"

Gerard stops Jonny Lee's sudden venture into rambling with a finger to the boy's lips. Teak's never been cuter, but Gerard wants an answer. "Does my boy ever fantasize about strangers? Movie stars, public figures, random people on the street? The boy in tight white shorts who works at the coffee house? Surely there's someone."

Jonny Lee realizes he'd been rambling and laughs quietly under Gerard's finger. "Yes, Master," he says softly. "The guy that waits on us at Khew is kinda hot, and your boy developed this strange crush on Gary Sinise when he saw _The Stand._ He's sexy in a warped sort of way. Think he's Establishment?"

"He probably is." Gerard grins. "If he is, want to share him? I've always wondered what he would look like on his knees, licking my boots."

"You really think he's the boot-licker type, Master?" Jonny Lee says, pulling his feet up onto the seat cushion. "But, sure, if you find him, your boy's interested. You know, Master, this is a fun game."

"I think he'd look good as a boot-licker," Gerard clarifies. "If he actually is one is just icing." He leans down and kisses Jonny Lee. "I'm glad you're having fun. And it's your turn."

"Playing on fantasies," Jonny Lee says as the kiss ends too quickly, "who'd you most like to watch me play with?"

Gerard blushes. One name immediately comes to mind, and he damns himself for making it a rule that you can't lie. He isn't at all sure how Jonny Lee is going to take this, but, fuck, he has a right to know. He has a right to know who Gerard's voyeuristic fantasies pair him up with time after time after time. "Peter." Gerard answers, looking away. "Peter Wingfield."

The answer doesn't surprise Jonny Lee as much as Gerard might think. Especially not when he's having the same exact thought, in reverse even. "Pire," he says, curling himself up onto his lover's lap, "it's cool. Doesn't shock your boy at all."

"It doesn't?" Is he that transparent? "Then who's yours?"

"Would it be all right for your boy to have the same answer?" Jonny Lee doesn't look up. "If that's okay, then he'd be curious to see Master with Mr. Wingfield as well."

Gerard laughs. "I wonder what Peter would think." No, that's not quite exact. He _knows_ what Peter would think. He can almost visualize that expression Peter can do so well. "Both of us wanting to see him with the other." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back. "Perfectly fine to steal my answer, boy. But I'm curious. Do you want to see us in role, with Peter on top, or out of role, as two guys fucking?"

Jonny Lee hesitates before answering, wondering if there's an out clause he can invoke. "Both. Either. Or." He opts for all of the above, since that's where his mind really is. "And then both of you taking me down."

Gerard smirks. "So...Peter and I, with him on top, and then we both turn and start to torment the poor boy who's been tragically tied to a straight-back chair? Peter straddling your lap and kissing you, while I, though some minor feat of destroying all laws of biology and physics, manage to blow you at the same time? Or I'm holding you while he makes your back turn bloody? Is that what you fantasize about, Teak?"

He's instantly hard at the image and squirming. "Yes, Master," he says weakly. "Tied down, so your boy can't touch himself, can't control what's happening at all. Want your hands on your boy, Master, no matter what Mr. Wingfield's doing."

"And my hands _will_ be on my boy. Stroking him, holding him back, controlling him." Gerard's hand finds its way to Jonny Lee's cock and he starts stroking it slowly. "Does my boy like being on display?"

"Yes. No." And how's he supposed to think of coherent answers with _that_ hand on his cock. "It scares your boy, to be on display. Frightens him that he likes it just a bit."

Gerard slows his hand down even more. "Scares you how?" There's the good scary and the bad scary and it's been awhile since Gerard played with either of them. But there's an urge he has to take his boy down to the club one night and tie him up and beat him and let everyone who wants to see, look. And once the beating is over, take Jonny Lee down, wait until he's better, and then put him back up on the wall for everyone to admire. Somehow Gerard thinks that would fall under his boy's 'bad scary'.

"Please," he blurts out as Gerard's hand slows. "Your boy loves that, Master, just the stroking." He tries to think on the question. "He's not sure what scares him. Maybe it's the degrees of display. Your boy doesn't mind performing for Master when others are around. And he's quickly getting over his shyness about being naked in public." He cranes his head back, kisses Gerard's shoulder through the shirt. "He doesn't think it's a _bad_ scary, exactly."

"We'll talk later," Gerard promises, and speeds his hand up slightly. "Your question."

"Uh, can't think of one," Jonny Lee spurts out against the increased friction. "Pass. Is that legal?"

Gerard stills his hand as he considers. "Alright," he says finally. "But you only get one pass." Gerard licks his lips slowly. "What movie is your guilty pleasure?"

"Okay. Another easy one. Good." Jonny Lee perks up a bit. "Obvious guilty pleasure is _Velvet Goldmine_. I mean Ewan _and_ Jon. Fuckable eyecandy to the extreme. But you know that." He bits his lip. "Secret guilty pleasure is," he drops his voice to a whisper, "uh, _Reign of Fire_." And there _is_ the uber-secret guilty pleasure, the rediscovery of _Goldeneye_ since returning from LA, but Jonny Lee doesn't say a word about that.

"Reign of Fire?" Gerard repeats. He'd never really liked that one. Thought he looked too disreputable in a beard. "Really?"

"Well, yeah," he says a bit sheepishly. "Wanked a good bit to it when somebody wasn't around anymore." He knows what he said hurts, doesn't really mean for it to. "What can I say? Right accent. Dirty clothes. Pretty much you were fuckably gorgeous. Even with the beard, which for the record, your boy's not that keen on."

"Good, because I hate growing them. Too itchy. Too hard to maintain." He doesn't say anything to the jab about not being around. What could he say? It was true. "Your question."

"Same. Your boy's curious. What's Master's guilty pleasure movie?"

"Trainspotting's the one you know about. The one you don't..." Gerard blushes, and mumbles, "Mansfield Park. It's the clothes, the posture. The way you hold your hand behind your back. Prim and proper and just begging to be buggered in the stables."

Jonny Lee laughs. "I'd've bet on _Hackers_. Me in a red leather dress, looking like the punk you'd picked up in Hyde Park."

"Yeah, but there's the Angie factor." Gerard shrugs. "She doesn't do anything for me. The gentleman still wins out." It's really not much of a struggle. Jonny Lee's cute in Hackers, but he's jumpable in Mansfield Park. "What books turn you on?"

"Clockwork Orange, Vampire Lestat, Harry Potter series and Goodnight Moon," Jonny Lee answers quickly, thinking Gerard's probably shocked he's even read them. "And it's understandable about Angie, Master. You got a favorite book?"

Gerard snickers at the thought of Goodnight Moon and Clockwork Orange in the same sentence. He'd rag on his boy about getting off on a children's book were his own answer not so unusual. "Brave New World," he admits. "Chapters two and three mostly." And Christ is he hoping that his boy has no idea what the book is about.

"That's kinky," he says hesitantly. "Or I think so. Never read it, but had a friend give me the highlights for a test in school."

"Well, in case you're interested in picking it up, it's in the Not Meant To Be Porn section." Along with many other poor books that weren't made to be wanked to. Like the Puppet Masters. "Your question."

"Okay, thinking." He mulls over. "Hmm. Got it. What's your take on underwear? Commando or not?"

"Underwear has its uses. They can be fun to take off. And then there are the times they're just in the way. Better off than on, most times. So, yeah. Commando is better." And it gets Gerard thinking along the lines of not wearing underwear because of orders and along the rambling and convoluted pathways of his brain, he starts thinking about leashes and how much fun it would be to lead his boy around on one. "Do leashes always equal animal roles?"

"No, Master." Jonny Lee carefully uses the formal, dropping back to it as the conversation turns more to roles. "This boy isn't frightened by them quite as much as he was. He thinks he might be able to try wearing one, if it pleases Master." He smiles a bit. "Does Master wish to see his boy on a leash more often?"

"Yes," he answers immediately. "And not just animal roles, but for the club as well. Have a very obvious reminder to everyone that the boy at the end of the leash belongs to the man holding it."

"Your boy likes that idea very much, Master. He wants everyone to know who owns him."

"And who owns you?" Gerard teases. "Who does my boy belong to?"

"You do, Master." Jonny Lee runs a finger over his collar. "Property of one Gerard James Butler, Sir. Got his initials on it and all."

"Yes, it does." Gerard wonders absently whatever happened to that undershirt of Jonny Lee's that led to some very satisfying gym sex. "What's the strangest place you've ever had sex?"

"Back room of a tattoo parlor," he says without much thought. "Don't ask. You don't want the details," he adds on seeing Gerard's quizzical expression. Seeing as how it involved Angelina, Jonny Lee's positive Gerard wouldn't want the whole story. "You?"

Gerard _does_ want to hear that story. Maybe he can ply it out of Teak one night when he's exhausted and aroused and not thinking clearly. "Bottom bunk of a bunk bed, with the guy I was fucking's roommate on the top bunk having some fun of his own."

"You gotta give the details on that sometime. Bunk beds?" Jonny Lee's laughing as he snuggles back in. "Okay, no-brainer here. What's your favorite of your movies?"

"Dracula," he answers without hesitation. "It's where I met you." Gerard rubs at Jonny Lee's head. "Why do you like video games so much?" He's wondered that a lot. What's so great about it that makes Teak sit down on the couch for hours or days at a time and just click random buttons?

That's one of the questions he's been waiting on, wondering why Gerard never asked it before. " 'Cause they don't tax my brain," Jonny Lee says, bypassing the self-deprecating intelligence remark. "I can zone into 'em and not worry about anything in the real world. Just kinda escape." After a deep breath, he asks the logical follow-up. "Was it the vid games that made you walk out, Pire?"

A safe way for him to zone. Gerard's never thought of it like that. "Among other things, yes." Other things being the things Jonny Lee _didn't_ do because he was too wrapped up in his own version of reality. "Was Angie very good at them?"

"Nah. She hated 'em, too. Was all over it when she got the Lara Croft part, even made comments in public about how I'd have to be playing with her finally." It wasn't the nicest thing his ex had ever said about him, but Jonny Lee had taken it in stride. "Psyched your boy that you wanted to learn to play some of 'em."

It wasn't that he wanted to learn how to play. It was if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Gerard had come back and resolved to bend in order to keep Jonny Lee. Bending just happened to include learning how to share Jonny Lee's hobby. "You'll always beat me."

"Not at the rate you're learning, Master," he says, "and not if we up the stakes. Like," he thinks, "like say when you beat me at Soul Calibur, I'll get," he pauses, squirms, "uh, another piercing. That is, if you've got any other body parts of this boy's you'd liked to see pierced. Do you?"

"Yeah. Think I'd like to see your bellybutton pierced." Or something there. Not his nipples. Gerard has too much fun with them as it is. Something lower would be nice, something he can play at with his teeth. "Anything you'd like to see on me pierced?"

Jonny Lee laughs. "Bellybutton. Hadn't thought of that. Wicked." He touches a finger to Gerard's ear. "Maybe just here on you. So your boy can buy you something sexy."

"I used to have it pierced. A little higher, just around the curve." He'd taken the metal stud out one day and never put it back in. Eventually the hole closed over. "Wouldn't mind getting it done again."

"It'd be simple enough to do. Would you ever want another tatt?"

"Yeah, I want another one." Teak was right. They're addictive. "Haven't settled on a design yet. You've any ideas?"

"Yeah, actually, your boy has thought about it," he says eagerly. "If you'd get it, on your stomach, right below the waist," he says, reaching down and pulling up his shirt a bit, pushing down the jeans waistband, pointing to the Scorpio tattoo, "about there, a thistle entwined in ivy." He looks up. "Just a thought."

It's a good place for a tattoo. Jeans would cover it if his shirt did not. "Why thistle and ivy?"

"Symbolic." He blushes, pulling his hand up to run through his hair, letting his shirt drop. "Thistle's Scottish, ivy's English. They're twined together." _Get off the sappy, Miller._ "Um, Pire, you'd known all along you're gay, right? So, you ever play with girls? Shag 'em?"

Gerard smiles. "That's really sweet, Teak." He likes it. And if Gerard gets one on his stomach, Teak needs to get one of his back and they'll match up when Gerard's lying on top of him. "Played with girls a little. Not very much. I don't think I've shagged more than five girls in my entire life." And probably less than five. "Have you ever submitted to one?"

"Not such that it counts," he says with a shrug. "Don't think what Ang and I could really be called submission. Is that something you want your boy to do, Master?" he asks hesitantly. "Like more of what happened with Ms. Moss at the Masque?"

"Yeah, it's something I'd want my boy to do. But only with me present. I'd want to watch her sit on your cock, bend down, and kiss you while you beg for more." Gerard smirks and starts stroking Jonny Lee's cock again. He purposely switches the topic to something far less erotic. "When did you start running?"

Switching topics doesn't do a damned thing for lessening the arousal. If he'd admit to being turned on by the thought of Ms. Moss doing exactly what Gerard described. He wriggles to settle more into his master's touches. "When your boy was living in LA, with Ang, it was something to keep from being so miserable. Then he got addicted to the endorphin rush, the zone, and it's just part of him now." He whimpers when Gerard tugs a little sharply on the downstroke. "Your boy likes that very much."

"I know he does. That's why I do it." Gerard grins. "Your question."

"Okay. Question. Think." It's hard to do when his cock's being stroked so nicely, but Jonny Lee hits on another semi-serious one. "Why are you so down on drugs? Even a joint every now and then."

"Because they make you lose control." Sometimes Gerard thinks that his entire life has revolved around control. Having it, losing it, taking it from others. Losing it is generally the worst case scenario. "Why do you like them?"

"Because they take your boy somewhere he's never been," Jonny Lee says. He's not done _that_ many of them, and never the really hard stuff, but the occasional joint is nice. "It's another zone, like the running and --" he stops, lets the thought die. "Uh, Pire, do you ever wish you'd stayed a lawyer?" Safe question, carefully sidestepping delicate issues.

Gerard can finish Jonny Lee's sentence for himself, but he lets it drop. They'll need to talk about it later. Now's not the time. "No," he answers. "After Conner and once I realized just how shite I was at it, I didn't really look back. What would you be doing if you weren't an actor?"

"Most likely working in the kitchen at Hard Rock," he says. "Wouldn't be bad. All those celebs coming through."

Ooh, a kitchen boy. Gerard had never even thought of that possibility. "And one of them would notice you one night," he says, stroking his thumb over the head of Jonny Lee's cock, "and take you into the back and rip off your tight tight black jeans, bend you over, and when he's done, you'll ask him for his autograph."

He shifts, squirms and sucks in a breath at the stroking, nearly enough to pull him up to the edge. Not quite, though, and Jonny Lee knows Gerard is doing exactly that, keeping him just below the boiling point. "Yeah, and maybe if I was lucky, he'd take me home, put me up in this nice house and let me cook for him between fuckings."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Gerard's finger quickens slightly. "Being a kept boy, doing nothing but lounging around and looking pretty between keeping house for your master. You'd wear sinfully tight and revealing clothing and practice looking provocative. You'd greet your master on your knees every day and help him relax. You'd give him a nice blowjob during dinner, a nice fuck whenever he wants, and in between," Gerard smirks. "Nothing more than a slut."

Jonny Lee whimpers, bites back the shout that desperately wants out of his throat. "Yes, Master," he says, forcing his voice down, squirming more intensely as Gerard's hand works his cock. "Slut. For you. That's what your boy wants more than anything. Please."

"My boy's going to have to earn it." Gerard's free hand comes down to cup Jonny Lee's balls. "It's your question."

"Nghgh. Your boy's supposed to _think_ with Master doing that. Okay. Question." His speech patterns get disjointed. "Okay. Got one. How many celebrities have you done?"

"You mean people you'd know?" Gerard considers. Most of what he's done isn't exactly quality film. "Tim Currey. Powers Boothe. Bloke who played Attila's brother. A couple strangers in Mrs. Brown. You?"

"Since your boy isn't the raging top, he assumes Master means people who've fucked him as well as those he's shagged." He's wriggling between words, still somewhere between simmer and boil and fighting to turn up the heat a bit. "You, Angie, Jamie, Ewan, Jude, Val, Christian, Sean, Vig, Harry, Mark, Ethan," he says, rattling off the first names, supposing Gerard can match and mate up everyone. "Last five were just on the LA trip, though."

Gerard chuckles at the long list. "I was wrong. My boy isn't a bit of a slut, he's a very big slut. Spreads his legs for anyone who even looks his way." Gerard fondles Jonny Lee's balls thoughtfully. "Any more questions for me?"

"Not unless Master says it's okay. His boy's only a slut for those people Master puts on the approved list." He feels a bit twinged that Gerard would think of it that way, and he's not sure exactly why it bothers him. "One more question, Master. How would you feel about your boy kissing you in public? Say in the middle of Hyde Park?"

"I'd love to." Gerard grins. "Does my boy want to make every tabloid in London?"

"Your boy wouldn't mind at all making the tabloids," Jonny Lee smiles, "with Master. What'd he have in mind?"

"Kissing my boy in Hyde Park for everyone to see. Yeah, not too many people will care, but I want it in color on glossy that you're _mine_. I want everyone to know, even those that don't care."

"Master could always bend his boy over the baggage claim counter at Heathrow." Jonny Lee gets an unusual wicked glint in his eye. "That would attract attention."

"It would," Gerard agrees. "What's my boy thinking?"

"Just about kissing his Master in the middle of the concourse, holding his hand as they walk through the airport, boyfriend stuff." He shifts so he's more straddling Gerard's lap. "Wondering if he could get away with a good hard fuck now that it's dark and this is an Establishment charter flight and no one would give a damn."

"I'd like that. Kissing you on the concourse that is." Gerard smirks and thrusts his hips upwards. "As for a fuck, no. Don't want to disturb those trying to sleep." Considering the circumstances, an objection of that sort makes sense. Anywhere else...Gerard shakes his head. There really is a whole different sort of etiquette when it comes to kink.

"Fine, then, Master," Jonny Lee says, not completely understanding Gerard's logic. He wiggles down, lays his head on Gerard's shoulder. "Your boy will just snuggle in here and go to sleep." He's also not sure how long Master's going to allow that to go on.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee's cock a few short strokes. "You do that. I'll just continue wanking you, then. Unless my boy wants to come...?"

"Your boy would very much like to come, Master, but it's not his decision." He's damned close to it, though, having simmered for the last hour. "If Master wishes to keep his boy on the edge, then his boy will be damned happy with that, too. Master knows how his boy likes orgasm control."

"Master does know." Gerard continues his handjob in silence for a moment longer, then gives a curt order. "Come."

Jonny Lee draws in a sharp breath at the command, but complies immediately, spilling out over Gerard's hand and his jeans and most likely part of his lover's clothes as well. He's shivering, clutching at Gerard's shoulder as the orgasm rides through him. "Thank you, Master. Your boy. Fuck."

He has such a good boy. Such a good boy. Both arms go around Jonny Lee, holding him close. "Good boy," Gerard murmurs. "My boy is very good."

_Good boy._ The words echo in Jonny Lee's brain as he snakes his arm around Gerard's body, ignores the stickiness and just listens to the quiet breathing, the steady heartbeat under his head. "Master's good boy is quite exhausted now."

"Then Master's good boy should go to sleep." Gerard pulls the blanket out from where it had been wedged between the seat and the wall of the plane. He spreads it out over Jonny Lee, pulling down on the corners so it covers him completely. "Master will make sure his boy wakes up in time to kiss him in Heathrow."

Jonny Lee snuggles in tighter and closes his eyes, warm and content and knowing a lot more about his Master than he did a day ago. He also knows he can't wait to get to Heathrow, and he can dream of perfect kisses as he drifts off.

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/31638.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	124. gerard: Journal

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/24/) 14:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30917&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30917) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30917) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=30917&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal** _  
[JL only]

Of course, after asking you to do these, I promptly forget to do them myself. Sorry about that. I'll try to do better.

  
I had a great time at the island. Nothing out of ordinary happened, well, for the Establishment. In the back of my mind, I knew Peter would be there. And I really am happy for him that he has a new boy.

_But_.

I don't think I'd understood until I saw them together that Peter's moved on. He's over what little we had together. And that's well and good, because we were never _meant_ to have anything together.

But I can't honestly say that I'm over him. Over him would mean that I wouldn't get those butterflies in my stomach, means I wouldn't want to go to my knees every time he looks at me, or want to offer him my submission just at the sound of his voice. I was never a submissive until I met him. I'd barely even thought of it.

And ever since, I've been mentally comparing myself to him. Am I as good a dominant as he is? Would _he_ know what to do if Teak misbehaves? Because I don't. I'm playing this so fucking by ear. I talked to a dominant at the island and she mentioned that she had a list of punishments posted to the fridge corresponding with the infraction. Nice, set, and neat. Her submissive knew exactly what her punishment would be for misbehaving.

I don't want to do that for Teak. First off, I don't think I could think up that many punishments. Also, I think it would be highly insulting to say "I think that there may come a time when you'll do this and this and this wrong, why don't I set down punishments right off the bat so we can get back to fucking?"

I need to take this case by case, and so far I don't think I've screwed up too badly. He won't stop playing video games, he gets his hands cuffed behind his back. He comes without permission, he sleeps on the floor. Teak's such a damn good boy that I don't think I'd really need a long list of punishments. After all, just how much could my boy fuck up?

I've always thought that if the submissive makes a mistake, it's the dominant's fault for not instructing him properly. I still think so. With Teak, it goes one step further. If he's really misbehaving, and his attitude is fuck this, how am I to know he _wants_ this? I wasn't bullshitting in my public post. At the heart of it, this is just a game. If one of the participants doesn't want to play, then it's no longer fun. I don't want submission to become a chore.

And I'm more worried than before, because I've finally woken up to what everyone else seems to know. Sean and Viggo broke up. I don't know either of them, but Teak spent a weekend being their boy. I look at those two and I think, that could be me and Teak. That _has_ been me and Teak. We've broken up. I don't want us to do it again. I'm willing to make every sacrifice in the world, but I know enough to know that sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

That scares me, Teak. Really, really scares me. I like everything planned, methodical. I hate anything I can't anticipate. If I had my way, everything would be regulated, and there would only be certain days set aside during which you would be allowed to have any surprises. Spontaneity is one thing, but shocking Pire isn't always good. I need time to figure out how to respond to things. I'm not good about being put on the spot.

I think that's what Peter does to me. He reaches through every single fucking ounce of self-control I have and taps into chaos. I think that's why I cried for him.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/30917.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	125. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Saturday, April 24

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/24/) 20:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20249&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20249) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20249) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20249&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_****Journal, Saturday, April 24****_  
 **[friends-locked[current list here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/15608.html) ]**  
Supposed to start new play on Monday. Rehearsals at least, then a short run, only a month. Why does this boy feel like he's never worked a day in his life? Why is he so friggin' nervous about going out of the house and playing nice with others onstage?

Probably because it _is_ going out of the house, and this boy hasn't done much of that since last fall, not since Pire came back and this relationship took a more formal turn. We've talked about the collar and whether or not this boy wears it to rehearsals. He knows it can easily pass for a punk-era holdover, but some would ask questions and while this boy would stand in the middle of Parliament and announce he's queer and has the most gorgeous lover in the world, he's not sure Master's ready for the kinkier aspects of their relationship to be on the tabloid covers.

Anyhow, this boy will be sure to put aside tickets for any of his decadent friends who think he can act well enough to carry this off. Or just the ones who want to come gawk and snicker. *g*

**[this portion locked to himself and gerard]**  
Master, your boy is very confused by your last journal post. He'd barely begun processing the one before that, on domination, and now he's trying to parse out Master's fears and wants and ... he's in the playroom if Master needs him.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-04-25 07:04 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=36377&format=light#t36377))   
---|---  
Hey, be sure to toss two tix this way. Jude and I'll come see you. It's good you're getting off your arse and out of the house, or you'll turn into some video game playing recluse or something and when we find your body, the controllers will have fused with your hands. Not a pretty sight, man. Not a pretty sight.  
  
Oh, and thanks for the jackets! I can never have enough. :D 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=36377&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=36377&format=light#t36377))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-04-25 08:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37145&format=light#t37145))   
---|---  
Yeah, adding my thanks to Ewan's. They're brilliant, as are the shades.  
  
Very keen to see you on stage. I know you'll be excellent. No gawking and snickering from this quarter, mate. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=37145&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=36377&format=light#t36377))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37145&format=light#t37145))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-25 08:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37401&format=light#t37401))   
---|---  
You're welcome. This boy wants to see both of you in them. Soon. Go riding one day? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=37401&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37145&format=light#t37145))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37401&format=light#t37401))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-04-25 09:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37657&format=light#t37657))   
---|---  
I'm going to assume an automatic 'yes' from Ewan and accept on his behalf (like... he's going to turn down a bike ride). As for myself, you do know I've never graduated from a scooter and don't even have a motorbike licence, don't you? But as long as Ewan's happy to park himself up front and carry me along behind him for the ride, and as long as we're going somewhere nice and not just going round and round a track or something, then I'll come too. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=37657&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37401&format=light#t37401))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-25 07:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=36889&format=light#t36889))   
---|---  
Teak,  
  
Opening night and closing night and every one in between. Whenever you want me there, I'll be there, sitting the audience, being amazed by the skills of the man I love. I would not hesitate to tell the world that Jonny Lee Miller is my boy as well as my boyfriend, were I not positive that it would beg too many questions about some of our friends.  
  
Once I realized the play was coming up, I hunted up a nice goth store. Waiting for the first day of rehearsals is a silver bat pendant. The bat has suitable fangs and I got someone to turn the tail into a whip. No matter where you are, you're mine. I want you to remember that.  
  
  
I'll be down to the playroom shortly. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=36889&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-04-26 05:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37913&format=light#t37913))   
---|---  
Jonny Lee! I spoke to Harry, and we'll be able to take a few days off from filming and be there. Would _love_ to see you in a play, and it'd be great if we could take you and Ger out to dinner or something while we're there. Just let us know the date of the tickets--and when's opening night? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=37913&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37913&format=light#t37913))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-26 06:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=38169&format=light#t38169))   
---|---  
This boy is psyched that you and Mr. Sinclair would come. Billy, too, he assumes.  
Uh, opening night is May 20.  
  
And dinner sounds wonderful. There's a great sushi/dim sum place not far from the house. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=38169&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=37913&format=light#t37913))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[**c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
2004-04-27 07:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=38425&format=light#t38425))   
---|---  
Dude I would never gawk or snicker. Well no, if you take your clothes off, I'll gawk. But believe me it won't be a snickering sort of gawking at all. Seriously I'm sure you'll be brilliant and I'm really looking forward to seeing the play. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=38425&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=38425&format=light#t38425))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-27 07:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=38681&format=light#t38681))   
---|---  
Ms. Moss, this boy is seriously blushing at the thought of you gawking at him naked. ~~Not that the idea's an altogether bad thing since Master would like watching it very much.~~  
  
He's pleased you would consider coming to see the play. And, if it's not too bold ... *takes very deep breath* ... this boy wouldn't mind running with you every so often. Master's said it's okay. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=38681&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=38425&format=light#t38425))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)[**angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/)  
2004-04-29 04:15 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?thread=39705&format=light#t39705))   
---|---  
Make sure you put a ticket aside for me, darling. And let me know _when_ it is, so I can make sure I'm home and that Mads is attended to, etc. Perhaps I'll tag along with Jude and Ewan, as I miss you all terribly.  
  
And I'll be sure not to "gawk and snicker," as you so wonderfully put it. Well, at least not snicker. I do have _some_ manners, unfortunately. _Damn._  
  
*g*

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html?replyto=39705&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	126. gerard: Gerard and Jonny Lee - Saturday, April 25th

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/04/25/) 23:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31004&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31004) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31004) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=31004&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Gerard and Jonny Lee - Saturday, April 25th** _  
[players only. After [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20249.html) post, Gerard goes down to the playroom. Warning: much in the way of twisty chest.]

  
Jonny Lee dashes off the journal entry, then heads to the playroom. He needs to tidy up a thing or two, and straightening out toys is a good way to straighten out his head. It's mindless work he sets himself to, picking up a flogger that'd never made it back to the wall as he walks across the dimly-lit room. He doesn't bother to turn on the track lights that add brightness to the black walls, navigating by the recessed lights that dot the outer edges.

He turns, catches his reflection in one of the small mirrors and stands there, fingering the black leather collar. "Don't want to take it off. Just got him back. And _this_ means he owns me. His boy."

Gerard had been taken completely by surprise by Jonny Lee's entry. Since Jonny Lee hadn't responded to his last journal entry, or even given any hint that he'd seen it, Gerard had assumed that it had slipped under his boy's radar. And it had been a very relieved assumption. Gerard hadn't been entirely sure he should have even left it open to Jonny Lee. It was too personal, too close to his doubts. He's never wanted Jonny Lee to think he's perfect, but it's a whole other thing to know that your master still wants to submit to a man like Peter.

He'd meant to surprise Jonny Lee with the theater collar, but there's no use hiding it now. And he probably shouldn't have kept quiet about it in the first place and let his boy worry that he'd have to be, for all intents and purposes, masterless while on stage. Gerard pulls the jeweler's case out of the drawer in the study and makes his way down to the playroom. He hadn't liked the tone of Jonny Lee's entry. _In the playroom if Master needs him._ Nothing about what he's doing down there.

Turning away from the mirror, he finds himself facing the cell, or cage or whatever they want to call it. They'd agreed on putting in the back corner, out of the way. But it's not. And Jonny Lee finds himself looking at every time he walks into the room. "It's what he wants, what his boy can't give him."

The thought careens, collides with the others, Gerard's post about not wanting to be shocked, surprised. Maybe they shouldn't've played the game on the flight home. Twenty questions had become 40 or more and soon they'd known more about each other than when they'd first lived together.

He pulls the door open and leans against the bars, draping the towel over his shoulder, clutching his fingers around the cool steel. "It can't hurt."

Gerard opens the door to the basement and walks down the stairs, being extra loud as he comes down, wanting to make sure Jonny Lee hears him. "Teak?" he calls. The lights are mostly off and he can't quite make out his boy as he descends. "Where are you?"

_Where are you?_ He's not sure of the answer. Physically? Mentally? "Back here, Master," Jonny Lee says quietly, knowing Gerard can pinpoint his position well enough by voice as the room isn't cavernous.

Down by the cage, then. Gerard walks over, his boy slowly forming out of the shadows. Gerard hisses as the tableau becomes clear. "Boy..." Teak, on his knees, by the cage. Jonny Lee had done his best to avoid it every time they've played down here. That Jonny Lee is actively seeking it out doesn't do anything to make Gerard less concerned.

"Yes, Master," he says, turning his head to look over his shoulders, then following by releasing the bars and turning on his knees to present himself, hands moving to behind his back and eyes lowered. "What did Master need of his boy?"

Gerard gets down on his knees in front of Jonny Lee and brings his free hand to Jonny Lee's chin, lifts it. "Do you want to talk?" he asks softly.

Jonny Lee thinks. He hadn't commented in the journals, on purpose, unsure of what to say or how to say it. Or even if he should. "Your boy wasn't sure he should respond in the journals, Master."

"Then where else should he have responded if not there?" Gerard surely has no compunctions about responding in _Jonny Lee's_ journal. Why's his boy so reluctant to do the same?

"You're this boy's Master. He doesn't walk to reflect badly on you," he says, putting up one defense for not responding. "And he's sure he'd look stupid trying to talk intelligently about the domination."

"That's not an excuse and you know it," the rebuke is soft, but it's still there. "You could have locked it to me. And I think there's no keener observer and commenter on domination than the submissive."

"Your boy apologizes, Master. He was wrong in not responding to the first post." He keeps his eyes down despite Gerard's fingers tilting his chin up.

Gerard pushes Jonny Lee's head up higher. " _Look at me._ I'm not ordering you to respond. I'm not ordering you not to respond. I want you to respond to anything that you feel we need to talk about. Because when I pose a question, I mean for there to be discussion. I don't want you to hide your feelings. I'm not a bloody mindreader, Teak. There's no way for me to know if something upsets you unless you damn well tell me. Ok?"

Against instinct, or maybe pushing into it, Jonny Lee pulls away, rocks on his heels till he's sitting, scoots back, not even realizing he's putting himself inside the cage. He's frightened, not _of_ Gerard, but of the tone and the voice and the fear that it brings up in him at having fucked up. "Your boy," he stammers, "is very sorry, Master," the stuttering worse as he pushes himself completely across the floor to the other bars. "He -- he -- wanted to reply, but -- but he then read the second po -- post and he forgot."

Gerard reaches out without thinking and grabs Jonny Lee's arm. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" It's not rhetorical. He can see just fine what his boy is doing. But he wants to know the fuck why. Why his boy is panicking over something that seems so insignificant, and why this fucking panic is forcing him back into a contraption that he hates.

Jonny Lee can't answer Gerard directly. He's not sure what he's doing. It's something coming from within. His breathing's more ragged, but it starts to slow down, and he gradually gathers a sense of where he is. "Don't know," he says, voice hitching. He pulls his knees up, locks his arms around them, ignoring Gerard's hand on his wrist. "Master, your -- boy -- he --" He doesn't finish the sentence; just smiles.

Gerard isn't sure what Jonny Lee's smiling about, or if that's something he even really wants to know. "My boy...?" Gerard wants to pull Jonny Lee out of the cage and sit him down on the couch with a nice quilt over him and some tea in his hand. Somehow, though, he thinks Jonny Lee wouldn't go for that right now. Or would think him insane for offering.

"Your boy just realized where he put himself," he says, smile quirked and eyes fixed straight ahead. He's on the edges of zoning himself out, still coherent enough to respond, think, but not much else, definitely not move. "He'd ask you in, but there's not enough room."

"There isn't." Gerard's voice is steady, but he's on the edge of panic. He'd been scared enough last time Jonny Lee zoned, and he can't tell there's much of a difference between then and now. Dammit, Jonny Lee doesn't even seem to be entirely aware of what's going on. "Why don't you come out of the cage and we can talk?"

Jonny Lee ignores the question, rocking gently, talking calmly, the stutter slowly going away. "Your boy understands now, or did when he read the domination thoughts, about punishment and fucking up and how Master doesn't want to be arbitrary about things. _That_ post made a lot of things more clear in this boy's mind."

He's staring right at Gerard, trying to figure out what color his eyes are today. "Did you know your eyes are never the same color, Pire? Not exactly," he says. "Submission _is_ a game, but it isn't. Your boy wants to give everything he is to his Master, to you. He'll never grow tired of that."

"You do give me everything," Gerard answers softly, tugging a little on Jonny Lee's arm. "And I love you for it. I'll never get tired of you." His _eyes_? Why the fuck is his boy analyzing the color of his _eyes_? "Can you come out of the cage now?"

His smile thins out. "But this is where Master wants his boy. Isn't it?" Maybe he's just too afraid to come out now that he's in, scared of what will happen. Or not. "Your boy wants to make Master happy, so he won't need to leave again."

"I'm not leaving." He isn't. He won't. But Jonny Lee's scaring him more than he thought his lover could. "And I _don't_ want you there." It's a struggle to keep his voice even, to not pull Jonny Lee out of that fucking cage that it was a fucking stupid mistake to buy in the first place, pull him out, take an axe to the metal bars, and then cuddle his boy, telling him he's perfect and that master doesn't want him to change. It's a struggle to keep from gripping Jonny Lee's arm so hard that he leaves marks, to try to use pain to snap him out of whatever headspace he's gone into because Gerry was stupid enough to leave entries locked to him and make Teak scared he was going to leave him. "I'm not letting you go. I left once and I'm never doing it again."

"Master's very angry with his boy." It takes all he can do not to zone completely, to keep this much of a hold on reality, to understand that what he's doing isn't right, isn't helping and is only making matters worse. But he can't stop himself. "And Master has every right. His boy tries Master's patience. He doesn't mean to, but he knows he does." He unlocks his fingers from around his knees, stretches out his legs. "This boy was too scared to respond to Master's posts, so he stayed silent, and that only makes Master angry, at his boy _and_ himself."

"I'm not angry at you." Only at himself. He only gets angry when he blames someone for something, and this is all his fault. Taking another boy in this too fast. He fucking knew he should have gone at this slower. They've only been back together for six months. That's far too little to be so deep into role. "I swear, Teak, I'm not mad at you. I'm trying to understand you." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's knee. "I love you and I'm trying to understand what you're thinking. I want to figure out what I can do to help."

"Does it matter if your boy doesn't know what he's thinking? Except that Master's eyes can't settle on one color. Or that your boy's wanting too much and not enough at the same time." Jonny Lee shifts, pulls his knee up and then pushes it back down, working under Gerard's touches. He leans back, his head hitting the bars. "And that the view from here isn't really that bad. Your boy could probably get used to it, Master." He tilts his head back upright, looks directly at Gerard. "Your boy loves you, too."

"Don't get used to it. I don't want you to get used to it." And as soon as they've talked this over, gotten through whatever it is, he's taking his screwdriver and his wrench and some fucking dynamite and blowing the cage into fucking dust. "And I can get color contacts, if it would make you happy." Right now Gerard would promise anything just to know that his boy is going to snap out of this, whatever this is.

"Pire, your boy's not as far gone as you think," he smiles, laughs a bit. "It's weird. He's never felt quite like this, zoned but not all there." Jonny Lee scoots himself forward a bit, not out of the cage, but closer to Gerard's hands. "He wants to get used to it. Over time. Is that okay?"

"Get used to what?" For a moment Gerard isn't sure if Jonny Lee's talking about the headspace or the cage. Neither of them are things Gerard's comfortable with Jonny Lee getting accustomed to. "The cage, you mean?"

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, "and the headspace." He's scrunched himself back up to the cage's door, and notices the frown on Gerard's face. "Master isn't happy with his boy's answer?"

"No, I'm not. It's not ok, Teak." Ever since he got back, he's made it a policy of indulging Jonny Lee. Always giving in because he likes to see his boy happy, likes to see Jonny Lee smile, and, really, there's never been any reason not to. But this is a time he can't. "I don't want you to get accustomed to the cage, or the headspace, and I fucking hate that you're in them. Both of them. You're scaring me."

Jonny Lee doesn't know how to respond. It's all he can do not to shut down completely, just go zone all the way at that. He didn't expect to scare Gerard, sure as hell didn't mean to do that. He scoots the rest of the way out of the cage, leans against the outer bars. "Sorry, Pire," he says, not totally unzoned but coherent. "Your boy doesn't want to scare you." He's fighting back the tears, the thought he's crossed a line that can't be erased or moved, and he closes his eyes, just wanting the world to stop spinning, go back to where it was before.

Gerard feels about ten inches tall right now. He pulls Jonny Lee into his arms and holds him tight. "You do know I love you, right? You know I love you?"

"Never doubted that." He lets himself be wrapped up, held tightly, keeping his eyes closed, just taking in what is uniquely his lover and Master, the faintness of mint from his herbal shampoo, the lingering smoke that never seems to get washed out, the steadiness of a heart that beats so slowly Jonny Lee sometimes crawls over just to press his head against the chest, make sure it's still beating. "Your boy knows Master loves him," he says quietly.

"And do you trust me? Do you trust me not to leave you or let you go? Do you trust me not to walk out just because you don't fulfill every one of my stupid fantasies?"

He's not as quick to answer that question. It's double-edged. Yes, he trusts Pire. Implicitly. With his life. And, yes, he trusts him not to leave. In his heart. But his head is confused. "Yes, your boy trusts you," he says finally. "But in your post, you said it was a game and when the game isn't fun anymore," he stammers, stalls. "What happens then?"

" _Dominance_ is a game. _Submission_ is a game. Our relationship?" Gerard pulls back to look Jonny Lee in the eye. "It's not a game. We could nix the D/s and I would still love you just as much as I do now. Because this relationship doesn't revolve around the master/slave relationship. It revolves around us, you and me, Teak. And that's all it needs to keep going."

"So, if tomorrow morning, you don't want a boy, we're just lovers? You'd be happy? Not hitting me? Or cuffing my hands behind my back and pushing me over the kitchen table?" There's a mischievous light in his eyes. "Your boy's not _real_ bright, Pire, but he knows it would be damned hard to just drop all this and go back to being boyfriends."

There's a part of Gerard that wants to take that as a dare. But he quickly thinks better of it. "It would be damned hard, yeah, but I'd do it. If you wanted to drop it all, at once." He's going to want to take things quite a bit slower, go back a little, leave much more time out of role, but there's no way Gerard's going to wake up and decide he doesn't want a boy, or Jonny Lee as his boy. "And don't you fucking say you're not smart. Because you are."

"Love you always, no matter what." Jonny Lee intentionally drops the formal tone. "But I don't want to drop it, Pire. I don't want to stop being your boy. I love what it does to me, to know I'm giving you something you want so badly, how it makes me feel so alive and on edge." He pulls himself away, kneels up. "So let me keep being your boy? Please? For as long as you want it that way, Master."

"You'll stay my boy. For as long as you want. But..." Gerard hesitates. "But we're going to have to move back and take it slower. I don't want this, any of this, happening again."

"What? Back up? No." He's confused, wanting to slam his head into the bars for bringing them to this point. He's angry with himself now. He never meant for that to happen, for Gerard to think they needed to slow down. Or stop. "Master, your boy doesn't understand. How can it go any slower? We've already agreed to no full-time slave role."

"Yes, but we shouldn't have jumped in so fast. We need more time out of role. More time together, just as us. And other things, I need to think about it." He strokes Jonny Lee's throat. "This isn't coming off. For the play, I got you a necklace. It's heavy. You won't forget you're wearing it. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, you're mine. Loosening our relationship won't change that."

"More time out of role. More time together." He's trying to process, figure out what Gerard's talking about. "Can't we have more time together and still be in role?" He manages a weak smile. "What other things?"

"But when we're in role, we're not equal. We need time together as equals." Anything to stop Jonny Lee from zoning again. "I don't know yet, about what more. I'm going to have to think about it."

"Time as equals. Okay." That's not so bad, he thinks, but he knows what Gerard _isn't_ talking about. The zoning, where he found Jonny Lee today. He'll have to wait on the other boot to drop on that argument. So he lets it go for the moment. "Your boy's not keen on having his collar off, but he understands why it needs to happen. What's his necklace look like?"

Gerard smiles. He digs his hand into his pocket and pulls out the jewelry box. He offers it to Jonny Lee. "Open it."

Jonny Lee takes the box and slowly opens it. He knows what Gerard described in the journal comment, but isn't quite expecting what he finds. "It's -- um -- gorgeous." He picks it up, fingering the heavy pewter, curling his finger over the bat's wings as it takes flight, then traces the tail the wends into a whip. "Master, it's more than your boy could hope for," he says, suddenly blushing, casting eyes down again, "with how much he frightened you today. He's --." At the last moment, Jonny Lee backs off saying _he's not worthy_ and smiles. "He's very grateful that he has a Master and a lover who cares for him so much."

"I love you," Gerard says softly. He lifts Jonny Lee's chin. "Don't ever forget that." He leans forward and brushes a kiss against Jonny Lee's lips. "My beautiful boy."

"Love you, Master," he says, returning the kiss, just as chaste. "Would it be forward of your boy to ask for something?"

"Of course not." Gerard smiles. "Ask."

"Not punishment, but penance. Would Master allow his boy to make amends for scaring him?"

"That depends. What sort of amends is my boy thinking of?"

"Everything. Your boy wants to give it all to you tonight, Master. Strip for you and crawl across the room, suck your cock and beg to be fucked." His fingers are locking on each other behind his back, twisting in and over one another. "Would Master like any of that?"

Oh, his beautiful boy. His beautiful, _clueless_ boy. No, that's too cruel. He's just been too far under to understand what he was doing to Gerard. "Master would like some of that. But not tonight."

"Oh, okay." He tries not to look dejected, but knows he's failing miserably. "What _would_ Master like?" he asks hesitantly.

"Well," Gerard says. "He wants a kiss. Then he wants to take his boy upstairs and get into bed. Then he wants to cuddle under you fall asleep." And after that, in the morning, when Teak's out running, he's going to get rid of the cage. He doesn't want a reminder of this mocking him every time he goes down to the playroom.

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says quietly. _A kiss. Falling asleep._ He takes that to mean they've dropped back. He doesn't press, doesn't say a word about the need to give his lover more. He leans in, hands still behind his back, and kisses Gerard, not bruising as usual but more than a brush of lips.

Gerard wraps his arms around his lover and holds him closer as he kisses him. It doesn't change anything, might not make things better, but it feels wonderful, and certainly doesn't make things worse.

The kiss soothes, enough to let Jonny Lee keep back the tears, and very slowly he lets his fingers loosen, his arms drop and he's hugging his lover back. _Maybe he'll change his mind when he's upstairs._ Just a little, his boy hopes, so Jonny Lee can atone more.

Gerard breaks the kiss softly and leans back. "Bed," he whispers. No sex. He doesn't trust himself not to make it about power, and he's had too much of that for the night. "And then in the morning, we're going to need to talk some more."

_Talk. Great._ That means another lecture on how they can't move so fast, another reminder of how badly Jonny's fucked up tonight. "Bed, Master," he says. "May your boy move now? Get off his knees?" He remembers the rule about not leaving a room when Gerard's there, not without being dismissed.

"He may." Gerard moves back and stands up. He offers Jonny Lee his hand to help get up. "Are you alright? I mean...is there anything I should know before tomorrow?"

Jonny Lee takes Gerard's hand after a momentary pause, pulls himself up. "Like what, Master?"

"I don't know. Any doubts. Things like that." Gerard licks his lips, uncertain. "I don't know. What are you feeling? Thinking?"

Gerard wants an answer; that's obvious. And earlier he'd complained because Jonny Lee hadn't spoken out in the journals. Well, they're here, they're private and he knows he'd be cutting his own throat not to say something.

"Doubts? A laundry list. Feeling? Lost. Confused. Thinking?" Jonny Lee pauses. "That your boy has managed to mess up so many things tonight that he can't count them."

He can't really argue with that. They both messed up, but while Gerard can pinpoint where it went wrong for himself, he has no idea why Jonny Lee was acting that way. He doesn't know what set his boy off, but he has a feeling that if he asked, Teak couldn't tell him. "We may have messed up," Gerard replies, slipping the empty box back into his pocket. "But we can fix this. We _will_ fix this. I won't let it be otherwise."

"Master, your boy didn't mean to end up in the cage. That just happened. Wasn't intentional at all, so please don't think he was testing you or trying to make you react."

"Never crossed my mind." He'd never thought so little of Teak to think that he'd do something like that. "I know it was an accident."

"And it wasn't _really_ all that bad, Pire," Jonny Lee says, ending on a smile. He knows his lover's mind well enough. "Your boy would like to try it again, with his Master's knowledge beforehand."

"Later, alright?" Much later. And in a different cage, on club space so he feels safer. "And it's got to be more than just my knowledge, it's going to have to be a discussion. We're going to need to talk about it." And maybe Gerard can dissuade him from it. Huddling in cages isn't something Gerard needs his boy to do in order to be happy.

"Whatever Master says." He's not brilliant, but he's not dense, and Jonny Lee knows _later_ means never. "Bed now, Sir?"

"Yes. Bed now." They'll talk tomorrow. Going to be painful as hell, but if it avoids Jonny Lee zoning, Gerard will fucking talk until he dies from hunger.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/31004.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	127. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, April 27

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/28/) 01:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20586&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20586) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20586) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20586&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  too tired to PS2  
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Tuesday, April 27****_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
This boy is thinking he's insane for trying live theater again. We did first read-throughs today and your boy was nervous and damned near stammering. Cast is interesting, although there's one girl who was giving your boy the Jeri look. You know how she kept coming back no matter how many times your boy told her he was gay. Guy they got at the last minute to play the other brother made your boy feel just like a brother, all unloved. He's not bad. Just not uber-friendly. Maybe it's just jet lag; seems he came from LA over the weekend. Name's Tom. Something. Shite, this boy can't remember.  
  
The pendant feels wonderful, Master. It's heavy and it weighs down on my throat and reminds your boy exactly who belongs to. It's not as good as your boy's collar, though, and he counts the minutes every day to get home so Master can put it back on him.  
  
Has your boy earned back the privileges he lost? He's trying very hard to think about what Master talked about Sunday, and he's trying to put it into words, just like Master asked. It's coming. But he's slow.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-28 08:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39018&format=light#t39018))   
---|---  
_Cast is interesting, although there's one girl who was giving your boy the Jeri look. You know how she kept coming back no matter how many times your boy told her he was gay._  
  
Do you want me to come in one day, pick you up? Just make sure that girl's around and I'll kiss you so hard that you'll be feeling it on opening night. Because not only is my boy gay, he's also _mine_.  
  
  
  
 _Has your boy earned back the privileges he lost? He's trying very hard to think about what Master talked about Sunday, and he's trying to put it into words, just like Master asked. It's coming. But he's slow._  
  
I wish you wouldn't think of it as privileges to earn or lose. It's things I feel comfortable doing with you right now, and things I don't. The faster we can get it into words and the more coherant we can be, I think the faster we can understand what happened and move on from it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?replyto=39018&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39018&format=light#t39018))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-04-28 08:48 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39274&format=light#t39274))   
---|---  
**Do you want me to come in one day, pick you up?**  
Your boy would love for Master to pick him up. Any day. Master can kiss him, bend him over the front-row center seats and shag him senseless. *smirk*  
  
  
Your boy understands about the words, Master, and he knows we're moving forward, not backward. If Master's agreeable, his boy won't go running in the morning and will wake Master up the way he likes best, then fix him a big breakfast. Right now, your boy is shutting off the computer, having responded to email from da and the family, and coming to bed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?replyto=39274&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39018&format=light#t39018))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39274&format=light#t39274))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-04-28 08:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39530&format=light#t39530))   
---|---  
_Your boy would love for Master to pick him up. Any day. Master can kiss him, bend him over the front-row center seats and shag him senseless. *smirk*_  
  
Don't tempt me. You know your master has an evil mind. *smirks back*  
  
  
  
  
 _If Master's agreeable, his boy won't go running in the morning and will wake Master up the way he likes best, then fix him a big breakfast._  
  
Master would like that.  
  
  
  
 _Right now, your boy is shutting off the computer, having responded to email from da and the family, and coming to bed._  
  
Are they coming to see the play? Do you want me to meet them? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?replyto=39530&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20586.html?thread=39274&format=light#t39274))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	128. jonnyleemiller: [email for james_marsters]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/04/28/) 12:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20830&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20830) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20830) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=20830&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)**_[ **james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/profile)[**james_marsters**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/james_marsters/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: PS2 tournament

Okay, got your attention. *snicker*

Seriously, mate, you guys moved in yet? Got an addy here? Phone?

This boy is being drawn and quartered with work (started a new play), but he can always make time for a game, and indoctrinating Mr. Denisof's boy to the finer side of London life ... you know, where the gaming stores are, best pints, coffee that won't make you spew.

Give me a ring. Sure the masters exchanged proper numbers and all.

Ta!  
~ Jonny Lee

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/20830.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	129. jonnyleemiller: JL/James Marsters: IM chat

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/01/) 19:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21101&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21101) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21101) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21101&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  cybergeeked out  
---|---  
  
_**JL/James Marsters: IM chat**_  
 **[players only. bored on saturday afternoon and waiting to start dinner, jonny lee goes scrounging and finds james marsters online]**  
  
  
 **zoned boy:** *knock knock*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** ?? Who is this?  
  
 **zoned boy:** 3 guesses  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Well I know it isn't Charlie or Steve. Sort of clueless here. Especially about who gave out my AIM . . .  
  
 **zoned boy:** tracked you down. not that hard for cybergeek  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Uhm. Okay. Not that that's comforting. Don't use this thing much, and hadn't thought a fan would go so far as to . . . do whatever it is you did . . . to get my AIM.  
  
 **zoned boy:** me? fan? nah. just a poor PS2'r who's bored. *hint hint*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Jesus? Jonny? Christ, give me a fucking heart attack why don't you!  
  
 **zoned boy:** sorry, mate.  
 **zoned boy:** this boy humbly apologizes  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy thinks there's not a humble bone in your body, but that's another story, yeah?  
  
 **zoned boy:** there's one. two, maybe. *smirk* so, settled in? london boy now?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Yeah, finally. Master's out in the damned garden. Again. Nothing new there. It's weird, this boy's been here to visit before, but he feels a bit lost suddenly living here, you know?  
  
 **zoned boy:** you'll get used to it. this boy's all over showing you the ins and outs.  
 **zoned boy:** garden? this boy thinks there's one of those out back. you do things in it?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** You do realize how that could be taken, yeah? Then again this boy likes the ins and outs and the all over. *smirk* This boy goes out and keeps Master company, but God Forbid anyone touch Master's rose bushes. *laughs* This boy's beginning to think Master is having an illicit affair with them.  
  
 **zoned boy:** thorny issue  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *snickers* Yeah, well this boy supposes Master has to get his sadomasochism on somewhere. All those thorns could be useful.  
  
 **zoned boy:** this boy doesn't know a rose from a mum, 'cept that his mum's not much of a rose when she's pissed at him.  
 **zoned boy:** hmm ... thorns ... *makes note for pire*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Should this boy be warning Master that Mr. Butler and Mr. Butler's boy might be getting up to naughty things with his roses, and to just ignore it? *laughs*  
  
 **zoned boy:** ignore. master wants thorns, he can grow them here.  
 **zoned boy:** wazzup on your side of london?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** What's up? Not much, we only got settled down the past few days, really. Master has been spending a lot of time with Vincent, which is cool. This boy is a bit bored though, feels a bit cooped up. It's really weird not working, though the guys should be here tomorrow, since we've got a concert in less than two weeks.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** You should come to the concert, if your Master will let you. *g*  
  
 **zoned boy:** this boy can probably manage some of his mandatory out of role time for that. what you play?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Music wise, or instrument wise?  
  
 **zoned boy:** either. or. both.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Lead vocals, guitar. The new stuff's got a British sound to it. We're pretty happy with it. *ponders* You don't like out of role time?  
  
 **zoned boy:** this boy is DAMNED frustrated with the rules.  
 **zoned boy:** oops  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Want to talk about it? Not to be presumptuous or anything, but maybe it would help to talk to another boy about it?  
  
 **zoned boy:** this boy sorta fucked up the other night and pire's backed off on the stricter rules. making out of role a daily thing.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** So these rules are sort of new? This boy noticed things had sort of . . . I don't know . . . changed for you at the Centennial.  
 **MadBrilliant:** Not to mention you with the whole 'this boy' thing.  
  
 **zoned boy:** *laughs* yeah. when we got back to london, new rules. still pretty loose. master doesn't want full m/s thing.  
 **zoned boy:** formal speech big part of it  
 **zoned boy:** that's me much as him ... this boy likes talking this way ;-)  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** It takes some getting used to at first, the formal thing. Hell, even this boy messes it up from time to time. *points up and blushes* This boy had wondered though, since you hadn't seemed totaly comfortable with it when this boy was using it the day you came over to the beach house.  
  
 **zoned boy:** acquired taste  
 **zoned boy:** nice on tongue  
 **zoned boy:** like a certain bleach-blond boy who isn't anymore  
 **zoned boy:** *sniggle* saw the papers  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Not the only thing nice on the tongue. *smirks* Oh jeez. Yeah, you think it looks all right? This boy couldn't figure out what else to do with it, once the dye started fading out to dark green. *shudders*  
  
 **zoned boy:** in some parts of london, the green would be wicked cool.  
 **zoned boy:** it's sexy  
 **zoned boy:** shouldn't say that ... this boy is flirting shamelessly, isn't he?  
 **zoned boy:** :-9  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *blush* Well as for the green, might be cool if this boy doesn't want to get a job, sadly though, the only call backs this boy was getting was for Vampires, rock stars, and drug addicts. Time to play something normal for a change.  
 **MadBrilliant:** Go right on ahead and flirt, you know this boy eats it up. Literally. *smirk*  
  
 **zoned boy:** *slurpy snogs*  
 **zoned boy:** this boy does try _not_ to flirt with some people. esp girl in cast who's intent on picking him up. *gag*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Ouch. Yeah. This boy gets that a lot. Especially since this boy spent forty years being an avowed heterosexual. What /was/ this boy thinking?  
 **MadBrilliant:** And you can't just say "Well I have a Master, so I'm not interested". Sometimes this boy thinks living this sort of lifestyle would be easier if he wasn't a celebrity. He wouldn't have to pretend he wasn't a boy half the time.  
  
 **zoned boy:** ditto  
 **zoned boy:** would just as soon kiss master in the middle of blood parliament as try to hide it  
 **zoned boy:** not that pire's into hiding it ... well, not the gay part of it  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Agreed there. Then again that's how Master and his boy got outed. We shagged on the set. Guess we were asking for it.  
  
 **zoned boy:** did snog him at heathrow on flight home from centennial. *smiles* in baggage claim. quickie and all.  
 **zoned boy:** treading lightly with the play  
 **zoned boy:** can't wear collar under clothes, so master bought his boy a new pendant to wear instead  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** And didn't get caught by the damn tabs? You two are very lucky. Yeah, can understand the treading lightly thing. This boy still hasn't figured out if/how this is going to impact his career. Frankly though, this boy doesn't care. Travel collar then? Master needs to get his boy one of those . . .  
 **MadBrilliant:** We somehow strayed from the original topic though, about out of role times. Though if you don't want to talk about it . . .  
  
 **zoned boy:** uh, yeah, we did  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *blushes* Feel free to tell this boy to fuck off, you know?  
  
 **zoned boy:** how 'bout this boy tells you to fuck him?  
 **zoned boy:** wait a minute. that might be topping. have to check.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Fuck. This part of the new rules? Does this mean we're not allowed to play anymore?  
  
 **zoned boy:** ...  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Oh. Well shit! *sighs*  
  
 **zoned boy:** we can still play. master doesn't have a problem with that.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy is confused?  
  
 **zoned boy:** master just has issues with his boy scening with others. friendly fucking's fine.  
 **zoned boy:** this is boy _stays_ confused  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** So the new rules have you confused? Have you mentioned that to Mr. Butler?  
  
 **zoned boy:** yes. no. we're talking?  
 **zoned boy:** this boy has trouble expressing himself  
 **zoned boy:** and he wants more than anything to please master so he won't lose him again  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Talking is good. Is it expressing it in formal, or just expressing it general that's giving you problems? *comforts* Yeah, this boy understands the not wanting to lose him thing. This boy safeworded out of his relationship with Master in the very beginning.  
  
 **zoned boy:** wow  
 **zoned boy:** color this boy mega-confused now  
 **zoned boy:** safeworded out?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *sighs* Master was . . . very different then. He was still living with Alyson then. Thing is, they weren't really together. Aly had dumped him for another woman (they were bearding each other) and Master was staying to /hurt/ Aly, to punish her for leaving him. Aly was this boy's friend. This boy couldn't be a party to all that hurtfulness.  
 **MadBrilliant:** Master was on this big self-destruction kick when he and his boy first got together.  
  
 **zoned boy:** *pets*  
 **zoned boy:** so you told him no?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Yeah. This boy ended it. Master went away for a while to figure his life out, and realized this boy was right, and he needed to let go of the vengeance and bitterness. We got back together after that. This boy doesn't think we /could/ have stayed apart . . .  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** We managed about two weeks? Master came out to Altanta where this boy was appearing at a convention, and we patched things up then. Trust this boy when he says that the sex was never a problem, we weren't able to keep our hands off of each other. Master had a hard time though, giving his heart again. He's changed. A lot. Most definitely for the better. *blush*  
  
 **zoned boy:** afk ... raiding fridge  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *laughs* Slave to Mr. Butler and the stomach?  
  
 **zoned boy:** back  
 **zoned boy:** *corrects in stern, but polite voice* /not/ a slave  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Whoops, sorry. This boy forgets sometimes how figures of speech sometimes don't work in this lifestyle. ;)  
 **MadBrilliant:** *goes all swoony at the stern voice*  
 **MadBrilliant:** Oh SHIT! *groans*  
  
 **zoned boy:** you okay, mate?  
 **zoned boy:** wasn't anything this boy said?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *headdesks* This boy never juggled two AIM windows before. Fuck. This boy really just fucked up. *groans*  
  
 **zoned boy:** *scrolls up* ... only apart two weeks ... wow ... took pire a year to come back to this boy  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** _MadBrilliant:_ This boy thinks that tone of voice will go right to his cock every time.  
 _DeMars:_ ?1? dude, what the fuck is this about?? no, fuck, I don't wanna know. you and Alexis are already TMI.  
  
 **zoned boy:** huh? what'd you do?  
 **zoned boy:** oops B-P  
 **zoned boy:** DeMars a friend?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Our guitarist, and a friend, yeah.  
  
 **zoned boy:** eek  
 **zoned boy:** take it he's not d/s  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** He's not that long out of high school. Not something this boy's ever asked him about, actually.  
  
 **zoned boy:** nie having someone in the life to talk to 'bout it  
 **zoned boy:** nice, even ... shite, should not try to type and eat at same time  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Just as long as you're not trying to type and eat cock at the same time? *laughs* Well, at least he thought I was AIMing Master. Last thing he needs to know is that it wasn't Master I was saying that to . . .  
  
 **zoned boy:** uh, speaking of master ... it ok for you to do this  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *scrolls up* So what happened with you and Mr. Butler then? Oh, yeah, Master doesn't mind me on the computer at all.  
  
 **zoned boy:** *phew* don't want mr. denisof all over this boy's arse  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** You're one of the people on 'the list', so no worries.  
  
 **zoned boy:** *squirms* on da list *high-five*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** *grins* Yeah. Hrm. Need to talk to him about that, because Mr. Urban is on the list, and this boy isn't certain how he feels about Mr. Urban right now . . .  
  
 **rpgjonnylee:** zoned boy: pire and i broke up ... long before we started the d/s thing  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** So you two were dating before?  
  
 **zoned boy:** re mr. urban ... uh, why?  
 **zoned boy:** yeah, we were *dating*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Oh shit. This boy thought you knew. Okay, this is between just us then . . . Uhm, are you allowed to do that? Have like a secret?  
  
 **zoned boy:** living together for nearly two years, off and on ... uh, yeah, this boy can have a secret  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** That must have been really difficult. Living together like that, then breaking up. This boy is glad you worked things out.  
 **MadBrilliant:** As for Mr. Urban. He and Lin broke up. She's really hurting, and it's killing this boy. *sighs*  
  
 **zoned boy:** ...  
 **zoned boy:** shite. didn't realize. fuck, mate. you guys close?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Yeah. Not enough love to go around, apparently.  
  
 **zoned boy:** and tell this boy to fuck himself if you like  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Close? Don't know how to define it. It's weird actually. This boy is in love with her. This boy's life could've have been -- would have been very different if he hadn't joined the Establishment.  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy and Lin . . . Well, we were sort of headed towards a possible relationship, and Master and I were just co-workers and casual friends. Never would have acted on our attraction if Tony hadn't sponsored me into the EST.  
 **MadBrilliant:** Welcome to this boy's twisted life.  
  
 **zoned boy:** twisted lives are the norm here  
 **zoned boy:** wow, though ... didn't know 'bout you loving her  
 **zoned boy:** this boy's never been /in love/ with anyone 'cept master ... not even ang ... although he loves her, a lot ...  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Seems like it, doesn't it? This boy just wishes this hadn't happened you know? And this Boy is really pissed at himself for not noticing she wasn't happy recently *sigh* Yeah, this boy hasn't figured it out yet himself since well, pretty much gay now. This boy makes exceptions for Lin though.  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy wonders if that makes it easier? Only having been in love once?  
  
 **zoned boy:** *evades question*  
 **zoned boy:** *g*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Fair enough. This boy sometimes thinks he's been in love too much, you know? Sure would have made this boy's divorce a lot easier . . .  
  
 **zoned boy:** *snorts* this boy's divorce was easy. he just signed papers her lawyer sent over.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** As for Lin though, this boy knew he couldn't be everything she needed. This boy isn't a Dom, and doesn't have it in him to hurt a woman, consensually or otherwise.  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy thought she found that with Mr. Urban and Stuart. So this boy's feelings about Mr. Urban are rather mixed right now.  
 **MadBrilliant:** So the D/s end of the spectrum is new for you and Mr. Butler then?  
  
 **zoned boy:** yeah. kinda went head-first into it when we got back together last november. maybe too fast. this boy doesn't know.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Yeah, this boy understands that. Both times Master and his boy went too fast, thankfully it worked out the second time though.  
  
 **zoned boy:** you did?  
 **zoned boy:** uh, can this boy ...  
 **zoned boy:** how too fast?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Can you what? Molest this boy sixteen ways from Sunday? Always. *laughs* Seriously though, Master and his boy went from being casual friends to suddenly there was just this . . . need. For both of us. It was pretty fucking all-consuming.  
  
 **zoned boy:** *laughs* uh, can this boy do that too? all sixteen ways?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy bets we could discover a few more than sixteen. :P  
  
 **zoned boy:** this boy's in rehearsals every day. hours are weird. lunch?  
 **zoned boy:** proper chips and a brew somewhere tween this boy and that boy?  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** This boy would love that. You're one of the few friends this boy has in London, so yeah, lunch, dinner, whenever. This boy is always game.  
  
 **zoned boy:** cool. gotta go fix dinner for master now. but this boy will email you details later, soon as he clears it with master.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Awesome. This boy is glad -- unsettled somewhat -- but glad that you found his AIM. *g*  
  
 **zoned boy:** technogeek. *shrugs* picked up the passion doing hackers. he promises he won't tell anyone else.  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Thanks for that. This boy usually only uses it to talk to family and the guys in the band. Okay, this boy is shutting up now so he doesn't get you in trouble with Mr. Butler. Have fun with your Master. *wicked smirk*  
  
 **zoned boy:** *licks*  
  
 **MadBrilliant:** Tease! *licks back and nips*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21101.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	130. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, May 4

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/04/) 22:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21270&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21270) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21270) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21270&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  frustrated beyond belief  
---|---  
  
_****Journal, Tuesday, May 4****_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
Master, tell your boy again how there's no video games in prison and remind him how much he doesn't like confined spaces ... because if that damned woman hits on your boy one more time, he's going to strangle her. Your boy is curious, and he asked her today even, which part of NO gave her the most trouble, the N or the O. Tomorrow, he thinks he'll see if she understands GAY.  
  
Oh, on better news, your boy heard from Mr. Bean, and he's going to be in Cannes, possibly the same time you said we were going down for networking, and then might come through London to see the play. Christ, your boy hates doing the publicity thing, but he's rather eager to be accompanying Master, be the boyfriend and all.  
  
Actually, several people have commented about coming to the play. Shite, your boy just got more nervous. And there's a guy in the play. Tom. Hardy. Actually remembered the last name this time. He's asked your boy about going out for pints. Yes, your boy _knows_ he doesn't have to ask permission to go out, but he likes Master to know who he's out with. And speaking of that, Mr. Denisof and his boy, James, are settled in the London house now. Your boy had a cool IM convo with James the other night; the boys plan to do lunch one day.  
  
Pire, if your boy goes down to the playroom and kneels very properly, would Master like to play?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-05 03:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=39958&format=light#t39958))   
---|---  
So the kiss didn't straighten her out? You mind if I take her out back and fight over you? Hm. Try telling her that the last woman you slept with was your wife and you don't want to break your wedding vows even after the divorce by fucking another woman. Worth a shot.  
  
  
Wonderful to hear about Mr. Bean. You shouldn't be worried about people coming in and watching. They know how good you are and, also, none of them have seen the play before so if you fuck up, they won't notice.  
  
  
I like you going out for lunch and whatever with your friends. I didn't like you cooped up in the house so much. I still think that there's only a certain amount of video games a boy can play before his mind turns into sticky mush.  
  
  
  
  
 _Pire, if your boy goes down to the playroom and kneels very properly, would Master like to play?_  
  
Master would. What did his boy have in mind? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?replyto=39958&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=39958&format=light#t39958))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-05 09:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40214&format=light#t40214))   
---|---  
Master, your boy was thinking extreme. As far as Master wants to go, respective of that one limit we agreed not to test anymore for a while. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?replyto=40214&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=39958&format=light#t39958))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40214&format=light#t40214))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-05 09:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40470&format=light#t40470))   
---|---  
I was thinking more in the terms of a good solid beating. What do you mean by extreme? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?replyto=40470&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40214&format=light#t40214))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40470&format=light#t40470))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-05 09:18 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40726&format=light#t40726))   
---|---  
A beating works, Master. Extreme would involve a good bit of restraint, maybe plug and not getting to come. Your boy's needing to feel grounded, but it's up to Master how much he wants to hurt his boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?replyto=40726&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40470&format=light#t40470))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40726&format=light#t40726))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-05 09:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40982&format=light#t40982))   
---|---  
Well, I don't want to hurt you hard enough that you'll have problems with the play.  
  
  
Vibrating plug, cock ring with snaps, alligator clamps. Put those on and then get yourself ready on the cross. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?replyto=40982&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html?thread=40726&format=light#t40726))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	131. gerard: Ice, Bootworship, and the good sort of zoning.

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/04/) 22:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32623&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32623) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32623) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32623&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ice, Bootworship, and the good sort of zoning.** _  
[players only. Takes place after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21270.html) journal entry.</a> May 4th, 2004.]

  
Gerard gives Jonny Lee enough time to notice his comment and obey before changing into his leather pants and boots. It's been too long since he's felt comfortable beating his boy and he wants to dress up to mark the occasion. Last time it had been in sweats. And sweats, while comfortable, were not very masterly.

The instructions were explicit and to the point. _Vibrating plug._ Jonny Lee opens the closet at the playroom's far end. _Cock ring with snaps._ He pulls out the plug, grabs the cock ring. _Alligator clamps._ And snags them off the hook. _Put those on and then get yourself ready on the cross._

The cock ring's easy enough, since Jonny Lee's hard already, just from the journal exchange, and he snaps it one tighter than he should. Clamps go on with a hissed-in breath and quick panting through the sudden pain. The plug's a bit more difficult to maneuver, being one size bigger than he needs but he's wanting to make sure it stays in. A smidge of lube, a grimace and a lot of pushing and it's in. He retrieves the remote, moving gingerly across the room, and turns it on before setting it down on the weight bench.

Gerard makes a detour in the kitchen and grabs two ice cubes from the bucket in the freezer. They stick to his fingers, but a quick breath on the both of them starts the melting process. Gerard runs a hand through his hair and then descends the stairs. Jonny Lee's standing obediently by the cross, ready for him, and Gerard grins.

"Good boy," he says. He gives Jonny Lee a kiss just below his hairline and then takes an ice cube and presses it to that spot. He slides it downwards slowly.

The shiver runs down his spine along with the melting ice. Jonny Lee jerks his head up, letting out a whimper at the sudden cold. "Thank you, Master," he says, settling against the rasp of chains connecting the clamps, tugging on his nipples.

"No need to thank me," Gerard says. He lets the ice linger around the base of Jonny Lee's spine and then starts it on an upward journey. "When was the last time my boy played with temperature sensations?"

"In LA, Master, with Mr. Sinclair." The ice is chilling, melting as it moves, water dripping down his body. "Your boy would love for Master to do it."

"Then Master will." The second cube comes into play and Gerard swirls the both of them around in abstract patterns until they're little more than nubs.

"Your boy likes that. Cold, but in a good way. Almost numbing, but not quite there." Jonny Lee arches his head back, clenches his fingers. He wants to be bound, not have to stand still on his own. It's too hard. But he knows Pire knows that, and Master's most likely making his boy do it just for torture's sake. He squirms, then immediately regrets it, the plug shifting to a deeper angle, filling him more than before.

"Your boy likes that. Cold, but in a good way. Almost numbing, but not quite there." Jonny Lee arches his head back, clenches his fingers. He wants to be bound, not have to stand still on his own. It's too hard. But he knows Pire knows that, and Master's most likely making his boy do it just for torture's sake. He squirms, then immediately regrets it, the plug shifting to a deeper angle, filling him more than before.

Gerard grins at Jonny Lee's struggle, placing his leg between his knees, pinning his boy against the cross. He brings his hand around and offers the last of the ice to Teak.

Sucking in the ice, he manages a quick slurp of Gerard's fingers. "Tastes good, Master." He feels more comfortable, pinned down, Gerard's weight holding him. This is how it's supposed to be, submissive and giving and letting Master take what he wants and needs.

Gerard chuckles. "I'm sure it does." As much as he likes the way Teak's tongue caresses his fingers, he has a boy to torment. He moves back and picks the remote off the weight bench and plays a little with the dial, raising and lowering the speed of the vibrations.

Squirm doesn't come close to defining what Jonny Lee does in reaction to the vibrator's rapid-fire switching of speeds. "Fuck, Pire, settle on one," he spits out before thinking, slamming his forehead into the crosspiece.

" _What_ did you just say?" It's obvious that Jonny Lee wasn't thinking, but that's no excuse. He's the one who wanted to be hurt. Fuck. Gerard's going to have to punish him for that. He turns the vibrator all the way up and leaves it there for a long moment. Then he turns it off.

"Christ _fuck_ , Pire," Jonny Lee gets out before the vibrations increase, shoving his body forward, smashing his cock into the lower crosspiece, jangling the clamps, setting new pain upon pain for the minute before Gerard turns the vibrator off. "Master, fuck, your boy is sorry. He didn't mean to snap out like that. He wants the pain. He does. He just. It's been so long. Please, forgive him."

"Lesson number one," Gerard says coldly. "You do not call me by my name." He walks deliberately away, making sure Jonny Lee can hear every step. He drops the remote onto the floor, jumping a little at the clatter it makes. "Lesson number two. You do **not** tell me what to do. Understand?"

"Yes, Master," he snaps out, much more contritely than before. _Please don't walk away. Don't leave._ "Your boy has no say in what Master does. He understands." _Christ, he understands_. Jonny Lee's brain is reeling, the chilled tone of Gerard's voice cutting straight into his brain, sinking him into headspace.

"He'd better." His tone is curt and clipped, but he sounds more angry than he actually is. "Then my boy better get right the fuck down here and show his master how sorry he is."

_Show him. Down here_. Realization sinks in about as fast as the headspace had and Jonny Lee turns, dropping to his knees, eyes lowered and not once looking at Gerard. He sinks lower, consciously dropping his mind to where this is second-nature, and he lowers his head, kisses the tip of Gerard's boot, the 15-eyelet one, and starts licking it, short swipes of his tongue caressing the leather.

Gerard holds back the automatic praise that Jonny Lee correctly interpreted an order that hadn't been entirely given. This is punishment. Gerard holds his hands behind his back and glares down at his boy, watching every move closely. It's punishment and he's looking for mistakes.

Jonny Lee is paying very careful attention to his actions. He laces his hands behind his back, balancing as best he can, the chain connecting the clamps scraping the floor, setting off a ripple effect to his cock. He tamps down on everything except what he's doing, pleasing Master, shutting out all noise except for Master's breathing, the possible sound of his voice.

The balance is more precarious as Jonny Lee works along the back of his Master' boot, but he manages it, putting one shoulder to the floor to keep from moving too far forward. Then he shifts to the other boot, working around it in silence, hoping he's coming close to making amends with Master for his indiscretion.

Jonny Lee looks so earnest that Gerard can't help but be charmed. Any anger he did have is evaporated by the time Jonny Lee's lips work at Gerard's heel. "Very good, boy," he murmurs. "Is my boy sorry for what he did?"

Jonny Lee keeps his head down, but pulls his mouth off the leather. "Yes, Master," he says quietly with complete contrition. "Your boy is very sorry for his error."

"And will my boy ever do it again?" Of course Jonny Lee will. He's only human. But right now Gerard wants to hear the lie because he knows Jonny Lee's going to try. Jonny Lee's a good boy. He's going to try and that's all Gerard can ask of him.

"Your boy would like to please Master and say he'll never do it again, but your boy isn't _that_ stupid, Master. He will try not to make the same mistake again."

Gerard's never liked it when Jonny Lee referred to himself as stupid, but he supposes this is a step in the right direction. "Very well. Get on the cross."

It's an effort to pull himself upright, then Jonny Lee knee-walks the few steps to the cross, standing and placing himself against it. The whole time he's wincing at how tightly the plug is holding, how the clamps' chain is swinging and tugging them and fuckin' hard his cock is just from what they've done so far. He puts his hands up against the restraints.

Gerard can't help but lick his lips at the careful movement Jonny Lee makes to get on the cross. He's always liked making boys in pain move. Gerard follows Jonny Lee and slides his fingers over his before fastening Jonny Lee's wrist to the black metal.

Instinctively, he tests the restraints as they're locked down. He can't get out, knows that without pulling at them. It's part of going under, putting himself in his Master's hands, trusting completely that Pire will take care of him. And he does. Implicitly. He'll zone, he knows it. He's already started. The key, Jonny Lee realizes as he hangs his head between the crosspieces, is controlling how fast, how deep he sinks. Tonight he tries.

Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse as he stands from tying down Jonny Lee's ankles. He leans forward and brushes his lips against the curl of Jonny Lee's ear. "Choose," he whispers. He's going to give his boy a beating, but he wants Teak to choose the instrument. He wants Jonny Lee to have at least that little control.

_Choose?_ It takes Jonny Lee a split second to process. _Ah, pick what you want to be beaten with._ "Flogger, Master. The heavy leather one." He really wants the chain one, but he's not so far gone as to not realize he _does_ have to be at rehearsals in the morning. Plus, he wants Gerard closer than the whips would allow.

"Good boy." Gerard isn't in any hurry to get it. His teeth nick at Jonny Lee's ear and his arms come up to cover his boy's. He leans in a little, pressing Jonny Lee against the cross. He can feel the vibrator against his thigh and he pushes in slightly. _Poor boy. Caught between a rock and a hard place._ Gerard smirks and licks at Jonny Lee's earring.

Jonny Lee can't think of anywhere he'd rather be, caught between Master and the cross, the plug digging into his arse with Gerard's touch. He cranes his neck, tilts into the licks. "Please. Love that, Master. Want you."

"What makes you think you've been given permission to beg?" His arms come down and wiggle their way between Jonny Lee's body and the cross. One hand wraps around Jonny Lee's cock while the other plays with the chain between the nipple clamps. He sucks at the small stud and flicks the backing with his tongue.

"Nothing, Master." _Think, Miller._ "Except that Master has said he wants his boy talking during scenes, so his boy thought --" Hand on cock's distracting from the fingers teasing at the chain, but it's the simple sucking on his ear that sends Jonny Lee spinning. "Oh, fuck, Master." He's harder than he wants, the cock ring biting into his flesh. "So good."

Gerard twirls the backing around the back of the post with the tip of his tongue. The last time he's had a boy with an earring was Conner and Gerard had forgotten how much fun it could be to play. Gerard twists the nipple clamps' chain around his finger, making the pull ache even more.

The ache's going to quickly mutate from simple and scintillating to mind-numbing. That's how clamps work, bit by bit insinuating their pain into the brain. Jonny Lee moans, but doesn't talk, not sure if it's okay to keep going with the words.

Gerard continues to play until he can tell Jonny Lee's close to coming despite the cockring. Only then does he pull back. He smirks. "What was it you wanted again, boy?"

_Fuck_. He manages to keep it quiet this time. "Your boy wants pain, Master. He wants your hand controlling the flogger that beats him." Jonny Lee's positive he could come in an instant if Gerard demanded it; he's so friggin' hard. "Please, Master, show your boy who he belongs to, who controls him."

"Does my boy really _need_ to be shown who owns him," Gerard teases. "Because I think it would be obvious just looking at you, all spread out and aching for me." He fetches the heavy flogger and runs the tails through his fingers. "Count for me," he orders, and then lands the first strike, not too hard, but not soft enough that Jonny Lee would complain.

"One," he spits out. "Thank you, Master." _Fuck, I hate counting. Necessary evil, Miller_. "No, your boy knows who owns him. Body, soul and heart.

"Smart boy." Gerard gives Jonny Lee the second stroke. He's taking it slow. He wants to hear Jonny Lee count every single one as it comes. And his boy does, beautifully.

"Two, Sir," he allows with no desire to countermand Gerard's praise. Jonny Lee's learning. And the stinging thud of the leather is a perfect teacher. Before he can think about it, Gerard's to a dozen, and Jonny Lee's counting every one. "Nineteen," he says, and the zone starts to take hold. Just the edges of it, the world turning grey like a London overcast sky. "Twenty-," he slips, "twenty-five, Master." He's consciously willing himself to keep counting, no matter how badly he wants to slide into the void, let there be nothing from the sound of the flogger striking and the caress of its leather. Even with his eyes wide open, Jonny Lee's world is turning black. "Thiry. No," he pulls his head up, then drops it down. "Thirty. Three."

Gerard pauses, not sure of the signals Jonny Lee's putting out. "Which one is it, boy? Thirty or thirty-three?" It's actually thirty-four, but it's not the missed number that he's concerned about. This is going to end when Jonny Lee can't talk anymore.

Jonny Lee blinks his eyes, takes a deep breath, focuses past the pain of plug and clamps and, something else. He can't concentrate. Then his cock throbs. _Oh, yeah, that_. He smiles. The trio of sensation just magnifies the lashes on his back, the small welts can he feel rising. _Master asked a question_. He thinks harder. _How many, Jonny? Go back through them. Think._ He knows the answer. It's right there, outside the void.

"Thirty-four, Sir," he says after a minute, his voice more solid than before. "The count's at thirty-four, Master, unless your boy missed one."

"He didn't," Gerard replies easily. Smiles. "How much more does my boy think he can take?"

_Don't lie, Jonny_. The internal conversation is frustrating. _It's where you both need to go_. Um, maybe another ten or fifteen," he starts, "before your boy zones out. He's very close, Master, but he's fighting it."

Good boy. Gerard wants to see how long Jonny Lee can fight it off, but he won't go further than the limits Teak just set for himself. "Fifteen, then." He takes a few steps closer and passes a hand across Jonny Lee's heated back. "You may come at twelve, if you can."

Fifteen. He can handle that. Coming at twelve. Jonny Lee smiles. That's gonna be harder. "Forty, Master," he says, keeping up with the count. _Stay with him, Jonny. You can do it._ He's floating in the pain, unable to distinguish one sensation from the next, all of it melding and morphing in the void. _Just a bit longer. Prove you can make this work_. Forty-three." His voice is low, almost inaudible, but not gone.

Gerard works over Jonny Lee's back in silence. As the 46th strike hits, he pauses but says nothing, waiting to see if Jonny Lee can come just from what he's received. As sadistic as Gerard is, he's not about to beat Jonny Lee mid-orgasm.

_Why's he stopping?_ Jonny Lee's counting and knows it hasn't been fifteen. Not yet. _Math, Jonny. Add the numbers_. He calculates. Twelve. He can come. He tugs his hands against the restraints, for a moment thinking somewhere in the void he can reach down, pull the strap off his cock and jerk himself off. They don't budge. _Come if you can_. He stretches his head up, arches his back, pushes his body out against the leather holding him back. Almost. So close. In another minute, he's coming, his cock throbbing and jerking at the ring but coming. And he screams, from deep in the void, riding out one of the most incredibly intense orgasms he's ever had.

Watching Jonny Lee come while tied up has always been an exercise in restraint for Gerard. It's in the way the cross holds him up, the way the cuffs lock him in, the way Jonny Lee's body is held in check by restrains that only Gerard can unlock. Gerard unhooks the top of his pants and then slides his hand beneath the buttons of the fly and his hips to stroke his cock. When Jonny Lee's screams begin to fade, Gerard pulls his hand out of his pants and takes up the flogger once more. Without giving Jonny Lee any warning, he lands the 47th blow.

The scream doesn't die down. It echoes off the walls and into the blackness that's consuming Jonny Lee. All that's keeping him on _this_ side of sinking completely is a promise to try not to go down, to stay coherent enough that Master doesn't worry. "Forty-eight," he says, panting.

"Good boy," Gerard says. Something tells him that his boy needs his approval, needs his master to keep talking to him. Something to keep him grounded. "Very very good boy. Forty-ninth now." It's softer than before but with Jonny Lee's back so red Gerard doesn't think he'll notice.

Forty-nine. That's fifteen. _Drop, Jonny. It's okay now. He's got you_. He does just that. "Thank you, Master," Jonny Lee says quietly, his voice still and serial killer calm. "Please. Zone now. While you hold your boy."

Gerard's impressed that Jonny Lee managed to not zone this long. He puts the flogger down on the bench next to the vibrator remote and kneels down to unstrap Jonny Lee's ankles. Then the nipple clamps all at once and the vibrator. He gives Jonny Lee a moment and then slides the cockring off gently.

There's an emptiness when the plug's removed, a craving he wants filled, but it's quickly negated by the sharp tug of the clamps coming off. He winces, bites back the whimper, but lets out a long breath as his cock's freed. "Master. Love you."

"Love you, too." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's heated back before reaching up to let Jonny Lee's wrists go free. "You hurt so well for me."

At those words, Jonny Lee drops himself in the blackness, letting the pain his body's been collecting drown him as Gerard wraps arms around him, holding him close. _Did it, Jonny. Kept it together for him._ The burn of his back sears to his spine, and the blood rushing to cock and nipples etches a prickly path. _Listen. He'll call you back when he's ready. Just float for now._ He goes silent, barely breathing, unaware for the moment of anything other than Gerard's hushed breathing, enveloped in the dark void.

Gerard's worried for a moment that Jonny Lee's passed out, but the worry fades when he realizes that Jonny Lee just let himself go. Gerard holds him tight and close, stroking him soothingly. This had gone better than he'd hoped it would but, Gerard thinks with a grin, Jonny Lee's going to have hell at rehearsal tomorrow.

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32623.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	132. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Saturday, May 8

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/08/) 12:04:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21713&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21713) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21713) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21713&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  pained bliss  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  Offspring on the mp3 player heading out the door  
  
_**Journal, Saturday, May 8**_  
[left public because he's having a rough non-thinking morning]  
  
Master, remind your boy the next time he wants to be beaten that he's in the middle of rehearsals and it's damned awkward moving upstage when his body's rebelling against movement in any direction. At least your boy didn't have much sitting to do during Friday's rehearsals. He skipped running this morning, and is damned thankful that today's rehearsal is a short one, blocking the dinner scene.  
  
But all that said, Master, your boy wouldn't take it back. Master's hands work a flogger with such skill, and his boy would take the stiff muscles and bruises over being able to run any day.  
  
Pire, been thinking about the conscious signals we talked about. Still not a hundred percent on what would make Master more comfortable with his boy's zoning, but we're getting there. If your boy were the kind to take things in and analyze them, he'd probably already have a solution. But he's not. He tends to just jump in, kinda like freefalling from a plane. He's sure he'll remember to pull the ripcord before the ground reaches up and snags him.  
  
Anyhow, dashing off now. See you after rehearsals, unless somebody wants to grab pints.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-09 09:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41425&format=light#t41425))   
---|---  
_Master, remind your boy the next time he wants to be beaten that he's in the middle of rehearsals and it's damned awkward moving upstage when his body's rebelling against movement in any direction._  
  
Why should I, when it's so fun watching you strain and hurt yourself, and see you remember who gave them to you - who owns you - every time it hurts? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=41425&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-05-10 03:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41681&format=light#t41681))   
---|---  
Is this meant to be public?  
  
Anyway, speaking of grabbing pints... you feel like having a drink one evening after rehearsals? It's hard getting hold of you right now - I presume you have your mobile turned off so as not to disturb the company while you're working - but it's going to be damned near impossible once you start your run. Thought I might grab you while you still have the occasional evening free (your Master permitting, of course). 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=41681&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41681&format=light#t41681))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-10 04:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41937&format=light#t41937))   
---|---  
Uh, no, not really supposed to be public. Was dashing off and forgot to toggle custom lock.  
What the hell. Doesn't matter.  
  
Yes, sir, mobile's off. Drink would be fab. Most any night's fine, Mr. Law. *smirk* Master doesn't mind at all. Truth is, we're headed to Cannes for a couple nights end of week, but other than that, this boy is yours for the grabbing. Take or leave the inneundo at your discretion. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=41937&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41681&format=light#t41681))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41937&format=light#t41937))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-05-10 05:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42193&format=light#t42193))   
---|---  
Ha, thought so. I haven't made that mistake yet but I suppose it's only a matter of time. I'm so nervous about accidentally leaving something public that I meant to be private that I triple and quadruple check everything before I post. Then again, that's just me.  
  
So, what do you reckon? I can meet you at the Almeida when you get out of rehearsal. Pints at the Hope and Anchor? Music at the Kings Head? Or... what's that place with the pool tables that's just round the corner. I think it's called the Islington Tavern or something. Assuming they haven't gone and converted it into some trendy gastro pub, of course. I swear I'm losing track these days. Of course there's always the Club 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=42193&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=41937&format=light#t41937))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42193&format=light#t42193))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-10 05:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42449&format=light#t42449))   
---|---  
How are you for Monday? Where? Well, unless we're going under tables again, we're safe at Anchor for pints. Wouldn't mind a spot of music to wind down. You takin' me dancing? Of course there's always the Club if you're of a mind to crawl under things. Or over. Or in, out and around.  
  
This boy needs to be with other humans. His mind is mushing. Rehearsal's over about 9 or so, unless certain cast members decide to ask silly questions. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=42449&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42193&format=light#t42193))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42449&format=light#t42449))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-05-10 10:37 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42705&format=light#t42705))   
---|---  
Mmm... under the tables? I was thinking more of _on_ the tables. Dancing. Haha.  
  
Yeah, Monday's good for me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?replyto=42705&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21713.html?thread=42449&format=light#t42449))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	133. gerard: Thoughts before Cannes

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/10/) 01:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32261&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32261) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32261) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32261&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Thoughts before Cannes** _  
[private]

You can know every single thing there is to know about a person and still not know him. Nine times out of ten I think I can predict what Teak will do and the tenth time I'm just stumped. And, hell, most of those nine times I'm wrong anyway.

There are some things I just don't know about Teak. And there are some things I do know. I know he loves me. I know he cares for me. I know, on some level, he needs me, or, at least, what I represent as a dominant.

He says he wants to get rid of the little of the closet we still have left. I don't fucking think anyone will _care_ that two B-list actors are shagging, but there's Teak's friends to keep in mind. I can't help thinking that I should call up Ewan and Jude and run it by them. Because, like it or not, Teak's still " _Trainspotting_ 's Jonny Lee Miller" and bringing up Trainspotting is bringing up Ewan and so if any rags get it, they'll try to call him up. Not that I think the rags will bother, but you never know when a day might be a slow newsday and aliens aren't landing in Stonehenge or whatever the shite is they're printing these days.

Then there's the fact that Teak's been married, so they'd bring up that. They'd bring up Angie, ask if she knew he was gay when she married him, ask if that was why they split up. They'll paint him as the villain. Closeted Man Hides Shameful Secret From Loving Wife. Ah, fuck. This is _Angelina_ we're talking about. No one would believe that.

Sometimes I think Hollywood isn't about who you are, it's about who knows you.

Anyway, this is all just a crock of bull. No one cared in Heathrow and no one will care in Cannes. Now go fuck your boy, Butler.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32261.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	134. jonnyleemiller: JLM/SB/EB: One Night in Cannes

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/14/) 20:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25717&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25717) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25717) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25717&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/SB/EB: One Night in Cannes** _  
[occurs friday, may 14, in cannes, after sean bean and eric bana run into jonny lee miller at a party. this is the incident jonny lee confesses about weeks later to gerard, which led to [the quarrel](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37792.html)]

  
Sean wishes he could loosen his tie and undo the first few buttons of his shirt, but it's just not late enough in the evening yet. He sighs and searches across the room for Eric again. He'd like to be able to wander over and wrap his arms around Eric, but it's not late enough in the evening for _that_ yet, either. All in all, it's just not bloody late enough, which makes Sean think he should go back to the hotel room and wait until it _is_. He's getting a bit tired of premiere parties.

Eric catches Sean looking at him. Smiles and nods. Notices Sean's looking a little tired. They all are. Eric's never been one for parties and the ones in Cannes seem endless. He politely excuses himself from the conversation and strolls across the room to join Sean. "Just about had it, have you?" he asks, smiling, wishing he could kiss Sean right here.

"Nearly," Sean admits. He looks Eric over; Eric looks about like Sean feels, tired but determined to put a good face on it. A hug would feel fantastic right now, but he doesn't think he could let Eric go if he gave him one. "Have you had a chance to say hello to the people you _wanted_ to see, at least?" He cranes his head around, looking to see if there's anyone else around that he meant to say hello to; at least he's managed to say hello to Ewan here in Cannes.

Eric laughs. "Yeah, and a few I didn't." He shakes his head. "I've about had it up to here with Brad."

Hell. Sean can't let that pass without at least giving Eric a squeeze on the shoulder. "Yeah, I can imagine," he says wryly.

Jonny Lee's _only_ reason for coming to Cannes was because Gerard wants him to be there, and Gerard's doing wonderfully at showing off his lover to friends and acquaintances, but Jonny Lee's too shy to make small talk and he's definitely not comfortable around Gerard's co-star, Emily, even though she's nice enough, but the conversation's turned to literature and Emily's smart and Emily's very sexy husband is brilliant and Gerard's matching them point for point as Jonny Lee smiles and sips at the glass of wine he wishes were a pint of stout. He makes an excuse about wanting to mingle, and with a quick grope from Gerard he's turning around, sighing a breath of relief and looking for the first exit out to fresh air and retrieving a pack of fags from his pocket.

The flash of movement at the edge of the room catches Sean's attention, and he blinks, trying to figure out if he's seeing who he thinks he's seeing. In a room like this it can be so difficult to know for _sure_... but no, that's Jonny Lee, and Sean squeezes Eric's shoulder again. "Hang on," he says. "Just spotted someone I _haven't_ said hello to yet."

He squeezes through the crowd just in time to catch Jonny Lee at the exit doors. "Hello there," he grins. "Leaving already?"

The voice catches his ear first and he smiles without thinking. "Uh, no, Sir," he says, turning to face Sean. "Just going out for a smoke, something other than _stimulating_ conversation."

_Sir_ in a crowd like this. God, Jonny Lee's _still_ effin' adorable. Sean grins. "You want to meet my boyfriend before you go?" he asks. He turns across the room and gives Eric a wave. "He doesn't bite. Well... he's learning about biting."

Jonny Lee's sure he blushes at that. Sean can make him blush by just hinting at saying the right thing. "Yes, Sir, this boy would love to meet him." He quickly, easily drops into the formal speech he's been so carefully avoiding all night. He glances in the direction Sean's waving. _Fuckin' Christ. And it's the new boyfriend?_ "He's learning, Sir? He looks like he'd be damned good at it already."

"Well..." Sean grins and brings his hands up, sliding his cufflink free of his sleeve, ostensibly to fix it, straighten it out, replace the cufflink so the square's lined up properly. Really, it's more an excuse to give Jonny Lee a flash of Sean's wrist, where the bruises from last night are still vibrant on his skin, before his sleeve covers it again. "He's got very good instincts. But he's still learning. Still new to everything."

If Sean's voice had Jonny Lee smiling, and the glimpse of Sean's new boyfriend had him tripping a bit over the lust line, then the flash of bruising has him hard before he can finish his wine and pass it off to the nearest waiter. "If he has Sir for a teacher, then he's going to learn very quickly," Jonny Lee says, that knowing glint of mischief in his eyes, "and this boy imagines he'll have as many bruises as Sir does."

Eric catches Sean's wave and he nods, making his way across the room, weaving through the crowd. Smiles at Jonny Lee when he comes up beside Sean. "Hey," he says, waiting for Sean to introduce him.

"Eric, I'd like you to meet Jonny Lee Miller. Jonny Lee -- Eric Banadinovich. Or Eric Bana, if you go by the movie credits." Sean hates this part. The part where he's not supposed to wrap his arm around his boyfriend's waist and nuzzle into his neck. The part where he's not supposed to wrap both arms around Jonny Lee from behind and nip at his shoulder. It's times like this he envies Orlando -- or hell, even Viggo --for his easy ability to be physical with everyone he knows.

Jonny Lee looks up. No choice. Eric has a solid five inches on him, maybe a touch more. And muscle. And, no, he's not impressed. Not at all. _Liar._ "Mr. Bana," he says, hoping the shortened form's acceptable because he's not sure he could get his mouth around the full name at this moment, "it's nice to meet you, Sir." He extends his hand, as physical as he should get in public with anyone other than Gerard. And, in a small corner of his brain, he's wondering about that, too, how open they're being in Cannes. Not intentional, but just not hiding.

"It's nice to meet you, too," Eric smiles, shaking Jonny Lee's hand. Noticing that Sean hadn't exaggerated. He is adorable. "You're the one with the play we're coming to see, right?"

"Yes, Sir." Jonny Lee tries really hard not to blush. Runs his hand through his hair when he gets it back from Eric. "Play opens next Thursday. This boy has to be back Monday morning to last rehearsals."

"Can't wait to see it," Sean says. "It'll be good being in the audience for one of these things for a change." He grins. "Only sorry it isn't footie season anymore, now the Blades are out." Because, of course, there's nothing in football that matters if it's not the Blades.

Eric shakes his head at Sean. "You and your Blades." Laughs and turns his attention back to Jonny Lee. "Is this the first play you've done?" he asks.

"Sorry they didn't make it, Sir," Jonny Lee says to Sean. He's actually been following the Blades with more interest lately. Could even tell Sean positions and players if he asked. He shakes his head at the random thought that reciting footie stats would be a lot more interesting than counting when he's spanked or flogged or anything.

He smiles, then turns back to Eric as he hears the question. "First in a long time, Sir. It's a nice, interesting change of pace, although this boy will be happy to have his life back to normal after the run."

"I can imagine," Sean agrees. "This one's a short run, isn't it? Last time I was on stage I stayed there for six months. Almost miss it sometimes. At least it kept me in one place."

"Short run. Yes, Sir. Just about four weeks," Jonny Lee says. "Just enough time to get this boy away from the video games and doing something productive." He smiles. "Or so Master says."

"Didn't know anything could pry you away from video games," Sean teases. He turns to Eric, smiling. "What do you suppose the chances are of our being able to get ourselves away from all this long enough to have a drink at the hotel bar or somesuch?" Turns back to Jonny Lee and lifts an eyebrow. "Think we could steal you that long?"

"Give me a minute to tell Pire and you can steal this boy for hours, Sir," Jonny Lee says. "He's sure Master won't mind." He doesn't wait for an answer, but backs off and walks much more hurriedly than before back to where Gerard's still engrossed in conversation with Emily and company.

Sean watches Jonny Lee walk away and grins, shaking his head. "I always want to say something other than _effin' adorable_ around him, but God. He's something else. What do you think of him so far?" Sean slides a hand to Eric's lower back, figuring he can get away with _something_ here, especially at the end of the evening. "Is the formal voice bothering you? 'Sir' and 'this boy'?"

"Not really," Eric shakes his head lightly. "I'm already used to hearing Billy and Stuart use it." He pauses, just enjoying the feel of Sean's hand on his back, even through the suit. "And I agree, he _is_ effin' adorable."

"More than, yeah," Sean agrees, wishing he could feel skin under his palm, or at least that his hand weren't separated from Eric's lower back by quite so many layers. "Appreciates pain as much as I do," he murmurs, leaning in close to Eric. "One of the many painsluts we know and adore."

Eric's not sure what to say to that. Is Sean suggesting they play with Jonny Lee? Or just making an observation? He ends up nodding, eyes still on Jonny Lee from across the room. Checking out his Master as well.

Jonny Lee's back in a few minutes. It didn't take long to explain he'd met up with Sean and his boyfriend, for Gerard to glance across the room, nod his approval and tell his boy to have fun. So when he deposits himself back at Sean's side, he's all smiles. "Master agrees," he says. Specifically, Sir, Pire's words were _as long as my boy's in bed when I wake up, Mr. Bean can do whatever he wishes with your time tonight_. So, yes, Sir, you can this boy out for drinks. Or such."

Sean grins at Jonny Lee and then looks across the room to Gerard, giving him a nod -- it's hard to telegraph meaning across so many people, but he's hoping this one says _thank you, I appreciate it, and I'll take care of him_. Jonny Lee brings out his protective instincts like just about no one else. Then again, he brings out Sean's dominant instincts like just about no one else, too, and the sadist part of Sean's brain tends to come out harder with Jonny Lee than it has with anyone else, with the possible exception of Liam. "Drinks or such?" Sean asks, smiling, looking from Jonny Lee to Eric and back. "Would the effin' adorable boy be interested in _or such_ tonight?" He tightens his arm around Eric's waist and leans in just a little. "Would the effin' adorable boyfriend?" he murmurs, before pulling back.

He learned very quickly not to contradict Sean's compliments, so Jonny Lee grins at the _effin' adorable_ remark. "This boy would _very_ much like to do whatever would make Sir and Mr. Bana happiest. He's at their disposal tonight." It answers the question directly with a twist, leaving it quite open-ended as to what he's willing to do. Which isn't a problem, since Jonny Lee knows Sean understands implicitly there are very few limits to what he'll agree to doing.

Eric has no idea what _or such_ might entail, but what the hell, Jonny Lee's gorgeous and he trusts Sean. He shrugs lightly, smiling at both of them. "I'm game. Although," he says to Sean, "if you don't mind, I'll just follow your lead."

Sean starts by leading Jonny Lee and Eric out of the main room, through the hallway with the lift bank, and hesitates before hitting the call button. _What the hell. It's not really drinks we're all after, is it? And we've a bar in the suite._ He ends up hitting the "up" button rather than the "down" button, and turns back to the other men, lip turning up at one corner. "Following my lead's fine," Sean says. "Just as long as it takes us all somewhere we all want to be."

"Never known your lead to be wrong, Sir," Jonny Lee says quickly, leaning against the lift's wall. He really didn't want to go out. He's had enough of lots of people.

As soon as the lift doors close, Sean sighs -- it's maybe a little exaggerated, but _God_ it's been a long day -- and reaches out to get his arms around Eric. He squeezes hard. " _Christ_ I've wanted to do that all night," he says.

Eric squeezes back. Smiles at Sean. "You could've done it earlier. I wouldn't have minded," he says, kissing Sean, hard and hungry, aware that Jonny Lee's watching, and surprised at how that only seems to make the whole thing hotter.

Sean moans, sound caught by Eric's mouth, and it occurs to him just how easily Eric could pin him to the wall. Just how easily Eric could keep him from going anywhere. _Christ._ He pulls away just a little, nipping at Eric's lower lip as he draws back, and glances over at Jonny Lee. "Haven't greeted you proper either," he murmurs. "Come here."

"This boy knows how to be patient, Sir, wait his turn," Jonny Lee says with a coy smile, a quick lick of tongue over teeth. He's getting off, or at least getting damned hard, just on watching Sean and Eric. He covers the short distance quickly, casually lacing his fingers behind his back as he stops at Sean's side, the move pulling apart his unbuttoned jacket.

" _Fuck_ ," Sean murmurs, all his buttons pushed at once with that move. "Then I'm glad for your patience, but mine's quickly running out." He cups Jonny Lee's face in his hands and leans in, pressing his lips to Jonny Lee's briefly before running his tongue along Jonny Lee's lower lip, tasting him, getting to know the feel and flavor of him all over again after all this time.

_Been too long._ He presses his lips into the kiss, tasting the essence of smoke that isn't there but he always thinks should be, the hint of beer and an unfamiliar, bold flavor he assumes is Eric. Jonny Lee hasn't figured out yet why Sean does it, or how, but no one makes him squirm from the inside out better, except Master. Or want to drop to his knees in the middle of the street.

When the lift comes to a halt, Sean pulls back, ruffling a hand through Jonny Lee's hair as he pulls away. "I think we'd all best get to the suite," he says, turning and wrapping an arm around Eric's waist. "Before we make one hell of a spectacle of ourselves."

"And that would be a bad thing, would it?" Eric teases, grinning at Jonny Lee and wrapping an arm around Sean in turn.

"Wouldn't be much bad about it for me," Sean says, "but then I'm the one out of three of us who's had public relationships with men. Come on." Sean leans into Eric's arm as they head out of the lift, and reaches out for Jonny Lee once they're pointed in the proper direction down the hallway.

"Don't care one way or the other," Jonny Lee says, taking Sean's hand. "Told Master his boy wouldn't mind kissing him in the middle of Hyde Park." And they're definitely not being shy about touching each other this weekend. He's following along, watching the easy interaction between the two men, not thinking more than two seconds ahead of life.

Sean could reach for his own room key now they're outside the door, but where would be the fun in that? He ends up sliding his hand into Eric's pocket, searching for his wallet and the resident keycard. "Got to be here somewhere," Sean says. What he's got his hand full of isn't a wallet at all... though he gives it a good squeeze just to be sure.

"Hey," Eric protests, mostly for show, since he's quite enjoying Sean grabbing his arse. "That's not even close to being the keycard." Reels Sean in again, kissing him hard, his tongue darting between parted lips to tangle with his lover's.

Sean moans and kisses back, but he's got one eye open and looking at Jonny Lee, and he ends up reaching a hand out, wanting -- God, wanting anything. Everything. He's feeling fucking greedy, he is. Images dance through his mind, images of Jonny Lee on his knees, Sean and Eric kissing just like this  
\-- greedy and desperate -- while Jonny Lee's ever-so-talented mouth glides from one cock to the other, taking turns, keeping both cocks hard and warm and wet. Or Eric up against the wall and Jonny Lee on his knees, Sean kneeling behind him and fucking him slowly, Sean's head tucked over Jonny Lee's shoulder so both mouths can vie for Eric's cock.

Jonny Lee wants to kneel, and it takes everything in him not to drop when Sean's hand touches his, not to beg for commands. _A boy doesn't ask. He waits for master to tell him what to do._ It was one of the first things Sean taught him. But, in his mind, he's playing out the night. On his knees, mouth open, Sean's cock down his throat, then Eric's. Then one or the other or both fucking him till he can't think about walking. For now, he allows just a simple "Yes, Sir, what do you need?"

"You. Inside. Both of you," Sean pants. " _Now._ "

Eric grins. Locates the keycard and opens the door. Ushers both men into the hotel room, closing and locking the door behind them. His nerves are starting to act up again and he wipes his palms on the bottom of his jacket, keeping the move as casual as he can. Leans against the desk and loosens his tie, his eyes flickering between Sean and Jonny Lee. "Now what?" he asks.

Sean's mind is going back to that afternoon with Harry, the way Eric reacted afterward. And while there's a world of difference between Harry Sinclair and Jonny Lee Miller, Sean's still got just the slightest bit of concern in his spine about it. "Is there anything you _don't_ want?" he asks Eric softly.

_Christ_. Eric has no idea what he might not want. He's not even sure what's on offer here. "I don't know," he answers, just as softly. "Do I need to know right now?"

It'd be easier if he could put a name to things, Sean thinks. But no. "No," he whispers. He slides his hand into Eric's. _I'll keep you safe_ , he wants to say, and he wonders if the protective urge is coming out this hard because with Jonny Lee nearby it's out to begin with, or if it's because he wants to be sure that he isn't pushing Eric for more than he wants to give. Either way, though... _I'll keep you safe_ is the first thought in Sean's mind. And he means to hold to it.

He turns back to Jonny Lee, and his grin is much cheekier once he does. "Anything _you_ don't want?" he asks, smirking just a little.

It's a damned silly question, but Jonny Lee's too polite to say so. "No, Sir, nothing this boy doesn't want." He's leaning against a wall, where he thinks it'll be safer while Sean and Eric decide what they wanted. But it's not. He can still see them, hear them, want them both. "Sir knows this boy's limits, and respecting those, this boy wants everything."

"All right," Sean breathes. "All right, then. Both of you. Bedroom." Sean's nervous, he realizes. Wanting to keep his lover safe, wanting to make sure he doesn't go too far for either of them, and it would be easy to get tangled up in overconcern. He's not going to let himself overthink, though. Get to the bedroom first. Worry when there's something to worry about.

Pulling himself off the wall, Jonny Lee resists the urge to drop to the carpet and crawl. Figures that might a bit over the top. He shrugs out of his jacket and drops it over the sofa arm before moving into the bedroom. He catches himself hyperventilating. Sean's enough one-on-one, intensity that damned near overwhelms him. Eric's ... Jonny Lee bites his lower lip while thinking of the word to describe someone who has nearly six inches on him and a good bit of weight and could probably pick him up with one hand and hold him against the wall while he was being fucked.

_Get a fucking grip_ Eric tells himself as they follow Jonny Lee into the bedroom. But he can't help thinking that everything's moving so bloody fast. And it's not that he doesn't want it. Not that he wants it to stop. It's not that. Definitely not that. But he'd like, God, just needs, some fucking room to breathe. It's not going to happen though. And if he keeps thinking this way, he's going to ruin everything.

Sean pulls Jonny Lee into the bedroom, settles him at the foot of the bed and stands between his legs, thigh pressing forward hard against Jonny Lee's cock. Eric's following right behind, and Sean glances up at him, smiling for a moment before brushing his lips over Jonny Lee's.

And when he comes up, Eric's still standing there, quiet.

"Will you give us a minute?" Sean asks Jonny Lee, trailing his thumb down the center of Jonny Lee's throat. He glances to Eric and nods behind him, at the bathroom door.

"Of course, Sir," he says, trying not to breathe too hard at first and then trying not to process too much as Sean and Eric move away. _You're not fucking up, Miller. Trust your instincts._

Everyone needs to be reminded to trust his instincts just now. Sean sweeps his thumb over Jonny Lee's lips, brushes his own lips over them again one last time, and then heads for Eric, getting a hand at the small of his back and drawing him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

"Are you doing all right?" Sean asks softly. "Do you _want_ to do this?"

"Yeah, I do," Eric says, keeping his voice low. Not wanting Jonny Lee to hear them. "I'm just not used to this. I don't have any fucking idea what I'm doing. And maybe you're used to meeting someone and fucking them twenty minutes later, but I'm not." He pauses, shaking his head at himself. "Sorry.  
I-- I _want_ to do this. It's just harder for me to let go and jump right into it."

"It doesn't have to go this fast," Sean says, sliding his arms around Eric's waist. "I'm sorry. I'm pushing at you for things without giving you the chance to think about them. That's not what I wanted." He sighs, shakes his head. "Haven't seen Jonny in months and I were thinking with my cock. Do you have any idea how important you are to me? How bloody important it is for me to make sure you're not uncomfortable, that you're happy, that I'm taking care of you?"

Eric smiles and nods, pulling Sean closer. "I know. And if I really didn't want to do it, I'd say so. I wouldn't let anyone talk me into something I didn't want. Not even you."

"Good," Sean murmurs, nuzzling against Eric's neck. "Good. I'm glad." He tilts his face up; arms locked around Eric's waist, he can't quite get up far enough to get his lips on Eric's. "Lean down and kiss me, you great tall bastard," he grins.

Eric laughs, Sean's words breaking through the tension. Kisses him, lingering for just a moment before pulling back. "We should probably get back out there. Before we make Jonny Lee uncomfortable."

"Yeah," Sean murmurs. He disentangles himself from Eric, thinking about any number of things he'd like to give voice to, words past the ones he already let out, but now's not the time and this isn't the place for them, maybe. "But if you want to stop or if you want to slow down or back off, just say the word. We don't always have to fuck people on the first date." He grins.

"Sure, we don't," Eric teases back, opening the bathroom door and shoving Sean back into the room. His eyes meeting Jonny Lee's as they step out. And God, he does want to do this. Wants to feel Jonny Lee under him, tight body clenched just as tightly around his cock. Thinks about fucking him the way he fucked Sean that night in Cannes. Driving in deep and hard and wanting to hurt. _Christ_. He smiles at Jonny Lee, grateful he can't read his mind.

Jonny Lee can't read minds, but he _does_ recognize that look. He draws in a breath, fiddles with his tie, loosening its knot just a bit. _You're gonna get devoured._ He doesn't break with Eric's gaze and quirks a smile. "So, should this boy leave? Or stay?" He knows the answer he _wants_ , but can deal with the other.

"Stay," Eric answers, his smile broadening. "Definitely stay." He glances at Sean, hoping he's not overstepping his bounds. "And get your clothes off." His voice much calmer than he feels.

Sean grins and immediately starts stripping, cufflinks first, then jacket, then tie -- he pauses, smirking at Eric. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you mean Jonny?" he asks. "Shall I stop, then?" Teasing, but he runs both hands through his hair, licking over his lips and smiling at the feel of _finally_ starting to get some of those goddamned formal clothes off.

Jonny Lee barely manages to suppress the laugh at Sean's impatience. He's feeling it himself and he has the tie undone in a flash, leaves it around his neck as he works on the buttons on his shirt. "Assume no one's wanting a show," he says, coming out of the chuckle. "Just stripped down." Shirt's unbuttoned and hanging open, and fingers move on to the black trousers.

Eric laughs too. Shakes his head. "No, don't stop," he says with a grin. "And if I wanted a show, I'd have asked for one." Shedding his own clothes without further comment.

God almighty, three men in the same room stripping out of formal clothes. It's enough to make Sean start growling with urgency, and as soon as he and Jonny Lee are undressed, he ends up climbing up to straddle Jonny Lee's thighs, cupping Jonny Lee's face as he presses Jonny Lee back to the bed in one hard push. "Fucking missed you," he grins, and slides his mouth over Jonny Lee's, tongue diving in and tasting without any further preamble.

_Fuck, missed you._ He would say it aloud, but his mouth is full of Sean. Not in the way he enjoys the most, but all the same, it's that taste he'd started forgetting and he's reeling in having it back. "Want you, Sir," he murmurs when Sean takes a breath, but the words are quickly drowned again by the bruising and biting of Sean's refamiliarizing of a boy's body. Jonny Lee stretches his arms out over the bedcovers, opening himself completely to whatever Sean wants to do.

Eric's pretty sure he's never gotten hard this fast, the sight of Sean with Jonny Lee shooting straight to his cock. He moves closer to the bed, quite happy with just watching, one hand dropping to pull a couple long, leisurely strokes along his length.

Sean's hands slide up to Jonny Lee's wrists, pinning him down while Sean nips at his lips, grinning as his hair falls down over his cheeks, the ends of it brushing Jonny Lee's neck. "There now," he breathes. "How would you like to show off a bit for Eric?"

Jonny Lee slips beyond words for a moment when Sean's hands wrap his wrists. _Ohfuckgod._ "This boy would like that very much, Sir. What did you have in mind?" It might well be a rhetorical question, as Jonny Lee doesn't plan on saying no to anything, no matter what. Since the day he met Sean, Jonny Lee thinks at times the man could ask him to give up his hardest limit and he'd just smile, say 'yessir.'

"What I had in mind," Sean breathes, drawing Jonny Lee's hands up above his head and crossing them at the wrists so he can pin them down one-handed, "is you, giving me your mouth, with me straddling your chest." Sean grinds his hips down against Jonny Lee's, cock sliding into the crease of his hip, and growls softly, leaning down to lick across his collarbones. "Show my boyfriend what a _very_ fucking good boy you are."

It's even easier to say _yes_ , to almost shout it, when the man in control asks him to do the thing he does best, loves second only to being beaten. Well, maybe more. Not sure. "Yes, Sir, this boy would love to open his mouth for you, take you deep in his throat." He tilts his head back, opens his mouth and slides his tongue behind his teeth.

There's no way Eric trusts his legs to keep him upright for this. Grabs the chair from beside the dresser and places it alongside the bed, straddling the back. He begins stroking his cock again, trying to balance the need to ease the ache spreading through his body with the desire not to finish before they've even begun.

Sean moves up Jonny Lee's body, slowly, a few inches at a time, until he's straddling Jonny Lee's chest, still pinning his hands down with one hand while the other hand slides down to his cock. He angles it down, rests the head of it against Jonny Lee's lips, and grins down at him. "Christ, you look so fucking good this way," he murmurs, and starts sliding forward, looking over at Eric as his cock sinks in deep.

Compliments. Jonny Lee swears Sean does it on purpose, dishes out the praise just to make Jonny lie there and take 'em without countermanding. His eyes answer, sparking more on the green side of hazel than brown, with gleeful mischief and he moves his head to take it all in, forcing his mouth wider until Sean's cock is touching the back of his throat. Nothing to do except take it eagerly.

Sean starts fucking Jonny Lee's mouth, hard, not too fast yet, but his eyes move from Jonny Lee to Eric and back again, and his tongue flicks out over his lips as he goes. "Yeah," he whispers, "oh, God, just like that." And then his eyes are back on Eric. "If you wanted," he breathes out, between the small moans and near-whimpers Jonny Lee's tongue draws out of him when his cock's nearly all the way out of his mouth, "I could stand," another low growl, and Sean pins Jonny Lee's hands down harder, "we could have the boy take turns on us."

Eric's eyes are growing heavy-lidded, his hand palming over the head of his cock, squeezing hard to push himself back from the edge, when Sean makes the offer and they snap open. For a moment, he's caught, mouth open, breathless. And then he's nodding. Standing and pushing the chair aside.

Sean slides away from Jonny Lee, letting his hands go. "Knees," he says, grinning down at him, and slides a hand through his hair. "You look so fucking beautiful on your knees." He climbs out of bed and heads for Eric, wrapping an arm around Eric's waist and leaning up to kiss him.

_Knees._ Jonny Lee's been listening, not saying a word, just taking in the exchange between Sean and Eric. He's learned a lot the last few months, since jumping into the deep end of the D/s lifestyle, and the cardinal rule is _what master says, boy does without question_. Technically, Sean isn't master, but he's the only man who's ever had as much control over Jonny Lee as Gerard does, so the boy does exactly what the man asks.

He pushes himself up on his elbows and then to the edge of the bed, slipping off and going to his knees. All in silence. Then crawls the few steps to where Sean's wrapped himself around Eric, kneels up and waits, hands behind back and eyes down, obedient.

Sean presses a kiss to Eric's shoulder. "You first," he murmurs. "Want to watch him taste you."

Eric moans softly at the kiss. "Okay," he whispers. Nods, taking in the sight of Jonny Lee on his knees in front of them. "Sean's right," he says, running a hand through Jonny Lee's hair. "You look amazing like this."

"Thank you, Sir," Jonny Lee says quietly, not looking up. "How may this boy try to please you, Sir?"

"You can give me your mouth," Eric says softly. "Suck me." Can't help glancing over at Sean, the formal language - which he's heard from Billy and Stuart enough - throwing him a bit with Jonny Lee on his knees for _him_.

Eric's voice, soft and deep, shoots through Jonny Lee's brain. _And he's just learning. Fuck, let me be there when he gets the hang of it._ He leans his head in, teases his tongue over the edge of Eric's cock before pulling it into his mouth. He sucks lightly, tongue swirling up around the head, just that much for a minute. Then he starts to inch up on it, taking his time to work the full length down his throat.

Sean turns full-on to Eric, slides a hand to the back of his neck and lets his fingernails tickle down over skin. "God, you're both so fucking gorgeous," he murmurs, and leans up to kiss him again, tongue sliding across Eric's lips, mimicking the slow, easy strokes of Jonny Lee's mouth with his own.

Eric moans into Sean's mouth, hands tightening in Jonny Lee's hair as the other man swallows him down. _Oh, God_. And he can't imagine why he'd been so nervous about this. Not when it feels so good. So absolutely _right_.

Sean's fingers go exploring down the front of Eric's chest, and he scratches his fingernails lightly over one of Eric's nipples. Gives it a light pinch before sliding his hand to the other one and repeating the treatment. "Beautiful," he murmurs, glancing down at Jonny Lee. "God, I've wanted to watch you like this."

He has Eric in all the way now, and Jonny Lee takes a second to adjust, remind his brain it's damned well worth it to knock off that gag reflex. _So fuckin' good_. He does a mental count. Twenty. Thirty. Long enough to make Eric think about forcing him to act. Then he pulls back, just as slowly, tongue pressed up against the cock's underside, faintly humming as he reaches the head. If Eric wants more, wants it harder, he'll make that decision.

Eric moans again when Jonny Lee eases off, this time in disappointment. It occurs to him that he doesn't know Jonny Lee's safeword. Wouldn't know if he wanted him to stop. But Sean must. Wouldn't have them doing this if he didn't. And with that in mind, he doesn't hesitate any longer, just grips Jonny Lee's hair even tighter and pulls him back onto his cock, groaning when the head bumps the roof of the other man's throat.

"Yes," he mutters in muffled voice around Eric's cock. That's exactly what he wants. The force, the tug in his hair. Jonny Lee clenches his fingers tighter at his back and shifts forward on his knees, adjusting the angle so his head's not tilted back too awkwardly. He opens his mouth wider, takes it all in, to where he'd swear Eric's pushing his cock down Jonny's windpipe, except he knows that's not possible. _Oh, god, fuck, yes._ His own cock is getting harder by the minute, and he dares a glance up with open eyes, green-fading-brown and smiling at Eric, then Sean.

Sean moans; he can't stand the look of that any longer without touching himself. He slides his hand down the length of his cock, starts stroking himself in long, even strokes, still matching Jonny Lee's pace, arm tightening around Eric's waist.

Jonny Lee's muffled assent and the smile he gives them both work to reinforce Eric's instincts. Struggling to keep his eyes open, head up, he thrusts harder, increasing speed until he's fucking Jonny Lee's throat with long, fluid strokes. "Oh, fuck, so good, _Christ_ , that's it..."

Encouraging words. Jonny Lee sucks a bit harder. He doesn't want to bring Eric off too soon. He's enjoying this too much. Not sure he wants to bring him off at all. Would rather have that slammed-against-the-wall moment.

And it's Sean's turn anyway. Sean slides the backs of his fingers down Jonny Lee's face and grins at him. "Think I'd like to have the boy tasting me again," Sean murmurs. "Come on."

The boy thinks he'd like that, too. He pulls back as Eric's fingers slide out of his hair, and runs his tongue over his lip as he turns his body to accommodate Sean. "Sir tastes delightful," he says, glancing at Eric, "and this boy wants more of him."

He swipes his tongue over the tip of Sean's cock, licking off the precum moistening the foreskin. "Your boy has missed _this_ taste," he says, blowing a warm breath over the ridge. "He wants Sir to fuck his mouth."

Sean's eyes slide closed as Jonny Lee takes his cock in. "Christ," he murmurs -- too hot, too tight, and Eric standing right beside him. _Amazing._ Sean gets one hand into Jonny Lee's hair and begins thrusting forward, slow at first, and then harder, the head of his cock hitting the back of Jonny Lee's throat, Sean's eyes opening again but narrowed to slits so he can watch himself fucking Jonny Lee's mouth. " _Yes_."

Jonny Lee's more sure of himself with Sean, knows exactly what he likes, how that hint of choking turns him on, so Jonny Lee does everything just the way he knows Sean wants, relaxing completely into Sean's hold on his hair, the thrust of Sean's cock deeper into his throat. His mind is screaming for more, to be abused, used, taken to the edge of sanity.

Eric stands watching the two of them, in awe of how good they look together, Jonny Lee on his knees, Sean pounding into his throat. Again, so right. And then he's moving behind Sean, his own cock thrust between Sean's cheeks as he presses close. Gets his arms up under Sean's, his teeth on his neck, his fingers on his nipple rings, and twists.

"Oh fucking--" Sean can barely get the syllables out before he's groaning, gasping, thrusting harder into Jonny Lee's mouth and pulling against Eric's hands just to make the twist that much more intense. "Christ," he pants. "Jesus, both of you. Just like that. _Come on. More._ "

_More. Want more_. Jonny Lee pushes forward, forcing Sean's thrusts to choke him, nearly cut off the airflow. _Fuckin' good_. He wants to touch, but knows he can't. Hands behind back until told differently. So he lets his tongue and teeth beg for him, raking canine over Sean's cock as he pulls back.

It's fucking perfect, held this way, trapped between Eric's hands and Jonny Lee's mouth. Sean doesn't want to go anywhere, doesn't want to stop. But he'd like to bend Jonny Lee over the foot of the bed, fuck him hard while Eric's watching, watch Eric take him while Sean sits back and tries to decide which one to bite to the point of bruising. Christ. That all decisions should be so difficult. Sean twists his head, looks back over his shoulder at Eric. "You ready for more than his mouth?" he asks softly.

"Definitely," Eric replies with a grin, his cock pulsing hard in the cleft of Sean's arse, the question requiring no thought at all.

"Then let's get him on the bed," Sean grins, looking down at Jonny Lee. He bends over, lets his arse press all the harder against Eric's cock, and gets his hand at the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "One of us, then the other, 'til you're aching from it. Up on the bed." His grip tightens just a little as he straightens out, comes to his feet and pulls Jonny Lee with him. " _Now_."

"Yes, Sir," Jonny Lee snaps out as he's jerked to his feet. Damned good feeling, being handled like that, Sean's fingers gripping his neck, not giving him a choice. He's over the bed next, spread out and waiting, hands in front. "Thank you, Sir, for using this boy. He wants to be fucked like a slut and left begging for more." It's risky, expressing a desire, when he knows he probably should be quiet, but Jonny Lee's hungry for the rawest touch he can get.

"What a coincidence," Sean grins, heading for the nightstand; he tosses a handful of condoms on the bed, gets a bottle of lube out and coats his fingers with it. He runs a hand down the center of Jonny Lee's back, then starts working his fingers into Jonny Lee's arse, slow at first -- just to feel that first clench around his fingers -- and then he starts moving harder, three fingers twisted together, corkscrewing them in and out of Jonny Lee and giving him the full strength of his arm as he does.

Full strength of Sean's arm has Jonny Lee up on his toes, fingers clutching the covers, then pushing back. Wantonly begging for more with his squirms, his whimpers. He can take three fingers easily, could take a helluva lot more were Sean inclined to give it.

"Oh, fuck, yes, Sir. Please use this boy." He doesn't try to hold back the words, the need. "Both, Sir, please."

_Please use this boy. Both, Sir, please_. Jonny Lee's pleas certainly don't fall on deaf ears but Eric's paralyzed. Simply not sure what to do. Out of his element and wanting so badly to do everything that he can't seem to do anything. He wraps an arm around Sean's waist again, watching over his shoulder as Sean works his fingers into Jonny Lee. "Tell me what to do," he whispers. "And I'll do it."

Sean presses back against Eric, not letting the movement interrupt his rhythm -- he's still pressing into Jonny Lee, still fucking him roughly with three fingers, wondering if he could take a fourth, take his whole fucking hand this hard and this fast. The image has him breathless, almost too breathless to respond to Eric's words. "Let me have him first," Sean says, going in with a particularly hard thrust of his fingers and a particularly cruel twist of his wrist, "and when I've had him, take him and don't hold anything back." He raises his voice a bit. "Does that suit, lad? One after the other with nothing held back?"

"Suits perfectly, Sir," he winces the words out. _And if you call me lad again, you can damn well do anything_. Jonny Lee's mind races at the thought of being taken hard, one right after the other, no respite, and his body opens even wider, letting Sean's fingers sink in deeper than he expects. " _Nothing_ held back. This boy wants that more than anything, Sir."

"Want that, too," Sean agrees. He slides his fingers out of Jonny Lee and reaches for a condom, tearing it open, slicking it on, and then he slides both thumbs into Jonny Lee's cleft and holds him open. "Beg for it," he breathes, head of his cock teasing at his opening.

Bereft is a nasty word, and it's an even worse feeling. Jonny Lee whimpers at the loss of Sean's hand, but grins broadly when he hears _beg for it_. Oh, he can do that. "Please, Sir, fuck your lad," he starts, not even caring that it's technically he's _not_ Sean's. "Use him like a hole you'd get in a back alley pub. There just for your cock, Sir."

"Cheeky slut," Sean grins, slapping the flat of his hand against Jonny's arse. But it's not like he can resist an offer like that. Not as if he'd even try. He slides in, all at once, hard; Jonny's stretched enough, and Sean wants him this way, rough and too fast to brace for.

There's no bracing for it. Or anticipating it. The hard, fast fuck pulls Jonny Lee off his feet, shoves him into the bed. The friction against his cock is just enough to set him on edge, but Sean doesn't allow for more. He's gripping and Jonny Lee back onto his cock, and the lad's getting just what he begged for.

Eric's spellbound. Watching, unable to tear his eyes from the scene, as Sean pounds into Jonny Lee. He's never thought of himself as a voyeur but that might have to change. Because seeing Sean, like this, with someone else, has to be one of the hottest things he's ever seen.

"There's my slut," Sean breathes, "come on, lad, _take it_ , press back for it, fucking beg me with your arse and the arch of your back. _Come on._ " Christ, he's already breathing hard; he's going to go over in a matter of minutes if he doesn't stop or slow down.

" _Your_ slut. Yes. Your _lad_. Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee pushes back, clutching at the bedcovers for leverage, arching his back and trying to work himself down farther on Sean's cock even though he knows Sean can't get any deeper inside him. It already feels like he's being drawn out on the winds and begging to be quartered.

"God. _Christ_ , Jonny." Sean closes his eyes, runs his up and down Jonny's sides and tightens his fingers on his hips, then forces himself to stop. "I want Eric to have you for a while. Want to watch you beg for it before I let you feel my cock pulsing in your arse." Fuck fuck _fuck_ he's got to stop talking like that or he's going to need to come regardless of promises. He pulls back, strips the condom off and tosses it aside, climbs up on the bed and starts stroking himself off while he looks from Eric to Jonny. "Go on. He's yours a while. Take him."

_Take him_. Fuck. Eric moves forward, taking a condom from the bedcovers and slicks it onto his cock. Takes a page from Sean's book and spreads Jonny Lee's cheeks and just shoves in. Rough and hard and brutal, his breath hissing out of him as he sinks deep. " _Oh, Christ_."

_Fucking_ damn. Jonny Lee bites down on lip and bedcovers to stifle the scream. _Take him?_ Hell, Eric did that. And more. He's pushed forward, cock rubbing violently against the rough fabric, but there's no relief. Only more friction. And more wanting. And then, _oh, fuck_ , Sean's in front of him, stroking that cock and Jonny Lee's licking his bitten, bruised lips at the remembered taste. "Please, Sir, fuck -- oh, yes -- this boy -- so hard."

"I know," Sean says, sliding a hand through Jonny's hair and dragging his head back. "But you're going to be good for us. Won't come 'til we say. Not until we've had enough of you." He crawls closer, parts his legs and kneels up a fraction. "Want another taste?"

"No, m- Sir," Jonny Lee says quickly, catching the _master_ before it's off his tongue. "He's a good lad, won't come till Sir says." He cranes his neck even farther. "Please, Sir, may he? Taste again?" he asks, sticking his tongue out like a good supplicant waiting for body and blood.

"Yes," Sean breathes. "Christ, you look fucking good that way. Needing it. Come on." And he lifts himself up, hand curved around his cock, rubbing the head of it against Jonny Lee's tongue. His eyes flick up to Eric's. "He's fucking beautiful, isn't he?"

"Fucking gorgeous," Eric agrees, digging his fingers deeper into Jonny Lee's hips as he holds him steady against his thrusts. "Hold off for a second though, I want to hear him beg some more before you fill his pretty mouth."

_Beg some more_. It takes a second for the words to sink in, to get past the intense, sudden pain of Eric's nails scratching and scoring Jonny Lee's flesh. "Oh _christ_ yes _please_ more," he spits out, runon words not even coherent, "fuck this boy till he can't breathe."

Jonny Lee's words - the desperation in his voice - have Eric's cock throbbing hard within him. He groans, low in his chest, tightening his grip even further, forming bruises upon bruises, and lays down a rough but steady pace that won't interfere with Sean using Jonny Lee's mouth. "That's good, just like that, oh, fuck, he's so bloody tight," Eric gasps as he drives into Jonny Lee again and again. "Such a little slut for this." The words feeling awkward in his mouth but something he thinks he could get used to. Easily.

Sean's eyes flash to Eric immediately. _Fucking Christ._ Those weren't words he was expecting from Eric at all, and now his mouth's open and he's panting, harder than ever, wondering how it would feel getting words like that from Eric himself. "Slut for it," he agrees, then looks back down at Jonny Lee. His fingers slide into Jonny Lee's hair, and he draws his cock over Jonny Lee's lips, grinning down at him. "And he looks fucking beautiful being taken from both ends."

Jonny Lee pushes forward the inch he needs to wrap his tongue around Sean's cock. It's more demanding than a good boy should be, but closer to wanton like the slut he's feeling. _Slut_. God, he loves the word. Loves being called that right now as Eric's separating soul from body with fucks so deep Jonny Lee can taste them as he slides his mouth over Sean's cock. It's nearly more than he take, the friction on his own cock abrading and scoring the flesh with the bedcover's paisley print. _Fuck't. that's good_.

"Ah -- _yes_ ," Sean breathes, coming forward to slide his cock in deep, until he's just this side of cutting off Jonny Lee's breath. And it puts him close enough to Eric he can cover one of Eric's hands with his, glide it up his arm to his shoulder and meet Eric's eyes while he fucks Jonny Lee's mouth, gasping and openmouthed from pleasure.

Eric takes things a step further, reaching up with one hand to cup the back of Sean's head and pull him into a deep hungry kiss, tongue-fucking his mouth as roughly as he's fucking Jonny Lee.

Sean's nails dig into Eric's shoulder as he kisses back, tongue fighting with Eric's, fucking back as good as he's getting. And Jonny Lee's mouth is still hot and desperate against his cock, making him feel as though he's only half a breath away from the edge.

His cock is harder than he thinks it's ever been, and the double penetration is pushing him closer to sinking into the void. His vision's going black and all he can feel is Eric inside him and Sean down his throat and the intensity of his cock rubbing against the bed. The _only_ thing keeping Jonny Lee from coming is that he can't, not without permission, and it's enough to keep him focused, force his throat open wider, allowing Sean to choke him off completely.

Eric's shoulder's going to end up bruised from Sean's nails, and only the fact that Sean keeps his nails trimmed is keeping him from drawing blood. Fucking hell, this is good -- better than just good, it's fucking gorgeous from every possible end, and Sean's ready to go over. He reaches down for one of Eric's hands, dragging it up to his chest, pressing Eric's fingers to his nipple ring. And there's a growl in the back of his throat while he does it.

And it doesn't take much to figure out exactly what Sean wants. Eric grips the nipple ring between his fingers and twists, _hard_ , as he drives into Jonny Lee with a few more deep stabbing thrusts, knowing he's going to end up coming the second he feels Sean do it.

Sean's near-scream is muffled only slightly by Eric's mouth, and he drops his hands to Jonny Lee's hair, gasping and thrusting in hard. "Oh _fuck_ \-- _yes, Christ_ \--" and he nearly screams with it, cock jerking against the roof of Jonny Lee's mouth, coming so hard his vision blurs and goes dim at the edges.

The sudden force chokes and gags Jonny Lee, but he quickly squelches the reaction, digging hands into blankets and swallowing, not that he can do a helluva lot else. His jaw is aching, but he holds his mouth open till Sean's finished, till Sean _decides_ it's time to stop fucking his throat. And then he knows there's about a second and a half to brace for what Eric's giving him, those last, sheer brutal thrusts before coming.

And just as he knew it would, Sean's orgasm triggers his own, and Eric thrusts in roughly, erratically, once, twice and again, "oh fuck", and comes, emptying himself into Jonny Lee with a long violent shudder.

Sean draws back, hisses as his cock leaves Jonny Lee's mouth, and he sweeps a thumb over Jonny Lee's cheek. "Your turn," he growls, voice rough. He glances up to Eric. "Stroke him off."

"Gladly," Eric grins, getting his hand under Jonny Lee, fingers tightly wrapped around his cock, stroking fast and hard.

"Oh, Christ, yes, please," Jonny Lee's spitting out before he realizes, remembers. _Not supposed to beg to come_. It's one of the first rules, and it's being shattered as quickly as Jonny's resolve at Eric's hands. "Boy wants," he pants out as he comes in vicious jerks, spasms contained because Eric's body is pushing him deep enough into the bed.

_Oh, God._ Sean runs both hands through Jonny Lee's hair, pants with him as he watches the sensation streak through him. "So fucking beautiful," he whispers. "Christ, Jonny, you're so fucking beautiful." He glances up at Eric. "So are you," he says, but it's growled out considerably rougher when directed it at Eric. And the grin's a bit more predatory.

Eric releases Jonny Lee's cock, pulling the younger man up with him. "Jesus, Sean," he murmurs, struggling to catch his breath. "That was amazing," he says to Jonny Lee, pulling his chin around so he can kiss him. "Thank you."

Jonny Lee can't find the voice to say _thanks_. His breaths are ragged at best, small pantings. He knows he should say something, concentrates on breathing for the few minutes, looking between Eric and Sean, thinking he's died and gone to that place where heaven is hell and hell is so much nicer than you thought.

"You're welcome, Sir," he whispers finally. "This boy is," he takes another breath, "very grateful to have been used like that."

Sean slides down the bed, stretching out next to Jonny Lee and wrapping an arm around him. "You wear it so well," he says, teasing softly, running his hand down Jonny Lee's back. "Thank you for giving us that."

Eric sits down on the bed. Stretches out on his side, across from Sean, smiling at him over Jonny Lee. "Do you need to get back to your Master or can you stay with us for a while?" Eric asks, presuming Sean'll be okay with him issuing the invitation to stick around.

_Stay_. Jonny Lee hadn't expected that. He hadn't anticipated on being tossed out; not Sean's style. But asked to stay, both Eric and Sean on the bed, it's nice. "Home by dawn and Master'll be happy," he says slowly, "which is a good thing because this boy isn't sure he can move any time soon. He's having enough trouble putting words together after Sirs."

Sean runs his hand over Jonny Lee's arm, reaches out a little further and runs his hand down Eric's arm, too. "Then stay a while," he says, grinning. "You don't have to move or talk just yet." He plants a kiss on Jonny Lee's temple. "I'll get some water. And a blanket. Either of you need anything else?"

"Not a thing, Sir," Jonny Lee says, raising a hand to lightly touch where Sean kisses before stretching out, pressing his body into the blankets. He's almost purring, murmuring nonsensical words as he relaxes.

It doesn't take Sean long to get back to the bed with the water, and he has the blanket drawn over his shoulder, having taken a few moments to clean himself up before coming back. He drapes the blanket over Eric and Jonny Lee and then settles in with them, propping himself up to watch boy and boyfriend get some much-deserved rest.  
  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	135. gerard: Plane Instructions

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/16/) 13:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32883&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32883) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32883) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=32883&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  sad  
---|---  
  
_**Plane Instructions**_  
 _Before Jonny Lee left Cannes, Gerard slipped a package into his carry-on._  
  
  
  
 _The Note:_  
  
Boy -  
  
I want you to play with your bruises. Pinch them, press on them, make yourself hurt for me. Half-way through the flight I want you to go into the bathroom and wank. Once you've come, I want you to take out your plug and put in the one enclosed. Your master has thoughtfully included lubricant.  
  
Once home, you're to strip off and stay that way until you need to go outside for any reason. But at home, you're to be naked and ready for me. I'll be calling you late tonight for phone sex.  
  
-Master  
  
  
P.S. Should you choose to play video games, you are to have the vibrator in and on the highest setting.  
  
  
  
 _Enclosed:_  
  
One 8-inch black tapered plug  
One travel size tube of KY  
New games for JL's gameboy  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32883.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	136. jonnyleemiller: going home, late sunday night, may 16

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/18/) 23:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21880&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21880) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21880) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=21880&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  anticipatory  
---|---  
  
_**going home, late sunday night, may 16**_  
[follows on [these instructions from gerard](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32883.html)]  
  
plane takes off  
  
jonny finds note, reads  
  
*squirm*  
  
*whimper*  
  
gets up, go to lav, wanks, puts in plug  
  
*meep*  
  
*fidgets*  
  
damned plane lands  
  
explains to security guard he's just on edge from being tired  
  
catches cab  
  
*squirms*  
  
manages to open door without falling in  
  
strips down  
  
sorts through new video games  
  
*squee*  
  
debates whether _siren_ and _red dead revolver_ are worth vibrator  
  
*plops on couch*  
  
*winces*  
  
ps2 violence drowns out faint hum in room

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	137. gerard: Cannes Phonesex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/16/) 23:32:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33411&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33411) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33411) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33411&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Cannes Phonesex** _  
[players only. Ger's in Cannes still meeting and greeting and JL's back in London for rehearsals. Takes place after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/32883.html) and [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/21880.html), but before [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2256.html). May 16th.]

  
It's Sunday night and Jonny Lee's been away - Gerard checks his watch - all of eight hours. Cannes is an hour ahead of London and so Gerard waits until it's almost midnight his time to call. He stretches out on the white couch in the room and hits speed-dial one.

The flight home had been uncomfortable, the airport security guard annoying and the decision to play video games took all of 2 minutes and 12 seconds. Jonny Lee's made it through a level of _Siren_ when he decides he's had enough of the vibrator and turns it off, settling back off his knees onto the floor next to the couch.

He's down all of 17 seconds when the phone rings. Glancing at caller ID, he smiles. Pire's mobile. He picks it up, toggles it on. "Evening, Master," he purrs. "Miss your boy already?"

"Mm-hmm." Gerard agrees. "Miss your master?" Gerard pops the top button on his pants and loosens the strings tying the fly together.

"Minute the plane took off." Jonny Lee stretches out his legs. "Thought about Master the whole time, when your boy was wanking in the lav. Damned short flight, Pire. Quickest handjob your boy's ever given himself."

"That was the point." Gerard grins. "I take it the flight went well. How'd my boy like his presents?"

"Your boy _loves_ his presents. Just made it through first level of _Siren_. Wicked game, Pire. You're gonna have to learn to play." It takes a minute for Jonny Lee to realize he's rambling, but he doesn't stop. "And used the other, too."

Gerard smirks. Leave it to Jonny Lee to like video games more than plugs. "Is my boy very tired?"

"No, Sir. He's too keyed up. Fuckin' vibrator's got him worked rather well." Jonny Lee grabs the headset and plugs it into the phone, pops on the ear/mic piece. "Was gonna watch a flick, but would rather do this with you, Master."

"Good." Gerard licks his lips slowly, gives Jonny Lee time to get settled. He can't quite tell what Jonny Lee's doing, but he waits until the noises stop. "Ok, boy. My cock's in my hand. Tell me your favourite fantasy."

"Favourite fantasy?" Pire would have to ask a fuckin' hard question. "Not sure if it's his _favourite_ , but it's one that's come to your boy. He's in the house, alone, and there's a storm raging, the kind where lightning knocks out the street lamps it's so bright, and you can count the distance by the thunder because it's so loud." He stops, rubs his hand over his thigh, drying the claminess already starting. "Does Master want his boy to continue? Or would he like to build on the story as it goes?"

Gerard rubs his palm against his cock. "Your master wants you to get him off over the phone. How you choose to do that is up to you."

Realization dawns slowly on the vid-addled brain. "Oh, yeah, of course." He thinks through the story. "Your boy isn't alone in the house. He hears noises, coming from upstairs, and when he goes to check on it, the lights go out. There's a hand on his shoulder and it snakes around, closes on his throat. The whisper's harsh against his ear. _Boy, I can have you any way I want._ "

That's more like it. Gerard can picture it all in his head. The dark night, the flashes of lightening illuminating the stairs. Gerard rubs harder on his cock and moans lightly. "Go on."

"Your boy is frightened. He doesn't know this man. He assumed it was his master, but the voice is wrong, the hand not exactly familiar. And he's shamelessly aroused, too, by the mystery of it all." Jonny Lee flexes his finger out and in, consciously keeping them away from his cock. He hasn't asked permission, and the phone call's not about _him_ getting off, but Master. "He's held motionless as the man's other hand comes around his waist, fingers skimming under the denim, popping open the button."

That's unexpected. And not all that welcome. Gerard considers giving into the urge to growl into the phone that he doesn't want to hear any fantasy involving someone else, but he bites it back in time. He'll wait. He'll give Jonny Lee a chance to say that it was actually his master.

"Master, your boy really sucks at fantasies, especially telling them. He's not at all good with words." Jonny Lee feels utterly inadequate when Gerard wants him to talk like this. "What your boy wants is more Master to take him without telling him, to push him against the wall, blindfold him so he doesn't know anything other than Master's voice telling him exactly what to do."

"That's too bad." The growl's there. It's soft, but it's there. He'd given Jonny Lee an order. He'd given him a chance to back out of it by saying he was too tired from the flight. And now it was time for his boy to obey his order. "Because my boy _is_ going to get me off over the phone, or he's never going to get off the phone."

"Yes, Master." The growl's _definitely_ there. "Your boy's excited by the prospect for what this stranger offers. He slams your boy against the wall, shoving him hard into the plaster. Your boy's cheek is bruised on first impact. Then his hands are all over, tearing at your boy's clothes, ripping and not caring except to get him stripped."

Gerard slides his thumb across his shaft, but he's barely hard. There's something almost wrong about this. Gerard doesn't like not knowing if it's him Jonny Lee's talking about. It probably is, but the doubt throws him so much that he's not enjoying this as much as he should be. "And is my boy enjoying this?"

"Your boy's enjoying it when he starts imagining it's Master whose hands are on him, that it's Master who bites his shoulder hard. He knows it has to be Master who's making the blood trickle down his back." Jonny Lee runs his palm over his cock, just barely touching, eliciting a brief whimper.

The whimper more than the words works its merry little way into Gerard's cock. "Of course it is," Gerard says, growl still very present. "Because no one else will ever get close enough to my slut to even fucking touch him."

"No, Master, no one touches your slut except you. Your whore. He's yours to be used, just like you're doing now, with your boy against that wall in the dark house." Jonny Lee's hand hovers, but doesn't touch his body. "You roughly shove three fingers in him, not giving him a chance to breathe or adjust before you're fucking him with those fingers, making every sweep back rake over that spot that pulls him up on his toes."

"And my boy loves it. He loves being grabbed, not knowing what's going on. He loves being touched and stroked and not able or wanting it to stop."

_Fuckin' understatement_. "Your boy can barely breathe from the anticipation of what's coming, of not knowing what's going to happen. He wants Master to fuck him hard, without prep or warning, to twist his cock until he's screaming."

"But what my boy wants doesn't matter." Gerard's hand speeds up on his cock. "You're here for master's pleasure, not your own. You're here to serve and you're fucking lucky that Master's in the mood to make you scream."

"Master's pleasure. Yes. Your boy is nothing more than a hole to be used for Master's pleasure. And when he takes this boy against that wall, there's no love, no tenderness. It's all rough. The way Master wants it to be." Jonny Lee leans his head back onto the couch edge, trying to ignore his need to touch himself, tamping down on the intense wanting to come.

"Master's cock is hard inside your boy, ripping him into tiny pieces, bringing your boy to tears, his throat raw with the screams that no one's hearing. He wants to be used, abused, taken in every way Master needs him."

" _Christ_ , boy," and Jonny Lee says he's bad at this. "Yes. Use you. Take you. Mine."

"Please, your boy begs, hurt him. Leave him bruised and battered on the floor. Make it so the only thought he has is to crawl after Master for more." Jonny Lee's fantasy isn't far from his real wants, the desire to be taken so completely he has no other thought than for Master, to exist only for Gerard. "Master's hand is on his boy's throat, fingers tightening, the air slipping from his lungs. Your boy would willingly go under for you, Master, if he's allowed."

"Then go under," is the immediate reply. "Christ, boy, go under for me."

_Go under for me_. The words are barely out of Gerard's mouth before Jonny Lee's tapping into that space. "Master, your boy drops himself into the void, into that space where all he can hear is your voice, all he can feel is your touch, all he wants is to hurt for his Master. To bleed. For the bruises to cover his body. Master fucks him harder, and he opens himself even wider to the pain, to being split."

Jonny Lee's uncertain how far Gerard wants to let him go. "When your boy's here, in the zone, Master can do anything. And your boy _wants_ him to do everything. He wants to beg for more, but there's not enough air in his throat to make the words. And if there were, your boy would beg for there to be less air, to be pushed to the edge of sanity. Please, Master."

This sort of zone, it's safe. There's no way he can hurt Jonny Lee when he's like this and so there's no danger of going too far. Which is good, because Gerard isn't in any place to stop. "Your master wants to hear you beg. He wants to hear you plead for more, wants to listen to your hurried and frantic voice describe exactly what he wants Master to do to him, the Master's undeserving little boy."

"Your whore wants Master's cock to impale him for hours, until Master's spent and wants no more. Your slut wants Master's fingers to pull and twist his nipples, clamp them so the pain's constant. Your bitch wants to not come until Master's ready to watch him jerk off, coat the floor and then drop to his hands and knees and lick up every last trace of it." Jonny Lee's dropping faster, focusing intently on making the words. "Master, your boy wants to stop breathing for you. He wants to be choked into the void he's slipping into. He begs for the privilege of pleasing Master with his body."

Gerard moans, not caring how it sounds over the phone. He's so close, so fucking close. Just a little more, one more word, one more phrase, and he's coming.

"Christ, it hurts so good, having Master use his boy as the whore he is. Your boy's slammed into the wall, his face bruised and bleeding, his cock hard and trapped, his throat constricting tighter. And then Master comes. He spills into his slut, thrusting harder and deeper than he ever has before, consuming this boy's body, searing it to ashes from the inside out."

Jonny Lee's gone, having taken that final step into the zone, and he's barely breathing, the words coming out in whispered rushes. He's aching, his cock stiffer than he ever imagined it could get from the sound of his own words. _To be taken like that, so completely. Oh, Christ, this boy wants it._

Gerard bites his hand as he comes, the pain muffling any noises he might make. He doesn't want the fantasy to stop just because he lost control. And such a good fantasy. Later he's going to have to write it out and figure out how he could make it work. Just jump Jonny Lee, throw him against a wall, and use him. Use him. Use him over and over again. Gerard moans behind his hand. Christ, he wants it.

"Master doesn't stop there, though. He releases his hold on his boy's throat and grabs his hair, pulls him back and throws him to the ground. Calls him a whore and tells me to get on his hands and knees. Your boy pulls himself up, slowly, agonizingly, and just as he's in position, Master's invading his body again."

Jonny Lee's words are more panted than before, raspier and edgier with each syllable. "The plug's larger than any your boy's had in his arse, and it burns but Master twists and pushes until it's deeply seated. His cock is hard and his balls heavy with the orgasm that yearns for release. "Master, your boy begs to touch himself."

"Then touch yourself," Gerard replies immediately. He wants to hear Jonny Lee get himself off for him long distance just because he told him to. He wants to know that if he told Jonny Lee to stop - which he won't - then his boy would stop and would be a good boy and not come. It's about love, yes, and sex, yes. But right now it's about power.

"Yes, Master. Thank you, Master." Jonny Lee wraps his fingers around his cock and pulls down, moaning loudly. "Oh, fuck." He strokes roughly, not-quite-quickly. "Master, your boy imagines your hand on his cock, pulling down his length, stopping as he reaches the tip, making your boy beg for it to continue."

"And does my boy beg? Do pleading words trip off his tongue, do they get mangled as he tries to beg and plead and please master all at once? Does my boy manage to strip even one complete sentence together?"

"No, your boy rambles. Please. Master. God, yes." His cock is aching under his fingers, the burn of being hard already from the fuckin' vibrator just ratcheting up the need to come. "Come. Please. Let your boy please his Master."

"And how would my boy please his master? Would he beg for him? Would he come for him? Would he scream his master's name as he did so?" Gerard smiles. "Would my boy make his master proud?"

"Please, Master, let your boy come. Let him show you what a slut he is for you." Jonny Lee slows his hand, tamping down on the orgasm begging for release. He can't come till Gerard tells him he can. "Fuck, Master, please, your boy hurts. Your whore wants to come. He wishes Master were here to watch him." He tilts his head back, slams it up and down against the couch, almost in time to the moans and whimpers.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee another moment of begging and then smirks. He works up to a growl and says one word. " _Come._ "

One word is all it takes. Jonny Lee screams, thankful for solid windows and neighbors who don't give a damn even if they do hear something. He comes in pained pulses, flooding his hand with white streams. "Master. Oh, god, Pire, yes." And when he's finished, his hand stills, but his body's shaking and his breath is ragged. "Master. Thank."

"Shhh." Gerard grins. He was right. His boy sounds lovely when he's coming, whether it be in person or over telephone lines and a channel. "Good boy. Very good boy."

"Good boy," Jonny Lee echoes. Yes, he is. "Master, your boy misses you." He's zoning, still on the fringes of it. "He wants you home, where he can touch you, come with you watching not just listening."

"I want to be home," Gerard replies softly. "I want to be there with you, kissing you, holding you, licking your fingers. Just another couple days, Teak."

He's starting to come back, head lulled against the sofa's cushion, hand resting on his thigh. "Your boy will wait. As patiently as he can." He sighs, thankful for the play's last rehearsal days to occupy him. "Does Master have special instructions for his boy, till he comes home?"

"Wear a plug as often as you can." Knowing Jonny Lee, he's going to wear it even when he shouldn't be. "I'm going to call you at random times and tell you to jack off. So if you're in public, I suggest keeping your phone off and wanking when you get the message."

Wear a plug. _All the friggin' time, Master_. And impromptu calls. Fuck, the thought has Jonny Lee's cock twitching in spite of having just come. "Yes, Master," he says all too enthusiastically. "Your boy won't let his mobile out of his sight."

"Eager boy." Gerard chuckles. "And he should get some rest. Good night, Teak."

"Night, Pire. Sleep well." Jonny Lee clicks the phone off and slides down to the floor, exhausted, content to just fall asleep there for awhile.

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/33411.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	138. est_news: Disclaimer: This article is entirely a w

| The News ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/profile)[ **est_news**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/05/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/05/18/) 23:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2256&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2256) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2256) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2256&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
**Disclaimer:** This article is entirely a work of fiction created for the roleplaying game [The Establishment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/establishment) and is not in any way meant to reflect on any real persons mentioned within.

**_Phantom_ not so shy about boyfriend**

Cannes is all about gossip and the questions being asked _Phantom of the Opera_ star Gerard Butler at Monday afternoon's photocall focused more on his weekend around-town companion than the upcoming Joel Schumacher musical.

Butler (who came to _Phantom_ off _Timeline_ and _Tomb Raider 2_ ) was seen doing the Cannes night scene with one Jonny Lee Miller (of _Trainspotting_ and Brit Pack -- read Jude, Ewan and assorted friends -- fame, although more are apt to know him as Angelina Jolie's _first_ ex-husband). The weekend culminated with a rather passionate, and none-too-shy airstrip sendoff Sunday night as Miller boarded a plane to return to London, where he is set to open onstage this week in the English adaptation of _Festen_.

When asked about his relationship with Miller, Butler answered casually. "He's my lover, my best friend," he said, his smile wide and genuine. "And he beats me at video games."

Schumacher seemed equally unconcerned about reports of his star's sexual proclivities. "Does being gay make him any less sexy than he was an hour ago? I think not, gentlemen," he brushed off reporters. "Focus your media attention on matters of concern."

"Okay, then," asked the reporter from Wired, "what games does he beat you at, Mr. Butler?"

"Kicks me arse at _Tomb Raider_ , but I've got him 'bout dead-even on _Mortal Kombat_."

The photocall continued with only a handful more questions about the couple, and Butler seemed very patient in answering and even provided confirmation the two have been together off and on since meeting on the set of _Dracula 2000_ in July 1999.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	139. gerard: [Delivered to the theater three hours before the curtain]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/20/) 10:53:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33024&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33024) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33024) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33024&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Delivered to the theater three hours before the curtain]** _  
_[Delivered to the theater opening night three hours before the curtain, via Est courier]_

_A bouquet of a dozen white roses._  
One red rose sticking up in the middle.

The Note:

If you break a leg, I'm going to assume permission to play with slings.  
Don't be nervous.  
See you tonight.

Love,  
Gerry  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/33024.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	140. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Thursday, May 20

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/20/) 09:18:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22017&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22017) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22017) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22017&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Thursday, May 20**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]

Only had a dozen people ask today about Gerard, including da, who called middle of the night to say he loves this boy and he wishes we'd come up soon.  
That's down from the seemingly million Wednesday after the story broke Tuesday. And that included the butcher, the baker and the lovely lady two doors down who thinks Master is the sweetest thing this side of treacle.  
Not that this boy cares. Hell, the whole friggin' world can know we're together. If they want video .... well, maybe not that.

Just wish they hadn't mentioned Jude. He doesn't need guilt by association. Or Ewan. But, hell, he can handle the fuckin' press better than the rest of us. But this boy is damned curious if being Angie's _first_ ex gives him special perks.

Trying not to think about it right now. Going running. Thinking about tonight. Play opens. This boy's ready. Fuckin' nervous. But ready.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22017.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-20 06:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22017.html?thread=42753&format=light#t42753))   
---|---  
If they want video, I'm sure we could manage something appropriatly tame. Maybe an endless feed of you whooping my arse at your new video games. Of course, we'd have to edit out the bits of when I spank you every time you beat me...  
  
  
I do feel somewhat guilty about not at least alerting Jude and Ewan beforehand. But at least I haven't seen any "One's gay, how 'bout the rest?" speculation. Not that I've actaully been reading the shite my agent's been sending me.  
  
  
As for special perks, you're stuck with me. How's that? *wink* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22017.html?replyto=42753&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	141. jonnyleemiller: voicemail for judel

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/20/) 12:05:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22330&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22330) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22330) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22330&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  upbeatedly morose  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  "Paint It Black" on mp3 player  
  
_**voicemail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)**_[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
Jonny's sitting at the theater, hours before curtain, better here than at home, and he decides it's better to be proactive. He punches in Jude's number, cringes and breathes a sigh of relief both at hearing it go to voicemail.  
  
"Um, it's Jonny," he starts after the tone. "Know you've seen. Sorry if you get any piss over this." He fidgets on the sofa, trying to relax. "So didn't mean for it to," he pauses, "well, you know, we haven't exactly been hiding what we're doing," he pauses again, "but, anyhow, fuckin' sorry. Love you, mate."  
  
He clicks off the mobile and throws his head back onto the armrest, hand over eyes, sleeve soaking up the water seeping from the corner of his eyes.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22330.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	142. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Thursday, May 20

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/20/) 23:44:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22538&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22538) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22538) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=22538&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  exhausted  
---|---  
**Current music:** |  the sound of Master closing up the house  
  
_**Journal, Thursday, May 20**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
It's done. Opening night. This boy survived. He's not even sure who all showed up finally. He was focused on Master the whole time, on how Master deflected people who wanted to ask him questions, who wanted anything more than a hug. Come morning, he'll remember who hugged and kissed and who sent what. But for now, he's going to fall asleep in Master's arms, and not think about tomorrow.  
  
Earlier tonight, Pire, right before curtain, your boy sat and stared at the roses you sent. All white, except for one red. Our careers could disappear. Our friends abandon us. It wouldn't matter. Your boy's white roses aren't this life, being an actor, being in the spotlight. He'd be happy washing dishes at the local pub in Paisley, Scotland, finishing up his shift so he could go home to the brilliant town solicitor he shares a small flat with. His lover, his Master. The red rose at the center of his world.  
  
Your boy loves you very much.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-21 07:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43018&format=light#t43018))   
---|---  
I love you. So much.  
  
  
  
I _did_ tell you that I was a horrible solicitor, yeah?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=43018&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43018&format=light#t43018))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-21 07:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43274&format=light#t43274))   
---|---  
Ah, but that was before you had your boy. *g*  
With him around, you'd be brilliant.  
  
Run this morning cleared your boy's brain somewhat. Ms. Moss is a very good sounding board. He wouldn't mind a bit of focusing before the play tonight, though. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=43274&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43018&format=light#t43018))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43274&format=light#t43274))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-21 07:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43530&format=light#t43530))   
---|---  
So having a boy will magically make me a good solicitor? ~~I had a boy. It didn't quite work that way.~~  
  
  
Your master can do focusing. But not the harsh pain kind. As much as your master likes watching you try to move after a good beating, he doesn't want to do anything so you can't act tonight. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=43530&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43274&format=light#t43274))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43530&format=light#t43530))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-21 07:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43786&format=light#t43786))   
---|---  
No, having _a_ boy won't. ~~Having _this_ boy makes your life better than it was.~~ Just a thought for when we're not actors and living in Paisley. *g*  
  
A good fucking would suffice, Master. Something particularly rough. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=43786&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43530&format=light#t43530))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43786&format=light#t43786))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-21 07:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44042&format=light#t44042))   
---|---  
Paisley's a lovely place, but I can't quite see us living there. Maybe Glasgow.  
  
  
Remind me how long your costume sleeves are. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=44042&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=43786&format=light#t43786))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44042&format=light#t44042))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-21 07:47 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44298&format=light#t44298))   
---|---  
*grins*  
  
Long enough, Master. No T-shirts. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=44298&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44042&format=light#t44042))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44298&format=light#t44298))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-21 07:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44554&format=light#t44554))   
---|---  
My boy is going to look wonderful in black and blue. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?replyto=44554&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/22538.html?thread=44298&format=light#t44298))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	143. jonnyleemiller: jlm/cam: morning run

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/21/) 21:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24797&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24797) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24797) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24797&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**jlm/cam: morning run**_  
[players only. occurs friday morning, may 21. jonny lee miller and carrie-anne moss have become running buddies and they're out for a morning jaunt after the opening night of jonny's play.]

  
It's the morning after Jonny Lee's play opened and even though he said he'd meet her in the park, Carrie-Anne's not sure if he's going to show. _He had a big night and then there's all this bullshit in the press_ , she thinks as she stretches out in her usual spot. _I wouldn't blame him for sleeping in._

Jonny Lee wasn't sure about getting out of bed. Opening night was great, the snippets he remembers, and then Gerard fucked him every which way when they got home. He'd've been content to lie in bed, let the world keep spinning, but Gerard had rolled over and pushed him out , literally, telling him to get the fuck out of the house and go running. _Master knows you need the routine_. Not to mention he knows Jonny Lee might need an ear other than his right now.

He's a couple minutes late, and jogs up to where he's been meeting Carrie-Anne on their morning runs. "Morning, Ms. Moss," he says with a smile as he stops, shoving his hands into his jacket.

"Hey!" Carrie-Anne says with a grin when she looks up and sees him. "Gerard let you out of bed this morning?"

"Let? Master bloody kicked his boy out of bed," he says with a laugh. Jonny Lee puts his foot up on the bench, leans over, adjusts the shoelaces on his trainers, noticing they're about done for. "The boy, for the record, would've been damned happy to stay under the covers."

"Did he actually tell you to run?" Carrie-Anne asks a little hesitantly. "Because if you're that done in we can go get a coffee or something." She looks apologetic. "I'm not trying to get you in trouble or anything."

He shakes his head. "Not that done in. Running's good." Jonny Lee finishes tightening the other shoe. "Pire just gave me a nudge. S'alright, Ms. Moss. Really. Need to work off a bit of energy."

"God I know that feeling," Carrie-Anne says, checking her own shoes and then standing up. "You ready?"

Jonny Lee stretches down, crosses feet and touches toes, then pulls himself back up. "Ready, m'am." He starts off, turns and jogs backwards down the path. "Regular route?"

"Show off," Carrie-Anne says with a laugh as she moves to catch up. "So," she continues after finding her pace. "I thought it went really well last night. You were brilliant." She'd said as much at the time but not only could her words have gotten lost in the crush of the backstage madness but she doubts Jonny Lee will mind hearing them again.

"Was? Don't remember. This boy's brain wasn't exactly all there last night. Pire kept most everybody away." Jonny Lee spins around, falls into pace with Carrie-Anne. "Thanks, though. It's a good play. Good cast. Just hope all this shite doesn't fuck it up."

"How are you two doing with that?" she asks, a look of concern on her face. "Gerard seemed pretty calm, if a bit protective." He'd also looked damn proud, but Carrie-Anne has no doubt he'd made sure his boy knew that.

He shrugs, shakes out his arms, smiles weakly. "We're okay. It was stupid to get caught, but what's weird is, for the most part, neither of us care. Much. Or at least not about the things people think we should be caring about. Career and such."

"Well I think it's normal for everyone to worry about your careers for you," she says, shrugging a little. "When we got in the tabs right after the BAFTAs our agents and some of our friends were freaking out. And I can't say that I didn't worry a little, but ... it all blew over and I don't think we're in any less demand than we ever were." She smiles at him. "So you know, something new will catch their interest and then you can go on with your life."

"Yeah, don't care about me. Pire's got more of a career than his boy'll ever have, and that's cool." He runs without talking for a few minutes. "Jude's right pissed. Gonna muck up him and Ewan. Feel most guilty about that. Like if we'd not been so open then he wouldn't have to deal with all the media vultures _and_ Sadie at the same time."

"Yeah that does suck," she says. "But you know as much as I adore Ewan and Jude, it's not like you should have to live your life to suit them." She pauses for a moment. "Not like it was premeditated either."

"Fuck, no, not premeditated." Jonny Lee thinks on the wording. "We weren't hiding the fact that we're together, but we sure didn't go down to Cannes intent on being outed." They've both picked up a bit of speed on the park's perimeter, and the conversation lulls for a few minutes. Jonny Lee's finding the more he runs with Carrie-Anne, the less afraid he is of her and the more he's willing to consider all those late-night fantasies Gerard's whispered while he was trying to fall asleep. He glances over at her and is thankful any blush is going to be masqued by the heat of running.

"This boy really likes the notion he can kiss Master wherever he wants now, and not worry about who's watching. Weird kind of freedom."

"Yeah it is," she says, managing a quick grin at him. "It's weird 'cause I can kiss Jason and every reporter thinks it's cute. I kiss Liam and I'm a two timing slut and he's a homewrecker." She catches her breath for several paces. "If you love someone you shouldn't have to hide it."

Jonny Lee tries not to laugh, but fails miserably. "This boy has trouble picturing ma'am as cute," he says when Carrie-Anne glances at him. "He's sorry, but he has a rather clear-cut image of you in his head." And it's about as far from _cute_ as a human can get. He slows down till the laugh dies away and he's breathing right again.

Slowing down along with Jonny Lee, Carrie-Anne glances over at him for a quick minute. "I'm not cute? I'm crushed, I shall pout." She gives him a minute to think she's not going to ask the obvious question and then, keeping her eyes on the path in front of them, speaks.

"So what clear-cut image of me do you have then?"

Lulled into security that she's forgotten his comment, which he shouldn't've made in the first place, Jonny Lee nearly trips over the running path's flat surface when the question comes. He knows better than to tell her of Gerard's fantasies. He _is_ slightly smarter than he gives himself credit for.

"Um, uh, menacing," he says hesitantly. "This boy was rather frightened of ma'am until a few weeks ago." He swallows. "He's still a bit intimidated by her when they're not running." Jonny Lee pauses, forgets to keep his mouth shut. "And intrigued."

_What is it with me and good looking boys named Jonny?_ CA wonders, still keeping her eyes on the path. "It always surprises me when I intimidate people," she says after a moment. "It's flattering," she adds quickly, not wanting him to think she's offended. "But I never know where it comes from."

"For this boy, it's partly just 'cause you're a woman. He's scared of 'em," he says, almost jogging in place now. "Haven't played with one since Ang, and that was just fucked up every which way." _Why the hell are you admitting all this?_ "But this boy likes being scared." _Shut the fuck up, Miller._

"Do you now?" she asks, deliberately ignoring the remark about Angie. _Let's leave exes out of this shall we?_ she thinks, remembering how things were "fucked up every which way" with Amy at the end. "And is that simply an observation? Or are you looking to be scared by me?"

_Nice Carrie-Anne_ , she thinks ruefully. _You really do have all the subtlety of an Acme 10 ton anvil._

"Not right at this moment, ma'am," he answers, truthfully. Right now, he's interested in running. "Anyhow, you'd need to talk with Master about that. He has," he pauses, thinking on how to word it, deciding that _definite fantasies about you sitting on this boy's cock, bending down and kissing him while he begs for more_ might not be very appropriate, "uh, notions about you scaring his boy."

"Well I didn't think now," she says with a noise that's half exhale, half laugh. "And anyway I couldn't because I have to ask Master for permission to play with people." She catches her breath over the next few paces and then glances at him. "But I'd be interested in hearing what ... notions your Master has, because I'd most certainly like to scene with the two of you."

"Uh, um," he tries to sound meepy, but it's just not working, his voice cracking like a geeky teen, "Master will like hearing that." Then his brain catches up with his hearing. "You have to ask Master? Mr. Neeson?" Jonny Lee's mildly confused, not really having a clue how life in that house works. "So, you and Mr. Isaacs both belong to him?"

"Long story," she says, glancing around. They've reached one of the places where the path meets a neighborhood and she knows of a nearby cafe. "You wanna go get a coffee and talk?"

"Coffee," he says like a man suddenly obsessed. "Yeah, could use it." Jonny Lee pushes up the sleeve of his shirt and glances at his watch. "Got time, too, before Master needs rousting."

Leading the way to the cafe at a slower jog, Carrie-Anne grins. "I don't have morning rousting duties; that's Jason's job."

"Normally don't even go out running before Pire's up." Jogging slows to a fast walk and breathing's back to normal by the time they reach the cafe. "Schedule's shifted a bit these days."

"Nonfat double latte," Carrie-Anne says to the barrista. "And a scone. And whatever my friend here wants."

"Double-shot mocha with caramel syrup," Jonny Lee says, smiling when Carrie-Anne gives him a disbelieving look. The barrista just gives a knowing nod and goes about filling the order.

"Fuck, no wonder you can't sit still," Carrie-Anne says as she collects her coffee. "All that sugar."

Once they're safely at a table in a corner, Carrie-Anne smiles at Jonny Lee. "Anyway you were asking about who belongs to who -- or is it whom?" She shrugs and keeps talking. "Jason belongs to both Liam and I; in his contract Liam's the primary Master, but I have rights as his Mistress. I don't have a formal contract with Liam, nor am I permanently collared. We're more scene by scene players with the exception that I have to ask to play with anyone except Jason." She blinks a little and then laughs. "There will be a test later; I hope you're taking notes."

"Notes. Uh, yeah." Jonny Lee laughs. "It's very confusing, all the contracts and who's what. Just sorting out the realities of the lifestyle in our house. Does it work? Being three instead of two. There's no," he sips at his mocha, "jealousy, vying for attention?"

"We're very careful about that," she replies, nibbling at a piece of her scone. "It helps that each dynamic is so different; Jason and I don't sub the same way and Liam and I don't top the same way. It might be more difficult if we were always all home at the same time, but it's not often that we get that lucky." She smiles. "I promised the guys that I'd make sure they had their time alone and they both make sure I have my time with each of them." She sips thoughtfully at her coffee. "I think the only jealousy issue is that Liam is a little wistful that Jason and I can marry and the three of us can't do anything similar."

"That makes sense, and it really bites that you can't have a three-way marriage. It wouldn't hurt anyone," Jonny Lee holds the cup against his lips. He's not nervous, like he is when he's having coffee with Natalie, bouncing his foot and fidgeting, and he's finding it fascinating that Carrie-Anne can almost calm him. "Like us being outed. It's nobody's business what we do or how we live and it's not hurting anyone," he pauses, _well, except for pissing off Jude_ , "so this boy just doesn't understand why people feel it's such a friggin' big deal." He takes a sip of coffee. "But, then, this boy is rather dense when it comes to focusing on life more than a few feet in front of his face."

"I don't think this boy is dense at all," she says with a smile. "I happen to agree with you; there's no reason anyone should care who we shag or how we shag them." She takes another bite of her scone, washing it down with a sip of coffee. "I've never agreed with what we said in The Matrix, about humans not being able to live in a perfect society. I'd like to try it sometime, you know?"

"Maybe not totally perfect. This boy fucks up perfect on a regular basis." Jonny Lee downs half his mocha in a single gulp, then sets the cup down. "He'll settle for being able to kiss Pire on the front steps without it making the Sunday tabs." He glances at the clock on the wall. "Speaking of which, he has to fix Master's breakfast at some point this morning, and he doesn't want to keep ma'am from her life."

"Right, I don't want you to get in trouble with your Master," Carrie-Anne replies. "I'll tell what; if you're still interested in scening Gerard can write to both me and Liam and we can work things out." She laughs. "Unless Gerard is old fashioned and wants to deal with Liam alone, which is fine with me."

Jonny Lee picks up his cup to finish off the coffee, but damn near sputters the final sips at Carrie-Anne's comment. "Gerard, old-fashioned? Yes, ma'am, he'll most likely talk directly with Mr. Neeson. Master has a formality kink that makes Emily Post look ill-mannered." He sets the cup down for a final time and pushes his chair back. "This boy will make sure to tell Master, though, the moment he wakes him up."

"I think Emily Post was kinky. I mean all those rules and stuff? She had to be," Carrie-Anne says finishing her coffee and looking down at the remaining half of her scone. "Honestly I don't know why I order scones and muffins any more; when Jason's are so much better.

But seriously," she continues, "Liam will be glad to handle arrangements with Gerard; I think he likes the formality thing more than he lets on."

"This boy's never had success with baking. Much more the stir-fry, cooking kind of guy." Jonny Lee stands up, stretches. "When you running next? Wanna meet?"

"You know me, hon, I do this almost every morning," Carrie-Anne replies, standing up. "My times vary on the weekends though so how about Monday? Same bat time, same bat channel?"

Jonny Lee laughs. Fortunately he's enough of a pop culture geek to know the reference. "Want this boy should wear a cape?" He motions for her to move ahead as they make for the door.

"Tights at the very least, Boy Wonder," she says as the exit the cafe.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	144. gerard: [Gift for peterwing]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/24/) 12:04:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33896&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33896) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33896) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33896&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[Gift for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ]**  
[Sent May 24th via Establishment courier with specific instructions that it get there before the 25th.]

  
_A gift basket with no card or any sort of sign of who it might be from. The basket contains the following:_

\- [Glow-In-The-Dark Condoms](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/condoms.jpg)  


> _If you hold the condom under light for one minute, it glows! Please note, these condoms are not proven to prevent disease or pregnancy, and are sold as a novelty only._

\- [Male Nude Playing Cards](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/cards.jpg)  


> _A collection of buff, big-dicked, oiled up men in all kinds of hot and horny poses._

\- [Mr. Peter Ice Mold](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/icemold.jpg)  


> _In addition to providing a charmingly cute ice-penis for chilling your drinks, or a penis-popsicle for pacifying your lover, you can also use this best- seller for making functional ice dildos. If you're up to that, give it a try. Make sure to rinse your ice dildo in running water before using it, because ice should never be inserted until it has started to melt. Also included are some amusing drink recipe suggestions. Makes ice penises about 5" long and 1.5" wide._

\- [Chrome Masquerade Mask](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/cromemask.jpg)  


> _This striking chrome mask is elegant and alluring. Whether at a masquerade ball or playing out a favorite fetish fantasy, this mask has a striking appearance. Made from beautiful shiny chrome with a soft suede lining for a comfortable wear. Rawhide lace closure._

\- [Pacifier on a String](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/pacifier.jpg)  


> _Colorful, mock baby pacifiers made of hard plastic, about 2.5" in length, on a nylon cord. Assorted bright translucent colors. Can be hung around the neck when not in use._

\- [Vampire Gloves](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/vampiregloves.jpg)  


> _A pair of sporty black leather gloves (soft, thin leather), with a snap closure at the wrist and one other special feature: the fingers have prickly little tacks sticking out of them (120 to be exact). The tacks are short, about 1/8" long, and will prick and scratch the skin like little thorns, but will not pierce the skin unless you squeeze or slap it very firmly. The gloves can also be used very lightly, and will stimulate the skin in dozens of distinct little points without actually hurting at all._

Placed on top of all the goodies:

The [BadAss Bear](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/badassbear.jpg) clutching a package of [Buckling Armbands](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/armbands.jpg).

If Peter digs far enough down, he'll find a small note card with the words "For Your Pleasure" typed neatly on them.

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/33896.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	145. gerard: Coming Out

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/24/) 11:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33581&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33581) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33581) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=33581&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Coming Out** _  
[JL only]

It wasn't coming out. It can't be if you were never inside to begin with.

And it's not like we called up the newspapers or had our agents issue a statement. I just answered questions. It was quite civil. I _volunteered_ the information. Came out, if it was, because I wanted to.

It's something incredably different when the assholes reach in and pull you out by the front of your shirt, buttons popping as they go. _Your mouth says no, let me stay in, but sensationalism and sex sell more papers, so screw your private lives._

Vultures, all of them. They circle and then they swoop.

They're all perfectly right, by the way. I _am_ going to get less offers. But it's not like I've been getting all that many to begin with. I've never carried a hit movie. Tomb Raider was Angie, Timeline was just about everyone but me. Hell, you could barely even recognize me in Reign of Fire, and that just about bombed. People care more when you're a box office star. Here you are, paraded around at premieres and on covers and people, while they love you, begin to despise you a little bit as well. After all, _they'll_ never be as famous as you are. And so they delight in getting one up. They delight in bringing you down.

That's my theory anyway. But fuck it. I'm already signed on for Beowulf and if they break contract I'm going to call up everyone I went to school with and get the best team of lawyers this side of the Atlantic. I may lose, but at least I won't have to pay any bills.

Besides, everyone knows that anyone who does musical theater is either gay or very very freaky.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/33581.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	146. stownsend: Overdue e-mail

| Stuart Townsend ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[ **stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/2004/05/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/2004/05/23/) 19:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=stownsend&itemid=54748&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=stownsend&itemid=54748) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=stownsend&itemid=54748) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=stownsend&itemid=54748&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Overdue e-mail**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
Subject: (none)

JL,

Should have emailed you forever ago, but between chores and filming and every thing else, this slave isn't looking at his computer much. Besides, you probably got hit with the "holy fuck, are you guys alright?" barrage before.

So. Now that it's maybe calmed down a little bit, how are you and Mr. Butler doing after the vultures got hold of you? And how's the play? How's life in general?

That's the only purpose for this email. Hope you're both doing well.

Stuart

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/54748.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	147. jonnyleemiller: [email response to stownsend

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/24/) 10:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23026&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23026) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23026) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23026&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email response to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)**_[ **stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
Subject: fuck 'em

S'cool. This boy knows you're busy. He's rather surprised to hear from you. From anyone. There really wasn't the "are you guys alright?" barrage. Da called, which surprised this boy even more. He hasn't talked much to his family lately. Guess that's the benefit of flying under the radar. Not only does the press not harass you, but a chunk of your friends are kind enough to leave you ~~the fuck~~ alone, too.

~~Jude~~ Mr. Law is rather pissed ~~with this boy~~ at the moment, but that's to be expected. Haven't heard from him, but this boy hopes a 15-year friendship can weather a slam of bad press and a nasty case of Frostbite.

Master's okay. Actually, he's remarkably well-balanced about it all, considering he's the one with the career, not this boy. He's the one who has the potential to be somebody. This boy's just focusing on the play. And it's doing well. Good reviews. Opening night was a blur; this boy hears he had a good time, but he was shell-shocked.

As for other life, it's better. This boy got to see Mr. Bean again and meet the new boyfriend. Fuckin' fantastic, that one. New rules started when we got back to London. Stricter. Not your level. Won't ever be there. Pire won't allow. But this boy is happy knowing he belongs to someone.

Okay, this boy needs to go running. Talk to you later, Stuart.

~ jonny lee

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23026.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	148. jonnyleemiller: [email to c_a_moss

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/24/) 10:32:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23158&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23158) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23158) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23158&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)**_[ **c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[**c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Um ...

This boy isn't sure where to start. Thanks? Or sympathies? So he'll offer both. And start with an apology for being so late in offering either. This boy's been focusing on the play and coming straight home.

Thanks for the Gummi Bears, and you and Mr. Neeson and Mr. Isaacs coming out Thursday night. And thanks more for the run Friday. It helped having someone who _isn't_ Master to talk with.

Saw the tab. Would be nice if people would just let us live, wouldn't it?

Catch you in the park,  
~ Jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23158.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	149. gerard: May 25th

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/25/) 12:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34553&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34553) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34553) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34553&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Bitter  
---|---  
**Current music:** | _Shattered Dreams_  
  
_**May 25th**_  
[[Friends-Locked](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/info#friends) by mistake. Meant to be private.]  
  
  
It's funny how chancy chance meetings really are. Five minutes earlier, five minutes later, and an entire block of your life never happened. Of course, conversely, had you just been five minutes earlier, you wouldn't have lost out on something that could have changed your life, either for good or bad.  
  
  
Isn't it ironic that we cherish what did happen and never mourn what didn't?  
  
  
So happy fucking whatever today is, _Master_. Not like you'll ever remember. And if you do count it, you'd do from the day I left. Cheers, no more Gerry.  
  
  
Sure, meeting him was a good thing. Being with him was a good thing. But might it not have been better to have been five minutes late and...and...  
  
  
Yeah. No Peter, no Jonny. Funny how these things work out.  
  
  
But I'm not laughing.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-05-25 11:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?thread=57849&format=light#t57849))   
---|---  
I remember very well what today is.  
  
I remember when and where and how.  
  
I remember it fondly, whether you believe that or not.  
  
And I try to forget the day you left.  
  
Don't presume to know me _that_ well, Gerry. You didn't stay around long enough.  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?replyto=57849&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?thread=57849&format=light#t57849))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-26 12:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?thread=58105&format=light#t58105))   
---|---  
_Fuck_  
  
  
I always seem to be presuming around you, except that I never mean to. I know very well how poorly I know you.  
  
  
 ~~And I didn't stay around because of me, not you~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?replyto=58105&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html?thread=57849&format=light#t57849))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	150. peterwing: courier delivery to gerard butler

| Peter Wingfield ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/05/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/05/25/) 16:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=3930&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=3930) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=3930) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=3930&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**courier delivery to gerard butler**_  
The handwritten card reads

> _Should I thank you for the gift, Gerry? You would likely prefer I not, but I will. And return the favor. I bought this the day before you walked out, and both of us were too angry at the time for me to make sure you got it. Time has passed. Keep it. Shred it. Give it to Jonny to wear if you wish._

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/3930.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	151. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Thursday, May 27

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/27/) 21:22:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23583&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23583) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23583) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23583&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  up and down  
---|---  
  
_**Journal, Thursday, May 27**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]  
  
One week down. This boy's surviving. Tom's just as attention deficit as this boy is, bouncing from one thing to the next, in sex and games and convos. Makes backstage time much more interesting. Reporter asked for interview today, Master. She's doing a feature on the play and wants to talk. Your boy isn't sure it's a good idea for him to open his mouth in public.  
  
Absolute best thing about being outed: Ruth acknowledges this boy is queer and she doesn't have a chance with him. Fuck, talk about dense. Makes this boy look bloody brilliant. Speaking of the opposite sex, Master ... your boy was wondering if Master was serious about him playing with Ms. Moss (and family). Not now. Incredibly bad timing. Maybe after the play.  
  
 ~~Worst thing: Old friends out of touch.~~  
  
About playing, Master, may your boy have permission to play with Mr. Denisof's boys this weekend?  
  
Your boy knows he's rambling, Master. There's a reason. [Your journal post.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34553.html) Your boy's not quite sure what to make of it. ~~Do you wish you'd never met me, Pire?~~ He doesn't think he'll ever understand Master's relationship with Mr. Wingfield. Not that he should, but he worries about his lover.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-28 06:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=44831&format=light#t44831))   
---|---  
I see no reason for my boy _not_ to talk to the reporter, besides shyness, of course. Your master even thinks it might put to rest some talk his agent's been relaying to him about how I forced you into this against your will and now you're keeping silent as payback. And if she's focusing on the play, only a portion of the article will be about you, so she won't have to talk too long, yes?  
  
  
  
 _Absolute best thing about being outed: Ruth acknowledges this boy is queer and she doesn't have a chance with him._  
  
 _Finally._ Good lord. I was about to pound it in with a sledge.  
  
  
  
 _Speaking of the opposite sex, Master ... your boy was wondering if Master was serious about him playing with Ms. Moss (and family). Not now. Incredibly bad timing. Maybe after the play._  
  
  
I was serious, yes, but you're right. This is an incredably bad time. And it was just a thought, anyway.  
  
  
  
  
 _About playing, Master, may your boy have permission to play with Mr. Denisof's boys this weekend?_  
  
Which day of the weekend? What time? And what do you plan on doing?  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Your boy knows he's rambling, Master. There's a reason. Your journal post. Your boy's not quite sure what to make of it._  
  
 ~~Do you have any idea how much I'm regretting I didn't lock that down hard once I realized Peter'd seen it?~~  
  
 ~~I~~  
  
 ~~The thing is~~  
  
I love you. I'm just bitter as hell about Peter. I always feel that there's something I should have done...I don't know. I regret him. I just don't know what part about my relationship with him I regret.  
  
I'm sorry. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?replyto=44831&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=44831&format=light#t44831))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-05-28 06:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=45087&format=light#t45087))   
---|---  
_Your master even thinks it might put to rest some talk his agent's been relaying to him about how I forced you into this against your will and now you're keeping silent as payback._  
Master's agent  knows better. You didn't force this boy into anything he didn't want. Your boy will agree to the interview.  
  
Weekend play ... maybe Saturday night after the show ... your boy wanted to make sure Master gave permission before he asked the boys about it ... just some vid games and a bit of fun fucking.  
  
  
Master, your boy can't say anything about Mr. Wingfield that doesn't sound awkward. Or that we haven't talked about before. If you need something ... your boy doubts he could give it to you, but he's willing to try. He loves you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?replyto=45087&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=44831&format=light#t44831))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=45087&format=light#t45087))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-05-28 07:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=45343&format=light#t45343))   
---|---  
You have my permission to play with Alexis' boys, then.  
  
  
I love you, Jonny Lee. I don't think there is anything Peter can give me that I want. I think it's because I left things unfinished that I think there are things that need to be finished. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?replyto=45343&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23583.html?thread=45087&format=light#t45087))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	152. est_news: Disclaimer: This article is entirely a w

| The News ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/profile)[ **est_news**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/05/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/05/28/) 23:25:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2750&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2750) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2750) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=2750&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
Disclaimer: This article is entirely a work of fiction created for the roleplaying game The Establishment and is not in any way meant to reflect on any real persons mentioned within.

Interview: Jonny Lee Miller

_By Tess Gentry_  
The Observer

To the unknowing eye, the dirty blond bouncing on the balls of his feet in the wings of the Almeida is most likely a stagehand trying to stay out of the way. His hair's uncombed, pushed down by headphones plugged into a flame red GameBoy Advance SP.

But appearances are deceptive.

The seemingly attention-deficit young man is in fact the play's star, and while Jonny Lee Miller is quick to say he's anything but that, he's the focal point of _Festen_ , currently playing at the Almeida. Miller plays Christian, the son on whom it falls to divulge the family's dark secrets. It's apropos, then, that Miller should be at the center of a real-life pouring out of secrets. Just last week, during the festivities in Cannes, the 31-year-old actor and his lover, 34-year-old Gerard Butler, were outed when cameras caught them in a heated airport farewell. Butler, during a photocall for his upcoming _Phantom of the Opera_ , confirmed rumors and acknowledged he and Miller have been together since 1999.

Miller, however, has been silent since Butler's comments, ducking reporters' questions as his play opened.

Today, however, he's bouncing around backstage hours before curtain, occasionally huddling against a hallway wall with _Festen_ costar Tom Hardy over the shared GameBoy, and he's agreed to answer a few questions:

  
**TG: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us, Mr. Miller. Are you happy to be back on the stage?**  
JLM: *fidgets a bit in the chair* Yeah. Very happy. It's a nice change, live audience and all. Quite refreshing, actually.

**TG: Oh? You prefer it to working in front of a camera?**  
JLM: Not prefer so much. Theatre offers a broader range, doesn't pigeon-hole actors like films do. I can do things on the stage that no one might think of letting me do in front of a camera.

**TG: You seem to be doing that in your personal life as well. Was there any particular reason that you chose to come out now?**  
JLM: *long silence* I didn't choose to come out. Somebody with a camera and nothing to do on Sunday night in Cannes made that decision.

**TG: *gives him a shrewd look* But surely you're aware of he consequences of public displays of affection?**  
JLM: *obviously thinking about responses* Does someone take your photo when you snog your boyfriend in public? *smiles* I'm aware that some people feel the need to hold people like me to a different standard.

**TG: Everyone knows that standards for celebrities are different. Are you and Mr. Butler worried about the consequences for your careers?**  
JLM: I don't speak for Mr. Butler. *grins at what must be an inside joke* Anyhow, I believe he answered that question in Cannes. *shifts, gets more comfortable* I'm not an A-list star. Never going to be. Acting's a job, and if it doesn't work out, I'll find something else to do.

**TG: *nods* And how have your friends and family reacted to this news being made public?**  
JLM: They're supportive. *chuckles* Da didn't disown me or anything.

**TG: And your friends?**  
JLM: *obviously uncomfortable* My friends understand I have a personal life, and they respect that. Some knew before Pi-, Gerard started answering questions, have known we were a couple for some time.

**TG: So you really don't think this is going to affect you in anyway then?**  
JLM: Some friends would say I'm being naive, but I don't think it's going to affect me in any way that really matters. I mean except that now I can kiss my lover in the middle of the street and not worry about who's watching.

**TG: So you don't have any closeted friends who are going to be made more vulnerable by your action?**  
JLM: *very long silence* *obvious fidgeting* First, I'm not sure why my friends would be more vulnerable by me being out of the closet. They live the way they choose. Second, if I had any closeted friends, I wouldn't admit it to you. It's one thing for me to not mind my lover outing us, but I'm not going to do it to someone else.

**TG: You sound very passionate about this. Do you and Mr. Butler plan on becoming vocal members of the gay community?**  
JLM: *shakes head* Not by choice. Mr. Butler and his lover are quite content to stay at home.

**TG: Speaking of home, now that you're a family will you be looking to adopt children?**  
JLM: We're a family? Just living together makes you a family? Wow. *grins* I love kids. Some people think I am one still. But I don't know if that's something we'd consider or not. *looks puzzled* Not sure they'd fit into our lifestyle.

**TG: *leans forward a little* Your lifestyle? You used to be married to Angelina Jolie; was that simply a marriage of convenience?**  
JLM: *quickly* No. Ang and I were in love. Kids who didn't know anything about what we were doing, but in love. I was more bi then I am now.

**TG: And are you still in touch? How does she feel about the news?**  
JLM: We are still in touch, but I haven't talked to her since the news broke. I'm sure she has an opinion, and I'm sure I'll hear it when she comes down for the play.

**TG: Speaking of the play, are you pleased to see it getting such critical acclaim?**  
JLM: Yes, very pleased. It's a difficult for most people to handle. Deep, dark family secrets coming to light. *smiles* And, yes, I realize the timely coincidence of the subject matter. The cast is remarkable, and each of them is getting the recognition, not just me.

**TG: Well in your case certainly the recognition is deserved. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us and good luck with both the play and your future endeavours.**

OOC: Thanks, Ruth, for playing reporter!  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	153. gerard: Gerard Reads The Interview

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/28/) 14:20:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35224&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35224) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35224) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35224&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Gerard Reads The Interview** _  
[Vignette. Gerard reads [this interview with Jonny Lee](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2750.html).]

  
Gerard's agent sends him clippings. Every time Gerard is even mentioned in an article, it gets sent his way. It's gotten by now that whenever he sees a brown manila envelope, he wonders just what shit Jan's dug up now. When the story first hit, Gerard had remembered to give Jan a call, had gotten chewed out, and after that the mail started arriving in boxes.

He'd thought the mail would subside after a week and it has, mostly. He'd had to sign mounds of paperwork for _Phantom_ about doing publicity tours and had had to promise to do several interviews with gay magazines and to please not drop any more bombshells until _after_ December. Gerard never liked to read over the contracts he had to sign, but he'd read over that one twice before even lifting the pen. He wouldn't put it past the studios to slip in a clause about parading Jonny Lee around like a trophy wife. Gerard had to go back to the recording studio in a week to work on the soundtrack and Jan wanted to have it all over with before Gerard had to stand in front of a microphone.

Gerard opens the latest from Jan, expecting more papers to sign, and a clipping from _The Observer_ slips out. He scans it, grins, and then sits down to really read it.

It's a good interview. Nothing too probing. And his boy is, how did Sean put it? Effin' adorable. Gerard sips his coffee and almost spits it out. _[I don't speak for Mr. Butler.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2750.html)_ Gerard rereads the sentence and context over a few times, shaking his head. "Bad boy," he mutters.

He finishes the article and grabs the phone off the wall. He dials Jonny Lee's mobile from memory and the call goes straight to voice mail.

"Hey," he says softly, not sure when or where Jonny Lee will listen to this. It's not something he wants anyone to overhear in the closeness of backstage before curtain. "Read your interview. I love you. You slipped into formal voice near the end. Bad boy. Bad bad boy. Master's going to have to spank you for that. Hard. Fast. Gonna make you beg. You're going to hurt so good for me. And then you're going to come against my thigh and I'll handfeed you dinner. I'm making franks in blankets and stirfry vegetables. I wonder how it would feel to have you suck coffee off my fingers. Would you make it good for me? Would my good boy be naughty and move his head to, erm," Gerard shifts and adjusts himself in his pants, "other places?" _Finish the call,_ then _wank_. "I bet he would. Master loves his boy. Break a leg." Gerard puts the phone back on the cradle and heads to the couch to put on _Trainspotting_.

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/35224.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	154. angelina: [voicemail to hankrpg in response to thi

| not_angelina ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)[ **angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/05/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2004/05/28/) 20:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=2086&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=2086) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=2086) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=angelina&itemid=2086&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

[voicemail to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hankrpg/profile)[**hankrpg**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hankrpg/) in response to [this delivery](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hankrpg/73380.html#cutid1)]

Mr. Rollins, you are _too_ kind. Thank you for the lovely gift. *pauses, laughs* Next time I'm in LA, I'll promise to hold still long enough for you to get it on. Hmmm...but after that, I promise _nothing._ Cheers, darling.

*

[establishment delivery for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]

Jonny,

Congratulations on what sounds like a wonderful opening night. I haven't the slightest clue what an appropriate gift would be at this juncture, so go and [gorge yourself on gaming accessories](http://www.amazon.co.uk/) or something equally amusing on my tab.

I plan on coming down to London to see the show quite soon - is a surprise all right, or should we plan it? Wouldn't want to step on toes. ~~And, yes, I saw the paper.~~ Just let me know what you'd prefer.

\- Angie

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/2086.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	155. jonnyleemiller: [email for angelina]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/28/) 23:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23842&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23842) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23842) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=23842&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)**_[ **angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/)]  
To: _acid_burn_  
From: _crash_override_  
Subject: Thanks

Wow! Open tab at Amazon. You do still love me. *g* Thanks and mega-snogs.

Would love for you to come down. Let me know the night and I'll put aside tickets. And you're not stepping on toes, Ang. Gerard's fine with you coming to the show.

Imagine you saw the reports. Your ex-husband's officially gay now. If you want to yell at me, go ahead. If you want to talk, just call. At this point, I don't know which end is up some hours.

~ Jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23842.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/profile)[**angelina**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/angelina/)  
2004-05-30 11:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23842.html?thread=45858&format=light#t45858))   
---|---  
_To: acid_burn_  
From: crash_override  
Subject: Re: Thanks  
  
Glad you got the package and are happy with it. Honestly, I have no taste when it comes to video games. None. Zero. Isn't that horrible? I'm a hacker-boy/girl pin-up, yet I've no clue. This way you can have your fun and I can feel like I've contributed to your carpal tunnel syndrome. :D  
  
 _Would love for you to come down. Let me know the night and I'll put aside tickets._  
  
How about second week of June? That Wednesday? Always enjoyed going out mid-week. No reason to wait for the weekend.  
  
 _Your ex-husband's officially gay now. If you want to yell at me, go ahead._  
  
Would never yell at you, especially over something like this. I will admit, I was a bit, well, shocked when I read it. Never knew you'd actually "go public," as it were, and could have done with a little bit of warning - my service got about 40 calls in less than a few hours. Don't worry, darling, I haven't said anything, but I'm sure I'll have to say something soon rather than "no comment." Because I do have comment - and that comment is that I love and respect you and cherish the time we had together. And that you're still dear to me. And that we're friends, I would think. And that whatever you do, I'll support you 100 percent. (Of course, whatever-you-do does not include cavorting naked with goats, cooking domesticated housecats for stew, or deciding to graft a second thumb onto your right hand for better PS2 scores. Everyone's got their limits.)  
  
Expect a call from me when I touch down in England. I'm currently sitting around in NYC doing some press/shilling for various charitable causes as it were, and really attempting to ignore the clutch of photogs outside the hotel. Do I really need to wear a tee shirt that says I didn't bed Brad? Or that I'm not suicidal because one of my exes has recently come out? And the other is having a baby? Honestly. But feel free to call if you need me to bring you anything from this side of the Atlantic. Or if, well, you just want to talk.  
  
Love,  
Angie 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23842.html?replyto=45858&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	156. jonnyleemiller: [note for judel]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/28/) 23:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24208&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24208) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24208) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24208&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[note for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)**_[ **judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)]  
[handwritten and delivered to Jude at home]

Thanks for the champagne and glasses, mate. Definitely will share with cast since it'd be wasted at home.

Hope you're okay. Sure you've been laying low, keeping off Sadie's radar, not to mention out of sight of reporters. I did an [interview](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2750.html) finally. Tried not to say anything stupid.

Hope to see you soon,  
Jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/24208.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	157. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Sunday, May 30

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/05/30/) 22:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24552&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24552) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24552) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=24552&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Sunday, May 30**_  
[private, visible to gerard]

Learned something last night, Master. Stopped by the bar for a quick pint on the way home. Usual crowd. Jude and Ewan. Strangely enough, Mr. Wingfield and his boy. While the bridges aren't burned, your boy's so afraid of stepping on the charred timber and falling through that he barely takes the first step onto the bridge. He felt lost without Master there ~~telling him exactly what to do~~.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	158. gerard: [E-mail to liam]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/05/31/) 21:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34560&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34560) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34560) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34560&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[ **liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/) ]** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[**liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/)@establishment.rpg  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)@establishment.rpg  
CC: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) @establishment.rpg, [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)**c_a_moss** @establishment.rpg  
Subject: Scene Negotiation

Mr. Neeson,

My boy has informed me that Ms. Moss has shown interest in scening with him. I understand that Ms. Moss has spoken to you about this. Assuming that you are as eager as I am to see them together, would you prefer to speak via e-mail or telephone? My cell phone number is in the directory and the land line is under Jonny Lee's name.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34560.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	159. shadow_tom: Jonny Lee and Tom go for pints

| !So! Not Tom Hardy ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/profile)[ **shadow_tom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/2004/06/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/2004/06/01/) 13:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=shadow_tom&itemid=5330&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=shadow_tom&itemid=5330) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=shadow_tom&itemid=5330) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=shadow_tom&itemid=5330&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Jonny Lee and Tom go for pints** _  


_players only, takes place the second week of_ Festen _rehearsals, some time around May 10._

Tom's picked a seat not too near the bar; not too far into a corner, either. Looking about for Jonny Lee, he cranes up a bit in his seat. He's early. He's just ordered two pints and is waiting for them to arrive, hoping Jonny Lee's in a Bass Ale kind of mood.

_If not, I'll just drink it,_ he rationalizes and looks around. He shifts in his seat, glad to be somewhere that's not his mum's house but also not the stage, where he's constantly putting on that angry and violent character.

Jonny Lee's running a few minutes late, having stopped long enough to make a quick call home and be sure Pire didn't have plans for them. Given the okay for drinks, and basically a "don't come home till you're ready" he's clicking off the cell as he makes his way into the club. With a nod to the front desk, he's through the foyer into the bar area, where Tom'd said he'd meet him. He's shrugging the cell back into a pocket of the windbreaker when he spies Tom and heads to the table.

"Hi, mate, Sorry. Had to make a call." He pulls out a chair and settles in, nodding at the extra pint on the table. "Mine?"

"Yeah." Tom grins and nods to the pint. "Bass. Hope that's alright. I got here a bit early." He takes a long draught of his own and then lets out a long, satisfied sigh. "So how's you? Alright, with the play and all? Heavy stuff, that."

"Bass works. It's not first choice for this boy, but he'll make do till the second round. Then it's Guinness." Jonny Lee picks up the pint, takes a swallow, pulling it down by a third before tilting the glass back. He's unconsciously tapping back into third-person speech when it seems natural, being in the club's surroundings. "Play's fine. Heavy, but not that hard to get into."

Tom isn't sure what to make of Jonny Lee's syntax but he couches his reaction. "I guess I'm having trouble; it's not that it's hard, exactly. I dunno. It's tiring." He shifts forward in his seat, finally starting to relax. "'S good to see you out of the production, though. Been looking forward to this." He raises his glass in a little _cheers_ gesture and drinks.

"Cheers," Jonny Lee says, meeting the raised glass. "Tiring's a nice way of putting it. This boy is damned exhausted when he gets home. Can't even get in his running every morning like usual." He sips at the ale, then wipes his mouth with his thumb. "Beats sitting around the house playing vid games, though, or at least Ma--, um, Gerard thinks so."

"You're a gamer too?" Tom asks immediately, leaning onto his forearms a bit. "I think I'd go mad without mine. What d'you play?"

Jonny Lee's eyes light up. A fellow addict. He unzips the windbreaker and shrugs it off, letting it fall into the space between his back and the chair, stretching his T-shirt-clad arms and settling back into the table, like a negotiator at peace talks. "PS2. Xbox. GBA. Never leave home without it. Got cross-platform on most games, even though this boy's supposed to be cutting back on his video intake." He's starting to ramble a bit, like he always does talking about games. "Final Fantasy. The new Bond. Soul Calibur. Gotta brush up on that one. Nearly got his arse whipped on it."

"Ohhh." Tom's eyes slit almost dreamily. "Soul Calibur." He nods knowingly and narrowly avoids giving gruesome detail on how close he is on that one. Then another thought strikes him. "D'you have Bloodrayne?" He leans forward a bit more as though those peace negotiations have just taken an incredibly promising turn. "I always thought that was a fantastic idea, really, but I never tried that one. I've got all the PS2, though." He can tell he's going to start rambling, too, and reins himself in, grinning broadly, sitting back to take another drink of his disappearing pint.

"Bloodrayne," Jonny Lee echoes. He knows the title. It's the one that's on hold till he gets permission from Pire to buy a new game. Not that he really needs permission, but he's agreed to hold off on the new game purchases till the play's run is over. "It's on the to-buy list. Gotta get through the play first before this boy can load up any new games. He doesn't have time now to play what he has. Hear it's wicked." He takes another swallow of the ale, quickly draining it, not realizing how thirsty he'd been. Or how nervous, maybe, at sitting here with Tom outside the theater's confines.

Tom's grinning. He's never had a chance to hang with anyone so dedicated to this kink thing they're into; he himself isn't sure he can go that far. Still, it's fascinating, hearing a guy talk games in a syntax that implies abject submission. Maybe even slavery.

"Is that a requirement, then?" he asks after a moment, leaning back in his seat again. "Is that part of what--Gerard, is it?--requires you to do?" He pulls a pack of Superkings and a matchbook from his jacket pocket and holds them up with a questioning look, hoping Jonny Lee doesn't mind. He's also hoping he's not stumbling on some massive S&M _faux pas_ or making untrue assumptions in his scrambling to add two and two.

Jonny Lee dismisses the cigarettes with a wave of his hand. Somewhere he has a pack, if he thinks long enough on wanting one. "Is what a requirement? Yeah, Gerard. Butler. We're lovers, among other things." He blushes a bit at thinking about describing their relationship to someone outside their normal loop. "The speech you mean. Yeah. Sort of. If it bothers you too much, this boy can tamp it down. Ma-," he starts, stops, then shrugs, figuring if they're meeting at the Establishment club, then Tom has to be clued in to some degree. "Master allows for that. At the theater, in public where people don't understand. But mostly it's second nature, and here it's okay."

Tom sticks a fag in his mouth, folds the matchbook cover backwards, drags a match through and lights up. He shakes the match out and makes a careless kind of shrugging expression with his mouth around the cigarette. "Doesn't bother me a bit, I just wondered. How long've you been...?" He waves his cigarette hand around in a loop, indicating the Establishment at large.

"Establishment? Since late summer. Something like that. S&M? The minute Gerard moved back in last fall. Stricter rules, a few months." He finishes off the ale, motions the waiter for another round, opting out for Guinness this time. "You? Doing this long? Got a boyfriend? Girlfriend?" Jonny Lee realizes he's not even sure which way Tom goes.

"A couple years. Not long, I guess." Tom smokes for a moment. "Got a little skittish after a bottomy guy wouldn't stop coming to see me. Like, after the breakup." He shakes his head. "He kept calling it 'reconcilable' for a good while after I called it 'over.' That was creepy. It's all casual, now, but it's hard to get a foothold on things that way."

"Wow. Yeah. That would mess things up. This boy is very fortunate. Good experiences all around. And he has a master who loves him." He's only slightly fidgeting, a good sign he's enjoying himself and feeling comfortable. "Break-ups are rough. Never good. Not even when you need them."

Tom goes quiet a moment, thinking of Viggo. He squints briefly when the smoke blows his way, then puts the cigarette out without having done much of it. "Yeah," he agrees almost absently, then grins at Jonny Lee. "'S kind of odd sitting here talking about these things with someone I've seen on screen."

Jonny Lee blushes, more embarrassed about knowing Tom's seen his movies, or most likely one of them, than by talking about any of _this_. He knows what Tom means though. He'd felt a bit of it having the scene with Sean. "Sorry. This boy doesn't have to talk about it, if you don't want. He knows what you mean, though, about being with people you've seen on screen. It's weird."

"No worries." Tom shakes his head and winks. "I'm getting used to the various oddities down this particular rabbit-hole." He nods as the waiter brings Jonny Lee's Guinness and says, "I guess this is alright then," indicating the glasses. He wasn't really sure what might happen tonight, if anything. Events _do_ seem to materialize out of nowhere around here.

"Sure. Don't know that this boy has need to be perfectly sober tonight." He's sure Master didn't have any major plans for him. "Rabbit hole's rather interesting once you get down it. Don't think Alice had this many adventures."

Tom laughs. "I'm sure we've tripped on things Alice never thought of, no matter how many mushroom bits she ate."

"The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things, of whips and chains and bondage games, of fetishes and kinks." Jonny Lee mangles Lewis Carroll with a laugh. "This boy has either had too much already or not enough," he says with a smile. "Or maybe it's just the company that's making him silly."

Laughing, Tom takes a sip of his Guinness and nods. "I'm alright with that. Silly's good and so much the better if I helped it along."

Jonny Lee stares into his beer for the longest time, too unsure of what to do next. Tom's good-looking, and he wouldn't mind a quick something. And they _are_ at the Club, so it's easy enough to manage. But he's shite at initiating, especially asking for what he wants.

"Silly's great. Sex is better," he blurts out, grimacing at how that sounds. "That wasn't a come-on. Not really. More a conversation starter, since we are sitting here," he motions absently with his hand. "Probably shouldn't, though, since we're cast mates and all, but curious, what're you into?"

Tom blinks. He opens his mouth to ask if Jonny Lee is actually _nervous_ and then thinks better of it. Nothing spoils the mood faster than talking about it. "I don't mind," he says easily, trying to find a way to get Jonny Lee to relax again. "I actually like a lot of different things. No one kink in particular, just... I top, I bottom, boys, girls..." He grins. "Castmates..." He makes a careless gesture and shakes his head. "Whatever's comfortable." He leaves it wide open right there, watching Jonny Lee, hoping he's made it clear he's not going to be offended or devastated whichever way this night ends up.

"Wow. That kinda guarantees you a date on Friday night. " Jonny Lee doesn't know many guys that open and agreeable to all the angles. Most of his friends are pretty gay, or damn well close. "So, how many times has Ruth hit on you? Just curious. She doesn't seem to get the message that this boy is a) gay and b) has a very serious live-in lover who went to the trouble of kissing him in front of her." He goes back to sipping the Guinness, not at all concerned where they end up this evening. Bed. Gutter. In the kitchen washing dishes.

Tom laughs, just tosses his head back and laughs. "I never thought of it like that, but you know it's one of life's cruel bloody ironies that the dates I wanted guaranteed are across the world somewhere." He leans back, gazing off thoughtfully. "Ruth... I think she's got herself firmly convinced you're the one for her." He tips his head and makes a clucking noise, winking at Jonny Lee. "Sorry, mate."

"Fuck," he sighs. "Guess Pire will have to go to extreme dom mode to get her off me arse. Thanks for nothing." He tips his glass toward Tom, catching up mentally on the first part of his sentence. "Across the world? Leave someone in ... wait, where'd you come from? LA, right?"

"Wait, wait." Tom's laughing, now, trying to keep hold of the tracks of the conversation. "Who's Pire, then?"

It takes a second for Jonny to realize Tom's not following his randomizing. "Pire's Gerard. Master. That's the nickname this boy has for him." He takes a swallow of his beer. "Sorry. This boy tends to jump in conversation, even when he's being formal."

"Oh, no worries, I just didn't know if maybe you had one of those open things. That'd ease Ruth off no doubt--you showing up to rehearsal with several large men snogging on you." Tom grins at the image and then decides it isn't so bad.

"Oh, that gives this boy a positively wicked idea." Jonny Lee's smiling, cat that ate the canary and all. "You could snog this boy right in front of her. Not subtle, but might be effective." _And it wouldn't be a bad thing. Could be fun._

Tom claps his hands, laughing. "Brilliant. I love it." But then he goes a bit serious. "What about your master, though? He going to have a problem with you snogging a bloke that isn't him just to make a point?"

"No." He thinks. This isn't going to be easy to explain. "Master has very unusual rules. This boy is free to _play_ with anyone he chooses. He's just not permitted certain things while playing. Snogging's well within the rules."

"Really," Tom murmurs, intrigued. "What's outside the rules, then?" He is, after all, a red-blooded male, and a troublemaker as well--give him rules and he'll find ways around or through them. Mostly it's intellectual curiosity, though; he isn't going to get Jonny Lee in trouble. That'd just be bad.

"Uh," Jonny Lee says, squirming in the seat. It's complicated, explaining the rules. "Can't top. Can't come, unless Master says so." Well, maybe it's _not_ so complicated. He's just not sure how well Tom's taking in the info dump. "No cutting, permanent marks, that sort of thing." He's mostly playing with the edge of his glass. "TMI, isn't it? I'm supposed to be calling you Sir, too, but wasn't at all sure how that'd go over."

"Sounds straightforward enough," Tom nods. "If you need to be calling me 'sir,' that's alright, though _I_ certainly don't need you to. I'm not altogether keen on coming without the other guy though, so getting clearance for that'd be good." He isn't really sure how he slipped into talking like this, like it's an imminent possibility they're going to have sex. He supposes it's okay, though; everything has been so far and it isn't as though imminent sex is a bad thing.

"Talked with Master before and this boy has permission he needs," Jonny Lee says blushing. He's not sure where the conversation's taking them either, but it seems like the direction's not a bad thing. "So that's not a problem, if," and he smiles adorably, "Sir wants to do something."

Utterly charmed and a little bemused, Tom grins. "That's incredibly flattering. Thank you." He tips his head down and toys with his glass. He has to admit, this is... really good. He wasn't really sure the interest was mutual.

Jonny Lee's blushing, staring into his own beer. "Didn't wanna seem pushy, but wanted to leave all the options open, just in case, you know, we found we had more than beer and a play in common." The interest has been there, since the second day of rehearsal, lurking in the background of Jonny's mind, content to stay put till Tom said something.

"Well sure we have," Tom grins. "Playstation." He winks and leans closer on the table, planting his forearms again. "So." He gets a wicked look in his eye. "If we were to do something, what would be a favorable scenario?"

"Getting fucked into the wall," he blurts out quickly. Then there's a faint blush, a lopsided grin. "Or just a nice grope would do, sir. This boy isn't very demanding."

"Oh but I _like_ fucking people into walls," Tom grins, tipping his head down and giving an evil look, and then he lowers his voice conspiratorially and murmurs, "and you can be demanding with me. I won't tell."

Jonny Lee finishes off his beer and leans in, voice almost as low. "Then this boy would like to be fucked into the nearest wall. Sir." He pauses. "He'd like to be turned just the slightest shade of purple. Just in spots, where sir feels the need to grip rather hard."

Tom looks at Jonny Lee, wondering how he's supposed to breathe after hearing words like those. Then his brain catches up with his cock and he starts looking around. He supposes they could, literally, do it against the nearest wall. There's a couple over in one corner doing _rope bondage_ for Christ's sake. But he isn't really sure he should be exposing Gerard's--Pire's--boy in public like that, even if they are at the swankiest kinky joint in London. Or maybe that requires permission. Tom's rather done with the negotiation part, though.

So he tugs his billfold out of his back pocket and throws some notes down for the beers, then grabs Jonny Lee's hand as he gets up. "Come on. The nearest wall doesn't have a bed next to it."

"Bed? You _are_ kinky." Jonny Lee's grinning as he gets tugged along through the bar.

"Got to have someplace to tie you down if need be." Tom shoots Jonny Lee a sly look over his shoulder. "Unless they have cuffs in the wall, that'd be great." He heads out of the bar and down a hallway, looking for where the private rooms start.

"Course. What's a fuck without cuffs?" Jonny Lee's suddenly a lot more interested in his castmate than a few hours earlier.

"It's a regular fuck," Tom grins, "which is alright--but what a bland way to make a first impression." He makes a triumphant noise and ducks into an open room, glancing around. No cuffs on the walls, but there's a hook there, and he'll wager there are cuffs in the trunk. There are always cuffs in the trunk. But before he can even get that far he has to shut the door and lock it and shove Jonny Lee against a wall and kiss him openly, with biting. Lots of biting.

The door's closed and Jonny Lee's shrugging out of his coat, glancing around. "Yeah, rather bland," he says, tossing coat aside. "Wanna start with a kiss?" It'd be rude, he thinks, to just strip down, sprawl on the bed and say 'come fuck me' even though that's the one thought that runs through Jonny Lee's brain watching Tom calculate the angles. "Doesn't have to be bland."

"Yeah. We can start with a kiss. A not-bland one." And Tom grips Jonny Lee's shoulders and puts him firmly against the wall. He looks at Jonny Lee, unable to keep from grinning at his luck, and then leans in and gives a long, hungry, biting kiss, stepping forward to press against Jonny Lee from chest to knee.

_Fuck, definitely not bland._ Jonny Lee pushes back just as hungrily into the kiss, his hands getting enough leverage to tug at Tom's shirt,  
work his fingers in against warm flesh.

"Mm." Tom pulls back, breathless and still grinning, and crosses his arms in front of him to yank his shirt off. Then he just steps close again and slides a leg between Jonny Lee's, pinning him to the wall again and grinding forward. He grabs Jonny Lee's wrists and plants them up by his shoulders, knowing better; Tom needs to let this undressing thing happen before any fucking can take place, but this is just so much _fun._

"Cmon, Tom. Naked. Now." Jonny Lee tugs his wrists against Tom's hold. He likes the hold, so it's only a half-hearted attempt to change the course of action. This _is_ fun, like wrestling with his best mate, except they both know the outcome. Fucking. Hard and fast. And one, if not both, walking out nicely bruised. He grins and leans forward, kissing Tom's lips. "Strip for you, Sir," he offers playfully.

"Couldn't refuse that," Tom admits. He lets go of Jonny Lee's wrists and steps back, toying with his own belt and fly while he waits for Jonny Lee to strip down.

"Yessir," Jonny Lee snaps out, tongue licking over lips as he skims his shirt up his chest, not caring that he's showing off Gerard's handiwork, bruises fading into yellow, or the myriad of tattoos, working it over his head and crossing his arms as he tosses it aside, taking care to bring his hands down behind his neck before sliding them back along his sides to his jeans.

"Is this temptation enough?" he says, voice still utterly playful as he unbuttons his jeans and works them down his thighs.

Grinning hungrily, Tom toes off his shoes and kicks his foot once impatiently when one of the shoes sticks. "Plenty enough," he agrees, shoving his own jeans down and stepping out of them. He wants to say something to express how much _fun_ he thinks Jonny Lee is, but he supposes that's self-evident. He waits till Jonny Lee's got his jeans and shoes off and then plows into him again, driving him right back to the wall.

"Fuck," Jonny Lee spurts out with a gasp of air as most of his oxygen's knocked from his lungs by Tom's lunge. "You like to play rough." He nips at Tom's shoulder, the first patch of skin available, and licks up his throat till he catches Tom's mouth in a bruising kiss. Nothing says you can't be submissive _and_ assertive, as least for a few minutes.

"Surely you haven't got a problem with rough play," Tom breathes, then kisses Jonny Lee again hungrily. He grabs one of the fading bruises he caught sight of a moment ago--this one's on Jonny Lee's hip--and squeezes hard.

If he _did_ have a problem, it'd be forgotten the minute Tom touches that bruise. Less than a week old, wrought by Gerard's fingers, and squeezing it ricochets through Jonny Lee's body. He moans into the kiss and works his hands over Tom's arse, kneading the cheeks, sliding fingers in and out of the cleft.

"No," he pants out during a kiss break, "rough good." And then his mouth is back on Tom's biting and bruising eagerly.

Tom groans into Jonny Lee's mouth and bites back, then reaches between them to grab Jonny Lee's cock, squeezing and gasping out, "So you're not supposed to top. That in the kink sense or the classic sense? Or both?"

"Any. All. No topping. Master's overriding rule." Jonny Lee climbs the wall a touch with Tom's grabbing. "Friendly fuck's fine." His brain's suddenly, irrevocably fried. "Um, uh, this boy can fuck you, if that's what you want. Just has to be straight sex." He shakes his head, not sure if the words coming out are making any sense whatsoever.

"'S okay," Tom grins, nuzzling the side of Jonny Lee's neck, "let's just play it safe and I'll do the whole fucking business. That alright with you?" He gives Jonny Lee's cock a long, slow, hard stroke.

"Fine with this boy," Jonny Lee murmurs, letting out a slow purr as Tom's fingers work his cock in just the right way. "Blowjobs are well within limits, Sir," he whispers, "and this boy has a _wicked_ tongue."

Grinning slowly, Tom eases back a bit and loosens his grip on Jonny Lee's cock. "You know," he breathes, "that's just the kind of thing I like to hear about someone I'm set to fuck silly." He leans in again and delivers another rough kiss, then pulls back and moves to the bed, having a feeling he'd rather be sitting down for this.

"Hmmm," Jonny Lee says as Tom backs off, "can you fuck someone silly who's already slightly whacked?" He drops to the floor, hands and knees, and crawls toward the bed. "This boy's curiouser and curiouser about that, Sir, considering he's already right proper silly as it is."

It's not a long crawl, just enough space to stretch his body out a few times before he's at Tom's feet at the bed's edge. He kisses one knee, then licks around to the inside of it. "And this boy's wondering _just_ how hard Sir needs to be before he can fuck this boy _silly._ Jonny Lee kneels up, pushes Tom's knees apart with his hands before sliding them up over the thighs and licks a long path toward Tom's cock.

"I can fuck you sillier at least," Tom sighs, reaching down to stroke Johnny Lee's hair and trying to steady himself with a slow breath as that tongue--wicked, yeah--works its way so fucking slowly upward. "And I reckon I'll manage being hard enough." Considering he's already there...

"Hmm, always wanted to be sillier," he says before swirling his tongue over the tip of Tom's cock. Then he takes its full length in, pressing tongue up along the underside, taking care _not_ to rake teeth on the first pass. On the way back up, though, he's started humming lightly and skims his canine over the already hard flesh.

"Oh--" A sharp, broken breath hitches into Tom's lungs. "Jesus--fuck--" He curls forward, almost cradling Jonny Lee's head and stroking his hair compulsively. "Good," he manages after a couple more of those shaky inhales.

Jonny's smiling, internally if not around Tom's cock, too. He wasn't lying in that this is something he does damned well. He could, would be happy at it, do this all night, never get fucked. But he's damned curious about being fucked sillier than he already is. He continues the same rhythm, stroking the cock with his tongue and randomly raking his teeth.

Tom lets Jonny Lee carry on for a little while--hell, he's practically in thrall. But by the time he's clutching Jonny Lee's head tighter and rocking his hips, he knows he's in trouble. He only just manages to stop Jonny Lee, to get him pulled up and off in time for Tom to stave off a rushing orgasm.

"Fuck," Tom gasps, shaking his head and then tipping it back to stare at the ceiling. "You--Jesus. You need to get on the bed now." _Because I need to be fucking you_ right _now._

Jonny Lee laughs a little at the sudden transition. He's used to it, actually; Pire has a tendency to let him go almost too far too often. "Yes, sir," he says, adding a sight pout to his lips. He is genuinely sorry at giving up Tom's cock. It tastes good. He wonders if it fucks as well. Jonny Lee crawls onto the bed, hands and knees. "That work?"

"God, he reads minds, too," Tom mutters, crawling up behind Jonny Lee. He leans over and takes up a condom from a nifty little box on the nightstand and rips into it quickly. If he doesn't get it on now, by the time he's done lubing Jonny Lee up Tom'll have a good ten seconds of fucking in him before he has to come. Fumbling around with the condom is grounding, at least. Distracting.

He leans up again, this time making sure his cock is snugged between Jonny Lee's cheeks as he does. He tugs open a drawer and peers in; there're about eight kinds. He boggles at them a moment before picking one that looks normal. He doesn't really want any odd augmentation right now, much as he is a fan of that sort of thing.

Carefully, Tom drizzles lube along his fingers and spreads it with his thumb. "One fucking-silly, coming right up--" And then he has to groan at himself because even _that_ is too awful a pun for a sex-crazed beer-relaxed bloke to make.

Jonny Lee's on about the same page, maybe a few sentences shy of Tom, but his cock's aching and he's wanting to be fucked. Silly. Sideways. Upside down if it suits Tom. He stretches out, casually and absently rubbing his fingers over the rat tattoo at his elbow before crossing his wrists and pushing his forehead against his hands. He rocks forward for a moment, then pushes back as he feels the snug fit of a cock at his arse.

Then he laughs out loud at the incredibly bad pun. "This boy thinks we passed fucking-silly a few minutes ago, Sir. We're somewhere down the yellow brick road, past the rabbit hole and --" Jonny Lee shuts up, realizing he's just about far gone as Tom is. "Please, fuck the boy. Shut him up."

"Oh I don't mind," Tom says easily, easing one finger into Jonny Lee, finding him able to relax and control his muscles, and pressing in another almost immediately. His strokes are lazy and slow. "Go on and be silly, it's alright." It's almost a dare: _Go on, keep talking,_ as Tom finds Jonny Lee's prostate and nudges it with his fingertips.

"Keep talking. Hm. Uh." Jonny Lee tries to think on what to say. "Fuck _shite_ damn," he manages when Tom hits that spot. "Talk. Yeah." There's no way he's talking as Tom does the same move again. He's burying his head between forearms, plowing into the bedcovers, and arching his body into Tom's slow, deliciously torturous strokes.

Grinning, Tom keeps after it, opening Jonny Lee up one slow press at a time. "So after I'm done with this," he asks, voice low and almost growling, "I can fuck you right into the bed, yeah?" To exemplify, he drives in a third finger and thrusts fast with his hand, three quick movements.

"Yes, Sir," Jonny Lee spits out a split second before biting the blanket. "Through the friggin' bed. Please. C'mon, Tom, let this boy have it."

There's something exciting in a base, unexplainable way about Jonny Lee alternately using _Sir_ and Tom's name. Tom can't really figure which one's a slip, or if Jonny Lee's doing it on purpose, or if he's really just so far gone he's not paying attention at all. Any option suits and Tom doesn't really care except to adore the idea he's driven Jonny Lee mindless already.

So he withdraws his hand, smears the leftover lube on the condom, grips himself and gets into position. He holds there a moment, a long pause for Jonny Lee to sweat through--and then drives home with a quick snap of hips, hissing in air and then letting it out in a shuddering groan.

"Fuck," he gets out, gripping Jonny Lee's hip with one hand and his shoulder with the other, digging into the bruise he found earlier. When he starts to fuck Jonny Lee in earnest, even the sturdy frame of a bed made for it is creaking.

Jonny Lee _is_ sort of mindless. He's slipping in and out of formal speech, a little bit consciously and a good bit not, his brain addled at Tom's silliness and how easy it is to fall into banter with him, like best mates all their lives. It's strange, since they've known each other all of a few weeks. Even the sex is like that, chums falling into bed after too many pints.

There's a lull and Jonny Lee whimpers at the loss of contact, moans for what he knows is coming. And then Tom's in him. Slam. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. _Oh, fuck._ The bed's creaking and Jonny Lee swears it's playing out a Clash backbeat, but he just can't place the damned lyrics.

"Goddamn, yes," he manages when fingers find bruises, remake them, and he switches his mouth from blanket to wrist, biting into the odd tattoo there that he still can't remember why or where he got.

Tom lets go of Jonny Lee's shoulder and presses down close, then wraps his arm under Jonny Lee's chest to grip that shoulder from underneath. There, that's better, closer--definitely hotter--and he's still working that bruise. He's not thrusting his hips so much as pulling his whole body back and then driving forward as he pulls Jonny Lee backwards onto him. And _fuck_ but it's good. Grand. He reaches down between Jonny Lee's legs with the hand pressing the bruise and digs his fingers into the tender flesh inside a thigh. There. His _own_ bruises.

Jonny Lee tugs against Tom's grasp. Or is it into? Whichever way gets him fucked deeper and harder is how he's moving. And whatever Tom's doing is working damned well. Jonny Lee's hard and aching and wanting to beg for more. But he doesn't have a chance to get the words out before Tom's giving him more. Fingers grope at his thigh, then press hard. He hisses in the breath, holds it as the bruise takes form. Right inner thigh. Opposite from the fangs tattoo. _Pire's gonna friggin' love that_.

When Jonny Lee starts bucking toward Tom, Tom decides to hold him all the tighter, clutching that thigh _hard_. It keeps him from thrusting as hard, slamming in, but now it's all one hard grind, Tom jammed against Jonny Lee tightly and keeping him tucked close.

Grind's just as good as thrust, especially the way Tom has hold on Jonny Lee's leg. Fuck, but the bruise is gonna be bad. And so fuckin' good. He moves as much as Tom's hold will allow, just to increase the friction. "Ple--" he catches himself, stops the begging. _Can't do that. Shit_. "So good. Almost there." He's panting as he tilts his head back.

"Yeah," Tom breathes, encouragement and agreement. He'll wonder later how he lasted so long. He decides he wants to go hard again and pulls back, grabs Jonny Lee's hips and starts driving in again, sharp, hard thrusts that slap skin together. "Fuck," Tom groans, "yeah." He hooks one hand just under Jonny Lee's hip to get better leverage; the other hand goes down around Jonny Lee's cock, letting the fucking provide the friction.

That little extra friction's all Jonny Lee needs to push himself that final step, allow himself to let go. His cock jerks in Tom's hand and he comes in quick pulses, shouting a steam of nonsensical obscenities, little regard for whether he's splattering Tom's hand and wrist or the bed. He just knows it feels damned good as the pain-streaked spasms build.

"Nnngh--" Tom drops his forehead to Jonny Lee's back, yanking him tight again and coming too, _fuck,_ coming so hard it almost aches, shuddering and jerking inside Jonny Lee. He drags in a breath and then lets it out on a ragged groan. For a long moment all he can do is breathe. After that, all he can get out is a laughing, breathless "Fuck."

"Just did that," Jonny Lee pants out after remembering how to breathe enough to talk. "Damned good, too." He's nearly lifeless, not even thinking of moving beyond falling forward onto the bed when Tom loosens his grip enough.

Tom, by the same token, feels like his brains are coating the inside of the condom now. He holds still for a bit, grinning like an idiot, and then manages to slowly, slowly pull back, petting Jonny Lee's shoulder as he secures the condom, pulls out, and lowers himself to the bed beside Jonny Lee. He scrubs his hand over his face to try to work some sense back into his head somehow, still grinning.

Jonny Lee turns up on his side. He's grinning like the Cheshire cat, and he feels like Alice, tripped down the rabbit hole, eaten the cookies and had his head taken by the Queen of Hearts. "Doubt that's what the director had in mind when he said we should act like brothers?" he says randomly. "But this boy feels all dark family secretish now."

Tom's in the middle of gingerly peeling off the condom and bursts out laughing. "That'd be a dark family secret alright. 'Da fucked us up so badly we fell into bed together, see?'" Still chuckling, he drops the condom indecorously on the floor, promising himself he'll pick it up later. Then he curls toward Jonny Lee and slings an arm around his waist. " _Festen_ Part 2," he giggles suddenly, uncontrollably.

"Oh, yeah," he says, wrapping himself up in Tom's hold, curling into the touch. The giggling's nice, and infectious. Jonny Lee finds himself doing it. "Remind me to thank Da, bro."

"I'd say we should all go out and get pints together but _that_ would be _weird._ " Tom laughs a bit more, then lets out a slow, relaxed sigh. He turns his head and looks at Jonny Lee. "Is it... _done,_ d'you think, for me to meet your master? I'm thinking it's so comfortable and I don't want to get... y'know, _too_ comfortable and fuck something up for you." Tom winces, knowing that isn't quite what he wanted to say, but he figures Jonny Lee'll get it well enough.

"This boy thinks Master would like to meet his boy's new playmate. Master would like you," Jonny Lee says. He knows Gerard likes _knowing_ who he's with, and he's betting Gerard would get along with Tom. "You want, you could come home with this boy from rehearsal one night. Long as he clears it and Pire doesn't have any plans for us."

"That sounds good," Tom nods, tugging Jonny Lee a little closer and squirming up against him. "You feel good. And you're fun. And I like being your new playmate."

"Yeah, Master'll be happy Jonny has a new playmate," he murmurs, settling in against Tom's body, content to even fall asleep and cat-nap for a few.

And Tom's just as relaxed, just as happy to crash for a little while. All in all, he figures this is a pretty good place to be at the mo.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	160. gerard: Going Out

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/01/) 00:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34825&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34825) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34825) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=34825&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Going Out** _  
[public]

I think Emmy and Emily are tiring of me. Both of them just about ordered me to find another date for the next premiere, so I'm going stag. Can't take Teak until after the play closes. That is, if he even wants to go.

How about it, boy? You don't have to dress up all that much. Get to walk down a carpet, get shot a few thousand times, and smile and wave. And there's generally booze at the afterparties. I'll let you drink yourself so drunk you don't know the difference between Mortal Kombat 2 and Mortal Kombat 3. Hell, I think the next one is _Riddick_. June 11th. I'm tempted to call up your understudy and have him get ready.

What do you say?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-01 07:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?thread=58121&format=light#t58121))   
---|---  
Master, your boy would love to go to the premiere with you. He thinks he can maneuver a night off for that. He knows the premieres have been harried, and with the play's schedule, it's been awkward. Ms. Rossum and Ms. Mortimer have been very gracious to accompany Master, and they do make him look good for the press.  
  
And while getting drunk _is_ a temptation, Master, your boy doesn't need it if he's out with you. That's all he needs. Ever. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?replyto=58121&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?thread=58121&format=light#t58121))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-01 08:28 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?thread=58377&format=light#t58377))   
---|---  
Love you.  
  
Think it would be tacky if we both wore leather jackets? After all, they say couples shouldn't wear identical. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?replyto=58377&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/34825.html?thread=58121&format=light#t58121))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	161. jonnyleemiller: Picking up voicemail

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/02/) 00:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25019&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25019) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25019) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25019&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  not quite happy  
---|---  
  
_**Picking up voicemail**_  
[vignette. follows [this post, in which gerard leaves voicemail for jonny](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/35224.html)]  
  
Jonny begs off the post-show pints. He's particularly tired tonight, Christian's intensity having zapped him more than usual. He puts on his headset and keys up the voicemail on his mobile as he makes for the Tube station.  
  
 _You have three new messages._  
  
  
"Oh, joy. I'm loved."  
  
Message one: _Jonny, heard back from Fox. No-go on the role. They want someone more (there's a long pause) well, less quirky, that's how he put it._ Jonny doesn't have to listen to the rest of the message. It's the sixth one this week from his agent. Not all with _no, you didn't get_... there were the three lecture calls about not getting roles. "Okay, Jude, you were right," he says, nodding at the old man smiling at him from across the platform. "Maybe washing dishes at Hard Rock is still an option."  
  
Message two: _It's your father, Jonathan. You and, uh, it's Gerard, right? Yes, of course it is. You are planning on us coming to the play week from Tuesday. Dinner and all. Right. Ring me when you get this, son._ "Da's coming. Good. Gotta break that news to Pire." It's not a bad thing. Jonny and his father get 'long well enough, and he seems to be doing okay with the notion of a Scottish son--in-law.  
  
Message three: Gerard's voice. Jonny smiles. _Bad boy. Bad bad boy. Master's going to have to spank you for that. Hard. Fast. Gonna make you beg. You're going to hurt so good for me._ Smile turns to a frown. "Oh, fuck. Shite. Hell." He looks up. The old man's smiling again. He waves this time, but keeps on talking to himself, fitting right in with the weirdos and winos. "Didn't break into formal. Did I?"  
  
The ride home's not comfortable, Jonny shifting as he stands, thinking of eating franks and sucking coffee off Master's fingers and being fuckin' concrete by the time he gets to the front door.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	162. gerard: Letter from Glasgow

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/02/) 22:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35527&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35527) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35527) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35527&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Letter from Glasgow** _  
[Arrives in Gerard's mail box, having been rerouted from his old place.]

  
Hey Geriatric. You're a hard man to get in touch with. Had to blackmail Con with pictures of him (and you) in fishnets (and nothing but) to get this address. Con also said to kick you in the balls for him for not telling him you were involved. Apologies to your _boy_ friend, stuff like that, and he said something about stuffing roses up your arse that I pretended not to hear. Tommy Quinn, master of restraint, I am.

But enclosed you'll find some photocopies of pictures you probably wouldn't want the supermarket moms to see. Con wants you to call him. The wonders of being drunk, idiotic, mostly naked, and around people with cameras.

For a lawyer, Con's bloody and surprisingly brilliant at blackmail. But he sends his love, regards, whatever, albeit surrounded by enough curses to boil even your ears off. If I were you I'd get your Mr. Miller out of the house first before giving him a ring.

Speaking of who, how the _fuck_ did you bag Sick Boy? The nights I've spent wanking to that man...

Oh, calm down, Butler. You always did have a leash the size of the OED to yank on.

But I wouldn't mind an autographed picture. Preferably naked. I suppose it wouldn't be worth it to hold out for cuffed. Splayed.

Pornographic.

Still have that piercing fetish of yours, Ger? Still like to bring out the duct tape and make your victim watch helplessly while you light a match under a needle? Do you still like to flip a stud between your teeth and tongue? The store where you used to buy it all is gone. I know. Was down by the old place last month and it's all boarded up. Almost shed a tear.

Don't you dare laugh, you bastard. I knew you when you couldn't sing. And now you're the Phantom. Baby's all grown up and become a real fag. Maybe I should release our old demo tapes instead of you straddling Con. Would be more interesting to see the _Phantom's Voice Breaks In Second Chorus_ shocked and scandalized headlines.

Oh, I'm sure you remember that one, Gerry. Ru was just coming in with the second guitar and you _cracked_. Cracked completely. I'll be thinking of that when listening to you sing _Music of the Night_.

Which reminds me. The entire gang wants the soundtrack. Ru wants to remix it in with the old stuff for his own odd purposes.

I don't ask questions.

And try to keep in touch, alright? Don't make me come down there and tell boyfriend dearest just what your nickname freshman year was. But, fuck, he may not get it. Hear you're a teeto these days. You trying to die from _nothing_ , Butler?

Fuck Miller for me,  
Tommy

_Enclosed: Various black and white photographs of Gerard in various stages of undress. One is a complete full frontal with Gerard half-swaying, gripping a beer bottle._

  
Sent back to Tommy's address the next day with Gerard's old address as the return address:

_He already knows._

_With love,  
Chew and Spew_

Enclosed are copies of _Gerard's_ blackmail photos.

  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/35527.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	163. gerard: London Bar, Saturday night 6/5

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/05/) 10:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35663&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35663) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35663) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35663&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar, Saturday night 6/5** _  
[players only. Bond after after party, edited for Ger's interaction.]

  
**Liam:** *comes into the bar with Jason and Carrie-Anne. All of them are all still in their premiere clothes and are "arm in arm in arm"*

**Jason:** *heaves a huge sigh of relief*

**Carrie-Anne:** *kisses Jason* You were fucking brilliant tonight, love. Both on screen and off.

**Gerard:** *is sitting at the bar, nursing a Coke* *looks up as the happy trio comes in*

**Jason:** *kisses his wife* As were you, love. Forget me--you were the star of this movie.

**Carrie-Anne:** *smiles at Ger as they come up to the bar* Oh, please. We both know it was the car.

**Liam:** *looks at Jason* I think our boy's over-dressed.

**Jason:** *smiles* Yes, Master. *carefully starts getting out of the tux*

**Gerard:** *does a double take as he sees Jason start to get undressed* *puts down his drink and goes over to them*

**Liam:** *reaches out to shake Gerard's hand* I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. Things have been insane.

**Gerard:** *shakes* I understand. Things have been busy on my end as well, and I've only a third of the insanity you have.

**Carrie-Anne:** *rolls her eyes* Fucking vultures. They were all over us tonight.

**Gerard:** Any of it good press, or is all of it bad?

**Jason:** *drapes his clothes over his arm and goes in search of a hanger*

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs* Well in this case it was just reporters shoving microphones in our faces.

**Gerard:** I've always been tempted to fellate those things. *grins*

**Liam:** *laughs* That would make excellent press. I'm always tempted to shove the damn things up the reporters' arses. With no lube or safeword.

**Gerard:** _That_ is an excellent visual. *laughs*

**Carrie-Anne:** *pats his arm* I noticed the looming worked. *to Gerard* Liam loomed at a few of them...scared them off

**Gerard:** *looks up at Liam* I can see how that would work.

**Liam:** *snorts* Whatever works.

**Gerard:** The finger, I've found, works wonders.

**Jason:** *returns* May this boy get something for Master, Mistress, or Mr. Butler?

**Carrie-Anne:** Ginger ale for me.

**Liam:** Tonic water.

**Gerard:** Coke, no ice.

**Carrie-Anne:** And then come back here; I have something for both of you.

**Jason:** *raises an eyebrow* Yes, Mistress.

**Jason:** *goes to fetch drinks*

**Liam:** *looks curious and then waves Jon and Bale over* Christian! Jonny!

**Christian:** *grins and waves back, then heads toward Liam*

**Jon:** *loops an arm through Christian's as they go, glad to finally be able to relax and hang on his master* Hey!

**Gerard:** *turns and sees Bale* *grins* Christian! I didn't know you were in this mess.

**Christian:** *grins* Gerry! *slings his arm around Gerard for a quick hug* Good to see you, how've you been?

**Gerard:** Just got outed. My boy's Jonny Lee Miller. You ever met him?

**Christian:** I haven't, no, but my boy knows him. *sighs* Sorry to hear about that. Is it going all right? I mean, it's never easy, but...

**Gerard:** It's not so bad. Not as bad as you'd think. Teak's bearing the worst of it, I'm afraid. He just opened a play and so he's in the spotlight.

**Jason:** *comes over to the sofas carrying a tray with four glasses, passes them out and sits at Liam's feet*

**Jude:** *carefully* Hello, Liam, Jason... *smiles* Carrie-Anne! Hey, congratulations.

**Gerard:** *takes glass* Thank you, Jason.

**Jude:** And hello, Gerard. *nods politely*

**Christian:** *nods, presuming from context who "Teak" is* Glad for that, then. *squeezes Ger's shoulder in a kind of gesture of solidarity*

**Gerard:** Hello, Jude. How've you been?

**Gerard:** *to Bale* It could have been a lot worse, yeah.

**Jude:** Pretty good thanks, Gerard. Keeping busy. Yourself?

**Gerard:** Singing. A lot of singing.

**Liam:** *looks down at Jason and the envelope curiously*

**Jude:** *is heading to the bar...pauses to see what Jason is pulling out of the envelope*

**Jason:** *opens the envelope*

**Jason:** *pulls out the contents--eyes widen*

**Ewan:** *watches Jason and Liam*

**Christian:** *catches Ger's eye and nods goodbye, then rests a hand at the small of Jon's back and guides him toward Liam and Carrie-Anne and Jason*

**Jason:** *squees in a manly sort of way*

**Liam:** Jason?

**Jon:** *wonders what the commotion is, peers down*

**Jason:** *shoves the envelope at Liam and throws his arms around Carrie-Anne*

**Ewan:** *looks up to see Jude still standing there* Ju- _ude_.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins hugely and hugs Jason back*

**Gerard:** *pears around people curiously*

**Liam:** Jaysus! *looks around* She got us tickets to the semis and the final.

**Jude:** Oh...sorry, Ewan... *looks at Jason, bites lip and heads to the bar*

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins even wider if it's possible* Several days in beautiful Lisbon and Poro watching football.

**Ewan:** Cool! Is that an opening night present or what?

**Gerard:** *whistles low*

**Liam:** *looks at Carrie-Anne happily* You are an amazing woman.

**Jason:** *beams* I have the best wife/Mistress/co-star ever!

**Carrie-Anne:** Early birthday presents.

**Jason:** *looks slightly startled* Birthday...oh, fuck!

**Jason:** I actually remembered Master's but somehow I'd totally blocked that it was mine.

**Carrie-Anne:** Jason's is tomorrow and Liam's is Monday.

**Liam:** *looks at the clock over the bar* Actually Jason's is today. *reaches out grabs Jason by the upper arm and slings him over Liam's lap*

**Ewan:** Oh wow, I had no idea. I'm terrible at remembering things like that. *grins at Jason and Liam* Happy Birthday.

**Gerard:** Happy birthday.

**Jason:** *laughs, kicking his legs a little*

**Liam:** *grins can slaps Jason's arse* Anyone want to get in a smack or two?

**Gerard:** *raises hand* *grins*

**Liam:** *grins at Gerard* Go ahead. As many as you like.

**Gerard:** *scootches over* *looks at Carrie-Anne also for permission as he's still not so clear on the dynamic*

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* Feel free.

**Gerard:** *pats Jason's arse* Ready, Jason?

**Jason:** *wriggles a little* Yes, Sir.

**Gerard:** *gives him one hard spank and then another*

**Jason:** *moans softly*

**Gerard:** *smiles* Beautiful. *gives him three more and then rests*

**Liam:** *squeezes Jason's shoulder*

**Gerard:** *sits back* You've a beautiful boy, Mr. Neeson.

**Liam:** Thank you; I'm rather fond of him myself.

**Jason:** Mmmm...this boy thanks Mr. Butler for the spanking.

**Gerard:** And I should probably get back to my own boy now. *grins*

**Carrie-Anne:** *moves over to hug Gerard* Say hi to him for me. We'll be in the States for a while but back after the Cup. Master will write to you about it.

**Liam:** *overhears Carrie-Anne and nods at Gerard* I'll drop you a line soon.

**Gerard:** Great. Looking forward to it. *grins*

**Gerard:** *to Liam* There's no rush.

**Gerard:** *waves to Bale*

**Christian:** *waves back*

**Ewan:** *waves at Ger* See ya.

**Gerard:** *leaves bar*

**([The unedited log](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/129439.html) ) **   
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/35663.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	164. gerard: What Master did Saturday night

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/06/) 11:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35920&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35920) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35920) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=35920&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**What Master did Saturday night** _  
[JL only]

I know I don't _have_ to tell you when I shag other people. But it'd bother me if I didn't, like I was cheating on you in some way. ~~And, honestly, if you want me to clear it in advance with you, I'd agree to that in a heartbeat~~

And it wasn't sex so much as not, but I spanked Jason Isaacs for his birthday.

Just thought you should know.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/35920.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	165. gerard: Presents

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/07/) 13:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36437&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36437) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36437) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36437&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Presents** _  
[Assume that the birthday presents were all delivered on the proper days.]

  
For [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) :

Karl -

Happy birthday. I think you and Stuart will get a lot of mileage out of these.

\- Gerard and Jonny Lee

[ ](http://www.madame-s.com/cgi-bin/madame-s/sheetq.html)

_With Sportsheets Bondage Bedsheet your bed can be instantly turned into a bondage fantasy playground. Industrial StrengthVelcro® Anchor Pads Stick Anywhere: Press to secure them on the Sportsheet. Attach Sportcuffs, and pull to your hearts content! Adheres to any space on your Sportsheet. Machine washable._

[ ](http://www.madame-s.com/cgi-bin/madame-s/WSL81.html)

_Hogtie Restraints_

[ ](http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/BC100.html)

_The Tower of Pain is a unique, effective nipple torture device. It has two clover clamps attached to a bar. The clamps are attached to the submissive's nipples. Through the middle of the bar is a pole with a knob at the top of the pole. The Dominant turns the knob which causes the bar to rise higher from the submissive's chest, thereby, stretching the sub's nipples. It can be easily assembled and disassembled, making it perfect for traveling or taking to clubs or parties. The breast plate and the bar are made of a high quality machined plastic for light weight and durability._

[ ](http://www.magicalfire.com/store/customer/product.php?productid=208576&cat=183&page=2)

_This pretty pillow can be used to display your most precious items in royal style._

To [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[**liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/)

Dear Mr. Neeson,

Happy birthday. Since both your significant others are involved with James Bond, I thought some "gadgets" might be in order.

\- Gerard and Jonny Lee

[ ](http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/EC130A.html)

_This remote control insertable is a lot of fun! Once properly inserted and secured you will get great enjoyment in watching your partner squirm when the the remote is activated. High powered vibration and comes with batteries for both the remote and the probe. 1" in diameter, 6" in length, 30-40 FT range._ (2 sent)

[ ](http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/DA365.html)

_Tease and taunt him in private or public with the a remote control sex toy. He'll squirm and beg for more._

_Easy to use: Attach the plastic ring(accommodates any sized penis) to the shaft of the penis or around the penis and ball sack (like a typical cock ring). In the typical position the cock ring helps maintain a strong erection. The battery pack clips on to a waist band or can lay next to you as you lay back and enjoy this delightful male vibrator. The remote control says it works up to 20 feet but we had it working past 40 ft and can even work from another room._

[ ](http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/EC227.html)

_Finally, a powerful one touch vibrating wireless sex toy. These silver babies will shake practically anything you attach the clamps to. Easy to use, just unscrew the egg to remove the battery seal then apply the cover. Now just press the little black button. The rubber coated clamps are adjustable to achieve the desired pressure. Can also be a lot of fun attached to the scrotum, penis, labia and other very sensitive areas of the body. Measures 4 inches long by 1 inch wide. (Batteries Included)_ (2 sets sent)

  
To [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)

Mr. Isaacs,

Happy birthday.

-Gerard and Jonny Lee

[ ](http://www.magicalfire.com/store/customer/product.php?productid=207884&cat=177&page=1&PHPSESSID=9e1aeb4bb06da30d52024722ad8cbb9d)

_This letter opener measures 5.25 inches high by 1.75 inches wide and is solid, lead-free pewter with a beautiful Celtic knot accent on the handle. Truly lovely!_

[](http://www.madame-s.com/cgi-bin/madame-s/HT68.html)

_This is a gag we've custom made for some time and we're now adding it to our stock line of gags. This has some special features we know you'll like. The inside gag is soft rubber and it's comfortable, easy to chew on, it's not too big. The outside dildo snaps on the front of the gag. It is a modest 5" long and 1" in diameter. The gag buckles in the back. We're sure you'll find a good use for this gag! Popular with both men and women._

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36437.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-06-08 07:45 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36437.html?thread=59221&format=light#t59221))   
---|---  
Mr. Butler and JL,  
  
Thanks much for the gifts! The letter opener is surprisingly sharp, and I have a feeling that both it and the gag will get put to use very soon. This boy would also like to thank Mr. Butler again for the lovely spanking, and dares to hope that he might have the opportunity to scene with you and your boy in the future.  
  
Jason 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36437.html?replyto=59221&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	166. gerard: Last day and all is well

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/07/) 19:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36681&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36681) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36681) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=36681&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Last day and all is well** _  
[public]

If there is anything more harrowing than singing in front of Andrew Lloyd Webber, I don't want to know what it is. But it's done now. Score's finished, or at least as much of it that I'm involved in. There's a surprisingly little amount of looping needed and all the reshoots mercifully do not involve me. Pity Patrick and Emmy who have to shoot an extra scene and redo parts of two others so Joel can get alternative angles. It's amusing, actually, the way it all turned out. I sang in London, Patrick in LA, and Emmy in New York _and_ London. The magic of audio editing.

Joel took me privately to the side and told me I should be prepared to get a lot of shit from the critics because I never did Broadway or even another musical. He said people were going to say I coasted by on my looks or, now that I'm apparently officially gay, that I blew him to get the role. Said they were going to slam me without even seeing the film just because I wasn't Michael Crawford. And the fans will hate me and possibly spray-paint my house, my car, and burn me in effigy. Then he said I shouldn't let it get to me.

Thanks, Joel. I feel so much less nervous now.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/welling/profile)[**welling**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/welling/)  
2004-06-07 11:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58697&format=light#t58697))   
---|---  
Um. If it makes you feel any better, this is one Michael Crawford fan who's not planning on burning you in effigy any time soon. I'm actually really looking forward to the movie. I mean, Michael's kind of old. I don't think he can really play the Phantom anymore. And isn't the girl playing Christine like, 17 or something? That would be kind of gross, a sixty year old man singing "Music of the Night" to someone who's barely legal.  
  
Also, I've got to say that I think you've got serious balls to be able to sing in front of Andrew Lloyd Webber and not completely lose your shit. I wouldn't even be able to speak. I'd just stand there and gawk awkwardly. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=58697&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58697&format=light#t58697))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-08 07:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=59721&format=light#t59721))   
---|---  
Yeah, Emmy's 17. I told her that I'll take her out drinking on her birthday, but I think her parents might scalp me if I actually do. But she's amazing. Really amazing. The scary thing is that Emmy's been singing only about five years less than I have. And I'm 34.  
  
  
  
  
 _Also, I've got to say that I think you've got serious balls to be able to sing in front of Andrew Lloyd Webber and not completely lose your shit. I wouldn't even be able to speak. I'd just stand there and gawk awkwardly._  
  
First time I did it was my audition. I'd sat down with Joel a few times and he'd said I was his Phantom, I was the one he wanted, but then I had to actually audition in front of the man himself. Christ, I almost fainted when the piano started up.  
  
And it never got easier either. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=59721&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58697&format=light#t58697))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-08 12:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58953&format=light#t58953))   
---|---  
Does your boy's opinion matter? *g* He thinks you'll do fine, and the fans will love you. Even those girls who can't have you will be swooning. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=58953&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58953&format=light#t58953))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-08 07:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=59977&format=light#t59977))   
---|---  
My boy's opinion means the world to me. Of course, it is also heavily biased. ;)  
  
  
And I'll take a swooning boy any day over a swooning fangirl. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=59977&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=58953&format=light#t58953))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-06-08 07:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=59465&format=light#t59465))   
---|---  
This boy respectfully suggests that while Mr. Crawford was briliant in the role, he is getting on in years and his voice is no longer what it was. This boy thinks that Mr. Butler will make a ~~phabulous~~ fabulous Phantom, and is looking forward to the film. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=59465&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=59465&format=light#t59465))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-08 07:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=60233&format=light#t60233))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Isaacs. ~~christ, I hope everyone thinks like you do.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?replyto=60233&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/36681.html?thread=59465&format=light#t59465))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	167. gerard: Cannes Fallout

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/10/) 23:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37792&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37792) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37792) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37792&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Cannes Fallout** _  
[players only. Back when still in Cannes, [Jonny Lee scened with Sean Bean and Eric Bana](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/25717.html). During that scene, he made a mistake and referred to himself as Sean's lad. It's taken him this long to tell Gerry about it.]

The play went well tonight, but Jonny Lee's unsettled. He has been for weeks, since Cannes, and it's as much or as little the outing as it is the scening that went on with Sean and Eric. Incredible sex, but he broke the rules, and he didn't quite go into that with Gerard when he got back to the hotel. Wasn't time. There were premieres and photocalls and then he was back in London, and then the outing, and then the play starting. And time got away from him.

But, the priests always told him confession was good, no matter how late it came, and he's been wanting to ask Gerard about testing a theory so he figures he'll start with explaining what happened that night in Cannes. He enters the house quietly, toeing out of his loafers at the door and smiles on seeing Gerard sitting in the living room. He walks over and goes to his knees in front of him.

"Evening, Master, your boy's home."

Gerard puts the book to the side and smiles down at his boy. "I can see that. How was my boy's night?"

"Show went well." He straightens, perfects his posture at Gerard's smile. "Your boy will be very glad when the run's over. He much prefers being like this to being onstage."

"And I prefer you like this to anything." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's face. "Missed you during the day. Thought about getting emergency tickets to the performance, but ended up getting them for tomorrow night."

"Miss being here during the day. Maybe when the run's over, we could just stay in like this, for days," Jonny Lee says. He's not sure how to bring up the confession, ponders that maybe things shouldn't be said. _Secrets aren't all bad._ But, then, secrets keep eating up from the inside out and that's not good. "Pire, can your boy talk to you about something serious?"

"Sure." Gerard swings his leg around so both of them are resting on the ground. He faces Jonny Lee full on. "What's on your mind?"

"Your boy's tried to be honest with you," he starts, "about everything, feelings and what he's doing." Jonny Lee laces his fingers behind his back, shows as much proper respect as he can muster. "And it's not that he's lied, but he didn't exactly explain everything. About something that happened in Cannes."

"About what that happened in Cannes?" From what Gerard can remember, the only thing that really happened in Cannes was him showing Jonny Lee off to all his friends. He can't think of anything else of consequence that happened, nothing that would have Jonny Lee looking at him so seriously. He's beginning to have a bad feeling about this. "Besides us coming out, which I'd thought was a good thing." At least, Jonny Lee hadn't complained about it. Where Gerard could hear.

"Oh, yes, Sir, us coming out was a wonderful thing. This boy doesn't mind that at all. He loves everyone knowing that he belongs to you," Jonny Lee blushes just a smidge, "well, not _belongs_ in that sense 'cause we're not telling anyone that." He knows it's not going to be good news when Gerard hears what he wants to say, but he expects he'll get punished and that'll be that. "The night with Mr. Bean and Mr. Bana, Master, your boy got a bit more carried away than he should've."

Gerard smiles at Jonny Lee's blush. He's so cute when he does that. "Carried away?" Just how carried away could his boy get in the few hours he was gone? "Carried away how?" It couldn't have been anything physical. Gerard would have noticed it.

And now it gets sticky. Jonny Lee doesn't want to admit what he did, how he didn't stop what got started. "Your boy let the men call him slut and whore and a number of other things that Master has expressed issue with being said by anyone else," he says, taking a breath and letting it out, "but worse, he called himself _your lad_ with Mr. Bean."

Gerard stills. "Did he," he says softly, dangerously. "I must have heard wrong. I just thought my boy said he called himself Sean Bean's lad." He glares. "Did my boy think in that moment that he _did_ belong to Mr. Bean? Did my boy forget who his master is?"

"Your boy didn't forget, Master," he's stammering, he knows it and hates it, "not really. He just got caught up in the moment, in what Mr. Bean does to his brain."

"And so he thought in that moment that Mr. Bean owned him? He forgot about his master?" Gerard lifts Jonny Lee's chin and forces him to meet his eye. His fingers grip hard against Jonny Lee's skin. "He thought someone else owned him?"

"No." He can't hold Gerard's gaze, wants to look away, can't. "Yes, Master, in that moment, he might've thought someone else controlled him." Jonny Lee's face is long, woeful. "But never own. Your boy knows who his Master is."

Normally, Gerard would be swayed just by that look on Jonny Lee's face. But, for fuck's sake, it's been over two bloody weeks, and Teak's just telling him _now_? What else hasn't Jonny Lee been telling him? "So why did he call himself someone else's? How could my boy let something like _that_ slip out?"

"There's no excuse, Master." Jonny Lee understands just how badly he's fucked up. "That's the _only_ time it's happened, Master." He's so tempted to slip into calling him Pire, but Jonny Lee doesn't. He keeps the formality solid. "With anyone."

"Are you sure?" Gerard says bitterly. "Not keeping it from me? Weren't zoning and forgot about it?"

"Yes, Master. Positive."

"Wonderful." Gerard releases Jonny Lee. "And now that you've told me, what comes next in your plan?"

"Your boy wants to be reminded of his place, Master." Even released, Jonny Lee holds straight, posture perfect. "He puts himself in your hands for whatever Master thinks he deserves."

"And what does my boy think he's done wrong? Forgotten who owns him? Given respect due his master to someone else?"

"Both, Master, perhaps slightly more the latter than the former," he says, "but your boy isn't trying to lessen his mistake. He knows how badly he's screwed up."

"And just how badly is that?" He wants to hear Jonny Lee say it. He wants to hear exactly what Jonny Lee thinks he did wrong.

Jonny Lee thinks before answering, and then carefully chooses his words. "Your boy allowed another man to act as if he owned your boy. He forgot who he is and who he belongs to, and he let himself be caught up in the moment of submission. "

He draws in a breath, lets it out. "And he didn't readily admit his mistake to his Master."

"And what does my boy think is a good punishment for what he did?" When Jonny Lee had first gone to Sean and Viggo, Gerard hadn't even been close to jealous. After all, Sean and Viggo were married. They were together. There was no room for a third. But, now...now Sean's single. And even though there's a boyfriend, he's an unknown entity. Gerard has no idea how serious the two of them area. And so warning bells are going off in Gerard's mind no matter how hard he tries to silence them. Jonny Lee didn't tell him that he'd slipped, said he belonged to Sean. Jonny Lee didn't tell him. And, Christ, that needles him.

It was a mistake, a slip in the heat of the moment, and while Sean does things to Jonny Lee's brain that almost no one else does, he _isn't_ Master. And he _isn't_ going to be. Most of all, Jonny Lee doesn't want him to be. He wants Gerard, more than anything, life itself. He isn't sure how to explain it, how to express himself. "Master, what your boy thinks would be suitable punishment isn't practical at the moment, not during the play's run." He's been thinking on it, during intermissions, walking home, while running in the mornings. "He thinks he needs a very firm hand, very strict rules, for a time at least, to control his behaviour."

"I don't care if it's practical. I want to know what my boy thinks would be proper punishment." He doesn't like it. It sounds too much like Jonny Lee's avoiding the issue. "We can talk about a firmer hand later." He's not quite sure just how much firmer a hand he can give, but he's willing to talk about it. Later.

"Spank your boy tonight, Master. Show him who controls his body and mind. Teach him to show you respect." He's not avoiding punishment, just thinking ahead to what he thinks he needs. "Would Master agree to that now?"

"He would." It's good Jonny Lee's asking for just a spanking. Gerard doesn't think he's in any frame of mind to give Jonny Lee anything heavier.

"Thank you, Master." Jonny Lee's trying not to process too much, afraid he'll realize just how badly he's fucked things up, that he's made irrevocable mistake, crossed a line he should've backed away from. "Here or in the playroom?"

Gerard weighs the options in his mind. Here is informal, which he doesn't want. Bedroom can be romantic, which he might want, but he's too angry for it now. "Playroom. With the harshest paddle we have."

"Yes, Sir," he says with the slightest wince. He's grasping just how angry he's made Gerard. "May your boy crawl to the playroom now, Master?"

"He may," Gerard allows. "But first I want him naked."

Jonny Lee unbuttons his shirt and pulls it off, then skims out of the t-shirt, the bat medallion he's wearing instead of his collar falling back against his throat as he tugs the cotton tee over his head. He folds both quickly and stacks them on the floor before undoing his jeans, pushing them down his thighs and rocking back to sit down, pull the denim completely off and adding them to the clothes pile. Just as quickly, he's kneeling again, waiting on Master's orders.

Gerard spots the medallion and mentally kicks himself. He hadn't even noticed Jonny Lee wasn't wearing his usual collar. He grabs the pendant and tugs sharply. "Follow me." He keeps the bat in a firm grip as he walks down to the playroom, keeping his arm high enough that Jonny Lee can't quite stand, can't quite crawl.

There's no resistance, despite the tug and how it pulls the heavy silver chain against the back of his neck, and Jonny Lee's mind skirts to thoughts of Gerard consciously breaking it away. He wants to cry at that moment, scrambling to stay on his feet and not fall down the steps leading to the playroom. He doesn't say anything, doesn't complain, is willing to take anything, everything, Master wants to give. He shakes his head as they hit the landing, refusing to zone himself, demanding that he take what's coming totally aware, conscious of every motion Gerard's making, every nuance of his voice.

Gerard leads Jonny Lee down to the weight bench. There's a separate apparatus exclusively for spanking, but Gerard wants Jonny Lee over his lap. Over _his_ lap. He doesn't want anything between them. He sits down on the bench and releases the necklace. "Get me the studded paddle," he orders.

"Yes, Master," he says raspily before crawling over to the shelves. He stands long enough to retrieve the paddle, then drops back to his knees and walk-crawls back to Gerard, kneeling up and presenting him the paddle.

Gerard takes the paddle and swings it through the air a few times. Satisfied that it's going to hurt like hell, he runs his fingers through Jonny Lee's hair. "Over my lap, boy."

Jonny Lee places himself over Gerard's lap, hands flat on the floor in front of him and arse arched just the way he knows Master likes. It's going to hurt, like hell and a dream, and he deserves every single stroke he's going to get.

Gerard shifts a little so that if Jonny Lee jerks, he won't rub against Gerard's cock. That done, he pats Jonny Lee's arse in the precise place he's going to put the first stroke. "How much punishment does my boy think he's earned?"

"Till Master's hand tires," Jonny Lee says quietly, not being flippant but honest in that he feels he merits as much as Gerard wants to give him.

"Not. Good. Enough."

He winces just at the tone of Gerard's voice, sharp and biting into his brain. "Does Master wish his boy to pick a number of strokes?"

Gerard makes an angry, exasperated noise. "Master wishes his boy to stop being so fucking vague and make a fucking decision for once. Or is that too difficult?"

Jonny Lee's just as angry, and he tries really hard for a moment to tamp down on it, but it doesn't work. "Your _boy_ wishes his Master would make the fuckin' decisions," he shouts, pushing up on his hands, turning his head to look up at Gerard. "You're the bloody one in charge, _Master_. It's your rule this boy broke," he snaps, "so you fuckin' punish him for it."

Gerard pushes Jonny Lee -hard- off his lap. "You haven't given me any single motherfucking clue that you're _sorry_ for what you did! Yeah, you regret it. Wonderful. But do you think that it was a bad thing to do? Do you think it was worse than, I don't know, not obeying a fucking direct order? I want you to fucking show me you consider this as severe a _mistake_ as I do! I want to know how much punishment you think you deserve for calling yourself someone _else's_!"

"God _fuckin_ damnit." There's a brief moment of thanks for the playroom floor not being just concrete as Jonny Lee's shoulder takes the impact of the push. He straightens himself, kneels up. "I bloody well think I fucked up beyond redemption, Pire," he says, dropping completely out of formal voice for a moment. "And I know it was a bad thing to do, letting myself pretend someone else owned me for a moment."

He stops, takes a deep breath, then starts again. "Your boy thinks it's a mistake that could be worse than disobeying a direct order, depending on the order. And he's evading the question. Some orders don't carry as much weight as others, and Master knows that." He's breathing harder than necessary, the words coming out in ragged spurts. "Your boy _thinks_ he deserves a punishment far worse than a spanking, so he finds it very difficult to answer Master's question. Your boy wouldn't've confessed if he didn't think it was a serious matter. He wants your control, Master. He's giving himself over to what _ever_ punishment you see fit."

"You want punishment?" Gerard's not thinking very clearly. Too angry, too pissed. Surprise fed into jealousy which fed into possessiveness and fear, and there's nothing rational about what he's doing. Jonny Lee said he belonged to someone else. And now he's being fucking...fucking... "FINE! I'll give you punishment." He kicks Jonny Lee away so he can stand and then spits onto the floor. "I'll see you in the morning. Stay the fuck away from me."

It's the last thing Jonny Lee's expecting. Anger, yes. Being beaten till he was blackened with bruises, yes. But watching Gerard walk up the stairs and hearing _Stay the fuck away from me_ ... no. He crawls back against the nearest solid object and curls up on himself, knees drawn up to chest, rocking back and forth.

"You've ruined it," he mutters as the playroom door slams, not even trying to fight back the tears. "He won't be there in the morning, and you'll be alone again."  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37792.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	168. gerard: my god, what have I done

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/11/) 00:14:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37925&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37925) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37925) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=37925&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  sick to my stomach  
---|---  
  
_**my god, what have I done**_  
[private]  
  
Last time I did that I bought two six packs, locked myself into the bathrom, and got stinkin drunk.  
  
We have a sad lack of beer.  
  
  
  
.  
  
  
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37925.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	169. gerard: Three A.M.

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/11/) 03:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38265&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38265) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38265) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38265&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Three A.M.** _  
[public by default]

found the beer

pretty bear

good boy not hiding it more

pretty boy. cuteset nose. button-y. not like petre's. petrr has good nose but not like my teak.

pervy gerry

lov ou, teak

can't member whym mad at im

sumthing about bena

e's my boy. my boy. not bena's.

luv my boy

'm a prat

screwed upp

whee's my teak?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-11 07:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60537&format=light#t60537))   
---|---  
Um. Gerard? Is everything all right? (Okay, that was a stupid question.) What's wrong? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=60537&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60537&format=light#t60537))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-11 11:45 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61049&format=light#t61049))   
---|---  
lost m'teak. yu seen him? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=61049&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60537&format=light#t60537))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61049&format=light#t61049))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-12 01:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61305&format=light#t61305))   
---|---  
You mean Jonny Lee? No, I haven't seen him. Ger, are you all right? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=61305&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61049&format=light#t61049))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61305&format=light#t61305))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62841&format=light#t62841))   
---|---  
npe. ou? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=62841&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61305&format=light#t61305))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62841&format=light#t62841))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-13 01:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65145&format=light#t65145))   
---|---  
I'd be a lot better if I wasn't worried about you. I thought you didn't drink? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=65145&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62841&format=light#t62841))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65145&format=light#t65145))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 06:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65657&format=light#t65657))   
---|---  
i don't. cept when i thro mself out. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=65657&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65145&format=light#t65145))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65657&format=light#t65657))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[ **est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-13 06:16 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65913&format=light#t65913))   
---|---  
Throw yourself out? Maybe you should go lay down, and get some rest. Whatever happened, it'll be better when you're sober. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=65913&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65657&format=light#t65657))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65913&format=light#t65913))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 08:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66169&format=light#t66169))   
---|---  
won't be beter. cuase when i sober, i'll remmemmber how i lostt him.  
  
  
threough him away.  
  
  
lostt my teakk'  
  
  
  
i dowted that the stars r fyre and tha earth doth moove. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=66169&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65913&format=light#t65913))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66169&format=light#t66169))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-13 08:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66425&format=light#t66425))   
---|---  
I'm going to assume that the two of you got into a fight. In which case, I doubt that you've truly lost Jonny Lee. The two of you are too far in love for one fight to make you both throw everything away, right?  
  
You may have doubted the stars and the earth, but have you doubted that you love? Whatever happened, you can fix it. You can pick up the pieces. But you've got to sober up first, all right? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=66425&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66169&format=light#t66169))  
  
|  **[private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-06-11 09:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60793&format=light#t60793))   
---|---  
Gerard?  
  
I hope everything is all right but you might want to lock this post before teak sees it. Or Bena?  
  
~ Elias 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=60793&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60793&format=light#t60793))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63097&format=light#t63097))   
---|---  
dont matter is ey sea it. its all over aniway. did badd. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=63097&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=60793&format=light#t60793))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63097&format=light#t63097))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/profile)[ **eliaskoteas_dfw**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/eliaskoteas_dfw/)  
2004-06-13 12:20 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64377&format=light#t64377))   
---|---  
Define bad. Hmmm wait. Are you really really drunk or are you up late again. Nothing is ever bad as you think. If you are still sucking air there is always a chance to make things right.  
  
Inappropriate or not, consider yourself hugged. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=64377&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63097&format=light#t63097))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
2004-06-12 04:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61561&format=light#t61561))   
---|---  
Er... uhm. Gerard. I've got a hangover remedy that's the absolute best; I can send some over by courier...  
  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=61561&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61561&format=light#t61561))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63353&format=light#t63353))   
---|---  
don't ave a hangover, othre jonny. 'm drunked. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=63353&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61561&format=light#t61561))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63353&format=light#t63353))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
2004-06-13 12:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64889&format=light#t64889))   
---|---  
_Still?_ Er. I'll send the hangover remedy along anyway, right? You'll be needing it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=64889&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63353&format=light#t63353))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-06-12 07:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61817&format=light#t61817))   
---|---  
Heh, Gerard. You're going to regret this in the morning, you know? I've got a personal rule to never wax poetic on the internet after one particular (and thankfully mostly anonymous) embarrassing incident. I put a Post-It note on my computer that said NEVER POST WHEN DRUNK. The note's long gone but every time I get pissed and sit down to tap away at something personal and potentially public, I think I see it there. Never mind. We've all done it once.  
  
Give my love to Jonny and don't be too hard on him when you're suffering the hangover!  
  
Cheers. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=61817&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61817&format=light#t61817))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-06-12 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62073&format=light#t62073))   
---|---  
Wait. Jonny told me you were on the wagon. Shit. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I don't know what to say now. Sorry. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=62073&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=61817&format=light#t61817))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62073&format=light#t62073))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63609&format=light#t63609))   
---|---  
what wagon? dont see wagon aniwhere.  
  
  
migt be neer Marek, tho. found im unner the bed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=63609&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62073&format=light#t62073))  
  
|  **[private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-06-12 05:49 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62329&format=light#t62329))   
---|---  
~~Shit. I'm so sorry I didn't--~~  
  
 ~~I never meant to--~~  
  
 ~~I wasn't thinking and--~~  
  
Fuck fuck fuck, I'm so sorry, Gerard. It's not something that would ever happen again. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=62329&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62329&format=light#t62329))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=63865&format=light#t63865))   
---|---  
shouldn'ta happened inthe first place. or the seconded. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=63865&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62329&format=light#t62329))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 08:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66681&format=light#t66681))   
---|---  
you BASTURD! everthing was soo good so perfectt, teak waz so mine, an then ou came alonng.  
  
  
damn ou! why did ou ave to be beter than me! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=66681&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62329&format=light#t62329))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66681&format=light#t66681))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-06-14 04:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=67449&format=light#t67449))   
---|---  
Okay...  
  
You're right that it shouldn't have happened the first time _or_ the second time. And the first time I caught him and we all managed to deal with it appropriately. In Cannes... I don't know what happened. I think we all got carried away with the words for things.  
  
It's no excuse. But I _am_ sorry.  
  
And God, I'm not "better" than you. He loves you. But I think you need to be stronger for him, mate. Forgive the presumption, but I figure I can't get into worse shit with you right now.  
  
I hope you read this when you're sober. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=67449&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66681&format=light#t66681))  
  
|  **[private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-06-12 07:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62585&format=light#t62585))   
---|---  
On a whim, I chose to check the journals this morning while my boy fixes breakfast. How fortunate. I get to see the oh-so-sober Mr. Butler drunk. When was the last time?  
  
Deciphering your slurred speech -- tell me, how do you manage to write in that brogue of yours even when soused? -- I assume Jonny Lee did something he shouldn't've and you reacted to the extreme. All part of being a master, Gerry. Knowing when to lash out, when to hold back.  
  
Do us both a favour. Find your boy and have a long talk. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=62585&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62585&format=light#t62585))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 12:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64121&format=light#t64121))   
---|---  
not ur boi hasn't been drunkeded since tha last time e walkd out on teak  
  
  
an its eesy for petre to say. petre's perfected. neer screwd up in is life.  
  
  
an i lossed my teak. canna find him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=64121&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=62585&format=light#t62585))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64121&format=light#t64121))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-06-13 12:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64633&format=light#t64633))   
---|---  
It's Peter, Gerry. You know, even in Britain, the R comes _after_ the E.  
  
 ~~Not perfect. Screwed up in letting you walk out.~~  
  
Gerry, I'm starting to wonder if I should come over, find you and ~~spank some sense into you~~ throw you in the nearest shower. Get off the bloody computer, or you'll end up typing something you truly regret. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=64633&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64121&format=light#t64121))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64633&format=light#t64633))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 06:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65401&format=light#t65401))   
---|---  
sir ca do whaever he wantss. gonna aniway. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=65401&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=64633&format=light#t64633))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65401&format=light#t65401))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-06-13 08:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66937&format=light#t66937))   
---|---  
Sir now?  
My, we are drunk, aren't we?  
  
Gerry, you are going to regret a number of things when you sober up. And you will, undoubtedly, be making numerous apologies. However, if you _don't_ sober up, you're going to regret it more.  
  
You have exactly one hour to get coherent enough to call me and tell me you've 1) stopped drinking and 2) found that boy of yours. Don't tempt fate, Gerry. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=66937&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=65401&format=light#t65401))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66937&format=light#t66937))  
  
|  **Re: [private response]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-13 05:15 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=67193&format=light#t67193))   
---|---  
or wat, petre?  
  
ou donn't owne me animore.  
  
  
an 'm not drinkin moore aniway. ran out o beer  
  
  
teak'ss ctue when he runn. lal sweaty 'n shagabible. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?replyto=67193&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html?thread=66937&format=light#t66937))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	170. jonnyleemiller: penance is silence

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/11/) 01:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25103&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25103) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25103) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25103&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**penance is silence**_  
Jonny sits in the playroom long after Gerard's gone. He's rocking his body slightly forward and then slamming back into the St. Andrews cross, his shoulder hitting the lower crosspiece first and then his head. His hands twist in the ropes on the floor, left from the last time they played with the cross.

_If Master won't punish his boy, then Jonny will do it_.

When Gerard'd left the first time, Jonny'd sat in the living room, same rocking motion, for hours, until he'd crawled into the kitchen, found a paring knife and traced along the vein in his arm, cursing how the tattoo obscured the cutting lines.

_This boy loves his Master. More than anything in life. More than life._

The kitchen's too far this time. But the playroom has knives. He knows. He put them away. Jonny just has to move enough to reach them. He wraps the rope around his wrist, pulling tighter and twisting.

_Jonny knows who he belongs to. He doesn't doubt it. Pire's._

He moves enough, not to reach a blade, only to slide his fingers between his legs and over the tattoo there on his thigh. Fangs. Pire's mark. Abrasion becomes ligature becomes wound.

_Don't want anyone else. Just him. Always._

The light never changes, but Jonny's world goes black. Darkening like the bruise across his shoulder. As slowly as the blood oozes around the rope's fraying braids.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	171. jonnyleemiller: absolution must be sought

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/11/) 15:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25508&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25508) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25508) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=25508&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**absolution must be sought** _  
[mid-afternoon, london time, friday, june 11]

The light's still on when Jonny wakes. His internal clock tells him long past running time. Not that it matters. He's not going to run. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow.

_The boy has to move. He can't let Master find him._

The lack of darkness is too much for Jonny's eyes, and he blinks, closes them tight again. If he does it for long enough, the world will go away.

_Foolish boy. The world is still there. Master is waiting._

Jonny slowly opens his eyes, twists his head, takes in the spotlighted wrist. Red and swollen, fingers near numb.

_Good boy. Punished properly._

He uncoils the rope, puts it aside and pulls himself to his knees. He crawls across the playroom floor, up the stairs, flesh sorely rubbing against wood. He gently twists the knob, almost surprised it opens.

_What? Did the boy think Master would lock him in?_

Jonny stands, pushes the door open and steps into the hallway. He's quiet, barely breathing. There's no noise in the house, and then there's a muffled crash from upstairs.

_See, boy, Master didn't leave._

There's still no smile on Jonny's face as he moves toward the steps leading up, resolute in his uncertainty at finding his way in a shifting universe.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	172. gerard: Friday Afternoon Make Up

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/11/) 15:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38427&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38427) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38427) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38427&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Friday Afternoon Make Up** _  
[players only. Thursday night, [Ger and JL quarreled](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37792.html), which lead to a bit of [self destruction](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/25103.html) on JL's part and [guilt issues](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37925.html) on Gerard's part that leads [public posting while under the influence](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html). Time stamp on comments: Peter demanded Gerard call around eleven. Then in the afternoon, [Jonny started climbing the stairs](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/25508.html). Here's what happened when he got to the top of him, a little after three p.m. Friday the 11th.]

  
Gerard had stopped drinking when the beer ran out. That was around nine o'clock that morning. It's five hours later and the effect has mostly worn off, even though the hangover hasn't. But he's working on that with all the cures he'd ever tried to devise after long drinking binges at university. They're working as well now as they had then.

Gerard had called Peter when the ultimatum was posted and told him to fuck off and mind his own business, but he thinks Peter took it in the spirit it was intended. Gerard had fucked up and it was no one's fault but his own. And so there was no one to fix it but him. And that's all there was to it.

He'd had a bit of a problem getting dressed. His feet hadn't wanted to go in the right holes. But he'd spent the night roaming around and bumping into the things and he had three bruises from the shower alone. But he felt mostly clean, even though he'd ended up sprawled on the floor twice from getting into his sweatpants, and he figured he was just about ready to face the playroom and see if Teak had walked out on him last night.

Jonny Lee stumbles going up the stairs, winces when his wrist brushes too hard against the banister. "Fuck," he mutters, mostly under this breath, staring at the bloody ooze. "Shite, don't let it need stitches."

With each step, he's berating himself more for letting the whole thing get to where it ended. Should've told him sooner. _Fuck, Miller, you shouldn't've let it happen in the first place._ He's not angry with Gerard, not with being left in the basement playroom. He's angry with himself, frustrated and thinking he's done irrevocable damage to their relationship.

Still, he's climbing. _Hell, clothes are upstairs. And bathroom._ And he's hoping against all odds that Gerard didn't just walk completely out.

Gerard tucks in his polo shirt with great finality. One side in the back is still sticking out, but he pays it no notice. _Showtime,_ he thinks. He hasn't slept since the night before and the part of his mind that's sobering up is noticing the time, noticing that Teak, if he's anywhere, is probably at the theater, and he takes a deep breath and wishes on his lucky star that Teak stayed, that Teak still wants him, that Teak, though certainly pissed at him, is willing to try again with the idiot Scotsman he let move in.

The noise from earlier hasn't returned and Jonny Lee's not sure if that's good or bad. _He's left. He's gone._ He stops his brain from thinking _back to Peter_ and takes a deep breath, which hurts the hell out of his shoulder, which he hasn't seen yet but knows must look bad. If it's half as bruised as it feels.

Letting out the breath, he moves to the master bedroom. Only way into the master bath. And he really would like to get clean, just soak in hot water up to his neck. He stops in the doorway, catching sight of Gerard looking in the mirror. _Not gone._ But he can't say anything.

"Just do it," Gerard whispers to his reflection, "You can't lose any more than you've already lost." With those fortifying words in mind, he turns around. And almost jumps out of his skin. Jonny Lee's standing in the doorway, not quite in the room, but he's there. Standing there. Looking at him. And, Christ, he's hurt. He's hurt. There's blood and marks and _Christ_. Gerard opens his mouth to say something but no words come out.

"Your shirt's sticking out" Jonny Lee says quietly. Almost under his breath, words muttered because he can't think of anything else to say. "Want me to fix it?" He leaves off the _Master_ his lips want to form, unsure if he still has the right to call Gerard that. He steps into the room, moving slowly, as much from pain as hesitancy.

"If you want," Gerard whispers, just watching Jonny Lee walks towards him. Towards him. Not away. And the more Jonny Lee closes the gap between them, the better Gerard can see Jonny Lee's wounds. Self-inflicted? Or did Jonny Lee go out and find someone to do this to him? Gerard feels a stab of guilt. Whatever it was, whatever Jonny Lee did, it's because of Gerard. Gerard overreacted and his boy paid the price. _You're no master._

_If you want._ Jonny Lee wants to scream that he doesn't want anything else, just to serve, to be there. He pads across the carpeted floor, totally unconscious of his nudity, that shyness long gone. He's stands behind Gerard, tucks in the tail of the Polo shirt, mostly with his uninjured hand, using the fingers stained with blood from his abraded wrist to hold out the pants' waistband.

"There, all better," he says, glancing around, catching his reflection in the mirror. _Fuck, you look awful._ He looks up, staring into Gerard's gaze reflected back at him. His lover doesn't look too much better. He'd venture to say hungover, except he knows Gerard doesn't drink. "Can't have you leaving the house looking unkempt."

"Wasn't going to leave," Gerard answers quietly. "Was going to go look for you." Christ, Teak looks horrible. There's blood on his arm and a large ugly bruise on his shoulder. It sure as fuck doesn't look like it was deliberate. Gerard reaches out tentatively and brushes the tips of his fingers against the bruise. "What did you do to yourself?"

"Hit myself when I scooted back against the cross," Jonny Lee says, not a complete lie. "And fell asleep," he adds quickly, "with the rope around my wrist." He's almost blushing, a bit ashamed of what happened. "Guess it was tighter than yo-- I imagined."

Gerard presses a little at the skin, watching his movements in the mirror. He meets Jonny Lee's eye. "Why was there rope around your wrist, love?" Gerard hadn't put it there. Can't even remember where the rope is stored in the playroom. How the fuck could Jonny Lee have fallen _asleep_ with it wrapped around him?!

It hurts. There's no way around it. The bruise is sore, and even Gerard's tenderest touch causes Jonny Lee to jerk a bit. "I wanted the hurt on the outside to match the pain in my head. The rope was on the floor, Sir," he says, easing back into familiar speech, "and your boy just wasn't thinking and wrapped it 'round his wrist and pulled and caused the pain." He doesn't venture near explaining how he wanted to find the nearest sharp object and cut into the flesh. He didn't, so it doesn't matter.

"Are you still angry with me, with your boy for what he," Jonny Lee starts, faltering. "S'okay if you are. I deserve it."

"I'm not angry," Gerard replies quickly, too quickly. But, bloody hell, what was Jonny Lee thinking? To have the pain outside match the pain inside? To hurt himself because Gerard wouldn't do it? So he hit himself against the cross, tied a rope around his wrist and cut off his circulation and _slept_ like that? "I'm not angry," he repeats, lower this time. "I'm trying to understand you. Christ, Teak, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to think that you wanted someone else. I understand if you do now, because I'm not as good a master as someone else," as Peter, Gerard doesn't say, "could ever be. I didn't mean to let it get so far." It shouldn't have gotten far at all. Jonny Lee should have confessed, Gerard should have thought about it and realized it was a one time thing, and then told Jonny Lee it was alright. Because it was alright. It was a simple mistake in language and anyone could have made it. It wasn't Jonny Lee's fault for saying it, it was Gerard's fault for reading things into it that weren't there. Bloody idiot.

"No. No." Jonny Lee's shaking his head. That's not why he hurt himself. He really didn't do it on purpose. Well, not completely. Most of it was just not thinking, was wanting to hurt and not processing through what that meant. "Never want anyone else." He drops to his knees, lays his head against Gerard's waist. "You're Master. No one else. I love you, Ger. I don't want to lose you," he says, almost starting to cry again, "and your boy sure as hell doesn't want to belong to another man. Ever."

Gerard drops down to his knees in front of Jonny Lee and wraps his arms around him. "I love you," he whispers into Jonny Lee's ear. "I'm a prat and I don't deserve you, but I love you. You're not going to lose me. I promise. I'm not leaving until you kick me out." Last night didn't count. Last night he was stupid. Last night he wasn't thinking. Last night he almost lost his boy, and he's never ever going to do that again. Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back soothingly. "You're mine and I'm yours and that's the way we are. Never gonna lose me."

The touches hurt where Gerard's fingers skim the edges of the bruise, but Jonny Lee doesn't care. It feels too good. "Never kicking you out, Master." He buries himself into Gerard's shoulder, chest, as tightly as he can. "This boy's yours. Heart and soul and mind and body. Everything. Anything."

"Good to know," Gerard mutters. He tightens his grip on Jonny Lee until he thinks they can't get any closer unless they were fused. "Love you. So so sorry for thinking you weren't. Never gonna do that again."

They pull apart only when it becomes necessary to breathe, and then it's reluctant. Jonny Lee settles back onto the floor. "Really need to get cleaned up. I'm a mess," he starts, running his uninjured hand through his hair. He glances around the room, considers just crawling to the bed and collapsing on it, under it. Floor wouldn't be that bad. Then he notices something out of place. A bottle. He tilts his head. There's a second one. And a third. "Fuck." he looks back up at Gerard. "You didn't? Aw, shite, I caused that."

"Uh, yeah." Gerard admits sheepishly. "I think I finished off your beer supply. Sorry abut that." He blushes. "How about I wash your back and then go out to and get some replacements?"

"Uh, you gonna start doing that again? Drinking? 'Cause we don't need replacement for your boy. He was just finishing off what was in the house." Jonny Lee smiles weakly. "But he likes the idea of having his back washed."

Gerard shakes his head. "Definitely a one time thing. I just...it was there and very tempting. Not going back." He smiles. "But I will wash your back. Now let me see your hand. Do you think you need stitches?"

"No, Sir," he says, holding out his wrist. He's happy to hear Gerard's not going to take up drinking again. He's not sure he wants to see that part of his lover, having heard the stories. "Just wash it off, a bit of gauze and no one'll notice it. Long sleeves and all."

Gerard's more than a little relieved that Jonny Lee hadn't done himself semi-permanent harm because of his idiotic master. "Good." He reaches out and takes Jonny Lee's wrist and brings it to his lips. He kisses it lightly. "C'mon. Let's get you cleaned up."

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38427.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	173. gerard: Public Apology

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/11/) 18:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38859&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38859) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38859) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38859&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Public Apology** _  
[public]

To all of you who tried to reason with me [last night](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38265.html), well, this morning, I'm sorry. I've never done too well while drinking, but that's no excuse.

If it makes any of you feel better, I won't be drinking again for a _long_ time.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-06-19 06:52 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?thread=67787&format=light#t67787))   
---|---  
No, you won't be drinking like that again, because if you do, I may just fly over there and beat your arse myself. In a non-pleasant way.  
  
In all seriousness though, I hope you're feeling better. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?replyto=67787&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?thread=67787&format=light#t67787))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-20 06:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?thread=68043&format=light#t68043))   
---|---  
Well, once the hangover truly lifts, ~~and the guilt goes away~~ , I probably will feel better.  
  
It's nice that Jonny Lee has a nice tolerance for my shit. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?replyto=68043&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38859.html?thread=67787&format=light#t67787))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	174. gerard: Private Apologies

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/11/) 18:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38939&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38939) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38939) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=38939&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Private Apologies** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: Apology

Mr. Bean,

They say _In vino veritas_ and I know it has some element of truth. I do blame you a little for the fact that my boy got so submissive around you he had a language malfunction. But I know it's not your fault and, any way, it should not have come out the way it did. I'm sorry.

In apology,  
Gerard Butler  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **email reply**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[ **sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-06-21 04:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?thread=69147&format=light#t69147))   
---|---  
Gerard,  
  
I don't blame you for being as upset as you were. We all let ourselves get carried away, and there's no real excuse for that. Being excited to see him's not an excuse. Forgetting's certainly not an excuse. I was irresponsible and didn't double-check at the beginning to make sure we weren't going to step over any boundaries. And I regret it like hell; I'm not normally that irresponsible and I would like to think I wouldn't make the same mistake again, with Jonny Lee or anyone else. I'm -- to be honest, I'm rather embarrassed.  
  
I'm only hoping you won't hold it against Eric. Eric's very new to the scene and was only following my lead. He had no idea what the protocol for beginning a scene like that was, and at the time there were a variety of things he wouldn't have recognized the significance of. What blame there is doesn't belong to him.  
  
Respectfully,  
Sean 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?replyto=69147&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?thread=69147&format=light#t69147))  
  
|  **email reply**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-21 06:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?thread=69403&format=light#t69403))   
---|---  
Mr. Bean,  
  
  
 _I don't blame you for being as upset as you were._  
  
But there's a difference between a legitimate grievance and blowing things out of proportion because you're drunk. I do trust you not to hurt Jonny Lee in a way he doesn't want, and I do trust you not to undermine my authority. But I'm human and I get jealous and possessive and I'm sorry. When I'm sober I usually have much better control over it. I haven't been drunk in ages and I'd forgotten just how much control I lose.  
  
  
  
I don't hold any of this against Mr. Bana. I'm aware that he's new and, no matter how talented he is, I doubt he could have put Jonny Lee under enough that he'd make a mistake. And even if he called Jonny Lee his, even I wouldn't have overreacted enough to think that he actually knew the significance what he was saying.  
  
  
  
Sincerely,  
Gerard Butler  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?replyto=69403&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/38939.html?thread=69147&format=light#t69147))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	175. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Dinner with the parents, June 15

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/15/) 20:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27235&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27235) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27235) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27235&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Dinner with the parents, June 15** _  
**[occurs tuesday, june 15. alan and katherine miller, jonny lee's parents, come down to the city to see the play, meet gerard. it turns out to be an evening of revelations.]**

Late dinner, after the show, is safer than trying to do it before, even though Jonny Lee wonders if before wouldn't've been better, with the press for time in that he had to get to the theater and wouldn't have time for chit-chat. But, no, Da said a post-theater pub jaunt would be just the thing, give 'em time to catch up.

_Fuck, why'd I have such fun-loving parents_ he's thinking as he walks out of the dressing area to meet Gerard and his parents, all the while fidgeting with the bat pendant hanging at his throat. He's debated covering it up, but his parents have known for years he's weird so what's another piece of strange jewelry.

Gerard's waiting nervously with Jonny Lee's parents for Jonny Lee to come out the stage door. He'd enjoyed the show as much as he's had the other nine times he's seen it, but he was very aware the entire time of the Millers sitting next to him. He kept thinging that they weren't so much watching the play as watching _Gerard_ watch the play. They've been perfectly nice, but Gerard can't help thinking that they're wondering about the man who corrupted their son.

"So, according to that article I read," Jonny Lee's father, Alan, says, breaking the silence that's lasted since they walked out of the theatre, "you met Jonny on a film several years ago. How come we're only meeting you now?"

Jonny Lee winces, walking up on the conversation at that particular moment. "Da, please, don't start." He leans in, gives his mum a kiss on the cheek. "Good to see you. Got more time to chat now." _Unfortunately._

"I made the unpardonable mistake of breaking up with Jonny Lee a year after we got together," Gerard apologizes to Alan. He waits until Jonny Lee's finished greeting his parents before snagging him and giving him a hug. "You were brilliant."

"Jonny's right, Alan. Give 'em a break. Let's get to the pub, get an ale in us before we start drilling 'em." Katherine smiles as Jonny Lee turns in Gerard's arms. "Compliment your son on his performance."

Jonny Lee dares a slight kiss against Gerard's throat as he leans in, whispers. "Thank you, Pire." They're getting back on even keel, the weekend's fallout leveling out a bit. "Love you for doing this."

"For what?" Gerard whispers back. "Meeting your parents or sitting down and watching you doing something you love?" If they were alone, Gerard would give into the urge to smirk and add, _or someone_?, but they're not alone and there's only so much affection they can show in public before someone will accuse them of encouraging the tabloids.

Alan waits until Gerard has unhanded his son before giving Jonny a grin. "You were wonderful, Jonny. Your mother and I enjoyed it very much."

"Both," Jonny Lee says quietly. "And your boy'll thank you properly later," he gets in before his attention's pulled to his father's comments. "Thanks, da. That means a lot." Jonny Lee motions down the walk. "C'mon with you, then. Get to the pub. I'm a bit hungry."

"What? He not feeding my boy proper?" Katherine takes Jonny in hand, tucking her arm into his, heading them off in the exact direction her son had pointed. "Shall I get after him?"

There's a strange part of Jonny Lee's brain that wants to correct his mother. _Not your boy. His._ But instead he blushes a bit, smiles. "No, mum, it's fine. I'm eating. Just haven't the past few days." He doesn't even attempt the lie, just glosses over the truth a bit, doesn't explain the whys and wherefores of the symptoms. "Stomach's been out of sorts."

Gerard's still boggling at the audacity of his boy to use formal tone in public and especially around his _parents_ that he almost misses Katherine's remark about Gerard not feeding her son probably. He shoots Jonny Lee a look behind her back. _I'm going to start making you eat three meals a day if I have to hand-feed you myself._ Though, somehow, he thinks hand-feeding wouldn't lead to much food being consumed. Just a lot more sex.

The four of them walk together down the street to the pub, Jonny and Katherine up ahead, while Gerard and Alan lag a little behind them.

"So, now, tell me," Katherine says, leaning in closely, "you're living together. Right? Of course you are. I know you."

Jonny Lee winces as his mother manages to nudge her elbow into two of his three worst bruises, thankful she can't get to the third one, not without doing something mothers shouldn't be doing to 30something sons. "Yeah, mum, we live together. He moved into the house."

"And the sex. It's good." Katherine glances over her shoulder, flashes Gerard a quick smile, before continuing conspiratorily, "Has to be. He's a looker. A lot more handsome than your friend Jude. Not that he's not nice looking. But he's married to what's-her-name." She pauses. "Oh, they're _not_ still married. He's _not_ , is he? And your other friend. Ewan."

If a man could just melt into the pavement, Jonny Lee might do it. Mothers aren't supposed to talk about sex. And not so openly. He catches the expression on his mother's face, and quickly goes into defense mode. "No, Mum. We're not." _On a regular basis, that is._ And, Christ, but he doesn't want to get into denying accusations about Jude and Ewan. "Jude's my best mate, Mum. So's Ewan. Don't go there."

"All right, hon," she says, pulling him closer. "Let me tell you what the Pettigrew boy did ..."

Alan listens to his wife patter away, not the words so much as the tone, figuring she's most likely catching up with their son about this and that. Within an hour of each other and they never see one another, it seems. "So, would it be rude of me to ask your intentions, Mr. Butler?" he says as they're halfway to the pub. "Don't expect you to marry the boy or such, but a couple of things I heard through the vines concern me a bit." He pauses. "You do know I have friends still in the right circles." It's not a threat; more a reassurance that he's not coming from left field with tabloid reports. "Jonny seems happy. I trust that's not an act he's putting on for us."

Gerard blanches. He'd been hoping for a little more time to get to know Jonny Lee's father before he got asked who the fuck he thought he was and what was he doing with their son. "With all respect, sir, Jonny Lee's a terrific actor, but I don't think he'd ever use his skills to lie to his parents. I love Jonny Lee, and even though my intentions haven't ever been honorable, I'd marry him if he wanted me to." Gerard passes a hand through his hair. "We haven't talked about it, of course, and it's still not legal, but that's never stopped anyone before." He's aware that he's getting off on a tangent, picking on the one not-too-serious remark Alan made, and he's not sure what Alan will think of it.

"I'm a blunt man. Katie'll tell you too blunt, that I shouldn't speak my mind such, but it's just the way I am." Alan turns his head, watches Gerard for a moment. "My son would most likely jump to defend you. He's always been overly loyal to those he loves. Bit of a puppy trait in him." He's smiling, almost like sharing a joke with himself. "Always hung with the rough kids growing up, clung like fierce to the bully who beat the shite out of him at school."

"I didn't know that," Gerard answers softly. And he hadn't. Teak ran after someone who _hurt_ him? Not like Gerard hurts him. The bad sort of hurt. The hurt that wasn't supposed to happen. "And I like bluntness. I can be pretty blunt myself." Like the first time I ever met your son, I asked him if he was straight. But Gerard doesn't say that. He doesn't think it's something Alan would want to hear.

"Would you two stop the chattering?" Katherine says, turning around at the pub's door. She drops back a step, releasing Jonny's arm and taking her husband's. "Told you, no drilling till we got the pub. You, Alan Miller, are as bad as your son at listening to me."

Jonny Lee's stifling the laugh as his parents' behaviour. "Find us a table, Da," he says as his father's led through the opened door. "I'll get first round." He resists touching Gerard, more than just a hand brushing his lover's waist as he moves forward. "Everything okay?" he asks, making sure his parents have moved off across the pub. "Da can be a bit extreme. Mum usually reins him in."

"Everything's fine," Gerard answers, watching Jonny lee's parents walk off hand in hand. "You were bullied as a kid?"

"Aw, fuck, he told you about that?" Jonny Lee maneuvers through the crowd. "Would it be rude to detour to the loo? Christ, I want a real kiss." He knows the answer. Public displays. Encouraging the tabloids. "Don't answer. Your boy will be good and wait." He sighs, heads in the bar's direction. "Oh, yeah, bullied. Well, sort of. You want the whole story?"

"Not necessarily now." Gerard frowns. "And can the formal voice. I love you too much to have your parents think I'm a pervert and forbid you to see me."

"Yes," he stops before the _sir_ comes out. "Sorry, Pire, it's just so fuckin' second nature, I don't think about not doing it." He curls his mouth into a pout. "Don't be angry. Least not till you can take it out on me."

"I'm not angry." And he's never going to let himself get angry at Teak again, if he can help it. "And I fucking love the fact that it's second nature. I love that you're mine." He grins. "Now I think you should get the drinks before your parents wonder what I did to you."

Jonny Lee grabs the pints and follows Gerard to the table his parents have wraggled for them. Pub's crowded, but it's not standing room only yet. He sets them down and pulls out a chair. "So, how're things at home?"

"Fine, fine," his mother starts in. "You know that Smyth girl, the one next door, she got married, and the vicar, he said to tell you hello." She pauses. "Although now I might understand why you were his favorite altar boy, Jonny."

"Ma," Jonny Lee nearly spews his beer over the table. "I didn't," he says with a hissed breath, the blush creeping from pink to vermillion in the time it takes to form the words. "Was barely into girls at that age, much less anything else." He doesn't add that it was later, when he started hanging with Jude and Ewan that he really started thinking of boys as the better sex. Neither of them knew that; his parents sure as hell didn't need to.

Gerard can't quite hide his smirk at Jonny Lee's reaction. He elbows him. "Someone I should be jealous over?" Can't really imagine his boy as an alter boy. He looks innocent enough, but there's just something about him that yells out to be corrupted. Or maybe Gerard's the only one who can hear that. Either way, it's good fodder for his fantasies. A hell lot more blasphemous than his confessional fantasy, but it's a logical step forward for it. But age play. Shite. Gerard had forgotten about that. His smirk fades a little and he shelves the fantasy directly under 'never ever going to happen'. But that's fine. It's the point of fantasy.

Gerard turns back to Jonny Lee's parents and picks up his own mug of the first non-alcoholic beverage that he could get. "I hadn't known he'd been altar boy."

"Best one in the parish," Alan answers proudly.

"Ouch," Jonny Lee spits out before biting his tongue. He ignores the comment about jealousy. Gerard definitely doesn't need to be jealous of the parish priest. "And, if you haven't figured it out, Pire, Da's prone to exaggeration. Best. Shite, Father Michael was a daft twat even then." He's hit again, this time by his mother.

"Jonathan Lee Miller, stop that language," Katherine Miller says, putting down her pint. "Won't have you talking about a man of God that way."

"Yes, ma'am," he says, best formal voice intact, straightening in his chair."

Alan Miller laughs heartily. "That's all it takes, Gerard," he says, pausing. "Alright if I call you that?" He sips off the next inch of beer. "Tone of voice and his Christian name, and Jonny's right properly disciplined."

Jonny Lee squirms, in a way he hopes only his lover notices, then wraps both hands around his beer and chugs back a bit of it.

Dear lord, even Jonny Lee's _parents_ are giving Gerard tips on how to discipline his lover. Not at all how they meant it, but what with the way Jonny Lee is moving against the chair, Gerard can see that he's not the only one who's picked up on it. Gerard files the information away for late. Tone of voice and Christian name. Got it. "Certainly, sir," Gerard says to Alan. "Call me whatever you like." He looks around the table. "Shall I get the next round?"

"I'll just nurse this one a bit longer," Katherine says, looking askance at her son, as if trying to figure out why he's suddenly so quiet.

"By all means," Alan pipes in as Gerard pushes back from the table, "and third round'll be on me." He follows his wife's gaze to Jonny Lee. "Drink up, boy. You don't have to be sneaking about with it any longer."

"Huh?" Jonny Lee looks up at his father's voice. "Uh, yessir." He takes a long swig of the beer and glances up at Gerard. "One more?" He tries not to put the inflection on it, but it comes out a question anyway.

"Sure." Gerard says. He gives Jonny Lee's hair a light muss as he squeezes past him. "Two beers coming right up." He spends a bit more time by the bar than necessary, watching Jonny Lee interact with his parents from a distance.

"So, Jonny," Alan says once Gerard's gone. "You've barely touched your drink all night. Is there something wrong?"

"No, sir, nothing's wrong," Jonny Lee lies with a smile, suddenly almost afraid to be left alone with his parents. _Nothing that you'd understand._

"Jonathan," his mother starts.

"Please, mum, don't call me that. Makes me feel like I'm 12 again." He sips at his beer. "Just don't drink like I use to do, Da. That's all."

Gerard comes back on the last and sets a mug down in front of Alan and then one in front of Jonny Lee. He doesn't say anything. The atmosphere is a little tenser than it was when he left and he's never been one who's been able to diffuse that sort of thing with a witty remark or joke. Instead he sits down and reaches for Jonny Lee's hang beneath the table and gives it a good squeeze.

"You never were a good liar, son," Alan says as Gerard sits down. "You two not as happy as you make out to be?"

Jonny Lee manages a smile at Gerard's touch, then sighs, runs his hand up around the back of his neck and fidgets with the silver chain. "We're fine, Da. Don't believe the tabs. You know they're trash."

"Oh, you know I don't hold with any of what they say." Alan Miller quickly downs the dregs of his first beer and starts in on the second one. "Don't believe for a moment your boyfriend's forced you into a lifestyle you don't want." His tone's not nearly as comforting as his words.

"I haven't forced Jonny Lee into anything," Gerard says quietly. "Everything we've done is because we both wanted it." He's getting the feeling that Alan doesn't like him very much and he's not sure if it's something he did or if he's just the one who outed their son. He thinks it's probably a mixture of both, but he'll never know unless he asks, and he's never going to do that. He may be blunt, but he wants to make a good impression. He wants them to approve.

"Hmm, just that his mum and I never hear anything about you, except a random email now and then from Jonathan that he has a boyfriend and he's happy," Alan goes on, pulling out a pack of cigs and tapping out one, playing with it before lighting. "And then the whole thing in Cannes, the implications in some of the less savoury tabs. You know how parents worry."

Jonny Lee's fidgeting now, turning a blend of the red palette, wanting to just sink under the table. "Da, it's not like that. I told you on the phone. I _am_ happy."

"Then that's why you keep squirming," Alan blows out a long puff of smoke, "and playing with that necklace. S'like you're trying to remember something, fingering worry beads."

Katherine Miller leans over and gives her son a quick kiss on the cheek. "Just ignore him, Jonny. He's in a snit 'cause he's the last to know anything. I'm sure you're happy, and that Gerard here is a good man."

He can't know what the necklace means. He _can't_. Gerard forces down the instinctive panic. Nervous motions. It's all it is. Nothing more. "If you know Jonny," Gerard says to Alan, a little more forcefully than he'd intended. "You'd know he's shy. I took the full force of the tabloids because I wanted to protect him. I. I did that. I thought it was bloody stupid that we should have to go through all of it just so that no one would care anymore, but since we were going to have to, something we decided _together_ , then I was going to take as much of it off of him as I could. I love your son and I will never ever do anything to hurt him. And it might be out of fashion to want to protect the one you love, but I don't give half a damn." Gerard glares at Alan. "And I'm going to continue doing my damnest to get everyone to leave him alone."

It's Katherine Miller who speaks up when Gerard finishes. "We don't doubt that you love our son. Alan here's been listening to theater gossip for too many years." She pushes down the edge of Jonny Lee's collar, touches the heavy silver. "Beautiful, Jonny. Did he give it to you?"

Jonny Lee swallows hard, almost too hard, and the first words are caught in his throat. "Yes, ma'am," he says quietly, trying to figure out how to explain a collar that isn't a collar. "Reminder of how we met, how much he loves me. Your son's very much in love, mum" he slips unconsciously into formal speech for a second before catching himself. "Pire's right about the tabloids. I gave an interview, but I don't like talking. You know that."

Alan peers at the necklace, but unlike his wife, doesn't touch it. "It's lovely, Jonny. Your grandfather would've liked it," he says, sharing a look with Katherine.

"Grandpa Lee?" Jonny Lee's hasn't a clue what to make of that statement. His memories of his grandfather are those of a 10-year-old fascinated with playing spy and finding it more than cool his Grandpa Lee knew James Bond. "It's just a necklace, Da." He reaches up, nudges away his mother's hand, trying to deflect the conversation, and stop squirming. "You know me and weird things."

And then the conversation turns very strange. Katherine moves her hand, for a moment, only to replace it lower on the necklace, at the pendant, tracing out the bat's tail, which spins into a whip. "Heavy silver, a bat and its tail, almost like a whip." She looks into her son's eyes. "I've been studying it the past few minutes. It's weighs so on your neck, Jonathan, but I suppose it's meant to."

Jonny Lee blushes, somewhere in the realm of six shades of red. "Uh, um, mum, it's really ..." he breaks off, turning to face Gerard. "Help. Please."

"Me?" Gerard meeps. He's been staying silent, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, wondering if this was normal Miller family behaviour. Right. The collar. Necklace. Whip tail. _Oh, fuck. She noticed._ "It's just a necklace. I got it for him to celebrate opening night of the play." And if she believes that, Gerard will get himself a little Oscar statuette for the bedroom.

"Yes, of course," Katherine continues, "I used to have something similar. Do you recall it, Alan? Not a bat, of course. It had that precious padlock, right at the back." She leans in, whispers against Jonny Lee's ear. "Do you have one with a lock, Jonathan?"

Jonny Lee stiffens, back straight against the chair. He'd slide under the table at that exact moment, if his body would move. His mother just asked if he had a necklace with a padlock. _Fuck. Shite. Hell._

"Of course I do," Alan says with a smile. "I still have the key inside my drawer."

Gerard looks from one Miller to another, puts two and two together, and blanches. _Shit. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse._ With amazing calmness he doesn't feel anywhere inside him, he says, "We haven't gotten that far yet."

"Uh, no," Jonny Lee finally says. "Haven't." He looks at his mother, then his father, then Gerard. And in his brain the _Rocky Horror_ roll call is rambling on. "You. Two. Don't." He shakes his head.

Katherine laughs, a small chuckle as she turns back around, goes back to nursing her beer. "You didn't invent sex, Jonathan."

"No. Not listening." Jonny Lee's shaking his head again, and he manages to slump a bit in his chair. "Padlocks. Fuck, mum, don't give him any ideas. He's got a brain full of them." The words slide out of his mouth before he can stop them.

"Oh, dear," Alan says, picking up his mug. "I think we shocked our son by not being celibate."

_Does this mean that I'm off the hook for abusing him?_ Gerard wonders. _Or are they just going to crucify me if I do it in a way he doesn't like?_ He moves his chair closer to Jonny Lee's, figuring that if anything, he can get away with _that_ , and wraps his arm around his boy's waist. Padlocks sound fun and he's certainly given them a lot of thought before, but he doesn't think he could manage to give Jonny Lee a padlocked collar now. Just...no. "If it's any consolation," he whispers into Jonny Lee's ear, "my own parents were shocked to find out I was kinky."

"Oh, great, Ma-, uh, Pire. Oh, fuck, this boy is so friggin' confused." Jonny Lee's glad for the noise and general activity of the pub. At least they're having to keep the conversation to a low roar. "Don't expect you to be celibate, Da. Just not kinky." He shakes his head. "No, wait, that's not right. You."

"I think it's we took him by surprise," Katherine says over her pint. "And at the pub. We maybe should've done this more privately. Especially if we're getting into specifics."

Gerard says nothing about Jonny Lee's slip. He frankly doesn't blame him. If he thought he'd get away with it, he'd use formal voice himself. "We can go back to Jonny's place," he offers. While he's not at all looking forward to talking about kinky sex - or sex at all -with Jonny Lee's parents, if they want privacy, it's the least Gerard can do to offer.

_Jonny's place?_ Jonny Lee looks over at Gerard. _Thought it was our house._ He doesn't say it though. "Yeah, mum, da, we could go _home_ if you really want to keep talking."

"Now that's a thought," Katherine says. "But it's up to you and Gerard, dear. Your father and I just want you to know we're okay with whatever you're doing."

"Uh, sure," Jonny Lee says, "we can go home. It's not an inconvenience." _I want nothing more than to continue talking bondage games with my parents._ He prays that it's not possible to die from blushing.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	176. gerard: Last Call

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/20/) 15:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39233&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39233) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39233) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39233&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Last Call** _  
[public]

Teak's show ends on Thursday, so if you haven't seen my boy act his socks off, you have until then.

After the cast party, if my boy's feeling up to it, I may just get a whole group together and do a gang-bang in the living room. Incentive for getting out to London. ;)  
  


And, Teak, to celebrate, I've been thinking of taking one of the [fantasies](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29429.html) and playing it out. Any specific one get you hot and bothered?  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[locked to Gerard]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-21 03:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68161&format=light#t68161))   
---|---  
Master knows exactly how much he's made his boy blush with that post-play scenario. And your boy is sure that was part of the plan. *g*  
  
This boy would just as soon skip any cast parties, if there are such, and come home, wrap himself in a blanket and curl up with Master. In fact, he thinks he'll do that tonight, if Master allows. Long day.  
  
As to fantasies, your boy chooses the priest one. He's feeling a need to be on his knees asking forgiveness. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?replyto=68161&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68161&format=light#t68161))  
  
|  **[locked to Jonny Lee]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-21 03:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68417&format=light#t68417))   
---|---  
_And your boy is sure that was part of the plan. *g*_  
  
My boy knows me so well.  
  
  
  
  
 _This boy would just as soon skip any cast parties, if there are such, and come home, wrap himself in a blanket and curl up with Master._  
  
  
Then that's what we'll do, then.  
  
  
  
 _In fact, he thinks he'll do that tonight, if Master allows. Long day._  
  
Poor Jonny. Want to do it on the couch and I'll put on Legosi's Dracula, or do it in bed and fall asleep on me?  
  
  
  
 _As to fantasies, your boy chooses the priest one. He's feeling a need to be on his knees asking forgiveness._  
  
 ~~I'm the one who should be asking forgiveness for that.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?replyto=68417&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68161&format=light#t68161))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68417&format=light#t68417))  
  
|  **[locked to Gerard]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-21 04:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68673&format=light#t68673))   
---|---  
Sounds perfect, curling up with Dracula. Your boy will come straight home.  
  
Pire, didn't mean to imply anything by choosing that fantasy. It was the one that appealed to your boy most, other than the vampire and we can do that tonight while this boy passes out. *g*  
  
Fifteen minutes to curtain. Shutting down. Love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?replyto=68673&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68417&format=light#t68417))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68673&format=light#t68673))  
  
|  **[locked to Jonny Lee]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-21 04:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68929&format=light#t68929))   
---|---  
_Sounds perfect, curling up with Dracula. Your boy will come straight home._  
  
  
Wonderful. I'll dig up the fake fangs. :p  
  
  
  
 _Fifteen minutes to curtain. Shutting down. Love you._  
  
Love you. Break a leg. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?replyto=68929&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html?thread=68673&format=light#t68673))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	177. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Jonny Lee and Gerard have a little afternoon delight

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/21/) 19:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27039&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27039) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27039) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27039&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Jonny Lee and Gerard have a little afternoon delight** _  
**[occurs monday, june 21. the afternoon finds jonny lee and gerard engaging in a bit of mindless sex. we join them in media res.]**

"Your boy wants to be your slut, Master, wants to be used and _abused_." Jonny Lee smiles, that coy pout that melts polar ice caps. "Please."

Gerard pauses in his nipping at his lover's neck to look up. "He does?" He grins, mind turning over the possibilities. "Well, then, my boy should get out of bed and get something for master to abuse him with."

Jonny Lee curls up from the bed and lowers himself to his knees on the floor. He crawls to the closet and retrieves the heaviest of their leather belts, wrapping it around his neck before he crawls back. Kneeling beside the bed, he unwraps the belt and folds it over, holding it out. "Will this do, Master?"

"It will." Gerard takes the belt in one hand and begins to wrap the end around his right hand. "Where does my boy want it?"

"Across his back and arse, Master," he says softly, lowering his eyes. "Then your boy would beg permission to beg to be fucked."

Gerard leans forward and steals a kiss. "Beg for that later. We'll see how well you've earned it." Of course, how much begging Jonny Lee actually gets out will have more to do with how close Gerard is to just jumping him regardless than how well Jonny Lee took the beating. "Get yourself in position."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice. He stands up, stretches out over the foot of the bed, hands clutching at the blanket and legs spread shoulder-width apart.

Gerard slides off the bed and moves to stand behind Jonny Lee. He wraps the belt tighter around his palm and brings the strap down without any warning at all. It makes a satisfying smack on Jonny Lee's arse. "You don't have to count," he says almost as an afterthought right before the second stroke makes contact. "But make as much noise as you want."

"Yes," he gets out before the first strike, slurring the hell out of the _master_ that comes after it. "Thank you," he squeaks after the second, the stroke hitting just the right spot, causing him to pull his chest off the bed ever so slightly.

"That's a good boy," Gerard says, puncturing every word with a quick strike. He hasn't used a belt on his boy in a while and, from the looks of the growing marks, he's been remiss. And the noises Jonny Lee's making are going straight to Gerard's cock. He gives Jonny Lee fifteen and then moves a little upward, not sure of the angle, but wanting to get the top of his arse as well.

At a dozen, Jonny Lee's flesh is burning with a slow warmth, one that's building along with the welts he's know Gerard's raising. He doesn't stop the moans, the _pleases_ and _thank yous_ from spilling out. "More, Master. Your boy wants to hurt for you, to show Master how good he can hurt."

Gerard wants to answer that he already knows how good Jonny Lee can hurt, but it's a lesson he relearns every time he gives Jonny Lee a beating. The way Jonny Lee's skin reddens, the way the welts rise, the way the bruises fade slowly and colorfully, how Jonny Lee reacts to bites, to pinches, to everything Gerard can give him. So responsive. So beautiful. Gerard gives Jonny Lee another dozen, this time slower, watching each movement with renewed interest.

The movements are slower, more refined, as the strikes continue. Jonny Lee's skin is on fire with sensations rippling over one another, layering pain on pleasure and building on a base of intense desire. His fingers clutch at the blanket, bunching it up in his hands as he stretches his body out, giving Gerard more canvas to turn red. He's not quite to the point of wanting it to stop, not yet needing to beg for reprieve. He's not sure he ever reaches that point with Master.

When Jonny Lee's arse is close to a uniform shade of fire-engine, Gerard brings his hand back as for a stroke but doesn't deliver it. "What does my boy want more," he purrs. "A beating or a fucking?"

_Aw, fuck. What a choice._ "Fucking, Master," he says finally. "Your boy wants to feel Master's body pressed against his arse, Master's cock splitting him apart."

"Good." Gerard had been hoping Jonny Lee would choose that. He's given a beating and now he wants sex. He starts to unwind the belt from his hand. "Has my boy been following my orders and has a condom close by?" There are some in the drawer, but Gerard's curious if Jonny Lee can procure one from anywhere else.

_Condom?_ It takes Jonny Lee's brain a minute to process. "Yes, Master," he says, crawling up the bed a bit and stretching out his hand under the pillows. He's kept to tucking them everywhere. "Here, Sir." He holds the small foil packet out to Gerard. "You're boy's being very good about following Master's rules."

Gerard takes the packet and rips it open. He puts it on with a practiced motion. "Yes, he has. And has he been keeping himself prepped for master?" Gerard's too far gone to remember if it was part of the rules or not, but he doesn't really care right now. All he wants is to fuck his boy, and as quickly as possible.

"Of course, Master," Jonny Lee says with as little smirk as possible. He's prepped, albeit lightly and not so much that it's gonna make it easy for Gerard to fuck him, but he _is_ prepped according to the rules. He eases back out over the bed, positioning himself exactly the way he knows Gerard wants him.

"Good boy." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse and then strokes it, enjoying the heat and the color. His grin twists up into something a little more evil. "But you don't think I'm going to fuck you without you begging for it, do you? Is my boy that naive?"

"No, Sir, he's not." Jonny Lee crosses his wrists in front of his head and shifts up so his arse is presented, his cheeks spreading as he moves his knees. He starts by begging with his body, then follows with voice. "Your slut begs Master to fuck him, use him like the whore he is, make him scream with the pain before even thinking about letting him have pleasure."

"Mmhmm." Gerard says. One finger slides up and down the worst of the growing welts. "And why should master give his boy both pleasure _and_ pain? What's in it for him?"

Jonny Lee winces, draws in his body as the welts are pressed, caressed. "The joy of withholding pleasure, Master, of watching your boy beg for the pain," he says, giving thought to his words. "Of having control over every moment of what your boy gets."

"But I'm withholding pleasure right now," Gerard says innocently, stilling his hand. "And I'm watching you beg for pain. If I want control, I could chain you up nice and tight and then flick a feather up and down your chest and stomach. Do better."

Jonny Lee whimpers just at the _thought_ of being chained up. "Yes, Master, you are. You could. Your boy's body is at under your control. As is his mind and his spirit." He licks his lips. "Master can have anything he wants from his boy. There is no reason Master _should_ give his boy anything other than exactly what Master desires." He hopes that's a good enough answer; it's heartfelt, honest.

Gerard smiles, knowing Jonny Lee can't see it. "How about this. Instead of giving my boy anything, I'm going to take. I'm going to take every single little thing I want from him and leave him begging for me to take more. I'm going to make my Teak give me everything I want and then I'm going to leave him wanting, gasping, and desperate. How does that sound to my boy?"

"Oh _fucking_ hell," Jonny Lee spits out before thinking. He sucks in a deep breath, lets it out. "Your boy thinks that sounds perfect, Master. He'd gladly give Master everything."

Jonny Lee isn't supposed to break role like that. They both know it but Gerard doesn't care about that. But then he stops and grins evilly. _Why not? Let's have some fun with torture._ "I don't know, Jonny Lee," he says mock-seriously, very glad Jonny Lee can't see his face because it doesn't match at all with his tone. "I don't think you deserve it after that slip. Good boys don't swear." But Gerard doesn't get the last syllable out before he bursts out laughing. He shifts a little and turns Jonny Lee over, traces Jonny Lee's lips with his finger.

It's only through sheer willpower that Jonny Lee doesn't start laughing. He goes pouty and contrite instead. "This boy is sorry, Master. He didn't mean to swear. It was an accident." He slips his tongue out, almost unconsciously, just barely swiping Gerard's finger as it rubs over his lips. "Do you think your boy should be punished for it?"

Gerard slips his finger into Jonny Lee's mouth and moves it around, trying to evade Jonny Lee's tongue. "He should. Master likes bad boys, but only when he tells his boy to be bad." With no warning, Gerard moves his finger backwards and starts to try to twine it around Jonny Lee's warm tongue. "How does a punishment of being shagged so hard you'll hurt tomorrow sound?"

The response is muffled, but it's a definite _yes_ and Jonny Lee's shaking his head for emphasis. He swallows back the instinctive gag, willing himself to take exactly what Gerard is pushing him to take.

"What's that?" Gerard teases, pulling his finger out almost all the way. "Does my boy want it or does he not want it?"

"God, yes, your boy wants it, Master," Jonny Lee manages to get out around Gerard's finger. "Please. Hurt him."

"But I've already hurt him." Gerard looks pointedly down. "Gave him a nice belting. Or has my boy forgotten that already?"

_Then hurt me more, for fuck's sake._ Jonny Lee thinks it, but doesn't say it. He's really trying hard to be good, respond properly. But it's difficult. Gerard keeps changing the rules, or that's how it seems. "No, Sir, your boy hasn't forgotten." _Hell, no, haven't forgotten. My arse is aching, my back is burning._ "Master, your boy apologizes if he's not understanding what you want from him," he says finally, not knowing what else to say.

What does Gerard want from him? He'd thought that'd be obvious. "I want you, Teak. I want my pretty boy screaming and crying and begging for him." Without pausing he switches thoughts. "Want to ride me?" He's never had Jonny Lee do it after a spanking and he's aching to know how it would feel. Aching to fuck him, but he's in a playful mood. Wants the boy to do the work.

"Screaming and begging," he echoes, catching on then to the rest of Gerard's thought. "Yes, Master. Your boy wants to ride you. Please." _That'll hurt like a fantasy._

"Good boy." Gerard says. He reaches beneath Jonny Lee's collar and pulls him up into a long and frantic kiss. He doesn't think he can last much longer, but Christ he wants his boy on him, fucking himself on him. The thought almost makes him come right there.

Jonny Lee doesn't make another sound. He's concentrating on breathing, catching the air before Gerard kisses him and then holding it till he's allowed to breathe again. He wants this, brain and soul overriding his body's ache to beg for more as he shifts into a better position to do what Gerard wants.

Gerard breaks the kiss and then lies back against the bed, hands behind his head. He winks at Jonny Lee. "Does my boy want it as an order?"

"Your boy would appreciate specific orders as to speed and style, Master," Jonny Lee says as he crawls into position, straddling Gerard's hips and settling in on his knees. "And is your boy permitted to touch himself?" He eases down, guiding Gerard's cock with his hand, rubbing it lightly over his hole before sinking his body onto it.

"No, he isn't." Turns into a hiss as Jonny Lee starts his downward motion. "I want my boy desperate," Gerard rolls out the word, tasting every syllable, keeping his eyes on Jonny Lee's. "Begging. Pleading. I want him eager. I want him to know he's going to go to sleep tonight hard, even if - even if master has to put him in a ring to make sure my boy's control holds."

Just the words make Jonny Lee hard, his cock jerking in response to the thought of not coming _all_ night. "Yes, Master," he murmurs, dropping himself onto Gerard's cock with a single, fluid motion, biting back the intense pain of not inching down, not taking it slowly. "Your boy welcomes Master's discipline," he pants out, shifting and settling before starting to move up and down.

Oh, god. Fast and hot and tight and _Jonny_. "As he ... he should. F-faster, Teak. Harder." He can't hold back for long, doesn't want to, but, Christ, he wants to feel as much at once as he can.

Jonny Lee does exactly as told, increasing his speed, pulling up and pushing down, hands planted firmly on his thighs, away from his cock, which is jerking with his motions, getting stiffer and more painful by the minute. He slams himself down, impaling his arse on Gerard's cock, driving it deep within, and just as quickly repeating the motion.

Gerard bites back a scream as Jonny Lee sinks down even lower, it seems, than ever before. The beating and then the begging had gotten him close and now he can't stop himself. He comes, fingernails digging into the bedsheet, eyes closed so tight it hurts.

The harder he drops down, the more Jonny Lee feels it on his arse, the welts rubbing too fast, too hard, pain layering on pain. And then Gerard's coming, and Jonny Lee's body clenches around his Master's cock, tight, riding it out until he's told he can stop.

"Good, good boy." Gerard pants. He reaches blindly upwards and snags Jonny Lee around the neck. Pulls him down for a kiss while the other hand reaches around to strokes the top of the welts. "Love my boy," he says contentedly.

Jonny Lee moans, whimpers and melts into the kiss, trying desperately to ignore Gerard's hands working the welts. "Love you, Master," he whispers out against Gerard's lips. "Thank you for letting your boy please you."

"My boy always pleases me," Gerard whispers, and then closes the gap between them with another kiss.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	178. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Monday, June 21

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/21/) 11:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26047&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26047) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26047) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26047&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  working  
---|---  
  
_**Journal, Monday, June 21**_  
[ ~~left unlocked, which means it's accessible to anyone cruisin' the journals~~ locked to himself and gerard on tuesday, june 22]  
  
  
Confession isn't good for the soul.  
  
It obliterates it, like a fist slammed without thinking into a mirror's center.  
  
The shards are scattered on the floor, glass slivers to crawl through on the way to making penance.  
  
The trail of crimson is thick, and the boy is on his knees, arms outstretched, acts of contrition caught in his throat.  
  
But on the other side is Master waiting with forgiveness.  
  
Confession is bloody cathartic.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-06-22 01:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=46271&format=light#t46271))   
---|---  
**locked to Jonny Lee**  
  
Agreed, but you might want to lock this. Don't know if you meant for everyone to be reading it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?replyto=46271&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=46271&format=light#t46271))  
  
|  **[locked to Karl]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-22 01:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=46783&format=light#t46783))   
---|---  
Thank you, Sir, for the observation. It was left unlocked in this boy's haste to go running, although it's not anything he minds the people involved seeing. But perhaps his Master would prefer it locked, so this boy will make amends on that front. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?replyto=46783&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=46271&format=light#t46271))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-06-22 06:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=46527&format=light#t46527))   
---|---  
Er...you all right, then? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?replyto=46527&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-22 05:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?thread=47039&format=light#t47039))   
---|---  
I love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html?replyto=47039&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	179. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, June 22

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/22/) 06:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26497&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26497) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26497) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26497&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Tuesday, June 22** _  
[locked to himself and gerard]

Pire, I'm writing out of formal speech so you know it's me asking, not Jonny Lee hiding behind the voice and words. I read the drunken post, and the apology. I love you, but you shouldn't drink. I didn't use the password and read anything else, even though I'm betting there were a couple private responses in there somwhere. Please don't blame Mr. Bean or Mr. Bana for what happened. I'm the one who made the mistake. I'm the one who forgot he belongs to one man and one man alone.

When you came back in November, I was so happy. I'd thought I'd lost you the year before, that I'd never see you again, never hear your voice lulling me to sleep after having fucked me so hard into the mattress all I could do was think of sleep. I wanted to do whatever it took to make you happy, make you want to stay. So, when I discovered you liked the lifestyle, I threw myself into it, not having a clue what I was doing. I'm like that, always have been.

And it's not been a bad thing. Not at all. Just that we've been doing it almost haphazardly, trying this and that and making up the rules as we go. That's not bad, either. I've come to realize the only rules are the ones we make, the ones we force ourselves to live by.

I broke your rules. I didn't set out to do it. But that was the end result. And I think part of the reason it happened was because I've been playing with so many people, so often without you around, which is what we agreed to do, trying to get the hang of this. I want to change that. If you're willing, and I know you're not into the master/slave thing permanently. Not sure I could handle every aspect of it even. But I'd like to try an experiment, when the play ends.

For one week, take control of my life. Completely. 24/7. I don't make any decisions about anything. I would submit to you 100 percent, no questions asked. I see exactly who you choose, when you choose and follow a very specific set of hard-and-fast rules that have reprecussions when broken. For that one week, let me be your slave in every sense of the word. Let's see what works and what doesn't.

It doesn't have to start the minute the play's over, if you want time to think through things. And it doesn't have to happen at all, if you don't want. It's just a thought, a rambling in your boy's brain.

I love you, more than anyone, and you're the only one I want to be with. Forever.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26497.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-22 06:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26497.html?thread=47233&format=light#t47233))   
---|---  
Christ, Teak. ~~I don't know _how_ to punish you~~ You've overwhelmed me a bit. I'm just going to take this slowly and probably much more verbosely than needed.  
  
  
 _I love you, but you shouldn't drink._  
  
I know. But I don't think it will be a problem now, because I think I finished off all the alcohol in the house. At least it felt that way.  
  
  
 _I didn't use the password and read anything else, even though I'm betting there were a couple private responses in there somewhere._  
  
There were, and I'll show them to you if you want to see them.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I came back in November, I was nervous as fuck. I wasn't sure you wanted me anymore, especially after what I did, what I said. And I was willing to do anything to keep you. I never wanted to lose you again. When I found out you liked the kink, I went as fast with it as I'd dare, all the while hoping you knew what you were getting into, hoping I wasn't going too fast. I didn't want to scare you off. I didn't want to lose you. And then it became something more, it wasn't my lover and my boy, it was my lover who _was_ my boy. I think the out of role time is as much for me as it is for you. I don't want to become so submerged in the roles that I forget why I wanted you in the first place. Never why I love you, I don't think I could ever forget that, but I worry that if you're on your knees and not talking back and perfectly obedient, I'll forget about the man who took me out for jambalaya the first day I met him. I'll forget about the man who told everyone not to fuck with the antiques dealer. I'm scared I'll forget about everything before we went into role the first time.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _But I'd like to try an experiment, when the play ends._  
  
  
I don't know about this, Teak. On the one hand, it sounds wonderful. Complete control, you not doing anything but what I say you can do. I do think I could manage this for a week. And I'm not scared that you can't. I know you better than that, I know how strong you are.  
  
  
But on the other hand  
  
  
  
  
 _Two hours later:_  
  
  
I think I like the idea too much. I'm not sure that makes sense, liking something too much. It's like what people say, that something is so fun it should be illegal. I like having power over you, I like having control. I like knowing that you're going to do what I say. But what if it gets too much? What if it goes too far? ~~What if I don't know when or how to stop?~~  
  
  
And then there's the punishment aspect. Ok, here we go. Big confession, since it was your turn last week. I don't like punishing you. In fact, I hate it. I don't like it and I don't like what it means, that I'm in a position that I decide what's right and what's wrong and if you do something wrong, you have to face my punishment. But I know that punishment is a part of what we do. I love you too much to punish you, but I also love you too much not to punish you. I don't think that makes any sense, but it's how I feel. I hate it but I do it because I think you need it. But if we're doing this week thing and you do something wrong, is it because my guidelines and orders were too strict? Is it my fault, or is it shared blame?  
  
  
I used to scoff at the dominants who would find faults so they could punish their submissives, but I think I see the point now. It's not practice for the submissive to get used to punishment, it's practice for the _dominants_ to get used to _giving_ punishment. It's a heady feeling being judge and jury and I can imagine that it does take a lot getting used to, to become confident that you won't fuck everything up by making a bad call and not realizing that what you want and what your submissive needs might not be the same thing.  
  
  
  
I'm willing to try it, Teak. If it's what you want, I'm willing to try it. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't want it, because I do, but I don't think this is something that should be done lightly. If you really want it, alright then, we'll try it. But if you don't, we don't have to.  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26497.html?replyto=47233&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	180. gerard: Idiot

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/22/) 11:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39553&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39553) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39553) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39553&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Idiot** _  
[private]

He starts in about slavery and control and a week and 24/7, and you pick up on punishment. Pick at it. Dissect it. And just _how_ many times has he given you grounds to punish him? And then you, just about as unenthusiastically as possible, say if he wants it, then you'll find it in your heart to give it to him.

Smooth, Gerry, very smooth. It's a wonder he puts up with you.

But at least he doesn't know how much you want it. That's a good thing. Becuase you want it a scary amount. You want to control him. You want to know that he isn't doing anything but what you say he can. You want to know that he's yours, he's always thinking of you, and that he's _owned_.

One of these days you're going to have to tell him that. He has the right to know. And it's something he probably should know, if you're going to do this week of his.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39553.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	181. jonnyleemiller: [email to ewan_mcgregor]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/22/) 06:16:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26241&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26241&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)**_[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
Subject: Checking in

Regarding [the journal post](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26047.html), the answer would be a qualified yes. I'm okay.

Play's ending its run Thursday, which means my life gets back to what passes for normal. The parents came down last week to see it (and meet Gerard). ~~Best not to mention Da suspects there's more to the relationship than us being lovers and, oh yeah, he asked about you and Jude.~~ The whole evening went much better than I thought it might.

The post? ~~Pire and I had a bit of a fight over something I shouldn't've done.~~ It's cool now. Just me getting poetic.

Anyhow, we need to do pints. Or PlayStation. Or both.

Ta!

~Jonny

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26241.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	182. gerard: Priest Fantasy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/24/) 13:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42200&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42200) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42200) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42200&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Priest Fantasy** _  
[players only. After Jonny Lee's play [ends](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39233.html), Ger and JL play out a little [fantasy](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/29429.html). Warning: Blasphemy.]

Last night. Final performance. And it's a damned good one. Jonny Lee's held them spellbound with his Christian, and Gerard's held Jonny Lee entranced, sitting third row left center. Too many curtain calls before he's backstage, begging off cast frivolities, wanting to just go home and sleep for days. He meets Gerard outside the stage door, just as promised.

"Hi, handsome," he says, smiling and tilting his head, glancing around. No well-wishers or gawkers. That's good. "Take a boy home?"

Gerard hadn't been able to take his eyes off Jonny Lee at all that night. He'd followed him through the story, marveling at just how well Jonny Lee could act, and he'd caught Jonny Lee's eye through every one of the well deserved curtain calls. He's damned proud and more than a little awed that this man chose Gerard to spend his life with. He slips an arm around Jonny Lee's waist and kisses him. "Of course," he murmurs. "But doesn't my boy want to stay for the parties?"

Shaking his head, Jonny Lee leans into Gerard's embrace. "No, Pire, your boy wants to go home, be consumed by his lover." He glances up into Gerard's eyes, smiles wider. "There was something about a fantasy to play out."

"Yes, there was." Gerard smiles. Priest fantasy. Getting Jonny Lee on his knees and confessing. So many fantasies rolled into one. But it's late and Jonny Lee has just finished a very successful run. "Sure you're up to it?" He asks, not wanting to guilt Jonny Lee into doing something he promised to without realizing how tired he'd be.

"Tired but not exhausted." Jonny Lee can't be guilted into it, but he's not sure Gerard realizes that. He does things because he _wants_ to do them, because they please his lover, his Master. "Don't know if we're set up for full-out roleplay at the house, but this boy would be happy to go on his knees for the parish priest."

Gerard licks his lips and slides his hand into the front pocket of Jonny Lee's jeans. He gropes around a little and strokes Jonny Lee's cock through the denim. "I'd love to take you there. C'mon, car's around the back." He doesn't take his hand out of his boy's pocket as he leads him through the deserted streets.

"Oh, that's nice," Jonny Lee murmurs as he's led, effectively by the balls, through the alley to the car. "You have just the right way of making your boy want to do anything."

"What can I say? It's a talent," Gerard grins. He unlocks the car and all but pulls Jonny Lee into the passenger seat. With mock hesitation, he pulls his hand out and goes around to the driver's side. "Home, James?"

Jonny Lee sputters with laughter as he buckles in. "Please. Don't use that name." He's still recovering from his parents' bombshell and even the thought of James _anyone_ shivers his brain. "But, yeah, home, Master," he counters with extra emphasis.

"Alright." Gerard puts the keys in the ignition and he quickly has them on their way. "You were amazing tonight," he says conversationally. "Made me want to shag you over the prop table."

"Well, now, that _would_ encourage the tabloids, Master. We're best to leave that to the house," he says as they maneuver through London's streets. "Or at least a very, very dark alley." _There's a fantasy you should explore again._

"Mm, dark alleys. Good memories." Gerard slows as he approaches a red light, which turns green at the last moment. "And table shags. We should do that at the club one night."

Table shags at the club. Public exhibitionism. Jonny Lee grins. Used to be a limit, a rather solid one. He's losing his shyness, bit by bit. "Yes, Master, your boy would like to try that one night. He thinks he could actually handle it now, being in front of everyone."

"I'd like to do that to you. Claim you in public. Make you scream for me when I let you come." Gerard takes one hand off the steering wheel and strokes the chain for the bat necklace. "Want everyone to know that you belong to me."

Jonny Lee cranes his neck into the touch. "Master, do you want your boy to go back to wearing the other collar?" He knows Gerard's become enamored of the bat pendant, often stroking it. "And he likes the idea of Master claiming him, making him scream." _He likes it very much._ Jonny Lee shifts in the seat, his jeans damned tight.

"I like both of them. This one...there's a little more sentimental value. It shows why you're with me, rather than just claiming you." The other one is tighter, much more noticeable, and Gerard loves it, yanks on it when he can get away with it. But the necklace is a vampire bat with a whipped tail. He's not sure which one he likes better. "You could always just wear both of them."

"That's a thought. Both of them." Jonny Lee hadn't considered that. No reason not to wear 'em both. Then he can't resist lightening the conversation. "And can we get a little padlock to connect them, Master?"

"Oh, god." Gerard turns instantly red. "No. No. No padlocks. Not ever. Christ, I don't think I'll even be able to look at one in the future without thinking of things I don't really want to be thinking about when I'm tying you up."

Jonny Lee's chuckle turns into a full laugh at the thought, then the visuals. "No, don't want to either," he says, laugh segueing almost into a coughing fit, "but I can't help it. That voicemail didn't help. It was like listening to Martha Stewart talk about creative ways with plugs." He switches gears, affects a nice Connecticut high-brow voice. "If you group them together in the center of the table, it makes for a lovely conversation piece, and your guests have something to do if the soufflé falls and dessert's a failure."

Gerard bursts out laughing, putting his foot on the break to make sure they don't crash. "God, Teak. And if the bloody soufflé falls and dessert doesn't work out, I can just stick you on the damned table and let _you_ be dessert." Gerard pauses as he turns into the driveway and straightens out of the car. "Which you might have been in the first place. You look brilliant wearing nothing but whipped cream."

Exiting the car, Jonny Lee finally stops laughing. "Whipped cream and nothing else, Master? A boy will get cold." He's almost bouncing as he walks around the car and to the door, waiting on Gerard to take care of opening it since he didn't bother to take his keys with him when he left earlier for the theater. "You want to do this in the playroom? We have stuff for it?"

"My boy won't get cold with master there to warm him up." Gerard ruffles his boy's hair and then steps back and spreads his legs a little. He takes Jonny Lee's hand and moves it close to his pocket. "Do me a favour and get the key," he says, and then puts Jonny Lee's hand in his pocket. While Jonny Lee rummages around, Gerard continues, "I think the playroom might have the best atmosphere for it, yeah. Don't have all the right stuff, but it's better than doing it in the living room."

Jonny Lee's fingers skim the outline for Gerard's cock through the fabric. He braves doing a bit more, playing a bit of pocket pool and rubbing over the erection as he wraps his thumb around the keychain. "Your boy wouldn't mind be cold, if Master wants him that way," he smiles innocently. "Ah, here it is. Key." He slowly starts to draw his hand out of Gerard's pocket.

Gerard's fingers wrap themselves around Jonny Lee's wrist and he looks around quickly for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. No parked cars that don't belong to the neighbors, no windows rolled down. "And what do you think you're doing?" he asks, pulling Jonny Lee's hand down. He isn't wearing anything under his pants and he's liking the handjob. And he doesn't see any reason not to continue it.

"Uh, finishing, Sir," he says, letting his hand be moved back into place, rubbing harder, enjoying the friction of thin fabric over cock. He hasn't done this in a while, just be playful with Gerard. He wraps his fingers around the keychain and adds that to the mix, stroking down the length of his lover's erection. "How far, Pire?"

Gerard hisses at the extra sensation and he puts one hand against the door to steady himself. "Depends," he whispers. "How far is my boy willing to go in public?"

Jonny Lee glances around the neighborhood. Their front door's secluded enough, and it's late, and no there aren't any unusual parked cars. "He'd drop to his knees, undo his lover's trousers and suck him dry, Master," he says with a smirky grin and twist of his wrist against Gerard's cock.

"Mm. That's an idea." Gerard says. "My boy doesn't mind a preshow before the play?"

"Not at all, Sir," he draws out the word, slides to his knees against the broken tile floor. "It'll give this boy something more to confess to the priest." He manages to wrap the keychain lightly around Gerard's cock, and he leans in, presses his lips to the zipper, kisses lightly, almost reverentially. "May your boy pleasure Master?"

Gerard smiles down at his boy and unbuttons the only button on his fly. Jonny Lee can do the rest. "He may. Mouth only."

"Yes, Master," he says, taking the zipper in his teeth and pulling it down. He takes his hand from Gerard's pocket and puts it behind his back with his other hand, lacing the fingers together. He nuzzles in through the parting fabric, drags his tongue the length of Gerard's cock, taking its head between his lips, sucking gently.

It's times like these that Gerard misses Jonny Lee's real collar. He can't hook his finger through the ring, can't tug on the leather, direct Jonny Lee's motions. He settles for wrapping his hand around the back of Jonny Lee's neck, feeling the silver chain beneath his palm, and pushing Jonny Lee closer.

Jonny Lee opens his mouth wider, takes Gerard in, sucks the wide cock to the back of his throat. He's more than content to let Gerard set the pace, guide his head. He's willingly, too, to take it all in, choke on the familiar taste and not complain at all, so he's smiling, at least in his brain, when Gerard moves his head, fucks his mouth.

Gerard pushes Jonny Lee's mouth closer and closer until it's exactly where he wants. Then he lets his hand slide away to tangle in the ends of Jonny Lee's hair and he closes his eyes, just enjoying the blowjob and the knowledge that six months ago, there would have been no way in hell that Teak would have done this in public.

Six months ago, Jonny Lee didn't want to please Master, or it wasn't his overriding thought. Now it's _all_ he thinks about, making Master happy and doing what he wants, whenever he wants. And if going down on Gerard in public is what pleases Master, then Jonny Lee doesn't have a second thought about it. He sucks hard, pressing his tongue up along the underside of Gerard's cock, pulls back just a bit and deepthroats him again. /Fuckin' great./

Long before Gerard's close to orgasm, he pulls Jonny Lee's head back. Smiling a little, he puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out the keys. "Up," he murmurs. "I want to fuck you as part of your absolution and there's no way I can do that if you make me come in the middle of the street."

Settling back on his heels, Jonny Lee looks up with only a hint of pouty frown. "Yes, Master." He starts to stand up, decides not to. "Would it be permitted for your boy to crawl to the playroom, Master?" _Go for the whole submission, Miller. That's good._

"He would." Gerard pushes open the door and then holds it open so Jonny Lee can crawl in. "I'm still not sure exactly how to position things in the playroom so this can work. You've any ideas?"

He drops to his hands and crawls through the open door, a bit predatorily, moving to the hallway with a slink and stretching out his body. "Not sure. Technically there should be a confessional, where the priest is set apart, but we could just do it with your boy on his knees, you sitting on a chair."

Gerard watches Jonny Lee arse as he crawls, adoring the way the denim clings to it. "You set up as you want downstairs. Give me a moment or two to change first." He'd pulled out a black shirt before and picked up a white collar. It's not the best he could have done, but it'll set the scene.

"Yes, Master. Of course." Jonny Lee wriggles a bit for show, then crawls to the basement door, opening it and sitting on the top step as he listens to Gerard head upstairs to change. "Hmm, now how do I set up a confessional?"

Gerard all but yanks his shirt off on the stairs, stripping down to the waist before he's even reached the bedroom. He tosses the shirt anywhere and heads to the connected bathroom to throw some water on his face and rub something into his hair to make it look curlier. Once that's done, he slips into the black shirt and fumbles with the collar before figuring out how to put it in.

"What the fuck do I know about confession?" Jonny Lee sighs, pulling a chair over from the wall, putting it behind the spanking bench. "Raised a bloody Anglican. We didn't do this regular." He searches through the cabinets, finds a black sheet. Rubber. He shrugs. It'll do. And he drapes it over the bench, creating a makeshift confessional booth. At least it's a separation between him and Gerard, and that's the point. He turns when he hears footsteps on the stairs, then settles onto his knees on one side of the partition, hands clasped under his chin in prayer.

Gerard can't stop his grin as he walks down the stairs. He looks around quickly for his boy, spotting him kneeling next to a large black thing that looks vaguely like the spanking bench. _Resourceful boy._ Had he thought this out more, he probably could have found a way to rent one, or at least construct something that looked like it in the study. But this will do. Gerard takes a seat on the chair and clears his throat in case Jonny Lee didn't hear him come down.

Eyes cast down, Jonny Lee begins, trying to keep the smile off his face. "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been," he pauses, "um, about seven years since I've done this."

"That's being...negligent." Gerard licks his lips, trying to remember what he's supposed to say to that. "What are your sins?"

"I haven't broken the commandments," Jonny Lee starts, "well, not the important ones. But I have committed fornication and sodomy and fellatio. Numerous times. And I decided to be very, very gay."

"There are no such thing as unimportant commandments," Gerard tsks. "There are only the ones you care about and the ones you choose not to care about for your own selfish purposes. Such as, uh, sodomy. And fellatio."

"There's no commandment about sodomy, Father," Jonny Lee smirks, "not unless it was on the tablet Moses broke on the way down the hill."

"Well, you know what they say about arguing God down to ten." Gerry smiles. "But let's talk about the commandments, then. Covet your neighbor's ass recently?"

"Um," Jonny Lee thinks. Neighbor _could_ count Jude and Ewan, since they live down the road and 'round the corner. "Yes, Father, I've covered me neighbor's arse. Had it once or twice. Then got fucked proper by the other neighbor when we were at this wild party in the Caribbean."

"I didn't know you've been to the Caribbean." Too late, Gerard remembers the Island. _Caribbean. Right. St. Denis._ "Any more sins you rack up there?"

"Sucked a few cocks, Father," Jonny Lee says quickly. "Angered my Master. Surely that's a cardinal sin. Thou shalt not piss off he who holds your leash?"

"Uh." Think, Butler. How would a real priest react to finding out that one of his parishioners had a master? Probably not very well. Gerard mentally goes through the seven deadly sins, wondering if he can use one of them to describe his relationship with Jonny Lee. _Pride_ , yes. A whole lot of pride. Pride in his good boy who always pleased him. _Envy._ Gerard mentally rolled his eyes. Best not to go there, especially during what should be a relatively light-hearted scene. _Wrath._ Gerard hoped not. _Sloth._ Not that he noticed, if you didn't count video games. _Lust_? Yes, a shitload of lust, but also a healthy dose of love. Should counterbalance it. _Avarice._ Gerard's been more than greedy these days, but not to the point where he thinks he can count it as a sin. And it's supposed to be Jonny Lee's sins, not Gerard's. _Gluttony._ Gerard looks side-long at his boy, remembering how Jonny Lee's mother had remarked that he looked skinnier. Nope, no gluttony there. Fuck. Gerard doesn't know any more cardinal sins, or what would even count for them these days. "Master?" he repeats lamely.

Jonny knows bdsm isn't addressed specifically by the church, at least not the parish priest he knew, and sex was generally talked about in vague terms. But that's not what this roleplay is about. This is _supposed_ to be wicked. "Yes, a Master. A man who puts a collar on my throat and commands me to pleasure him," he murmurs. "Is that a sin, Father? Being told to service another? To put my mouth on his cock and suck him?"

Gerard hesitates long enough to throw it all to hell. "Yes, it is," he says firmly. "Several. How often do you willingly repeat these? How often do you sin?"

"Every day, Father. Several times a day if it's what Master wants."

Gerard whistles low, as if impressed. "And just how do you sin, my son? What do you do because this master of yours tells you to do it? Don't you realize your free choice in the matter? You can refuse to obey him. God created us all with a free will, though there is predestination. You don't have to let him force you into doing anything for him if you don't want it. You don't have to let yourself sin for him." Gerard pauses and then plows ahead, morbidly curious. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for him?"

"How do I sin, Father? With my mouth and my arse and my cock." Jonny Lee smiles. "Have you ever been fucked? Felt the tightness as another man's cock slides into you, held down and going nowhere till he's finished." He shifts, his jeans tight at his own description. "It _is_ free will, Father, what I give to him, this master of mine." He pauses, replaying the last question in his mind. _Is there anything you wouldn't do for him?_ "There is nothing I wouldn't give him. All he need do is ask and I would lay open body and soul for this man."

Gerard is silent for a long time, thinking. _lay open body and soul for this man._ Jesus Christ. He'd never thought Jonny Lee...he'd known he loved him, but when it's put that way... Gerard's honored that Jonny Lee chose him to love. "Have you any other sins besides sex?"

_Do you really want to go there?_ "I lied to this man I say I love. It was a lie by omission, not telling him something I should've. And then, on telling him, I caused more pain." He looks up, unable to see Gerard's eyes in the playroom's dimmed light, but searching for them nonetheless. "Surely that is a great sin, Father, to cause so much anguish to someone you love."

"It's something we're all guilty of," Gerard says quietly. He looks away from Jonny Lee and stares at the wall. "No matter what we say, we always hurt the one we love the most."

"He has forgiven me," Jonny Lee says, almost sotto voce. "And I have forgiven myself." _Still dealing with the mental fallout._ "So, Father, if I love this man, then what I give him cannot be a sin. Is that not what the church teaches, that love is greater than all?"

"It is, yes, but we can still sin with love." Gerard says, shifting a little in the chair. "When you...have sex with this man, this master of yours, do you submit to him?" Tries to remember if there's any injunctions against submitting to anyone other than god. Oh, fuck it all. This is roleplay, not reality. "You take his orders as if you were a soldier, but do you enjoy it?"

"Oh, yes," Jonny Lee purrs out. "Very much. I like giving myself to him. Submitting. Fuck, I worship the ground he walks on." And in the instant those words are out of his mouth, Jonny Lee wants to lick them back up. _You'll scare him._

Gerard's most amused than freaked out. "You worship the ground, not the man?" He tsks. "Ground-worship is a no-no. You're supposed to worship what's above you, not beneath you."

Jonny Lee has to fight not to laugh out loud, like when Father Michael told him when he was 9 that "God wasn't a frog no matter how special Jonny thought the frog he'd caught behind the rectory was."

"I worship him," he says, just the slightest chuckle coming out. "And he's above me, nearly _all_ the time."

"Why?" Gerard asks, not even trying to keep his face blank. He knows Jonny Lee can't see it. "Is he taller than you?"

"Smart arse," he mutters under his breath, totally out of roleplay. Jonny Lee clears his throat. "Oh, it's not that he's taller, Father. Just I'm on my knees most of the time. Surely you understand that."

_I heard that, Teak._ Gerard smirks. His boy's going to pay for that one. "I'm afraid I don't." Gerard says. "Are you taking communion?"

"Yes, Father. Not recently," he admits, recalling it's been a good year since he stepped foot in a church. "I'm sorta lapsed in my religious upbringing."

"So why are you on your knees most of the time?"

"Because that's where a good boy is, Father," Jonny Lee's smiling too much for proper confession. "It's a penitent position. Supplicating. Waiting to fulfill Master's orders."

"Uh. Um. That it is. But you're...uh. Are these all the sins you've wracked up in the past years? Haven't killed anyone, haven't stolen anything, just had a whole lot of gay sex?"

"Wanted to kill someone. Does that count? Or do I actually have to have done it?"

"You actually have to have done it, but even the thoughts are bad since they can lead to sin. Who did you want to kill?" _Please,_ Gerard thinks, _let it not be someone I actually like._

"To start with, that bitch in the play with me. Ruth. Christ, I ended up hating her. Then there's the reporter who wrote the nasty two-sentence gossip blurb that got Da going about me being forced into something. And, oh yeah, the idiot who cut in front of me in queue at the butcher shop. Got the last decent piece of veal."

"Don't swear," Gerard says sternly. "Third commandment. Don't take the Lord's name in vain. And don't you think those are petty reasons to want to kill someone? Especially the last. Isn't there something less harsh than murder to do to these people?"

"Oh, sorry, forgot about that commandment. Fuck, I break that one damned near every day, Father." Jonny Lee shifts, spreading his knees apart a bit, distributing the weight of kneeling on the padded floor. "I'll give you the reporter and the guy in queue, but I think even Master would agree putting the girl out of several people's misery would be a blessing."

Jonny Lee's got that right. "You know the church frowns on euthanasia, Mr. Miller," Gerard says, grateful he's wearing a button-fly so Jonny Lee can't hear a zipper being undone. "Why not focus on the positive? She must have taken your mind off something distracting."

"The positive? Can't think of a damned good thing she did." Jonny Lee's smirking, wondering what Gerard's doing in the darkened room. "Do I get absolution, Father? What's my penance?"

Gerard slides his hand between his silk boxers and his cock and starts to stroke himself. "What sort of punis-absolution do you think I should give for your sins?" He smiles. "I think the punishment should fit the crime. What use is telling you to say eight Hail Marys a day when it's not only your mouth that sinned?"

"Well, technically, the Hail Mary's supposed to cover all the bases, but I suppose it really wouldn't teach me anything," Jonny Lee says, trying to sound thoughtful and not eager for the penance to come. "Wouldn't keep my arse out of trouble. That's for sure."

"That's true. It wouldn't." Gerard says. He pauses as if contemplating a particularly tough problem. "If it's your arse that's getting you in trouble..."

"Then it's my arse that needs punishing," Jonny Lee finishes the sentence, pauses, "uh, blessing, Father. Bless me arse, for it can't stop sinning."

Gerard can't help it. He laughs. "Naughty. Try again."

"My arse needs fucking, Father?" Jonny Lee's just on the border of laughing and not being able to stop.

Gerard coughs. Loudly. " _Really_ , Jonny, must you be so crude? I know you're a little...wild, but you can't honestly think a priest would fu-er, have sex with you." He grins. "A blowjob would be better."

"Oh, of course, Father, a blowjob." _My arse has sinned and you want penance from my mouth. Brilliant, Pire. Perfectly illogical._ "Should I do that now? Or would that be after the Hail Mary?"

Gerard rubs his thumb over the head of his cock and bites back a gasp. "N-now would be much better. Much."

Jonny Lee moves the few steps around the bench and puts himself directly in front of Gerard. "Yes, Sir," he says quietly, placing his hands on Gerard's knees and sliding his palms over the thighs. "Hail Mary, full of grace," he murmurs as he bends his head down and flicks out his tongue, swiping it over Gerard's thumb and the edge of his cock.

That should _not_ , Gerard decides, get him off as much as it does. He can't hold back a small moan, sliding his thumb across Jonny Lee's mouth and then pulling away to let Jonny Lee do his penance on his own.

He's not Catholic, but he's done Catholic boys and he'd learned the Hail Mary so he continues muttering it around Gerard's cock as he licks and sucks and does a unique penance for sins committed.

Gerard's not sure if this is what it's like to be worshipped. If it is, he wants more of it. Now. He slips his hand beneath Jonny Lee's chin and forces his face up. "Are you sorry for what you did," he asks.

Jonny Lee stops his muttering, his sucking, looks up at Gerard, finally catching glimpse of his eyes in the darkness. "Yes, Father," he says, staying in character, "I am most heartily sorry for these my offenses. I ask God's understanding for worshipping the man I love, for giving myself to him unashamedly."

Those words alone coming from that mouth are enough to make Gerard come. "Beautiful boy," he whispers. "Say an act of contrition."

The smile's wicked, that of Lucifer before he tumbled from heaven and transmuted into Satan. "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins," he says, licking along one side of Gerard's cock, "because of Your just punishments, but most of all because they offend You, my God," and down the other, cleaning his lover, "who are all-good and deserving of all my love," lavishing gentle attention over the head, "I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin."

He finishes, having licked the cum clean, and kneels back, a contrite and penitent sinner.

"Christ," Gerard says, low and heated. "I love you. Love you. So perfect." It's not completely how his fantasy had gone, but that last was more than Gerard had ever hoped for. "C'mon, let's go and sin some more."  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42200.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	183. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Friday, June 25

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/06/25/) 08:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26731&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26731) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26731) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=26731&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Friday, June 25**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]

Morning, Master. *sleepily rolls over* Your boy is thoroughly fucked and decidedly happy he has nowhere he has to be today. Running, then fix breakfast. Then we talk about the week ahead.

Play was wonderful, final performance great. Gonna miss Tom. Or rather his insanity. But imagine there won't be much time to be missing it. Brain's gonna be focused on Master.

Mum left voicemail on the mobile last night.

Your boy is _never_ going to get used to his parents being perverts like their son. *g* And let's not even mention that this boy's never going to be able to watch another Bond film with a straight face again. If he were younger and impressionable, he'd need therapy. Lots of it.

Anyhow, she says "tell my kinky son-in-law hello" and there were some other comments about things we might want to try (you can listen to them yourself as this boy was blushing just playing back the message]. Do you know how weird it is to hear the words plug and dildo out of your mother's mouth? In the same sentence? And actually think she has a good idea?

Oh yeah, Pire ... she's sending you a package from Amsterdam.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26731.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-25 06:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26731.html?thread=47467&format=light#t47467))   
---|---  
Oh, god, I just listened to it.  
  
I am never ever going to get over the fact that your parents are perverts. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/26731.html?replyto=47467&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	184. gerard: Will cutting off my ears work?

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/25/) 11:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39828&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39828) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39828) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=39828&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Will cutting off my ears work?** _  
[public by default]

Belay that, Teak. I am never ever _ever_ going to get over the fact that your parents are perverts. Or that your mother has some really good ideas, one of which had never occured to me.

Never. Ever. Ever.

*rewinds tape, listens to message for a fifth time*  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-25 08:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?thread=70036&format=light#t70036))   
---|---  
Stop listening.  
  
*goes to erase message* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?replyto=70036&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?thread=70036&format=light#t70036))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-25 08:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?thread=70292&format=light#t70292))   
---|---  
Yes, boy.  
  
*grins*  
  
  
  
I want you sitting in the kitchen, reading the paper, eating a biscuit. I want to come up behind you, turn you around, and pull your head exactly where I want it. _Now._

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?replyto=70292&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/39828.html?thread=70036&format=light#t70036))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	185. gerard: About control

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/25/) 19:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40004&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40004) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40004) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40004&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**About control** _  
[private, visible to Jonny Lee]

Here we go. Honesty in all its many splendored forms. God, I sound so stalkery and horrible. I feel like this is more a distorted mirror of my desires, showing only the ugly ones, the ones I only bring out when it's night and you're cuddled up next to me, using my chest as your pillow. I don't like myself very much when I read over this list.

What I want:

  * Control. I want complete control over you at all times. I don't want you doing anything or seeing anyone that I did not approve of in advance.
  
  

  * Ownership. I want you to know at all times that you are owned, that you belong to one Gerard James Butler and he is never letting you go. Everything you do is because I tell you and that's something I want you very conscious of, to remind you of who owns you.
  
  

  * Submission. I want your complete submission to me when we're in role and I don't want you to submit to anyone else. At all.
  
  

  * Obedience. I want you to do what I say when I say it when we're in role. When we're not, I want you to anyway, but not in the same sort of snapping to attention way when we're in. I want some healthy backtalk, I want my cute and snarky Jonny Lee, but I also want him to jump when I tell him to.
  
  

  * Service. I want you to be ready to serve me sexually at any time of my choosing, no matter where we are or what we're doing, and without complaint. I want you prepped at all times with a condom in the back pocket of your jeans. I want to call you from a shower in the gym and have you get me off over the phone without touching yourself, and for me to know with absolute confidence that you did not touch yourself, even though I would never know. And, a very recent fantasy of mine, I want you on my lap, with us both with headsets on for the house line, while you do phone sex with a person of our choosing, maybe Mark or Harry.
  
  

  * You. I want you, every way and all ways. I don't want you to hold back on anything.



What I'm scared of:

  * Control. I'm scared of my own jealousy here. To not let you do anything other than what I say you can do is a little, I don't know, abusive and I sound like a controlling bastard. A little too much like what the tabloids were saying.
  
  

  * Ownership. Like with control, I'm scared my reactions are too over the top. I don't want your entire world to revolve around me. I want you to have friends, hobbies, habits.  
  

  * Obedience. But how far is too far? Why do I not want to hear the word 'no' unless we're doing an edge scene? How horrible is it to want a servant as well as a submissive?  
  
But be honest, Gerry. The worst I will probably ever ask is to do the dishes or clean the bathroom. Everything else...probably not. But I can't guarantee that and it scares the shit out of me.
  
  

  * You. This scares me most of all. I feel like I'm crushing you, being too overbearing. Too possessive, too jealous. I don't like that I feel this way. I don't like that I want to stand outside the door of the house with a shotgun to make sure no one comes near you. I should have evolved out of this caveman shite millennia ago.



But there you have it, Teak. I'm sorry.

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-26 03:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70468&format=light#t70468))   
---|---  
Read and read again, and then went back read it once more, Pire, just to make sure your boy knew what questions he had.  
  
Control ... Honestly, this boy wouldn't ask you to take it if he wasn't willing to give it up. He knows Master won't be abusive. It's not in Master's nature to hurt his boy with malice. And that's all that constitutes abuse, hurting someone intentionally with no remorse. It's not in you, Pire.  
  
Ownership ... Your boy's world _already_ revolves around you. You're his lover. You're the center of his universe. Even now, with the friends he has and the hobbies, you come first. As lover _and_ Master. He wants to be conscious of who owns him. Every. Minute. Of the day.  
  
Obedience ... _How horrible is it to want a servant as well as a submissive?_ It's not horrible at all, Master. As your boy has said before, he'd be very happy to stay at home, wait on Master and never act again if that's what life brought him.  
  
Submission ... This is the one that has your boy puzzling. Master doesn't want his boy to play with anyone else, ever? Or just not to submit? Or only play with others when Master is present?  
  
Your boy wants to give himself to Master. Completely. He doesn't feel crushed, and he rather likes the way Master is feeling possessive. And mostly, Master has nothing to be sorry for. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=70468&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70468&format=light#t70468))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-26 03:49 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70724&format=light#t70724))   
---|---  
_Control ... Honestly, this boy wouldn't ask you to take it if he wasn't willing to give it up. He knows Master won't be abusive. It's not in Master's nature to hurt his boy with malice. And that's all that constitutes abuse, hurting someone intentionally with no remorse. It's not in you, Pire._  
  
Yeah. I know. But I just get so scared sometimes. I don't want to hurt you, even by accident.  
  
  
  
 _As your boy has said before, he'd be very happy to stay at home, wait on Master and never act again if that's what life brought him._  
  
I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to give up acting just for me.  
  
  
  
 _Submission ... This is the one that has your boy puzzling. Master doesn't want his boy to play with anyone else, ever? Or just not to submit? Or only play with others when Master is present?_  
  
I don't want you to submit to anyone else. Ever. Playing is another story. I'd want to know about that at least 24 hours in advance and I'd want to have a talk with the person beforehand if I don't know him. And most of the time I think I'd want to be present. I don't trust anyone with you, Teak. I don't trust _anyone_ not to hurt you. ~~I don't even trust myself.~~  
  
  
  
 _Your boy wants to give himself to Master. Completely. He doesn't feel crushed, and he rather likes the way Master is feeling possessive. And mostly, Master has nothing to be sorry for._  
  
Thank you, Teak. You don't know how much those words mean to me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=70724&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70468&format=light#t70468))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70724&format=light#t70724))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-26 04:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70980&format=light#t70980))   
---|---  
_I don't want you to submit to anyone else. Ever. Playing is another story._  
  
Okay, you're going to have to explain the difference here, Master. What is _not_ submitting? Is it the words? Or that headspace? Or just that your boy doesn't zone? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=70980&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70724&format=light#t70724))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70980&format=light#t70980))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-26 11:15 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71236&format=light#t71236))   
---|---  
Submitting is letting someone else have any control over you. Any. Words, actions, headspace. If anything he does even makes you _think_ of wanting to obey him, to submit to him, then that's submission. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=71236&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=70980&format=light#t70980))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71236&format=light#t71236))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-26 11:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71492&format=light#t71492))   
---|---  
So as long as I'm not _wanting_ to submit, it's okay. I could play with Jude and call him _Sir_ and since I don't have any real desire to be under his control, it wouldn't be submission. Right? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=71492&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71236&format=light#t71236))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71492&format=light#t71492))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-26 11:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71748&format=light#t71748))   
---|---  
But, and this wouldn't happen with Jude, I know, but if _he_ is wanting to dominate, he might take your Sir as a sign that you want to submit. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=71748&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71492&format=light#t71492))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71748&format=light#t71748))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-26 11:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72004&format=light#t72004))   
---|---  
So, essentially, it's safer for your boy to play only when Master's around. *g* It sounds like he could get his playmates into a bit of trouble otherwise. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=72004&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=71748&format=light#t71748))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72004&format=light#t72004))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-26 11:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72260&format=light#t72260))   
---|---  
~~Uh, yeah.~~  
  
  
That might be a good idea. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=72260&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72004&format=light#t72004))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72260&format=light#t72260))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-26 11:45 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72516&format=light#t72516))   
---|---  
Your boy has no problems with that, Master. He will only play with other under very specific conditions and only with Master's approval. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=72516&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72260&format=light#t72260))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72516&format=light#t72516))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-26 11:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72772&format=light#t72772))   
---|---  
shit, I didn't mean we should actually give _in_ to my neurotic worries.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=72772&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72516&format=light#t72516))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72772&format=light#t72772))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-27 12:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=73028&format=light#t73028))   
---|---  
It's not giving in, Master. It's compromise. You have a valid point. This boy has shown that he has trouble _not_ going under with others. Until he can put more control on that, he should be locked down as far as playing with others.  
  
It's not neurotic, Pire. It's human. You don't like others having any control over me. Pretty damned simple, actually. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=73028&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=72772&format=light#t72772))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=73028&format=light#t73028))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-27 05:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=73284&format=light#t73284))   
---|---  
I didn't mean to make it sound like you have no control, that you'd go under for anyone. It's just...I worry too much. I don't want anyone to hurt you, and I know that when you submit, you're a thousand times more vulnerable than when you don't. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?replyto=73284&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html?thread=73028&format=light#t73028))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	186. gerard: Ger and JL talk about control

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/25/) 21:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40793&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40793) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40793) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=40793&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ger and JL talk about control** _  
[players only. Following [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40004.html), Ger and JL have a little talk. Which, of course, leads to sex.]

Friday had been for rest, Gerard pampering Jonny Lee much more than the boy wanted, coddling him and letting him sleep nearly the whole day. And Saturday had started like usual, Jonny Lee up when Master woke, fixing breakfast and running, then messing around the house. Then had come the journal post, Gerard's explanation to Jonny Lee about control and what he wanted out of what had been proposed. It'd gone back and forth, Jonny Lee downstairs in the kitchen, randomly working on dinner and chatting, while Gerard was upstairs in the study off the bedroom.

"You wanna talk about this in person, Master?" Jonny Lee types in. "Your boy's cooking dinner."

Gerard sees Jonny Lee's response pop up. Instead of replying through it, which he thinks would make him a little weird, he closes the top of the laptop and heads downstairs.

He can smell dinner cooking and his stomach rumbles in response. Grinning, he pokes his head into the kitchen. "Wanna talk?"

_Not really. Just want it to happen._ Jonny Lee doesn't say that, though. He looks up from the sauce he's stirring. "Yes, sir. Think we should. If we're going to try to do this." He turns the heat down, places the spoon on the trivet. "Sauce can simmer a bit. Wanna sit down?"

"Sure." Gerard says. He looks over at the pots. "What are you making?" Start with trivialities, one of his friends told him, get that going and they'll tell you anything. Gerard smiled at the memory. That friend had ended up going into law enforcement. "Smells good."

"Uh, it's a melange stew. Beef, vegetables, a bit of burgundy for flavor." He stops. "The alcohol burns off, Pire, just the flavor's left. Not gonna get you drunk off dinner." Jonny Lee leans against the counter edge, overly comfortable in ripped jeans and a too-big shirt, one of Gerard's he'd snagged from the laundry basket.

"Didn't think I would. I trust you." He sits down at the kitchen table and plays around with a stray napkin. "So, uh, you want me to control you?" It's not the best way he's ever started a conversation, but, fuck it, it's far from the worst way.

"Yes, Sir." He pauses, draws in a breath, thinks before continuing. "Your boy wants his Master to take control over his life." It's exactly what Jonny Lee wants, boiled down to the essential level.

"Don't I already?" It's a valid question. Gerard can think of at least ten ways he controls Jonny Lee in their everyday life. "How much control do you think you want, or need, to give up?"

"Like he said in his journal, everything." Jonny Lee puts his hands on the counter, starts a gentle rocking motion against it. "He's still a bit disturbed by what happened with Mr. Bean, that he could forget so easily, get so caught up. He thinks if Master exerts complete control over his life, then he won't slip up like that." He sighs out a breath. "And he's said it before. He'd give up _everything_ to serve you."

Gerard puts a hand up. "Wait. No. If I do anything, I don't want it to be because of Sean Bean and what you did with him. I don't want to do it because you feel guilty that you basically cheated on me. If I do it," and it's a big if, "I'd do it because you want it for yourself, not because you think you fucked up."

_Oh, fuck, shouldn't've said it._ "No," he says, a good bit more defiantly than he should. "It's not about Mr. Bean. That's just a thought, a symptom. This is about what your boy wants, Master," he says, slowly, consciously taking himself out of formal speech. "It's about what I want, Pire, because I _do_ belong to you and I want to feel that way every fuckin' minute of the day."

"Oh." Gerard says, feeling a little stupid. Christ, overreacting a little? _Don't make everything about yours and his mistakes._ "Alright, then. How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Since the beginning, when you came back, or at least a little then. Most seriously since coming back from LA." He knows how things changed him there, and he's not about to invoke Sean's name again. "The things your boy explored there made him want you more and want more of what you could give him. And the next logical step from where we are seems to be moving closer to true master/slave, and he wants to try it with you."

He's not sure he's entirely comfortable with that, but, dammit, if Jonny Lee wants it, then he's going to do his best to give it to him. "What parts of the relationship appeal to you?" He's not going to ask if Jonny Lee's sure about it. His boy wouldn't have brought it up if he wasn't.

The question takes him a bit by surprise. He thought he'd have to keep defending that he wanted it, not talk about the parts of it. But it's a step forward, movement. "Having you be the center of the universe," Jonny Lee says after a moment, "that every thought and movement is for you. And the service, doing things for you."

Well, that's not too bad. Could be worse. "And how would that manifest itself? What sort of service do you want to be ordered, or to volunteer, to do?"

Jonny Lee moves off the counter edge, changes to lean over the kitchen's island bar. "Don't know that he'd volunteer anything, Sir. The point would be he does what he's told to do, without question." He absently picks up a rag, starts wiping down the tile. "Blowjob to wake Master up. Fixing his meals. Dressing him. Bending over the nearest flat surface when he's told." He rattles off a few notions. "Basically, he guesses service would be whatever Master wants from him."

"And how's that different from what I have you do now?"

"You'd make it different. You'd drop me into headspace and I wouldn't come out," he says quickly, almost stopping, knowing the words might set Gerard off the wrong way. "It just _is_ different, Pire, if we're doing it seriously, total control." He stops the rag's motion. "What I'm asking is to not make a move or speak a word without your permission, to not have a thought of my own unless you've said it's okay, to be possessed so intensely that I can't focus beyond you."

Jonny Lee crosses his arms on the tile, lays his chin down on his wrists. "I don't know, Pire. I don't understand how it works. I just wanna try it. I fuckin' love you, more than anyone, and I just want you to let go and take what you want."

Christ. Does Jonny Lee know how good that sounds? Does he have any idea how tempted Gerard is to just take him at his word and _control_ him? "I want that," he says quietly. "I want to have that much control over you. I'm not so sure it's a good thing, that I want it, but I do."

"How will we know if it's a good thing unless we try?" It's a simple question, but it's what everything boils down. They can talk for hours, but unless they test the theories, they're just that, fantasies and wishes and fears that may have no substance. "Set the ground rules, Pire, and let's see how what you want works with what I want."

"Sensible." Gerard takes a deep breath and thinks for a long moment. "Alright," he says finally. "First things first, I don't want your limits. I don't want your safeword. I don't give a fuck what other people do. You're keeping a way out and you're keeping things you don't want to do. That's not negotiable." Gerard waits a moment to see if Jonny Lee's going to argue, and then goes on. "Second, if I say or do anything you're too uncomfortable with, I want you to tell me. Not later, not that night, not the next week. Right then. Right when I tell you. If it bothers you, I want to know."

"Yes, Master, your boy will tell you immediately if he's not comfortable with something." It does make sense, keeping his limits and safeword, at least during the trial period. He might give them up some day. Or maybe never. "What else do you want? Or not want?"

"I want you to feel comfortable. I want this to feel right. And if it stops feeling right, tell me and we stop." With a jolt, Gerard realizes he's been talking about it as if it was a certainty that they were going to go through with this. And that is how he's been treating it. Not if he has Jonny Lee submit that much, _when_ he does. And he's comfortable with that assumption. He hadn't thought that would happen. "I don't want you to zone. I'm thinking you can do this without zoning, but if you can't, I need to know."

"Your boy can try, Master." It's an honest answer. "Zoning comes more from intensity than just everyday things. Can't guarantee that it wouldn't start in a particularly rough scene, but can promise to tell you if he thinks he's zoning. Much better at recognizing it these days."

"That's all I can ask." Gerard pauses. "Before I go on, is there any sort of conditions or controls you want to put on this?"

"No, Sir." Jonny Lee thinks for a minute. "Should there be? Your boy can't think of a single condition he'd put on Master."

"Nothing? Nothing you don't want me to do, or take advantage of during a time when you'd have to do everything and anything I ordered you to do?"

"You said we were keeping my limits, Sir. That's the only thing this boy can think of that might cause a problem. Did Master have something specific in mind that he thinks his boy wouldn't want to do?"

"Not really." Gerard shrugs. "But it's never a bad idea to get things out in the open. Less chance of confusion later, that way."

"Agreed." Jonny Lee turns back to the stove, checks on the sauce, stirs it a couple times. "When did you want to start, Pire?" he asks over his shoulder. "And for just a week? Or should we give it more time? We don't have anything to do in July."

"I have to bulk up in July," Gerard corrects. "Other than that, nothing. I'd rather not do it for more than a week," the first time, "especially since it'd be the first time we try something like this. Next week? Think we can get all the details smoothed through by then?"

"A week. Your boy thinks that'll work." For now. "And we can get things smoothed out, start July 1 maybe?" He turns the burner off under the simmering pot. "Dinner's ready, if you're hungry, Pire, then after we can," he turns around, cocks his head and smiles widely, "maybe could play a bit."

"July first, then." Gerard smiles and stands up. "C'mere, you." He grabs Jonny Lee and brings him forward for a long kiss. "I love you, Teak."

"Love you, Pire," he says as the kiss breaks, grabbing the oxygen quickly into his lungs. "More than anyone."

"More than your mother," Gerard teases, reaching behind Jonny Lee to make sure the burner's all the way off.

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee draws out. "Not a shred of Oedipal complex in this brain." He wraps his arms around Gerard's waist. "Why does this boy suspect dinner's on hold?"

"Because it is." Gerard smirks and then bends Jonny Lee backwards. "Don't want to get your shirt - or is that one of my shirts? - on fire." He puts his knee between Jonny Lee's legs and spreads them apart. "I hope my boy isn't terribly hungry."

"Your shirt," he admits, "scammed from the laundry, and no, don't want it on fire." Jonny Lee's knees part, then his legs, almost shoulder-width. "No, Master, your boy can wait for food. What did Master have in mind he wants?"

"Master's not sure yet. Maybe he'll suck off his boy. Maybe I'll turn him over and shag my boy while he's careful not to burn himself on the pot." Gerard licks his lips. "Does my boy have any preferences?"

"Your boy wants Master to please himself." He shouldn't _want_ to risk burning himself, but the idea of having to be so careful is rather intoxicating. "How best would Master find his pleasure? With his boy's arse or his cock?"

"Or just with tormenting him." Gerard slips his hand around to grope Jonny Lee. "Torture can be so much fun. Remind me to do that sometime. Just tie you up and play with clips and clamps and steel-tipped boots." Smirks. Squeezes hard. "Gonna hurt my boy and make him scream."

"Oh, Christ, yes, Master," Jonny Lee spits out, his body jerking at the sudden squeeze. He damned near swipes his hand into the hot saucepot. "Torture can be a _good_ thing, Master. Your boy would like to scream for you." The visuals of clips and clamps have him hard in an instant. The slipping in of steel-tipped boots just melts down his brain. "Fuck, Master. Whatever you want to do."

"Uh-huh. Whatever I want to do." He squeezes a little harder and then strokes lovingly. "And we still need to talk. Need to decide just how dominant and controlling you want me to be. Not that I expect you to be able to think right now." Gerard grins down at Jonny Lee. "If you can think, I'd be very disappointed."

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Think." That's the last thing Jonny Lee's capable of doing. He plants his hands on the counter's edge, away from the stove, out of direct heat. It's like mini-zone he's tapping into, focusing only on Gerard's fingers on his cock, how his Master's voice washes over his brain. "Talk. Later. Yes, sir." The words are random shards of sentences existing in his brain but not venturing anywhere near his tongue.

"Yes, later." Gerard keeps his strokes slow and even. "Later I'll tell you just how much I want to plan your day out for you, with strict restrictions on what you can do, when you can do it, and with who. Later I'll tell you about my fantasies of calling you in the middle of the afternoon and give you orders in exacting detail, having you repeat them back to me. Tell you about how hard it makes me to know exactly where you'll be at any given time of the day, exactly what you'll be doing, and it's all because I told you to do it."

Jonny Lee hears the words, lets them rattle into his brain. "Strict. Like that. Fantasies." He whimpers when Gerard's fingers brush back over his balls before moving up again, down the length of his cock. "Exactly what you tell me, Master."

Gerard rests his fingers along the zipper and rubs lightly. "Did I ever tell you how much it gets me off to hear you call me Master? Yes, Master, this. Yes, Master, that. I think I could come just from hearing you say it. That and Mr. Butler. Formality kink."

"No, Master, you never told your boy that." He closes his eyes. "Perhaps this boy should take to calling you Mr. Butler in public more often."

"Oh, yeah, master would like that. You'll get to watch me walk around with an erection, which would make me, of course, want to get _rid_ of the erection, so I don't have to walk around with it all day." Gerard speeds his hand up more, moving his fingers around to grip the base of Jonny Lee's cock. "Has my boy lost the capacity for thinking yet?"

"Uh-huh. Yes, Mr. Butler, not thinking." And he has lost all rational thought, nearly zoning but not quite. Just incoherent at his Master's touch, wanting it so badly, wanting more.

"Ooh. I like that. Call me that again." Gerard unzips Jonny Lee's fly smoothly. "Naughty boy, not wearing any underwear. So bare for his master. Such a little slut."

"Yes, Mr. Butler, Sir." His responses are automatic, in direct response to questions asked, his mind focusing on hearing and responding. "Your boy's a slut, Master, but only for you."

"It better be only for me." Gerard takes Jonny Lee's cock in hand, but keeps his hand still. "And if my slut wants to come, he better be prepared to beg for it first. Does my slut want to come?"

Double-edged sword. Want to come or not. "Oh, god, please, yes, Master, your slut doesn't deserve to come, but he wants it," Jonny Lee slurs out. "He wants it if Mr. Butler allows. He wants to come for Master, then lick it off Master's fingers."

Gerard's thumb moves around to stroke the head. "Is it Mr. Miller's prerogative to say if he deserves it or not?"

"No, Mr. Butler, it isn't. It's yours." Jonny Lee moans, not holding back the whimper building in his throat.

Gerard wasn't lying when he said how much he loved hearing Jonny Lee call him that. Not sure if he likes it better than Master, but it's definitely not worth the coin toss. "That's right," he murmurs. "It isn't. Master gets to say what happens. My boy needs to learn that if he's going to be master's slave for a week."

"Master says," Jonny Lee repeats. "Please let your slave beg for permission to come, Master. Let me show you what a good boy he can be."

"That's a good boy. Beg for master. Beg to come."

"Please, Master, please let your boy come for you. At your word. At your touch. Only when you say." Jonny Lee's just on the edge. Could come without thinking. But he won't. Not until Master says he can. He'll stay hard all night if that's what Master wants. It's all about pleasing Mr. Butler. _Please_."

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock, enjoying the feel of the hardness against his palm. "My boy's been a very good boy," he muses. "He's talked straight to master all evening, he's been honest, and he's begged very prettily. I think my boy deserves it."

"If his Master thinks he deserves it, then this boy would welcome the privilege, Mr. Butler." Jonny Lee's not taking anything for granted. He wants to hear the words, the command. "Your boy has been most honest with you, Master. He only wants to please you."

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. "Then come for me," he whispers.

That's the word. Or all three of them. Jonny Lee comes, coating Gerard's hand with cum, white jets spurting out. It hurts, having held so tightly, but it's a welcomed pain. "Thank you, Master," he whimpers as he's spilling the last. "Your boy is grateful for the privilege."

Gerard loosens his hold on Jonny Lee's cock as he comes, not wanting to give him too much pain. Once he's done, though, he gives it a short squeeze and then brings his hand up to Jonny Lee's mouth. "You're welcome, boy."

Jonny Lee licks Gerard's hand clean, carefully swiping his tongue over each finger until there's nothing left of the white stickiness, not saying a word. He's really beyond coherent thought at the moment anyhow.

"Good boy." Gerard leans forward and kisses Jonny Lee's forehead. "Now sit. I'll serve dinner."

"Dinner," Jonny Lee echoes. "Sit. Yes, Mr. Butler." He tugs his jeans up enough so they don't fall off and he sits down at the kitchen table. He's not arguing, even thought he _should_ be the one serving the meal. "Salad's in the refrigerator, Sir."

Gerard opens the fridge and busies himself for a few moments. "So, I've been thinking. A week sounds fine. Is there anything special you'd like me to do to you when I have you all at my mercy?"

"Hmm, don't know. Pushing limits. But that's probably a given." He stammers a bit over the next words. "We could try the puppy play, Master."

Gerard almost drops the juice. "Say that again?" His voice is deliberately blank. No passing judgment. No trying to influence Jonny Lee. _His choice._

"We could try using a leash, Master, and doing some of the puppy play you want." Jonny Lee says the words very slowly, very carefully. It's not a choice he's making lightly. He really wants to give Gerard everything, down to the limits.

Christ. Talk about offering him the world. "I-I'm honored, Teak." Gerard turns around and looks Jonny Lee full in the face. "But are you sure? Are you sure you want it?"

Jonny Lee slowly nods. "I'm not sure I _want_ to do it, but I _am_ sure I want to _try_. For you."

Gerard rolls that around in his head for a moment. "You're not sure you want it," he repeats slowly, "but you want to try it. Try it to see if you want it?"

"Yeah. That. And try to see if I can do it." Jonny Lee's not sure he's making even the least bit of sense. "Without zoning, of course."

"Goes without saying." Gerard puts the salad down on the table and sits down next to Jonny Lee. "How long have you been thinking about this? A minute, an hour, a day?" Because if it's less than a day, Gerard doesn't want to hear it. If it's less than a day, this is just a whim.

"Off and on, a few weeks. Seriously, about a week, ever since I first asked you about this." He starts to pick at the salad. "You okay with that, Pire?"

"Yeah. I'm okay with that." Ecstatic. Overjoyed. Impatient to try it out. "What are your reasons for wanting it? Simply because I do? Because the thought of it excites or intrigues you?"

"Because it frightens me, because it's something firmly wouldn't do six months ago and," Jonny Lee blushes even though he'd like not to, "I know it's something you want to do. All of the above, Master."

"So because it's new territory? Something you're scared of?" Just as long as he's not doing it just to please Gerard, he thinks his conscience will let him get away with it. "Anything else?"

"Not going to ask about the other limit, Master. I think we agreed on that one a while back." He's started eating, slow bites. "I think everything else would just be more of what we do. More intensity. More in public," he says, quickly adding, "at the club, of course, Sir. Not suggesting Master fuck his boy in front of the palace."

Other limit. Cages. _No way in fuck are we doing that._ But in public in the club sounds delicious. "Intensity, check. Public, check. How would you feel about me getting together a select group of people and passing you around? I'd be next to you the entire time, holding your hand."

Jonny Lee laughs, a little at first and then louder. "Your boy should tell his Master about a fantasy he and Jude concocted on a drunken pub crawl a few weeks back." He licks his lips, just thinking about the harem boys servicing a room full of their Masters' friends. "Your boy would be interested in trying that, being used by others, as long as Master's there."

"That's good. But just what did you and the good Mr. Law think up? Master's interested." Very interested. The look on Jonny Lee's face is precious. Lustful and predatory and mischievous. It's gotta be good.

"Just about harem boys serving at their masters' pleasure, offering their mouths to every cock in the room," Jonny Lee says casually, "then touching each other and servicing their masters and," he spears a lettuce leaf, stuff it into his mouth, "just random smut, Pire."

" _Really._ " Gerard smiles. "You don't think I'm going to let you get away with a description that short, do you? Details, Teak. Details."

"Could your boy beg off till _after_ dinner?" Jonny Lee asks. He really is getting hungry. "He promises he'll give you all the details," he smiles, "in bed, while he sucks you off."

"My boy must have a talented mouth, if he can blow me and talk at the same time," Gerard says, "but he's got a good point. Much more comfortable place to have you do things to me with your voice."

"Thank you, Master. Your boy _does_ have a talented mouth. He's been told so by several people," he says, not resisting the smirk that slides into his voice. "Finish dinner, then, and this boy will tell Master a bedtime story."

"Does it start Once upon a time, there was a naughty boy named Jonny?" Gerard smirks and eats more of his salad. "Look forward to it."  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/40793.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	187. gerard: The dear blonde bride

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/29/) 22:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41061&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41061) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41061) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41061&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |   
---|---  
  
_**The dear blonde bride**_  
  
  
Hey, Jonny Lee, you seen the papers recently? There's something up with Jeri, not sure what. Something American and terribly political. I didn't really read the article, but I saw her name. Did she have sex in public or something?  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 06:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73573&format=light#t73573))   
---|---  
Oh, yes, Master. Saw that one. The b-witch is all prim and proper now, saying she never wanted to do the things hubby supposedly wanted her to do. Your boy could testify to some of the things she did in New Orleans. Right proper slut. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=73573&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73573&format=light#t73573))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 06:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73829&format=light#t73829))   
---|---  
You can call her a bitch, you know. *amused* I won't mind. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=73829&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73573&format=light#t73573))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73829&format=light#t73829))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 06:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74085&format=light#t74085))   
---|---  
Fuck, mate, this boy knows that. Just more fun using the schoolgirl jargon. You didn't get that much of it, with her and Jennifer. They calmed down after you put the moves on the _eligible_ boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=74085&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=73829&format=light#t73829))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74085&format=light#t74085))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 06:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74341&format=light#t74341))   
---|---  
And what an eligible boy you were. *snark*  
  
  
Consider yourself virtually groped. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=74341&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74085&format=light#t74085))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74341&format=light#t74341))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 06:37 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74597&format=light#t74597))   
---|---  
If your boy comes and finds you, can he get reality groped?  
  
Maybe while we're watching a movie? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=74597&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74341&format=light#t74341))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74597&format=light#t74597))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 06:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74853&format=light#t74853))   
---|---  
If he begs enough.  
  
  
What movie is my boy thinking of? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=74853&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74597&format=light#t74597))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74853&format=light#t74853))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 06:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75109&format=light#t75109))   
---|---  
OOoh, nice icon, Master.  
  
Want your favorite? Or mine? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=75109&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=74853&format=light#t74853))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75109&format=light#t75109))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 06:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75365&format=light#t75365))   
---|---  
Thank you, boy. Made it myself.  
  
  
  
 _Want your favorite? Or mine?_  
  
Remind me of your favourite again. And while you're doing that, I think I'll start getting naked. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=75365&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75109&format=light#t75109))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75365&format=light#t75365))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 06:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75621&format=light#t75621))   
---|---  
Damned partial to _Drac_ , of course, but jerked off a good bit to _Reign of Fire_. But, then, we could put in _Velvet Goldmine_ and check out Ewan's assets. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=75621&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75365&format=light#t75365))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75621&format=light#t75621))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 07:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75877&format=light#t75877))   
---|---  
Oh, Master is liking his boy's icon very much.  
  
  
How about we flip a coin for it? Or I could just flip _you_ and then watch Trainspotting.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=75877&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75621&format=light#t75621))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75877&format=light#t75877))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-06-30 07:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=76133&format=light#t76133))   
---|---  
Your boy's all over that last option, Master. He'll grab the DVD and be upstairs in 45 seconds. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=76133&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=75877&format=light#t75877))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=76133&format=light#t76133))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-06-30 07:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=76389&format=light#t76389))   
---|---  
Good boy.  
  
  
Get naked while you're at it and put on a harness. Leather. Black. ~~Want to get one of your nipples pierced?~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?replyto=76389&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41061.html?thread=76133&format=light#t76133))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	188. gerard: [Gift for est_marton]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/30/) 10:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41256&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41256) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41256) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41256&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[Gift for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[ **est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/) ]**  
[deliverered by high-priority mail in a box marked _Fragile_ ]

Marton,

Football is life, you daft bugger. Happy birthday.

Gerry.

All stuffed inside

  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41256.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	189. gerard: What dreams may come

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/06/30/) 23:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41694&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41694) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41694) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41694&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  nauseated  
---|---  
  
_**What dreams may come**_  
[private]  
  
  
I had a nightmare last night. 18 hours since I woke up from it and I still can't - still can't shake it. Can't get it out of my head.  
  
The earliest I can remember in it is that I'm drinking. Heavily. I'm not sure where I am, but someone's talking to me and I'm crying, and I feel like my heart just got ripped out of my body and trampled on the floor. Sort of dream where you watch yourself, you don't live it. There are stains on the floor, black and red and brown on hardwood, other darker things I don't want to see. You know how words just hang around you, the last thing you said still echoing in the air? Like saying I love you and then saying nothing, while he looks at you and smiles and you can still hear it, still see the word reverbete and vibrate between you. There are harsh words on the air, hard and cruel and though I try, I can't hear them. And they're so loud, it's a cacophany of noise, and I look from one screaming indistinguishable face to another, one two, one one two, two two three, four and five, and it all spins so fast and so colorfully horrible and I retch. Right into...  
  
  
And then I woke up. I don't think I screamed. It would have woken him up.  
  
  
I wish I knew what it means. But dreams don't mean anything. They're the by-product of your day. Maybe I saw a horror movie preview. Maybe.  
  
  
I wish I could forget it.  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41694.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	190. gerard: Getting Ready for Control Week

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/01/) 00:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41944&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41944) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41944) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=41944&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Getting Ready for Control Week** _  
[ficlet. takes place the night of June 30th/July 1st.]

Jonny Lee's tucked in bed upstairs, probably not asleep yet, and Gerard's puttering around downstairs, putting the finishing touches on a few extra details for tomorrow. There are little notes in drawers with orders scrawled on them. _Find me and blow me,_ says one. Another says to _get naked and wank until you need to beg, and then stop._ He's put six in the kitchen and two more between PlayStation games. Jonny Lee should find them all during the course of the week.

That finished, Gerard takes the long note upstairs with him and tapes it to the bathroom mirror. Jonny Lee should see it first thing in the morning.

> _Good morning, boy._
> 
> If it isn't morning yet, get back to bed. You don't have permission to be awake.
> 
> Now, assuming it's morning, welcome to ~~hell~~ control week. And the best thing about it is that I don't have to be awake to order you around. This is going to be fun.
> 
> Right now you are to get my shower ready. Not too hot, but I don't want it cold. Once that's finished, climb onto the bed and wake me up with a blowjob. Nice and long and wet. If I'm impressed enough, I might just come in your mouth. So impress me.
> 
> After I'm out of bed and into the shower, you're to go downstairs and get breakfast ready. You are not to get dressed. For breakfast I want two pieces of French toast, a strip of bacon, Columbian coffee, and the newspaper in separate sections folded neatly and stacked one on top of the other in the order I'll read it. You will set this up on the kitchen table and then come back upstairs to serve as my towel boy.
> 
> During breakfast you will kneel next to the table. Later in the week I may have you serve as a footstool. I haven't decided yet.
> 
> I'll have more orders for you after breakfast. Now go wake up Master.

Whistling a showtune, Gerard pulls down the covers, climbs into bed, and curls up around his boy.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41944.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	191. jonnyleemiller: Waking up

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/01/) 08:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27631&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27631) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27631) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27631&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  giddy  
---|---  
  
_**Waking up**_  
 **[vignette occurring thursday, july 1. follows[this post](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/41944.html)]**  
  
Jonny Lee's internal clock wakes him up early. 6 a.m. He rolls out of bed quietly so as to not to wake Gerard. Morning for Pire when he's not filming is 8 a.m. at best. So Jonny Lee pads across the ecru carpet to the bathroom to take his morning piss and see about starting the day. The piss is slow and long, drawn out as he calculates what he should do. _Run. Back to bed. No, wait. morning rules. No running till he wakes up._ He turns, sleepily staring at the mirror, reflection obstructed by paper. Jonny Lee blinks a few times, clearing his vision and head and reads. __

> Good morning, boy.
> 
> If it isn't morning yet, get back to bed. You don't have permission to be awake.

He grins.

"Oh, yeah, July 1. I'm his all week. Serious control." He keeps reading, smile giddier as he gets down to __

> I'll have more orders for you after breakfast. Now go wake up Master.

"Yes, Master. Of course, Master."

He quietly returns to the bedroom, crawls back into bed and stretches out against Gerard, nuzzling in as much as he can without rousing him. He doesn't fall to sleep, but lies there, contemplating the day ahead. Shower. Breakfast. More rules.

After a while, Jonny Lee looks at the clock. 7:45. Close enough. He moves again, curls out of the bed and goes back to the bathroom, starts the shower and plays with the water, searching for that perfect temperature. Satisfied he has it, he takes on his next task.

>  _Once that's finished, climb onto the bed and wake me up with a blowjob. Nice and long and wet. If I'm impressed enough, I might just come in your mouth. So impress me._

Scooting back the covers, Jonny Lee nuzzles at Gerard's waist, rubbing his nose down the crease of hip, slowly dragging his tongue into the short hairs and down around the base of his Master's cock. He pulls the cockhead in slowly, works back and forth a few times, making it as wet as possible before letting the cock slip to the back of his throat. He's all about impressing Master.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	192. gerard: Control Week - Day 1 - Thursday Morning

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/01/) 10:56:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42496&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42496) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42496) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42496&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Control Week - Day 1 - Thursday Morning**_  
[players only. First morning of [control week](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=-Chapter+015:+Control+Week&filter=all). Follows [Jonny Lee waking up](http://www.journalfen.net/talkread.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27631).]

There's a mouth around his cock. That's the first thing Gerard realizes when he wakes up. _So that's what feels so good._ He mutters something happily and slides a little down the bed. _July 1st_ , the rest of his brain informs him helpfully. "Mmm." Gerard opens his eyes. "Good morning, boy."

"Morning, Master," Jonny Lee says, pulling back for the quick courtesy reply. "Your boy is following his orders." He licks over the head. "Shower's heating. Boy's sucking." And he goes back to it, immediately letting Gerard slide to the back of his throat, shifting his position so his hands are braced on either side of his Master's body. _His Master_. For the next week, that's all he plans on thinking about. Master. And what Master wants. And how Master's boy can make it happen.

"Such a good boy." Gerard relaxes back against the pillows, almost falling asleep. But Jonny Lee's mouth is doing good work, better than before, and after a few minutes more, Gerard is finding control hard to come by. With regret, he puts a finger through the ring on Jonny Lee's collar and pulls him back. "Enough," he says softly. He wants to fuck Jonny Lee over the kitchen table later, but he's not going to tell him that. "Go get breakfast ready."

The tug startles Jonny Lee; it's been so long since the collar with the ring was on his neck all the time. He'd forgotten how easily it was for Gerard to control him with just a yank. "But I--" he bites back the words as he kneels up. _No questions. No matter how much you want to finish the blowjob, it's not what **Master** wants._ "Yes, Master." He scoots backward, slides off the bed. "Your slave will go fix breakfast."

"Good boy." It's the beginning. First day. He's not going to punish Jonny Lee for the slip. But he'll keep it in mind, just in case Jonny Lee makes the same mistake again. Gerard rolls out of bed and rubs his eyes. "Go do that." He can't remember if the rules for the week include that Jonny Lee isn't allowed to leave until Gerard tells him he can, but it's always better to err on the side of caution.

Jonny Lee's mentally running through the order posted on the bathroom mirror as he walks down the stairs. Not dressed. Naked. But that's not anything special. He runs around the house naked half the day anyway.

>  _For breakfast I want two pieces of French toast, a strip of bacon, Columbian coffee, and the newspaper in separate sections folded neatly and stacked one on top of the other in the order I'll read it._

Other, first order, get the paper. Fortunately, it's left at the side door, not the front, so that's easy enough and he moves through the kitchen, retrieves it and stacks it on the kitchen table, guessing at the order Gerard reads it in. "Fuck, never noticed before."

Then it's to the coffee machine, pulling out the Colombian and starting up a pot. "French toast. Okay." He looks in the refrigerator. " Eggs, cream ..."

Gerard pulls a towel off the rack and folds it onto the toilet seat before opening the door to the shower. The cloud of steam hits him hard and he smiles. Perfect warmth. He steps in and takes his time with the shower, giving Jonny Lee a chance to fulfill all his orders.

"... Nutmeg, cinnamon. Uh," Jonny Lee sets things out on the counter, then grabs the bread from the bin on top of the tile. "Yeah, baguette, cut into thick slices." He sets out the heavy cast-iron pan and lights the gas under it, cutting off a slab of butter and tossing it in before turning to do the egg wash. "Okay, think, Miller. How long's he gonna be in the shower?" French toast really isn't that difficult, and so he gets it made quickly, popping the bacon into the microwave to cook while he's finishing up. As he's setting everything on the table, covering it with a cloth so it doesn't chill too much, Jonny Lee realizes the orders hadn't specified if he was to eat, and he hadn't made enough for two. "Master will decide," he shrugs, leaving everything and bounding back up the stairs.

Gerard shampoos his hair twice, scratching an itch on the back of his head. Once the suds are circling the drain, he squeezes some conditioner into his palm and rubs it through his curls, washing it off almost as soon as it's in. He rinses one more time and then turns off the water, hoping Jonny Lee had had enough time to make breakfast. He really doesn't want to have to punish Jonny Lee this early into it.

Jonny Lee's kneeling on the floor when the shower stops. Just barely. _Gonna have to recalculate that breakfast time._ He picks up the towel that Gerard had laid out and tries to remember what Sean had taught him about holding it, draped over his hands, eyes down, until Master told him to proceed.

Gerard opens the door and steps out of the shower, one hand running through his hair. And there's his boy, kneeling on the floor, ready to serve. _I could really get used to this._ "Dry me off," he orders. "Start at the bottom and move up."

"Yes, Master," and Jonny Lee shakes his head, driving back just how sharply Gerard's voice cuts through his brain, straight to his cock. He bends from the waist, carefully drying his Master's feet, making sure both are taken care of before starting upward, rubbing around one leg all the way to the inner thigh and then switching to do the other. He's extremely careful _not_ to touch the cock, not even to brush it with the towel while he pats down Gerard's hips. "Is your slave to use the towel or Master's cock?" he asks very quietly. "Or his mouth?"

It's a measure, Gerard thinks, at how far Jonny Lee's come, that he asked. "The towel. But not more than you need to." The roughness of the towel should keep Gerard from getting harder than he is. He's getting off on the service more than he'd ever thought he would.

"Of course, Master." He lightly, very gently rubs the towel over Gerard's cock, only enough to brush away the water, leave it dry, and then he's working on Gerard's stomach, coming up off his knees to properly dry his chest and shoulders before quietly moving around, working the heavy cotton over Gerard's back in circles and then finishing down the arms. He takes a half-step, drops the towel into the hamper and picks up a smaller towel, coming around to face Gerard again. Jonny Lee dabs the towel over Gerard's face and then through his hair. "Does Master wish to wear his robe?"

"Yes." But before Jonny Lee can move to get it, Gerard grabs him by the forearm and pulls him closer. He steals a quick kiss, just long enough to show his frustration, just how much he enjoyed being dried off. Such a personal touch, so sensual. "Love my towel boy," he murmurs, and releases Jonny Lee.

"Love you, Master," Jonny Lee murmurs back, turning when released to retrieve the robe from the door hook and holding it out for Gerard to slip it on. He tries not to smile too broadly, show much pleasure he's getting from serving. "Breakfast is waiting, just as Master ordered."

Gerard puts his arms through the robe, but doesn't tie the belt. It's not cold enough for him to want to close the robe, and it'll give Jonny Lee more and easier access. "Good boy. Did my boy have any trouble getting breakfast ready?"

"No, Master, your slave had no problem with fixing breakfast." He pauses. Honesty. "He's not sure about the newspapers, Sir, if they're in the proper order. Your slave hasn't paid much attention to how Master reads the paper. He apologizes in advance."

Gerard freezes when Jonny Lee calls himself Gerard's slave, but he unfreezes fast enough that he hopes Jonny Lee didn't notice. _That's what he is this week, your slave._ He's not sure how much he likes Jonny Lee calling himself that. But it might grow on him. He'll wait and see if it does. "If they aren't, I'll correct you, and you'll get it right tomorrow."

Jonny Lee hesitates before answering. "Master, do you have a preference on whether your slave goes back to kneeling when he's finished a task? Or is standing to talk permitted?" He's been thinking on how he'd act, had opted for using the word _slave_ from the first minute, since that's what they were trying out. "And how does he follow you? Crawling? Or will Master specify each time?"

Gerard licks his lips as he thinks. "I want you kneeling," he says finally. "And crawling. You're allowed to stand to go up and come down stairs and to fix meals, but otherwise you're to be on the floor unless I say otherwise." His voice turns harsher, more commanding. "Understand?"

"Yes, Master. Completely." Jonny Lee drops to his knees, almost too hard, the tile crunching against his kneecap. _Fuck._ "Your slave will stay on the floor, Master." He lowers his eyes, laces hands behind his back and smiles, utterly content at the orders.

Gerard smiles. "Good boy." He ruffles Jonny Lee's hair and then steps around him to go downstairs and eat. He doesn't give Jonny Lee any orders, hoping that he doesn't need to tell his boy to follow.

Jonny Lee follows. Quickly. Crawling to the stairs, he stands and moves down them, then drops back to his knees, crawling into the kitchen after Gerard, taking the towel off the food and laying it aside before kneeling up beside Master's chair.

Gerard looks as if he's paying no attention to what his boy is doing. He sits down at the kitchen table and picks up the first section of the newspaper. _Got that much right._ He scans the headlines and picks up a piece of French toast absently. As he chews, he looks to the side, seeing how Jonny Lee is taking this part of service.

He's taking it best he can, not sure of what he's supposed to do. Just stay there. Not move. He can kneel for hours if he has to, so that's not a problem. There _is_ the boredom that'll come sooner or later. Mostly he's just blanking his mind, waiting quietly for whatever Master wants from him.

Satisfied that Jonny Lee's not fidgeting, Gerard finishes the first piece of toast just as he's finished reading through the first section of the paper. He puts it down and then picks up his fork. He cuts a small portion of the second piece of toast and holds it in front of Jonny Lee's mouth. He does not look down.

Jonny Lee pulls the French toast off the fork with his teeth, chews and swallows. "Thank you, Master," he says softly, unsure if it's appropriate to speak but choosing to err on the side of courtesy.

Gerard doesn't reply. He brings the fork back up and feeds Jonny Lee twice more. He knows his boy doesn't like to eat too much before he runs, but Gerard doesn't think that half a piece of toast will kill him.

He quietly eats the pieces of toast, noting the recipe could use a little less nutmeg and a bit more cinnamon. _Gonna become a bloody chef by the time this is over._

Gerard feeds Jonny Lee half the bacon, sipping his coffee every so often. He reads through half the paper before he's done. "Is my boy very hungry?" he murmurs. If so, he'll feed Jonny Lee and _then_ shag him. But they aren't getting out of this room without sex. Jonny Lee's given himself to Gerard for the week and Gerard intends to abuse that power as much as he can.

"Not really, Master," Jonny Lee responds, swallowing down the last bit of bacon. "Don't usually eat before running, so your boy doesn't get hungry till mid-morning."

"Well, I'm still hungry." Gerard pushes the plate to the side of the table and puts the newspapers nearby. There. That should be enough room. "Up." He orders. "Get yourself over the table."

"Yessir," Jonny Lee says hastily, pulling himself off his knees and bending over the table's edge, stretching into the space Gerard has left, spreading his legs apart.

"Good boy." There's a reason besides aesthetics that he had Jonny Lee go naked. Easier access. He pats Jonny Lee's arse and stands up. Pulls the robe back and stands behind Jonny Lee. "Is my boy ready for me?"

 _Ready? Oh, fuck, no._ It takes a second to put two and two together and come up with something similar to four, and Jonny Lee realizes Gerard means _ready_ , as in lubed and fuckable and no, he's not. Well, not completely. Had forgotten all about that this morning. "Hm, yes, Master," he says hesitantly. It's just sort of a white lie. A very little one. Because Jonny Lee knows he can take Gerard fairly dry. Totally, if need be.

"I think my boy's lying to me." He doesn't think he gave Jonny Lee enough time to prep, but if Jonny Lee thinks he's ready, then Gerard's not going to argue. "But I can deal with that. My boy should just remember that after this, he's going out running." With a smirk, Gerard takes a condom out of the pocket of his robe. With a few quick motions, he gets it out of the wrapper and on him. "Does my boy still think he's ready?"

"Your slave will take whatever you give him, Master. It's _his_ fault if he's not completely prepared for it." Jonny Lee breathes in and out slowly, trying not to think about running after being fucked like this.

Gerard kicks Jonny Lee's legs further apart and lines up his cock. He starts pressing in slowly. "Does my boy foresee any problems in obeying his master's command?"

"No, Master," Jonny Lee says, fighting back the burn of that initial entry, biting down on his lip against the slow build of pain. _Take it, Miller. Just take it. It's what a slave does. Take what Master gives him. And you are his slave._

"Good." The first thrust is slow. Achingly slow. Gerard envisions a snail moving across sidewalk and tries to match that pace. He wants his boy to hurt. He wants his boy to ache. "So," he says calmly, "I've been thinking about what you said before. That you didn't want to even think unless I told you to."

The boy _is_ aching, the burn spreading through his arse and into his spine. His face is against the table, a good thing, so Gerard can't see the contortions and how harshly he's biting at his lip. _Prep in morning. Mental note to self._ "Yes," he says absently in response to Gerard's comments, unsure if he even wants a response.

"Pay attention." Gerard slaps Jonny Lee lightly. "This is important. Every day at three o'clock, I want you to stop whatever you are doing and get onto your knees. You're to remain that way for forty-five minutes, just kneeling there wherever you are. And you're to think about what you're doing and why you're doing this and what you're getting out of what I'm doing to you." Gerard wraps his hands around Jonny Lee's waist and thrusts a little harder, not quite all the way in yet. "And after that, I want you to get off your knees and make a journal entry after what conclusions you came to. I expect it to be up by four every day. And, and for today, after that, want you to go clean the playroom." Gerard bites his lip at the burn as he gets his cock entirely into his boy. "Everything," he gets out, "everything in its proper place, and ready to be used. Does my boy understand?"

Jonny Lee's mind is focused completely on Gerard now. On Master's instructions. He replays them in his head. _Three o'clock. Stop. Kneel. Think._ He can do that. It's not hard. _Make a journal entry._ Okay, that's easy enough. He smiles at the last. _Clean the playroom._ Hell, it's clean, and everything's where it should be. So, no-brainer.

"Yes, Master," he says at last. "Your slave understands his orders."

"He better." Gerard growls. He starts building up a rhythm, slow and merciless. "Not gonna repeat them." After a few minutes, he can't help himself and starts thrusting faster and faster, knowing it's hurting Teak but not caring. _Brought it on himself. Should learn to be ready for me whenever I want him._

Jonny Lee clutches at the table as the pain increases. _Fuck. God. Damned._ He just about knocks over the peppermill, manages to right it at the last moment. "He understands, Master," he pants out. "Completely." Jonny Lee knows he brought this on himself, and he's taking the pain for it, worrying at his lip enough to bring blood, making all sorts of mental notes to not _ever_ be not prepped again.

"Good." It comes out as a grunt and the part of Gerard that regulates this sort of thing wonders just how many times he's going to end up saying that word this week. But his thoughts on just what other words could be used is cut off as he comes, biting hard against his lip so he doesn't scream.

Jonny Lee does scream, for both of them, when his Master's orgasm ratchets up the fullness and the slow burn into a blaze. He imagines he's going to feel this way a good bit of the week, and that's not a bad thing. Just have to prepare better for it. And learn not to focus on how hard he's getting, how his cock is shoved against the table's edge and how he's most likely not coming any time soon.

Gerard's eyes are shut tightly with the effort not to scream and it takes him a few moments to get a grip on himself. _Wow. Must do that more often._ He starts pulling out slowly, wincing at the pain. _Addendum: Make sure he's prepped first._ "Lovely, boy," he says. "Take how long you usually run for and double it." He smirks. "Now get dressed."

"Double it?" Jonny Lee says before thinking, but he is supposed to say when things bother him. He pushes himself up slowly, grimacing at the painful burning sensation. "Uh, Master, do you have any idea how far your boy runs most mornings? Doubling it will have him putting in marathon distance."

Jonny Lee had a problem with an order. And he told him. Gerard grins, more than relieved. "Is your problem that you don't think you can do that distance or is it the pain you'll feel?" Gerard can't remember how long it takes his boy to finish a marathon, but he knows approximately. _The real question is, do I want him out of my sight for that long?_

"A combination, Master. Your boy can do the distance. He runs about 8 miles normally, but he's hesitant to push himself too far after being fucked that hard." Jonny Lee's remembering LA, too, when he got angry and ran for hours and ended up pulling muscles that took days to heal. "Master did say to speak up when his boy felt there would be a problem. He's doing that. He really doesn't want to hurt himself just for running."

Gerard's also thinking about that time in LA, and what it led to. "Alright, then. Does my boy think he can run like normal, or should I have him cut down?" The best thing about this week, Gerard thinks, is that he can actually order Jonny Lee to not run as much.

"He can do his usual distance, Master, with no problem." _He'll be sore as hell for the rest of the day, but that's his fault._ Jonny Lee really doesn't want to just stop running altogether. It's not healthy. And it's a good outlet for tension, emotion. He slides to his knees at Gerard's feet. "Your slave will abide by whatever Master's choice is, though."

Gerard's still not sure how he feels about the word slave, but he's quickly getting used to it. "Master's choice is that his boy runs as usual. When he comes back we'll see if that was too much or to little. Ok?"

"Yes, Master," he says quickly. "Jonny has permission to leave now?" He's never used his first name in referring to himself, and he's not sure why he does now, but it just comes out that way.

"Jonny does." The dismissing thing is still awkward as hell. "Go get dressed. And you don't have my permission to coddle yourself in any way to make up for the pain."

"Of course, Master, your slave would never think of coddling himself." Jonny Lee turns and crawls out of the kitchen, not even coming to his feet when he reaches the stairs, choosing instead to climb them hands and knees. It's not coddling; it's just easier than standing at the moment, and going up stairs that way is rather faster than walking.

Gerard watches him go, grinning. If the entire week is going to be like this, he could _really_ get used to this. Humming a little, he picks up the next section of the paper and sits down to read.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42496.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	193. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Thursday, July 1

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/01/) 15:58:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27660&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27660) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27660) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=27660&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Thursday, July 1**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]

First day. Not bad. Still sore, but that's this boy's stupid fault.

Just spent 45 minutes kneeling, like Master ~~asked~~ commanded. Master doesn't _ask_ his boy to do anything. He **tells**. And his boy obeys. That's the purpose of this. I wanted control, and Pire's offering it.

This slave ... does it give you pause for your boy to call himself that? _Slave_. There's a reason for using it, consciously calling myself that. Looked up the word the other day, after our talk. A slave is, yes, one who is bound as property to another. Just on the surface, this boy qualifies, in that Jonathan Lee Miller is bound as consensual property to one Gerard James Butler. We agreed on that. Then there's the second definition ... one who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence. Again, your boy qualifies. He is brought low by his subservience to his Master, and it's where he wants to be.

What does your boy want out of this? To sink to the lowest space there is, to that place where the _only_ thing he wants is what Master tells him he wants. And then to start climbing back up.

Today's lesson learned: Prep. Every friggin' morning.

First post done, Master. Your slave is going to clean the playroom now.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/27660.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-04 08:45 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/27660.html?thread=47628&format=light#t47628))   
---|---  
I'm not sure how much I like it when you call yourself my slave. I think I could easily get used to it, but I'm not sure about all the connotations. I have to think about it and I may not have all my answers until the end of the week. I'll let you know. But continue using it if you want to. I like that you like it, that it makes you think just what you are to me and just what we're doing.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Today's lesson learned: Prep. Every friggin' morning._  
  
Yes. I'm not going to ask you if you're ready again. I'm just going to assume you are. Consider yourself warned.  
  
  
  
 _Your slave is going to clean the playroom now._  
  
And what a good cleaning it was. You've been a good boy. Pick a flogger. I'm going to beat you now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/27660.html?replyto=47628&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	194. gerard: Torturing Teak

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/02/) 16:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42456&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42456) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42456) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=42456&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Torturing Teak** _  
[everyone _but_ Jonny Lee]

Jonny Lee and I have been talking for the past few about control. Total, complete control. As in, he not having any, and I taking it all from him. We've discussed it, I've told him my problems with it, and we've come to an understanding.

He will do nothing that I do not tell him to do. In return, I will order his day completely, giving him strict direct orders. He will be given a set amount of time to write a reactions journal post and to answer comments, but otherwise he won't be allowed out of my sight. And when I do let him out, it will be with strict instructions for what he can or cannot do.

We're trying this for a week. It started yesterday. I think I'm enjoying it too much, but he seems to be enjoying it as well. We both win.

But I'm not the most creative man. I can't think of too many things to do with him, besides the obvious erotic and domestic stuff. I've got him making breakfast, making dinner, serving, cleaning, cooking, giving me blowjobs whenever I tell him to, bending over my lap in the middle of the afternoon for spankings, all that lovely stuff. But there's a limit to my madness. I can't think of everything.

Many of you know Jonny Lee. Some of you have had the pleasure of fucking him, or going out for drinks. What sort of torture (or pleasure) do you think I should give him during these days when I can do just about anything I want to him?

Nothing with padlocks, please. We've both yet to get over Jonny Lee's parents' visit.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-07-03 10:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=76760&format=light#t76760))   
---|---  
Hmmm...tormenting Jonny Lee. Let's see.  
  
Well, just a random selection of things, none of which are things you couldn't normally do to him but hey.  
  
Eat dinner off him. Don't bind him for it, though, make him keep still on his own. If he's ticklish, so much the better. Chocolate syrup on the wabbly bits can be tasty.  
  
Try figging.  
  
Have him read to you from your favorite works of erotica, then act out whatever it is he just read (probably better to avoid some of the more difficult deSade passages -- you don't want either of you to wind up in the hospital).  
  
Spend an afternoon on sensation alone -- start with watercolor brushes, and just ramp slowly all the way up to floggers and straps and serious pain.  
  
Keep him blindfolded for a day. There are a lot of ways he couldn't serve you like that, but there are a lot of ways he could.  
  
Keep him in cuffs for a day, or mittens, and see how many of his regular tasks he can find a way to manage. For every one he can't complete, he loses an hour of time with the video games next week, and for every one he does manage, he gets ten strokes of whatever toy he likes best. Or something like that.  
  
Spend a day seeing how many times you can make him come.  
  
Spend a day making sure he's never not hard (but don't use a ring), but don't let him come until morning. Or until you feel like it. After all, it's all for you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=76760&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=76760&format=light#t76760))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-04 05:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77016&format=light#t77016))   
---|---  
Devious, Mark. Very very devious.  
  
  
But...figging? I'm almost afraid to ask what that is.  
  
  
  
 _Spend a day seeing how many times you can make him come._  
  
I think his current count is four. Such a low number. I wonder how quickly I can make him break that. *smirk* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=77016&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=76760&format=light#t76760))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77016&format=light#t77016))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-07-04 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77272&format=light#t77272))   
---|---  
_But...figging? I'm almost afraid to ask what that is._  
  
*cough*  
  
It, um...involves ginger root. There's a little article on figging [here](http://www.utahpowerexchange.org/articles/FiggingMichael.html). No porny pics, just text.  
  
If you try it, can you let me know how it works? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=77272&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77016&format=light#t77016))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77272&format=light#t77272))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-04 08:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77528&format=light#t77528))   
---|---  
Oh...my.  
  
See, Mark, you should have told this to me on Thursday. Fucked him dry in the kitchen. I could have shoved this up his ass so he'll never forget to prep. *grins*  
  
  
I'd read some erotica ages ago about ginger and how stimulating it could be, but I'd never thought of doing something like this. If I try it, I'll give you a ring. Maybe while it's still in. Anyone on your end who would mind if I had Teak beg over the phone to you? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=77528&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77272&format=light#t77272))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77528&format=light#t77528))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-07-04 08:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77784&format=light#t77784))   
---|---  
_Anyone on your end who would mind if I had Teak beg over the phone to you?_  
  
*g* Anything for a friend, Ger. You've got my mobile number, right? Day or night, I'm here for you and your boy. Seriously, it's a sacrifice I'm so _very_ willing to make. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=77784&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77528&format=light#t77528))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77784&format=light#t77784))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-04 08:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78040&format=light#t78040))   
---|---  
Yeah, got your mobile.  
  
  
I'll keep in mind the time difference since I'm sure you have other begging to wake up to besides Jonny Lee's. *g*  
  
  
You guys doing anything for Sunday? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=78040&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=77784&format=light#t77784))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-07-04 12:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78296&format=light#t78296))   
---|---  
Hmm. Tried breath control? No, I don't mean you controlling his breathing; he has to do that. The idea is to keep up some pleasurable stimulation (when I did it, I was blowing the boy but a hand or maybe some anal toy will do nicely) while he holds his breath. He has to breathe sometime though, so when he does, you stop. Start again when he takes another deep breath and holds it. It's far less dangerous than strangulation or any other mechanical methods of breath control. If you draw it out he will get light headed but there's very little chance of him passing out. The orgasm at the end, if he earns it and you allow it, is also quite intense. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=78296&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78296&format=light#t78296))  
  
|  **Re:**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-04 05:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78552&format=light#t78552))   
---|---  
Not sure if that's something I'd like to try. I like his breathing very much as it is. Asking him to hold his breath is a lot worse than asking him to be quiet. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=78552&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78296&format=light#t78296))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/profile)[**lutz**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lutz/)  
2004-07-04 11:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78808&format=light#t78808))   
---|---  
Hey, now I _like_ that idea. The thing that always bothers me about breath control is that things can go wrong so bloody fast and with such consequences, so this definitely sounds like something worth trying. On either end of the equation. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?replyto=78808&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/42456.html?thread=78296&format=light#t78296))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	195. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Friday, July 2

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/02/) 15:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28030&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28030) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28030) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28030&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Friday, July 2**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]

Second verse, same as the first. Well, not exactly. Much more sore today. Jonny's fault, not Master's.

Master was pleased with the way his boy cleaned the playroom. Fuck, he should've been. This slave categorized everything small to large and damned near alphabetized the floggers. That earned slave a beating. With the chain flogger, no less. Shoulders are bruised. Back is sore. But at least this ~~idiot~~ slave remembered to be ready this morning. No dry fuck. Running was much nicer.

Then morning chores were easy enough. Laundry. Grocery shopping and stocking the pantry (did have to get dressed for that, going out of the house and all). Midday fuck. Kneeling for 45 minutes every afternoon could be addictive. It's weird doing nothing but thinking for nearly an hour on how this boy feels about what Master is doing. And this slave will admit 10 minutes of that time was spent mentally working through Zelda levels.

Anticipatory, Master, of what else is to come.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28030.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	196. establishment: London Bar Chat 7/3

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote in [](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/profile)[**establishment**](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/) ,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/07/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/07/03/) 22:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131432&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131432) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131432) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131432&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar Chat 7/3** _  
[players only]

  
**Orli:** *enters from the hotel-side door wearing dark slacks, thin layered black sweaters, hair tousled and faint circles under his eyes*

**Elias:** *in a mellow mood. Walks in on his own, with Henry still out on a play date, and with permission to play as well - or not. Wearing standard black jeans, boots, and his silver collar just barely seen above the edge of his black tee*

**Ewan:** *takes a sip of his beer and looks around* I hope there's a bigger crowd next week. *grins at Jude*

**Jude:** *colours slightly* Oh well... I don't mind. *looks into his drink and takes a sip*

**Gerard:** *leads Jonny Lee in. He's wearing a black polo shirt and matching slacks. Jonny Lee's wearing entirely leather*

**Jonny Lee:** *follows closely, leash tethered from ring on black leather collar to Ger's hand*

**Cillian:** *walks in wearing a dark blue long sleeved button up and dark slacks. He spots Ewan and Jude and waves in greeting before heading to the bar for a drink*

**Orli:** *tilts head, notices a couple of familiar faces at the bar and smiles, walking up behind Jude and Ewan. Leans down between them, grabbing a shoulder each and squeezing* Fancy meeting a couple o' fine pieces like you here.

**Ewan:** Orli! *grins*

**Jude:** Huh? *jumps, startled* Orlando!

**Gerard:** *pulls Jonny Lee close* *whispers* Would my boy find it embarrassing to see his friends now?

**Ewan:** And here I'd given you up for dead. How've you been?

**Jude:** *beams delighted and stands to hug Orlando* Orgies just haven't been the same without you, mate. *winks*

**Orli:** *grins back* Good, man. Good. Busy as all hell, you know? *flicks his head at the bartender* Bourbon. Double.

**Jonny Lee:** A little, Master, but it's okay. *moves hands to side, then behind back, trying to figure out exactly where to put them*

**Orli:** *hugs Jude back hard* Bastard. Good to see you.

**Gerard:** All right. *wraps one arm around Jonny Lee's waist, keeping the other hand holding tight onto the leash* *kisses Jonny Lee lightly* Be good.

**Elias:** *sits down at far end of bar; smiles at bartender and orders an Irish Coffee*

**Ewan:** *sees Cillian, and Ger and Jonny* Well, it's starting to fill up after all.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master. Always good. *settles on hands behind back and moves slowly, obviously in a bit of pain*

**Gerard:** *grins* Bar, then. I want to have my boy suck brandy off my fingers.

**Jude:** *looks around* Oh yeah, a few familiar faces at last. Hey, Cillian!

**Elias:** *moves closer to where another group is sitting at the bar*

**Orli:** *picks up drink and moves down the bar for a place to sit, squeezing Jude and Ewan's shoulders as he goes* Christ, it's good to be back in the city. *downs the drink, winces and drops the empty glass back on the bar*

**Cillian:** 'llo Jude. *grins* Hey, Ewan.

**Orli:** Another, if you don't mind. *gesturing at bartender; happens to take seat next to Elias*

**Elias:** *plays with the whipped cream that's starting to melt into his coffee*

**Jonny Lee:** *glances at crowd, notices very familiar faces and settles onto knees at Ger's feet when he sits down at bar*

**Orli:** *grins* Hey, man. I think you're supposed to drink it.

**Elias:** *looks over* Oh, but playing with the whipped cream is the fun part. Well, actually, the whiskey in it is the fun part but... Name's Elias. *offers hand to shake*

**Orli:** Orlando. *takes offered hand* Good to meet you. *picks up second drink; this one he sips and sets back on the bar*

**Orli:** I'd ask you if you were new, but I haven't been around in a while - so I'm not likely to know. *grin*

**Ewan:** *sees Jonny on his knees; raises his eyebrows, not sure if he should talk to him or not*

**Gerard:** *folds leash around his wrist* *to bartender* Brandy, kind sir. In a bowl.

**Elias:** New? To here *waves hand around* yes. To the Establishment, no. Based in L.A. I'm just visiting. *grins back at Orli*

**Orli:** Well, that's good then. Here on vacation?

**Jude:** *looks at Jonny, grins and glances at Gerard* *to Ewan* Looks like Jonny's been a bad boy. Or maybe he's been good.

**Elias:** Hmmm, yes, sort of. Sir dragged us over here for a few play dates. *takes a sip*

**Orli:** *wicked grin at the 'Sir'* Ah, and who might Sir be? Perhaps I know him.

**Ewan:** *glances at Ger, still not sure if he should address Jonny or not* So how're you guys?

**Elias:** Henry Rollins. *blushes a little*

**Gerard:** We're doing well. *smiles at him* And you two?

**Orli:** *whistles* Niiiiiice.

**Jonny Lee:** *glances up, smiles at Ewan, but doesn't speak*

**Orli:** *to Elias* Excuse me just a mo. *leans over and addresses Gerard* Just wanted to compliment you on your boy there. Lovely form.

**Gerard:** *turns to Orlando* Thank you. *offers hand* Gerard Butler.

**Orli:** *grins - to Gerard; takes offered hand* Orlando Bloom. Pleasure. And you're welcome.

**Elias:** So you do know him? *grins* Did you come here all your own as well...? Your name again?

**Orli:** *turns back to Elias* Don't believe we've met in person, but it's Henry, man? *grin*

**Gerard:** *grins* *kicks Jonny Lee lightly* Say hello to Ewan, boy.

**Jude:** *a little stiffly but still with a friendly smile* Good evening, Gerard.

**Jonny Lee:** Sorry, Master. *to Ewan* Hi, Ewan.

**Ewan:** *grins at Jonny* Hey.

**Gerard:** Good evening, Mr. Law. How are you this lovely night?

**Jude:** I'm good, thanks. *glances down at Jonny Lee* Been busy, I see.

**Gerard:** Yeah. *looks down also* We're experimenting with control this week.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Jude* Evening, Mr. Law, Sir. It's good to see you both.

**Jude:** *sits up, looking interested* Really? Full time kind of thing?

**Gerard:** Full time. Completely. He can't do anything I don't tell him to do.

**Orli:** *turning back to Elias* Orlando, man. Orlando Bloom. And you're... *taps chin, then grins* Elias, yeah?

**Jude:** *looks down at Jonny* Good to see you, too, Jonny. *looks back at Gerard* Oh, that sounds brilliant.

**Gerard:** It is. It's great. *grins*

**Elias:** *begins fishing around for cigarettes out of his jacket but decides against it* Yes, Elias. *grins*

**Gerard:** What have you two been doing?

**Jude:** Just hanging out for the most part. Summer in the city...

**Gerard:** Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city.

**Jonny Lee:** *grins at Ewan, knowing his mate's less than comfortable seeing him this way. stays mostly silent, though, rule being spoken when spoken to and not out of turn*

**Elias:** *picks up jacket for a second--cigarettes fall out--bends over to pick them up*

**Orli:** *sees cigarettes* Hey, man - spare a smoke?

**Gerard:** *takes bowl from bartender* Thanks. *dabs tips of fingers in bowl and offers them to Jonny Lee*

**Elias:** *offers pack* Go for it. I rarely smoke anymore. *takes one for himself*

**Jonny Lee:** *sticks tongue out and licks the brandy off Ger's fingers, careful not to suck more than necessary*

**Ewan:** *to Ger* Will you still be doing this next weekend? Only we're planning something ourselves. Just...a roleplay thing, sort of. And we'll be down here Saturday night.

**Gerard:** *shakes head* Ends on Thursday or Wednesday night. Do you want Jonny Lee to come down and watch?

**Ewan:** Well, it's not really anything to _watch_ per se. Just wondered who'd be here.

**Orli:** *takes offered cigarette* Ditto that, yeah? Only when it's been...a rough night. *the smile that crawls across Orli's face is vague*

**Gerard:** He's free from this sort of control then, so if he wants, he's allowed. *shrugs*

**Elias:** *raises a brow slightly but doesn't pry* Yeah, I hear you. Mostly it's just when I am here or after really good sex.

**Jonny Lee:** *sighs at thought control week only lasts a week* *to Ewan* This slave looks forward to whatever you and Mr. Law have planned.

**Orli:** *laughs* After really good sex, yeah... *the word trails off and he lights the cigarette*

**Elias:** *nods* Oh yeah. *lights his own cig*

**Orli:** So, Elias. How long have you been with Sir?

**Ewan:** Be great if you could be here, then.

**Jude:** Yeah, it would. *looks a bit embarrassed*

**Elias:** *finishes exhaling* We've been flogging buddies for eons but we only just turned it into a sexual-thing-slash-ownership, etc. since I joined up almost a year ago and he renewed.

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles at Jude, mind wandering to shared fantasies*

**Gerard:** If you don't mind me asking, what were the two of you planning?

**Jude:** *catches Jonny's eye and colours even more but smiles at him*

**Orli:** *grins* Sexual-thing-slash-ownership, eh? *nods, takes a long drag* I had a pretty serious thing going for a while. *flicks ash, stares silently into the ashtray for a few seconds before lifting his head suddenly, with a grin* Wasn't meant to be, I suppose.

**Ewan:** Just sort of a fantasy thing... Master and harem boy...

**Elias:** *pats Orli on back* Hate it when that happens. *takes a drag as well then sips on his coffee again* Need your drink refilled yet or are you good?

**Gerard:** *smiles* That sounds fun. Who's the master?

**Orli:** *shrugs and finishes off drink* Sure, I could use another. But then I should probably head out, yeah?

**Jonny Lee:** *grins more broadly, looking from Ewan to Jude, then lowering eyes*

**Ewan:** Oh, uh...me.

**Jude:** Um...he is.

**Elias:** *nods to the bartender to come over* Yeah. I'll probably stick around. Not like I have anything planned tonight. *orders a water and another Irish coffee--waits for Orli to order drink so he can pay for both*

**Gerard:** *thinks that was a bit of a faux pas* Good for you, then. That sounds like a good scene to play out.

**Jude:** *looks up at Gerard and smiles* I'm really looking forward to it, actually. Bit nervous as well though. *shrugs* It's been a while.

**Gerard:** What sort of harem is it? Going all out with costumes?

**Orli:** *to bartender* I'll have another one of these. *holds up glass*

**Ewan:** Well, I found this website that has these jeweled cock ring-leash-thingies and that's what set off the idea. So he'll be wearing that and matching jewelry and that's about it. *grins*

**Elias:** So are you based out of London, Orlando, or elsewhere? *crushes out cig*

**Jude:** Oh yeah, chains and dangly bits... *glances down at Jonny again and winks* And a smile.

**Gerard:** *whistles* *looks over Jude* It'd be impolite of me to say just how good he'd look in that.

**Jonny Lee:** *glances up at hearing Ewan's descriptions, catches Jude's smile, grins back* Sir will look very nice in chains, if it's permitted for this slave to say so.

**Orli:** *takes last drag and stubs out cigarette* Have apartments in London and LA. *shrugs* But I'm on the road a lot, so it depends. I'm actually headed to LA in the next week or so. Maybe I'll catch up with you at the club there.

**Elias:** *nods* Probably. I think we are heading back on or around the 9th.

**Ewan:** Yeah. *grins* Gonna look fantastic.

**Jude:** *covers face with hands and laughs* You bet.

**Orli:** Great. *pulls out wallet and digs through various cards; frowns* Too many fucking numbers, man...here. *hands Elias a card* That's my service in LA. They'll know how to find me. *pats Elias on the shoulder as he downs the last of his drink* Good to meetcha, man. *sticks out hand*

**Elias:** Back at you, Orlando. *laughs a little and shakes hand firmly.* You take care of yourself.

**Gerard:** *dabs fingers in again and lets Jonny Lee suck*

**Jude:** Speaking of looking fantastic, your boy is looking well. The position down there seems to suit him.

**Orli:** *stands and returns the shake enthusiastically* Catch you later, yeah? *settles up at the bar and walks towards the door*

**Ewan:** *waves at Orli* See ya!

**Jonny Lee:** *sucks gently, twirling tongue around Ger's fingers to get off all the brandy* *smiles insanely at Jude's comment*

**Gerard:** It does, doesn't it?

**Jude:** *calls out* Hey, Orlando. See you around!

**Elias:** *waves as Orlando leaves*

**Orli:** *waves to Ewan* Take care, yeah?

**Gerard:** It's been three days and I'm very grateful I let him talk me into this.

**Orli:** *claps Jude on shoulder as he passes* Good to see you mate - sorry we didn't get a chance to catch up, but I'm...beat, yeah? Rain check, right? Have a good night.

**Elias:** *begins playing with the whipped cream on the new Irish coffee*

**Jude:** I will. Thanks... Some other night, eh? *grins and waves*

**Orli:** *grins as he heads out the door* That's a promise, man.

**Jude:** Definitely!

**Elias:** *thinks he sees Gerard but the man looks busy; resumes playing with whipped cream*

**Ewan:** *turns back to the others after Orli leaves; notices his beer's nearly empty and nudges Jude* You want another one?

**Gerard:** *feeds Jonny Lee more and looks around* *grins* Elias! *waves him over*

**Elias:** *looks up--grins--walks over* Hey there, Gerard. Wasn't sure we'd ever meet in person there. *offers hand to shake*

**Jude:** Oh, well...are we playing or not? Because I shouldn't...oh, go on, then.

**Gerard:** *shakes* Yeah, me neither. Great to see you.

**Gerard:** Have you met my boy?

**Jonny Lee:** *slowly learning to like taste of brandy, getting damned comfortable on his knees*

**Elias:** *smiles* No. I don't think that I have.

**Gerard:** Meet Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee, say hello to Mr. Koteas.

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up* Nice to meet you, Sir.

**Ewan:** Well, did you want to do something?

**Elias:** *blushes a little--not used to having "Mr." or "Sir" attached to his name in Establishment circles* Hello...Jonny. A pleasure to meet you.

**Jude:** *leans against Ewan* Not really that bothered. If something starts I'll join in but... *smiles* I have everything I want at home, right now.

**Ewan:** *grins* All right, then.

**Ewan:** *orders two more beers*

**Jude:** *takes drink and looks around* Well...

**Gerard:** Is my boy still sore?

**Jonny Lee:** Not as much as this morning, Master. *stretches up a bit straighter* Did Master want something?

**Gerard:** To make up for my boy's shameful lack of soreness. *grins* How large a plug does my boy think he can take?

**Jude:** *listens to the exchange with interest*

**Jonny Lee:** *winces, thinking he should've maybe lied, just a bit* As large as Master chooses to use.

**Gerard:** *swats* What did I tell you about giving me carte blanche answers when I want specifics?

**Jonny Lee:** *doesn't flinch, rethinks answer* This slave can take one size larger than the last time Master used a plug on him.

**Gerard:** *grins* Fine. You're going to take two sizes bigger. Your only choice is if you want to do this at home instead of here.

**Ewan:** You wouldn't deprive us of our fun and say home, now, would you, Jonny? *grins*

**Elias:** *feels for Jonny--been there and done that--still it would be interesting to watch*

**Jonny Lee:** *feigns smile, then gives Ewan a look that could maul* No, Sir, wouldn't deprive you of your fun. *to Ger* Here will be fine, Master.

**Gerard:** Fetch one, then. *holds leash loosely, willing to let it trail after Jonny Lee should he get that far away*

**Jonny Lee:** *tries not to think about the command, turns and crawls toward couch area, where toys are kept, doing his best to remember Stuart's teaching and make it look especially provocative*

**Gerard:** *watches Jonny Lee go, realizing a little too late that he could have used better words*

**Ewan:** *picks up his beer* How 'bout we head over to the sofas and make ourselves comfortable?

**Elias:** *takes another sip, enjoying the small amount of whiskey in the coffee and its warming effect--watches idly, lost in thought as Jonny heads away*

**Jude:** Coming, Elias? *picks up drink and follows Ewan, sitting down next to him on a large sofa*

**Gerard:** Excellent idea. *pays bartender for drink and follows the mass exodus*

**Elias:** *blinks* Wha...oh yes. On my way. *wanders over and plops down on couch as well*

**Jonny Lee:** *kneels up beside sofa, holding appropriate plug in his hand and amazingly not thinking he should have his head examined for being willing to do this*

**Gerard:** *grins* Over my lap, boy.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master. *positions himself over Ger's lap*

**Jude:** *shifts closer to Ewan, running his fingers along Ewan's thigh*

**Gerard:** *takes plug* I don't suppose my boy remembered to get lube. *pats Jonny Lee's arse* I need to get you pants with the fly in the back.

**Ewan:** *laughs* There's an idea.

**Jude:** *mock sleazy voice* Crotchless leather pants... yum.

**Ewan:** *leans in, kissing the base of Jude's neck*

**Gerard:** *grins* Teak, get yourself out of these.

**Elias:** *stretches legs outward, resting one hand on the arm of the couch and reaches for his cigarettes with the other*

**Jonny Lee:** But-- *he stops, pulls himself off Ger's lap and stands, strips out of the leather, which is hard because he's damned hard*

**Jonny Lee:** *repositions himself over lap*

**Gerard:** *smiles* *reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of KY* Master is always prepared. *slicks up two fingers and starts stretching Jonny Lee*

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers pleasingly, not minding at all the sensation he's accustomed to*

**Ewan:** *reaches down and gives Jude's crotch a squeeze* Crotchless trousers wouldn't be a bad idea at all. *bites his neck*

**Gerard:** Make as much noise as you want. *takes fingers out and lubes up plug*

**Elias:** *getting a bit excited, he ignores his coffee--lights up, inhaling deeply as he keeps his eyes on the scene unfolding*

**Jude:** *squirms happily*

**Gerard:** *grabs base of the plug and starts pushing it in, a little too fast for comfort*

**Jonny Lee:** Fuck! *bites lip too hard, trapping the scream in his throat*

**Gerard:** *chuckles* Sore yet, boy?

**Jude:** *murmurs quietly to Ewan* Poor Jonny. *giggles* I'd be more sympathetic if I didn't suspect he secretly enjoys it.

**Elias:** *breath catches--continues to watch intently*

**Jonny Lee:** Oh, yes, Master. Definitely. *grimaces at the burning pain*

**Gerard:** Brilliant. You're supposed to be. *pushes it in a little faster*

**Ewan:** *glances over at Jonny and Ger, then goes back to biting his way up Jude's neck* Course he enjoys it. Who wouldn't? *starts undoing Jude's fly*

**Jonny Lee:** *listens to comments, thinking "enjoys" isn't exactly the right word*

**Jude:** *lifts up to help Ewan out* Would you? Enjoy it, I mean.

**Gerard:** *takes a moment to put some more lubricant on the plug* Start begging.

**Elias:** *reaches down to adjust himself--not sure if he wants to pull out or wait til he gets back to the hotel room*

**Jonny Lee:** *blushes at thought of this being _so_ public, then takes a deep breath* Please, Master, may your slave have more? Fuck him with the plug.

**Ewan:** *works his hand in, wrapping his fingers around Jude's cock* Not as much as I enjoy this. *gives it a squeeze* But yeah.

**Gerard:** Mmhmm. *pushes it in more, impressed that Jonny Lee's taken this much without protest* Love you. Just two more inches.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master, your slave can take two more inches. *whimpers, getting incredibly hard off of the pain*

**Gerard:** *does the last two slowly* *strokes Jonny Lee's back* Does my boy think he could come just from this?

**Jude:** *moans as Ewan's fingers close around his cock* Ohhhh... *watching the plug slowly disappear into Jonny Lee's body*

**Jonny Lee:** Probably. *shifts just a bit, rubbing his cock over Ger's leg, pushing up and back into the plug's grind* Close, Master. May he have permission?

**Ewan:** Mm... *starts jerking Jude off; turns to watch Jonny again*

**Gerard:** *wiggles the plug a little* Hm. Convince me. Three good reasons I should let you come.

**Elias:** *slowly massages his cock through jeans*

**Jonny Lee:** *can barely concentrate enough to come up with one* Uh, because your slave's done everything right today.

**Jonny Lee:** Because it's what Master wants.

**Jonny Lee:** *worries at lips for a minute* And because it'll give a wonderful climax to Ewan's night of fun. *grins stupidly*

**Jude:** *laughs at Jonny's last reason and slides his hand between Ewan's legs*

**Gerard:** *chuckles* Good reasons. Come when you can. *slaps arse*

**Elias:** *decides against pulling out and simply watches now as Jonny gets ready to come*

**Jonny Lee:** Thank you, Master. *zones a bit, concentrating on creating the right friction, comes after another minute*

**Ewan:** Nngh... *squirms, thrusting against Jude's hand, and keeps stroking*

**Gerard:** Good, good boy. *slaps him a couple more times just because*

**Jonny Lee:** *is totally floppy and languid, all post-orgasmic slave draped over Master's lap*

**Elias:** *stubs out cigarette and reaches for coffee*

**Gerard:** *strokes boy* Let's get you home.

**Jonny Lee:** *slides off Ger's lap to kneeling position, conscious of very little other than Master's voice*

**Gerard:** *wraps leash around wrist* *murmurs* Love you, boy.

**Gerard:** *nods to Ewan and Jude* Good night to you both.

**Ewan:** *glances over; grins* See ya...

**Elias:** *stands, getting ready to head up to his hotel room*

**Gerard:** *waves and leads Jonny Lee out*

**Ewan:** *nods vaguely at Elias, too, then turns his full attention back to Jude*

**Elias:** *nods to Ewan and Jude* Well, that was fun. heading up to the room now. Pleasure to meet you. *smiles as he lights another cigarette--begins walking away*

**Jude:** *breathlessly* See ya...uh....

**Elias:** *calls out over shoulder* Elias.

**Jude:** Yeah...Elias. Right...

**Jude:** *rolls his head back and groans and then looks at Ewan* Wanna...take this elsewhere?

**Ewan:** You want me to stop? *not stopping; bites Jude's neck again*

**Jude:** *breathes hard for a minute* *weakly* No...don't stop.

**Jude:** *pulls Ewan's fly open, pushing his hand inside and finding his cock* Oh...yes...

**Ewan:** *moans* Yeah...

**Ewan:** *scrambles onto Jude's lap and pushes their cocks together; laces his fingers through Jude's hair, pulling him in for a kiss*

**Jude:** *gasps* Please... I'm close.

**Ewan:** Come on... *his hand moving faster*

**Jude:** Ohhh! *clutches at Ewan's shoulders and grinds against him, coming in his hand* Oh yeah...

**Ewan:** *moans and kisses him* Love you...

**Jude:** Love you, too... *kisses Ewan and then presses a hand to his chest* Sit back. Sit back on the sofa. Want you in my mouth.

**Ewan:** Hang on... *reaching over to the end table, he grabs a tissue, wiping his hand clean* There. *stuffs it in his pocket and gets off Jude's lap, settling back on the couch*

**Jude:** *gins and slides to his knees between Ewan's legs* *smiles up at him and then leans forward, wrapping his lips around Ewan's cock and slowly sucking it in*

**Jude:** *head bobs back and forth as he sucks rhythmically*

**Ewan:** Fuck, yeah... *smoothes his hand over Jude's head and thrusts up into his mouth*

**Jude:** *keeps sucking, taking in as much as he can*

**Ewan:** *moans, fingers tightening in Jude's hair as he comes*

**Jude:** *swallows happily* Mmmmm...

**Ewan:** *slumps back against the sofa, petting Jude* Well, that was fun. *grins*

**Jude:** *wipes mouth and straightens up, sitting on the sofa and leaning against Ewan* Certainly was. *grins and buttons up trousers* Time for another drink and then home, I think.

**Ewan:** *zips himself up* Sounds good to me.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	197. billy_boyd: At the record store with gerard

| Not Really Billy ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/profile)[ **billy_boyd**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/07/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/07/04/) 18:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=10577&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=10577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=10577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=10577&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  amused  
---|---  
  
_**At the record store with[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Gerard flips through the CDs in front of him. "Have it, have it, hate it, hate it." He picks one up. "Ah. Moulin Rouge. Also known as When Ewan Sings." Gerard grins and glances at Billy. "So, when are you going to put one of your own out?"  
  
Billy looks up from the Prince section and winces, but he doesn't want to tell Gerry the whole bloody story. As lightly as he can, he replies, "Sometime, soon I hope, before the fans get bored with me."  
  
"Why would they do that?" Gerard asks, surprised. "Last I heard, they were all over you. And didn't I spot you in that Russell Crowe film about sailing?"  
  
Billy just shakes his head, smiling ruefully, "I'm no Pippin, I'm a bit long in the tooth for all that." He stares at the cd in his hand, "Look at Prince, what a twisty road he's been on. I just want to do the film with Dom, it's a fine script and we'd have so much fun. It'd be fantastic."  
  
"So why can't you?" Gerard looks over at the cover. "And Prince still looks fuckable after all this time." Not that Billy would notice that, Gerard realizes a little too late. "Wait, I forgot, you're straight. Sorry."  
  
Laughing, Billy says, "No, it's all right, I don't censor myself when I see a pretty girl, why should you arse-bandits?" He gets distracted by the display of musicals. "I should play a prank on Dom, tell him we have funding for the film if we make it a musical, he'll boak!"  
  
"That should get him suitably frightened." Gerard grins and pulls out one of the musical CDs. "Here. Les Miz. What'd you think?"  
  
Billy cocks his head to the side, remembering the productions he's seen. "As music? shite. As musical theatre? not Sondheim, but bloody good."  
  
Gerard hums a few bars under his breath. "C'mon, me and you. But since I'm the one with experience, I get digs on parts."  
  
"Flip you for it?" Billy digs a penny out of his jeans, and starts to toss the coin.  
  
"Alright." Gerard grins. "Heads."  
  
Billy slaps it on his hand, looks, and shrugs. "Your choice then, Valjean or Javert?"  
  
"Valjean." Gerard tries to peek around, seeing what it was. "So what's the score?"  
  
"Tails, course," Billy shakes his head, wondering what Gerry is on about. "Ah well, I want to get my teeth into a good strong antagonist role, avoid typecasting."  
  
"That's a plan, Bill." Gerard shoves his hands in his pockets and looks mischevious. "But do you have what it takes? I say put your mouth where your coin flip is. Show me you can do it."  
  
Billy looks hard at Gerry and quietly starts singing "...till we come face to face... He knows the way in the dark, but mine is the way of the Lord... la la la la la righteous shall have their reward... " He grins, "I wondered if I could still do that."  
  
Gerard claps. "Bravo, bravo. Shall I try that one myself, or should I just concede the part to you?"  
  
"I'm going to have that one, I've no interest in competing." Billy kicks himself for being such a stubborn git. He leans against the CD displays and tries to relax. "Let's hear you, now, do one of Valjean's".  
  
"Yes, sir." Gerard grins. He takes a deep breath and sings, a little softer than Billy had, "How would they live, if I am not free? If I speak, I am condemned, if I stay silent, I am damned!"  
  
On the last note he grabs Billy in his arms, spins him around, and tips him over. He's laughing as he pulls him up.  
  
Billy leans forward to listen to him; his voice has deepened and matured beautifully. When Gerry grabs him, he's much to surprised to react -- he expects things like this from Dom but no one else. By the time Gerry pulls him up, Billy's laughing too. "Ya crazy git, you're mental, d'you know that?"  
  
"So I've been told." Gerard grins. "Multiple times. But you know Jonny, don't you?"  
  
Billy chuckles again, "Jonny's my mate, yeah, and said only good things about you." Something tugs at him, like his feelings for Dom. "You take care of him, don't hurt him Gerry." _Oops_ "I mean, not like that, just... don't trifle with him, don't break his heart. Or I really will come after you."  
  
Gerard pauses, suddenly becomes much more serious. "I'm not going to hurt him, Billy. Swear to god and on everything else. I don't know what he's told you about what we do, but I would never ever do anything to him he doesn't want. Believe me?"  
  
Billy looks at him carefully. "Yes, I think I do. Thank you." He can't take this any more, and hugs Gerry hard. "I think this calls for a drink! Is Jonny around? Can we meet him somewhere?"  
  
Gerard slaps Billy hard on the back. "Jonny's home." He checks his watch. "Probably kneeling by now." He breaks the hug so he can look at Billy. "Uh. We're trying something for this week. A different sort of control."  
  
Trying not to blush, Billy keeps his voice steady, "No, no, don't tell me, that's all right. I'll let you go then." _Oh bloody hell, Jonny kneeling, what a fucking nightmare of an image._ "Please tell him I said hello."  
  
"Vanilla boy," Gerard says fondly. "Right. No more details. I'll pass it on." He grabs the Les Mis CD. "C'mon. Let's get to the registers. I want to buy this for you."  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	198. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, July 6

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/06/) 18:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28219&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28219) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28219) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28219&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Tuesday, July 6**_  
[locked to himself and gerard]

Five days do not a week make. Two more days to go.

**Like**  
Being used. Saturday night at the bar proved that. Need to erase public humiliation off the checklist. Or at least revise it a bit. Kinda got off on knowing best mates were watching. Okay, your slave just upped his kink level.

Sleeping tethered to the bed, Master's leash attached to this slave's collar, knowing that he's not going anywhere unless Master allows.

Being naked. All the time. Okay, so it's not feasible, given that this slave has a career that requires him to leave the house every few months, but other than that, it works.

Beatings. More. Please.

Being taken by Master. Hard and rough and even not prepped. Everywhere. Most especially on the stairs, hands wrapping the bannister.

Kneeling. For hours, just thinking about Master and what he wants.

Phone sex, when Master is holding his slave's cock while he talks dirty, especially with Master whispering in his slave's ear that he's not going to come until hours later.

Master's hand on his slave's throat, even though he knows it was an accident, a slip of fingers on the way to tightening the slave's collar.

**Don't like**  
Not running every day.

Being eaten off of. Your slave is way too ticklish.

Taking away computer games as punishment for sexual mistakes.

Laundry.

**Not sure about**  
Puppy play. Fetching gives this slave more problems than felching. Makes no sense, but your slave is trying.

Wanting this to end. Your boy likes being your slave. And he thinks Master likes it, too, more than Master's willing to admit.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-07 02:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=47931&format=light#t47931))   
---|---  
_Beatings. More. Please._  
  
*grins* They're so much fun, aren't they? Hitting you with a stiff flogger or a studded paddle, not letting you come until you bleed for me.  
  
  
  
 _Being taken by Master. Hard and rough and even not prepped. Everywhere._  
  
My boy is under orders to be always prepped. Has he forgotten?  
  
  
  
  
 _Master's hand on his slave's throat, even though he knows it was an accident, a slip of fingers on the way to tightening the slave's collar._  
  
 ~~NO!~~ I don't do breathplay, Teak. We've talked about this.  
  
  
  
  
 _Being eaten off of. Your slave is way too ticklish._  
  
I don't recall you complaining when I had you for dessert. ;)  
  
  
  
  
 _Taking away computer games as punishment for sexual mistakes._  
  
That's why it's punishment, Teak. You're not supposed to like it.  
  
  
  
  
 _Laundry._  
  
Doing it, folding it, or putting it away?  
  
  
  
  
 _Puppy play. Fetching gives this slave more problems than felching. Makes no sense, but your slave is trying._  
  
  
I only ask that you try. And that you do try is a gift in and of itself.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Wanting this to end. Your boy likes being your slave. And he thinks Master likes it, too, more than Master's willing to admit._  
  
Not more than a week. _Not_. I do enjoy it, but we need some time to talk about it, what works and what doesn't. Also, I've had to bulk up before. I'm not the most attentive lover when I'm in the gym seven hours a day. I'll come home exhausted, wanting food and a backrub, and then to relax and cuddle and go to bed. Not the most fun person to be around then. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?replyto=47931&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=47931&format=light#t47931))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-07 04:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48187&format=light#t48187))   
---|---  
_... not letting you come until you bleed for me._  
  
Your slave wonders if he has bled enough for you, Master.  
  
  
 _My boy is under orders to be always prepped. Has he forgotten?_  
  
No, Master, he learned his lesson. Although he will admit the lesson was enjoyable, in a very raw way.  
  
  
 _I don't do breathplay, Teak. We've talked about this._  
  
Your slave knows this. He was there for the conversation, Master. ~~The whole one-sided conversation.~~ Your slave wonders if Master would consider the idea of someone else doing it, while Master was there.  
  
  
 _Laundry. Doing it, folding it, or putting it away?_  
  
All of the friggin' above.  
  
  
 _Not more than a week. I do enjoy it, but we need some time to talk about it, what works and what doesn't._  
  
Yes, Master. Your slave understands. He will abide by Master's decisions in all regards.  
  
  
 _I'll come home exhausted, wanting food and a backrub, and then to relax and cuddle and go to bed._  
  
And your slave will be waiting to give them to you.  
  
Love you, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?replyto=48187&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=47931&format=light#t47931))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48187&format=light#t48187))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-07 04:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48443&format=light#t48443))   
---|---  
_Your slave wonders if he has bled enough for you, Master._  
  
Never. It will never be enough.  
  
  
  
 _Although he will admit the lesson was enjoyable, in a very raw way._  
  
*grins* I saw you limping.  
  
  
  
  
 _Your slave wonders if Master would consider the idea of someone else doing it, while Master was there._  
  
  
Master would. _But_. It must be someone I know and know well. Or it must be a staff member of the club, someone qualified, someone I can trust not to hurt you.  
  
  
  
  
 _All of the friggin' above._  
  
Think it's something you could grow to stand?  
  
  
  
  
  
 _And your slave will be waiting to give them to you._  
  
I know. Because you're my lover and I'd do the same for you. But a tired Gerry isn't conductive to beatings and spankings and dominating.  
  
  
  
I love you too, my sexy boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?replyto=48443&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48187&format=light#t48187))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48443&format=light#t48443))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-07 05:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48699&format=light#t48699))   
---|---  
Who do you trust that much?  
Jude? Ewan? Mr. Neeson?  
  
And not that it matters, but your boy trusts you _not_ to hurt him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?replyto=48699&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48443&format=light#t48443))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48699&format=light#t48699))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-07 05:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48955&format=light#t48955))   
---|---  
Right now, I don't know if I trust anybody that much.  
  
Jude, Ewan? I trust them not to hurt you, but I don't trust them to know enough about breathplay that they don't hurt you by accident. I don't know Mr. Neeson very well either.  
  
  
Jonny Lee, I trust nobody when it comes to something as dangerous as breathplay can be. If there's someone at the Establishment who can, or if you know for a _fact_ that one of your friends has taken lessons and knows what he's doing, then I'll let it happen. Otherwise, no. I don't want to take any risks when it comes to you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?replyto=48955&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28219.html?thread=48699&format=light#t48699))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	199. jonnyleemiller: Too introspective

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/07/) 15:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28611&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28611) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28611) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28611&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Too introspective**_  
Jonny Lee sits down at the computer on Wednesday afternoon. His allotted time. Thirty minutes after kneeling. Time to write his journal entry and check his email. That's all that's allowed. At first, he thought it funny, a lark. Then, after a day or so and wanting to get new codes for Zelda, he got angry about the limitations. But as day three slid into day four, Jonny stopped caring about how much computer time he had. Master wanted him elsewhere. Master needed him doing something else. And _that_ was what mattered.

He starts typing ...  
 **Journal, Wednesday, July 7**  
 _[private]_

It ends tomorrow. A week of control. Master doesn't want it full-time, and his ~~slave~~ boy will have to abide by that. This boy likes serving. He likes kneeling. He doesn't want to stop. Maybe he's not what Master needs.

_[locked to himself and gerard]_

Your slave has finished his chores for the day, Master, and dinner is cooking. He has knelt and thought, and he has chosen the cane for his afternoon beating. He will sign off and be waiting in the playroom.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28611.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-08 05:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28611.html?thread=49347&format=light#t49347))   
---|---  
My, you do know how to choose them.  
  
I love you. I'm going to give you some very large bruises to remember this week by. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28611.html?replyto=49347&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	200. gerard: Monogamy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/07/) 23:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43303&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43303) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43303) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43303&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Monogamy** _  
[private, but left minimized on the computer out of carelessness.]

Despite what they say, I refuse to believe that monogamy is the prevailing custom in the world. I also refuse to believe that it's something hard wired in to humanity that we only _want_ to have sex with one person for all of our adult life. Looking at it from a biological standpoint, men don't need to be around for more than one orgasm in order for there to be a baby. Women need to be there for nine months, go through labor, and society frowns on them if they leave. Deadbeat dads, I think they're called, are all too common.

So what's to stop men, on sheer biology here, from going around and fucking women? Besides being gay, I mean. I don't think I've had sex with more than two women in my entire life. Didn't really enjoy it either.

I don't know who invented monogamy, but I think it had to have been a way to make sure the men stayed around after getting their wives pregnant. Instead of going off and taking a mistress, a man would stay home. And what do women get out of this? Female orgasms, as far as I know, have nothing to do with fertility. From the male point of view, orgasm during heterosexual sex could mean a child. From a female point of view, orgasm during heterosexual sex ~~is something that's laughed up during comedy routines~~ is merely a sign of pleasure. A man who's going to skip out on his wife probably doesn't care if she enjoys sex or not.

They tell me there's an instinct in men to spread their "seed" around. They tell me men want to stray in order so that all the babies born will be _their_ babies. My own father biologically was never _my_ father. I don't care if he carried the sperm. He left, he bailed, he forfeited his right to call himself my father. So maybe he was just following what "nature" intended him to do, cheat on his wife and leave her. Get her pregnant three times and then leave, since "nature" didn't need him anymore.

First time I ever met him, I told him I was gay and that I was kinky. And then I asked him, do you think this would have happened if you stayed? He said yes. Well, he got points for that.

The facts are, monogamy is not a fact of life. It's a "social norm" but there's enough love in all of us to go around. Having a one night stand isn't cheating. Having a mistress for ten years that your wife didn't know about is cheating. If you swear that you're going to forsake all others, then forsake all others. If you don't, then why should society say that you should?

I don't understand it. I don't understand anything. I don't understand why it makes me burn so much when I think of Teak shagging anyone else. I know it'd mean nothing, but that possessive and jealous part of me would whisper that maybe it does mean something. Maybe Teak wants more than I can give him. I don't know why it hurts so much when I think of Teak shagging and it doesn't hurt when I think about Teak blowing anyone. A blowjob isn't a promise. A blowjob is just a blowjob. But if he blew the same guy every night for a week, would it mean anything? Is it anything more than friendship?

And if it's a societal norm, why do I feel so guilty when I say I want to be Teak's only one?

I'd say it's just something that grew from having him always around this week, but that'd be a lie. I've felt like this for a good long time. I don't think it's part of who I am as a human being, but it might be part of who I am as Gerard Butler. I want Teak to myself, forsaking all others except when and where I say. Is that so bad?

Gerard Butler. Controlling bastard. Possessive prick. Con was right. I _am_ hopeless.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-09 07:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?thread=78887&format=light#t78887))   
---|---  
_I want Teak to myself, forsaking all others except when and where I say. Is that so bad?_  
  
No, Master. It's not bad. It's not wrong either. Your boy reading this might be, but it came up when he toggled the journal and he couldn't help himself.  
  
We're on the same wavelength here. Your slave, your boy, Teak, Jonny. Whatever you want to call him, he wants just you, unless you tell him to play with others.  
  
If hopeless means being controlling and possessive, then yeah, Con was right. And there's not a damned thing wrong with it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?replyto=78887&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?thread=78887&format=light#t78887))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-09 07:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?thread=79399&format=light#t79399))   
---|---  
Goddamn it, Teak! No, I'm not mad you read this. But there _got_ to be something wrong with wanting to possess you as much as I do. I want to control you. Want over you like a hawk every second the day. Clingy and jealous and possessive. This isn't _right_. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?replyto=79399&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43303.html?thread=78887&format=light#t78887))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	201. establishment: London Bar Chat 7/10

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote in [](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/profile)[**establishment**](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/) ,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/07/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/07/10/) 22:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131996&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=131996&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar Chat 7/10** _  
[players only]

  
**Cillian:** *walks in wearing a black shirt and tight but comfortable jeans*

**Liam:** *is wearing black trousers and a burgundy silk shirt*

**Jason:** *is wearing black trousers and a dark blue silk shirt*

**Carrie-Anne:** *is wearing a black silk full skirted long dress with a green brocade waist cincher*

**Carrie-Anne:** Not at the bar tonight, okay? Let's get a table.

**Liam:** Your Mistress is a bit bossy tonight. *grins at Jason* Order the usual for us and then join us.

**Liam:** *leads Carrie-Anne to one of the tables*

**Jason:** *grins* Yes, Master. *heads to the bar to fetch the drinks*

**Jonny Lee:** *enters following Ger, who's wearing grey cotton button down, button-fly blue jeans. Jonny's dressed in black jeans and grey-blue Henley with black leather collar showing*

**Carrie-Anne:** *sees them and waves them over* Jonny!

**Ewan:** *Ewan and Jude enter from the restaurant. Ewan's dressed in black: leather trousers, tight t-shirt, cuffs, boots, and eyeliner. He's leading Jude by a jeweled cock-leash. Jude is completely naked, shaved, and covered in bruises, many of which are obviously from bites. The cock leash is attached to a ring and chain combination, and he's also wearing nipple clamps attached with a chain, bracelets, anklets, his silver necklace, a black leather collar, and eyeliner*

**Jude:** *is following close behind Ewan, keeping his eyes down and not looking at anyone, just concentrating on walking forwards and not running away*

**Jonny Lee:** *waves to Carrie-Anne* Master, may we join them?

**Gerard:** Of course. *leads Jonny Lee over to NIM*

**Liam:** *gestures* Join us; good to see you both.

**Carrie-Anne:** Hey, guys! *gets up to hug Jonny*

**Gerard:** Same here. How have you been?

**Ewan:** *sees everyone over at the tables and heads over to join them*

**Jason:** *comes back to the table with the drinks* Jonny! *hugs him, then says a little shyly* Hello, Mr. Butler.

**Jude:** *follows*

**Liam:** Relaxed. We were in Lisbon for the Cup and we stayed a few days and got some sun.

**Gerard:** Hello, Mr. Isaacs. *smiles at him*

**Jonny Lee:** *returns hug* Hello, Ms. Moss. Mr. Neeson. *grins* Jason. Nice to see you all again.

**Gerard:** The Cup? *grins* Must have been awesome. Did you get good seats?

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods at Jonny and then stares at Jude and Ewan as they come up*

**Ewan:** Hey. *grins* Room for a couple more?

**Carrie-Anne:** Oh my God! You two look gorgeous!

**Liam:** Grand seats thanks to Carrie. Hullo Ewan, Jude.

**Jason:** Oh, yeah. Carrie-Anne's a miracle worker... *looks over at Jude and Ewan* Whoa! That's brilliant!

**Gerard:** *looks at Jude, can't quite turn his eyes away* *whistles* You look great.

**Jude:** *lifts chin slightly*

**Jonny Lee:** *turns, smile broadens* Better than the fantasy, Sir.

**Leo:** *Leo wanders in wearing a suit and tie, tugging at the tie to loosen it as he heads straight to the bar and orders a drink*

**Jude:** *glances at Jonny and smiles a little*

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Ewan* Join us, please. What's the occasion?

**Gerard:** *sits down, motions Jonny Lee to kneel at his feet*

**Jonny Lee:** *drops to knees, happy that Ger's not making him sit. still more comfortable being in slave position than back to normal*

**Ewan:** *sits down next to Carrie-Anne, giving her a quick hug* *to Jude* Get me a beer and whatever you want for yourself.

**Ewan:** *to Carrie-Anne* Just a bit of roleplay...thingy...we've been planning for a while. *grins*

**Carrie-Anne:** *hugs Ewan* How much for the boy, Mister?

**Ewan:** Not for sale. *laughs*

**Jude:** Yes, Master. *heads to the bar, chin up, jingling*

**Liam:** *looks at Jason, snaps his fingers and points to the floor at his feet* *to Ewan* Pity, you'd make a mint.

**Gerard:** Even just renting him out. *looks shocked* Did I say that out loud?

**Jason:** *sets the drinks down in front of Liam and Carrie-Anne and goes gracefully to his knees*

**Leo:** *turns on the bar stool to look around, chokes on his drink a little as he notices Jude and his attire*

**Liam:** *looking around, notices Cillian* Cillian! Come and join us.

**Cillian:** *looks up* Hmm? Oh, hi! *walks over with his drink*

**Ewan:** *looks around, pleased at the crowd and nervous at the same time* I was hoping there'd be a good turnout tonight. It was pretty busy last weekend as well.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins* We were watching footie last weekend.

**Ewan:** Yeah! That's right. How was it?

**Jude:** *orders a beer and a soda water and then notices Leo* *groans to himself*

**Liam:** *smiles at Cillian* Good to see you again.

**Gerard:** *ruffles Jonny Lee's hair* Get me some hot tea, boy. And something for yourself, if you want.

**Carrie-Anne:** Well, it wasn't baseball but... *grins when Liam mock frowns at her* Okay, it was exciting, actually.

**Cillian:** You, too, Liam. *smiles* How've you been?

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master. *crawls off across floor toward bar*

**Liam:** *to Ewan* Yeah, unlike baseball they actually move around a lot.

**Gerard:** *watches Jonny Lee's arse appreciatively*

**Ewan:** *laughs* Did you see any baseball games while you were in the states?

**Liam:** *to Cillian* Not bad. You?

**Leo:** *eyes Jude thoroughly and grins* Nice outfit, Jude. I was hoping to see you this trip, but I wasn't planning on seeing quite this much of you.

**Carrie-Anne:** Did we? Dude, I threw out the first pitch at a Giants game in which we beat our rivals. It so rocked!

**Jude:** *heart sinks* Good to see you, too, sir. I hope sir appreciates the view.

**Jason:** Did she mention that she threw out the first pitch?

**Cillian:** Doing well.

**Ewan:** *grins at Jason and then back at Carrie-Anne* I take it that was the highlight of the game?

**Jonny Lee:** *comes to feet when he reaches the bar, orders Ger's tea and waits, watching exchanges*

**Liam:** Grand. You know everyone here. *to Ewan* Her doing something with the first pitch was...according to her.

**Carrie-Anne:** *sticks her tongue out at Liam*

**Ewan:** *glances over and sees Leo at the bar with Jude; frowns*

**Leo:** *smile widening, Leo leans forward* Oh, the view is very nice. What's the occasion?

**Jude:** *jerks his head towards Ewan* Master's harem boy for the weekend. *can feel his cheeks getting hot* He's, um, showing me off.

**Liam:** *gives Carrie-Anne the Look* Manners.

**Carrie-Anne:** *chuckles* Yes, Master. *to Ewan* So, how have you guys been? I missed you.

**Jonny Lee:** *takes tea when it's ready and returns to table, putting it down and returning to his knees at Ger's feet*

**Leo:** *laughs* How nice of Ewan to share. *lets his gaze travel down to Jude's cock* I'm surprised he's let you off your leash, though. He seems to be the possessive type.

**Gerard:** *pets Jonny Lee* Good boy. *takes a sip and coughs a little*

**Ewan:** We've been good. Not doing much of anything in particular. *shrugs*

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs* We finally had a few days on a beach doing nothing; it was awesome.

**Ewan:** In Portugal?

**Jude:** *bristles a little at Leo's tone but smiles* He is, sir. These are his marks here, *touches his chest* here, *touches his arse* and here. *touches his lips*

**Liam:** *nods* Yeah, the place cleared out after the final and we all needed a few days of doing nothing.

**Jason:** Well, not nothing, exactly, Master. We did do a few things... *grins*

**Ewan:** *grins* That sounds great. I wouldn't mind a bit of a beach holiday... *a little less enthusiastically* we'd probably have to go to the Island, though.

**Carrie-Anne:** We stayed at a place that had a private beach. Was great, no idiots with cameras.

**Jonny Lee:** *nuzzles against Ger's leg, glancing around every so often to check things out* *grins at the inflection in Jason's voice, imagining what they did*

**Leo:** *puts a hand on Jude's shoulder* Hey, I'm only teasing, Jude. You look great, really. Ewan's a lucky guy. *looks over towards Ewan and smiles*

**Liam:** *grins down at Jason* A few things...

**Gerard:** *grins* 'A few things'. I bet those were fun.

**Carrie-Anne:** *glances over at the bar* Hey, look. Leo. *calls out* C'mon and join us!

**Liam:** *quietly to Ger* I've been meaning to write but frankly things have been mad. Will you be round tomorrow to talk on the phone?

**Gerard:** *quietly back* Yeah. Evening's better. My personal trainer will kill me if I'm late.

**Jude:** *picks up the drinks from the bar* *to Leo* Would Sir care to join us then?

**Ewan:** *to Carrie-Anne* How've things been going with the tabs?

**Leo:** Love to, thanks.. After you. *grins and motions for Jude to precede him*

**Carrie-Anne:** Settled down some. We kept a fairly low profile after the premieres. Although *rolls her eyes a little* there will be stuff after it gets out that I'm doing a lesbo vampire flick.

**Liam:** *to Ger* Grand, I'll ring you then.

**Jude:** *slinks back towards Ewan, knowing Leo's eyes are on him* *kneels next to Ewan and offers him the beer* Your drink, Master.

**Gerard:** I look forward to it.

**Liam:** *nods to Ger and then smiles at Leo* Hullo, Leo.

**Leo:** Liam, hi. Good to see you. *nods at Carrie-Anne and Jason* How are you guys?

**Jude:** *sighs with relief at finally being at Ewan's feet and leans in towards him, sipping his water*

**Jude:** *finally looks around to see Jason and Jonny Lee kneeling nearby and gives them both a conspiratorial smile*

**Ewan:** *takes his beer and rests his hand on Jude's head*

**Gerard:** *sees someone new* Hey, I'm Gerry Butler.

**Ewan:** *laughs* Lesbo vampire flick? What's this, then?

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles reassuringly at Jude, adding a quick wink*

**Jason:** *grins at Jude and leans over* You look great!

**Carrie-Anne:** *snickers* It's actually a Victorian thing; an old short story called Carmilla. The only reason I'm doing it is that Milos Forman is directing it.

**Leo:** Hey, Gerry. I'm Leo. *offer hand*

**Gerard:** *shakes* *is not so stupid that he doesn't realize once he hears the name*

**Jude:** *gratefully* Thanks, Jason. *smiles at Jonny*

**Gerard:** And have you met my boy, Jonny Lee Miller?

**Leo:** *gives the kneeling boy an appraising glance and grins* No, I don't think we've met. Hi there.

**Ewan:** Sounds interesting. *turns to Leo; grins* Hey. I didn't know you were in town.

**Jonny Lee:** *to Leo* Hello, Sir, nice to meet you.

**Leo:** *flops into a vacant chair* Hey, Ewan! Yeah, just got in. Had one of my tree hugger meetings - a Friends of the Earth fundraiser. Things are much more interesting here, though. *winks at Ewan and looks over Jude again*

**Liam:** You're trying too hard to sound cynical Leo.

**Leo:** That's me Liam - old and cynical. Why, I'll be thirty in November. Isn't it time for me to be cynical and crotchety?

**Liam:** Thirty? That's just ancient. You'll have to give up the fast life.

**Jude:** *presses against Ewan's hand, enjoying the petting*

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Ewan* So is this just tonight or a whole weekend thing?

**Ewan:** Today and tomorrow. We started this morning. *grins*

**Carrie-Anne:** *looks at Liam* That'd be fun don't you think? You and Jason could have a harem girl.

**Jason:** Oh, now, that's a very nice idea indeed.

**Liam:** *smiles* Certainly something to think about. *winks down at Jason*

**Liam:** We could have her clean fish and caddy clubs when we go to Scotland next month.

**Jude:** *looks at Carrie-Anne* Miss Carrie-Anne would look lovely as a harem girl.

**Carrie-Anne:** *pretending to ignore Liam* Thank you, Jude. You're look pretty damn good yourself.

**Ewan:** Oh, are you going to use that golfing holiday?

**Leo:** *pipes up* Oh, she would look great, but I'm rather partial to the black leather and boots look, myself. *grins* But Jude is delightful in full harem get up.

**Jude:** *feels embarrassed again* Thank you ma'am, sir.

**Liam:** *nods* We have to be in LA again at the end of August but we're going up before then.

**Jude:** *presses against Ewan and smiles a little, slowly relaxing as Ewan pets his hair*

**Ewan:** *leans down and tugs Jude's head back gently, kissing the bruise on the corner of his mouth* *murmurs* You look fantastic.

**Jude:** *smiles happily, kneeling up straighter, half-hard already and unable to hide it*

**Liam:** *watches, playing with Jason's collar*

**Jason:** *leans against Liam,looking very content*

**Ewan:** *goes back to petting Jude* *to Liam* What're you doing in LA?

**Jonny Lee:** *nuzzles against Ger's hand, trying not to notice Jude's obvious condition as he knows what it'll end up doing to him*

**Gerard:** *strokes Jonny Lee's neck* Does my boy want something?

**Liam:** Carrie-Anne's turn on the red carpet. *grins* Thriller called Suspect Zero with Ben. Kingsley, not Affleck.

**Jonny Lee:** *purrs contentedly* Just that, Master.

**Gerard:** *presses against a yellowing bruise* Good.

**Ewan:** Oh, more red carpet stuff?

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* Yeah, and the boys are laughing at me because it's happening around my birthday.

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers even more contentedly*

**Ewan:** What a fun birthday present. *pulls a face*

**Jude:** *glances over to Jonny Lee*

**Leo:** *feels a bit sulky seeing all the kneeling boys and cozy pairs, not to mention the threesome*

**Leo:** *arches an eyebrow at Ewan* So is your harem boy merely decorative? No singing, No dancing, no little finger cymbals? *grins*

**Liam:** Well, we spent our birthdays doing promos for Bond so it's her turn now.

**Jonny Lee:** *shares wicked conspiratorial grin with Jude*

**Gerard:** *sips tea and scratches Jonny Lee behind the ear*

**Ewan:** *smirks at Leo* I've found him to be quite useful so far.

**Leo:** *laughs* I'll bet.

**Jonny Lee:** *shakes head at scratching*

**Gerard:** Something wrong, boy?

**Carrie-Anne:** *leans against Liam, resting her hand on the hand Liam has on Jason's collar*

**Jonny Lee:** Uh, no, Master, nothing wrong. *very apologetic* Just felt weird.

**Gerard:** Bad weird or good weird?

**Jason:** *tilts his head forward a little, and suppresses the urge to bark*

**Jonny Lee:** *mumbles* Good weird.

**Gerard:** *grins* *scratches again*

**Liam:** Jason? Take the shirt off. *looks at Carrie-Anne and holds out a hand*

**Carrie-Anne:** *digs in her bag and hands Liam a pair of clover clamps*

**Jason:** *unbuttons his shirt and folds it neatly*

**Ewan:** So is this your first time at the club here, Leo?

**Liam:** *leans down and teases Jason's nipples and then clamps them*

**Gerard:** *watches Liam intently, as if mentally taking notes*

**Jonny Lee:** *rubs head back into Ger's scratches. straightens up*

**Jason:** *gasps, and jumps a little* Thank you Master, Mistress.

**Leo:** Yeah, first time I've been to London since I joined up. Bit different from New York's.

**Gerard:** *pats Jonny Lee's head* Do you want to lick my boots, Teak?

**Carrie-Anne:** *leans over Jason's shoulder and starts playing with the chain connecting the clamps* Good boy.

**Jonny Lee:** *can think of about six other things he'd rather do first, but eagerly responds* Yes, Master, your boy would like that very much.

**Jude:** *looks up at Leo with a smile* A little more entertaining, sir?

**Gerard:** Then go right ahead. *leans back in his seat so he can watch Jonny Lee do it*

**Ewan:** *slides his hand down to Jude's neck, playing with the collar and necklace*

**Jason:** *lets out a long, slow breath*

**Leo:** *grins at Jude* Definitely. But you were holding out. It could've been just as interesting there seeing as how you're the main attraction tonight, yes?

**Jonny Lee:** *moves around and bends low, lacing fingers behind his back, begins licking over the leather, slowly*

**Gerard:** *murmurs* Good boy. Nice and slow.

**Jude:** Um...but not the only one, sir. *glances at Jonny Lee licking Gerard's boots* If you take my meaning.

**Liam:** *pulls on the back of Jason's collar for a moment and then lets go* *continues doing so as he watches Jonny Lee do Ger's boots*

**Ewan:** *presses down on a bruise on Jude's shoulder and watches Jonny*

**Jude:** *hisses and stiffens*

**Jonny Lee:** *works his tongue in short strokes over the leather, which isn't even dusty, taking extreme care to cover every inch of the boot's toe before moving on*

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Ger as she plays with the clamps* Your boy has nice technique.

**Gerard:** *to Carrie-Anne* Thank you.

**Jason:** *moans--this is almost too good. His trousers are very uncomfortable*

**Ewan:** *to Leo* Maybe I'll have to show him off at the New York club sometime, too, then.

**Liam:** Want something boy?

**Jude:** *to Ewan* This boy would like that.

**Leo:** I think that's a great idea, Ewan.

**Jason:** Permission to take off the rest of my clothes, Master?

**Liam:** *winks at Carrie-Anne who starts digging in her purse* Go ahead, boy.

**Carrie-Anne:** *pulls out a leather snapping cock ring with a chain attached to it and hands it over to Liam*

**Jason:** *shimmies out of trousers and boxers and kneels back in position*

**Jonny Lee:** *oblivious for moment to anything but serving Master, working over back of one boot and then switching to other*

**Liam:** *bends down and snaps the ring around Jason's cock and balls and then attaches the chain to the nipple clamp chain with very little slack*

**Jason:** *gasps* Oh...thank you, Master, Mistress.

**Jude:** *shifts restlessly and looks up at Ewan* Would Master like something?

**Jude:** *licks lips slowly*

**Ewan:** Hmm? *looks down at Jude* *grins* I suppose I might be able to find something for you to do if you're bored.

**Carrie-Anne:** After this weekend It's going to be a while before we can put clamps on our boy.

**Jude:** *smiles* This boy is not bored at all in your company, Master. He just thought you might enjoy...um, something pleasurable.

**Ewan:** *to Carrie-Anne* Why no clamps?

**Gerard:** *moans as Jonny Lee finishes the second boot* My good boy.

**Ewan:** *spreads his legs a little and places his hand on Jude's back, pushing him forward* Come around over here, then.

**Carrie-Anne:** I'm doing the piercings tomorrow. Both nipples and the PA.

**Gerard:** *hears the last* *stares outright at Carrie-Anne*

**Jason:** *smiles happily* This boy is looking forward to it very much.

**Ewan:** PA? Oh. *winces*

**Jason:** Well, not so much the no sex part.

**Gerard:** I'm sorry, Ms. Moss, but did you say PA?

**Gerard:** *winces in sympathy and moves unconsciously to cover private parts*

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls himself up to kneeling position* Thank you for the privilege, Master. *stops any other question as his attention's drawn to Ger quizzing Carrie-Anne*

**Jude:** *wide eyed at Jason* That sounds brilliant, Jason.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* Yeah. Jason asked for it back last year but this is the first time we've had a chunk of time where we could manage it.

**Gerard:** *salutes Jason with his tea* Wow.

**Ewan:** You're a braver man than I, Jason.

**Ewan:** *shudders*

**Liam:** *grins ruefully* He's braver than his master.

**Gerard:** I don't think I could even let a needle near there. *shakes head* Very brave.

**Jason:** *grins* Well, you know, I had a bloke with a scalpel there once, so I figure it can't get much worse.

**Gerard:** Scalpel?

**Carrie-Anne:** You were how many days old?

**Gerard:** *feels stupid* Oh. Right.

**Jason:** It's the principle of the thing.

**Carrie-Anne:** *tugs on the chain a little* Brave boy.

**Jude:** *crawls between Ewan's legs and kneels up, bending forward to nuzzle at the bulge in Ewan's trousers and exposing the jeweled base of the butt plug in his arse*

**Liam:** Nice touch there, Ewan.

**Jason:** *whimpers softly* This boy only want to please his Master and Mistress.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nuzzles Jason's neck* You do, boy. You do very much.

**Jude:** *gently unfastens Ewan's trousers, still nuzzling at his groin until he frees Ewan's cock, kissing it reverently*

**Gerard:** *nudges Jonny Lee* Think you'd want to get a piercing?

**Ewan:** *grins at Liam* Matches the beads on the cock leash. *slides down in his chair a little, running his fingers through Jude's hair*

**Jonny Lee:** If it would make Master happy. *grins* This boy exists only for that purpose, Sir.

**Jude:** *groans contentedly and laps at the head of Ewan's cock*

**Gerard:** Mr. Isaacs over there is getting a PA. *smirks* My boy still existing only for my pleasure?

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Ger* I'm very good with piercings. Establishment trained.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master, he is. He didn't stop on Thursday. *lays head against Ger's knee* Might be best to just start with nipples, though, Master.

**Gerard:** I'll keep that in mind. *grins back*

**Gerard:** *shakes head* No. I like your nipples the way they are.

**Jude:** *remembers Carrie-Anne pierced Ewan's nipples and slides one hand under Ewan's shirt, reaching up until he can feel the metal rings* *tugs lightly*

**Jonny Lee:** Then does Master wish to have other parts of his boy pierced? *looks over at Carrie-Anne then up at Ger*

**Gerard:** Some place I could suck. Didn't we talk about a belly button piercing a few months ago?

**Ewan:** Mmm... *closes his eyes for a moment and then looks over at Carrie-Anne* You gonna do Jason's piercings, then?

**Jude:** *opens his mouth more, kissing the head of Ewan's cock and slowly sliding his lips down, taking more in*

**Jonny Lee:** *perks up* Oooh, that _would_ be nice, Master.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* Of course I am. Wouldn't let anyone else do it.

**Gerard:** A pretty silver stud to match the one in your ear.

**Liam:** That'd be a good look.

**Ewan:** Wasn't sure if you were up to doing the more er...delicate ones as well as the nipples. *grips Jude's hair tighter*

**Carrie-Anne:** I did a couple when I was being trained. It's a fairly easy piercing compared to say...a clit hood.

**Gerard:** What's the hardest you've ever done?

**Carrie-Anne:** Probably the clit hood. I'd need more advanced training to do some of the more obscure ones.

**Jonny Lee:** Your boy would like that very, Master. Would he want Miss Moss to do it?

**Gerard:** If she would be willing, then, yes.

**Jude:** *moans at all the talk of piercing* *sucking harder now, deeper, nose just brushing against Ewan's springy pubic hair, pulling back and sucking down again*

**Ewan:** *would ask what makes that more difficult, but doesn't really want to go into detail* *concentrates instead on Jude's mouth*

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Ger* I'd be glad to, navels are easy.

**Gerard:** I don't know much about it. Are there gauge sizes, or things like that, that I should look for or not get for him?

**Jonny Lee:** *listens politely to conversation, letting Master take care of the details. grins occasionally at Jason*

**Jude:** *tugs at Ewan's nipple again*

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* I can send you a couple of URLs and then get together with you and talk about it if you like.

**Ewan:** *rocks his hips, thrusting into Jude's mouth* Good boy...

**Gerard:** That would be wonderful. Thank you. I should probably know much more about this before getting my boy into something as permanent as a piercing can be.

**Carrie-Anne:** Yeah. The nice thing about navels is that while they take a while to heal, they don't interfere with your sex life as much as some piercings do.

**Jude:** *loves the praise* *has to spread his legs more, unconsciously rocking his hips, thrusting into nothing* Mmmmmm... *swallows around Ewan's cock*

**Gerard:** What's the word on healing times? More than three months before I can play?

**Liam:** *watching Jude intently*

**Jason:** *is half-listening to Carrie-Anne, and half-watching Jude and Ewan*

**Ewan:** *slides his hand down, working his fingers under the collar and pulling it tight as he moans and comes down Jude's throat*

**Jonny Lee:** *his attention's drawn to Jude's gentle sway and he becomes a bit mesmerized by it, fantasies curling in his brain as he rubs his face against Ger's knee*

**Jude:** *swallows gladly, smiling, very very happy*

**Carrie-Anne:** The healing time's about four to six months depending on how quickly he heals.

**Ewan:** *loosens his grip, ruffling Jude's hair, and bends down to kiss him*

**Gerard:** Four to six months? Not bad. He's a quick healer, if you can judge by how quickly his cuts close up.

**Jude:** *tilts his head up to Ewan's, kissing, pressing against him and almost purring*

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers at thinking how much they tested that theory in the past week*

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* The main thing is keeping it clean of course. *grins* But it'll look great on him.

**Gerard:** Anything special about the cleaning routine?

**Liam:** *plays idly with the chain on Jason's clamps* You feeling inspired Jason?

**Ewan:** *sits back, zipping up his trousers, and goes back to petting Jude*

**Ewan:** *to Ger* Just clean the piercing every day, and you have to use this saline solution. Nothing special.

**Carrie-Anne:** Yeah, you use surgical soap and sea salt. It's pretty basic.

**Gerard:** Normal, then. Thanks.

**Carrie-Anne:** Hey, no problem. I like doing it. *grins*

**Gerard:** I was worried for a moment that I might have to, I don't know, dance through fire and walk with the devil.

**Carrie-Anne:** Oh, that can be arranged but it's extra. *snickers*

**Gerard:** *laughs* Right. This is the Establishment. You want circus performers and acrobats and you got 'em.

**Liam:** *grins* I personally safeword at mimes.

**Jason:** *shivers* That kink is okay--way over there.

**Gerard:** I'd like to watch one pantomime sucking cock. But that's just me.

**Carrie-Anne:** Now that is kinky.

**Jason:** *looks up at Liam* This boy is always inspired when it comes to serving Master with his mouth.

**Jonny Lee:** *chuckles* *looks up* Wouldn't you rather watch your boy doing it, Master? Here. There. With a bloke.

**Gerard:** Ah, yes, but my boy isn't trained in the fine art of miming. *pauses* How negligent I've been. *tsks* Jonny Lee, I want you to beg for me. But you're not allowed to make any noise.

**Liam:** Go ahead then, boy. Later I know your Mistress wants to use you but now I'd like your mouth.

**Jason:** *scoots around and undoes Liam's trousers so he can get at his Master's cock*

**Jude:** *rests his head against Ewan's knee and closes his eyes*

**Liam:** *rests his hand on the back of Jason's neck*

**Jonny Lee:** *thinks that's an easy challenge after what he's endured the last week*

**Jonny Lee:** *straightens up, perfect posture, and nuzzles inside of Ger's knee, working his face along inner thigh until his nose touches Ger's crotch. Rubs up and down along buttons*

**Jason:** *swallows Liam's cock to the base, sucking hard and moaning softly at the way the movement pulls on the clamps*

**Ewan:** *watches curiously to see what Jonny'll do*

**Gerard:** *grabs the back of Jonny Lee's neck* You can touch, but not there. Got it?

**Liam:** *tugs at Jason's collar, not to pull him away but to tighten the collar*

**Jude:** *opens his eyes again and swivels around to watch*

**Jason:** *strains against the collar a little as he licks along the underside of Liam's shaft*

**Jonny Lee:** *nods. Thinks for a minute before standing. Straddles Ger's lap. Takes his hands and puts them at the back of his neck, overlapping Ger's fingers and drawing them under his collar as he slides their hands forward. Leans in and brushes his lips over Ger's, flicking his tongue out across the parting mouth*

**Gerard:** * _Oh, that's nice._ * *lets Jonny Lee kiss him, not doing on whit to help him*

**Carrie-Anne:** *watches all of this and then looks at Jude* I need to find out where you got all that jewelry; it's gorgeous.

**Liam:** *lets up on Jason's collar and then tugs again watching as Jason leans forward anyway* Fucking slut for it, the boy is.

**Ewan:** Found it online, actually. I should email you the website.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* Hopefully they make girly stuff, too. *smiles at Jude* *still to Ewan* You must be proud of him.

**Jason:** *makes a small mewling noise since he can't say, "Your slut, Master," with his mouth full*

**Ewan:** Yeah, they do... *grins* and yeah, I am.

**Liam:** *closes his eyes and groans, pumping his hips twice before coming*

**Jude:** *watches Liam with his eyes wide*

**Jonny Lee:** *deepens kiss, not making the normal whimpering sounds he's prone to, then trails kisses down over Ger's throat, licking with even more care than he took on the boots*

**Gerard:** *moans* *wraps his arms around Jonny Lee* *murmurs* Suck, boy. Master wants his vampire slave.

**Ewan:** *runs his fingers through Jude's hair* I knew he'd look fantastic as soon as I saw the website.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* The eyeliner is nice, too. Looks good without being too girly.

**Jude:** *looking up at Carrie Anne* Miss Carrie-Anne should know there were some very attractive pieces that would look lovely on a girl.

**Jonny Lee:** *sucks harder, working up a nice bruise, teeth just shy of breaking the skin*

**Jason:** *continues sucking, having been trained not to stop until he's told to*

**Liam:** *shivers a little and then reaches down and takes Jason's chin in his hand* Good boy...enough.

**Carrie-Anne:** *manages not to giggle at Jude calling her that* Cool. I'll drop Ewan a line so he remembers.

**Jason:** *sits back on his heels* This slave thanks Master for using his mouth.

**Liam:** *still cupping Jason's chin, runs his thumb over Jason's lips* My boy has a talented mouth.

**Ewan:** Yeah, the eyeliner's brill. *grins* He should wear it more often.

**Jason:** *licks the tip of Liam's finger*

**Liam:** *looks at Jason* Wonder what my boy would look like in eyeliner?

**Gerard:** *moans* *holds Jonny Lee even closer*

**Gerard:** *whispers* I have such a good boy, marking master, serving him in front of everyone.

**Carrie-Anne:** Just eyeliner? He'd look good.

**Jude:** This boy would love to see Jason in eyeliner. *smiles*

**Jonny Lee:** *still silent, keeps sucking, teeth worrying at the flesh, pulling blood to the surface*

**Liam:** *watching Jonny Lee* Seems to be oral night at the bar tonight.

**Gerard:** Enough. Enough. *pulls Jonny Lee back* *smiles at him* I'm going to come in my pants at this rate, and I can't have that. Does my boy want to blow me?

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master, your boy would like that. *lays head on Ger's shoulder* Could he ask Master take him home and let him do it?

**Gerard:** He can, yes. *pats Jonny Lee* *pushes him off lightly* Let's go home.

**Jason:** Only eyeliner, though. This boy has worn more makeup, and it wasn't pretty.

**Ewan:** *laughs at Jason* *to Jonny and Ger* You guys leaving already?

**Gerard:** No rest for the wicked. *smirks*

**Jude:** *moves out of kneeling position, sitting on the floor with his legs curled to one side in front of him, leaning against Ewan's leg*

**Ewan:** *rests his hand on Jude's shoulder* Have fun, then. *grins*

**Carrie-Anne:** See ya!

**Liam:** Night!

**Jude:** *waves discreetly to Jonny*

**Jonny Lee:** *waves, blows kiss*

**Gerard:** *spanks boy playfully as he leads him out*

**Carrie-Anne:** *to Jason* A little eyeliner is different than the Cherry get-up.

**Jason:** True, Mistress. If Mistress wishes to see her boy made up, then of course he will gladly obey.

**Liam:** I wouldn't mind seeing it either. *leans down and kisses Jason hard as he removes the clamps*

**Ewan:** *reaches down and tugs lightly on the chain between Jude's clamps* So when're you doing Jason's piercings, then? Did you say?

**Jason:** *makes a loud noise that's not quite a scream when the clamps come off*

**Carrie-Anne:** Tomorrow. *pauses to appreciate the scream* Which is why I intend to have him a couple of times tonight.

**Ewan:** Oh yeah, no sex for a while, eh?

**Jude:** *moans as Ewan tugs on the chain*

**Carrie-Anne:** Well, he won't be doing any topping for four to six weeks. *grins* But he still has a mouth and he can still get fucked.

**Liam:** *kisses Jason again, biting at his lips*

**Jason:** *moans into Liam's mouth hungrily*

**Jude:** *quivers, watching Jason and Liam*

**Jude:** *looks up at Carrie Anne* In this boy's experience, having to avoid certain sexual activities leads to a fair amount of creativity in other areas.

**Carrie-Anne:** *nods* And we're a pretty creative lot really. Which'll be good whenever I get pregnant, too.

**Jude:** *catches his breath* You want a child?

**Jude:** *bites lip at having forgotten formal speech* This boy thinks Miss Carrie-Anne would make a wonderful mother.

**Liam:** *looks over at Carrie-Anne curiously* Oh, she would indeed.

**Carrie-Anne:** I've been thinking about it more lately. We want a family and...well I'm not getting any younger.

**Jason:** *leans over and nuzzles Carrie-Anne* Just let me know when you want to start, love.

**Carrie-Anne:** *brightly* Tonight?

**Ewan:** *laughs*

**Ewan:** Are you going to get in on the action, too, Liam?

**Jude:** *presses against Ewan's leg and smiles* This boy is looking forward to spoiling your children rotten.

**Liam:** *blinks; pretty sure Carrie-Anne's not joking* *turns to Ewan* I'll help raise them of course, but no.

**Liam:** I got fixed back when Natasha and I split up.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Jude* Oh, don't worry, I plan on dumping them off on their uncles often.

**Ewan:** *to Liam* Oh really? That's too bad.

**Ewan:** Think of the fun you could have had trying to guess whose kid it was. *grins*

**Jason:** Oh, I'm quite sure the tabs will be doing that regardless.

**Ewan:** *pretends to hold up a baby* In this light he looks like Jason. *turns his hands* Now he looks a bit like Liam. *turns his hands again* Now he looks like...Winston Churchill?

**Jason:** All babies look like Winston Churchill. *nods*

**Carrie-Anne:** *giggles* And since the poor kids'll have big noses regardless, who can tell?

**Ewan:** Yeah, the tabs'll latch onto that. They'll probably be on about you just being a surrogate for their gay love child, too. *pulls a face*

**Carrie-Anne:** Too bad it's not like science fiction, you know? Jason could have the baby.

**Jude:** *laughs*

**Jason:** I would, you know.

**Carrie-Anne:** *softly, not joking now* I know you would, love.

**Jude:** *smiles* This boy is too selfish to ever have children. Ruining his comfortable lifestyle and all that. But I sometimes think it would be nice.

**Liam:** Instead we will spoil you rotten.

**Carrie-Anne:** *suddenly giggles* I'll do a home birth and you and Ewan can be there.

**Jude:** *laughs* We can film it for posterity.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Ewan* I know Ewan'll wanna see it.

**Jude:** *giggling, covers his face with one hand* Miss Carrie-Anne is a sadist.

**Liam:** *snorts* One of the most devious I know.

**Ewan:** *sticks out his tongue* Doesn't bother me. I'm not squeamish.

**Carrie-Anne:** *laughs* Good, you can help change diapers.

**Jason:** I'll be happy to sign you up for that, Ewan.

**Ewan:** No way, you'll have Jason and Liam to do that for you.

**Jude:** This boy will learn, just for you, ma'am.

**Carrie-Anne:** *smiles at Jude* I would never be that cruel to my friends.

**Jude:** It's not cruelty, ma'am. *smiles* It's just dealing with the side-effects of something that's otherwise pleasurable.

**Ewan:** Oh, you're willing to make me do it, but not Jude? I see how things are. Hmph. *crosses his arms over his chest and pouts*

**Liam:** Poor, put-upon Ewan. You'd better be nice to Carrie if you want to drive Jason's newest car.

**Ewan:** *brightens* Oh yes! The Bond car!

**Liam:** *grins* Hell of a nice car, that.

**Jason:** *looks smug* I'm such a lucky bastard.

**Ewan:** You _are_! Now you're back I'll have to come round and take a look.

**Jason:** Definitely! Let me know, and I'll make pie.

**Liam:** *laughs* Like you need an excuse.

**Ewan:** Pie and cars. Sounds brill. *grins*

**Jude:** I like the sound of the cars.

**Carrie-Anne:** You've seen the wedding present, haven't you? The Jag Liam got us?

**Jude:** *sits up* Oh, yes!

**Ewan:** You could race it against the Aston Martin.

**Liam:** The Aston would win.

**Jude:** Would you take bets on that, Sir?

**Liam:** And what would you like to bet, boy?

**Jude:** This boy bet a blow job and breakfast in bed on England to beat France, Sir. *makes a face* And lost.

**Jude:** Barring the breakfast in bed part, Sir, it doesn't seem an unreasonable wager. And really, it's a win-win situation. *smiles*

**Liam:** *looks at Ewan and then at Jude* You're on, boy. I know a track we can take the cars to and we can get a pair of drivers to race them just to be fair.

**Ewan:** Well, this should be interesting. *grins*

**Carrie-Anne:** Just like in the Great Race only we eat the pies instead of throwing them.

**Jude:** *straightens* Oh well...I was basing my odds on assuming the drivers would be Jason and, um.... *realising he's out maneuvered here* Well, this boy would still take the bet.

**Jude:** *laughs and covers his face with one hand*

**Jason:** This boy would be very sad if people threw his pies.

**Liam:** *reaches out his hand to Jude* You still in, then?

**Carrie-Anne:** *pets Jason* Anyone who throws your pies answers to me. *makes rawring noise*

**Ewan:** *laughs*

**Jason:** *grins* Yes, Mama Lion. *kisses her*

**Jude:** *looks to Ewan before shaking hands with Liam* Well, yes. *droll voice* I have a bad feeling about this.

**Jude:** *leans forward to kiss the tip of Liam's fingers before pulling back*

**Jude:** *curls up at Ewan's feet again*

**Ewan:** *pets Jude* So when's the big race, then?

**Carrie-Anne:** *nuzzles Jason, growling into his neck*

**Liam:** Well, any time between now and the beginning of August is good for us.

**Ewan:** Well, if you're gonna set it up, just let us know when. Our schedules are pretty flexible right now.

**Liam:** *nods* Grand; I'll set it up and give you a ring. And now I think my girl has been very patient watching almost everyone else have sex tonight...

**Jude:** *looks up at Carrie-Anne and smiles at her*

**Carrie-Anne:** *shrugs and smiles* I'm used to it.

**Jason:** *looks hopeful* Mistress said something about making use of her boy?

**Ewan:** I think I'll take mine home and make use of him, too. *grins*

**Jude:** This boy would enjoy that. *smiles happily*

**Carrie-Anne:** And yes. Jason put the clothes back on but leave the cockring on and keep the chain outside your waistband.

**Ewan:** *stands and tugs Jude up with him* We've got clothes in a locker around here somewhere.

**Liam:** *stands up as Jason's getting dressed and offers Carrie-Anne a hand up* You two enjoy the rest of your weekend.

**Carrie-Anne:** *grins at Jude and Ewan* Indeed.

**Ewan:** We will. *grins*

**Jude:** *scrambling to his feet as Ewan pulls at him* Oh, yes...clothes. *wraps an arm and a leg around Ewan, wriggling against him*

**Jason:** *carefully pulls his trousers back on and gets into his shirt*

**Ewan:** Mm...or maybe we should just get a room here and worry about clothes later... *wraps an arm around Jude's waist and kisses him*

**Carrie-Anne:** *reaches out and tugs carefully on the chain* Come along then boy. Night, guys! *leads Jason out*

**Liam:** Good night. *follows Carrie-Anne and Jason out, grinning*

**Jason:** *waves as his Master and Mistress lead him out*

**Ewan:** Night. *waves*

**Ewan:** *bites Jude's earlobe* What does my boy think? Can he wait til we get home or should we get a room? *slides his fingers between Jude's cheeks, rocking the base of the plug*

**Jude:** Oooh! *grinding against Ewan* Whatever Master desires...this boy doesn't want to get dressed again but... *worries* what about your breakfast, Master?

**Ewan:** Good point. *presses harder on the plug and grins evilly* Guess you're just going to have to wait til we get home, then.

**Jude:** *coils around Ewan and kisses his shoulder* This boy is happy to wait for whatever Master desires*

**Jude:** *ducks his head and looks up at Ewan through his eyelashes* Love you.

**Ewan:** Love you, too. *kisses him again* Come on, then. Let's go find your clothes. The sooner we're home, the better.

**Jude:** *disentangles himself and smiles, following Ewan to the cloakroom* Yes, Master.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	202. gerard: Vignette: Tattoo

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/10/) 07:53:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43585&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43585) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43585) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=43585&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Vignette: Tattoo** _  
[players only. Saturday morning, Gerard gets a very special mark.]

Gerard waits until he's sure that Jonny Lee's gone before grabbing his car keys. He's wearing low-riding black jeans and an oversized white tee-shirt with a gamer logo on it. He's got everything ready, including a stenciled drawing of just what he wants. The tattoo parlor opens at eight on the dot and Gerard doesn't want to come back too long after Jonny Lee returns from running. He wants this to be a surprise, and a prolonged absence could mean too many questions. He wants Jonny Lee to find out about the tattoo maybe tomorrow morning while soaping Gerard off in the shower, or while cuddling. Not after walking in, straight from having it done.

Jonny Lee was right. These things are addictive. It's taken Gerard several months to decide what he wants as his second tattoo. He still likes the idea of entwined vines, but that would be something they would do together. This is something he wants to do for Jonny Lee. Once he'd decided that he'd wanted them, the only problem had been whether to get it done on his back or on his ankle. His back had won out, but he still wore sandals in case he changed his mind last minute. He didn't think that would happen.

Pulling out of the driveway, he kept an eye out for his boy, hoping that Jonny Lee doesn't see him. If Jonny Lee comes back before him, he'll know Gerard went out and took the car, but the superstitious part of him is muttering that Jonny Lee sees him, the tattoo will go bad. Normally Gerard doesn't pay much mind to superstitions, with the notable exception of the Scottish play, but he doesn't want to take any chances today. A tattoo is too permanent for mistakes.

Forty-five minutes later, he walks out of the small shop with **`JLM`** written in black ink at the base of his spine. It stings, but not as much as the first tattoo. Of course, that one was much more elaborate. This one is simple. Short and sweet.

Gerard stops by Starbucks on his way home and gets a frappuccino for himself and their most caffeinated drink for Jonny Lee. He feels like celebrating.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/43585.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	203. gerard: Phone Call: liam Neeson and gerard Butler

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/12/) 20:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44738&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44738) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44738) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44738&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Phone Call:[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[ **liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/) Neeson and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) Butler  
[players only. The Monday after the [Saturday bar chat](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/131996.html), Liam calls Ger.]

Liam settles in next to the phone, looks up Gerard's number in the directory and then dials. He's talked to Carrie-Anne about this already and knows her boundaries well enough that he doesn't feel he needs here there.

Just about every muscle in Gerard's back aches. At least, it feels that way. They'd put him through his paces with sword work and he isn't sure how those Vikings could have done it, day after day. He's relaxing on the couch after a nice backrub while Jonny Lee does the dishes when the phone rings. "Butler," he answers.

"Gerard?" Liam says. "Liam Neeson here, how are you doing this evening?

Liam. Gerard smiles. He'd been waiting for this call. "Hello, Mr. Neeson," he says warmly. "I'm fine. Very fine. How are you?"

"Grand," Liam says with a little smile. No one's ever really come up with etiquette for the sort of conversation they're about to have, and he's found that just plunging in usually helps.

"So, it seems like everyone involved is interested in getting your boy and my girl together."

"It seems that way, yeah." Gerard switches ears to be more comfortable. "Do you have any objections, or should we start negotiating?"

"Oh, I've no objections," Liam says. "I agree with Carrie, you're boy's adorable and I can see why she'd want to play with him."

"So can I." Gerard smiles. "So how do you want to do this? Is there anything I should know before I make plans?"

"Why don't you tell me what you have in mind," Liam suggests, leaning back in his chair. "I keep her on a pretty long lead for the most part so we should hit too many snags."

"Well, I was envisioning something dark. Ms. Moss on top, straddling Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee lying on the floor with his hands crossed at the wrist and tied with a black tie. Jonny Lee has to beg for each thrust. Is that alright so far?"

"Oh I do like the way you think," Liam says with a smile. "And I think the girl would too."

"Great," Gerard says. He thinks for a moment about how best to phrase the next part. "I would give Ms. Moss complete control over my boy, to a point. She would be allowed tell my boy if he is allowed to beg or if he's allowed to orgasm, or even if he's allowed to make noises or open his eyes to watch. I don't really have anything in my mind other than Ms. Moss leaning over and pinning my boy down and making him beg."

"She's very very good at that -- making people beg," Liam says. "Did you want her to hurt him in any way?"

Gerard shakes his head and then realizes that Liam can't see it. "No. Nothing beyond pinching his nipples. Nothing biting or anything that would bruise."

"Oh I like that," Liam says. "She'll have to exercise some control over herself, which is always a good thing."

"Jonny Lee and I both have vampire kinks, so anything even remotely having to do with that pushes buttons. I'm not sure either of us are ready to deal with a female vampire topping my little antiques dealer." It's not an apology as much as an explanation. Gerard's aware that their roleplaying kink isn't as Establishment-mainstream as some of their other kinks.

"Oddly enough she'll have fangs here soonish," Liam says. "But I do understand keeping something like that between the two of you. I don't know how I'd feel about someone playing puppy with Jason."

Gerard almost winces. He strikes a mental line through that possibility. "I understand that. Certain things are personal. Is there anything you have between you and Ms. Moss that I should be aware of, so I don't inadvertently offend you?"

"Nothing that should get in the way here," Liam says thoughtfully. "I'm assuming you'll be there?"

"That was the next thing I wanted to discuss." Gerard takes a sucking candy off the bowl in the middle of the coffee table and pops it into his mouth. "I was thinking either a large bare room, or one of those with one-way glass. So we could watch them, but they wouldn't be able to see us."

"Oh I like that," Liam says with a chuckle. "Quite a lot. Mind If I bring Jason along?"

"Go right ahead." Gerard hesitates, not sure how to ask if Liam would be willing to let Gerard receive a blowjob from Jason during the scene. No, he decides. He doesn't know the man well enough to ask for something over the phone. "I take it you like the idea of the one-way glass?"

"Very much so," Liam says. "And if we like what we see, I'm sure my boy can help relieve the tension."

Gerard grins. "If you're offering. I remember Mr. Isaacs as being very talented in that respect."

"Oh he is," Liam says. "Very much so."

"I'd offer my boy's for your lovers, but I'm not sure what experience, if any, my boy has in that sort of thing." He and Jonny Lee never really talk about Angie, though Gerard thinks that if Jonny Lee is going to go through this with Carrie-Anne, a frank discussion about just what his boy and his boy's ex-wife did is in order.

"Well, unless you don't want the girl getting off on the whole thing," Liam says, "I think she'll be getting everything she needs. As for Jason, I'll take you up on it."

"We're settled on that, then. How would you like for it to begin? Meeting in a room, or a lengthy set up?"

"Carrie's pretty quick on her feet, so I'll leave that up to you," Liam says.

"I don't have any real fantasy until Ms. Moss is on top of my boy," Gerard admits. "I'm not a very creative person. But I don't think my boy could get into the mood without some sort of set-up."

"My girl's rather an expert when it comes to kidnapping people," Liam says after a moment of thought. "If you like she can grab him from somewhere and leave it up to you how much he knows in advance."

Gerard whistles low. "That's an idea. I like that. I'd probably tell Jonny Lee that something was coming, but I wouldn't tell him how." Gerard looks over his shoulder to the kitchen, making sure the water's still running and Jonny Lee isn't listening. "Surprises are always fun."

"One thing," Liam says. "I don't know if Jonny Lee's given up his safeword to you, but Carrie will want him to have it available in the scene."

"Even if I he gave it up to me, I wouldn't take it from him," Gerard answers quietly. "It's Cacophony. We don't have a signal system, but if he's gagged, I give him a buzzer he can squeeze."

"Grand," Liam says. "Well sounds like we're pretty well set up here. When would you like to do this?"

"Is there sometime next week that's good for you? The 26th is our anniversary, so I wouldn't want to do it around then. And then soon after, I have to go on a shoot in Iceland."

"Iceland, huh?" Liam asks. "Bale and I did some filming for Batman there. Hope Jonny Lee's going with him. Not much to do but drink and shag." He laughs. "And yes next week is good."

"Yeah, Jonny Lee's coming with. Not sure what he's going to do up there but be a kept boy." Gerard smiles. "Next week, then. Is Tuesday good?"

"That sounds good," Liam said with a grin. "Carrie checked the schedule for us."

"I'll see you then, Mr. Neeson."

"I'm looking forward too it Mr. Butler."  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44738.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	204. gerard: Like none of you have ever figured this out before

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/13/) 10:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44242&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44242) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44242) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44242&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Like none of you have ever figured _this_ out before** _  
[public]

There is nothing quite like a spanking to start off your morning.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-13 07:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=79826&format=light#t79826))   
---|---  
Is this a recent revelation, or just something you're affirming for the nth time? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=79826&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=79826&format=light#t79826))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-13 07:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80082&format=light#t80082))   
---|---  
I'm embarrassed to say that it's a recent revelation. It's not like I've ever made a habit of morning spankings.  
  
I think I will now. There's something about watching him make breakfast while his arse is still red from my hand that makes me want to jump my boy something fierce. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=80082&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=79826&format=light#t79826))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80082&format=light#t80082))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-13 07:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80338&format=light#t80338))   
---|---  
Oh, yes, I imagine that would be a _very_ pleasant sight. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=80338&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80082&format=light#t80082))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80338&format=light#t80338))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-13 07:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80594&format=light#t80594))   
---|---  
Come over sometime. I'll let you spank him and you can see for yourself. ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=80594&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80338&format=light#t80338))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80594&format=light#t80594))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-13 07:54 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80850&format=light#t80850))   
---|---  
You and your evil, naughty temptations. ;) I obviously need to try and make it out to London at some point. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=80850&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80594&format=light#t80594))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80850&format=light#t80850))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-13 10:02 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81106&format=light#t81106))   
---|---  
Yes, you do.  
  
But sooner rather than later. I'm shooting Beowulf in Iceland starting August. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=81106&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=80850&format=light#t80850))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/profile)[**gordy_woolvett**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gordy_woolvett/)  
2004-07-14 02:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81362&format=light#t81362))   
---|---  
Why just to start the day with, though? *giggles* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=81362&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81362&format=light#t81362))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-14 04:32 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81618&format=light#t81618))   
---|---  
*grins* Good point. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=81618&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81362&format=light#t81362))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-15 12:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81874&format=light#t81874))   
---|---  
Please, Master, could your boy have another?  
  
And another?  
  
And more after that? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=81874&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81874&format=light#t81874))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-15 04:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82130&format=light#t82130))   
---|---  
Of course he may. And he doesn't even need to beg.  
  
But I think I'll use the paddle this time. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=82130&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=81874&format=light#t81874))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82130&format=light#t82130))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-15 06:10 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82386&format=light#t82386))   
---|---  
But your boy _so_ enjoys begging, Master. He loves crawling across the living room floor to kneel up and beg for his Master's paddle. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=82386&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82130&format=light#t82130))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82386&format=light#t82386))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-15 06:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82642&format=light#t82642))   
---|---  
_Does_ he? *smirks* Well, then. I've never been one to get in the way of the desire to beg and plead and whimper and then get turned red. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?replyto=82642&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44242.html?thread=82386&format=light#t82386))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	205. gerard: Gym Phone Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/14/) 21:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44302&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44302) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44302) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=44302&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Gym Phone Sex** _  
[players only. While bulking up for Beowulf, Ger takes a break to torture his boy.]

Andrea's given Gerard a half hour break. She's been sweating him since eight in the morning and they'll be going until seven in the evening. Gerard checks the clock on the wall as he pulls his cell phone out of his gym bag and winces. Two o'clock. Where did the time go? Gerard hits speeddial one and waits for the call to go through. He starts speaking as soon as he hears someone pick up. "You better be alone," he says.

"He--" Jonny Lee gets half the greeting out before he hears Gerard's voice. "Master, yes, your slave's alone." He's in the house, naked, doing laundry. Why wouldn't he be alone? Jonny Lee thinks it, but doesn't say it.

"Good." Gerard leans against the door to his locker and shoves his free hand into his pocket. "What's my boy wearing?"

"Nothing, Master, just as ordered," he says, quickly dropping the clothes he was folding and sinking to his knees, "except the wrist cuffs. Haven't taken them off, Sir."

Gerard smiles. "That's my good boy. And I assume my boy is kneeling for me. Where are you?"

"Yes, kneeling, Sir. He's in the laundry room, Master. Would you prefer he move elsewhere?" Jonny Lee adjusts the headset, putting the cordless on the floor beside him.

"Laundry room's fine." Gerard licks his lips. His voice takes on a teasing tone. "Does my boy know why I'm calling? Does my boy know why his loving and lovable master called him up in the middle of his afternoon chores?" His voice drops an octave and he purrs. "Does my boy know what _I'm_ wearing?"

"Yes, Master, your slave knows why you called. To torture him." Jonny's smiling as he says the words. "What is Master wearing?"

"Yes, to torture him." Gerry smiles. "Master is wearing a green wife beater and that ratty pair of sweatpants. Yours. Master is also wearing silk boxers and a hickey that his boy gave to him last night. I assume my boy remembers."

"Yes, Master, your boy remembers." Jonny licks his lips at the memory, sucking hard and making the nearly perfect circle. Pire had been so amused by it. "Master sounds deliciously dressed. Your boy would like to strip him down and work on new hickeys.

"My boy can do that tonight while cuddling his exhausted master. I could stand a few more marks." Stand? Fuck, he could beg for them. But as the master, all he had to do was order and Jonny Lee would happily obey. "Is my boy on headset?"

"On headset," he says, grinning. "Yes, hands are free, Master." Jonny Lee hasn't touched himself and he's already hard, just from hearing Pire's voice. "How may this slave serve his Master at the moment?"

"My boy can touch his balls for Master. Stroke them. Tell me in as much detail as you can how it feels." Gerard slides down to sit on the floor with his back propped up against the locker door. "Your Master feels a need to be voyeur right now."

"Okay." Jonny spreads his knees more, settling back on his heels, and slides his hand between his legs, tracing his fingers over his balls. "They're heavy, smooth right now because your boy hasn't played with himself today. He starts rubbing them and the skin ripples against his fingers." He straightens his back. "It feels good in that every stroke tightens your boy's cock more, makes him about Master watching, sitting on the floor against the washer as his boy performs for him."

"Mmhmm." Gerard closes his eyes and imagines that he's watching Jonny Lee and not just listening to him. "Pinch your nipples. Tease them, stretch them, tug of them. Make yourself hurt."

He moves his hand up his body and starts in on one nipple, then brings the other hand to work the left one. He rolls them first, feeling the warmth spread down his chest to his stomach. His breath hitches and he hisses out a moan as he starts to tug at them. "Master, it feels like your hands, pinching and pulling them."

"Imagine it's me, boy. Remember before November, you said you," Gerard lowers his voice. "You said you'd pinch them and imagine it was me biting on them, making them hurt. Imagine now, Teak. Imagine I'm marking you as mine. Hard. Bruising."

"Oh, fuck, Master." Jonny pinches harder, scrapes his nail over the nipple. It's just like having Pire touch him, the way he used to imagine when he'd jerk off. "It hurts. So good. And I can close my eyes and see you doing it. And your boy's begging for more. He wants to ache all over for his Master.

"And he will," Gerard says. "I promise. Now move your hands lower. I want you to dig your nails into your hips and drag one across your stomach. I want you to trace old bruises and pinch them hard."

Jonny Lee follows Gerard's instructions to the letter, tracing his hands down over his stomach, pinching at yellow-blue bruises, wincing at the new pain. He digs his nails so deeply into his hips they draw blood, a faint oozing that sets his senses on fire. "Oh, fuck, Master," he pants, licking his lips, biting. "Your boy is getting so hard. He wants you so badly. The bruises, they feel so good. Want more."

"So do it more," Gerard grins. "Hurt yourself for me. Think of me at every pain, because it's only because of me that you hurt. It's only because I told you to that you're allowed to hurt."

"Thank you, Master, for letting your boy hurt for you." Jonny Lee pinches harder at the bruise near his hip, presses into it, re-bruises it. He scrapes his nails across his flesh, raking and scratching, leaving himself a bloodied mess. And not caring. "Want to bleed for you, Master. Want to know it's only your hand hurting this boy."

Gerard palms his cock through his pocket and he begins to stroke. "It is. Bleeding just for me, only for me. And it feels good, doesn't it? Master taking everything he wants from his slave."

"It feels good. It feels _right_. Master alone should have these things. No one else." Jonny Lee sinks himself, almost unconsciously, lowering into the first levels of a comfortable zone. "This is what your boy wants, Master. To be possessed so completely that he's nothing but Master's." He's scratching and pulling and pinching and turning his body into a myriad of colors, red overlapping purple and yellow giving way to black. Jonny Lee's never hurt himself so thoroughly, and he's never felt so good.

"He is," Gerard says, swallowing a moan. "Nothing. But. Mine. Touch your cock now, Jonny Lee. Touch it for me. Stroke yourself off." He can only imagine what Jonny Lee is doing to himself. Can't wait to come home and see for himself, maybe trace his tongue around the lines and marks he knows his boy is making for him.

"Yes, Master," he says eagerly, hand going immediately to his cock. He tugs down sharply on it, twisting at the head, almost too roughly, too quickly, and he's panting, ragged breaths gasping into the phone's microphone. "Oh, Christ, Master." He settles back a half step into a rhythm that's more tolerable, barely, and he's fisting himself in another minute. "Please, let your boy come for you." Jonny Lee has a bet with himself that the answer will be _no_ and that'll be fine. He's into orgasm control. "God, your boy's cock is so hard, just for you. His body is bloodied and bruised, for you."

Gerard hums as he pictures just how Jonny Lee looks. _And all because of me._ It's a heady thought and he licks his lips. "My slut. My pretty slave. Pulling himself off over the phone just because Master is feeling evil. And you know I'm not going to let you come. You know that. And you're being such a good boy. How close are you to coming?"

If he was allowed to play at will on the PS2, Jonny'd be paying off his bet to himself with a game of _Thief_ , but that's out of the question. "On the edge, Master. Your boy could come on a word." _Or a thought._ "But he won't, because it pleases Master more to have control over his boy's body." Jonny Lee pulls another, a sharp tug down on his cock, pinching to steel off the orgasm that's screaming in his brain. "Your boy wants to be hard when Master comes home, wants Master to see what he does to this boy."

"I know what I do to my boy." Gerard chuckles, checks the time and immediately sobers up. "What was my boy planning on doing for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Your boy has to finish the laundry, Master, although he might, with permission, put that off till after you come home. He's rather a mess, and he's thinking Master would like to see his creation." Jonny Lee pauses, licks his lips. "Other than that, there's dinner to fix and your boy did have an hour of vidgame time coming today."

"Alright." Keeping one eye on the hand of the clock, Gerard takes a moment to think. "Alright," he repeats. "I want my boy to get take-out for dinner. Thai. I don't want anything in particular, so surprise me. My boy is to kneel on the floor while he plays. I'll call before I leave here. When I do," Gerard pauses, then goes on. "I want you to get yourself on the bed, legs spread, face up, with your wrists crossed over your head. Naked, of course."

Jonny Lee nearly comes just from listening to his orders. He tightens his hand on his cock damned hard. "Yes, Master," he gets out, knowing he sounds pained. "Thai take-away. Kneeling while playing. And your boy will wait your call. Eagerly."

"Good boy." The last second of freedom ticks by and Gerard looks guiltily towards the door to see Andrea glowering at him. "Love you. See you later." He flips the phone off and then tosses it into his gym bag. "How long have you been standing there?" he asks, putting the bag back into his locker.

"A few minutes." Andrea snorts. "All that and you tell him not to come?"

"He likes it." Gerard slams the door shut and then turns to face his trainer head on. "You going to take it out on me?"

"Bet on it, Butler." Andrea throws a towel at him. "Bet on it."  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/44302.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	206. gerard: Ode to Jonny Lee Miller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/19/) 12:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45040&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45040&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ode to Jonny Lee Miller** _  
[public]

His neck is as long and delicious as a twinkie,  
he takes pain like a pro,  
he can beat me at video games with just his pinkie,  
and, damn, can he blow.

His choice of clothing makes him look sexy,  
but he looks even better in nothing at all.  
And something-something-something that rhymes with sexy  
and he always comes when I call. no, not like _that_. ok, also like that.

He fed me jambalaya the first time we met,  
which should have warned me off.  
But I haven't stopped loving him yet.  
And he's very cute when he's jacking off.

I love my Jonny Lee, my Teak, my boy.  
The smartest thing I ever did was fall in love with you, my joy.

I said I wasn't going to do anything sappily romantic on the _day_. Didn't say anything about the week before.   
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/)  
2004-07-19 07:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=82928&format=light#t82928))   
---|---  
Best. Poetry. EVER.  
  
Congrats, you two. *grins* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=82928&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=82928&format=light#t82928))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 08:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83184&format=light#t83184))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Hawke.  
  
  
Anniversary isn't until next week. Promised not to wax poetic on the 26th, but I didn't say anything about not doing it now. Solicitor training pays off at the oddest times. *grins* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=83184&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=82928&format=light#t82928))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-07-19 11:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83440&format=light#t83440))   
---|---  
Certainly beats the [poetry](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/16803.html) Jude wrote about me... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=83440&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=82928&format=light#t82928))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83440&format=light#t83440))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/profile)[**ethan_hawke**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ethan_hawke/)  
2004-07-19 04:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84208&format=light#t84208))   
---|---  
Oh no no no. That's incredible work -- I had no idea Jude was such a romantic!  
  
Cream cheese!

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=84208&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83440&format=light#t83440))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 05:54 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84976&format=light#t84976))   
---|---  
I've done something better than Jude? Wow. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=84976&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83440&format=light#t83440))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-19 02:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83696&format=light#t83696))   
---|---  
Oh Gerry, you're such a romantic. ;) That's a beautiful poem. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=83696&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83696&format=light#t83696))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 05:52 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84464&format=light#t84464))   
---|---  
Thanks, Marton.  
  
  
So...when are you coming down to London? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=84464&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83696&format=light#t83696))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84464&format=light#t84464))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-19 06:21 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85232&format=light#t85232))   
---|---  
I especially liked the something-something-something that rhymes with sexy. Such eloquence is difficult to find these days. *grins*  
  
How much longer are you going to be in London before you go to...Iceland, was it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=85232&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84464&format=light#t84464))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85232&format=light#t85232))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 06:25 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85488&format=light#t85488))   
---|---  
Well, a bloke does try. ;)  
  
  
They haven't given me a final date on Iceland yet. Something about rain ruining one of the sets. I was told to expect a delay of a day or so. But early August it still should be. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=85488&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85232&format=light#t85232))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85488&format=light#t85488))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-19 07:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85744&format=light#t85744))   
---|---  
Hmm. Well, let's see. I'm flying home to see my parents this weekend - it's their 40th wedding anniversary, and they want me to be there. Personally, I'd want to spend my anniversary alone with my spouse, but what can I say, my parents are strange. ;) I was planning on flying back to LA on Sunday, but I could easily change my ticket and head to London first for a few days. Does that sound like it would work for you? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=85744&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85488&format=light#t85488))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85744&format=light#t85744))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 07:11 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86000&format=light#t86000))   
---|---  
That sounds brilliant. I have plots planned for the 26th and 27th, but any time before then or after then would work wonderfully.  
  
No need to bring your footie gear. We have loads here. ;) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=86000&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=85744&format=light#t85744))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86000&format=light#t86000))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-19 07:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86256&format=light#t86256))   
---|---  
I could probably get out there the 28th. Sound good?  
  
I'll be sure to practice my football skills before I get there. :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=86256&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86000&format=light#t86000))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86256&format=light#t86256))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 07:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86512&format=light#t86512))   
---|---  
28th is lovely. Your ass is grass, Csokas. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=86512&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86256&format=light#t86256))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86512&format=light#t86512))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-07-19 08:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86768&format=light#t86768))   
---|---  
Yeah, we'll see about that, Butler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=86768&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=86512&format=light#t86512))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-07-19 04:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83952&format=light#t83952))   
---|---  
Love the poem. *grin*  
  
(I'm sure Jonny Lee will too) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=83952&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83952&format=light#t83952))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-19 05:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=84720&format=light#t84720))   
---|---  
*grins* Thank you.  
  
  
(That remains to be seen. I haven't let him have computer time yet. But he has some coming to him in a few hours, so we'll see. *crosses fingers*) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=84720&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=83952&format=light#t83952))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-07-20 09:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=87024&format=light#t87024))   
---|---  
*snif* It's beyoooootiful. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=87024&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=87024&format=light#t87024))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-20 04:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=87280&format=light#t87280))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Isaacs. :) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?replyto=87280&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html?thread=87024&format=light#t87024))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	207. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Torture and a movie and, oh yeah, dinner

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/20/) 20:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29160&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29160) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29160) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29160&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Torture and a movie and, oh yeah, dinner** _  
**[players only. occurs evening of tuesday, july 20]**

There are worse things to come home to than a kneeling boy and dinner on the table. Much worse things. Gerard's already grinning as he walks in. He fluffs Jonny Lee's hair and tugs on his collar. "What's for dinner?"

Jonny Lee's been kneeling for half an hour when Gerard opens the door. In perfect position, waiting for Master. "Your boy picked up curry take-away while he was out this afternoon, Master," he says, cock hardening at the tug. "Chicken. rice and carrots. And there's a loose-leaf salad with it. All on the dining room table, Sir."

"Excellent." Gerard stops holding onto Jonny Lee long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it onto the couch. It's one less thing he'll have to do later. "What else did my boy do today?"

"Not much, Sir. Just a latte at Starbucks, quick pop into the bookstore and down to Tesco to pick up things we needed for the week." Jonny Lee smiles, but doesn't break position other than that. "And spent about an hour on the computer this afternoon."

"Did my boy see anything he liked?" Gerard runs a hand through his growing curls, messing them up. He has to pull them back at the gym, but at home he likes to have them down. It's much more comfortable. "Any new codes for _Zelda_?"

Jonny Lee stifles the laugh. "No, didn't even get to Cheat Planet. Was just cruisin' the journals, checking up on friends," he says with a lilt, "reading back over that poetry I happened on." He's still smarting just a bit from being publicly immortalized, as it were, but deep down Jonny Lee's rather taken with the notion of having a lover who writes poetry for him.

"Uh huh." Gerard grins. He'd had fun writing the poetry, though it'd been harder than he'd thought. Who would have known that even online rhyming dictionaries weren't infallible? "Decided yet if my limericks are good enough for the world to see?"

_Limericks? Oh, no, please._ "Would it bother Master if your boy asked to keep them private?" Jonny Lee's been hesitant to ask, but he's not sure he's ready for public dissemination of bawdy rhymes. "He's willing to trade out favours for them."

"Wouldn't bother me at all." _As long as I get to whisper them to you while you're trying to fall asleep._ "But I'm never one to turn down a favour. What did you have in mind to offer me, boy?"

"Whatever Master desires?" Jonny Lee glances up, smiles. "Let him beat me at _Zelda_."

"Why not _Tomb Raider_?" It's the one game where Gerard thinks he actually knows what he's doing. The rest of them are just blind chance as far as his fingers hitting the right keys are concerned. "I think I should at least get a pity win on that one."

Jonny Lee can concede a victory on that. "Sure, Master," he says quickly. "Although it's hardly a pity win. You're gotten rather good on that one." He's actually rather excited when Pire wants to play his games, takes an interest in them. And he returns the favour, making himself read more and, truth be told, he hasn't begrudged the reduced computer time that started with the control experiment.

Gerard swats him. "Don't humour master. It makes him want to beat you." Which makes it a good thing for Jonny Lee to continue doing. Gerard never said he doesn't like to be humoured.

"Oh, no, Master, not humouring," Jonny Lee says, as sweetly sincere as he can be. "Your boy will be good. He promises. He'll let Master beat him till the controls fall out of his hand." It's all he can do at this point _not_ to break position and laugh from the double entendres they're spewing.

"Good boy." Gerard can't help himself anymore. He laughs. "Love you, boy." His slips a finger through the ring of Jonny Lee's collar and tugs it up. "C'mere. Want to kiss you."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says dutifully, rising to his feet at the tug, tilting his head and going up slightly on the balls of his feet, anticipating the kiss. "Have missed your kisses all day."

Gerard tugs him closer. "Missed you, too." He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee's waist and tugs him closer. He parts Jonny Lee's lips with his tongue and kisses him tenderly.

Tender takes Jonny Lee aback for the briefest of seconds. He's used to the all-out frontal assault. But this is nice. His fingers are still laced behind his back and they're quickly entwined with Gerard's as he's pulled closer. _Christ, yes, love this. Love you._

Gerard's thumbs stroke Jonny Lee's wrists as he kisses him. It's nice like this, just the two of them, but Gerard can't resist. He bites down hard on Jonny Lee's lip and then pulls back, stretching it out.

_That's more like it._ "Love you, Master," Jonny Lee whispers when Gerard lets go. His lip's sore and oozing just the hint of blood. He licks out, swipes it mostly clean. "Do you want dinner? Or want it to get cold first?"

Gerard's eyes are on Jonny Lee's mouth. It's one of the many things about Jonny Lee that he'll never be able to get enough of. "Dinner," he says. "Then I'm putting you in a few torture devices and let you kneel next to me while we watch a bad movie. Afterwards, if you're good enough, I'll fuck you so hard you won't even think of moving." Gerard smiles. "Suits?"

"Suits?" Jonny Lee's face is most likely white because all the blood's gushing south, and his cock's demanding immediate acknowledgement. "Yes, Master, that suits your boy. Most decidedly." He's smiling, too broadly, wicked thoughts careening through his brain. "Would Master be interested in combining dinner with the torture and a movie? The curry's not too messy."

"'Torture and a movie,'" Gerard repeats. "Coming soon to a Blockbuster near you." There's a ballbuster pun on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it down, winking at Jonny Lee instead. "My boy should get everything set on the coffee table, then, while Master flips through the channels."

"Excellent, Master," Jonny Lee responds, going for a mildly obscene Renfield. He turns and moves off to the dining room, gathering up the take-away boxes, then detouring by the kitchen to grab a couple water bottles and a handful of dish towels. He knows he's smirking a bit, enjoying the playfulness of their exchange, and he kneels down at the coffee table, spreading out the boxes, opening everything, getting it just right for a kneeling boy and his Master.

It doesn't take much effort to restrain from swatting Jonny Lee. Shakes his head and unable to stop grinning, Gerard goes to the living room by way of the playroom. He picks out a harness, alligator clamps with a chain between them, a cock cage, and a handful of clothespins. He's pretty sure there are a few dildos floating around near the telly, and together that should be torture enough for one evening, even without any thuddy things. Balancing it all carefully, Gerard climbs the stairs and kicks the door closed. He puts them down on the table next to the food and flops down on the couch, grabbing the remote from the seat cushion next to him.

The smirk settles into a bemused grin when Jonny Lee looks over at Gerard's couch stash. _Definitely planning on torture. Yummy._ He spreads a towel out on the table and hands on over to Gerard. "Which first, Master?" he asks, kneeling up between Gerard's legs.

"Curry." Gerard says. "But stay still for a minute." He picks the clamps up from the table and carefully put them on Jonny Lee's nipples. He tugs the chain a little harder than he normally would to make sure they're on properly, and then pats Jonny Lee on the head. "Good boy," he smirks. "Dinner now."

Jonny Lee winces as the first clamp tightens on his nipple, then bites back a tiny yelp when the second one's done. "Thank you," he gets out a second before the tug, which catches his breath. "Master." He clears his throat. "Do you want your boy to serve you?" he asks, turning, very gently so as not to make the chain swing too much right off, and picking up the box of curry.

"Yeah. I want my boy to serve me." The chain looks so tempting, hanging down between Jonny Lee's nipples, that Gerard can't help but tug on them. Lightly, though. He doesn't want to spill the food.

_Nice pain. Good pain._ It's a little mantra that works. Jonny Lee picks up the fork and spears a chicken piece, holding it to Gerard's mouth. He figures he'll segue into fingers for the carrots, not wanting to get too messy too early.

He always feels a little foolish when Jonny Lee feeds him, but it's nice. Gerard opens his mouth wide and then closes it down over the fork, chews and swallows. "S'good," he says.

Jonny Lee offers a few more bites of the chicken, then puts the fork down and picks up a carrot coin. "Your boy's glad Master likes," he says, holding it up against Gerard's lips. "Your boy enjoys serving Master this way."

Gerard smiles. "Your master admits to feeling a little stupid when his boy serves him like this, but he likes it." He looks pointedly at the food. "Isn't my boy going to eat anything, or should I return the favour and hand-feed him?"

"That's up to Master, whether his boy eats or not." Jonny Lee hands Gerard a water bottle. "He would love being hand-fed, but he's not overly hungry and he's more interested in pleasing Master."

"You are pleasing me." Gerard unscrews the cap and takes a long drink of the cold water. He sits back. "Entertain me, Teak. I want you to put the cage on." His grin turns into a smirk. "And I want you to show me how much you enjoy it."

Jonny Lee picks up the plastic cage from the couch. It's intended for long-term wear. He takes it apart and puts the first ring over his cock, slipping it into place behind his balls. _Show me how much you enjoy it._ "Feels good, Master, being restrained like this, held bound for you." He tugs at his cock, smiles at the immediate response, and slips on the second ring, placing it so his balls hang between the two. That's the simple part. It's the cage itself that traps the cock. It's small and angled down, and Jonny Lee makes sure he's not too hard to work his flesh into it before closing.

He picks up the tiny padlock and holds it up. "Would Master like to lock his boy down?"

Gerard licks his lips. "Yes, he would." He takes the padlock and key and leans down to slip the ring of the lock through its proper place. He clicks it shut with finality and then places the key carefully on the table. He'd been thorough when he'd bought this. There are five extra keys in different places around the house. The last thing Gerard wants is to have to take his boy to a locksmith because he's stuck in chastity. Gerard strokes his cock lightly through his pants and then begins to unbutton them.

The cage locked in place, Jonny Lee kneels up straighter. He knows there's an out. He knows where the keys are. And he knows he can _trust_ his Master not to hold him in any longer than they both know he can tolerate. "Thank you, Master," he says softly, hands grasping each other behind his back, head lifted up. "What can your boy do for you now?"

"My boy," Gerard says, looking over the spread of food and bondage, "can pick one more thing he wants his master to do to him right now. The ones he doesn't choose will go on at master's pleasure."

"Hmm." Jonny Lee surveys the remaining items. _Clothespins._ They haven't done much with them. _Harness._ He's never really grasped the fascination with that. "Master didn't bring up the armbinders," he says casually. "And no plugs." It's tempting fate to question Master's decisions on toy choices, but it's a lighthearted evening and Jonny Lee doesn't think he'll get slapped down too badly.

Gerard gives Jonny Lee a blank look, but there's a smile threatening at the corners of his lips. "Does my boy really think he's earned armbinders? My boy doesn't like his master's limericks. He needs to keep his hands free in order to cover his ears so he doesn't have to hear the unskilled proof that his master loves him." The sentiment comes out much harder than Gerard really means it. It doesn't really bother him too much that Jonny Lee doesn't want him to share his poetry with other people. Gerard knows it's bad. He just can't help being a romantic sometimes. "And as for plugs," he goes on, "my boy would do well to look in the video cabinet. Master seems to remember putting an eight-inch plug in there." He grins and pauses. "Or was it a twelve-inch?" he asks thoughtfully.

Whatever smile there might've been on Jonny Lee's lips fades at Gerard's words. He _knows_ Gerard's teasing with him, but it hurts all the same. "S'not that your boy doesn't like them, Pire. And he'd never cover his ears when you talk to him. He just wants to keep some things for us, and not share with the world." He turns and crawls over to the video cabinet, the nipple clamps' chain dangling a bit much, the sharp tug of pain centering his thoughts. _Everything for Master. All that matters._ He returns with the plug in hand, a silicone one, slightly tapered, looks closer to 8 inches than 12, but he'd guess it's a middle-ground 10. "Does Master wish to put it in?" he asks, his voice near monotone. "Or would he rather watch his boy do it?"

Gerard's more than a little surprised that he guessed correctly about the size. He'd remembered that he had put away a rather large plug in the video cabinet, he hadn't thought it would be so big. "I'd rather watch my boy do it." Now _that_ is torture.

Fortunately the first day of control week taught Jonny Lee a very valuable lesson. Be prepared. Always. And knowing Master's proclivity for post-gym frolicking, he's lubed already. He shifts forward, spreads his knees wider and reaches around, starting to work the plug in. Being prepared, though, doesn't mean it's not hurting, a little, and Jonny Lee bites down on his lip against the steady burn. He breathes in, then out, knowing it'll pass when the plug's seated properly. Just has to keep push-twisting. And /not/ shaking that damned chain too much. But the nice thing about nipple clamps is their tug takes the mind off other invasions.

"Almost, Master," Jonny Lee moans. "Will your boy be allowed to beg for the real thing later?"

Gerard continues stroking himself as Jonny Lee works the plug. It an amazing sight from this angle, to see his boy voluntarily shove something that massive, and to watch it disappear slowly but surely. "Yeah," he says. "My boy can beg later." A twist on his cock has Gerard biting his lip hard. Once Jonny Lee's done with that, Gerard's going to make him beg to give him a blowjob.

It's another minute, agonizingly long, and Jonny Lee has the plug in place. He pulls it out partially and pushes it back in, securely its hold, and then kneels back into position, hands behind back and stretching the chain between his nipple clamps, creating more tension. "Thank you, Master."

"You're welcome, boy." Gerard reaches down and flicks one nipple clamp and then the second. "Squirm for me," he orders, very unnecessarily, as he continues to play with them, pulling, tugging, and yanking.

Damned unnecessary order. Jonny Lee couldn't stop squirming if he had to, not as long as Gerard's fingers are dancing with the chain. "Please, Master, oh, that's good pain." He sucks in a breath as the tugging pain spikes down his chest, his eyes watering at the sensation, plug in his arse and cage on his cock not detracting at all from it.

"It should be." Gerard grins. "Master's doing it to you. Of course it's good pain." One thing he prides himself on is giving his boy what he wants. "But Master said something about a movie. Does my boy have anything he'd not like to watch?"

Jonny Lee knows better than to answer that honestly. What he doesn't want to watch is exactly what they'll end up watching. "Not really, Master. Whatever you want to see is fine."

Gerard nods. He hands the remote to Jonny Lee and almost sneers. "Pick a channel, Teak." Yet another element of torture: having his boy try to find a movie that Gerard likes.

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, taking the remote and flicking through the channels. There's horror on one, comedy on another, some western on a third. "Does Master see anything he likes?"

"Master wants his boy to choose."

"Ah, yes, the _Ghost Busters_ effect. Choose the method of your destruction," Jonny Lee deadpans, then flips through the channels and settles on SkyOne, where there's a commercial at the moment. "There, Master. Your boy has no idea what the movie is tonight."

Gerard swats him playfully. "Fine. Gimme the remote." He turns the volume to a low background murmur in case the movie is terrible and then nudges his boy with his foot. "I believe you were in the middle of feeding Master dinner."

"Yes, Master, your boy was. Did Master want salad now?" He smiles. "And his boy loves Master very much, just in case he hasn't said it enough today, and he's thankful for having such attention lavished on him."

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee, tugs him up, and kisses him firmly. "Master loves his boy very much," he growls. "And you're Master's boy. You're not going anywhere." He kisses Jonny Lee again, even harder this time. "Right?"

"No, Sir," he says emphatically, barely breathing after the intense kiss. "Never. This boy is 100 percent the property of Gerard Butler."

"Yes, he is." Gerard reaches around and presses a thumb into the center of the base of the plug. "Mine. All. Mine." He licks his lips and starts nibbling on Jonny Lee's neck. "Whatever happened to that shirt of yours?"

Jonny Lee moans as the plug's tapped deeper. The pain's exquisite, burning and stretching. "It's upstairs, Master," he whimpers out the words, "top drawer, left side of closet."

Gerard thumbs it in more, slowly and what's sure is painfully. "You're to wear it tomorrow," he orders. "That and a plug harness. Just that," he licks a wide strip of Jonny Lee's neck and then blows over it. "And my marks."

"Oh, Christ, yes, thank you, Master." Jonny Lee's hard just from thinking about tomorrow. Or as hard as the cage will allow, which isn't much at all, which is frustrating, combining the pain of the plug and the tug of the clamps and, oh fuck, Master's tongue. "Please. More."

"Your wish," Gerard murmurs, nibbling on Jonny Lee's neck. "Is my command." He bites down hard and then sucks, wondering how many hickeys he could give Jonny Lee before people start talking. More than three, he thinks, and smiles. He can do that. Giving Jonny Lee's cock a pat, he starts working on the first one.

Jonny Lee would be content to be bruised from head to toe, marked with Gerard's bites and suckings. He can't have too many, although he recalls his wanna-be girl Ruth commenting on them during rehearsals. _Nosy bitch._ He pushes forward into Gerard's quick touch, wanting more, knowing he can't have it in the restraint. And that makes him want it even more, want to hurt for it, beg for it. "Oh, fuck," he whimpers when Gerard bites a bit harder. "So good."

The skin makes a little popping noise when Gerard releases it. It's already reddening into the purple range and Gerard smirks. "You're allowed to beg for me," he says, and attacks the same patch of skin again, sucking and biting.

"Thank you, Master. Please, oh," Jonny Lee starts, stops when he feels the bruise start to take form, hint at hurting, "your boy wants to be black and blue for you. He wants to wear your bruises all over. Please, Sir, mark him. Use him."

Somewhere in the begging, Gerard grasps Jonny Lee's cock, trying to feel through the plastic for the warm flesh. When he thinks the first hickey is done, he starts to stroke the plastic. The movie is going on in the background, but Gerard pays it no notice as he gives his boy a second hickey and then a third.

"Fuck it, please, Master, take the damned thing off. Want to feel your hand on me. Want to come for you. Anything. Anyway." Jonny Lee's begging in earnest, the third bruise quickly giving over to a fourth and maybe a fifth and he's losing count and not caring, pushing up into Gerard's touch and then back, the plug filling him, shifting just enough with each movement to ratchet up his pain, and what it doesn't do, the clamps are more than eager to make up for.

"Oh, I don't know," Gerard teases, moving down to Jonny Lee's collarbone. "I think I like your prick all closed up. Keeps you from being a naughty boy. And you don't want to be a naughty boy, do you, Teak?" He tongues the bottom of Jonny Lee's neck. "Do you want to be a naughty boy, Jonny Lee?"

Oh, fuck, what a question? Damned either way. Jonny Lee smiles. "Just for Master," he purrs out, throat vibrating under Gerard's tongue. "Teak's a naughty boy _only_ for Master, however Master wants him to be."

"I know he is." Gerard smiles against Jonny Lee's skin. He strokes Jonny Lee's bound balls. "A very," stroke, "naughty," stroke, "boy." The noise from the telly is getting louder, so Gerard gropes around for the remote and hits 'mute' by blind luck. Much better. "My naughty boy should beg to be allowed to come."

"More," Jonny Lee moans, nowhere near a proper beg. His brain's quickly turning to mush from the assault of sensations. Plug. Clamps. Cage. One pain segues into another, cascading into pleasure that's threatening to shut down his system with overload. "Please, Master. Let him come. Let me show you just how naughty and good he can be."

It's effin' adorable when Jonny Lee mixes up formal speech with normal. He ends up asking for the oddest things. Gerard presses a kiss to the newest mark and then leans back against the couch. "My boy is to lie down on the floor with his hands clasped above his head and his legs spread."

"Yes, Master," he sighs, dropping back to his haunches and settling on the floor, stretching out. He laces his fingers and winces at how the new pressure pushes the plug just a fraction deeper. "Oh, fuck, that's good." Legs spread eases the discomfort. A touch. No more. It's pure hell, and he wouldn't ask for it to be any less.

Gerard grabs the key from the table and straddles Jonny Lee's legs. "Now be a good boy and be quiet." Going oh so slowly and taking care to torture as much as possible, Gerard unlocks the padlock and puts it to the side. As usual when he's doing this, he has to forcefully push back any thoughts of Jonny Lee's parents and the sort of things that can kill a mood.

It takes five torturous minutes for Gerard to get the cage off and then he wraps his hand around Jonny Lee's cock and begins to stroke it. He knows his boy isn't going to come without permission. The fun part is watching Jonny Lee's face when he knows he's not going to be allowed to.

Gerard never does anything without a twist, a mischievous devil at heart. It's a fact of life Jonny Lee's come to live with in five years. He suspects getting to come isn't going to be easy, and he's not sure permission's going to be given anyway. Unless he can figure out a really good reason for Gerard to want him to come.

"Master, thank you, Sir, for unlocking the cage," he says slowly, shoving any thoughts of his mother and padlock comments swiftly to the back of his brain. "Your boy would love to come for you, Master, paint your hand white, coat your stomach and then lick it off."

"I'm sure he would." Gerard wraps his fingers around the base of Jonny Lee's cock and squeezes. "I know how much my boy likes to prove how good he is through coming for me. And by not coming for me. But does my boy think he's been good enough to be allowed to come?"

"Honestly, Master, and it's not a cop-out, but it's really not your boy's position to say if he's been good enough. That right is Master's." Jonny Lee knows it's a point they've debated, his not exactly answering the question, but he also knows they agree on the final right being Gerard's, not his, to determine what behaviour justifies what reward. "But, yes, your boy thinks he's been good enough. He did all his chores today, even the laundry, and he picked up dinner and he's endured torture." He's smiling the whole way through the speech. He'd've done all those things even with no promise of ever coming again, simply because he loves the man squeezing his cock.

"Yes, he did." _I'm the luckiest man in the world._ Jonny Lee's amazing. That's the only word for it. Fucking, effin' amazing. "You may come, boy." He'll never know what he did to deserve someone like Jonny Lee. He must have been damn good in some previous life.

"Fuckin' fantastic, thank you, Master, yes, please, oh god." Jonny Lee just spits out all the words in his brain and he comes almost before the command's finished, painful, the orgasm having coiled around in his groin for agonizing minutes. He moans, arches his back, not paying a bit of attention to the stretch of the chain, the tug of the clamps just making the release that much better, pushing down and holding the plug in tightly. He's coming in long white jets, coating Gerard's hand and wrist, and he's never been happier.

Gerard licks his hand clean slowly, less for the spectacle than for the taste. Jonny Lee doesn't let him get away with this as much as he'd wish. The way Jonny Lee when he comes, hurting himself through it all, is so beautiful. He reaches forward with his clean hand to yank on the chain one last time before taking it off carefully.

"Fuckin' hell," Jonny Lee spurts out as the chain's tugged, clamps pulled off. Master has a unique way of getting in every second of pain he can. "Thank you, Master," he says, smile half-cocked. "Your boy is thoroughly debauched at the moment."

"Good." Gerard laughs. "He should be, considering that Master just put a lot of effort into debauching his boy." He looks up over at the table of cooling food. "I hope my boy worked up an appetite. Master's going feed him now."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	208. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Tuesday, July 20

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/20/) 17:56:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28728&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28728) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28728) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=28728&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal, Tuesday, July 20** _  
**locked to himself and gerard**

Your boy figured there was a reason Master delayed computer time. [Yeah, a major reason.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45040.html) Fuck. Remind him again it's not possible to die from embarrassment.

Love the poem.

Love you, Pire. Even when you're borderline insane.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-21 01:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49464&format=light#t49464))   
---|---  
It's not possible to die from embarrassment, Teak. But I suppose if you try hard enough...  
  
  
Love you, boy. Especially when I'm borderline insame.  
  
  
  
Should I take that to mean that my boy doesn't want me to post the limericks?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?replyto=49464&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49464&format=light#t49464))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-21 02:00 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49720&format=light#t49720))   
---|---  
It means your boy might like to hear them read in private, Master, while he's licking along the back of Master's knee. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?replyto=49720&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49464&format=light#t49464))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49720&format=light#t49720))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-21 02:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49976&format=light#t49976))   
---|---  
Your master could arrange that. I'm on the couch. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?replyto=49976&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/28728.html?thread=49720&format=light#t49720))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	209. gerard: Verses

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/25/) 17:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45241&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45241&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Verses** _  
[public by default]

Ahh...tomorrow.   
_To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,_  
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day  
To the last syllable of recorded time, 

> _Tomorrow let loveless, let lover tomorrow make love;_  
>  O spring, singing spring, spring of the world renew!  
>  In spring lovers consent and the birds marry  
>  When the grove receives in her hair the nuptial dew.

_Tomorrow I will discover Sunset Boulevard. Eurhythmic dancing, ball-room dancing, tap dancing, artistic photography, ordinary photography, lousy photography, electro-fever treatment, internal douche treatment, ultra- violet treatment, elocution lessons, psychic readings, institutes of religion, astrological demonstrations, hands read, feet manicured, elbows massaged, faces lifted, warts removed, fat reduced, insteps raised, corsets fitted, busts vibrated, corns removed, hair dyed, glasses fitted, soda jerked, hangovers cured, headaches driven away, flatulence dissipated, limousines rented, the future made clear, the war made comprehensible, octane made higher and butane lower, drive in and get indigestion, flush the kidneys, get a cheap car-wash, stay-awake pills and go-to-sleep pills, Chinese herbs are very good for you and without a Coca-Cola life is unthinkable._

> _Tomorrow night, when Phoebe doth behold_  
>  Her silver visage in the watery glass,  
>  Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass.

_Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day,_  
All in the morning betime,  
And I a maid at your window,  
To be your Valentine. 

> _Who is that man over there? I don’t know him. What is he doing? Is he a conspirator? Have you searched him? Give him till tomorrow to confess, then hang him!—hang him!_

_The present is the ever moving shadow that divides yesterday from tomorrow. In that lies hope._

> _Happy the man, and happy he alone,_  
>  He who can call today his own;  
>  He who, secure within, can say,  
>  Tomorrow, do thy worst, for I have lived today.

_The word "tomorrow" was invented for indecisive people and for children._

~~This time last year I was drunk out of my _mind_ , face down on a wet football field, getting trod over by castmates.~~ I am the luckiest man alive.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-07-26 01:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?thread=87481&format=light#t87481))   
---|---  
Tomorrow's the most wonderful day of the year.  
  
Love you, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?replyto=87481&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?thread=87481&format=light#t87481))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-07-26 02:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?thread=87737&format=light#t87737))   
---|---  
Love you, Teak.  
  
Be warned. I'm going to be as romantic as you'll let me get away with tomorrow. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?replyto=87737&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45241.html?thread=87481&format=light#t87481))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	210. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Sunday, July 25

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/25/) 20:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29307&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29307) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29307) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29307&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  contemplative  
---|---  
  
_**Journal, Sunday, July 25**_  
 **[private, locked only to himself]**  
  
Five years ago, I met a man, a very strange and captivating man. He spoke in words I didn't understand half the time, but his voice entranced me. He touched me in ways I didn't know I wanted. The tabloids talk of consensual bruising and and hint at abusive relationships and his luring me into an unsavoury lifestyle. But it's not that way. I want him, more than anyone I've ever known. I want to belong to him.  
  
Tomorrow we celebrate our anniversary of meeting. What do you give someone who's opened so many doors, ushered you into a life you never thought you could have. How do you say thanks for loving me? For being the center of my universe? For taking me back? He has money. He can buy what he wants. So what meaning is there in an expensive trinket? Sure, I'll get one of those. Something appropriate.  
  
But there has to be more. And I've been thinking about it, since the week we tried living 24/7 as slave and master. I've given him my body and mind. I've pushed limits, let him beat me till I couldn't move except to fall into his arms. I've tried new things, not even counting the toys Mum sent from Amsterdam that I'm still trying to figure out.  
  
There's one thing I haven't give him. The one limit _he_ wants to push. I can give him that, that last line crossed, and then my submission's complete. He'll own me.  
  
Do I have the courage to step over that line, knowing there's no turning back? Not knowing if I'll be the same person afterward?  
  
There's really no question about it.  
  
The gift's for Master, and that's all that matters.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	211. gerard: Happy Anniversary, Master

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/26/) 09:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45372&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45372) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45372) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45372&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Happy Anniversary, Master** _  
[players only. Morning of Ger and JL's anniversary. Awwww.]

For once Gerard wakes up before his boy. That alone is cause for celebration. He moves Jonny Lee's arm off him carefully and tiptoes to the bathroom, where he takes a leak and gets everything ready for this morning. When he comes back to bed, Jonny Lee looks like he's still sleeping, the blanket covering one leg and not the other. Gerard sits down on the bed, pulls the blanket to one side and then lies down between Jonny Lee's legs.

He starts by kissing the fangs tattoo, the one Jonny Lee got for him. He traces each line with the tip of his tongue and then trails upwards to Jonny Lee's cock. His tongue circles the head and then he slowly begins to suck.

Jonny Lee's not in any hurry to wake up. He's running every other morning at the moment and today's a non-running day, so he can sleep, and his internal clock tells him it's still before he needs to be awake to make breakfast, start Master's shower. He feels a wetness between his legs and slides his hand down, thinking he'll stroke off half asleep. But his fingers tangle in hair instead of gripping cock. "Hmmm," he says, nowhere near awake, "nice." It's unusual, to be awakened by his Master this way, but he's not going to complain.

Gerard grins. He's going to make this more than nice. He pulls back to swirl his tongue around Jonny Lee's bellybutton. _Must get this pierced so I can play._ "Good morning, boy. I'm going to kill you by blowjob." Gerard licks his lips and looks Jonny Lee in the eye. "Have any last words?"

His eyes are barely open when he catches Gerard's smile. "Morning, Master," Jonny Lee mumbles. "Love you, too."

Good enough last words. Gerard goes back to sucking, alternating between gripping and stroking Jonny Lee's thighs. He pushes them apart further and then starts nibbling along the base of Jonny Lee's cock.

"Last words. Uh. Please?" Jonny Lee scoots back onto the pillow. It's so much better than nice, celebrating their anniversary this way. He closes his eyes and thinks on the gift he has planned. _It'll be worth it. For him._

The please is nice, but this is one time when Gerard does _not_ want Jonny Lee begging. Not even asking. This is one of Jonny Lee's many presents, and he's getting this one for free. Doesn't even have to ask for it. Well, there's one way to stop Jonny Lee from talking. Gerard gives himself a moment to swallow and breathe before deepthroating his lover.

Talking. Who wants to talk? Even the moan's caught in his throat. This is _definitely_ not something he gets often. Not that he's complaining. He prefers being the one on the giving side, making Master happy and pleasing him and, oh fuck, that's good. Jonny Lee manages a whimper and bunches the sheet up in his hands. If it weren't for the control, he'd come just from that one act alone.

Oh, that whimper's good. That whimper's very good. Gerard works his throat muscles like he's been practicing, swallowing down, wondering if his boy knows he's allowed to come without permission.

Jonny Lee arches up and immediately pushes himself back down into the bed. He doesn't mean to try and push Gerard. It's just a response, his body wanting more, wanting to come. "Master," he says quietly, "Pire, please, can I, can your boy?" He doesn't even get all the words out, much less in the right order, his brain dissolving by Gerard's taking him even deeper. "Christ, yes."

He doesn't see any reason not to let Jonny Lee come. He also doesn't see any reason to move his mouth from sucking. Gerard gropes around for Jonny Lee's wrist and strokes it blindly, trying to get out their signal.

It takes a minute for Jonny Lee to process the touch, to realize what Gerard's doing. Rubbing his wrist. Over the pulse point. A silent signal he has permission to come. "Thank you, Master," he murmurs. Another moment later and he's coming, fingers now entwined in Gerard's, spilling down his lover's throat, closing his eyes and slamming his head back into the pillow, just riding the wave till Master stops sucking.

Gerard's fingers move to stroke Jonny Lee's palm absently as he swallows. When the last has come, Gerard finally pulls back and licks his lips slowly. "Morning, Teak."

"Happy anniversary, Pire," Jonny Lee mumbles through a sleepy orgasm haze. "Want to crawl up here and snuggle back under the covers for a while?"

"Always." Gerard crawls up and curls around Jonny Lee's body. "Happy anniversary."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45372.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	212. gerard: [Presents for Jonny Lee]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/26/) 15:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45787&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45787) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45787) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=45787&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Presents for Jonny Lee]** _  
[Ger's anniversary presents for JL. In his coat pocket.]

  
[ ](http://www.roadrunnersports.com/cgi-bin/rrs/rrs/ProductPg.jsp?sc=CHM-03149&baseProdKey=RRTMU81&prfc=7&URL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.roadrunnersports.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Frrs%2Frrs%2FProductPg.jsp%3Fsc%3DCHM-03149%26baseProdKey%3DRRTMU81%26prfc%3D7#)

Gives You Accurate Performance Information. Ironman Watch plus Heart Rate Monitor tells you how your body responds to training. Target heart rate zones allow you to monitor your progress. **Has been upgraded with the speed and distance monitor.**

Watch Settings include:  
-Chronograph stopwatch  
-100 Lap Memory Recall  
-Countdown Timer  
-Two Time Zones with Alarm  
-Water Resistant 50M  
-Indiglo night-light with Night Mode

Heart Rate Monitor Features:  
-Digital Transmission for No Interference  
-Target Heart Rate Zone with Alarm  
-Average Heart Rate, Overall and Per Lap  
-Time In-Zone and Average In-Zone Heart Rate  
-Manual and Automatic Zone Settings

[](http://www.diamond.com/detail.asp?Sn=258265541&pf_id=10058&dept_id=106&md_id=2)

Dynamic, up-to-the-minute style and performance from the Citizen Eco-Drive collection...introducing the new Largo men's perpetual calendar alarm chronograph in stainless steel. An ultra-sleek, modern profile matched to the very latest technology. Outstanding watch is powered by the sun or any other light source...and will never require a new battery. Handsome brushed and polished steel tank case is presented on the striking brushed steel bracelet with polished steel accent links. Polished steel bezel frames the blue dial with three subdials, luminous hands and markers. Chronograph measures 1/20th of second intervals up to 60-minutes, has 12-hour and alarm registers. Perpetual calendar automatically adjusts for odd and even months, including leap years.

Both inscribed with "For the one I love - 26/7/04"

The jeweler's boxes both contain a small slip of paper taped to the top. The Timex has "One for everyday" and the other one as "One for special occassions."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/45787.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	213. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: anniversary dinner

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/26/) 22:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29815&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29815) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29815) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29815&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: anniversary dinner** _  
**[players only. occurs monday, july 26.]**

The clothing is all laid out. Jonny Lee is just finishing with his shower and Gerard checks his pocket for the millionth time to make sure everything is still there. He had made these plans months ago, but had just decided last night not to ask for an Establishment driver. He'll drive Jonny Lee himself.

Just when Gerard hears the water turn off, he rotates the cufflinks ("love", "you") so the message is spelled out more clearly and then steps back.

Shower. Shave. Get all cleaned up. Jonny Lee suspects dinner out, with all the preparations he's making at Gerard's command. He steps out of the shower and towels off quickly, tossing it into the hamper, and walks out into the bedroom. And he's a bit floored by the sight waiting him. Gerard standing there, looking like he's walked off the red carpet, and clothes laid out on the bed.

"Your boy's all clean, Master. He's getting dressed now?" He walks to the bed. "He assumes dinner's somewhere nice."

"Yeah..." He trails off, more than a little distracted by the sight of his naked, wet lover. _Romance now. Shag Teak later._ "Fancy place. The sort where you can wear your collar and no one will blink."

Jonny Lee blushes at that. _Love wearing my collar._ "Put it back on?" He reaches back and snagging the leather strap from the dresser, holding it out to Master. He hadn't wanted to get it drenched and have to be fidgeting with it all night.

"Of course." Gerard takes it with a smile. He's always loved the way Jonny Lee looks in leather, any kind of leather, and having it mark him as owned just makes it all the more sexy. "Kneel down, boy."

Dropping to his knees, it's instinctive to lace his fingers at his back and drop his head. Jonny Lee likes this position, on his knees in front of Gerard, serving his Master. He never thought it'd come to this, and five year ago if someone'd suggested it, he'd've laughed, the thought of bondage and submission not even in his brain. But now, there's nothing he wants more.

"Beautiful boy," Gerard murmurs and lifts Jonny Lee's chin. He takes the collar and carefully wraps it behind Jonny Lee's neck. The ring goes through the hole easily and then he fastens it hard against Jonny Lee's neck. "Mine."

"Yours. Always." Jonny Lee stretches his neck against the familiar tug of the collar. Comforting. Centering. He turns to the bed as Gerard lets go and starts to pull on the clothes laid out. Suits never were much his style; if he's not naked, he prefers T-shirts and too-worn jeans. But it's a special occasion and dressing up's fine. For now. Jonny Lee knows he won't be in the clothes _all_ night.

Gerard is content to simply watch Jonny Lee get dressed, enjoying the sight of all that pretty skin being covered up. Jonny Lee looks amazing in formal clothing, much more than in his usual uniform of jeans and t-shirt. It's a special treat, Gerard thinks, to see his boy all dressed up. There are very few men who don't look good in a suit.

Jonny Lee's standing now, tucking shirt into pants and finishing with all the buttons, leaving the shirt's collar open to show off his throat and Gerard's collar. He's more self-conscious in a suit, feels more on display than being naked. "There, think he's ready," he says, slipping on the jacket and tugging at the sleeves one more time.

"You look brilliant." Gerard wraps his arms around him and tugs him in close for a light, brushing kiss. "Gorgeous. Amazing. Makes me want to eat you up. Or say bad pickup lines."

"Don't need the pickup lines, Master. This boy's yours for the duration." Jonny Lee smiles, steals another quick kiss. "But the eating up sounds good. Don't suppose he could just strip down, make a sandwich in the kitchen and tempt you to staying in?" He's only being half-serious. He kind of likes the idea of going out to dinner and being shown off, no matter how nervous it might make him.

"Not a chance. Master is treating his boy to dinner." It's Gerard turn to steal a kiss. "And there's nothing his boy can do about it." He pulls back and pulls the first of the boxes out of his pocket. It's the right one, he's sure about it, but he blushes when he hands it to Jonny Lee. "Open it."

"Oooh, prezzie," Jonny Lee chuckles, then opens the box. And stops breathing. The watch is more beautiful than any he's ever had. "Uh, um, it's," he falters, picking it up. "Pire, it's gorgeous." He just stands there, rather dumbfounded by the generosity.

Gerard reddens. "So you like it?" he asks. He hadn't been sure. He's seen Teak's watches come and go, but he hadn't known if there was one that was special. And you can't wear more than one at once.

"Like it? I'm floored. I've always just had cheap watches," he says, unclasping the watch to slide it over his wrist. "Used to be prone to losing 'em. Mum duct-taped one on my wrist once, just to keep it on more than a couple days."

There will come a day, Gerard is sure, when the mention of Jonny Lee's mother won't make him flinch. Until then, he just smiles. "So it's a good thing, yeah? I also, uh, got you another one. Because you can't wear that one all the time, well, you _can_ , but it'd look silly when you go out running and wouldn't be useful at all and..." Gerard offers Jonny Lee the second box, blushing harder. "Here." And maybe when he doesn't flinch at the mention of Mrs. Miller, he'll also be able to be romantic without being incoherent.

"You got me _two_ watches?" Jonny Lee takes the box and opens it, a bit confused. "Holy fuck." The first watch was nice, wonderful, great. This is Gerard saying he doesn't mind his boy getting up and running, even encourages it. "And a friggin' heart monitor. Way cool."

Guess that means they passed muster. Gerard relaxes. "Also does your pulse and says how long you've been running, and I think, but I'm not sure, that it will update itself for whatever time zone you're in. And the first one's solar powered. Never need to change the battery."

Jonny Lee wraps his arms around Gerard's neck, pulls him down and kisses him thoroughly, deeply, hard and fast and not giving a damn about wrinkling his clothes. He'd leap up and wrap his legs around his lover if he didn't think it just beyond juvenile. _Definitely giving him the gift. He deserves it._

Wow. Gerard opens his mouth to Jonny Lee and deepens the kiss. He doesn't break from Jonny Lee until it looks like if they keep going, they'll never get out of the house. "C'mon," he says softly, slapping Jonny Lee on the arse. "Let's get out of here."

"Yes, Master, Jonny Lee says, dutifully following down the stairs. He feels like he's the one being served tonight, and it seems odd, but he's not going to fight whatever Master wants on his anniversary.

Gerard leads Jonny Lee out of the house and to his Jag. He opens the passenger door for Jonny Lee and grins at his boy's look. "Hop in." He closes the door after Jonny Lee and then goes around to the driver's side. The car starts easily and Gerard backs it almost out of the driveway, waiting for a van to pass so he can pull onto the street.

"Does your boy get to know where we're having dinner? Or is he to be surprised." Jonny Lee's playing with his new watches, having put both of them on his left wrist for the moment. "Wow, even the fancy one has a chronograph. This is too cool."

"He gets to be surprised." Gerard brings them smoothly into traffic and turns left. He'd memorized the directions and done a dry run a few days ago. He knows exactly how to get to the restaurant in the least amount of time. But he hadn't factored in the traffic. It's a good twenty minutes before he parks the car a block away from the restaurant.

"He likes being surprised, especially by Master." Jonny Lee waits patiently as they park. "Can he get out of the car by himself?" he asks with a too-wide grin.

"He may certainly not," Gerard tsks. He gets out and opens the door for Jonny Lee. "Tonight I am going to cater to your every whim and spoil you rotten."

"Master, it's not supposed to be like that. Your boy's _supposed_ to serve you." Jonny Lee slides out of the car, straightens his clothes and checks his watch for the fifth time. "All night? If so, then tomorrow you get your gift, and I spoil you rotten."

"You always spoil me rotten. It's my turn." Gerard shuts the door behind Jonny Lee and hits the button to lock all the doors. "If you want, you can pretend that it's serving me by letting me give into my prehistoric protective urges and try to be a gentleman."

Jonny Lee laughs as they walk away from the car. "Yes, Master. Boy love his caveman."

Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's waist. "Caveman love his boy." He's glad it's dark so Jonny Lee can't see him trying hard not to laugh. "Me Pire. You Teak. Shag shag."

"Sheer poetry, dude," Jonny Lee says, dropping into Dade-speak. "Am I the main course for dinner? Or is this a _nice_ restaurant?"

"It's a _nice_ restaurant," Gerard confirms. "Dress code and everything. I'm going to show off my sexy boy for everyone to see." He leans in close to whisper into Jonny Lee's ear. "Have I told you recently just how much I love you all dressed up for me? And have I mentioned thoughts of making you strip out of it oh so slowly, doing a strip-tease for me and then giving me a lapdance?" He licks the curl of Jonny Lee's ear and then pulls back. He gives Jonny Lee a very innocent expression and gestures to an entrance way just ahead of them. "We're here."

"Thoughts of me doing what?" Jonny Lee barely gets the words out before the door's opening and he's being ushered into the restaurant. _Show me off. Lapdance. Fuck._ He's hard almost immediately just from the hint of the visual that leaves in his brain. And now he's supposed to eat dinner. Like a civilized person.

Gerard gives their name to the hostess and they're immediately conducted to a table off to the side. There are menus already on the table and Gerard picks his up, not really looking at it. "See anything you like?"

"Other than you?" He quickly looks at the menu to avoid the smart-alecky look he knows he'll get. The restaurant's very nice, upscale, the kind of place you bring a date to impress. It's not overly crowded, being a Monday, and Jonny Lee can't help but think there should be candles on the table. "I was thinking the pasta sounded good. The spinach-gorgonzola fettuccini. Maybe with a salad."

"And to drink?" There's not going to be anything kinky tonight. Gerard might even have a sip of something. He's trying to get less anal about alcohol. "See anything you like on the wine list?"

"Wine? Uh, Pire," Jonny Lee starts, wanting to say something like it's not necessary, but switching gears, "your boy doesn't drink a lot of wine. He wouldn't know what's good."

Gerard shrugs. "Don't care if it's good. Just if you like something." He looks over the meat courses and closes his menu. He leans in close and licks his lips. _Let's try it. See how he reacts._ Gerard deliberately deepens his voice and gets rid of his accent. "The agency told me you're one of their best. Do you come here often?"

"Well, then maybe we should the merlot. It's pretty solid," Jonny Lee looks up, blushes. _It's not that kind of restaurant._ Or it doesn't seem so. He clears his throat, thinking it could be fun to play along. "On occasion, Sir," he says, slipping back into a nice rent boy accent, one he knows Gerard likes. "When the agency sends me out with men who can afford it."

"And what sort of men are they, the ones who can afford you?" Gerard gives Jonny Lee his best leer. "Are they the sort who take you back to hotel rooms after dinner and make you spread your legs wide so they can stick their arms into you up to the elbow? The sort that tie you up and beat you until you bleed? The type that tosses you into a sling and plays around with positions and torture? Or are they the sort that like to get buggered, who put on lace panties and order you to talk dirty?"

"Oh, fuck. Just kill me now, Sir. It'll save cleaning up at home later." Jonny Lee's muttering under his breath. He shakes his head. "The sort who put me on my knees during dinner, Sir, before they take me back to hotel rooms and make me crawl and beg to spread my legs." He cocks a grin. "And might I add I'm fond of the arm to the elbow image, but lace panties don't really do it for me."

"Good thing. They don't do much for me either." Arm to the elbow. Gerard puts it on his mental list of things to do someday. "And do you beg well, lad?" He pretends to look skeptical. "I doubt it. Maybe you should give me a preview so I know what sort of failure I'm wasting my time with."

"Please, Sir, may I be allowed to serve you, to cater to your every whim?" Jonny Lee doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to be begging for. "May this _lad_ kneel by side and be fed from your hand, or better still, not be allowed to eat until Sir's finished."

"He may not. We're on a date." Gerard flashes Jonny Lee a grin and then looks up at the hovering waiter. "We'll have the spinach-gorgonzola fettuccini with a side salad and rib steak with a Caesar salad. Anything else, Teak?"

"Just balsamic and oil on the salad," he says quickly. "It's a nice date, Pire, even without the candles and flowers."

"And the merlot," Gerard adds quickly. The waiter writes down the last of it and leaves. He returns a few minutes later with the bottle and fills up their glasses. "I was thinking about getting flowers, but I thought that might be over the top. Do you want some?"

"Not really. You don't need to woo me, Master. I'm yours." Jonny Lee picks up his glass, swirls the wine. "Have been since the first time you spoke to me."

"All I did was introduce myself." Gerard has never been a believer in love at first sight. Lust, yes, of course, but love needs time to build. He's never understood how Jonny Lee could say that he fell for Gerard at their first meeting.

It wasn't love at first sight. Love came later. "I know you don't believe in love at first sight, Pire," he says, sipping at the wine. "It wasn't that. It was desire, a need I didn't really understand till the first time you called me _boy_ and took me to my knees."

"What, a sort of dominant vibe?" Gerard hardly believed that. He hadn't been feeling very dominant that soon after leaving Peter. He hadn't been feeling very _kinky_ that soon after leaving Peter. It had taken an immensely corruptible boy to put Gerard in the mindframe of taking someone down again.

"I don't know. I just felt something." Jonny Lee's fidgeting, and he knows it, but can't stop. "Your voice melted me, and I wanted you. And when you asked if I was gay, I nearly hit the floor." He gulps at the wine, then smiles. "Master, your boy sucks with words and trying to explain himself. Can he just shut up now?"

"I asked if you were straight," Gerard corrects, playing absently with the stem of the wine glass. "Is a difference." He puts down the wine glass and picks up the water one, sipping it. "You can shut up all you want. But then you have to listen to my haiku."

"Yes, Sir," he says quietly, not really minding being corrected. Jonny Lee's used to not feeling as intelligent as his lover, and he doesn't remember things maybe as well. He slips completely back to formal speech, third-person semi-disassociation. "Your boy wouldn't mind hearing Master's haiku. Not really. Or he can keep talking. Whatever Master wants."

Gerard frowns. He reaches across the table and lifts Jonny Lee's jaw. "Tonight's about you," he says softly. "All about you. Whatever you want is what we do."

"Whatever your boy wants?" Jonny Lee grin is half-cocked, decidedly wicked. "He wants to not have to think about the whys and hows. He's not very good at that. He wants to curl up in Master's lap and tell him how much this boy loves him and doesn't plan on ever not loving him."

"Alright." Gerard nods. "I can arrange that. You want to do this here, or leave and go home?" He's had the night planned out, but what he said was true. It's all about Teak now. So if Teak wants to go home and curl up on the couch, then that's what they'll do.

"Can we do it here?" Jonny Lee doesn't want to disrupt Gerard's plans. "Is it _that_ kind of place?"

Gerard makes a big show of looking around. There's a boy beneath a table with his head up his dominant's skirt. There's another one kneeling quietly, being handfed. And there are a few that look like they're wearing vibrating plugs set to the highest setting. "I think sitting on my lap would be on the tame end of things. As long as we're not fucking or disturbing other people, I don't think it matters."

He hadn't been paying attention, and he blushes when he looks around and checks out the other customers. Without another word, Jonny Lee slides out of his chair and to his knees at the side of Gerard's chair. "Please, Master," he says, eyes down and hands behind his back, pulling the jacket tight across his chest, "your boy would much rather be here, on his knees, than in the chair. And he'd beg for the privilege of crawling into Master's lap."

Gerard's hand goes immediately to Jonny Lee's hair and he weaves his fingers through the dark strands. "My boy is allowed to beg for that privilege."

Jonny Lee tilts his head enough to kiss Gerard's wrist. "Your boy loves to please Master," he says, licking over the pulse point, "lives to serve Master. He doesn't think he existed before five years ago, isn't sure it mattered." He tugs into Gerard's fingers. "He wants to show Master how much he means to this boy." _Tomorrow, Jonny. You'll show him._ "Please, may he sit in Master's lap?"

Gerard smiles down at him. "Of course he may." He moves the chair backwards enough so that Jonny Lee won't be smashed between Gerard and the table. "And Master knows his boy existed before five years ago. Master has proof on tape."

watches it enough." Jonny Lee's grinning as he settles himself on Gerard's lap, head against his lover's shoulder. "Your boy's much happier like this," he says, curling his arm in under Gerard's jacket around his waist.

Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's neck just above the collar. "Me, too." He strokes Jonny Lee's back, contrasting the remembering feeling of skin with the cloth beneath his fingers. "Master loves the way it feels when his boy is on top of him."

Jonny Lee intentionally squirms, just a bit, as the waiter returns with their salads. "Want your boy to feed you, Master?"

Gerard grins and does his best to cup Jonny Lee's arse. "He can try. Master will keep his mouth open and not swallow until his boy says he can."

"Oh, fuck, Pire, that's too tempting." Turning slightly, Jonny Lee wriggles his arse into Gerard's hand and stabs at the Caesar salad, then slides the fork into Gerard's mouth. "Close mouth. Chew. Swallow," he says with a decidedly authoritative voice. "And that's the closest this boy gets to dominating you."

"Yes, sir." Gerard says snarkily. He closes his mouth, chews, swallows. The salad's good, as he'd known it would been. The boy is even better. "Do you promise it's the closest? What if master wants you to direct him in a scene?"

Jonny Lee almost drops the fork, recovers with only dripping a bit of dressing on his hand. "Serious?" He pushes another bite in, one with a good sized crouton. "If it's something Master wants his boy to do, he'd try. Not sure he'd be any good at it. Naturally submissive, remember."

Gerard remembers to swallow before answering. "Can't hurt to try. You top Ewan, after all."

"That's not really topping. That's just fuckin' with me in charge. I've never done anything other than just sex with Ewan." Jonny Lee picks up the water glass and hands it to Gerard. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular. Just a few fantasies going through my head." Fantasies that more often than not turn into nightmares before the end, but Gerard's been waking up before that recently. "Telling me exactly what you want me to do to you. How you want me to hurt you."

Jonny Lee feeds Gerard a few more bites of salad before putting the fork down and laying his head down again on Gerard's shoulder. "That would be topping? Just telling you how to hurt me." He hadn't thought of it that way. He nuzzles into Gerard's neck. "Would you ever want anything else? Like to hurt yourself?"

"I'm not into pain. Nothing beyond cutting." And Gerard can't remember the last time he'd had Jonny Lee cut him. He isn't even sure if they've ever done it. "I don't know, I think it's topping. Maybe topping from the bottom, or bottoming from the top?"

"Would you let your boy do that, Pire? Cut you?" Jonny Lee can't recall ever being allowed. Gerard's cut him a few times, at least once elaborately. It's something he'd like more of, too.

"Yeah, I'd let you. Even encourage you." Gerard settles back against the chair. "is it something you'd like to do?"

"Yes, Sir, your boy would like to give you that. He'd like to get it, too." Jonny Lee kisses Gerard's throat. "Always liked cutting. Not sure why, but it goes back even before Angie. Just a fascination."

"It's a date, then." Gerard kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "Now you need to eat. And that's an order."

"Yes, Master," he says, stretching over and pulling his salad plate to him. He stabs a fork full of lettuce, dripping with oil, and brings it to his mouth, slurping it in with as much grace as he can manage. A couple more quick bites and he's putting the fork down. "This is nice, you know, being able to do this in public, be _this_ affectionate."

"Yeah." Gerard smiles and snags a piece of lettuce hanging off. "It's why I like places like this. And best of all? No cameras."

"That means we won't have anniversary photos to cut out and send to Mum," Jonny Lee mock pouts. "She sent a prezzie, by the way. One that definitely deserves a thank-you note."

"Do I want to know what it was?" There have been times when Gerard has looked at presents sent by Jonny Lee's mum and wondered if she knew that Gerard was on top. And if she knew Gerard was on top, if she realized that Gerard would be using these sorts of torture devices _on her son_. Of course, Gerard isn't sure he'd ever actually use any of them, but that's not the point.

"Not sure, Pire. How do feel about electrical play?"

"Uh. It's fun to watch." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a long look, trying to figure out what he's thinking. "Wrong answer?"

"Mum sent us a new toy for the playroom. Came today." Jonny Lee nuzzles some more, figuring this sort of news needs it. His parents, particularly his mother, have taken to his and Gerard's relationship rather too eagerly since finding out. "Violet wand. With a note saying to remind Gerard to use it carefully on her son."

Gerard's jaw drops open and it takes him a minute to remember to close it. "Your mum. Sent us. A wand. To use." He looks down at Jonny Lee. "To use?" Not sure what else to do, Gerard grabs more salad. "Wow."

"Uh, yeah. Wow." Jonny Lee's initial reaction was a major blush, followed by an intense surge of blood southward that required a good bit of thought about everything _but_ sex to eliminate. "This boy assumes it's to use. And Mum knows who's in control, so she's clued in on exactly which one of us would be on the receiving end."

"Wow." Gerard clears his throat. "Would it be utterly inappropriate to say that your mother scares me at times?"

"No, Sir, it wouldn't. She scares her son a good bit these days, too. Keep thinking she's going to ask for home movies next." Jonny Lee doesn't really think his mother would do that, but her obvious delight with the direction her son's sex life takes gives him pause at times. "At least they don't mind having a gay son."

"There is that." Always see the good parts of life. That's something Jonny Lee's taught him. "But I do draw the line at home movies. A big line. In red ink."

Jonny Lee lets out an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Thank you, Master. Big time. Don't think I could handle Mum knowing _that_ much about my life." The last of the sentence is overlapped by the waiter asking if they're finished with their salads or need anything else before the entrees come out.

"Yeah, we're finished," Gerard tells the waiter. He's only been to these kind of places a handful of times so it always surprises him when no one even blinks at a grown man sitting in another's lap, calling him Master.

"Master's being way too nice to his boy," Jonny Lee says as the dishes are picked up. "Two gifts. Fancy dinner. His boy's not going to know how to properly say thank-you."

"My boy doesn't need to." Gerard shifts so Jonny Lee is centered between on top of him. "But if he wants, Master could probably think of something properly nefarious."

He likes this position _even_ better. "Would it involve his boy on his knees?"

"It might. Or on his back with his hands cuffed above his head." Gerard traces a fingernail in circles around Jonny Lee's right wrist. "And his legs wide, wide open. All trussed up for master."

Jonny Lee's hard the second after Gerard touches his wrist. "Oh, fuck, Master. Please. Your boy would love being pushed open for you, held that way, just for Master's pleasure."

"'Master'." Gerard repeats, and smirks. He probably shouldn't be having this much fun in public, but it's their anniversary and they're not in public. Caution flies away in the wind. "Yes, your Master. Your evil master. And you know what evil masters do to innocent boys?" He pauses for dramatic effect. "They torture them. Make them come four times in an hour and then fuck them while they're wearing clamps and clothespins and that interesting thing your mum sent from Amsterdam that I don't know how to use, but it looks painful."

If melting were an option, Jonny Lee would be a puddle on the floor. But as humans don't, as a rule, spontaneously melt, he just moans and whimpers and licks his lips. "Oh, yes, evil masters torment their boys, make their hard beyond belief before the damned entree gets to the table, make their wonder if standard table settings can be used instead of clamps and clothespins." He's squirming, wriggling and do everything but staying still on Gerard's lap.

Gerard places his hands on Jonny Lee's hips and pushes them towards him, trying to get Jonny Lee to stay still. "They can," he says, "forks especially, but it wouldn't be sanity." His teasing tone turns suddenly harsh. "Wouldn't it, boy? And it wouldn't be polite to have my boy for dinner when they're just about to bring out what we ordered."

"Yes, Master, " Jonny Lee says quickly, Gerard's harsh tone snapping him back in line. He stops fidgeting, goes completely straight. "Perhaps your boy would be better on his knees, Master, on the floor, while you eat."

Gerard winces. He hadn't meant to come off as harsh. Just stern. "It's not my boy's place to second-guess where his master chooses to put him," he says softly. "And Master wants his boy on his lap."

"Your boy wants to be wherever Master puts him. He's sorry for second-guessing." Jonny Lee bites at his lip. "He just thought it might be easier for Master to eat, enjoy his meal, without his boy sprawled on his lap."

Gerard leans in and kisses Jonny Lee lightly. "And doesn't my boy think," he murmurs, pulling back. "That master would enjoy it more with his boy sprawled on his lap?" He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and holds him loosely against his chest. He always hates it when he says the wrong thing. There's never any way to take it back and Gerard's never sure if what he says will make it better or worse. "There's no rush, Teak. Promise. We have all night to enjoy. I'm not here for the food, I'm here to celebrate the anniversary of the day I met the man I love."

"Your boy stopped thinking the minute he opened the first gift, Pire. His brain turned mushy at the second one, and it's pretty much in a peat bog somewhere right now." Jonny Lee does _like_ this position, straddling Gerard's lap, facing him. Makes it damned awkward to eat the meal just put in front of them. Or, rather, behind him. "He knows he loves you, though, and he wants to celebrate. All night."

"And so we'll celebrate all night." Gerard thanks the waiter and pulls the first of the plates towards him. It's an awkward reach, but he manages to get just enough fettuccini on the fork. "Open wide," he prompts.

Jonny Lee laughs at Gerard's maneuverings around him. "Yes, Sir," he says, opening his mouth and sucking the fettuccini off the fork. _Not bad._ He chews, the tang of gorgonzola twirling his tongue, and swallows. _Rather good._

Gerard watches the fork disappear into Jonny Lee's mouth with some fascination and his eyes are drawn to Jonny Lee's throat muscles working. _One track mind, Butler._ Laughing at himself, he skewers a few more forks full of fettuccini, feeding them to his boy.

"Enough," Jonny Lee manages before the fifth bite. "Too rich all at once."

Gerard shrugs and pops the next one into his mouth. Jonny Lee's right. It's rich, but it's good. Very good. "Pass me the napkin."

Picking up the napkin, Jonny Lee wipes the corner of Gerard's mouth. "See, told you. Want to take the rest home. I can heat it up tomorrow for lunch."

"No. We're eating here." Gerard catches Jonny Lee's hand and presses a kiss to the back of it. "I'm not scared of a little mess."

"Not about the mess, Sir. Your boy's not really that hungry." He smiles, blushes just a bit at the kisses. "Honestly. He promises he'll finish it off tomorrow."

Gerard tsks, but relents. His boy needs to remember to eat, but now is not the time nor the place. "Then my boy should feed master, if he's not that hungry."

"Yes, Master, your boy should." Jonny Lee turns around enough to reach the plate and cutlery, work on cutting the steak into bite-size pieces. He forks two tiny bites and holds them up. "Your boy doesn't want to leave the restaurant until Master's finished dinner," he says, pushing the fork into Gerard's mouth, waiting on him to take the steak.

"Good. Because he isn't." Gerard takes the pieces off with just his teeth, scraping them along the tines of the fork. Chews, swallows, and then repeats. "Does my boy think he'll want desert, or what to _be_ desert?"

"Silly question, Master. He wants to _be_ dessert." Jonny Lee spears another couple bites of steak and lets Gerard pulls them off the fork at his leisure. "Spread out and covered with chocolate pudding," he adds without thinking. "Or whatever Master wants for dessert."

"We can always recreate my Jonny Lee Sundae," Gerard offers. "Whipped cream and sprinkles and sauce." He touches his tongue to his upper lip and grins. "You've had to be chained first, of course. Ticklish boy."

Jonny Lee giggles. He can't help it. Just the thought of being covered in whipped cream is ticklish. "Your boy could _try_ to stay still, without the chains, and every time he moves Master can stop licking."

"But would my boy see that as enticement, I wonder," probably not, but he's in a teasing mood. "Would my boy keep squirming in that delightful way he does just so Master doesn't lick him? Or would my boy be good and vibrate like he does when Master has him tied down good?"

"Your boy would --" Jonny Lee stops, suddenly confused by the question. "He's not sure. Could he encourage Master to try the experiment, just to see how it works out?"

"Experimentation?" Kinky. Gerard's always been one for experimentation, though the word brings to mind all those doctor-patient fantasies he's ever had. _Didn't I tell Teak about one of them?_ He can't remember. Well, if he did, Jonny Lee obviously hadn't been scared by it, or Gerard would remember. "Master would love to experiment on his boy," Gerard says utterly innocently. "He'll take his clipboard and make notes. Stimulus A," Gerard continues, lowering his hand between their bodies and stroking Jonny Lee's cock through his trousers and silk boxers, "brings reaction A. And then I'll jot it down," he starts stroking now, pushing down a little because the position is damned awkward, "and repeat, just to see if my subject's responses are, uh, consistent."

The reaction's immediate, Jonny Lee's cock twitching at Gerard's touch, straining to be freed of silk and linen. "The patient's responsive, Sir," he says, going with the flow, amazed at how their conversations meander to the extreme and back. He remembers the doctor fantasy, and how it excited him reading it. "He'll probably will need a lot of repetitive stimulation, Master, just to ensure the validity of the test results."

"Very responsive," Gerard agrees. "I wonder how much tort-tests it would take before he's aching and begging." Something Gerard wishes he'd stayed longer with Peter. Peter had medical training. He probably knew all the right terminology and just how to drive a submissive wild with it. "And then we'd have to deny the patient, of course. Can't have him coming and ruining the examining table."

"Oh, fuck." He's trying damned hard _not_ to squirm, but it's not working and the wriggling is just pushing his cock farther into Gerard's hand and he's going to come before dessert even gets offered by the waiter. "Master, all this talk is, um, rather exciting and your boy's having a damned hard time concentrating. And he's on the edge already. And --" He gives up trying to put words together and just whimpers, biting his lower lip to keep the moan in his throat.

"And?" Gerard prompts. He's feeling positively, giddily evil. He's got a boy on his lap, a _squirming_ boy on his lap, rubbing against his cock, and there's not one person in the restaurant who cares. Amazing. "Does my patient think he's going to come before his doctor says he can?"

"Christ, no. Master, he'd never do that." It's most definitely something Jonny Lee wouldn't think about doing, never in a million billion years, no matter how much he hurt. And, fuck, it hurts, more by the minute, just the _need_ to be flesh on flesh and beg for that permission. "The patient will follow doctor's orders. To. The. Letter."

"Good boy." He takes his hand away from Jonny Lee's cock with one final pat. "And my boy should know that there's a certain amount of nutrition a human needs per day." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a stern look when he says it. It's not like Jonny Lee _doesn't_ eat, but he tends to eat more between meals than during meals, which gives Gerard the severe impression that his boy doesn't eat as much as he should. "Let's let your master finish eating, take something home for dessert, and then finish celebrating. Savvy?"

Gerard James Butler has more capacity to infuriate _and_ simultaneously arouse than any one man Jonny Lee's ever met. He thinks that's what attracted him in the first place, that dual nature of giving Jonny Lee everything he wants and holding in reserve the one thing he never knew he wanted until Gerard dangled it in his face.

"Yes, Master," he says. "Savvy."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	214. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Master's always wanted a puppy

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/07/27/) 19:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29502&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29502) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29502) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=29502&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  zoned in a good way  
---|---  
  
_**JLM/GB: Master's always wanted a puppy**_  
 **[players only. occurs tuesday, july 27. jonny lee and gerard tried puppy play once before, and instantly became a hard limit that jonny couldn't get past. for their anniversary, he's decided to try again.]**  
  
  
Jonny Lee kneels up in the laundry room doorway, watching Gerard walk around the kitchen. He's naked and he's holding the chainlink leash in his hand. _Now or never, Teak. Last thing you can give him that he'll let you._ Puppy play. It's the one line they haven't tried to cross again, and short of being locked in a cage, it's the last really hard limit Jonny Lee has. Five years of loving a man, of wanting to give him everything, and he's ready to try and step over the line.  
  
No, crawl over it.  
  
He puts the leash between his teeth and clenches tightly, dropping to his hands and begins crawling, slowly moving to where Gerard's standing, the day's Guardian opened on the island bar. He's silent, trying to make as little noise as possible, and in a moment Jonny Lee's at his Master's side, nudging his head against Gerard's knee, waiting to be noticed.  
  
Gerard notices Jonny Lee crawling over out of the corner of his eye, but doesn't pay it any attention. There's nothing unusual about his boy going around on his hands and knees. He's more engrossed in a book review, making a mental note to try this one.  
  
But when Jonny Lee nudges him, he can't help but look down, and his jaw all but drops open. He'd given up long ago on even bringing up animal roles, resigning himself to the fact that there are some things Jonny Lee won't do. Gerard respects limits, even when he'd rather they didn't exist. He's even been wary of putting a leash on his boy in case Jonny Lee takes it as puppy play. "Teak...?"  
  
He doesn't say a word, but just nudges Gerard's leg again and looks up, eyes pleading where voice can't. _Please, Master._ Jonny Lee then rubs his head over the soft denim, not kneeling up, not even sure of how this kind of play's supposed to go.  
  
Gerard's hand goes down automatically and rubs Jonny Lee's head. _Good boy._ But he can't say it. It'd mean something different than it usually meant, and Gerard wants to be damned sure Jonny Lee wants this before going ahead. "Are you sure you want this?" he asks softly. "I know you trust me, but do you trust me this much?"  
  
He doesn't dare drop the leash, so Jonny Lee just nods. Slowly and steadily. He's sure he _wants_ to try. He trusts Gerard with every ounce of his being. He pushes up into Gerard's hand, wanting more of the touches, the sound of his Master's voice washing over him.  
  
"Alright," Gerard says softly. Then he adds so quietly he doesn't think Jonny Lee can hear him, "Thank you." He's wanted this for so long and had never thought he'd actually get it, that now that Jonny Lee's given it to him, he's not sure what to do with the gift. He's built up a wish list over the years of things he wants to do with a human puppy, and he goes through it mentally as he strokes Jonny Lee's hair, taking the time to scratch behind his ears. _Fetching, might be too soon. Special language, might be too soon. Gerry, you dolt, take it slowly. Don't scare him off._  
  
He reaches down and takes the leash out of Jonny Lee's mouth and wraps it around his hand. He doesn't give any orders to follow as he walks over to the kitchen table and sits down, leaving enough slack that Jonny Lee could stay where he is if he wants. Instead of being grounds for punishment, it would let Gerard know just how far into headspace Jonny Lee is.  
  
Jonny Lee breathes out, a long slow rush of relief. Then almost immediately, there's a rush of panic. _Stay or go?_ He realizes he doesn't have a clue how a human puppy's supposed to act. _No orders. Okay, think. How's a puppy react?_ Jonny Lee so wants to give Gerard what he most desires that he's rushing head-first into things again, not thinking them through. _You can do this. If you make a mistake, it's okay. He doesn't expect you to be perfect._  
  
A minute passes before Jonny Lee crawls over to the table, staying on hands and knees, taking what he assumes is proper puppy position beside his Master.  
  
"Good boy." Gerard lets out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding. "Very good boy." He strokes Jonny Lee's head and then lowers his hand, wondering if Jonny Lee will lick it.  
  
 _Thank you, Master._ There's not a natural instinct to lick, not in a human, but Jonny Lee's supposed to be a puppy, and puppies lick everything you put in front of them. He rubs his forehead over the knuckles first, then hesitantly places his mouth on the back of Gerard's hand. _Drop lower. You can do it._ It's nearly a kiss, and then Jonny Lee opens his mouth wider, sticks out his tongue and licks across the flesh, almost as easily as licking over the leather of Master's boots.  
  
And with that simple act, he consciously sinks deeper into the headspace, wanting _so much_ to be nothing but obedient to his Master's commands.  
  
He did it. Gerard's more surprised than he probably should be. His boy did it. Licked his hand. _Wow_. Gerard places the leash over the back of the chair and presses Jonny Lee close to him, running his hands down Jonny Lee's back, stroking him. His thumb swirls around one of the tattoos and then he presses in with a nail. "Ready to learn new tricks?"  
  
It _is_ instinct to respond to sudden pain, though, and the sharp pressure of Gerard's nail causes Jonny Lee to arch his head back. _New tricks?_ The hesitancy lasts a second and he's shaking his head up and down, responding affirmatively. _Whatever Master wants._  
  
"Good boy." He hesistates, not sure if he wants to draw the comparison or not, but speeds ahead anyway. "Does my boy know the basic training commands a dog knows? Sit, stay, heel, those sorts of things?"  
  
 _Yes, Master._ Jonny Lee says the words to himself while eagerly nodding his head. _Puppies don't talk. They can't. They just obey._ And he knows he can follow simple commands. Now. Because it pleases Master, and that's all that matters.  
  
Gerard takes the nod for yes. "Good boy. Let's see how well you respond." He licks his lips. "Oh, and you're allowed to speak. Talk, I mean. Say yes, no. I'm not going to start you on barking." Not yet and, if this turns out to be an experience Jonny Lee doesn't want to repeat, not ever. "Now, pet. Beg."  
  
 _Beg._ Exactly how? Jonny Lee rushes forward in his thoughts, sinking lower into a zoned space where he might find it just second nature to react while processing the commands from human terms to canine. He _knows_ the words that Gerard likes to hear when he's begging, but how do they correspond to non-verbal communication.  
  
He whimpers, an almost moaning quality to his guttural expression, and rubs his head eagerly against Gerard's thigh, nudging his nose against Gerard's hand, still on all fours, not going up to a sitting position yet. _You're doing it, Jonny. You realize that?_  
  
Gerard strokes Jonny Lee neck encouragingly. "Almost there, boy. Just give me a little more." He wants the position. The whimpers are doing wonders for Gerard's cock, but he wants everything perfect. If this is going to be his only chance to do this, then he wants as much of it as he can have.  
  
 _Think like a puppy._ Jonny Lee rolls his neck into the stroking touch of Gerard's fingers. _No, you are a puppy. **His** puppy._ He pushes up off his hands, sit back on his heels and lets his fingers fall limp over Gerard's thighs, then he whimpers soulfully, begging as sincerely as he can without the words, looking up and meeting Gerard's eyes. _Please, Master. I'm yours._  
  
So fucking adorable. Gerard stokes his boy's lip, not letting his thumb into Jonny Lee's mouth. "Such a good pet," he murmurs. "My good pet. So eager, so perfect." He takes a biscuit out of a box in the middle of the table and breaks it off into pieces. One piece goes into his palm and he lowers to it to the level of Jonny Lee's mouth.  
  
 _It's a reward, Jonny. Take it. Good puppy._ Jonny Lee sticks out his tongue and scoops up the biscuit piece from Gerard's palm, nuzzling his nose against the flesh in thanks. _See. It's not hard at all. It's for Master._ He sits back, tongue licking out over lips briefly, waiting on the next command.  
  
Eating out of his palm. Gerard's grin goes wider at the thought, and he picks up the next piece of biscuit and feeds it to Jonny Lee. His boy is so cute like this, Gerard thinks as he feeds Jonny Lee the rest of the biscuit and lets him lick his hand. He thinks he can almost see Jonny Lee sink deeper into headspace, and it doesn't worry him. He trusts this sort of headspace. It's not liking zoning, where he's scared that his boy will forget how to respond to him. A lot of this kind of play is about touch, and Gerard's sure that his boy isn't going to go anywhere while Master is touching him.  
  
But this would work better on the couch. Gerard stands up, pushing the chair back carefully so it doesn't roll over Jonny Lee's feet. "Sit," he says, managing a straight face. "Stay."  
  
Jonny Lee doesn't move. _Sit. Stay._ He does just that, only tracking Gerard's movement with the slightest tilt of his head.  
  
He's dropping deeper by the second, his Master's touches soothing and sinking all at once, and it's unlike any zone he's ever been in before. There's the void, the blackness, but it's not consuming him. He's still in touch with reality, with what's going on, but he's separated from it. He can let himself respond to Gerard's commands, his voice, and it's becoming more natural every minute. It's frightening and oddly comforting, that his headspace is morphing so quickly, adapting to exactly what Master wants of him.  
  
Gerard looks around the living room for a moment and then pulls a couple pillows off the couch and puts them on the floor. He tucks a blanket at the corner of the couch and then pauses. _Do I dare?_ Wondering if he's going to ruin everything, Gerard calls out. "Here, boy! Here!"  
  
The response is automatic. Jonny Lee drops to hands and knees and crawls into the living room, more hurriedly than before but definitely not at a bounding. He stops when he reaches the edge of the pillows and sits up. _Do you realize what you just did?_ The blood drains from his face and his look is utter confusion. _Just like a puppy. You responded. Without thinking._ And then there's a faint smile. _You just broke through your own limits, Jonny._  
  
Gerard isn't sure what to make of the look on Jonny Lee's face. He hopes it isn't too bad. And Jonny Lee obeyed. Gerard hadn't been too confident that he would. If someone had asked him just three hours ago if he thought he'd ever get his boy to do this type of play, he would have laughed in their faces. Considering that, this is amazing progress.  
  
The leash is still trailing after Jonny Lee and so Gerard picks it up and tugs it, leading Jonny Lee over to kneel up between Gerard's legs. "Good puppy," he says, scratching under Jonny Lee's chin. "Master's good puppy."  
  
 _Master's good puppy._ It's the only thought in Jonny Lee's brain right now. He's farther down than he's ever gone before, into a headspace he didn't know he had. He's zoned himself past the point of being aware of much anything _other_ than Master's voice, touch. He shakes his head slightly at the scratching. It tickles. And then he's nuzzling his cheek against Gerard's hands. _Please. More. Touch me._ The whimpering starts again, low and sultry in his throat, and he's instinctively begging with wide-open eyes and lips parted.  
  
If he'd known it would have been this good... It's been ages since Gerard last interacted with a human pet and, since the phone call with Liam, Gerard had thought it might be years before he played with a puppy, if ever. If he'd known that Jonny Lee could be this good at it... _Bad thought. You don't push his limits; he does._ Gerard scratches his pet, stroking his neck, enjoying the feel of something he hadn't been sure he'd ever feel again. "Teak," he asks softly. "Yes or no. Can I ask you to fetch?"  
  
 _Teak._ His nickname pulls Jonny Lee back up a step. _Fetch._ It's the point this idea fell apart on the first time they tried. He's deep enough that he thinks he can do it. But there's no way of knowing without trying, no way of going beyond the limit without pushing it.  
  
"Yes, Master," he answers slowly, quietly, after a long minute.  
  
Gerard sighs out in relief. "Thank you." He hadn't been able to find a ball small enough for Jonny Lee to carry in his mouth and it's too early to ask Jonny Lee to dribble a football with his head. Gerard pulls our a rolled up pair of clean socks and tosses it just far enough to reach the television.  
  
 _Fetch._ It's a command, and before Jonny Lee can process _what_ he's doing, he on his hands and knees, crawling to the television, leaning down and picking up the socks. In his mouth. He shakes his head. _Fetch._ It's where he failed before, where he couldn't continue. He crawls back, his head down. _You're a puppy. You're not a boy._ It's overwhelming, even within the zone's comfort, and he slowly makes his way back to Gerard's knee. _Safe place._ And he doesn't move. Just stays on hands and knees, clutching the cotton sock in his mouth. _There's no limit anymore._  
  
Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's hair. He can tell his boy has zoned completely, but he trusts petspace more than he does painspace. His boy isn't tied up. He isn't being beaten until he bleeds. There's no _physical_ danger in what they're doing. And Gerard's confident that they can fix anything mental.  
  
Besides, there are worse animals to roleplay. Gerard would never even consider asking his boy to do pony play. And canine play suits Jonny Lee, but Gerard knows better than to mention that. He prefers his eyes not blackened.  
  
He grasps the sock firmly and starts rocking it back and forth. "Let go, puppy," he says, maintaining the quiet tone he's been using for the scene. There's a supersitious part of him that thinks that if he raises his voice, he'll wake up.  
  
Jonny Lee doesn't let go. He shakes his head. _Mine._ He's zoning. _Master told puppy to fetch and puppy fetched. Now it's his._ Gerard's voice slices into his brain, low and commanding, and Jonny Lee's confused. _Not puppy. Boy._ He gasps, sputtering the sock into Gerard's hand, and breathes in too quickly. _What? No. Not doing it. Can't be._ His mind is two places, doing _and_ watching, and he can't process one with the other, can't reconcile. _Limit's gone, Jonny. You're under. Completely._ The gasp turns to a whimper, a sigh, a slow panting. _Good puppy._  
  
"I know you want it," Gerard says soothingly, trying to ease Jonny Lee through what appears to be an attack of nerves. "And I'll give it back to you. Puppy just has to work for it." He strokes Jonny Lee's collar and then lobs the sock a little further than before. "Fetch, pet."  
  
 _Puppy has to work for Master. Puppy has to please Master._ Gerard touches his collar and the spark ricochets through his body. _Puppy can do that._ Jonny Lee scampers to get the sock, moving more quickly and returning to the same spot as before, this time dropping it onto Gerard's lap and kneeling up. _Good puppy wants reward._  
  
"Good puppy." Jonny Lee looks eager that Gerard can't help but laugh. He pats Jonny Lee on the head. "Does my puppy want a prize for being a good pet?"  
  
"Yes, Master," he says, smiling, nodding his head. "Puppy's been good. Hasn't he?"  
  
"Puppy's been very good." Gerard licks his lips. _No. You are not allowed to make a chewtoy joke._ "Does he want to blow master?"  
  
"Yes, Master. Your bo --," he falters on the word, "puppy would like that. Please."  
  
"Good puppy." Gerard opens his pants a little more to give Jonny Lee room, and then tucks his hands behind his back to he can't interfere. "Puppy may begin."  
  
Jonny Lee nudges himself closer and dips his head down, keeping his hands behind his back. He sticks out his tongue and licks across the tip of Gerard's cock, then up its length, long and slathery licks, just like a puppy would. He spends a few minutes doing that, lavishing attention to every inch of his Master's cock with his tongue before taking its head in his mouth and sucking lightly.  
  
Just like a puppy. Gerard smiles fondly down, enjoying the sight more than he probably should. Jonny Lee makes such a good puppy that Gerard wonders why his boy never warmed to the idea before. But never mind. He's doing it now and that's all that matters.  
  
Gerard digs his nails into his palms as Jonny Lee starts sucking. "Puppy," he groans. "My talented puppy."  
  
The praise makes Jonny Lee work harder to please, and he sinks down all the way on Master's cock, till his nose is buried against flesh and he's nuzzling -- _fuck, just like a puppy_ \-- and he stops and pulls back and settles on just sucking, like he knows how, pressing his tongue up and dropping the hint of teeth against the cock as he works back and forth.  
  
 _See how far you've sunk, Jonny. You've lost yourself completely. It's what you wanted. To be his, in every way imaginable._  
  
He can feel the tightening in Gerard's groin, how the cock stiffens in his mouth and he takes it to the back of his throat again. _Good puppies don't choke._ He lets its tip rub and tease his gag reflex before he starts humming slightly, something he knows Master always enjoys.  
  
Gerard's been hard since Jonny Lee first crawled over to him, and he's been trying to remember every trick Peter taught him about orgasm control to keep from coming since then. Jonny Lee as a puppy is the most erotic thing he's even thought of in ages. His boy is just so effin' adorable. Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's hair and bites down on his lip _hard_ to keep from coming. _Not yet. Not yet._  
  
And then Jonny Lee starts humming and Gerard loses all control. He comes with a muffled whimper, his fingers fisted in Jonny Lee's hair. Such a good pet. Jonny Lee's so good at this.  
  
With a practiced ease and intimate familiarity with Master's body, Jonny Lee senses it a second before it arrives and he swallows, clearing his throat, taking everything Gerard spills out. _Yes. Oh, God. Perfect._ He sucks until he feels the last of his Master's orgasm subside and draws back slowly, licking the cock clean. _Very good puppy._  
  
Gerard pulls Jonny Lee's head back with regret. He strokes his thumb across Jonny Lee's bottom lip. "Master loves his puppy."  
  
Jonny Lee whimpers, a good puppy-like moan, and lightly kisses the edge of Gerard's thumb. _Puppy loves Master, very much._ He's even thinking like a puppy now, nuzzling into Gerard's hand, wanting to rub his face over his Master's flesh. And it's good, the zone, except for the tiny voice in the back of his head. _See how far you've fallen. How low you'll sink yourself._  
  
Gerard tugs Jonny Lee up by the collar. "Up, boy." He slides down so he's just about lying on the couch, and then tugs Jonny Lee onto his lap and starts petting him. He's going to milk this for all its worth and hope that it's good enough that Jonny Lee will want to do this again.  
  
Jonny Lee crawls up on the couch, then curls against Gerard's chest. It's more comforting here, closer, being touched and held and treated like -- _What? Lover? Puppy? Do you know which you are? Can you be both?_ He zones himself a step deeper, making small mewing noises, nuzzling his head against Gerard's throat. _Want to be yours. That's all that matters._  
  
Gerard strokes the soft skin beneath his hand, content to just lie there and listen to Jonny Lee's - _Purr? Can I call that a purr?_ \- purr. This has always been his favourite part of animal play, just lying there and feeling the roles close in around comfortably.  
  
And it's closing in, although Jonny Lee's not sure how comfortable it is. He's zoned far enough not to care, and that allows for comfort, as much as Master's touch, maybe, but it's not reality and that _will_ come, whether he wants or not, and the zone will slowly slip away and he'll be back to the real world.  
  
 _He so brilliant like this._ Gerard can't get enough of Jonny Lee on top of him like this. It's so perfect, so comfortable. "Good pet," he murmurs. "Good puppy. Good boy."  
  
Yes, he's being good, and he knows it. Jonny Lee lies still, curled against his Master's body, taking the compliments with near-silent whimpers. "Yes, Master," he murmurs after a long moment, echoing the words. "Good puppy."  
  
As much as Gerard's enjoying this, he knows it can't go on forever. He kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "How far into headspace is my puppy?"  
  
 _Damned far._ Jonny Lee murmurs, unintelligible words, then finds coherency. "Master, your puppy. Puppy good. Puppy obedient." There's a corner of his brain, a tiny white spot in the left lobe, he suspects, that recognizes just how far down he is and is watching, waiting for something to trigger him back up. Back to reality.  
  
Gerard grins. "Puppy very good. Puppy very obedient. Master loves his puppy." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's collar and tugs on the leash. Making sure Jonny Lee can feel it, he unhooks it and tosses it to the side. "Master wants his boy back."  
  
 _Master wants his boy back._ The words leech into Jonny Lee's brain. _Master wants his boy back._ He feels the leash leave his throat. _Boy now. Not puppy._ It's a slow ascent out of the void, and he's following the sound of Master's voice echoing in his head. _Master wants his boy._ He stops nuzzling and tucks his shoulder in on Gerard's chest. "He's here, Master. Your boy. Yours."  
  
"Yes, boy. Mine." He's not sure how much it's going to take to get Jonny Lee out of headspace and Gerard wonders how much Jonny Lee is going to panic once he's not zoning anymore. He hopes it won't be too bad. He hopes Jonny Lee doesn't come to regret this.  
  
He looks around warily, glances up at Gerard. "Master," Jonny Lee says quietly, hesitantly. "Your boy's good. He gives Master what he wants. Jonny makes a good puppy, doesn't he?" The headspace isn't wearing off that easily. He's somewhere not quite out of zoning, not quite back into realizing what he's done, how far he sank himself. "Master likes his gift?"  
  
"Jonny makes a _very_ good puppy." Gerard sits up more against at the couch arm, trying to get Jonny Lee out of the physical of being a puppy. "Master is so fucking grateful that Jonny's given him this." They say submission is a gift, but Gerard had never thought it could be anything as beauitiful as this. An amazing way to celebrate. "Master is so happy that Jonny trusted him enough to give him this."  
  
"Jonny trusts Master. Jonny's happy that Master is pleased." Jonny Lee's moving out of puppy space, but he's not out of the zone and not out of headspace. He's referring to himself completely in third person. No pronouns, no personal association. It's not a bad thing, or he doesn't think it is. He's happy he gave Gerard the ultimate submission, pushed past his limits. He just can't get himself back up competely. "Jonny loves Master, has all along, since the first day. Jonny wants to be with Master, just Master, no one else."  
  
"And you're not going to be with anyone else." Gerard cuddles Jonny Lee to his chest. "You're Master's and he's never ever letting you go. You're so perfect, Teak." Unlike other times Jonny Lee's had a hard time coming out of zoning, Gerard's not worried about this one. Maybe he's getting more trust in himself, or just more trust in their relationship, but he isn't scared Jonny Lee's going to get stuck down there. It might take a while to pull him out of the headspace, but that's normal. He'd be scared if it was too easy. "Master loves Jonny so much."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	215. gerard: I never meant to fall in love with him

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/07/28/) 15:44:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=46720&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=46720) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=46720) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=46720&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  Quiet  
---|---  
  
_**I never meant to fall in love with him**_  
[very private]  
  
  
  
  
I never meant to fall in love with him.  
  
I had an extremely frightening thought yesterday. If he left now, if we broke up now, I wouldn't miss the sex. I mean, yes, I'd miss it, but it wouldn't be on the top ten, fuck it, even the top twenty of things I'd miss. I'd miss his smile, I'd miss his enthusiasm, I'd miss the way he bounces around, I'd miss the way he can become so wrapped up in his games that he doesn't notice anything else. I'd miss the way he can focus entirely on one thing. I'd miss the way he looks after he comes back from running. I'd miss his confused looks when he tries to explain some bit of technology to me. I'd miss the way he curls up against me, resting his head on my chest. All that before I'd even begin to miss the way he looks when he's beneath me.  
  
It scares me, how quickly I fell for him. Love shouldn't be this strong. Burning so fast and so quickly. It scares me.  
  
But it wasn't that fast, not since I first met him. I didn't love him the first day, or the first month, or even the first year. Even when I e-mailed him from Prague, it was because I needed him. Need that was close to love, yes, but it wasn't until later, not until I fell back into the groove that I realized just how much I can't live without him. All other life is less vibrant because he's not there, and entirely worthless.  
  
Love is a dependence, an addiction. I won't ever be able to get enough of him.  
  
  
So I think we celebrated our anniversary on the wrong day. It shouldn't have been the day we met. I didn't love him then. I didn't _need_ him then. I don't know what I was thinking when I first started courting him, but it wasn't love. It was sex and companionship and maybe an on-set fling that transformed into more. But it wasn't because of love.  
  
I should ask him when he first fell in love with me. Maybe we could pool the dates and find a neutral time when it feels more right to celebrate that we're a couple. But I don't think I can ask. I'm scared of the answer. Fuck it, he gave me _puppy play_. There's no way in seven hells that I'm worthy of him. ~~There's going to be a day when he wants something of me that I can't give him and he's given me everything what the fuck am I going to do~~  
  
  
I don't deserve him. I live with the hope springing eternal that he never realizes that.  
  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/46720.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	216. jonnyleemiller: [email to jonathan_r_m]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/05/) 19:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30020&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30020) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30020) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30020&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)**_[ **jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
Subject: Hi, stranger

Yeah, it's probably not nice to hijack Ewan's journal for plotting. Would love to get together, get to know. Lunch? Or afternoon tea, if we're being London proper and all?

And, not that this boy's opinion counts, but big boots with little shorts and fuck it if it's period or not, Maxwell would wear rubber.

~JL

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
2004-08-06 09:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?thread=50244&format=light#t50244))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)**jonathan_r_m**  
Subject: Re: Hi, stranger  
  
 _Would love to get together, get to know. Lunch? Or afternoon tea, if we're being London proper and all?_  
  
Sounds good either way. Funny to see someone else using formal voice. I had to sort of beat myself out of it with other people early on. Ironic since I'm using far less of it these days.  
  
 _And, not that this boy's opinion counts, but big boots with little shorts and fuck it if it's period or not, Maxwell would wear rubber._  
  
This boy appreciates the opinion! Yeah if it were a period party I'd wear suede but you know, the opportunity to shop for things people consider outlandish is just too good to miss.  
  
What day for lunch, then? We keep getting shuffled back on our taking-off date, I have 'til Sunday, now.  
  
Looking forward to it, mate.  
Jon 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?replyto=50244&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?thread=50244&format=light#t50244))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-07 05:38 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?thread=50500&format=light#t50500))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Re: Hi, stranger  
  
Nice to know someone doesn't mind formal voice. This boy likes it, finds it weirdly natural, even though he slips out of it.  
  
Let's see ... since it's Thursday and you leave Sunday, we have Friday and Saturday. How 'bout we do something weird ... Trafalgar Square, 11 a.m. Saturday and we'll go scare the tourists at the Portrait Gallery before grabbing a bite.  
  
~Jonny  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?replyto=50500&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30020.html?thread=50244&format=light#t50244))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	217. est_news: Tabloid Digs for Dirt in Scotland

| The News ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/profile)[ **est_news**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/08/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/08/06/) 04:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=6459&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=6459) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=6459) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=6459&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Tabloid Digs for Dirt in Scotland** _  
**Disclaimer:** This article is entirely a work of fiction created for the roleplaying game [The Establishment](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=establishment) and is not in any way meant to reflect on any real persons mentioned within.

**Bad Hobbits?**

He was once voted Scotland's most eligible bachelor, beating out even hunky heartthrobs like Prince William, Ewan McGregor and Brian O'Driscoll, but these days **[Billy Boyd](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd)** seems more likely to go shopping with the girls than to love and leave 'em. After appearing at a few functions with an attractive dancer, 'Pippin' quickly ditched the girlfriend and fell back into the habit of palling around almost exclusively with men.

* * *

Picture: [Gerard dipping Billy tango-style in a music store.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/10577.html)

Caption: Boyd and Butler: making a little night music?

* * *

While his laddish fellow ex-hobbits Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan rub scampish shoulders with Kate Winslet and Kelly Osbourne, Boyd has been openly close with recently outed celebrities like fellowshipper Viggo Mortensen, not to mention [feeding dainty desserts to Jonny Lee Miller by hand](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/10473.html), and waltzing with future Phantom Gerard Butler.

* * *

Picture: [Billy snogging Chris in the rain](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/11154.html). With her height and short hair, Chris appears to be a man.

Caption: Lord of the Rings' "Nelly" Boyd?

* * *

Now, our exclusive secret snaps suggest that Boyd may be Scotland's most confirmed bachelor, at least under current law. With the controversial 'marriage' of Lord of the Rings stars Mortensen and Sean Bean still hotly argued by activists on all sides of the gay marriage equation, the revelation of still more bumhungry behaviour from Rings alums casts suspicion on all those 'innocent' red-carpet antics. Was the storied closeness of the famous ensemble cast just a cover for madcap sex adventures? Behind-the-scenes documentaries have so far been squeaky clean, but this magazine will continue to bring you the real inside story!

**Disclaimer:** This article is entirely a work of fiction created for the roleplaying game [The Establishment](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=establishment) and is not in any way meant to reflect on any real persons mentioned within.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	218. billy_boyd: voice messages about the article

| Not Really Billy ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/profile)[ **billy_boyd**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/06/) 09:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12031&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12031) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12031) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12031&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**voice messages about the article**_  
message for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/)**notdom**  
I still hate your feckin' voice mail.

I need your advice, I, well, there's a tabloid article says I'm gay. My phone is ringing like mad, though some of it's other actors and friends and directors saying they'll still hire me.

I dunno what to do. My agency assistant says to deny it, but it seems a daft thing to deny -- nothing to be ashamed of, right? -- and no one will believe me any road.

Should I just let it go and hope it doesn't get picked up by the other papers?

Ring back when you can, mate

message for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) and [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)

This is Billy Boyd. I seem to have landed in a heap of muck, the tabloids think I'm shagging you both, not sure if they mean separately or together. I've no idea what's going on and who set them on my trail, and not the faintest clue what to do. If you've any story you want me to get out, let me know. And brace yourselves for paparazzi by the bucketful -- they've already come round my flat here.

Call me at xx xx xx xx if you like, no one has that number but friends.

I am sorry to have gotten you into my mess.

message for [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/)

This is Billy, is that really you, mate? If it isn't, I'll be buggered. Erm. That's the problem. This story came out, they say that I'm gay and it brought up you and Sean. I don't know what or why, it just happened. I think you have my mobile number, please, I could use some advice. And watch out for the journos and the cameras, they're thick on the ground here.  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	219. gerard: Billy's Outing, and teasing

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/06/) 15:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47491&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47491) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47491) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47491&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Billy's Outing, and teasing** _  
[players only. After [Billy's fake outing](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/6459.html), [Billy's voicemail to Ger and Jonny](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/12031.html#cutid2), and a Billy/JL phonecall that's yet to be posted. Featuring aluminumcan!sex.]

Gerard's been on the phone with one person or another since before he got Billy's e-mail. This time it's his publicist, wanting comments for a statement. "No, I haven't had sex with Billy Boyd...yes, he's the straightest man I know...that's nice." He pauses. "No, no threesomes. They're hard as fuck to coordinate properly...no, you can _not_ quote me on that. Billy's a good friend, he's straight, and I've never even seen him shirtless. Ok?" Hearing the affirmative, Gerard slams down the phone and curses under his breath.

Jonny Lee walks into the living room, having finally hung up from his conversation with Billy and finished putting the groceries up while deflecting a second call from his agent in which he explained empathically that he wasn't doing anything with anyone other than Gerard, which seemed to make her feel better. He arrives just in time to hear _never even seen him shirtless_ and watch Ger slam down the phone.

"Let me guess. Someone's seen the tabs and wants to know if you are, in fact, shagging Billy," he says, walking over and settling on one end of the couch, perched on its arm. "Just got off the phone with him, by the way."

"Got it in one." Gerard spins around on the chair so he's facing his boy. "How's Billy doing? Bearing up beneath it all?"

"Yeah. He's exasperated from taking calls, but he sounded okay." Jonny Lee swigs at the Coke he'd brought with him. "Did you really dip him in the music store?"

"Yeah." Gerard shrugs. "He's very dippable. Did you really feed him dessert?"

"Well, yeah," Jonny Lee blushes, "but it was matter of sharing 'cause we couldn't decide what we wanted. Sure as fuck wasn't sexual." He tilts the Coke bottle up and chugs half of it down. "Hell, Billy's the straightest bloke I know."

"Said that also." Gerard gets up and sits down next to Jonny Lee. He grabs his coke and drinks down about a third of what's left. "Got told that I must not hang around with too many straight blokes."

"Hey, you want one, get your own," Jonny Lee says playfully, nudging at Gerard's shoulder with his knee. He laughs when he realizes what Gerard said. "You shouldn't? Okay, I give, why would _that_ be a bad thing?"

"Don't want to get my own. Just steal my boy's." To prove the point, Gerard finishes off the coke and then gets up to get two more from the fridge, cans this time. "And not that I shouldn't," he says, handing Jonny Lee the colder of the two. "That I don't, if I think Billy's straight."

"Oh, okay. Boy's stupid. Totally misread your words." Jonny Lee rolls the Coke between his hands. "Oooh, chilly. Okay, so your publicist rag on you too much? Want you to issue statement?"

"Statement's been issued. Quote. Billy Boyd is merely a good friend and Gerry has never shagged him. End quote." He pops the tab and takes a long drink. "You issued one?"

"Yeah. Ditto on the friend and never." Jonny Lee opens the Coke and swigs at it. "So, that's that, I guess. Don't need to fret 'bout the fallout from being seen with a straight guy they think is queer."

"Not for us, probably. But for Billy?" Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee and squeezes tight. "He's probably going to have hell for a while. I should probably recommend some good libel lawyers. He should sue."

Jonny Lee nearly spews the Coke onto the sofa when Gerard grabs him. "Master, warning, please," he spurts out, along with a dribble of soda. "Yeah, he should. Don't know that he will. Might just want to let it die."

"These kinds of things don't die. Just look at that Hugh Grant and the prostitute." Gerard squeezes harder. "And I will not. Being spontaneous is one of those things you put up about me."

"Spontaneous your boy likes. Spewing soda on the sofa he does not." Jonny Lee stretches and sets the can down on the table behind the couch. He slides easily into the formal voice, the third person speech he knows Gerard likes. "Does Master wish to play? Or is he just testing his boy's reflexes?"

"Testing my boy's reflexes." Gerard holds his can up against Jonny Lee's neck, pressing in. "Such sexy reflexes, they are."

He scrunches up his shoulders against the sudden chill. "Cold. Reflexes fine, Master." Jonny Lee slowly relaxes his shoulders, tilts his head forward. "Feels rather good, actually."

"Well, you were just outside." Gerard slides the can down, letting it stop just at the top of the collar of Jonny Lee's shirt. He pulls it away after a moment and drinks. "What do you say to getting naked for master, watching me fellate this can, and then going to bed hard, and after a good amount of time you wake me up with a blowjob?"

Jonny Lee opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Well, unless you count the whimper at Gerard's question. "Um, your boy would say 'yes, Master'," he says, pulling his shirt up and over his head, dropping it over the sofa cushion. "And he'd strip down." He bends down and unlaces the hi-tops, getting out of them as quickly as possible, and slides off the couch to stand, fingers on the buttons of his jeans. "Should he presume to kneel?"

"He should." Gerard salutes Jonny Lee with his coke can. As good as his boy looks in hip-hugging jeans, he looks better in nothing at all. "In proper form as well. Maybe later Master will bring out the posture devices and see how well you beg to get out of those."

The jeans are down his thighs when Jonny Lee catches the comment about posture devices and looks up. "Master hasn't really played with those much. Does his boy need to slouch more often?" He's grinning and shoves the jeans down, stepping out of them and kicking the denim half under the couch. He goes to his knees, taking proper position, back straight and hands behind him, knees reasonably far apart. "Your boy's curious about position, Master. Why this one and not another?"

"Because it leaves you so vulnerable." Gerard says. "So open, so ready, so submissive." He brings the can up to his lips and slides his tongue through the hole in the tab and then back out again slowly. "And don't slouch, Teak. It doesn't become you. I don't want to bring it out unless it's punishment, since the only one I have is a cuffs-collar combination."

He immediately straightens even more, not that he slouches much at all, except when he's in some totally grungy mood. "Like being that way, open and vulnerable," he says, licking his lips slowly, biting at the lower one as he watches Gerard's tongue. "Submissive for you." His cock's half-hard and it's getting harder just at the mention of cuffs and collars. He tilts his head back, rubbing his neck against the edge of his leather collar. "Why not hands in front though?" he asks. "Isn't palms up traditional?" He's been reading, trying to figure out what's what and where they might be headed.

"Traditional for who?" Gerard slowly slides his tongue across the curve of the rim of the can. "Hands in front give you too much control," he explains. "Move quick enough and you can stop me. But in the back, there's more time. And it makes it much easier to cuff you." He presses his lips a dent in the rim and works his lips over it, comparing the sensation between the indention and the smoothness of the rest.

"Well, that's logical," Jonny Lee says, and he likes the notion of being easy to cuff. "Just been reading and you _do_ know exactly how erotic that is, don't you?" It's a fuckin' rhetorical question. Jonny Lee knows his master understands exactly how to undo him. But he's not squirming yet.

Gerard bites down on the can and then slowly lets go, keeping his eyes on Jonny Lee at all times. "Yes, I do," he smirks and squeezes the can so that some of the liquid sloshes onto the lid. "What sort of things have you been reading? Anything you think you should read aloud at bedtime?"

"Not unless you want Jonny to bring the laptop to bed with him," Jonny Lee deadpans. "Surfing the D/s sites, just expanding horizons, Master." He's to the fidgeting stage, cock growing heavier by the second and fingers counting themselves to keep from letting go of one another. "Got sidetracked off the piercing page."

"Mm. Can see how you would." Gerard tips the can towards him and starts swallowing quickly. Tastes good, nice and cold, and he wonders how it would taste around Jonny Lee's cock. Something to try, along with an ice cube blow job. Gerard's always loved playing with sensations. "Jonny see anything he wants to try with master?"

Never once in his life has Jonny Lee wished he was a Coke can. Not even in improv exercises. Now he can't think of anything better to be. "Um," he swallows, "fuck, yes, Master, he saw," he stammers, concentrating too hard on how Gerard's mouth would feel on him. Cock. Nipples. Arse. "Sensory deprivation." The thought comes to him suddenly. "Please, Pire, want you. Need something."

"You want to _try_ sensory deprivation, or is that what you think I'm doing to you?" The idea appeals. He should tie Jonny Lee spreadeagled to the bed, blindfold him, and then play with his senses. Maybe he could even try that figging thing Mark had mentioned.

"Try," Jonny Lee says quickly. "What you're doing is torture, not that your boy minds. Not one bit. No, sir. Love it."

"And my boy thinks sensory deprivation won't be torture?" Gerard finishes the rest of the coke. "Fascinating."

"Oh, it'd be torture, sir. Your boy's not _that_ naive. But a different kind." Jonny Lee bites at his lip to keep from moving again. "This is random torture, designed to drive your boy insane before he's allowed to fall asleep." He grins. "Upstairs anytime soon? Master?"

"What, my boy doesn't like being driven insane?" Gerard bites down on the tab and, with a short jerk to the side, rips it off. He spits it back into the can and gets up to toss it into the recycling bin. "Only upstairs if my boy agrees to be cuddled."

"Not a fair question, Pire. If he loves being driven insane, then he's a bit weird. If he doesn't, then he's not very grateful." Jonny Lee squirms visibly, his cock knife hard with all the teasing, and whimpers. "Please. Cuddle. You can make Jonny a teddy bear for the afternoon if you want. Just want bed." _Just need to lie down, stretch out, pass out._

Teak bear. Not teddy bear. Gerard smiles and tugs Jonny Lee to his feet. "Bed, then."

"Bed, Master," Jonny Lee says, coming to his feet, a bit dizzyingly. "Cuddle and sleep and then your boy gets to wake you, mouth on cock and driving you insane."

Gerard grins. Nothing like a little revenge. He wraps his arm around his naked boy and brings him in close. "Sounds like a plan."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47491.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	220. billy_boyd: not all publicity is good publicity

| Not Really Billy ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/profile)[ **billy_boyd**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/06/) 12:49:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12259&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12259) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12259) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=12259&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  slightly grim  
---|---  
  
_**not all publicity is good publicity**_  
from: billy@bbmailserver.com  
date: 6-8-2004  
subject: not all publicity is good publicity  
to: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/profile)[**notdom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notdom/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/elijah/profile)[**elijah**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/elijah/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/profile)[**viggo_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/viggo_m/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlandobloom/profile)[**orlandobloom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlandobloom/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/) , **ian** , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/miranda_o/profile)[**miranda_o**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/miranda_o/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/cate/profile)[**cate**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/cate/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/craig_parker/profile)[**craig_parker**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/craig_parker/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/david_wenham/profile)[**david_wenham**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/david_wenham/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/profile)[**harry_sinclair**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/harry_sinclair/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hugo_weaving/profile)[**hugo_weaving**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/hugo_weaving/) , **andy** , **peter** , **fran** , **philippa** , **richard** , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/bettany/profile)[**bettany**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/bettany/) , **russell** , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/keira/profile)[**keira**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/keira/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/thora_b/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/thora_b/)**thora_b** , **davidgrieg** , **ali**  
attachments: 1  
  
We all know tabloids make things up, but apparently they have no regard for truth at all. This story ([the one that's attached](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/6459.html)) has three grains of truth and a whole cartload of lies.  
  
I wouldn't mind being gay, or bisexual, but I'm not. My mates Gerry and Jonny are old friends and they're together now. I'd never get between them even if I were gay. That is me kissing in that picture, but I'm kissing Chris, who's all girl I can testify. She's away in Antarctica or I'd produce her immediately.  
  
If asked, please just tell the truth. I doubt it will make a difference, but it's all we can do. Especially tell the women you know. I'll be ~~dammed~~ very upset if they think I'm not interested.  
  
I plan to take a holiday very very soon.  
  
Billy

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/12259.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	221. billy_boyd: Jonny and Billy talk about the 'outing'

| Not Really Billy ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/profile)[ **billy_boyd**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/billy_boyd/2004/08/06/) 17:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=13676&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=13676) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=13676) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=billy_boyd&itemid=13676&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Jonny and Billy talk about the 'outing'**_  
Billy's message on their voice mail

This is Billy Boyd. I seem to have landed in a heap of muck, the tabloids think I'm shagging you both, not sure if they mean separately or together. I've no idea what's going on and who set them on my trail, and not the faintest clue what to do. If you've any story you want me to get out, let me know. And brace yourselves for paparazzi by the bucketful -- they've already come round my flat here.

Call me at xx xx xx xx if you like, no one has that number but friends.

I am sorry to have gotten you into my mess.

* * *

Jonny Lee toggles the voice recorder as he walks into the kitchen, putting away the groceries while he listens to the messages. First is from his agent. Something about a BBC project. He reaches over and hits the skip button on the way to dropping the onions into the pullout bin. Next two are for Gerard, and he skips them, too. Fourth up is his mum. She's going on about this new cookbook and how Jonny could use it. "At least it wasn't about sex toys," he mutters as the message finishes.

He's turned back to the pantry when the last message starts to play and he catches Billy's voice. He smiles at first, then hears about _muck_ and _paps_ and he turns back, toggling the recorder off and popping on the phone's headset, pressing in Billy's number. "Aw, shite, what now?"

"Hello?" Billy answers even this phone cautiously, it's been a long day and the journos may get this number any moment.

"Billy, it's Jonny. Got your message." He's unpacking as he talks, putting cans into the pantry. "Haven't seen the tabs. Don't read 'em if I can avoid it these days. What's up?"

At this point, Billy's beyond the initial shock and almost tired of explaining. "There's this article, someone saw us at the Thai restaurant, and a picture of me and Gerry at the music store. All misinterpreted, they say we're shagging, it's all bolluxed up, you know?"

"We're shagging? You, me _and_ Ger. Wow. I missed that. Are we having fun?" Jonny's not being flippant, but he can tell from Billy's voice he's told the story a million times, so he goes for the humour vein, hoping it doesn't totally hit Billy the wrong way.

"I hope you are, because the cameras and journos have been here all day playing 'Stalk the Hobbit'." He's so tired that he starts wandering "I wonder if they think I really am three foot six?"

"You're not. I measured." Jonny Lee tucks the new box of cereal in behind the old. "You countering it all? Got PR on it?"

"Yeah, though my agency is not all that good at handling this shite. Think I should talk to Paris Hilton's people?" Billy is smiling wryly: talking to Jonny is very calming right now.

Jonny laughs. "Oh, yeah, when in doubt, get advice from Paris. That's what I should've done when our photos hit." It's easy being the calming influence when you're not in the spotlight. "It'll pass. Tomorrow the tabs'll have someone new to rag on."

"Oh that's right, you've been through this yoursel, any advice for me?" Anything would be good right now. Billy's voice gets a bit thin and tense, "PR but especially, dealing with the hate calls. I didnae realize that Scotland was still so full of nasty fire-breathing Calvinists."

"You know, I should be offended by that comment, seeing how I live with one of them fire-breathers. Well, don't think he's a Calvinist, but you know." Jonny pops open a Coke and takes a quick swig. "Don't let 'em get you down, Billy. Nothing you say will appease that type. Just go with the witty denials, the truth and, if you need, I've the number of some nice bullies in Kent."

Shaking his head, Billy answers, "Couldn't think of a witty denial to save my life. If you come up with any, pass them on, eh?"

"Sure thing, mate. Of course, we'll do the denial thing, too, from our end. I haven't fielded it yet, but I'm sure Gerard's agent's already been on the phone with him. It'll be our pleasure to paint you the straightest bloke we know."

"Ta, Jonny. Only, with your crowd, that's to the point of damning with faint praise!" Billy realizes that Jonny's got him smiling, a friend indeed.

Jonny laughs. "Well, if you prefer," he says, going for sultry, "I could elaborate on how delicious it was being spoon-fed by you." He's smirking. "But somehow I don't think that praise is any more faint."

"No, that's fine, can you keep it short and, erm, straight?"

"Got ya," Jonny says quickly. "Gotta go, too. Dinner to fix. You need anything, just call."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	222. gerard: Saturday Night Spanking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/07/) 22:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47073&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47073) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47073) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47073&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Saturday Night Spanking** _  
[players only. A spanking! A spanking! Doesn't follow anything, doesn't lead into anything. We loves the PWP, precious.]

  
They're sitting on the couch together, not doing anything more strenuous than watching a late night movie. Jonny Lee's curled up against Gerard's chest and Gerard reaches around him once the credits roll to turn off the television. He strokes Jonny Lee's back and bends his head to whisper in his ear. "Over my lap. It's time for your spanking."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says without thinking, kneeling up and stretching out over Gerard's lap. "May your boy ask why he's being spanked?" He can't recall breaking any rules today. Or even the past few days. So it can't be punishment.

"I don't need an excuse to spank my boy." Gerard moves closer to the center of the couch so Jonny Lee's spread out better. "Or to make his arse red, or raise welts from that pretty skin. Does my boy think he's done anything wrong recently?"

"No, sir, he's been quite good lately," Jonny Lee says, squirming into the best position, his cock rubbing against Gerard's leg. "He loves it when Master just wants to make him red. And maybe let him beg to be fucked after the welts are raised?"

"I'll let you beg all you want." Gerard grins and pats Jonny Lee's arse. "This isn't punishment or reward. It's just a spanking. You don't even need to count." He brings his hand down fast and hard, enjoying the loud smack it makes. His boy always squirms so well. Gerard wants to see just how far they can go before his hand starts hurting.

"Yummy," Jonny Lee mutters under his breath as the first strike lands firmly. Not punishment or reward. Just play. He can get into that. He wriggles a bit, shifting his knees to raise his arse to give Gerard an even better angle.

He loves the way Teak squirms against him. That's a reason all on its own to give Jonny Lee a spanking. "How many do you think you can take?" he asks as he lands the sixth blow. "Forty? Fifty?"

"Forty-five," he says, splitting the difference. "All as hard as that one, Pire. Please."

"Going to be the death of me." Gerard says. But he lands the next five all that hard, hand stinging. "You're driving me to the hospital if I break my hand."

"Of course, Master," Jonny Lee says with a grin. "And your boy will gladly explain to the doctors what happened." He breathes out the words between blows. "In detail."

"Of course he will." Jonny Lee's arse is turning a nice shade of red, and Gerard targets the pinker areas. "In as much detail as possible. We'll of course have to call the club first to find a place that won't report it as abuse, but there's no reason not to give the doctor something to wank to."

"Hospital in the neighborhood, Sir. ER doc lives down the," Jonny says, his thought interrupted by a sharp blow, a moan and a hiss of pained delight, "uh, street. He runs. Oh, fuck, yes, Master, that feels so damned good."

"Ever run with him?" It's good to know that there's a doctor close by. In case anything happens. Like a freak accident with a blender, or whatnot.

"Yeah, actually, off and on. His number's on the emergency list in the kitchen." Jonny Lee wriggles, pushing up and then back down so his cock rubs between Gerard's legs. "Please, more?"

Gerard gives Jonny Lee's arse a pat instead of a smack. "I think you can beg better than that." One of the great things about being a master is that he can change his mind about things like begging.

"Please," Jonny Lee says, dragging the word out, "your boy wants his Master's hand on his arse. He wants to give up the pain for his Master." He puts as much sincerity as he muster in such an awkward position. "Let your boy hurt for you."

"You know," Gerard says thoughtfully, dragging his nail across what's looking to be a welt, "I love watching you walk around with your arse red from my hand. And the rest of your marks, of course, but there's something special about knowing you can't sit down because of me."

"Oh, fuck, Master, that's," he arches up into the scratching, "your boy loves showing off your marks. He won't put on clothes for days, unless he absolutely has to."

"Good boy." Gerard rewards him with three smacks closely following each other. "Might be a problem in Iceland, but I understand there's central heating."

"Central heating's a plus, but your boy can wrap up in blankets while master's filming, and then get a whole different kind of warm when he's not." Jonny Lee's squirming proper now, his arse radiating a solid heat that's spreading over his backside.

"Yes, he can." The count's up to thirty by now and Jonny Lee's arse is a uniform red, and Gerard's hand is stinging. "How much did my boy say he wanted to take?"

"Uh, 45, sir." Jonny Lee's lost count. Hell, he never had it. He's trusting Gerard to know where they are. "But it's up to master when he stops."

"Master doesn't want to give his boy more than he thinks he can take." He doesn't honestly think that his boy can't take more than 45. Hell, it took more than twice that to make Jonny Lee safeword, and that was with a flogger. Gerard rotates his wrist and then gives Jonny Lee one right on top of a growing welt.

"Ow," Jonny Lee screams, that blow hurting right fuckin' proper. "Yes, Master, a few more like that would be nice."

"Just nice?" Gerard teases. "I think it'd be several orders of magnitude bigger than nice." He repeats the blow on the exact same spot and then does a second one overlapping it. "Still just nice?"

"Sorry, sir, but _nice_ is a really broad range." Jonny Lee's grimacing just a bit, delighting in the pain, his arse aching from the warmth. "But would Master like fuckin' great better?"

"He would." Gerard's always liked compliments. He punctuates his words with quick smacks. "Fucking great is good, as is bloody brilliant, or heavenly, or the best you've ever had. Yeah?"

"Christ, yes, best he's ever had. Your boy doesn't get it better anywhere," Jonny Lee says, breathing out between blows. "Not that he goes looking. No, Sir. Just wants your hand."

"Does my boy get _anything_ anywhere?" Gerard almost laughs. He knows his boy better than to think that Jonny Lee's fucking around with somebody else. "Don't think so. My boy's all mine."

"Absolutely not, Master," Jonny Lee spits out. "Yours. Only yours. Forever."

"Gonna hold you to that." If this was a horror movie, Gerard thinks with a grin, he'd now make Jonny Lee sign a contract in blood. Sounds like something out of Jonny Lee's wedding. He hits Jonny Lee at the top of his thighs, watching him jerk. "Going to hurt you for the rest of your life."

Jonny Lee could just about melt at the words. _Rest of your life. Hurt you._ He doesn't know of anything else he wants more. "Please, Master, let your boy give you that, his pain for the rest of your life."

Most other people in the world would be shocked to have their significant others promise to never stop hurting them. Gerard tends to live in harmony with his kinks, but there are times when the incongruity of it all makes him burst out laughing. "I love you," he says, getting himself back under control. "Love you so much."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47073.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	223. gerard: Teak's shocking secret!

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/09/) 01:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47191&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47191) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47191) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47191&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Teak's shocking secret!** _  
[public]

  


I'm sure my boy is currently regretting explaining to his poor master what all these buttons on his computer do.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-08-09 08:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=87895&format=light#t87895))   
---|---  
Oh, very nice. Either your skills of image manipulation are vastly superior to mine, or Jonny Lee is a more interesting young man than I thought. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=87895&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=87895&format=light#t87895))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-09 08:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88151&format=light#t88151))   
---|---  
Why not both?  
  
It's this great program they recommended to me at the software store. Supposed to be great for people who need something that can be done without a manual. If you want I can send you a link to it. I think I know how to do that. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=88151&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=87895&format=light#t87895))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88151&format=light#t88151))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-08-09 09:06 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88407&format=light#t88407))   
---|---  
Good point.  
  
No manual involved? Sounds very good to me. If you can send the link, go for it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=88407&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88151&format=light#t88151))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88407&format=light#t88407))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-09 06:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88919&format=light#t88919))   
---|---  
Sent to you. It's almost as fun as footie. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=88919&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=88407&format=light#t88407))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-10 12:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=89175&format=light#t89175))   
---|---  
Not only does he regret showing you how to use the computer, he doubly regrets ever posing for a photograph in his entire life.  
  
Jonny would much rather snuggle with Master than with Marek. Master's plusher. *sniggle* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=89175&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=89175&format=light#t89175))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-10 02:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=89431&format=light#t89431))   
---|---  
But my boy is so photogenic. It'd be a shame to rid the world of all those pictures.  
  
  
 _Master's plusher._  
  
I think that's an insult. Poke Marek's stomach and it bends. Poke my stomach and it shouldn't bend. If it does, Sturla will have my head and some overly-muscled giant the size of Big Ben will hang me by my neck from a light fixture until dead. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?replyto=89431&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html?thread=89175&format=light#t89175))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	224. gerard: Olympics

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/10/) 12:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47726&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47726) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47726) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47726&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Olympics** _  
[JL only]

Ok, boy. Olympics start this Friday. Is it safe to assume you want to watch them? I'm willing to bet you want to watch the running ones. Anything else? We should coordinate.

I've been thinking over a system of beatings. If England wins gold in one event, I give you ten lashes. Two events, twenty lashes. Three events, thirty, and so on and so forth for the rest of them. If England wins silver in one event, I give you ten swats with a paddle. If England wins bronze in one event, you spend ten hours in a cockring. How does that sound? I'm willing to amend the system should my boy think of something better.

Love you.  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-10 08:31 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89710&format=light#t89710))   
---|---  
That's a unique way to get into the Games.  
  
Definitely want to watch track and field events, but they're not till second weekend, most of 'em. Would say footie, but we're not fielding a team. Rowing's a must for any proper Brit, and we actually take gold in that a good bit. Plus the horsey stuff.  
  
Like your system. Can your boy beg for bonus lashes just for sitting through the opening ceremonies?  
  
*snogs* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=89710&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89710&format=light#t89710))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-10 08:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89966&format=light#t89966))   
---|---  
Interesting icon, boy. Makes me want to bend you over a desk and cane you.  
  
  
  
 _Can your boy beg for bonus lashes just for sitting through the opening ceremonies?  
_  
  
Nope. But if my boy fucks up enough, I might just make him sit through all of it as punishment. And then beat him to make up for it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=89966&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89710&format=light#t89710))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89966&format=light#t89966))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-10 09:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90222&format=light#t90222))   
---|---  
Thought you might like the icon, Master. Found that photo in some _Trainspotting_ PR files. You realize how hard your boy is just from you mentioning the notion of caning him over a desk? Oh, fuck. When you getting home? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=90222&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=89966&format=light#t89966))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90222&format=light#t90222))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-10 09:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90478&format=light#t90478))   
---|---  
Soon. But I think I'll delay. I like the thought of my boy being hard and desperate for me.  
  
Want to play at school boys and headmasters? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=90478&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90222&format=light#t90222))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90478&format=light#t90478))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-10 10:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90734&format=light#t90734))   
---|---  
Mr. Butler, sir, you think I need a spot of discipline? I mean just 'cause I'm slacking off and spending time on the pitch 'stead of the library doesn't mean I'm unruly. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=90734&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90478&format=light#t90478))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90734&format=light#t90734))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-11 01:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90990&format=light#t90990))   
---|---  
Of course it does. It's against school rules. I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to drastic measures to make sure you start paying attention during class.  
  
I assure you, this hurts me more than it hurts you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=90990&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90734&format=light#t90734))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90990&format=light#t90990))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-11 03:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=91246&format=light#t91246))   
---|---  
Drastic measures, Mr. Butler? Hmmm. As for who's hurting more, I think that's a matter of perspective. You get off on pain? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=91246&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=90990&format=light#t90990))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=91246&format=light#t91246))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-11 04:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=91502&format=light#t91502))   
---|---  
I think that's an impertinent question and you should know better. Detention, Mr. Miller. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?replyto=91502&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47726.html?thread=91246&format=light#t91246))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	225. ewan_mcgregor: Chat log: Jude, Ewan, Jonny, and Ger, Tuesday evening 8/10

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/08/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/08/10/) 18:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114461&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114461) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114461) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114461&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Chat log: Jude, Ewan, Jonny, and Ger, Tuesday evening 8/10** _  
[players only]

[continued from [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/114205.html)]

  
Jonny winces. _Okay, direct didn't work._ And he's most likely going to pay for it later with lots of welts. He pushes up on his elbows, stretches and whispers into Jude's ear. "Obviously there's an impasse. If we all gang up on him, we might seduce him to the point he can't resist. Think Ewan'll go for it?"

"We need to do something... I'll follow your lead." Jude whispers back. He sits back on his heels, giving Jonny room to move.

Jonny pulls up to his knees and turns to face Gerard. "Master, it's okay if you don't want to play with Ewan," he says, stretching and kissing Gerard's knee. "He's not really that much fun anyway." He's nuzzling, rubbing his face over Gerard's thigh. "Would you let us play with you? Please?"

Gerard's hand goes to Jonny Lee's hair automatically, but he doesn't pull him away. "Thought you wanted to play with Jude," he says quietly. "And Ewan. Video games and such."

"Yes, he does. Played. Lost." Jonny tugs into Gerard's fingers. "He wants you to have fun. Doesn't want you left out." He climbs up onto the couch, kneeling beside Gerard, leaning into him, running his hand up his lover's chest. "I can still play with Jude," he says, nodding at Jude, motioning him to move closer, "and we could play with you, all together."

Gerard swallows on a suddenly dry throat. "Ewan said he'd kill me if I touched Jude." There's no real sexual attraction for Ewan, but there's a lot for Jude. Gerard doesn't think this is quite the time to say that he's been having dreams about bending Jude over a table and fucking him, especially given Ewan's warning from before. "I don't want to step on any toes, ruin things more than I already have."

"I said no such thing." Feeling more than a little rejected, Ewan pushes himself off the sofa, grabbing a handful of crisps from a bowl on the coffee table. Salt and vinegar. Well, at least that's one thing gone right. "Anyone want another drink?" he asks, heading for the kitchen.

"I'm fine." Jude shakes his head. He watches Ewan head off to the kitchen and tries to hide his nervousness. In truth, he wouldn't mind another beer, or three, anything to loosen the mood but right now isn't the time. Crawling up beside Jonny, he kneels next to him and leans in to kiss his shoulder, looking at Gerard. "Please, Sir," he says meekly, "permission to play with your boy?"

"All right," Gerard whispers. "Play with my boy." If he can't have Jude, at least he can watch him with Jonny Lee. Ewan may have said no such thing, but Gerard can understand tones. Ewan might not have said it, but that's what he meant.

"Thank you, Sir," Jude says with a smile. He runs his hand down Jonny's thigh and squeezes gently.

No one else asked for anything, so Ewan comes back with just two beers, both for himself, and one's already half gone. There's no room on the sofa anymore, so he flops into a chair and stretches out his legs.

Jonny smiles, kneels up into Jude's touch. "What would Master like to watch us do?" he whispers against Gerard's ear, licking the edge of the lobe. "He can touch us, if he wants. We'd like that."

"We would." Jude nods, eyes on Gerard as he shifts a little more behind Jonny, wrapping an arm around him.

Gerard doesn't look at Ewan. He doesn't want to think about what might happen if he does. Instead, he reaches out and the tips of his fingers brush against Jude's shoulder. Nice, soft skin, like he'd known it would be. "I want to watch Teak give you a blowjob," he says. He wants to see what Jude looks like when he comes. It'll be an image Gerard will gladly add to his fantasy collection.

Jonny smiles at Gerard's words. It's something he can do easily, something that'll please his master. He kisses Gerard's throat, content being this close, and slides his hand down his lover's chest, resting it on Gerard's hip. "Love you," he whispers. "Think that would be beautiful."

"I think so, too," Gerard answers. He strokes Jonny Lee's back. "You done it many times before?"

"Not that many," Jonny says, blushing just a bit, "at least not with Jude." And it's true. They've been friends for half their lives, but sex is a relatively new thing between them.

"Not often enough." Jude looks sideways at Jonny and smiles gently, pleased to see the colour rising in his face. On an impulse he leans closer and gives Jonny a quick peck on the cheek, a friendly kiss that slowly turns more intimate as he licks along Jonny's jaw. "Dunno why..."

Over Jonny's shoulder, Jude catches a quick glimpse of Ewan raising his beer bottle to his lips again. Jude straightens and raises his head, looking to see how Ewan is feeling about this, trying to catch his eye. Ewan looks back at him, and Jude raises his eyebrows, asking the unspoken question. _Are you okay with this?_

There's a tiny pause, the faintest hint of a shrug and then Ewan nods. "Go ahead."

It's not exactly enthusiasm but it's good enough. Jude squeezes against Jonny, his knee brushing against Gerard's bare thigh. "Where would sir like us then?"

"On the floor." Gerard bites his lip and glances over at Ewan. He doesn't want to know what Ewan's thinking about Gerard ordering Jude around. "Both of you," he says, looking back to Jude and Jonny Lee. "On the floor."

"Dunno," Jonny echoes at Jude's kissing licks. "Make up for it now." He moves, straddling Gerard's lap, leaning in to give him a quick kiss, promising brush over lips. "Floor. Yes, Master," he purrs, sliding as gracefully as he can manage off the couch and back to the floor, where they'd started, except he doesn't stretch out. Jonny kneels up, waiting on Jude and smiling at Ewan, that sinful grin somewhere between _thank you for letting him play_ and _want you to play, too_.

"Yes, Sir." Jude slides off the sofa after Jonny and half crawls, half scrambles back to where they were before. It's close enough to Ewan for him to reach out, brushing Ewan's leg with a hand as he maneuvers himself into a kneeling position opposite Jonny. "Kiss..." he murmurs and wraps his hands behind Jonny's head, pulling him closer.

Ewan smiles back at Jonny, but it's tight and he stays in his chair. Things could be worse, he supposes, but they could also be a hell of a lot better.

Jonny slips his hands around Jude's waist and leans in. The kiss is hesitant at first, a ghosting, almost a tease. And then he tilts his head to the left and kisses Jude again, sucking on his lower lip before running his tongue over the slight parting of lips, deepening the kiss in slow, incremental motions.

Arousal, banked for the last few difficult minutes, flares again. Jude softens into the kiss, the familiar, not so familiar feeling of Jonny's lips on his, his taste in his mouth, Jonny's hands on his body. Closer, he shuffles forward, lifting up to stretch his legs over Jonny's thighs. He weaves his fingers into Jonny's soft spiky hair, gripping tighter as the tension in his spine fades and another, more welcome tension rises in his hips, his groin, between his thighs.

The taste isn't familiar enough, the flesh under his hands foreign still in so many ways, so Jonny reorients himself, tracing his fingers up Jude's back, mapping out the curves. The new tension's welcome relief, his mind able to switch off and zone out to just pleasing his master, and right now Master wants to see him with Jude, sucking him off. He works his hands to the small of Jude's back and pushes forward, slowly laying him down on the floor at Ewan's feet. He breaks the kiss, moves his mouth to Jude's throat, licking slowly in a line from pulse point to ear lobe.

Jude groans and tilts his head back, his fingers feathering lightly down over Jonny's shoulders to stroke his arms and up again, thumb rubbing over the leather collar. He can feel the muscles moving under Jonny's skin, the way the tendons in his throat flex as he drives Jude mad with his tongue. Spreading his legs even more, Jude pushes upwards, thrusting against Jonny's belly. "Yes...want your mouth. Ah..."

"Yes, Jude," Jonny murmurs, stretching out and hovering over Jude's body. He licks down over his chest, swirling one nipple with his tongue, slathering it before biting ever so softly. "My mouth." He gives equal attention to the other nipple, taking his time in scooting down to where he wants to be. He dips his tongue into Jude's navel. Sweaty and a hint of sex. Bites at its edge, worrying the flesh with his teeth. "Getting there," he says, looking up Jude's body after a long lick across his stomach.

"Take your time," Jude croaks, although he's growing more desperate to feel Jonny's tight lips around his cock. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head to smile back at Jonny, looking around to see Gerard's dark eyes watching them both. He grins weakly and lets his head fall back, closing his eyes as Jonny moves lower.

"Not rushing," Jonny mutters, words dying in the swipe of tongue across Jude's hip. "Slow and easy so our masters enjoy." He scoots back, kneels up a bit and is pressing his face into the curl of hairs around Jude's cock, breathing in the scent not nearly familiar enough. Spicy overlaid and tied up with sex. Jonny swirls his tongue around the base of Jude's shaft, licking at the edge of the ice cream cone, not wanting to hurry to the rich and creamy dessert. Knowing he can drive his lover utterly insane before he even starts to move higher.

"Ahhh...you tease," Jude moans and he takes a long shuddering breath, tamping down the urge to just grab Jonny and thrust up wantonly against him. He can't help arching his back in pleasure. "So good with that mouth."

Jonny rewards Jude's self-control with more of his mouth, kissing the folds of flesh underneath the wisps, sucking gently just at the lowest point that qualifies as cock. "Love this," he says, drawing his tongue down to lap over the balls, his hands moving to push Jude's thighs farther apart. "You taste wicked, almost forbidden." And he pulls his tongue back up, raising his head and licking the length of the shaft.

"Wicked..." Jude laughs a little, the laugh turning into a gasping moan as Jonny's tongue slides wetly up his cock. "Oh, yes...please, Jonny, more of that." He curls a leg around Jonny's hip, rubbing against him, trying to urge Jonny closer. He can't keep holding Jonny's hair. It's too tempting to try and guide his head. Jude gives Jonny one last gentle tug and then slides his hands up over his chest to play with his nipples, rolling them between his fingers. God knows how long he's going to last when Jonny really takes him in his mouth and Jude just wants to enjoy himself while he can. He moans again, pinching harder with his fingers and _squirming,_ trying to get closer to Jonny's talented mouth.

Feeling out of sorts or no, Ewan's getting hard again watching them. He squirms around in his chair, tucking one leg under him and wrapping his hand loosely around his cock. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Ger on the sofa, watching the scene just as closely.

Gerard's lost in the sheer pornography of the two. The man he's fucking and the man he wants to fuck are on the floor on top of each other, kissing and touching and Gerard can't get enough of the sight. He leans forward in the couch, trying to stamp this image onto his brain for all time.

Jonny wants Jude's fingers in his hair, tangled and holding his head steady, but he can't have it. That skirts the fine line of being under someone else's control, and Jonny is very conscious of not doing that. Not unless Gerard specifically orders it, allows it. He slides his mouth over the tip of Jude's cock, working his tongue around the ridge, closing his lips and sucking gently. He drags it out for minutes, longer, before he sinks down, lets Jude slide to the back of this throat in a slow, deliberate drop.

"Ooof!" Jude lets out his breath in one gasping huff of air and then pants shallowly, only now realising how long he's been holding it back. Ages. "Oh God, Jonny..." he moans. His back, hard against the floor, prickles with sweat. "Oh please, go on...so fucking good at this."

Okay, modesty's out the window and Jonny knows he's good at this. Damned good. But it never hurts to hear the praise. He doubles his efforts to please Jude, pressing his tongue firmly against the cock's underside, hollowing his cheeks and sucking harder. He digs his fingers into Jude's thighs, holding him wide and open. _Perfect. C'mon, Jude, let me have it._

"Fuck..." Jude can't bear it any longer, reaching a hand down to tangle in Jonny's hair. He thrusts up, desperate to come, so close he can taste it. Should he be asking Ewan for permission? It's in the back of his head that he really ought to ask first but his control is slipping away fast. He grips Jonny's hair tighter. "Oh, God...Jonny. Coming..."

Jude's fingers in his hair are just about enough to send Jonny over the edge, if he were concentrating on that. But he's not. He's focused on Jude's cock and how it's filling his mouth and flooding his throat. _Bloody fuckin' fantastic._ He swallows, more just opening wider and letting everything rush down, sucking intently until Jude's body is relaxing under him. It's damned close to being perfect, except that he knows when he finishes Gerard will still be sitting on the couch, unhappy, and Ewan on the chair, seemingly just as unhappy. _Oh well, we tried._

Jude groans softly, his eyes still closed, and stretches out luxuriously. _God that felt good._ He strokes Jonny's hair and slowly his breathing returns to normal.

Poking Jude with his toe, Ewan says, "C'mere." He straightens his legs and pats his lap.

Dropping back slowly, Jonny eases off Jude with a final lick of tongue and kneels up. "Thank you," he says casually, to Jude and then smiling at Ewan, before turning back to the couch, moving closer to Gerard and laying his head on his master's knee.

"My pleasure," Jude says with a lazy grin. Easing himself up, he rolls over and clambers up onto the chair. After all that, his legs still feel a little wobbly and he's glad he doesn't have to go far. He slides onto Ewan's lap and wraps his arms around Ewan's neck, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek. "Hello, lover." Jude's almost purring.

"Hey." One arm around Jude's waist, Ewan pulls him closer, kissing down his neck. "Nice show."

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's hair and tries to smile. "You were beautiful," he says. "You and Jude. You look beautiful together."

"Perhaps," Jonny Lee says, pushing into Gerard's hand, placing himself between his master's outstretched legs. "Your boy did what he was told, what his master asked." He grins, half-hearted at Gerard's lack of smile. "How can he please you more?"

"My boy pleases me just by being next to me. There's nothing he can do that will please me more." Gerard bites his lip. He's already screwed up the night and he'll be damned if he screws anything else up.

Jonny Lee doesn't have to hear the words to know Gerard's not happy. He pulls himself up onto the couch and curls into Gerard's shoulder. "I think our guests are enjoying themselves," he says, looking over to where Ewan's kissing Jude.

"They look like it," Gerard agrees. "That's a good thing." He kisses Jonny Lee's forehead. "Listen," he says quietly, "I'm really sorry about all this. I didn't mean to act like a bastard."

"You're not," Jonny Lee says, just as quietly. _So that's it. He thinks he's fucked up everything._ "'s okay. Really. We shouldn't've assumed you'd be agreeable to it." He slides his arm around Gerard's waist. "Love you."

"Not your fault. Mine." Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and tries to pull him onto his lap. "Love you so much."

Propping his chin on Jude's shoulder, Ewan looks over at Ger and Jonny. "So..."

"Well, I'm game for pretty much anything," Jude says, idly twisting a strand of Ewan's hair around his finger. He's aware he's the only person in the room who's managed to come so far but the tension seems to be ebbing. Or maybe that's just him. He pokes Ewan in the ribs. "Here. Give me a swig of your beer. Want to play a game with me? Or..." he squirms on Ewan's lap, rubbing against his erection, "a game of a different sort?"

"Ooh," Ewan slouches down a bit further, thrusting up against Jude, "I could go for that sort of game." Smacking Jude on the arse, he sighs and says, "Maybe when we get home. I'm hungry now. Up."

"Want me to get you something?" Jude asks, scrambling to his feet. "There's food over on the table. We could investigate. And I wouldn't mind a beer." He looks around. "Anyone else want anything while I'm up?"

"Crisps're good. Get me some salt and vinegar ones, will you?" Glancing over at the table, Ewan adds, "And some of the plain ones and some dip, too. And a sandwich. Oh," he holds out his empty beer bottle, "and something to drink since you've finished this off."

Jonny pulls himself from Gerard's shoulder long enough to realise he doesn't know where he put his drink. "Jude, could you grab another beer for me, too. Seem to have lost mine. And bottle of water, for the master, please."

"Sure." Jude hits the table first, stuffing a sandwich in his mouth as he makes up a plate for Ewan. Crisps, a bit of dip and a couple of sandwiches, and on the side a small sausage roll. "Great spread, mate," he says, grinning at Jonny and passes the plate over to Ewan.

"You're welcome. Next time you're over, I'll do those quiche things if you want." Jonny's smiling, but nuzzling into Gerard's shoulder, hand playing absently over his chest. "Want anything, Master?" he murmurs.

"Just you," Gerard answers, just as quietly. "Not hungry at all."

Jonny snuggles closer. "Me, you have, all the time."

Coming back from the kitchen with the beers, Jude hands two to Ewan and then dangles a bottle of beer and a bottle of water in front of Jonny and Gerard, looking at them both curiously. It's in his mind to ask Gerard if he's all right but that might be even more awkward and, besides, he seems to be happier now he's cuddling up with Jonny.

_Best to leave them be._ Jude just smiles. "There you go guys. Beer and water." Grabbing the second bottle back from Ewan, he drapes himself over Ewan's lap and takes a sip. "Ah, that's better."

"Much better," Ewan agrees, his mouth full of crisps. "So you're the winner of the last round, eh? Do I get to play you, then?"

"Oh sure," Jude says comfortably. "As long as it's not a racing game. I'm clearly absolutely shit at those. Jonny said something about fighting games." He leans up more, craning his head to look over at the scattered discs. "At least I can frantically hit every button and hope to get a hit in by accident."

Glancing over at the TV screen, Jude realises there's a small camera sitting on top of it. _Brilliant! Just the thing._ He sits up straight. "I know! Eye Toy!" Grinning, Jude scrambles off Ewan's lap and searches out the game disc. "I gave you this for your birthday, right? You played this, Ewan? Jonny? Doesn't matter how much of a game whizz you are...you just have to leap around like a madman."

Sliding the disc into the Playstation, Jude looks around. "All right? Who's in?"

Jonny's reluctant to get up, from the thought of Eye Toy _is_ inviting. "Is it okay," he asks Gerard. "I don't have to play. I can stay here."

"No, go ahead. Have fun." Gerard nudges Jonny forward. "I'll watch."

"Yes, Sir," he sighs, slipping off the couch. "Okay, count me in. Which we doing?" He grins. "Just how silly am I gonna look?"

"What, sillier than usual, you mean?" Grinning, Ewan pushes himself up and joins Jude and Jonny by the telly.

"Naked Eye Toy." Jude smirks. "Daft by definition and the sillier the better." He uses the controller to scroll through the options. "Ooh, window cleaning. You played this Ewan? Jonny? No skill involved just waving your arms like an idiot." He laughs and sets it up for three players "All right, guys, stand back. Give an honest window cleaner room to move."

Jonny laughs, but takes a step back. "Oh, definitely do _not_ want to get hit by wacky washer dude." He watches over Jude's shoulder as the game comes up and Jude starts an odd version of "wax on wax off" and he's laughing even harder. "And what's at stake? Winner gets who?"

"Uh..." Jude is too distracted by wiping away the soap suds from one corner of the screen to answer immediately. He flails his arms wildly, not too sure about the wisdom of entering into any more bets for sexual favours. "Loser does the washing up?"

The screen clears and Jude groans. A respectable score but not necessarily a winning one. "Or how about blow-jobs. But I might have to count myself out of the receiving end, seeing as I'm already a winner."

"Uh, I dunno, the sight of you dancing around naked making a fool of yourself is really reward enough for me," Ewan says, grinning. "But, you know, if anyone here wanted to give me a blowjob, I wouldn't say no."

"Then let's just declare you the winner, Ewan; Jude can give you the blow," Jonny says, nudging his way in front of the screen to play next. The game cycles up and he taps the air and starts wiping away suds. "I'll watch and take notes on style."

"Well, you can hardly watch while you're playing the game. Hey, I've an idea," Ewan says, grinning. "Why don't we see how good your concentration is..." With that, he sets down his beer and drops to his knees in front of Jonny. "Don't mind me, now." Grinning, he runs his hands up Jonny's thighs and leans in, nipping at his belly.

"Huh? Oh. Uh. Ewan, don't," Jonny's concentration's for shite at the moment. He glances over his shoulder at the couch, where Gerard's still sitting, watching impassively. He gets enough of a nodding smile from his master that he turns back to the screen, barely catching a suds flow. "Aw, fuck, I'm supposed to get playing while you're doing that? Great." He's flailing his arms, hands swiping at soapy bubbles on the telly. "You're fuckin' cruel, mate."

Ewan laughs, bites again near the crease of Jonny's groin. "Not cruel... It's just you're such a brilliant game whiz, I have to even the playing field a bit." He snorts. "Yeah, that's it."

"Oi." Jonny nearly misses the next flood, and the one after that, before hitting his stride, trying to balance Ewan's bites with the flick of a wrist to take care of what's happening on the screen. "Thanks for the comp. It's still not fair, and my score's gonna suck. I'm missing too many suds."

Reaching for some crisps, Jude just laughs. He stuffs a handful into his mouth. "I don't think it's your score that's going to suck. Although it is pretty dire." His voice is muffled as he crunches his crisps, washing them all down with a swig of beer. He grins. Ewan's obviously moving on from the biting and is now nuzzling purposefully at Jonny's cock. He's certainly doing a good job of distracting him as Jonny is missing several easy bonuses. "Good job, Ewan. Keep it up!"

Jonny turns his head and glares at Jude. "Keep it up? That's _not_ the purpose of a blowjob, mate." The momentary distraction loses him a key bonus. "Aw, fuck." But Ewan's mouth on his cock is more than adequate compensation. "I might not care what my score is, anyhow," he says with a smirk. "Just a game."

"Excuses, excuses." Jude raises his beer bottle towards Jonny and sprawls comfortably in his seat, one leg dangling over the arm of the chair. "Sure you don't need any pointers on technique there?" he adds, which earns him a two-fingered salute from Ewan. Jude grins and takes a sip of beer. He's beginning to feel a pleasant buzz from the alcohol and the sight of his lover, cheeks hollowing as Jonny's shaft slowly disappears between his lips, is more than a little exciting. Glancing over towards the sofa, Jude wonders what Gerard is making of all this.

Gerard has decided on a policy of 'let Teak do what he wants'. He's only been ruining everything, so it's time to sit back and let Jonny Lee have fun with his friends. Because that was what this was all about, and Gerard isn't going to interfere anymore. But he can't help the way it hurts every time Jonny Lee looks like he's enjoying himself. That's the point, of course, but every time Jonny Lee miles like that, Gerard starts to wonder if Jonny Lee wouldn't be happier with Jude or Ewan than with his brooding master.

From both Jude's comments and Jonny's own, Ewan can tell Jonny's not doing to well. He rolls his tongue around the head, pressing against the underside, prompting another string of curses from Jonny. Exchanging his mouth for his hand, Ewan glances up, grinning. "Sounds like you need more practise."

"In what?" Jonny says, shifting his weight on the balls of his feet, shoving his cock firmly into Ewan's hand. "Getting blown? Fuck. You get up here." His thoughts are interrupted by Ewan's thumb pressing and rubbing. "See how well you do." He has only seconds to bump his score or game's over. And he grabs the bonus at the last moment. "Yes."

"In playing video games while getting blown," Ewan corrects him. "I'm sure Ger wouldn't mind helping you practise."

Gerard can't hide the flinch. That's what broke them up the first time. Of course, Ewan would have no way of knowing that, but it still hurts. "He wouldn't mind at all," Gerard mutters. "Not bloody all."

"That wouldn't help me, 'cause I'd be the one on my knees, Ewan." Jonny smirks as he scores the mega bonus points. "He's the master. I'm not." He's well surpassed Jude's score and is trying hard to bump up enough points to be respectable.

Ewan frowns, sitting back on his heels. "I know he's your master, but what does that have to do with giving you a blowjob?"

Jonny looks down, loses total concentration on the telly screen. "Just that I'd be more likely to be doing him while he tries to play my games," he says.

"But I thought he doesn't like games," Ewan says, glancing over at Ger and then back up at Jonny. He grins. "But you do. So if it were me, I'd have you keep playing whilst I sucked you off. Not allowed to come, and there'd be penalties for getting low scores."

"Been there, done that," Gerry answers. "And he liked the penalties far too much."

Jonny laughs, glancing over his shoulder, having given up on wiping suds away, conceding defeat. He looks back to Ewan, smiles. "Kinda hard to penalize a painslut."

"How about you start off the game with...I dunno," Ewan taps his teeth, trying to think of a good number, "thirty spankings, and each time you don't get a good enough score you lose five."

"Fiendish," Jude laughs. "I like the way you think, love."

"Positively wicked, Ew," Jonny says, dropping to the floor, kneeling, cock still hard but he's not caring too much at the moment. "Shh, though, don't give Master any new ideas. We're still working through the torment list."

"Yeah, but what happens once you work through? You'll want more ideas then." Ewan grins, gets to his feet, and stretches. "I s'pose it's my turn, then?"

"He's quite diabolical, but I could get him to call you when the list is ticked off." Jonny scoots back, settling against the end of the couch opposite from where Gerard's sitting. "Jude, you wanna test his concentration?"

"Absolutely! I have my spot in second place to defend." Jude grins and sets his beer down. He slides off of the chair, shuffling on his knees round in front of Ewan. Running his hands up Ewan's thighs, he strokes Ewan's balls with his thumbs and looks up at Ewan, smiling. "Hmm...not much effect yet. I shall have to take a more direct approach." With that, he kneels up and without any subtlety at all wraps his mouth around Ewan's cock.

"Oh, fuck..." The round's barely started and already Ewan's concentration is shot. Doing the bare minimum to avoid dying, he rocks forward into Jude's mouth, pushing further and further in.

Jonny laughs. "Oh, yeah, Ewan, your concentration is _so_ much better than mine." He reaches over to where he'd set his beer and grabs the bottle, chugging down half of it, trying not to look too much at Gerard, wishing there was something he could say. _Best leave it till later._

There's a momentary pause in the suds, and Ewan raises his arm above his head, sticking two fingers up at Jonny. Then he's distracted again as Jude presses his tongue hard against the underside and Ewan nearly comes. "Fuck..."

Bracing one hand on Ewan's thigh, Jude licks as hard as he can, along Ewan's shaft and up around the head. Ewan's moving around to much to spend a lot of time playing so, again, he just sucks down as much as he can. Ewan's cock bangs hard against the back of his throat and Jude almost chokes, his eyes watering as he struggles to swallow him down. It's a small battle in itself, more amusing than the game even, to see if he can make Ewan come before his turn is over. _And before Ewan beats his score._ Jude closes his eyes and, half laughing and half choking, swallows around Ewan's cock.

"Fuck this..." Threading his fingers through Jude's hair, Ewan thrusts into his mouth. It doesn't take long. Eyelids fluttering, he lets his head fall back, moaning as he comes hard down Jude's throat.

Swallowing hard, Jude keeps sucking until Ewan finally stills, pulling back and letting his cock slip from his mouth. He grins up at Ewan and lifts a hand to wipe his lips. "Better than a bonus round." Swivelling round, he checks to see how Ewan has done with the game. _Pathetic._ Jude laughs and clenches his fist in triumph but from the look of things, Ewan doesn't seem to mind.

"Okay, I give you bonus points for the gorgeous blow, mate," Jonny Lee says, laughing, "but your score sucks. No pun intended."

"Fuck my score," Ewan says, smoothing Jude's hair back and then flopping back down in his chair.

Gerard sits back in the chair and looks from Ewan to Jude to Jonny Lee and back again. None seem to be paying him any attention. Like he'd thought, this would have been so much easier, gone so much better, if he hadn't been there. Trying not to make any noise, Gerard stands up, and goes upstairs.

Assuming Ger's just getting up to have a piss, Ewan doesn't give it a second thought. "All right, who's turn is it now, then?"

"Huh?" Jonny Lee looks around, sees Gerard leaving. _Aw, fuck. Well, maybe._ "Think it's Jude's," he says, too much concern in his voice, "if we're rotating proper."

"All right!" Jude swivels around and waves his hand to restart the game. "Same again or do we want to do the kung fu one?" He looks back towards Jonny for confirmation and catches the worried expression on his face. _Gerard's gone?_ Jude frowns and his eyes follow Jonny's glance towards the foot of the stairs.

"Um...is he all right?" Jude hesitates to say anything but right now he's beginning to feel uncomfortable - a little too cold and a little too naked. He jerks his head in the vague direction of the upstairs. "Is he coming back, d'you think?"

"Not sure," Jonny says, turning back to his mates. "He's being strange tonight. Thought he'd enjoy this, being at home and not the bar, and he seemed excited about you guys coming over, but," he sighs, "something's not right." He's frowning, feeling awkward and a good bit confused. "You guys mind if we call it a night? Really not into playing if Master's out of sorts."

"Yeah...sure. I hope he's not... I mean." Ewan glances towards the stairs, frowns, and then reaches down for his shirt. Surely Ger's not pissed off about Ewan coming on to him earlier. He'd seemed game enough at first. "I s'pose we ought to go, then," he says, tugging the t-shirt over his head.

"Fine with me," Jude says and then realises that sounds a little terse. If Gerard's not in the mood, then he's not in the mood and that's all there is to it. _He could have at least said something though..._ Jude sighs and reaches for his shorts, pulling up his legs in front of him to tug them on. _It's not Jonny's fault either._

"Yeah...no, it's okay, Jonny. I understand." Shooting Jonny a sympathetic smile, Jude scrambles to his feet and bends to pick up his shirts. "Sometimes it's hard to be the odd one out amongst a bunch of friends. Been there myself." _And not handled it very well, either._

"Yeah, guess so." Jonny hadn't really thought about Gerard _not_ wanting to play with them, that he'd feel left out. They'd tried to pull him in, and it'd all gone wacky. "I'll call you. Let you know how things are." He manages a faint smile. "Thanks for coming, though. I had a good time."

"It's always good to see you, mate." Jude leans over to give Jonny a swift hug, clapping him firmly on the back. "Maybe some other time." He steps aside to let Ewan hug Jonny in turn. "Our place, perhaps... We could have a movie night or something if Gerard's not into games."

"Yeah, or just dinner or something." Ewan finishes dressing, shoves his feet into his trainers, and collects his games. Grabbing another couple sandwiches off the coffee table, he heads for the front door. "Give us a ring when you get back from Iceland and we'll figure out something."

Quick hugs and a nod and Jonny Lee's already miles away in thought. "Yeah. Sure. Iceland." _Have to get through tonight to make it to Iceland._ "See ya guys, then."

"Bye, Jonny." Jude gives Jonny's arm a quick squeeze and then follows Ewan out into the street. It's been a strange evening and Jude is feeling a little guilty for not being sorry it's over. At least, the odd tension of the visit is over and it's just him and Ewan now. _It's still early._ He catches up to Ewan and nudges his arm. "Pub?"

"Yeah," Ewan says, handing Jude a sandwich. "Sounds good to me."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	226. ewan_mcgregor: Chat log: Jude, Ewan, Jonny, and Ger, Tuesday evening 8/10

| (Not) Ewan McGregor ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[ **ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/08/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/2004/08/10/) 18:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114205&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114205) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114205) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=ewan_mcgregor&itemid=114205&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Chat log: Jude, Ewan, Jonny, and Ger, Tuesday evening 8/10** _  
[players only]

  
Jonny's been packing, or at least trying to, laying out clothes -- _What the hell do you wear in friggin' Iceland?_ \-- and he's finally taken a break to get out the drinks and munchies for tonight. Jude and Ewan are coming over. It makes the first real guests he and Ger have had since moving back in together. Not a full dinner. More like heavy snacks. A couple rounds of PlayStation. Talk. Just friends getting together. He's trying _not_ to be nervous, and he's managed to convince himself ragged jeans and t-shirt look pretty good with his collar. After all, really shouldn't greet guests completely naked.

Gerard has given up on not trying to be nervous. He's gotten better about seeing Jude and Ewan, but he still gets the feeling that they look at him and dislike him for being the one who corrupted their friend. He keeps running his fingers through his hair and checking in on Jonny Lee, hoping that his angstiness doesn't rub off.

"You know, it's funny..." Jude says to Ewan, looking up at the house from the back of the cab, "I'm not sure I've ever been round here when Ger's been home. Oh...wait, last year once. But I always think of it as Jonny's place and not, you know...the two of them."

"Yeah..." Digging out his wallet, Ewan pays the driver and gets out of the cab. "I guess I have a few times. Must've done. But yeah, I know what you mean."

"You'd have thought I'd have got used to it by now. I mean, they've been together for ages. I suppose...uh, I guess I still don't know Gerard very well, that's all." Jude brushes his shorts down, crumpled after the short car journey, and straightens his shirt. "He's not... I don't think..." He's about to say he doesn't think Gerard likes him very much but stops himself. There's no point in starting off the evening with a negative attitude. "He seems like a nice enough guy though. Bit reserved. Just, uh...you know..."

"Reserved, yeah," Ewan agrees, squinting as he scans the area for paps. Spotting one, he mouths 'fuck off' and sticks his fingers up. "Fuckers." Stuffing his hands in his back pockets, he rocks back on his heels as Jude rings the bell.

Jonny thinks he hears the door bell, but isn't sure. Wireless headphones are jammed onto his ears and the stereo's blaring Human League while he bounces around the room, organizing the games. He pulls the headphones down to his neck and listens again. Yep, bell.

"Master, our guests are here," he shouts, not sure where in the house Gerard's gotten to since he saw him last.

Gerard pokes his head in from the kitchen. "Right here, Teak. No need to scream." Any other time, he'd walk right in and push down on Jonny Lee's shoulders to try to get him to stop bouncing. Now's probably not a good time. "You set?"

"Yeah. Think so." Jonny turns on heel. "Food's spread. There's beer. And sodas," he adds with a smile. "Video games ready. And they're just friends. It'll be cool."

"Cool," Gerard repeats. "Right. Cool." He orders himself to relax. It's just Jonny Lee's friends. No one to impress.

He blows Gerard a quick kiss and heads to the door, his hand hitting the handle on the third ring. "Hello, mates," he says, pulling the door open.

"Hi! Jonny!" Jude beams and steps forward to press a quick kiss on Jonny Lee's cheek. "Was beginning to wonder if you were in!" He laughs and holds up a six-pack of imported beer. "Brought some of my own and Ewan's got a couple of games he thought you might like to take a look at. Don't ask me which ones. I'm totally clueless about these things."

Jonny offers a quick kiss in return. "And here I went out and bought your favorite beer, Sir," he says with a grin. "Good to see ya, mate," he looks over Jude's shoulder to Ewan, "and you. New games, eh? Ones you can lose easily, I assume."

"Pfft, nothing you're gonna beat me at," Ewan says, grinning. He smacks Jonny on the shoulder with the games as they head inside. "Richard Burns Rally and a new F1 game. Haven't played the F1, but Rally is amazing."

"Ow, that's not a nice way to greet your host." Jonny sticks out his tongue at the back of Ewan's head and shuts the door. "Haven't touched Rally yet, but I know I can whip your arse. Settle in. Beer and munchies on the table. I _know_ you'll make yourself at home."

Gerard comes out from behind Jonny Lee. "Hey, Jude. Ewan." For some reason, he has Beatles songs going through his head now. It's not doing anything to make him feel less awkward. "How have you been?"

Ewan grins, claps Ger on the back. "Grand. Good to see you."

"Hi, Gerard. Not bad, thanks," Jude says with a wry smile. He shifts the beer to the other hand. "I brought some uh..." Gerard doesn't drink, he suddenly remembers. "Where should I put these? Fridge, yeah?"

"Fridge is fine," Jonny says. "You know the way." No reason to show him, old friends and all, and so Jonny plops himself down on the floor beside the couch, landing on his knees by default. There's already an opened beer on the table, and he snags it, taking a quick sip. "Long time, no torment. Whatcha been doing?"

"Not much," Ewan says, dropping down next to him and opening the game case. "Jude was in San Diego couple weeks ago for Comic Con - promoting Sky Captain, you know - but that's about it for excitement." Popping the disc out, he flips on the PS2 and presses eject.

"Brill. Are there action figures, Jude?" Jonny shouts toward the kitchen as he pulls out the PS2 controllers. "Can I have my very own Sky Captain to play with?" He's smirking a good bit.

"No, would you believe it?" Jude calls out, head in the fridge. He pulls out a couple of bottles of cold beer and closes the door. "I still don't have my own action figure! None of the merchandisers wanted to touch it when the idea was first floated around. I bet some of them are kicking themselves now...film went down a storm with all the geeks."

"Mind you," he adds, strolling back towards the couch and dropping a beer into Ewan's outstretched hand, "we've yet to see how well it does with the general public. I've got a good feeling though, after San Diego, even though it was almost tailor-made for the audience there. You'd have loved it, Jonny. Comics and toys and stuff like that all over the place."

"Fuck. That's not fair. My Jedi gets lonely and Sky Cap would've been perfect for him." Jonny turns the bottle up and drinks off an inch or two of the beer. "And, yeah, would've loved it, I bet, even though my buying sprees are down a bit. Glad to hear the film scored with the geeks. Get us idiots to love it and your box office is made. We just keep going back over and over."

"Frank Miller was there." Jude plonks himself down on the couch, seeing as no one else is. He stretches out. "You got to see this film Sin City. They've done the same as us, filmed all the actors against green screen and filled in the rest later, but they're making it really like a comic, like Miller's graphic novels. All black and white and red...very sexy."

"You're fucked. Miller? Christ, didn't even realize it was going on though. You know, barely leave the house and all." Jonny settles back against the couch's edge. "Black and white and red. Such lovely colors." He sets down the beer and starts fidgeting with the controller cables, untangling them and stretching, occasionally glancing over at Gerard, who's taken a seat in the chair at the couch's other end.

"You should've gone along with him," Ewan says, grinning at Jonny. "Kept him company and all. Anyone else joining us," he turns, raising his eyebrows at Ger and then Jude, "or am I going to be kicking Jonny's arse on my own?"

"Dunno about you, mate, but I'd rather _watch_ Jonny's arse," Jude says with a wink at Gerard. He swivels around on the sofa and leans back, making himself comfortable. "And yours, too, of course, Ewan," he adds, grinning.

Gerard's happy to let the conversation go on around him. Ewan and Jude have known Jonny Lee for ages, they've got to have a lot of talk about. And Gerard's more than willing to sit on the sidelines during the vid games, but somewhere during Jonny Lee's ramblings about gaming, Gerard picked up the fact that four people can play at once. Damn. "Watch Jonny's arse all you want," Gerard says to Jude, trying out a grin. "It's sexy." And so is Ewan's, Gerard doesn't say. He doesn't think he could get away with that, even though it's true.

"Jonny's arse is gonna be planted on the floor in a minute, mates, so enjoy the view while you can." Jonny wriggles a bit more than necessary as he stretches, still on his knees, to unhook and reconnect the one controller cable. "You 'bout ready, Ewan?"

"Always." Ewan grins and turns back to the telly. "Just us, then, eh? You'll be wishing they were playing, too, soon enough. Least you'd come in second place, then, 'stead of last."

"Oh bollocks!" Jude laughs, reaching out with a toe to poke Ewan in the back.

Jonny laughs at the exchange. "C'mon, Jude, leave him be. Gonna have to console him when he loses, so save your energy." He hands off one of the controllers. "So, what's the winner get anyhow? We are playing normal stakes, aren't we?"

"How about...winner gets fucked?" Ewan scrolls through the options, choosing his car. "Or something like that."

Jonny resists any comments about there being as much incentive to lose that bet as to win, and just chooses his car. "Sure," he says as the race starts, "but doesn't have to be by the loser."

"Ooh, now there's an incentive. The loser might have to sit and watch..." Jude chuckles wickedly. He's not sure either of them hear it, suddenly intent on the screen as their cars start to roar around the track. Ewan's tongue is poking out between his lips, pink and wet, and Jude can't help but smile. Still grinning, he glances over at Gerard. "Looks like we've lost them temporarily, Gerard. So...what have you been up to? Anything coming up?"

Gerard has watched Jonny Lee play racing games enough that the movement of the cars doesn't interest him. If it was a bouncing martian, or one of those types, where he has to dodge and swears whenever he loses, that'd be much more fun to watch. "We're going to Iceland in a week, where Jonny's going to be bored out of his mind while I film. What about you two?"

"I'm not filming for a while, not til November, and Ewan hasn't got much on either apart from some Star Wars pick-ups but we've both got movies coming out later this year. Publicity's already started for some of that..." Jude heaves a somewhat theatrical sigh, "so I'm going to be pressing palms on press-lines from now until then. It all gets a bit ridiculous when I'm actually looking forward to working because it will be a welcome break."

He takes a sip of his beer. "How long are you going to be in Iceland then? Jonny's going with you for the whole time?"

Gerard looks at him sympathetically. "The worst part of making a movie has to be promoting it. Everyone asking you what you thought of your co-stars, or asking for anecdotes that you can't half remember because of the time gap between filming and the premiere. One day I'm going to say something negative and see what happens." There's a sudden noise from the speakers and Gerard glances over to the telly. He's not sure, but he thinks one car just flipped over. "They aren't sure how long we'll be filming in Iceland. It might be until October, but I'd be surprised if we weren't sound staging it by the middle of September."

"Brrr...Iceland in October." Jude gives a little shiver. "I can't imagine it. Romania was bad enough... At least you'll have Jonny to keep you warm." He grins, glancing over at Jonny and Ewan, and his smile falters a little. "I suppose that's one advantage of being out. You can travel together openly."

"Yeah." Gerard doesn't say more about that. He knows Jude and Ewan aren't out and if he's honest with himself, if he were them and had careers like theirs, he might not have come out either. There's no moral high ground in something like this, and Gerard's never been one for forcing choices on anyone. "What were you in Romania for?"

"Cold Mountain. Couple of years ago now." It seems longer, Jude realises. So much has changed since then. "We needed the natural beauty of the mountains, untouched by civilization, to stand in for nineteenth century North Carolina. Unfortunately, nature wasn't the only thing untouched by civilization." He laughs. "Brilliant place though, wonderful people. I suppose we really ought to have been doing a vampire piece there. It's perfect for that."

"Fuck't," Jonny shouts, his car nearly careening off the course as he sideswipes Ewan's. He's getting bits and pieces of the conversation behind him, not really concentrating on it but picking up enough to know Jude and Gerard are talking nicely and talking film. _Boring._ He goes back to intently staring at the telly screen, quickly navigating his car back into the lead. "Yes. Go me."

"It's the stereotype," Gerard agrees. "But I keep seeing more and more vampire films done in a modern setting, which leaves those mountains to be returned to being untouched by civilization. But the views must have been brilliant." He's watching the game out of the corner of his eye, not sure what's happening, but he thinks Jonny Lee is winning. As much as you can win a race game. He grins and prods Jonny Lee with his foot. "Yes, go you."

"Come on Ewan!" Jude yells out. Ewan is glaring at the screen, working the controller madly, his whole body leaning to one side as he tries to squeeze his car past Jonny's and overtake him on the inside. Jude finds himself almost holding his breath. "Come on, you can do it, mate!"

Ewan does overtake Jonny, then, edging him out and managing to stay ahead for the last couple laps, despite his earlier setbacks. Biting his lip, he leans forward, pushing hard on the controller. _Almost there..._ "Yes!" he crows as he crosses the finish line. "Ha!"

"Ha ha! Brilliant! Well done, Ewan!" Jude laughs and lifts his beer in salute. "And congratulations."

Jonny drops the controller with a loud sigh. "Fuck. I hate racing. Can never win." He turns, sits crosslegged and grins. "So, what'd the two on the couch decide about our fates?"

"Oh, uh..." Jude glances at Gerard and shrugs. "Sorry, we were gasbagging away and never got round to dividing the spoils. Perhaps the winner should, um, get the choice..." He sets down his beer and shuffles forward in his seat. "Anyway, I want a go, Jonny. You up for showing me the finer points of car racing?"

Jonny snorts, then laughs. "Oh, sure, Jude. I just lost to your boyfriend and you want _me_ showing you how to race." He nods and picks up the controllers. "C'mon down. I can help you perfect the art of losing to Master McGregor."

"Jude's already got that down, Jonny." Ewan laughs, scooting out of the way and passing the controller to Jude. "Maybe he can show you some tricks."

"You do tricks, too," Jonny deadpans, resetting the game. There's a smirk, a shared moment between friends. "Wow. Never guessed you were that well trained."

"I am, Jonny, very well trained." Jude winks. "I can sit up and beg or come on command."

Jonny coughs and then snags the beer off the table. Quickly. Downs half of it. _Puppy commands. Fuck._ "So can I," he murmurs, half into the beer bottle. "Now."

"C'mon," he says, putting down the beer. "Choose the vehicle of your destruction, mate."

"Silver one," Jude says promptly. "Oh, I have to press a button..."

Sliding down onto the floor next to Jonny, he peers at the screen and wiggles each control lever with his thumb until he gets a reaction from the game. "So...it's the one on the right, and the button with the circle on is the one that makes it go, right? Uh-huh..." With a little experimentation Jude figures out some of the other buttons as they choose their cars. "I think I got it now...let's go."

"Good luck." Ewan leans in, bites the back of Jude's neck, and then scoots back over to the sofa. Plopping down next to Ger, he grins and says, "So, who's fucking me, then?"

"Um." Gerard looks at Jonny Lee and Jude, both with their full attentions on the game, and then looks back at Ewan almost helplessly. "One of them?"

Bristling inwardly, Ewan just shrugs and picks up one of the unopened beer bottles. "If you're not interested. So, Iceland, eh? What is it you're filming again?"

"Wait. You were offering?" Gerard says. Wow, did he miss something. "And I'm filming Beowulf and Grendel. Not to be confused with the poem."

Ewan shrugs again. "Not offering so much as wondering. I did win the match, after all, so someone in this room's gonna fuck me." He grins and takes a drink.

"I think your boyfriend would kill me if I laid a finger on you," Gerard says ruefully. "And I thought it was the loser who had to fuck the winner."

"Nah, Jude doesn't get jealous. Anyway, Jonny said not the loser. Or at least, doesn't have to be the loser." Glancing over at the TV, Ewan adds, "Stakes aren't the same for their game." He turns back to Ger. "No one fucks Jude except me."

"What's that?" Jude is not really listening, concentrating hard on the game, but he couldn't help hearing his own name somewhere in all that. "Oh, right...so what are we playing for then Jonny? Oh fuck..." His car has crashed off the road again. There's no way he's going to win this. "How about winner gets to remove an article of clothing from the person of his choice?"

"Huh?" Jonny looks up, back at the telly, narrowly avoiding crashing into Jude's car. "Shite. What? Article of clothing. Sure. No problem." He's only half listening to Gerard and Ewan talk, but he knows he heard something about fucking and the word _no_. "So, you crashed. That make me winner?" He grins.

"Race isn't over yet!" Jude cries. He presses down hard on the button and, catching up slowly, deliberately rams his car into the back of Jonny's, forcing them both off the road. "Haha. Got you! That's one for me, too!"

"Bloody fuckin' bastard." Jonny turns his attention back to the game. The others can talk about what they want. He shifts gears, pulls his car back onto the road and hits the button for full acceleration. "You want me naked, you're gonna have to be better than that."

"Shit!" Baring his teeth, Jude glares madly at the screen, pressing as hard as he can and tilting the controller in his hands, as if it would help. He's catching up to Jonny, weaving through the field when another car sideswipes him and his car goes flying off the track. "Oh no..." he whimpers, "I wish I'd worn my hat. And my coat... Maybe a few extra t-shirts."

The race is nearly finished and Jude's barely got time to get his car upright again before the flashing writing appears across the screen. Jonny is well ahead.

Jonny's laughing as the screen verifies he's won. Finally. "Awright, that's it, I win." He wasn't sure he was going to pull it out. Nearly careened off the course at the finish line, but he managed to pull it out and he's victorious. "Okay, now I get a piece of clothing from someone. Right?"

"And you crashed, don't forget. Item from you, too." Jude laughs. "Me, too, I suppose."

Ewan grins. "Keen to get naked, are we?"

"Confused here," Jonny says, already rolling up the hem of his shirt up his chest. "I take off something." He jerks his shirt off over his head and tosses it to the floor. "You take off something. And I still get to tell someone else to strip a bit?"

"Uh...now you're confusing me as well." Jude frowns. It doesn't really matter what the rules are -- the point is to get naked eventually -- but he does prefer it when things are neatly set out and explained. "How about one item off for every time you crash, and then the winner of the race gets to pick someone else to take something off." He jerks his head towards Ewan and Gerard and grins. "That way they don't get left out."

"Works for me." Jonny shrugs, looks at the couch and its two cozy residents. _Hell, it might even lead to someone getting shagged. Eventually._ Even with the game calling for it, he's hesitant in his asking. "Pire, please, shirt off?"

"Me?" Gerard had thought Jonny Lee would ask Ewan to. But that's stupid. Ewan's always eager to get naked. Teak would have to target the one reluctant man in the room. He shrugs. A shirt's nothing. "Fine." He doesn't bother with the buttons on his polo shirt, just reaching back over his head and pulling it off. He tosses it to the side and gives Jonny Lee his most wicked look. "Anything else you want off?"

"Trousers?" Ewan suggests, grinning. He glances back over at two on the floor; Jude's taking off his trainers - _trainers!_ \- and Ewan rolls his eyes. "Shirts off, Jude. Both of them." Jude opens his mouth to protest but Ewan holds his hand up. "Punishment for trying to cheat with the trainers."

"Yes, M...Ewan," Jude says meekly and bites his lip, stifling a laugh. Glancing meaningfully at Jonny, he pulls off both the shirts he's wearing and makes a little pile of them next to the Playstation. "Don't look so smug, Miller," he mutters, still smiling, "I'm going to get you next round."

"Yes, Mr. Law," Jonny deadpans. "Of course you are." He blows Jude a kiss and settles back on his knees, looking at Gerard. "Oh, I'm not asking for anything else, Master. But I believe Ewan had a nice suggestion for you."

"Trousers? You want those off as well?" It doesn't matter. Gerard's still wearing boxers. "Yes, Sir." He unbuttons them quickly and then slides them off. They join his shirt in the pile.

"So that's...four shirts, one pair of trainers, and a pair of trousers. Six articles of clothing I have to match." Pulling off his shirt, Ewan drops it on the floor, grinning. "One." Next come his shoes and socks - "two, three..." - and then he's standing, shoving his jeans down over his hips. "And that's four." He steps out of them, naked but for his watch. "Uh...I've nothing left."

Jude laughs and shakes his head. "Typical, Ewan...removing half the incentive for the contest before we've even started the next race." Folding his legs up under him, he reaches for the controller again. "Ready, Jonny?"

Jonny looks back, grins at the naked Ewan and shakes his head. "I suddenly feel a need to lose, just so I won't feel overdressed." He locks his hands on the controller. "C'mon, one more race." And they're off with a click of the button, Jonny trying hard to concentrate on the telly and the road.

"Oh yeah, like you have much choice about it..." Jude bites his lip and grimaces at the screen. He's not that concerned about winning any more -- he just wants to keep driving Jonny's car off the track. "You can run but you can't hide..."

One spectacular crash after another, both cars flipping over, exploding, and Jude is laughing. They're so far behind the computer driven cars that they've been lapped, and the race is likely to finish before either of them complete the second lap of the circuit. "I think that's the rest of our clothing done for," he says with a laugh. "I know I've run out of chances."

"I give." Jonny hits a final button, sideswiping Jude's car and sending his own off the track in spectacular fashion. "Fuck the racing," he says, laughing. "I'm getting naked. " He sits back and unlaces the hi-tops, jerking them off and throwing them aside, then squirms out of his jeans, naked except for the leather collar around his neck. "You want a rematch, it'll be one of my shoot-ems, not these cars."

"I! Win! I! Win!" Jude chants, pumping his fist in the air. He can't help laughing though because it's not really much of a victory, with both of them coming last. "All right, then. Off with the clothes." He kneels up to unfasten his waistband, slides his shorts down and crawls out of them, pulling off his trainers with his thumbs as he does so.

"And...what else?" Looking round the room, Jude can see that only Gerard has any clothing left. He raises his eyebrows, looking at him expectantly.

"Yes, Mr. Law?" Too late Gerard realizes he's the only one with a stitch of clothes still on him. _When in Rome..._ He tugs off his boxers. "Are you happy now?"

"Very happy," Jude says with a smile. He looks Gerard up and down and his grin widens. "Very happy indeed. I don't think I've seen... Anyway."

Blushing a little he turns back to Jonny, shuffling closer. "So. Jonny. Are we playing for sexual favours now or..." Reaching out, Jude cups his hand around Jonny's chin, turning his face gently. Jonny's lips are soft under his thumb. Jude lowers his voice and leans closer. "Or should we be offering our masters some other kind of entertainment."

Jonny stills his natural bouncing at Jude's touch. He blushes, pokes his tongue out to rub over Jude's thumb. "Our masters," he whispers, "would probably like that. A kiss for starters?"

Half closing his eyes, Jude brushes his lips over just the corner of Jonny's mouth. Then a slow swipe of his tongue. Jonny's lips taste good, of beer and salt and something else. Jude wants more, the warmth of arousal curling down into his belly and beyond, lower, into his groin. He kneels up, cupping Jonny's face in his hands as he presses his mouth down over Jonny's, slides his tongue inside, deepening the kiss.

"Well," Ewan says, turning to Ger with a grin, "I guess that leaves you and me, then."

"I suppose it does." Gerard turns away from the spectacle with regret. All jealousy issues aside, there really is something erotic about watching his boy with someone else. "What do you propose?"

"What do I propose?" Ewan echoes. "I see getting naked hasn't really loosened you up much, eh, Ger?" Grinning, he turns to face Ger. "What I propose," he reaches out, runs one hand down Ger's chest, "is that we find some way to occupy ourselves. After all, someone has to fuck me, and they," he shoots a glance at Jude and Jonny, "seem a wee bit busy just now."

It takes a lot for Gerard to loosen up around people he doesn't know very well, but being touched by a naked Ewan McGregor would do it every time. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

Ewan laughs, his hand sliding down to Ger's hip. Placing his other hand on the back of the sofa, he leans over, bends down, tongue flicking out over one nipple. "What do you think?"

One damn annoying thing about being naked is that everyone can tell when you have an erection. "I think you want me to fuck you," Gerard says quickly. His nails bite into his palm as he struggles for control. "Or you want to tease me. Might be the same thing."

"Well, I suppose I could just tease you until those two are finished," Ewan says, sucking Ger's nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it til it's hard, "and then tease you some more whilst I wait around for one of them to get hard again," he takes Ger's cock in hand, sliding the foreskin back and forth, rubbing his thumb over the head, "and then I could leave you like this while one of them shags me." Grinning, Ewan looks up at Ger. "But that sounds like more trouble than it's worth."

"That would, yeah." 'specially because one of the ones on the floor belongs to me, Gerard doesn't say. He bites his lip against a moan of pleasure that wants to come out at Ewan's warm hand on his cock. Not seemly. Or something. "Should just get on to the fucking. Be easier."

"I dunno," Ewan says suddenly, flashing Ger an evil grin. "Maybe not just yet. Maybe," he gives Ger's dick a squeeze, scooting over so he's half-straddling him, "we should take our time." Still stroking Ger's cock, he licks a path up Ger's chest, ending with a bite on his collarbone. "Get to know each other."

"Nng. Sounds brilliant." Gerard looks past Ewan to Jude and Jonny on the floor. They look like they're enjoying themselves. No reason Gerard shouldn't. Especially not with Ewan on top of him like this. No man can be expected to think clearly.

It's erotic and intimidating, being like this, Jude's tongue pressing in his mouth while Gerard's sitting not a few feet away. _Think fantasy._ Jonny slips his hands onto Jude's hips, pulls him closer, tilting his head to work harder at the kiss, intensify it.

Jude presses Jonny backwards, running a hand down his back and making him arch. Half crawling, he shuffles forward, straddling Jonny's thighs and pushing their hips, their cocks together.

Jonny shifts, leans back, pulling Jude with him until he's flat on the floor. Well, almost flat. He reaches back and jerks the controller from under his shoulder. "Better," he breathes out, the kiss breaking for a moment before he brushes his lips over Jude's again. "Think they care what we do for the moment?"

"Dunno," Jude whispers, licking a trail towards Jonny's ear and nibbling on it, his teeth tugging at the earring. "Are they watching?"

Glancing over, Jonny is surprised, happily, to see what's definitely touching. "Uh, no," he murmurs, distracted by Jude's teeth. "Think they're busy."

"Really..." Jude murmurs, not sure if he's relieved they're not being watched or peeved that the display they're putting on is not being appreciated. He kisses his way down Jonny's neck, tactfully avoiding the collar. It's not his, after all. "Well then," he mutters, "let's make sure they're missing a really great show."

"I thought we were going to get to know each other, Ger," Ewan murmurs, biting a nipple. "Only I'm doing all the getting to know you and you're just sitting back and enjoying it."

Christ, not his nipple. The moan escapes, low and long, and Gerard blushes. Embarrassing. "Wrong with enjoying it?" he asks. If he takes an active part, there's a very real danger that he'll end up trying to top Ewan, and that would go over like the Hindenberg.

"Nothing," Ewan sighs. Sitting back, he glances over at Jude and Jonny, then turns back to Ger. "Look, if you'd rather watch them or something, just say so."

_Shite._ And now he's gone and ruined the mood like he'd known he would. Gerard bites his lips and thinks for once before blurting out what's on his mind. "I like clear boundaries, Ewan. And I don't know where the boundaries are with you. What can or can't I do? I need to know these things before I can do anything with you. Don't want Jude, or Jonny, to bite my head off."

"Boundaries? Like what?" Ewan frowns. "Anyway, I told you, Jude doesn't get jealous."

"I refuse to believe that any person on this earth, man or woman, gay or straight, does not get jealous," Gerard says quietly. "And just because you say it doesn't mean it's true. It just means it's something Jude told you." Gerard goes on before Ewan can slap him across the face. "And boundaries like the fact that I haven't had sex without being dominant since Jonny and I broke up."

"Um...so what does that involve, then? I mean, at this point I'm happy to go along with whatever gets your cock up my arse."

That offer is too broad for comfort. "I mean, what are you comfortable with? I'm not going to consciously try to dominate you, but how would you react if I did it unconsciously?" This is a damned awkward conversation to have with Ewan on top of him like this. "Are you even vaguely submissive?"

"Well, I don't mind if you want to act domly or whatever..." Ewan looks over at Jude straddling Jonny on the floor; they look like they're having a much better time than he is. "I can go along with it."

"So you don't mind that I want to tell you to get off my lap and get onto the floor?" Gerard almost laughs. "I doubt that." He follows Ewan's gaze to where Jonny Lee and Jude are having a good time. "Listen, if you really want me to fuck you, why don't you gag me and then straddle me? Would be a much better time for you."

"Forget it," Ewan says, sliding his leg off Ger's lap and sprawling out at the other end of the sofa. "I might as well be wanking if all you're gonna do is sit there." He sighs; at least he can watch Jude this way.

Jude is working his way slowly down Jonny's belly, kissing and licking, tongue dipping ticklishly into his navel. It's just a tease though. Shuffling further down, he slides his hands between Jonny's legs, running his palms along his inner thighs. The skin is soft there, smooth, inviting to the touch. Pressing gently, Jude pushes Jonny's knees further apart, spreading him out, and then dives to taste the tender skin at the junction of thigh and groin.

Jonny stretches out, easing his body up to meet Jude's kisses, his fingers on Jude's shoulders til he's just out of easy reach, then he stretches again when Jude's fingers press against the fang tattoo on his inner thigh. There's a momentary hesitation in his feral arches, his mind connecting the mark with its owner, his master, and Jonny rolls his head to the side, glances up at the couch, frowns slightly at seeing Gerard and Ewan on opposite ends. _Not supposed to be like that._ But he doesn't get out any words, his lips busy pushing out the moaning whimper of a man being nibbled in just the right place.

Continuing his exploration, Jude nuzzles at Jonny's balls, licking beneath them and then swiping upwards with his tongue. Jonny tastes sweet and clean, barely a hint of sweat, as if he hadn't spent very long in his jeans at all. Jude smiles and snakes the tip of his tongue up the shaft of Jonny's cock, swirling around the head and _there_ , there it is, just in the slit at the very tip, the unique taste that is all Jonny. Jude licks his lips and looks up to catch Jonny's eye. "Taste good."

"Feels good," Jonny murmurs, his mind and attention turning back to Jude rather than his master. _If he isn't smart enough to take advantage of the moment, then screw it._ "Brilliant," he manages as Jude pulls up. "Do that again."

Grinning wickedly, Jude does exactly that, starting with a wet, open mouthed kiss on Jonny's balls and then working up again, slower this time, using his lips as well as his tongue to paint a trail from root to tip, ending with another wet kiss to the head of Jonny's cock. Jude doesn't pull away this time, sucking the tip into his mouth, working his tongue around and over, probing delicately into the dimple at the end to taste salt again. _Delicious._ He hums, his tongue vibrating and then he's moving down, wrapping his lips around Jonny's cock and sucking hard.

"Yes," Jonny hisses, the subtle vibration delightfully mind-numbing, enough so that he's thinking it might pay to learn how to lose at vid games if this is the payoff. He's squirming, body's natural instinct, and arching off the floor enough to push his cock farther into Jude's warm mouth, his hands clenching at the floor, fingers and wrist tangling in the controller's cords.

Sinking lower, Jude takes in more, his head bobbing up and down as he sucks and pulls back, sucks again. His hands smooth back and forth over Jonny's thighs, This time, as he slides his hands up again, Jude's thumbs stretch out, digging into the soft curve of Jonny's arse, pulling the cheeks apart.

"Jude, please, do it." After the words are out, Jonny realizes he's begging and he's really not supposed to do that. _Fuck. Okay. One please is all right._ He spreads his legs wide, heels kicking a little at Jude's legs. "C'mon, ask our masters if we can."

"Mmmm," Jude hums. That sounds like a good idea. One last long lick and he raises his head, sitting up and looking towards Ewan and Gerard. _Uh oh..._ He'd been so caught up in Jonny he hadn't noticed they were no longer sitting together. "Uh, Gerard, Sir, Ewan..." He's not sure what to say so he looks helplessly down and Jonny and nudges his knee.

"Huh?" Jonny looks up at Jude, then over at the couch. He'd glanced there earlier, but had thought maybe he'd been wrong. Gerard and Ewan are _not_ supposed to be sitting at opposite ends of the couch. They're supposed to be fucking. Or at least kissing. Or something. "Master, is something, uh, not right?"

"Keep going," Ewan says, not bothering to look at Ger.

"Yeah," Gerard repeats, studiously looking right at his boy and not at his guests, "keep going."

Jonny's usually very complacent, very acquiescing to his master, but at the moment he's rather perplexed. "Pire, fuck him. Please." He grins, a bit of a pout on his lips. "C'mon, no fun being _all_ the show."

"I'm not going to fuck him," Gerard says flatly. He's ruining everything and he knows that, but he can't see any way of bowing out save for making a desperate leap for the gents, and he doesn't think Jonny Lee will let him get away with that. He's still stung from the shock of hearing Jonny Lee call Ewan Master and the formal tone at the door with Jude. He knows there has to be a story behind it all, but it only makes him feel more like he's the odd man out. He's the only one without the shared history. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Jonny," Ewan sighs dramatically. "It wasn't meant to be."

[continued [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/114461.html)]  


  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	227. gerard: It's too late for regrets and too early for melancholy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/11/) 03:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49156&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49156) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49156) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49156&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**It's too late for regrets and too early for melancholy** _  
[Vignette. Follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/114205.html) and [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/114461.html). August 11.]

_I don't deserve him._

It had taken a long time for Jonny Lee to fall asleep, but Gerard's still awake. The clock beeps midnight, then one, and then two, and still Gerard is lying there, watching Jonny Lee sleep. "I don't deserve you," he whispers and strokes Jonny Lee's cheek. The skin is soft beneath his fingers. Jonny Lee looks almost innocent when he sleeps and it's all too easy to remember how he first fell in love with him.

"Sod it," Gerard mutters. He kisses Jonny Lee on the forehead. "I'm just going downstairs," he whispers, doubting that Jonny Lee can hear it, but needing to say it anyway. He's as silent as he can be on the stairs and he doesn't bother to turn on the lights in the kitchen. He knows where everything is and the moon coming in from the window is just enough for him to feel like he's wallowing in it.

There are empties in the trash can and a few still in the living room, but Gerard manages to find an unopen one. He sets it down on the table and puts the bottle opener down next to it.

It takes a deep breath and a reminder that Jonny Lee is still sleeping before Gerard opens the bottle and takes the first tentative sip. The warm liquid warms him immediately and, as usual, he starts to wonder why he ever stopped doing this.

_Oh, right. Because you lost control._

He lost control tonight. He had gone too far. "Why he stays with me, I'll never know." Gerard takes another sip. "Not good enough for him. Never was, never will be."

"And Jude," Gerard says, voice almost savage. "Jude plays games. Jude drinks. Jude goes pubbing. So bloody perfect for him." He doesn't know why Jonny Lee stays with him when he has men like Jude around. What does a brooding Scot have over one of Hollywood's darlings?

And then he was so stupid as to _walk out_. What kind of boyfriend, what kind of lover, what kind of _master_ , throws a temper tantrum like that? It was unacceptable. Purely, completely unacceptable. It was childish and stupid and he was obviously not thinking. And what kind of host abandons his guests like that? Yes, Gerard had been anxious about it all, but that was no excuse to abandon Jude and Ewan. Jonny Lee must have been more embarrassed than he's been in his life.

"He'd be better off with someone else." But with who? Jude was taken, even though he'd be the best one. Ewan? It hurts, but he has to admit to it. Ewan would be better for Jonny Lee than Gerard was. They could do things together, be actual boyfriends instead of just master and slave. And what other thing could Gerard provide? He could dominate Jonny Lee, he could beat him. He could give him pain and suffering and put him to his knees.

But there wasn't much else. He couldn't provide nights out with friends or nights in, playing games. There is more to life than sex and Gerard couldn't provide any of it. He was a horrible boyfriend. When was the last time he had taken Jonny Lee out and had fun that had nothing to do with kink or sex? Even their anniversary was at an Establishment-approved restaurant.

Gerard puts the bottle down hard on the table, half of it already gone. And he stares at the wet rings on the table. And stares.

At long last, he grabs a pen from the coffee mug and writes viciously on a napkin.

_1\. I am a bad boyfriend._

2\. I am a bad host.

3\. To see who would be better for Teak than me, I don't need to look further than Jude Law.

"It's a good thing you're taking him to Iceland," Gerard says outloud, crushing the napkin in his palm. "That way he can sit around bored for a month and wonder if this is how the rest of his life is going to be. Going to the ends of the earth for the sake of his workaholic master's career." Gerard takes a healthy swallow of beer. "Could be worse," he says after a moment. "He could be staying here and wondering which is more important to me, him or my job." And there would never be a good answer to that question.

Gerard tosses the napkin into the trash and finishes the rest of the beer. This was going to be a long night.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/49156.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	228. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Morning-after reassurance, August 11

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/11/) 21:49:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30237&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30237) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30237) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30237&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Morning-after reassurance, August 11** _  
**[players only. occurs august 11, following[this evening with Jude and Ewan"](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/114205.html)]**

The evening with Jude and Ewan hadn't gone _exactly_ like Jonny Lee thought it would, but they'd survived and fallen into bed with little more than a few words of "good night" and "love you" and morning had come too soon for his tastes, despite oversleeping and the clock reading 9:20. "Fuck," he mutters, rolling over and stretching out.

Gerard had finally gotten to sleep around dawn, and when Jonny Lee's arm lands on him, he comes quickly awake. He rolls over and tries to wrap himself back around Jonny Lee. "'s not morning."

Jonny Lee opens his eyes, slowly, blinking, and looks at the clock over Gerard's shoulder. "After 9," he murmurs, curling into the arms wrapping around him. "S'late, master. You want breakfast? Or something?"

"Want you," Gerard replies. He nuzzles against Jonny Lee's neck. "All I want."

"Have me. Always." Jonny Lee tilts his head back into the pillow. "Yours, master." He stretches his fingers down over Gerard's hip. "What can your boy do for you?" he pants out between moans as Gerard works his throat.

There's a flash of guilt at Jonny Lee's words. How could he have thought that Jonny Lee would want anyone else? Other men might be better for him, yes, but Jonny Lee belonged to Gerard. _Face it, Butler. You don't know what's best for him._ Gerard bites his lip and then looks up and tries to smile. "Let me get you breakfast in bed," he says quietly.

"Are you hungry?"

"Huh? Feed _me_ in bed." Jonny Lee shifts enough to see Gerard's face. "Master, your boy's supposed to wait on you." He's hesitant to even bring it up, but he's worried, feel asleep that way. "Is it about last night? You okay with everything?"

_No white lies._ "It's about last night," Gerard confirms. "I just...I want to pamper you. I want to be good enough for you. Is that-is that ok?"

_Figured as much._ "Aw, fuck, you _are_ good enough for me." Jonny Lee pushes up and rolls Gerard over onto his back, then straddles him. "You can pamper me all you want," he's blushing at the thought, "but know this, Mr. Butler, you are _perfect_ for me. More than good enough. More than I could possibly know what to do with in a lifetime."

Gerard nods. "I know that, Teak, but sometimes it's hard to believe." This is probably the most revealing position Jonny Lee could have put him in. He can't hide anything like this. "I mean, Jude or Ewan would be so much better for you. What can I offer you besides sex?"

"You think?" Jonny Lee stops, shakes his head. _How could he think they'd even want me?_ He starts three times to say something, stops and gets the words right. "Pire, you give me so much more than just sex." He grins. "I mean, the sex is incredible, and it's taking me places I never thought I'd go, but it could stop right now and wouldn't change how I feel about you." Stretching out, Jonny Lee lightly kisses Gerard's chest. "Don't know why you think Jude and Ewan would want me anyway."

"They might not, but you've much more in common with them." Gerard looks everywhere but at Jonny Lee. "They go out pubbing, they play video games. You have so much shared history." What does Gerard bring to the table besides being dominant and having a problem with drugs?

He's being assertive, so Jonny Lee thinks he might's well go all the way. He slides his hands up and cups Gerard's face. "Look at me," he says quietly. "I love you. I have for some time, and I don't plan on stopping." His fingers are splayed over Gerard's throat, his thumbs caressing the jaw line.

"Yeah, Jude and I've been friends for half my life. Ewan 'bout as long. There's shared history. There's pubbing. Sure. But not a bit of it's as important as you."

Gerard arches his neck, baring his throat for his lover. "I know it's not rational. I just, it's paranoid, I know, but sometimes I worry that I'll be never enough for you." There's something about being beneath Jonny Lee, in this kind of position, that makes him want to be extra honest.

"And if I said," Jonny Lee licks over that throat exposed to his tongue, "you were more than enough, more than I'd ever imagine needing?"

Gerard closes his eyes as Jonny Lee's wet tongue slides across his neck. "Then I'd believe it. Until the next time I started brooding."

"Hmmm, and what would make you not brood about it?" Jonny Lee nuzzles, then sucks on the strong vein, feeling the blood surge under his tongue. "Can your boy do anything for that?"

Gerard can't help but give voice to a low moan. He's always had a weakness for vampire play and living with Jonny Lee has only made it stronger. "Unless you can erase a few thousand years of evolution, probably not."

Jonny Lee sighs, humming against the pulse point. "Can't do that. But we could make the next 50 or so the best you've ever had."

"Just 50?" Gerard tries to put a hint of levity in his voice, but he thinks he fails utterly. "And here I was, hoping that I'll be able to hit you with my walking cane on my hundreth birthday."

"I was going for a quick round number of years. Don't hold me to it." Jonny Lee lifts up his head to grin. "Love you. Now. Tomorrow. When you're a hundred."

"Love you also. Now. Tomorrow. Until you don't want me anymore." As soon as the words are out, Gerard's cursing himself. _Stop being so paranoid._

"That'll be a pretty damned long time, Pire," Jonny Lee says. Then he turns more playful, licking and sucking until the blood's welled up, and then biting, sinking his teeth in as deeply as he can. The vampire fetish is intense in Jonny Lee's brain, but only with Gerard, only with _his_ vampire. He stops when he feels, tastes the first drop of blood, silently begging permission to go a step farther.

Gerard makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat as Jonny Lee's teeth slide into his skin. _So good..._ He wraps his arms around his boy, crushing him against him, hoping that Jonny Lee will take that as encouragement to continue.

Jonny Lee does take it as encouragement. Permission. He bites harder, tearing at the flesh, bringing up as much blood as he can into his mouth. The wound will be bruised for days, teeth marks there even longer. It's a mark of how much he loves the man underneath him.

_Under? That's not right._ Jonny Lee panics for a moment, then shakes it off, willing himself into more of a subspace, serving his master by swirling and swallowing the blood, licking over the bite, easing down.

It's been far too long since Gerard bled for his boy. And this is the perfect moment to start again, he thinks. Sign of his love and devotion. This is something only Jonny Lee can have.

Slowly he pulls back, lips red and just a hint of blood pooling in the corner. Jonny Lee's zoned, just enough that his eyes are glazed, and he's moving the fingers left on Gerard's cheek to wipe at his mouth, smear the blood, complete the debauched look. "Thank you, master." He smiles, fingertips pressing down on his lower lip. "No one else can give me that, can take it from me. I don't want anyone else. I belong to Gerard James Butler. Forever."

"Yes, you do." Gerard reaches out and touches Jonny Lee's mouth. His fingers come away bloody and he smears it on his face. "Mine."

"Claim what's yours, then, Pire?" Jonny Lee stretches himself back up, kneeling a bit straighter over Gerard's hips, his arse pressing down on his lover's cock, and it's hard, he notices. "Can I?" he asks hesitantly. _Fuck myself on you?_ He blushes. It's too close to the line of topping, of being in control, and it frightens him to even say the words.

"Can you what?" Gerard asks. It's not being a tease. He isn't sure that Jonny Lee's asking what he thinks he's asking. "Love to claim you. Love you."

"Want to fuck myself on you," Jonny Lee says after a long silence, gathering the words and rushing them out. "But that's like being in charge and I'm your boy and I don't want to be in charge or control or anything like that."

"That's not being in charge," Gerard says. "That's fucking yourself on your master." He licks his lips and raises his hands above his head. "And, besides, your master wants you to take a bit of control. Show your master you want this enough to work for it."

"Yessir." Jonny Lee shifts back another couple inches, putting himself in position, then raises up and wraps his hand around Gerard's cock, holding it as he lets his knees relax, lowers himself. The initial burn's always sweet, even now when he's keeping himself prepped, and the drag's perfect. He moves his hand, presses it against his thigh, pushes himself inch by deliciously agonizing inch down until he fullness consumes him. "Your boy wants this, wants everything master can give him."

Gerard gives a strangled cry as Jonny Lee begins his descent. _So good._ Jonny Lee needs to do this more often because, fuck, feels so good. "Perfect," he groans. "You're perfect."

Jonny Lee bites his lower lip, doesn't counter Gerard's assessment. He remembers that lesson, too. _Just take the compliment._ He slowly starts to move, up and down, with a slight rocking sensation, making sure he takes in his lover as deeply as he can on every stroke.

Gerard bites his lip also, but for a different reason. He isn't sure Jonny Lee wants to hear his master curse up a storm. _Don't care what he says. Is perfect._

He's not quickening his pace, wanting to drag out the ecstasy, the agony, every fuckin' moment of it. Jonny Lee's pushing on his thighs, clutching fingers into the flesh, forcing the pull up to drag, increase the friction. He moans, mutters nonsensical words.

And the moan is just perfect enough that Gerard can't keep himself quiet anymore. A stream of curses comes from his mouth, punctured by the occasional moan. He has no idea why they don't do this more often, but if it takes a fight to get Jonny Lee to do it, then Gerard thinks he can live without it.

"Master likes this?" Jonny Lee asks, still unsure of what he's doing. "He likes his boy being on top?" He rocks back, pulling himself nearly off Gerard's cock, and then forward, slamming himself down so hard that his breath catches. _Bloody perfect pain._ He muses on it. _Not as good as being flogged and then fucked, but right up there._

"Ng. Yes. Master likes." Gerard tries to nod. "Boy on top. Right." All distinctions between being on top and topping have flown his mind. There's only his boy on top of him, fucking himself on him, so tight and hot and good, and Gerard doesn't think he can think anymore.

Jonny Lee's hard, aching and wanting more. "Master, please," he says, biting at his lips, "so good. Want you to fill me. Consume me." His hand hovers off his thigh, craving the touch of his cock but not moving any farther than the desire.

Gerard nods breathless. "Come, please. On me, Jonny." He swallows and thrusts upwards, eyes closing briefly before he forces them open again. "Please, Jonny."

_Please._ The word echoes in Jonny Lee's brain. _Master's begging -- no, it's asking, not begging._ He grabs his cock and fists it hard. He's close already, and all it takes is that few sharp, harsh tugs, and he comes, white streams coating Gerard's stomach and chest. "Fuck, that's," he starts, the orgasm's jerk stopping him, "fuckin' beautiful. Oh, master, love you. God."

Gerard doesn't know how many times they've come off together, but feeling Jonny Lee come around him is enough to bring Gerard over. He comes with a long groan inside his boy. He was right. This is perfection.

Nothing between them, and Gerard's hot inside Jonny Lee's body, spilling and filling and marking. Bloody and sticky, he feels as debauched and decadent as he must look. He stretches out over Gerard's chest, pulling up off his lover's cock, and whisper-kisses lips barely closed from the groan. "No one can take your place, Pire. Not as master. Not as lover. Never."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	229. gerard: More presents

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/13/) 14:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47895&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47895) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47895) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=47895&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**More presents** _  
[Left on the kitchen table, all wrapped up together and placed in a basket.]

_The Note attached to the handle:_

I'd hoped to have this ready for you in time for the anniversary, but shit happens. I'm sorry. I promise that I will use every single one of these on you in some way, perhaps during the Olympics. That sounds like it would be fun. You can refuse only one of them, but I won't even dare to guess which one it will be. I love when you surprise me, boy. I got you one of each, so you can't say that I'm going easy on you.

Love,  
Pire.

The Presents:

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b475plus.htm)

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b454.htm)

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b448.htm)

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b392.htm)

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b455plus.htm)

[ ](http://europe.stockroom.com/b327.htm)

[](http://europe.stockroom.com/b138.htm)

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47895.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	230. gerard: Pre-Olympics Paddling

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/13/) 23:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48390&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48390) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48390) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48390&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Pre-Olympics Paddling** _  
[players only. Takes place immediately following Jonny Lee finding [these](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47895.html) presents.]

Jonny Lee walks out of the kitchen, holding the basket he'd found. "So, I'm allowed to not pick one," he says with a grin. "Master is _too_ good to his boy."

"Hm?" Gerard looks up from the couch and grins when he sees what Jonny Lee is holding. "I know I am. My boy see anything he likes?"

Sprawling onto the couch, insinuating himself into Gerard's space, Jonny Lee settles the basket on his lap. "Oh, a couple really nice things." He shakes his head. "One that says master has an incredible amount of faith in what his boy can take."

"I have the utmost faith in you," Gerard grins. The fact that one of them was larger than a Sprite bottle had been the only reason Gerard had given his boy his way out, and even if Jonny Lee didn't refuse that one, Gerard had something else in mind for it other than penetration. But what would be the fun in telling Jonny Lee that? "And there's one I got that's going to be a surprise. Something to pull on you when you're bound and at my mercy."

"Bound and at your mercy." Jonny Lee licks his lower lip, letting his tongue hang over his teeth a moment longer. "Your boy likes that. Very much." He turns sideways, pulling his leg up underneath him on the sofa, and pulls out the steel dildo from the basket. "How about your boy not opt out of any of them, just to see what his master has planned?"

"Then I'd say that my boy has an incredible amount of faith in his master's self-control." Gerard wraps his fingers around the other end of the dildo. It was the one that caught his eye the most in the catalogue and had started the whole idea of buying his boy one of every kind of dildo they had. "Is this the one my boy wants first?"

"Yes, master." Letting go of the dildo, Jonny Lee slides off the couch to his knees in front of Gerard. "Your boy has complete faith in your self-control. He trusts you implicitly."

"Hm." Gerard looks the dildo over, examining it carefully. "That might be foolish of my boy." He holds the dildo up like some kind of sword and whooshes it through the air. "This thing is more likely to be used for hitting instead of fucking."

Jonny Lee laughs, tries hard not to and ends up laughing harder. "Your boy's not foolish. He just loves you." He ducks as the dildo whooshes past his head. "He'd prefer _not_ having his head smashed, though, 'cause then master would have to explain it to the ER doc."

Gerard taps Jonny Lee's head lightly with it. "Think I couldn't do it? 'Jonny Lee Miller was unfortunately brained this afternoon by his loving master who was wielding a sex toy.'" He manages to keep a straight face just long enough to finish his sentence and then can't hold back anymore.

It takes a long minute, somewhere upwards of five minutes, for Jonny Lee to regain enough composure to drop back into subspace. "Hm, Master," he says, clearing his throat, "would you, please, use the toys on your boy?"

It takes Gerard one more minute to get himself back to almost-stoic. "Since you ask so nicely," he says. "Of course. Where would my boy like it?"

"Here," he says at first. "No. Playroom, sir. Cuffed. Please?"

That's a better way of taking the question. "Certainly." Gerard stands up and brushes himself off. "Horizontal or vertical?"

"Your discretion, master. Which would give you more pleasure?"

"Uh uh. This is about _you_." Gerard thwaps Jonny Lee playfully. "Don't make master punish you until you can be decisive."

Jonny Lee thinks for a minute, feigning pain and rubbing where he's been thwapped. "Vertical, master. You'll have more control and that will increase the pleasure for both of us."

"Yes, sir. One vertical bondage coming right up." Gerard opens the door to the basement and leads Jonny Lee downstairs. "Leather or metal?"

"Leather or metal. Could match the restraint to the dildo." Jonny Lee's smiling as he crosses the playroom floor in front of Gerard. "Let's do it, master. Metal."

"Your wish is my command." Gerard changes around some things on the cross and then steps back. "Up."

He steps up onto the familiar footholds, lays himself down on the cool metal, stretching out his arms. _Gonna be bloody brill._ "Your boy's ready, master."

"Good boy," Gerard says. He attaches the cuffs around Jonny Lee's wrists and ankles and then pats Jonny Lee's arse. "Is my boy prepped?"

"Always, sir." Jonny Lee smiles, tilts his head into the cross. "Some lessons he has _no_ trouble remembering."

Gerard grins. "Course there are." He flips the dildo around so he's holding it by the balled end and starts working it backwards into Jonny Lee's arse.

The sensation, pressure and cold metal, immediately pulls Jonny Lee up on his toes in the restraints. "Ah, that's," he says, easing back down, pushing lightly and taking in more of the tiered end, the polished stainless steel sliding almost easily into his body. "God, feels good."

One of these days, Gerard will figure out just how well these things conduct heat. But that's going to be a long time from now, and definitely not while watching one end slide seductively into his boy. Gerard wiggles it around playfully as he gets it in almost completely.

The fullness isn't complete, not as nice as having his lover's cock inside him, but Jonny Lee's getting off on having Gerard do it, work the dildo into his body, twist it around. He pulls his wrists against the metal cuffs, grins at how sharply they bite at his flesh. "S'good, master, so cool." He's wondering, too, how it'd feel ice-cold, chilled in the freezer. He shivers at the sensation his mind conjures.

Gerard twists the dildo suddenly and starts fucking his boy with it, in and out and in and out. "Gonna use the lollipop one next on you," he says. "Make you go down on it while we watch flexible men spin around on bars and horses."

"Oh, fuck, lollipop." Jonny Lee's quickly disintegrating. Well, everywhere except his cock. That's hard as the steel being shoved in and out of his arse. "Your boy's never wanted to watch the Olympics more, master."

"It's so much more fun when you participate," Gerard agrees. He shoves the dildo in particularly hard and then starts pulling it out slowly, twisting evilly at every inch. "We can even watch table tennis. I don't remember if we've a team for that."

"Oh, fuck, table tennis, no, don't know," Jonny Lee's just panting out words, trying to keep from zoning and just taking in the pleasure. "Master, please. More."

"More?" Gerard repeats. He shoves the dildo back in and pulls it out just as quickly. "My boy wants to be fucked like this? My boy wants more?"

"Your boy wants to be fucked, master, hard and rough and with every dildo his master has," Jonny Lee slurs out, the zone tapping at his brain. "Then he wants master's cock, and he wants to beg and hurt and, oh, that's so good."

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back, tracing the tattoos on Jonny Lee's shoulders. "Master wants to give it to him." Jonny Lee's always so adorably shaggable like this, stretched out and begging for him. "Even with the one so big master thinks it might actually be possible for my boy to taste it while it fucks him."

Jonny Lee stretches at the touch, pushing against wrist and ankle restraints, willing his body to open even more. "Your boy wants that. He trusts master not to hurt him any more than he can take. But he wants to give master so much, all of him."

"My boy does. He gives his master everything." Gerard looks around, wondering if there's anything he can hurt Jonny Lee with. _Of course there is. You are in the playroom._ Gerard pushes the dildo in until only the head is sticking out, and then grabs a paddle from the wall. "I'm going to give my boy a warm out, something to make him squirm on master's lap later."

"Goddamn," Jonny Lee spurts out as the dildo's firmly wedged in. Pain is so fucking good. And there's more coming. Delicious. He turns his head, catches a glimpse of the paddle coming off the wall. _Oh, yes. Please._ And he squirms, causing the dildo to sink a bit deeper as his arse clenches around it. "Oooh, warm. Sounds sinful."

"Well, you did say that the dildo was cold." Gerard smirks. "Can't have my boy getting cold." The paddle is nice, leather and holes, and it slides easily through the air as Gerard gives it a few practice swings. "I'm going to give my boy ten. Get him used to it."

"Ten," Jonny Lee repeats, acknowledging Gerard's intentions. It's a nice number, a good start. He drops his head back into the crosspieces and settles himself, waiting for the first blow, knowing it's going to catch him off guard no matter what.

The first one is slightly harsher than the second, but Gerard isn't going for consistency. There'll be time to try that later. Gerard suspects that Great Britain is going to be bringing in a lot of silver medals.

And the third one's sheer pain, the paddle catching Jonny Lee's arse square on, nudging the dildo a fraction deeper. He's up on his toes again, biting at his tongue when the fourth blow comes down. And nowhere near wanting it to stop.

Conner used to call this kind of beating a flying lesson, since he said it made him levitate. Four and five are quick, right after each other, but Gerard leaves a pause of almost five seconds before the sixth comes down.

Jonny Lee almost begs for the sixth in that five seconds, then moans when it lands on his arse, the heat radiating. He's spiraling into the zone, contentedly letting the pain wash to pleasure, anticipating the last three strikes.

Seven is hard, eight is harsher, and nine is the hardest of them all. Gerard rests his wrist for a moment before slamming number ten across Jonny Lee's arse.

_Seven ate nine._ Jonny Lee shakes his head at the nonsense running through it. He focuses on the pain of eight and nine, but ten, fuck ten, god, yes, it's the most exquisite, hitting right over all the others, warming his arse so much the dildo couldn't be cool if it tried. He collapses into the crosspieces, letting his body go limp.

Gerard takes the time to put the paddle back properly before going over to get Jonny Lee down from the cross. "Such a good boy," he says as he frees Jonny Lee's hands. "Taking pain so well for master."

Jonny Lee lets himself be pulled off the cross, body draping into Gerard's hold. "Yes, master," he sighs, "Jonny's good at taking pain. He likes it."

"Know he does." Gerard chuckles. "C'mon, let's get you upstairs. Opening ceremonies are in ten minutes."

"Opening ceremonies. Oh, goody." Jonny Lee's smirking in his slurred speech. "Does your boy get to change out dildos when the Brits parade in?"

"Shite." Gerard mentally kicks himself. "Know what I forgot? One with a flag on it, in the right colors. But, sure, we can change."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48390.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	231. gerard: Medals, medals, medals

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/17/) 16:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48213&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48213) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48213) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48213&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Medals, medals, medals** _  
[public]

One silver and one bronze so far. That's ten swats with a paddle and ten hours spent with my boy locked in a cockring.

Mum was right. Everything is so much more fun when you participate.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-19 08:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?thread=91733&format=light#t91733))   
---|---  
Up to 2 silver and 4 bronze now ...  
  
Is it totally unpatriotic to wish for 4th-place finishes? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?replyto=91733&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?thread=91733&format=light#t91733))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-19 08:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?thread=91989&format=light#t91989))   
---|---  
Yes. And it's also disloyal to your master, who has some money down on at least two golds.  
  
Besides, I thought you liked pain. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?replyto=91989&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48213.html?thread=91733&format=light#t91733))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	232. gerard: Running Count

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/21/) 11:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48720&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48720) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48720) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=48720&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Running Count** _  
[JL only]

4 gold.  
5 silver.  
5 bronze.

Your only choice is this: do you want the chastity to start before I beat you, or after?

Since a Scot won gold and a Scot won silver, I think I'll double the beatings from those.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-21 10:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?thread=92240&format=light#t92240))   
---|---  
So, that's 40 lashings, 50 swats and 50 hours in a cockring. That's like two friggin' days. Is Master planning on doing this all at one time? The chastity thing, that is. Beatings your boy can handle without a thought.  
  
And now we're counting Scots double?! Master, seriously. Is this your retaliation for the country being colonized by wankers? *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?replyto=92240&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?thread=92240&format=light#t92240))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-22 04:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?thread=92496&format=light#t92496))   
---|---  
_Is Master planning on doing this all at one time?_  
  
Yes. Starting, oh, after I make you orgasm three times in a row.  
  
  
  
 _Master, seriously. Is this your retaliation for the country being colonized by wankers?_  
  
No, it isn't. If it _was_ , I'd make it count double for every one not won by a Scot. But now that you mention it, I think I shall try that.  
  
Thanks for the idea. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?replyto=92496&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/48720.html?thread=92240&format=light#t92240))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	233. gerard: New Rules, Iceland, and Contracting

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/25/) 19:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49779&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49779) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49779) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=49779&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**New Rules, Iceland, and Contracting** _  
[players only. Ger and JL discuss some changes in their relationship.]

  
One of the many conclusions Gerard had come to one sleepless night was that he didn't have a right to be a hypocrite about their rules. He had given Jonny Lee a set of rules four months ago and, for better or for worse, it wasn't Jonny Lee's fault that Gerard wanted to change some of them. He didn't have a right to go up to his boy and give him an order the contracted the rules they had agreed upon.

But he did have a right to go up to his boy and ask that they discuss them and make some changes. Gerard pokes his head into the living room where Jonny Lee is on his knees in front of the television, playing video games. He waits until Jonny Lee finishes the level before clearing his throat. "Can we talk?"

Jonny Lee's not that focused on the game. It'd been something to do while waiting on the laundry to dry. He quits out of it, puts the controller down and turns around. "Sure, Pire," he says, opting for pet name over _master_ till he knows how serious a talk this is supposed to be. It's a middle ground. Not his lover's name, which Jonny Lee uses very seldomly these days, and not the title he's earned. "What do you need?"

"Just to talk." Gerard hesitates and then sits down on the couch. "About our rules."

_Our rules? What've I fucked up?_ Jonny Lee wishes his brain didn't immediately search for mistakes. "What about them, master?"

"I, uh, want to change them. It's not your fault," Gerard goes on quickly. No, this is all Gerard's fault. He doesn't want Jonny Lee to start overthinking things. "It's mine. I didn't think them out too much the first time."

"Change them? That's all right." Jonny Lee's not overthinking them. He trusts Gerard to know what's working and what isn't. "They weren't set in stone" And he really doesn't think he needs to be nervous about them getting looser, not after being outed and the evening with Jude and Ewan. "What do you want to change?"

"Forms of address." Gerard shoves his hands into his pockets. "I don't want you calling _anybody_ sir. Or referring to anybody else as a master of anything." It was what had thrown him at the start of the night with Jude and Ewan, and it was one thing that was not at all Jonny Lee's fault. Written right there in their rules was that Jonny Lee had to be deferential to everybody. Gerard just hadn't realized how much that would affect him.

"Okay," Jonny Lee says, but it's not really 'cause he's slightly confused, even though he can bet he knows what started it. He'd called Jude _sir_ , being playful and knowing that Jude likes the formal language. "So your boy's not to show that kind of respect to anyone other than you. It's just first names? Or can he still say Mister?"

"He can still say Mister," Gerard confirms, "and of course I'm not saying you should be rude, but it just...bothers me when you give that kind of respect to somebody else."

"S'not a problem. You're master _and_ sir and anything else you want me to call you." Jonny Lee straightens up a bit, not in proper position but kneeling a little more solidly. "What else, master?"

Gerard's a little surprised, though he probably shouldn't be, that Jonny Lee gave in that easily. "You don't mind? I mean, I'm not ordering you to change it. We can discuss things. Your opinion matters."

"It'll take a bit of getting used to, since your boy was adjusting rather well to the formal language and calling everyone _sir_ and _ma'am_ ," Jonny Lee says, shrugging, "but it's just words with them, showing deference. He kinda likes that it'd be just for you. Makes the word more special."

"Did you feel that way before?" _Shite. I've pushed him into doing something else he never wanted to._

"Felt like I wanted to call you master and sir and be on my knees all the time. Never really thought about what I'd call other people. Figured it'd be what you told me to call them." It really didn't matter to Jonny Lee, as long as he called Gerard _master_ the rest of the world can be nameless.

"So you don't..." Stop over thinking things. "Right. Ok. Um. Before I go on, is there anything you'd like to change?"

He thinks, but Jonny Lee isn't sure he should bring it up. It was an experiment, not meant to be full-time. "Uh, just the 24/7, sir," he near-whispers. "It was just for the week, but you said we'd talk about maybe doing some more of it, or parts of it."

Gerard isn't sure he heard correctly, but from what he caught, he thinks he can piece it all together. "I'd like more of it," he says. "But, you saw what I posted about what scares me. And some of it still scares me. If we did 24/7, we'd need at least a week out of it in between."

"Your boy understands that, and he's agreeable to however master wants to try it. A week out would probably be good." He pauses, tries to think of the other thing he'd wanted to say. "Your boy rather enjoyed being home all day, doing what master had asked, waiting on master to come home."

"Master enjoyed that as well." Gerard tangles his fingers in Jonny Lee's hair. "Master loved being able to call his boy and know that he's home and naked and eager for master. And master liked planning out his boy's day most of all."

His boy tugs at the touch, rubbing his head up into Gerard's hand, making the smallest of whimpering sounds. "Jonny likes that," he says, headspace sliding into place. "He wants more of it. Wants master to tell him what to do all time.

"And if master wants to tell him that he can't go out with his friends without telling master first? That he can't even approach someone sexually without the choice having been vetted first by master?"

"Then he'd not go out with his friends without asking. And he wouldn't even consider having any kind of sex unless master knew beforehand and have very explicit permission." Jonny Lee's trying not to sound too eager, too excited. What Gerard's talking about is a step closer to being master/slave in more than theory. "Honest, master? Jonny doesn't want anyone touching him that master doesn't say is all right."

"You-you don't? It's a lot of control, Teak. I mean, it's so close to," Gerard doesn't say the a-word. He promised himself he wouldn't. He'd all but memorized steps to tell if your loved one is an abuser and he thinks - hopes - that being controlling over who his lover sees won't push him over. "It's close to where we've never gone before," he finishes lamely.

"We don't have to go there overnight, master," Jonny Lee whispers, tilting his head back and nuzzling his face into Gerard's wrist while his master's fingers still tangle in his hair. "Can take it as slowly as you want. Your boy's not worried about master abusing the control."

"Do you think nine months are too slow?" Or is it too fast, to go from nothing to 24/7? All Gerard cares about is that he doesn't go too quickly. He doesn't want to scare Jonny Lee off like he did last time. "I don't want to rush anything. I want to go at a pace that's good for you."

"Nine months? Like doing it for that long? Or working on it for the next nine months?"

"No, we've been doing this for nine months." Or that's Gerard's best count. November to August. "The D/s. Is it too fast to go to zero to 24/7 is that short a time?"

Jonny Lee chuckles. "Nine months?" He thinks, does the math. "Fuck, it has been. Baby's born in that time, don't see why a change in the relationship can't be."

"I guess so," Gerard says. "But are you comfortable with it?"

"Yes, master, your boy is comfortable with the idea. What other changes would that bring? Things you want?"

"Uh." Gerard blushes. "Isn't that enough for now?" But it's not. If he doesn't get all of this out now, he never will. "I do want to know about your fantasies. And not just for voyeuristic pleasure. I want to know who you're attracted to and what you imagine doing with them. And I also want to know what you envision doing with me. Because our relationship is not just about what I want, it's about you as well."

"Okay, you want them written down. Or should Jonny just tell master how he'd like so very much to do that one thing again that he didn't think he'd like but he does?" He grins broadly. "Your boy's not really attracted to that many people, master, and you know them all." Jonny Lee's thinking there has to be something else, some other rule Gerard wants, that he's not saying. It can't be this simple.

"Written down. Or told to me in bed." Gerard squirms a little, not sure how to bring up the last thing on his mind. Maybe it's best to just let the chips fall where they may. Maybe he shouldn't try to change anything.

"All right." Jonny Lee bites his lips, cocks his head, studying Gerard's face. _You're not saying something._. "There is one more thing your boy would like, master. To know what you're thinking? What it is you're _not_ saying."

Fuck. Of course Jonny Lee can read him. Gerard bites his lip and looks down at Jonny Lee for a long moment, just stroking him. _I must have been very good in a past life to deserve him._ "I'm not sure you should go to Iceland with me," he says quietly.

It's not at all what Jonny Lee _thought_ Gerard was thinking about. "Master, you," he says, faltering his words. If it's what master wants, then who is Jonny Lee to complain. "May your boy ask why? Has he done something wrong?"

"No," Gerard says, almost too forcefully. "My boy has done nothing wrong. Nothing. It's just that...I've been overthinking things. And I'm not sure if it wouldn't be best for you to...for us to, well, not try a trial separation. No. But for you to..." Fuck. He can't say it. He can't complete the bloody sentence.

"Separation?" Jonny Lee doesn't hear many of the other words. His mind fixates on that. "Fuck, we were bloody separated for a whole damn year, Pire." The words come out in a low whisper, almost under his breath. "You think your boy needs to stay here," he says more loudly. "He doesn't understand, but if that's what master wants."

"Oh, fuck," Gerard says. He stands up quickly and starts pacing before he's even realized. Can't sit still for this. Can't stand still either. "It's not you, Teak. It's not you. I don't want to break up with you, or lose you, or anything like that. But I wonder if...there's not much to do in Iceland. You'll be mostly staying around the hotel room, or trying to find your way around, but whatever you'll be doing, you'll be doing it alone because _I won't be there_. And it's going to be horrible and everything. I'll come back late and not be boyfriendly or loverly and, if you're going to be alone, why not be alone in London when you have friends nearby and places and people you can visit?"

_Oh. Good, Jonny, you jumped to conclusions and now he's on a tear._ "Master, please stop pacing," he says very softly. "You're worried your boy will be bored. That's understandable." Jonny Lee reaches out, touches Gerard's leg as he comes by. "Stop. Please."

Gerard isn't listening. "And it will be bloody cold in Iceland and you know that when you're alone, I like you to be naked, so then I'd be forcing you to wear clothing, and I've been hearing things about how it doesn't really get dark at night this time of year, so that will be fucked up as well, something about the Arctic Circle or fuck all. And I don't want you to hate me because I took you..." Oh, fuck. He said too much. Gerard clamps his mouth closed and starts to panic.

Jonny Lee debates tripping Gerard, but figures that'd earn him a punishment that wasn't fun. So he lets Gerard rant for another minute, and then his lover's silent. "Are you finished, master?" he asks in the sudden quietness. "Could your boy get a word or two in?"

Gerard's still a little frozen. "Of course," he says, not sure if he should be tensed or not for Jonny Lee to slap him across the face.

"First off, Pire, your boy's not going to hate you before he has to wear clothes. Yeah, he likes being naked, too, but he understands the adverse nature of cold on the nature." Jonny Lee's trying not to grin at the thought of icicles where they shouldn't be. "Second, he really _does_ understand that you're concerned about him, and that he _would_ be bored."

He crawls to where Gerard's stopped pacing, rubs his head against Gerard's leg. "There's a compromise, master," he purrs. "Your boy could fly over to Iceland with you, spend a week and then come back to London, maybe come back over for another week closer to the end of filming."

How does Jonny Lee always manage to make everything seem so simple? "That's a," he clears his throat, "a very good idea. Flying back and forth. Don't have to stay for long, and can always leave when you get bored. Would you do that for me?"

"Jonny would do anything for master," he murmurs, "anything master wants. Be his boy, his puppy, even give up acting and be his wife, er, husband, whatever it's called." Jonny Lee nuzzles over Gerard's jeans, the denim worn well enough to rub gently over his face.

_Christ. I don't deserve him._ Gerard drops down to his knees and wraps his arms around his boy. "I don't deserve you," he says. "You're patient and rational and, fuck, I love you so much."

_No, your boy's not rational or patient. He's just your slave._ "Love you, too, master," Jonny Lee says. "Are there any more changes? Or can your boy thank you properly now for wanting to be his master all the time?"

Gerard doesn't know how Jonny Lee does it. How he's always so easy and agreeable about things. "No more changes, unless there's ones you want."

"Not at the moment, but if Jonny thinks of something he'll ask about it." Jonny Lee nuzzles into Gerard's chest. "Right now he wants to offer master his body, to use as he wants."

Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's hair. "Master thanks his boy for the offer. But right now master just wants to cuddle on the couch with his boy. Is that all right?"

"Cuddling's an acceptable use," Jonny Lee says with a bit of a smirk. "Nuzzling's fine, too. Doesn't always have to be sex. That's not our whole lives."

"Yeah." And that's almost a good thing, because even Superman can't have enough stamina to have sex his entire life. "Like using my boy's body. Does my boy want to use mine sometime?"

Jonny Lee blushes, recalling the morning after the game night gone awry. "Yes, master, he'd like that. He loves master's body, especially the areas that are marked just for him," he says, reaching his hand up and rubbing through the shirt's fabric over the cross dagger tattoo. "That and the other one."

"Mm, you like it? Want me to get another one?" They'd talked about getting matching ones, and they haven't yet. But they've also talked about Jonny Lee getting a new piercing and Gerard thinks that probably takes precedence. "I like marking myself just for you."

"You'll end up like me if you're not careful, master," Jonny Lee says. "Your boy thinks it'd be nice to have something alike, you know the matching idea we talked about. Want a new piercing, too, and he knows we've talked about that."

"I could do worse than ending up like you. I want the matching tattoo. I want you to get a piercing." Gerard smiles. "I want to be yours just as much as you're mine."

"Wanna get pierced for your boy?" Jonny Lee laughs.

Gerard grins. He's not sure if Jonny Lee's being serious, but it's a valid question and it's one Gerard's been thinking about. "If you want, but I safeword at anything below the belt."

"Your boy might safeword there, too," he says, not having thought Gerard would really consider getting pierced for him. "He was thinking more master's ear, so he can return the favour of sucking on it, like master does so well, drives his boy insane."

"So my boy wants to drive his master insane," Gerard says as if it's a revelation of a great truth. "Now I understand why my boy stays. Laudable goal."

"Well, that's part of it," Jonny Lee says, squirming into Gerard's hold, rubbing his head against shoulder and throat. "Then there's the intense thrill your boy gets from being tormented by such a diabolical mind."

"Ah. My boy reveals himself to be a masochist." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee just above the collar. "Will wonders never cease. Maybe I should string him up by his elbows and tickle him."

"Smart arse." The words don't match the insistent whimpering, almost purring, that's coming from Jonny Lee's throat as Gerard touches the collar. _His_ collar. Master's. "Strung up. Sounds sinful."

"We've got to use the hanging chains sometime. Don't tell me we put up hooks in the ceiling for no reason."

Jonny Lee shivers at the mention of hanging chains. He's only been on them once, and not with Gerard. "Yes, master, they're up there for a reason," he says quietly. "Your boy would like that, you using them for him."

"We can construct that scene from that movie," Gerard can't remember which. "With the one man hanging and the other touching him so carefully, such exquisite torture."

Jonny Lee doesn't know the film either, but the image is delicious. "That would be," he licks his lips, whimpers, "delicious. With toes barely touching the ground. S'intoxicating, knowing you can't quite get your footing."

"Mmhmm. And I'd keep having to rub your wrists, make sure you still have circulation, so I'll be sure to give you some nice bruises there beforehand." Gerard reaches down and cups Jonny Lee's cock. "Otherwise wouldn't be fair."

"Oh, god, please, master, want it so badly." Jonny Lee can feel the chains pulling on him, see it in his mind's eye, toes scraping the damp cement floor and hands touching, hurting. He closes his eyes, shivers at the memory overlapping with anticipation. "Want your bruises."

"Then my boy shall have them." Gerard says. "Black and blue to turn into yellow and green. Colors that look best on my Teak."

"Black and blue and master would add more color before they turn, wouldn't he? A bit of purple." Jonny Lee's nuzzling against his lover, drifting with the imagery. "Your boy would like that, overlaid with _so_ many colors they meld into one lovely bruise."

Jonny Lee's so cute that Gerard can't help but pet him. "Should paint him, then. Pick up some edible paints and fingerpaint my boy. Or I could beat him with the brush handles and give him bruises that way."

"Paint. Edible. Jonny would look good like that. Brush handles. Yes." Jonny Lee rubs into the touch, whimper-purring. "Jonny's very happy right now."

"Master is happy his boy is happy." Gerard strokes the hard skin beneath his hand. "And master can feel just how happy his boy is right now."

Jonny Lee stiffens more under Gerard's hand. "Yes, master. Please, may your boy take care of it?"

"No, master will." Gerard keeps stroking. "Did we decide about Iceland, what you're going to do?" He doesn't really want to bring it up -- he _wants_ to shag his boy -- but if they don't decide it now, they never will. "Are you going to fly back and forth."

"Yes, master, flying back and forth," Jonny Lee says. "Please, master, that feels so good. Fuck me?"

"Not yet. Can't think when I'm fucking you." Gerard stills his hand, but keeps holding on to Jonny Lee's cock like it will go somewhere if he stops. "Do want to talk to you, about the rules." He's been thinking on and off about his friends and how they stay in their relationships and for the kinky ones the answer has been overwhelmingly that they have a contract. It's the backbone of the relationship. And maybe, Gerard's been thinking, if they both signed the rules, then Gerard might actually start to believe that Jonny Lee's going to stay. "You know me and you know I worry," he says quickly, "and you know I'm going to worry when you're not with me and, well, maybe, if we wrote down the rules and signed them, sort of like a contract but not a contract," not if Jonny Lee doesn't bring it up first, "then maybe I wouldn't drive you crazy with my brooding."

_Contract. Contract. Like a real relationship._ Gerard's words cut through Jonny Lee's brain. It's what he's been wanting, where he wanted them to end up. "Your boy," he starts, "your slave, Jonny, would sign anything. He's going to follow the rules, but, fuck, master, the idea of a contract, of it being like Stuart and Billy and, oh yeah, that's good."

"So you want one?" And from what Jonny Lee just said, it sounds like he's been wanting one. Way to pay attention to your lover, Butler. "As formal or informal as you want, whatever you want. Anything."

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee says, trying not to sound too eager, straightening a bit though and pulling his cock against Gerard's hand. "As formal as will make master happy, make him not worry about his boy."

"Nothing written in too formal language," Gerard answers immediately, like his brain has been thinking this over for longer than he had been aware of and had made decisions already. "Nothing like 'the slave will' or 'the master will'. Want our names written on it, that Teak promises to do this and Pire promises to hurt him when he wants to."

"That works, master. No one says it has to be worded a certain way," Jonny Lee grins, "to be legal and all. Our names. The rules. What we will and will not do."

"Legal," Gerard repeats. "Legal." Shite. That's what this is. What he told the interviewer they didn't need. That he and Teak didn't need a piece of paper saying what they meant to each other. What a fucking lie. "Yeah," he says. "It can be however we want." It's not like we can get married anyway, he thinks, suddenly bitter.

"Then your boy would like it all nicely worded, specifying what he can and can't do, how he's supposed to talk and act with other people," Jonny Lee says, mouth curling in a grin, "and he wants it in very big letters that he's the sole property of Gerard Butler."

Gerard smiles suddenly. "Yes, you are. My property." And, Christ, it feels good to say that. "You're mine and I want everyone to know that. Most of all you."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/49779.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	234. gerard: Cognito Ergo Sum

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/25/) 22:41:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50167&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50167) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50167) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50167&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Cognito Ergo Sum** _  
[JL only]

Teak, Teak, Teak. I'm ashamed of you. I'd hoped that certainly by now you would have smacked me across the face for making you write journal entries while I twirled my fingers and did nothing. Except that you also seemed to have slacked off. Bad boy.

Oh, fuck, I don't mean that. Not literally. I've been scared more and more recently that you'll take things I say as jokes and think that I'm being serious. And I know that you can understand a joke as well as the next bloke, but I'm not very funny. Maybe you don't realize that I'm not being serious.

But that's not why I pulled out the keyboard. I want to talk about contracts. What it means to me. I've already told you that me and Conner never had one. We had no use for them and, since I was young and stupid then and now I'm older and still stupid now, I figured I still didn't need one. Why should I need something written to bind something I feel in my heart?

And I still feel like that, mostly. I don't think we _need_ a contract. But I think I want one, just the same.

There's something amazing about seeing what you feel in print. I realized that with the sonnet. It felt...well, freeing. It was out there in black and white and there for anyone to see. I love Jonny Lee Miller, this is how I feel, and there's no apologies and I'm happy the way it all is.

And, I feel, a contract is just an extent of that. It's written out in black and white. This is what I will do for you, this is what you will do for me, and we do it because we love each other. It's something we both agree on and, since it's in writing, your neurotic master can't have panic attacks when he does something wrong. All he'll have to do is look at the contract and realize that you're _mine_ and you're not going anywhere. And so peace shall reign throughout the world and we'll live happily ever after.

How does that sound?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-27 01:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=92919&format=light#t92919))   
---|---  
It sounds like your boy gets to be a slave and master can stop worrying.  
  
Honestly, Gerard, I have no qualms about signing any piece of paper with you. I trust you. I'm yours. I'm never going anywhere. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=92919&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=92919&format=light#t92919))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-27 03:05 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93175&format=light#t93175))   
---|---  
Very good to know. Love you.  
  
When you said Gerard, I looked over my shoulder. When was the last time you called me that?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=93175&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=92919&format=light#t92919))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93175&format=light#t93175))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-27 03:39 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93431&format=light#t93431))   
---|---  
It was a long time ago, Master. *g*  
  
Just wanted to let you know I understand what we're doing, and how serious it is.  
  
And your slave will try to remember _not_ to use Master's given name without warning.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=93431&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93175&format=light#t93175))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93431&format=light#t93431))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-27 03:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93687&format=light#t93687))   
---|---  
That makes sense. I've gotten spoiled by hearing Master or Pire all the time.  
  
Why's that?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=93687&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93431&format=light#t93431))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93687&format=light#t93687))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-27 03:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93943&format=light#t93943))   
---|---  
So your boy doesn't frighten his master.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=93943&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93687&format=light#t93687))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93943&format=light#t93943))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-27 03:50 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=94199&format=light#t94199))   
---|---  
I like when you frighten me. Do it again.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?replyto=94199&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50167.html?thread=93943&format=light#t93943))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	235. gerard: Ultimate Orgasm Control

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/08/27/) 18:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50180&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50180) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50180) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50180&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ultimate Orgasm Control** _  
[players only. A little exercise in control. Takes place before [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html) entry]

  
"-and fist you there, while you're in the swing." Gerard scratches his chin. "Wouldn't gag you, of course. I'd listen to every lovely noise you'd make as I work my hand into you. Watch you sweat and strain for me. Would you like that, boy?"

Jonny Lee makes a whimpering noise in the corner of the playroom, where he's been tidying up things, and dashes to the stairs. "Excuse me, master, back in a minute."

Gerard seems to remember there being something in their rules about not leaving a room until being dismissed. He hasn't used that right as much as he should have. Gerard raises his voice. "Boy! Come back down here."

Stopping on the fourth step up, Jonny Lee cringes, does an about-face and marches back down the stairs. "Yes, master?" He's squirming. Visibly.

Gerard looks stern. "Where do you think you were going? Upstairs, to wank in the bathroom?" His lips curl up into a cruel smirk. "Don't see why you can't as well do that down here."

"Uh, yes, sir, could wank right here, sir, if master wants his slave to." Jonny Lee sticks out his tongue, runs it over his lower lip. "Master has preference?"

"Yes, he does." Gerard crosses his arms. "And master wants to see his boy on his knees with his cock in his hand, wanking for him."

Jonny Lee drops to the floor without another word and assumes a proper position, knees spread wide and back straight. He wraps his fingers around his cock and tugs hard before starting the strokes. Back and forth, decidedly rough.

"Much better," Gerard says. He leans back against the counter and stares openly, watching Jonny Lee's technique. "Get yourself close," he orders.

His strokes quicken, a twist of wrist and a harsh tug ending each one, and it's only a few minutes before he's there, on edge, breath catching as he talks. "Yes, master. There."

"Keep going." Gerard licks his lips and all but drinks in the sight of his boy. "Tell me when you're desperate."

Jonny Lee doesn't adjust his pace, but keeps stroking hard and fast, ramping up to desperation. He hisses out a breath as it comes closer, his cock hard and almost hurting to touch. "Not quite desperate, master, but damned close," he says, twisting his wrist and tugging brutally.

"Then do it until you're desperate!" Gerard mock-scowls. This is fun. "Did I tell you to do things in half measures, slave?"

"No, master," Jonny Lee snaps out, biting down on his tongue as he works his cock harder, flesh red and swollen under his fingers, getting stiffer, aching. And when the throbs start, when he wants to jerk his hand away, he's there. "Desperate, master. Please, your slave is so hard. Hurts to touch now."

"Good. Keep going." Gerard walks around Jonny Lee slowly. "And straighten up. This isn't a game."

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee snaps out, straightening his back posture-perfect, changing the angle a touch and picking back up the stroking. Fast and harsh. "Slave wants to come, please, master."

"Slave hasn't earned it." Gerard squats down behind Jonny Lee and runs a finger across the top of Jonny Lee's neck. "Slave hasn't even earned the privilege of begging."

He shivers, but holds position. "What does slave need to do, master?" Jonny Lee asks. Denying orgasm is one thing, and not uncommon for him, but doing it with his hand fisting his cock is something altogether different.

"Learn restraint." Gerard presses a long kiss to where his finger had been. It tastes of sweat and shampoo. He wraps his hands around Jonny Lee's waist and rests them on top of Jonny Lee's hands. "No coming, no begging," he reminds him, and then he starts moving Jonny Lee's hands over his cock.

Jonny Lee smiles. Words. Touch. It's perfect. It grounds him, reminds him of his place. "Yes, master," he whispers, fingers moving under Gerard's control now. "Restraint. Beg only when master gives Jonny permission."

"Good boy." He slides his tongue through the ring on Jonny Lee's collar and tugs it back. He'd gotten a collar with the ring in the back for a reason, and this was it. So much easier for this kind of play. He wonders just how much Jonny Lee can take before losing all control. He suspects it's a lot, and so he speeds his hands up, and then pulls them back. "Touch yourself," he murmurs. "Like you do when you're thinking about me."

"When he's thinking of you, master, it's slow and hard," Jonny Lee says, demonstrating with his hand, fist firm around the cock and dragging down, stretching it. "He doesn't want your touches to end, so he makes them last."

"Whereas now," Gerard says, "I want you hard and aching and desperate and knowing that you're not going to get permission until tomorrow evening at latest. And master's going to put you in a fucking cage to make certain." He smirks against Jonny Lee's neck. "Didn't think you were going to escape punishment for your country's plethora of medals, did you?"

_Fuck, yes, put the damned cage on._ Jonny Lee screams in his brain, but is a touch more rational when he speaks. "Yes, master, cage sounds wonderful. Keep your slave hard. Please, fuck, yes."

"I seem to recall telling my boy he didn't have permission to beg." Gerard trails his fingers across Jonny Lee's hip. "Congratulations. You just earned yourself three days straight in chastity."

"Bloodyfuckinhell," Jonny Lee spits out. He'd completely forgotten, got swept up in the moment. He strokes himself harder, faster at Gerard's touch. "Yes, master."

"Did my boy just...swear?" Gerard bites the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Make that three days and a half."

Jonny Lee bites his tongue to keep from saying anything else. He just nods and keeps his hand on his cock. _Good boy. Or you're gonna be in chastity for life._

Gerard keeps nibbling on his boy and touching him. He intends to make Jonny Lee come without permission and he wonders how much longer that will take. Gerard has no idea, but he has some thoughts on how he could speed up the process. He bites down hard where neck meets shoulder and sucks.

That almost pushes Jonny Lee over the edge. His fingers tighten around the head of his cock, consciously willing himself _not_ to spill over. _Biting's not fair. Not fuckin' fair._ He tells himself he can hold out more than another minute or so. He can.

Gerard never said he was going to be fair. He sucks on the bite mark and then scrapes his teeth over it. "Is my boy close?"

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee hisses out. "Damned close." He moans, strokes, clamps, strokes. "Oh, fuck, master, gonna come. Ple-" He stops himself just before the beg gets out.

"Better," Gerard says. He nibbles over the tender spot. "Maybe I'll only make him go until noon." He scrapes his nails down Jonny Lee's thigh. "Or maybe I'll tie him up 30 hours in and make my boy watch me wank."

The desire, the overwhelming need, to beg is driving him insane. He groans with each touch to his cock, knife-hard and throbbing, and then come the whimpers, pleas without words. "Master, can't hold it. Too hard. Too much sensation at once."

"No. You _will_ hold it." It's not fair, but nowhere in their rules is it written that Gerard has to be fair. In fact, it's written that Gerard can pretty much do what he wants as long as it doesn't violate Jonny Lee's hard limits. And last Gerard looked, Jonny Lee enjoyed orgasm control. "You will hold it because master told you to. Is that understood, boy?"

"Yes, master," Jonny Lee says, his voice breaking. _You will because master wants it._ He's nearly in tears another few minutes on, his hand cramping a bit and his cock beyond description. It's orgasm control. He's done it before. But always on his own terms, pushing himself and stopping. Never before like this, with master's words in his ears and his body so closer.

"Good boy," Gerard nuzzles Jonny Lee's neck. "You can do this for me, I know you can. My good boy can do anything master tells him to. Or not to, as the case may be."

_Jonny can do this for master because Jonny is a good boy. He is._ The nuzzling doesn't help with his concentration. He can feel his cock weeping, begging for release. He's whimpering, biting his lip till it's puffy, ragged. "Want to." What? Hold it? Come? _Just be a good boy._

"What to what?" Gerard prods. "What does my boy want?"

"To please master," Jonny Lee winces, "not disappoint him."

"You never disappoint me," Gerard answers. He brushes his lips against Jonny Lee's collar. "And it will please me if you do not come. No matter what I do. Do you think you can do that?"

"Can try, master," he says, fighting back the tears from holding himself so hard, "but it hurts. It's starting to really hurt."

"That's all I ask." If Gerard wasn't in such a sadistic mood, he'd have stopped when Jonny lee said that it hurt. But he is in the mood and he's not stopping this until Jonny Lee comes or safewords. "Just try." Fuck, Jonny Lee's probably figured it out by now. Gerard's going to make him come against his will. He'll have to think it over later, if that would mean that Jonny Lee was following orders or not.

Try he does. For five minutes, then 10, finally 30, a whole half hour of constant touch, Gerard's breath on his neck, words in his brain. And he's not sure ever hurt quite this much, in exactly _this_ way. _Try._ But there's no way to succeed. Either way he fails. And in the end, disappoints.

"Can't," Jonny Lee hisses, his body shuddering with the release, painting his hand with white streaks, cock swollen purple and red under his nearly numb fingers. Tears stream down his cheeks.

Gerard's been more than impressed that Jonny Lee's lasted this long. He hadn't thought it would have been possible, but his boy has always shown him that he can do the impossible. He holds Jonny Lee tight as he comes, still touching him but this time to try to comfort him. "Good boy," he murmurs. "Master's good boy."

"No he's not," Jonny Lee mutters, contradicting a fundamental rule he'd learned at Sean's hands. _Take the compliment. Don't counter master._ "Jonny's a bad boy. He disobeyed master." His body sinks into Gerard's embrace, too tired to pull away.

"He's a good boy," Gerard insists. He wraps his hands around Jonny Lee's wrists and tugs them to the side. "My boy managed not to give in to his urges for an hour. Master couldn't have done that and he doesn't know anybody else who could have."

Jonny Lee's confused. In his mind, he failed. But he's being praised. He's not sure how to reconcile the two. "But he came, and Master told him not to, and so he disobeyed and he didn't do what Master said, so he failed," he starts, rambling till he has to take a breath.

"But master wasn't going to stop until his boy orgasmed." Gerard isn't sure how to say it. Yes, Jonny Lee didn't follow the letter of the law, but that didn't make him a bad boy. "So my boy didn't fail. He did what master knew he would do, eventually."

_Master set him up to fail?_ Jonny Lee shakes his head, trying to shake off the ill feeling. "Jonny's very confused, master, and very tired," he murmurs, retreating completely into the comfort of third-person. "But if master is pleased, then Jonny is happy."

This isn't the time to remind Jonny Lee that he's going to be spending a few days locked in plastic. He can do that later. "Master's very pleased," Gerard confirms. "And now he wants his boy to lie down and relax. Master will make dinner."

"Yes, master." Jonny Lee still isn't sure how failing is succeeding, but he craves the rest more than he wants the understanding. He'll think on it later. "He'll lie down here, sir, if that's all right, just on the floor." He doesn't want to move more than that, just wants to curl up and sleep.

Gerard shakes his head. "That's not alright." The floor's hard and uncomfortable and Jonny Lee will probably fall asleep. And if Jonny Lee's going to be sleeping on the floor because of him, it's going to be for a better reason than he was too beat to move. "Couch. I'll carry you, if you want."

"Couch. Yessir. Please, sir." Jonny Lee knows he's not making any sense. He pushes himself back into Gerard's chest. "Will need help."

"Then I'll help." Gerard stands up and, after a bit of maneuvering, manages to get Jonny Lee in his arms. "Wrap your arms around my neck." It's a little wobbly, but he doesn't think he'll fall over.

Jonny Lee wraps his arms up around Gerard's neck, snuggles in closely. "Love you, master," he murmurs.

"Love you, too." Gerard stumbles at the first step, but after that it's easier and he sets Jonny Lee down on the couch. "Now relax," he says. "Let me take care of you for a change."

  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50180.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	236. jonnyleemiller: GB's medal count: 9/8/12

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/08/28/) 22:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30622&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30622) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30622) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30622&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current music:** |  something loud and obnoxious  
---|---  
  
_**GB's medal count: 9/8/12**_  
 **[ ~~public~~ friends-locked on sunday night]**  
  
I love my country. Seriously. God save the Queen and all that.  
  
But fuck the friggin' athletes. I mean, c'mon, guys, _12_ bronze medals. Sheesh. That's 120 hours. Five 24-hour days.  
  
I mean, seriously, guys, you couldn't reverse it, just flip the bronze and silver at least. Couldn't win more at the top end.  
  
Spankings for chastity. It's an easy swap. Hell, even lashes.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-29 07:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=50846&format=light#t50846))   
---|---  
Keep it up, boy, and I might just add it all together. 290 hours. That's 12 _days_.  
  
Still complaining? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=50846&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=50846&format=light#t50846))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-29 08:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51102&format=light#t51102))   
---|---  
Fuck, Master, wasn't complaining. Shite. Not to you. Or about you.  
  
Just grousing at our team.  
  
Your slave is rather happy with the outcome. *g* It means he'll be getting such deliciously wicked personal attention from his Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=51102&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=50846&format=light#t50846))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51102&format=light#t51102))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-30 06:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53150&format=light#t53150))   
---|---  
_Attention_? Is that what you think this will be?  
  
I was more of a mind to lock you up, metaphorically swallow the key and then torture you through _inattention_. Perhaps have you kneel next to me, gagged, while we watch a porno. I wouldn't even come on you. Then maybe take you out to dinner, since this is going to be lasting _days_ , and do wicked things with my tongue while pretending that I don't notice the effect it's having on you. And maybe spend an hour or so figuring out just how well I can blow you through it.  
  
Still happy with the outcome? *smile* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=53150&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51102&format=light#t51102))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53150&format=light#t53150))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-30 07:01 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53406&format=light#t53406))   
---|---  
Fuck, master, your boy just came from reading that. Hell, yeah, he's happy with the outcome. Bloody brill plan.  
  
Jonny's in bed now, trying to recover. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=53406&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53150&format=light#t53150))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53406&format=light#t53406))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-30 07:04 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53662&format=light#t53662))   
---|---  
Did you have permission to do that? I think I should spank you for your presumption. Right now, in fact. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=53662&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53406&format=light#t53406))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53662&format=light#t53662))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-30 07:10 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53918&format=light#t53918))   
---|---  
Then come upstairs and spank him, master. He'll be on hands and knees on the bed.  
  
Shutting down laptop, Pire. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=53918&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53662&format=light#t53662))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53918&format=light#t53918))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-08-30 07:19 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=54174&format=light#t54174))   
---|---  
No, I think I'll wait. I'm only in the middle of _Trainspotting_. If I leave it overnight, I'll have to start over again in the morning.  
  
And can't let you start thinking you can tell me when to punish you.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=54174&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=53918&format=light#t53918))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-08-29 12:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51358&format=light#t51358))   
---|---  
A who in the what now? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=51358&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51358&format=light#t51358))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-30 03:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51614&format=light#t51614))   
---|---  
Oops. Left that unlocked, didn't I, mate?  
  
The who's me. The what's this kinky way Pire dreamed up to watch the Olympics. Must've been listening to you that night over vid games 'cause I swear it has that wicked bent to it. Anyhoo, I get 10 lashes for every gold, 10 spankings for each silver and 10 hours in a cock cage for bronzes. Needless to say, our beloved Brits _had_ to outdo themselves on the lower end of the spectrum. Oh, well, it'll be interesting.  
  
Hmmm, guess I should flock this post. Don't want Mum happening on it. Don't worry. You're on that filter. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=51614&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51358&format=light#t51358))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51614&format=light#t51614))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-08-30 04:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51870&format=light#t51870))   
---|---  
No need to worry about mums, thank God, this is a private system. Well, I don't envy you the cock cage _at all_. Those things give me the creeps. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=51870&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51614&format=light#t51614))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51870&format=light#t51870))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-30 04:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52126&format=light#t52126))   
---|---  
You don't really want to know, do you, Ewan? *smiles, adjusts halo* Not that I think she ever really uses the system.  
  
Re the cock cage ... I'll call you while I'm in it, let you share the moment. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=52126&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=51870&format=light#t51870))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52126&format=light#t52126))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-08-30 05:29 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52382&format=light#t52382))   
---|---  
...  
  
No matter how many times I read that over, I'm only coming up with one explanation, and it is really not something I ever wanted to know... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=52382&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52126&format=light#t52126))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52382&format=light#t52382))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-08-30 05:37 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52638&format=light#t52638))   
---|---  
Then we'll just pretend you never saw the message, it never existed and it will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2 ... poof, no more message.  
  
Yeah, imagine my surprise. Next time we're together for drinks, I can regale you with whole story. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=52638&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52382&format=light#t52382))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52638&format=light#t52638))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-08-30 05:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52894&format=light#t52894))   
---|---  
I want to say no, please don't, but my morbid curiousity is getting the better of me. Hopefully I'll have forgotten about it by the time I see you next... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?replyto=52894&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30622.html?thread=52638&format=light#t52638))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	237. gerard: If music be the food of love, play on

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/03/) 23:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50530&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50530) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50530) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50530&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**If music be the food of love, play on** _  
[[Friends-Locked](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=gerard#friends)]

Jonny Lee was the best cocksucker in all the land,  
and his talents were very much in demand.  
Just like the ancient wisdom quoth,  
melts in your mouth;  
not in your hand.

Numbered guage bead ring,  
two tats entwined in twin vines  
some favourite things.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50530.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	238. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: dirty talk segues to puppy play

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/04/) 00:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30849&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30849) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30849) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=30849&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: dirty talk segues to puppy play** _  
**[players only. occurs friday, september 3. gerard and jonny lee try a little play that goes a touch awry.]**

It's summer. That means Gerard can get away with wearing next to nothing. Today, next to nothing simply means black leather pants and black leather boots. He comes up behind Jonny Lee and grabs his arse. "Pardon me, but I need to borrow my boy for a moment."

Jonny Lee's naked, his favorite way to be these days, even though he still hasn't gotten over the weird sensation of doing everything around the house sans clothes. And sometimes he still snags on gym shorts to fix dinner. But it's hot outside and he'd been running earlier in the day and after the shower, well, naked felt better.

He's glad he doesn't have a knife in his hand when Gerard grabs him or there'd be sliced Jonny Lee on the kitchen counter. As it is, he's just flipping through the cookbook. "Master," he says quickly, "yes, sir. What do you need?"

"You." Gerard leans forward and starts nibbling on Jonny Lee's ear. "I want you to get on your knees like the slut you are and make you beg for my cock down your throat. I want you hard and desperate and begging to lick my boots. And then I want you to try to get it up and then come over them, just so you can lick it up and apologize."

Immediately he's leaning back into the touch, the bites, whimpering and hard at the words. "Yes, master, a slut. _Just_ for master." He turns enough to see Gerard's face, body pressed against flesh and leather. _And, oh, fuck, leather._ "Master looks edible, better than what his slave has planned for dinner."

Gerard looks over Jonny Lee's shoulder to see the chicken page of the cookbook open. Yeah, he probably looks better than that. "Just for master," Gerard agrees, rubbing his cock against Jonny Lee's arse. "Tell me how much of a slut you are."

"Jonny is such a slut," he starts, not even thinking of how easily he slips into talking about himself in third person, "he thinks about master all the time, about being on his knees at master's feet, rubbing his head against master's knee and begging with whimpers to be touched." Jonny Lee shrugs his body against Gerard's, letting out the smallest of moans. "He wants to crawl on the floor, just so master can watch, over and over, for hours."

"Filthy boy," Gerard purrs. He licks around the curl of Jonny Lee's ear and then blows against it. "Wanting to do all that for master. Wants to crawl on his hands and knees and shake his pert ass just for me." His tongue flicks around the stud in Jonny Lee's ear. "Little bitch."

"Fuckin' yes, master. Bitch. Whore. Just for you." Jonny Lee shakes his head, just like a kitten when its ear is blown. "Slut enough to beg for more. Please, master, let Jonny be your filthy boy. Put him down, in his place."

And just like that, Gerard isn't touching him anymore. He's taken two steps backwards and gotten out of Jonny Lee's way. "Then my cheap slut should get down onto his knees like the good cocksucker he is and show his master just how well he can crawl."

Without a word, Jonny Lee turns, drops to his knees and stretches his hands to the floor in front of him. He crawls, low and predatorily, moving slowly across the distance as Gerard backs up another step. "Want your cock, master," he says, looking up as he crawls, tongue gliding over lips. "Jonny wants it down his throat. Wants to be a whore for master, his own private slut."

Gerard's mouth goes dry at Jonny Lee's display and he has to swallow quickly, hoping Jonny Lee doesn't notice. "And you are mine," he says as soon as his voice is back under control. "Totally mine, completely mine. And you will never ever forget that, won't you, you horny little slut? You love this, you need this."

"Oh, slut won't forget. He can't." Jonny Lee licks his tongue out over his lips again, this time slower and looking straight up at Gerard. He dips his chest almost to the floor and comes up again. "Slut has a collar to remind him. And every time he hears master's voice, he knows damn sure whose fuckin' whore he is."

Gerard smirks. "Yes, he does. Every time he hears master's voice, he knows he's my whore. Every time master tugs on his collar, he knows he's my slut. And every time master puts a leash through it and takes him on a walk, my slut knows just what he is. Master's puppy."

Six months ago, even the mention of leash and puppy would make Jonny Lee cringe. A month ago, he'd've sworn _never_. But now, collar and leash and puppy all in one breath makes him hard, his cock heavy between his legs, and his lungs searching to push up the necessary air. It comes out in a whimper. "Please, master, Jonny wants to be whore and slut and," his eyes glaze and his voice hitches in hissing breaths, "wants to be master's puppy."

"You do, eh?" He hadn't meant for this to turn into puppy play, but with Jonny Lee looking at him like that, Gerard doesn't think he can refuse. "You want to be master's naughty little puppy? You want to be collared and leash and sit obediently at master's feet? You want to be tied up and do tricks for master? Want to play fetch and grab balls with your teeth and get swatted?" He licks his lips and openly gropes himself through the leather. "You want to lick master's boots like a good pet and get a treat?"

_Do you, Jonny? Want to be a puppy?_ He doesn't give an answer, but rather just crawls closer, rubbing his face over the leather plastered to Gerard's leg. First at the knee, then sliding down till his hands are braced against the floor and his face is against the leather of Gerard's boot. He drags his tongue over it slowly. _So far, Jonny. You wouldn't think of this months ago. And now, you're a slut for it._

_Good puppy._ The words die on Gerard's lips as Jonny Lee licks his boots. He will never cease to be amazed as how beautiful it is when Jonny Lee first starts to sink into headspace. "Good puppy," he whispers, second time the charm. "Lick master's boot for him. Such a good pet."

The fall into headspace is simple, easier than the first time, and Jonny Lee sinks even deeper at the whispers. He swipes his tongue in short strokes over the leather, covering every inch of it, taking in the taste and rough feel.

While Jonny Lee licks his boots, Gerard divides his attention between that and looking around the kitchen for something to use as a leash. There's a ball of twine on the counter and Gerard gropes for it, fingers just barely touching. He moves about an inch to the side to pick it up and then dangles it down in front of Jonny Lee's face. "Puppy want to play?"

Jonny Lee yelps affirmatively, looks up eagerly and then goes still. _Yelp? You just yelped for master._ The headspace is too entrenched to counteract the instinct. He nods slowly, head bobbing up and down, eyes smiling.

He just yelped? Gerry grins. Cute pet. "Then puppy should get into proper position again. Kneel up for master."

Obediently, he kneels back, then up, hands pressed against his thighs, more like a puppy than a boy, and he makes a small whimpering yelp. _Puppy wants to play. Jonny wants to be puppy right now._ He puts all other thoughts out of his head, save pleasing master.

"Good puppy," Gerard says. He threads the end of the twine through Jonny Lee's collar and then makes a quick knot. He cuts the twine off at about a meter and wraps it around his hand. "Puppy want to go for a walk?"

_Walk? Like in outside? On a leash?_ They haven't done that. First time had been just Jonny Lee giving it over, being puppy and playing fetch and doing what master wanted. But this isn't that. This is a leash and walking. The headspace wars with his brain and his breathing becomes more panting. _Yes, you can. Zone it._ The zone. It's a comfort. He can do that. So Jonny Lee slowly nods his head and slips more deeply into safer space.

"Good pet," Gerard says. An idea is beginning to form in his head. "Stay here for a moment," he says and kisses Jonny Lee's head. He goes off into another room and phones the club to make arrangements. As he'd figured, there was already a facility and there was nothing wrong with him using it for today. Excellent. Gerard thanks the receptionist and puts the phone down. "Pup?" he says. "Let's go for a walk."

_Walk. He's taking you for a walk._ Jonny Lee tries not to think about it, just follow Gerard's lead. He whimpers, what could pass for a _yes_ and rubs his head against Gerard's leg.

Gerard grabs the twine and rewraps it around his hand, kneels down next to Jonny Lee. "Master's going to take you to the club," he says. "And walk you in a park there have there, for puppies. Does my pet have a problem with that?"

_Good puppy. You can do it. Yes._ Jonny Lee nods slowly. _By the time you get to the club, you'll be zoned. It wont' matter. Yeah, you can do it._

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee by the chin. "Words, love. Do you have a problem with it?" He's not sure what to make of the nods and, zoning or not, he's _not_ forcing his boy to do something he'd rather not do.

"No, master," Jonny Lee says. It's not a lie. It's the zone. "Jonny wants to be a good puppy."

Gerard's not sure he likes that reason, but he'd known Jonny Lee would zone. It'd been something he had accepted. They could work through it, come out where they both feel comfortable. "Alright." Gerard kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "What's your safeword?" he prompts.

_Puppy has no safeword,_ Jonny Lee muses, deep in the zone. He thinks harder, knowing there's one somewhere in his brain. "Cacophony," he says with a smile.

"That's my boy." Gerard stands up and tugs the leash. "Master's going to take his puppy to the car where puppy is going to kneel down between the seats so nobody sees him. Then master is going to park right next to the door so that his puppy won't be outside for very long. If at any time master's puppy thinks there something wrong, he should say that word." He trusts Jonny Lee to safeword. He just isn't sure if he trusts Jonny Lee zoned to remember how to. "Ok?"

"Yes, master, puppy will try to remember," Jonny Lee whispers. Once the zone takes hold, though, there's no guarantee. And they both know the risks. But it's about pushing limits, and a month ago Jonny Lee couldn't conceive of being a puppy. Now he needs to be one in public.

Gerard nods. He leads Jonny Lee down in the garage and opens the car door for him. "Do you want a blanket, or something?" It would hide Jonny Lee better and might give him a better sense of security, but Gerard isn't going to force it on him.

Jonny Lee climbs into the car. _Climbs? Crawls._ He settles into the center, where Gerard had told him. _Very good puppy._ "Blanket," he stammers the word out in a hushed voice, "please."

Gerard takes the blanket out of the boot of the car and drapes it over Jonny Lee's shoulders. "Anything else you want?"

"No," Jonny Lee mutters, curling in under the blanket. The zone's warm and he's safe there, and master will protect him. He knows that. _Jonny's in a good place. Yes. Good puppy._

"Just tell me if there is," Gerard says. He pats Jonny Lee's head and then slides into the driver's seat. It's a quick drive to the club and he pulls up beneath an overhang. He opens the door and tags on Jonny Lee's collar. "We're here, pet."

He pushes the blanket back from his head and peers out slowly. It's the club. Familiar surroundings. No reason to be afraid. So Jonny Lee pulls himself out of the car and kneels up at Gerard's feet. "Master," he says, breathing out the syllables in hushed reverence, nudging Gerard's hand holding the leash. _Whatever he wants. You're puppy, not boy. Just his pet._

The first time they did this, Gerard thinks idly, the leash should have been made of leather. But no matter. Twine works just as well. He opens the door and lets Jonny Lee crawl in under his arm. He shows the security guard their membership cards and leads Jonny Lee into the enclosed area.

_Nobody cares that you're crawling. It's normal here. Slaves do it. Puppies._ Jonny Lee slides deeper into safe space, where he can forget what he's doing, not acknowledge it and just be whatever Gerard wants. He tries to think like a puppy, so he nuzzles Gerard's hand again, whimpers and tugs on the leash. _Wanna walk. Yeah. Walk your puppy._

Gerard comes to the doors to the park and tugs on Jonny Lee leash. "Show me your palms and knees, love."

Jonny Lee turns his hands over, showing his palms, slightly scratched from the concrete and asphalt but not cut open. His knees are a little rougher, and they'll need a good bit of scrubbing later, but it's not bothering him. Not at all. Pain's good. "Walk now?" he asks hesitantly, still unsure if he's supposed to use words or not, knowing it'll be a moot point once the zone slams on him full.

"Yes," Gerard says. He wraps the leash a few more times to get a better grip. He leads Jonny Lee in and looks around for a moment before starting down the gravel path, wondering if Jonny Lee will rush off ahead or trail behind shyly.

Jonny Lee stays right on master's heel, the gravel rough on hands and knees, scratching just enough to shoot the pain to his cock, already growing heavy between his legs. Halfway down the path, he veers, clamoring into the grass, yelping and wanting master to follow. _Puppy wants to play. Roll around and be touched._

Gerard doesn't have any choice but to follow. Or drop the leash. _Such a cute puppy_ , he thinks, and does both. He runs after Jonny Lee, laughing.

He turns, rubbing his hand up over his eye and down his cheek, almost coy, and then lunges forward, tackling Gerard's legs, knocking him off-balance enough to bring him down to his knees. Jonny Lee laughs and pounces, pushing Gerard back into the grass, settling on top of him, rubbing his head over his master's chest.

Gerard laughs some more and grabs Jonny Lee's hair, just long enough now for him to get a really good grip. "Playful, I see," he says. "Too bad master forgot the Frisbee at home."

Jonny Lee stretches out from where he's straddling Gerard's waist, licks a path along his master's throat and up his face, nuzzles and whimpers. _Puppy loves Master._ He nips at Gerard's jaw, playful bite followed by a soft lick.

"Mmm." Gerard pushes his neck up as Jonny Lee licks his face. "Adorable. But keep your teeth to yourself, unless we switch from puppy play to vampire."

_No. Puppies nibble and nip._ Jonny Lee's brain tells him it's more fun that way, and he resumes his licking and nipping and nuzzling, secure in the zone, sinking deeper into being a puppy, not a boy.

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee one last time before moving his arms above his head, not quite crossing his wrists. It's the most comfortable position while lying on grass like this.

Scooting down, Jonny Lee starts nudging Gerard's shirt with his nose, pushing it up his stomach and licking over the exposed flesh.

"Good pet." Gerard smiles down at him. "You can blow me if you want."

Puppy yelps at that suggestion and nuzzles into Master's stomach, clutching at the waistband of Gerard's leather pants with his teeth, tugging and wanting to tear, chew them open.

When he sees how violent Jonny Lee is being, Gerard sits half up and pulls Jonny Lee off him. "No," he says sternly. "Do not attack Master's pants."

The zone's consuming Jonny Lee and he snaps at Gerard when he's pulled up, a puppy angry that he's been jerked away from his new toy.

Did his puppy just...? Gerard frowns. "Bad pup." But he supposes even the best of boys need training when they try something new. "Never, ever do that." And because you have to do these things with dogs, Gerard boxes Jonny Lee's ears. "Understand?"

_Bad pup._ Jonny Lee yelps more, whimpers and rubs his hands over his eyes. The reprimand's harsh, not just because of the boxed ears but he's not pleasing Master. He kneels up, hands in lap, and waits. For something. To be hit. Or not.

Gerard waits a long moment, waiting to see if Jonny Lee is going to act up more. When he doesn't, Gerard relaxes. He sits up completely and sits closer to Jonny Lee. And kisses him.

Jonny Lee doesn't move, barely responds. _Bad puppy. Bad boy._ He's not seeing beyond the zone, and he's confused that Master would reward a bad boy with kisses.

Gerard's confused at Jonny Lee's complete lack of response. He pulls back and kneels up next to his boy. Did the mixed signals trap Jonny Lee? Was he confused that Gerard didn't follow up the punishment? "Puppy?" Gerard says quietly. "Master wants to kiss his puppy."

_Puppy is very confused. Kiss. Should be punished, not kissed._ Jonny Lee's reacting on pure instinct, fueled by the zone and a headspace that has him sunk so far down he's not sure where up is at the moment. It's deeper than the first time, the anniversary play, heavier and more convoluted, twisted up in his brain till he can't tell one from the other. _Puppy. Boy. Both have been bad and why would Master want to kiss either?_ He tilts his head and tries to smile but frown's too heavy and so the look is just confused.

It's confused, but it's still adorable. Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cheek and tries to manually change the frown into a smile. "Master punished his puppy and now puppy is forgiven. And master wants to show that with a kiss."

Jonny Lee leans forward, shy and hesitant, still not sure if the reprimand's coming or not. _Can't get out. Can't find it._ He's wary of master, lost in his headspace, and he starts whimpering, a low, almost inaudible moan.

Jonny Lee still isn't getting it. Gerard sighs and scratches Jonny Lee behind the ears. "Master's puppy was wrong to try to gnaw master's pants off. And puppy knows that. But master punished his pet and it's over." He tweaks Jonny Lee's nose with his free hand. "Master knows his puppy didn't mean it."

The whimpers grow steadily, Jonny Lee shaking his head against Gerard's touches, bats at Gerard's hand when he tweaks his nose. _Puppy not bad?_ Slowly, Gerard's words pick away at the zone. _But boy was bad. Boy couldn't play without zoning._

Gerard keeps touching Jonny Lee. That's always seemed to work in the past. "Master is proud of his puppy. He knows how hard it was for his puppy to go under the first time for and master's amazed, more than amazed, at how good his puppy is. Master loves his puppy."

_Master loves his very stupid puppy._ Very slowly, Jonny Lee leans into the touches, lays his head against Gerard's chest. The words are almost there, wanting to come, but they're still lost in the haze. _Master, puppy wants to be boy again._

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back. "Master loves his puppy," he continues. "He knows how hard it was for his boy to go under for him and he appreciates every second his boy gives him. It's master's kink, not his boy's, and master appreciates that his boy was willing to try it again."

_Master appreciates ..._ The words finally seep through, cutting into the zone, and Jonny Lee finds the voice with a gasp. "Master, puppy, boy. Please. Loves you."

"Know he does." Gerard doesn't change his tone even though Jonny Lee spoke. "I know my boy loves me."

Jonny Lee moves closer, insinuating himself as close as he can get to Gerard's body, soaking up the warmth. "Jonny tried. So much harder than before. Went too deep."

"Nothing wrong with deep, Teak." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's head. "Just as long as you go there with me."

He's taking deeper breaths now, trying to get himself centered. "Did that. And it was good, until I got confused," Jonny Lee coughs out the last words. "Got lost in the zone."

"Lost?" Gerard had figured that Jonny Lee had zoned, but gotten lost? What'd he do, take a wrong turn at the corner of sex and submission? "But you found your way out."

"Yeah. Your voice. It cut through the zone. Puppy and Jonny all messed up and your boy forgot who he was." Jonny Lee slides his arms around Gerard's waist. "Love you, Master. So much."

"Forgot who you were?"

"Couldn't separate the puppy from the boy," Jonny Lee says quietly, almost out of headspace and still not totally sure what happened. "It was weird, Master. Very strange feeling. Not bad, but just frightening, until he heard your voice and then Jonny knew where he was."

_Didn't you already learn your lesson about not talking to him when he zones?_ Gerard mentally kicks himself in the balls. "No matter where it is, pet, you're always with me and you're always safe. No one else gets to take you that far. Promise."

"Promise. Take your boy home now? Please, Pire. Want to curl up with you and sleep." Jonny Lee's nearly sitting on Gerard now, pushing himself so close. "Too cold all the sudden. Want to be warm again."

Gerard's almost too warm. Comes from wearing clothing, probably. "Shower first," he says. "And we'll get you sweats or something to wear in the car. And then we'll curl up together. Yeah?"

"Yes, Master, your slave likes that idea." _He really doesn't want to be away from Master for a long time._

Gerard stands up and offers Jonny Lee his hand. "Then that's what we'll do."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	239. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: A day in the life of master and slave

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/04/) 18:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31620&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31620) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31620) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31620&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: A day in the life of master and slave** _  
**[players only. occurs saturday, september 4, the morning after[puppy play zoning](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/30849.html). jonny lee and gerard talk about what happened, discuss filming and spend quality time together sightseeing in london before playing with wax and ice.]**

Breakfast is done and Jonny Lee's almost done processes the dishes, so Gerard perches against the counter. "Want to talk about yesterday," he says without preamble.

Jonny Lee looks up from putting the last of the coffee mugs away. "Master, your slave's not sure what to say. He zoned." He takes a plate out of the dishwasher and adds it to the stack on the counter. "But if Master wants to talk, guess we can."

"I do want to talk." Gerard frowns. "I know you zoned. But, I, um. I punished you. And it was quick and not thought out. And it took you out?"

"Don't think it was that you punished slave," Jonny Lee quickly counters. "He deserved the punishment. Puppy didn't something bad." He's been thinking on it. Spent the better part of the morning run thinking about it. "He got confused by what came after that. He was expecting more punishment, not kisses."

"But shouldn't puppy expect the punishment to fit the crime?" That's something Gerard has tried to be very careful with. Punishments shouldn't be harsher than they need to be. "Puppy did something minor that master didn't like, so master gave him a minor punishment."

"Jonny understands that, Master, but puppy wasn't grasping the difference," Jonny Lee says, putting the stack of plates into the cabinet, lowering his voice, "because of the zone and how deep it'd sunk us."

"So what would you want me to do in the future?" Gerard moves to stand behind Jonny Lee and wraps his arms around him. "Punish you more? Not reward you so soon after punishment?"

Jonny Lee leans back, comforted in the touch. "Maybe the second one. Not put the reward so close to the punishment. It's confusing in the zone, unable to distinguish one moment from the next."

"Ok." Gerard can remember hearing something about training dogs. "Then that's what I'll do next time."

"Thanks, Master," Jonny Lee lets out a breath. _There'll be a next time. Wasn't sure._ "Uh, got something else to talk to you about, Master. Now okay?"

"Now's fine." Gerard rests his hands on top of Jonny Lee's fly. "Master's just going to be a tactile bastard."

He laughs and shifts, wishing he hadn't tugged on the jeans after showering, but he needed to actually walk outside the house and doing that naked was frowned upon in their London neighborhood. "S'alright, Master. Your slave was checking messages this morning and there's one from his agent. About work, on a film."

"Oh?" That's a _very_ pleasant surprise. Gerard had worried that he might have ruined his boy's career permanently. "Which film?"

" _Aeon Flux_. Your friend, Mr. Csokas, he's in it, and it's filming," Jonny Lee pauses, "in Berlin, Master. Would you mind if your slave took it?"

Berlin. Germany. Not very far from Iceland. Might even be in the same time zone. "Don't mind at all." And Gerard can trust Marton not to steal his slave from him. "What's the film about?"

"You don't? It's okay?" Jonny Lee's expecting more resistance than that. He's not sure why, but he feels a bit let down that Gerard doesn't mind him being away. He tries to shake off the negative feelings. "It's a sci-fi thriller. Secret agents and that sort of thing."

"Bondish?" Gerard licks the stud in Jonny Lee's ear. "Brilliant. I'd worried that the studios were avoiding you," _because of me_ "and, it's filming soon, yeah? We'll be shooting at the same time." _So we won't have time to miss each other._ "Think about how much I can torture you over the phone."

_Oh, that's it. Worried about your boy's career._ Jonny Lee lets out a sigh of relief that puddles into desire when Gerard licks his ear, tongue flicking over the stud. "Oh, fuck, Master, yeah, same time, be on set in two weeks." He whimpers. "Phone torture. Love the sound of it. Your slave won't be doing anything else, except for working."

"I know. Busy time, shoots." Gerard can't remember how long it's been since he's been to Berlin. Maybe if he gets a group of days off, he can fly down and drop in unexpectedly. Surprise his boy. "They send you the script yet?"

"She's sending it over by courier today. Sounds good," Jonny Lee says, shrugging, "and can't be too picky these days if your boy wants to work." He lays his head back on Gerard's shoulder. "Not that he really wants to, but it's a nice diversion occasionally. Would rather just be your slave, Master, all the time."

Gerard wants to say that he does also, but it's a lie. He still can't quite wrap his mind around the idea of Jonny Lee living _only_ for him. He wants Jonny Lee to have his own career, his own hobbies, but at the same time he wants Jonny Lee's world to revolve around him. "I like it when you work," he says finally. "I like the way your eyes light up when you're doing something you love. And I love the finished product."

"Then your slave will take the role and make Master happy with doing the best job he can." Jonny Lee wants to say _please let him just stay home, let his eyes light up because he's fixing dinner and cleaning house and being here for you_ but he just smiles and turns in Gerard's arms. "What did Master want to do today? Go out 'round town for a bit? Your slave can take you to Trafalgar and teach you to scare tourists."

"Master didn't have any plans." Gerard had been more than amused by the details Jonny Lee had given him about scaring tourists with Jon. And the tab story hadn't made it any less funny. "Does my boy want to take his master to the scene of the crime and show him a thing or two?"

"Your slave would love to take Master all over London, show him every scene of crime this slave's ever haunted, then come home and beg to be fucked slowly, long into the night."

"Master would like that as well." Gerard cups Jonny Lee's arse. "And you have to teach me how to tease tourists. That sounds like it'd be a valuable skill."

"Tit for tat, Master. Your slave teaches you scare tactics, you scare your slave." Jonny Lee's grin widens. "Or at least make him squirm and torture him a good bit."

"'Course I can. We haven't gotten enough mileage out of the remote vibrator. And I think I can get my hands on a vibrating cockring." Gerard licks his lips. "Every time you teach me something, I'll put 'em on for a minute or two."

Jonny Lee shivers, then giggles, and shudders again. "Fuck, Master, that would make a day's trip 'round London just incredible. Definitely wanna try it. Oh, yeah." He's hard, knife-edge hard, and he breathes out to counter the snug of denim over cock, tries not to squirm.

Gerard can feel just how hard Jonny Lee is and it makes him smirk. Why push off for tomorrow what can be done today? "Wanna do it now?" he asks. "Take me around, show me off."

Jonny Lee shakes his head rather enthusiastically. "Yes, Master. Please, Master, your slave would love that. Find a good pub for lunch, go to the Tower and see if we get any wicked dungeon ideas."

"Thought you didn't like it when I got ideas." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's forehead. "And you find me a pub. This is all about showing master the sights."

"Your slave loves your ideas, Master, even the ones that send him zoning." Jonny Lee blushes, lowers his voice to a murmur. "He's growing particularly fond of those."

And, amazingly enough, so's Ger. "My boy should get the vibrating plug, then, and the remote. And put a shirt on."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jonny Lee had chosen a t-shirt and then tugged on a large overshirt, rolling up the sleeves to his elbows and leaving it unbuttoned, hanging open. The worn jeans, Converse hi-tops and sunglasses completed the look.

First stop had been the Costa down from the house for a latte. Simple enough. Now they were headed cross-town to the Tower of London to savour the mega-tourist moments.The plug's fit in snugly and he's not really regretting his decision to take Gerard on the Tube for their excursion. Not as long as he doesn't sit down. He's standing at one end of the car, hands holding onto the overhead straps; the car's moderately full for a Saturday, so it's not unusual to be standing, especially when the man sitting at his knee knows you're wearing a plug that's vibrating every so slowly.

Gerard, on the other hand, is sitting. One hand holds his latte and the other is stroking the remote inside his pocket. Every time the vibrations beneath him seem to pick up, he slides the dial on the remote just a little higher. Perhaps on the way back, they'll take a bus and sit in the back. They wouldn't even need a vibrating plug to drive Jonny Lee crazy that way.

The train slows and then the doors open. Gerard glances behind him. "Our stop?"

Jonny Lee glances out the window, checks the writing on the wall. "No, one more," he says, managing to not add the _Master_. He succeeds better at that than he does at not squirming when Gerard turns the remote a touch higher as the doors close and the train lurches out of the station.

Gerard nods and thumbs the vibrator one more setting, just to watch Jonny Lee squirm. "When was the last time you visited the Tower?"

"Uh, um," he smiles in a wince of pain, bites his lip, "before I met you." Jonny Lee's remembering to use first-person in mixed company, finding the transition between private and public not as hard as it might've been.

The train stops at Tower Hill and as they're exiting the car, moving to the stairs, Jonny Lee leans in against Gerard's shoulder, whispers in a grimace as the vibrator's not been turned back down yet. "Master's enjoying himself way too much."

"Master is," Gerard agrees. He looks around. "Oh, souvenirs. We should see if there have anything that'd look embarrassingly sexy on you." And just for that, he turns the vibrator up even more.

"Fuck," Jonny Lee spits out, bumping into the woman beside him. "Sorry, m'am." He smiles and moves quickly up the stairs, sun and a light morning breeze welcoming relief as he reaches the walkway under the main road. "Never know," he says, turning around and walking backward slowly as Gerard catches up, "maybe we can find a 'I got screwed at the Tower' t-shirt, Pire."

Gerard slips his hand into Jonny Lee's back pocket. "But that wouldn't be true. Unless there's a kink of yours you haven't been telling me about."

"Kink like being pounded into centuries-old stone? Being groped in stairwell of the White Tower?" Jonny Lee says, smiling and slowing his walk, not pulling away from the touch. There's no need. They're already outed, and it's public knowledge they're lovers. His smile widens at the reality of being able to touch, hold, maybe even kiss, his lover in the London sunlight. "No, Master, your slave has no kinks like that."

"Thought so," Gerard says seriously. "After all, my slave has so little kinks that I thought I'd know all of them. Laundry, going shopping, listen to Master read his poetry."

"He loves shopping," Jonny Lee says. Laundry he can't stand. "He's growing rather fond of your poetry." The line's moving quickly and soon they have their tickets and are walking down the hill to the Tower's entrance. "I can work on that one. You tie me down and read to me. Restraint's a great incentive."

Gerard had been going for Jonny Lee's least favourite activities and he's a little surprised that Jonny Lee likes shopping. They'll have to do that sometime. Perhaps jeans shopping. He never gets tired of seeing his boy's arse covered in tight denim. "If I were going to read to you, I'd do something I know would make you hard." He pauses for dramatic effect but can't help grinning. " _Goodnight, Moon_."

Jonny Lee can't help but laugh. His brain's gone to mush thinking of a rather pornographic version of _Goodnight, Moon_ and he clamps his hand over his mouth as he passes one of the Yeoman Warders, trying not to snicker too much until they're inside the walls. "Oh, that's sick, Master," he whispers, tugging Gerard to the side, heading toward Bloody Tower. "Goodnight, cock ring. Goodnight, plug."

"Goodnight, overly shagged-upon rug." Gerard takes his hand out of Jonny Lee's pocket and just wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's waist. Much more people-friendly.

"Goodnight, flogger, dipped in ice," Jonny Lee mutters, moving closer, going up on the balls of his feet to kiss Gerard. Lightly, quickly, almost unnoticed in the rush of tourists.

"We must try that," Gerard says. He presses Jonny Lee further along, past the rush of people. "Goodnight, um, fuzzy dice."

"Fuzzy dice. Okay, I'm safewording on that." Jonny Lee smirks. "Not picking fuzz out of anything." Far enough along and they're against a niche in stone wall, and he settles his back on the cold stone. "Gonna be insane by the time we get home, Master. Begging for you."

"That's the point," Gerard says. "Safewording on dice...wonder what else you'd safeword on. Just the fuzzy kind they hang in cabs? What if I got a cylinder and put board-game dice and shoved it up your ass?"

Jonny Lee thinks for a minute, squirms a minute longer, rummages through his brain trying to remember where in the closest he'd packed all his D&D dice. "Maybe if they were strung together, like the anal beads," he grins, "but you'd lose your turn at the game, Master."

"I'll take that risk." Gerard glances behind him suddenly. Good, no one following them. "Want to read you naughty poetry and not let you beg."

Jonny Lee backs up, his arse pressing against the stone, the plug pushed in a bit farther by the motion. "Master, that sounds delicious. But I thought you liked hearing your slave beg. Would you gag him?"

"Mmhmm." Gerard presses up against Jonny Lee. "Use that dildo gag, something for you to chew on while master tortures you. Would my slave like that?"

"Oh, fuck," Jonny Lee whispers roughly. He's knife-hard, on the edge, and Gerard's words just sharpen the need. "That would be wicked, Master."

"And wicked is good." Gerard smirks and then pushes himself back. A quick slide of his hand into his pocket turns the vibrator up all the way. "Shall we continue our tour, Teak?"

Jonny Lee jumps. Literally. Going up on the balls of his feet as the vibrating plug works its magic. He's wincing as he moves down the cobblestone pathway. "Yes, Master. Of course."

Nearly an hour later, they're looking at graffitti in the Beauchamp Tower and he's still squirming, damned near in agony as Gerard turns the vibration down every few minutes. Six and a half minutes to be exact. Jonny Lee's started timing them. Two minutes of no vibration, and then all the way up again.

"Master," he whispers in the close confines, "have you seen enough yet?"

Gerard gives it one last look. "Yeah, think I have. Want to check out a gift shop?"

"Sure. Gift shop. Definitely need something to remember the day by," Jonny Lee deadpans, leading Gerard out of the complex. "Not that I'm going to forget it any time soon."

"Would hope not." Once they're out into the sun, Gerard turns the vibrator down to just a low hum. "I wonder if they sell miniature torture devices. Thumbscrews, maybe, to go with our thumbcuffs."

Low hum's nice. As least Jonny Lee can walk without hitching his hip too much to counter the vibrations. And the walk to through the gift shop is tolerable, even if Gerard can't find his torture devices. Back up the hill, they're at the Tube station again and Jonny Lee's starting to count the minutes it'll take to get from here to there, to their stop, to their house, to _their_ playroom.

Gerard had caught a few looks sent their way on their walk from the Tower, but is pretty sure there weren't any cameras. While waiting for the train, he looks around again. "I thought you were going to teach me how to tease tourists?"

"Oh, yeah, I was." Jonny Lee glances around at the crowd. No one paying them any mind. He slides his hand around Gerard's waist, resting it on his hip. "What'd you want to do? Random teasing on the train?"

"Is that a good trick?" Gerard covers Jonny Lee's hand with his own. "I was thinking of asking random people for their autographs."

"Oooh, that's wicked, Master," Jonny Lee says, the doors opening. He moves into the car and settles in against the edge of a seat, watching as the nicely dressed gentleman sits down and Gerard takes the seat on the opposite side. He waits until the train's started before tilting his head, looking at the man, then standing back up, doing it again.

"You're somebody," he says, "aren't you? I know you are. Somebody famous, right?"

The man just stares at him and shakes his head. "Uh, no."

"No, you are," Gerard says, "I've seen you in something." He looks at Jonny Lee. "What was that movie, the one with Christian Bale? The shooting one? You were the guy with that haircut."

"Oh, yeah," Jonny Lee picks up, following Gerard's lead. "Has to be him." He scrambles in his pockets, pulls out a small piece of paper. "Can I have your autograph? Please, sir."

Gerard finds a piece of paper in his pocket, but no pen. "Me, too." He shoves the paper at the innocent man. "I'm a huge fan."

"Uh, I'm not really anybody," the man protests, pulling a pen out of his pocket anyway.

"Oh, yeah, you're that, uh," Jonny Lee says, pointing at Gerard, "in that movie he mentioned. _Equilibrium._ That's it. The one who's not that Christian guy." It's all Jonny Lee can do to keep a straight face, but he shoves the paper in under the man's hand and he scrawls a name, first on one paper then the other.

And then the train stops and the man nearly bolts from his seat out the door. Jonny Lee collapses into the seat beside Gerard, laughing. "Ouch," he says, landing the wrong way, pushing the plug in sharply. "So, what name did he sign anyway."

Gerard's more than a little amused that Jonny Lee could name a movie with Christian Bale and guns in it. The name he'd picked off of top of his head and the guns thing had been more than Freudian. He's wanted to do something with guns with Jonny Lee for a while. Something not quite tame. Something involving mouths and asses. He's still processing it when the man runs out of the train.

Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee and pulls him close. He unfolds the paper and looks at it. "Thomas P. Hamilton."

"Hmm, maybe he'll be famous some day," Jonny Lee says, leaning into Gerard's embrace, stuffing the paper into his pocket. "You know, he really did look a little like Sean, in a weird way."

"Pertwee?" Gerard looks behind him at the rapidly disappearing platform. "Yeah, he kinda did. Wanna try it out on someone else?"

"If you like, Master," he says with a contented sigh, "or your slave can sit here for the next few stops and think about what his lover's going to do to him when they get home."

"My slave promised master he was going to be naughty with him." Gerard turns the vibrator up suddenly. "Or has he forgotten?"

"No, he didn't forget." Jonny Lee jumps from his seat, nearly into Gerard's lap, and then smiles at the middle-age woman across the car who gives him the glare of death. "How naughty did Master want?"

" _Very_ naughty." Gerard smiles at the lady as well. "As naughty as my boy can be."

"Then your slave will strip the minute we get into the house and he'll crawl after Master, kneel up and beg for every stroke of pain he can get." Jonny Lee tilts his head, gives Gerard a kiss on the throat, sticks out his tongue at the nosey woman. "Is that a good start?"

"Good enough." Gerard settles back against the worn seat. "Except that master's planning on hogtieing his boy and then blindfolding him and doing some sensory deprivation fun. Maybe with ice."

"Sensory deprivation." He can barely contain the squirming. "Oh, yes. Please." The train stops and Jonny Lee takes note of the station. "Two more stops, Master, and we're almost home."

"Yes, we are." Gerard looks around the mostly-empty car and then grabs Jonny Lee by the front of his shirt. Brings him close and kisses him hard.

_Bloodyfuckinghell_ There's not a damned thing to do except lean into the kiss, press against it, enjoy it, and Jonny Lee does all of the above, half-climbing on Gerard's lap to make it the best possible public kiss he's ever had.

Ahh. This is why he came out of the closet. So he can kiss his boy in public and not give a damn. And it's nice like this, the seat vibrating beneath him, his boy all but vibrating on top of him. He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to see the dirty looks the old lady is giving them.

Jonny Lee does end up crawling into Gerard's lap, or at least straddling him as the train stops, the old lady gets off and anyone else getting on is at the other end of the car. It's risky business, he knows, but he's past the point of caring. His agent had told him the casting director for _Aeon Flux_ had said Jonny Lee's sexuality wasn't an issue as long as health screens were clean and the insurance carriers satisfied. No problem there, he knows, so public opinion be damned. He's kissing his lover.

One more stop, Gerard thinks, and breaks the kiss. "Wanna fuck with somebody's mind?" he murmurs.

"Yeah," Jonny Lee says, near breathless. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you," Gerard looks around, "to," he can't think of anything. Damn. He turns the vibrator down. "Weren't you going to show me a thing or two?"

"I've been groped in the Tower, kissed thoroughly on the Tube and managed not to lose it completely with a vibrating plug up me arse," Jonny Lee whispers against Gerard's lips. "I think your boy's shown you several things." He kisses his lover's mouth. "Extreme patience and cooperation." Sucks slowly on the lower lip. "Major public display of affection." Bites ever so gently. "Can he hold off on the other tricks till he can get naked?"

"Yes." Gerard says, pushing Jonny Lee back just a little. "Promise to torture you until you go blind later."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Another couple snogs in the station and they were back out into the light. Not sun. Overcast a bit. But what matters is they're walking home. And Jonny Lee's getting more antsy by the minute. _Sensory deprivation. Torture._ Gerard's turned the vibrator on medium again, which has Jonny Lee squirming a bit, clutching at Gerard's hand randomly. He has the key out of his pocket and the front door open almost before he gets his hand on it. _Ice. Pain. Yes._ And then he's inside, shucking overshirt and skimming t-shirt over his head before Gerard can get the door closed. _Hate fuckin' clothes. Hate 'em._

Gerard can't help but laugh as he watches his boy get his clothes off as if they were going to poison him if he kept them on one second longer. "Eager, are you?" He locks the door and then tosses the key onto the couch. "Upstairs."

"Very eager, Master," Jonny Lee says, unbuttoning jeans and leaning over to unlace Chucks, nearly falling flat on his face but bracing against the couch as he hops against it. He quickly unties the sneakers and tugs them off, dropping them on the floor. "Upstairs. Yes, sir." He moves to the stairs, hands back to working at the jeans, now hanging loose on his hips.

Gerard strips as well, but slower. He's in no hurry. The only thing he takes from his jeans is the remote for the vibrator and he turns it up, but he doesn't think the range on it is far enough to reach Jonny Lee. Oh well. He grabs ice and candles from the kitchen and then makes his way upstairs. Everything else he'll need is already up there.

Jonny Lee feels a slight hum as he hits the upstairs landing, but it stops suddenly. "Out of range," he murmurs with a laugh. "Poor Master." He's pushing jeans down and off as he enters the bedroom, and he goes to his knees at the bed's end, hands behind his back and head lowered, waiting on Gerard.

Gerard enters the room naked, ice tray in one hand and candles in the other. He puts them both down on the night table before walking around Jonny Lee and taking leather straps out of the bed pockets. "Up onto the bed," he orders.

"Face up or down, Master?" Jonny Lee asks, crawling up onto the bed, the plug shifting ever so slightly.

"Face up." Gerard pulls a bit of black silk cloth out of another pocket and dangles it where Jonny Lee can see. "Want the most of you I can."

Jonny Lee turns and stretches out on the bed, hands over his head, resting lightly against the headboard, and legs spread wide, opening himself up as much as possible.

"You look entirely edible," Gerard says with a grin. The first thing he ties down are Jonny Lee's wrists, then his ankles. It only takes a moment to check that he didn't fuck up and Jonny Lee's appendages will drop off due to poor circulation. Once that's done, Gerard sits down between Jonny Lee's legs and trails the end of the blindfold up his boy's chest. "Boy trust master?"

"With his life, Master," Jonny Lee says, trying to ignore the tingle of the blindfold's trail.

"Good." Gerard leans forward and ties it around Jonny Lee's eyes. "Can you see anything?"

"No." Jonny Lee's world goes slowly black. He closes his eyes and reopens them, all color gone except for the random phantom of light, not really there but the mind's eye sees it. He shifts his head, makes sure the blindfold's tied securely. "Nothing, Master."

"Good boy." Gerard takes the remote and turns the vibrator down to a low hum that shouldn't distract his boy too much. "Fire and ice," he says. "That's what you're getting. Next time I might remember to put metal clamps and the chain flogger in the ice box." He scoots backwards and picks up the candle. There's matches in the drawer and Gerard does nothing to mask the sound of the match striking against the box.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jonny Lee relaxes his body. _Fire and ice._ Dual pleasures that yield unique pain. He can hear the match, smell the wafting of sulfur in the air. It does nothing to lessen his anxiety, the blindfold locking his vision so he can't anticipate the drop of wax he knows will come.

Gerard lights the candle and then blows out the match. He holds the candle horizontal and watches as the wax beads up. The first drop falls just above Jonny Lee's left nipple.

The sting is immediate, a searing, and Jonny Lee's body jerks at the sudden pain. _Fuckyes._ It's what his body's been craving all day. That intensity only his Master can give him.

The second one is just to the side of that and Gerard moves the candle over before the third drop can fall. It ends up somewhere between, but the fourth lands precisely on top of Jonny Lee's right nipple.

The second overlaps the first just on its edge, enough to qualify for Venn diagram, and that mutes the pain by a fraction. But the third is just as searing as the first, and the fourth -- Jonny Lee bites down, _fuck_ \-- the fourth is mind-numbing. That's the nature of wax. It burns on contact, a sharp prick of a burn, and then it doesn't stop. The pain layers itself under the wax, the burn seeping out to nerve endings.

One more drop falls and then Gerard blows out the candle. He put it to the side and then takes an ice cube in his hand. He waits for it to melts on his hand and then traces his own lips with the cool water. Without warning, he leans forward and kisses Jonny Lee.

The last drop is excruciating, more so when he realizes it's the last drop, hears the soft breath extinguish the candle. Jonny Lee whimpers gently, mind focusing on the burn still cutting through his chest, sweet and succulent, so his lips are parted when Gerard kisses him and he gasps at the sudden chill.

Gerard keeps the kiss short. He pulls back and takes the cube between two fingers. He trails it down Jonny Lee's chest, very careful to avoid the places where the wax had hit.

Jonny Lee rolls his shoulders off the bed at first touch, then pushes back into the covers, pulling away from the ice's chill. It scores his whole body, radiating out more quickly than the wax's fire had. "Master, so," he pants, "good. Fuck."

"Mm," Gerard agrees. He likes that reaction. He brings the cube up and circles it around Jonny Lee's nipples. The ice is melted enough that it leaves a small trail of water in its wake.

"Ohgod, yes." Jonny Lee bites back the desire to beg for more, but there's no holding back the shudder is impossible. It shivers his body, just like the ice.

"Good boy." Gerard slides the ice over one nipple, keeping it there until he thinks it might become a little numb, and then leans down and bites.

"Ahh," Jonny Lee shouts at the sudden sharpness of teeth, muted by the ice's numbing. "Master, more, please."

_Yes sir_. Gerard tugs on the nipple, cold against his lips, and then lets go. He repeats the process on the second one and then lets the cube slide down Jonny Lee's body to rest where it may while he relights the candle.

The ice cube slips down his stomach, causing him to arch into the bite, then it slides to the left, chilling before it drops into the crease of his groin, and Jonny Lee's breath hitches, catches, nearly stops altogether when the ice melts its way toward his cock. Sheer agony bleeding into bliss.

Gerard smirks when he sees where the cube ended up. The candle relights easily enough and he lets a few drops pool up before letting them out quickly just above Jonny Lee's stomach.

Jonny Lee jerks again, this time fire instead of ice, and that dislodges the last sliver of the cube down between his legs, and he's not sure which is more divine, the race of cold down to his balls or the sear of hot on his stomach. He bites his lip, blinking hard against the darkness. _More. Yes. Much more._

Ahh. Such beautiful reactions. Gerard can't remember why he's waited this long to do more temperature play with his boy. He presses his thumb down on the cooling wax of the latest drops, loving the heat of the wax against the heat of Jonny Lee's body.

Gerard's thumb grinding the wax into his flesh adds to the fire, fuels it and shoots it around his ribs. "Master," he whispers. "Your slave loves that. He wants ..." his voice trails off in a whimper, unsure of asking for what he really wants, of thinking it too extreme.

"Yes?" Gerard digs his nail into the wax, pressing through it into Jonny Lee's stomach. "What does my slave want?"

It takes a minute for Jonny Lee to find his voice, remember where he'd let it trail off. _Oh, yeah. That._ "Your slave wants more, master, to be slathered with ice and coated in wax, drizzled everywhere."

"Master can arrange that." He lets the wax gather and then drips it all at once in a long line down Jonny Lee's stomach. He scootches backwards and then rescues the other ice cube. He drips it on Jonny Lee's hip and then immediately covers that spot with ice.

Perfect. It's perfect. Jonny Lee lets the sensations wash, wanting them to layer one on the other.

Gerard continues the process until Jonny Lee's hip is all but covered in cold ice. It's a hypnotic process. Wax, ice, wax ice. The flicker of the flame draws him in, and soon the candle is halfway gone.

The blindfold's blackening his world, except for the flashes of white he swears he sees when he blinks. Jonny Lee doesn't need to see to know how red this skin's going to be. Burned. First-degree. Maybe even second in that one spot where the wax has pooled, right on the corner of his hip. He doesn't care. It's exhilarating, the combination, the play of cold and hot and how they both sear in opposites. He's floating on the endorphins by the time Gerard tilts the candle up to work a different patch of flesh.

Gerard is more than tempted to have the wax drop on Jonny Lee's cock, but he's not sure that's safe. And maybe leaving Jonny Lee's cock untouched will drive his boy all the more mad. He'll see. Gerard moves the candle up further to a spot where he knows it'll drive Jonny Lee crazy. He wants to see his boy strain against the bounds, not sure where the heat will be next, and harder than sin.

Anticipation. It drives the mind insane. Purpose of being blindfolded. Jonny Lee can feel the candle's flame ghost his skin, but he's never sure where the drop's going to fall, before or after Gerard's hand moves. The wax plops, lower abdomen, below the belly button and it's liquid just long enough for it touch the curling pubic hairs before it hardens. "Uhghh," he moans, "yes."

"Yes?" Gerard teases. "More yes? Please master hurt me yes? Or stop it you bastard you're hurting me yes?"

Jonny Lee manages a laugh, more a short chuckle. "Yes, master, please, you're hurting me, and your slave wants more."

"Good slave." And without warning, Gerard moves his hand up and the next bead of wax drops at the curve of Jonny Lee's shoulder.

"Ohshitfuck," Jonny Lee blurts out. The burn there is excruciating, sudden and sharp. He bites his lip, rolls it in and hisses through the ripple heat as the wax sets.

"Beautiful," Gerard whispers. "Simply beautiful. You are exquisite, Teak."

_Yeah, sure, I'm beautiful._ Jonny Lee's flying on the endorphins now, burn layering pain, and he feels damned exquisite, a fuckin' model being sculpted in wax.

Gerard picks up the ice cube and lets it slip down Jonny Lee's side. He covers it's wet path in wax, amazed at how the wax cools on the moistened skin. This is going to be hell to take off, but right now there's only the moment, the candle, and the ice.

Ice would be soothing, except that it's a departure from the heat of the wax and it jars Jonny Lee's body. He hisses the breath out and then back in, wordless whimpers his only reaction as he stiffens his body against the cold onslaught. He's slowly spiraling down deeper, relaxing into a subspace that's eerily comfortable, nearly a zone.

At last, there's so little left of the candle that Gerard's in danger of burning his fingers and so he lets one last drop fall and then he blows it out. He immediately covers the last bead with the remaining ice and blows across it.

The breath seals the sensations, locks in the heat of the burning wax, layers it over with the chilling ice, and Jonny Lee goes completely under in his dark world, entire body relaxing, going limp against the bed, unconscious of anything other than that simple breeze over his flesh. _Could slip away now and not care. Pain is so good._

Not paying attention to his boy, Gerard puts the candle on the night table and then wipes his hand off on a towel. Then he snuggles down, licking over the cooled wax. The texture is strange and bitter against his tongue, but he likes it.

It's like being at the dentist, Jonny Lee thinks, when you're high on the nitrous and you know the needle's going into you jaw but you don't really feel it, except for that pressure, and it's not altogether a bad feeling. That's the sensation he's having, that's where his body is, numb, coated in wax and iced down and just numb, so every touch feels there but not there, like it's happening to someone else and he's just getting the nuance of an emotion second-hand.

Gerard moves further downward, mouthing and licking every inch of wax. An increasingly loud part of his mind is reminding him that Jonny Lee isn't responding to anything, but maybe it's just the ice. Maybe he numbed him too far. So, simply as an experiment, Gerard moves into position and deepthroats his boy.

There's response, Jonny Lee's cock twitching in Gerard's mouth. It's involuntary, body's natural reaction to being touched, except that it registers in Jonny Lee's brain, the warmth, unlike the wax, this time soothing and settling and he makes the tiniest of whimpering noises. _Master._

Ah. That's more like it. Gerard pushes further, suppressing his gag reflex, and sucking as hard as he can. He wants Jonny Lee to _scream_.

Jonny Lee moans at that move, startled out of his endorphin reverie, back into the reality of a man's mouth on his cock. No, his lover's mouth. His master's. The one who gave him such delicious pain a few moments earlier and is now giving pleasure. "Master," he murmurs after another minute, taking time to find voice, "your slave." He doesn't get anything else out before his body shivers with a chill slithering up his spine, orgasm starting to build.

Gerard smiles as Jonny Lee's cock twitches in his mouth. That's it. Just like that. He wants Jonny Lee to come in his mouth like a good boy.

He's on edge, has been for hours, and it's all Jonny Lee can do to hold back. He's nearly too far gone to think about permission, or asking properly, but he can't assume it's allowed. "Please," he mutters, breathing rushed.

What a beautiful noise. But Gerard isn't stopping to answer. He slides his tongue as best he can, trying to push Jonny Lee over the edge.

Jonny Lee's going to take that as a _yes_ and he screams, coming hard, painful jerking and pulsing out everything that's been building, flooding Gerard's throat, sinking back into such a relaxed state he's going to slide over into unconsciousness, not caring if he stays bound hand and foot and wax-covered and drenched in sweat and come and icy residue. "Yes, fuck, yes," he slurs. "Master."

Gerard swallows it all and then pulls back, licking his lips. "Beautiful boy." His boy looks beautiful. Tired, exhausted, messy, but beautiful. And as much as he hates to move him, the wax will be hard enough to get off now. He doesn't want to think about how bad it'll be tomorrow morning. "C'mon, boy, think we can get you to the shower?"

The words float through Jonny Lee's brain. _Beautiful. Boy. Shower._ He murmurs a non-committed "maybe" and rolls his head to one side, world still nice and dark and the sensations of the scene washing through him.

Gerard chuckles. He spreads himself out over Jonny Lee, knowing that Jonny Lee can feel how hard he is, and starting picking at the dried wax, bit by bit.

Picking the wax off hurts more than it did being dropped on, especially out of the fine hairs. Jonny Lee's barely moving, though, and his winces are slow and nearly silent. "Master," he murmurs as Gerard's erection presses against his thigh, making an offer he's not sure he physically can carry through, "can your slave help you? Do anything?"

"Yeah," Gerard licks lightly over the red skin where he'd just pulled wax from. "My boy can lie back and take this." Not even a fourth of it is gone yet and Gerard knows it's going to hurt like hell by the time he's done. But that's ok. His boy likes pain.

_Lie back and take this._ It's an order Jonny Lee has no problem taking. He rests his head back into the pillows, relaxes his body and lets Gerard work at deconstructing the wax creation while he drifts back into the pain-sluiced zone.

Gerard smiles as he feels Jonny Lee relax beneath him. The next bit of wax takes some hair with it and he curses under his breath. Putting wax on, sexy. Taking wax off, not sexy. Maybe he should ask someone about that, how to make wax removal into good after care.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	240. gerard: [Sent to peterwing]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/05/) 14:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50846&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50846) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50846) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=50846&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[Sent to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ]**  
[sent via Est courier to arrive on Peter's doorstep this morning]

  
_Peter-_

Happy 42. Enclosed is something that I hope you will treasure greatly and watch every spare moment you have.

-Gerry

Enclosed: A complete set of DVDs of every film Adrian Paul has ever made.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/50846.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	241. gerard: Beowulf, Grendel, and Peter

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/05/) 14:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51187&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51187) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51187) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51187&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Beowulf, Grendel, and Peter** _  
[public]

First it was a three day delay. Then a week. I just got the call and they _think_ we can start shooting on Friday. They aren't sure yet.

Meanwhile, I've been going down to the production offices nearly every day for measurements and tips on sword-lifting. I've run lines with Stellan and blocked out fights with Ingvar. So far the hardest thing has been learning proper pronunciation. They still aren't sure what kind of accent they want me to have. Whatever it is, I have been assured that it isn't Scottish. Sorry, Teak, but from now on they want me to use RP 24/7 to get my mouth used to switching accents.

And today is Peter's birthday. I wonder if I can bribe his boy, Guy?, into giving Peter a birthday spanking. ~~Peter could use it.~~

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-09-05 09:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94451&format=light#t94451))   
---|---  
I really should make a habit of perusing journals more often. Fascinating what you find. *g*  
  
Yes, his name is Guy. And he woke me up with breakfast in bed, his cock in a lovely five-ring gates and ice-cold granite plug in his arse.  
  
As for spankings ... hmmm ... I wonder if I could bribe someone else to take them?  
  
Thank you for the _lovely_ gift. It's a shame it's not a larger collection, but if I combine it what I own of your films and that delectable boy of yours, then I have a full weekend's worth of viewing. I would add in Guy's, but I just have him roleplay the scenes I like. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=94451&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94451&format=light#t94451))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-05 10:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94707&format=light#t94707))   
---|---  
My, my, my. Look who lowered himself to using the Internet. Colour me shocked.  
  
  
 _And he woke me up with breakfast in bed, his cock in a lovely five-ring gates and ice-cold granite plug in his arse._  
  
Something tells me he does that even on days when it's not your birthday.  
  
  
  
 _I wonder if I could bribe someone else to take them?_  
  
 ~~Bribery wouldn't be necessary. All you'd have to do is open your mouth and I'm sure someone will go out of his way to do exactly what you say.~~  
  
  
  
I'm glad you liked the present. I thought you'd enjoy it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=94707&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94451&format=light#t94451))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94707&format=light#t94707))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-09-05 11:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94963&format=light#t94963))   
---|---  
_Something tells me he does that even on days when it's not your birthday._  
  
No, most days I don't get breakfast.  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=94963&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94707&format=light#t94707))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94963&format=light#t94963))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-05 11:19 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95475&format=light#t95475))   
---|---  
Really, Peter? If I didn't know better, I'd say you were slipping. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=95475&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=94963&format=light#t94963))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95475&format=light#t95475))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-09-05 11:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95731&format=light#t95731))   
---|---  
Now, there, Gerry, you know I never was one for a big breakfast. Coffee, maybe a piece of toast. Something I can hold in my hand and still get that blowjob.  
  
Speaking of which, how is sweet Jonny? Haven't seen much of him lately at the gym. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=95731&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95475&format=light#t95475))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95731&format=light#t95731))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-05 11:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96243&format=light#t96243))   
---|---  
...  
  
  
That's always the problem with you, Peter. You never know when to stop pushing. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=96243&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=95731&format=light#t95731))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96243&format=light#t96243))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-09-05 11:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96499&format=light#t96499))   
---|---  
And, you, Gerry, get very angry for no reason. I was inquiring about _your_ boy. We both know how good he looks on his knees, and how much he enjoys being there, so don't get melodramatic. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=96499&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96243&format=light#t96243))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96499&format=light#t96499))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-06 12:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96755&format=light#t96755))   
---|---  
~~It's not being melodramatic when my ex -lover asks why my boy hasn't been going to the gym, insinuating that my ex has seen my boy there before, and possibly performed acts of the extracurricular nature there or in the showers. And the fact that you know how good Jonny Lee looks on his knees is my fault, not his or yours, and all it does is rub it in how bad a master I am~~  
  
  
Happy birthday, Peter. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=96755&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=96499&format=light#t96499))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[**ewan_mcgregor**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)  
2004-09-06 12:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=97011&format=light#t97011))   
---|---  
Beowulf not Scottish? That's discrimination, I say! :p 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=97011&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=97011&format=light#t97011))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-06 04:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=97267&format=light#t97267))   
---|---  
Well, they do have a point. Just because the bastard English wrote it doesn't make it stop being a Danish/Norse myth. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?replyto=97267&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51187.html?thread=97011&format=light#t97011))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	242. gerard: Rope Bondage and Dominance: A Phone Call

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/05/) 17:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52077&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52077) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52077) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52077&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Rope Bondage and Dominance: A Phone Call** _  
[players only. Will be backdated to 9-5. Peter calls Gerry and gets a little more honesty than he bargained for.]

  
The exchange in the journal hadn't been nasty. Not exactly. It hadn't been nice either. Peter knew Gerry well enough to read between the lines, and he was betting there'd been words stricken out several times. So, in the spirit of reaching out, since he was in an exceptional mood following his birthday weekend and Guy's wickedly incessant attention to his every need, Peter had decided to call his former lover.

He settles into the wingback chair in the library while Guy finishes cleaning up from dinner, and presses the familiar phone number, waiting and half-expecting to hear an answering machine, not a human.

Jonny Lee gets to the phone on the fourth ring, one before it rolls over into voicemail, and he's breathless, having run up from the playroom where he'd been cleaning. "Butler residence, may I help you?" he says politely, sucking in a quick breath.

_Jonny, not Gerry._ Peter's amused. "Hello, Jonny," he says, letting his voice keep its formality, "would your master be at home?"

"Yes, he would be," Jonny Lee replies, cursing that he picked up the phone. "Let me see if he wants to come to the phone." He hits the mute button and goes in search of Gerard.

Gerard's lying on the couch, a book propped up on his lap, but he's not reading. He looks up when his boy comes close. "Who's on the phone?"

"Peter," Jonny Lee says flatly, holding the phone out. "You want me to make myself scarce, Master?"

"No, stay here. Want you close." Gerard takes the phone and thumbs off the mute. "Peter? Happy birthday."

Peter had been wondering if Gerry would just say _hang up on him_ , so the pleasant surprise is evident in his voice. "Thank you, Gerry." Then it drops into a slight sarcasm. "Your gift was rather unique. I might see about getting Adrian to sign them all, if I see him again, then they'd be at least worth their cost."

Jonny Lee nods and kneels up next to the sofa, laying his head on Gerard's knee. He's not really wanting to be privy to the conversation, knowing how the two don't get along, but he's content to be where Master wants him to be.

"I do my best," Gerard says, ignoring the sarcasm. "Looking out for your cultural interests." He reaches down and strokes Jonny Lee's hair. "Why'd you call?"

_Ah, yes, no small talk. I forgot the rules._ "To thank you for the gift," Peter says, "to ask how you are. Can't I just call, Gerry?

"You can. But you never do."

"Well, I've been remiss in that, haven't I?" Peter's determined not to let Gerry put him too much on the defensive. He's in too good a mood. "I should apologize for the journal exchange, I guess, in that I didn't intend to bait you by mentioning Jonny. I am genuinely interested in his wellbeing."

Gerard bites his lip. He's not used to Peter apologizing for anything and he doesn't know how to answer that. "How many times have you met him?" Gerard only knows of two times and he doesn't understand how Peter could be that interested after Gerard's general fuck-ups as a master.

There's the crux of the matter. Gerry's worried about Peter's contact with Jonny.

Jonny winces, even only hearing one end of the conversation. He can guess what was said on the other end, or the gist of it, and he knows the _him_ being discussed is himself. He's not consciously sought Peter out, and the meetings have been random and purely innocent.

"A few occasions, Gerry. At the gym, shopping, running in the park," Peter says. "Nothing more than innocuous greetings and passings."

_And neither ever mentioned it._ Gerard makes a fist in Jonny Lee's hair, tugging without realizing. His boy is going to be punished for that later. "If you're so concerned about him," he says, ignoring Jonny Lee. "Ask him yourself."

"Fuck," Jonny Lee mutters, under his breath, when the fist tightens. He doesn't move, though, except to push into Gerard's rough touch. He figures he deserves whatever it's for.

"Because, Gerry," Peter says, a touch more patronizing than he really intends, "whether or not you believe it, I respect your position as his master and I haven't spoken to him other than a casual conversation." _Albeit filled with a bit of innuendo._ "I've been thinking about _both_ of you since the tabloids published those adorable photos."

Gerard isn't sure he likes the thought of Peter thinking about him in the context of the pictures the tabloids had published. Him and Jonny Lee all over each other. Kissing. For a man like Peter, Gerard doesn't _think_ it'd be pornographic, but, to be painfully honest, he's never known Peter very well. "I'm touched," he says. "I don't show up on your radar until I come out of the closet."

Gerry exasperates Peter. He has since the day they met. Exasperates and infuriates and arouses more than any one man he's ever known. They spent two weeks together. Well, two weeks, three days and four hours. Not enough time to make a lifetime commitment, but Peter likes to think he knows a little bit about the man. Plus, his phone conversation with Pierce has left him wondering if bridges weren't meant to be crossed, not burned. "Does every conversation we have need to be a battle of wits, Gerry? Could we talk about how you're doing since the outing? How I'm doing. How our boys are faring."

_We never have before._ But it's not, Gerard supposes, that they shouldn't try. "I've been doing brilliantly since the outing. Two film deals dried up, but I have steady work until next February. What are you doing?"

Jonny Lee winces at mention of the outing, or maybe it's that Gerard's continuing to tighten his fingers in his slave's hair, causing Jonny Lee to crane his neck a bit awkwardly. _Thank you, Mr. Wingfield. Remind me to send a card._

_That's it, Gerry. Take the small step. It won't kill you._ Peter's smiling. "I head to Vancouver middle of the week. It seems they can't let Methos die." He pauses. "Glad to hear about the work. And your life? It goes well."

Gerard doesn't realize how tightly he's gripping Jonny Lee's hair until his nails begin to dig into his palm. He loosens his hand deliberately with a deep breath, but doesn't let go. "Methos? There's a new Highlander movie?"

"Yes, in the works, pre-production right now." Peter nods as Guy walks by the library's pocket doors, still pushed open, motions for him to kneel by the fire. "I'll be on that side of the world about six weeks, back in time for Christmas, though."

Jonny Lee looks up at Gerard, mouths a silent "thank you, Master" and lays his head back down on Gerard's thigh.

"Are you acting as producer on this one?" Gerard smiles at Jonny Lee, hoping that it'll count as an apology for almost tearing his hair out.

"No, just acting. Shouldn't be too bad. I don't have to put up with Adrian. Just the bastard Christopher." Peter's marginally excited about the film, but not enough to put money into producing it. "And you're avoiding personal questions, like usual."

"It's not avoidance if you haven't asked me any." Gerard's somewhat excited by the idea of another Highlander film coming out. He isn't so much a fan of the series as of what Peter's voice can do to him in the darkness and seclusion of a theater.

"I asked, Gerry, a moment ago, about your life," Peter says, sighing just a little, dropping his voice a touch more commanding. "If all was going well?"

"And I told you how my life was." Gerard replies. "And you said how yours is. It's called exchanging pleasantries, Peter, and we've already done that. Shall we talk about the weather now?"

"Perhaps we should. It's rather stormy over London at the moment. Feeling the thunder and lightning?"

"No." Gerard can't help but glance behind him, to try to see out the windows. "But if it gets bad, I presume I'll be able to hear it."

Peter shakes his head. "I was being sarcastic, Gerry." He glances out the window. It _is_ overcast. "Well, sort of. Was thinking of the weather on the phone line. You and me."

Ah. Gerard should have known. It's almost typical of Peter to metaphorize his life. "Thunder and lightening? More like fire and brimstone."

"That's fine, Gerry. You be fire. I'll be brimstone. Want to meet in hell and play a little?" Peter's only half-teasing, and ignoring the snugness in his trousers at the thought of meeting head-on, full-force, no pretense or limitations. "Or do you reserve all your pain for Jonny now?"

"I already know that we'll meet in hell." Gerard slouches down further on the couch and wonders if he should just stop there. But Peter pushed, and so Gerard'll push back. "If you want, I can treat you exactly how I treat him. I can, if you're so inclined, tie you to a wall and have a go at your back with a leather cat. Show you just what I'm reserving for Jonny."

"Oooh, what a tempting offer, Gerry. You know how I feel about leather, and I do _so_ love cats," Peter murmurs, mouthing _gates_ to Guy, who's rummaging through the toy chest. "Would that solve our communication problems? You beat me, take me down a bit, and then you feel all better."

Gerard blinks. "Honestly? I think it would make our communication problems worse. But it'd make me feel better."

"Why, Gerry? Why would it make you feel better to take a cat to my back? You have a boy now to do that with." Peter's in a mood for a bit of psychoanalysis.

Gerard looks down at Jonny Lee, not sure how his boy is taking hearing only half of the conversation. "Beating you would be cathartic. It would get out a lot of aggression. Pain removal through pain application."

Jonny Lee's catching snippets. Leather cat. Beating. All of it's making him hard, achingly so, and his cock's barely constrained by the gym shorts he'd tugged on when running from the playroom out to the garbage bin and back. He's grimacing a bit, too, at the thought of Gerard beating Peter. The image is at once uniquely disturbing and intriguing.

"I'm sure it would rid you of a great deal of aggression, Gerry," Peter says, weighing the possibilities. "But what would I get out of it? Other than some nice bruises. Feel the need to be on your knees again?"

"No," Gerard says, more forcefully than he meant to. But, dammit, "This isn't an exchange, Peter. We're not negotiating anything." _I won't submit to you anymore._ "I refuse to submit to anyone anymore. Not you, not anyone. So if you want me to beat you, fine, I'll do it. But don't you make this into something it isn't."

_What? Submit?_ Jonny Lee can't help but be surprised at the words. He says silent, though.

"Just once, Gerry, one time out of a million, I'd like to have a conversation with you that doesn't end with us screaming at each other." Peter's voice goes deathly low, anger just barely controlled. _Bloody hell if I'm going to let you just beat me for no reason._ "Is it too much to ask?"

Without realizing it, Gerard copies Peter's tone. "It probably is." What happens when the irresistible force meets the immovable object? "We rub at each other until someone bleeds."

"And bloodplay used to be so much fun," Peter deadpans.

"It did?" Gerard raises his eyebrows, even though he knows Peter can't see it. "Perhaps I misremember cutting my thumb while making you dinner."

"Very funny, Gerry," Peter snickers. "You always have had the knack of making me laugh when it didn't seem appropriate."

"Is that a point in my favour," Gerard asks, "or a point against me?"

"There are no points against you, Gerry. I'm not keeping score." Peter pauses. "This is not a competition, and I _would_ sincerely like for us to find some equal footing. At least something so my mentioning of Jonny's name doesn't ricochet you off the wall."

Gerard nods. "I would as well." But if Peter wants it, why does he make it so hard? He sighs. "I'm far too defensive of Teak as it is."

Jonny Lee smiles. It's the definitive understatement. _Yes, you are defensive of me. Love it._ He doesn't know what Peter's said, but he's betting on innuendo.

"It's an admirable trait, Gerry," Peter murmurs, genuine and sincere, "and he's a boy worth protecting. Don't know if I've every flat out said it, but I wouldn't try anything with him. Not without your explicit permission, and even then only with you present." _Not that I won't imagine that exact scenario. Numerous times. All of us in the same room._.

_Not going to happen. Ever._ "Thank you, Peter," Gerard says smoothly. "It means a lot." Not that Gerard trusts Peter enough to ever let him near Jonny Lee again. Time to change the subject. "How's your boy?"

"He's well. Living here most of the time. A few months now." _Longer than you bothered to stay._ Peter lets go the comment about how deftly Gerry changed the subject, and smiles instead at Guy, who's crawling out of the room. "We're adjusting nicely, I think."

"That's...I'm happy for you." And Gerard is. The happier Peter is with someone else, the less energy he has to bother Gerard. "Is he permanent?"

"Nothing in life is permanent. You should know that." Peter makes it harsher than he needs. "I don't bank on tomorrow, just live for today."

"Tell me something I don't know," Gerard bites his lip. "Weren't we going to be civil to each other?"

"We're trying, I believe. I was civil, you snipped. You were civil, I snided. We seem to have trouble keeping on track."

"As I said, we rub." Gerard looks down at Jonny Lee. There _was_ something he wanted to discuss with another dominant, and Peter's probably as good a confident as any. "But if you'll be civil, there is something I want to discuss with you."

Jonny Lee rubs his head, nuzzling and almost purring. He's let the conversation wash over him, not really listening but hearing tidbits. He wonders what there is to discuss.

The admission has Peter's curiosity piqued. "Of course, Gerry, what is it?"

Gerard hesitates. This isn't something he wants to talk about with Jonny Lee around. But he can't bring himself to tell Jonny Lee to go away. "It's about dominance."

Peter nearly drops the phone. _It's about dominance. He's asking you advice?_ "What do you want to know?"

"Rope bondage," Gerard says. "I need, uh. Tips, suggestions. Recommendations for books to read, things not to do." He takes a deep breath. "And 24/7," he goes on, much quieter.

It's a very good thing that Peter's not drinking anything, and that there's no one else in the room. _Rope bondage? 24/7? What the fuck are you getting into, Gerry?_ "Two very diverse topics, Gerry," Peter says, much more calmly than he should be allowed. "Do you have a preference for tackling them?"

Jonny Lee catches the _bondage_ and tries his brain back a step to pick up on the _rope_. Then he squirms, nuzzles more enthusiastically against Gerard's leg. _Master wants to do rope bondage._ He's being a good boy and containing the squeal of delight at the thought. The fact Gerard mentioned 24/7 doesn't escape him, and he's secretly happy Master's talking to _someone_ about it, even if it is one of the short list of men who could sink Jonny Lee with words and touch.

"Uh. I think rope bondage would be the shorter." Gerard doesn't want to think about Jonny Lee nuzzling him like that. Either his boy likes it, or he's not listening. And neither does any harm. "So, first, yeah?"

"Yes, it would be shorter. Although it can be a rather intricate practice, depending on how far you want to go? Just looking to tie him up or get into the full body erotic stuff?"

"I'm attracted first to the visual aspect and second to the practical application. We have a sling, but I want something more..." Gerard searches for the word. "Something more aesthetic. I want to watch rope dig into his skin. I want to see him bound up in it."

_Ohfuckyes._ Jonny Lee squirms, wriggles, wants to crawl up into Gerard's lap, straddle him and lick him all over. _Tie me up. Please._

Peter shifts in the chair. Gerry's words are enough to arouse, but the visual accompanying them, of that particular boy bound and suspended and, he stretches his fingers over denim, adjusts himself. "Aesthetically, I like parachute rope. It's rather colorful and excellent for detail work. Climbing rope's good, too, but on the expensive side," Peter says, his voice even-toned, not belying his other thoughts. "I assume you've been working on your knots. Knowing you, practicing every moment you get."

Gerard nods. "Yes. And I think I've gotten rather good at them. They should hold up under pressure." Parachute rope. Climbing rope. Gerard makes a note to try out both of them. "Which rope do you use when you tie someone up?"

"Both, Gerry, depending on what I want to achieve. I imagine Jonny would appreciate the parachute rope. It's thinner and more adaptable to the intricate knots. He's always struck me as one who wants the extreme moment," Peter almost regrets his words before they're out of his mouth. _You're going to set him off again, talking about Jonny, and that's not what you attend._ "Honestly, Gerry, it's matter of personal preference, what you want to do with _your_ boy."

"I understand that." Gerard frowns. "How is it about digging into the skin? What kind of marks does it leave?"

_Please, please say it leaves nice marks. For days._ Jonny Lee silently begs. He wants his Master's touch, his marks, his pain.

"It leaves the best ligatures, Gerry, delicate weaves of the rope's imprint. Can last for hours, days, depending on how long you leave him tied up."

"An hour, maybe a little more, but nothing longer than two hours."

"Excellent for a start. You might want to leave a few knots in his reach, then have him work himself free. It's rather amusing to watch," Peter says, "and arousing."

Gerard swallows and closes his eyes. He doesn't want to think about Peter tying someone up, anyone up, _Gerry_ up. Doesn't want to think about Peter making him untie himself, get down from elaborate bondage. He doesn't want to think about that. Or about how he's getting hard just from the thought. "I-I'll take your word on it, Peter."

Peter's already aroused, and a certain boy upstairs is going to feel the brunt of it when the phone conversation's done. "I'll send over a couple books I have, along with a few web sites I know will be useful," he says, deciding it's time to change the subject. "As to the other subject, Gerry, it's a bit more complicated, as you said, but whatever you need there, just ask."

Gerard's relieved by the change of subject. Trust Peter to always know the right time for it. "How do you know when to pull back so he doesn't go under too far?" he says, far too fast, but he thinks Peter will be able to understand him.

First question's a major one. Peter's a bit floored. "It's instinct," he says after a long moment, "to know how far to push a sub. And what's too far for you might not be far enough for him, or vice versa. Can I be honest with you, Gerry?" He doesn't wait for an answer, but keeps going. "You have one of the most natural instincts for control of anyone I know. I can't imagine you ever letting Jonny go any farther than he can come back from. Is he going too far under for him or for you? That's the question."

"For me," Gerard admits. "I don't think I could ever push him too far for himself, but he scares the living shit out of me when he goes too far under. And I don't know how to stop him, or tell when he's at the cusp."

It's this side of the conversation that unnerves Jonny Lee. He knows he pushes Gerard too hard. He blames himself for their failures, for his zoning and frightening Gerard. He moves closer, kneeling now between Gerard's legs, nuzzling and rubbing as much as he can.

"You have to trust him, Gerry, to sink that deeply, as far as he needs to go. I remember you wanting to push a limit or two," Peter says, smile creasing his lips. "I'm not going to lie to you. There will come a day, a night, some time when he drops so deep he barely gets back up. But you have to let him do it, and you have to be there to guide him out of depths. That's how you learn a limit, by touching it."

Gerard flinches. "I don't want to do that. I don't want to let him drop that far, or feel him do that underneath me." Some of their new rules had been put in just so Gerard can feel safe. He can feel, though he doesn't look, Jonny Lee's face on his legs, touching him. He doesn't want to think about Jonny Lee hearing this. "I don't trust him enough - no. I don't trust myself enough. I could hurt him, I could do anything. And I could lose him." It hurts to admit to it, especially to Peter, but if Gerard wants advice, he's going to come clean.

Jonny Lee winces. He gives in finally, crawling up onto the sofa, burying himself in Gerard's shoulder. "You're not going to lose me," he whispers softly, words muffled in fabric.

"First off, you're not going to lose him. From the limited exchanges I've had with him, I can assure you of that," Peter says, trying to sound reassuring, as sincere as he truly is. "Short of kicking him out of the house, that boy loves you and he's not going anywhere." He wishes he'd brought his wine with him, and he picks at the chair's fabric instead. "Yes, you could do anything. I doubt you have it in you to hurt him irrevocably. You have to trust that there's nothing the two of you do together that you can't come back from."

Gerard doesn't know what to say to Jonny Lee. He simple wraps his arm around him and cuddles him close. "I can't," he says to Peter. It's a simple truth. Gerard can't trust that far. "I'm going to hurt him, Peter. I'm going to hurt him and maybe he'll be zoning and when he comes out, he's going to hate me for not realizing that he didn't want it. Or for not realizing that he couldn't give informed consent when he was that far down and stopping. And I'm going to lose him." Like I lost Conner. I wasn't good enough. "Because I'm not good enough."

The words cut deeply, hurting Jonny Lee more than any flogger. _How could you ever doubt yourself like that, Pire? You're not perfect, but you're perfectly wonderful._

Exasperation comes easily when Peter's talking to Gerry. And he finds it a good thing they're talking on the phone and not in person. "For Christ's sake, Gerry, listen to yourself," he says, voice raising just slightly. "You're damning it before you even try. Do not predetermine one relationship's course based on how a previous one ended." He knows the basics of what happened between Gerry and Conner, and has suspected various underlying currents over the years.

"Think about it, Gerry. Jonny wants you to hurt him. He wouldn't be in this lifestyle if he didn't. You want to hurt him. And don't give me the line that you don't," Peter doesn't let Gerry interrupt, "because you know what I mean. You two are more perfectly matched than anyone I've ever seen. You _are_ good enough for him. Start believing in yourself."

"Dammit, Peter, I am listening to myself." Gerard sighs. "You of all people should know the difference between hurting someone because you both want to, and hurting people in a way that no one wants to. I'm talking about emotional hurts here. Things you can't heal with bandages and aloe."

"That's called love, Gerry," Peter says, voice going flat. "That's what heals the emotional hurt, the kind you're fearing. And you have so much of it, you love him so deeply that nothing can ever hurt him more than your love can soothe over." He's not sure Gerry's ever going to believe that, but Peter knows it's true and he knows when Gerry realizes that love _does_ conquer all, he'll walk through this.

"But no one can hurt you more than someone who loves you, or who you love. And we always hurt the one we love." Gerard resists the urge to look down and see how Jonny Lee's taking this. He doesn't think he wants to know. "I'm going to take him too far, and it'll hurt all the more because he loves me, and so he trusts me to know better than that. And when he realizes that I'm not perfect, that I can't stop myself when I go too far, he's going to be heartbroken for the simple reason that he loves me and trusts me. Or loved me."

It's all Jonny Lee can do not to cry into Gerard's shirt. He wraps his arm around his lover's waist, holds on tightly. _You can't take me too far. Not so far that you can't bring me back. Ever._

The utter irrational logic finally disrupts Peter's thoughts enough that he loses his temper. "You are the most infuriating man I have ever met." He pushes himself from the chair and clutches at the mantel with one hand, other holding tightly to the phone. "For someone who was trained in the logic of the law," his voice steadyingly rising, "you can be the most irrational and illogical creature, Gerry. You're afraid he'll find out you're not perfect. Let me share a secret with you. He _knows_. You're friggin' human. You're not going to be perfect. And he's not going to give a damn."

Peter's tired of the conversation, of banging his head politely against the wall. He's going for maximum pain now. "Yes, we hurt the ones we love. And if we're smart enough, we tell them we're sorry and we don't walk out. Or if we do, we get to the corner, realize how stupid we are and turn around. You're _that_ smart, Gerry. So shove the damned fears into the corner and start living. You only get to try this life, you know."

Gerard waits until Peter's done ranting before swallowing hard. _Why is he right? Why is he always right?_ But what Peter says doesn't matter. Gerard knows all of it, he just refuses to believe it. Jonny Lee knows he's human, yes, but he's also the dominant in their relationship. He's supposed to be as perfect as possible and not let Jonny Lee worry about anything. Jonny Lee is supposed to be able to sit back and submit without having to worry that the one he's submitting to could fuck up royally. "Jonny Lee deserves the best," Gerard whispers. "And he thinks I'm the best. Or that I'm close enough. Is that good enough for you, Peter?"

Peter wants to say _you were good enough for me, good enough I didn't want you to leave_ but he can't quite bring himself there. "Yes," he says instead, "it's good enough for me that Jonny thinks you're the best." He pauses. "He's right, too. And you always were more than good enough, Gerry."

Gerard's not sure how to take that. The way he wants to take it almost certainly isn't the way Peter meant it. "Thank you," he says instead. _Sir_. The urge there has never gone away. He always wanted to give Peter more. His desires there had scared him and he had run. But he wasn't going to run now. Not with Teak. "You probably have better things to do."

_Actually, talking with you is the most important thing I'll do all day._ "Yes, I have a boy waiting upstairs," Peter murmurs. "I hope I've helped, Gerry. A little." He's stopped pacing. "Anytime you want to talk, just call. I meant that."

"You have." With the rope bondage, at least, if not with the insecurities. "And I will. Thank you, Peter."

"You're welcome, Gerry, for everything." Peter clicks the end button on the phone and puts it down on the table, walking out of the study. He doesn't want to think anymore tonight. He needs to work out his exasperations on willing flesh.

Gerard waits until he hears the dial tone before putting the phone down and looking down at Jonny Lee. He isn't sure how to explain himself, or what to say at all. He gives him a hesitant smile. "Um."

By the end of the call, Jonny Lee's nearly melded to Gerard's body, head pressed into his shoulder, arms around him, breathing soft and low, nearly not at all. "Love you, Master," he murmurs, "so much."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52077.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	243. gerard: Instructions

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/07/) 11:24:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51245&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51245) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51245) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=51245&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Instructions** _  
[JL only]

Your mission for today, boy, should you choose to accept it (and not accepting it is not an option) is to write out a detailed fantasy that can be sprung upon you before you have to leave for filming. After you finish that, you will write out five ways that you would just _hate_ to be tortured with during your off-days.

Then I think it's high time we test-till-destruction that spanking platform we have in the playroom.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/51245.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	244. jonnyleemiller: Fantasy

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/07/) 23:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31341&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31341) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31341) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31341&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Fantasy**_  
[locked to Gerard, september 7]

You asked for your slave's fantasy, Master, one that could be sprung on him before he goes to film. He's thought long and hard (and been _damned_ hard) all day about it. Most of his fantasies have been vampires, where he's a partially willing victim to his own destruction, but there's a darker fantasy your slave would like.

I'm alone in the house. And I've drifted off, half sleeping on the couch. Someone comes in, but before I can react, before I can ask if it's you, there's a hand on my mouth, a rag pressing into my nose and the scent of ether is all I remember for the longest time.

When I wake, it's to darkness, a black room. Or rather it seems black behind the blindfold. I can tell I'm standing, but I'm dizzy and disoriented. There's a rush of cool air, like a door opening, and I know I'm naked, the chill shivering me, nipples taut and cock erect whether I want or not.

I twist, trying to get out, but there's nowhere to go. My whole body moves, and slowly the reality of my captivity sinks in. My feet are wide apart, shoulder-width, most likely held there by spreader bar. I can feel the cold steel on my ankles as solidly as the manacles wrapping my wrists. I stretch my hands, seeking some sort of hold and my fingers slip through the thick, heavy links of freefall chains.

Bound. Blindfolded. The room's silent, no noise except the occasional rush of air. I'm scared. I don't like being alone. It's frightening not knowing where I am or if anyone's there. If you're there. Then there's a voice, low and harsh and rough against the back of my neck.

_You're mine, boy._

My cock is hard, knife-edge sharp, and I shouldn't be _this_ aroused by something so frightening. A hand touches me, rubs over my throat and down my chest. And with every stroke, I want more. I want to beg, but I don't. I feel that speaking is forbidden. Minutes of flesh on flesh start to overload my senses. Every nerve ending is fraying and my shoulders are pulling from the chain's tug, the inability to get anything more than the balls of my feet on the floor.

And then it's no longer a hand on me, but the metallic brush some something long and flat against my hip. It takes a moment, but it registers. The barrel of a gun. Cold. Steel. Sliding over my arse. Pressing into the cleft. Caressing it. Metal slips inside my body, tears and stretches. My mind races, aroused and petrified, being fucked so violently with no recourse, no way to get out.

And the voice whispers in my ear.

_Anything I want, I can have._  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-12 09:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=54637&format=light#t54637))   
---|---  
My god, Teak. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?replyto=54637&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=54637&format=light#t54637))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-12 09:36 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55149&format=light#t55149))   
---|---  
Is that a good _my god_? Or did your slave go too far, Master? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?replyto=55149&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=54637&format=light#t54637))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55149&format=light#t55149))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-12 09:40 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55661&format=light#t55661))   
---|---  
That's a 'my god, I just came in my pants' my god. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?replyto=55661&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55149&format=light#t55149))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55661&format=light#t55661))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-12 10:07 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55917&format=light#t55917))   
---|---  
Guess it's a good thing this slave hasn't done the laundry yet today. Wasn't sure, Pire, if that'd be too much. Your slave had thought about sharing a much tamer fantasy, but he went for extreme. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?replyto=55917&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55661&format=light#t55661))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55917&format=light#t55917))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-12 10:12 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=56173&format=light#t56173))   
---|---  
Extreme is good. Extreme is very good. Christ.  
  
  
Know where Master can buy a gun? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?replyto=56173&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html?thread=55917&format=light#t55917))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	245. jonnyleemiller: Things your slave hates

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/07/) 11:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31152&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31152) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31152) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31152&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Things your slave hates**_  
[locked to Gerard, september 7]

Assume you mean while filming, Master, so here's the list 

Be made to sit still.

Do laundry.

Not be allowed to talk to you.

Have to be sociable when all I want to do is stay in bed and wank to "Timeline," "Reign of Fire" and "Dracula."

Not be allowed to come. Well, that's only marginal torture.

On the flip side, your slave would _love_ to be tortured at Master's pleasure.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-12 09:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54448&format=light#t54448))   
---|---  
Excellant, boy. Now can you give me a list of things you love to hate to do? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=54448&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54448&format=light#t54448))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-12 09:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54960&format=light#t54960))   
---|---  
Sexy icon, Master. *licks* But your slave likes you better with a bit of beard.  
  
Love to hate to do? Like having his cock locked in a cage for days? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=54960&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54448&format=light#t54448))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54960&format=light#t54960))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-12 09:39 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=55472&format=light#t55472))   
---|---  
Your master likes it better with a bit of beard as well. It makes for such nice burns on your skin.  
  
And, yes, exactly like that. Or have master talk dirty and not be allowed to touch yourself without the help of handcuffs. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=55472&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=54960&format=light#t54960))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=55472&format=light#t55472))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-13 05:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56496&format=light#t56496))   
---|---  
Oh, yes, Master, that's a good one.  
  
Being made to come every half hour for a whole day.  
  
Or being tied to a chair, legs spread and watching Master's movies without being able to touch myself. Never have gotten through ROF without wanking.  
  
Having to jerk off in a public place while Master's on the cell phone.  
  
Those more along the lines of what you were thinking? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=56496&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=55472&format=light#t55472))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56496&format=light#t56496))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-13 05:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56752&format=light#t56752))   
---|---  
Oh, yes. Much more along the lines.  
  
I think I'll throw nipple clamps into that second one. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=56752&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56496&format=light#t56496))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56752&format=light#t56752))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-13 05:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=57008&format=light#t57008))   
---|---  
Fuck, Pire, that icon. Wow! Forgotten that picture had been made.  
  
Okay, just walk around the house in wet swim trunks all day, make me stay on my knees in one spot and occasionally brush against my face. Torture. Max. Delicious. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=57008&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=56752&format=light#t56752))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=57008&format=light#t57008))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-13 05:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=57520&format=light#t57520))   
---|---  
What a red mouth you have, Teak. The better for blowing me with, I presume.  
  
And I shall do just that. We can start now. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?replyto=57520&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31152.html?thread=57008&format=light#t57008))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	246. gerard: Fantasy Response

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/07/) 23:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52452&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52452) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52452) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52452&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Fantasy Response** _  
[ ~~public by default because Ger is thinking too much with his dick to remember to lock~~ JL only (Wednesday morning)]

My beautiful boy. One [good turn](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31341.html) deserves another.

I come up from behind you. You look so trusting and sweet, sleeping peacefully. I almost feel guilty for disturbing your solitude. But I'm a selfish bastard and I drug you out, so I won't have to deal with ungrateful struggling. You'll be grateful soon enough. Of course you will. Because I'm an arrogant bastard as well as a selfish one and I know that there's no way you won't enjoy what I'm going to do to you.

Not that I care about your pleasure, because I don't. This is all about me and what makes me wet. What makes me hard and wet and wanting to fuck your pert arse.

I've already gotten the dungeon ready and you're so easy to chain up. So nice on the eyes, you are, and so I take pictures. Lots of pictures. I blindfold you, and put you in a spreader bar, the better to see you with, my dear.

When you start to wake up, I blend into the shadows, even though I know you won't be able to see me. This is about me seeing you. I watch your every reaction and it makes me harder than sin. I watch you realize where you are and I watch you as you begin to enjoy it.

So I walk through the chains, pushing them to the side, and sneak up behind you. I blow against the back of your neck and I think that I should have taken your collar off. With it on, you already know you're mine. I want to make you remember all over again.

But it's too late to do that. And I don't mind it, not really. Lessons are only good if they're reinforced.

_You're mine_ , I tell you. I touch you, fingers around your neck, down your chest, finally coming down to your erect cock. Your skin is so soft and I want to mar it and mark it and watch you bleed beneath me.

There will be time for that later. I take the gun out of my pocket and slide it up your thigh. I watch you squirm beneath me and then I bring the gun around, making sure that the barrel is always touching your skin. And then I begin to work it into you. The gun isn't loaded, has never been loaded, but you don't know that. And that's the most powerful feeling of it all. I have the ultimate power over you and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I own you, you're mine, and you are not going anywhere. It's the perfect moment and I want to live in it forever. I want to live in the knowledge that you're mine, that all you have, all you are, is mine.

_Anything I want, I can have._

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlandobloom/profile)[**orlandobloom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/orlandobloom/)  
2004-09-13 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97508&format=light#t97508))   
---|---  
my, my, my.  
  
And here I thought I was the only one who accidentally revealed their fantasies to the world. What a lucky boy you have, Mr. Butler.  
  
Very lucky indeed. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=97508&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97508&format=light#t97508))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-13 03:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98276&format=light#t98276))   
---|---  
~~Shit~~  
  
Thank you, Mr. Bloom. I like to make him as lucky as I can. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=98276&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97508&format=light#t97508))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-09-13 02:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97764&format=light#t97764))   
---|---  
Wow. Just. _Fuck._  
  
I agree with Orlando. Jonny Lee is a very lucky boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=97764&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97764&format=light#t97764))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-13 03:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98532&format=light#t98532))   
---|---  
~~Don't _you_ start~~  
  
Thanks, Marton. You better take care of him in Berlin. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=98532&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=97764&format=light#t97764))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98532&format=light#t98532))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-09-13 04:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=99044&format=light#t99044))   
---|---  
Don't worry, I'll take very good care of him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=99044&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98532&format=light#t98532))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-13 03:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98020&format=light#t98020))   
---|---  
Uh, not complaining, Master, and if you want, you can take out an ad in The Sun, but did you mean to leave this public? Or is it just a way to torture your slave that he'll love to hate?  
  
Gone running. Back in an hour. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=98020&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98020&format=light#t98020))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-13 03:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98788&format=light#t98788))   
---|---  
No, I didn't. Oops. It's fixed now. If I was going to declare my love and devotion for you in public, which I have before, it certainly won't be in the form of a fantasy meant for your eyes only. Sorry, Teak. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?replyto=98788&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52452.html?thread=98020&format=light#t98020))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	247. gerard: Violence begets violence, but never peace

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/08/) 00:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52606&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52606) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52606) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=52606&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Violence begets violence, but never peace** _  
[JL only]

Teak, I'm not sure you want to read this. In the interest of being honest and a good lover, boyfriend, someone you trust, and sharing and all that, I'm making it locked only to you. But I repeat. I don't think you'll want to read this.

  
What I want to do to Peter Wingfield:

  

  1. Corner him during an afterparty for something. Shove him against a wall and slap that confident look off his face. Bite his neck and lower, making him finally shut up. I want him to be incoherent from need and lust. I want to bring him down to everywhere he's put me, and then I want to leave him there.
  
  

  2. Order him to appear naked in a viewing room in the club. Dim all the lights and then blindfold him. Beat the screams out of him. Make him lose his composure, his sly 'I know better than you ever will' veneer.
  
  

  3. Kiss him and not have it mean anything.
  
  
~~
  4. Co-dom you with him.
~~  
  

  5. Fuck him on a bed ~~and be like lovers~~
  
  
~~
  6. Go back to my knees for him to see if it still feels right
~~  
  

  7. Finally feel like I'm his equal.
  



I wish I could forget. Or will myself to want to forget. I can't. But I never expected it to hurt this much. There's nothing resolved between the two of us and nothing probably ever will be. How can he live with the knowledge that there's something incomplete in his life, that there's something he never really finished. It's like a half-finished book. Mocking me. Following me around. If I could finish it, or finally bring myself to toss it, then I could forget it. But it's still an open wound. I just thought it had been stitched over, but it hadn't.

I miss him and I don't know why. There's nothing to miss _about_ him. He's a perfect stranger. But I miss him.

Or maybe what I miss is merely the potential of him. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I _don't_ need him anymore. I need to close the door, turn the page, put Peter fucking Wingfield out of my life.

And I'll start by burning my Highlander videos. But not right now. I'll, uh, do it later.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/52606.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	248. jonnyleemiller: Pre-trip rumblings

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[16](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/16/) 11:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31937&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31937) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31937) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=31937&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  nervous  
---|---  
  
_**Pre-trip rumblings**_  
[public]  
  
24 hours.  
Well, 22 hours, 12 minutes.  
Should be happy. It's work. It's a film.  
Weeks in Berlin without him.  
Oh, well, if anyone's over there in the next month, look me up.  
  
  
[private]  
I'm scared. I know that's silly. Rational thought should take hold, but I'm frightened of being so far out of his control for so long. Don't want to fuck up again. I'm a friggin' actor. Should _want_ to work. Don't. Just want to stay curled up at Master's feet.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/31937.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	249. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Leaving on a jet plane

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/17/) 22:01:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32174&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32174) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32174) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32174&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  hiding the tears  
---|---  
  
_**JLM/GB: Leaving on a jet plane**_  
 **[players. only. occurs friday afternoon, september 17, at heathrow airport as jonny lee leaves for berlin to film _aeon flux_.]**  
  
  
Bags already checked. Passport and tickets in his backpack. Jonny Lee's ready to leave. Except that he doesn't want to go. The last day spent on his knees, serving his Master, has him in a headspace he doesn't want to release. But in a few minutes, he'll have to go through security, clear the checkpoints and wait to board. By himself. He hates that about new security measures, that his lover can't see him off at the gate. No last-minute snogs and hugs. It all has to be done on the public side of metal detectors. So he's standing there at the bistro table, staring into his coffee and trying to think on how to say everything.  
  
Rather than stare at his coffee, Gerard is staring at his boy. This is going to be the last time he'll be able to see him for weeks, maybe months, and already he's regretting his decision to let Jonny Lee work when he's going to be working as well. He's been spoiled over the past year. They've never had to work at the same time and so Jonny Lee was always around, bright and perky and always eager. And now he isn't. There's phone calls and e-mails and Gerard hopes he'll be able to visit, but it's not the same as coming home exhausted and having his boy there to rub his shoulders and take him to bed. _Change is good,_ he reminds himself. But he can't quite bring himself to believe it.  
  
"I'll call," Jonny Lee says, looking up from the cup to Gerard's eyes, smile weak, "minute I get there." He sips on the last dregs of the coffee and crushes the cup. "I've got everything, all the rules written down. It'll be okay." He's trying to reassure himself as much as his lover. They haven't been apart for more than a weekend since last November, and phone calls and e-mails and journal posts aren't the same as touching.  
  
Gerard nods and tries to smile. "Yeah. It'll be ok." He reaches across the table and takes the crushed cup gently from Jonny Lee. "You'll tell me the times you usually have scenes and I'll tell you when I'm usually shooting and we can set up a time to call every night." See, it won't be so bad. "And you'll probably be very busy, so you'll just want to crash every night. Won't have time to pine."  
  
He glances around, satisfied that the lurking passers-by are gone. "Except that your slave will be thinking about you every minute of the day, Master," Jonny Lee says, touching his hand to his throat, lightly rubbing his thumb over the collar that rests there. He smiles lightly. "He won't be pining, but he _will_ be longing to have his Master's hand on him again."  
  
Gerard's gaze follows Jonny Lee's hand. "You can't wear that during filming," he says quietly.  
  
Jonny Lee nods. "He knows," he murmurs. "Just till he gets there, when he's not filming, nothing but when he's sleeping."  
  
"Yeah." Gerard wishes he had something like that to remind him of Jonny Lee. "If the costume allows, wear the bat, but don't take any risks. Not for me."  
  
"Yes, Master, no risks." Jonny Lee's smile widens at being given permission to wear the bat with his costume, if it works. He shuffles from one foot to another. "All the questionable items are in checked luggage."  
  
"Good boy." Gerard looks over his shoulder quickly and relaxes a little when he sees that there's no one there. "We should talk about permission."  
  
"Yes, sir. Whatever Master wants to give is fine."  
  
Gerard isn't planning on giving much. He's too possessive, too quick to get jealous, to put his boy in anyone else's hands. "I'd prefer it if you didn't shag, fuck, blow, wank, or verbally stimulate anyone to orgasm." He says, entirely confident that it would never have occurred to Jonny Lee to do that to anyone. But... "However, if you wake up on a Saturday morning in someone else's bed and can't remember the night before, just look around to make sure there are used condoms on the floor. And then call me." He doesn't think his boy would be so irresponsible, but he wants to cover all the bases.  
  
Gerard's going so fast it takes Jonny Lee a minute to catch up. Then he's grinning. He wasn't wanting to do those things anyway. Not with anyone but Gerard. "Yes, Master," voice low, "your slave won't get anyone else off. And, honestly, he doesn't plan on ending up in any beds other than his own. Alone."  
  
"Thought so." Gerard says. He checks his watch and then looks up at the board announcing flight times. "How soon do you need to be past that gate?"  
  
"Shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to clear security, another 15 to the gate," Jonny Lee says, glancing at the board, "and the flight doesn't leave for almost an hour so there's a bit of time to spare."  
  
"Good." Gerard bites his lip. "I'm going to miss you."  
  
"Going to miss you." Jonny Lee moves around the table, brushing his hand over Gerard's, lacing fingers slightly. "Won't change anything. Not going to stop loving you." _Was that for you or him, Jonny?_ He blushes, leans closer. "Not going to want to stop being your slave."  
  
Screw where they are. Gerard kisses Jonny Lee lightly. "Never going to stop wanting to be your master."  
  
Jonny Lee doesn't give a damn about being in Heathrow's main concourse, about who's watching or who isn't. He wants the kiss, and he's leaning into it, taking as much as Gerard will allow, for as long as it lasts, wanting that flavor, the taste of Master and lover on his lips all the way to Berlin.  
  
Mm. Jonny Lee tastes good. Gerard's going to remember this moment on so many cold, lonely nights in Iceland. His boy warm on his lips and he wants to gather Jonny Lee up in his arms and just hold him and never let go, but he can't. It's not the time, it's not the place, and he doesn't want his boy having too many problems sitting on the plane.  
  
It's a reluctant break, on both parts, bodies that should be together pulling back. "You said you'd give your slave last-minute instructions at the airport, Master," he whispers, glint of mischief in his eye, recalling the envelope Gerard had tucked into his pocket before leaving the house.  
  
"I did," Gerard gives Jonny Lee one last kiss, this time on the nose. "I want you to touch yourself on the plane, thinking about me. I want you to rub against the seat back and feel the fabric rub against your bruises. I don't want you to come until you're in your hotel room. Does my boy think he can do that?"  
  
"Yes, sir, he can do that." Jonny Lee crinkles his nose, the brush kiss tickling. "Is it alright for your slave to call you, Pire, when he gets to the room, ask for the permission to come?"  
  
"More than alright." Gerard grins. "But unpack first." He reaches into his pocket and presses the letter into Jonny Lee's hand. "Read this on the plane."  
  
Taking the envelope, Jonny Lee tucks it into his jacket pocket. "Of course, unpack first, then call and wank." He glances at the clock. Forty-five minutes till the flight. "Need to go. Don't want to, but if I miss the flight, there'll be a pissed director looking for me."  
  
"Yeah." But Gerard wants to do anything but let go. "I love you. Have I told you that too much?"  
  
"Never could tell me that too much, Pire," Jonny Lee smiles. "Master. Lover. Friend. You mean more to me than anyone ever will." He's not strong enough to step back, let go. "Gonna have to make me turn around, walk away. Or I'm not gonna get on that plane."  
  
"Can I order you to have a good flight? Does it work that way?" Gerard reaches out and cups Jonny Lee's neck. He brings him forward for a kiss. One last kiss. All he wants. Just one more.  
  
"I'll tell the captain when I board that my Master says so," Jonny Lee says, blushing even as the words come out, as he leans forward. One last kiss. It has to last for weeks. He tilts his head, lets his lips hang open on the last words. "Love you."  
  
"Love you." Gerard repeats. "No one ever but you," he promises. Then he makes himself sit back. He makes himself stand up. He makes himself pick up Jonny Lee's carry on. But, Christ, how much he wants to tell Jonny Lee he changed his mind, that he wants Jonny Lee not to leave. But it's too late. Can't change anything now.  
  
It's inevitable. Bag's picked up, put into Jonny Lee's hand, and he's being nudged away from the table into the main walkway. Security checkpoint's just ahead. Points of no return. Jonny Lee promises himself he won't look back, won't cry. He manages to keep the first promise.  
  
Gerard swallows hard as he watches his boy walk away. It's stupid, he knows that. Jonny Lee isn't leaving him. It's just a job. It's only a few months. They'll call and write. It won't be too bad. _Keeping telling yourself that, Butler,_ Gerard thinks as he watches Jonny Lee disappear. This is going to be the hardest time of his life.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	250. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/19/) 22:03:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53241&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53241) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53241&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ]** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: From Iceland

  
Teak,

I miss you already. My plane landed sixteen hours ago and I was immediately (after customs and puzzling out signs, Icelandic-to-English dictionary in hand) placed on another plane, which landed on a runway that looked like it was a converted road. Then I had a delightful jeep ride. If you ever have to take one of them, be sure you're not wearing a plug. After some of those bumps, you probably won't be able to get it out again.

Completely shaken up, I managed to find my room. It's new in the 'just built for filming' way, not in the new 'welcoming tourists' way. As such, almost nothing works. As I'm to play a man whose only baths were in ice-cold streams, if indeed he ever took them, this is surprisingly realistic. The one thing they _have_ managed to set up is a tower so the director and producers can talk to each other and back to the studio on their mobiles. Thankfully, Stellan has shown me how to patch everything together so I can send e-mails.

When they say that this is land that hasn't been touched since the time of Beowulf, they mean it. The roads look like they were built by the Romans and haven't been kept up since. There's a gravel road and various patches of mats and things so that the tracks for camera shots can be level, and there's a large tent with food. Trailers are spotty. Costumes have claimed two, make-up shares with storage space. And, I have been told, when it rains, umbrellas shall break.

I need you to get back to me with the times for your scenes. There's only an hour difference between us, so calling won't be too hard. If you have too many night shoots, I can wake up an hour early and call you. If you have more afternoon shoots, we can do midnight chats.

You should see my "hair". Anyone watching Phantom and then watching this won't be able to recognize me.

Love you.

~Gerry

P.S. I took the liberty of liberating two of your shirts from where they were being cruelly oppressed in the bottom of your suitcase. I replaced them with two of mine. I think that's a fair trade, don't you?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **email to master**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-20 05:53 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?thread=99321&format=light#t99321))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Re: From Iceland  
  
You couldn't tell me about the shirts when I had you on the phone wanking. No. That's alright. I found them, and I'm curled up in one right now.  
  
Your slave misses you, master.  
  
Filming is hectic. Day shoots this week, until Saturday, and then at least two weeks of night shoots, like till 4 a.m. things, according to the schedule. Do first scenes with Mr. Csokas tomorrow morning. Will have late afternoon free. By the way, saw him today on set and he says hi. Feels like we're living in the lap of luxury compared to your set.  
  
The laptop's working beautifully. Made a new icon even. Did you slave mentions he misses you? And he loves you.  
  
~ your Teak  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?replyto=99321&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?thread=99321&format=light#t99321))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-20 08:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?thread=99833&format=light#t99833))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: Re: Re: From Iceland  
  
  
The slums are the lap of luxury compared with this set. Still, I get to kill people and drink mead. It balances out. I'll call you tomorrow, late afternoon. We should probably just take this a week at a time.  
  
I love you. And I miss you.  
  
  
~Gerry 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?replyto=99833&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53241.html?thread=99321&format=light#t99321))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	251. gerard: Late Night Phone Call

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/21/) 00:23:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53383&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53383) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53383) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53383&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Late Night Phone Call** _  
[Vignette]

  
Gerard's shoulders ache. Parry, thrust, thrust, parry. He's been at it all day, first with stunt choreographers one last time and then in front of the camera. It had taken twenty takes to get it right. Not the greatest start for an action film.

After a long shower, decadently hot from the newly repaired hot water heater, Gerard's sitting on the bed, his laptop propped up on his thighs. But he isn't sure what to tell Jonny Lee.

_Dear Jonny, wish you were here to rub my back and get rid of the kinks in my neck._ No, that would never do. It sounds like he's guilting Jonny Lee for taking the role. It sounds like he's changed his mind and wants Jonny Lee to drop everything to take care of his master who, apparently, is no longer able to function without him. "He'll lose all bleeding respect for me," Gerard mutters and hits the backspace button with all the force of blade hitting blade.

_Dear Jonny, miss you._ No. If he keeps reminding Jonny Lee of that, Jonny Lee will start to think that Gerard thinks Jonny Lee's doubting it. "Don't overly remind him of anything," he says, and attacks the backspace key again.

_Dear Jonny, having fun in Berlin?_ No. Now he's sounding like he's checking up on him, making sure he isn't cheating. And Gerard knows better, he knows Jonny Lee would never think of doing something like that. He has complete faith in his boy's loyalty. And again his finger makes sweet love to the backspace key.

_Dear Jonny,_ Gerard stares at the screen for a long time and then closes everything. He dials Jonny Lee's mobile, knowing that Jonny Lee's probably long asleep, but wanting to hear his boy's voice.

The short greeting relaxes him a little. "Teak, it's me," Gerard says. "Just calling," he pauses. "Just calling to hear your voice." They'd already talked before, but it's not enough. Not enough when he's used to hearing Jonny Lee's voice all the time. Once a day will never be enough. "I-I hope you're enjoying yourself. Talk to you tomorrow." He hangs up before he can embarrass himself further and then writes himself a note and sticks it to the bathroom mirror.

_Invest in calling cards._

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53383.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	252. jonnyleemiller: missed connections

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/21/) 22:56:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32447&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32447) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32447) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32447&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**missed connections**_  
[vignette]

He wishes in the early morning haze of waking up that he hadn't muted his mobile while recharging it. He listens to the voicemail. Gerard's voice. Once more.

He's heard it already, the message, _just wanted to hear your voice_.

Four times.

Kneeling, fingers on the collar he slept in.

That was before the shower, the wanking, slow and eyes closed, every stroke imagining Gerard's voice, telling him he can't come. _Not yet, Teak. Wait._

He does. He listens to the voicemail again, twice more while starting coffee in the small pot the hotel room has. He's hard, knife-edge, cutting paper, without blinking, hard.

Still he's not coming. Not till he has to get dressed. Looks at the clock. 45 minutes. Not till he _has_ to take the collar off.

He leaves the coffee brewing and kneels up in front of the long mirror on the back of the closet door. He touches the collar, now wet and heavy on his throat, like his Master's hand would be.

"His. Collar at his throat marks him."

He slides his other hand to his face, gliding fingers over his mouth, silently kissing the rough pads.

"Lips and tongue, for master's pleasure only."

From mouth, the journey goes to nipples, first the right and then the left, rolling them between finger and thumb, twisting and pinching till his eyes close for a brief second, white flashing in the lids as he whimpers.

"Always his."

His hand tightens on his collar as his hand trails down over his stomach, fingers gliding through damp curls of hair, wrapping around the base of a cock hanging heavy between his spread legs.

"No one else touches. Ever."

He strokes. Slowly. Eyes focused on his reflection. Methodically, Master's hand there and not his, that twist of wrist and tug. He drags it out. 10 minutes. 15. Eyes shutting ang snapping back open. Fingers rubbing under the wet leather, then over it, and as he nears the time to dress, his hand clutches at his throat and his fingers clench at his cock.

"Yours, Master."

He comes, pulsing white streams over the mirror, painting his hand. And when it's done, he licks his fingers clean, wiping at the mirror and finishing a slave's duty. Slowly he rises, takes the collar off and places it in side pounch of his backpack.

"Your slave loves you, Pire."

Then he dresses, jeans and t-shirt, fills the Thermos with coffee and heads out the door, backpack on his shoulder, just Jonny Lee heading to the set.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	253. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/24/) 13:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53630&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53630) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53630) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53630&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ]** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: 1/too many

Sturla says that this film is short of everything except love. That's the film _process_ , hopefully not the finished one, but I'm beginning to think that this shoot is being held together by sweat, elbow grease, and Sturla's sunglasses. Nevertheless, the locations are beautiful, very scenic. It reminds me that I need to send post cards out, or tell people that I'm still alive. I haven't drowned yet in my many falls from the Viking ship. Ingvar, our Grendel, has already gotten his share of cuts and bruises. He's the most talented and versatile actor in this country and I can hardly understand a word he says. I'm getting better at it and I hope that, by the end of next week, I can pump him for acting tips.

The night have been thankfully short. I keep waking up and throwing my arm over to find you, cuddle you, and you're never there. I think that I should make a cardboard cutout of you and write on it "watch this space", the way they do with billboards and empty lots.

I envy you your collar. Even though you can't wear it all the time, when you do it's a physical reminder that there's somebody who loves you, somebody who's waiting for you. You can look at it and be reminded and reassured that you're not alone. Were it not for the symbolism of it, I might ask you to get me one. But the symbolism is far too much.

But maybe a bracelet? A wrist cuff, the sort of thing I see various actors sporting, the kinds that are leather and lace up? Something with your name on it, something that _you_ want me to wear for you. Something of yours that you gave to me to mark me as yours. I'd like that.

Happy Friday.

Love,  
Gerry

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53630.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	254. gerard: [E-mail to Everybody]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/24/) 14:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53859&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53859) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53859) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=53859&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to Everybody]** _

To: membership@establishment.rpg  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Subject: Iceland

I've arrived in Iceland, settled in, and gotten down to the dirty business of battling monsters. Consider this your "Iceland is beautiful, wish you were too" message. I have been into a proper city once, but when I am again, I will be looking for Authentic Icelandic Kinky Toys, if any of you want me to pick up some. And if you want me to violate codes of ethics and steal you bits of an iceberg, I can do that as well.

-Gerry Butler

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/darknesshounsou/profile)[**darknesshounsou**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/darknesshounsou/)  
2004-09-24 09:55 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?thread=100195&format=light#t100195))   
---|---  
To: Gerard Butler  
From: Djimon Hounsou  
RE: Subject: Iceland  
  
  
I visited Iceland for the first time last year and absolutely fell in love with the place ~~island~~. Although in the past the native people were far too wary of darker-skinned ethnicities, these days their reception of colored races has improved.  
  
As a fitness buff, I have to suggest that you visit several of the spas there, not to mention the hot springs located right next to glaciers. They have the freshest lamb, cod, water, and their night life is improving.  
  
Just curious, how long are you expecting to be there?  
  
-Djimon Hounsou 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?replyto=100195&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?thread=100195&format=light#t100195))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-24 11:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?thread=100451&format=light#t100451))   
---|---  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/darknesshounsou/profile)[**darknesshounsou**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/darknesshounsou/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: re: RE: Subject: Iceland  
  
Mr. Hounsou,  
  
I expect to be here until the end of October, but we're filming far from civilization. I don't know if I'll have a chance to check out the places you've recommended, but I'll try. Thank you for the suggestions.  
  
  
~Gerry Butler 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?replyto=100451&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/53859.html?thread=100195&format=light#t100195))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	255. gerard: Too late to be night, too early to be morning

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[27](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/27/) 04:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54087&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54087) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54087) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54087&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Too late to be night, too early to be morning** _  
[public by default]

I miss him.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-09-27 04:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?thread=100679&format=light#t100679))   
---|---  
Miss you, too.  
  
We made switch to night shooting over weekend. Schedule's all screwed. Maybe we can connect by phone today?  
  
Love you, master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?replyto=100679&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?thread=100679&format=light#t100679))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-09-27 04:36 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?thread=100935&format=light#t100935))   
---|---  
Love you. Call me whenever you can. I promise that if I can't pick up then, I'll call you back as soon as I can. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?replyto=100935&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54087.html?thread=100679&format=light#t100679))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	256. jonnyleemiller: Tuesday a.m.

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/09/28/) 00:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32721&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32721) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32721) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32721&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Tuesday a.m.** _  
** [vignette] **

Jonny Lee has reaffirmed his dislike for women.

No, erase that. Just one woman in particular. Charlize "Bloody Gonna Do It Myself" Theron.

He slams his backpack down onto the bed as he comes in at -- he glances at his watch in the midst of ripping off his shirt -- 6 friggin' a.m.

He screams.

"I am"

_picks up the shirt_

"fuckin'"

_balls it up_

"tired of this shite"

_throws it across the room_

"want to quit"

_knocks the half-empty Coke bottle off the dresser_

"want to go home"

_collapses on the floor against the bed_

"now!"

_watches the brown liquid drizzle down onto the carpet_

It's been days since he's spoken with Gerard and he knows he'll just get voicemail this early, but he stretches back an arm and retrieves his backpack, tugging it down.

First the collar comes out. Goes on. Tighter by one notch than normal. He wants to feel the constriction, know Master's touch even when it's not there. Then he tags the phone, flips it open and dials, eyes closed, the number.

_This is Gerry Butler. You've ..._

"Yeah, I know, I've got about 90 seconds at the beep."

_Beep._

"Morning, Pire. Or it's something like that. I'm coming in from filming, and you're still asleep I bet. Wish I was there to wake you up, mouth on cock, tongue lapping over your balls." He moans, stretches his legs. "Okay, needless to say, your slave's gonna need a cold shower in a minute. Betting you wouldn't mind if he slid himself into a cock ring before that shower, didn't come and fell asleep hard." Jonny Lee's definitely squirming now, sinking farther to the floor, stretching out. "Erase that. He's going to forget the shower, just get hard and pass out. Love you, Master. Will try to connect later."

Jonny Lee flips the phone down, tags back into the backpack and snags a simple leather strap. Jeans are unbuttoned quickly, denim spread enough for fingers to reach in through boxer briefs, tug at the half-hard cock, stiffen it nicely and slap the restraint on.

Then he lays his head back, Coke still dripping and lets its metronomic patter send him into orgasmic dream zone.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/32721.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	257. gerard: [New Outgoing Message]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/28/) 10:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54477&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54477) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54477&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[New Outgoing Message]** _  
[The new outgoing message on Ger's voicemail. Follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/32721.html).]

_*beep*_

This is Gerry Butler. You've got 90 seconds. Make it good. Jonny, press 1.

*one*

Teak? I keep missing you and I hate it. It's not the same listening to you on voicemail, or calling you up and never knowing when you'll get the message. Everywhere I go, I see things that remind me of you. The other day I was grabbing a sandwich and I saw -

*beeeeeep*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54477.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	258. gerard: Lonely? Try phone sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/09/28/) 23:43:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54664&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54664) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54664) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=54664&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Lonely? Try phone sex** _  
[players only. After exchanging voicemails, the boys finally connect.]

  
Jonny Lee's stretched out on the hotel bed, reading over script changes, some pay-per-view flick on the telly and mobile by his hand. He's not expecting the call, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared. After reading the same page four times, not focusing at all on what he's supposed to be doing, he puts the pages down and lays back against the pillow, closing his eyes and drifting off, half-asleep and half-dreaming, of being home, of being _anywhere_ but here, as long as it's somewhere with Pire.

Gerard had stripped upon entering his room and had immediately taken a shower. He had alternated between cold and hot until he finally felt clean and then he collapsed into bed. The phone is right next to him and he reaches over and dials the number from memory. He hopes Jonny Lee is awake, but even if he isn't, just being able to talk through voicemail would be good enough.

The phone rings twice before Jonny Lee realizes it _is_ in the room with him and it _is_ his, not just something in the dream. _Good dream,_ he thinks as he flips the phone open. "Hi," he says, groggily. "You've reached a waking Jonny Lee. May he help you."

Ah. So his boy _is_ awake. Well, mostly. "He may," Gerard answers charitably. "I have this terrible erection and I could use his help in getting rid of it."

All it takes is the voice and Jonny Lee's wide awake. "Master," he blurts out, sitting up. "God, it's great to hear your voice. Live. And, yeah, your boy can do whatever you need. Love you. Miss you."

"Miss you," Gerard says. He closes his eyes and images that Jonny Lee's right next to him and not several hundred miles away. "How was your day?"

"Long. Not bad. Filmed a few scenes, some more rehearsals. It's neat," Jonny Lee says, moving from sitting to kneeling on the bed, resting on his heels. More of a proper position for talking with Gerard, he thinks. "Yours? Hacking and slashing?"

"Hacking and slashing," Gerard confirms. "And some dialogue that may send me screaming if it keeps up." One hand slides down and he starts palming his cock. "Met any interesting people?"

"Cast is cool. One guy on the crew, Kurt, he's hooked me up with this Joint Ops server group, so I can play out battles from the laptop all hours." Jonny Lee reaches across the bed and tugs the headset off the table, plugs it into the phone and gets it into place around his hair. Hands go to his back then, fingers lacing. "Master, your slave misses being told what to do," he says, kneeling straighter. "Would you? Please."

"Give my slave orders?" It's strange, Gerard thinks, how quickly he's gotten used to the idea of Jonny Lee as his slave. The first time he'd thought of it, back when they'd been getting their tattoos, it had seemed a frightening concept. Now it feels warm and familiar, like they're finally getting to where they should be. Just in two different countries. "My boy better be kneeling for that."

"Yessir, he is." Jonny Lee closes his eyes for a second, imagines Gerard kneeling behind him, whispering over his shoulder. "Your boy's spending a lot of time on his knees thinking about you, master."

"What a good boy he is." Gerard's thumb rubs against the head of his cock and he can't help but gasp slightly into the phone. "Going to reward my boy for that."

Jonny Lee's cock is hard, pushing against the half-button denim, just at hearing master's voice. "Master, how may your boy please you?"

"Striptease," Gerard answers immediately, wishing he'd remembered to pack a headset so he could put his other hand on his cock. "Over the phone. Tell me everything you do, exactly when you do it, how it feels. Touch yourself as much as you can stand."

"Oh, fuck, yes, thank you, master, kneeling on the bed, may I stand up?" Jonny Lee's running his words together at the excitement.

Gerard swallows. "Yes. You may." But first... "Lick your fingers for me, Teak. Suck on them." He wants to 'see' Jonny Lee's tongue circle a finger, he wants to 'see' that naughty look in Jonny Lee's eyes when he knows he's making his master harder by the second.

"Fingers in mouth. Yes." Jonny Lee licks one finger, then another, pushing them both into his mouth past the edge of the headset's mic. He exaggerates the noises, sucking hard on them. "Your slave imagines they're your fingers, master, and he's sucking them on the hope he can beg to have them shoved up his arse."

Gerard shivers. "Christ, Teak." He gives his cock a nice long stroke. "Beg, please. Beg for me."

_Beg for me._ "Oh, god, please, Pire, let your slave serve you." Jonny Lee moves slowly to the bed's edge, sitting and then standing. "Your slave wants to drop to his knees, take his master's cock in his mouth. He'll leave his hands behind his back. Choke me, master. Please." He opens his mouth, moans softly and licks his fingers again, pushing them to the back of his throat this time.

"Yesss. Want to choke you. Want to shove in so deep you ache." Gerard can see it. Can see Jonny Lee on his knees for him, begging. "Want you to choke when I come, want you to beg with your body for so much because you can't speak."

"I can feel you," Jonny Lee says, slipping his fingers from his mouth. "The come dripping down my throat. My cock's aching, throbbing heavy between my legs, but I'm not touching. Not yet. Master hasn't said his slave can." Jonny Lee unbuttons his shirt, quickly. "I'm taking off my shirt, Pire, running my hands over my chest, pausing, palming my nipples. Christ, I love it when you do this." He pinches them, twisting and tugging till he's nearly screaming with the pain. "I imagine you're clamping them. Those alligator clamps you like so much."

Christ. Alligator clamps. Jonny Lee's nipples. Gerard moves his hand from his cock and starts to play with his own, twisting and pulling. _Christ._ "With it were you," he says, twisting a little too harsh and he almost screams. "Wish you were here, top of me, biting, licking, sucking, everything master told you to do you'd do, bloody hell, Teak, so good. Such a good mouth, love you."

Fingers move from nipples to collar, stroking it, and back to nipples, abusing, imagining. It's not enough. Never enough. Not without _his_ hands there. Not without Master. Jonny Lee doesn't even try to fight the tears. Just lets them stream down his face as he shrugs the shirt off his shoulders, down his arms.

"Your slave wouldn't do anything master didn't want. I'm moving my hands to my jeans," he says, voice breaking a little, "want to unbutton them, slide my hand in under the fabric and touch my cock, and in my mind, I see you sitting there in front of me, watching as I beg for the privilege, the honor, of pleasing you, serving you." His fingers are on the buttons, undoing them, pushing the denim apart. "Ohgod, Pire, love you more than life, more than this damned film."

Oh, shit. Is his boy _crying_? Gerard takes his hand off his nipples and rolls onto his side, phone sex forgotten for the moment. "Teak, are you alright? Someone didn't hurt you?" If someone did, screw Sturla. Gerard's getting on the next flight to Berlin. No one gets away with doing anything to Teak that Teak didn't want. No one.

"No, Pire, no one," Jonny Lee starts, realizing how he must sound, tears muffling his words. "No one's hurt me. Everyone's great." His hands are stilled and he takes a deep breath. "Just missing you. So much. And it's only been a week, and I want to come home. Marking the days off till this thing is finished."

"Me, too," Gerard answers quietly. "I never should have taken this job. It hurts to be away from you and know that it's a month until I can hold you again."

"And then you never have to let me go," he says, just as quietly. Jonny Lee's still kneeling up, perfect position, hands on his thighs now, resting lightly. "Would that alright, Master? When I come home, to not do this again? Ever."

Jonny Lee was right, Gerard thinks. This entire thing was a bad idea. He never should have let Jonny Lee out of his sight in the first place. Never should have let them work at the same time. "Never," Gerard says. "We are never doing this again. Once I get you back, I'm never letting you go."

"Thank you, master." Jonny Lee sucks in a deep breath. "Don't want to be away from you again. My place is there, by your side, at your feet," he smiles, "under your hand."

"Want you there." He hadn't known he'd miss Jonny Lee this much. That it would hurt like this. "Want you right next to me. I can't stop thinking about you."

"Me, either. Think about you all the time," Jonny Lee says, "well, except for when the guys distract me with _Joint Ops_. But they do that just to _make_ me stop thinking about you. Love you. Won't be too long. Last day of film's the 20th. I can be on a plane home that afternoon."

"Not home," Gerard winces at how needy he sounds. "I need you here. I'm not allowed off until the 31st. Miss you so much. I'm so sorry for what I said before, that you not coming to Iceland would be a good thing. I didn't realize how much I needed you." He swallows and rolls over, pressing his face into the pillow. "Love you."

"Don't apologize, Pire. It's okay. We'll be back together, the 20th, the minute I get on a flight, I'll come straight to Iceland, stay with you." Jonny Lee's heart is racing now, at the thought of going, of being there, where he should've been all along. "I'll call every day till then. No matter what."

"Me, too. Every day." It's the best they can manage. "And call you all the time and leave messages for you to find when you wake up."

"I like those. I jerk off listening to them over and over." His voice is low. "Don't erase them until the next one comes."

"Why erase them at all?"

"It'll only hold so many, Pire, and I don't want to risk missing one."

"Forgot that." Gerard blushes lightly. "I should do that, too. Don't want to miss a call."

"So, does Master still want his striptease tonight? His boy's rather hard at the moment and was wondering if he had permission to touch himself."

Gerard closes his eyes and rolls over onto his back. "Master would like that. But tell it to him as a bedtime story? Master wants to hear exactly what his boy wants him to do to him once he gets his greedy hands back on his property."

"It's hard to know where to begin, Master," Jonny Lee says, voice sliding into a whisper against the headset's mic. "Your boy thinks Master would first have him strip. So he'd permission to come off his knees, knowing it'd be granted," slowly Jonny Lee pulls himself up, "and he'd make great fanfare of pushing the denim down his hips, over thighs, working it slowly so Master can see each inch as it's exposed, all the flesh his boy wants him to mark with bites and cuts and bruises." He's tugging his jeans down, puddling them on the floor. "And then, when he's naked, standing there with nothing but his collar on, the sign of his Master's dominion over him, he'd drop back to his knees, beg to be allowed to crawl across the floor to his Master's feet."

Jonny Lee pauses, taking in deep breaths, unsteady on his own feet at the moment.

It hurts how much Gerard wants his boy at this moment. Christ. "Want all of that," he murmurs. "Want to watch you strip for me, want to watch you crawl naked, want you to kneel at my feet and just _be_ there. Miss having you there with me."

"Miss it, too." Jonny Lee's trying not to get too emotional. Not again. "Soon, Master. Promise." He runs his fingers over the edge of his cock, its twitching response immediate, biting. "May your slave beg you to come?"

"Beg me to come or beg for permission to come?" Both sound like very good ideas and Gerard lowers his hand again and starts stroking himself.

"Beg for permission, sir. Please? Your slave knows he's not worthy of it. Shouldn't be allowed to even think about coming," Jonny Lee says, palm gliding over his cock, "but he's hard and he's aching and, fuck, he's on his knees, Master," dropping back to the floor, spreading his knees wide, "and if you were here, he'd be doing this for you, at your feet."

"My slave's worthy of everything," Gerard replies automatically, and scrapes his thumb across his balls. Jerks into his own hand and rubs against the soft sheets. _So good_. "Tell master more. What'll my slave to get permission?"

"Anything. Everything. He'll come on the bathroom floor and lick it up while Master listens." Jonny Lee makes a fist around his cock. Just holds it there. Tight. "He'll even not come if Master prefers knowing that his slave stays hard through the night."

That idea's strangely appealing. "Master would like that. The last one. Wants his slave to call him in the morning and wank into his voicemail. Something master can keep and listen to over and over again."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee's happier than he should be, this hard and wanting to come and being told he can't. "Your slave will call you first thing, the minute he wakes up." Although he's not sure how much he's going to sleep. "Love you, Pire."

"Love you, Teak." Gerard blows a kiss into the phone. "Now get me off."

"You don't mean hang up the phone, I assume," he say, voice a touch lighter.

Impertinent slut. "No, I don't," he growls. "Master wants his boy to get his master off."

"On my knees, between your legs, I lick first, tongue swabbing over your cock. Love the taste. Salt. Tang. Slowly I let it slide to the back of my throat. So easy. I'm so used to you, the feel, the pressure, hitting the right spots. Then I'm sucking, hard and soft, alternating, rippling hums over the flesh, counting in the back of my mind how long it'll take you, wanting it to take forever, wanting to choke when it happens."

Jonny Lee listens for signs that Gerard's with him, following, hears the slight shift in breathing and continues. "I love sucking your cock, Pire. Have I ever told you that? How much I enjoy it. Almost more than being fucked or beaten. When I'm on my knees, throat full of you, I can't get any closer, can't be possessed any more completely." He whimpers just a bit, his own cock jerking, heavy and stiff. "And when you come, Master, when your cock's so heavy you can't hold back, you're marking me from the inside, making me yours over and over again."

Close. So close. Almost there. Gerard's hand speeds up on his cock and he thinks the phone is going to be permanently attached to his ear from how hard he's leaning on it. "G'on, Teak," he says thickly. "Force you to your knees, fuck you until you cry for me. Make you," that's it, just a little more, "want it, make you."

"Christ, yes, Master, you're fucking me. So hard. Can feel it through my body." Jonny Lee's tears come naturally, dripping down his cheeks. "Till I'm crying, till I'm begging just to hurt, to be claimed with every bruise you make. God, Pire, it feels so good."

"Christ, Mr. Miller." That's it. Just a little more, just another kick. Formality. Something to hear. "Say it, please. For me, please."

Jonny Lee whimpers at the _Mr. Miller._ "Come for me, Mr. Butler. Please, Sir."

_There_. Gerard moans as he comes over his hand. Not as good as having Teak there, no, never that good, but it's a substitute and it's the best in the last week. On the phone, Jonny Lee just a breath away.

The smile washes up through the tears as Jonny Lee listens to the sweetest sound he knows, his Master's pleasure. "Go to bed, now, Master," he whispers. "Dream of us."

Gerard licks his hand clean and then kisses the phone. "Yes, dear. Master's going to bed. His boy should also."

"Hanging up now," Jonny Lee says, not wanting to but knowing he has to do it. "Call you in the morning." And he flips the phone down, letting it cut the call off. He doesn't move, staying there on knees on the floor, cock hard and mobile in his hand. "Love you."

Gerard hears it go the dial tone and groans. "Love you," he says too late and then tosses the phone onto the floor. Sleep now, he decides. Wake up to his boy wanking over the phone. He smiles slowly. Something to look forward to.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/54664.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	259. gerard: Phone Sex: Gerard/Conner (OMC)

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/02/) 23:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55014&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55014) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55014) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55014&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Phone Sex: Gerard/Conner (OMC)** _  
[players only. Missing Jonny Lee, Gerard calls his ex, [Conner](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=Conner&filter=all). Ger had called Conner a few months ago, but, bad mun that I am, it never got posted. Conner is a submissive and his long-time master is named Jesse Coltrane. There ends up being phone sex. Oops.]

  
It's the second week into shooting and Gerard's beginning to wonder at the wisdom behind the thought that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yes, he's missing Jonny Lee more, but he doesn't think he's loving him more. The only way for love to grow, he thinks, is to be around your lover, interact with him, and learn even more what you love about him. He can't wait to Jonny Lee with him again and he's sure that feeling will only grow stronger the longer the absence continues.

Gerard sighs and grabs his wallet from off the floor. If he's already in a mood, he might as well do what he's been delaying for so long. He should call Conner. He'd promised Con that he would last time he'd spoken with him. Con's old safeword had been _Beowulf_ and so Con had been insistent. He also seemed to think that Gerard had only taken the part because of him, and Gerard hadn't tried to convince him otherwise. It wasn't worth the effort. Once Con took hold of an idea, he wasn't one to let go.

Behind his credit cards are picture slots. Only three of them are filled. The first is a picture of his family, the second a picture of Jonny Lee, and the third a many-folded [picture](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/connermanip.jpg) of Conner. Gerard pulls it out and unfolds it. On the back are three phone numbers, two of them crossed out. Gerard picks up the phone and dials the third number and hopes for the answering machine.

No luck. Con picks up on the second ring. "Coltrane residence, Conner speaking."

Gerard flops back on the bed. "It's me. Gerry," he says, and turns the picture over. He smudges out some of the wrinkles. It had been one of Ru's projects and they had all gone along with it. Somewhere, Gerard's sure, there's a crumpled picture of him clutching a microphone between his hands, legs spread. He wouldn't be surprised if Ru or Tommy kept it. And he knows Con did. "I'm calling from Iceland, as promised."

"Gerry!" Con sounds delighted. "Was just talking to Master about you."

"About what?" _Dear Frankie. Please let it be Dear Frankie. Films, I can talk about._

For once, luck is on his side. "Dear Frankie," Con replies promptly. "There was an ad in the paper for a sneak preview and I was trying to convince Master to go."

"Did you go?"

"Yes. And Master and I loved it."

Gerard smiles. "Loved everything about it except for me?" That's usually the reviews he hears from his friends. _Oi, mate, everything was superb. Except for you. Yeah, cut you out and this is Oscar material._

"You weren't bad," Con says charitably. "Why didn't you go to the Edinburgh premiere?"

"How do you know I didn't?"

"Staked it out."

That's something he can believe. "I wanted to spend more time with Jonny Lee," Gerard says. "I could have been called to Iceland any minute and he got a film offer, so we didn't want to waste a day. And, we, uh," Gerard bites his lip. Teak would be angry if he told someone about the torture he put him through for the Olympics.

"Uh?" Con repeats. "Something you're not saying, sir?"

"Just been randomly torturing my boy," Gerard says. "Has Jesse ever put you in chastity for days at a time?"

"Can't say he has," Conner says. He pauses. "He's told me not to come, though. But nothing locked around the bits, no."

"You should ask for it." _No reason not to see if I can torture-by-association._ "Teak was so desperate by the end that, well, I'll leave it to your imagination."

"Thanks, Ger," Con mutters. "And me-" He cuts himself off and Gerard can hear the phone being put down on the table. He can hear Conner move away from the phone but voices still come through.

_"Master."_

_"Conner. What're you doing?"_

_"On the phone with Mr. Butler, Master. He's in Iceland right now."_

_"Shooting your film?"_

_"Yes, Master."_

_"Let me talk to him."_

Gerard puts the picture down as he hears the phone being picked up. "Gerry? This is Jesse." It's not a voice that Gerard's heard enough times to place it, but in the context, it was obvious.

"Jesse. What can I do for you?"

"A favour." There are sounds of shuffling and Gerard guesses that Conner just sat down on Jesse's lap. "Are you in the mood to be used?"

Gerard grins. He can guess where this is going. "At the moment, yes, I am."

"Excellent." A hand muffles the phone, but Gerard can make out Jesse giving Conner orders. Then the phone is handed to Conner.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Conner?" Gerard's wearing only boxers and he slides his hand beneath the elastic and cups his cock. Jonny Lee may be the only man he's attracted to, but Conner's still an old flame. There's sexual attraction enough for them both.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Conner."

"And how's your boy?"

"Teak's even finer. And how are you?"

"I'm fine." Conner pauses and Gerard can hear more instructions. They sound like _Stop It_. "I just finished a big case."

"Did you win?"

"It's divorce, Gerry. The only ones who do win are the lawyers." Conner coughs. "Yes. What are you wearing?"

"Boxers. Undershirt. Wristwatch." Nothing that marks him as Jonny Lee's and Gerard reddens. _What the fuck am I doing?_ There's nothing in their rules that Gerard can't get wanked over the phone by an ex-boyfriend, but there's nothing in their rules that he can. And if Jonny Lee isn't allowed to do anything sexual with someone else, then Gerard shouldn't be allowed to. It's only sense. But, a small voice says, it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. And it would be wrong to hang up now. He'd told Jesse that he'd do this. _Terrible excuse._ And Jonny Lee had never sounded like he was jealous of Conner before. But, then again, Gerard had never done anything with Conner before. _And he got so upset when he found Conner's letter last year._ Gerard pinches the bridge of his nose. "Conner, I-"

"Do you have an erection, Gerry?"

Damn him. "Yes, Conner, I do." He can't hang up now. He can't. Especially not if the unzippering he hears is Jesse unzipping Conner's jeans. It would be wrong. Impolite. Improper. Immoral. Conner might never speak to him again. "Do you?"

"Yeah," Conner replies, a little breathlessly. "Master's making sure of that."

This time Gerard is sure he can hear Jesse say _stop it_. "Is there something you'd like to say to me?" If he's going to feel guilty about doing this, he might as well be a tease about it.

"Yes." He can hear Conner swallow over the phone. "Remember the time we went to a club opening-"

"Which one?" Gerard can remember several.

"The, uh, neon one. With all the lights? The one that didn't have a backroom."

Oh, _that_ one. "Yeah. I remember that one."

"You were wearing that shirt and I-"

"You weren't wearing anything." Gerard grins and starts stroking his cock. "Just a kilt-"

"And lots of glitter."

For months before, they had tried to get Con to go naked. Con could be persuaded to do anything, but not that. It was a disappointment and Gerard had taken his revenge. "You were the sexiest one there," Gerard says, remembering. Most of the glitter had come off onto everyone else's hands and clothes and it had taken _weeks_ to get out.

"And I let a stranger buy me a drink and take me dancing, just so you'd get jealous and come rescue me." Conner's voice turns husky and Gerard wonders just which dial-for-sex operators he's been taking tips from. "But you didn't until the second song. You let me worry that you were going to abandon me to a man with too many hands. But in my moment of need, you tapped him on the shoulder. And leered at me and reached a hand beneath my kilt and stroked my cock. Everyone could see and the man with too many hands stuttered and left, saying he didn't know I was taken. And I _was_ taken, taken by the handsomest man there."

Gerard wonders what Jesse thinks of Conner calling him that. As he recalls, Jesse was also there that night. But he can't bring himself to care. He remembers this perfectly. The harsh throb of the music, the flashing lights, the alcohol high. The feeling of Conner's cock beneath the tartan, and the thrill of claiming Conner in front of the world. Silky smooth and full of rush and speed.

"You whispered in my ear that I better not pull a stunt like that again and then led me off to a corner and I wondered if you were going to spank me for everyone to see. I don't know if I ever told you that, but the thought excited me. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask you to do it, to beg you to pull me over your lap, pull the skirt up, and hurt me until I came on your lap. I always wanted you to mark me as yours-"

_That was always the problem with us. You wanted more. I wanted fun._

Conner coughs. "But you led me out back and shoved me cheek-to-brick. You put your hands on my thighs and slowly inched them upwards. You said to me, you said, I was yours and that I must think I was a miserable little cocksucking slut, cocktease, you would be sure to give me a few quid when you were done with me. You cupped my arse and hurt me and it felt so bloody good and," he's panting by now and Gerard can hear a steady growl from the other side of the phone, Jesse's growl. _You come when he comes, my slut, I pass you around, mine._ "And you started biting me, drew blood, and," Conner laughs a little, "you had glitter on your teeth for _days_ , Gerry, and, _ahhhh_ , Master, please..."

_"Keep going, Conner."_

"And you fucked me and bit me, and, Christ, felt so good, claiming and hazy, and I forgot about being pissed at you for making me wear just this and I wanted to do it all the time, all the time for you, wanted to walk badly tomorrow, wanted you to beat me in public, and people passed by us, laughing and drinking and some of them pointed and it only made you fuck me harder and Benji had found us by now and he was cheering you on, and asked if he could do me next and you said sure and then you came and let him and you were right there, standing next to him, your hands on me, while he fucked me, and it was so perfect, Gerry, so perfect and I knew exactly what I was and I wanted it all the time, to have you pass me around and let everyone mark me and then you take me back and pierce me, remember how you used to do that?, and hurt me and hurt me and hurt me and-"

_I'm going to come,_ Gerard thinks, and it's almost rational. The images, the memories, the sheer need in Conner's voice. Whatever it is, it's enough, and Gerard comes over his hand, groaning into the phone. "Teak..."

Conner either doesn't hear the wrong name being said, or doesn't care. "You'd run your finger across your wrist and I knew that when we were alone, you were going to make me bleed for you and scream and you'd do target practice on my back later and it would be so fucking brilliant and I wanted it so much, sir, fucking loved it when you took me home later and fucked me again, harder this time, and it hurt even more and Ru and Tommy were on the couch and you matched rhythms just to drive me and Tommy crazy, you and Ru, so slow and both of us begging and sweaty and blood-splattered and screaming into pillows, and Master please, please, Master, move your hand, Master, please-"

Jesse lifted the phone from Conner's hand. "Thank you for calling, Gerry," he says calmly. "Conner will call you back later." And right before the dial-tone, Gerard thinks he can hear Conner scream.

He puts the phone back on the cradle and lies on the bed for a few moments before jolting right up. _Oh, shit. What did I just do?_

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55014.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	260. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/02/) 23:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55079&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55079) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55079) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55079&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ]**  
[Follows immediately after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55014.html)]

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=jonnyleemiler)[**jonnyleemiler**](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=jonnyleemiler)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Subject: I fucked up

I can't believe what I just did. There's no excuse. I'm so fucking sorry. I called Conner, Teak. Because I promised him I would. And his master was there and Jesse asked if he could use me to torture Conner. I knew what he was asking, of course, but I said yes, and then Conner started talking to me, and he made me orgasm over the phone.

Christ. I'm so sorry, Teak. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I promise. I just wanted to catch up with him. It's not his fault, he didn't know. It's my fault and I'm so sorry.

I'll understand if there's, well, if you're very pissed.

I love you.

Gerry

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55079.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	261. gerard: When the going gets tough...

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/03/) 07:16:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55378&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55378) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55378) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55378&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**When the going gets tough...** _  
[Vignette.]

  
Teak hasn't replied to his e-mail yet.

Gerard knows this, because Gerard has been checking his e-mail every three minutes for the last six hours. He hasn't gotten any sleep. He's been trying to remember when Teak gets off filming, if he'll be too tired to respond then.

Gerard doesn't think he can wait twelve hours to know what Teak thinks. He knows, thinks, hopes, that what he did isn't grounds for Teak to break up with him, but he also doesn't know how badly Teak is going to take this. And Gerard is beginning to wonder if he should send another e-mail, this one with suggestions for how Teak could punish him and make sure he never does this again. _Tie a bell to my balls, no, better yet, a whistle. That way, if I ever get a blowjob, there'll be a screaming, shrieking sound that will deafen both me and the cocksucker, and so I won't get that blowjob._

He goes so far as to take his laptop off the bedspread and rub the mouse. Still no e-mail. He opens up the composer in a new window, glad that his e-mail client is self-refreshing so he doesn't have to remember to do that, and starts typing.

_Teak,_

_I know you're mad at me. I'd be mad at me also. I can't help but flashback to when I found out what you did with Mr. Bean and Mr. Bana and I know that if it had been you to do what I did with Con with Bean and Bana, I'd be pissed._

Gerard blinks and hits ctrl-a, backspace. "Why tell him why he should be upset? He already knows. And he doesn't need your bloody permission to be angry. He can do that all on his own."

And he probably will. For the thousandth time, Gerard damns the distance between them. He never should have taken this job. He should be in Berlin, taking care of Teak. And then this never would have happened with Conner and there never would have been a problem. Simple.

But it's too easy to blame this on the fact that they're apart. _Jonny Lee_ hasn't cheated on him, and he's having it worse than Gerard's having it. There's no excuse for it, though he try to blame it on any number of thing. It all comes down to one fact.

Gerard screwed up and it's his fault. Not Con's, not Jesse's, not Jonny Lee's. And since it's his fault, he can't rely on anyone else to fix it for him. He has to fix it himself. He has to appeal to Jonny Lee. Work together.

_Oh, fuck. Teak's going to think it's his fault._

It's bad enough that Gerard's a melancholic brooder. Teak's going to take this personally. He's going to think it's his fault. And Gerard isn't going to be there to wrap his boy up in his arms and convince him that there was nothing he did that caused this. It's all Gerard's fault.

It's always Gerard's fault. Breaking up with Conner, breaking up with Peter, making Teak hurt himself. And he's never fixed any of those. Why bother thinking he can fix this?

Gerard sighs and squeezes the bridge of his nose. Why did he have to born a brooder? If there wasn't anything more stereotypically Scottish. Next he was going to show up at Ewan's door, wearing a kilt and sporran and all, and challenge him to a sheep shagging contest. Which Gerard would win. Of course.

He should probably keep it to himself that Con had jerked him off to the thought of him in a kilt.

Gerard sighs again. "I'm hopeless," he mutters and pushes the laptop away. "Fucked myself up and have to live with it."

It would be worse, he supposes. He could be a zombie, wandering around the Highlands crying out for _braaiinnss_ , and scaring little children. Or someone could cut his dick off while he was sleeping and toss it out of the window of a moving vehicle. Or he could wake up in the morning and discover himself in a mental institution. Compared to that, cheating on Teak's nothing. Not even a blip on the radar.

Right. Somehow, Gerard doesn't think Teak would appreciate that comparison. _Live with it,_ he thinks. Grow up and learn to live with your mistakes. Or run again. When the going gets tough, stop running. Let Teak chain you down and keep you.

It's going to be hard, he knows, but that's what he's going to do. He just hopes Teak isn't as disgusted with him as Gerard is with himself.

Somewhere in the distance, Gerard thinks, the world's smallest bagpipe is playing.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55378.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	262. jonnyleemiller: email for gerard butler

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/04/) 13:34:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32970&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32970) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32970) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=32970&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**email for gerard butler**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: ~~No shit~~ Re: I fucked up

_I can't believe what I just did. There's no excuse. I'm so fucking sorry. I called Conner, Teak. Because I promised him I would. And his master was there and Jesse asked if he could use me to torture Conner. I knew what he was asking, of course, but I said yes, and then Conner started talking to me, and he made me orgasm over the phone._  
 ~~I can't believe it either. No, there's no excuse. Not one damned one. You damned well better be fucking sorry. You promised you'd call? When did you talk to the bastard? His master. How nice. And you got off? Wonderful for you. Fuckin' a-fantastic.~~  
You talked with Conner? Interesting. I understand how it could happen, with his master and all on the phone.

_Christ. I'm so sorry, Teak. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I promise. I just wanted to catch up with him. It's not his fault, he didn't know. It's my fault and I'm so sorry._  
 ~~Didn't mean to cheat? Of course not. You promised you wouldn't. And you didn't. Well, not really. Phone sex doesn't really count, does it? Hmm, does a hand job count? Does touching? Does forgetting who you're with? Fucking right it's your fault.~~  
It's not your fault, Master. It's my fault for not being there. Your slave should be with you, not thousands of miles away. He understands how it happened. ~~Bloody fuckin' well doesn't.~~

_I'll understand if there's, well, if you're very pissed._  
 ~~No you wouldn't. I'm not supposed to get pissed. I'm the one who just takes it and doesn't complain. Not the one who gets bent out of shape because his boy gets called lad in the heat of the moment.~~  
It's alright, Master. Your slave isn't upset. ~~Not after he missed his mark six times and nearly put his fist through the wall.~~

_I love you._  
Love you, too. Miss you more than I have words for.

~~~ Teak~~  
~ Jonny  
~ Your slave

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/32970.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	263. gerard: [E-mail for jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/04/) 15:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55767&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55767) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55767) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55767&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ]** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Subject: Re: [Re: I fucked up](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/32970.html)

Teak. Please. I know you're censoring yourself. I know you're pissed. I know you're angry. Please, please. Rip out at me, scream, rant. Call me up and say whatever you want to say. It didn't _just happen_ with Conner and Jesse on the phone. I walked into it and I knew what I was doing when I did. I knew exactly what I was setting myself up for. It wasn't a coincidence and I know that and I don't expect you to think that it wasn't anything other than me lying there on the bed and realizing that my old boyfriend was about to get me off over the phone while sitting on his master's lap. And the one thing I wanted so much in that moment was for him to do it, but to have you there as well. I wanted to share that moment, because it's the first time I've ever had a kind of normal with any of my exes. I hadn't spoken to Conner since we came out and he was angry as fuck with me. When we talked yesterday, it was like we were back in university and still free and still friendly. And I missed that feeling. Peter and I don't get along. You know that. And I've always missed being able to talk things over with Con. He was there for so many important times in my life and before Cannes, I hadn't spoken to him in ten years. I missed him. I missed talking to him. I know this doesn't excuse it, but when he was finally talking to me like a normal human being, not like a stranger, it was so easy to fall back into our old rhythm. And we were always free with sex back then. I don't suppose Jesse thought _anyone_ would mind when he offered. I guess he thought that I'd cleared everything with you, and I hadn't. Please, Teak. It's all my fault and I hate that you won't tell me how much you hate me for it. I know you're upset and it, it hurts more that you won't let me know how much it hurts you. ~~I thought you loved me~~ Please, Jonny. This hurts so much already, knowing that I've hurt you. It hurts even more knowing that you're keeping things from me.

If you can't talk to me about it, can you talk to somebody else? Just so I know that you're talking to _someone_?

I love you. And I'm so fucking sorry.

-Your Pire

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55767.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	264. gerard: [E-mail to est_marton]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/04/) 16:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55975&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55975) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55975) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=55975&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[ **est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/) ]** _

To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: A favor

Marton,

I need to ask you to do something for me. Watch out for Teak. There's been, uh, I just...

Look out for him. He's been thrown for a loop and I'm such a fucking asshole. I don't know if he's going to talk to anyone, I hope he does, and if he does, I think it might be best if he talked with someone who understood our relationship. ~~I think this hit him harder for all that I'm supposed to be his master and he's "supposed to let me do whatever I want". And I never wanted that to begin with~~ I don't want him to have to censor himself with anyone like he's been censoring himself with me.

Thanks,  
Gerry

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55975.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	265. est_marton: [E-mail for gerard]

| Marton Csokas ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[ **est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/2004/10/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/2004/10/05/) 01:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_marton&itemid=14747&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_marton&itemid=14747) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_marton&itemid=14747) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_marton&itemid=14747&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)**_[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)**est_marton**  
Subject: Re: [A favor](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/55975.html)

Gerry,

Of course I'll watch out for Jonny Lee. I've already been doing that, by making sure he doesn't "accidentally" throttle Charlize in public. ;)

Seriously though, I'll watch out for him. I won't ask for details about what's going on, unless you want to give them, of course. But I'm certain that no matter what happened, you're not as much of an asshole as you think you are. You're always too hard on yourself, you know that? I understand your relationship, and I know how hard being apart like this must be for the two of you. If Jonny Lee wants to talk, I'll be here, and the same goes for you too.

Sincerely,  
Marton

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/14747.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	266. jonnyleemiller: Vignette: Jonny tries to cope

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/05/) 10:05:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33194&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33194) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33194) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33194&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  angry & confused  
---|---  
  
_**Vignette: Jonny tries to cope**_  
There's a break in filming. Well, it's that Karyn told him to get off the set, take a few hours and refocus. So he's back in the hotel room, has thrown the backpack into the wall and his collar's hanging off the edge of the laptop screen as he types. At least he's not drinking. Not yet.

>   
>  **[damned private]**
> 
> Talk. He says talk. Oh, right, like I'm supposed to turn to the person next to me and tell him everything. Hell, other than being out, no one here knows the truth. Well, maybe Mr. Csokas. I don't know what Pire's told him. Feel weird talking to him, though.
> 
> Then he admits he _knew_ it was wrong, that it was cheating, and it wasn't a coincidence and he intentionally stretched out on the bed, put his hand on his cock and let his old boyfriend get him off. Oh, yeah, now I feel better.
> 
> He misses Conner. He misses Peter. What the fuck's he doing with me?
> 
> He doesn't have a clue how upset I am. Hell, I don't even understand it.

Jonny Lee pulls back, reaches for the bottle of Absolut perched on the pillows.

"Oh, yeah, like that's gonna help," he says, slinging it across the room, watching it shatter, shard and splatter against the bathroom doorjamb as he retrieves his mobile. "Gotta talk to somebody, though."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	267. jonnyleemiller: JLM/SB: In need of a sounding board

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/05/) 20:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33362&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33362) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33362) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33362&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  leveling out  
---|---  
  
_**JLM/SB: In need of a sounding board**_  
 **[players only. following the exchange of emails about ger's phone call with conner, jonny lee calls sean to make sure he's not overreacting.]**  
  
  
Jonny stares at the mobile, as if it's going to make the call itself, decide who he should talk to. Not Ger. Definitely. Not right now. All he'd do is scream, and he doesn't want to do that. Then he thinks about Jude, but that's not much better. "He'll worry and Ewan'll say he was right and this was a bad thing to get into." He flips open the phone, his mind tripping to Peter and just as quickly off of him. That'd only make matters worse, 'cause Peter would surely call Ger and then it'd be ... "Fuck it. He called Conner. I can call who I want to."  
  
And the person Jonny wants to talk to the most is Sean. They haven't spoken since Cannes, haven't even exchanged journal posts since all the confessions about breaking rules and crossing lines. And some part of Jonny's missed it, wanted to share his life with one of the people responsible for it. He dials, thinks twice and nearly stops the call before it starts ringing. Maybe the answering machine'll pick up and he can just say _Hi, how are you? Have a great life. Bye._  
  
Sean's just dressed after his post-run shower when he hears the phone ringing from the other room. He digs his phone out of his pocket and tucks it between shoulder and ear as he gets his shirt tucked in, slips his wedding ring off and drops it into the nightstand. "Hello?"  
  
 _Oh, fuck, he's there._ Jonny takes a deep breath. "Mr. Bean, sir," _shit, no sirs_ , "uh, Sean? Um, it's Jonny." He stretches out on the bed, glances at the clock on the dresser. "Oh, hell, it's like 6 a.m. there or something, isn't it? Sorry. Didn't mean. I'll just hang up." He's tripping over his words, rushing in a babble causing more confusion.  
  
"Jonny." Sean's chest clenches hard for a second, and then stops; he's done enough self-flagellation over fucking up Jonny Lee's rules over the past few months and it's a piss-poor excuse for not keeping up with a friend he'd grown increasingly fond of every time he'd seen him. "Christ, it's been a while, and it's good to hear from you. _Don't_ hang up. I've been up for hours, I'm a morning person, remember? What's the matter?" A call out of the blue could be to catch up, but not with Jonny stammering like that and forgetting about the time difference. Sean waves to Eric as Eric comes out of the bathroom and heads downstairs to get coffee started.  
  
"Okay." Jonny takes short breaths, slightly panting, and pushes himself back up the bed. "Hi. Morning person. Yeah, I remember." He smiles. Good memories. "Uh, phone didn't wake your husband, did it?"  
  
Sean drops the coffee beans and curses as they go skittering across the floor. "Fuck. Shite. My what, now?" he asks, trying desperately to figure out if there's anyone who could have told Jonny -- _Christ, how the hell would Jonny have found out anyway, he's in Berlin. What the fuck._  
  
 _Did I say something?_ Jonny tries to think, but his brain's hurting too much. "Uh, you aren't married? Oh, wait, okay, brain's dead. Yeah, you said Eric was your boyfriend, so you're not married. Anymore. Well, not to Viggo, I guess." He looks around, tries to remember if he has a Coke somewhere. Something to drink. "I'm sorry, sir, uh, can't say that. Sorry, Sean, just not thinking straight."  
  
Sean gives up on the coffee and drops himself on a bar stool, putting both elbows on the counter and leaning forward. "Jonny," he says softly, "what's going on?"  
  
"Everything's fucked up, and I don't know what to do, and it's not his fault, not really, and I couldn't think of anyone else I could talk to when he said I should talk," Jonny lets out, rambling words, "except you 'cause you made me understand so many things about myself and what this is I'm doing. And he didn't cheat. I mean, phone sex isn't cheating. Not really. He doesn't have rules. I'm the slave. I have the rules. But I feel like he did, and I'm angry and made at myself for not being there and it's just all fucked up." He pauses to breathe.  
  
Sean wishes, for a moment, that he were taking notes. _Not his fault, didn't cheat, phone sex isn't cheating, he doesn't have rules, I have the rules... angry at myself for not being there._ There's a picture in there somewhere, and Sean closes his eyes, trying to force it into focus. "Ger wanked off over the phone with someone? Without talking to you about it first?"  
  
"Uh, yeah." He's breathing a touch easier now, slower. "Not just someone, though. His ex. His boy. Who's with a new master. I got angry, Sean. I shouldn't be angry. Should I?"  
  
"Fuck _should_ ," Sean says immediately, "you _are_ angry, and you need to deal with that without letting the _should_ shite get in the way." _Physician, heal thyself._ Sean winces. "Did you and he agree that he wouldn't do something like that without at least discussing it with you first? What are the rules here, Jonny?"  
  
"It's master. He's in charge. We moved, after Cannes," Jonny starts, hesitating on the word, "moved toward more of a 24/7 thing, monogamous. I don't do anything with anyone without his permission. All I asked of him was that he not sleep with anyone."  
  
"Jonny..." Sean sighs. "There's no law of kink that says all masters automatically have permission to do anything they want. You're both in this. You both get to decide where the limits are for the _relationship_ , and if you're angry, then you're angry." Christ, and throw in the idea that it's Ger's ex-boy... God, that's playing with fire. "How did you find out?"  
  
"He sent me an e-mail. Told me outright what'd happened. That he'd wanked while Conner talked to him." Jonny turns over, curls up with the pillow while talking, headset on now. "Then another email telling me I should be angry and that he's sorry and he's hurting and he missed Conner, what they had," he starts rocking with the pillow, "and I don't know what to say. If he misses Conner and jerks off thinking about him, what's the use in having me?"  
  
 _Oh, bloody hell._ Sean winces even further and closes his eyes, struggling for the right words. "He wants you because you're _you_. Because he loves you. And yeah, we all think with our dicks sometimes, and we all miss things, people, fuck, situations, but that doesn't mean for half a second that he doesn't want _you_." _It just means he's a fucking idiot. Like the rest of us._  
  
"I know he doesn't. I mean, he doesn't _not_ want me. Know that. Somewhere. Just can't get the thoughts straight." Jonny's voice goes softer. "Never been this angry at him, Sean. It's always been my fault when things got fucked up. Don't know how to let it be anyone else's."  
  
Sean laughs, softly, trying to keep a hold on the emotion. "I understand," he murmurs. "Christ, Jonny, I understand that. But it isn't always your fault. You'll both fuck things up, you'll both have things that are one person's fault or the other. And you'll work through it together because you love each other and solving things means more than anything else. How soon can you get face-to-face with him?"  
  
The sigh's long and deep. "Not till the 20th. Stuck filming, unless I break something." Jonny smiles. He's thought about it. Either breaking his arm or Charlize's, whichever one's easier.  
  
Two weeks and some. Christ, that's not good. "You mind if I ask you just one thing... is there any chance you'd leave him over this?"  
  
There's a long silence. Jonny should be able to answer the question without thinking. _Where else would I go? Who'd want me?_ "I love him. I don't want to leave him," he says finally.  
  
Fidget pads into the kitchen, heads straight for the coffee beans and begins batting at them. Sean blinks at the clatter and then shakes his head; he can't imagine she'll actually eat one. _Caffeinated kitten. That'll improve the day for sure._ "He's not leaving you, either," Sean points out quietly. "He wrote, apologized, said it was his fault... can you get on the phone long enough to calm each other down about that, at least? About not wanting to leave?"  
  
"Maybe. Have a few hours before I have to be back on set. Director banished me after I fucked up so many takes this morning." Jonny hugs the pillow more tightly. "Sent him an email. Didn't tell him the truth. Scared to talk to him now."  
  
"Write him back," Sean urges. "Or call him. Be honest. It's not going to get better if you don't talk to him."  
  
"Honest. That's what scares me. I was honest about Cannes and he went ballistic," Jonny murmurs. "Honesty's hard. It's easier to just let him tell me what to think, what to do, not have any emotions."  
  
"Your lover needs to learn how to deal with something unexpected without panicking," Sean growls, and winces. _Stop it. That's not exactly supportive..._ "Honesty _is_ hard," he agrees, "it's very fucking hard, but what's your alternative, Jonny? Ignoring it? Putting it by? It never lasts."  
  
Jonny knows he's right. He can't just ignore it. Won't go away. Just like Pire's not going away. "No, sir," he says, allowing for the _sir_ this time, rules be damned, "can't ignore it." He curls into the pillow. "S'okay if I'm angry with him. Even if I don't know why." And then there's a small chuckle. "But I'm not putting myself in a corner. Not punishing myself. Have made progress on that."  
  
"I'm glad to hear it," Sean says, finally sitting up and feeling the stress work its way out of his shoulders. "You can be angry. You don't always have to know why and it doesn't have to make sense." He chuckles softly. "I like things to make sense," he admits, "but sometimes you can work that part out after."  
  
"Sometimes I don't think anything in my life makes sense. Ever will." The tension's starting to ease out, the desire to put his fist through a wall not quite as pointed as it was earlier. "Sorry for calling you with all this. Just didn't know who to talk with and my head felt like it was exploding. Not the best friend to reach out only in a crisis."  
  
"It's all right," Sean murmurs. "I should have called you earlier, let you know what was happening in my life. Only I've been feeling stupid about Cannes. And six months is a hell of a long time to feel guilty when things have been forgiven."  
  
"I never was upset with you. Grateful, actually, since me breaking the rules caused Ger to tighten 'em, let me be the slave I wanna be," Jonny says. "So, what _is_ happening? Backing up. You're not married? Are with Eric?"  
  
Sean's mouth opens for a second, and he closes it, struggling for the answer. "Viggo and I finally got a legal divorce," Sean says, very softly, "or if not legal, formal, with the papers signed, and yes, I'm still with Eric."  
  
"S'good. I like Eric. He's ..." Jonny tries to find the right word. Fuckable. Delicious. Slam me up the wall wonderful. "Memorable," he settles on. _Doubt Master would ever let me play with the two of you again, but we could at least stop avoiding each other._ "I should let you go. I'm sure you've got things to do."  
  
"Like preventing my cat from developing a coffee addiction," Sean says dryly, looking down at Fidget. "But I'm here if you need to call again. I'll keep my phone on me."  
  
"Thanks, si-, Sean." Jonny's smiling full now. "Give Fidget a snog for me. Talk to you soon. With happier news." He uncurls from the pillow and clicks the headset off.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	268. gerard: Thaet waes god cyning

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/05/) 13:01:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56263&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56263) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56263) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56263&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Thaet waes god cyning** _  
[Vignette. Ger shooting on location. Recap: Geats = Beowulf's people. Scyldings = Hrothgar's people.]

  
_At least this is an action film,_ Gerard thinks as he throws himself into a fight with three stuntmen. _No concentration required._ He spins, thrusting the sword at the same time. The stunt work for Timeline paid off big time and so he hasn't had to go through an embarrassing number of hours in practice. Every little bit counts.

And all the remembered motions don't require any thinking. Were this a real battle, of course, he'd have to think everything through, but film battles are more like dances. Dances where the primary actors are wearing wetsuits beneath pounds and layers of clothing, but a dance nonetheless. And Gerard thinks he's getting pretty good at it. Sturla hasn't had to yell **cut!** as much as he did the first few weeks.

So Gerard lets himself go, thrusts, parries, hacks off false limbs. But his mind isn't on the cold or the mud. It's on his Teak and how much he's fucked up. It serves him right if Jonny Lee turned around and called up any old exes. Or Peter. Or _Sean_. Because Gerard would deserve it. All their rules have unconsciously been lifted. Jonny Lee can do whatever he wants and Gerard won't say a word. He lost that right when he cheated on his lover.

The demanding schedule of day-and-night shoots has paid off at last. Days are spent fighting monsters and nights are spent listening to speeches in the mead-hall or making his own. The script had called for Beowulf to be conflicted and human, but the speeches were still based on the poem. Gerard could pull off arrogant and boastful without straining himself. No acting talent necessary. Today's schedule called for two more fights to finish off the many small battles the Geats or the Scyldings have with Grendel in various parts of the film, and tomorrow is the final one. Gerard doubts they can film a climactic battle in a day, but Sturla has proved a thousand times over that if there's one thing he's good at, it's pulling lighting out of his arse. The rest of the day calls for sitting on benches and drinking a honey concoction that looks like mead. Gerard won't have time to fuck up his lines. All he has to do is finish taking out his aggression on stuntmen and then listen to Stellan orate.

But there's one problem. Over all the slashing and clangs of swords, Gerard thinks he can hear Sturla yelling at him. He takes a step away from the fight and tugs off the helmet. "Yeah?"

"Gerry, you bastard, Beowulf is supposed to _lose_ this fight!"

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/56263.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	269. gerard: The boys finally talk

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/05/) 23:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56349&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56349) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56349) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56349&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**The boys finally talk** _  
[players only. Follows [JL/Sean phone call](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33362.html) and [Ger during shooting](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/56263.html). The referenced interview can be downloaded [here](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/butlerinmud.zip).]

  
It's maybe an hour Jonny lies there, not moving except to cling to the pillow. Sean's right. He knows it. As scared as he is, he has to call, has to connect other than email. Headset still on, he stretches out and dials the number for Ger's mobile, listening to it ring, praying, to his surprise, that he doesn't get voicemail.

All the mead-hall speeches had been finished early and as all that was left were close-ups on Stellen, Sturla had let Gerard go early with the understanding he be back later for a midnight row across the lake and lair-infiltration. Gerard had agreed eagerly and all but run back to the hotel. As soon as he was back in his room, he had checked his e-mail and voicemail, but there was nothing. "Fuck," he cursed under his breath. He'd hoped Teak would have forgiven him enough to call him, or become so mad that he called merely to scream at him. That would be been much better than silence. But as he's glaring at his mobile, it begins to vibrate and Jonny Lee's number comes up on screen. Daring to hope, Gerard flips his phone open. "Teak?"

"Master," Jonny says softly. _No turning back. Talk to him._ He goes very formal in his tone, words, almost unintentionally. "Your slave didn't interrupt anything, did he?"

Gerard winces at the formal tone, but he knows he doesn't have the right to grab Teak and shove him out of role. "No, you didn't. I've been waiting for your call." He swallows hard. "How-how are you doing?"

"Your slave is less than perfect, Master," Jonny mutters, wishing Gerard was in the room with him, could yank him up off the bed, shove him against the wall, knock him so far into role he never comes out. "He got your email, but he was filming and," he stops, _honesty_ "he loves you very much but right now he doesn't like you, he's angry and he's confused."

_I deserve that._ Gerard squeezes his eyes shut. "I can understand that. I fucked up really bad, I was inconsiderate, and I completely understand how you can not like me." _I don't like me very much either right now._

"Master's not going to like his slave either," Jonny says. "He called Sean. To talk things out."

Sean. Not Pertwee, not from Jonny Lee's tone. Bean. Sean Bean. _You deserve it,"_ he tells himself brutally. _And you can't say he was wrong for it, because he wasn't._ "I understand," he says quietly. "Did he help?"

Jonny's surprised there's not a reprimand, or at least an admonishing tone for calling someone he's not supposed to talk with, not supposed to even think about. "Yes, Master, he did. He said your slave has every right to be angry about what his Master did," he says, tone too harshly formal, "that Master's not perfect and this slave shouldn't expect him to be."

That one actually hurts. "He's right. I'm not perfect and I-I can't be. It's impossible." _I understand if you realize now that I'm not good enough for you._

"Master's slave isn't perfect either," Jonny says, wincing at the anguish he hears in Ger's voice. "He pitches tantrums when he reads Master's emails, fucks up his lines and shatters vodka bottles." He takes a deep breath. "But he loves Master." Lets it out slowly, calming himself with every word. "I love you, Pire."

He hadn't doubted that. He'd thought Jonny Lee would hate him, but he'd always known that Jonny Lee loved him. And that had somehow made it worse. "I love you, Teak." Tantrums. Vodka bottles. Gerard doesn't have the moral high ground to tell his boy not to drink. And it might do Teak good to have some vodka. Gerard can't be one to talk. "If you want to yell at me, throw a tantrum over the phone, I'm here. I'll listen."

"Can't. Don't like being angry." Simple statement. Truth. Jonny just wants it all to go away. "Shouldn't be angry. You didn't do anything wrong, Master. It's not like you have rules in all this. Your slave has the restrictions."

"Just because we never made it a rule doesn't mean it wasn't wrong." Gerard shakes his head, remembering too late that Jonny Lee can't see it. "It doesn't matter that we never wrote it down that Gerry isn't allowed to do such and such and signed it, though this is a good argument for a contract," that is, if Teak is willing to even talking about taking their relationship more formal after this, "the fact of the matter is that I cheated on you. It's cheating even if it's not part of the rules, because I said I'd never do it. If you're not allowed to do anything with anyone, than neither am I. You never said that I can't, but you never said that I can. I'm the dominant," Gerard can't bring himself to say Master. No master would do something like this to his slave. "I'm the dominant, but we're still in a relationship. You're still my lover. You can put as many restrictions on my conduct as you want and I'll obey all of them. It doesn't have to be all one-sided."

To Jonny's mind, it's not that simple, well not in the way Gerard sees it. To Jonny's mind, he's the slave, he has a master and Master makes the rules. Yes, they're lovers. They were lovers before the domination took control, before Jonny decided he _liked_ submitting, being told what to do and when and how and with whom. "Yes, Master, your slave _is_ also your lover, but it's not his place to put restrictions on your behaviour," he says, moving back to the very formal, almost hiding in the language third-person speech allows. "He should accept that Master will make the rules to best suit them both."

Fuck it. If Teak's going to hide behind role, then Gerard's going to shove in and fuck up his world until he comes out and can be honest. "If you're calling yourself my slave," he says, hoping this doesn't ruin everything like he thinks it will, "then you shouldn't tell master what to do. And that includes telling him what your place is. Master decides what his slave is or isn't allowed to do, and if Master wants his slave to put restrictions on his behaviour so they never have this problem again, then I don't see why master's slave shouldn't listen."

Jonny has to replay the words several times and then he's _still_ not sure if Gerard's saying what he thinks he's saying. "Master's right," he beings, hesitantly, "his slave shouldn't tell him his place, but it's confusing that Master wants his slave to make rules, to put restrictions on him."

"Would it help if Master asked for suggestions of restrictions his slave would want to put on him, and then implemented them?" Gerard frowns and mentally kicks himself. He shouldn't let himself get drawn into formal voice. It doesn't solve anything.

"His slave has made the only restriction he knew of when Master asked the first time about this," Jonny says, trying not to let his voice get terse, failing, biting his lips. "What does Master want? For his slave to say _thou shalt not speak with ex-lovers_?"

And he regrets the words the second they leave his tongue. He doesn't mean it. The problem isn't talking with Conner. Or even Peter. It's that Jonny isn't with him, and the notion of Gerard being _alone_ and wanting the connection and finding it somewhere else, in something Jonny's worried he can't give him.

"If that would make you happy," Gerard says quietly. He doesn't want to agree to that, but he'll do whatever it takes to get Teak to forgive him. Even not talking to Peter or Conner again. He'll do it for Jonny. "If you want me to break off all contact, I'll do it. I'll do anything for you, Teak."

"Your sl-lave," Jonny's voice starts to break. It's not at all what he wants, for Gerard to not be himself, "your b-b-b-oy," he stammers, stopping the words altogether rather than fighting his tongue to get them out.

Shit. His boy's crying. Teak's crying. _Again. I made him cry again._ "Jonny," he murmurs. "I'm sorry. Please, don't cry. I'll do whatever you want me to. I want you to be happy."

Jonny's silent. A minute. Two. He's breathing deeply, trying to get his voice back, tamp down the stutter of nervousness. "Not crying," he says, slowly, enunciating the letters. "Stammer. When I get really nervous." He breathes out, slipping away from the formal speech, letting his tongue wrap around the familiar first person, the more personal. "Don't want you to not talk to them, Pire. Know you love me. Just scared I can't be everything you want."

"You _are_ everything I want. And more." Gerard grips the phone hard. "And I love you so much. Need you so much."

"Then why? Why the phone call? Why tell me that way?" _Why am I pretending to even enjoy making this fuckin' film?_

"How else should I have told you?" Couldn't fly over. And he didn't want to have to say it over voice mail.

"I don't know. Called? Waited till we were together. I just, it, I took it all wrong, the email." _That's an understatement,_ Jonny thinks. "And then the second one. You miss them. More?"

"Couldn't have waited. It would have felt like I was lying to you ever time I didn't mention it. And I didn't want to do that." _I'm a selfish prick._ "And what 'more'? Do I miss them more than I used to?"

"Yes. And do you miss them more than me?"

"Never."

"But you still want them, or you wouldn't have gone through with the call, would you?" Jonny's curling up again, hugging the pillow. "Pire, your boy's confused. He doesn't know what to think. If he's supposed to be angry. Or not. If there's something wrong with us. I can't focus. Fucked my lines all up today, till Karyn finally banished me from the set till tonight."

His fault. Teak's fucking up and it's all Gerard's fault. "I don't think there's anything you're _supposed_ to feel. There's only how you feel and only you can answer that. And if you haven't sorted it all out yet, that's understandable. I tossed this on you too fast." But he still can't think of a slow way to do it that would have worked.

"I felt a bit better after talking to Sean, more grounded, but haven't sorted it all out. Not yet. Don't want to make rules for you, Pire," Jonny mutters. "Just doesn't seem right. Can we _agree_ on what you think you shouldn't do? Maybe? Instead of me making up rules."

"Sure we can agree." Gerard feels around inside his bag for his fags, but can't find them. "What things that I do bother you?"

"Jerking off with your ex-sub on the phone pretty much covers it, Master." Jonny grins. "Although if you want to do it in person with him, I'd prefer knowing _before_ instead of after."

"Yes, dear," Gerard says. "I won't jack off with Conner again." Which went without saying, of course. "Anything else?"

"Peter either," Jonny blurts out. "Or anyone else, for that matter." He wonders if he should just shut up, keep it to himself. "And you don't let me take any more film roles outside of London."

Teak's career is his own choice, but Gerard's willing to go along with that one. Whatever makes Teak happy and if he's happy not taking film roles outside of London and wants his master to enforce it, then Gerard will do that. "I wasn't going to do anything with Peter," Gerard says, "either in person or over the phone. And if you want me to do that, vet your film roles, I can do that."

"I want you to take control of me, it, our lives." Jonny knows he's tiptoeing through a minefield, possibly pushing too much. He's not thinking straight, and he's positive he'll regret it come morning, but right now, with Gerard on the phone, it's all just flooding out. "If you want my suggestion on something, that's fine, but you're the Master. You enforce the rules."

"Enforce?" Gerard repeats. "I don't understand, Teak. If you break our rules, I punish you. Isn't that how it works?"

"Yes, Master." Jonny stops. "I'm not making any sense, Pire. My brain. I'm just confused about nearly everything."

"I'm sorry." Gerard sits down on his bed. "Should I be quiet? I can be quiet while you think. Would that help?"

"No, I need to hear your voice. Think that was part of the problem. I just read the words, didn't hear you say them, and somehow they got all twisted in my brain." Jonny hugs the pillow, fetal curls around it. "Talk me through it. Or sing to me." He smiles, faintly, moving his fingers over his watch, the one Gerard'd given him, sets the alarm for 10 p.m., just in case he falls asleep.

Gerard's not sure what he's supposed to talk Teak through, but from the second part - _sing to me_ \- he assumes that he's not supposed to try and explain himself any more. Ok. He can do that. "What should I talk about, Teak? How much I'm missing you? I gave an interview two weeks ago and talked about my penis size and how hard this shoot is. Couldn't stop thinking about you the entire time."

Jonny doesn't need any more explanation. Not tonight. He's heard everything he needs to hear. He's loved. He's wanted. That's all that matters. None of the rest of it. "Penis size, Master? And hard? You were setting them up, weren't you?" It's calming to not have to think about Conner and phone sex and blame for the rest of the call.

"No, no setting anyone up." He'd been too exhausted from that walk in the mud to think of witty repartee. "I did remember to reference a conversation I had with Sturla. I said I liked things tight. Bless his innocent heart. He thought at first I was talking about the schedule."

"I know Master likes things tight," Jonny says, laughing. "Especially his boy. Tight and tied up and tortured."

"Stretched out over a bed," Gerard recalls. "His arms strained above his head, his legs spread. There's so much fun to be had, especially with a feather."

_It's not avoiding the subject._ Jonny tells himself that. Over and over. _It's letting it wash over, out of the way, get back to what matters._ "Feather. That could be interesting. You know he likes that position, spread out, for his Master. Could stay like that for hours without saying a word." Jonny smirks. "While you make all the phone calls you want, Pire. As long as your boy's under your free hand."

Phone calls. Gerard bites his lip hard. In all his fantasies about tying Teak down and torturing him, a third person never even came close to the equation. It was always about them. "If you want me to do that, Teak, I will." If he doesn't want it to be just the two of them. That could be a punishment of its own, to force Gerry to do exactly the same thing while his boy is staring at him.

"I want you to hurt _me_ , Pire. I want to be the one giving you what you need." _Until you don't need me anymore._ Jonny swallows, no saliva in his dry throat, licks his lips. "Want to give you everything I have."

"You do, Teak. You do." It's Gerard who's the ungrateful bastard, looking for more than he wants.

"Good." Jonny's surprised at the edge he says it with. He doesn't really mean to be nasty. Not _intentionally_. "And does Master need his boy now?"

Gerard flinches. "Master always needs his boy," he answers quietly. "But I haven't deserved you at all and, Christ, Teak, I'm so sorry. I really am."

"You deserve me, Pire," Jonny says, voice dropping almost below a whisper. "You deserve whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. And, for as long I'm what makes you happy, I want to stay."

"And I want to keep you." How many times has he told Jonny Lee that he deserves him? And how many times was he frustrated by the fact that Jonny Lee never believed him? _Pot. Kettle. Shoe. Foot. Mile. Walk. Yeah, that._ "I want you to be there, I want to be there for you."

"I'm here. I'm not leaving, not until _you_ decide differently. Master. Slave. Kinda like being married, Pire. You got me for life, pretty much." Jonny isn't sure he believes even now that he deserves Gerard, that he deserves to be happy, forever, but he's damned if he's not gonna try. Of all the things he knows, the one overriding constant is that he fell in love and he hasn't fallen out of it and he doesn't expect he ever will.

He isn't sure what to think of the idea of being married to Jonny Lee. It sounds too seductive right now, and it would be wrong to bring it up as a possibility only on rebound. He fucked up. He doesn't need to marry Teak just to prove to himself that this isn't going to break them up. Marriage should mean more than that. "I do want you for life," he says. "I just...I just fucked up really badly. And I understand if you want to...I don't know. If you want to do anything to me for it.'

Jonny's smile slips into a smirk. "Like what, Master? Put you in a cock cage for days? Don't have access," he says, "and I'm betting you've punished yourself better than I could." He knows Gerard's nature, how he's probably been brooding for days, mentally abusing himself by going over every nuance of what could happen when they finally connected. Just like Jonny has. "You fucked up. I fucked up in Cannes. Wanna call it even?"

The sound of being punished like that sounds oddly appealing and Gerard is beginning to understand how Jonny Lee could have hurt himself when Gerard wouldn't do it for him. Pain is cathartic, and being forgiven after being punished even more so. "We can't, Teak," he says. "You, we dealt with Cannes, and it's over. We can't bring it back just to square something up now."

"Then punish yourself. Don't even think about coming till you can actually touch your slave." The words are out before Jonny can realize what they mean. And when he does, he doesn't take them back, still angry enough to be that petulant. _Serves him right._

"Yes, sir," Gerard says immediately, then blinks. _Wow._ "Yes, Teak," he says after a moment. "I won't come until I can actually touch you." It's logical, it's going to be torture, but Gerard deserves it. And he likes that bite in Jonny Lee's tone. It makes Gerard want to jump to do whatever he says.

Jonny cringes at the immediate submission in Gerard's voice. No. Not right. "It's just a suggestion, Master," he says, emphasizing the Master. "Your slave wouldn't think of ordering you to do something."

_I want you to order me to do things._ "I'll do it, Teak. Any restrictions you want." He doesn't miss the overemphasis on the 'master' and Gerard wonders if the thought of being on top at all scares his boy. If he doesn't want to be in charge.

The thought of being in charge horrifies Jonny. It's not where his brain is, no matter what he might say to Gerard in the heat of anger. Topping him, if Master orders it, is okay, but not being in control. There's a difference.

"Love you, Master, but don't expect your slave to want to start switching. He's not wired that way."

"Ok." Yeah, he knows that. It won't stop him from dreaming, though. He thinks he's got that fantasy down pat now. No reason they ever have to act on it. "We don't have to switch."

Jonny wishes he didn't feel like he'd just let Gerard down, like he'd told him he was leaving. "Master can always order his boy to top him," he says, fluctuating between the languages formal and not. “I don't mind if it's what you're telling me to do. Wanna try?"

Yes. "If it's something you want to try."

"I will. For you." Jonny's starting to get sleepy, all the day's tantruming and talking wearing him down. "Master, your boy forgives you, if you're still needing to hear it."

Gerard exhales. "Thank you, Teak." He doubts there will be a time when he doesn't need to hear that. "You know I love you?"

"Yes, I know you love me." Jonny's voice is softer, hesitant. "I don't doubt it. Not really. Just get so insecure sometimes. Maybe it's just being so far away from you."

"It's never going to happen again," Gerard promises. "I'm never going to be this far from you ever again. We'll coordinate from now on. I won't work when you are."

"That's easy enough. I don't plan on working anymore."

_You aren't?_ Gerard bites it back. They can discuss it later. "Never leaving you."

"That's a good thing, Master." Jonny yawns. "Makes your boy happy."

And that's all that matters. "You sound tired," he says. "Should I tell you a bedtime story?"

"Please." Jonny smiles, curling deeper into the pillows.

Gerard rubs his beard thoughtfully. "What kind of story should I tell my boy? Something that will make him fall asleep? Or something that'll make him come?"

"He can come and then fall asleep, Master."

"Yes, he can." Gerard smiles. He thinks for a moment and then begins. "Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee was a very sexy boy, the sexiest boy in the world. He loved to pose naked in front of his master, hands cuffed behind his back, and listen to his master talk dirty to him."

Jonny's hard about two seconds after the cuffs get mentioned. "Yes, he does," he murmurs, "loves to hear Master talk dirty. Just talk."

"Imagine yourself in his place right now, Teak. Imagine yourself kneeling naked, hands cuffed behind your back, a posture collar around your neck. Imagine that there's a gates of hell on your cock, and a ball gag in your mouth. You can't do anything or go anywhere and all you can do is listen to master tell you how much he loves the way you look when you're screaming for him."

"Heaven is in his voice and it's all I hear," Jonny whispers, starting to slowly rub against the pillow's edge. The image is vivid, agonizing and tantalizing, so exactly where he wants to be. On his knees. _With_ his Master.

Gerard closes his eyes and can immediately see Jonny Lee on his knees in front of him, sweat glistening on him, cock painfully hard. Gerard swallows. "Tells you how he loves to watch you strain beneath him, scream and cry when he spanks and beats you. And then he," Gerard clears his throat, "and then he starts telling you about his favourite fantasies, about what he wants to do to you."

Jonny whimpers at the mention of spanking and beating. "He listens, hanging on every word, wanting to hear those fantasies, craving to know how Master wants to use him." He yawns again, sleep racing against the strain of his cock against his jeans. He's not at all sure which will win out. Doesn't care.

Gerard isn't sure how to take the yawn, but there's little doubt it's not from boredom. "And so he'll be listening carefully as master tells him that he wants to sit him on a straight-backed chair in the middle of a dark room and blindfold him, and then make him blow master. And how master wants to dress his boy up in silk and slowly undress him, kissing every part of him, until he goes mad from wanting."

"Dark room. Blindfold. Blow. Silk." Jonny's muttering the words, Morpheus' arms much more inviting than Eros' as he's lulled by the words. "Falling asleep, Master. Is that alright?"

"That's fine," Gerard purrs. "Master will keep talking to him to sleep." Jonny Lee said he couldn't come and so he needs to get rid of his erection before getting back on set. And he won't get rid of it while talking to his boy. So it's not that he wants to get off the phone quickly, but the entire film crew will laugh at him if he's walking funny while infiltrating Grendel's lair.

Jonny doesn't know if it's the words or just Gerard's voice, just hearing it, but he's content again, somewhere closer to being at peace than he was before the phone call. He's still upset, a bit, and confused, a lot, but it doesn't matter as he drifts off. "Master has him in room, all alone," he mutters.

"Master does," Gerard confirms, and then it hits him. _This is exactly what Conner was doing to me._ This is just more phone sex. He blanches, but keeps his voice steady. "And master's boy looks very sexy like that. Looks like such a good boy. Master can't help but stroke his boy, making him kneel up harder, and begins to stroke his boy's cock through the metal gates."

"Boy loves stroking. Yes, Master. Boy wants to kneel. Ever and ever." Jonny's voice grows distant and his eyes are closed now, hands wrapping around the pillow, tightly tugging it in. "He's going 'sleep now."

"Ok," Gerard nods. "G'night, Teak."

"Night, Pire," the words slur out of Jonny's mouth.

"Good night," Gerard says one last time and then turns off the phone. He tosses it onto the bed and then flops back down. Thirty minutes to be on set. Yeah. He can get rid of his erection by then. Sure.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/56349.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	270. est_news: 'Aeon Flux' filming halted

| The News ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/profile)[ **est_news**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/10/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/10/09/) 19:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=8588&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=8588) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=8588) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=8588&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**'Aeon Flux' filming halted** _  
**Disclaimer: This article is entirely a work of fiction created for the roleplaying game The Establishment and is not in any way meant to reflect on any real persons mentioned within.**

**[Hollywood News]**  
October 9/Berlin: Production on the futuristic thriller _Aeon Flux_ has temporarily shut down after Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron injured herself performing a stunt late Friday night.

The 29-year-old _Monster_ star badly hurt her back when she fell off a trampoline while shooting an action sequence in platform shoes. She has left the Berlin set and flown back to Los Angeles, where she has recuperating under care of a specialist.

The set is scheduled to reopen October 18. _Aeon Flux_ is set centuries in the future at a time when a plague has wiped out most of the population. Theron plays the title character - a sleek, sexy commando who is part of a rebellion against the remaining government - in the film, which also stars Marton Csokas and Jonny Lee Miller.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	271. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Together for a brief time

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/09/) 19:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33589&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33589) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33589) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33589&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Together for a brief time** _  
**[Players only. This occurs late afternoon Saturday, October 9. Following[the shutting down of production on _Aeon Flux_](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/8588.html), Jonny Lee is able to leave Berlin and fly to Iceland to see Gerard.]**

Jonny Lee knew voodoo dolls didn't really work, but he'd hidden his makeshift one with Charlize's face taped on it after the accident. Damned fool woman'd just about broken something, but as it was it was just deep bruises or some such medical thing that required bed rest. She'd need a week's recovery. At first he'd been pissed. It meant filming delays and he wouldn't finish on the 20th, but then Karyn, sweetheart of a director, had said for everyone to take off. He'd been on the first flight out of Berlin, heading for Iceland. And he'd been so damned bouncy the attendant had threatened to restrain him. Twice. He'd just smiled and asked if she was going to use tape or twine.

He hadn't called Gerard, had decided to make it a surprise, which meant getting to the set a little tricky, since he wasn't sure exactly _where_ in Iceland they were filming, but a quick call to Brett, along with extracting a promise of silence, had remedied that. So after a solid half day of traveling, Jonny Lee finds himself in the middle of nowhere, getting hugged and kissed by his lover's PA, who's sure it's going to make Gerard a much happier person to be around having his lover on set. Now he just had to wait on a halt in filming and said lover to notice him.

Hack. Slash. Thrust. Twist out of the way so the sword doesn't hit his arm. Mindless movements, practiced over and over again until Gerard doesn't have to think. He barely hears the call for cut, wrap, print. The wig hair is matted to his face with sweat and he tugs it back. That'll be one more thing for the costuming professionals to worry about. Someone hands him a towel and he rubs his face with it, moving down to especially get the beard. He wonders idly what Jonny Lee will say about it when he sees it, and hands the towel back.

There's almost an expectant silence near him, unusual for a scene that's just been completed to satisfaction. Frowning, Gerard looks around.

And sees Jonny Lee standing by the rightmost camera. Gerard grins so wide his face hurts. "Jonny!"

Jonny Lee's smiling, nearly as broad a grin as Gerard's, except tinged with a blush. It's taking everything in him _not_ to just sink to his knees beside the camera and crawl over the mud to be at his feet. And then it takes the last little bit of reserve not to run, stupidly slow-motion, across the same mud, jump into his lover's arms and hug him insanely.

"Hi, there," he settles on something more mixed company acceptable, moving away from the camera toward Gerard. "Surprise."

Screw restraint. Gerard rushes over to him, picks him up, and spins him around. His hands on his boy. Christ, he's wanted this for so long. Just to have Jonny Lee in his arms again. And it feels even better than he'd imagined night after night, hand fisting his cock. "Love your surprises," Gerard says in a rush, finally letting Jonny Lee down on the ground again. "Love _you_."

Ice broken, Jonny Lee responds just as enthusiastically, kissing as much of Gerard's face as he can get to before he's put on the ground. "Love you, too." And he's blushing more, but not really caring. "Thought 'bout calling you, even on the plane," he's talking in hurried rushes, "but Brett agreed you'd get off on the surprise, so here I am."

Gerard takes the moment to kiss Jonny Lee thoroughly and grope his arse. He can't believe this is happening. He can't believe this isn't a dream. "What happened to filming? Aeon Flux? You're supposed to be in Berlin."

"Charlize fall down and get bad boo-boo," Jonny Lee says, smirking insanely. "She's laid up for a week, so we got a week off. Have to be back by Sunday night." The shiver runs through him at Gerard's touch. It's grounding him, putting him back in his place. He leans closer. "Do you think Master could use his slave for a week?" he whispers.

"I think Master could find some uses for him, yes," Gerard whispers back. "But why does Master think that his boy had something to do with Ms. Theron's accident?"

"I didn't do a thing," innocent smile, "well, 'cept buy the voodoo doll and cut her face out of that German tab and paste on it. Kurt stuck the needle in."

Gerard laughs. "I should try that in the future. Voodoo." He moves Jonny Lee over to the side so that there's a little more privacy. "Master missed his slave."

"Your slave can barely stay on his feet, Master," Jonny Lee says when they're more secluded. "He wants to drop to his knees right now. Long till you finish today?"

"Done now." Gerard thinks he should take his hands off Jonny Lee, show the crew that he's _not_ that obsessed with his lover, but he can't be bothered. "That's why we don't have sunglasses boy standing over me, breathing fire."

The smile widens, gets damned broad. "Then we can go, back to the hotel," Jonny Lee says eagerly, "and I can crawl across the floor for you, undress you, bathe you, beg to be beaten so hard I can't stand up till Wednesday. Please."

"Master would like that," Gerard says. "Beat his boy, make him scream. But first master needs to get out of this hair and clothes."

"Then Master's slave will wait patiently outside makeup for him."

Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's hair. "Good boy. Won't be but a minute. Charm the pants off everyone."

"Yessir," he quips, sighing as Gerard walks off toward the trailers. He spends the next 20 minutes or so chatting with cast and crew, being as charming as possible, the perfect "set husband" waiting patiently for his actor lover.

Gerard fidgets as the wig is removed and he sneezes as the wizards get the make up off him. The costume is stripped off him neatly and at last, Gerard is left to get dressed. It feels weird to be pulling up jeans after hours in costume and he's taken to wearing two or three undershirts so his button-down oxfords don't feel so awkward. He checks himself over in the mirror, rubs at a stubborn spot on his nose, and exits the trailer to look for his boy. He's half-hard already, the days of not touching himself adding up, and the sight of his boy putting fire to the fuel.

Jonny Lee's been cornered in the last five minutes by sunglasses boy, who apparently has an interested in Flux queen Karyn, and he's politely talking about the filming, not letting go of any secrets, and how it's weird working for a female director, but intriguing.

Ah. There he is. Gerard jogs over to Sturla and wraps his arms around Teak from behind. "I want to shag you right now," he says calmly, not caring who hears him.

There's no stopping the blush or the giggle. "Yes, m-, Pire, of course," he murmurs. "Guess I've finished my conversation. Been charming, though."

"Yes, you have." With a few extra words to Sturla and the second unit director, Gerard gets Jonny Lee away from everyone. "How was my boy's flight?"

"Alright. Attendant only threatened twice to restrain me," he says, smiling as they move away, move _toward_ hotel and, he sighs, touching. "I've barely stopped bouncing since Karyn told us we could have the week off."

"Man or woman?" Gerard asks, meaning the attendant who wanted to take liberties with his boy. "You'd look good restrained like that. Next time we're on an Establishment flight, remind me to bring chains."

"Woman. Not my type, even if I was into women. And, yes, Master, your slave will remind you to bring chains."

"Good boy." Gerard licks around Jonny Lee's ear. "Master has a nice whip with his boy's name written on it." Literally. "Where can't my boy be bruised?"

"Whip." The whimper echoes. "Face. That's pretty much it. Costume covers most everything else."

"I love these fantasy films. Wonderful costumes." Gerard squeezes Jonny Lee's arse. "Did you bring a bag?"

"Just a backpack. We dropped it off at the hotel on the way over from the airstrip." Jonny Lee jumps a half-step. "Oh, fuck, missed that. Random touches."

"I missed everything," Gerard admits. "I'm going to keep touching you the entire time you're here. Fair warning."

"Master, your slave wants touches and bruises, night and day, till he leaves. He wants to be so sore getting back on the plane he can't do anything but think about that till filming starts again."

"Master doesn't want his boy to have troubles acting," Gerard says. "What kind of stunts does my boy have to perform?"

"Just basic shite, Master, rolling and jumping and shooting at things," Jonny Lee smiles, "and with Charlize getting hurt, they'll probably have the doubles do more of the stunts now anyhow." _Please hurt me. Bruise me._

Perfect. No holds need be barred. "Know what master wants to do to his slave?"

"The slave can imagine some things, like spanking him and beating him with a belt," Jonny Lee says, pauses, "unless Master has toys handy. Then maybe plug him and bind his cock and fuck him into the wall?"

"That's an idea. Except I can't fuck you when you're plugged." Gerard squeezes harder. "Master was thinking more along the lines of tying his boy to the shower rod and beating him until he bled."

"Well, yeah, but I was thinking plug first and then," Jonny Lee starts, his brain's path totally derailed by Gerard's last words. "Oh, fuck. Christ, yes. Please. Beat him, Master, till he's bloody and raw and begging for more." He's finding it harder by the minute not to just drop to his knees. Wants to be in the hotel room. _Right now._

"I'm going to." Gerard licks his lips, silly grin still all by pasted on his face. "And the walls are nowhere near soundproof, so I'm going to have to gag my boy. Going to listen to him scream around it, jerk against the cuffs. Going to hurt you so well to make up for all this time."

"Gag." There's a brief moment of pause, Jonny Lee surprised his lover would so use on so willingly. He wants to ask about the zoning, if he sinks too far, but doesn't. _You'll be okay. There's no problem. At all._ "Master, your slave loves the idea. Screaming but not."

The only thing Gerard might be concerned about is safewording, and he doesn't think that Jonny Lee will safeword on something as simple as a beating. He'll still take precautions, of course, but there's no reason to let everyone working on this film know that Jonny Lee's a screamer. Due to the crosspollination of good film crews, just about everyone already knows about Gerard screaming _Teak_ last year in Prague. Gerard doesn't want to add anything more to his on-set reputation.

The hotel is coming up now and Gerard leads Jonny Lee around back. He fumbles as he puts the key in the lock and turns, looks behind him, and then shoves his boy into the room, slams the door behind him. "Want to see my boy on his knees."

Jonny Lee's on his knees before the last word is out of Gerard's mouth, coat hastily ripped off and tossed aside. _Yes. Where I belong._ Head straight. Eyes down. Hands laced behind his back. Knees perfectly apart. His breathing slows, anticipation of the pain and pleasure to come.

Gerard leans back against the closed door and just stares at his boy. Posture perfect, position perfect. Everything perfect. _Missed this so much._ "Master's slave..." Gerard clears his throat and tries to ignore his cock. "Master missed his slave."

"Slave missed his Master," Jonny Lee whispers. "No one's touched him in weeks. He remembered the rules, Master."

"Good boy. And master hasn't touched himself either." Conner's the last thing on his mind right now, but he thinks Jonny Lee might like to hear Gerard say it. "Missed seeing my boy kneel for me." And Jonny Lee looks like he belongs there, right on that spot of carpet, on knees, waiting on master's command. Gerard wants to keep him there always, except for when he's shagging his brains out. "Your master thinks he could come just from watching you."

"That would be Master's right. He could come on his slave, and his slave wouldn't complain. He'd lick it up, clean his Master and then beg for the beating Master wants to give him." Jonny Lee's sinking into headspace, fast and hard, ready for anything. "His collar's in the backpack if Master wants to reclaim him."

Ah. That's it. He'd known something was missing. "My boy should fetch his backpack for master. Crawl."

Jonny Lee crawls to the wall where the backpack's leaning. He thinks it's gonna be hard to take the whole thing back to Gerard, so he takes a liberty, hoping he won't get reprimanded for it. He digs into the pack's side pouch and pulls out his collar, biting it between his teeth and then turns, crawling back and kneeling up at his Master's feet, hands behind back and head up, presenting the collar just like a good puppy would. _Fuckin' love you, Pire,_ his eyes smile.

Gerard isn't sure what to make of his boy's initiative, but a look at the bag tells him that it would have been difficult for his boy to carry that in his mouth. He shrugs. It's not the end of the world. What's important is what his boy has between his teeth. Gerard takes the collar from Jonny Lee's and runs his hands over the worn leather. "Chin up," he murmurs, and then wraps the collar around Jonny Lee's neck and fastens it. "My boy."

"Yours, Master," Jonny Lee whispers, rubbing his cheek against Gerard's hand. "Only yours."

"Mine," Gerard confirms, and then steps back. "Did my boy get the tour of the place when he was dropping off his bag?"

"Not really, sir. Just tossed the bag in." Jonny Lee rolls his neck slightly, the weight of the collar comfortably heavy, centering.

"Think you should get the full tour," Gerard says. "Since you'll be spending so much time in bed."

"Of course, sir. Whatever Master wants." Jonny Lee doesn't move. "What should your slave see first?" He grins. "He's rather taken with this view, truth be told."

Gerard laughs. "Master can certainly understand that." He strokes the soft skin of Jonny Lee's neck, right above the collar. "But as much as Master would like a blowjob, he wants to fuck his slave silly. Can't do both."

"True. His slave will wake Master up with the blowjob."

"Taking liberties," Gerard tsks. "Should spank you for that."

"Please," Jonny Lee whimpers. "Your slave hasn't had a good spanking in too fuckin' long."

"I know." Gerard rubs Jonny Lee's head. "Tomorrow morning, after my blowjob. Ok?"

"Yes, Master. After blowjob." Jonny Lee purrs, nuzzles into Gerard's touch. "Tour now? Beating?"

"Quick tour," Gerry promises. He lifts Jonny Lee's chin and points. "Kitchenette. Bedroom. Loo. Closet. Window." Then he points to himself. "Greedy master."

Jonny Lee nods against Gerard's hand. "I like the greedy Master. Can we start there? Want your slave to strip?"

"I do." Gerard moves over to the chair and flops down. He smiles. "I want my boy to striptease for me. And then, uh, give me a lapdance." He can't guarantee that he won't orgasm, but at least it's better than a blowjob.

"Strip and a lap dance. Yes, sir." Jonny Lee comes off his knees slowly, pausing on one knee to undo his hi-tops, get rid of them before he stands up. He gathers the hem of his t-shirt in his fingers and rolls it up his chest. "Your slave feels naked, master," he says, shirt up his neck, coming off over his head. "No bruises. He wants to feel clothed again, in your marks."

Gerard unzips his jeans and slides his hand beneath his boxers. "Master's going to bite his slave all over, don't you worry. Mark you as mine."

The shiver along Jonny Lee's spine heats him. _Mark you as mine._ It's all he wants. Everything. Hands slide down, fumble at the waistband of his jeans, almost nervous in working the buttons undone. So many weeks. Wanting this.

Gerard palms his cock as more and more of his boy's skin is revealed. Beautiful, but there's something missing. It begs bite marks, bruises, cuts. And Gerard intends to add them all. He's going to mark his boy all over.

He tugs at the denim, catches his thumbs inside the boxer briefs, simple and navy cotton, and works it all down his hips, drawing out the exposure of flesh, fingers sliding over his Scorpio tattoo as the first hint of cock's shown. It surprises him, still, that he's taken to this so easily, the boy who once said he hated the thought of being naked in front of other people. But, he looks up, smiles at Gerard, _this_ isn't other people. This is his lover, his Master. He wants to be naked before him, always, and so the jeans slide down his thighs, inching until they're all the way down his legs and he's bending over to tug them off.

There's not an awful lot of teasing in this striptease, but Gerard doesn't care. He just wants his boy naked and in his lap. Doesn't really care how he manages that. He watches the curve of Jonny Lee's arse appreciatingly as Jonny Lee bends over. "Why's my boy wearing briefs?"

"It's what was clean?" Jonny Lee says, smiling, walking toward Gerard. "Now, Master wanted a lap dance? Did he want to stay dressed for it?"

"Master would like to be naked," Gerard says. "But Master doesn't recall ever giving his boy permission to wear briefs _or_ boxers." He hadn't told him not to, of course, but it's just one more reason for him to hurt his boy later. Teach him not to wear briefs. Or something. Even though he looks very jumpable in them.

For a second, Jonny Lee's confused. _You didn't tell me what to wear. Period._ Then he remembers the cardinal rule: Don't question Master. He sinks to his knees in front of Gerard. "Your slave is sorry, Sir, but with the flight he thought it best not to go commando."

Gerard nods. "Master understands. But don't let it happen again. Master likes it when his boy is bare."

"Then let your slave stay at home, and he'll be bare all the time," Jonny Lee murmurs, not meaning it to sound harsh or complaining, but knowing there's a bite in his voice all the same. He's tired of the film, tired of acting, tired of doing anything that doesn't directly involve Gerard. "Your slave likes being that way, sir, but filming sometimes prevents it."

Gerard winces at Jonny Lee's tone. _Shite. Went too far._ He should have known better than to push. Should have realized that Jonny Lee wouldn't be in the mood for Gerard's decidedly odd sense of humour. Should have known that Jonny Lee was still not trusting him completely from the phone sex debacle. "I'm sorry," he says finally. "I-I just missed you." Not an excuse not to realize that his boy just wanted sex. "Whatever you wear, it's fine." Especially during filming. Christ. Gerard hadn't even meant to insinuate that Jonny Lee should go commando on set.

He knows immediately what he's done. Been smart. And he didn't mean it. Not really. "It's my fault, Pire. I'm just edgy. Missing you so much." He lays his head on Gerard's knee. "Tired of being away from you. Just need to feel your hands on me. Please."

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's hair. "Let's skip the beating and go straight to holding you, biting you." He hesitates. "Is my boy very tired?"

"No, sir, not that tired." Jonny Lee pushes into the strokes, nuzzling and kneeling up to get closer. "I haven't done something wrong, Pire? Want the beating. As much as the biting. And the holding."

"You haven't done anything wrong," Gerard says. "I just...I haven't been thinking about you. Just about me and what I want." He winces. "And that's not right."

_What I want doesn't matter. Not really. I'm the slave._ Jonny Lee licks along the inseam of Gerard's jeans, nose brushing against denim and the edges of the obvious erection. "Master, what _you_ want is what your boy wants. There's nothing you can't want to give him that he doesn't want to take." He's purring as he licks across the unzipped jeans, tongue swiping over boxers, careful to avoid flesh until he's given specific permission.

Gerard wants to pull him back, to have this conversation without thoughts of sex distracting him, but he doesn't have the willpower to do it. _I can concentrate when he's like this,_ Gerard thinks, not believing a word of it. "Not sexual," he says. "Otherwise. Haven't worried about your trip, or how it was to get from the airport here." He pauses. "How _did_ you get here?"

"Brett arranged for it, Master. Flight was fine. Would've bloody walked from the airport if I had to, just to get to you." Jonny Lee's nuzzling, not so much for the sexual aspect but for the closeness, the connection. "Not just about the sex. Love you." He crawls up, stands and straddles Gerard's lap, taking more initiative than he maybe should, but feeling it's okay. The sex is great, and he wouldn't _want_ to give it up, but it's just _being_ with Gerard that makes him want to keep living. Sex could stop tomorrow, he knows, and he wouldn't walk out.

Gerard puts his hands on Jonny Lee's hips, just holds him there. His skin is warm and soft and he's missed this so much. "And it was easy to get a flight on such short notice? Did Brett help there as well?"

"Nah." He blushes, a comfortable, familiar warmth over his cheeks. "That was me. With a little help from Kurt, who has this friend at Lufthansa. I think there's a cast consensus that I needed to see you."

Gerard can't help it. He laughs. "Pining too much, Teak?"

The blush deepens, rather the color of cranberries. "Guess so. I'm sure Kurt thinks he knows you from birth. Well, except for the kink things."

Gerard kisses his boy. "You told him my life's story?"

"Not your whole life," Jonny Lee gets in before the kiss, then he goes silent, letting himself fall into the kiss. _This is what I came for. Love him._ He rubs his hand over Gerard's arm, a hesitant touch, no permission give. _Inciting him, Jonny?_

He likes the touches. They're sweet. And loving. "Just the parts since you came in?"

"Don't know much about the parts before that, except for," Jonny Lee stammers just a bit, rubs the fabric under his fingers a touch harder, "what you've told me about your exes, so yeah, the part involving me."

"The bad with the good?" Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's chin. "Don't want Kurt to think that I'm some kind of superman."

"Bad? Where's the bad?" He moans at the kiss, squirms a bit against Gerard's lap, cock harder by the second. "Master's perfect."

"Master most certainly is not," Gerard retorts. He gropes Jonny Lee's arse. "Master is a self-centered brooder who loves his boy very much. He's nowhere near perfect."

Jonny Lee laughs. "What's not perfect about that? His boy loves the brooder." He wriggles against Gerard's hand. "Still want that lap dance, Master? Or just want to fuck and beat your boy?"

"I want the lap dance." Gerard kisses him one more time and then sits back. "I missed you," he says one more time.

"No more missing," Jonny Lee says, raising himself up to stand, feet on the floor on either side of the chair. He sways, music filtering through his mind, and bends down, hands going to Gerard's jeans, tugging them more open. "Just your boy pleasing you now."

"Just my boy," Gerard repeats. "I like that." He sits back and just watches Jonny Lee, letting him do whatever he wants to do. It's his show and Gerard is going to appreciate every minute of it.

There's a slight hesitancy in Jonny Lee's actions, a self-doubt at his ability to do anything remotely resembling a lap dance. He's not Stuart. But he tries, padding his thumb down the length of Gerard's cock before sliding his hands away, wriggling back down, exaggerated motions, grinding and working himself along, onto his lover's body.

He should have had the forethought to put some music on, Gerard thinks and curses. As erotic as this is, it would have been better with music. _Next time,_ he promises, and there will be a next time. This is too good not to repeat.

Jonny Lee lets himself go, zoning on the edge. It's kind of like the puppy play. Need a touch of something to get him past the insecurity. In a light zone, he can think himself utterly graceful and beautiful as he settles himself back on Gerard's lap, legs splayed and arse working over his lover's thighs, his cock hard and jutting out, pressing against his Master's.

And his boy is beautiful like this. Gerard places his hands on Jonny Lee's hips and holds him as he moves. This is so much better than he could have imagined.

There's an odd rhythm in the squirming. "Master, please," Jonny Lee purrs, words in long drawn-out syllables as he pushes closer, "let your boy fuck you. Like this."

Let Jonny Lee on top? _Yes._ "Go right ahead," Gerard says and kisses his boy. He can't help it. Then he sits back again and lets Jonny Lee take control.

Permission granted to be wanton, Jonny Lee slips his hand between their bodies and shifts up slightly, guiding Gerard's cock to his hole, then letting out a long breath as he pushes down. The burn's instantaneous. Too many days without this feeling, without the intense pressure. He winces, pants. "Love you," he whispers, dropping himself much more quickly than he should for a dry fuck. He knows he shouldn't even do it at all. Even _this_ slowly, excruciating inch by inch, it's gonna rip him. Doesn't care. It's all about being possessed. "Yours. Always."

Bad boy. His boy is barely prepped. Thought he'd learned his lesson by now. But Gerard doesn't care. He likes the burn, he likes his boy on top of him. _Missed this._ "Mine," he whispers, fighting to keep his eyes open, to focus on the now. "Mine."

Jonny'd learned his lesson, very well. This is intentional, the barest minimum of prep, wanting it to hurt, ache, needing to feel the burn of days, till he's back on the plane a week later. He pushes down, demanding his body open despite the incredible friction. _Fuckin' hell, it hurts,_ he breathes roughly. "Yes," he hisses aloud, working down that last, slow, agonizing inch.

Gerard thrusts up into Jonny Lee, wanting more of the feeling, wanting Jonny Lee to hurt for him. "Love my boy," Gerard groans. "My slave. My Jonny."

"Your slave," Jonny Lee screams as he's seated firmly, Gerard's cock deep inside him. He starts to move, back up and then shoves down again. "Your Jonny. Your Teak. Yours alone. Always."

"Yes," Gerard growls. He grips Jonny Lee's hips hard, knowing that he's going to leave marks, and liking the thought. "Mine. Only mine, ever mine."

Marks. Oh, yes, that will leave marks. Jonny Lee's mind reels. "More, Master, please," he begs. "Mark your boy. Inside and out. Cover him so no one's uncertain about who he belongs to."

"No one's even uncertain." Gerard feels the stretch as he tries to get Jonny Lee's collar between his teeth. "Mine. Fucking mine."

The stretch is slowly becoming unbearable, Jonny Lee wanting to push his lover over the edge. He pulls up, licking his lips, then swiping his tongue over Gerard's. "Please, Master," he murmurs, "come inside me." And with a wicked glint, he brutally thrusts himself down, taking Gerard's cock as deep inside as his body will allow, eyes glazing at the newfound intensity, the pain. Zoning without losing touch of the reality.

Gerard screams at the downward thrust, the sheer feeling of it making him clench down everywhere. He knows Jonny Lee's hips are going to have his mark, but he can't see Jonny Lee. Can't see anything, but he hears him asking him to come. And so Gerard does, screaming again. _And I was worried about them thinking Teak was a screamer,_ he thinks hazily.

"Yes, oh, god, yes," Jonny Lee cries, burying his head against Gerard's shoulder as they orgasm overtakes him, fills him, marks him thoroughly. He's shivering, whole body twitching at the shared moment. And he's on edge, too, cock hard and trapped between their bodies, need overlaying on desire.

Gerard gasps, much needed air filling his lungs. He takes a few more breaths and then opens his eyes. "Too long," he says hoarsely. He can feel how hard Jonny Lee is, but he can't get his hand through to touch him. He wants to. He wants to jerk Jonny Lee until he comes. But he doesn't want his boy to move. Teak's smart. Maybe he'll know a way out of this. "Wanna touch you."

"Touch me. Yeah." Jonny Lee process the words slowly, pushes himself back from Gerard's shoulder after kissing his lover's neck. "Please," he says, creating more space between their bodies, but not moving to dislodge himself. He wants as much connection as he can get at the moment.

See. He knew Teak was smart. Gerard puts his hand between them and starts stroking Jonny Lee's cock by Braille. He knows this. He knows how to do this, how to drive Jonny Lee mad with just a few strokes. One here, here, and twist there, and Teak's cock feels so good in his hand. He could do this forever.

The great thing about orgasm control is the denial, forcing yourself _not_ to come until permission's given, until it hurts so badly you're thinking cutting the damned thing off might be better than the pain of release. Jonny Lee's become a master of it over the years, especially over the past year. He holds off, tamps back, until Master says it's alright, just writhing under Gerard's perfect touch.

Gerard doesn't even think of giving him permission. All that's forgotten, been pushed out by Jonny Lee on his lap, Jonny Lee's cock in his hand. He strokes and teases, feeling Jonny Lee react just like he'd known he would. That's the best thing about a lover, he thinks. Someone who knows you and what makes you wild.

Jonny Lee stretches out as far as he can without throwing his center of gravity off-balance, his head thrown back, and he makes a keening noise, whimpering and moaning all at once. Gerard knows better than anyone how to drive him insane. He's the only one Jonny Lee _wants_ making him wild, spiraling him down and out of control.

Jonny Lee hasn't come yet. Gerard frowns. He'd thought he was doing this good enough that Jonny Lee would have by now. He speeds his hand up, stroking the hard flesh until his palm burns from the friction.

The increased friction is _too_ much and Jonny Lee screams, panting breaths. "Please, Pire, oh, god, fuck, please let me come. Your boy's starting to hurt now. So good."

Gerard blinks. Why's his boy asking...oh. He blushes. "Come for me, Teak," he orders, and gives him one last stroke.

Jonny Lee comes, on the word, hard, jets streaking out over Gerard's hand, splattering on their stomachs. "Yes, thank you, Master, wonderful, yes." He shivers through the release, finally rocking forward, burying his head against Gerard's shoulder. "Your slave," he whispers, "he loves you."

Gerard wraps his arms around Teak, enfolding him in a long hug. "Your master, he loves you."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	272. gerard: He's here

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/10/) 06:25:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56867&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56867) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56867) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=56867&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**He's here** _  
[public]

He's here. He's really here.

I woke up this morning, turned over, and he was right there next to me, sleeping like an angel.

I should feel bad for profiting so much from someone else's pain, but fuck it. I missed Teak too much. And if it took Charlize Theron's injury to get my boy in my arms again, then I'm not sad she hurt herself. That may make me a bad person, but I don't give a damn.

I have my Teak and that's all I care about.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/56867.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	273. gerard: Of Blowjobs and Beatings

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/12/) 19:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57092&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57092) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57092) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57092&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Of Blowjobs and Beatings** _  
[players only. Oh my god, finally a frontdated log.]

  
The first couple days had gone well, better than Jonny Lee expected, or maybe hoped to expect, given the phone calls the week before. Ger had been surprised, thoroughly, and that had made it all worthwhile. And it hadn't been as boring as either of them had anticipated, Jonny Lee making himself welcomed among the cast and crew, fitting right in and making new friends.

He'd spent the morning on the set, watching them film, playing with the kids between takes, and had planned to just stay there all day, but then Ger had whispered in his ear at lunch, while Jonny Lee was backed against the trailer wall and being thoroughly kissed, that he wanted to beat his boy. So he'd made his departure mid-afternoon and had come back to the hotel, getting everything ready. Everything perfect.

And when Master comes home, he'd find his slave on his knees, naked, proper position, waiting patiently.

Jonny Lee had been most distracting in the last few days, but Gerard wouldn't trade it for the world. It's made their kisses that much more biting and Gerard that much more eager to get his hands on his boy. He's been sneaking glances at him between takes and trying to keep his mind off him during shots. But there are some images he can't quite clear from his head, like Jonny Lee grinning at him, and Jonny Lee playing with children. His boy seems so good at it, but those are not thoughts to be having now, and so when Gerard shoves Jonny Lee against a wall for a lunchtime kiss, he gives him orders as well.

Sturla yells his final cut almost an hour after he should have, and getting out of the costume and the wetsuit and having the bruises washed off his face take another hour. He grabs a cup of coffee and accepts the offer of a ride, so he's only two and a half hours late when he finally opens the door.

_Master controls his slave. Pire controls Teak. Gerard controls Jonny. All the layers, I'm the one under him. That's the way it works._ Jonny Lee's been rattling through the mantra for an hour, something to focus on while he waits. Not that he minds. Not at all. It's what a slave does. Serves Master. He manages a smile, though, when the door opens and shifts to perfect his position, fingers lacing more tightly, knees spreading, eyes down.

What a sight to come home to. Gerard places the styrofoam cup on the table and then walks over to Jonny Lee. "Excellent, boy," he murmurs. He reaches out and grabs Jonny Lee's hair, tugs his head up. "How long has my boy been waiting?"

"As long as was required, Master," Jonny Lee says, head tilting back at Gerard's tug. "About three hours. You slave wanted to be ready for when his Master walked in."

Gerard blinks "My boy's been waiting on his knees for three hours?" Christ. "Are his toes numb?"

"No, sir, he's been taking precautions, flexing and moving every so often," Jonny Lee says, wanting to reassure Gerard he's okay, worried for an instant that his Master will be unhappy with him not having stayed perfectly still. "Your slave wanted to please Master, not worry him."

"My slave did please master." Fuck. Three hours. Just for him. Gerard feels honoured. "Did my slave get everything ready?"

"Yes, Master, he did. Cuffs laid out, leather straps if you want 'em, along with the flogger you like." Jonny Lee smiles. "Your slave's prepped. Wearing a plug even. He thought about a cock ring, but remembers that's Master's decision, to bind him or not."

"What a good boy." Cuffs, straps, flogger, plug. Gerard can hardly wait. But he has to build the mood. They can't just jump in and beat. Well, they can, but it's the first beating in a long time. It should be special. "How many does my boy think he can take?"

"Fifty-two, sir," Jonny Lee says quickly.

Gerard blinks. "That's a random number." He moves his hand around to cup the back of Jonny Lee's head. "How did my boy arrive at that figure?"

"It's two strokes," Jonny Lee says, tilting his head back into Gerard's touch, "for every day we've been apart, Master."

"My boy is such a romantic." Gerard grins. "I love that about him." He strokes the back of Jonny Lee's head and pulls him closer. "Get me out of these jeans, Teak."

"Yes, Pire," he says, smiling. "May your boy presume to use his hands, so he may touch his Master, caress those hard thighs as he's working the denim down them?"

Gerard's cock jumps. He swallows. "No, he may not," he says, fingers tightening. "And my boy knows better than to presume. Master wants to see his boy's hands locked behind his back, straining to do everything with his mouth."

"Yes, Master, your slave understands and accepts the constraints on his behaviour. He was wrong to presume." Jonny Lee leans forward, working the top button with his teeth. It's difficult, even with practice, and he's slightly out of practice, but he manages to work through the buttons without too much trouble, nuzzling the denim apart with his nose.

Gerard's always loved Jonny Lee's mouth and he loves watching Jonny Lee use nothing but that to get his master naked. So fucking erotic. Gerard helps him by shoving his jeans down and then lets Jonny Lee have a go at his boxers.

Serendipity's a wonderful thing, and Jonny Lee's grateful for the assistance. He works more eagerly on the boxers, tugging them down, first one side and then the other and then to the middle. It takes a few minutes, but he does it and he's jerking them down Gerard's legs with his teeth, waiting on Master to step out of them.

Once the boxers are down low enough, Gerard steps out of them obediently and has to clamp down on the urge to all but shove his cock into Jonny Lee's face and get a blowjob right here right now. No. Doesn't work that way. Wait for it. He's the dominant, the master, and he has to be in control.

Not having orders other than to get his Master out of his jeans, Jonny Lee kneels back into position, waiting, tamping down the desire to lick thigh, cock, beg for it all.

Gerard takes in a shuddering breath and then another, grabbing control over his libido. "Good boy," he says at last. "Tell me what my boy would like to do now."

"Your boy would like to lick his Master's cock, sir, to take it in his mouth and work his tongue over and around it, to make Master as hard as he can get, and then beg for Master to come all over his boy's face," Jonny Lee says, putting words to the images that've been floating through his brain over the past few hours. "Then he'd like to crawl, Master, to beg for cuffs and flogger and bruises that'll have the makeup guys cringing next week."

Dammit. Those images aren't helping him keep control. So fuck it. He's the master. He's allowed to do what he wants, indulge himself. "Master wants that," he says. "Master wants his boy to make him hard and take him so deep he chokes. Master wants to tease his boy and make him crawl and torture him 'til he can't move. Give him bruises," Gerard swallows, "ones that won't heal for so long, so my boy knows who owns him, who gave them to him. Want my boy to know he's mine."

Jonny Lee shudders at the words, his whole body shivering with anticipation of hurting so badly he can't think of moving for hours, and then having it hurt more every time he does move. "Please, Master," he says, leaning forward, touching tongue to the tip of Gerard's cock, "let your boy take what you offer."

Gerard smiles. "Naughty boy. Touching when he hasn't been told to. He should make up for that." He strokes Jonny Lee's collar. "Lick me, Teak. Make up for being naughty."

_Lick me._ There couldn't be nicer words. Jonny Lee licks, slowly, along the length of Gerard's cock, taking care to work his tongue across every ridge.

Gerard moans. _Never get enough_ , he thinks, and pushes Jonny Lee's head just a little closer. He wants Jonny Lee to impress him, he wants it all, but he wants it all now.

Jonny Lee moves his head around and licks along the underside, pushing up, letting his tongue lap across his lover's balls before sliding back. He loves this, serving, being used. It's like a fix for a junkie, and Jonny Lee doesn't think he'll ever get enough.

He keeps licking, down and back up, concentrating on just that one act, what Master has given him permission to do.

And Master's enjoying it immensely. Gerard's harder than sin and already having problems keeping control. It was that week of not coming, he thinks. Shot him all to hell.

"Your boy loves this," Jonny Lee says between licks. "Being here for Master."

"Master loves this," Gerard gasps. "Loves his boy, his Teak, loves you, loves this."

"Please, Master, may your boy use his mouth now, throat and teeth and take you in?"

Gerard swallows hard and nods. _Yes. Nothing I want more._

Without another word, Jonny Lee opens his mouth and pushes forward, taking Gerard in full, to the back of his throat, suppressing the remnants of a long-dead gag reflex, his tongue sliding underneath, pressing up, his teeth just grazing. He holds steady for a moment, and then slowly draws back.

Gerard's eyes close as Jonny Lee takes him in, his hand reflexively tightening on the back of Jonny Lee's neck. Just like that. When Jonny Lee starts to pull back, Gerard doesn't let him get too far. He likes this and wants more, more, more, until he can't take it and comes down his boy's throat.

It's the exact move he's been waiting on, hand against his neck, keeping him from going anywhere. Not that he needs it. But he wants, Jonny Lee _wants_ to feel his Master's tug against his body as he sinks himself, body and mind, down to a point where all he tastes, feels, senses is Master's cock, heavy and leaking in his throat. He sucks harder, pulling back and pushing down as much as Master's touch will allow.

Almost there. Almost perfect. Gerard pushes Jonny Lee closer, bites his lip down hard. Jonny Lee said he wanted Gerard to come on his face, but there's time to do that later. Always time. Not going anywhere. Gerard shoves himself further down Jonny Lee's throat and moans.

Jonny Lee unlaces his fingers, flexes them and retwines them, harder this time, locking down his hands behind his back as his Master thrusts forward, fucking his mouth, bruising his throat. He'll be hoarse come morning. Doesn't matter. Don't need to talk to be a slave. Just do. He wants to beg for more of what's starting to coat his throat, for the rush of his lover's orgasm, but he stays silent, letting Master control.

One more thrust, two more thrusts, and it's too much and Gerard comes hard down Jonny Lee's throat, teeth biting into his lip until he tastes blood in a struggle to stay silent. It only half works, but it's enough. Gerard loosens his grip as he pulls out of Jonny Lee's mouth. "G-good boy."

He's licking the stain from his lips as Master steps back, floating in the space of knowing he's done well, in hearing the _good boy_. "Thank you, Master," Jonny Lee murmurs, "for using your slave."

"Very welcome, Teak." Gerard swallows again and takes a step back. "Get yourself ready on the bed," he says, phrasing it as an order but without any inflection to make it so. "Master needs a moment to compose himself."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee tries not to let the worry creep into his brain at Gerard's comment about composing himself. _It's just been a while. He hasn't had me around. That's all._ He scoots back and crawls over to the bed, getting up on it and stretching out, spread eagle, hands reaching to where he knows the cuffs are hooked to the bedrails and feet to the corners of the bed's edge.

Gerard just needs a couple of minutes to steady himself and get himself in proper headspace to be able to beat his boy properly. Once he's sure he can do it without breaking down and falling asleep, Gerard straightens and walks with a decided swagger into the bedroom. His boy is waiting for him facedown on the bed and Gerard wastes no time in getting Jonny Lee strapped down tight. "Fifty two," he says. "No more?"

"Your slave can definitely take the fifty-two, Master," Jonny Lee says, tugging against the restraints, smiling at their tightness. "If you choose to give him more, that's your right, sir."

"I don't want to give you more than you think you can take." Gerard strokes his hand up from the curve of Jonny Lee's arse to the curve of his shoulder. "Can my boy start silent?"

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, lowering his voice to a whisper, laying his head against the pillow's edge, whimpering at the soft touch before going silent.

"Good boy," Gerard says and then smacks Jonny Lee hard on the ass. "No counting, no thanking." As much as he'd love to hear it, he doesn't trust Jonny Lee to be able to keep his voice down. The walls are thin enough that he has to worry about the neighbors hearing the sound of the flogger.

His body reacts, arching up into the smack, wanting more. _No counting. No thanking._ Another serendipity. The silence allows Jonny Lee to just float in the pain, sink into the void. It'll be perfect.

Gerard looks Jonny Lee over one last time, checks the restraints again, and then picks up the flogger. "Fifty two," he repeats to remind himself, and then he brings the flogger down across Jonny Lee's back.

The first few sting more than they should and Jonny Lee winces, biting at the pillow. It's just getting used to it again. Nearly a month without the flogger tearing at his flesh. He breathes out, refocuses, lets the black slip around the edge of his vision.

Without his boy making noise, Gerard finds himself paying more attention than usual to his boy's breathing, listening to it hitch, making sure that his boy isn't going further than he wants him to. Gerard counts ten silently and then twenty, watching the marks grow on Jonny Lee's back.

At twenty-six, halfway through, the endorphins catch his brain, snag him down deeper into the zone, his breathing just a touch heavier, not alarming, but slower, deeper. His world is black now, nothing but the sound of the flogger overlaying his Master's breathing, everything attuned to the pain, the searing heat across his back.

At thirty, Gerard pauses. He puts the flogger down on the bed and then checks the circulation on Jonny Lee's ankles and wrists, then kisses Jonny Lee's head. "You're a slut, aren't you?" he murmurs. "Just a desperate slut who needs a master to control him." He licks around Jonny Lee's ear and then bites it. "Tell me how much of a slut you are, slave. Tell me how desperate you are."

It takes a minute for Gerard's voice to cut through, and then all Jonny Lee can think is _What'd I do? Why'd he stop?_ and it's another minute for the touches to sink in, the words to grab his brain. _Slut. His._ "Yes, Master. Just a slut, desperate, craving his Master's touch. Whatever Master will give him is more than enough. Even if it's nothing, he'd still beg for it." _Fuckin' right he's desperate._

Gerard relaxes a little. Good. So his boy is still responding. He sucks on the bite and then blows cool air against it. "Master's good boy. Twenty-two more." He kisses Jonny Lee's head again and moves around the bed. "Thirty-one," he calls, and lands the flogger, much softer than before. He wants to build up a rhythm again and he knows he has time.

"Boy good," Jonny Lee murmurs, sinking back into the pillows with Gerard's kiss, back into his zone with the caress of the flogger. He has time to sink, and there's trust enough on both sides for him to let go, drop into the blackness, let the sensations wash him.

Gerard builds up a steady rhythm, each stroke landing harder than the one before. By the forty-fifth, it's as hard as ever and Gerard's taking it slow, leaving at least ten seconds between each stroke. He wants to give Jonny Lee time to recover between each one and, he hopes, if it's slow and spaced out, Jonny Lee won't lose control and scream.

There's no danger of Jonny Lee screaming. He's too far gone, floating. _Please. Master. More. Yes. Hurt your boy._ His whimpers are muffled by pillow cases. He writhes, straining against the cuffs, letting them bite his wrists, leave the marks that won't fade for days, and he squirms, not against the strokes but into them, his body silently begging for more.

And Gerard gives him more. At fifty, he slows, enjoying each thud of the tails. But fifty-two comes too soon and Gerard doesn't want to push Jonny Lee's limits. He places the flogger on a chair and then takes his time to uncuff his boy, stroking the skin as much as he wants, giving Jonny Lee time to get used to the lack of new pain.

His back is warm, heated by the flogger's leather, and his brain is on fire at having Master's touch again. Jonny Lee doesn't want to come down from either, letting the endorphins rush his brain as Gerard holds him, strokes him. "Master," he murmurs, voice hazed with the zone.

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back, tracing the marks. He keeps his voice low. "Master needs to get some stuff for his boy's back. Is my boy ok on his own for a minute?"

"Fine," Jonny Lee mutters. His back hurts more than he realizes, and it'll catch up with him when the zone lets him slip back to reality.

"Good boy." Gerard gives Jonny Lee's neck a kiss and then hurries into the bathroom. Everything's set out on the sink and Gerard grabs it all, even what he doubts he'll need. He puts it all on the floor and then sits down on the bed next to Jonny Lee. "Just relax, Teak," he says softly. "Master's going to take care of you."

"Love you," he breathes out, voice just coming back solid. "That was, uh, incredible. Your boy'd missed how good it feels to hurt." Jonny Lee smiles. "Promise, when this is over, no more separation."

"I promise," Gerard says, rubbing aloe on the welts. "I'm not letting you out of my sight, lad. Need you too much."

"Knew I wanted you. Didn't realize just how much I needed you, till you weren't there." Jonny Lee winces as the aloe's cool stings the heated welts. "Don't like that, feeling so empty."

"Don't like that either." Gerard rubs Jonny Lee's back, trying to soothe more than hurt. "I want you next to me wherever I go, always at the edge of my vision, so I don't have to miss you."

"Edge of your vision. I like that." Jonny Lee whimpers at a particularly sensitive welt. "Need this more often, Master."

"Know you do, my pretty slut." Gerard rubs more aloe in. "My slut needs someone to control him, hurt him, keep him down until he can't remember how to get up."

Jonny Lee's sinking in the words. "Slut. Your boy likes that. Yeah, he wants control, wants someone -- no, wants _you_ \-- to put him down, keep him down."

"And I'm going to do that, Teak." _He looks beautiful like this._ "I promise."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57092.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	274. gerard: Late Late Night Proposal

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/13/) 01:19:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57344&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57344) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57344) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57344&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Late Late Night Proposal** _  
[players only.]

  
Jonny Lee has to go back in a few days and Gerard doesn't want to let him go. It's too soon. They've only just fallen back into their rhythm. They've only just reconnected. Gerard doesn't want to have to lose it again. But there's no choice. Jonny Lee has to go back and Gerard has to watch him go. Again.

He tightens his hold around Jonny Lee. "I don't want you to leave," he says. His legs are wrapped around Jonny Lee's, his arms are wrapped around Jonny Lee's waist, and his cock is still pressed against Jonny Lee's arse. He could lie like this forever.

It's the perfect position, lover's body wrapped around him. Jonny Lee never feels as secure as when he's like this, just enveloped by Gerard. "Don't want to leave," he says, sighing out with the words, "but have to finish the film. Still have me for a few days, Master. There's a lot we can do."

"I know." And there is. But it's not enough time for him to do everything he wants. _Be honest. Three years wouldn't be long enough._ "And we'll do everything we can."

"Like this, holding each other. Much as the pain." It's true, in a way. "Mostly as much. Wanna just lie here a bit longer. Don't have to be anywhere, do you?"

"No." Gerard licks Jonny Lee's ear. "Nowhere but here."

"Good. Wanna just touch you." Jonny Lee shrugs up his shoulder, instinct against the tickle on his ear. He wraps his fingers around Gerard's hand, twining them. "Love you, Pire. Master. Gerry. All the you's I get."

Gerard's quiet for a long moment and then pulls away slightly. "Teak, can I ask you something?"

Jonny Lee's startled by the pulling away, especially after the silence. "Anything, Pire," he says, reaching back and grabbing hold of his lover's hand, almost afraid of what might be coming.

"Did you ever want..." The word _more_ is on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it back. He knows it's wrong. "Your collar serves a dual purpose. It tells you that you're owned, and it tells everyone else that you're owned. But you can't wear that in public too often and the bat isn't noticeable. That's the point of it," Gerard continues quickly, "I know that, and that's the reason I bought such a long chain for it." Shit. This was a bad idea. He should stop now. He should bite his tongue and go back to cuddling his lover. Teak's going to take this the wrong way. Gerard isn't sure which way is the wrong way, but he's sure that no matter which way Jonny Lee takes it, it's going to be a bad thing.

Gerard swallows and he looks down. He can't just leave what he said hanging. Jonny Lee's going to think it's his fault. And it's not, it's Gerard's. But what's he supposed to say? This is going to sound so much worse than it actually is. Jonny Lee's going to take it the wrong way. He's going to think... _Just say it, Butler._

He counts to three and he forces himself to say it slowly. "I-I wanted there to be something that openly marked you as mine, something that you wouldn't have to cover up on the street. I wanted there to be a way to tell all those girls that you're not available without having to argue about it. I wanted..." _Keep your eyes on Teak. Keep your eyes on Teak._ "I wanted to claim you and have no one question it. So I-uh, I got you something." _Now all there is to do is wait._

Jonny Lee goes rigid as Gerard keeps talking. He's confused at first, scared. _Does he want to take it all back?_ Then it's just confusion. _Mark me? Claim me?_ He rolls over, settling on his back, needing to see his lover's eyes. "Master, what could you give your boy that claims him more than he is?"

"A-I-uh," Gerard reaches out and opens the drawer in the bedtable. There's a small velvet box inside and Gerard picks it up, squeezes down on it hard. "A ring," he says and then shuts his eyes tight so he doesn't have to see Jonny Lee's reaction.

"A ring," Jonny Lee echoes, and then his breath catches, hitches in his throat, and he's not sure he can breathe. He's forgetting how. "It's ..." _Breathe, damnit. C'mon, Miller._ "...Mas--, Pire, fuck, Ger, it's a ring." He can't bring himself to touch it. Might disappear. Or burn. "A ring. I wear it. Right."

"It-it doesn't have to mean anything more than you want it to mean." Gerard holds it out, opens it. It's just a silver ring, no inscription or design. It doesn't have to mean anything. "It can be just a collar you wear on your finger. Or. Um." He can't say the m-word. He can't.

Jonny Lee holds up his hand. "Put it on. Please."

Gerard nods, swallowing hard. He takes the ring out of the box and slips it onto Jonny Lee's finger. "Yeah?"

"If I were a girl, you'd be asking me to marry you?" Jonny Lee smiles, wiggling his finger into the ring's perfect tightness. "That usually what rings mean."

"It, it doesn't have to. Unless you want to." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "I mean, whatever you want."

"Mr. Butler, sir, are you asking me to marry you?" He bites his lip. "Would you ask your boy?"

"Do you want me to?" Gerard can't believe how nervous he is. This shouldn't be this hard. It's just a ring. It's just a ring. _It is not._ "I will, if you want."

"I'm not pushing, Pire. It's okay if you don't want to." Jonny Lee immediately regrets asking. _It's just a ring. It can be **just** a ring._ He lowers his eyes, drops his voice to a whisper. "He'd say yes, though, if his lover asked."

"You would?" Gerard asks before he can think, then pauses. _He wants me to. Holy fuck, he wants me to._ Gerard clears his throat. "Marry me, Teak?" The end comes out as a squeak and Gerard curses himself under his breath. Not very romantic.

"Yes, Pire, I'll marry you." Jonny Lee thinks the squeak and the smile and every nuance of how Gerard's asking him is perfectly romantic. "I love you."

Gerard exhales. "Thank you," he says softly. "I will do everything, anything, I...Thank you."

The smile slips into a grin, a wicked one at that. "Fuck your boy? Hard."

Gerard laughs, more out of relief than humour. Jonny Lee doesn't hate him. It didn't go over with less grace than a lead balloon. "Not much chance of that, Teak. Master needs recovery time." He kisses Jonny Lee lightly, just a brush of lip against lip. "Master got himself a matching one," he murmurs. "And if my boy wants anything engraved, we can do that. Love you."

"Master can have as long as he needs. His boy's not going anywhere." Jonny Lee blushes, red as the blood he likes to see dripping on the floor after Master's played with him. "Matching ring? For you. Yeah. Engraved. Maybe just our initials."

"Yeah? Initials sound lovely." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee again. He can't help it. His boy tastes too good. "Intertwined?"

"It might look nice." Jonny Lee returns the kiss, sucking on Gerard's lower lip. "Your boy's very happy right now. Almost too happy to think."

"That's ok. Don't need to think." Gerard nuzzles his boy. "Master sure isn't."

Don't need to think. Don't need to talk. Jonny Lee just settles in against Gerard, wrapping his arm, hand now wearing a band of silver, up over his lover, content. _I'm getting married._

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57344.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	275. gerard: [Journal Entry]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/13/) 06:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57749&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57749) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57749) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=57749&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Journal Entry]** _  
[ ~~public by default~~ JL only]

  
Sometimes I wonder if we're going too far too fast. We should slow down, smell the roses, take a look at the scenery. Sometimes I wonder if I'm rushing and, if so, why.

Then I look down at him, cuddled against me, and I know he's happy and I know I'm happy. And then I know that it doesn't matter how fast we're going. We both like where we are.

We're getting married.

It looks awkward written, even more so when he says it. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to say the word. But it's not the word that matters, it's the feeling. I love him and he's mine and I'm his and I want everyone to know. I want vanilla people to look at him, see that ring around his finger, and know to stay away. Because Teak's mine.

And we're getting ~~married~~

~~We're~~

~~My _husband_~~

My partner. My lover. My Jonny. Other words may grow comfortable with time, but words don't matter. They all mean the same thing.

I love him.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-13 07:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101269&format=light#t101269))   
---|---  
In the morning, in the bright light glistening off the damned cold water, the ring on my finger shines even brighter.  
  
Love you, Master. Want to be yours. Only yours. Forever.  
  
Wonder, though, should we make a few phone calls before announcing to the world via the journaling system? Not sure Mum and Da want to find out their only son's getting married through the Establishment. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?replyto=101269&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101269&format=light#t101269))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-13 07:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101781&format=light#t101781))   
---|---  
Your mum reads my journal? Shite. Shite. Shite.  
  
Locking down like it should have been, yes, sir. Oops. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?replyto=101781&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101269&format=light#t101269))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101781&format=light#t101781))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-13 07:25 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=102037&format=light#t102037))   
---|---  
Don't know for a fact she does, sir, but she's prone to do stranger things. *winces* Don't even want to think about what the wedding gift will be.  
  
Speaking of which, the wedding. Wanna discuss that over lunch? The shade-wearing taskmaster _will_ be letting you break for lunch, won't he? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?replyto=102037&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=101781&format=light#t101781))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=102037&format=light#t102037))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-13 07:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=102293&format=light#t102293))   
---|---  
Fuck. Wedding gifts. Let's elope, Teak. That way we don't have to worry about anything. Everyone's snubbed equally.  
  
  
I can probably beg Sturla for a lunch break. I don't _think_ we're chasing the light again today. I swear, if Sturla knew a way to stop the sun, he'd do it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?replyto=102293&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/57749.html?thread=102037&format=light#t102037))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	276. jonnyleemiller: Journal

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/14/) 22:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33996&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33996) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=33996&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal** _  
**[private. locked to master.]**

Haven't written much here lately. Filming and all. Too busy. And then the accident. Yes, I feel sorry for Charlene. *grins* Not sorry for the break, though. Got to come to Iceland. Got to see Master. Gonna get married.

**_He fuckin' asked me to marry him._ **

When I come down from the shock, I'll think straight. Well, not straight. Not sure could I think straight if I had to. For some reason, though, I really don't think I should be wanting to shop for wedding dresses.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-15 06:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=57804&format=light#t57804))   
---|---  
Teak, the first time I see you in a dress, it better not be at our wedding. It should be somewhere in private when I can ravish you right after.  
  
  
Love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=57804&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=57804&format=light#t57804))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-15 08:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58060&format=light#t58060))   
---|---  
How 'bout the wedding night? Red latex? Something short.  
  
Love seems such a lame word for what I feel for you. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=58060&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=57804&format=light#t57804))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58060&format=light#t58060))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-15 08:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58316&format=light#t58316))   
---|---  
I was thinking something less...red. Or latex. But, yes, short. I don't think I could deal with you in a skirt that goes beyond your thighs.  
  
  
Love a bad word, eh? Then what I should I use? Adore? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=58316&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58060&format=light#t58060))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58316&format=light#t58316))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-15 08:26 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58572&format=light#t58572))   
---|---  
Not bad, Master. Just not strong enough. Worship. That might fit how I feel about you. *g* Adore works, too.  
  
Okay ... thinking ... black miniskirt ... leather? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=58572&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58316&format=light#t58316))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58572&format=light#t58572))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-15 08:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58828&format=light#t58828))   
---|---  
Worship. Wouldn't mind that. As long as my devoted slave was properly on his knees, with his hands behind his back, not wearing a stitch of clothing.  
  
  
  
 _Okay ... thinking ... black miniskirt ... leather?_  
  
Brilliant. Shirt? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=58828&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58572&format=light#t58572))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58828&format=light#t58828))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-15 08:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=59084&format=light#t59084))   
---|---  
Cannot _wait_ to be home, Master, back in London for good, where your slave doesn't have to worry about clothes. Naked, all day. Happy.  
  
Hmmm, shirt? Mesh would be sexy, but your slave wonders if one of those loose poet's shirts might not be even more sensual. Something for Master to pull off and tie his slave's hands with. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=59084&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=58828&format=light#t58828))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=59084&format=light#t59084))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-15 08:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=59340&format=light#t59340))   
---|---  
_Something for Master to pull off and tie his slave's hands with._  
  
While I have you bent over the couch. _Yes._

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?replyto=59340&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/33996.html?thread=59084&format=light#t59084))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	277. jonnyleemiller: Jonny talks to his mother, friday, october 15

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/15/) 11:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34772&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34772) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34772) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34772&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Jonny talks to his mother, friday, october 15**_  
[vignette. dialogue only, heard as if you were tapping the line. this is the phone call jonny's making [when gerard walks up](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/34448.html)]

_"Miller residence."_

"Da? Why are you answering the phone?"

_"Jonny? Hi, son. Your mum's got her hands in a knot."_

"Uh, da, I really don't want to hear --"

"Get your mind outta the sewer, boy. She's making bread."

_"Oh."_

"Hold on, she's cleaning up."

_"Jonny, that you? What's wrong?"_

"Nothing's wrong, Mum."

_"But you're calling middle of the day."_

"Can't a son call home?"

_"Yes, he can, but he doesn't, not unless he has something to say."_

"Uh, hi, Mum. I'm in Iceland. There was a break in production in Berlin, and I got to come over to see Ger."

_"How's he doing? Treating his boy well?"_

"Yeah, Mas-, uh, Ger's fine."

_"It's alright, Jonny. You can call him master. Not going to bother me."_

"I know I can call him Master around you, Mum. It's not just quite right."

"Um, would husband sound better?"

_"Husband?"_

"Like in being married. He asked."

_"He did now?"_

"Yes. Gave me a ring."

_"There's going to be a wedding? Oh, shush, Alan. Yes, he's getting married."_

"Wedding? Don't know. Ceremony of some sort."

_"Well, hun, we didn't get to come to your first wedding. I was just thinking."_

"I know, Mum."

_"And we'll need to get you a nice gift, of course. Maybe something for the playroom."_

"Mum! Please, no. Master's still not over the violet wand."

_"And have you used it?"_

"Mum! Not telling you."

_"Why not? Can't a mother and son share secrets?"_

"Not those."

_"Oh, well. Of course, you'll promise to tell me if there's a wedding."_

"Mum, I will. I promise."

_"You alright, Jonny? Something wrong?"_

"No, Mum, fine. Master's just being a nuisance."

_"Oh, alright. Call me when you get back to Berlin, hun."_

"Yeah, talk to you later."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	278. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: An hour stolen in the midst of filming

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/15/) 21:59:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34448&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34448) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34448) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34448&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: An hour stolen in the midst of filming** _  
**[players only. occurs middle of the day friday, october 15, on set in iceland.]**

Iceland is cold in October, but Jonny Lee's bouncing enough to melt the layer of ice around his feet. He's been on set most of the morning, having chatted with Stellan for a moment during a break when Sturla wouldn't let Ger walk off. Then he'd gotten coffee, which he didn't need, made him even jumpier, and then he took a minute to make those phone calls he'd said they should. Jude -- got voicemail. Then his mother. He's still talking to her when he hears Sturla call cut.

"Yeah, Mum, I know. I promise," he says, grinning.

Gerard jogs over to Jonny Lee as soon as Sturla says cut. He has an hour break now while they work some of the other scenes and set up other shots. Jonny Lee's on the phone and so Gerard just wraps himself around his boy and holds on tight.

"Mum, I will. I promise." Jonny Lee grins, wrapping his hands around Gerard's arms, the headset firmly on and his mobile pocketed. "Don't know. Headed back to Berlin tomorrow. We both have another couple weeks of filming."

Gerard nibbles on Jonny Lee's ear, but he bites down when he hears Jonny Lee say that he's leaving. It's not something Gerard wants to think about, so he stretches Jonny Lee's ear into his mouth and sucks. And that he's doing this while Jonny Lee is on the phone with his mum is also something he doesn't want to think about.

"No, Mum, fine. Master's just being a nuisance," Jonny Lee says, biting back the wince of sudden pain. "Yeah, talk to you later." He clicks off the mobile, leans back into Gerard's body. "Oooh," he moans, "that's nice. Sucking. Even the bite."

In the interest of not having Jonny Lee leave on a bad note, Gerard decides to ignore the fact that Jonny Lee just referred to him as Master in public. But they're going to have to talk about that. Later. _Maybe I can get him to call me the ball and chain._ "How's your mum?"

"She's fine. Sends her love." He turns, sliding his arms around Gerard's waist, fingers sliding over the back of his costume. "Says she loves the notion of having a son-in-law."

Gerard smiles. "I love the notion of...me and you." He reaches around and slides a finger across Jonny Lee's ring. "Getting married. Still not too comfortable with the thought of your mum, though." Visions of violet wands dance in his head.

"It's taking some adjustment. But she loves you, thinks her son has the most wonderful Master in the world," he says, smiling, "who's going to make a great husband." Jonny Lee wriggles his finger under Gerard's touch. "I love you. I love getting married. Being together forever." He leans his head on Gerard's shoulder. "Should the bride wear white, though?"

Gerard flinches slightly at the thought of Jonny Lee in white. Or a dress. Or a frilly white wedding dress like you see in the movies. "The bride will wear black leather," Gerard whispers. "Black leather armbands. Black leather wrist cuffs. Black leather collar. My boy understand?"

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee whispers, his breath taken away by the image. He'd worn black leather at his first wedding, too, but not the cuffs and _definitely_ not the collar. "Black. Leather. Cuffs. Collar. Your boy can't think of anything better."

Gerard smiles. "And leather pants. And maybe a vibrator." Oh, god, yes. He can already see it. Will someone kill him if he gets an erection during the ceremony? "What should the groom wear?"

"White shirt, black pants, leather please." Jonny Lee has the image in his head, luscious and damned arousing. "Vibrator, Pire? We won't get to the reception."

"Naw, we'll get there." Damn, but is that a good thought. He knows just how much Teak loves him like that. And they'll look beautiful together. So beautiful he won't be able to keep his hands off his boy. "We'll just be a little late."

"Does that mean we're actually having a wedding?" He can't help but smile, excited and nervous all at once about the idea. "Like a real ceremony, with a reception and all?"

"Um." Gerard hadn't really thought about it. "I suppose so. You want one?"

"When we're home, back in London, maybe then."

It's not legal in London. It hits like a brick. _We can't get married._ "Teak, we..." Gerard swallows. "We need to find somewhere where it's legal."

"Uh, legal. Oh, fuck. But it's ... there are couples living together." Jonny Lee knows other celebrities have partners so it has to be accepted, even if the ceremony itself isn't legal. "There's somewhere. Canada, I know. Somewhere on the Continent."

"If we want the whole shebang, we need to do it legal." Gerard closes his eyes and clutches Jonny Lee harder. "Canada. Continent. We could do it while we're in Romania. If it's not legal there, we can hop over to where it is after the weekend."

"Want the whole shebang, Master." Jonny Lee lets himself be held, tight, pushes into the caress. "Halloween wedding," he muses, "or close after. It's rather appropriate for us."

"Yeah." Gerard nuzzles Jonny Lee's hair. "We could wear chains and leather and no one would blink."

Master's boy is squirming, wriggling deeper into the touches. "Leather and chains and your boy bound," he hiss-breathes. "Oh, that's a thought. We'll have to talk more about it." He glances over Gerard's shoulder. Not too much of a crowd watching the show. "How long you got right now?"

Gerard checks his watch over Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Fifty minutes. Does my boy have anything in mind that won't take over an hour?" He hopes that it's nothing that will make him have to stop holding Jonny Lee like this. He won't be able to touch his boy for two weeks. He wants to get his full of it now.

"Blowjob. Definitely doesn't take an hour." Jonny Lee doesn't really want to let go of Gerard long enough to find the secluded place and get on his knees, though. "Honestly, just like being held, Pire. We could find a rock and snuggle, I guess."

"We could." But Gerard doesn't really want a blowjob. He wants his boy in his arms. He can get a blowjob later. He moves back to the tip of Jonny Lee's ear, teases at the skin there. "We need to decide on costumes. I want you in something you don't have to take down for me to fuck you."

"Ruling out naked?" He can't believe he said that aloud. Not that he minds going naked. _Oh, fuck, when'd that happen?_ "Fantasy or nightmare? Have a preference?"

"Fantasy, definitely fantasy." Naked's a possibility. But that's more a reality than a fantasy. "I don't like when you scare me."

"Scare you? What'd I do to scare you?" Jonny Lee shifts from one foot to the other, briefly, adjusting his weight in Gerard's hold. He's pretty much pressed as close as he can get, swears he could just about fall asleep standing up from the comfort zone he's sliding into.

Damn. "Nothing recently," Gerard says and then moves back enough so that he can tilt Jonny Lee's head up and kiss him. "I love you."

"Love you, too. More than anything." Jonny Lee presses back into the kiss, but his mind's flitting back to Gerard's comment. _Moving too fast? Scaring him?_ He just holds on, clutching at the costume, crunching it under his fingers. "Would never scare you, Master, not intentionally."

"Know that." Gerard licks Jonny Lee's lips. "Remind me to get you over my lap tonight and spank you. Want you to still be squirming when you're back in Berlin."

"Please. Fuck, yes. Wanna be squirming. For days." In reality, he knows that's not possible, since he _does_ need to work, and work requires standing still at times. "Spanking sounds delicious. Bare hand? Please."

"Of course bare hand. Wouldn't think of letting anything between me and my lover." Bare. Nothing between. _That's how I want him._ "Teak?" he asks hesitantly. "We're monogamous, yeah?"

"Uh, yeah, Pire, we are." He's not at all sure where this is going. "I don't do anything with anyone unless you say it's okay. Or direct it. So, yeah, I guess that makes us monogamous."

Monogamous. It used to scare him, but now it relieves him. "And we're both clean." Gerard looks behind him instinctively, but he can see no one listening. _Maybe this isn't the best place to have this conversation._ "And we're getting married. So, maybe, if you want...," he coughs. "We could stop buying condoms."

"Oh, yeah, no reason to waste the money," Jonny Lee says quickly. "Uh, Pire, does that mean neither of us ever scene with anyone else? Or you still wanting to play with others?"

"I don't know," Gerard replies honestly. "I don't know that there will never be a pretty boy who catches my eye that makes me want to fuck him. I don't know that there won't be someone we want to do together. There are too many possibilities. But I do know that I'm not going to do anything rash or without thinking about it. We can use condoms with other people. I just," he says, stroking Jonny Lee's ring, "I don't want to use them with the man I'm going to marry."

"I like that, Ger." They've gone without on random occasions, but hadn't really made a conscious decision about it. That's what this was. Deciding they were going to be monogamous, just the two of them. "Prefer having you with nothing between us. Would like to get these clothes off of you," he mutters, "but your slave will be patient. Wait till tonight."

"My slave will be patient," Gerard agrees. "And master will be as well. He'll try to stop thinking about shoving his slave against the wall, spreading his legs, and fucking him hard and bare, biting into his neck, making him _scream_." Christ, but wouldn't that be fun. "Vampire play, my little antiques dealer. And you will be such good prey."

"Vampire play?" Jonny Lee's voice brightens, his eyes sparkling. "Tonight? Before I leave?" He's grinning. "Or is that for the Halloween weekend, Master. We'll be in a castle."

Castle, or tonight? What a question. "Castle," Gerard replies, smirking. "Take you into a drafty room and make you mine. But that's not to say I won't bite you all over tonight."

"Bites good, Master. Just under where my costume'll be next week. Would rather not have to bear the anger of makeup artists."

"We'll draw a line across your neck, where I can't cross." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's forehead. "And every inch below it will be bitten and sucked until you beg."

"Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee suspects he shouldn't find that incredibly arousing, but he does. His cock does, too, knife-hard in a flash, demanding and annoying against its denim confines. "Master. You'll be home when tonight?" he asks, his voice breaking ever so little.

He really shouldn't enjoy that hitch in Jonny Lee's voice. Really. He shouldn't. _Sadist._ "I don't know," Gerard says, shaking his head sadly. "It could be hours."

"Hours." There's no denying the sigh. "Your slave will manage. He might stay around here and play a while with the kids instead of sitting in the hotel all afternoon." _And thinking about how fuckin' hard he is._

"You could," Gerard says. He checks his watch again and sighs. He'll need to submit himself to the make up people in five minutes. "Does my slave want orders for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Yes, Master, he does." Jonny Lee's not letting go, not yet.

"Alright." Gerard thinks for a moment, rubbing circles on Jonny Lee's hips. "My slave will wank this afternoon," he decides. "He'll find someplace private and pull himself off while thinking of what you'd like Master to wear on Halloween. After that, my boy will do as he pleases. He will be waiting, kneeling naked next to the bed, when I get back to the hotel."

Harder. Yes, it's possible. And painful. "Yes, sir. Private place. Jerk off. Be waiting for you." There's squirming and then there's _squirming_ and Jonny Lee's definitely gone to the latter.

"Good boy." Gerard rubs his thigh against Jonny Lee's cock and then pulls back. He clears his throat. "I should...I need to. Shite." He grabs Jonny Lee by the back of the neck and pulls him in for a long biting kiss. " _Mine_."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/34448.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	279. jonnyleemiller: [voicemail left Friday morning for Jude Law]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/15/) 21:38:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34274&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34274) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34274) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34274&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[voicemail left Friday morning for Jude Law]**_  
Jonny's watching Ger film, waiting at the edge of the set, making phone calls. Three rings and he knows he's going to get voicemail. He sighs when he does. "Hi, Jude, it's Jonny," he says. _How do you tell him? Just come out?_ "How's life? Ewan? Doing well?" He's rushing, calculating he has about two minutes at the most. "Got a bit of news." _Well, that's an understatement._ "I'm getting married. To Ger. Well, who else would it be?" _That wasn't too difficult. Simple. Straightforward._ "On set right now, waiting for him to finish. Flew to Iceland on break. Heading back to Berlin tomorrow. Won't be back in London till after Halloween. You be there? We could get together." He kicks at a rock, sending it across the path. "Okay, let you go now. Chat later." Letting out a long breath, Jonny closes the phone. He needs a minute before he calls his parents.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/34274.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	280. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/18/) 09:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58289&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58289) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58289) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58289&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: [none]

When you get this, I want you to wank for me.

Love,  
Master

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/58289.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	281. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Of jerking off and costumes

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/20/) 02:16:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34948&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34948) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34948) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=34948&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Of jerking off and costumes** _  
** [players only. phone call occurs late night tuesday, october 19.] **

"C'mon, pick up. Don't want to talk to voicemail. Not again." Jonny Lee's fidgeting, standing at the bar, fingering the silver band on his finger. He'd come out with the guys out of self-defense. They'd threatened to frag him in _Joint Ops_.

There's a ring somewhere in his bedroom, but for the life of him, Gerard can't find his mobile. Not on the bed, not under the bed, not in the dresser, not in his trousers - ah, there. Shirt pocket. Gerard picks it up. "Butler."

Jonny Lee chuckles at the formality. "Mr. Butler. Are you the man of the house?" Might's well have some fun with the call.

Teak! Gerard grins. "Naw. I'm the dirty master of the house. The man of the house is out of the country, but if you leave a message, I think I can promise you I'll shag him when I see him." Gerard coughs theatrically. "That is, I promise I'll tell him when I see him."

"Uh, the _master_ of the house." Jonny Lee picks up his beer from the bartop, takes a swig and motions to Kurt that he'll join them in a minute. "Then you might interested in the special we're offering this week, sir. Matching wrist and ankle cuffs, engraved with your special slave's name."

"I wouldn't mind buying my slave a pair of those," Gerard says. He can tell that Jonny Lee's in public, and he wonders just what he can do to his boy before Jonny Lee hints that it needs to stop. "Do you want to hear what I'd do with them as soon as my slave was home?"

"Of course, sir," Jonny Lee says, letting the game continue. The bar's crowded enough he can get by with most anything. "Strictly for consumer research, you know. We like to keep our designs current with our customers' needs."

"Of course you would." Gerard slides his hand between his boxers and his skin and starts stroking his cock. "Then I suppose you would like to hear how I would strip my obedient boy, bit by bit, giving him soft kisses and hard kisses. I suppose you want to hear how I would stretch him out and chain him down, as tight he as could manage, and then explore every part of him with my teeth and my tongue and my lips." Christ, what an image. "I'd see how many times I could make my slave come in an hour. Four, five?" Gerard smiles. "How many do you think? In the interest of science."

"Chain him down. Hmmm, need to make sure we're making those manacles extra resilient." Jonny Lee takes a step back, more to the side of the bar, palms his cock through his jeans. It's hard, rock hard. How many times could he come? Fuck. "In the interest of science," he says, amazingly keeping his voice from breaking, "he'd push for five. Theoretically."

"Theoretically," Gerard repeats. "Better make it six, then. My boy always exceeds my expectations." It's so much fun to be evil. "Do you know what I'd do next?"

"Six." Jonny Lee's voice goes up a hitch, and he drinks half his beer to knock it back down. "I can only imagine, sir, what you'd do to your slave. Very lucky young man, to have such an attentive master."

"That's one way of putting it," Gerard agrees. "But I wonder what kind of curses he'd throw at me when I get him hard again and strap a cockring around his prick to make sure that he keeps it up for me."

"He'd fucking beg to be left in it." His hand slides over his jeans, heel pressing hard against the demanding erection. Jonny Lee quickly finishes his beer and slides along the wall around the corner. Hallway to the loo. A bit more privacy. "Fuck, Master, your slave's ready to come just from the descriptions, much less that acts. Fuckin' love you."

"My slave?" Gerard forces himself to sound surprised, but he thinks the hitch in his voice gives him away. Oh well. "And here I was, thinking I was talking to an innocent telemarketer. Silly me." The sounds on the other end of the line are getting dimmer and Gerard figures that his boy is finding someplace more private. Excellent. "I suppose I shouldn't tell you, then, what I'll do to my slave once I have him nice and hard for me. In the interest of suspense."

"In the interest of suspense, no." Jonny Lee looks around, presses himself back into the phone niche. "In the interest of listening to your slave jerk off in a public bar, you might want to, Pire." His fingers are working the buttons of his jeans. "Just a notion."

Gerard's fist clenches down on his cock and he winces. "What was that?" he growls. "What was my slave about to do?"

_Oh, fuck. Shite. Hell. Damn._ "Uh, um, he was considering jerking off, but only with Master's permission."

"Much better." Gerard would cross his arms did he not have one hand down his pants. "How alone are you?"

"Hallway phone booth. Semi-private, sir."

"Is it private enough that you can be vocal for me? Or that you can grope yourself openly?"

"Yes, Master. The bar's rather loud, so no one's going to notice. And the niche is pretty roomy."

"Alright, then." Gerard gets himself comfortable and adjusts the headset so he knows it won't fall off. "I want you to touch yourself. And I want you to imagine your greedy master, spread out, touching himself just listening to you." This is much more fun than wanking alone. "And I want you to think about how it'd feel to have your master torture you until you came six times. I want you to think about how it would feel, about how much it would hurt. I want you to hurt yourself, just thinking about it. I want you to _ache_ like you're going to, when I do this to you. I want just the thought of another erection to be painful."

Jonny Lee folds back the denim and pulls out his cock, roughly tugging at it, working his fist over its head, rubbing down. He can imagine coming over and over. "Fuck," he draws out, "just the thought of it, Master, of coming that many times, that quickly, it has your slave hard enough to hurt." He's being honest, his cock aching and his rough jerks of it only making it worse. Or better. Pain at Master's hand, or even his voice, is pain Jonny Lee craves. "Your boy would love to try that for you, Master, to hurt that badly." He winces when he pulls too sharply, not bothering to bite back the tiny yelp.

He loves that yelp. "And do you know what master would do next?" Gerard purrs. "Master would make sure his boy was watching, and then he'd lube himself up carefully. He'd make sure his boy could see every second of it, every finger. And then I'd make my boy beg for it." Gerard slows his hand on his cock. He wants to savor this. "How would my boy beg for it? Let me hear."

"Please, Master, let your slave have your fingers. Every last one of them. Inside him. Clawing at him." Jonny Lee works into the friction building at his strokes, not bothering with pulling the precome back, not making it any easier. "Let him fuck himself on them, beg for Master's cock, knowing he's not worth it. Shouldn't ever be allowed such a pleasure."

Gerard smirks. "Oh, no. My boy's not that lucky." He kind of likes the thought that Jonny Lee didn't understand exactly what he was implying. It's fun to keep his boy on his toes. "No, my boy is in for something a bit more painful. Think collars, Teak. Think clamps. Think me riding you while you scream and beg and buck beneath me."

"Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee gasps, slams his head against the wall. Totally misunderstood. But _this_ is even better. "Your slave begs for Master's collar, for the clamps to bite at his flesh, for Master to torture him by not allowing him to come."

"Not allowing you?" Gerard laughs. "Teak, if you can come seven times in one hour, I want to know what you've been eating."

His fist is wrapped around his cock, pumping hard, pulling and stretching. "Just a thought, Pire," he breathes out, "a wonderful fantasy."

"That it is," Gerard agrees. He can just see it, and that image is enough to get his fist speeding up on his cock again. Teak would look so perfect like that, so edible. "Going to hurt you so much, slut. Going to leave you raw and aching after taking my pleasure from you."

"Raw. Aching. Damn, Pire, just about there now. Haven't come since I got back to Berlin," Jonny Lee admits. "Cock is so hard. Want to come. Please, Master. Let your boy, while you listen."

"Not yet." His boy isn't allowed to come until his master does. Which should be imminent, if Jonny Lee keeps talking to him like that. Christ. Gerard swallows hard and pinches his nipples with his left hand, teasing them and tweaking them. "Tell me how you'd feel, Teak. Beg for me like you would, beg for more." Jonny Lee mimics Gerard's actions without knowing it, his hand sliding under his shirt to rub his nipple, twist it into a tight nub. "Your slut, sir, begs to be ridden hard, Master, to be used like the whore he is," he ratchets up the speed and harshness of his hand on his cock, every movement drawing out pain, "to be your slave, a hole you fuck. Please, Master, please let him come."

_Yes yes yes. Ride him hard, use him like a whore. Squirmy boy under, just a hole to use..._ Gerard comes with a long groan, collapsing back against the bed. "Come," he says, gasping more than a little. "For master. Slave."

That's what it takes. Permission. Being called what he is. _Slave._ Jonny Lee speeds up his motions, quick, quick, tug, pull, then he's coming, biting back the scream only so it doesn't deafen him in the enclosed. He spills out over his hand, soaking fingers in white streams, body jerking for minutes until the spasming stops, the climax over, and he's panting. "Thank you," he whispers. "Love that, Master."

Gerard licks his hand clean, taking special care when he sucks his fingers, pretending that it's Teak's mouth sucking, Teak's tongue twisting. It will have to do, for now. "Love you, slut." Gerard rotates his neck back against the bed, hearing it crick. "Come here often?"

Jonny Lee laughs, hand still holding his cock as if letting go would throw him off-balance. "Yeah, come as often as I'm allowed. Love you, too, Master."

"I meant the bar." Gerard grins. "What kind of place are you that you can go off into a corner and have phone sex?"

"I know what you meant, silly. Crowded bar, one of those techno places. I think I could get fucked in the middle of the dance floor and no one would notice."

"You don't say." Gerard licks his lips. "You're going to have to show me around, Teak. We could test that hypothesis."

"Uh, okay. Sure. If you want. Although I'd prefer we be somewhere you can tie me up and do all those things you were talking about." Jonny Lee grins as he tucks his cock back into his jeans, leaving them half unbuttoned. "Castle has dungeons."

Gerard had just been thinking that. Halloween's coming up and from what he's heard about the castle, it's perfect for every torture fantasy he's ever had. "I love when you read my mind." Gerard rolls over and props himself up on his elbows. "Two weeks," he says. "Have we decided yet what we're going to wear?"

"No, we haven't." Jonny Lee finishes straightening his clothes and opens the door on the phone niche. "I think all we've agreed on is I can't wear a dress." He steps out, heads back for the bar proper, stopping to order another beer. "Although I think we'd be adorable as punk bride in a ripped dress and her husband, right off the wedding cake."

Gerard shrugs. They've been over this. "I don't find that erotic. And if I'm going to have you on my arm for the weekend, I'd rather you wore something that makes me want to jump you."

"Hmmm, that leaves naked and leather."

"Yeah." Gerard closes his eyes. "And I think I'm going to veto naked. As much as I love you naked, I don't think that falls under a costume."

"Well, not unless we do something with body paint, and your slave might want to veto that." Jonny Lee sips at his beer, thinks. "Leather, then. What's your fantasy, Pire?"

_Which one?_ Gerard laughs. "Gotta be more specific than that, Teak. My leather fantasies number in the hundreds."

"Party theme is most extreme fantasy or nightmare, Pire. Got one?"

"Fuck yeah." But should he mention it? "Fantasy. Can go either way, on either end of the extreme continuum. You want fucking erotic that I know you'll like, or fucking erotic that I don't know if you'll like?"

"Give me both." Jonny Lee's less than certain about the not liking part, but he should listen to all the options, especially since his extreme fantasy got knocked off the table.

"Ok. The one I know you'll like..." Gerard licks his lips. "Biker leather. You know the look. I'm all dressed up. And you, you're on a chain leash, a true dog collar, chaps, clamps. Armbands, wristbands, maybe even cuffed. Keeping your head down. Looking like a beaten pet with some obvious marks on your back. And the one I don't know if you'll like..." shite shite shite. But it's too late not to say anything. "I'm the one on the leash and you're the one holding it."

If he could get hard again that quickly, Jonny Lee would be aching. Chain leash. Dog collar. Clamps. Cuffs. It's a wet dream. Then the nightmare descends. "You're on the leash? Me holding." His breathing hitches. _Can't be on top. Can't be a master._ "You're serious, Pire?"

"Yes." Gerard winces. "Not as bad," he says quickly. "No bruises, no stripes. Topping from the bottom, like. Everyone would see you holding my leash and so they'd think you were the master, but we both would know who was in charge."

"Couldn't do it if people know it's me."

Not _I can't._ It's _not if people know it's me_. So he might actually...Gerard grins. "You could wear a mask, Teak. We could both wear masks."

"Mask. Hmmm." Jonny nods at the guy who sidles up next to him at the bar. _Nice leathers. Biker._ His brain skips, hits on a thought. "Pire, would you agree to letting me wear my bike helmet," he says, grinning. "Full leathers, too. Would that work?"

"Brilliantly." Leather. Helmet. _Maybe a quick shag against a bike._ Gerard scratches his chin, nails rubbing against his beard. "What would you want me in?"

"Uh, leather? No. No. Jeans. Ripped. And a t-shirt." His voice drops a touch. "Don't know about a mask, though. What would hide you?"

"A hood would." Gerard frowns. "Why not leather?"

Jonny Lee can _hear_ the frown. "If you want, Master, leather's fine for the party. We can save the ripped jeans for another fantasy."

"Wait, no. I want to hear why you think I'd be better in jeans than in leather." Has he missed something in his fantasy plan? Would he look better in tight, ripped jeans?

"Secret fantasy of your boy's," he admits in a whisper. "There's some photos of you, in jeans and t-shirt and you're just fuckably gorgeous."

"Ahh." Gerard nods. "I understand that. But do you think it'd fit in better with the theme?"

"Probably not. Yeah, might need to be leathers, pants and vest. We could cover over your tatt if you think we need to."

There's a primal instinct in him that flinches at the thought of covering it up. But it might be necessary. "No fucking way," he says. "It's mine and I got it for you and I'm not covering it up."

Jonny Lee actually finds himself breathing a sigh of relief. Pire loves him that much. Not covering up tattoo. Not taking off ring. He starts playing with the silver band again, the condensation from his beer glass dripping over it, washing it free of the remnants of come. "Then we don't cover it up. It's okay."

"Good." It's beginning to sink in. "So...we're really doing this?"

Finger firmly on ring, Jonny Lee nods to himself. "Yes, Master, we are. Your slave can do this."

He believes Teak. But he needs to make sure. "My slave can put his master on a leash? My slave can lead me around all night, pretending for the world that he's in charge?"

_Deep breath, Miller. You can do it._ "Yes, sir." _Without zoning._ "Your slave can do that. For one night."

_So. Fucking. Lucky._ Gerard doesn't deserve a boy like this. "Love you, Teak. Thank you so much." He rolls over onto his side and cups his cock through his boxers. "And I won't leave you high and dry. Promise. You can pull me over and everyone will think that you're giving me orders, but really I'll be whispering naughty fantasies into your ear. Telling you what to do. Maybe even kneel down in the middle of the room and give you a blowjob and not let you come."

"Love you, too. Trust you. Always and forever." Jonny Lee grins, sips at his beer. "Want to make that part of the wedding vows? Promise not to leave each other high and dry? Whisper naughty fantasies and such, husband, dear."

Gerard chuckles. "If you really want, Teak. But I don't think it'd do to turn our wedding into an orgy. Perhaps during the reception."

"Yes, Master. Of course." Although Jonny Lee thinks a wedding orgy might be nice, considering some of the guests that might be there. "It's late there, Pire. Later here. You probably should get your sleep."

"I don't want to get off the phone," Gerard complains, then bites his lip. Stop acting like a child. "Yes, sir," he sighs. "What time is good to call you tomorrow?"

"I don't want to get the phone either, Pire, but it's only two more weeks and no more having to talk on the phone." Jonny Lee laughs at the _yes, sir_. "Mid-afternoon. I've got late-night shots again, so I'm sleeping in."

"I'll call you tomorrow, then." Gerard blows a kiss into the phone. "Love you, slut."

"Your slut loves you, too," Jonny Lee whispers, clicking off the headset just as Kurt walks up to the bar and tugs at his arm.

"Good night, Teak," Gerard says to the dial-tone, then tosses the phone where he found it and burrows under the covers. The sooner he falls asleep, the sooner he can call his boy again.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	282. jonnyleemiller: Freedom lurks

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/21/) 07:22:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35299&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35299) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35299) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35299&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current music:** |  U2 cranked as loud as it'll possibly go  
---|---  
  
_**Freedom lurks**_  
[left public 'cause he don't care]  
  
  
5 friggin' days and I'm free!  
  
Repeats mantra: Will not strangle Charlize for wanting to be perfect. Will not strangle Charlize for ... oh, fuck it, tells the bitch we don't need to do that scene again, for a fifth time.  
  
And, oh yes, thank you, Kurt, I am a taken boy. Ring on finger, mate. Clue. Get one.  
  
Miss you, Master! Phone calls are not enough. Want to be home. Want to be wrapped in chains and never let out of the house again.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-10-21 03:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59619&format=light#t59619))   
---|---  
Don't strangle Charlize - we need her to stay healthy long enough to wrap up shooting! Then you can do whatever you want to her. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=59619&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59619&format=light#t59619))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-21 07:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60387&format=light#t60387))   
---|---  
Okay, you win. But you're buying the beer tonight. Seriously. How many takes does one shot need? Just thankful I brought the laptop along so I can at least be productive while you're arguing with her for the camera. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=60387&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59619&format=light#t59619))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60387&format=light#t60387))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/profile)[**nick_lea**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/)  
2004-10-21 08:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=61155&format=light#t61155))   
---|---  
Are you implying my boyfriend is a camera hog? Never would have guessed! *snicker*  
  
Nice to meet you, as it were, by the way. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=61155&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60387&format=light#t60387))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-21 03:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59875&format=light#t59875))   
---|---  
I miss you also, slave. Can't wait to get my cock inside that tempting mouth of yours. You're irresistable when you're on your knees, mouth open, begging me with your eyes. It makes me want to...wait until Tuesday. I'll give you the welcome-back of your dreams.  
  
  
And who's this Kurt? If he's giving you problems, I want to know. Caveman master protect his slave. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=59875&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59875&format=light#t59875))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-21 07:43 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60899&format=light#t60899))   
---|---  
Kurt's not a problem. He's just ragging on me.  
  
I ache from missing you, and that image of me getting to be on my knees for hours, days ... oh, fuck, at least the bitch and Marton are finishing up with this reshoot. I have to sign off and get back to work.  
  
Christ, I can't wait to just give this all up, be waiting at home for you, stock the pantry and do the laundry and ... later, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=60899&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=59875&format=light#t59875))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-10-21 07:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60131&format=light#t60131))   
---|---  
Aw, c'mon, luv. Charlize is a lovely woman. She just wants to be the best she can. Just thank your lucky stars that you're not working with both her and this slave. If the take was perfect for her, it wasn't for yours truly, and vice versa.  
  
And anyway, you can't strangle her until _after_ the movie's done. Otherwise, all that time you just spent on it is wasted. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=60131&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60131&format=light#t60131))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-21 07:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60643&format=light#t60643))   
---|---  
There's a positive side to that scenario. You I can play with. Her I can't. *smirk* No strangling, then. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?replyto=60643&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35299.html?thread=60131&format=light#t60131))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	283. gerard: [E-mail for jonnyleemiller

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/21/) 22:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58821&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58821) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58821) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=58821&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach

  
Teak,

For all that talking about the weather is a cliché, we seem to be doing a lot of it on set. How badly is it raining - is the wind blowing faster than a speeding train - how much mud do we have to deal with - is Sturla going to make us work through _that_?! As of now, it has been raining for three days without stopping, cold rain, the kind that digs into you. Half the cast and crew have been given orders by the set nurse to take pills so they don't catch something. Today we went on the boats and filmed Beowulf's departure, arrival, departure, and subsequent arrival back home. Even I had to take a turn behind the bushes. Did you know that horses smell very bad when wet?

I can't wait until you're here with me, curled up naked next to me, very warm, very comfortable, very safe. I can't wait to hold you, hear all about shooting, while you kiss your way down my chest. I can't wait until you're kneeling between my legs, deepthroating me, humming in that way you do. I can't wait until I can wrap my hands around your throat and feel your collar, even in the dark, and know that you're always mine. I want to be the best husband I can possibly be. I want to give you everything I can. And so I've been thinking. I know that I have some problems and I know that they bother you sometimes, and I was thinking. Maybe I should talk to someone. It can only help, right? And it's not like I'm having fantasies about killing my father and shagging my mother, or shoving lighted cigars up my arse. I don't think I'm a shrink's worst nightmare. It couldn't hurt to talk to someone. Once. Yeah? What do you think, Teak?

I love you. Can't wait until Tuesday.

~Gerry

P.S. What do you think of your master in [this](http://www.erosboutique.org/store/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=erosbout&Product_Code=HSP-L8P2&Category_Code=hoods_masks_blindfolds)?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/58821.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	284. jonnyleemiller: [email for Gerard Butler]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/22/) 09:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35548&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35548) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35548) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35548&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email for Gerard Butler]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Two emails behind

Okay, yes, Master, your boy did jerk off when he got your email the other day. Remind me never to check email on set again. *g* Although there’s something to be said for doing a noir thriller. Dark sets. Kurt enjoyed the moment, seeing how he was wandering around trying to find me.

Anyhow, to the last email ...

_Did you know that horses smell very bad when wet?_  
No. But you smell good when you’re wet. Especially when it’s wet because you’ve been fucking me so hard you’re drenched in sweat.

_I can't wait until you're here with me, curled up naked next to me, very warm, very comfortable, very safe ..._  
I want that more than life. I love you, Pire. More than I ever thought I could. Never hit it off with my mates like this. And after the whole thing with Angie fell apart, I just assumed I’d never be with anyone. Then you walked into my life. Dracula strolling casually out of the fog. It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a couple days. Somewhere around 10. I started falling in love the minute you asked which way I went. And I just kept falling. Haven’t stopped.

You’ll be a wonderful husband. I don’t have any doubts. You realize I have to keep taking deep breaths when I think about the marriage. Never thought I’d do that, either. Guys don’t marry guys. But I can’t think of anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with other than you. No matter what.

So, all that said, if you feel you should talk to somebody, do it because you want to, Pire, not because of me. I love you just the way you are.

Counting the minutes till Tuesday. My planes should get in about 10 that night.

Yours alone and forever,  
Jonny

P.S. The mask looks good. Your boy’s a bit nervous about the whole thing, but he’ll be fine knowing his Master’s with him.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35548.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	285. gerard: [E-mail from jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/22/) 19:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59107&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59107) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59107) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59107&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail from[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Subject: Re: [Two emails behind](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35548.html)

You wanked on set? Do tell. I want details, Teak. Dark, sordid, dirty details.

I love you so much. And I really am going to talk to someone. I want to be the best for you. You deserve the best.

I'll pick you up at the airport.

~Gerry

P.S. I'm nervous also. But I know that this is going to be fun. And if it ever stops being fun, we can duck out, switch costumes, come back in, and no one would have any idea.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/59107.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	286. jonnyleemiller: [email for Gerard Butler]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/24/) 01:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35587&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35587) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35587) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35587&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email for Gerard Butler]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Three days and counting

How 'bout I tell you when you pick me up? In exacting detail. I could recreate the moment for you. *g*

Been thinking on the wedding, dates and places and got some ideas jotted down to talk over with you when I get there. I definitely wasn't this excited the first time I got married. And, hell, at least I've met your family. I didn't meet Ang's dad until we were married. Speaking of family, got a email card from your sister. She's a scream. If I still did girls, and weren't marrying her brother, I might ask her out. *grins*

Can you tell I miss you? So friggin' much.

sloppy, deep kisses,  
your Teak

P.S. I'm trying not to be nervous. It'll be fine. I know.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35587.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	287. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/24/) 01:17:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59159&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59159) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59159) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59159&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
Subject: Re: [Three days and counting](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/35587.html)

_How 'bout I tell you when you pick me up? In exacting detail. I could recreate the moment for you. *g*_

It's not the same. And once I pick you up, I have much different plans for you, plans that include airport loos. Consider yourself warned.

I want to hear everything you've thought of for the wedding. I don't really have any thoughts one way or another, so it's entirely in your hands. Whatever you want, that's what we'll do. I want this to be everything you've ever dreamed of.

Should I be worried that you're going to leave me for my sister?

~Gerry

P.S. It'll be more than fine. It'll be fun, I promise. And if it's not, we can stop at any time. I promise.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/59159.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	288. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/24/) 01:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59415&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59415) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59415) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=59415&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: What would you say to...

Halloween is coming up.  
I doubt I could find a pumpkin on set.  
I brought my ~~carving~~ cutting kit with me.  
Do you really _need_ the use of your back for as long as it would take to heal?

~Master

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/59415.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	289. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: A proper welcome

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/26/) 23:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35949&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35949) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35949) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=35949&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: A proper welcome** _  
**[players only. occurs tuesday night, october 26, at iceland airport.]**

Same flight. Same attendant. Same threats to physically restrain Jonny Lee to the seat if he didn't stop bouncing. This time, he'd explained that he'd just spent six weeks thousands of miles away from his lover -- he'd managed _not_ to say Master, which pleased him to no end -- and was getting married in a week and excuse him if he was a bit hyper, but he was going home. Then he thanked her when she congratulated him and pointed out that he and his boyfriend -- bad word, he thinks, but it sounded better than male lover -- would be _very_ happy together. Forever.

So he's standing in the immigration arrival line, trying not to fidget and have security thinking he's packing something he shouldn't. Didn't want to be strip-searched. "Just for three days, ma'am," he answers sweetly. Well, not by anyone other than Gerard. "Pleasure, ma'am. Definitely."

Gerard's also fidgeting, though not as much as he suspects Jonny Lee must be. He's hanging around as close to the gate as he can get, all but jumping to peer over people's shoulders to get a glimpse of his boy. It's only been two weeks, but two weeks is fourteen days too long to go without his boy.

Immigration's cleared with no problems and Jonny Lee's through the gate, ignoring protocol and political corrected crap. He's nearly running the minute he sees Gerard, dropping his backpack on the floor and pouncing his lover, full-body climb. Two weeks is more than long enough to wait, to be patient, to try and stop the bouncing.

Gerard's grinning as he soon as he sees his boy and he wraps his arms around him, staggering backwards a little to keep from falling down. His boy is so cute. "Missed me?"

Legs akimbo and nearly wrapped up around Gerard's thighs, Jonny Lee is kissing his cheek and breathing out hurriedly, words all in a ramble. "Yeah. Missed you. Much. Here now. No more leaving."

"No more leaving," Gerard agrees. "No more missing." He kisses Jonny Lee firmly. "And that's an order."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee squirms down after the kiss, when Gerard's let go enough for him to move, after all the passengers have gone on about their drab lives, and grabs his backpack. "Take your slave home and fuck him? Please, sir?"

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee around the waist and tugs him close. "I need to take him home for that?" Gerard smirks. "I remember saying something about an airport loo."

The squirming turns downright pleasurable, a ripple running from Jonny Lee's brain to his cock and swirls his spine. "Oh, yeah, he remembers." He smirks. "Glad security guy didn't want the strip search then."

"There's a fantasy right there." Strip search. Gerard wonders if he has latex gloves around the hotel. That would be something to try. "Have you grabbed somewhere, detained for a security inspection. Stripped, blindfolded." Oh, the possibilities. "What would my boy say to a full body cavity inspection?"

"Fuck. Your boy could near come just from listening to you describe it." Oh the sensations. "Master's hand inside me. Oh, please, yes."

"Fisting," Gerard whispers harshly. "I'll make you stand up. And if you fall over, you'll be punished." That probably wouldn't work. But Gerard has been shopping around for a perfect wedding present and he thinks what he's found would work wonderfully with a fisting scenario. He'll see. "Would you like that, little slut? Would you like master's hand in you?"

Jonny Lee shivers. Would he want it? Fuck yes. "Omigod, yes, Master, your slave wants that. When we're home? Back in London?"

"Yes, when we're home." This isn't something he wants to do without a lot of foreplay, and the hotel isn't set up for that sort of thing. "Going to strip my boy down and torture him. He's going to hurt so good."

Strip. Torture. Heaven. Jonny Lee'll start counting down the days till they're back in London. Two weeks, if he calculates right. "Master, your boy could really use that loo visit. Please."

Gerard smirks. "I know." He tugs Jonny Lee's backpack off his back and slugs it over his shoulders. Then he takes something out of his pocket and shoves it into Jonny Lee's fist. "I'm going to be by the sinks. You're going to wank. When you want to come, shove that in."

Jonny Lee looks down and opens his fist. He bites back the laugh. The plug's not oversized, about five inches, but it's bright purple. "Yes, sir." Wank and plug. He shakes his head and moves down the corridor towards the men's room sign.

Gerard follows him, giving one last glance behind his shoulder to make sure that no one's giving them too much attention. No one is, so Gerard doesn't hesitate to grope his boy as they make their way into the bathroom.

He'd chastise if he thought it'd help, or if he wanted to, but Jonny Lee's loving the attention. He walks into the bathroom, heads to the far wall at the end of the row of sinks and ducks into the last stall, leaving the door open. He's still chuckling about the plug, which he sets down on the pipes leading from the toilet to the wall before unbuttoning his jeans and tugging free his cock, which is aching and demanding and juts out as if on command. He shrugs his jeans down his hips and starts jerking off, leaning back against the cool tile, tongue teasing out over teeth as he makes the initial pulls.

"This is gonna take about 90 seconds, Pire," he murmurs. "So friggin' hard. Been wanting you for so many days."

Gerard didn't say anything about leaving the door open, but he's not complaining. Oh, he'll spank Jonny Lee later for it, but right now he's too busy enjoying the view. He palms his cock through his jeans and starts rubbing it, keeping one eye on the door in case someone else comes in.

Jonny Lee tilts his head, stares at Gerard. "You didn't say I couldn't be exhibitionist, Pire," he says, wincing as gives himself a nasty tug, fingers twisting over the head. "Thought you might've missed this, too, watching your boy perform. Just for you."

"I did miss it." Gerard leans more against the sink and starts stroking himself through the denim. "I missed watching you do things for me."

"Your boy," he breathes out, too rushed, "missed doing it all. Wants to be home so badly." Jonny Lee sucks in a breath, swallows too hard. "Want to just keep doing it, come for you, lick the floor, your shoes, your hands. Fuck, need you."

"Not here," Gerard answers automatically. It's not safe. It isn't worth the risk. "Home," he says, and glances quickly towards the door. "And hurry up, lad."

"There. Satisfied." Jonny Lee's on the edge of coming. He leans forward, grabs the plug. "No lube, of course." Shifts position to be able to work it in, stroking the precome from his cock and slickening the plug as much as possible. "Wanna call me lad again? It'd help."

Gerard raises an eyebrow and tucks his hands into his back pockets. "My lad's not prepped? What a bad slave he is. Not ready for master's pleasure." He tsks. "You just earned yourself a punishment, slave."

"Prepped. Just not enough for this, sir." Jonny Lee grimaces at the burn of penetration, twisting the plug and breathing out in pants against the pain. "Anticipated your cock, which is slightly easier to take." But, oh, hearing _lad_ from _that_ mouth is better than lube. Almost. He bites back the tiny scream lurking in his throat and keeps push-twisting until it's nearly in. "Fuck. Bad slave. Yes, he knows."

Gerard highly doubts that his boy could take his cock when he can't even take a small plug. But he'll let Jonny Lee keep his delusions. "Keep going, slut," he says, watching Jonny Lee's hand closely. Christ, does that look good. He's going to have to do this later, at the club, and with larger plugs. "Finish it off for master."

"For Master," Jonny Lee echoes, twisting the plug out a turn and shoving it back in, forcefully, all the way this time. "Slut. Yours. Ready."

Gerard gives the door a suspicious look. Once he's satisfied himself that it's not going to swing open at any moment, he turns back to Jonny Lee and his smile is pure evil. "Come for me, slave."

The look on Jonny Lee's face is pure desperation overlaid with intense need. "Fuck you," he says with every ounce of love in his body, and wraps his hand around his cock again, stroking and pulling. All it takes is three good, solid pulls and he's coming, hand coated in white streams, fingers webbed with the pulses. He whimpers, near silent, hisses in and out the breaths, leaning back against the wall, unintentionally nudging the plug an inch deeper. "Oh, fuck, yeah."

Gerard chalks up a second punishment for swearing at master, no matter how loving it was meant. He pushes himself off the sink and walks over to Jonny Lee, grabs his wrist, and starts licking his hand. Slowly. Sensually. With an awful lot of unnecessary tongue action.

"Aw, hell, I'm dead." Jonny Lee's not referring just to the tongue bath he's getting. That's enough to almost make him hard again. He realizes what he said, cursing. "How much trouble's your slave in, Master?"

"A lot," Gerard muses, and then sucks on Jonny Lee's index finger, meeting Jonny Lee's eye. When he pulls back, he scraps his teeth across the skin. "Master doesn't think his slave will be allowed any orgasms for the rest of the week. Perhaps more. It depends on your behaviour." But that's not to say that he's not going to go on with his plans to turn Jonny Lee into his own private pumpkin. No reason to put fun on hold merely because Jonny Lee said something he shouldn't have.

Orgasm control. Jonny Lee's first passion. It's music in the night to his soul, Gerard's words of denial. "Thank you, Master," he murmurs. "Your slave is eternally grateful for Master's attention to his misbehaviour."

"I'm sure you are." Gerard presses a kiss to Jonny Lee's palm. "But I think you'll stop enjoying the thought when you're in a vibrating plug at the highest setting for ten hours straight."

"Oh, Master, you know how to welcome a slave home. I love you."

"So the best way to welcome a slave home is to torture him until he can't think?" Gerard looks surprised. "How...peculiar. I'll have to remember that one."

Jonny Lee gets his clothes adjusted, jeans pulled up but still unbuttoned. "It's the perfect way for you to welcome me home, Pire."

Perfect? Gerard doubts that. He grabs Jonny Lee by his collar and tugs him into a long kiss. There. Now that's a perfect welcome home.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	290. gerard: JLM & GB: The ultimate kinky welcome home

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/26/) 23:59:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60025&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60025) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60025) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60025&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM & GB: The ultimate kinky welcome home** _  
[players only. Warnings: Cutting, bloodplay.]

  
Jonny Lee's naked and stretched out facedown on the bed. If they'd been doing this at home, Gerard would have restrained him, but here he doesn't have exactly what he'd want to use, and so he's going to trust Jonny Lee not to move. He's given Jonny Lee things to clench down on, and he has handcuffs ready in case it looks like bad bondage will work better than no bondage.

Gerard washes his hands carefully, making sure everything's clean. The case with the knives is already open near the bed and so Gerard snaps the gloves on and sits down on the bed next to Jonny Lee. "Ready?"

It's almost too clinical -- back wiped down with antiseptic and Gerard wearing gloves -- but they're not in London, not at home and safe's better than the alternative. Jonny Lee's settled, comfortable, hands under the pillow clutching Gerard's rolled-up Grateful Dead t-shirt. Something to center on when the pain kicks in. Not that Jonny Lee minds. The pain. Cutting's one of his most favorite forms of pain, the one he's most familiar with. Just not on this scale.

"May your boy ask," he says, tilting his head to raise his mouth from the pillow, "what Master will be creating?"

Gerard runs his finger down Jonny Lee's spine, getting used to the feeling of the gloves covering his hand. He wants to make sure he doesn't drop the knives, and it's been a while since he's worn latex gloves. It's not something he's used to. He spreads out three fingers and draws an abstract design on Jonny Lee's back. "An evil grinning face," he replies. "The type a naughty slave deserves to have branded on him."

"He's sorry for being a naughty slave. He was just so eager to see Master." Jonny Lee stays still, getting use to the touch himself. Odd, the barrier between flesh, creating an ethereal quality to the design Gerard's making. "Evil grin. Suits you, Master."

"Thank you," Gerard says. "I'd like to think so." Evil master. That's what he is. Very very evil. "I'm going to photograph you, when it's all done, so you can see what your evil master did to you."

"Master is so very good to his boy. Photos even." Jonny Lee's smiling, even if Gerard can't quite see his face. He takes a deep breath. "Your boy's ready, sir, whenever Master wants to begin."

Master wants to begin, but he's not quite ready yet. He stretches his hand out and then cracks his knuckles. The glove stays on and doesn't feel loose. Yet. Gerard takes one last look around, making sure he knows exactly where the emergency kit is, and then takes the smallest knife from the case. "What's your safeword?" he asks.

"Cacophony," Jonny Lee slides out. He wonders if Gerard really expects to ever hear him say it. He can't imagine why he'd use it. Would just as soon give it up, but that's a discussion they've had and he knows Gerard's feelings and Jonny Lee's not going to push.

"Good lad." Gerard's not worried that Jonny Lee's going to use it, but it makes him feel better knowing that it's there. If anything goes wrong, Jonny Lee will be able to put things to an immediate stop. It's a safety net and it's something Gerard needs. He strokes his thumb across Jonny Lee's shoulder blade. "Starting," he warns, and then places the blade up against the skin and makes a slow incision. It isn't very deep, and the line is almost straight. Then a small semicircle and the first eye is done and bleeding.

It stings, the blade point pressing in, cutting, and the sting burns all along the incision. Sweet sting. Brilliant burn. That's the whole point of cutting. The incremental pain that layers. And the first hint of blood, dull and heavy on his back. He settles again, face back into the pillow, sighs muffled by cotton.

Gerard smears the blood with his free hand, thickening the lines that define the eye. "Beautiful," he murmurs, and strokes Jonny Lee's bicep with his clean fingers. "You're doing wonderfully, Teak." He's impressed that Jonny Lee's managed to stay so still so far. If Jonny Lee keeps this up through the entire scene, Gerard's going to have to think up the best reward a man can give his lover. Teak'll have earned it. "Next eye," he says, and then repeats the same incisions on Jonny Lee's other shoulder blade. It's a little uneven, but Gerard doesn't care. It matches as well as he could have ever hoped.

Jonny Lee moves, barely, a shrug of his shoulders at the blade's kiss. He loves this, being cut, being used, being Master's plaything. He can't explain it, sometimes not to himself. Definitely not to his mates. It's addictive, better than the pot he used to smoke, the dab of heroin he tasted on a whim, the acid dropped at that party in Amsterdam. It's Master.

The blade's not touching skin when Jonny Lee moves and Gerard exhales. "Hold still," he whispers. "For master. Hold still for me, Teak."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee murmurs, head pushed slightly below the pillow's edge. He wads his hands into the t-shirt, fingers crumpling the logo, and goes deathly still, nearly zoning in an instant, but holding short of stepping across the line.

Gerard feels Jonny Lee go still beneath him and he nods. "Good slave," he murmurs. He moves further down the bed and rests his hand flat against the middle of Jonny Lee's back. He pinches in two places about an inch apart and then brings the knife around and cuts from one point to the other, then down, and then completes the nose. The blood flows freer here, but it's not bad enough that he thinks he should reach for the first aid kit. He just cut a little too deeply. He'll have to watch for that. "How does it feel, slave?"

"Wonderful." Jonny Lee can't resist the slight shudder. The deeper cut's even better, but he knows he can't ask for more, _shouldn't_ ask for more. Not here. Maybe when they're home. "Your slave like the feel, Master, the knife slicing in, the warm trickle of blood."

"You should see how it looks," Gerard licks his lips and rubs at the cuts, smudging the lines of blood. "Beautiful boy." The mouth is next, but it's going to be the hardest part. "You holding up ok?"

"Yes, sir, doing fine. Your t-shirt might be wrinkled beyond recognition when you finish, Pire, but other than that, your boy's holding up well."

"Then my slave will just have to iron it." Gerard traces the top of where the smile will go with his bloodied thumb. He knows exactly what he's going to cut. He starts with the top, going very very slowly, making sure that it doesn't come close to how deep the nose was. He cuts in teeth, and he thinks even with only the top, it looks somewhat evil.

There's a slight moan, more from the thought of ironing than the cutting, but there's a whimper quick on its heels as the blade cuts. It's ecstasy, pure and simple. Jonny Lee knows, without seeing, that his back is a bloody mess, cuts oozing and pouring red, smeared. That thought alone is intoxicating, endorphin-snaring. Add on that Master's doing it, creating on his back and Jonny Lee's soaring, one foot over the line.

Jonny Lee's back is a mess, but it's a structured mess. Gerard spends almost a minute looking it over before carefully tracing the curve of the smile. Then he switches knives for a new one and repeats the motion on the other side of the smile. "Tell me if it gets too much."

"Sure," Jonny Lee mutters, knowing full well he won't say a word, no matter what.

It doesn't matter if he says it. Gerard just needs to hear that his boy is still with him. He cuts down, the line a little too sharp to be a curve, but it doesn't need to be perfect. It's going to hurt enough even without a flawless carving. He leaves the mouth wide and squarish, but he thinks that will just make it look all the more frightening.

Jonny Lee's hands wad up the t-shirt, bunching it and twisting it in on itself. That cut hurt. Transcended the void and bit into his brain. He steadies his breathing, keeping still from the neck down. Darkness edges around his brain and he steps off into it, floating, still there but not.

There's something hypnotic about a blade cutting through skin, making the blood well off, but Gerard shakes it off. He needs to concentrate on what he's doing, not on how it looks. He switches hands as he brings the knife to the bottom of the chin. The left side of the smile will be uneven, but he's counting on that.

It's going to hurt like a dream. For days. Even after it heals, Jonny Lee will know it was there. His mind trips to thoughts of permanent cuts, scars, something that would be Master's alone. Maybe later. After the wedding. When they're home. _When they're home._ A lot of things are racing through his mind as he sinks lower, lets the pain of the cutting transmute and chill him. Being a slave all the time. Giving up control. He stretches, not meaning to move more than an inch, and suddenly goes very still again.

"Fuck!" Jonny Lee moved. The blade slipped. Not too far, definitely not dangerous, but a surprise, and very unwelcome. He grips the handle hard and keeps it far above Jonny Lee's back. "Do you need to move?" he asks, not caring that Jonny Lee can hear the strain in his voice.

"Sorry. Fuck. No, fine." Jonny Lee's voice is just as strained, not from the blade's slip but the guilt at moving. "He's good. Won't move again. Promise."

"You sure?" He didn't mean for it to come out as harsh. But...he has a fucking knife to his boy's fucking back. He's not allowed to make mistakes. "If you need to for a moment, I can wait."

"No. Honest. Okay. Just lost track for a moment." Jonny Lee turns his head, offers a weak smile. "Please, Pire. I'm sorry."

"Ok." Gerard takes a deep breath and inspects the cut. No, not too bad. But it'll still be around even when the rest of the smile's faded. Gerard switches out blades again and leaves about an inch gap before continuing the smile.

_Will not move. Will not._ The knife's edge touches flesh again and Jonny Lee lets go, slides into the blackness, refocuses.

The teeth are left for last, and Gerard doesn't quite hurry, but he doesn't take his time. He finishes as fast as he can and then puts the blade to the size and spreads the blood until it's exactly how he wants. "Slave?"

Jonny Lee's slow to answer. He knows. He's taking in the last of the pain, the smear of blood. "Master. Yours. Yes."

"Mine." Gerard agrees. He licks his lips. Jonny Lee's back is beautiful. It's going to be painful as fuck, but it's beautiful. He wants to keep the image of it for posterity. "Can I leave my boy for a minute?"

"Yeah. He's okay."

"Good boy." With one last glance to make sure that Jonny Lee isn't about to start spurting, Gerard stands up and goes to the bathroom to wash up. The gloves go into the wastebin and Gerard grabs the camera. He doesn't quite tell his boy to smile as he captures photo after photo, grateful that it's a digital camera and he doesn't have to worry about running out of film. "We should use this for our Christmas card."

Jonny Lee laughs, his body shaking lightly with the ripple effect. "Christmas card. Sure the friends would get a kick outta it."

"That's one way to put it." Maybe if they send it to Jonny Lee's mum, she'll get so shocked she won't send them a wedding gift. "And don't move," Gerard says. "Don't...don't hurt yourself too much." He puts the camera down and snaps on another pair of latex gloves. "This is going to hurt," he warns, and starts to clean up Jonny Lee's back.

"Ouch." Jonny Lee bites the word into the pillow. The damned antiseptic hurts a dozen times worse than the cutting. "Not moving. Not hurting myself. No."

"You better not." One of the cuts is bleeding more than the others and Gerard puts more on it. He knows it's gotta hurt, but it'll hurt more if he doesn't do this. "Think of...think of the best sex you ever had. Think of being strapped down and being spanked until you scream." Something that'll keep Jonny Lee's mind off the pain... "Think of master's hands around your throat while he's fucking you."

"Oh, fuck, that's not helping. Not if you don't want me to move. But, oh, yeah, your hands around my throat. Please. Not now. Later. Yeah. Wedding night maybe." Jonny Lee's rambling, putting his mind away from the pain and into the plotting. "Best sex. Uh. Against the wall in New Orleans. Best 'cause it was what started me spiraling. Spank. Yeah." And it's working. Somewhat. The cure isn't hurting nearly as much as it did.

Gerard pats the first bandage into place. "No, no. Wedding night's going to be special. Master has plans." Amsterdam hotel room. Strict orders. It's going to be a night to remember, and Gerard isn't going to try anything risky then. It's going to be fun. He lines the second bandage up and tapes it down. "I love shagging you in alleys. We need to do that more often."

"Wedding night. Was thinking about that." Jonny Lee winces at the tug of bandage. "When you have a chance. Where to get married, when. If it's okay."

Gerard picks up a sheet of gauze and folds it. "We'll talk about it," he promises. "Wedding night, master already have planned out in exquisite details. And his boy is going to be a good boy and go along with it."

"Yes, Master. Whatever you've planned will be perfect." _You're a slave. You do what you're told. You go along._ Jonny Lee moves his hands in and out of the t-shirt, eager to have the bandages on and be able to hold Gerard. Be held.

Gerard wonders what Jonny Lee will think when he finds out that his plans include a healthy dose of choice on Jonny Lee's part. He'll probably be a lot more excited. _Bet he thinks I'm going to serenade him at dinner._ Bandaging the smile is as hard as Gerard had feared it would be, but he finally gets everything cleaned and covered. "Do you need a painkiller?"

"No, Master, your slave doesn't mind the pain." He says the words simply. He's excited about the wedding, the wedding night. He just hates that it's still more than a week away.

Gerard frowns. "I don't care if you mind or not. I want to know if you think it'll help. I don't want you to torture yourself. That's my job."

"Yes, sir, it would help." Jonny Lee's voice is muffled by the pillow. The endorphins are slipping away almost as quickly as they'd slid into his brain as the cutting began.

"Then you're having one." Gerard won't allow any argument. He grabs a bottle of water from near the bed, opens it, and then taps Jonny Lee's head. "Open up."

Jonny Lee pulls himself up and rolls over onto his side. He doesn't grimace too much. He opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue.

Gerard puts the pill on Jonny Lee's tongue and then gives him a little water to help swallow it down. "You're not getting out of bed tomorrow," he says sternly. "You're going to lounge around, doing nothing, and staying off your back."

"Yes, Master." He swallows the pill, not arguing about any of it.

"Good lad." Gerard keeps the bottle near Jonny Lee while he tidies up. He cleans the blades and then puts them away. Washes his hands again to get the feeling of latex off. Then he gets into his pajamas and rolls Jonny Lee firmly onto his stomach. "Anything you need before bed?"

"Just you, Master. That's all I need. Holding me."

"I can do that." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's shoulder and curls against him as much as he can without disturbing his boy. "Love you. You're perfect. So good for me." He'll thank Jonny Lee more thoroughly later. For now, Gerard snuggles in and sleeps.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/60025.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	291. jonnyleemiller: happy thoughts

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/28/) 10:30:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36258&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36258) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36258) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36258&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**happy thoughts** _  
**[left public in the haze of painkillers]**

Didn't move Wednesday. Except to roll off the bed to crawl to the bathroom. Christ, my back hurts so good. Still not moving today. Master's orders. Love Master when he's torturing and loving.

Headed to Romania tomorrow. Long weekend. Then back cross-Continent. We're getting married in Amsterdam. _Getting married._ Hmmm, that's a wonderful thought.

Mum, if you're skimming the journals again ... go normal on the wedding gift. A simple set of china will suffice.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-10-28 06:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61346&format=light#t61346))   
---|---  
...you're getting _what_? When did you decide on this? Congratulations! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=61346&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61346&format=light#t61346))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-28 10:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=62114&format=light#t62114))   
---|---  
*giggle* When Charlize was kind enough to fall on her arse. Ought to ask her to be maid of honor or such. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=62114&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61346&format=light#t61346))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=62114&format=light#t62114))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-10-29 05:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=62626&format=light#t62626))   
---|---  
And you didn't say anything until now? (It was really kind of her to get hurt and give us a break, wasn't it?) 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=62626&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=62114&format=light#t62114))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-28 06:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61602&format=light#t61602))   
---|---  
Did you remember to take the medicine with lunch, Teak?  
  
I'd hate to have to send Brett back to the room with orders to force-feed you painkillers.  
  
  
  
Yes, normal, _please_.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=61602&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61602&format=light#t61602))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-10-28 08:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61858&format=light#t61858))   
---|---  
Yes, Master. *groggy* Took meds, am in bed, surfing Net. Picking out china and crystal would be a bit too much, I suppose. *g* Hmmm, wonder if sex shop shave bridal registries. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=61858&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61602&format=light#t61602))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61858&format=light#t61858))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-10-29 12:30 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=62370&format=light#t62370))   
---|---  
I don't think we need a registry, love. Why don't you pick out your favourite computer game and immerse yourself in that until I get home? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?replyto=62370&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/36258.html?thread=61858&format=light#t61858))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	292. gerard: [Airplane CD Swap]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/29/) 09:36:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60680&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60680) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60680) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60680&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  romantic and all too gay  
---|---  
  
_**[Airplane CD Swap]**_  
[Mun note: *I could not resist; please don't kill me.]  
  
  
  
 _On the airplane, Gerard stealthily switched out the CD in Jonny Lee's discman with this one._  
  
  
  
  
1\. Manfred Mann - Do Wah Diddy  
2\. Jimmy Soul - If You Wanna Be Happy  
3\. The Monkees - Daydream Believer  
4\. Doors - Hello, I Love You  
5\. Doors - Light My Fire  
6\. Shangri Las - Going to the Chapel  
7\. Shangri Las - Leader of the Pack  
8\. Simon  & Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson  
9\. Aretha Franklin - Son of a Preacher Man  
10\. Aretha Franklin - Respect  
11\. Bobby McFarrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy  
12\. Four Seasons - December, 1963 (What a Night)  
13\. Devo - Whip It*  
  
  
  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/60680.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	293. gerard: Hey, I know you!

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/29/) 18:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60284&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60284) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60284) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60284&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Hey, I know you!** _  
[public]

I was so caught up in the relentless, unendingly shooting that I didn't notice that it was over until Sturla slapped me from behind and told me to get out. Stellen, lucky bastard, had been let go Monday. I should have been a king, not a warrior. I may still be summoned back to Iceland if the rushes don't fly with the studio, but the stay won't be longer than two or three days.

We're in Romania now, and after the weekend we'll be hopping around Europe, but we'll be back home in time for me to not let Teak out of bed for a week. I've even stocked up on videos, an extra remote for the television, and put the places that deliver on speed-dial.

Not leaving bed. For a _week_.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/60284.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	294. gerard: Dungeon Spanking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/29/) 19:11:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60646&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60646) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60646) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=60646&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Dungeon Spanking** _  
[players only.]

  
"And here's where they would string naughty boys up by their toes and tickle them," Gerard says seriously, pointing to a rusty-looking set of chains on the wall. "They strung up so many boys that way that they used to march on past and the boys would lick their boots as they came close."

Jonny Lee tries not to laugh as the notion of tickling boys licking boots clean. Or come. The visual could push him either way. They've gotten to Romania early enough to spend some time exploring Castle Krominus, and while his mind isn't really on the dungeon sights, he's enjoying himself.

"So if I'm naughty, do I get tickled, Master?"

"Nope." Gerard slaps Jonny Lee's arse. "My naughty boy gets spanked and beaten. Master reserves tickling for when his boy's very very evil and Master wonders what ever he's going to do with his slave."

"Your boy likes spanking." He stops, turns around. "How naughty does he have to be to get that?"

"He's already earned it." Jonny Lee earns spankings usually as a reward, not a punishment, but it really doesn't matter. "Does my boy want it now or later?"

"Now." There's almost a purr in Jonny Lee's voice. He touches Gerard's waist, rubbing over the heavy sweatshirt, nudging it up, along with the shirt under it, finding flesh, finally, and slipping his hands in and around his lover's waist. "Please?"

"Please?" Gerard repeats grinning, and wraps his arms around Jonny Lee, stroking the marks remaining from the cutting. "Is that the best my dirty slut can do when asking for pain?"

Jonny Lee whimpers at the touch, the deepest of the cuts still blissfully sore. "Your dirty slut," he licks his lips at the words, "begs Master to turn him around, spread him against the wall and pop his arse till it's bright red. That better?"

"Much." Gerard presses his nail against the bruise. "Master wants to spank his slave so badly. Wants to bend him over his lap and punish him until he cries."

"Your slave's sure we could find a stone bench down here." He winces lightly at the pressure. "Something to bend over."

Wonderful reaction. Gerard would give him more, but he doesn't want to complicate Jonny Lee's injuries and make them need more time to heal. "It's a dungeon, Teak. Master thinks we could find much better than a bench."

"Dungeon? Like in stocks and pillars and," Jonny Lee's smiling. "Do you think there's a rack? Or manacles? Oh, we'd need keys for that."

"Yeah, we would." But a rack doesn't sound too bad. "Let's find a rack, bend you over it, and then I'll give you as many as you can stand."

"Or as many as your hand can stand, Master."

"Never underestimate Master's stamina," Gerard tsks. "Master can keep going all night."

Jonny Lee licks his lips. "Yes, that's what the boy likes about Master." He moves down the wall a few feet. "C'mon, lover, spank me."

"Yes, sir." Gerard grabs the back of Jonny Lee's sweater and jerks his arm like he's holding onto the reins of a horse. "Lead on to the rack, slut."

The laugh's long and rich. "Love you when you're like this. All playful." Jonny Lee doesn't exactly break into a trot down the hall, but he does bounce a good bit, then turns the corner into the dungeon's main torture room. Iron maiden. Manacles. Stocks. And, ah yes, in the corner, the rack. "Master, found it," he sing-songs.

Gerard's grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. "Good slut," he says, and then pulls to one side like he wants his boy to turn. "Lead on, Macduff."

"Macduff. You know James is doing that play," Jonny Lee says absently as they move across the room to the rack. "Film version. Thought I could maybe, if it doesn't take me from home."

Jonny Lee's career is his own business, but they've had that conversation too many times. "That sounds wonderful, you in the Scottish play. You been talking which role?"

"Don't know. Don't even know if he wants me. Just saw a journal post of his and I hadn't talked to him in awhile and I responded and," Jonny Lee's not bothering to take a breath through any of this, "well, I told I had to clear it with you before I even thought about it." He's at the rack. "How naked does Master want his boy?"

Gerard doesn't say anything about clearing it with him. Sex now, talk later. "Take down your pants." He doesn't want Jonny Lee completely naked. Not right now. A spanking is much more shameful when it's naughty.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee unbuttons his jeans and skims the denim down over his hips, just to his thighs, and bends over the edge of the rack. "Hands in front or behind the back, sir?"

"Over the end." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse. "I want you stretched and pained. How many strokes do you think you can take?"

He shifts, stretching out as far as possible. "Forty-three," Jonny Lee says.

Gerard loves how random the numbers can be. "Forty-three? Not forty-four, or forty-two?"

"Forty-three, sir. Tomorrow, it could be fifty, but I'm liking the forties today." Jonny Lee chose the number at random. Purely out of his head. He can take more. He knows they start to hurt like hell up around 40, and he really doesn't want to wear Master out before the night's over.

"Then we'll go with forty-three and see from there." Gerard tugs his sweatshirt off and tosses it to the side. "Count and thank me for each one."

"Aw, fuck." It slips out before Jonny Lee can bite the words back. "Yes, Master. Of course."

Gerard frowns. He knows Jonny Lee doesn't like counting, but his boy has no right to object like that. It's against their rules. "Alright, slave, you just made this punishment." Gerard slaps Jonny Lee's arse hard. "Anything else you want to pile on?"

"No, sir. One, sir, thank you." Jonny Lee's cursing himself more than Gerard ever would. _Stupid idiot._

"You're very welcome," Gerard says, and then gives Jonny Lee a second one and then a third. "Scream," he orders, almost as an afterthought.

Jonny Lee obeys, screaming out the fourth and fifth thank-you's and then the sixth, his voice echoing on the stone walls.

Gerard keeps spanking his boy, watching Jonny Lee's arse turn bright red and start to bruise. His hand begins to ache, but he doesn't care. This is punishment now and it's supposed to hurt him more than it hurts Teak.

"Twenty-seven," Jonny Lee spits out. "Sir. Thank you." He realizes Gerard's hitting him harder than usual. He deserves it. He's been a bad slave. _Don't know why you think you're ever a good one._ "Twenty-eight. Thank you."

Gerard ignores the count. He has it going in his head, can hear it like he can hear his heart beat. He stops exactly at forty-three. "Can you take more?" he asks, so calm he scares even himself.

The battle wages in Jonny Lee's brain. His arse is on fire, so welted from his Master's hand he can feel the heat without moving an inch. "No, sir," he murmurs, not wanting to hear himself deny his Master more.

"No?" Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's arse, admiring the colour. "My boy doesn't want any more?"

"Your boy wants everything Master can give him. He _wants_ more, but he's not sure he can take it." Jonny Lee works his breaths slowly. "He's hurting more than he thought he would, Master. He's so sorry."

Gerard curses under his breath. _Don't get so caught up that you forget that he has limits._ "It's ok," he murmurs, and his touch his much gentler. "My boy took forty-three from me only days after having master carve a face into his back. My good boy."

"Good boy. He tries to be." Jonny Lee relaxes, his body arching into the touches. He needs to make sure Gerard doesn't feel bad about it. "He's sorry he spoke back earlier. He didn't have the right, and he deserved the punishment."

"Yeah, he did." No argument there. "But once punishment is over, punishment is over." He strokes Jonny Lee's arse, thumb rubbing against a particularly sore spot. "And punishment is over, Teak."

"Thank you, Pire," he says, slipping back out of full-on slave to lover. "Nice dungeon tour. You should franchise it."

"The spanking bit?" Gerard grabs his sweatshirt from off the floor and tugs it on. "Or the part where I call you a dirty slut who'll be licking my boots later tonight while I wank?"

Jonny Lee stops in the middle of buttoning his jeans. His face lights up in spite of the grimacing at pulling denim back over the bruised red arse. "Licking boots? Oh, yes, Master. Has your boy told you how much he loves you?"

"Not in the last two hours, no." Gerard smiles and tugs Jonny Lee's pants down. "Take these off. I want everyone to see what master did to his obedient slave."

The blush on his face is a perfect match to his arse, but Jonny Lee complies, pulling off the jeans and draping them over his shoulder. "Yes, Master. Obedient slave." He dares to steal a kiss, quick from the lips. "Love you."

"Love you." Gerard grabs the jeans and slings them over his arm. "Beautiful, obedient. Going to be polishing master's boots for hours tonight."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, nodding. He couldn't be any happier. Except, maybe, come Friday a week, when he's no longer just lover and slave, but husband.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/60646.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	295. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Getting ready for the Halloween masque

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/31/) 15:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36448&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36448) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36448) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36448&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Getting ready for the Halloween masque** _  
**[players only. occurs early evening sunday, october 31, before ger and jonny head to the main ballroom for the halloween night party.]**

"I can't do this. I'm gonna fall apart, Pire. There's no way around it." Jonny Lee's standing in front of the mirror, the leather pants pulled on with a t-shirt. He's staring at his reflection, holding his boots in one hand and his jacket in the other. "I'm not a master."

"You _can_ do this." Gerard tugs the vest down and then wraps his arms around his boy from behind. "No, you're not a master. But you're an actor. Think of this as any other part."

"This isn't acting. This is life." He leans back, letting Gerard wrap him. He likes the look, the two of them reflected in the mirror. "I don't have a dominant bone in my body, Pire." He grins. "Not one."

"And I love you like that." Gerard turns his head in and nips lightly at Jonny Lee's neck. "I love that you're a submissive. Dressing up as a master doesn't change that."

"Promise you'll take care of me tonight." He scrunches his shoulder, involuntary reaction to the nips. "Not leave my side."

"I promise." Gerard presses a kiss against the bite mark. "And you'll have me on a leash, slut. I can't go anywhere even if I wanted to. Which I don't."

"Leash." The word sticks in Jonny Lee's throat. "Okay. I can do this. Sure. Yeah. Just one night." He looks in the mirror, smiles with head cocked to the left. "Could I get a reward beforehand?"

"What kind of reward?"

"Sexual favours."

"Of what kind?"

"Fuck me. Promise to beat me the minute we get back up here. Take me to the dungeons in the morning." He shrugs, smile twisted slightly. "I don't know, Pire. I'm just nervous."

"I'm going to keep you in the dungeons most of the time we're here." Gerard nibbles more on Jonny Lee's neck, finding freedom in the knowledge that it's high enough to be covered by the helmet. No one will see them. Private marks. "Beat you, hurt you, where everyone can see."

"More. Please. Can't wear the collar, so bite me instead."

"Your wish," Gerard says, nibbling, "is my command. Tonight."

"Just tonight. Tomorrow, we're back to us. Right?"

"Right." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's collarbone. "Just us. Master and slave, Pire and Teak. Nothing changes."

Jonny Lee draws in a deep breath. "Alright. I can finish dressing now, I guess. Boots first, then jacket."

"Yeah." Gerard takes a step back and looks his boy over. "We're going to have fun tonight. I promise."

"Fun," he echoes, turning around and sitting back against the dresser, pulling on his boots, black with the red flames. "You know, I can wear all this again, take you riding, when we get home."

"Yeah?" Gerard grins. Riding sounds fun. Wrapping his arms around Jonny Lee and holding on tight. Very fun. "Had to learn for Tomb Raider, but I think I've forgotten it all."

"Easy to learn again. You can start off riding with me, then we could get you your own bike. That'd be wicked." Jonny Lee doesn't really want to leave the room. He knows it's going to be okay, but he'd rather just stay here, fuck for hours and forget the party.

"And then we could race, and you'd win, and so I'd have to beat you." Gerard slaps Jonny Lee's arse. "Where's the hood?"

"Uh, it's on the nightstand, I think. Last I saw it." He wriggles his arse. "Do that again? Before you go searching."

"Yes, boy." Gerard grins and slaps Jonny Lee's arse again. Harder. "Stop distracting me. I'll give you your spanking later, slut."

"Promise?" Jonny Lee pouts. "Can we just do the party mingle for five minutes and then I get it?"

"I don't see why not." Gerard grabs the hood from the table and tugs it on. "You could always be one of those masters that orders his slave to hurt him."

_Master that orders his slave_. The thought rattles in Jonny Lee's brain as he turns back to the mirror. _Don't want to be a Master. Ever._ He smiles, zips up his jacket and pulls on his gloves. _Just a game. A roleplay. It'll be fine._

Gerard carefully unsnaps the blindfold and places it next to the gag. Checks his reflection. No one can tell it's him. "Ready to go?"

One last look in the mirror as he slides the helmet down over his face. "Yeah," he quips, turning and picking up the chainlink leash from the dresser. "C'mon, slave."

Gerard gives Jonny Lee a levelling look and then snaps the end of the leash through the ring in the front of the hood. "Yes, sir."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	296. gerard: Halloween Party - Sunday Night

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/31/) 18:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61402&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61402) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61402) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61402&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Halloween Party - Sunday Night** _  
[players only. Pertinent excerpts from the [Halloween](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/141670.html) [party](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/141988.html) log.]

  
**Jonny Lee:** *wearing black from head to toe with splashes of red, dressed in leather biker pants and jacket that zips across chest with boots with red flame motif and gloves to match, has on helmet with full faceplate. is holding a chainlink leash that's attached to the D-ring at the front of a collar beneath the full hood that Gerard's wearing. Gerard's dressed in black leather pants and vest. walks slowly across the room with Gerard a step behind him.*

**Karl:** *enters, dressed in 1920s gangster suit, complete with fedora tipped low on his brow and machine gun tucked against his side* *takes a look around the room, nodding at those he knows and recognizes before heading to the bar for a drink*

**Alexis:** *orders himself a drink, then settles himself down at a nearby table, 'Spike' begrudgingly kneeling at his feet.*

**Gerard:** *following Jonny Lee, keeping eyes on the floor*

**Karl:** *grabs a pint from the bar and turns to survey the room, wondering how long he's going to be kept waiting for Stuart and Orlando to make their 'grand entrance'*

**Alexis:** *raises a brow, then grins over in Karl's direction, shaking his head slightly while he raises his glass in a silent salute.*

**Jonny Lee:** *heads toward bar, noticing several familiar faces, breathing sigh of relief that no one can tell it's him until he wants them to*

**Gerard:** *follows, wondering if Jonny Lee's going to want him to kneel*

**Gerard:** *doesn't lift his eyes, but he can hear people he knows* *suddenly wonders if this was a smart idea*

**Orlando:** *enters side-by-side with Stuart, hooves clattering on the hard floor, bodies tan with oil and silver glitter, wearing all black and silver pony slave gear, complete with harnesses, butt-plug, floor length black tails, hooves, hand-hooves, and leather mouth bits (<http://www.deleerium.com/images/ponyall.jpg> ) and pulling a black leather and silver studded oversized chariot with an older, distinguished looking gentleman pony slaves pulling the chariot. They trot at a brisk pace to the center of the room, tossing their heads and stomping their hooves against the floor - their whinnying sounds suspiciously like laughter*

**Jonny Lee:** *to Gerard* Do I get points for making you kneel, Master? *settles at one end of the bar*

**Gerard:** Do you want me to kneel?

**Jonny Lee:** Adds that touch of reality.

**Karl:** *does a double-take* *murmurs* Holy shit....

**Gerard:** Yes, sir. *kneels down next to Jonny Lee, wincing a little*

**James:** *raises an eyebrow as Stuart's entry, the 'Spike' persona definitely jumping to the fore as he mutters,* "Bloody 'ell, who let th'soddin' ponies in?"

**Cate:** *hears hooves and blinks as she looks up. Well well, Van seems to have gone all out* *to Michael* Am I imagining things, or is that Van pulling up in a chariot drawn by Orlando and Stuart?

**Karl:** *chuckles* Well, they did promise they were making an entrance.

**Jonny Lee:** *runs hand over Gerard's head* Thank you, Master. You doing okay with this?

**Gerard:** *looks up at him* Yeah, 'm fine. Just...can you not touch me like that? And who's in the chariot?

**Jonny Lee:** Oh, fuck. Sorry. *jerks hand back* *looks over at Stuart and Orlando* Oh, Stuart's a horsey. How pretty. In the chariot? Uh, isn't that the master of ceremonies or such?

**Gerard:** An actual horse, or a pony slave? *pause* I didn't mean to snap at you. It just felt uncomfortable.

**Jonny Lee:** Pony slave, I guess. *studies them through the dark visor* That's what that is? Interesting. We can stop it, if you want.

**Gerard:** We're not stopping. Order me something to drink, in a bowl, with a straw.

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master. *turns and orders a soda in a bowl with a straws, shakes his head at being asked if he wants anything*

**Gerard:** *mutters* You can get something if you want.

**Jonny Lee:** Don't want anything. *looks around, sees James and Alexis, the guys from LA* Lots of people here we know.

**Gerard:** Do you want to go talk to them?

**Orlando:** *turns and headbutts Stuart in the shoulder, grinning behind the leather bit and stomping a hoof in impatience, tossing his head and looking over his shoulder, waiting for the slaves to come around and unharness the ponies from the cart*

**Jonny Lee:** Yeah, but not sure I should.

**Gerard:** Why not? *frowns* Do you not want people to see you like this?

**Jonny Lee:** *takes bowl and sets it on the floor beside Gerard* Don't want to embarrass you, Master.

**Gerard:** You won't. I promise.

**Van Marshall:** *waits until the slaves scramble into place, two to help him out of the chariot, and two to unhitch the ponies*

**Stuart:** *tosses his head restlessly, stamping one hoof on the floor, making it quite difficult for the slave to unhitch him*

**Jonny Lee:** *puts bowl on floor* Drink a bit and then we'll go over.

**Gerard:** Yes, sir. *takes the straw between his lips and sucks slowly, not used to this position*

**Van Marshall:** *steps around to give each pony an affectionate pat on the rear and scratch behind the ear* Very well done.

**Jonny Lee:** *takes a deep breath* _Better now than never._ *tugs on Ger's leash* C'mon, dear, we need to mingle.

**Gerard:** Yes, sir. *swallows heart and crawls*

**Stuart:** *nudges Orlando hard with his shoulder, nodding toward Karl and Harry and, as if they've practiced it for days, the pair take up a near-perfectly matched trot toward their lovers, hooves clopping across the floor*

**Van Marshall:** *surrounded once again by his slaves, he takes the seat specifically reserved for his kingly self, overlooking the crowd*

**Jonny Lee:** *leads Ger over to where Alexis and James are gathered, motions for Ger to go back to kneeling beside him* Evening, Alexis.

**Gerard:** *smiles ruefully to himself and kneels up, trying to keep perfect posture*

**Alexis** *arches a brow,* "Good evening, I'm rather at a loss of how to greet you since your face is covered."

**James:** *smirks up at Alexis, voice still deep, rich, cockney,* 'Friend of yours, pet?"

**Gerard:** *shifts uncomfortably on his knees, not used to the position*

**Alexis:** *cocks his head in Ger's direction, although he has no clue whom he is, but does note the figure seems somewhat uncomfortable in his present role*

**Jonny Lee:** Ah, understandable, but there's a reason for that. *tugs on Ger's leash* We're in a bit of role reversal and I'm rather nervous about it. *tilts head toward James* Hi, mate.

**Gerard:** *keeps head down, not able to control the blush*

**James:** *glances up at the figure near them, the 'hi, mate' registering at last. "Right, I know you, yeah?"

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs* We've shagged. Hope you know me.

**James:** *blinks at the stranger, pondering* 'Reckon' I'd remember a shag with you, pet." *He gives Jonny Lee a toothy grin.*

**Alexis:** *shakes his head slightly* *to Jonny Lee* "I think I've figured it out, I fear James is a bit in 'Spike' headspace at the moment, which is my own damned fault." *sighs*

**Jonny Lee:** S'alright. I'm supposed to be in master headspace, so I understand the problem.

**Gerard:** *mutters* You are not.

**Alexis:** *smiles at Jonny Lee*

**Alexis:** How are you faring in your role, then?

**Jonny Lee:** *jerks Ger's leash taut* I'm trying. It's not easy. *turns head* Does my slave have a problem?

**Gerard:** *thinks: _You are in soo much trouble later_ * Yes. *smiles up at him* Sir.

**Alexis:** *is fairly certain just who said slave is, and grins at Ger* I think I should rather have taken your idea for the evening, rather than waxing nostalgic over blond vampires."

**Jonny Lee:** _Yes? He's not supposed to say yes._ *to Alexis* I'm partial to blond vampires. They're rather sexy.

**James:** *can't help but preen at Jonny Lee's words* "Too bloody right, pet. Too bloody right."

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls over the nearest chair and sits down, sprawling into the seat, legs stretched out. leans down, tapping headset to talk just to Gerard* You okay still? Don't wanna fuck this up.

**Gerard:** Stop being so fucking masterly.

**Gerard:** Fuck. That came out wrong. Sorry.

**Alexis:** *to Jonny Lee* Can I get you something to drink then, my friend?

**Jonny Lee:** *goes rigid, back straightening* *to Alexis* No, thank you. Not drinking tonight.

**Gerard:** *nuzzles Jonny Lee's thigh* I'm sorry. You're doing fine.

**James:** *gets a wicked gleam in his eye, and with a purr, rubs his head against the side of Jonny Lee's leg, rather like a large, predatory cat.*

**Alexis:** *quirks a brow* Not even something non-alcoholic?" *glances down and shakes his head* "Five more minutes of this, and someone's getting a whipping."

**Jonny Lee:** *twines his gloved hand in the chain links of the leash, tugging on it* I like that. The nuzzling. *fingers the laces at the back of the hood* Want more of you.

**Stuart:** *waits until Karl's ready to move, then heads toward James and Alexis at a sedate walk, hooves clip-clopping along*

**Gerard:** *rests cheek against leg* I want more of you.

**Karl:** *purposely lags a couple of steps behind Stuart just so he can check out his lover's arse in his costume*

**James:** *remarks* Don't look now, but I think th'pony boy is 'eadin' this way. 'Ave any feed?

**Jonny Lee:** *starts to unlace the hood, open it at the back* Just slip this off the. No reason to hide my beautiful lover.

**Gerard:** *stiffens* *thinks: _If it'll relax him..._ * *sighs* *thinks: _I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed_

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls the laces apart and tugs the hood up and forward, freeing Ger's head* Much better. I like the view.

**Gerard:** *looks up at him* You do?

**Alexis:** *once again runs his fingers through Vincent's hair, then smiles down at Ger* You're far braver than I am, Gerry.

**Gerard:** Brave? *laughs* Stupid, more like.

**Alexis:** *shakes his head at Ger, pointing to 'Spike'.* No, I rather think I win the stupid award for bringing him.

**Stuart:** *shivers, grinning as he clops to a stop beside James*

**Karl:** *catches the tail end of the conversation and decides -- wisely -- to keep his mouth shut* Evening, gentlemen.

**James:** Oi! Watch wot you're sayin' 'bout me, Toga Boy. *Looks Stuart up and down* Wot's this then, Eomer an' 'is war'orse?

**Stuart:** *snorts, jerking his head toward Karl* Does that look like something Eomer'd wear?

**Alexis:** *lowers his head into his hand before groaning* Karl, I do apologize, I should've known not to bring 'Spike' with me.

**Karl:** *eyes James, keeping silent for a moment* Mm. Not the James I know. You must be channeling Spike tonight.

**Jonny Lee:** *pulls his helmet off as Karl and Stuart walk up* Uh, hi. _Oh, fuck._

**Karl:** *laughs* Yeah.

**Gerard:** _Shit._

**Gerard:** *can't help but glance behind him*

**Karl:** *smiles at Jonny Lee* Hey, Jonny Lee. Gerard.

**Gerard:** *goes completely white*

**Stuart:** *stamps a hoof dangerously near James' foot... and almost actually hits it when he does a double take at Jonny Lee*

**Alexis:** *offers Karl a smile* I'm honestly thinking of stringing him up and showing the damned vampire a bit of manners.

**Jonny Lee:** *wishes he could melt into the floor* Mr. Urban. *manages a weak grin* Stuart.

**Karl:** *smirks* Stringing him up, eh? I'd be happy to help.

**James:** *shifts away from the stomping hoof* ''Ey, watch th'dangly bits there!"

**Vincent:** *bites down a Connor response and just laughs*

**Alexis:** *gives Karl a look that says it all* Oh, please, do. Be my guest. *gestures at the irascible vampire with a sweep of his arm*

**Stuart:** Could always hitch him to the chariot and let his Majesty take him out for a ride. That king's got a lovely whip...... *grins broadly* Hey, Jonny Lee.

**Jonny Lee:** You look good, Stuart. Make a nice pony.

**Gerard:** You'd make a better one.

**Stuart:** And you look edible. Come give a pony a nice kiss, huh?

**Jonny Lee:** *looks down at Ger* Did you say something?

**Gerard:** Yeah. *face carefully blank* You'd make a much better pony than Stuart will ever make.

**Stuart:** *arches an eyebrow*

**Jonny Lee:** *gets up, without asking permission, and stands next to Stuart* Want a kiss? Take it.

**Gerard:** *stands up* Don't you fucking dare.

**Stuart:** *eyes Jonny Lee, then Gerard, then Jonny Lee again* Umm.....

**Jonny Lee:** *half-turns, smiles at Ger* Thought I got to be master tonight. * _You asked for the roleplay, Pire. Not me._ * I can have a kiss if I want.

**Gerard:** *glares at him* You cannot have a kiss if you want. _Slave_.

**Stuart:** *glances over at Karl, hunching his shoulders just a little bit, one hoof scraping nervously on the floor*

**Karl:** *nods at Alexis. If it weren't for wanting to fuck my boy before he grows sick of the hooves, I might take you up on-- *stops, just catching the last of Jonny Lee's comment* *looks over at Gerard, watching closely*

**Karl:** *looks from Gerard to Jonny Lee and back again* *murmurs to Stuart* Just keep out of it.

**Jonny Lee:** *turns fully away from Stuart* Make up your friggin' mind. Am I slave or not? *steps closer, pressing against Ger's body* You want to be master? Then do it.

**Gerard:** *takes a small step back, then shoves Jonny Lee backwards hard* You're my fucking slave. You've always _been_ my fucking slave, and you always _will_ be my fucking slave. Got it?

**Stuart:** *steps back slowly, half turning to shrug at Karl before he grins at James* So.

**Karl:** *softly but firmly* Gerard? *shaking his head* This isn't the place for this.

**Gerard:** *doesn't look at him* Stay out of this, Urban.

**Jonny Lee:** *loses his balance, but recovers, grabbing the edge of the chair and standing back up* Fine. *shoves Ger out of his way* Your slave is going back to the room.

**Gerard:** *grabs his wrist* As long as you remember who owns who in this relationship.

**Stuart:** *winces, biting his lower lip and turning to watch Jonny Lee*

**Alexis:** *sits back in his seat, wondering just how hell managed to settle in around him?*

**James:** *to Stuart* C'mon then, luv, give us a kiss instead. *catches his tongue between his teeth suggestively*

**Karl:** I will if you stop pushing your boy around. You go much further and Van'll have security on your arse. *looks at Stuart, shaking his head*

**Van Marshall:** *already watching most intently from his seat of honour*

**Gerard:** *hisses* My _husband_. Not my boy.

**Karl:** *pauses for a moment, taken aback by the pronouncement* Either way, mate. You need to calm down.

**Jonny Lee:** *cringes* _Well, that's /one/ way to announce it to everyone who didn't already know._ *jerks his wrist free*

**Gerard:** Fine. Wanker. *spits at Jonny Lee* Do what you want. Who you want. I don't care.

**Alexis:** *sits back in his seat, clearly taken aback at the announcement, and then Ger's actions* Gerry, please, calm down.

**James:** *swallows hard, and retreats some, half-hiding himself beneath Alexis' chair.*

**Stuart:** *slowly eases to kneel beside James, though makes no move yet to claim the offered kiss, his attention on Gerard and Jonny Lee*

**Jonny Lee:** Fine. I will. *snarls* Starting now. *doesn't bother to wipe his face. turns and walks off across the room*

**Gerard:** *glares at him and then walks away in the complete opposite direction*

**Stuart:** *mutters* Aw, hell.

**Vincent:** *watches with wide eyes, completely lost as to what exactly is wrong, but freaked out nonetheless*

**Van Marshall:** *tapping one finger idly on the arm of his chair, watches as the two separate, frowning*

**Karl:** Christ. *raking a hand back through his hair* No kidding.

**Alexis:** Not to sound cliche, but I think I need a drink. A very _strong_ drink.

**Karl:** *shakes his head* Yeah, I wouldn't mind a scotch. What're you wanting, Alexis?

**James:** *leans himself into Stuart, searching for some sort of sense and comfort in the middle of this entire mess.*

**Alexis:** *lets out a sigh* Scotch sounds perfect. Thank you, Karl. Bloody hell!

**Stuart:** *awkwardly stands up again, balance shaky on his hooves* *murmurs* Master, would you mind if your slave went to make sure Jonny Lee's okay?

**Stuart:** *shoots a weak smile down at James and steadies himself to support the man's lean*

**James:** *murmurs to Alexis* This boy is worried about Mr. Butler's boy as well, Master.

**Karl:** *kisses Stuart's temple* Not at all. Go ahead. Just back off if Gerard shows up though. Okay?

**Alexis:** *nods to James* If you wish to accompany Stuart, my love, go ahead. Just have a care, all right? I don't want you injured or marked.

**Stuart:** *nods quickly* Yes, Master.

**Karl:** *waves a passing server down and asks for a bottle of scotch to be brought to the table* *takes a seat beside Alexis* So... how's it going? *still shaking his head in disbelief*

**James:** *nods, while rising gracefully to his feet to stand next to Stuart. * Yes, Master.

**Alexis:** *leans over to look at Karl, while running a hand up and down Vincent's spine* I'm not entirely certain, ask me after we drain that bottle?

**Stuart:** *heads toward Jonny Lee, moving gingerly, as if he's trying to tiptoe and prevent the sound of clopping hooves, but since he's basically on tiptoe already, that doesn't work well*

**Karl:** Sounds good to me. *nods at Vincent* What about you? How are you doing?

**James:** *bites his lip and follows after Stuart, blushing* Uhm, this boy is sorry. About before. With what he said about you.

**Stuart:** *smiles and shrugs* Why? You didn't mean any of it, did you?

**Jonny Lee:** *has put himself in a nice corner on the far side of the room, sitting on the floor against the wall, not quite ready to head back upstairs*

**Vincent:** That was... weird. Like being back home. With the shouting and storming off. I don't know what's going on, and somehow, I don't think I want to.

**James:** *shakes his head* No, but Spike did. This boy should have known it was a bad idea to let him out, but Master desired it.

**Stuart:** *shrugs again* In that case, Spike can kiss this slave's arse. But it's no big deal. *slows down as they draw near Jonny Lee* Jonny Lee?

**Alexis:** *shakes his head* I'm rather shocked by it myself, honestly. I'd have thought if Gerry had desired a role-reversal like that, he'd have been prepared for it.

**James:** *bites his lip* Somehow? This boy thinks Spike would rather have bitten your ass, Stuart.

**Stuart:** *mutters* Maybe later.

**Karl:** *nods in agreement* *slips the server a few small bills when he delivers the bottle of scotch and a couple of glasses* Vincent? Would you like some? *to Alexis* Can he have some?

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up at Stuart's voice* Hi.

**Vincent:** I imagine it's hard, giving up control like that, if you're used to it. But then again, I've never been in control, so I wouldn't know. I'm not trained that way. *shrugs a little*

**Alexis:** *gives a somewhat weary smile* Of course he may, if he wants some. My rule over Vincent isn't as absolute as it is over James.

**Karl:** *pours a glass for himself and for Alexis, handing one over* Vincent? *offering the second*

**Stuart:** *smiles gently* Hey. *crouches, but the position looks extremely precarious* *softly* This slave didn't mean to cause any trouble.

**James:** *appears from behind Stuart, then plops down next to Jonny Lee.* Hey babe, need a hug?

**Vincent:** *smiles warmly at Alexis, then to Karl* It's not my favorite, but I could use it.

**Alexis:** *takes the offered glass and firmly knocks it back like a pro, then stares at it* Well, that's a start.

**Karl:** *hands it over and pours himself another glass* Yeah, Ger's never struck me as the most confident of masters. I'm not quite sure why he'd risk doing this.

**Jonny Lee:** That'd be nice. *leans into James's shoulder* I fucked up. Bad.

**Vincent:** *accepts the glass and sips it gingerly*

**James:** *slips his arms around Jonny Lee, murmuring soothingly* Not that it's this boy's place to judge, but it wasn't you who scared the shit out of this boy.

**Vincent:** It's strange to think of Masters not being confident.

**Karl:** Why? *raises an eyebrow* They're human. *shakes his head* Sorry. It can be a lot of pressure though.

**Stuart:** *the hooves on his hands clop on the floor as he leans forward to drop carefully out of his crouch, moving to snuggle up against Jonny Lee's other side* He's right, you know.

**Alexis:** *shakes his head at Vincent* We all have our moments of self-doubt, lovely. God if I didn't have them, I wouldn't think myself fit to own a boy.

**Jonny Lee:** *lets himself be bundled between James and Stuart* No, he was just reacting. I messed up. I couldn't do the role reversal right.

**Vincent:** *shrugs* Well, all the ones I met always seemed so confident. *pause* Then again, my knowledge of GOOD Masters outside the Establishment is very limited.

**James:** *does a double take* What? This boy saw a submissive lose his shit, not the Master. This boy is so confused. *frowns*

**Stuart:** *snorts* Seems to this slave that he didn't do the role reversal right, either. He agreed to be the slave for tonight, obviously. He wasn't acting like a slave, though.

**James:** *nods his agreement* This boy thinks the moment you showed free will, Mr. Butler broke role.

**Alexis:** *continues to stroke Vincent's back soothingly* It's a matter of impulse control, really. I don't let you or James see when I question myself.

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles* This boy is _very_ confused. I was supposed to be masterly, not master. I didn't understand the difference, I guess. And now, oh fuck, he's probably gonna want to end it all. No slave. No husband. Nothing. Don't blame him if he does. I can't get this right. Want to be a slave, but I keep fucking up.

**James:** *frowns* If you didn't understand it, perhaps it was not explained to you properly?

**Stuart:** Don't be silly. "slips his arm around Jonny Lee's shoulders, careful not to smack James with his hoof* Obviously there's a misunderstanding somewhere. He's not gonna want to call it quits just for that, mate.

**Jonny Lee:** *sighs* So what do I do? Can't take it back. Shite, and it happened in public, too, in front of _so_ the wrong people. *buries head against James's neck* I'm doomed.

**Stuart:** *sighs, shaking his head, then sits back to trap the hooves on his hands between his knees and pull them off* *hands freed, he reaches to pull on Jonny Lee's jacket* Stop that, Jonny Lee. Right now.

**James:** *wraps Jonny Lee more tightly in his embrace, shaking his head* No, you are _not_ doomed. First off, this boy thinks that Mr. Butler will calm down and come to his senses. Second, how can you be doomed, if this boy and Stuart adore you?

**Jonny Lee:** *mutters* Oh, yeah, you have the perfect master, Stuart. *looks up* You adore me? Really?

**Stuart:** *blinks* What's this slave's Master got to do with anything? And yes, of course we adore you.

**James:** *kisses Jonny Lee on the cheek, blushing* Yeah, this boy does. Effin' adorable, remember?

**Jonny Lee:** *blushes* Should trademark that, ya know. Stamp it on my forehead even. *smiles* Just everything was supposed to be perfect. The fantasy. The weekend. We're getting married next week. Or supposed to.

**James:** *digests this* Maybe it's pre-wedding jitters?

**Stuart:** *leans against Jonny Lee, nudging him with his shoulder* That could be it. And y'know, it's not a total loss. You give him time to cool down, and yourself time to cool down. Then you apologize to each other. And then... there's the make up sex.

**James:** *smirks* Just took the words out of this boy's mouth, Stuart.

**Jonny Lee:** Jitters? Really? Weird. *grins* Love makeup sex, though. It's good. *nudges Stuart back* Can I get that kiss now? Just a teeny one. I'll show you my ring.

**James:** *pouts prettily at Jonny Lee* Oh, so Stuart's the _only_ boy worth kissing?

**Jonny Lee:** No. *pouts just as prettily* I think I need two kisses, just to make me feel better.

**James:** *grins, then draws back enough to give Stuart room to go first* This boy is happy to accommodate.

**Stuart:** *snorts* You'd show me your ring, anyway. *grins* But yeah, you can have a kiss. C'mere. *tugs on Jonny Lee's jacket again, pulling him into a quick, chaste kiss*

**Jonny Lee:** *smiles into the kiss, giving it a sweeter taste that's over too soon* Yeah, I would, but that was nice anyhow.

**James:** *leans in to kiss Jonny Lee, once Stuart has finished, although perhaps a bit less chastely.*

**Jonny Lee:** *wraps his arms around James's waist, lets the kiss linger as long as James wants, settling himself in the connection*

**James:** *purrs softly, realizing just how _much_ he's missed this. This connection and interaction with his fellow boys.*

**Jonny Lee:** *breaks the kiss slowly* Missed you guys.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61402.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	297. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: After the fight, there's fallout

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/10/31/) 15:55:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36852&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36852) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36852) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=36852&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: After the fight, there's fallout** _  
**[players only. occurs later sunday night, october 31, following[this fight in the main ballroom during the halloween masque](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61402.html).]**

Gerard doesn't remember how he managed to find his way to the room. It's a blur, but he doesn't care. He strips as soon as he slams the door behind him, tossing the clothes against the wall with every ounce of strength he could summon. He doesn't care where they lands. They could go out the window for all he cares.

How could Teak do this to him? How could he order him around? How could he dare to think that he had permission to even _touch_ anyone else? _Gerard_ is the master. He never stopped, never gave up power. It was supposed to be a costume, a bit of fun. He never meant for it to be switching roles. And how dare Karl threaten him with security just because he was having a fight with his lover. How dare he.

Still growling, Gerard heads for the shower. He wants it hot, burning, scalding. He wants it hot enough to leave marks. He scribbles a quick note - _You can join me. If you want._ \- in the very unlikely case that Jonny Lee's going to come back. But he doesn't think Jonny Lee will. Something happened tonight, he isn't sure what. But it happened, and Jonny Lee's...fuck it, Gerard isn't even sure how _he_ feels. He walks into the shower, turns the water entirely hot, and screams again and again, venting frustration. The walls are thick. No one will care.

Jonny Lee sits on the ballroom floor for the longest time, even after Stuart and James have gone back to Karl and Alexis. They were comforting, what he needed at the moment, but he needs Gerard more, even though he's worried he's lost him. He makes his way slowly up to their room, taking the inner stairwells instead of the elevator, needing to work off the energy. _Their_ room. Maybe. Or Maybe it's just his now. Or he could be sleeping in the hallway tonight.

By the time he's to the room, he's shrugged out of the jacket. It's tossed onto the floor the minute he's through the door. No sign of Gerard. That could be good. Or not. Just a few hours ago, they were standing here talking about how much fun it was going to be, joking about how they could just slip away if it didn't work out. Fuck. It didn't work out. Something went wrong. He fucked up. He tried to take more control than he should've. He hadn't meant to. He didn't want it. He drops his helmet on the table and notices the note.

_You can join me. If you want._ Not a note telling him to leave. He breathes out. It's a start. He quickly gets out of the rest of his clothes, and walks into the bathroom. The water's running, the room's filled with steam, hot and moist and strangely comforting. "Pire," he says, bare whisper at the shower's edge.

Gerard's skin is so hot that it's reached a level that's almost numb. He rests his head against the shower wall, enjoying the feeling of the hot water flowing hot and mercilessly against his back. It isn't relaxing, but it's comforting. At least some things in life can be taken for granted.

There's no response, and while Jonny Lee's uncertain if he should step in, he needs to touch, if only for the last time, to hold. So he moves forward, stepping into the shower. "Pire," he repeats, sliding onto the wall next to Gerard. Even out of the spray, he can feel its heat. It's scalding. _Strange, we both take to water-peeling our skin off when something goes wrong._

Gerard thinks he hears someone calling his name, but that's impossible. Jonny's not coming back. Jonny's off wherever he is. Kissing Stuart, most likely. Or trying his hand at being masterly. Whatever it is, he isn't coming back. Gerard leans more into the spray, hissing as the beat of the water hits against the back of his neck.

Words aren't working. Touch is next. Jonny Lee lays his hand on Gerard's back, in the dip where the arse starts to curve out. He moves slowly, trailing his fingers up along the spine, as he slides his body a bit closer along the wall.

Now there's something touching him, beneath the spray, but it's probably the water. Has to be the water. The touch is too light to be anything else, and Gerard is numb enough not to feel that it's a hand.

Jonny Lee continues the strokes, making them just a bit harder as he rubs up over Gerard's shoulder blades. "Love you," he whispers.

The touches can't be ignored anymore. _Jonny?_ Gerard looks over his shoulder, through the water, and sees his lover. "Jonny," he whispers. "You-you came back."

"Why wouldn't I?" Jonny leans in, kisses the curve of Gerard's shoulder. _He's as scared as you, isn't he?_ "Your skin's on fire, Master."

"The water's just hot." Gerard runs a hand through his hair, tugging it back, and then turns the shower off. He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and holds him tight. "I love you."

_Oh, fuck, yes. Thank you._ "I love you, too." Jonny Lee curls himself into Gerard's hold. "So sorry. Love you so much."

Gerard rests his head on top of Jonny Lee's, wincing a little as he realizes just how tender his skin is. "What happened back there?"

"Don't know, Master. We got it all fucked up." He breathes out before continuing. "I honestly don't know what went wrong."

_I do._ "You shouldn't have tried to dominate me," Gerard says softly. He doesn't want to start fighting again, but it needs to be said. "You shouldn't have done that."

The last thing Jonny Lee wants is to start fighting again. "I didn't. Did I? I thought it was all in the roleplay. I mean, I was supposed to be the master."

"No, you weren't." Is that was Teak thought he was supposed to do? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "You were supposed to look like the master. But I was in charge. I was always supposed to be in charge."

"How was I supposed to look like the master if I didn't act like one?" He's more confused now than before. "I wasn't trying to dominate you. Not really. I'd never do that." Jonny Lee wishes the shower were back on, so he could scald himself. "I know my place, Pire. You're the master. Always."

"They why'd you tell me what to do? Why'd you assume that you were," Gerard swallows. "Why'd you assume you were allowed to do anything without asking me first?" _Like kissing Stuart._ "You didn't act like a master. You acted like you just wanted to give me orders."

"I'm sorry. I didn't. I don't understand." Jonny Lee pulls away. "I'm sorry, Pire. I really am. Maybe I just forgot how to be a slave. We were in role, and I thought it was okay to tell you what to do."

Gerard thinks he could cry when Jonny Lee pulls away. His boy doesn't want him anymore. Fuck. He'd really fucked up. And he's ruined everything. "We weren't in role," he says, hoping he can finally get through, finally make Jonny Lee understand. "I wasn't - I wasn't supposed to be your slave."

"If we weren't in role, and you _were_ the master, then why didn't you stop me?" He sinks down the wall, shivering from the chill inside and out. He's losing his master. His lover. His life. "If I'm the slave, I shouldn't have to make the decisions."

"I told you not to do it." Gerard frowns. "Didn't I? I thought I...I thought it'd be clear. Be fun. Everyone think you were the master, but I was really pulling the strings. I didn't think you'd try to treat me like you were the master."

Jonny Lee realizes how badly he's fucked up. He misunderstood everything. Took it too far. He's on the shower floor, banging his head against the tile wall. "Never meant that. Just playing out what I thought you wanted." His voice is hesitant, soft. "You could do much better with a slave who actually knew what he was doing."

Gerard sits down on the still-wet floor and grabs Jonny Lee from behind, all but pulling him onto his lap. "You do know what you were doing. I was...I wasn't clear." Gerard bites his lip. Once again, it's all his fault. He should have known. It's always his fault. "It's my fault, Teak. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know what I _did_. Managed to make you lose your temper, get angry with me in public, in front of --" Jonny Lee pushes himself up into Gerard's lap, turns and curls into his lover's chest. "Not your fault. Mine. I'm not a good slave. I try to be. Want to be."

"You're the best slave in the world. How many other slaves would listen to their masters and agree to even look like they're changing places?" Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's hair. "It's me who's bad."

Jonny Lee shakes his head. "No. You're not bad. Love you." He pulls away again, but this time it's to turn around, kneel up in front of Gerard. "Show me how to be your slave, Pire." There's a faint smile on his lips, knowing that he's breaking one of the cardinal rules Sean taught him. "Punish me. Push me. Reclaim what's yours."

"You-you want me to?" Gerard looks behind him instinctively. Nope. No one there. Jonny Lee's talking to him. No other person. And his boy's not delusional. "Punish you, push you? After...after all that?"

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee wonders if he's not supposed to want that. "Please." But he _does_ want it. Touch. Torture. "This boy doesn't want to be sent away. He wants to be kept."

"There's no danger of that, love." Gerard holds him tight. "You don't need to do this," _to let me do this_ , "just to be kept. I'm not throwing you away, ever. Promise."

"You mean I can stay? I'm forgiven?"

"You're not the one who needs to be forgiven."

"If I say I forgive you, would it matter?" Jonny Lee frowns. "You're not forgiving yourself, I imagine."

"Yeah." It probably should bother Gerard that goes without saying. "And it matters to me, Teak. It always matters. I'm so fucking sorry."

"I forgive you, Master, for every transgression you haven't even committed. There's nothing you can do that would make me want to give you that."

Gerard kisses him. "Thank you," he whispers. "I love you."

"So, Master, can we get somewhere warmer?"

Gerard smiles and looks up. "I can turn the water back on."

Jonny Lee nods. "That'd be nice. I could use a bit of scalding."

The words are out before Gerard can think to stop them. "Is it slave's right to tell master when he needs to be punished?"

"Uh, fuck, no, sir, he doesn't. Your boy was hoping you might overlook that slip."

"I will not." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's cheek. "What do you say I get you into your collar and you tell me exactly how you want to be punished."

Jonny Lee smiles, blushes. "That wouldn't be right, Master. The slave shouldn't dictate his own punishment, should he?"

"Of course he should. If master says he can."

"Then may your boy ask permission to have the shower on, get warm before he's put into his collar? It'll give him time to think about punishment, too."

"Alright." Gerard kisses him again. "I'll dry off, meanwhile."

Jonny Lee pulls himself up and stands under the water, letting it sluice every inch of his skin, scald, abrade by heat the guilt he's feeling. He thinks on punishment, on what he could give to Gerard that would make amends, exorcise their demons. It takes a while, but by the time the water's chilling and he's stepping out of the shower, he has it. He dries off and drops to his hands and knees, moving into the bedroom.

Looking around, he sees Gerard standing by the window. He crawls over and kneels up. "Master," he murmurs, "the slave would like to have your collar, please."

Gerard is holding Jonny Lee's collar tightly in his hand and when Jonny Lee crawl over, he turns around. "Master wants his slave to wear it," he whispers, and then wraps it around Jonny Lee's throat. "Master wants his slave to know that he's owned."

"Slave wants to know that, too. To feel it, all day, every day." He rubs his cheek against Gerard's hand. "He's thought about his punishment."

Gerard fastens the collar and then tugs against it to make sure it's on properly. "And what does the slave think should be his punishment?"

Jonny Lee swallows hard, takes a deep breath. "Humiliation, sir. The slave needs to be put into his place, and it's one of those things he has trouble with."

It's one of the things Gerard has problems with also. But if Jonny Lee wants it, then Gerard is going to give it to him. "Humiliation," he repeats. "What kind?"

"Private." _I've had enough public trauma tonight._ "Calling me names, worthless, berating me. I've never played that way, so I'm not sure what's what."

"I can do that." Well, he thinks he can, and that's what matters. "Private humiliation. We could book a dungeon."

"That would be good. We're not leaving for a few days." Jonny Lee smiles, a bit feral, a bit cocked. "Could book it for the whole day tomorrow, if Master wanted. And he could torture his boy for hours."

"I'd rather do it tonight," Gerard says, "if that's alright with you." If he waits, he'll probably talk himself out of it. And he wants to give this to Jonny Lee. He wants it, and so he'll get it.

"Tonight's wonderful." It's better, in fact. Gets it all out. "I'd like that, Pire."

"Me, too." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's mouth. "Why don't you call and arrange for us to get a dungeon?"

"Yes, Master. Your boy would love to do that." He whimpers at the touch of thumb to lip. He likes those touches, the little almost random ones. "Does he have permission to move, sir?"

"Yes." Gerard pinches Jonny Lee's lower lip and then steps back. "My boy is allowed to move."

"Thank you," he snips out, squirming at the delicious pain. He crawls over to the room's desk and calls down to the main office. It takes a few minutes, being put on hold while they check to see if the right room's available. It is, and when he hangs up, he turns around. "All done, Master. The room'll be ready in 15 minutes." He pauses. "Should your boy just stay naked? Or did you him to dress again?"

Gerard shakes his head. "Naked, love. I don't want you wearing anything but my marks. That's what a good slave does." Gerard smiles. No reason not to give in and start a little early. "And I know my slave wants to be a good slave."

"Oh, yessir, very much so. He wants to be the best slave." Naked's good. Naked's great. "And husband. He wants to do that right, too. Lover and whatever else Master wants out of life."

"You are the best." Gerard grabs Jonny Lee and backs him against the wall. "Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You're everything I'd ever want."

_Oh, yes. Fuck. Perfect._ Jonny Lee's yanked off the floor, slammed against the wall and he couldn't be happier. No matter what happened earlier in the night, Master wants him. Gerard wants him. "Please, Pire, want you. In every way imaginable."

Gerard leans forward and takes a biting kiss from his boy. "I want you." In every way. "Always." In all ways. "You're mine." So perfectly his. "There's no one for me but you."

Jonny Lee's finding comfort in the words, grounding he hasn't had in the last hour. His body goes limp, allowing for whatever Gerard wants to take from him.

Gerard takes another kiss, and then a third, stretching Jonny Lee's out, holding it with his teeth, until he almost bites through. This is perfect. This is right. Gerard's on top, taking whatever he wants from his slave, and his slave is giving it to him without struggle. Not ordering him around, or presuming he can kiss someone else. Jonny Lee's on the bottom and he has to take what he's given. And nothing else. And Gerard likes that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The dungeon room's simple, stone walls that look untouched since men walked with swords for protection and not show. It's dark, the dim lights at random spots doing little to illuminate what's along those walls. Not that it matters. Jonny Lee is focused on the center of the room, where he's kneeling, waiting on Gerard to start. He's breathing slowly, trying to center himself, focus without zoning.

It was frighteningly easy to get himself into headspace. A humiliation scene, no names, no personalities, nothing but titles. A master and his slave. And the slave needs to be shown just what he is. Slaves are never equal to their masters. Gerard had tugged on his leather pants, but he'd kept Jonny Lee naked. You're never so vulnerable as you are when you're naked, and Gerard's going to milk everything he can out of it. He's going to be cruel. He's going to be merciless.

He really shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he is.

Gerard walks over to where his boy is kneeling and spits. "Stand up," he orders.

Jonny Lee pulls himself up and stands, as straight as he can. He's not yet in the headspace, his mind still blurred from the evening's strange twist of events. Odd, he thinks. He should be dropping into it immediately. He shakes his head, tries to focus.

"At attention," Gerard snaps. "I want you as straight as you can be." He wants perfect posture. He wants Jonny Lee not to even look at him. He wants even that small measure of control.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee stiffens, forcing his body to straighten completely. Military stance. Perfect. Or as near as he can get to it. _C'mon, you can do this. Slip into the space, idiot._

"Better." Gerard walks around his slave slowly, glaring at him. "Being a slave doesn't mean you let me do whatever I want." Gerard reaches out and forces Jonny Lee's chin upwards. "It means _you_ do whatever I want." He squeezes. "Pay attention."

The squeeze hurts, more than it should, but maybe it's the glare and the tone. "What's the difference, sir?" he asks without thinking that he shouldn't be talking.

Oh, that was a mistake. A big mistake. Gerard releases Jonny Lee's chin and then wraps his arms around him from behind. He rests his hands on Jonny Lee's thighs and then tugs them apart to throw his boy off-balance, while trapping Jonny Lee between his arms. "The difference is, _slave_ ," Gerard smirks, "you aren't in charge. I am."

Muscle strain where he's already sore from Saturday night's fucking and Saturday morning's not getting to come. It seeps into his brain and he hisses at the layering of pain. "You're _always_ in charge, Master, no matter what."

"Am I?" Gerard pulls back enough to nibble on Jonny Lee's ear, biting down hard. "I don't think I am." He pinches the skin beneath his hands. "You're a slave. You need to learn how to serve."

Jonny Lee can't help himself. He cranes his neck, arches into the bites. "Please. I serve you. Isn't that what I do? Everything you tell me."

Gerard frowns. His slave isn't supposed to be enjoying this. It's not about that. This is about what Gerard wants. "No, you don't," Gerard says cooly and steps back. "Did I tell you to move, slave?"

"No." Jonny Lee's angry at the distance. He needs Gerard's touch. "Didn't say I couldn't move," he mutters. "Or did you? Supposed to be at attention."

Gerard ignores it. "And neither did I say you could talk back."

_Oh, fuck. Just keep screwing up tonight, Jonny. He might throw you out after all._ "No motion. Silence. I understand now, sir. I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are," Gerard says condescendingly. "And what I want is obedience, slave. Pure obedience."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee straightens his posture, stares straight ahead. "Obedience."

Gerard tsks. "You seem to have missed the point of this, slave." He never said anything about Jonny Lee being allowed to move. This is precision at its best tonight and Gerard knows that it's going to drive Jonny Lee mad. He doesn't care. Jonny Lee gave him a scare earlier and Gerard is going to reassert dominance in any way he can. He's going to show Jonny Lee in every way possible just who is in control tonight. Because Gerard's in control. He lost it earlier, but it's back now. And he won't let Jonny Lee forget that. "I have given you orders. You will do nothing that I do not order you to." Excluding breathing, of course, but Gerard isn't going to mention that. Stupid. "Nod your head if you finally understand."

Despite the harshness, or maybe because of it, Jonny Lee's starting to feel more like himself. Master's in control. That's what matters. The world's getting put right again. He nods his head. Slow, easy, deliberate. He understands. Orders. He understands them better than anything else in his life. It's what he wants, needs, would beg for if given permission.

Jonny Lee isn't going to get permission. This isn't about what Jonny Lee wants. He asked for this punishment, but beyond that, Gerard is calling the shots. Everything, everything, is about him tonight. "Much better," Gerard murmurs. He places his hands on Jonny Lee's hips. It's almost a tender touch. "What is a slave?" he asks, whispering like a lover would.

"A slave is one who obeys his master." Jonny Lee's voice is low, almost a whisper.

"Wrong." Gerard's tone grows harsher. "What. Is. A. Slave?"

He winces at the tone. He doesn't want to, but it cuts his brain. He frowns, tries to think on what the right answer would be. "A slave is..." He pauses. "Uh, nothing more than master allows."

Almost there. Gerard squeezes. "Getting warmer."

It's all Jonny Lee can do not to move. "Um." _Think, stupid, what's he want?_ "Master, I'm can't. Your slave has no idea what you mean. A slave obeys. He's what Master wants. What else?"

A thousand things else. But Jonny Lee just fucked up. _Again,_ Gerard thinks, and scowls. This role play is _not_ about a master and _his_ slave. " _A_ slave," Gerard growls, and bites Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Not _my_ slave."

" _A_ slave. Not yours." Jonny Lee bites down on his lip to keep from screaming at the sudden pain. _Not yours? I don't understand._ He's getting more confused by the minute. "Tell me what to do, what to think. Please, master."

Gerard freezes. Did his boy just... Gerard squeezes down damn hard. "Slaves," he spits, "do not give masters orders. EVER!"

The scream he was trying to hold in demands release and it reverberates off the wall. "Fuck," Jonny says, still shouting. "Not an order, sir. Never. Please, this slave is stupid. He doesn't understand what the master wants."

"Of course he doesn't," Gerard sneers, squeezing as hard as he can. He doesn't care if Jonny Lee screams. It's punishment. It's supposed to hurt. "Then slave would do well to be silent, wouldn't he, being so stupid."

Jonny Lee tamps down the next scream, gritting his teeth. He nods, violent shakes of his head signifying he understands, that he'll stay silent.

"Much better." Gerard smirks. "The slave is so pleasing when he is silent." He traces across Jonny Lee's hip with his nail and then pinches the skin. "A _slave_ is one who obeys. Without question, without thought. Now," Gerard continues, "is that clear, or are you more stupid than you look?"

He nods again, indicating his understanding, knowing he hasn't been given permission to speak. _A slave obeys, without question, without thought._ He repeats the mantra silently, imprinting it on his brain.

Gerard waits a full minute for an answer and then bites down on Jonny Lee's ear. "Well? Both of them? It's clear, and you're stupid?"

Screams are becoming the norm, and it's not so much that the pain's unbearable as it's sudden and catching him off guard and in the dim light of the room he still doesn't have a good grasp on where anything's coming from. "Both," he snaps. "Yes, sir. Slave is stupid. And, yes, it's clear. Sorry."

Jonny Lee seems to have caught on to the lesson. Excellent. He smiles. Cruelly. Coldly. "Then let's repeat the lesson, since you admit to being stupid. What is a slave?"

He draws in a breath. "A slave is one who obeys his master without question or thought. Sir." His delivery is monotone, his brain becoming very tired from the night's wear and tear.

Oh, that won't do. How disappointing. And he'd had such hopes for Jonny Lee. It seems his slave is more stupid than he'd thought.

Somewhere, that thought rings hollow, and it should bother him. The fact that it doesn't is tucked away. He'll think about it later. "Say it like you believe it," Gerard orders.

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee concentrates, trying to think just how to say it, how to please Master. That's it. Master. "Master," he says, emphasizing the word, voice stronger, more sure of itself in spite of the world crumbling at his feet, "a slave is one who obeys, without question, without thought."

Ah. There. Perfect. "Excellent," Gerard says. He grabs Jonny Lee's cock and begins to stroke it. "You might be worth keeping after all." _But aren't you keeping him anyway?_ a little voice asks, but Gerard swats it down. This is role playing. This is a role. And the role master isn't impressed at all by his role slave. It's that simple.

His cock twitches, jerks in Gerard's hand, desperate for the touch. Rough. Sweet. Jonny Lee doesn't care. He just wants to let the moment be over, the role, go back to being Master's slave, the one who's kept.

Gerard smiles. So the slave has learned enough to know not to speak unless ordered to. "Yes, I think you might, you worthless bitch," he purrs. "You'd look beautiful, standing in the corner, waiting for me to order you to fetch something."

_Stand in the corner. Fetch._ Jonny's brain catches the words. _Worthless._ Yes, he is. He knows it. Can't do a simple roleplay right.

"Because that's what you are," Gerard whispers. "You're not a person. You're not a man. You're a slave and you only exist to do what I want you to do."

_Do I even exist? Nothing. Less than nothing._ "Yes, Master," Jonny says, voice barely a whisper. "Slave."

"Yes. Slave." Gerard smirks. This really shouldn't be this much fun, but he likes this headspace. Everything's black and white. Master and slave. Gerard's the master, Jonny Lee's the slave. What Gerard wants matters, and what Jonny Lee wants doesn't matter. Very simple. And now what Gerard wants if for his slave to show him how degraded he is. "Kneel, slave."

Without thought, without second-guessing, Jonny Lee goes to his knees, the dungeon's stone floor rough and icy against his skin. _Slave. Nothing more. A body. No mind._ It doesn't matter. Master wants him here. _That_ is what matters. He locks himself into perfect position, fingers clutching each other in the small of his back, head straight, eyes lowered, knees six inches apart.

Jonny Lee's position is perfect, as always. But tonight Gerard wants more. This persona isn't the type to be satisfied by anything less than desperation. He taps Jonny Lee's cock with his boot and then kicks it hard, wondering if Jonny Lee will react.

The pain's excruciating. Sudden. Sharp. There's no way _not_ to react. Jonny Lee bites down hard on his lower lip, almost gnawing enough to cut through, make it bleed. The tears well up in his eyes, but he holds them back. For now.

Wow. Gerard licks his lips, his cock suddenly straining against the leather. How beautiful. Such primal pain. "Does it hurt, slave?" he asks. He crouches down, rests his hands on his knees. "Does your little cock hurt because the bad master kicked it?"

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee whispers, his voice just on the edge of breaking. _Hurts so damned much I can't even see you. Just white on black. The whole room._. "It hurts."

"Good." Gerard smirks. "It's supposed to." He's always wanted to do that, if only to see what would happen. He can hear Jonny Lee's voice almost crack and he likes it. It's incredibly powerful knowing that he can do this to another man, bring another man to tears just with what he does or says. So powerful. "Do you want master to kiss it and make it better?"

Jonny Lee wants nothing more. He wants the gentle touch, the caress. But he knows he's not getting it, no matter what he says. "Please," he murmurs, barely keeping the stammer at bay.

Gerard reaches around and yanks Jonny Lee's head back by his hair. "So you want it," he says coolly. "You want master to serve you."

"No." The word's quick, sharp. "No, sir. Never." The stammer's back. _Fuck, you're so stupid. Christ, do something right._ "Didn't mean it that way."

"You didn't?" There's much more than a hint of condescension in that. "Then how did the idiot slave mean to tell his master he wanted him to suck his cock?"

The scene's more confusing by the minute, and Jonny Lee's managed not to completely zone, just touches the edges every so often to make sure there's a way out. "The slave didn't mean to say master should suck his cock. He shouldn't. That's not right. Master asked about kiss and make it better. The slave didn't mean it literally." He's rambling, tripping over every other words, mangling the syllables.

The slave is close to babbling and Gerard smiles. Slowly. Cruelly. Jonny Lee's confused. A little push and he probably wouldn't know which way was up. How delightful. Gerard leans in and brushes his lips against the soft skin of Jonny Lee's face. "You don't know what you want, do you, slave?" Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's cheek gently and then pulls back. Smirks. "But you don't need to. Master's going to do all your thinking for you from now on."

"Master tells. Slave does. Yes, sir." Jonny Lee slips, taking the final descent. He _is_ nothing. Just Master's. He thinks he should be happier in that knowledge, and he knows he will be, but for the moment all he can see is the void he's sinking into without question, without thought. Just doing it. For Master. "The slave does not think. He only obeys."

"Yes," Gerard hisses. "Why?" He hooks one finger through Jonny Lee's collar and tilts his head further back, until his chin is jutting upwards. "Because slave doesn't matter. Only master matters. Slave is here to do whatever master wants."

Jonny Lee's eyes glaze over and his expression is devoid of emotion. "Yes, Master. Slave doesn't matter." _Slave only wants to be used, to be abused, hurt, left without feeling._

Gerard pats Jonny Lee on the head. "Good slave." He can tell that the slave has finally learned his lesson, so he stands up and walks to the other end of the dungeon. "Crawl," he orders.

No thought. Leans down, places hands on floor, goes up on knees, crawls. Jonny Lee doesn't try to make it predatory, provocative. That wasn't the order. Master just said crawl. And he does. All the way across the dungeon floor, the cold stone rubbing his knees, his cock heavy and swinging between his legs.

Gerard points to a spot on the floor about a foot away from him. "Kneel there."

He stops when he reaches the spot and kneels. _Skirt it, Jonny. Just the edge._ Perfect position again, just as before, curling into it without thinking.

Perfect posture. Perfect slave. Gerard smiles and unfastens his trousers. "It's time to serve master, slave."

Jonny Lee doesn't move. He's not going to presume what he's to do. A slave obeys. He doesn't think. "Yes, Master," he says, eyes lowered.

Good slave. Not presuming anything. "Kneel up," Gerard prompts.

He straightens his back, coming off the floor to kneel up.

Gerard smiles. "You may suck my cock, slave."

"Thank you, Master." Jonny Lee nudges forward, more leaning than moving, and sticks his tongue out, licking the drops of precome off the tip of Gerard's cock.

Gerard clears his throat. As much as he enjoys the light touch of Jonny Lee's tongue, that wasn't what he had said. " _Suck_."

Suck he does, taking Gerard to the back of his throat in an instant, sucking hard, concentrating on Master's cock and nothing else.

_My god..._ Gerard hisses. Jonny Lee's mouth, wet, hot, sucking, wonderful. Never been this good. Ever.

He presses his tongue along the underside as he pulls back, not off, just enough to deepthroat again, push beyond the desire to gag. He truly does love doing this, sucking cock, his Master's.

Gerard growls low in his throat and grabs Jonny Lee's hair. He forces him forward, wanting to hear him choke.

What Master wants, Master gets. Jonny Lee chokes, as if given the command verbally, pulled too far too fast. His world goes black for a moment, then red, and then he's back in control, ordering himself to breathe more through his nose, take it all. _Make Master happy._

The choking is wonderful and it makes Gerard want to do it again, so he does, choking Jonny Lee over and over again. He makes sure that he gives Jonny Lee enough time to recover each time, but other than that, he has no mercy. The persona wouldn't recognize it if it bit him on the arse.

_This is where you belong. This is right._ Mercy is the last thing Jonny Lee wants. Or needs. He's craving the brutality, the possessive streak that runs deep and wild through his Master, this man he's choosing to stay with forever.

There's too much pent up aggression for Gerard to want to come this early and so he yanks Jonny Lee's head back once he's done with it, and then pulls Jonny Lee to the side. "You enjoy that, cunt?"

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee mutters, throat raw from the fucking. "Your slave enjoys being used when it pleases Master."

"And you don't when it doesn't please master?" Gerard laughs bitterly. "Come now, slave, I know better. You like hurting master. You like torturing him. You like proving to yourself that you still have some control over your life."

Jonny Lee shakes his head, almost violently, even in Gerard's grip. "No. Slave has no control over his life. He's given everything to Master. Slave enjoys what Master wants him to enjoy."

"No, he doesn't." It's flat. Bitter. Gerard knows much better than that. "You hate it. You hate me. You hate everything I've ever forced you to do." And it's true, Gerard realizes in a moment of crystal clear clarity. That's why it had gone balls up tonight. Jonny Lee wanted revenge. And Gerard hadn't realized.

In that instant, the world implodes, shatters, and Jonny Lee's covered with the glass shards of what he thought his life would be. "Your slave loves you," he says, tears pooling in his eyes. "He would sooner die than stop loving you." They fall, with no attempt to stop them, Jonny Lee's cheeks wet in seconds., and he closes his eyes then, not wanting to see what he's no longer going to have. Master. Lover. Husband.

Gerard's crying also, and he doesn't care. "I love you, Teak," he says, and get down on his knees next to Jonny Lee. It registers somewhere in the back of his brain that his hands are shaking. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything."

"Love. Sorry." Jonny Lee echoes words, his mind still reeling from the harsh words that brought him down. He knows, somewhere in his brain, definitely in his heart, that Gerard doesn't mean any of it, that it's roleplay. And it has to be different from what happened earlier. That _wasn't_ roleplay, or wasn't _supposed_ to be. He's still so confused.

"You mean so much to me," Gerard murmurs. "You mean everything. I didn't mean that you were stupid, or that you weren't good enough for me. It's me who's not good enough for you." If he was, he wouldn't have fucked up so badly tonight. And this role play, such a bad idea. "Went too far. Shouldn't have done that. Should have known better."

"Don't. Please." Jonny Lee shakes his head, bringing himself back a bit more. "No. Don't put yourself down. You're good enough. Better than good." It's true, even if he doesn't think Gerard will believe him. "Needed this. Really. Feels," he pauses, "chest all twisted and it's weird, I feel more yours than ever before."

"When I've just spent the last hour humiliating and degrading you?" Gerard's voice cracks. "Not right, Teak. Doesn't work that way. Never works that way, shouldn't." He can't believe he did this. He can't believe he let himself do this.

"It was roleplay. It wasn't you. And I asked you for it, either way." Jonny Lee moves closer, daring to shift position without being told he can. "Don't want you to think it was wrong. We love each other. That's what matters." Or he thinks it does. Maybe he's got it all wrong.

"Yeah." At least, Gerard hopes so. Right now, he's going to trust Jonny Lee's judgement. "You...how mad are you?"

"Mad? Not mad at all."

"Wha--You're not?" If Gerard was Jonny Lee, he'd be so pissed he could spit nails. "Why not?"

"Why should your slave be mad, Master?" Jonny Lee feels it safe to slip back into himself, the roles firmly re-established, redefined. "He misunderstood the evening's purpose. Master corrected him. He has nothing to be angry about." He's confused, still, at how they got so messed up, and he's frustrated that Gerard just won't accept that things can be alright that quickly, that he doesn't have to worry so much. "Your slave is too happy that Master doesn't want to send him away to be angry."

"But you shouldn't have had to worry that I'd do that." Gerard frowns. Why can't Jonny Lee understand? This never should have happened. He never should have done this. He's taken Jonny Lee to zoning before, but he's never zoned himself before. And it's scary and it's frightening and he didn't recognize who he was when he was down there. "I'd never send you away. Ever."

"Do what?" Jonny Lee's starting to think there's more to it, something he's not tapping into. He moves closer, leans into Gerard's chest, tries to snuggle as much as he's allowed. "What happened? You went into role, were dominating me," he says, blushing, "humiliating me."

Gerard tucks his head against Jonny Lee's shoulder. "And I liked it." And he shouldn't have. It's wrong. He's never liked it before. Now shouldn't be any different and he can't understand why it is. "I shouldn't have liked it."

"Why not, Master? It's your role. It's what you're meant to do. Take me, make me yours, in every way." Jonny Lee kisses his lover's hair, wraps his arm around the body -- _are you trembling?_ \-- and soothes with small strokes of fingers. "Why wouldn't it be okay to like it? Talk to me. Please."

"Because it's lying to you." And that alone makes it not ok. "Saying things I don't mean and I'll never mean and you believe me and maybe tomorrow or next month or next year you'll turn over and look at me and wonder if I really meant it but I didn't, I only said it in the heat of the moment." Gerard swallows. "You can't take back what's been said, Teak. Ever. And sometimes I say things and I'm sorry but I shouldn't go out of my way to hurt you like that. It's wrong."

"It's not lying." It's not. It's not real. Or it's not supposed to be. Or that's what Jonny Lee thinks. "They're words, Pire. They break me apart, shred me, but I don't ever believe them, not where it matters. I _know_ you love me." If he thinks about it, he'd wonder at having such a conversation sitting on a stone dungeon floor in a Romanian castle. It'd strange. But nothing about their relationship has been _normal_ , not since the first day. It's been give-and-take, one strong for the other when needed, sometimes in the middle of a conversation.

"You hurt me when I need to be hurt, when I need the grounding," he continues, breathing out the words against the edge of Gerard's face. "I'm your slave. Your lover." The words become a whispered kiss. "Going to be your husband."

"Husband," Gerard repeats, and he can't help but remember how he'd mention it in front of everybody tonight, how he'd worried in a blink of a moment if Jonny Lee was going to throw his ring at him. He'd thought it would be over. He'd thought Jonny Lee would never have him back again. And now Jonny Lee is the one convincing him, now Jonny Lee's the one reassuring him. "Backwards," he mutters. Gerard's the one who's supposed to be strong, or convincing Jonny Lee that this can work. That's the way it's supposed to be. The fact that it's hardly that way doesn't really matter.

"Backwards? You're going to be my wife?" Jonny Lee smiles. It's a half-hearted attempt at humour, one he maybe shouldn't make.

Huh? Gerard blinks and looks at Jonny Lee. "What?"

"Trying to figure out what's backwards, Pire. Husband. Wife." He's still smiling, although a bit more weakly. "Just going with the moment."

"Uh. Right." That's just like his boy, Gerard thinks fondly. "But I don't think either of us here is the wife."

"I could be, if you want. Wife. Mother." Jonny Lee stops. "Uh, nix the second one. Can't do that. Still, I'll make a great housewife."

"Yeah, it's kind of impossible for you to be a mother." Gerard can't help but smile. "Biology is against you."

Jonny Lee settles, his heart rate calming, and he's pretty much snuggling against Gerard's chest by now. "Master, your slave loves being pushed. Don't ever feel guilty because you want to be his Master in every way."

Gerard adjusts his arms around Jonny Lee so he's holding him better. He doesn't want his boy to slip away. "I'll try not to," he promises. It's the best he can do.

" I have faith in you, Pire." Jonny Lee nuzzles into Gerard's shoulder. "It'll work. We'll live happily ever after."

"Happily ever after," Gerard repeats. He likes the sound of that. "We can do that. Live happily ever after." It's not so scary. They can do that.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	298. gerard: Unforgivable

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/10/31/) 22:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61849&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61849) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61849) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=61849&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Unforgivable** _  
[[Friends-Locked](http://www.journalfen.net/userinfo.bml?user=gerard#friends), minus JL]

I am a worthless _idiot_.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-11-01 03:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102553&format=light#t102553))   
---|---  
You are not worthless. I ~~doubt that~~ don't know if that means much coming from me, but it's honest. You were _never_ worthless, Gerry.  
  
You are, however, an idiot if you've done something to jeopardize what you have with Jonny, and I surmise that's the case since you're most prone to self-flagellation where the boy's involved.  
  
I notice we managed to avoid each other all weekend. Rather thoughtful of us, even if it was not intentional on my part. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=102553&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102553&format=light#t102553))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-01 04:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102809&format=light#t102809))   
---|---  
You can come out and say it, Peter. You can say that I couldn't know how to make my lovers happy if it bit me on the arse, that I don't know a good thing when I see one. Your slave won't see you being snipy.  
  
  
Thank you for staying away from me during the Sunday night party. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=102809&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102553&format=light#t102553))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102809&format=light#t102809))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-11-01 04:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103065&format=light#t103065))   
---|---  
On the contrary, I imagine you know precisely how to make lovers happy and you're quite astute when it comes to seeing good things. You just have a blind spot in knowing what to do to keep them. Will marrying him change that?  
  
It wasn't so much staying away from you Sunday night as it was being preoccupied with my lover. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=103065&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=102809&format=light#t102809))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103065&format=light#t103065))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-01 04:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103321&format=light#t103321))   
---|---  
I hope marrying him will change that, but I know better than to think that it'll cure everything over night. I wish there was some magic wand I could wave and Jonny would never leave me. But there isn't, and I realize that I have to work to make the relationship work. Sometimes it seems like I go out of my way to provoke him without realizing, and then I'm always shocked by the way he reacts when it was all my fault in the first place.  
  
  
Well, whatever it was that kept me and you apart, thank you. I'm sure you can hear from a hundred people why. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=103321&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103065&format=light#t103065))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103321&format=light#t103321))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-11-01 05:20 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103577&format=light#t103577))   
---|---  
_I wish there was some magic wand I could wave and Jonny would never leave me._  
That's your blind spot, Gerry. He's not going to leave you. No matter what.  
  
As for what may or may not have happened Sunday night, I don't listen to gossip. I have no use for it.  
  
Would a wedding gift be returned? Or accepted graciously? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=103577&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103321&format=light#t103321))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103577&format=light#t103577))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-01 11:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103833&format=light#t103833))   
---|---  
_He's not going to leave you. No matter what._  
  
I watched him walk away from me. Don't tell me he's never going to leave.  
  
  
  
 _Would a wedding gift be returned? Or accepted graciously?_  
  
Peter, I've accepted a violet wand as an anniversary gift from Jonny Lee's mother. I think I can accept graciously something that comes from you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=103833&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103577&format=light#t103577))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103833&format=light#t103833))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-11-01 11:11 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104089&format=light#t104089))   
---|---  
He walked away? As in he's left, run off? And, yes, before you ask, I am genuinely concerned. It's this newfangled emotion I'm dealing with.  
  
His mother actually sent you a violet wand? *conspiratorially* So, have you used it? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=104089&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=103833&format=light#t103833))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104089&format=light#t104089))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-01 11:14 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104345&format=light#t104345))   
---|---  
He walked away from me, Peter. In front of the entire fucking Establishment, he walked away from me. And then I walked away from him.  
  
I'm sure your brain will explode from the effort of having to learn a new trick.  
  
  
And, no, I've never used it. You think I want to try electrical play while being reminded of my mother-in-law? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=104345&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104089&format=light#t104089))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104345&format=light#t104345))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[**peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/)  
2004-11-01 11:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104601&format=light#t104601))   
---|---  
Tell me you had the good sense to make up later.  
  
I imagine my brain will be exploding a good bit with the new lover. I'll be sure and have him videotape it one night for you.  
  
  
We could trade wands and you could think of me while doing it.  


([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=104601&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104345&format=light#t104345))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104601&format=light#t104601))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-02 12:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104857&format=light#t104857))   
---|---  
Wait a while before sending the tape. I don't want to subject my love to blood and gore while we're on our honeymoon.  
  
  
 _We could trade wands and you could think of me while doing it._  
  
I imagine that would be even worse. Who would have thought. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?replyto=104857&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/61849.html?thread=104601&format=light#t104601))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	299. gerard: Toast and Talking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/01/) 07:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62128&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62128) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62128) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62128&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Toast and Talking** _  
[players only. The boys get to talking after the whole Sunday debacle. This election day, vote slash.]

  
Waking up early's a habit that's hard to break, and Jonny Lee's stirring long before it's fashionable when one's on vacation. He props up on the pillow and watches Gerard sleep, hesitant to rouse him, wishing him the continued comfort of dreams and oblivion. He nuzzles closer, though, seeking the warmth of lover and Master. Waking means coherency and that'll mean talking, and it's not something Jonny Lee's looking forward to.

Minutes pass and the clock ticks down a half hour before he whispers "love you" and kisses Gerard's shoulder.

It took Gerard longer than normal to fall asleep, but he finally did, wrapped around his lover. He woke up four times in the night, each time in panic that Jonny Lee had left, that he'd finally gone one step too far and he couldn't take it back. And each time, Jonny Lee had been there. This time when he wakes up, he hasn't dreamed, but Jonny Lee's awake. And he still hasn't left. "Love you," he whispers back. "Always."

"Morning. Does Master want breakfast?" Jonny Lee starts with the easy question, bypassing anything more troublesome.

"Mmm." Food. It sounds strangely appealing. It shouldn't. Gerard pushed his boy too far last night and then he pushed him too far again. He shouldn't have an appetite. "Please. Order it up?"

"Yes, Master." He's happy to be in service mode, and he rolls over, grabbing the phone. "Full breakfast coming up."

"Good bo-," Gerard bites his tongue. Swallows. Tries to smile. "Thank you, Jonny."

Jonny Lee frowns, not used to be called by his name, but finishes the phone call before snuggling back down into the blankets. "They said about 20 minutes, Master," he says softly.

Twenty minutes. Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee. In twenty minutes, maybe they can get the basics down. And once there's food to be distracted by, maybe Jonny Lee won't walk out on him. Maybe. "I love you," he repeats. Doesn't want Jonny Lee to ever come close to forgetting it. "And I'm so fucking sorry."

"I know. Stop apologizing." The words come out with more of a snap than Jonny Lee intends and he's immediately regretting it. "Sorry, Master. Just you shouldn't apologize for giving your slave what he needs."

Gerard blinks. "Yes, sir." _Whatever you say._ He'd hoped Jonny Lee wouldn't still be that pissed at him, that maybe after sleeping on it, he'd be less mad. Apparently it doesn't work that way. "I realize that what happened was my fault," he says. "I set you up in a situation that I knew you didn't like, but you were doing it for me, and I didn't realize that our perceptions of the switch didn't match up, and that's my fault. I should have paid more attention to your objections." It's always so easy to see what he did wrong. It's always so much harder to fix things. "And I shouldn't have hit you. Or hurt you. Or anything like that. It was wrong."

The problem with Gerard's thinking, though, is that Jonny Lee isn't angry. Gerard didn't do anything wrong. "It's not your fault. We made a mistake. That's all." He doesn't know how to explain it without sounding like he's wanting to be abused. "You didn't hurt me. I'm your slave. You have control."

"I _didn't_ have control." Why does it always boil down to control problems? "I hurt you, Teak. I hit you. That isn't...that's not what you signed up for. When I hurt you, it's supposed to be in scene, it's not supposed to be in anger. And, fuck, what was I thinking, bringing you down so low in _revenge_?!"

"Because I asked for it. You boy wanted punishment and Master gave him the choice of deciding what it should be. He chose to be taken down." Jonny Lee buries himself against Gerard's chest. "He liked it, too, Master, even though it broke him."

Gerard rests his head on top of Jonny Lee's and holds him close. "It was stupid, though. I shouldn't have insisted we do it right then. I should have waited. Last night was not the right time to say the things I said, or do the things I did."

"Still don't think you did anything wrong," he mutters.

Gerard sighs. "Jonny, do you really think that what I did last night was safe?"

He doesn't know how to answer that, feeling like he's damned for either answer. If he thinks it was unsafe, then how could he not find fault with Gerard for doing it. If he feels it was safe, then he's obviously wrong since Gerard's sighing. "I don't know," he murmurs. "I felt safe with you. I always do."

That's a good thing, Gerard thinks. That even when Gerard's lost control, Jonny Lee feels safe. But...no, that's not a good thing. Jonny Lee needs to be able to feel when Gerard loses control, and he needs to know that he's not safe then. No one's safe when Gerard can't control himself. "I love that you trust me," he says finally. "But when - when I'm not...when I'm not thinking, Teak, you shouldn't feel safe. You should safeword, or end the scene, or snap me out of it. Because it's not safe."

Jonny Lee pulls his head back and looks at Gerard. "How am I supposed to know, Pire? I felt safe. I didn't know you were doing anything strange. It all seemed right."

"It seemed right that you couldn't do anything right? That we went from an argument to me dominating you, getting so far into headspace that you were nothing more to me than a fucking worm?!" That's not right. Not fucking right.

He's cringing as Gerard's voice goes up. "You were dominating me. I don't freak because you get into headspace."

"But...Jonny, love...I hurt you. We," Gerard clears his throat. "We had a bad night. You still trusted me not to go too far?"

"Yes. I trust you with everything."

"You shouldn't." It's out before Gerard can stop it. "I'm only human, Jonny," he says after a moment. "I'm not perfect. And while I try, I try to make a safe atmosphere for you, I try to make it so that you can give up power without having to worry, so that there's a time in your life when you can just relax and let me take control, it doesn't always work. Doesn't always work that way, and you should...if we've been fighting, if we've been having a good night, it's not safe for me to take you down."

"I still trust you. Nothing undermines that." Jonny Lee can't get much closer, and he's wrapping himself around Gerard. "I know you're human. Don't expect you to be perfect. Just want you."

"Want you, too, Teak. Nothing's ever going to change that." Gerard nuzzles Jonny Lee's hair. "I love you so much. I just...I want to be able to protect you from myself."

"There's nothing to protect me from." Jonny Lee believes that, with heart and mind. "I want you, good and bad and all of it."

Gerard's saved from answering that by a discreet knock on the door. "That's breakfast," he says, shifting on top of Jonny Lee. "I'll get it."

"I should," Jonny Lee starts, but stops himself. _Let him do it. You'll survive not serving for a moment._ "Yes, sir." He curls under the blanket after Gerard's moved away, snuggling into the warm spot vacated by his lover.

Gerard answers the door stark naked, but the room service boy doesn't bat an eye. He thanks the boy for the tray and then carries it over to the bed, laying it down on the table. He pours some teas from the pitcher into a cup and offers it to Jonny Lee. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Bruises and bangers," Jonny Lee says, grinning and pushing himself up against the pillows. He takes the tea and sips from the cup. "Maybe a piece of toast and jam with it."

"Ok." Gerard opens the jam packet and slides some jam on the toast with a knife. He hands it to Jonny Lee along with a napkin. "Banger after you finish that."

"Okay." Jonny Lee juggles the toast and tea, bringing the bread to his mouth and licking at the jam. It's black currant, perfectly tart on his tongue. "We leaving today, Pire?"

"Do you want to?" It might be the best idea, but Gerard isn't in the mood for packing and definitely isn't in the mood for a plane ride. "I thought we could stick around, explore this place better." _Get over this awkwardness._ "I don't think we've seen even a fraction of the grounds."

"We don't have to leave." He's not eager to be gone, despite the awkwardness of the place. "We could do some exploring, base out from here for another day or two." Jonny Lee's had grand notions of a honeymoon before the wedding, but since last night, he's wondered if there's going to be a wedding at all. "You know, Pire, we _are_ in Transylvania, sort of, and Dracula's castles are nearby. Would be a shame not to see them."

"Yeah, it would." They could do that. Push off the wedding. It's not like they invited anyone to come and watch it. "A honeymoon sort of thing. We could see where Dracula used to take his..." _antiques dealer_ is at the tip of his tongue, but Gerard can't say it. Not like this, not after a fight. "Victims," he says instead. "I'm sure some of the castles have tours."

"Yeah. His _victims_ ," Jonny Lee says, smiling with a bit of jam on the corner of his mouth. "Then take the train back cross-Continent." He wants to say _and get married in Amsterdam before heading home_ but he's scared of making too many assumptions.

"We can do that." Before he can stop himself, Gerard leans across the bed and licks the jam off the side of Jonny Lee's mouth. "Then get married?" he asks hesitantly, not wanting to presume that Jonny Lee still wants to go that far.

"In Amsterdam," Jonny Lee adds, kissing Gerard lightly. _Yes. He still wants me._ "And then go home."

"Yes. Home." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee again and then pulls back. "More toast?"

"More hungry for you than toast." He doesn't want Gerard pulling away. Not now. "Even without jam."

Gerard frowns. "You need to eat, love. You didn't eat dinner last night."

_There you go, Jonny. Upsetting him again._ "Sorry. I'll eat some more." He reaches to the tray and takes another piece of toast, not bothering with the jam but bringing it to his mouth and nibbling at its corner.

_Good boy._ Gerard frowns and pokes at the bacon. He needs to stop worrying so much about his boy. "I do love you," he mutters. He just wants to keep Jonny Lee safe.

"Never doubted that. Not really." Taking a hint, Jonny Lee picks up a piece of the bacon and lays it on the toast before going back to nibbling. "Love you. More than everything."

"Why do we keep having these problems, then? If we love each other so much?" Gerard doubts that there's a good answer for that, but, fuck it, he needs to know. "We keep misunderstanding each other, or confusing what the other wants, and it's terrible."

"Maybe we don't know what each other wants. We haven't laid that out, have we?"

"You're right," Gerard says quietly. "We haven't. What do you want, Teak?"

Jonny Lee finishes off the toast, then takes a sip of tea, washing it all down, draws in a breath and lets it out in one long ramble. "To be yours. Lover, husband, boy, slave. Control. You over me. All the time. In everything. Don't want to make decisions or think about what I want. Just want you to give me what you think I need. Want you to hurt me, beat me, shag me till I can't walk. Just want to belong to you, 100 percent."

Gerard swallows. "I want that also, Teak. I want you to be mine, I want to be over you. I want to be able to give you orders and know you'll obey them, I want to make decisions for you, I wanna be able to tell you what to do and how to do it and when. I want to hurt you, beat you, fuck you every night." _So why do we always have problems?_

Jonny Lee smiles, an odd confused grin. "We seem to agree. So why aren't we doing it right?"

"I don't know, Teak." Gerard spears a piece of bacon and eats it. "I keep fucking up. I don't know...maybe I should learn to read your mind."

"I fuck up just as much. How 'bout you just do what you feel is natural? You're not going to hurt me to the point I leave. Ever."

"You left me last night," Gerard says quietly. He pours himself another cup of tea and then offers it to Jonny Lee.

He shakes off the offer. "No, I didn't leave _you_. I walked away from the fight." Jonny Lee looks down. At the blanket, the tray, everywhere but into Gerard's face. "I didn't want to make it worse, so I left."

"That was probably the best thing to do." Gerard doesn't think he would have hit Jonny Lee again, but he feels much better knowing that his boy prevented him from doing it. "And then I abandoned you. I left you alone when you were hurting. Because I was angry." Gerard bites his lip. "It was so stupid."

"You didn't abandon me. You were where I could find you." Jonny Lee wishes Gerard wouldn't take on so much of the blame. It's not really a problem, in his mind. They just misunderstood one another and things went awry. "Maybe we shouldn't mess with our roles. You like being in charge. I don't. We're best when we're master and slave, the way it's supposed to be."

Gerard sighs. "Yeah." _Maybe fantasies should just stay fantasies._ "You're right, Teak. We shouldn't mess with it. Happy the way we are and so we shouldn't fuck up what works."

"At least not in public," he says. "We could keep those fantasies private."

"Private," Gerard repeats. "We could, yeah." Not going to happen, of course. He's going to swallow all those fantasies. They're dangerous and they're wrong and Gerard doesn't want to take any chances on this relationship anymore. He has exactly what he wants and he shouldn't want any more. It won't go well, and Gerard doesn't really need those fantasies.

He doesn't have to hear the words to know what Gerard's thinking. Worry. Concern. They're there in the tone. "What does Master want today?" Jonny Lee asks. "After breakfast, how can his boy serve him?"

Gerard blanks. Jonny Lee wants to serve him? Ok, of course, if they're going back to normal. But that word is bringing up memories of last night and Gerard doesn't like that. "Stay in bed with master? We can lounge around...could eat ice cream off of each other."

"If that's what Master wants." Jonny Lee doesn't care _how_ he's allowed to serve, snuggling or covered in ice cream. He just wants to serve. "His boy would love to stay in bed."

"Then that's where we're going to stay." Gerard wipes his face with a napkin and then gets back into bed, curling up against Jonny Lee. "Not going anywhere," he promises. "I'm going to stay with my boy," _until he kicks me out_ , "forever."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62128.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	300. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: A little afternoon vampire play

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/03/) 20:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37023&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37023) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37023) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37023&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: A little afternoon vampire play** _  
**[players only. occurs wednesday, november 3, at castle bran in romania.]**

Okay, so he's a bit eager. Dracula's castle. Well, one of them. If you believe the legends. Mostly it's dark and sinister and Vlad Tepes _did_ walk its halls at least once. And Jonny Lee's getting the vampire play he's been craving since he found out they were going to be in Romania. So he plasters himself against the wall, tilts his head.

"Master, please? More."

Jonny Lee's neck is as tempting as it ever was, doubly more so because of the scenery. Gerard attacks him, mouth closing in around Jonny Lee's neck. He bites down hard and then pulls long enough to growl, "Hands above your head," and then he's back to sucking. All over, sucking hard enough that there's going to be very visible marks. Jonny Lee's neck tastes good. Like leather and sweat.

Gerard nibbles on a particularly curved spot and bites. He could spend all day like this, but he settles for five minutes, just biting and sucking. When he pulls back, Jonny Lee's throat is already purpling nicely. Gerard smirks. "Vampire loves his antiques dealer."

Jonny Lee stretches up the wall, his sweater riding up his stomach, his jeans tightening. "Oh, that feels good. The antiques dealer _worships_ his vampire.".

"Know he does." Gerard slides his hands beneath Jonny Lee's sweater and tugs it up. "And vampire wants his antiques dealer to show him just how much."

"What does my vampire master require of his minion?" It's not roleplay, not exactly, but Jonny Lee finds the dungeon's dark passage too arousing not to indulge a fantasy.

"An apology." The role has never stopped being a familiar one and Gerard sinks into it quickly. The disobedient, defiant antiques dealer who never stops spiting his master. "Vampire's new slave needs to learn his place."

"Slave knows his place. It's at Master's feet, looking up."

Gerard lifts Jonny Lee's chin and bares his teeth. He doesn't care that he isn't wearing the fangs. They shouldn't be necessary. _Think minimalist theater._ "Is Dracula's antique slave sorry for resisting him for so long?"

Somewhere between himself and roleplay, Jonny Lee lets the words slide out of his mouth. "He is very sorry, Master. He should've given in long ago."

"Yes, he should have." Gerard steals a kiss. "Master hates waiting for his slave to give in. Master wants his slave ready to serve him at all times, without any prompting."

Jonny Lee laces his fingers, rubbing his wrists and hands against the crumbling stone. "The slave will do much better. He promises. He likes Master's rewards too much not to want to please him."

"And master likes rewarding his slave." Vampire. Vampire headspace. _Fuck that._ "Master loves beating his slave, hurting his slave. Biting, sucking, cutting, fucking." Gerard tweaks Jonny Lee's nipples and then scratches down his chest. "Master loves doing this and knowing his slave can't get enough."

"No, your slave can't get enough." Vampire minion. Slave. It's easy. One in the same. He pushes up, back into the wall, the pain from nipples and chest radiating, erupting. Jonny Lee's determined to stay in vampire headspace for the moment. "I want Master's blood."

"Can't have it." Vampires don't give their blood up. Ever. Gerard zeroes in on Jonny Lee's neck again, this time biting harder than before. Jonny Lee can cut him later, if he wants, when they're back in bed, but not now. Not while being molested in a castle dungeon.

"Can't," Jonny Lee starts, thought interrupted by Gerard's teeth on his throat, "uh, earn it?" He whimpers, wanting so much to pull his hands down, wrap his arms around his lover. "Surely the vampire will reward his slave with eternal life."

Gerard's hands trace up Jonny Lee's arms and then pin them against the wall. He doesn't want Jonny Lee to move. Gerard licks over a purpling mark like a vampire sealing a wound and then leers at his boy. "If the slave earns it. Master wouldn't mind having his slave around for the rest of eternity."

That move's perfect. Jonny Lee's hands are pinned, just the way he likes. And his neck is throbbing with the bruise that's forming. Perfect. "How would a mere antiques dealer earn such a privilege?"

That's a good question. How would an antiques dealer earn that? Well, stop killing vampires, for one thing. "Serve me," Gerard answers, resisting the urge to look towards his right shoulder where the evidence of his love for how Jonny Lee kills vampires is immortalized. "Love me. Vampire slave."

"Yes, Master. Serve. Love." Jonny Lee cranes his neck, exposing as much of his throat as he can. "Please, Master, drink, take what you need from your slave."

Gerard plans to. He thrusts his knee between Jonny Lee's legs, spreading him, and then starts biting him again. He loves when he has Jonny Lee pinned like this beneath him. So powerful, so erotic. He can take whatever he wants.

Jonny Lee glances down the corridor. No one in sight. It's late in the day, and they'd coerced the guards into letting them explore just a bit longer. He thrusts into the pressure of Gerard's body, his cock hard under the denim, pushing against his Master's thigh. "Want. Please. Everything you'll give."

Gerard rubs against his boy as he keeps sucking. He doesn't even consider that people might be watching. He doesn't care. There's only his boy hard beneath him. He sucks more, knowing that this bruise is going to be the kind that won't go away, loving the taste of Jonny Lee's skin against his mouth.

"Bite," Jonny Lee whispers. "Please, Pire?" He needs the deeper connection, Sunday night's argument still ripping at the edges of his thoughts. He wants to be possessed, consumed, devoured with every single touch.

_Yes, sir._ Gerard bites, hard. He's gripping hard on Jonny Lee's wrists, pressed so hard against his boy he wonders if they'll fuse. Can't get any closer. Can't get any more intense.

"More," he begs, unsure he could ever get enough of this, of _his_ Master. He wonders if Gerard understands Jonny Lee's addiction, his incessant need for Master's control, intensity.

There isn't much more Gerard can do, short of fucking his boy hard against the stone walls. But he tries, grinding himself further, biting as hard as he can.

That's it. The bite's hard enough to rake along the skin, tear the flesh just so, and Jonny Lee's fighting to keep from spilling over the edge. "Fuck, yes, that's it. Oh, god, wanna come. So bad."

_Yesss._ Gerard pulls back long enough to hiss an affirmative before he's back, sucking on Jonny Lee's neck like a vampire, knowing that his boy's going to have matching bruises on his wrists come morning.

Bruise. Bites. Blood. It's how Jonny Lee wants to look. Covered from head to toe, so anyone looking at him knows he's owned, used, loved.

He comes, despite wanting to hold back, in hard pulses against the confinement of his jeans. "Fuck, oh god, that hurts," he hisses out. It's almost like coming through a cock ring, Gerard's body wedging him so tight against the wall. Almost. Not nearly as painfully blissful. This is just sweet torment.

If there's anything more sweet than bringing Jonny Lee to orgasm without anything more than biting, Gerard wants to know what it is. He presses harder, pushing Jonny Lee against the wall, feeling him come against his thigh. "You're perfect. My slut."

"Slut," Jonny Lee echoes. It's a beautiful word here, now, against the wall. He's coming down in a shiver. " _Your_ slut, Master. Only yours. Forever."

"Only mine," Gerard confirms with one last thrust against him. "Slut. Whore. Bitch. Slave." He gives Jonny Lee one last bite and then pulls back completely. Straightens his sweater, tugs his jeans to the side. "Master's slut ready to get fucked over a chair?"

_Slut. Whore. Bitch. Slave._ Mantra and litany. "Yes," he manages when he remembers there was a question. "Good slave. Wants to please Master."

"You do please master." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee on the forehead. "Let's get back to the hotel, love. Want to give my slave the fucking he deserves."

Hotel. Fucking. The plan sounds perfect to Jonny Lee, an ideal pre-wedding honeymoon. "Yes, sir." He shifts, jeans now tight _and_ wet. Ride back to the hotel's gonna be delicious.

"Good slut." Gerard strokes the front of Jonny Lee's jeans. "Gotta fuck my husband if I expect him to be happy. That and beat him regularly."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	301. gerard: Last sex before wedding

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[04](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/04/) 23:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62486&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62486) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62486) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62486&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Last sex before wedding** _  
[players only.]

  
Gerard could never keep his hands off his boy under the best of circumstances, and knowing that tomorrow they'd be married isn't the best of circumstances. If he kisses his boy any more, their lips will probably be fused together. Gerard doesn't care. It was easy to get Jonny Lee out of the little clothing he was wearing and then to fall onto bed together, straddle Jonny Lee's waist. There were handcuffs by the bed and on the second try, Gerard got Jonny Lee's hands cuffed through the headboard. He can never get enough of the way Jonny Lee squirms beneath him as he sucks and bites his way down his boy's chest, tugging at his nipples, swirling his tongue in Jonny Lee's navel. Then there's Jonny Lee's cock and Gerard has an early present for his boy. He deepthroats Jonny Lee's cock neatly, hardly choking, and starts sucking.

"Oh, fuck, Pire, yeah." Jonny Lee's panting when they hit the back and he's gasping when Gerard's mouth descends on his cock. He's still not used to this, Master deepthroating him, but Gerard's definitely getting better at it. "Okay, gonna last. Yeah. Make it." He's on edge, wedding less than a day away, and could come at a word, but he's intent on making himself stay in control.

But Gerard's intent on making Jonny Lee lose control. He's been paying close attention to all those blowjobs Jonny Lee's been giving him and he thinks he's picked up some tricks. Whatever he's learned, he's putting them to good use tonight. He wants Jonny Lee to come at least two times tonight. Last time as bachelors and Gerard wants it to be memorable.

Gerard doesn't have to do much to drive Jonny Lee insane. He's well on the way. And there's, oh fuck, _that_ twist of tongue. "Where'd you learn that?" he blurts out, jerking his hand into the cuff's metal edges. They'll be raw by daylight, he imagines. Nice look for the wedding. It'll go nice with the leather.

_From an expert._ Perfect reaction. Gerard hadn't known his boy could move like that. _Damn right this is empowering._ He repeats the trick, needing to pull back, but hoping that Jonny Lee will come before he has to.

Jonny Lee knows _exactly_ where Gerard picked up that move. And, oh, fuck, that one, too. He's a victim of his own cocksucking talents. And there's no way he's holding back. "Master, Pire, please, can I come. Please. Now."

Gerard is in no position to nod, but he tries anyway, doing his best not to accidentally trigger his gag reflex. That's the last thing he wants right now.

There's a bit of faith involved in taking Gerard's motion as consent and Jonny Lee lets his body slip over the edge. He comes in jerking pulses, tugging hard enough on the cuffs to constrict them against his wrists. "Fuck. Yes." He's screaming, not caring who hears.

Gerard swallow automatically, having to pull back so he doesn't choke too badly. _Must practice that._ Jonny Lee's scream are wonderfully satisfying and Gerard wants more of that. He sucks Jonny Lee's cock one last hard suck before moving up the bed to kiss his boy.

The need to touch is almost overwhelming, but Jonny Lee can't do anything, hands restrained. "Pire, Christ, that was incredible." He's panting out the words.

Gerard smirks. "I know I was." He nuzzles Jonny Lee's throat and then reaches down to grip Jonny Lee's cock hard. "Want more of my boy's screams before I fuck him."

Master gets what he wants. Jonny Lee lets out a near blood-curdling scream, the pressure on his too-sensitized cock more than he bear for the moment. He's drenched in sweat, gasping for the breath to make voice again. "Master, please. Fuck your boy. Your slave."

"I'm getting there," Gerard says. He straddles his boy and squeezes the bruises on Jonny Lee's wrists. "Want more screams, slut."

"Please," he screams. "Fuck me. I'll scream all you want, Pire, hours and hours if you like."

Gerard doubts he could keep fucking Jonny Lee for hours and hours, but that's what toys are for. And there's plenty of those. Gerard pats Jonny Lee's legs. "Get into position, slave."

Jonny Lee shifts, pulling his knees up, spreading his legs wide. If his hands were free, he'd open himself even more for his lover. "Yes, Master," he says with a wicked pout.

"Good slave." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee one last time. He knows that his boy knows better than to not be prepped, and so he nudges Jonny Lee's legs further apart, lines himself up, and thrusts hard. " _Mine_ ," he grunts. So tight, so warm. "Master's...slut. Mine."

"Yours." Jonny Lee had learned his lesson early on and he's definitely staying prepped, enough so it doesn't burn like sin. It's still blissfully painful, though. "Master's slut and whore. Yes."

"Yesss." There's a rhythm here, and it's hard and demanding and it hurts, but it's so good. Perfect for the night before they get married. He wants Jonny Lee to still be aching then. He wants Jonny Lee to feel this tomorrow when he's beating him, or hugging him, or taking him to dinner after they get married. Wants Jonny Lee to always remember that he's owned, and loved, and cherished.

It's not something Jonny Lee's likely to forget. Owned, loved, cherished. But the fucking brings home the point with a brutal thrusting he's savoring. "Oh, god, Pire, yes."

Whatever Gerard wants to say is lost in the gibberish as he grips Jonny Lee's thighs harder and thrusts brutally. He can't hold back long and he wants Jonny Lee to feel every second of it.

Jonny Lee jerks his hands down, cuffs biting into flesh, and he's wanting to scream again, but he bites down against it, pushing into Gerard's thrusts as much as he can, begging for more.

And Gerard gives him more. As much more as he can stand. He comes before he can stop himself, midthrust, and he thinks he's groaning louder than Jonny Lee is screaming.

The moment's perfect. Lover spilling out inside him, marking him, claiming and taking new possession. Last time before the wedding, and it's as intense as it should be, Jonny Lee nearly pulled back onto the precipice with Gerard's orgasm, his cock aching even with the thorough sucking he'd gotten.

He's ridden the orgasm out, but he doesn't want to move. Wonders if he can stay like this all night. But it wouldn't be good for Jonny Lee and Gerard wants him feeling his best for the wedding and so he pulls out with regret. That's when he notices that his boy is hard again. "Little slut," Gerard murmurs fondly. "Hot and hard from master."

Jonny Lee grins, licks his lips. "Yes, Master. All your doing." He wriggles, his cock jerking against his stomach. "Let me stay like this till morning. Please?"

"Chained to the bed?" Gerard gives him a look. They're in an Establishment hotel, but that is no reason to be negligent. "Not a chance, Teak. But I'm not going to get you off either. And," he goes on, almost smirking, "I fully expect you to still be hard when we wake up."

The last is what Jonny Lee wants, the denial. "Yes, Master," he says, this time more coy in his voice. "Your slave will be good and wake up a hard little boy."

Gerard laughs. "That's just what master wants, a hard little boy in his bed that he can take over his knee and spank before marrying. Must teach naughty little boys not to be naughty, you know."

Jonny Lee can't help but laugh at that, too. His first wedding wasn't at _all_ like this. None of the kinky sex. "But I thought you liked naughty boys." He pouts.

"I do like naughty boys." Gerard bites Jonny Lee's ear. "I love them so much that I punish them over and over again for being naughty even when I know they won't change." He picks up the key from the bedstand and unlocks the handcuffs. Takes Jonny Lee's wrists out of them and starts massage them, pressing his nails into the bruises. "So much fun to punish naughty slaves."

"And your naughty slave _loves_ being punished," Jonny Lee says, biting his lip at the sharp tang of pain in Gerard's touch. "Over and over." He offers a wry grin. "He could try to be a better boy, if Master really wants."

Gerard smiles. "Master likes his boy when he's good. But master likes his boy even more when he's naughty. Master only wants his boy to be on his best behaviour when they're in public."

"Best behaviour in public. Yes, sir. No groping or fondling or snogging unless snogged first." Jonny Lee's smiling as he shifts in the bed, stretches out his deliciously overworked body. "No oogling the cute boys that walk by."

"Definitely not oogling the cute boys." The handcuffs go back where Gerard found them and he makes sure that the alarm is set to 'off'. "The only person master wants his boy oogling is master."

"No problem there. Master's the only person this boy wants to oogle. Or touch. Or wake up next to." Jonny Lee yawns. "Definitely the only one he wants to marry in the morning."

"Well, that's a relief," Gerard teases. He pats Jonny Lee's hair and then reaches behind him to turn off the light. "My boy want a bedtime story?"

He yawns again, rubbing his head against Gerard's hand. "Yeah, he'd like that."

"Alright." Gerard wraps himself around his boy and tucks him close to his chest. "The kind that will get him to sleep, the kind that will scare him, or the kind that will keep him hard?"

"How 'bout the kind that'll put him to sleep hard?" Jonny Lee curls into Gerard's body, letting himself be wrapped, welcoming the consuming touches.

"I can do that." Gerard thinks for a moment and then rubs against Jonny Lee's arse. "Schoolteacher or doctor, Teak?"

"Hmmm. Doctor. You haven't done that one."

"Need to." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Once upon a time, in a faraway place named London, there was a doctor named Dr. Butler. And his favourite patient was a young boy named Jonny Lee Miller."

"I imagine he saw a lot of this boy," Jonny Lee says sleepily, "being he was always into scrapes in the schoolyard."

"Yes, he did. Because Jonny was a naughty little boy and always getting into scrapes in the schoolyard." Gerard smiles even though he knows Jonny Lee can't see it. "And so he always had to come to the good doctor to get patched up. And Jonny liked coming to the doctor, because he always got a lollipop when he did that. Cherry."

"Hmm, love cherry." Jonny Lee's getting sleepier by the minute, Gerard's voice lulling him.

"Know you do, pretty slut." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock, knowing his boy is close to falling asleep, and wanting his boy to do it while being touched. "I think you'd like the good doctor. Then there was one day when Jonny was all grown up and he needed a grown up exam. But Jonny didn't want one and he struggled, because he didn't want Mas-Doctor's fingers up his arse. And so Doctor Butler had to call in the nurses to hold him down."

"Jonny's a bad boy. He likes being held down." His cock is hard again, steel and stone hard, but he's too close to drifting off to worry about it. "Doctor will hurt him good."

"Doctor will hurt him very good," Gerard promises. "He has the nurses hold Jonny down well and gets Jonny's legs in the stirrups. The doctor has a lot of experience with bad boys and so he puts Jonny's cock and balls in a tight ring so that Jonny can't be more naughty. Then he snaps on his glove and has one of the nurses hand him a huge tube of KY where Jonny can see."

"Doctor. Hurt. Good." Jonny Lee's mumbling, only half-hearing Gerard's story now, his eyes closing tight, his brain shutting down into sleep.

Gerard can feel Jonny Lee fall asleep in his arms and he kisses the top of his boy's head and lowers his voice. "Yes, it's going to hurt so good as the doctor gets his arm into his slave, first to the wrist, and then to the elbow. The slave jerks beautifully, but the nurses hold him down. And the slave loves it. He loves taking master's arm." Jonny Lee's definitely sleeping by now, but Gerard wants to finish the story. "And once master's finished with his slave," Gerard continues, whispering. "He fucks him, hard, while everyone watches him claim him. And then they both lived happily ever after." He smiles. "The end."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62486.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	302. gerard: Announcement

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/05/) 08:34:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62848&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62848) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62848) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=62848&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Announcement** _  
[public]

Jonny Lee and I are married.

Well, no, not yet. We're leaving as soon as Jonny finishes eating breakfast, but once we're done, we'll be too busy doing things which are absolutely none of your business to care about informing our friends.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/doubting_thomas/profile)[**doubting_thomas**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/doubting_thomas/)  
2004-11-05 04:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105088&format=light#t105088))   
---|---  
I know we don't know each other, but congratulations! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=105088&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105088&format=light#t105088))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107392&format=light#t107392))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Felton. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=107392&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105088&format=light#t105088))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/zane/profile)[**zane**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/zane/)  
2004-11-05 06:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105344&format=light#t105344))   
---|---  
Congratulations, Mr. Butler. I wish the both of you every happiness. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=105344&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105344&format=light#t105344))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107648&format=light#t107648))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Zane. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=107648&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105344&format=light#t105344))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-11-05 06:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105600&format=light#t105600))   
---|---  
Congratulations, both of you! Enjoy your post-wedding time! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=105600&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105600&format=light#t105600))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:56 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107904&format=light#t107904))   
---|---  
Thanks, Matron. We plan on it. *wink* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=107904&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105600&format=light#t105600))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tyler_elf/profile)[**tyler_elf**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tyler_elf/)  
2004-11-05 06:53 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105856&format=light#t105856))   
---|---  
Congrats. Enjoy it. I'm sure you'll both be very happy 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=105856&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105856&format=light#t105856))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=108160&format=light#t108160))   
---|---  
Thank you, Ms. Tyler. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=108160&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=105856&format=light#t105856))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/profile)[**stownsend**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/stownsend/)  
2004-11-05 07:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106112&format=light#t106112))   
---|---  
Congrats, mates! May you have a long and happy life together. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=106112&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106112&format=light#t106112))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=108416&format=light#t108416))   
---|---  
Thanks, Stuart. I'll pass the message on to Jonny. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=108416&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106112&format=light#t106112))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/natalie_portman/profile)[**natalie_portman**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/natalie_portman/)  
2004-11-05 08:46 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106368&format=light#t106368))   
---|---  
Congratulations! I don't think we've met before, Mr. Butler, but I've met JL when I was in London, and I couldn't be happier for the both of you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=106368&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106368&format=light#t106368))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=108672&format=light#t108672))   
---|---  
Thank you, Ms. Portman. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=108672&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106368&format=light#t106368))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ian_mckellen/profile)[**ian_mckellen**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ian_mckellen/)  
2004-11-05 11:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106624&format=light#t106624))   
---|---  
Congratulations to you both. I hope you have a long and happy life together. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=106624&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106624&format=light#t106624))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:58 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=108928&format=light#t108928))   
---|---  
Thank you very much, Sir Ian. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=108928&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106624&format=light#t106624))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/profile)[**nick_lea**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/)  
2004-11-06 07:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106880&format=light#t106880))   
---|---  
Just adding my congrats in here, too. Marton's spoken so warmly about both of you. I wish you the very best of happiness and promise you a beer or two whenever we manage to meet. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=106880&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106880&format=light#t106880))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109184&format=light#t109184))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Lea. I'd love to meet with you with some time when we're in the same country. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=109184&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=106880&format=light#t106880))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109184&format=light#t109184))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/profile)[**nick_lea**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/nick_lea/)  
2004-11-07 05:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=112256&format=light#t112256))   
---|---  
Please, call me Nick. 'Mr. Lea' makes me look around for my Dad. :)  
  
And yes, it would be wonderful to finally meet. Hope you and Jonny are having a wonderful honeymoon! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=112256&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109184&format=light#t109184))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/profile)[**karl_urban**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/)  
2004-11-06 05:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107136&format=light#t107136))   
---|---  
Congratulations! Brilliant news. I wish you and Jonny Lee all the best in your life together. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=107136&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107136&format=light#t107136))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 06:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109440&format=light#t109440))   
---|---  
Thanks, Karl. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=109440&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=107136&format=light#t107136))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/profile)[**sean_bean**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sean_bean/)  
2004-11-06 07:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109952&format=light#t109952))   
---|---  
Congratulations, both of you -- here's wishing you a long and happy life together. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=109952&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109952&format=light#t109952))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 07:44 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=110464&format=light#t110464))   
---|---  
Thank you, Mr. Bean. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=110464&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=109952&format=light#t109952))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/cateb/profile)[**cateb**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/cateb/)  
2004-11-06 07:49 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=110720&format=light#t110720))   
---|---  
Congratulations and best wishes to you both - may you have a long and happy marriage. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=110720&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=110720&format=light#t110720))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 07:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=110976&format=light#t110976))   
---|---  
Thank you, Ms. Blanchett. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?replyto=110976&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/62848.html?thread=110720&format=light#t110720))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	303. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: The first dinner as husband and, uh, husband

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/05/) 23:21:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37222&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37222) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37222) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37222&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: The first dinner as husband and, uh, husband** _  
**[players only. occurs in amsterdam est hotel evening of friday, november 5, following gerard and jonny lee's civil wedding ceremony.]**

It had been easier than Gerard thought it would be to get married in Amsterdam, but he wasn't arguing. They had wandered around the city for a few hours afterwards, not returning to the hotel until it was time for dinner. They had a table booked in the attached restaurant and then Gerard had plans for after dinner. He was going to make this a day Jonny Lee would never forget.

Jonny Lee's squirming, the suit too tight or rather just on and he wants it off. He unbuttons it, at least, and tries to relax. He's been nervous all day. _Married. I'm fuckin' married._ He's bouncing, which he's sure is driving Gerard insane, and he's looked at his ring sixty times, just in the last half hour.

"It's real. We're married." He picks up his water glass, takes a few sips. "Really should start breathing again."

Gerard grins. It's just sinking in. _Husband._ He fucking loves that thought. "It might be a good idea," he says. "Don't want you to keel over before I get to fuck you. Anti-climatic." He takes a breadstick from the bowl on the table and bites the top off of it, chews, swallows. "You gonna beat me if I call you hubby?"

"Hubby?" Jonny Lee laughs. "No, don't suppose I'd beat you for that." _Or anything else, unless you tell me to._ "Husband. Has a nice sound. Master and husband."

"Husband first," Gerard corrects. "Your husband, then your master. In that order."

"Yes, dear. Husband first. Master second. To love, honour and obey, either way." Jonny Lee picks up the menu, glances over the entrees. "Think I want the pasta."

"No appetizer?"

"Uh, appetizer? Oh, yeah." He looks back at the menu. "The Brie with pesto and sun-dried tomatoes. Sounds good. That okay?"

"That's perfect." Gerard looks the menu over one more time. "I think I'll have one of the soups. Mind if I steal some of your Brie?"

"Not at all, Master. Your boy's happy to share his Brie." Jonny Lee puts down the menu, smiles. "His body. His life. Whatever you want."

"Don't tempt me too much, boy. I might just take you up on it." Gerard takes a sip of his water. "Tie you to the bed and tickle you with a feather. Count your toes with a slapper. Blindfold you and then watch you try to play Soft Cell."

Jonny Lee laughs. "Uh, Master, there's not a thing in that doesn't sound great."

"Really?" Gerard pouts. "Well, then. Master will just have to think of more devious ways to torture his boy."

"Your slave's sure Master will come up with something." He looks up as the waiter approaches the table, then lowers his head, leaving all the ordering up to Gerard.

Gerard smiles up at the waiter. "Hi. I'd like whichever soup's the hottest right now and the slave will have the Brie with pesto and sun-dried tomatoes." He looks at Jonny Lee. "Anything else?"

"No, Master," Jonny Lee says without looking up, his voice almost a whisper, "unless Master would consent to a small glass of champagne to celebrate."

"Master would," Gerard answers. "A bottle of Moet, please." The waiter writes the last down and moves on. Gerard lifts Jonny Lee's chin. "We just got married," he says. "You're allowed to look at me."

"Know that. Just like being the slave for the moment." He presses into Gerard's touch, glances up.

"You're always the slave." Gerard says, and strokes Jonny Lee's lower lip with his thumb. "But sometimes you're always the husband, the boy, the lover."

Jonny Lee dares a kiss, light push out of lips over Gerard's thumb. "Always yours, no matter what I'm called."

Gerard smiles at the kiss. That's his boy. "I know you are." He pulls back and picks up the rest of his breadstick, hands it to Jonny Lee, and does his best to look evil. "Entertain me."

"Let me entertain you," Jonny Lee sings quickly, taking the breadstick and licking its bitten edge. He pushes it into his mouth, sucking exaggeratingly on its end, then taking it deeper, a tiny bit at a time.

Gerard sits back in his chair and puts his hands flat on the table. Smirks at his boy and watches every move carefully. "Now imagine it's my cock," he orders. "Fuck your mouth with it."

The breadstick's not nearly as big as Gerard's cock, so it takes a bit of imagination to work it properly, but that's okay for Jonny Lee. He pushes the breadstick to the back of his throat, hollows his cheeks and swirls his tongue around the moistening bread. _Fuck, I want the real thing. Soon._

There is nothing hotter than watching his boy perform for him. Gerard's already making mental notes to buy more bread. "Good slut," he murmurs. "That it, make master hard without even touching himself." That's a distinct possibility and Gerard grips a napkin in his fist to keep himself under control. Dinner, _then_ sex. Dinner, _then_ sex.

_Sex now. Please._ Jonny Lee's begging with his eyes and working his tongue over the bread, pulling it out of his mouth and pushing it back in, slowly and methodically, knowing full well he's driving Gerard insane.

And he is. Gerard swallows quickly, but can't bring himself to look away. His boy is performing for him and he should watch every movement. That's the way it works. But Jonny Lee's being so naughty, going out of his way to drive his master crazy. It's like he wants to be ordered onto his knees while they're waiting for their food.

That's not a bad idea. Gerard smiles abruptly and then grabs the breadstick out of Jonny Lee's hand and puts it down on the plate. With his other hand, he takes a condom out of his coat pocket and tosses it onto the table. He'd had a feeling there'd be public sex before the night was out. "Knees, under the table, _now_ , naughty slut."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee grabs the condom and slips out of his chair to the floor, ducking under the table. Slave _should_ be on his knees at dinner, husband or not. He maneuvers so he's kneeling between Gerard's legs, but doesn't do anything else. Slave waits for orders, doesn't presume.

Gerard unzips himself, not bothering to look around to see if anyone's watching. Right now, it doesn't matter. He tugs his boxers down as well and then strokes himself twice before guiding Jonny Lee's head forward. "All with your mouth," he orders, and then puts his hands back on the table, this time fidgeting with the napkin ring.

"Not serious," Jonny Lee mutters, too low to be heard. He knows he's not _that_ good, to do it _all_ with his mouth, so he cheats a little, ripping open the foil packet and rolling the condom over Gerard's cock. He'd curse the irritations of public sex precautions, if he didn't want to be on his knees so badly.

Then he leans in and sinks his mouth on latex-covered flesh. _Yuck._ He's eager and he sucks hard, taking the full length to the back of his throat.

Gerard would wish that Jonny Lee knew how to put a condom on with his mouth did they not already get rid of them in their private life. No need for a skill he'd never use. And then Jonny Lee's blowing him and Gerard closes his eyes tight, tries to control his breathing. _Good-good. Excellent. Perfect. Such a good boy._

Tongue twirl. Just that way. Then this. Nose pressed into short curls of pubic hair, breathing in the sharp tang of his new husband, salty sweat overlaid with the hint of ginger, the favorite of Master's colognes. Jonny Lee's come to love the smell of nutmeg and ginger and doesn't equate it at all with pies, but Master. He presses his tongue up against Gerard's cock, pulls back with a long slurping lick.

Oh, God. Gerard lets out a low moan and swallows hard. No fucking Jonny Lee's mouth. No losing control in public. Be dignified, don't embarrass anyone by association. Right. Control. Needs to have. So Gerard grits his teeth. If Jonny Lee can keep himself under control, then so can Gerard.

It's not easy staying under control, but Jonny Lee's doing his best. Fingers laced behind his back, cock down his throat, he's a happy boy. No, a happy slave. He hollows his cheek with sucking, deepthroating Gerard and then pulling back, over and over, each movement slow and calculated. Figures he should draw it out till the appetizers come.

Jonny Lee's keeping him on edge and Gerard isn't sure if he likes that or not. "Stop teasing," he growls.

_Wasn't teasing._ Jonny Lee nearly bites in the burst of frustration, but manages to hold back. He's not teasing, just taking it slowly, like he supposes Master wants since Master isn't actively fucking his mouth. _Damn it._ He switches gears, fucking himself on Gerard's cock, deeper and harder, building up speed. _Sure as fuck not teasing now._

That's much more like it. One hand goes below the table and forces Jonny Lee's head further as Gerard all but slides down his boy's throat. Much more like it. Gerard opens his eyes to see if the waiter is coming back only to close them as he comes in his boy's mouth.

He sucks through the aftershocks. Pointless. No reward. Nothing to swallow. Not a taste of Master. Then slowly Jonny Lee pulls back, as Gerard's hand slips through his hair, and he sets about taking care of pulling the condom off, waiting to be allowed to move out from under the table to dispose of it.

"Good boy," Gerard whispers and then settles back in his chair. When he sees that Jonny Lee isn't moving, he zips his trousers up again. "You can come out from under there, love."

Coming out from under the table, Jonny Lee stands. "A moment, Master, if your slave may me allowed," he says quietly, eyes down, hands still behind his back, gripping the tied-off condom. "He promises not to do anything but find a wastebin and he'll be right back."

Gerard frowns. _What'd I do wrong this time?_ Jonny Lee isn't supposed to look that disappointed after giving a blowjob. He's supposed to glow. And they just got married. "Of course," he says. "Take as much time as you need." _Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

He leans down and kisses Gerard on the cheek. Quick, light brush. "Thank you, Master. Love you." Then Jonny Lee's off across the restaurant, searching for the restroom, needing a minute to process why he's out of sorts, what to say when he gets back.

"Love you," Gerard whispers at Jonny Lee's back. Fuck, what'd he do? Gerard twists the napkin around his fingers. The waiter comes while he's waiting and Gerard thanks him as he sets the plates downs. Looks over his shoulder. What's keeping Jonny?

Jonny Lee's not gone long. Ten minutes. Enough to toss the condom, wash his hands and splash his face with water. "It's alright," he says to the mirror. "You're okay. Just the way it has to be in public." He dips his head and cups water to his mouth, swirling it and washing away the taste of latex before looking back up. "Smile, you're married."

The smile's still on his face when he comes back to the table, immediately going to his knees beside Gerard's chair. "Master," he whispers, "would you feed your boy? Just a bit, please?"

Gerard takes to twirling his spoon in his fingers, but he puts it down quickly as Jonny Lee comes back. He almost relaxes. So that's what it is. His boy wants a little reassurance. "Of course," he says. He rips part of a breadstick and dabs it in his soup. "Whatever my boy wants."

"Love you. Want you to know that." He opens his mouth, letting his tongue taste the soup first, tiny drops as Gerard nudges the breadstick forward, then takes a bite. _Yes. This is right. This is my place. Slave. Husband._ That's all he needed, the moment of reassurance, grounding. And a better taste in his mouth. The soup's delicious, wild mushroom in a heavy cream sauce, and he licks his upper lip to get a last taste as he swallows the breadstick.

"Never doubted that." He'd just been concerned that he'd freaked Jonny Lee out. Gerard pats Jonny Lee's head and pulls off another part of the breadstick and feeds it to Jonny Lee.

Jonny Lee eats it dutifully, then lays his head on Gerard's knee. "Don't like that, Pire, not being able to taste you, have everything." He nuzzles, rubbing his face over his husband's thigh.

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's hair and then moves down to his neck. "You're going to have everything," he promises, "later. Master promises. We just have to use protection in public."

"Your slave knows. Understands. Just hates it." There's a subtle pout in Jonny Lee's words. He's gotten too used to it being just them, whatever they wanted. And right now he wants to be home, back in _their_ house, naked all day and being fucked over every piece of furniture. "Brie now? A bit."

"I hate it also, Teak." Gerard leans down and kisses his boy's head. "Can you sit on your chair now?"

Jonny Lee looks up. "Yes, Master, your slave can go back to his chair." He sighs, pulls himself up and into the chair, scooting it to the table's corner, wanting to be close as he can get to Gerard, feeling too vulnerable at the moment. "Would you like some?" he asks, taking fork to Brie and pulling the cheese apart.

"Sure." Gerard licks his lips and opens his mouth, fully expecting Jonny Lee to feed him.

With a sinful grin, Jonny Lee scoops up the gooey cheese with his fingers and feeds Gerard, letting his Master suck the Brie off. _It's kinda like wedding cake._

Gerard grabs Jonny Lee's wrist as he sucks, then twists his tongue around Jonny Lee's fingers. Then he tugs Jonny Lee's hand back and lets go. "More."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee scoops up more of the Brie until it's globbed on three fingers and offers it up. "Master."

"Good boy." Gerard sucks it like before. To be honest, he's enjoying the taste of his boy's fingers more than the taste of the food. "Now you eat some."

"Of course, dear, your boy will eat his cheese." Jonny Lee knows Gerard worries about his eating habits, and how he'll go all day and forget to eat, so he smiles and settles back into his chair, using a spoon instead of his fingers to scoop out the Brie.

Gerard's more concerned with Jonny Lee eating a lot now so he won't have to later. He plans on beating his boy hard enough tonight that he'll probably be handfeeding his boy tomorrow. He doesn't want his boy to be very hungry. Gerard sips his soup, dipping more bread in and eating it that way.

"Does it feel any different?" Jonny Lee asks, finishing off the last of the Brie, reaching for his water. "Now that we're married."

"Not yet." Gerard shrugs. "But then again, it didn't feel any different when I started calling you my slave. I think it might take a couple days to sink in."

"Does it make any difference? I mean, what's it change?" Jonny Lee smiles as the waiter appears, takes his appetizer plate. "We're the same, master and slave, lovers."

"There's gotta be some difference," Gerard says. "It's different than before. Much more permanent."

"Permanent." Jonny Lee grins. He likes that. Not being thrown away. Ever. "Belong to each other forever."

"Forever," Gerard repeats. And that reminds him. "Do we," Gerard clears his throat. "Do we want a contract? In addition to this, I mean. Something written down, detailing everything exactly. Something we both put into, sign, and then keep."

Contract? The word catches in Jonny Lee's brain. They've had agreements, nothing ever signed. It would be another step. Ownership. "Yes, Master, that would be a good idea."

Gerard nods. "Yeah, I think so also. Best to get everyone out on paper. Expectations, rules, that kind of thing." _So I won't ever make the same mistake I made when I talked to Conner._ "I'd expect you to put restrictions on me," he continues. "Write down things you don't want me to do, and things you do want me to do. So there's never any confusion."

Jonny Lee starts to argue the point, that he has no restrictions to put on his _Master_ , but he knows it's fruitless. "Yes, sir. Your slave will try to think of something."

"Don't _try_." Gerard frowns. "I know you already have some. You have to. Slaves are allowed to be jealous. You didn't give up that right. Master won't let."

"Your slave isn't jealous." Jonny Lee looks down, studies the tablecloth pattern. "Just doesn't want you talking to exes," he mutters.

"That's one," Gerard says. "No talking to exes. Anything else?"

"Don't mean you can't _talk_ to them." Jonny Lee cringes a bit at even talking about it. "Just not the phone sex part of it."

Gerard flinches at the thought of phone sex with Peter. "Whatever you say, Teak," he promises.

_Don't second-guess. Just accept._ "Okay, that's it."

"That's it?" Gerard can live without speaking to his exes. He may not like having to break off contact with Conner, but he doubts it'll hurt very much. Maybe one day Jonny Lee and Conner could even meet. Gerard doesn't think it'll be as much of a disaster as he used to think. And as for Peter, well, Gerard thinks he could go a lifetime without speaking to Peter. "Think about it," he says. "I don't want to put you on the spot. Sleep on it," he shrugs. "You may think of other things."

"Like what? Only think that really bothers me is what you did with Conner." Jonny Lee shrugs. "And that's only because I wasn't there so I couldn't get you off. Guess I should add not having sex, but if you want to go out and shag somebody, is it my right to say no?"

"Of course it's your right!" Gerard gives his boy a look. "You're my lover, you're my boy, you're my fucking _husband_. You have every right in the world."

"Then don't screw anyone I don't like," Jonny Lee snaps back, immediately regretting the tone. "First refusal rights? That work?"

"Works fine," Gerard says, matching Jonny Lee for tone. _Fuck, why's he so fucking defensive?_ "I don't want to shag anyone but you, anyway."

"Pire," he says, dropping his tone. "I don't like putting restrictions on you. It makes me feel weird. I'm the slave. You control me. Not the other way around." He smiles, weakly. "If we're being honest about all this."

Gerard likes honesty. Gerard likes honesty so much he could hit Jonny Lee right now. "You're missing the point, love," he says quietly. "You're my slave, and I'm your master. You're also my husband, and I want to protect you. And in order to protect you, I need to know what you don't like and what makes you bite your lip to keep from screaming at me. I need to know what makes you so jealous and what jerks you out of slavespace so fast your head spins."

"Having to make decisions makes my head spin. Does that count?"

"No."

"Okay." Properly chastised. "Not much makes me jealous, being honest and all, just the thought of you and Conner." Jonny Lee wants to know why he's talking about his husband's ex over dinner on their wedding night. "Nothing specific drops me out of slave headspace, not once you let me stay in it."

"Alright." Gerard swallows and motions over the waiter. He really doesn't want to have this conversation now. It's something for later. Never should have brought it up. "What would you like for dinner, Teak?"

"Just the pasta will be fine, sir. Not very hungry."

Gerard orders that and a steak and the waiter leaves again. Gerard picks up the champagne bottle and pours some into his and Jonny Lee's glasses. "To love," he says.

Jonny Lee picks up his glass and clinks it against Gerard's. "To forever."

"I'll drink to that." And he does. The champagne tastes good and, fuck, it's been so long since he's had a drink and it wasn't because he and Teak had been fighting. It tastes good. "Love you."

"Love," Jonny Lee says, then sips at the champagne, "you, Pire, very much."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	304. gerard: First beating as husband and, uh, husband

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[05](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/05/) 23:56:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63520&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63520) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63520) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63520&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**First beating as husband and, uh, husband** _  
[players only. Follows immediately after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37222.html).]

  
Dinner's over and they'd both passed on dessert in favour of getting back to the room faster. Gerard leans back in his chair and dabs his mouth with his napkin. Then he leans in close again and grabs Jonny Lee's wrist. He traces the lines of Jonny Lee's palm with his nail. "I want you," he says clearly, not looking up, and punctuating each word with a little stab against crossing lines, "to go upstairs. I want you to set out things you want to be beaten with." Gerard leans over the table and kisses Jonny Lee's forehead. "None of them can be wider than the width of your thumb." Gerard smiles. "Let's start this marriage off the right way."

Jonny Lee sucks on the tip of his thumb, thinking on the orders, then gets up. "Yes, Master. Your husband's happy to oblige that request." He walks out of the restaurant and heads to the elevator, trying to catalogue what he knows is in the room.

Gerard smiles fondly after him and then shakes his head. He settles the bill quickly and then stops by the front desk to arrange to have a bowl of strawberries and cream sent up around dawn. He's going to want something he can handfeed Jonny Lee in the morning that Jonny Lee won't have to work hard to eat, and that he knows his husband will enjoy. He also inquires about the kinds of ice cream tubs that room service has and he asks the receptionist to leave a tri-flavoured one aside in case Gerard wants it tomorrow. After all, they can't be fucking all the time.

Everything arranged, Gerard heads up to the room, tugging off his tie on the way up.

It's an Establishment hotel, so the closet's full of wonders. Or rather the toy cabinet in the corner. Jonny Lee goes exploring the minute he gets in the room. "Nothing wider than my thumb. Okay." He pulls out the cane first, but then spies a thin whip. "Oooh, that's pretty." He pulls it out and puts the cane back. He pops the thin, braided nylon tassel against the palm. It stings. Perfectly. That goes on the bed.

"I wonder if Master would mind just one thing," he muses, turning back to the cabinet. After another minute, he finds a punishment strap. It's fudging at being slightly wider than his thumb, but it's close enough, and it's something he hasn't tried before either. It goes on the bed, too.

Jonny Lee stands back, having decided on just the two items. "He didn't say anything about getting undressed. Don't assume, Jonny." So he goes to his knees at the bed's end, still in suit, unbuttoned now and tie loosened, and waits.

When the elevator's halfway up, Gerard remembers that he forgot to tell Jonny Lee to strip. Oops. Oh, well. He'll just have to watch Jonny Lee strip for him. What a hardship. Gerard unbuttons his collar as the elevator door opens and he nods at the couple who gets on. Two more floors and the doors open again and Gerard gets off. He coughs loudly outside the door to give Jonny Lee one last second in case he needs it and then unlocks the door and enters.

The first things Gerard notices are the toys on the bed. Then his boy, kneeling at the foot of the bed, still dressed. Gerard crosses over to the bed and picks up the whip and slaps it against his hand. He's never used one this thin before. He puts it down and picks up the strap. Much better to start with. He'll warm up with this one and then move to the whip. "Get undressed," he orders, and slaps the strap against his palm again.

Jonny Lee pulls himself up from the floor and begins stripping. Coat off first, folded and draped over the end of the chair. Tie undone, but left hanging. He shifts from one foot to the other as he works the buttons of his shirt. "Your slave likes doing this, Master," he says, fingers moving down the front placard. "Stripping for you." Buttons undone and shirt spread apart. "If he didn't like being naked so much, he'd want to have clothes on just to be able to take them off for you."

He unbuttons his cuffs and slides the shirt down his arms, off and drapes it over the jacket. There's a quick mental reminder to toe out of shoes before unzipping his trousers, and then he's working the fine fabric down his legs, along with boxer briefs, until everything's off and Jonny Lee's naked before his Master. He quickly kneels again, lacing fingers behind his back and lowering his head. "Love you for all this, Master."

Jonny Lee is so distracting when he's naked. The curve of those shoulders, those pretty tweakable nipples, that long teasing line of hair that leads down to his cock. His thighs that make Gerard want to bite them, then his knees, and calves. Ankles that he wants to chain together. Gerard swallows hard and pulls his tie off. "Now me," he orders hoarsely.

He knee-walks the few steps to Gerard, and starts at that level, unzipping his lover's trousers and pulling the fabric gently apart, hands gingerly slipping in and pushing lightweight wool and silk over hips, fingers caressing the curve of buttocks as he continues, clothes nudged down Gerard's legs.

"Would my husband step out of his shoes, please?"

If he could get hard again...Gerard swallows again and slips his shoes off. Whatever he needs to do to get naked and have Jonny Lee kneeling at his feet.

He easily slides the trousers and boxers down and off, kneeling back to fold them loosely and put them on the chair as he stands up. Jonny Lee turns back to his Master then, sliding his hands down the front of Gerard's shirt. Dark blue. Rich indigo. The color's exquisite on him. He works each button loose, not slowly but with a calm hand, and when he's to the bottom one, he pushes his fingers against warm flesh and rubs up Gerard's chest, separating the soft silk, nudging it to either side of his lover's body until his hands are on Gerard's shoulders and slipping the fabric down over the arms.

There is nothing more erotic than having his boy undress him. Nothing. The brush of Jonny Lee's fingers against his skin is like nothing else. Gerard grabs one of Jonny Lee's hands and kisses it. "Love you," he murmurs.

The move startles, but Jonny Lee recovers quickly with a smile. "Love you, too," he says, continuing to push the jacket and shirt off Gerard's body. "Want you naked, though, and beating your slave."

"Master wants that also." Gerard pulls out of his shirt and grabs Jonny Lee by his collar before his boy has a chance to put his clothes away. Kisses him. "Did you wonder why master booked us a room with a cross?" he murmurs.

"Your slave assumed his Master loves him very much."

Gerard grins. "Master does. And master also plans on beating his slave a lot while we're here."

"Does he wish to start now?" Jonny Lee asks, lowering his eyes. "His slave would be most grateful."

Gerard kisses him again. "Then my grateful slave would do well to get against the cross, wouldn't he?" He slaps Jonny Lee's arse. "Going to make you scream. Master promises."

"Yes, Master." He moves across the room, putting himself on the cross, pressing into its comforting hold. Jonny Lee stretches his fingers and flexes his wrists before clutching at the crosspiece's edge, positioning hands and feet exactly for manacles.

Gerard comes up behind him and stretches out over him and presses him against the cross. He lets himself indulge in the feeling of his boy's body pressed up against his before sliding his lips down Jonny Lee's neck and back. He bites on yellowing bruises and some that are still fresh from last night. Bites Jonny Lee's arse, then each of his legs as he keeps going. Finally, when he's all but sitting on the floor, he cuffs Jonny Lee's ankles to the cross.

The shiver runs through him. He loves this moment, the feel of Master's tongue against his flesh. Anticipation. Exhilaration. Jonny Lee stays silent in that moment, knowing words will be required later, to make sure he's not zoning.

Gerard moves back up as slowly as he moved down, this time biting against the back of Jonny Lee's neck as he cuffs Jonny Lee's wrists down. He licks up around the curl of Jonny Lee's ear and blows against it. "Is my husband ready for his first beating?"

His cock stiffens, scrapes against the crosspiece. "Yes." Barely whispered. _Husband._

"Is he sure?" Gerard teases. "Wouldn't my husband rather we watched old reruns and didn't think about sex at all? Wouldn't he rather I kept my dirty hands off of him?" He pauses. "Oh, no. I forgot. My husband's a slutty little slave, isn't it?" Grins. "Of course he wants a beating."

"Ohfuckyes," Jonny Lee slurs out, "your husband's a slut. He wants your hands all over him. He wants a proper beating, then we can watch movies all weekend."

"My slut's going to get more than one proper beating," Gerard promises. "Master's going to beat his husband every day. Spank him, too. You're never going to be without my marks on you."

That's better than the marriage vows, Jonny Lee thinks, and he sighs with complete contentment, relaxing his body and sliding into a nebulous headspace, somewhere he'll enjoy the pain to the utmost.

Gerard can feel Jonny Lee relax into headspace, but he isn't concerned. He doesn't think zoning will be a problem tonight. He grinds his cock against Jonny Lee's arse and then bites him one more time before going back to the bed to get the strap. He slaps it against his palm one last night, just to see if Jonny Lee jumps from the noise, and then walks back to the cross.

Body press. Bite. Movement away. It all blends in Jonny Lee's brain. And the sound of the strap slapping causes his shoulders to hitch up. More anticipation. The zone'll be light and easy tonight.

One of the things he loves about straps is that he needs to be oh so close to use it. Gerard nibbles on Jonny Lee's ear and brings the strap down hard on his arse. "One," he whispers.

And what a nice _one_ it is. The sting's warm, proper enough to twitch Jonny Lee's body.

"Just enough to warm you up," Gerard whispers as he brings the strap down for a second stroke. "Then I'm going to beat you black and blue."

"Ah, my favorite colours."

Gerard chuckles. He keeps whispering dirty nothings as he gives Jonny Lee stroke after stroke. He pauses after two dozen to touch Jonny Lee's arse with his fingers, feel the heat. He pinches hard and then slaps with his hand. "More, slave?"

The fire builds slowly, each stroke overlaying new heat over old until Jonny Lee's arse is nothing _but_ heat, the flesh evaporating under the burn. "More. Yes. Please, Master," he says, voice hazy, the altered headspace of the zone taking its toll. "Slave wants to hurt for his husband." He clutches fingers around the leather of the cuffs, holding tight. "So good. So right."

"I know," Gerard murmurs. "And I'm going to hurt you." Twenty-five hits hard and twenty-six even harder. Three dozen should do the trick, Gerard thinks, and each one hits harder and harder. But he's not stopping until Jonny Lee screams.

Jonny Lee's not going to scream. Not for this. He moans and whimpers and draws in shallow breaths. But the strap's not quite enough to get the screams from his lungs. He's surfing in the void, through the flames of his body's rising heat.

Gerard isn't really surprised that Jonny Lee doesn't scream. He'd probably be disappointed if he did. So he bites Jonny Lee's ear and then slaps him hard with his hand. "Has my little slut had enough?"

"No." He spits the word out. The slap's pain bites over his heated flesh, echoes down his leg. "Not enough."

"Good." Gerard sucks briefly on the stud in Jonny Lee's ear. "Because Master isn't done yet." Bites down and tugs.

There's a long, drawn-out whimper that lasts as long as Gerard's sucking, and then it segues into a moan at the bite, Jonny Lee's shoulder's hitching up, his body jerking at the almost gently touches. "Please. Love that."

Gerard tugs harder and then releases. "Know you do, pet. Love giving my pet what he loves." He spanks Jonny Lee again. "Slut ready for his beating?"

Jonny Lee nods. He's most unsure of what's coming, the thin whip an unknown in his pain spectrum. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Gerard quickly switches the strap for the whip. This one shouldn't be that hard to use. He swings it in the air a few times, getting used to the feeling, and then nods. Not all that different from what he's used to. "I'm going to give you ten with this," he says. "Then we'll see. Suits?"

"Ten. Yeah." Jonny Lee knows not to ask for more. Not now. Don't want to freak Master.

Gerard flicks the whip one last time to get the feel of it and then presses his hand between Jonny Lee's shoulder blades. "Hold on tight," he warns. "And you may want to close your eyes."

He closes his eyes, out of response to a command, not need, and braces himself, sinking into the blackness in front of his mind now. He hears every move Gerard's making, the hiss of the whip's small flicker stinging the air. And then he lets out a last breath.

And Gerard takes one in. Holds it. Lets it out in a rush. _Take it slowly._ "One," he says, and then flicks the whip against Jonny Lee's back. He winces a little at the noise and then bites his lip. "Good?"

The sting's sharp, pinpoint precise and cuts through whatever headspace Jonny Lee's in. "Wow. Yeah. Great."

Gerard relaxes. So Jonny Lee likes it. Didn't hurt him too much. "More?"

"Fuck, yes, more." It's the closest Jonny Lee's come to begging all night. That felt good. Damned good. His back's still stinging.

"Right." Gerard nods and then flicks the whip again, this time landing it about an inch before the first stroke.

Jonny Lee hisses a breath and tightens his grip against the cuffs. There's a blinding whiteness threatening at the edges of his void, the pain encroaching and he knows it'll get there before Gerard reaches ten. The pain's too new, intense, perfect.

"I need you to count them for me, love," Gerard says. "I need to know that you're still with me." Zoning is one thing. Moving into safeword territory while Jonny Lee is zoning is quite another. He needs to know that Jonny Lee is still awake and present enough to safeword. And he needs to know if he's going too far, in case he needs to safeword for him.

"Trust me, Pire," Jonny Lee says. He despises counting, makes him feel like a 5-year-old. _Maybe I should add that to the contract._ "Not going anywhere. And you're getting ready for three."

Gerard ignores his boy talking back. "Count them as they come," he orders. _Or this stops right now and we go cuddle on the bed._ "Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master." There's no mistaking Gerard's tone. It's the _you do it this way or we don't do it_ voice, the one that chills Jonny Lee's soul. He wants the control. He just hates that Gerard can't trust him on the zoning. He presses himself flat against the crosspieces, cock hanging heavy between the bottom X, and waits.

"Good," Gerard says shortly. He'll never understand why Jonny Lee keeps pushing. He rotates his wrist a few times and then flicks the whip again, aiming for between the marks, but not quite making it. It ends up halfway on top of the first time and Gerard winces. Oops.

The strike overlays the first cut in a sharp bite. "Three," Jonny Lee breathes out, letting the sudden increase in pain slide into his brain. _Fuck. Good._ Another step down into the blackness.

The fourth and fifth hit exactly where they should and Gerard takes a short break to survey Jonny Lee's back and decide where number six should go. What the hell. Number six goes on top of where number one hit and Gerard freezes, waiting to see how Jonny Lee takes it.

The scream's tiny, but there, rasping Jonny Lee's throat as he makes the count, snapping out the "six" from deep within the void. The pain's this side of excruciating, exactly where it needs to be.

Oh, that scream is good. So good. The seventh hits right on top of the last one.

"Seven." Jonny Lee's eyes are open and he's staring at the wall, not seeing anything but white blinding his vision. The zone's intact, the whip's sting ripples through his back, curls into his groin, his cock hard and weeping.

"Good slave," Gerard murmurs. The eighth hits unmarked skin, the ninth on top of an old bruise, but the tenth is across one of the earlier strokes and it hits harder than all of them combined.

The ninth brings the white into focus and it's overtaking the black. At the tenth strike, there's nothing but white. Pure, crystalline pain, cutting into his back and serving his mind. He knows he counts, but he doesn't care. All he wants is the last seconds of the zone, that pure energy.

Then he screams, blood-boiling, catharsis.

There. The perfect scream. Gerard grins. "Beautiful," he whispers. "Simply beautiful." He brings the whip down to his side and moves forward to kiss the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Master's gorgeous slave." If Jonny Lee takes that well to ten strikes from a whip, Gerard's going to have to do this more often.

He nods, not free enough of the zone to put words to thoughts. His body responds to the kiss, the press of lover against his flesh, his cock twitching and his shoulders shrugging. _Love you. Love this._

Jonny Lee's body is hot against his and Gerard smiles more against Jonny Lee's neck. "Gorgeous," he whispers. He stands back and tugs Jonny Lee's head away from the cross. Brings the whip up. "Kiss."

Too far gone to think it strange, Jonny Lee first licks the edge of the whip, then kisses it. Reverence paid to the instrument of pain because Master wills it.

And Gerard is suddenly amazingly hard. _Must do that more often._ He'd never thought something like that would be so bloody erotic. "Good slut," he murmurs, and grins his cock against Jonny Lee's heated arse. "So good for master."

"Good slut. Good boy." Jonny Lee's whispering the words out, coming back to himself, letting the white edges go, the black dissipate. His body sags against the cross, held tight by Gerard's pressing. "Fuck now?"

Gerard shakes his head. Drops the whip and stretches out over Jonny Lee again, uncuffing his wrists. "Master will later. Wake his slut up with it."

Jonny Lee's hands slide down the crosspieces and he lays his head back on Gerard's shoulder. "Yes, Master," he purrs, content. "Whatever you want for your slut."

Gerard wraps his arms around his boy and kisses his cheek. "Let me get you to the bed now." Stupid of him, to uncuff Jonny Lee's hands before his ankles, but he can get around that. He pushes Jonny Lee into the cross. "Hold on for a moment, love," he murmurs and then kneels down to free Jonny Lee's ankles. "There." Stands up, takes his boy in his arms again. "Let me take care of you."

"You always do, Master. Take care of your boy." Jonny Lee falls into Gerard's arms, his back and arse hot to the touch, but not caring. He wants to wrap himself around his lover, his _husband_ , as close as he can get.

"I know." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's temple and maneuvers him onto the bed. "And I'm going to take care of you for the rest of your life."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63520.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	305. gerard: Jonny, we're not the only ones

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/06/) 11:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63439&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63439) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63439) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63439&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Jonny, we're not the only ones** _  
[JL only]

Well, [fuck me](http://www.journalfen.net/users/karl_urban/142114.html). It's contagious.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-06 07:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=109775&format=light#t109775))   
---|---  
I see, Master. It's not a bad contagion to catch. Not at all. Your husband's rather happy today. Sore. Very sore. But happy. Did you offer congratulations to Karl and Stuart? Is it permissible for me to do so?  
  
Your boy noticed the announcement you put up, and the responses. He doesn't even know half those people, well not personally. Not of his friends have said anything. He wonders if they think it a bad idea. Probably just caught up in their own lives. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=109775&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=109775&format=light#t109775))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 07:41 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=110287&format=light#t110287))   
---|---  
Master hasn't, since he can't find the right words. My slave can go ahead and do whatever he wants.  
  
And master thinks that our friends have been too busy in their lives to notice. And I thought my slave had called Jude and Ewan and told them about this before. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=110287&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=109775&format=light#t109775))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=110287&format=light#t110287))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-06 08:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111311&format=light#t111311))   
---|---  
Your slave did call. He got voicemail, and he hasn't heard anything. Didn't see them in Romania, either. Don't know if they were there. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=111311&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=110287&format=light#t110287))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111311&format=light#t111311))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 08:05 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111567&format=light#t111567))   
---|---  
Then if my slave is concerned, he should call them again. Master's devious plans can wait ten minutes. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=111567&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111311&format=light#t111311))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111567&format=light#t111567))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-06 08:34 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111823&format=light#t111823))   
---|---  
S'alright, Master. Your slave will try later. Maybe wait till we're home. At least Sean commented; that's something. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=111823&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111567&format=light#t111567))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111823&format=light#t111823))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-06 08:38 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=112079&format=light#t112079))   
---|---  
If that's what my slave wants to do. I won't order you to tell them.  
  
Now get back into bed. Master's randy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?replyto=112079&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63439.html?thread=111823&format=light#t111823))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	306. gerard: [public]To forsake all others.

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/08/) 09:03:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63949&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63949) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63949) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=63949&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
[public]

To forsake all others.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-08 04:22 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=112589&format=light#t112589))   
---|---  
*reaching over from seat next to Gerard on the train home* *types*  
  
Love you, husband. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=112589&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=112589&format=light#t112589))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-08 04:24 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=112845&format=light#t112845))   
---|---  
*swatting hands away*  
  
Don't make me turn the vibrator up a setting. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=112845&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=112589&format=light#t112589))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/profile)[**shadow_tom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/)  
2004-11-08 10:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113101&format=light#t113101))   
---|---  
All the best people are doing it, apparently. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=113101&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113101&format=light#t113101))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-08 11:06 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113357&format=light#t113357))   
---|---  
Tom! Hi, mate. How's it going in LA? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=113357&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113101&format=light#t113101))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113357&format=light#t113357))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/profile)[**shadow_tom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/)  
2004-11-09 12:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113613&format=light#t113613))   
---|---  
Meh. Still looking for the next Big Project, you know.  
  
Did you two do the deed? Is there something in the water? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=113613&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113357&format=light#t113357))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113613&format=light#t113613))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-09 12:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113869&format=light#t113869))   
---|---  
Yep. Friday in Amsterdam on the way home. He asked while he was filming in Iceland and I said yes. Gonna be a house ~~wife~~ husband for a while. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=113869&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113613&format=light#t113613))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113869&format=light#t113869))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/profile)[**shadow_tom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/)  
2004-11-09 01:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114381&format=light#t114381))   
---|---  
Congratulations! Where'm I to send gifts to? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=114381&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=113869&format=light#t113869))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114381&format=light#t114381))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-11 08:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114893&format=light#t114893))   
---|---  
Gifts aren't necessary, mate, but we're home now, back in London, and you've got that addy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=114893&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114381&format=light#t114381))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114893&format=light#t114893))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/profile)[**shadow_tom**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/shadow_tom/)  
2004-11-11 04:15 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=115661&format=light#t115661))   
---|---  
Gifts are never necessary. But they're fun. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=115661&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114893&format=light#t114893))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/profile)[**c_a_moss**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/c_a_moss/)  
2004-11-09 01:02 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114125&format=light#t114125))   
---|---  
You two got married?! How fantastic! I'm thinking you didn't register anywhere but that's cool, it'll give me an excuse to go shopping!  
  
Seriously though, I think it's wonderful and wish you all the best. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=114125&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114125&format=light#t114125))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-11 08:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=115149&format=light#t115149))   
---|---  
No, didn't register, but if you want company shopping, I'm up for meeting at Covent Garden for coffee. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=115149&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114125&format=light#t114125))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/profile)[**jason_isaacs**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jason_isaacs/)  
2004-11-09 03:51 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114637&format=light#t114637))   
---|---  
Congratulations!  
  
That's wonderful! When? Where? Give us details! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=114637&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114637&format=light#t114637))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-11 08:11 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=115405&format=light#t115405))   
---|---  
Details? Uh, simple civil ceremony in Amsterdam on the way back from Romania. Nothing fancy, but it's legal. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?replyto=115405&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/63949.html?thread=114637&format=light#t114637))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	307. jonnyleemiller: [email to jude & ewan]

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/08/) 12:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37395&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37395) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37395) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37395&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[email to jude & ewan]**_  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/) , [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ewan_mcgregor/)**ewan_mcgregor**  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)**jonnyleemiller**  
Subject: Reason to party

Note scrawled while on train coming into Paris, then shot with digital camera and plopped into email

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37395.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	308. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Coming home (or sex in our own bed)

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[09](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/09/) 22:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37869&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37869) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37869) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37869&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Coming home (or sex in our own bed)** _  
**[players only. occurs monday night, november 9, in london at the butler-miller home]**

He'd managed to keep his hands off Jonny Lee while he drove him home, but as soon as the car is safely parked and the doors are open, Gerard's tugging on Jonny Lee, all but slinging him over his shoulder in an attempt to get them inside faster. The bags can wait. Right now he wants his slut.

Once the door's open and kicked shut behind them, Gerard _does_ pick up Jonny Lee. Carries him over the threshold into the bedroom and then drops him down onto the bed. "Naked. Now."

Jonny Lee's laughing by the time he hits the bed. _Neanderthal husband drags mate into cave to conquer._ Thing is, he thinks, he loves his husband, caveman mentality and all, and he's been itching since they got in the damned car for that 'coming home' sex.

"Yes, Master," he says, crawling around on the bed until he's on his knees, stripping off the sweater and t-shirt in one swipe, then the jeans -- a bit harder, but not bad, except that he forgets about the trainers and has to roll back onto the bed to unlace them, shuck them onto the floor and then skim the denim down his legs. Six minutes instead of five. Result's the same, though, in that Jonny Lee's naked and sprawled on the bed.

They need to invest in those stripper clothes, Gerard thinks. The kind that you tug on and they come off. As it is, he's naked about the time Jonny Lee is and then he pounces him, rolls over, and then leans over to grope for the closest toy. Metal handcuffs, regular issue. He grins. "Slave have any idea what fun his husband can have with these?"

"Slave has lots of ideas, husband." Jonny Lee stretches out his arms, grabs the bed's railing and laces his fingers around the metal. "Am I getting warm?"

Gerard licks his lips and twirls the cuffs around his finger. "Warmer. Still not perfect."

Jonny Lee pulls his hands together around the railing directly behind his head so his fingers are twined behind the metal. "That better?" He grins. "Or your slave could kneel up on the floor and Master could cuff him behind his back and grind him against the carpet."

"That's much better. We'll do the carpet later." Gerard stretches out over Jonny Lee and cuffs him quickly and then tugs on it. "Master looks forward to choking his bound slave," Gerard continues in a death whisper against Jonny Lee's ear. "Handcuffs and ankle cuffs and plugs and always keeping you in a cage, you naughty slut."

"Fuck, yes. Carpet later. Choking." Jonny Lee's following Gerard's words, his cock stiffening on each one. "Cuffs and plugs and," his brain misfires, _cage_ , and he throws it off, refuses to process the thought, "naughty slut. Just for you."

"Mmhmm." Gerard sucks on Jonny Lee's ear lobe. "Though I'm thinking a gates instead of a cage. Show you off instead of hide you away."

Jonny Lee remembers to breathe. _That kind of cage. Okay. Yeah, can do that._ "Master has the best ideas." He tugs on the cuffs, grating them against the bed's metal. Wicked sound. "Your slave's yours to command, husband."

"Know he is." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee hard, but moves down quickly. "Think my boy's tired of being fucked?" he teases, pinching Jonny Lee's nipples. "Been doing it almost nonstop since our first castle stay."

"That's a trick question." Jonny Lee smirks, as much as a man who's cuffed to the bed can and not risk bodily harm.

"Why do you say that?" Gerard pinches Jonny Lee's stomach and then scrapes his nail across it. "I bet my boy's arse is so sore that he needs a spanking to make him feel better."

He winces, body jerking at the sharp pain, even though he loves it. "Spanking. Oh, that sounds good," Jonny Lee says. "Master, your boy _never_ tires of being fucked by you."

"Good." Gerard kisses the spot he just scraped and then licks. Looks up at Jonny Lee. "Christ, you're beautiful," he murmurs. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Two hours ago, but I don't mind hearing it again."

Gerard smiles. "I love you. You are all a man could ever want."

The blush starts at his cheeks, but quickly spread down his neck and shoulders. "I love you more than I ever imagined I _could_ love someone. Glad we got married." _Wish it'd been with a priest and family and all that._ "Don't want anyone else."

"Me, neither." Gerard licks up Jonny Lee's cock. "Beg for a blowjob, slut."

"Nhfgh." It's a strangled whimper that escapes Jonny Lee's throat. "Beg. Yeah. Oh, please, Pire, your slut wants his Master's mouth on his dirty little cock."

"Mmhmm. Go on." Gerard moves more down the bed and starts sucking on the head of Jonny Lee's cock.

"Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee can't think with that moist sensation rippling into his brain. "Master, want you to fuck." He shakes his head. "No, that's not right. Naughty slut wants to push his cock down Master's throat, choke him softly."

Choking? Kinky. Gerard bites down lightly and then slowly moves forward, humming a little. He could get used to this.

Jonny Lee still finds it strange to have Gerard sucking him off. He's so used to it being the other way 'round. But he finds himself liking it. He pushes down into the bed, shifting so his cock _does_ go slightly deeper. "Your slut loves that feeling. Oh, hell, Master, you're good at this."

Gerard pulls back. "Because I learned from the best. Slut." He smirks. "Don't even think about coming. You're not allowed." He wants to be able to enjoy the experience for as long as he wants. He kisses his way down the shaft and then nuzzles the tight curls.

"No, sir. Thought didn't cross your slave's mind." And it hasn't. Jonny Lee's content to let Gerard suck as long as he wants. He'll just tamp back on the need to release.

"Good." Gerard licks Jonny Lee's balls and then sucks lightly at them. "Keeping begging."

"Fuck, it's hard. Just keep doing that. Please, sir. Your slut wants more." He jerks the cuffs against the bed, chafing the metal along his wrists. "Let me fuck your mouth. Please."

"No." Gerard scrapes his teeth along the underside of Jonny Lee's cock. "Master's in charge, slave. You don't get to do anything."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee smiles at the reassuring command. _Master's in charge._ Yes, he is, and it's perfect. He whimpers, letting the sounds out in short bursts, when Gerard's teeth scrape a second time, and squirms, spreading his legs, giving his Master better access to anything he wants.

Jonny Lee's chained to the bed. If Gerard moves down, goes a little lower... Gerard smirks and then starts licking behind Jonny Lee's balls, debating if he should go down Jonny Lee's thighs and watch him squirm. Oh, why not. He moves downwards and pushes down on Jonny Lee's legs with his hands.

"No. Don't. Stay. C'mon. Please." Jonny Lee's squirming almost before Gerard can move. He knows how his Master's devious mind works, and he's cuffed to the bed and not going anywhere and can't really complain. "Please, Pire, don't stop."

"That's hardly convincing." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's knee and then bites.

Jonny Lee's whimpers get louder as Gerard works farther down his leg. "Cock, Pire, not knee," he mutters, sucking his lip between his teeth as his husband bites. "C'mon. Whatever you want. Please."

"I am doing whatever I want." Gerard licks over the bite. "I'm doing exactly what I want."

Jonny Lee tugs hard enough on the cuffs to almost cut his wrist. He bites back the scream as he squirms more, his cock jerking against his stomach, hard and aching and wanting attention.

Just the reaction Gerard was waiting for. He licks his lips slowly and then spreads Jonny Lee's thighs with liberal use of his nails. "Slave wants?"

"Slave wants," Jonny Lee screams, jerking at the scrape of nails. "Slave begs for Master's mouth, his touch. Everyfuckinthing."

Mmm. Screams. "Then he'll get," Gerard says. He pinches Jonny Lee's foreskin and tugs. "Because he's a good slave."

"Fuckin' hell, already," Jonny Lee blurts out, the intense pain of having his foreskin tugged blinding his vision completely. "Ohgodyesplease."

Gerard pinches tighter and then strokes Jonny Lee's cock lovingly, enjoying the way it jumps into his hand. "You know the best part of being your master?"

There's no way Jonny Lee's going to venture a guess on that one. _Tormenting_ comes to mind, but he's rather occupied with the torture he's receiving to put thought to words.

"No thoughts?" Gerard tsks. "Master thinks his boy isn’t paying perfect attention." _Not that master blames him._ "Should master give his boy the answer?"

"Attention. Yeah." Jonny Lee would pay more attention if Gerard's hand weren't diverting it so badly. "Please, tell your slave. He's rather addled at the moment."

"Can tell." Gerard moves up the bed to give Jonny Lee a kiss. "The best thing about being your master is that I can do just about whatever I want to you, and know you'll love every minute of it."

The blush heats up Jonny Lee's face, but he presses up into the kiss. "Yes, Master. You can. He will." Right now the _everything_ Jonny Lee wants most is more contact, hand on cock, mouth on nipples, anything.

"I know." Gerard gives Jonny Lee one more kiss. "And you're going to be good while master does it. Because master's in a very kinky mood."

"Always good." Jonny Lee grins after the last kiss, squirming, cock hard and brain firing on all cylinders. "What's Master planning?"

Gerard smiles secretively. "Slave will find out soon enough. But he has to promise to keep his eyes open and on Master no matter what."

"Yes, sir." He's curious now. What could Master have planned?

"Good boy." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's forehead and then sits back. He crawls backwards until he's kneeling between Jonny Lee's spread legs. Then he takes his cock in hand and starts stroking, smirking at his boy the entire time.

Jonny Lee watches, fascinated by the twist of Gerard's thumb over his own cock. He glances from cock to his Master's eyes, the blue-green-gray shading in and out, a storm on the horizon. He spreads his legs wider, his cock heavy and jerking against his stomach as he moves. "Master's beautiful," he whispers before sucking in a breath.

"So's his slave," Gerard hisses. He twists his thumb some more and closes his eyes, imaging all those times he beat off thinking of his boy. Like that, just like that. Stroke, twist, and oh, _oh_. Gerard moans.

There's a temptation to ask, no, to beg, to be allowed to taste, to feel. Jonny Lee licks his lips. "Master," he pants out the word in two long syllables, "your slave," he says, pushing his tongue out, "begs to taste, to be used."

_Master's slave wasn't given permission to beg._ So Gerard ignores him, hands moving faster on his cock. He's so close, so fucking close. He can't think of what he wanted to do, what he wanted to show his boy, but it doesn't matter. He comes over his fingers and then opens his eyes, taking several deep breathes to calm down.

"Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee jerks the cuffs, tightening them harsh around his wrists, the metal biting sharply into flesh. Master's coming. He licks his lip, then bites it, then moans, loudly. "Want. Please. Master." He sticks out his tongue, keeping his eyes open, fixed on Gerard's face.

"No." Gerard licks his fingers clean, taking great care that Jonny Lee can see it all. "Feel like begging more without permission, slut?"

Only then does Jonny Lee realize what he's been doing. "Fuck." He gets a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry, Master. Just you looked so good doing that and your slave wants so badly." He sighs. "Sorry."

"It's ok." Gerard traces Jonny Lee's bottom lip and then slides his finger into Jonny Lee's mouth. "Master loves you when you beg. It just makes him what to deny you more."

Jonny Lee sucks hard on the finger he's offered, curling his tongue up around it, slurping off any residue he can find.

"Mm. Good boy. Can you take another?"

_Another?_ Jonny Lee nods.

Gerard smiles. "Good slave." Gerard slips two more fingers in Jonny Lee's mouth and swirls them around, enjoying being able to do this without lust taking over his brain.

If he hadn't long ago learned to suppress any gag reflex, the invasion of three fingers in his mouth would have Jonny Lee choking, but he relaxes his throat and focuses on Gerard's face, tracking the swirls of color in his eyes. _Want to be good for Master. That's all you need to think about._

Gerard loves the way Jonny Lee's mouth feels. Soft, wet, and so good at sucking. "My boy's going to wake me up with a blowjob in the morning," he murmurs. "And then he's going to bring me breakfast. No, wait. Better yet, we'll go out." He strokes the inside of Jonny Lee's cheek. "Find a breakfast place. We can eat a stack of pancakes together and you can have as much coffee as you can stand."

Breakfast out. Sounds delicious. Pancakes and coffee and ... oh, yeah, _after_ the blowjob. Jonny Lee sucks harder, opening his mouth and taking Gerard's fingers into the back of his throat, letting them tickle there, fighting hard now to not choke, managing to hold back on everything except for the faintest cough.

"And after that we go shopping." Gerard pulls his fingers halfway out, wanting to see his boy's head go up as he tries to follow. "We'll go to some places, get you fitted for a harness or two, maybe try on some boots. What do you think?"

Jonny Lee raises his head, tongue flickering under Gerard's fingers. _Harness?_ He's not sure.

"Thought so." Gerard smiles. "Then we'll pick up pizza and come back home, and you'll try out that huge dildo I got you while I prop my feet up on your shoulders and watch Dracula."

Now _that_ image has Jonny Lee smiling around Gerard's fingers, slurping them even harder.

Gerard smiles and pulls his fingers out, keeping them about an inch from Jonny Lee's mouth. "Married life isn't bad at all."

Jonny Lee sticks out his tongue and flicks it against Gerard's fingers as he arches up. "Married life's wonderful, Pire," he says.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	309. jonnyleemiller: Journal musings

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/12/) 17:02:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37965&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37965) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37965) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=37965&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  blissful  
---|---  
  
_**Journal musings**_  
 **[private, visible to gerard]**  
  
Haven't done this in a while. Got out of the habit while I was in Berlin. Bad slave.  
  
Home now. _Home._ It seems different, coming home married. _Married. Man and ~~wife~~ man._ Strange thinking of Gerard as husband, not just Master. But this boy likes it.  
  
Happier than I have been in a long time. Feel complete. No parts of me missing anymore. Wedding wasn't much more traditional than my first one, but at least Gerard didn't write on anything in blood. And it's not like we were going to get married in the parish church. Might talk to Father Michael, though, about just blessing the union, if Master doesn't mind too much.  
  
Finally heard back from Ewan (he's off and about, of course) and Jude sounded happy for us. Need to call him 'bout that pint.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-13 12:18 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?thread=62797&format=light#t62797))   
---|---  
Master doesn't mind at all. You know I'll do anything if it makes you happy. I just feel a little weird about this, but that's no reason not to do it. You make the arrangements and I'll be there. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?replyto=62797&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?thread=62797&format=light#t62797))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-13 02:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?thread=63053&format=light#t63053))   
---|---  
Your slave doesn't remember telling you today how much he loves you. Very much. More than any piece of paper could ever mean. Want to spend eternity with you.  
  
By the way, if you're still lurking upstairs, dinner's ready. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?replyto=63053&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/37965.html?thread=62797&format=light#t62797))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	310. gerard: Birthday Blowjob

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/13/) 00:01:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64422&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64422) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64422) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64422&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Birthday Blowjob** _  
[players only. One minute into Ger's birthday. Bracelet referenced is the one in the icon.]

  
It's quarter till midnight, Friday, November 12, and Jonny Lee's watching the clock tick away the minutes. Fifteen of them and it'll be Master's birthday. His 35th. And his slave has all sorts of wicked notions in mind, starting with a 12:01 a.m. blowjob.

With about two minutes left, he moves from his comfortable place on the couch to a much more comfortable position on the floor, kneeling up at Master's knee. He's naked, as usual these days when they aren't having company, and he leans his head against Gerard's leg.

"Master, may your boy speak?"

Gerard's hand goes down into Jonny Lee's hair and he tosses his book onto the coffee table. It's his birthday tomorrow and he has no doubts that Jonny Lee has something planned. It'd explain that grin that's been on his boy's face all day. And as it's almost midnight, this has probably something to do with it. "Of course my boy may."

He tugs into the touch, happier than anything to have Master's hand in his hair. "It's your birthday, Master, and your boy's planned some things for later in the day, gifts and such," Jonny Lee says, "but he'd like to be allowed to start with a blowjob."

Gerard grins. "That sounds like an excellent idea, slave."

"May your boy undress you, sir?"

"He may." Gerard slides over completely and puts both feet on the floor. "Start when you want. And take all the time you want."

Jonny Lee slides his hands over Gerard's thighs, fingers easing along the cotton sweats. "Master is so beautiful like this, all in black, with just the right glint of silver."

Ring and bracelet. "All the silver I'll ever need," Gerard murmurs. "Or want."

"Hmm, nice." Jonny Lee slips his hands to the waistband of the soft pants, hitches his fingers in and starts to tug down, moving his hands in over flesh and around to Gerard's arse, nudging him forward and up off the couch enough to make it easier. "The bracelet looks better than your slave ever imagined. He's glad you agreed to wear it."

Gerard lets Jonny Lee push him around, enjoying being stripped off like this. Fucking erotic. "Of course I agreed. It's from you." And it's perfect. It reminds him that Jonny Lee owns him just as much as he owns Jonny Lee.

Pants off and neatly folded on the floor, Jonny Lee starts at Gerard's ankle, kissing and nibbling, first one then the other, and then he licks up along Master's leg, all the way to the back inside of the right knee before stopping, his hands settled on Gerard's thighs.

Gerard's incredibly hard by now, but he resists grabbing his boy and shoving him where he wants. This is Jonny Lee's present so he'll let Jonny Lee set the pace. "Love my slave."

Jonny Lee's taking his time, savoring the ginger-nutmeg-salt taste of his husband, but he's not insane enough to drag it out too long. Master has limits his slave would rather not test. He drags his tongue over Gerard's inner thigh, stopping just short of his cock. He cocks his head and licks along the side of his balls, sucking gently on the rough flesh.

Gerard gasps at the touch and grabs Jonny Lee by his collar, forcing him up. "More," he manages. "More, slut."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee slurs out, his mouth already moving to take the heavy sacs in, suck on them for a long minute before letting go, then his tongue seeks out the base of the cock pressing against his face. "Hmm, love this." He licks along the full length, twirling his tongue over the head, pushing along the edge of foreskin.

He glances up, sees the 'continue' look in Gerard's eyes, tugs into the pull on his collar, and sinks down on Master's cock. Slow. Easy. Taking it in inch by inch, slathering the flesh with attention and tongue.

Gerard thinks he's going to melt into the couch if Jonny Lee continues like this. He tugs on Jonny Lee's collar more, not to get him to move faster, because he likes this pace, but because he knows Jonny Lee likes it. His boy likes the tug and Gerard likes the blowjob. One for one.

Jonny Lee doesn't _like_ the tugging. He fuckin' loves it. And he sucks harder. Not faster. Just with a bit more vigor, sinking down on the cock, taking it to the back of his throat, letting it scrub at the tender membranes there. His hands are on either side of Gerard's legs, bracing into the couch cushion, and he moves them slowly to wrap around his husband's hips, digging just enough to make it noticeable over the other sensations.

Christ. It's the nails that send him over, push him over the edge. Gerard yanks Jonny Lee's collar back automatically as he comes, not caring that it might not be a good idea to choke his boy while expecting him to swallow.

Choking's fine. It's perfect. It's ... Jonny Lee _does_ choke, swallowing hard, convulsive relaxing of his throat to get it all down.

"Nggg...fuck me." Gerard pulls Jonny Lee all the way off and pats him on the back. "Best birthday present ever."

"Just the start, Master." Jonny Lee kneels up, grins. "Your slave has a whole day of presents to give you."

"Is master going to survive his birthday?"

"Master'll survive it." Jonny Lee smirks. "He might need complete bed rest on Sunday, but he'll live."

"Oh, good. Bed rest." Gerard smiles. "Give us time to rest up for my slut's birthday party on Monday."

"Slut looks forward to it. Does he get a cake?"

"Yes." Gerard smiles. "A cake and hanging chains and torture." He tugs on Jonny Lee's collar. "Does my slave have any more plans for tonight, or should we go cuddle on the bed?"

Jonny Lee's cock jerks at the description. _Hanging chains._ "Uh, no, Master, no more plans till morning. Cuddling sounds quite nice."

"Then we'll do that." Gerard leans forward and kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "To bed, love."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64422.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	311. gerard: Birthday Morning Fuck

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/13/) 09:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64602&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64602) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64602) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64602&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Birthday Morning Fuck** _  
[players only. Follows the morning after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64422.html).]

  
Jonny Lee wakes up before Gerard. Almost always. Even on mornings when he doesn't run, he's awake early. A morning person to the extreme.

This morning's no different. He's awake and watching Master sleep, absently drawing random patterns on Gerard's shoulder, tracing the dagger tattoo. He can wait till his husband rouses more to continue the birthday presents.

_Husband._ Every day, he likes the sound of it better. _Master._ The two words blend so well. One in the same. His.

Gerard hates waking up before he absolutely has to, so he resists the friendly touch on his arm. He rolls over and tugs the blankets tighter around him.

That's alright, Jonny Lee thinks, and he snuggles in closer, wrapping himself up around his lover. He drops the softest of kisses on Gerard's shoulder. "Happy birthday, Master," he whispers, breath slow and easy and warm.

Oh, right. It's his birthday. He tosses his arm around Jonny Lee and keeps him close. "Anythin' planned?"

"Several things." Jonny Lee's smiling at the thought of presents stashed around the house. His cock's aching, still hard from stimulation hours ago. "Thought we might start with a fuck. Would you like that, Master?" He kisses Gerard's chest. "Your boy fucking himself while you lie back, relax. Maybe?"

"Mm. Sounds good." He doesn't have to move. He can just lie there and let Jonny Lee give him his present. "Love you."

"Good. Just turn on your back, stretch out. Your slave's pampering his Master today." Jonny Lee nudges Gerard over, hands sliding along his chest behind the quick kisses.

Gerard turns over obediently and loosens his grip on the blankets. There's nothing wrong with letting himself be pampered. Feelings fucking good. He thinks that if he wakes up to this more often, he might start not hating mornings anymore.

Jonny Lee crawls over Gerard's body, licking long swatches of exposed skin as he settles into a straddle over Master's hips. He wraps his hand around Gerard's cock, pulls up, tugging just this side of rough. "Your boy bought prezzies, too, the kind you have to unwrap." He's intent on the stiffening flesh under his fingers, working it with a thumb rubbing under the foreskin, his ring creating a ripple effect along one side.

Mmm. Fucking perfect. Gerard squirms under Jonny Lee's ministrations, waking up more the harder he gets. And, fuck, is that his _ring_? God. His boy knows just what to do. Always. "Can't unwrap you?"

There's a long moment of thought, Jonny Lee's mind going off in tangents. "Your slave supposes," he says, pulling up sharply on the cockhead, satisfied that Master's hard enough, "you could unwrap him," he keeps talking as he shifts, spreading his legs a bit, positioning Gerard's cock against his opening, "if you wrapped him up first," and he's sinking down, breathing out, "you know, plastic wrap or such."

"C-could, yeah." Gerard swallows. He's doing his best to stay still and let Jonny Lee do the work, but he wants to take control so badly. He settles for resting his hands on Jonny Lee's hips and squeezing.

It's noticeable, the tug Gerard's keeping on his self-control. Jonny Lee inches down, even prepped it's tight, rocks up into the squeezes and levers himself down again. Almost there. And then, finally, cock deep in his arse, he lets go the breath he's been holding, looks down at Gerard and smiles.

"It's your birthday, Pire, and it's my present," he says, moving his hips slowly, "but you still control me. How do you want it?"

Gerard tries to get his mouth around words, but fails. He squeezes hard on Jonny Lee's hips and pushes down hard, hoping that his boy gets the idea. It's a wonderful present and now he wants more of it.

It's encouragement, if not exact words, and Jonny Lee starts moving a bit faster, setting up a nice, easy rhythm that has him nearly coming off Gerard's cock before sinking himself back down. Hurts like a dream. Every single time.

Gerard groans and thrusts up while pushing down. He knows this is hurting Jonny Lee, but that's only a fringe benefit. He hasn't felt this good since, well, last night.

"Oh, fuck, Master," Jonny Lee hisses out, taking Gerard deeper than before, face contorting at the intense tremor of pain It's momentary, though, and he's quickly back to craving more. "Please, come for me, fill me."

_Yes._ But not yet. He's not ready. He wants more of this pleasure first. It's his birthday. He's allowed to make his boy work hard for it.

And work he does, riding his lover, up and down, rocking his body forward before sinking back down, making every thrust as deep as possible, as painful as it can be, taking everything Gerard's willing to give.

And that's a lot. Gerard gives everything and takes just as much. He knows that his fingers are going to leave marks and so he squeezes as hard as he can. He comes before he can stop himself, and hits his head against the headboard.

Jonny Lee winces, from hearing Gerard's head collide with the bed's metal railing, and he's distracted by the orgasm, his lover filling him, marking him inside and out, bruising with fingers and staining with come. "Oh, hell, oh, so good." He slows his movements, just enough to make it not so painful for his lover, knowing the charge will quickly dissolve into oversensitivity.

"Good," Gerard repeats. He likes Jonny Lee where he is, but it's going to get very painful very soon. He takes his hands off his boy and cross them above his head. "Love you."

"Love you. You okay? Didn't hit too hard, did it?" Jonny Lee stretches out over Gerard's chest, nuzzling at his throat, his cock rigid and rubbing between their bodies.

"Just dandy." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back. "You're so good to me."

There's a definite purr in Jonny Lee's voice. "Yes, Master." He lays his head down on Gerard's shoulder. "Sometime around lunch, your slave would like to come, if he's allowed."

Gerard smirks. "My slave is very presumptuous this morning. Adorable slut." He kisses Jonny Lee's head. "And of course you can come around lunch."

"The adorable slut's happy, Master." Jonny Lee squirms, snuggles in tighter. "You want to go back to sleep? Or should I start moving on breakfast?"

"Mm. Get breakfast. Bring it up on a tray." Gerard stretches out. "And if I fall asleep between now and then, well, my slave will just have to wake me up."

"Yes, Master. Full breakfast coming up." Jonny Lee's chuckling as he slides off Gerard's body, slips to the edge of the bed.

Gerard smiles. "Don't be long," he says, then stretches out some more and tugs the covers over him. A short nap can't hurt.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64602.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	312. gerard: Birthday Morning Breakfast

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/13/) 10:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65362&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65362) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65362) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65362&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Birthday Morning Breakfast** _  
[players only. Takes place right after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64602.html).]

  
It's not a full English breakfast. Hell, that'd kill 'em both, and Jonny Lee's not sure he can eat like that these days. But he's managed to cram sausage and bacon on the plate, along with a tomato he pan-fried, two eggs and a couple pieces of toast. Plus there's a pot of coffee and one of tea. And he managed not to take too long, even with adding the candle in the middle of the tomato.

"Breakfast is served, Master," he says, walking into the bedroom. The covers are still pulled up and Jonny Lee smiles. "C'mon out from under the covers, Pire. Food awaits."

Gerard rolls towards the voice, but doesn't let go. "Go 'way. Having a nice dream about my boy on his knees. Beggin' for, uh, hmm." Gerard thinks for a minute. "Whatever I wanna give him."

Jonny Lee laughs and walks over to the bed, sitting on its edge, nudging Gerard's shoulder. "Wake up, sleepyhead, your boy has breakfast, and if Master's good and sits up and eats it, then his dreams get to be reality."

Gerard pulls the covers below his head and opens one eye. He looks at Jonny Lee suspiciously. "Promise? I be good and eat breakfast and my boy will beg?" He pauses. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Actually, your boy will beg either way, but Master needs his breakfast." Jonny Lee nudges the tray onto the bed. "Move over. Sit up. Eat."

"Yes, sir." Gerard grumbles and then sits up against the bed. "Looks good, love. Went all out."

"Birthday breakfast." Jonny Lee pushes the tray over Gerard's legs. "Mum used to do this for me on my birthday, 'cept she'd have the pudding with it." He smiles and picks up the pot of jam. "You get black currant jam, m'lord."

"Jam's better, my slave." Gerard picks up a piece of bacon and pops it into his mouth. "Mm. You're good."

"Worked in a kitchen after I dropped out of school. Should be good." Jonny Lee shifts the setting around, putting the cups upright. "You want coffee or tea, Master?"

"Tea." Gerard offers a plate to Jonny Lee. "You eat also."

"I will. There's enough here for two." Taking the plate, he nestles it on one side of the tray and goes on about pouring the tea, fixing it exactly as Gerard likes, then pours himself a cup of coffee, adding a huge spoonful of sugar and two plops of cream. "Here's your tea," he says, handing it off. Then he makes an exaggerated show of picking up a sausage from his plate and nibbling off the end. "See, Master, your boy's eating."

Gerard takes the tea and laughs at his boy. "I know my boy's eating. I just like to handfeed him because it's sexy."

Jonny Lee sips at the coffee for a minute. "Want him to kneel up on the floor beside the bed? He likes being fed."

"Naw, master wants him in bed." Gerard puts the mug down on the bed table and picks up a piece of toast. "I can feed him just fine from here."

Taking that as a cue, Jonny Lee leans forward, opens his mouth and pokes his tongue out.

Gerard rips the corner off the toast and places it on Jonny Lee's tongue. "Chew," he orders.

Chew he does, pulling the toast back into his mouth, working it off his tongue and under his teeth. Toast never tasted so good. Jonny Lee wonders if that's marriage or just being fed by Master. He finishes and swallows, shifting to move more to Gerard's side, cross his legs and get comfortable. "Master's choice," he says. "Does he want his presents brought to bed? Or does he want to go seeking them?"

"Let's wait on them," Gerard says. He tears off another piece of toast and feeds it to Jonny Lee. "I want to savor the moment." He feeds Jonny Lee the rest of the piece and then eats the next one. "Sausage or bacon, Teak?"

"Hmm, bacon." He's eager, like a kid celebrating. He has so many little gifts strewn around the house, all carefully put out late Friday night. "Your slave likes this, having the time to savor being together. Not having to rush off to filming this or that." He knows it won't last. Promos for _Phantom_ will be starting soon, and Gerard will be dashing here and there, making nice for the press.

"Me, too, Teak." Gerard spears some on the fork and places it in Jonny Lee's mouth. "I love how it's just the two of us. No rushing. No needing to be anywhere or do anything. We should do this more often. Not just on birthdays."

"No reason not to be just the two of us, if you want." Jonny Lee gets the words out as the bacon hits his tongue, then he goes quiet, chewing. Just them is a nice thought. He's happy with that, keeping to himself unless Master wants him to play with others. And he definitely likes _this_ , thinks it should be a new morning ritual. Well, without the full breakfast every morning, of course.

"I want." Gerard leans forward and kisses Jonny Lee on the nose. "But I think it might get in the way with your running. And I'm not going to tell you to get out of bed early to do that. I love waking up next to you too much for that."

Jonny Lee crinkles his nose, resisting the urge to rub it, the kiss tickling a good bit. "I can run anytime, Pire. Doesn't have to be morning. Can be middle of the day, late afternoon."

"But you like running in the morning." Gerard frowns. "Wouldn't it disturb your inner balance to change it?"

"I like being with you more than running. Think my inner balance can handle a shift in schedule."

"And the rest of your schedule?"

"What schedule? Your slave cooks and cleans and does whatever Master leaves him instructions to do." Jonny Lee smiles, sips at his coffee. "He doesn't have a schedule, unless Master wants to make him one."

"Master has no desire to do that." Gerard eats some of the sausage. "Whenever you want. If you want to adjust your schedule to my whims, I'm not going to stop you."

"Good. It's settled, then. Your slave will shift his running to the afternoon." Jonny Lee's miffed, doesn't understand why Gerard won't take the control when he offers it. "That way he has mornings to serve Master breakfast, properly."

"Ok." Gerard grins. It wasn't something he was going to force Jonny Lee into, but he's glad that his boy wants to do it. It's one more step to that goal of making Jonny Lee happy. "Thank you."

"It makes your slave happy." He cocks a smile again. "Makes your husband happy. Want to serve you, Pire, every day for the rest of my life. It's what gives your boy pleasure, what makes him complete."

"It gives your master pleasure as well." This time the kiss is on his lips. "I love how you serve me," he whispers. "I love the way you look on your knees, the way you look when you beg. I love the way you look with pain in your eyes, when you're crying, when you want anything I'll give you just as long as it's more." He breathes the last word against Jonny Lee's ear and then pulls back. "More coffee?"

Jonny Lee doesn't say a word. Just stares. Eyes glaze over from staring. Master's words chill him, shiver him straight to his cock and wrap up around his heart. "Coffee? Sure." He realizes he's still holding his cup, the brown liquid now lukewarm. "Thank you. For coming back. For making me your slave. For marrying me."

Gerard smiles as he refills Jonny Lee's cup. "Believe me, love. It was my pleasure. My absolute pleasure." Now that he's wowed Jonny Lee and put him temporarily out his right mind...Gerard bounces a little on the bed. "How long have you had this, Teak?"

It takes a minute for Jonny Lee to process what Gerard's asking. He's a bit surprised at the bouncing. "What? The mattress? I don't know, 10 years maybe."

"Think it might be getting old? How long have you had the rest of the bed?"

"Longer." He looks at the headboard, then at Gerard. "You want a new bed?"

"That obvious?" Gerard blushes a little. "Well, since you brought it up," Gerard pushes the breakfast tray more towards Jonny Lee and then reaches under the bed. The catalogue opens to a nice spread on a bed and Gerard plops it down on Jonny Lee's lap. "[This](http://www.stockroom.com/b828plus.htm) caught my eye."

"Uh, fuck, Pire, that's, wow." Jonny Lee stares at the page, flips over and glances at the next page, then goes back. "No, like this one." He gets that wicked smile on his face. "Can your boy redo the room to go with it? We've got the high ceilings for it."

"'Course," Gerard says. He reaches over and points to the front of the bed. "The best thing about is that if we take off the chains, it just looks like a weird art deco gay thing. We can hang a sling up and play, or I could chain you to the foot of the bed when you've been naughty. The possibilities are endless."

"It's gorgeous. Definitely, we'll get rid of this." He pats the bed. "I'll ring up the homeless shelter, see if they can use it."

"Just like that?" Wow. He'd expected a lot more discussion about that. "You're cool with this? We get a new bed? Don't think it comes with a mattress, though, so it's mattress shopping or keeping this one."

Jonny Lee gets a mischievous glint in his eye. "Oh, mattress shopping, Master. Please. And, sure, it's just a bed. I'm not married to it." He grins. "Married to you, and if you want a new bed for our house, then we go shopping."

"You won't regret it," Gerard promises. He thinks he should mention that mattress shopping won't be as risqué as Jonny Lee seems to think it is, but what the hell. He can leave it for another time. He puts the breakfast tray on the floor and then pounces his slave.

"Ahhgh." Pouncing's never expected, and Jonny Lee topples back on the bed, legs bent rather oddly under Gerard's body. "Your slave assumes breakfast is over."

"My slave is correct." Gerard licks a long line up Jonny Lee's throat and then bites. "Breakfast is most certainly over."

There's a moan, followed closely by a whimper, and a definite arching of body, Jonny Lee's erection rubbing against Gerard's thigh. "What's next, Master?"

"Next is a shower," Gerard murmurs. "And then I'm going to put you in an apron and watch you make lunch."

"Why, what a wonderful coincidence. Your slave bought a new apron on the trip that'll be perfect for lunch."

"Oh? Does it say something naughty on it?"

"Yes." Jonny Lee blushes. "It says 'Suck The Cook: The Blood's Fresh'. Found it at that bizarre gift shop in Bucharest."

"Ooooh. Master likes that." He bites Jonny Lee's neck. "Does it have a nice convenient hole in the front to show off my catamite's cock?"

"Fuck, yes, Master," he pants out. There was a question, Jonny Lee knows, but it got lost in the bite. He thinks. "Oh, hole, no. Your slave'll cut one, first thing he gets to the kitchen."

"No, don't cut it up." Gerard sucks on the bite and then scrapes his teeth over it. "Master will just have to get his slut a second one for when the first is in the wash."

"Oh, yes. No. Fuck." Whenever Gerard sucks at his flesh, Jonny Lee loses sight of where he is. It's a willful zone, one tapped into to spring the endorphins. "Slut loves when you draw blood, take him."

"Know you do." Gerard nuzzles Jonny Lee's neck and then sits up. "Shower," he says. "Together."

He whimpers, nuzzling over, and pulls himself up, pout staining his lips. "Yes, Master. Shower. Get your boy all clean for afternoon fucks."

"Hey, it's your show." Gerard smiles. "It's my birthday and I'm letting my slave pamper me and tell me what to do and when."

Jonny Lee gets a smug smile again. "Then get into the shower, Master. Your slave's going to show you what service is, like a proper bath boy."

"Is he? Oh, well, then, I won't stand in his way." And service sounds like an excellent way to spend his birthday. "You know how much master loves service."

"Yes, sir, slave knows _exactly_ how much Master likes it," Jonny Lee says, sliding to the edge of the bed, "and he intends to torture Master with exceptional service, from soaping him up to drying him off."

"Naughty boy." Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee. "And you're always so good to me."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65362.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	313. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Birthday pampering continues

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/13/) 10:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38313&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38313) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38313) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38313&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Birthday pampering continues** _  
**[players only. occurs immediately after[this breakfast](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65362.html), which had followed the [morning fuck](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64602.html) on gerard's birthday, saturday, november 13.]**

There's something about service that trips Jonny Lee's brain full-out. He knew he had the kink, but after that weekend with Sean in LA, he couldn't wait to get home, show Gerard just how good he could be at it. And he's perfected the art since then, Master indulging his whims for pampering.

The shower water's hot, not near scalding but on the side of erasing every muscle ache a man might have. Jonny Lee's hands are in the center of Gerard's back, massaging in the herbal soap he'd picked up earlier in the week, just for birthday baths.

Gerard loves when Jonny Lee serves him like this. He's braced beneath the spray, Jonny Lee's hands massaging his back. This is quite near perfect. "Should let you do this more often," Gerard says. It makes him feel a little foolish to ask for it, but he thinks he's allowed to embarrass himself in front of his husband.

"As often as Master wants. We could make it part of the daily schedule," Jonny Lee offers, his hands sliding around to work along the edges of Gerard's ribs. "Or every few days, if you like."

Gerard looks over his shoulder at Jonny Lee. "You wouldn't mind?"

"No, sir. It's part of what a slave does." Jonny Lee kisses Gerard's shoulder. "Wanna turn around and the boy'll get his Master's chest."

"Yes, dear." Gerard turns around and flicks water at Jonny Lee. "What else does a slave do?"

Jonny Lee shakes the water off his face. "Master is playful." He smiles. "A slave does whatever Master wants. Cooks naked. Blowjobs on command. What's his pleasure?"

He reaches for the soap and lathers up Gerard's chest, palming over the nipples.

"Right now?" Gerard pretends to think about it. "Master wants his slave to do exactly what he's doing. And then," he pauses for effect. "Cook naked, give blowjobs on command, and anything else you can think of. I want it all."

_I don't want to have to think of what to do._ He manages to keep back the sigh and he rubs his hands down over Gerard's stomach, hips, fingers grazing over the cock, working the herbal scent into short hairs and down over thighs. "Master should take it all," Jonny Lee murmurs into the spray of water over Gerard's shoulder, "everything _he_ wants."

Gerard can't quite ear Jonny Lee over the water, but he thinks he can figure out the gist. He grabs Jonny Lee by the hair and tugs him up. "My slave is pampering me on my birthday," he says sternly. "And so he will pamper me in any way he wants. After that, Master will do whatever he wishes to his slave. Understand?"

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee doesn't stop the grin. Master _does_ understand. "Your slave would wash your legs now, Master, then you'll be ready to get out."

"I know." But Gerard doesn't let go. He smiles slowly. "Beg to be allowed to serve me, slut." He thinks Jonny Lee wants to be reminded who owns who, and Gerard wouldn't mind that either. "Beg to be ordered to kneel down and allowed to serve me."

The words slice through water and into Jonny Lee's brain. _Yes. Take control._ "Master, please," he says, voice dropping lower as he rubs his hands up over Gerard's chest, pushing soapy suds in patterns around nipples and out over shoulders, "your slave begs, he pleads, for the privilege of serving. He's not worthy." He kisses the flesh around the right nipple, licking over the soap, ignoring how the herbs bite his tongue. "He shouldn't be allowed off his knees, but now he's begging to be put back on them, to be beneath his Master."

Gerard's never liked the way Jonny Lee says he's not worthy, but he isn't sure he should break the mood. Maybe he can do it lightly. Gerard lifts Jonny Lee's chin with pruning fingers and looks him in the eye. "It's up to master to say if he's worthy or not, or where his slave's place is. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master." He mentally slaps himself for not remembering that rule. _A slave doesn't presume, Jonny._ "Your slave is as worthy as Master wishes him to be, but he still begs to be put on his knees, to be allowed to serve."

"And he'll get that." If Gerard wasn't so slicked with soap... "My boy is allowed to clean me, as long as he remembers his place."

"His place is wherever Master puts him," Jonny Lee says, sliding himself down Gerard's body, looking up, the water pelting off his face. His hands wrap the back of Gerard's thighs and he licks over the crease of flesh from hip to cock, sluicing water from his mouth to rinse off the soap.

"Mmm...good boy." He loves this. He really loves this. Can never get enough. "Love you."

Jonny Lee rakes his nails down the back of Gerard's thighs, scrubbing the soap in and then rubbing his palms back up, spreading soap into water and feeling it trickle through his fingers. "Love you, Master, husband," he says softly, breathing out over Gerard's cock, lapping the sudsy water around it.

Gerard strokes the back of Jonny Lee's neck. He has an itch to make this shower less about getting clean than getting dirty, but he still wants to torture his boy during lunch. Decisions, decisions.

It's tempting to suck, to sink his mouth on the cock and take it to the back of his throat, to choke himself on flesh and water, and then Jonny Lee remembers it's not his call. He kneels back, looking up. "Master's clean," he purrs. "Would he like to be dry now?"

"He, uh, wouldn't mind." Gerard reaches over his head and positions the shower head to wash them off.

Jonny Lee stands up, shaking off the excess water, and steps out of the shower. He grabs a towel off the warming rack and unfolds it. "Warm and fluffy, Master, just the way you like it."

Gerard stands under the spray for a moment longer before stepping out of the shower. "Good slave," he says. "Dry me off."

"Love doing that, Master," Jonny Lee says, draping the towel over Gerard's shoulders, patting them dry before rubbing down one arm and then the other. "Being a good slave." Then he puts a warm patch of the cotton against Gerard's chest and rubs in small circles until it's dry.

"Love having it done." The towel is nice and soft against him, and Jonny Lee's hands are enough to made a dead man hard. Gerard holds his arms away from his body to give Jonny Lee more room to work.

He works slowly, methodically, carefully avoiding Gerard's cock with anything other than the lightest touch as he dries the legs, going down on his knees to maneuver and come up Gerard's back with the towel.

Gerard closes his eyes as Jonny Lee works, getting off on the touches more than the visual right now. Later, he may want to see Jonny Lee rub a towel over every part of his body, but now he wants to feel it. It's so warm and relaxing that he thinks he could fall asleep standing up.

Jonny Lee drops the towel in the hamper and picks up a second one, moving back to in front of Gerard and wrapping it around his husband's waist. "Is there anything else Master requires at the moment?"

"Just his boy," Gerard says and then tugs Jonny Lee close and kisses him. The day's been perfect, and it's only just begun.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	314. gerard: Birthday Afternoon Spanking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/13/) 15:31:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=66370&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=66370) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=66370) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=66370&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Birthday Afternoon Spanking** _  
[players only. Follows [pampering](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/38313.html) and [breakfast](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65362.html).]

  
Lunch comes off without a hitch and the afternoon's spent with Gerard finding his presents, which Jonny Lee's stashed around the house. The suit was first, and much to Jonny Lee's relief, it fit and Master likes it. Then there were the books and CDs, the generic stuff, and last, Gerard finally finds the shoulder-length black latex gloves, which Jonny Lee had hung from the downstairs bathroom mirror and the tub of Boy Butter, appropriately enough, in the refrigerator.

So they've settled down and are curled up on the couch, plugged into a movie, and Jonny Lee nudges closer. "So, enjoying your birthday, Master? Anything you haven't gotten?"

Gerard shifts to let Jonny Lee nudge closer all he wants. This has been the best birthday he's had, and it definitely beats the one last year he spent agonizing over whether Jonny Lee would take him back. "Well, I got my birthday fuck. And my birthday shower. And my birthday presents, some of which makes me think that my boy is naughty and deserves a spanking, or a beating, for having a devious mind." Of all of them, he'd liked the gloves the best. He could imagine what was going through Jonny Lee's mind when he bought them. "Or a fisting."

"Would it be even naughtier of your boy to ask for all three?" Jonny Lee nuzzles in under Gerard's arm, against his chest. He's still naked. Has been all day. Likes it. "Your boy was hoping Master would like the presents. He wanted to make _this_ birthday the best his Master ever has."

"My greedy slut wants a spanking, a beating, and a fisting all at once?" Gerard kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "My slave's very ambitious. And Master loved his presents." He strokes Jonny Lee's stomach and then moves a little lower. "Master thanks his boy for giving him the best birthday he's ever had."

"Well, _that_ might be a bit much." Jonny Lee grins, shifts to give Gerard maximum flesh exposure for his touches. "Maybe one now, the others later."

"And does my slave have a preference which one?" Gerard strokes the base of Jonny Lee's cock. "Of course, he knows better than to mention it to master. Master has his own ideas of what his slave is going to get." He bends his head down and blows against Jonny Lee's ear. "And his slave is going to be a good boy and do as he's ordered," Gerard murmurs. "Isn't he."

Jonny Lee moans at the touch, the stroke perfect, almost pulling him over the edge just with those fingers. "Yes, Master, he's going to be the perfect boy, do exactly as he's ordered."

"Of course he is." Gerard squeezes his fingers around the base of Jonny Lee's cock. "Because otherwise, he'd be a bad boy. And my boy is a good boy. He just pretends to be bad in order to be punished."

"Nhghh." Jonny Lee swallows to regain use of his brain. "Good boy. Tries to be. Really hard."

"I know he's really hard." Gerard squeezes just a little more. He knows Jonny Lee can take it. "I can feel it."

"No, uh, meant it's hard to be good, but he tries, and, oh fuck, yeah, he's that, too." Jonny Lee loves the squeezing pain, putting him just on edge. He hasn't come since Friday night and he's wanting to so badly.

"I love that he tries." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock lovingly. "Come in my hand and I'll spank you."

There's a moment of confusion. Is that a promise or a threat? "Your boy has permission, sir? To come."

Yes. "Master wouldn't quite put it that way." Gerard does that trick with his thumb that he knows Jonny Lee loves. "But my boy won't get a spanking until he does."

That particular thumb trick knocks Jonny Lee for a loop. Always does. He buries his head in Gerard's chest, panting out the breaths. "Thank you, Master. Oh, god, yes." He comes, pulsing streams of white coating Gerard's hand. It's been long enough that he's aching and coming through Gerard's vise grip is even more pained, in the best possible way.

Oh, that's beautiful. Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's neck with his free hand as he comes. "Good boy," he whispers. "My good slut."

"Good boy. Good slut." Jonny Lee's temporarily beyond more than echoing the praise. His body jerks a last time and he slumps into his husband, content.

"Yes. A very very good slut." Gerard brings his hand up to Jonny Lee's mouth.

There's a pause before Jonny Lee leans forward, hesitancy in getting his bearings not in wanting what's offered. Then he licks, swirling tongue around Gerard's fingers, sucking off every drop of himself.

"Mmm. So good." Gerard shifts beneath Jonny Lee. "Love when you do that."

"Love when you do _that_ , Master, let your boy come." Jonny Lee moves enough to accommodate Gerard's shifting. "Now you wish to spank your boy?"

"I'll be merciful and give him a moment." Gerard pinches Jonny Lee's nipples. "Tell me when you're ready to squirm."

"Tell you. Squirm." He does the second rather well already, pulling back and then pushing in at the pinch. "Master, your boy's doing nothing but squirming. Please, spank him?"

"Ok." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock. "Up over my lap, slut, and you'll get your spanking."

"Yes, Master." Jonny Lee moves, a tad slow, and drapes himself over Gerard's lap, arms crossed against the couch cushion and legs stretched out.

"There we go," Gerard says. He pats Jonny Lee's arse. "I don't want you to count or thank me. This is just for fun. Got it?"

The response is way too eager, the notion of _not_ counting a birthday present before his birthday. "Yes, sir," Jonny Lee says. "Just for fun."

"Just for fun," Gerard repeats. It's no secret that Jonny Lee doesn't like counting, but Gerard usually insists on it to check on his boy's headspace. It's not necessary right now. "Master will go until he stops."

That notion has Jonny Lee squirming more. _Till Master stops_ could be an eternity. Or not. Either way, it'll be good. Master's hand on Jonny Lee's arse. Oh, yeah. Good.

Gerard takes that as whole-hearted approval for him to start and so he begins. The first one is hard and Gerard watches as his handprint shows on Jonny Lee's arse. Then he hits him again. And again. And Jonny Lee's arse gets steadily redder, steadily hotter. Gorgeous.

The first swat stings. Always does. It's usually the third one where the heat starts to build. Jonny Lee wriggles, more shifting and repositioning than squirming. He's not going anywhere till it's finished.

The wriggling sends Jonny Lee rubbing against Gerard's cock and Gerard slaps the top of his thighs. "Naughty, naughty slut," he says. "Master's going to make you walk around in an apron that says fuck me, I'm a greedy slut."

"Oooh, slave likes that idea." Jonny Lee squirms again, this time rubbing his own cock against his Master's thigh. He's not hard, shouldn't even want to be getting hard, having just come, but the spanking is _too_ good.

"Of course my slave does." _Slap._ "He's a greedy," _slap_ , "greedy," _slap_ , "slut." He rubs the reddest part of Jonny Lee's arse and then pinches it. "I bet the club has with any naughty logo we could think up, or have one made special."

"Mmmgfgh." It's a muffled scream, the pinch unexpected and his arse sore. Good sore. Excellent sore. "Oh, yeah, sure they do, Master. Just for your greedy slut."

"Should get you a nametag with that on it." Jonny Lee's arse is colouring nicely, but it could use more conformity. Gerard slaps on a spot that's still stubbornly pink. "'Hello, my name is Greedy Slut.'"

"Yes, sir." There's a hiss in of breath, the redness offering up warmth.

"My slut would like that?" Gerard pinches the spot he just hit, wanting his boy to squirm. "My slut would like for everyone to know how much of a slut he is?"

"Slut just for you, Master. Greedy for your touch."

"I know you are." And so Gerard doesn't touch him. His slave knows how to beg.

The delay's obvious, and it has Jonny Lee grinning. Yes, he knows how to beg. He starts with a wriggle, pushing his arse up and rubbing against Gerard's hand. "Please, Master, your greedy slut wants some more, sir," he says, best Oliver Twist voice.

Gerard chuckles and slaps Jonny Lee's arse hard. "You do a terrible pitiful orphan, lad. Try again."

"C'mon," Jonny Lee says, pouting. "Your slave did that in youth theater, and did a damned good job."

"Then my slave desperately needs to get back into practice." Gerard reaches over and rubs Jonny Lee's hair. "C'mon, repeat after me. 'Please, sir, I want some more.'"

"Please, sir, I want some more," Jonny Lee repeats, putting more pitiful enthusiasm into it. "Please, Master, spank your boy till he can't think about standing up."

Gerard grins. "That's much more like it, slut." He shifts beneath Jonny Lee. "Is the pitiful orphan willing to exchange sex for food?"

"Oh, yes, sir. He will, sir." Jonny Lee squirms appreciatively.

"What about for beatings? Can't have my spoiled orphan going without his beatings."

"He should get those no matter what, sir. A spoiled orphan brat needs regular beatings."

"But he needs to pay for them, of course. We can't have spoiled orphan brats thinking they can get things for free." _Christ, we are very, very, fucked up people._ Gerard isn't sure how he's managed to keep a straight face for this long. There's something very appealing in the thought of Jonny Lee as a begging orphan. Though he'd thought his boy didn't take well to age play.

Jonny Lee's not thinking of it as ageplay, and maybe that's why his brain can wrap around it. "What would the master have me give up? He's already getting me arse for the gruel."

Gerard shrugs. "You're getting set in your ways, lad. You're _expecting_ that fucking, or the beating. There's no surprise. And what's the fun in jaded orphans?"

"Not jaded." Jonny Lee looks up, smiles. "Don't know which it'll be any given time."

"Ah, yes. Keeping you on your toes." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse, enjoying the heat. "Well, you know what they say. Just do it."

The heat's delicious, layering warmth that has Jonny Lee thinking he won't be sitting down for hours. "Master, your slave's very happy right now. Feeling good."

"Good." Gerard ruffles Jonny Lee's hair. "Does my kept orphan want to give Master a blowjob?"

"Fuck, yes." Okay, so it might be a bit over the top, but Jonny Lee's excited about the prospect.

Gerard licks his lips. "Is he ready to beg for it?"

"Yes. Does Master want me on his knees to beg?"

"No." Gerard scrapes a nail down Jonny Lee's arse and thigh. "I like him right where he is."

"Okay," Jonny Lee gets out before the scraping short-circuits his brain. "Oh, fuck, Pire, can't think when you do that. Please. _Please._ Let your boy suck you off."

"Is there any special reason why I should?" Gerard smiles. "How much does my slut want it?"

_So bad he's ready to hit you and scream._ Jonny Lee grins. "Fuckin' bad. Can almost taste it. Wanna be choked on it."

"Oh, well, then." Gerard gives Jonny Lee's arse something that's between a swat and a pat. "If that's the way you feel about it, maybe I should just get you a gag and let you choke all night."

There's a line between being a good slave and losing patience, and Jonny Lee hasn't mastered the art of not slouching toward it. He _wants_ Master's cock, and he wants it _now_.

"Please, Pire," he implores, squirming at the new swats.

Gerard loves to torment his boy, but he's completely out of patience. "Then my slut should get on his knees, shouldn't he?"

"Thank you, Master. He should be." Jonny Lee slides off Gerard's lap, wincing just a touch at the insane pleasure coming from the heat on his arse. He kneels up in front of his master. "Please, sir, may this spoiled brat have your cock in his mouth?"

Gerard swallows hard at the visual, at the words. _I don't care what he says. We're doing something with that spoiled brat thing._ "He-he may."

"Hands permitted?" Jonny Lee cocks his head. He can do it without hands, but fingers on Gerard's thighs and nails pushing into flesh make the whole thing so much more fun.

"Hands permitted," Gerard says. He spreads his legs and pushes Jonny Lee closer to him. "As much as you want."

"Perfect." It's almost a purr. Jonny Lee nudges in even closer, running his hands up Gerard's thighs, slipping fingers under the black boxers, splaying them until his thumbs are caressing the base of his lover's cock. He leans in, seizes the waistband of the cotton with his teeth and pulls down, uncovering said cock, _his_ to serve.

"Nng." Gerard leans back against the couch and slides lower, all but pushing his cock in Jonny Lee's face. "Slave..."

Jonny Lee's tongue teases Gerard's cock while his chin pushes the boxers farther down, fingers twisting the cotton to help. He licks, brief swipes before taking the cock into his mouth, sucking on the head, rubbing his tongue around the foreskin.

First a spanking, now a blowjob. Gerard feels bloody _pampered_. He reaches behind Jonny Lee's head and holds onto his neck, pushing him just a little bit forward.

That's enough encouragement. Jonny Lee sinks deeper, letting his tongue swirl down the length of the shaft, fingers sliding over, finding a spot to dig into Gerard's thighs. He sucks, hard, not so much on technique but desire and force.

And, fuck, does the force feel so much better than technique could. Gerard squeezes Jonny Lee's neck and forces him all the way forward. He knows he won't last very long, so he wants it as good as it can be.

_Yes, Master. Use your slut. Fuck his mouth. Show him his place._ Jonny Lee opens his mouth wider, lets Gerard control the push, taking what's given as he sucks.

"Jonny..." Gerard pushes Jonny Lee as far as he can and then comes, tugging hard on Jonny Lee's collar.

A moment's notice. That's all he gets, and it's enough for Jonny Lee to consciously suppress the choking, swallow hard before the first jets slam into the back of his throat, greedily suck down every drop his master's giving him.

That will never stop being fun. He loves choking his boy, making him fight not to gag. He pulls Jonny Lee away and then tries to pull him up to cuddle. "Love you."

Jonny Lee crawls up into Gerard's lap, licking at the corner of his mouth, pulling in the last stains of white. "Love Master. Love husband. So happy."

Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and rests his head on Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Love slave. Love husband. Love _you_."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/66370.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	315. peterwing: [delivered via courier to Butler-Miller house]

| Peter Wingfield ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/11/)-[13](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/2004/11/13/) 17:06:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=7048&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=7048) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=7048) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=peterwing&itemid=7048&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[delivered via courier to Butler-Miller house]**_  
It's a simple box with a handwritten note:

> _I hear you're married. I wish all the best, both of you. I don't know two people who are more in love and deserve the happiness. The gift is from an artist I discovered when I was filming in Vancouver. She's rather remarkable. The piece is called "The Knowledge of Hands," which I thought it appropriate for starting out a marriage._  
>  The other gift is for your birthday, Gerry. You're 35 today. I remember. I wouldn't presume to give you anything intimate, but I hope you'll take Jonny Lee out and enjoy yourself.  
>  ~ Peter

Inside the box is 

And an envelope with two tickets to [Becket playing at the Haymarket](http://www.officiallondontheatre.co.uk/shows/display/cm/contentId/81072) and a dinner gift certificate to [Ashbells](http://www.ashbells-uk.com/), a trendy restaurant in Notting Hill.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/7048.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	316. establishment: London Bar Chat - November 13, 2004

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote in [](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/profile)[**establishment**](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/) ,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/11/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/2004/11/14/) 00:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=143946&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=143946) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=143946) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=establishment&itemid=143946&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar Chat - November 13, 2004** _

_Gerard Butler, Jonny Lee Miller, Adam Clayton, Cate Blanchett, Karl Urban, Stuart Townsend._

  
**Gerard:** *is sitting at a table with Jonny Lee. He's wearing the black suit Jonny Lee got him for his birthday. Jonny Lee's on his leash and is wearing a sports coat ensemble that's a pre-birthday present. Both are wearing red shirts*

**Jonny Lee:** *managing not to squirm in spite of being fully dressed, a rarity these days, and sitting upright in a chair instead of being on his knees, but the suit's new and nice. lays his head on Gerard's shoulder* Enjoying your birthday, Master?

**Gerard:** Very much. *strokes Jonny Lee's hair* Enjoying my birthday, slut?

**Cate:** *walks in with Adam, wearing a nice casual sweater and jeans, holding his hand and smiling* *to Adam* Wonder if there'll be anyone here this evening.

**Jonny Lee:** *purrs* Hmm, yes, Master. Your slut's enjoyed your giving you presents all day.

**Gerard:** Enjoy it while it lasts. Pamper me on my birthday, and I'm going to torture you on yours.

**Adam:** *Adam slips in behind with Cate. Dark red, half opened shirt on a dark blue jeans* I....have no been here..*he laughs a little*

**Cate:** I've only been here once myself since I rejoined, and that was a rather slow evening *smiling* Would you like to sit at the bar or at a table?

**Karl:** *enters the bar wearing black jeans and a royal blue shirt, worn untucked with the top two buttons undone, his arm around Stuart, who's dressed in blue jeans and a green sweater* So what d'you want to do tomorrow? Sleep in? More shopping?

**Adam:** Mmm... either. *he's glancing around slowly, taking things in*

**Stuart:** *smirks, leaning hard against Karl's side to upset his stride* Oh, your slave very much enjoys shopping with your credit card, Master.

**Cate:** *hears a familiar voice behind her and turns around* Well, well, if it isn't the husbands to be *grinning and turning back to Adam* Look who's here.

**Karl:** *stumbles a bit, swatting Stuart playfully on the arse* Cheeky bastard. Just wait til I curb your allowance. Especially after the wedding. You're going to bankrupt me. *grinning wickedly*

**Adam:** *laughs a bit* When I heard 'shopping' i should have known who it would have been....

**Jonny Lee:** *rubs face against soft cotton of Gerard's pants* Torture sounds like a wonderful birthday present, Master. Can't wait.

**Gerard:** *laughs* You're going to have to wait, Teak. Two days. But I'll do my best to keep you on pins and needles.

**Stuart:** *he would have yelped, except Karl threatens his allowance and that distracts him* Oh, Christ. You wouldn't. C'mon, Master... the cards haven't been cut up yet.

**Karl:** *looks up, noticing Cate and grins* Hey, gorgeous. *nods at Adam* Hey, mate.

**Stuart:** *turns the full power of the puppy dog eyes on Cate* Miss Cate, tell him he can't cut his slave's allowance. It's a fate worse than death!

**Gerard:** *looks up and notices Karl and Stuart* *tugs Jonny Lee's head up* Look who's here.

**Adam:** *smiles at Karl* 'lo, there. *nods at Stuart* Aren't you pouty this evening.

**Cate:** *chuckling*

**Stuart:** No allowance means no shopping. *pouts at Adam* Just the thought makes this slave want to crawl under a rock and cry.

**Karl:** *laughs at Adam's comment, looking around the room* *nods in Gerard and Jonny Lee's direction, giving them a quick smile* *nudges Stuart and nods in their direction*

**Adam:** *tuts at Stuart* If you did that you'd have to become a born-again virgin. Is that really the lesser of two evils?

**Stuart:** *blinks, losing both pout and puppy dog eyes, glances at Karl then over toward Gerard and Jonny Lee and smiles slowly*

**Cate:** *giggles at Stuart's comment, then laughs outright at Adam's reply*

**Stuart:** Hang on, wait a sec... what's shopping got to do with virginity?

**Karl:** *blinks, looking back at Adam* What about virgins?

**Cate:** I think he meant if Stuart crawls under a rock he wouldn't be able to have sex with you *grinning at Karl*

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up, sees Stuart and Karl, smiles* Are you alright? Can we stay?

**Gerard:** I'm fine. And I don't plan on going anywhere. *strokes Jonny Lee's arm* Do you wanna go over?

**Karl:** I'm sure we'd find a way. *smirks*

**Cate:** *laughs* Wouldn't put it past you to try.

**Stuart:** *smirks* Try, hell. We'd succeed.

**Jonny Lee:** We can, if Master wishes it. *glances over toward the group again* Your slave doesn't know the other people, though.

**Adam:** *laughs and shakes his head* The two of you. I should have figured as much...

**Gerard:** That's easily remedied. *stands up and offers Jonny Lee his help getting up*

**Cate:** I second that *laughing more*

**Jonny Lee:** *looks up at Gerard* What, your slave doesn't get to crawl in his new suit? *grins*

**Gerard:** My slave doesn't get to crawl in his new suit.

**Stuart:** Master has a very creative imagination. *smiles sweetly and snuggles in against Karl* And he likes using it often. Might have to crawl under a rock just to give him another chance at it.

**Jonny Lee:** *stands up, pouting a good bit* Master is no fun when he spends money on good clothes.

**Gerard:** *slaps Jonny Lee's arse* What was that? Master didn't hear.

**Adam:** *ruffles his nose* Bit too much dirt, I think.

**Cate:** *leans, giving Karl and Stuart each a kiss on the cheek before wrapping an arm around Adam's waist* I believe I promised to buy you two a round when we were in the same city *grinning*

**Stuart:** *grins at Cate, shrugs to Adam* A little dirt never hurt.

**Jonny Lee:** *jumps, just a bit* Nothing, except that Master is wonderful for buying his slave a new suit.

**Gerard:** Better. *wraps arm around Jonny Lee's waist and walks him over to the group*

**Karl:** *smiles at Stuart, pulling him in close* *nods at Cate* That'd be great. I'll have a pint of Guinness. Boy?

**Adam:** *laughs and nibbles at Cate's earlobe, humming something*

**Cate:** The dirt wouldn't be the problem, but I don't know if I'd want my back hitting the underside of a rock *chuckles* Not most comfortable thing.

**Cate:** *leans against Adam a bit more, smiling*

**Karl:** *wicked grin* True, but I bet you mark something lovely.

**Stuart:** *mutters* Lots more comfortable than some of the things Master's done to his slave. *clears his throat, grinning* A Guinness would be very nice, please and thank you.

**Stuart:** *winks at Jonny Lee*

**Karl:** *nods at the two men as they join the group* Evening, Gerard. Jonny Lee.

**Adam:** *laughs and shakes his head*

**Jonny Lee:** *blushes, grins at Stuart, but stays silent*

**Gerard:** Hello, Karl. Stuart. *looks at Cate and Adam* I'm afraid I don't have the pleasure. I'm Gerry Butler.

**Cate:** *orders two Guinness* *chuckles at Karl*

**Stuart:** 'Lo, Mr. Butler. Jonny Lee. *reaches out a foot to nudge Jonny Lee's ankle lightly*

**Adam:** *smiles at Gerard* Adam Clayton. And no, I don't think we've met before....

**Cate:** Hello *smiling and holding out a hand* I'm Cate Blanchett, this is Adam Clayton. I believe congratulations are in order for your recent wedding *smiles more*

**Gerard:** *shakes* Thank you.

**Jonny Lee:** *moves closer to Stuart, sliding foot over and nudging him back* Tag.

**Karl:** *watches Stuart and Jonny Lee, shaking his head slightly, amused* *to Gerard* How's married life treating the two of you?

**Gerard:** Very excellent. You should try it.

**Stuart:** *sidelong glance to first Gerard, then Karl* *smirks and leans to nudge Jonny Lee with his shoulder* Master stole this slave's question.

**Karl:** *nods* Yeah, we're planning on it.

**Jonny Lee:** *glances at Gerard, then rolls his shoulder against Stuart's* Master is a great husband.

**Gerard:** *blinks* Really? Congratulations.

**Stuart:** *edges away from Gerard and Karl, just a step, tugging on Jonny Lee's sleeve and leaning to murmur in his ear* Everything okay after Halloween then?

**Karl:** *smiles* Yeah. Thanks. We just set a date. December 11th.

**Gerard:** That's wonderful. Where are you doing it?

**Jonny Lee:** *whispers to Stuart* Yeah, everything's fine. We talked. Had gotten our wires crossed on the whole roleplay thing.

**Karl:** Canada. Vancouver Island. At least it'll be legit there.

**Adam:** Cate...what're you drinking?

**Gerard:** *nods* We did ours in Amsterdam for the same reason.

**Cate:** *hands Karl and Stuart their Guinness* There you go *taking a sip from her own drink*

**Stuart:** Good. *nods his thanks to Cate as he accepts his drink, then grins wickedly at Jonny Lee* *mutters* Think this slave can get away with goosing you? Or should he keep his hands to himself?

**Adam:** *looks at Stuart and whispers to him* Goose him. I want to see what happens.

**Cate:** *smiles at Adam* You can get the next one, if you want *kissing him* Malibu rum and coke.

**Karl:** Thanks, Cate. *taking a sip* Have you done wills? Powers of attorneys? *adding, more hesitantly* If you don't mind me asking.

**Gerard:** Some of it. We did the medical ones immediately.

**Cate:** *snickers quietly when she hears Adam, muffling it in her drink*

**Stuart:** *shakes his head at Adam, grimacing faintly, and sips his drink*

**Karl:** Yeah, we've had the legal stuff in place since we bought our house. Counting on it holding up even if the marriage doesn't in the States. *gives Stuart a look*

**Adam:** *nibbles her ear* Drink that and give me a kiss? I want a bit. *laughs*

**Jonny Lee:** *grins* *whispers back to Stuart* This slave thinks you'd be safe. It's his birthday, so Master's in a really good mood.

**Gerard:** If everything's tight in the lawyerese, it should.

**Cate:** *grins, takes a long drink then kisses Adam happily*

**Stuart:** *quick, innocent smile at Karl before he's back to whispering with Jonny Lee* That isn't what this slave's worried about. He doesn't want to cause problems between you two again.

**Karl:** Hope so. Couple states have actually made it so they're voiding all contracts and agreements they even suspect of having to do with same-sex couples. But then we're not citizens so... *shrugs, taking another sip*

**Adam:** *laughs a bit as he kisses Cate, letting his tongue drag across hers*

**Jonny Lee:** It won't. But I can ask first if you want?

**Gerard:** There's always that. But if you're concerned, talk to your lawyer. *smiles* I'm not certified anymore.

**Stuart:** Mm, well.... if you're sure it won't.... *smirks, goosing Jonny Lee quickly*

**Cate:** *teases his tongue with hers, breaking off only when she needs to breathe*

**Karl:** You practiced law?

**Gerard:** Not long enough to matter.

**Jonny Lee:** *laughs* That was fun.

**Karl:** *gives Stuart another look* *to Gerard* I think our boys are getting up to mischief. You mind?

**Adam:** *laughs softly* Mmm. Bad influence on me. *kisses her jaw*

**Gerard:** *looks at them* No, I don't mind. But do it again, I didn't see it.

**Karl:** *chuckles, not having expected that from Gerard*

**Stuart:** *blinks, straightening* Huh? Who, us? No, no. We're not up to anything. Nothing at all. *grins, reaching around to goose Jonny Lee again, harder this time*

**Jonny Lee:** *rolls eyes at Gerard* *to Stuart* See, told you.

**Cate:** *chuckles* Not in the least *sips her drink*

**Jonny Lee:** *jumps at that one* Yeah, we're being perfectly good, sir.

**Gerard:** It's my birthday. Amnesty zone.

**Gerard:** You're never being good, Teak.

**Adam:** Mm are so. Haven't tasted alcohol in almost 15 years.

**Stuart:** *chuckles* Happy birthday, Mr. Butler.

**Karl:** Really? Happy birthday, mate. *grins* I mean, Gerard.

**Jonny Lee:** *pouts* Your slave was good all day. On the floor. On the bed. Over the kitchen table.,

**Stuart:** *sighs happily* Ah, good dreams tonight.

**Gerard:** *to Karl  & Stuart* Thanks. *to Jonny Lee* Oh? I thought my slave was naughty all day. On the floor, on the bed, on the kitchen table.

**Stuart:** And they just got better. *sips his beer*

**Jonny Lee:** *nudges Stuart* Right. Good _and_ naughty.

**Adam:** *chuckles softly at Gerard*

**Karl:** *grins at Jonny Lee, flashing Stuart a wicked smile*

**Stuart:** *nods solemnly* It is possible.

**Cate:** *to Gerard* Happy birthday. *to Adam* You did ask, and it was only a tiny taste *gives him a chaste kiss, grinning*

**Gerard:** Good enough to put up with master's whims. Naughty enough to tire him out.

**Gerard:** *to Cate* Thanks.

**Jonny Lee:** That, too, but Master's planning payback on Monday, so it's fair.

**Adam:** Yes but you agreed. Thus it is your fault. *chuckles and then nods at Ger* Hope it was a good one.

**Gerard:** Master's planning more than payback. Master's planning a party.

**Stuart:** Uh oh. Someone said the magic word. *sidles in toward Gerard* What kind of party?

**Gerard:** One with unmarked vans and a birthday cake. *smiles*

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers*

**Stuart:** Ooooh. *grins* And how does a bloke go about getting an invitation to /that/?

**Adam:** *raises his eyebrow, slightly intrigued*

**Karl:** *shakes his head* You'll be back in Prague, boy, freezing your arse off.

**Gerard:** I think that bloke should ask Karl first.

**Stuart:** *pouts* Aw. But your slave was going to beg you to arrange it so we could stay for the party.

**Jonny Lee:** *moves closer to Gerard, rubbing against arm* Please, Master, can't Stuart help us celebrate? *looks at Karl* Mr. Urban, sir? Please?

**Gerard:** *tugs on Jonny Lee's hanging leash* You really want spectators while I hurt you?

**Cate:** *chuckles at Adam* Put that way, I suppose you're right *winking*

**Adam:** Of course I am. *grins, nipping her jaw pointedly*

**Jonny Lee:** *moans* Oh, that's not a fair question.

**Gerard:** Master's not fair. He's arbitrary.

**Stuart:** *chuckles* Jonny Lee loves showing off almost as much as this slave does. *pauses, frowning* Of course, no one's as big a show off as this slave... but they can come close.

**Adam:** *looks at Karl teasingly* Cocky boy you've got there.

**Karl:** *watches Gerard and Jonny Lee closely* *to Stuart* Not up to me. It's up to Gerard. But yeah, I'm sure I could manage something.

**Karl:** *looks at Adam* Yeah, but I like him that way.

**Cate:** *nips Adam's bottom lip then snickers at Stuart's comment*

**Adam:** *laughs* Oh of course. *grunts at Cate, eyeing her and then grins.*

**Adam:** *looks back at Karl* Its part of his charm.

**Stuart:** *slips over to snuggle up against Karl's side* It is, too, up to you, Master.

**Stuart:** At least partly, anyway

**Jonny Lee:** *rubs more into Gerard's shoulder* Master is still a lawyer at heart, all arbitrary.

**Gerard:** *turns to Jonny Lee* Don't make me kiss you in front of everyone.

**Cate:** *grins at Karl* Not surprising.

**Karl:** *eyes Stuart* *murmurs* Don't push. You haven't even been invited.

**Stuart:** *shakes his head, leaning to nip at Karl's jaw* *murmurs* Your slave was just teasing. Sounds more like a private party.

**Jonny Lee:** *tilts head up, puckers lips* Slave awaits his kiss, Master.

**Adam:** Mmm....oh shit. *laughs, shaking his head*

**Gerard:** *affectionately* Slut. *kisses him*

**Karl:** *kisses Stuart's temple*

**Cate:** *finishes her drink, putting down the glass before kissing Adam again*

**Stuart:** *purrs, laying his head on Karl's shoulder*

**Jonny Lee:** *after kiss breaks, leans in and whispers in Gerard's ear* Maybe we could play with Stuart tonight, leave my party to just us.

**Gerard:** *whispers back* I knew I married you for a reason. We could do that.

**Jonny Lee:** *kisses Gerard's neck* Must be it. Sure wasn't to get me barefoot and pregnant. *smirks* Thanks, Master.

**Gerard:** I've always believed in marrying for brains. *tugs on leash more* But I wouldn't mind keeping you barefoot.

**Karl:** *wraps his arm round Stuart's waist, holding him close* Love you, boy.

**Adam:** *chuckles, tightening his arm around Cates waist. kissing her back gently*

**Stuart:** *turns in Karl's hold, reaching to put his beer down before wrapping his arms around his lover* *murmurs* Love you, Master.

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers at tug of leash, collar pulling tight against his throat* Your slave could get that now, if you like.

**Gerard:** My slave is staying dressed. Master loves the way he looks now. *kisses Jonny Lee's lips lightly* Though I do want to pull down your trousers and shove a plug up your arse.

**Cate:** *wraps both arms around Adam, pulling him just a little closer, humming happily against his lips*

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers, bites lip* Master says the sweetest things to his husband.

**Adam:** *hums a bit, his fingers gliding against Cate's neck.*

**Gerard:** What does my slut think? Should I find a vibrator?

**Cate:** *breaks off the kiss* Mmmmm..

**Adam:** *gives one last nip to Cate's lower lip*

**Cate:** *chuckles, content to just stay like that for a while*

**Adam:** *laughs a bit, squeezing her hip*

**Cate:** *to Adam* What's so funny? *smiling*

**Adam:** I've no idea...Just am...*grins at her*

**Karl:** *yawns* Christ. I should know better than to drink when I'm already exhausted. *rubbing a hand over his face*

**Cate:** *grins back, turning just enough to rest her head on his shoulder as she starts to pay attention again to what's going on around them*

**Jonny Lee:** Slut thinks vibrator sounds very nice. *squirms against Gerard's leg*

**Adam:** *the vibrator comments catches his attention looks over, amused*

**Gerard:** *pets Jonny Lee* How big?

**Stuart:** *pets a hand along Karl's shoulder, smiling* Mmm. Perhaps a good massage, Master? After a nice long soak in that /huge/ tub in our room?

**Cate:** *raises an eyebrow at the vibrator comment*

**Karl:** Oh, now that sounds good. As long as we put the towels down /before/ we get in the tub this time. *eyes flashing with mischief*

**Jonny Lee:** Big as you, Master?

**Gerard:** I think bigger is better.

**Jonny Lee:** Of course.

**Adam:** *raises his eyebrow even more. Interest peaked now*

**Stuart:** *smirks* Most definitely. *blows a kiss to Jonny Lee* Time for this slave to tuck his Master in, mate. Have fun at your party.

**Gerard:** *puts hands about a foot apart*

**Jonny Lee:** *grins at Stuart* Thanks, mate. *looks at Gerard* You're serious, aren't you?

**Cate:** *blinks a bit, watching the byplay between Jonny Lee and Gerard*

**Gerard:** Completely serious.

**Karl:** *to Gerard and Jonny Lee* Good seeing you guys. And congratulations again. Night. *to Cate and Adam* Night to you too. We'll have to make sure we get more time to talk next time.

**Adam:** *waves at Karl and Stuart* Lovely seeing you both again.

**Gerard:** Good night, Karl. Have, uh, fun. *smiles*

**Stuart:** Happy birthday again, Mr. Butler. Pleasure seeing you again, Miss Cate, and you, Mr. Clayton. *tugs on Karl's arm* C'mon, you. The bed - and other things - are waiting.

**Cate:** Night *smiling at Karl and Stuart* See you at the wedding, if not before

**Karl:** *nods, smiling, letting Stuart pull him from the bar*.

**Jonny Lee:** *whimpers* Master, if you're going _that_ big, you're taking your slave home first. *grins* Please?

**Gerard:** And chain him down on the bed?

**Jonny Lee:** Oh, yes.

**Gerard:** And gag him?

**Jonny Lee:** Oh, no.

**Jonny Lee:** Master wants to hear his screams.

**Gerard:** Oh? *evil smile* Why not? Is master's slave afraid?

**Gerard:** I'd rather hear them muffled.

**Adam:** *chuckles, kissing Cate's ear.* I believe we're about to be the last kink's standing...

**Cate:** *chuckles* We might just be *grinning at him*

**Jonny Lee:** *chuckles* Muffled is good. Home. Please.

**Gerard:** *smirks* Thought so, slave. And then you'll strip and finally get to crawl.

**Jonny Lee:** *eyes light up* Yes, Master. Your slave loves that idea.

**Adam:** Mmm..*kisses her ear* Do you want to go home then? *whispers a bit*

**Gerard:** Where's the duct tape? In the kitchen?

**Jonny Lee:** Yes, Master.

**Gerard:** Hm. We need to pick some up on the way home. I don't want to make that detour.

**Cate:** *whispers back* Sounds good *kissing his cheek* I may have a small idea of something I'd like to do when we get there *winks*

**Jonny Lee:** Don't want to detour through the kitchen? Okay.

**Gerard:** *kisses his head* Good slave. *chuckles* You have no idea what you're in for.

**Adam:** Mmm...you've yet to have just a small idea...*smirks, nipping her jaw* Lead the way?

**Cate:** *chuckles* This one /is/ small *grins then turns to Jonny Lee and Gerard* We're off home *smiling* Good night, and congratulations again.

**Gerard:** Good night, and thanks again. Have fun.

**Cate:** You too *waves and heads for the door*

**Jonny Lee:** Night. Nice to meet you. *turns to Gerard, holds up leash* Ready, Master.

**Gerard:** Excellent. *wraps his arm around Jonny Lee* Shall we?

**Adam:** *smiles and waves* Nice meeting you both...*happily gets tugged out by Cate*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/143946.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	317. gerard: [Apron Order]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/14/) 16:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67278&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67278) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67278) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67278&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Apron Order]**_  
[Order sent to an Establishment kink shop for a specially-made full-length apron, to be delivered gift wrapped.]

 _Quantity: 1_  
Size: M  
Colour: Tan  
Front pocket: No  
Other Modifications: None

 _Text:_

` Master's slave respectfully requests that you do not:`

> ...play with his plug  
>  ...pat his pert arse  
>  ...stroke his cock  
>  ...talk naughty to him  
>  ...fantasy brainstorm  
>  ...torture him  
>  ...or otherwise distract him

while he is holding hot or sharp objects.

With love,  
Your slave

 _Gift Card Note: Teak - with love. - Master_

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/67278.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	318. gerard: The other wedding

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/15/) 16:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64970&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64970) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64970) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=64970&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**The _other_ wedding** _  
[JL only]

Happy birthday, love. I finally got around to looking through the mail. Do you want to go to Karl and Stuart's wedding? They're holding it in Vancouver on December the 11th.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 03:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=115914&format=light#t115914))   
---|---  
Thanks, Master. It's been a wonderful birthday so far. It would be nice to go to the wedding, if you feel comfortable doing so. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=115914&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=115914&format=light#t115914))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 03:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116170&format=light#t116170))   
---|---  
I'm not sure I do feel comfortable, but I'll go if you want to go.  
  
The only problem may be premieres, but I can put in a quick call and find out the absolute dates of those. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=116170&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=115914&format=light#t115914))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116170&format=light#t116170))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 03:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116426&format=light#t116426))   
---|---  
At first, I wasn't sure. I was a bit jealous of the big wedding, but that's passed, after talking with Stuart, and seeing they're making sure the press is there, just seems weird, like I'm going to a gay rights rally instead of a wedding.  
  
But Stuart's a mate, and he _does_ love Mr. Urban, so I think I should go, for him. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=116426&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116170&format=light#t116170))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116426&format=light#t116426))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 04:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116682&format=light#t116682))   
---|---  
We could always go to a gay rights rally while we're up there. Kill two birds with one stone.  
  
Seriously, Teak, it's up to you. I go if you go.  
  
  
And if a big wedding was what you wanted, I'm sorry. We could always have a big ceremony here and invite everyone.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=116682&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116426&format=light#t116426))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116682&format=light#t116682))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 04:09 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116938&format=light#t116938))   
---|---  
Would rather go to a wedding. I'll need to buy a gift, I suppose.  
  
I know. And I did, for a moment. Now it doesn't seem so important. I'm married to you. That's what I wanted, more than ceremony and reception. I did call Father Michael and he said he'd say a few words over us when we're at mum and da's next. Also said to tell you you're a brave man, taking me on. *g* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=116938&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116682&format=light#t116682))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116938&format=light#t116938))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 04:17 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117450&format=light#t117450))   
---|---  
About that visit to your parents, we should go sooner rather than later. Once December hits, I'm kidnapping you and taking you on my incredably fun promotional tour. And as I'm a merciless master, I won't even listen to begging.  
  
  
Think we can get Karl and Stuart a toaster? I'd feel strange giving them whips or chains. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=117450&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=116938&format=light#t116938))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117450&format=light#t117450))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 04:24 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117706&format=light#t117706))   
---|---  
How about next weekend, right before December hits?  
  
Maybe not a toaster. But not whips and chains. Your boy will go shopping first of the week, find something appropriate.  
  
Not going to be a problem, me going on PR tour, is it? I mean, I'm not going to say anything, I know, but I don't want to cause problems. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=117706&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117450&format=light#t117450))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117706&format=light#t117706))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 04:27 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118218&format=light#t118218))   
---|---  
Next weekend is perfect.  
  
  
Jonny, if you don't agree to go, I'll pack you up, fold you neatly, and toss you in a suitcase. You're coming with me. It's not going to be a problem. In fact, I have a feeling you're going to be the only thing keeping me sane. I promised the studio no big surprises. It's not like we're in an incestual menage a trois with my sister. And is _that_ an image I never wanted to see in my life.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=118218&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=117706&format=light#t117706))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118218&format=light#t118218))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 04:52 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118474&format=light#t118474))   
---|---  
I like your sister. She's weird, just like you. Only problem with a menage is she's a girl. Don't have a brother lurking about, do you? *snicker* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=118474&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118218&format=light#t118218))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118474&format=light#t118474))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 05:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118730&format=light#t118730))   
---|---  
I do have a brother. Yet another image I could have gone my entire life without and still been very happy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=118730&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118474&format=light#t118474))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118730&format=light#t118730))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 05:07 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118986&format=light#t118986))   
---|---  
Oops. Jonny's being a bad boy, isn't he? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=118986&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118730&format=light#t118730))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118986&format=light#t118986))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 05:26 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119242&format=light#t119242))   
---|---  
Jonny's being a very bad boy. He looks like he could use a good spanking to remember his place. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=119242&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=118986&format=light#t118986))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119242&format=light#t119242))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-16 05:31 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119498&format=light#t119498))   
---|---  
*squirms* He'll come find Master right away. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=119498&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119242&format=light#t119242))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119498&format=light#t119498))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-16 05:33 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119754&format=light#t119754))   
---|---  
Good slut. Master's waiting. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?replyto=119754&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/64970.html?thread=119498&format=light#t119498))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	319. gerard: [Return Card to Peter Wingfield]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/15/) 17:43:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65248&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65248) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65248) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65248&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[Return Card to Peter Wingfield]** _  
[Written on a pretty white card and returned by courier to Peter Wingfield]

_Thank you for the lovely[gifts](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/7048.html), Peter. Jonny and I enjoyed the play and dinner. I'll leave any jokes on phallic symbolism to your fertile imagination._

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65248.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	320. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Who doesn't love a little birthday torture?

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/15/) 20:23:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38794&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38794) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38794) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38794&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Who doesn't love a little birthday torture?**_  
 **[players only. occurs late afternoon, monday, november 15.]**

Surprise is not an integral part of Gerard's plans, so he doesn't worry that Jonny Lee will suspect what's going on. He all but came out and told him Saturday night. This scenario isn't to scare his boy. It's to celebrate his birthday.

He'd left written instructions on the kitchen table ordering his slave to a certain location at a certain time, and to come alone. Gerard had gone ahead and he's waiting now with a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, and the promised unmarked white van.

Jeans. T-shirt. Sneakers. The instructions had been specific about dress, and Jonny Lee's where he's supposed to be, at the exact time, and he's nervous. He isn't sure _why_ he's feeling such anxiety. Gerard told him what to expect. Well, for the most part. Kidnapping and torture and, oh yeah, it's a fucked up wonderful way to celebrate a birthday.

He shoves his hands into his jeans' pockets, the pressure tearing the seam a bit more, and walks around the corner. Yep, white van. Jonny Lee takes a deep breath and continues walking.

Gerard waits until Jonny Lee passes by before moving from the wall. He brings the blindfold down over Jonny Lee's eyes and fastens it tightly. The cuffs go on next, and then Gerard's holding his boy in place by the chain between the bracelets. "Don't even think of struggling," he growls.

The instinct's too strong, though, and Jonny Lee does struggle, at least in pulling forward, shaking his head against the sudden blackness. "Fuck you," he spits out, not thinking on whether they're in roleplay or not, immediately wondering if he should take back the words.

Gerard yanks back hard on the chain and then shoves Jonny Lee hard through the van's open side door. He wants to ask if _fuck you_ is the new greeting for slaves to their masters, but he doesn't think he should break the mood this early. He'll give Jonny Lee time to get used to it.

Gerard stays silent as he starts the van up. He drives around in circles for a few minutes before pulling in to a jerky park in front of the building he just left. He opens the sliding door with a yank and then pulls Jonny Lee out. "There's no one around to hear you scream," he warns. "So don't try it."

The ride's rough, jerking Jonny Lee around more than Gerard's hands had. He's disoriented, the darkness blinding and his senses reeling, not sure if up is down or the other way around. He's not going to scream, but he does tug at Gerard's harshness. _C'mon, Jonny, get yourself psyched. It's not a role. It's just you. And you want this._ "Yes, sir," he finally says.

"So the traitor can be polite." The door to the warehouse opens as Gerard hits the button. "He should keep a civil tongue in his head, and he might survive."

"Traitor? Not." Jonny Lee jerks his head at the new sound. Where are they?

Gerard takes the leash out of his pocket and attaches it to the hook on the handcuffs. He tugs Jonny Lee inside and then closes the door behind him. "You're a traitor," he says flatly. "I say you're a traitor, the organization says you're a traitor. Even the bloody enemy says you're a traitor. And today's your day to pay."

 _Okay, so it is roleplay._ Jonny Lee jerks again, this time tugging the leash Gerard's holding as he moves away. "Not a traitor. You can't prove it. And I have rights."

Gerard wraps the slack of the leash around his palm until Jonny Lee has to move closer or risk pulling his arms out. "Wrong, bitch. You have no rights. And I don't need to prove it." He smiles cruelly and doesn't care that Jonny Lee can't see. "My job is to hurt you."

Gerard's repositioning strains Jonny Lee's arms, pulling them back and at an odd angle. He bites his lip, refusing to scream at the sudden burst of intense pain. "Fuck you, bastard," he slurs. "Think you can hurt me? Try."

"I think I already have." Gerard slowly reins Jonny Lee in. "You'll learn tonight, bitch, that I never try. I _do_."

Jonny Lee moves, steps halting, unsure of his footing. The ground feels wet. Not ground. Concrete. And it's damp, not standing in water but chilled by the moisture. For all his words, he wants this and there's nothing to do but take what's given and see where it goes.

Gerard gets Jonny Lee as close as he wants and then yanks hard. He wants to keep his boy on his toes. Jonny Lee gave Gerard the best birthday he ever had and Gerard wants to return the favor.

He's on his toes. Literally. The last jerk yanks Jonny Lee up enough that he rocks forward on the Converse hi-tops, nearly falters against Gerard's body, catching himself at the last moment. The disorientation's growing, his world turning blacker by the second. _Fuck, this is gonna be good._

Ooh, that was good. Gerard yanks again, this time harder, just to see what happens. "You're ready," Gerard says in approval. "It's time for torture."

The totter's worse the second time and it's only Gerard's body that keeps Jonny Lee from meeting concrete face-first. "Fuck," he mutters, solidly under his breath.

"Yeah, we'll get to that." Gerard steps back and then yanks Jonny Lee repeatedly until they reach the far wall. There are hanging chains set up as promised. Gerard rattles the chains to let his boy hear them, and then he takes one of Jonny Lee's wrists out of the handcuffs. That wrist is immediately pulled up and another manacle goes around it. He does the same with Jonny Lee's left hand.

Jonny Lee stops breathing. Wrist in manacle. He knows the chains are freefall, hanging from the ceiling. _Not there. You're here._ Slowly the breath comes back, the second wrist manacled, but it hitches that time. _You want. You can do._

Gerard tugs on Jonny Lee's hair, forcing his chin up. "You're here," he growls. "Don't go anywhere else, bitch. I'm going to enjoy doing this to you."

There's an instinct. No, a memory. Jonny Lee kicks out, striking Gerard's lower leg with his sneaker. It's what's expected. Isn't it? He's getting more disoriented, but he's not reaching for the zone yet. May not at all.

Well, that wasn't expected. But Gerard can use it. He steps out of the way and takes the whip from where he'd placed it earlier. He cracks it in the air. "Care to do that again?"

Jonny Lee thrashes, kicking out at nothing, the air, in whatever direction he thinks Gerard is in. The motion pulls his wrists snug into the manacles. _Yes, that pain's familiar._ He rolls his head back, then forward, trying for some sense of balance, his shoes' soles barely touching the concrete.

He's getting hard from watching Jonny Lee struggle and he strokes his cock through his pants. The second crack is closer to Jonny Lee than the first, but Gerard doesn't think it'll scare him straight. But it might make him struggle more to get away.

The struggle's less about getting away than for wanting more. There were no whips before. That's not a sound he remembers. Just chains and voices and the touch of hands, so many, all around him.

Christ, that's good. But he thinks it's time he said something. "Keep struggling," he says, trying to be sarcastic. "It'll only make you hurt more later."

Jonny Lee goes still. _Hurt more. Hurt less. Is there a difference?_ "Don't think it matters. You're gonna hurt me how you want, no matter _what_ I do."

"Very true." Gerard comes from behind Jonny Lee and slides his hands down Jonny Lee's chest. "But you care how much it hurts. Pretend you have an ounce of self-preservation in your body. Pretend to care that I'm going to have you crying on the floor in a little ball by the end of the night."

Jonny Lee shouldn't want the touch. He shouldn't be leaning back his head, seeking out Gerard's shoulder. Not if he's truly a captive. But role and reality are merging and he's sinking fast. He jerks against the chains holding his wrists, coiling fingers around the links, uncoiling. "I care. I want to live to see morning. That's all."

"Is it?" Gerard bites Jonny Lee's neck as his fingers find the fly of Jonny Lee's jeans. He unbuttons it slowly and then tugs the trousers down to the middle of Jonny Lee's thighs. He lets them fall. Jonny Lee neglected to put on boxers as ordered and so Gerard presses his thumbs into Jonny Lee's balls. "Why are you hard, slut?" he growls. "Is this why you turned traitor? Because someone gave you a handjob in an alley?"

The pain's sudden, sharp, searing. "Not you," Jonny Lee hisses. "Wouldn't turn traitor for your touch." He snarls out the words, knowing full well he's just dropping himself deeper. The air's cold, gust of chill coming from his right, but he's hot and his cock _is_ hard, just like Master says. Fuck, he wants this.

"Pity." Gerard presses harder, knowing that he's hurting his boy and loving it. "If you hadn't turned traitor, you could have had my touch whenever you wanted it." He rubs himself against Jonny Lee's arse, letting Jonny Lee know just how hard he is from all this. "Now I'm just going to have to take what I want."

"What makes you think I _want_ you. Now or then?" The words are out, heat of the moment. Jonny Lee prays Gerard knows they're in role, that he doesn't really mean them. His body denies them, his cock leaking in Gerard's hand, his muscles aching as the chains' pull increases.

"The way your cock enjoys my hand," Gerard purrs. He squeezes the shaft. "The way you're always looking at me. You want me, traitor."

"No." Jonny Lee screams, much louder than he means to, and he hears the sound echo back off hollow walls. _Alone. Warehouse. Chains._

Gerard's cock jumps at the scream and presses himself harder against Jonny Lee. "We're alone here," he whispers harshly. "No one, _no one_ can hear you scream. Everyone's left you, and they know what's going to happen here. You're mine to do with as I want, and nothing can stop that."

"Yours. To do with." The words aren't as loving as when Gerard's whispering them in their bed, warm and snuggled up. In the cold, harsh darkness of a warehouse, the words have bite, venom, and Jonny Lee's feeding on it, letting himself go. His fingers slide from the chain links, and he scrambles to regain the purchase. No such luck. He sags against Gerard's body, the jerk tearing his shoulders.

Normally Gerard would love the way his boy leans into him. Not now. He pushes Jonny Lee forward and then smacks his arse hard. "Stay up, traitor. Your torture hasn't even begun."

 _Stay up._ He can do that. Jonny Lee straightens himself, standing as much as he can, stretching to make sneaker soles touch concrete.

"Better." Gerard runs a finger across the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "So pretty," he goes on, almost too himself. "It would be such a pity to break you."

"Not going to break me." He's much more defiant than he should be, in or out of role. And it's bravado. He knows he'll go down. Hard.

Gerard's laugh could be classified as megalomaniacal. "Of course you will, whore. I'll break you like..." _something breakable_ , "like a fucking twig."

"Twigs bend a lot before they break," Jonny Lee murmurs, almost to himself.

Gerard shrugs. "Bad analogy, then." He tugs the back of Jonny Lee's shirt. "I'll cut this off to make up for it."

There's a decided whimper at the mention of cutting. _Breathe, Jonny. It's not the same. It's Ger, not anyone else._ He hyperventilates for a moment, then calms, steadies himself.

There's a change in Jonny Lee's breathing, but Gerard wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't listening for it. _Keep talking to him._ "You'd like that, wouldn't you, you cheap slut. You'd like to have your clothes cut off you, you'd like to be naked and squirming and hurting for mas--, for me. What a slut."

"Slut," Jonny Lee echoes. The word coils into his brain. They'd called him that, too. _C'mon, Miller, be a good slut for us._ He had been, had taken the pain, and discovered he loved it. He's nearly not breathing, the push for air deep into his chest, long and languid sucks of oxygen coming up.

"Yes," Gerard murmurs. "My slut. You are my slut, aren't you?"

"Your slut. _Your_ slut." _That's a good slut, Miller. Taking it like the whore you are._ Jonny Lee rolls his head, opening his eyes to darkness. His arms are stretched, the burn almost good, and he's wanting to be used, taken, ripped apart, and put back together better than before.

"Good boy." Gerard's dropped all pretense of role play. He bites the back of Jonny Lee's neck and then pulls back. "I've a better idea, lad. I'm going to beat it off you."

 _Oh, fuck._ The image alone is enough to have Jonny Lee's cock hard as possible in 0 to 30. It also drops him solid into the zone, mind gearing for a lashing that'll sink him. "Yes."

"I don't expect you to like it," Gerard continues. "I don't expect you to get hard, or maybe come just from the pain of it. I don't expect you to scream for me, or beg for more. But...I know you will."

Jonny Lee wants to smile, just at the visuals. Hard. Beaten. Coming from the pain. Screaming. He knows Gerard's right. He'll do all of it.

Gerard reaches around and pinches Jonny Lee's nipples through his shirt. "Well, slut? Do you want to hurt for me?" He smirks. "Because you're going to need to beg for it."

His upper body jerks, head snapping back. "Beg for something you're going to give me anyway?" He's drifting, mind filtering everything through another time, another place. "Even if I say no, you hurt me. I don't get a choice."

"That's very true." Gerard licks Jonny Lee's ear. "But, if you beg, I'll hurt you in the way you want to be hurt."

 _C'mon, Miller, ask for it._ The voice isn't Gerard's. It's higher-pitched, almost boyish. _You know you want it. We'll give it to you._ He shakes his head, focuses on Gerard's voice, the _one_ he's wanting to hear. "Hurt me. Please? Promise I'll be a good painslut, take what you give me, not complain."

"I don't expect you to complain. I expect you to like it." Gerard cups Jonny Lee's cock and strokes it. "You're going to like it, slut. You're going to like everything I do to you." Licks Jonny Lee's ear again and blows against it. " _Slut_."

 _Slut._ Shouldn't be a gorgeous word, but it is. Shouldn't sound so damned good coming off the tongue, but it does. Nothing he can see would deny his body's reaction, his cock twitching in Gerard's hand, his nipples hard, so Jonny Lee just stays quiet.

Now that he has Jonny Lee like this, so close in his arms, Gerard isn't sure that he wants to beat him after all. Spank him, maybe, hurt him, fuck him. But nothing that would make him have to move from where he is.

It's too much closeness, too much like lovers. Not what it's supposed to be. Jonny Lee twists the chains over his head, trying to free himself. "C'mon, do it. You want me begging, then hurt me." _Please, just hurt me. Let me find new pain, something to erase the dreams._

Hurt him? Fine. Gerard bites Jonny Lee's neck and then scrapes his teeth lower. "Don't go anywhere," he growls. Then laughs. "Oh, I forgot. You can't."

"No." It's almost silent, a plea not to be left. The room'd gone silent that night, too, and the hands had left him, and Jonny Lee wants the hands on him. "Please. Don't stop touching."

There's something about the way Jonny Lee says that makes Gerard thinks that bad things will happen very quickly if he leaves Jonny Lee in this headspace. "All right," he whispers. "Master's going to stay right here and torture his pet. Because his pet has earned it."

 _Pet._ It's a nice word, Jonny Lee thinks, as good as slut. Pet doesn't want to be left.

They'd left him, hanging there, thinking it would better the experience, make Jonny Lee want it more. Blindfolded, naked, hanging by chains, body bruised from the beating, hands and belt. They'd been right, Val and Christian, Jonny Lee wanted more then. It was the first time he'd found pleasure in the pain.

First time, too, he tapped into the zone. Because they'd walked off, gone quiet, left him to his own mind. Hadn't been long. Fifteen minutes, maybe. But it'd been long enough for the void to welcome him.

Gerard pinches Jonny Lee's thighs and then spreads them, digging his nails into his skin. "Tell me how much you want it, slut. Tell me how much you want me to fuck you right here, right now, with no fucking prep."

Jonny Lee screams, a small cry more than any real noise. "Yes. Take your slut. Use him." He jerks on the chains, fingers clutching at the links, the cuffs rubbing his wrists raw. "Fuck him. Make him bleed."

"Mm. You make a good case. I think I will." Gerard keeps one hand on Jonny Lee while he searches through his pockets for a lubed condom. He'll give his boy that much. "Did my slut prep this morning before following his master on a fool-hardy quest?"

"Yes, sir. Always. Slut wants to be fucked hard, so he preps, like a good boy."

"He _is_ a good boy. Always a good boy." Gerard takes down his pants and boxers and puts the condom on. "Master says so, so it's true."

"Good boy." Jonny Lee sinks completely at the words. _Good boy's gonna take it all. Everything. Hurt. Humiliation. Good boy._

Gerard pats Jonny Lee's head. "Is my pretty boy ready to be fucked?"

 _Pretty boy ready. /C'mon, Miller, wanna be fucked? Which one of us gets you?/_ Jonny Lee nods.

Gerard shakes his head. "Tell me, slut. Tell me just how much you want to be fucked." It suddenly occurs to him that he should be worried about how far his boy has zoned. "Tell me," he whispers, and then bites Jonny Lee's ear lobe.

"Wanna be fucked," Jonny Lee gets out, words slur-slammed into a moan when Gerard bites down. He's zoned, max intensity, centering in on the void, but the words are still there. _/We both take him, Val. You fuck him and I'll keep his cock in line./_ "Slut. Fuck. Yes."

"Good boy." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's cock. "This is your only warning." Then he's doing his best to hold Jonny Lee open while trying to figure out how to do this. Then he's lining up and shoving in, as slow as he can. Then he remembers the roleplay and doesn't bother anymore. Hard, fast, and demanding.

Jonny Lee screams, struggles, jerking away from the pain. There's nowhere to go, nothing to be free from, and every lurch forward spirals him down farther. It's about nothing more than taking what Master's giving. Jonny Lee doesn't matter. He didn't then. Doesn't now. Never has. He's just a body, someone for them all to fuck.

Gerard would never think of Jonny Lee as just a body. He uses him as that sometimes, but he would never be serious about it. He bites Jonny Lee's neck as he fucks him, wanting Jonny Lee's screams and cries of pain.

He gets the screams, louder for each inch Gerard pushes into his body, and when his cock is tight, deep inside Jonny Lee, when Gerard bites, the screams bounce off the walls.

Oh, god. Oh, god. The screams are perfect, exactly what he needs. And they fit the setting like a fucking _glove_. "Scream for me," he growls. "SCREAM FOR ME!"

Jonny Lee's so deep into the void all he _can_ do is scream. An agonizing ache of a scream, one that burns the throat, scorching it raw. He screams, each thrust of Gerard's cock cutting into him, razor sharp and tearing him apart.

>   
>  _C'mon, Miller, stay conscious. Don't pass out on us. We'll just keep fucking you, beating you till you wake up. You like this. Pain turns you on. You know you want it._ It. Not you. Want him. Did then. Do now. Always him.

He screams, until he has no more voice, until the darkness has clouded his eyes and the nothingness of the void has consumed him.

And Gerard keeps fucking him, through the screams, through the void. " _Mine_ ," he growls. "You're mine. Nothing but mine. Always always always mine. And forever." He comes, but keeps on fucking him. It hurts, but he's not pulling out until he thinks Jonny Lee has had enough.

The only problem with that is Jonny Lee can't get enough. He's past the point of caring how much he hurts, his arms held only by the cuffs, his shoulders wrenching with the pain of being pulled for so many minutes. Hours? He's lost track of time, reality, the pain in his body.

Gerard gets the idea that Jonny Lee isn't going to get enough around the time that it feels like he's ripping the skin off his cock. He pulls out, takes off the condom, and stands there panting for a few moments, resting his hand on Jonny Lee's back.

Jonny Lee doesn't move. Couldn't if he wanted to. He's too far gone, his body wracked and his soul threadbare. _Don't slip. Stay conscious. He'll get angry._

Once he gets his breath under control, he strokes Jonny Lee's arms. "Going to turn the lights up now," he murmurs. "Leaving you for just a moment."

There's no protest. Barely an acknowledgement, unless you count the forward roll of Jonny Lee's head. In the darkness, he's already alone, and he'll be safe there until Master's back.

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's back and then moves over to the wall to find the dimmer switch. The lights are on very low right now and Gerard would like to move it up slowly to give Jonny Lee's eyes time to adjust, but he doesn't want to be that far from Jonny right now. He shoves it all the way up and the lights come on bright.

There's still no light in Jonny Lee's world. What darkness is within is matched from outside, the blindfold keeping his eyes sheltered while he drifts. He's floating, tethered by freefall chains and the touch of hand on his back. Master's hand. He's sure of that. No one else. Just Master. Gerard. Husband. Lover. _His._

Gerard makes sure that he keeps touching Jonny Lee as he takes the blindfold off and gets Jonny Lee's wrists out of the chains. He's sure now that his boy's zoned and while it doesn't scare him as much as it used it, he much prefers his boy unzoned. He keeps murmuring to his boy, telling him how good he is, how proud master is of him, waiting for Jonny Lee to respond.

It's minutes before Jonny Lee begins to surface, 15 long minutes. He wants to come back, but it's hard. The void's comforting, and coming out of it means explanations. Gerard doesn't like the zoning. Jonny Lee knows Gerard doesn't understand it. Hell, Jonny Lee doesn't have a solid grasp on why he does it.

Except he understands this zone. It came with the memories. Val and Christian taking him down, hurting him, teaching him about pain.

"Master," he mutters, mouth dry and throat raw.

Gerard's holding Jonny Lee up, and he tightens his arms when Jonny Lee finally speaks. "Yes, slave?" He rubs Jonny Lee's arms, trying to warm him up. There are more clothes around here, plus water and crackers. He has everything ready to take care of his boy, once his boy wants to be taken care of.

"It's you." Jonny Lee lets himself be wrapped by Gerard's arms, cradled against his lover's chest, slumping forward and laying his head on Gerard's shoulder. "Hurts."

"Yeah," Gerard breathes. "I know it hurts." He pats Jonny Lee's back. "Let me take care of you now, love. Let me make it all better."

"Better." He can barely get the word out, his throat too rough from screaming. Jonny Lee wants to say "I love you" and "thank you" and "I need you" but coherent thought and putting voice to them is too much. He collapses instead, body weight dragging against Gerard's chest, no stamina left to help hold himself up. _Stay awake._ Nearly unconscious, but not there.

Gerard staggers a little under Jonny Lee's weight, but quickly gets his bearing. "Here," he whispers. "Let master help." He all but drags Jonny Lee onto the bed in the corner and makes him lie down on it. "If you want to sleep," he says. "You can. I'll always be here."

Sleep. Dreams. Jonny Lee grabs at Gerard's wrist, pulls him down. _Stay. Till I fall asleep._ He's begging with eyes and soundless voice. _Please?_ It'll be fine, when the sun rises and his birthday's over, but for the moment he's not sure.

Gerard gets on the bed next to Jonny Lee and holds him from behind. "I'm right here," he murmurs. "Right here. Not going anywhere, love. I'll hold you while you sleep and I'll still be here when you wake up."

Touch. Words. Jonny Lee pulls in on himself, curling his body into Gerard's embrace. He breathes out, then in. Slowly. And he touches the void once more, letting himself slip into unconsciousness. It's safe to let go.

Gerard holds Jonny Lee close even after he knows his boy is sleeping. He isn't going to let go. He promised. "My Jonny," he whispers. "My Jonny. Love you."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	321. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Look, slave, it's an old friend

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/17/) 10:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38647&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38647) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38647) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=38647&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: Look, slave, it's an old friend** _  
**[players only. occurs wednesday night, november 17. for reference,[Marek](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/marekwithdildo.jpg) is an old friend, showing up first during [operation dominate](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=-Chapter+002A:+Operation+Dominate&filter=all), in which Jonny Lee gets [fucked](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/8690.html) by the bear. Ger has also [manipped](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/47191.html) him. He's a very horny bear.]**

Gerard had called just before he had left to come home. And so not too long after, he's walking through the front door, undressing as he goes. Everything he needs is in a cabinet in the kitchen. Gerard washes his hands thoroughly and then puts on a leather glove on his left hand, and a spiked vampire glove on his right. The handcuffs and Marek are right next to each other and Gerard double-checks that the dildo harness is on securely before gathering everything up and going upstairs.

Jonny Lee's prepped and spread out on the bed, just as Master ordered. His eyes are closed and he's tapping into a relaxative zone, just enough to take the edge of anticipation off.

Gerard coughs lightly as he enters the room to give Jonny Lee warning to stop daydreaming. He sits down next to the bed and then touches the top of Jonny Lee's chest with one finger.

The touch startles and Jonny Lee opens his eyes, forgetting for a moment the blindfold makes his world dark no matter what. "Master," he murmurs. He loves the feel of leather on flesh. Decadently soothing. "Your boy's ready, like you asked."

"I know he is." Gerard traces downwards and circles Jonny Lee's nipples. He squeezes lightly. "He have a good day?"

Sensory deprivation's always been a turn-on for Jonny Lee, not just for the heightened senses but the lack of them. Not being able to see allows him to focus elsewhere, channel the pain Gerard's giving him into something more ethereal.

Gerard pinches Jonny Lee's nipple, tugging a little. He loves the way Jonny Lee responds when he does this.

There's a ripple down Jonny Lee's body, a shudder from the one touch. Amazing things nipples. So fuckin' sensitive. Sets the soul on edge.

Gerard tugs a little more to get Jonny Lee used to the sensation, then moves his finger low. He lifts it for a moment and then brings his other hand down. Traces upwards and then presses the thumb prick directly down on Jonny Lee's nipple.

The whimpering's constant, a stream of low mutters. "Oh, yes, Master, that's good. Please." Jonny Lee stretches, arches up into the touches.

"Slave likes sharp things?" Gerard teases. He squeezes Jonny Lee's nipples with both hands.

"Fuck, yes, you know he does." Jonny Lee squirms, tugging away from the pain, then pushing back into it. He blinks, his world still so dark. "Slave loves sharp things when Master's in control."

"And Master is in control." Gerard reaches down and pinches Jonny Lee's foreskin with the vampire gloves. "Never forget that."

The pain's immediate, intense, has Jonny Lee arching off the bed. "Christ, fuck, that hurts." He pants out a couple breaths. "Fuck, Pire, that's incredible."

Gerard grins. "It's supposed to hurt, pet. That's why I did it." He strokes down Jonny Lee's cock, making sure at least two of the spikes are touching at once.

The sensation's unnerving enough. Blindfolded, it's agonizing. Not that Jonny Lee's complaining. Or would. Nope. Not the painslut. He sucks in a breath, holds it till Gerard works his way down Jonny Lee's cock, then lets it out, slowly, drawing back in the layers of pain.

Gerard loves the blindfold. He can do whatever he wants to his boy and his boy is always on his toes. Never knowing what's going to come next. Gerard continues stroking Jonny Lee's chest with one hand and his cock with another, just watching his reactions.

Jonny Lee can't get adjusted to the changing sensations. Leather on his chest, spikes on his cock. Then they're switched. He's overloading, faster than usual, cock hard and leaking. He wants to beg, but there's no permission given, so he settles on whimpers.

Gerard thinks that might be enough sensation play for now. He pulls his gloves off and then picks up Marek. He takes Marek's arm and slides it across Jonny Lee's chest.

"Ahhuhh." Jonny Lee draws up. New sensation. Fuzzy. Fur. "What? Master?"

Gerard sits Marek down on Jonny Lee's chest and takes off the blindfold. "Surprise."

It is a surprise. "Marek. What? Where?" Jonny Lee's confused, takes a minute to balance himself against the room's light, even though it's dim, gain his bearings. "Master."

Gerard pushes Marek forward until the head of the dildo is just touching Jonny Lee's lips. "Poor, poor Marek. Hasn't gotten so much as a pat in the last few months. Don't you think he deserves some love?"

"Sure." Jonny Lee's half-hearted in answering. He wants the blindfold. He wants the vampire gloves, the caress of leather. But it's not what Master wants. "Marek's a sweet bear, Pire."

Jonny Lee seems to be missing the point. Gerard pushes the bear closer until the dildo presses against Jonny Lee's lips. "I want you to blow him for me, slut."

"Blow him. Like suck the dildo?" Jonny Lee's more confused. He blinks, tugs at the cuffs. "You sure?"

"Very sure." Gerard pulls the blindfold down over Jonny Lee's eyes. "This is about sensation play, Teak. Would you blow a toy for me?"

"Wouldn't Master rather have his slave's mouth wrapped around his cock instead of Marek's?" It's not that Jonny Lee wouldn't blow the stuffed bear, if Gerard told him to do it, but he'd rather Marek watch from the pillow as he sucks off Master.

Gerard nudges the bear's arse against Jonny Lee's chin. "He can do that later. Marek's been very deprived. I think he should have first dibs on your gorgeous mouth."

"Yes, Master." He feels awkward, and he can't quite put his finger on why, but Jonny Lee slowly opens his mouth.

"Good boy." Gerard strokes the dildo harness and then maneuvers the bear so that the dildo is angled the right way to slide down Jonny Lee's throat. "Impress me."

_No._ It makes no sense. His reaction's not normal. He's done this before. Done stranger things. Maybe it's just the combination of factors, striking him in the weirdest way. He zones. Instantly. Deep and hard and fast, his eyes glazing over as he works his tongue along the underside of the dildo, lets it slip to the back of his throat, tug against his gag reflex.

Gerard notices the instant Jonny Lee goes under and he pulls Marek away immediately. This is supposed to be fun play, not the sort of play that sends his boy to neverland. Marek bounces as he falls to the floor, but Gerard isn't paying any attention to the stuffed toy. Just to his Teak. "Jonny..." _He just went under. It should be easy to pull him out again. Right?_

Jonny Lee hears Gerard's voice, but it takes a minute to come back to the surface. "Master?" he murmurs. He realizes what he did. _Oh, fuck._ "Sorry. Oh, fuck, your slave, Master, he's so sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Gerard says automatically. He tries to smile. "Master doesn't want an apology, he wants an explanation so he knows what he did to make his boy go under." _So he won't do it again._ Zoning is fine, as long as Gerard has a whip to his boy's back at the time. Zoning is most certainly not fine when they aren't doing anything heavy.

"Don't know, Master. Never done that before, just sank like that," Jonny Lee says, his voice as confused as his brain, "not from something so simple. Just couldn't, for some reason, without the zone. Can I hold him? You? Please."

Gerard isn't sure he understands that, but he'll give it time to sink in. Was it the bear? Was it the blindfold? Were there a thousand tiny reasons that added up to make this a bad day to try this? "Marek's taken a nose dive onto the carpet," he says apologetically. "But you can hold me as long as you want."

Jonny Lee's tears well up behind the blindfold. "Please, Pire, hold me. Love you so much. Don't want to disappoint you." He can't reach up, and maybe that's better. He'd cling more than he should. "Try again? Please?"

Gerard tugs the blindfold up and rolls Jonny Lee on top of him. He holds his boy tight against him. "You aren't disappointing me." He kisses Jonny Lee's cheek. "Do you want to try again? If you don't, I won't be mad. I promise."

Jonny Lee blinks against the lack of darkness. "Your slave knows that, Master, but he wants to try. For Master." He manages a smile against Gerard's face, a quick kiss. "For lover and husband. He's confused, doesn't know why he needed the zone."

"Ok, then we'll try again." Gerard retrieves Marek from the floor. "But slower, a lot slower." He holds Marek out in front of Jonny Lee. "Teak, meet Marek. He's a horny, horny bear."

"Hello, Marek," he smiles, nearly laughing at Gerard's introduction. "You want an adorable boy, do you?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Gerard grins. No way he's going to hitch his voice up to try to impersonate the typical teddy bear's voice. No way. "Adorable boys are part of a balanced breakfast."

_Don't zone. It's okay._ "You're cute yourself." He stretches his fingers out, touches Marek's leg, rubs over the fur. "You want me to suck you. Right," There's an edge of hesitancy in his voice, no matter how much he _doesn't_ want it to be there.

Gerard moves his hand up and cocks Marek's head to the side. "Of course not. I'm not anatomically correct. But Master was kind enough to get me a strap-on."

"Master's very good to us, Marek." Jonny Lee feels himself slip a notch, but he fights it. He pushes himself up on his elbows, sticks out his tongue and licks the tip of the dildo. "We want Master to be happy with us."

Gerard doesn't have a good answer for that, so he just strokes Jonny Lee's chest with his free hand and holds Marek in place with the other. "Good boy," he whispers, watching Jonny Lee's tongue lick Marek's dildo.

"It's not bad." Jonny Lee's really trying hard not to zone, not to sink, and it's unnerving him that he doesn't understand why. He should be able to do it. Hell, he's let Marek fuck him. _Yeah, let himself get fucked by a teddy bear. Sick, Miller._ No, it's not. He shakes his head, steps closer to the zone's blackness, takes Marek's dildo in his mouth.

Gerard frowns. He call tell that his boy is sliding closer to the zone and he doesn't understand why. Is it the dildo? Is there some sort of humiliation in this that Gerard can't feel and it's making his boy zone? Gerard wishes he knew. He pulls Marek backwards until just the tip of the dildo is in Jonny Lee's mouth. "We can stop right now," he says softly. "I won't mind. Not everything needs to work. We can put this down as something unerotic."

_Can't stop. Can't let Master down. It's just a silly bear. Think of it as roleplay. C'mon._ "S'alright, Master," he says, words not quite a stammer. He slides another step back, zone's comfort reaching out for him. _You're his boy. You can do this. Just sink and let go._ His tongue flicks over the dildo's tip, his mind slipping enough to let him disassociated it all. This isn't the hotel in LA, where it was all new, or even the centennial's ballroom, where he was caught up in the moment. This is home, their house, their bed.

Gerard doesn't like where this is going. It's like Teak is pushing himself to be exactly what his master wants him to be, without any thought for his comfort level. If Jonny Lee is zoning at something this seemingly simple, then there's something wrong. Gerard doesn't know which part of it is wrong, or maybe all the parts add up to being wrong, but this needs to stop. They can analyze what went wrong later. But neither of them should try to push through the wrong to find what's right.

Gerard pulls Marek away fully and places him to the side and uncuffs his boy. "Teak," he murmurs, "I'm safewording for you. This stops now."

Jonny Lee hears the words, murmurs an "okay" and rolls over, curling in, nearly fetal. _Fucked up good, Miller. Can't even manage a simple bit of humiliation. What kind of slave are you?_ He whimpers at the thoughts careening his brain. Everything had been so perfect. The weekend in Romania. The wedding ceremony. They were married, happy. Are. Jonny Lee tugs one of the pillows into his chest and clutches it. _Bad boy. Master should stop you._

_Shit._ Gerard curls up around Jonny Lee and holds him tight. "It's not your fault," he whispers. "My boy's a good boy, a very good boy. It's not my slave's fault it went wrong. Sometimes scenes don't work. It's not your fault. You were perfect."

"Not perfect," Jonny Lee murmurs. He pushes back into Gerard's embrace, wanting to be held, touched. "Perfect boy wouldn't fuck up like that."

"You didn't fuck up." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's shoulder. "You did not fuck up. You reacted the way you reacted for a reason. Just because I don't know what that reason is doesn't mean you failed."

"Fucked up 'cause I couldn't get through it without zoning. Should've been able to do it. Just a simple bit of," his voice hitches, "humiliation. Just a scene. Right. No need to zone."

He was right. It was the humiliation part. _Stupid Gerry._ "Humiliation is one of your limits," Gerard murmurs. "And I knew that. I'm sorry."

Jonny Lee curls in more, wanting to melt into the pillow, disappear. "Just never done much. And it," he's stammering more as he goes on, "could do it in the zone, but zoning frightens you and didn't want to fuck up and want to be the perfect boy, make you happy all the time." He's clutching his hands together, fingers rubbing over the ring that feels like it's been there forever. "Just couldn't, not this time, too much, so sorry, love you, sorry."

Gerard swallows hard. _Bloody fool._ He should have realized that having his boy blow a fucking bear would be humiliating. He should have realized that a plastic dildo was going to send Jonny Lee to places where Gerard didn't want him to go. He should have given this more thought or talked it over with Jonny Lee first. This shouldn't have happened. Teak shouldn't have been put in a position where he felt like he needed to push himself past where he wanted to just to please his master. "You do make me happy, Teak. Everything you do makes me happy." He turns Jonny Lee in his arms and looks at him levelly. "I love you. And there's nothing for you to be sorry for." Of course not. None of this is Jonny Lee's fault.

"Love you. Not your fault. Please, Pire, don't think that." Jonny Lee knows what's going through his Master's mind. Self-reproach, blame. And he shouldn't. It's not Gerard's fault. They've agreed on pushing limits, on trying new things. "Just hit me the wrong way. Don't know why. Maybe too much at once, trying to blend too many things. Want to keep trying, though. Please."

"Yes, dear." They'll keep trying. Keep pushing. But Gerard promises himself that they're going to have long talks before doing anything. He isn't going to spring any more surprises.

"Honest?" Jonny Lee turns over, tossing the pillow aside and snugging in against Gerard's chest. "Not feeling guilty?" _I sure as hell am._

"Didn't say that," Gerard says. This could have been avoided and it's his fault that he didn't take steps to make sure of that. But this could have been a lot worse. "But that doesn't mean we have to stop playing. It just means that we have to be more careful about it."

"Careful. Yes, sir." Jonny knows what careful means. No zoning. Or something along those lines. "Your boy liked the gloves. Very much."

"Thought you would." Leather and pain. What isn't there to like? It's just the bear that was too much. "We can try that again whenever you want."

"Would enjoy that." Jonny's silent for a long time. "The other, Pire, if we took it slowly," he hesitates, whispers, "maybe without Marek, just you trying the humiliation, we could try that."

Just trying the humiliation? Gerard gives his boy a quizzical look. "I can't strap on a dildo, love. I already have something there."

Jonny laughs at that comment, a small chuckle into Gerard's chest. "No, Pire, your boy was thinking more along the lines of just humiliation. We haven't done a lot of that. It's been mostly the pain." He kisses the flesh under his lips. "Which your boy _loves_ , craves, gets a fuckin' hard-on just thinking about."

"But the last time we did outright humiliation it went badly," Gerard says, frowning as he remembers that scene. _That_ one had been entirely his fault. He hadn't seen how far his boy had sunk and he had let himself get much more angry than was safe. Gerard had been very careful with calling his boy a slut after that. "I don't want a repeat of that, Teak."

He has to think a minute to realize what Gerard's talking about. Then it clicks. The rent boy scene, in LA. The first time he'd zoned. "Master, your slave's come a long way since then, and he zoned that night as much from what he considered puppy play as the humiliation. It was the whole being treated like an animal thing." He pauses, kisses his husband once more, a little higher toward the shoulder. "Your slave's learned to really like you calling him a slut, and he's definitely over the puppy fear."

But hadn't Teak told him that it was the language that had sent him over? _Doesn't matter. In the past._ "So you want to try humiliation?" he asks hesitantly. He's not sure he likes the idea. "What kind of humiliation?"

"The words, could start there, calling me a slut and a whore" Jonny Lee offers, "and playing out the rent boy or drug addict or such to its conclusion." He's not sure of where they'd go with any of it. "Or the girl's clothes. We've talked about it, but your boy's never actually done it. Definite humiliation factor."

"Already call you a slut." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's head. "My pretty slut. Veto on the drug addict," no way is he going into that territory, "and veto on the girl's clothing. If or when we do that, I want it to be because it's erotic, not because it's humiliating."

"Would you try rent boy again?"

Gerard pauses. "I don't know," he says at last. "Being completely honest, Teak," forcing himself to be completely honest, "you scared me the last time. I love the scenario of it, but the reality of it...I trust you with the world. But if you zone again, I don't think I can handle that."

"Oh." It's all Jonny Lee says for the longest time. "Pire, I thought you were getting used to the zoning. That it was okay if you understood you could bring me out of it."

"Only when I'm beating you." Gerard's been thinking of it as a defense mechanism. It's not something he wants to trigger unless he's physically hurting his boy. "I don't like you going where I can't touch when I'm getting off on calling you names."

Jonny Lee doesn't understand the difference, but he doesn't really want to. Not now. Just wants to snuggle, hold his lover -- no, _husband_ \-- and not think about zoning.

Gerard isn't sure what Jonny Lee's thinking, but he can ask him later. He holds his boy tight against him. "I do love you."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	322. gerard: Thoughts

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/18/) 16:52:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65912&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65912) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65912) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=65912&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Thoughts** _  
[JL only]

Teak, I've been thinking. Well, flashing back is more accurate, to that wonderful week when I controlled you completely. And what I loved the most about that week was not knowing where you were at every moment, or limiting your time playing video games. I loved knowing that every day at a certain time, you would be kneeling in the middle of the floor, thinking about me. About us, our relationship, your place.

I want you to start doing that again. I want you to kneel for me every afternoon and think about what it means to be my lover, my husband, and my slave.

And I also want you to start wearing a plug.

Can you do that for me?

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-19 06:03 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=119928&format=light#t119928))   
---|---  
May your slave ask for clarification? Kneel at the same time every day? Any special place?  
  
And, about that plug ... all the time, in and out of the house? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?replyto=119928&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=119928&format=light#t119928))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-19 06:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120184&format=light#t120184))   
---|---  
In the living room, at the same time each day.  
  
And I want you in the plug always. Well, as _always_ as is feasible. I want you ready to serve me at all times. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?replyto=120184&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=119928&format=light#t119928))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120184&format=light#t120184))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-19 07:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120440&format=light#t120440))   
---|---  
Yes, sir. Your boy will start tomorrow. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?replyto=120440&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120184&format=light#t120184))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120440&format=light#t120440))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-19 07:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120696&format=light#t120696))   
---|---  
Thank you, Teak.  
  
Oh, and unlike the week, I'm not expecting daily posts on what you thought about. You can if you want, but it's nowhere near mandatory.  
  
  
Love you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?replyto=120696&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/65912.html?thread=120440&format=light#t120440))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	323. gerard: Another anniversary

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/18/) 18:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67352&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67352) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67352) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67352&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Another anniversary** _  
[JL only]

Thank you for taking me back.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/67352.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	324. gerard: A visit with the local friendly Establishment psychiatrist

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[19](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/19/) 22:48:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69858&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69858) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69858) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69858&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**A visit with the local friendly Establishment psychiatrist** _  
[players only. November 19th, Gerard goes down to the club and talks with an Est shrink, wonderfully played by [Adam Clayton](http://www.journalfen.net/users/adam_clayton)'s mun. Occurs before [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/67878.html). References this [night in Cannes](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/25717.html), [this quarrel](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/37792.html) and [its fallout](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?keyword=-Chapter+012A%3A+Cannes+Fallout&user=gerard&sortby=des), among other things. Will be backdated.]

  
It's a week and a half after the wedding and Gerard knows that he can't push off his promise for much longer. He'd called the club yesterday the asked for an appointment with the first shrink available. So now he has an appointment for Dr. Gregory Scott at three o'clock.

He'd told Jonny Lee where he was going, and he arrives at the office a half hour early in case there's any paperwork. He signs his name on some papers and fills in information until ten to three, when the receptionist tells him that he can go in.

Dr. Scott's afternoon is free other than his last appointment with Gerard. When Gerard comes in Dr. Scott looks up from his laptop and smiles. He appears to be in his late 30's, nicely dressed in a black suit with a light grey tie, obviously in shape without being too broad or too built.

"Gerard." He stands and comes around the desk, already extending his hand. "Greg Scott."

Gerard shakes it. "Gerry Butler. I'm glad I could see you so soon."

"Of course, of course. It's not a problem at all. Why don't you have a seat?" After dropping Gerard's hand, he gestures to one of the chairs and long lounge seats. "And we'll get started."

"Thanks." Gerard sits down on the edge of the seat and rests his hands on his knees. "I'm not...I don't have any major problems. I don't fantasize about killing my father and having sex with my mother, or plan on going on any murderous rampages. I don't hear voices or have a God complex. There really isn't any..." No, can't go there. Don't run out on a promise. "I'm not some textbook case. I'm just here for my marriage. I want to be the best I can for him."

Scott studies Gerard for a few moments once he finishes that introductory speech and then he's nodding. "Well..." Dr. Scott leans back against his desk, ankles crossed. "I'd like to remind you of where we are, I don't think anyone would really be a textbook case here. But all right. So if you don't want to kill your father, sleep with your mother, or become a serial stalker, why are you here?"

"Because of my boy. Jonny." Gerard's sure that Dr. Scott has all that information in front of him, but some formalities need to be observed. "We were married in Amsterdam on the 5th, and I promised him, I promised that I'll do what I can so that I don't - so that I don't blow up at him, or walk out, or worry that he's going to leave me anymore."

"Sounds to me like you need more of a Lamaze coach." Dr. Scott's tone isn't rude or sarcastic, but he does want to push Gerard's buttons a little, feel him out. Anytime the excuse 'my lover wanted me to' comes up there is usually more to it than just that. "So you both got married with the fear of being left still there?"

"I think that might be why we got married. Teak wanted to reassure me that he wasn't going to leave any time soon."

"Should I mention that that reason is probably one you don't want to use for getting married?"

Gerard reddens. "And because I love him?"

"That's a bit better." Scott nods and then finally moves around to sit back down at his desk. Closing his lap top he looks back at Gerard. "So tell me why Jonny might be worried that you would blow up or leave him."

"Because I've, uh, I've done it before." Gerard looks at everything but Dr. Scott. "I left him once before, and there was a time...I took something the wrong way, or the right way but too much, and I stormed out of the playroom, went upstairs. I think...I think he thought I left, because he wasn't good enough for me. And so he hurt himself. I don't, uh, want that to happen again."

Dr. Scott very quickly straightens his posture. Holding up his arm he raises a finger, waiting until Gerard catches sight of it before dragging it over in front of his face, that way he's got eye contact with Gerard again. "Look at me, all right?" With that he settles back down in his seat. "What did you take the wrong way?"

Gerard looks up at him and swallows. "He slept with Sean Bean and Eric Bana. And called himself Sean's boy."

"Was this not something discussed before it happened?" Scott gives a long enough pause for the question to settle in with Gerard before asking another. "And how did you take it? Too wrong, or right, I mean."

Gerard shakes his head. "It wasn't discussed, no. We were at Cannes and Teak asked if he could go off with them for the night. And I said yes, because I was busy and I had to schmooze and I knew he was bored with it. And I knew there'd be sex. But I, well, thought it would be vanilla. Or not very kinky. And then a few weeks later Jonny comes clean and tells me that the scene went further than I'd thought and I, uh, I freaked out. Because he's mine, you know?" Gerard pauses and lowers his voice. "He _is_ mine."

Dr. Scott nods very slowly. _So he's protective then. Or..._ "Did you have a problem with this because it wasn't discussed? Or because it happened at all?"

"Because it happened," Gerard says immediately. "He's mine. He's not supposed to be giving those titles to anyone else."

"But that's never been brought up or discussed between the two of you?"

"It's been discussed. And we decided, there are certain things that are just for me." Gerard shoves his hands into his pocket. "My boy made a mistake. He apologized. He tried to, uh, apologize more. He wanted me to hurt him to get my anger out, so I wouldn't be mad anymore. I could, couldn't do it. I left him there in the playroom. Left him, and I knew he was hurting. To punish him."

"I need to..." Scott presses a finger to his lips for a moment. "Draw that line for me, the one between husband and master."

"He wasn't my husband then. This was months ago."

"And it's not only fresh in your mind but still makes you angry."

"Well, yeah." Gerard doesn't understand what the doctor's getting at. "He fucked up. And Bean let him, he didn't stop him."

Dr. Scott leans back, absently spinning a pen between his fingers. "Your boy isn't his to watch or look out for." Holds up his hands. "Within bodily harm, obviously. But the fact is, your boy messing up or not, you didn't specifically tell him not to, did you?"

Gerard frowns. "I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"Nothing. I'm sorting things out between you and your boy and you and your husband." Scotts leans forward, arms on his desk. "And those are lines that you, yourself, are going to have to draw. If you want anything to work."

"Pardon?"

Scott watches Gerard for a moment. "I need to...backtrack a moment, would you keep up with me for a second?"

"Yeah. Sure." Gerard shrugs. He has no idea where Dr. Scott is going, but he's willing to trust him long enough to hear him out.

"I'm just as not crazy as you, I swear it. But...I need to figure out what it is, exactly, that you're looking for. Do you just want to keep from blowing up? Are you looking for answers? Both? Anything? I basically don't want to over-step and over-talk anything."

"I just...I don't know." He looks up at Dr. Scott. "I want to stop having to worry that he's going to leave me because I fuck up, or because I'm not good enough for him. I want to stop having dreams where I drink too much and fuck him up so much that he hates me."

_He's dreaming._ That Scott does scratch down briefly before looking at Gerard again. "All right. Back to my original point. The situation you are in, the relationship, is not only brilliant but incredibly hard as well. Certain boundaries have to be drawn."

"Boundaries," Gerard repeats. "Okay. Between, uh, being his husband and his master?"

"Exactly." Scott nods. "For him, it's hard. Because as his husband, you tell him to kneel, he hits the floor and the headspace comes with it. That leaves him vulnerable within your marital relationship. It makes your stronger, higher, and that's not how a marriage works. For a marriage to work things have to be equal, on both ends. But in the same respect, him doing things as a boy, his messing up as your boy, can't conflict with who you are as a husband. You can't hold that against him when it comes to your marriage. If you do, that's when both have the fear of running away or being left."

"But I never said I did that." Gerard frowns. "I know all this, Dr. Scott. And I do make a separation. If we're talking about normal couple things and he tries to hide behind role, I call him on it and I tell him to stop. He can't be giving me his real opinion while telling me he'll do whatever I want."

"....Yet the two of you are both afraid of the relationship half taking off out the door?"

"Uh. Yeah."

"I could be wrong but that doesn't sound very separated." Scott raises his eyebrow a little.

Gerard sits back against the chair and looks at Dr. Scott. "I don't understand. I've, well, I've worried about this since before we were even master and boy."

"You've worried about what?"

"About him leaving me. About never being good enough."

"Does he make you feel that way?"

"I don't understand. Are you asking if Jonny Lee goes out of his way to keep me on my toes, scared that he's going to leave?"

"No. I asked you what it is that makes you feel that way. More specifically, does Jonny Lee do that? Directly, indirectly, purposefully, not purposefully. As a general yes or no, does he make you feel like you're not good enough? Like he's going to leave because of that?"

"Jonny Lee doesn't do anything. He's more likely to tell me to stop angsting, that he's never leaving." Gerard scratches his ear. "It's from, uh, before. I've had relationships, but they've always ended."

"Tell me about the before, Gerard." _Now we're getting something in there._

"Not much to tell." _Liar._ "I had a boyfriend, Conner, back in school. We were together for some time, the last two years of which were in a BDSM relationship. But it was very light. Nothing like what I have with Teak. We broke up because I couldn't give him what he needed." It's still painful. Dammit, why can't it stop being painful? He's happy. He has a lover, a husband. He shouldn't still hurt after Conner. "He wanted a master and I wasn't ready for that. Then there's Peter and that wasn't meant to last. I walked out."

"So there are things about your relationship with Conner that continue to bother you, then?" The question is much more a statement than an actual question but it does leave room for Gerard to deny, and expand on, as well.

"I wouldn't say that," Gerard says. "We had good years and we were friends. I don't regret that."

"But you regret things turning sour. Things not going how either of you planned, you're not being ready and his thinking it."

"Well, yeah." Gerard shrugs. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Some do, some don't. Most don't allow it to be within their current relationship."

"But," Gerard shakes his head. "You're, I don't...can you slow down, Doctor? I don't understand what you're saying."

"Of course. I'm sorry." Scott nods a little. "You've told me several things since you walked in the door. You've told me you feel like Jonny might leave you, because you're not enough, because you mess up, because you're not ready. Whatever reason it may be. But you also said that it's not Jonny making you feel this way. Now, in your opinion, why do you think you would be skittish and nervous?"

It's something he's thought about a lot, and he came to a realization a long time ago. But that doesn't mean he wants to tell a stranger about it. But this is for Teak. And he'll do this for Teak. "Because everyone else has left me," he whispers. "And so will Teak."

_Now if that doesn't open a good number of doors._ Scott let's the quiet settle into the room before he nods. Shifting back into his chair he observes Gerard. "I believe you've just discovered one of the main reasons for our being here." His voice is quiet, not quite sympathetic but obviously caring.

Gerard grimaces. "Should I mention the other things that are wrong with me?" Nothing wrong with knowing all your problems. It's only slightly more depressing than not knowing.

"It would be helpful, yes. Please do. Though, I'm going to reserve the right to label them textbook or not." Scott offers a smile, hoping to get Gerard to relax even the slightly bit.

"Right." Gerard gives him a small smile. He appreciates what Dr. Scott is doing, really, he is, but this isn't exactly easy. "I've an abandonment complex, an inferiority complex, and possessiveness issues that likely stems from both of them. Should I go on?"

"I want to hear what you have to say." Scott nods and gestures lightly for Gerard to continue.

"I think my boy's going to find a better dominant than me. Maybe it's Peter, maybe it's Sean, maybe it's someone I've never met." Once he starts, the words just pour out. "But I'm not a good dominant. Or not a great one. Or not anyone he should be around. I'm going to hurt him and hurt him badly. He may be a masochist, but there's the kind of hurt he just doesn't need, and I'm going to do that. I'm going to hurt him, I'm going to break his heart." Gerard swallows hard and stares at his hands. "And he's going to hate me. And he'll never, ever, forgive me. And I know this isn't true, I know he's told me a thousand times that he's not going to leave me, that I'm all he could ever want, but sometimes I think he's lying to me. Or humouring me. I'm not good enough."

"In this world, in this situation, with all of the options and choices he has, with all of the doors he could walk through, you honestly believe he picked you just to...humour you?" Scott asks after a moment of consideration. Other things are running through his mind but he's going to sort them out before touching on any of it.

Gerard exhales. "Sometimes, yeah. How egotistical do you suppose that is?"

"I'm not sure it's so much egotistical as it is....lacking of trust. In yourself. Or maybe him."

"In him," Gerard whispers. "It's in him. I don't trust him enough to think that he's going to stay with me."

"Have you told him this?" Scott raises his eyebrow very slowly.

Gerard is quiet for a long time. "Yeah," he says at last. "I've told him. And then he just holds me and tells me that he's never going to leave, that he promises."

"But you still don't believe him?"

"I _do_ believe him. I know he wouldn't lie to me. Knowingly." Gerard takes a deep breath and then lets it out. "But neither of us can see the future. I'm _going_ to do something wrong, and he's _going_ to leave me."

"I think you're rather full of bullshit, Gerard." Scott's words aren't said with any string. Just a simple statement as he sets his pen down and glides a hand through his hair.

Gerard shrugs. "Welcome to my head."

"In this place, in this situation," Scott shakes his head. "Things aren't done without trust. They couldn't be or none of it would work. Now....can anyone predict the future, of course not. And there's always a chance of you fucking up, of upsetting him just to much. But there's also a good chance of the both of you changing, becoming completely different people. And that's a chance we decide to take for love. Do I think it was a good idea to marry Jonny under these circumstances? No, I don't. But I think you love him and he loves you. Honestly. And I think that's enough for you both to continue and work out your relationship. What you, alone, are going to have to do is separate yourself from past relationships, past failures, past insecurities. They can't apply to you anymore because you never came this far with any of them, you didn't ever get in this deep." Scott smiles a little. "And this is what we'll work on. For now at least. Until something else comes up."

Gerard listens to it and then runs it through his head a few times before answering. "I do trust him in scene," he says carefully. "I trust that he'll safeword and I do what I can to make sure that he doesn't zone so much that he won't know it's too much. And I have safeworded him out when I knew he was too far gone for the severity of the scene. But I still trust him. I know that if he says he wants something, then he really does." He takes a deep breath. "So tell me how I separate, Doctor. How can I disengage?"

Scott leans back in his chair, listening quietly to Gerard. When he's finished, the doctor starts to absently tap the end of his pen on top of his desk while watching Gerard. "I'm not sure yet. I don't know you well enough just yet. In words, it's a very simple process. Listening to it sounds easy. But you're going to have to steel yourself against everything consciously. It's going to be your decision and at first it's going to be a conscious one. As things progress, it will be less and less work and slowly become more natural."

Gerard nods. "Yeah, that makes sense. So, I, what? Do I keep reminding myself that he loves me?"

"Well that's a start. Obviously." Scott laughs softly. "Why don't we start with what makes the uncomfortable the most?"

"Ok." Gerard sits back in the chair. "What would you say that is?"

"What would I say what is?"

"Yeah. What do you think makes me uncomfortable the most?"

Scott studies Gerard for a moment. "What do I think? I think when a situation, a scene, an argument, a discussion, when something happens and it reminds you too much of the past. Of something that's already happened. Of a disappointment you've already experienced. I think you then see them as the same situation, one _thing_ and it scares you into running."

_The man has a point._ Gerard isn't sure if it's true or not and he thinks that he's going to need to think about it a lot in order to make more sense of it. "But what about the times when I panic? Something he does that sets me off...you think it's because I'm flashing back? I've gone places with Teak that I hadn't even imagined with anyone else...and when I left him...fuck it," Gerard runs a hand through his hair. "I have no idea why I left him. It was so much. He wasn't what I wanted, he was so preoccupied with other things. He just...he wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't good enough."

"When I say 'places' I don't mean physically. It could very well apply to that but I mean mentally, emotionally. I think it's something to do with your past relationships that make you skittish, that make you bolt." Scott leans back in his chair, still watching Gerard. "That's true for most people. As Freud said, the past make us who and what we are today. It's very realistic for you to be young, inexperienced and be afraid, or upset. And if those experiences impacted you in the right way, it's very common for those things to come into play with your life and relationships right now."

"I also meant emotionally. I've taken him...I've let him in...He knows all my secrets, he knows everything about me." Gerard bites his bottom lip and looks at Dr. Scott. "I'm not inexperienced," he says finally. "I have ten more years experience than he does. Yet he's so much more confident than I am. It's-it's hard being a dominant, sometimes. Always being in charge." He swallows hard and looks away. "He relies on me for everything," he whispers. "I can't let him down."

"I know that it is." Scott answers quietly after a moment's silence. "But it's also why you do it. And I'm not necessarily comparing yours and Jonny's relationship to the ones of your past. But I am comparing your thinking now to the way it was then. Some part of you is holding on you the insecure, afraid, nervous person."

"But that's who I am. I am that insecure, scared, nervous person. It's part of me. It's not something I can just let go of. I know," he continues quickly, "I should be able to. It's just...letting go. Right?"

"It's finding what you need so that those things being obsolete. They're definitely not things you want in a relationship, or the basis for starting a marriage."

"So what do I need, Dr. Scott? More hugs, more vitamins?" Gerard isn't meaning to be flippant, but he really has no idea how he's supposed to accomplish it.

"If you'd like me to put you on medication, Gerard, just say so now. But don't ask my opinion on them afterwards. And what you need to do? That depends on what you want, honestly."

"Not medication," Gerard replies immediately. "I was being flippant and I apologize. I just want to know if you have any suggestions for what I should do." Because Gerard's drawing a blank. He has no idea how to do what he knows he should do.

"What you should do? What you should do takes time, it takes energy, it takes thought. It's not like I can flip a switch and make it all better. What's going on with you, Gerard, is mental, emotional. Those things take time to figure out, to work out."

Gerard nods. "Yeah, that I understand. But is there anything I should do? Cuddle my boy more, tell him I love him?"

"Telling you love him is always a good idea. And obviously, when you mean it, when you feel the need to express it. But, I think at the moment, it comes down to talking to him. I think you might want to draw a few more solid lines within your dominant relationship with him. It's the best way to keep from having it impose on your marriage. Obviously, he's going to mess up sometimes and you're going to have to punish him. But it's better to try and avoid his doing anything that would make you defensive or fearful."

"Solid lines," Gerard repeats. "You mean, separating between master and husband." He still isn't exactly sure what that means, but he's going to do it. When he figures out exactly what it is. "He doesn't generally go things that make me defensive or fearful. It's what I think of what he does. It's not his fault, it's entirely mine."

"When you walked out on him the last time, why did you?" Scott asks, looking evenly at Gerard.

"Which last time?"

"The most recent. When he was under...Sean, I believe?"

"Because I wanted to punish him." No, it was more. "Because he made me--because I was angry. Because I was frustrated that he didn't seem to feel sorry for what he did. He wanted me to punish him so that I'd feel better, not because he thought he did anything wrong. And I was going to hit him, or slap him, or just reach out and throttle him until he felt sorry for what he did. And I knew I couldn't do that, knew I shouldn't do that." Gerard frowns. "And then I walked out."

Scott nods slowly. "And early you mentioned that making you feel like an inferior master, like you could do better or he deserved better. Is that right?"

"Yeah, that's right. I mean, Sean is this great dominant, taught Jonny things that I'd never, never thought of. Why would Jonny come back to me when he has a man like that?"

"Because he wants you?" Scott shakes his head a little. _We can get into that later if you want._ "My point is that you need to establish that. Because it's something that worries you. It remains mainly within your dominant relationship with Jonny, but it's going to affect your marriage a great deal. And that's the kind of thing you need to avoid. You need to be able to separate being angry, or upset or disappointed with him as your boy. And not be when you step out of that role. And you want those two relationships to conflict in such a manner as little as possible."

"I understand that. And I promise, I'll do whatever I can." Gerard looked up at the clock. "I think my time's done here. You probably have more people to see."

"I think that ought to be your main focus now. It may help, it may not, but either way you'll become more clear on what it is that's bothering you." Scott looks at the clock and then at Gerard. "We can end here, if you'd like."

Gerard stands up and offers Dr. Scott his hand. "Thank you, sir. You've been very helpful."

"Anytime, Gerard. You're welcome to call." Scott smiles, giving Gerard's hand a firm shake.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69858.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	325. gerard: GB/JLM: Finally talking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[22](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/22/) 22:29:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67878&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67878) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67878) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=67878&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**GB/JLM: Finally talking** _  
[players only. This log references a shrink visit that Ger made that has yet to be posted. It also references [sex with Marek](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/38647.html), [the warehouse scene](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/38794.html), [the LA rent boy scene](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/24325.html), [JL letting Ger stay with him all the way in the beginning](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1007.html), and a lot of JL's backstory that hasn't really come to light before. Bon apetite.]

  
It's been a weird week. A good one, but strange. Birthdays. Anniversary. New rules. Jonny Lee's getting adjusted to the plug, figuring out the logistics of moving with it all the time. It's not bad, just weird. Like everything else. He likes the naked part of things, though. Much nicer, not having to worry about clothes, except when Master wants him in them..

The weirdness, though, it's nagging at his brain. First the warehouse. Then the whole thing with Marek. Gerard's been great. Hasn't asked. Hasn't pressed. Hasn't even freaked. Jonny Lee's glad for that last, but he thinks he needs to tell, explain, talk it out without being pushed on the issue. He walks into the living room, smiles at finding Gerard lounging in the chair by the fireplace, settles onto his knees beside his Master.

Gerard's been giving Jonny Lee his space, waiting until he thinks his boy is ready to talk. He'd been hoping Jonny Lee would come to him, since he's bad at initiating these things. And so it's a relief when Jonny Lee kneels down beside him. Gerard rubs the back of Jonny Lee's hair and puts his book to the side. "How's my boy doing?"

"He's okay, Master." Jonny Lee snugs into the touch, nuzzling the inside of Gerard's wrist with his cheek. "He wonders," pausing, taking a breath, "if you want to talk. About the zoning."

"I do want to talk." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's forehead. "Do you want to stay where you are, or get up on the chair with me?"

"Whatever makes you more comfortable, sir. Your slave's happy on the floor." Jonny Lee sighs. "And whether or not you want him using formal speech for the conversation."

"No formal speech." His boy should know better than to ask by now. "I want you out of role for this, Teak. But you can stay on the floor. I know you feel better there."

"Okay, Pire." He lets out a long breath. "Simple first. The thing with Marek. I think it was the switching that triggered me, moving from sensation play to wanting me to blow him. Too abrupt and I was really getting off on the sensory."

"Too abrupt," Gerard repeats. "Would it have worked if I'd slowed down? If I'd slowly introduced the fur and the dildo and Marek?"

"Maybe. Honestly? It'd been better if you'd just stuck to one or the other. I don't mind playing with Marek." Jonny Lee smiles, blushes. "He's kinda weird, wicked cool, but he takes a certain mindset."

"I can understand that." He's already kicked his own arse most thoroughly for dropping Marek in as a surprise. "Leather and spikes are enough for me. And I can mix in a bit of teeth."

"Oh, fuck, yes. Leather and spikes, and _oh, god_ , your teeth." Jonny Lee has to consciously will away the erection aching in his cock. "Okay, we'll try that next time. Separate. Your slave would love sensory deprivation."

"Master would love to give it to you." Gerard smiles. "I do love giving it to you. Should I nix the blindfold next time?"

"No, keep the blindfold. It's intense. Makes everything surreal, creates a void of its own." Jonny Lee goes silent, realizing maybe Gerard'll think that's not such a good idea, creating extra voids for his boy to fall into.

And Gerard doesn't think it's a good idea. "I don't like it when you sink," he says quietly. "In fact, I fucking hate it when you sink."

Jonny Lee thinks on how best to put it, then decides honesty and simplicity's best. "What if I want to go there? If I need to tap into it? We've proven I can do it and not go so far that you lose me."

Gerard sighs. "Why do you need to go there, Teak? I don't understand that. Why do you need to get away from me and what I'm doing?"

"That's not it." He's defensive, more than he wants to be, should be. "Well, not all of it. Most of the time, it's not getting away, and definitely not ever from _you_. The zone is where the headspace is, it's where I'm most submissive, where I can take more, give myself completely over to what you're doing."

"Can you separate headspace from zoning?"

"For the most part, yeah. Just some scenes, it's harder."

"What makes it harder? The severity of the scene?"

"Not necessarily. Could be just the nature to it. Like the puppy play. It takes a certain headspace 'cause it was a hard limit for such a long time. If I tap into the zone, it's easier to go there, and I _so_ want to get better at it."

"Can we," Gerard swallows, "not do that kind of play, then? Would that help? I really don't like it when you zone, love. I feel like you're trying to get away from me but don't have the guts to safeword."

"No, it wouldn't help." Jonny Lee raises his voice, most decidedly out of role. "Yeah, I need to learn not to want the zone for certain things, but you need to stop freaking every time I slip an inch away. Pire, it's not about getting away from you or not safewording. Fuck, how's it different from the space you go into when you're sceneing with me?"

Gerard flinches. "The space I go when I'm sceneing with you has never got me so far that I give you a fucking beer!"

"One time. That was one friggin' time. And you know we were pushing multiple limits that night." Jonny Lee doesn't back down, but he doesn't get any more vocal. "C'mon, Pire, since then, I've been good about it. I haven't once dropped so far you couldn't get me back. What scares you so much?"

"That you might do it again. I didn't...I had no fucking idea you were going under then, Teak. You have any idea how much it scared me? I didn't realize you could zone that badly, get so far away from _yourself_ that you'd do what you did. And I didn't know then and so how can I expect to be able to know now and be fucking confident that I won't turn around and you won't know who you are?!" Gerard takes a shuddering breath and forces himself to relax. "Yeah, it hasn't happened since, but...I don't trust you. I think that's what it comes down to. I don't trust you."

Jonny Lee doesn't pull back, much to his own surprise; he leans in, lays his head on Gerard's leg. "You don't trust me," he murmurs, water clouding his vision. "I love you. I trust you with my life." He doesn't know how else to respond. He's never been ripped apart quite that suddenly.

_Fuck fuck fuck._ Gerard swallows hard and slides off the chair onto the floor next to Jonny Lee. He wants to hug him, wants to hold him, but he isn't sure what Jonny Lee would do to him. "I do trust you, love. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I meant to say, I didn't trust you to safeword. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I trust you with everything, Teak. I trust you with my life."

"Then you safeword for me. You're the master." Jonny Lee doesn't look up, but rubs his head against the soft denim over Gerard's knee. "If we were taking this to the extreme, and I as a slave gave you my safeword as part of the contract, then it'd be with the trust that you'd safeword for me if you thought I was taking more than I should. So trust yourself, Pire, to stop us both, and trust me to work on getting better."

_And you have safeworded for him._ "But I didn't know how far you were going, love." Gerard strokes his fingers up Jonny Lee's arm. "I didn't know...I didn't know. I'm such a bad master. Such a bad master." He bites his lip and turns away. "You deserve someone who'll trust you," he whispers. "You deserve some one so much better than me."

"No, you're wrong." Jonny Lee pushes up, wrapping his arms around Gerard's waist. "I don't know what I deserve, don't think I deserve even this good," he says, tears welling, "but what I want is you. There's absolutely no one else I'd want as a master. No one."

Gerard sniffs and wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and holds on tight. He laughs a little. "This is what I told the shrink and he didn't believe me. That we're both so in love and still so insecure."

"And what'd he say?" Jonny Lee'd known about Gerard seeing the therapist, before he went, but they hadn't talked much about it since. "Any solutions?"

"He said something about separating the master from the husband. About learning to trust myself. Gave me some stuff to think about." Gerard wishes there was some snap solution to this, but he'd understood that there wasn't even before he stepped into that office. "And to keep reminding myself that you did stay with me, when you have every other man in the world to choose from."

"Separating master from husband." Jonny Lee pulls himself up more, nudging and curling into Gerard's lap, not asking permission, just wanting the touching, the connection. "They're both you. They're the same. You're my husband and my master and my lover."

"That's what I thought." Gerard spreads his legs to allow Jonny Lee more room. He rests his head on Jonny Lee's shoulder. "Said I didn't have multiple personalities, that it was just different names for what I am to you, and what you are to me. But he did make sense. I mean, when we're out of role, I'm still your master, but you're thinking of me as your husband. And if I suddenly start biting you, I'm your master, but I'm still your husband." Gerard doesn't think he's making any sense, but he hopes he is. It isn't entirely clear in his brain, but it feels right. And it feels like it could help.

Gerard's only making partial sense, but then Jonny Lee didn't talk to the shrink himself so he's getting this all second-hand interpretation. "And there's something wrong with that? With me thinking of you as husband _and_ master, all at the same time?"

"No, no, nothing with you." Gerard closes his eyes tight. "The problems with me, I think. I don't know exactly. I should separate the headspaces. I shouldn't...I shouldn't be your protective and overbearing husband while I'm being your cruel and evil master. Separate the strands."

"Okay, that I understand. So the shrink says you should step in and out of master role, to some extent, and make it clear when they're separate. Right?" Jonny Lee kisses Gerard's chest, soft and sweet kiss.

"Yeah." Gerard's relieved that Jonny Lee understands it. He doesn't think he understands it himself. "That maybe I'm having problems resolving the fact that I hurt you, but I love you and that I don't want you to get hurt, even if you want to be hurt and I want to hurt you. Protective sadistic caveman."

Jonny Lee looks up, smiles, cheeks still damp. "I love the protective sadistic caveman. He's the only lover I ever want. How do we work this, day to day?"

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cheeks, smearing the last of his tears. "I don't know. Maybe we only go deep into role in certain places? Like the bedroom or the playroom. Everywhere else we're master and slave, but it's not as intense? I won't beat you in the kitchen or go growly in the bathroom, unless we're doing a specific scene."

"That works for me." And it does. It makes sense, deep roleplay kept to specific places. "And the zoning? Think you can learn to trust what we're doing enough to know when to safeword for me?"

Gerard opens his mouth to answer and then closes it. "I don't know," he says finally. "I don't trust myself to stop without you telling me to, love. And no matter how many times I have stopped, I still don't trust myself. I think...I think I might want to take another visit to the shrink about this."

That notion doesn't make Jonny Lee smile. Doesn't make him frown either. Just makes him wonder. "Pire, do you want me to talk to this guy?" He holds his breath. He really doesn't like therapists. Tried once, after the marriage to Ang fell apart. All it got him was more confused. But there's more incentive now. Gerard. Their marriage. Not letting things fall apart. Ever. "I will, if you think it would help."

"I...it might be a good idea." Gerard leans down and kisses his boy's forehead. "If you want to go. I'm not going to say you should, or you need to. Any problems that you think you have, they're yours. Not mine. Whatever you want to do, Teak, is fine by me."

"I wouldn't mind. Not so much. Want to do whatever'll make us better at this, Pire."

"This might." Gerard ruffles Jonny Lee's hair. "I'll give you his number. You can talk to someone else, of course. Doesn't have to be the same man."

"Makes more sense to talk to the same guy. Don't have to go through all the details of our relationship since he'll already know 'em." Jonny Lee shakes his head, cross between a pre-teen and a puppy, loving the gentle touches.

Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's neck, very close to petting him. "Or you could go to someone who doesn't know me, to whom you can scream and rave and will be able to not have to look at me later."

"Why would I do that? Not going to scream and rave about you." Jonny Lee nuzzles, encouraging the petting. "Well, rave, maybe, in a really good way. Love you. Love what you do to me."

"You'd never want to rant about how frustrating I can be?" Gerard keeps petting his boy, wanting to let Jonny Lee know that he's not mad, that he's not trying to provoke him. "Because I know I can be."

"Yeah, but I can rant and then come home and get on my knees for you." He thinks he'd have no problem separating it in his mind, letting out the frustration and then going back to the status quo.

"Love you on your knees." Gerard threads his fingers through Jonny Lee's hair and tugs a little. "Teak, you wanna tell me where you went in the warehouse scene? You've done something like that before. I could tell."

That's the other thing Jonny Lee knew he needed to talk about. The warehouse. That night. What it brought back. "Yes. I have. It was while we weren't together, while I was in Amsterdam, doing _Mindhunters_." He pauses. "You want the whole story?"

"As much of it as you want to tell me." He isn't going to press. If Jonny Lee doesn't want to tell him now, Gerard has every confidence that he'll tell him some time later. It could be days, months, or years, but Gerard knows that Jonny Lee will tell him eventually. That's all that matters.

"Okay. We'd broken up, and I'd had this thing with Ang again, all of two nights, and I knew I was going back there. I got to Amsterdam, and Christ, it was liking dropping a kid in Willy Wonka's factory. Beautiful boys. Everywhere. And I could have 'em, any of 'em. But none of 'em were you, and I just wasn't interested, so the guys took me on as a project, or rather Val took an interest and recruited Christian to help broaden my horizons." Jonny Lee takes a breath, lets it out. "Hold me, a little tighter?"

Gerard does, and continues stroking. He wants to hear the entire story. He tells himself that he's not allowed to pass judgment, but he does feel guilty. _He did this because I left him._

"They took me out, got me laid." He glances up. "All safe. Totally. Then, we had a couple days off because weather had mucked up things and Val suggested we try something different. He knew I didn't mind sex a bit rough, and I'd tinkered with D/s, or at least the notion of it, so he and Christian took me to this warehouse." It's not as difficult as Jonny Lee'd expected, the words just coming out as the images are played back in his mind. He wants Gerard to know this. "Freefall chains everywhere. Blindfold. Manacles. Spreader bar on my ankles. I was barely touching the floor, and the pull on my arms was excruciating."

"Ouch," Gerard says sympathetically, and strokes Jonny Lee's collar. _No matter what you did in your past, you're mine now._ "What happened once they had you trussed up?"

Gerard isn't turning away, isn't cringing or condemning. Not that Jonny Lee expected him to, it's just, that, well ... he rolls his neck, the tug of the collar reassuring. _I'm yours. Forever._ "They beat me, pretty good, leather slappers I remember and hands, lots of hands, and when I couldn't support my own weight anymore, Val fucked me. Nothing but the lube on the condom. I started sliding then, into the void, the blackness consuming, and I kept taking it, and I wouldn't safeword, wouldn't stop it, until I blacked out."

Gerard swallows and grips Jonny Lee hard. _He's here. He's here right now. They didn't hurt him too much. He's here right now, with me. Right here._ "Why didn't they stop? They were hurting you..." The void. The blackness. It's everything Gerard's been working to avoid. "And you passed out."

"I lost consciousness, or it seemed that way. Maybe I just went so far into the void I lost reality. That's the first time I remember finding it, knowing its comfort, that it could take me out of myself, let me handle the whole experience without breaking it down." Jonny Lee knows that's no comfort to Gerard, suspects he's done nothing more than confuse his master more, confuse his husband. "They did stop, when I stopped responding in any way, and then they took care of me. We scened a few more times after that, and then Val explained about the Establishment, told me I should learn more about what I tapped into, find someone who wanted to give me the pain as much as I wanted to take it."

"So he brought you in." Gerard had wondered. He kisses the top of Jonny Lee's head. "This doesn't change anything," he promises. "I still love you. I still can't get enough of you." He needs to think about this, but he can do that later, when he's wrapped around Jonny Lee and holding him so tight there will still be marks in the morning. "Thank you so much for telling me."

"No, he didn't bring me in, not like he stayed around and guided me through the paperwork or anything. He just pointed me in the right direction. I made the decision, summer before you came back." Jonny Lee's scared. "I'm sorry, Pire, if that messes things up, that someone else touched me like that." He's clinging, wanting the marks to last for days, not just till morning. "Want to know the secret of it all? The whole time, every minute I was hanging there, every stripe my body took, I couldn't stop thinking of you, of wanting you to do all that, of imagining what it'd be like with your hands all over me. Don't have to imagine anymore, do I?"

"No," Gerard says. "You don't have to imagine anymore." He kisses Jonny Lee again. "Don't be sorry, love. You didn't do anything wrong. It doesn't mess anything up. I knew you'd had sex before me, knew you'd had sex after me. Doesn't change anything that you let someone else beat you like that. And I'm honoured that you thought of me while you were getting hurt." He swallows. "I was thinking about you the entire time. When I was wanking, when I was sleeping. You were always there."

"Never been so glad as the day you called, said you were coming back." Jonny Lee shifts, maneuvers enough to kneel up, nudging Gerard's legs apart. "Except the day you married me."

"Never been so happy when you didn't toss me out on my arse." Gerard reaches up and strokes Jonny Lee's ring. "Not even when you married me. When you let me stay, that was a new beginning. This," he rubs harder, "this was a continuation, a promise for the future."

"Don't ever plan on kicking you out." Jonny Lee takes Gerard's right hand and pulls it to his lips. He kisses the ring of silver. "Love you. For eternity. Forsaking all others."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/67878.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	326. gerard: Phantom of the Opera

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/23/) 07:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68161&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68161) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68161) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68161&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**_Phantom of the Opera_ ** _  
[public]

The London premiere is December 6 at the Odeon Leicester Square.

The New York premiere is December 12 at the Ziegfeld Theater.

If you want tickets to either, just drop me a line.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ian_mckellen/profile)[**ian_mckellen**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/ian_mckellen/)  
2004-11-23 03:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=120897&format=light#t120897))   
---|---  
I am already going to the London premiere, courtesy of Simon (Callow) and Miranda (Richardson). I'll come over and say hello if a suitable opportunity presents itself. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?replyto=120897&format=light))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/welling/profile)[**welling**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/welling/)  
2004-11-23 04:57 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=121153&format=light#t121153))   
---|---  
Um. Hi. I don't believe we've actually spoken in person, but um, we've spoken once or twice here online in the journals. I'm a big fan of the Phantom of the Opera. Like, super big. And I'm a big fan of yours. And I'm really, really looking forward to this movie, and I was just wondering if maybe I might be able to get a ticket for the New York premiere if you still have one and if lots of other people haven't asked you for one, because that would just make my entire week. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?replyto=121153&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=121153&format=light#t121153))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-23 09:04 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=121409&format=light#t121409))   
---|---  
It's not a problem at all, Mr. Welling. I'm still grateful for your kind words when I was stressing over how my performance would be perceieved. Two tickets have been sent to your address through the studio. If you need an extra one, please don't hesitate to say so. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?replyto=121409&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=121153&format=light#t121153))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/profile)[**judel**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/judel/)  
2004-11-25 12:59 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?thread=121665&format=light#t121665))   
---|---  
I'm not going to be around in December and I'm not really one for premieres either but I just wanted to say, "Good Luck with the film!" I'm hearing loads of good things about it and about you, so I'm sure you don't need my wellwishing. But you have it anyway.  
  
Cheers!  
  
Love to Jonny. Maybe see you at Christmas? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68161.html?replyto=121665&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	327. gerard: Body Modification and Talking Dirty

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[23](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/23/) 23:35:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68490&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68490) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68490) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68490&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Body Modification and Talking Dirty** _  
[players only. The boys make good on their threats to do more body mutilation to prove their love and devotion to each other. The idea of twin tattoos was first mentioned [here](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/31638.html).]

  
This time the clothes laid out are more revealing. The jeans are the kind that don't go any higher than the hips, and the shirt is three sizes too small. Gerard's wearing something like it, though his the hem of his shirt does meet his belt. He's called around for parlors and found one that did both tattoos and piercings. They can go to one place and get both done.

Jonny Lee's showered and shaved and is shaking the dampness out of his hair when he walks out of the bathroom. He looks at the clothes, glances over at Gerard, and picks up the jeans, tugging them on. "Fuck, Master," he says, wriggling his arse into the skin-tight denim, "you look sexy." He fidgets with the buttons, then grabs the shirt. "You shrunk it on purpose, didn't you?"

"I, uh, might have." Gerard tries to look innocent. "Or I might have forgotten how to do laundry. I just couldn't remember how to wash cotton." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a once-over. "Turn around for me, slut. Show off." He wants to see how Jonny Lee's arse looks in those jeans.

"Well, this," Jonny Lee says, tugging on the shirt, which barely covers his chest much less his stomach, "is why your slave does the laundry. Always." He does a turn, best runway spin, tucking his hands into the back pockets of the jeans, accenting the wares. "Master like what he sees?"

It's on the tip of his tongue to defend his laundry abilities, but then Jonny Lee does that runway _thing_ and Gerard's wondering if he shrunk his pants as well. "Master loves what he sees. Master thinks...Master wants his boy to wear those every single fucking day."

"He does? Your slave thought Master wanted his boy naked all the time." Jonny Lee squirms, the final spin nudging the ever-present plug deeper, snugged in by the tight denim. _Okay, that's a unique feeling. Nice._ "Changing his mind?"

"I think this might just beat naked." Gerard slaps Jonny Lee's arse hard, knowing that he's pushing against the plug. "I can just imagine you in this and an apron. Fucking sexy, in a domestic way."

"Nghhgnh. Yes, Master." His voice is terse, the plug pushed in deeper than it needs to be, but Jonny Lee smiles. "Would my dear husband mind writing down somewhere when his slave's supposed to wear jeans and when he's not?"

"Sure." Gerard squeezes Jonny Lee's arse. "I'll put 'em on the fridge. Or blow them up real big and put them on the ceiling."

Jonny Lee laughs. "Fridge is fine. Your slave's not on his back enough to really see the ceiling."

"We should remedy that." Gerard musses Jonny Lee's hair. "Get your shoes on, love, and we can go get you hurt up nicely."

"Shoes. Yeah." He looks around, bends down, jeans stretching over his arse, and retrieves the hi-tops. Jonny Lee doesn't sit on the bed's edge to tug them on, but leans against the wall, working one onto his foot and half-lacing it, then the other. "You decide where we're doing this?" he asks, glancing up as he finishes.

"Yeah, I found a good place." Gerard puts on his fifteen-eyelet boots, making sure Jonny Lee can watch as he laces them up. "I've been told that they have a chair where they can strap you in. To make sure you don't move, of course."

"Uh, I meant places on body," Jonny Lee starts, distracted by Gerard's attention to his boots. He grins, shakes his head slowly. "Should slave assume he'll be unlacing those later?"

"He should. With his mouth. With his arms in binders behind his back." Gerard tugs the laces tight. "And I thought we agreed to get matching on our shoulder blades."

"Well, you were waxing there for a couple days about them matching and your slave wasn't sure if he'd convinced you to go with the stomach." Jonny Lee's cock goes hard at the visual painted by Gerard's words. Armbinders. He moans.

"On eighth thought, I think matching is probably the best idea." Gerard had never thought that he'd go and get a tattoo without being exactly sure where he wanted it, but he knows he wants this, and he does want them matching. He smiles. "Does my slave like the thought of serving his master on his knees?"

"Stupid question, Master." Jonny Lee moves past Gerard and heads out of the bedroom to the upstairs landing. "Your slave loves being on his knees for you."

"I know he does." Gerard finishes tying his boots and then follows Jonny Lee out. "I love that about him."

"Speaking of kneeling, Master, your boy's wondering if you would consider making his schedule a little more rigid, specific time for the daily meditation, running, when you want dinner by." Jonny Lee moves briskly down the stairs, snags his Army jacket from the back of the couch.

"Yeah, I can do that." Gerard grabs his coat and wallet. "You want them written down somewhere specific? And guidelines, or rules that if you break you get punished?"

"Yeah." Jonny Lee snags two water bottles as they cut through the kitchen to the garage. "Stick to 'em? Hard and fast," he says, stopping at the laundry room door. "No backing off 'cause you're worried about being too dom?"

"I think I might be over those. For now." He certainly won't freak out at giving his boy a schedule. "I reserve the right to break the schedule for special days, though, when I want to take my boy out for something special."

"That's fine, Pire, and your boy would expect Master to revise the rules if needed." Jonny Lee leans over, kisses Gerard's cheek. "He'd just really like to give this full-time thing a real chance at working right." He pulls back, opens the door leading to the garage. "Who's driving?"

"I'm driving." Gerard heads for the driver's side door. "I'd love to go on this full-time. We'd have to make a few more rules, though, to be real full time."

Jonny Lee's already at the passenger side, having expected the inevitable outcome of his question. "Like what? You set up a schedule. Your boy follows it. What else is there?" He's still so new to all this, the concept, throwing himself in blindly, happily willing it all works out.

"More restrictions." Gerard puts the key in the ignition and then fastens his seat belt. "If we're going to go to the extreme, we shouldn't do it half-arsed."

"Restrictions. Okay." Jonny Lee settles in, laying his head against the car's headrest. "Your slave already uses formal speech just with you, kneels in your presence, is monogamous, doesn't get out of bed till you do and fixes you breakfast."

"Sounds like a lot, doesn't it." Gerard looks out of the back window as he pulls out. "But I was thinking of adding on orgasm control, seeing as how it's your favourite kink."

"Not a lot. Your slave's sure there could be more. Minute-by-minute control, if Master wanted. But, yeah, he likes orgasm control. You know that."

"I do know that." Gerard pulls into a lane. "I'm thinking, orgasm shouldn't be a right anymore. It'd be something you'd need to actually earn. What do you think about that?"

"Uh, not sure he understands. Earn the right to be denied?"

"No." Gerard shakes his head. "Earn the right to orgasm. You're not allowed to come until you've actually earned that right."

"Oh, that makes perfect sense, sir. So you'd spell out what earns your boy the right?"

"No, I wouldn't. It would be a special privilege, something my boy earned by going beyond the call of duty." Gerard shrugs. "It'd be a very rare privilege. Once a week, if that." He looks over at Jonny Lee. "Too much for you?"

Jonny Lee swallows, coughs, swallows again. "Your slave gets to come once a week. Maybe. And that's it?" He stares out the window. Nice overcast day. "Sure, Master, if that's what you want."

"Like I said, maybe less than that." Gerard reaches over and tugs on Jonny Lee's arm. "Hey. It's all right if it's not all right with you."

"No, it's alright." Jonny Lee turns, grins. "Yeah, it's okay." He nods. "Your boy doesn't think it's too strict."

"What would he think was too strict? Once a month?"

"That'd be on the edge." Jonny Lee squirms, the thought of one orgasm a month both unnerving and damned arousing.

"I'd help you, of course," Gerard says as he pulls in for a stop. "Keep you locked up so you can't be naughty when I'm not around."

"Kinky, Master. Your boy'd get his own chastity belt? How medieval of you." Jonny Lee's definitely amused at the mental image. "We here?"

"Yeah. We're here." Gerard turns everything off and then takes the keys out. "What colour would my slave like his chastity belt to be?"

"Black, of course." Jonny Lee opens his door, slides out. "Coordinates with his wardrobe."

"I do have you wear things other than black," Gerard defends, then looks to the clerk. "Hi. We're here for piercing and tattoo."

"Yeah, you have me wear flesh," Jonny Lee murmurs, slipping out of formal speech since they're in public, "and the red and purple and blue."

"They're good colours on you." Gerard shrugs and then smiles as the clerk leads to the back. Piercing first.

Jonny Lee follows. He's not nervous, definitely not about the tattoo part. Hell, he's got enough of them to have become intimately acquainted with that particular pain and it doesn't come near his tolerance threshold. Piercing's a bit different. Stomach's not the same as ear, but he imagines it won't be too bad. "So, who goes first?"

"You. We're getting you pierced, then we're getting tattooed."

"Oh, of course, put me to the needle first." Jonny Lee grins at the guy who's gonna be piercing him. Cute, in that Christian Bale hasn't cut his hair in six months way, but otherwise not overly appealing. He settles into the chair, noticing it does in fact have the straps Gerard mentioned. So not needing them. "Okay, have at me, maestro."

The piercer nods and looks to Gerard. "Everything's exactly as you said over the phone?"

"Yeah." Gerard leans over and pulls his boy's coat to the side and tugs his shirt up a little. "Right here."

The piercer nods against and gets his equipment out. "This won't take too long."

"And it won't hurt a bit," Jonny Lee deadpans. "Yeah, I know. Just relax and enjoy." He stretches out, jeans riding low on his hips, dipping low enough to hint at the encroaching erection. _Great._ He shifts, and that just nudges the plug deeper.

"You need anything, mate?" the piercer asks. "It's gonna hurt."

"Nah, I'm fine. I'll just focus elsewhere." _Like on how much pressure there is in my bloody arse right now._

"If you say so," the piercer says, and then picks up a pen. The process doesn't go as fast as he'd said, but once he steps back, it's perfect. "I'll let you get used to this before calling over the tattoo guy," he says and vanishes.

Jonny Lee manages throughout the process with the barest of grimaces, a wince or two and fingers curled in on themselves.

"So how long till you can play with it?" he asks when they're alone.

"I think it's three months before it's healed completely." Gerard looks around. "They said they'll give us a brochure when we leave with all the care instructions." He can't help but stare at Jonny Lee's stomach. He'd watched carefully as the needle had pierced flesh, and he's harder than he'd like to admit because of it.

Gerard's discomfort's not obvious, except that Jonny Lee knows him too well. "Yeah, three to six months is what I've heard. Maybe not wearing clothes'll help it heal faster."

Gerard winces and forces himself to not touch himself. His boy isn't making this easier. Maybe changing the subject would help. "You know how erotic it is to watch that needle go through your skin?" Or not. Gerard bites his knuckle and forces himself to look Jonny Lee in the eye, instead of staring at the piercing.

Jonny Lee's hard at those words. "Oh, fuck, Pire," he says, trying not to move too much, knowing he shouldn't bend at the waist more than necessary. "You wanna try it yourself? Needles in flesh. You could study up on it, for when I'm all healed."

"I could." Gerard moves closer and strokes his fingers up and down Jonny Lee's thigh. "I used to be pretty good at doing ears. Never done a play piercing, but I don't think it'd be any different."

"There's a whole realm of body modification stuff, temporary, and," Jonny Lee loses concentration under Gerard's touches. "Master, that feels good."

"About as good as Master feels right now?" Gerard presses his nail in as the lines turn to circles. "Because master wants to fuck his boy something awful."

"His boy wants to be fucked, sir, something terrible." He bites his lip, not so much because of the pain but for the slow burn it sends to his brain, anticipation of what he could get later.

Gerard looks behind him, then up at the ceiling. "I don't think I can fuck you here and get away with it," he says. "Not sanitary." He leans in and kisses Jonny Lee lightly. "So let's get marked up so we can go home and I can fuck you against the garage wall."

Jonny Lee pushes up, into the kiss, deepening it as much as he can before the piercer walks back in. "Garage wall. Yeah. Perfect."

"Good slave." Gerard gets in a grope before standing up. The piercer comes back in and shows them to a different room. Gerard's faxed over sketches are on the wall, and below that is the artist's rendition of them. "What do you think?"

"Gorgeous. Ivy twines right through the thistle." Jonny Lee leans over, careful not to crease his stomach too much, immensely thankful for the runner's physique at the moments, traces the trail of green under purple. He looks back over his shoulder. "You're first this time, Pire."

"Of course." Gerard smiles, then pulls off his shirt and gets on the table. "Ready when you are."

Jonny Lee stands off to the side, admiring the tattoo artist's precision and technique. He's had more than enough tatts done to appreciate the effort. "You know, Pire, we could keep going and get you up to my level." He slips off his jacket and stretches. "Wouldn't take a whole lot."

Gerard is careful not to move even an inch. He doesn't need to look up. He knows exactly how many tattoos Jonny Lee has, has examined them with his tongue on more occasions than he can count. "Three in the last twelve months is enough for me right now."

"Just a thought. That's looking good, by the way. Gonna be fun to lick when it's healed."

Gerard groans. "Don't distract me." There's pain from the needle and Gerard wants to concentrate on it, savor it. This is something permanent. This is something he's doing for Jonny Lee.

"Yes, ma-," Jonny Lee barely catches himself, switching to a more self-deprecating "yes, sir." He leans back, stretching out against the wall, focusing on the push of the plug in his arse, the tug of the titanium ring in his navel and the single drop of precum he knows is on his cock.

Gerard grins and holds still as the artist finishes. It stings a lot, but it's the good kind. It's the kind that reminds him why he's in love with Teak. He rotates his shoulders and looks at Jonny Lee. "How's it look?"

"Fuckin' gorgeous." Jonny Lee's staring at the expanse of Gerard's back, thinking of how it'd be to lick every inch of it. "Tattoo's beautiful, Pire."

"Beautiful?" Gerard gets a glimpse of it in the mirror and licks his lips. "You're right. Can't wait to lick its double off of you."

"You can do that sooner than suck on the ring." Jonny Lee settles into position, bracing his arms on the table as he leans against it, unable to lie down on it because of the piercing. "Okay," he breathes out, "no matter how many of these I get, they never don't sting like hell."

"They're supposed to. 'S why you get them."

"If I wanted to hurt, we could've just stayed home and you used those vampire gloves," Jonny Lee says, halfway through the process. "Same pain level. Tiny pricks."

"But this is permanent." Gerard moves so he can get a better look as the tattoo goes on. He shouldn't be so fascinated by this, but he is. It's amazing, and he's blown away that Jonny Lee would do this for him.

"Yeah, permanent." Jonny Lee still can't believe Gerard agreed to do it, but then he hadn't expected to come home one day to find his initials tattooed on his master's back. Things were changing, perspectives, and it was all for the good. Permanent. No man was putting asunder what they'd created.

Gerard waits until the artist gives the thumbs up before stroking his boy's back. "Permanent means forever."

"Forever, yours." Jonny Lee pushes off the table, turns around, leans up and brushes his lips over Gerard's. "Bit more and we can find that garage wall."

"Let's get the care info," Gerard murmurs, reaching around to cup Jonny Lee's arse. "And pay up, so I can get you home and naked."

*~*~*~*~*~*~

The ride home isn't too uncomfortable. The jeans are low enough they don't even think about rubbing against the piercing's covering. And the tattoo's not bad, the bandage covering it enough of a cushion to make it nearly unnoticeable. Jonny's been leafing through the care info. "Can't sleep on my stomach, it says, so no rolling me over in the night for a hard fuck, Master."

"Thought never occurred to me," Gerard lies smoothly. "But what about sleeping on your back? There's a new tattoo."

"Tattoo's not a problem 'cept it's gonna be damned sore for a couple weeks, but sleeping on it'd be no worse than sleeping on a sunburn." Jonny Lee looks over, smirks. "And you can't bluff for shite. I know where your mind is."

Gerard smiles. "In the gutter where it usually is, Teak?"

"Gutter. Yeah. It has a happy little home there, all nicely furnished." Jonny Lee wriggles. "You know, I think I'm getting all my sensations confused. Plug, ring, tattoo. Don't know which mild pain to concentrate on."

"Oh?" Gerard looks over at him. "And does my adorable and greedy slave think that he should have a big pain to concentrate on, so he doesn't have to choose?"

"That's an idea, Master. Cock up my arse might help. Not being allowed to come. That sort of thing."

"That sort of thing." Gerard licks his lips. "Your evil master could probably arrange something like that. Provided, of course, that he heard suitable begging to let him know that his slut wanted it."

"Suitable begging. Hmmm. What exactly is that?" Jonny Lee's playful, hoping Gerard's in good enough spirits for the banter foreplay. "Lots of pleases?"

"Hmm. Maybe." Gerard looks in the mirrors and then turns into the driveway. "Or maybe," he says, looking at Jonny Lee, "he should get on his knees right now and tell me how much he needs it."

"In the car?" Jonny Lee knows there's virtually no room for that.

Gerard hits the remote and the garage door closes behind him. "On the concrete, slave."

Grinning insanely, Jonny Lee pops open the door and slides out, immediately going to his knees, lacing fingers behind his back, lowering his head. "Yes, Master," he says. "Your slave wants to feel your cock inside him, Master, ripping him apart, making him forget about any other pain."

"I bet he does." Gerard turns the car off and pockets the keys. He gets out of the car and walks around to Jonny Lee, nudging him with his shoe. "I bet he wants to be fucked right here, right now, and ruin that careful piercing by scraping it against the hood of the car."

"He'd rather not ruin the piercing, Master," Jonny Lee says, sliding his knees farther apart in response to Gerard's nudging, "but he'd love to be fucked hard over the hood, legs spread and hands bracing and opening himself wide for Master's pleasure."

"Would he?" Gerard flips on the lights in the garage. "Would my slut love to be fucked, right here, right now, by his greedy master?" He smiles and nudges Jonny Lee again. "If he does, he has precisely thirty seconds to strip."

Jonny Lee doesn't even bother answering. He's out of his jacket, stripping off his t-shirt and standing up, barely unbuttoning jeans before he's shoving them down his legs, remembering at the last second, well, somewhere about 26 of them, to reach down and unlace the hi-tops enough to kick 'em off. He thinks he makes it. Thirty seconds. He's standing naked in the garage, either way.

Gerard makes a big show of looking at his watch, but he isn't counting seconds. Once enough time has gone by, he looks up. And there's his boy, dressed only in his marks. "Gorgeous," he says. "Now bend over."

He bends over, stretching out his hands onto the car's hood, still quite hot to the touch, breathing out as the warmth hisses through his palms. Jonny Lee spreads his legs, bracing himself at a lesser angle than if were going to lay over the hood, careful of the piercing. Stretching like that loosens the plug, but doesn't dislodge it, and he eases his body into a position perfect for hard fucking.

Gerard whistles at the display and strokes his finger down Jonny Lee's back, tracing around the remains of a beating. "Gorgeous," he repeats. "Think I'll take it for a test drive. Kick the tires. Check the transmission." He leans in close and whispers in Jonny Lee's ears. "How fast can it stop when ordered to?"

"Sixty to 0 in 2 seconds flat, sir." Jonny Lee shivers at the touch.

"That fast?" Gerard blows against the stud in Jonny Lee's ear. "Tell me it gets good mileage and I'll buy it on the spot, Mr., uh, salesman." He rubs his cock against Jonny Lee's arse. "With some incentives, of course. Can't expect me to throw down cash on a promise."

"You oughta try it out, sir," Jonny Lee says, pushing back. "Not everyone handles the stick the same way. Wanna make sure it works in _your_ grip."

"Stick shift, eh?" Gerard is careful not to pin his boy too hard, but he's still pinning him. And it feels bloody lovely against the car like this. "Shame. I always like a car that can work itself while I watch."

Damn, it feels good. Jonny Lee reminds himself to beg for this again, when he _can_ be laid out over the hood, pressed against its heat. "You could always have the transmission overhauled, sir. Comes automatic, if you like."

"Comes automatically?" Gerard shoves his cock against Jonny Lee's arse. "Could get into that." He bites hard on Jonny Lee's ear, and then pulls back long enough to get his pants all the way off. "What kind of money back guarantee do you offer?"

"Ngh." The bite's deliciously unexpected. And good. "Lifetime warranty. You can have it retooled anytime."

"Now that sounds dirty." Gerard kicks his pants off and then spreads himself out over Jonny Lee again. "What would this retooling include?"

"Oh, just your basic realignment, flush out the fluids, test the brakes." Jonny Lee's wriggling, the plug being pushed deeper, worked in and around by Gerard's pressing. "It'd be a tight ride again, almost like new."

Gerard chuckles. "Just like new?" He nibbles along the back of Jonny Lee's neck. "Would I get a complete reupholstering? Maybe something in blood."

"Of course," Jonny Lee's breath hitches, "sir. We'll customize the exterior," shivers, "to meet your specifications. Oh, fuck."

Mmm. Hitching breath. That's right up there with squirming. Gerard rolls to the side and then slides his hand slowly down Jonny Lee's back. "I like things sleek and slim, like it'll start running at any time." His hand goes lower and he starts to play with the base of the plug. "And I like them full. With goodies of every kind. Power windows, steering." He shoves the plug in hard. "I like to take control."

Jonny Lee bites back any comment, and they're running the gamut from a simple _bloody hell_ to _fuck, Pire, just test drive the damn thing already_. "Yes, sir," he says finally, the plug's penetration pulling him up on his toes, "we can guarantee a model with all the accessories."

"Ring. Master's marks. Tattoos. Piercings. Yes, I suppose you can." Gerard wiggles the plug up and down as much as he can, which isn't a lot, but he know Jonny Lee will feel it. "And what if I wanted it to wait? What if I wanted to take it out for a spin first, feel it out, see how it responds to me, before I, uh, go all the way?"

Leaning down, angling his body even more, Jonny Lee bangs his head on the car's hood. "Sir should take it for a spin. Definitely." His voice is strained, from the pressure of the plug, the insanity of the conversation, just the delight of the whole day.

"Then let's get you to a bed." Gerard gives the plug one last shove and then pats Jonny Lee's arse. "And I'll see what kind of incentive you can give me for buying."

Jonny Lee doesn't move. He just slides his head over the warm metal. "Bed. Incentive. Yes, Master."

Gerard chuckles. "You want me to carry you?" He's horny, he wants to fuck Jonny, but there's no way he's doing it over the car. That'd be cruel. To the car. "C'mon, master wants to fuck you."

"No, your slave's fine. He can move." Barely. Jonny Lee pushes himself up, the plug shoved so far into his arse he doesn't have to worry about it going anywhere. He winces, shakes his head, gets his bearings. "Want to be fucked." And then it's another moment to recall which way the door to the house is.

Gerard points to the open door. "This way, love." He wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's waist and leads him inside. Their clothes will keep for now.

The walk through the house and up the stairs isn't bad. Rather nice, in fact, with Gerard's arm around him. Master. Husband. Not the same at one time, but always a little of both. It's when they get to the bedroom that he realizes how sore he is, how much more it's going to hurt to lie down. And, most of all, how it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. There's pain and there's sex and then there's the way Jonny Lee looks when Gerard just can't get enough. And there'll be more pain in the morning, and taking care of Jonny Lee's piercing, both their tattoos, and it's perfect. Life is simply perfect.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68490.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	328. gerard: My boy's schedule

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/24/) 11:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68968&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68968) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68968) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=68968&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**My boy's schedule** _  
[JL only]

Teak, you asked for it. This is what I've come up with. Please tell me if you have any problems with this or suggestions how to make this better.

Morning: Wake me up slowly, with kisses and coffee. This time will fluctuate depending on what's going on, so I'm not going to specify one. You aren't allowed to give me a blowjob unless I tell you beforehand.

Immediately after, you will get me out of bed and into the shower. You'll have about ten minutes to finish breakfast and get it set up before I expect you back upstairs to towel me off.

Depending on the day, I might get dressed here, so I'll expect you to also have clothing laid out for me.

Breakfast won't be anything that I'm not having now. You will kneel next to me throughout and eat from my hand. Then it's time for your morning spanking, after which master will pick out the plug his slave will wear for the day.

Afterwards is some free time. You'll have time to check your e-mail, find cheat codes, and do what you want. You will remember throughout that you are a collared slave and that everything you do reflects back on your master's training.

You _will_ call your agent and talk about options.

Lunch is informal, and at noon if we're both home. If we're not, and it's possible, we'll meet somewhere for it, be it at a restaurant or wandering over to where the other is. If it's not possible, I want you to call me once you've finished eating. If it's possible, you will be kneeling. I might give you permission to wank then.

I don't know how much time you want to spend on running, but I want you to do it between lunch and kneeling. Run, shower, and then come back home.

At 3:00 you will take off all your clothing except for the collar I gave you, and kneel in the middle of the bedroom. You will think about what it means to belong to me, and afterwards, if you come to any great epiphanies, you will tell me about them. You will do your best to be home at three every day. If it's not possible, you will do this as soon as you get home, after calling me to tell me why you were delayed.

This shouldn't last longer than forty-five minutes.

After that you've more time to yourself, to relax and play games, or read, or call people. I do want you to log everything you do. I'll give you a notebook and you'll write down how long you spent doing each task. I will not look at this book. It's yours and it's for you. Think about how you're using your time when you're not serving master. Does it reflect well on him and his slave? Your plug will help remind you that you're mine, but do your actions remind you that as well?

At 6, start dinner. Wear those tight jeans I love so much and the apron I bought for you. The kitchen is your domain, love. Do what you want.

Dinner will be at seven. You will have your own plate, on the floor, and you will be allowed the use of your hands.

After dinner is at master's discretion and he will use your time as he sees fit. At some time during the day, you should have made the bed, and you will turn it down when it's time for bed and tuck master in.

At no time during the day are you permitted to touch yourself without permission.  
At no time during the day are you permitted to orgasm.  
At no time during the day are you permitted to forget that I own you.

I love you.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-30 05:34 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?thread=121960&format=light#t121960))   
---|---  
Thank you, Master. Your boy loves you. He loves his schedule. Kneeling today was intense.  
  
One question ... is it alright for your boy to leave his notebook for you to read, on specific days? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?replyto=121960&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?thread=121960&format=light#t121960))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-30 05:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?thread=122216&format=light#t122216))   
---|---  
It's all right if you leave it.  
  
But I'm not going to read it. Not unless you point to a specific place, and even then I'll only read what you're pointing to and only that. I want you to have your privacy, Teak. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?replyto=122216&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/68968.html?thread=121960&format=light#t121960))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	329. gerard: Why you were woken up in the middle of the night to get fucked

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/28/) 09:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69232&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69232) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69232) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69232&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Why you were woken up in the middle of the night to get fucked** _  
[JL only]

I had the most amazing dream, Teak.

  
Imagine your dashingly handsome master wearing leather suspenders, Santa hat and pants, sitting on a department store Santa throne. Imagine your dashingly handsome master's adorably slutty boy wearing nothing but an innocent smile and tighty-whiteys, climbing onto Santa's lap.

"And have _you_ been a good boy?" Santa asks the adorable slut.

Like any good dominant, Santa knows when you've been naughty and when you've been nice, but he wants to hear you say it.

"Master says I've been," my adorable boy says coyly, and sucks on his knuckle, grinning at Santa.

Santa bounces you on his lap, and manages to get your arse right up against his cock. Dear me, what a coincidence. "And do you think you've been a good boy?"

You nod your head up and down again and so Santa gives you a big, round, rainbow lollipop to suck on. You take to the task eagerly and wiggle back against Santa's erection, thinking this is a fun game.

"Now," Santa says, suddenly stern. "Tell Santa how you've been naughty."

You pout. "Haven't been naughty." You're so upset that you almost drop your lollipop, but Santa wraps his fingers around yours and holds on tight. He helps you work it in and out of your mouth until you're smiling again.

Santa pats you on the head. "If you don't tell Santa how you've been naughty, you won't be able to get your spanking."

You perk up at that and then start listing all your sins, some quite farfetched, giving your lolly little licks here and there to make sure it doesn't go dry. You rub your arse back and forth against Santa's cock --

And that's when I woke up to discover that you really were rubbing against me.

So that's why you woke up in the middle of the night to feel my fingers lubing you up so master could fuck his adorable slut. Hope you enjoyed the experience. Which you did, from the sounds you were making. What were you dreaming of, Teak?

And wanna buy a Santa costume?

Meanwhile, come downstairs. I'm making blueberry pancakes for my good boy who didn't mind losing sleep because his greedy master was feeling randy. And I'm going to feed them to you by hand, no matter how badly they turn out.

Master loves his slut.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-30 06:40 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122480&format=light#t122480))   
---|---  
Dear Santa,  
  
Teak has been a very good boy, naughty in all the right ways, just like Master wants him to be. He wants some new Calphalon pots, especially a decent stockpot, and one of those really nice mixers like Jamie has.  
  
~ Jonny 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=122480&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122480&format=light#t122480))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-30 06:46 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122736&format=light#t122736))   
---|---  
Dear Jonny,  
  
You've been a very good boy this year. Santa has ~~bought them online and is having them sent to the house to arrive on the 24th~~ taken them into consideration. Is there anything else you'd like? The Nintendo DS? Edible body paint? A life-size standee of your favourite star?  
  
  
Love,  
Santa 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=122736&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122480&format=light#t122480))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122736&format=light#t122736))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-30 06:54 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122992&format=light#t122992))   
---|---  
Dear Santa,  
  
Oooh, the Nintendo DS. *drools* That'd be great, especially since Sony's delayed its release of the PSP, which this boy wants almost as badly as his morning spanking. Life-size standee of his favourite star? No need, Santa. Master lives with me. *g*  
  
*innocent snogs*  
~ Jonny 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=122992&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122736&format=light#t122736))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122992&format=light#t122992))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-30 06:57 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123248&format=light#t123248))   
---|---  
Dear Jonny,  
  
Santa isn't very sure what the difference is between the two of them, but he knows how much the boy likes his spankings (remember, Santa's always watching), so he'll trust that. What kind of games do you want with it?  
  
I wonder if I can dig up a standee of your Master. I could get you an action figure of him.  
  
  
And save the snogs for your Master. I'm a married man.  
  
  
Love,  
Santa 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=123248&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=122992&format=light#t122992))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123248&format=light#t123248))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-30 07:42 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123504&format=light#t123504))   
---|---  
Dear Santa,  
  
Uh, games. Um, this boy wants Rogue Agent and The Incredibles and that Anti-Grav for EyeToy and Underground 2. Is that too many? He doesn't have as much play time as he used to have. Not that he's complaining. God, no, he's not complaining, Santa. He's so friggin' happy he can't think straight most days.  
  
Yes, sir, reserving snogs for Master. *grins* Uh, you know, Santa, Master's a married man, too.  
  
~ Jonny 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=123504&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123248&format=light#t123248))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123504&format=light#t123504))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-30 07:44 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123760&format=light#t123760))   
---|---  
Dear Jonny,  
  
As long as those games will work on your new Nintento, they aren't too much. And Santa knows that very little of you is straight. He likes it that way.  
  
  
What does your master being married have to do with our negotations, dear boy?  
  
  
Love,  
Santa 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=123760&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123504&format=light#t123504))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123760&format=light#t123760))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-11-30 07:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=124016&format=light#t124016))   
---|---  
Dear Santa,  
  
Uh, they're actually all games for this boy's PS2. Not sure what the DS has available, 'cept it will take the GBA games and this boy has a lot of those.  
  
Master being married has to do with everything. Doesn't it? And, oh, yeah, Santa, Master's been a very, very good boy this year. Bring him something extra-special.  
  
~ Jonny 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=124016&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=123760&format=light#t123760))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=124016&format=light#t124016))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-11-30 07:58 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=124272&format=light#t124272))   
---|---  
Dear Jonny,  
  
Oh, right. Santa didn't know that. Well, then, he'll stock up.  
  
  
But, unfortunately, Santa's all out of gifts for masters. You'll have to get him one yourself.  
  
  
Love,  
Santa 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?replyto=124272&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69232.html?thread=124016&format=light#t124016))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	330. jonnyleemiller: JLM goes in for a little therapy

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/11/30/) 22:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39899&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39899) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39899) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39899&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM goes in for a little therapy** _  
**[players only. occurs monday, november 30, and follows on[discussions in this log](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/67878.html), in which jonny goes to talk to the same psychiatrist [gerard saw](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69858.html#cutid1). thanks to [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/adam_clayton/profile)[**adam_clayton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/adam_clayton/) 's mun for playing doctor scott.]**

Jonny Lee's standing in the psychiatrist's waiting room, staring at the painting on the wall. He can't sit. He's too nervous. Not bad nervous. Just anxious. Well, if he thinks about it and dissects it, anxious _is_ bad nervous. He's agreed to talk with Dr. Scott. No, that's not right either. He wants to talk with Dr. Scott. It's his decision, not Gerard's.

Still, he can't sit and he's bouncing now, almost imperceptibly, shifting weight foot to foot as he cocks his head to stare at the corner of the painting.

Scott's just finished up some paper work. He files it off to the side of his desk, tidying things up and clearing his desk off. It's absent work but once he's done he glances at the clock. _Ten til. But if they're anything alike, and I'm sure they are, Jonny's already here._ Opening his laptop he glances over a few facts about Jonny, going over a few things that Gerard has said and then he stands.

Opening his door, he smiles upon seeing Jonny already waiting. _Knew it. Looks rather nervous though._ His suit is nice, expensive, but simple and tasteful. Nothing overly showy about the man who's done well in his practice; though his office is rather large and nicely furnished. "Care to come in?" His smile's honest and a real comfort. Nothing fake or actor-like about him.

Jonny turns away from the painting. He's dressed casually, comfortable jeans that aren't too worn and a jumper pulled over his t-shirt, along with the ever-present black hi-top Converses. "Yeah," he says, walking over, smiling. "Thanks. I'm a few minutes early. Hope that's okay."

"Of course it is." Scott smiles and extends his hand to Jonny. Shaking his head, he leads Jonny inside and closes the door. "You're welcome to have a seat. Or lie down if you'd like."

He pulls his hand from his jeans pocket, rubs it on the denim and shakes Scott's hand. "Lie down? You really do that? Cool." He lets go and moves to the chair instead of the couch, though, taking a seat and settling into a semi-sprawl to get comfortable.

Scott laughs, pulling a chair up so that he can sit in front of Jonny instead of behind his desk. "I do, yes. Some people are more comfortable with it." His eyes run over Jonny quickly, discreetly. Mentally cataloging his appearance, his posture, him.

"It'd be nice, 'cept I think I'd fall asleep," Jonny says, running his hand through newly bleached hair that's slightly spiked. "And sitting's good, change of pace."

"No need to explain." Scoot nods. "Whatever makes you feel comfortable." Leaning back in his chair, he cross his leg, foot settling on his knee, elbows on each arm of the chair. "Now what can I help you with, Jonny?"

"That's a loaded question. How much time you got?" Jonny's grinning. "Mas-, uh, Pire and I talked the other night and he brought up some things, a few he said he'd talked with you about, and I just felt maybe it'd be good for me to come sit down with you." He settles his hands on the chair's arms, lets out a deep breath. "Main thing's the zoning, I guess. And the control issues."

"We've got all the time you need, but I'm expensive." Scott teases and then nods. "Good to know you're both talking. Zoning? And what are the 'control issues' for you?"

"Zoning. Yeah, when I go out on him, drop into not responding when we're in a scene. He freaks. And control's just that. Control. He's the master, not me. He should be in charge," Jonny says, trying not to fidget, "all the time."

"I can understand where that might be a problem. When you say control, do you mean you're having a problem giving it to him? Trusting him with it? Him having a problem with taking it?"

"Him taking it. I don't want it. I want to be his slave, 24/7, don't want to think about making decisions."

"Do you think that's the best outline for a marriage?" Scott asks slowly.

"Maybe not, if we were just a married couple," Jonny says, thinking on his words, "but we're not just husbands. We're involved in a D/s relationship and Gerard's my master. That comes first."

"That can very easily cause problems."

"Why? It's what we were before we got married. Love him, every facet of him, but I don't want to lose the master/slave dynamic."

"Because a marriage is equality between both people."

"That's what you were getting at with that separation thing Pire tried to explain," Jonny says, pleased with himself for not tripping on 'Master' this time. "Where he can master and husband all at the same time but not. I don't get it. They're not different people."

"No, they're not. But they're completely different situations. Gerard isn't the same person when he's domming you as he is when he's your husband. The mind set isn't the same. And neither is yours."

Jonny shakes his head. "I'm always a slave, never out of the submissive mindset, except when I'm told to be. Like now. Tamping it back, so I can talk to you."

"Well, then had I known you two weeks ago, I would have suggested you not get married."

That deflates Jonny, the frown obvious. "Why?"

"Because a D/s relationship you have can be really great, but it can also destroy a relationship very easily."

"You're losing me, doc. And depressing me, too. Wanna explain?"

"Basically it comes down to this. His decisions as your master can't be brought into your marriage. Just as your decisions as his boy can't be brought into the marriage. And it's the same the other way around. If Gerard's angry with you, as his husband, he shouldn't be taking that on you as your master. It's a way for both of you to hide. If and when you want to or need to."

"So you're telling me I can't be a full-time slave and be married?" Jonny doesn't want to think about it. He fidgets visibly. It's what he wants, what he is.

"Let me asking you something. If your D/s relationship is the same as your marriage, why actually get married? Why not just get a new collar?"

"Didn't say it was the same, but don't see the ring on my finger as being separate from my collar. I don't take either of them off." Jonny's confused a bit by the conversation. "I love Pire, more than anyone ever, want to be his in every way."

"But you don't separate the two either. And I think that's where you and Gerard run into a problem. And in some ways you are right, but in some ways you're not. Because, even if you're Gerard's boy right now, you're not at the same time. You're Jonny. And he's Gerard when he comes in here, not your master. That's the separation between marriage and having a D/s relationship. But it's also where things are going to get twisted up."

"But it only seems to cause problems for Pire. I don't mind that he doesn't separate the two."

"And you won't until it hits you the right way. But, if it keeps him from running out on you, keeps him from being afraid of the D/s relationship you do have, wouldn't it be best to have the two relationships as separate entities?"

_Keeps him from running out on you._ Jonny's breath hitches at the words. "He won't run out," he says, reassuring himself as much as the doctor. "Don't want him to be afraid. Don't know how to separate." He pulls his legs up into the chair. "I like it when Pire tells me what to do, when I'm doing things that make him happy."

Scott notices the hitch, the hesitance. "I know you do. That's why you do it, why you are a submissive. But it shouldn't be why you love him. Why you married him. And for that reason alone, your marital relationship should be different than your D/s relationship."

"It's not _why_ I love him. It's just part of what I love about him." Jonny pulls his knees up, wraps his arms around them, looks around the room before continuing. "I don't understand how I can just turn it off, being submissive, not with him. Not just one minute I'm a slave, the next a husband." He's not sure he's making any sense with what he's saying. He knows his feelings are turned in on themselves, convoluted and snarled.

"I think that's what you need to work on." Scott watches Jonny and then reaches out, placing a soft, settling hand on his knee and squeezes it reassuringly. "I'm very sure that Gerard loves you, and that he wants to be with you. But I also think you've both got conflicting pasts. And I think certain things, if not separated between your two very different relationships, could be harmful."

Jonny's only marginally comforted by the touch. "What things? Conflicting pasts? That doesn't make any more sense." He cocks his head, bites at his lip. "Are _all_ your comments supposed to make me have more questions? Guess that's how it was the first time, too, where I had to come up with all the answers." _Didn't like it any more then than I do now._ He grins.

"Yes they are." Scott smiles. "That's how we get paid you know? Turning you 'round in circles for hours." He teases softly before looking and Jonny seriously. "In relationships, a person's past is what creates their future. You might have a 'taste' or a 'preference', but it's what you experience, or don't experience, that denotes what you're going to want or look for in the future. It's also going to decide what you're afraid of, what makes you skittish and what keeps you from getting close or allowing other people to get close. Gerard doesn't have a very positive past when it comes to things like that. Does that mean you're the same as the people in his past? Of course not. But it does mean that there's a very realistic chance of similar things between you and his past not washing well with him."

It takes a few minutes for Jonny to dissect all of what Scott's saying, but it wounds like what it boils down to is not upsetting Gerard. How does he do that? "Okay, doc, I'm sort of following. Sounds like I should avoid things in his past, which is part of what caused this problem in the first place. That first time I zoned with him and ended up offering him a beer. He freaked." He fidgets, bouncing without getting out of his chair.

"It's not even that so much. I mean, obviously I wouldn't suggest trying to piss him off. But...you can't go out of your way either. That's why I say that you need to keep your marriage and D/s relationship separate. So that when either of you gets thrown off when you're in role, you've still got the strength of your marriage and your relationship to fall back and find each other one." Scott looks at Jonny for a moment. "Zoned and offered him a beer?"

"Yeah, dropped into sub headspace serious, ended up fetching him a beer on my hands and knees. It didn't go well. And ever since, he's been scared to death of me zoning when we scene, to the point of keeping me talking to make sure I'm there." Jonny wonders how much Scott knows about the headspace he's talking of, how deep it can go. He also can't help but blush a bit at talking about it himself. "Dropped into a zone last week that put him back on edge. For my birthday, he took me to a warehouse and did a pretty extreme scene, beating and borderline torture. It was like a scene I'd gotten into while we were broke up, and I just went quiet on him, dropped into the blackness. That's the zone."

"...So that zone was picked up on things from your past?" Scott raises his eyebrow. It's not so much an 'I told you so' as his expression could get, though he's just making sure.

"That zone, yeah," Jonny says, smiling a bit at Scott's expression, "but not all of them. That's the only one to tap into the past. I don't have much of a past. Haven't been doing this that long, and Pire's the first one who's taken me this far. Well, except for that one scene."

Scott nods a little. "That's expected." He shifts in his chair. "So you're here today, to work out your own control, over yourself?"

"Not really. Master controls boy." Jonny would just about bet that's not the _right_ answer, the one the doctor would like to hear. "I want to know how to make Pire feel better about taking that control."

"Would you like my honest opinion?" Scott raises his eyebrow. _This is probably crossing the line just a bit but....well, oh well._

Jonny runs his hand through his hair, then back down over his face, settling on peering through fingers. "Yeah." He moves his hand, takes in a breath. "Yes, I would."

"As an outside position who understands these relationships; when you're Gerard's boy, I'd suggest not doing things that step over a serious boundary for him. Such as going under for anyone but him."

"He talked to you about Sean, I bet." Jonny sighs. "It's not gonna happen again. Ever. He knows that. We talked about it. He's laid out very strict rules about how I address other people, who I scene with and when, if ever."

"I understand that, but it's also one of those things that has other trigger points as well. You may know some of them, you may not. But you want to be careful of them until he's more comfortable, more confident. And like I told him, you need to have the two separate relationships so that when things go bad in one, you've got a strong one to rely on that keeps you both together."

"And then you lose me, doc. I'm _his_ slave, and I want him controlling every aspect of my life, so I'm not sure where to start drawing lines."

"Well then you shouldn't have married him." Scott answers a bit flatly, not meaning to, just being rather blunt. "That's not what love or a marriage is about."

"I think you're wrong, doc. We got married 'cause we love each other. I think I can want him to control me and still be in love, still be his husband." Jonny pauses, thinking on where he's going with his thought. "Marriage isn't about being equal. Not traditionally, not if you consider the roles of men and women over the centuries. Ideally, yeah, it's nice if you're equal partners, but no marriage is 50/50. Not even my parents, and they've been married nearly 40 years. My problem's drawing these lines you say we need, separating slave from husband. I think they can co-exist, feed off one another. Just have to figure out how to make it work and not cause him worry."

"I'm speaking idealistically, obviously Jonny. But the fact of the matter comes down to, as you said, Gerard's hesitancy in dominating over you, in taking that power and control from you. And maybe not forever, as you say you don't need, but until he's fully comfortable and stable in that role, you're going to need something strong to fall back on when either of your fail, or want to run. If he doesn't feel like the marriage is reasons enough to stay, if you're love isn't what you say it is, then it's going to make easier for him to walk out."

"Then he has nothing to worry about. My love for him is every bit of what I say. There's no one I'd leave him for." Jonny's fidgeting again, worse than before, having a horrible time staying still. He's nervous, just at the thought things could fall apart, even though he doesn't believe they would. He truly believes in the marriage, their love, that it'll all work. "There's not a prescription you can write out for this sort of thing, is there? Not like meds. No, can't have those, but something to follow."

"I understand that you do, Jonny, but the problem arises in the fact that Gerard doesn't. That there are times in which he questions and debates and hesitates. And it's safer, if he's going to run away from the confines of your D/s relationship, that he smack himself into the wall that is your marriage, before he can leave." Scott can't help but laugh slightly and shifts in his seat. "You two are far too alike. I can give you drugs, if you like. I don't think you'll like them and I don't think they'll initially help you, though."

"Nah, drugs are out. Much as my brain could stand to be leveled out, Pire would freak at the thought of me taking something. I barely drink anymore around him. I'll just take what you've said and try to figure out how to deal with it, give him that wall to slam into." Jonny breathes out, then in, settling himself. "I can like call you, if it gets to be too much?"

Scott nods slightly at Jonny. "That I'll agree with. And..." He pauses, licking his lips briefly as he watches Jonny, before continuing. "I think you need to give him time. Remind him that you're in a situation where you can quite literally get anything you want from nearly anyone, and that' you're with him for a reason. I have a feeling his going to be skittish and self-conscious for awhile and he's just got to be entirely sure before he can take and give everything that he wants." Scott nods again. "And yes, you're welcome to call anytime, just try not to scare my secretary too much, yeah?" He teases lightly.

"Wouldn't do that, doc. Not a scaring bone in my body." Jonny's definitely grinning now, breathing more easy. "Y'know, this isn't bad. Talking with you. Wasn't sure about it. Figured we'd get into all these repressed emotions I have, or don't have, and how I get on with my parents. But you're cool."

Scott can't help but laugh. "Do you have repressed emotions?" He waggles a teasing eyebrow at Jonny. "Even if you do, I don't think that's what's affecting you and Gerard, not at the moment anyway. You've just got to be patient and understanding with his hesitancy, let him settle a bit more. And...thank you, I think? Haven't been 'cool' in quite awhile." He grins at Jonny.

"Nah, actually, don't think I repress many emotions at all. If anything, I let them out in less-than-healthy ways." Jonny realizes too late that's probably not the smartest thing to tell your shrink. "And you're welcome. You _are_ cool."

"Is that so?" Scott raises his eyebrow slightly. "Why don't I jot that down for next time, then?" He smiles a little and then laughs. "Cool is good then, I guess."

"Next time. Sure. I'll start making a list." Jonny wonders if that's a subtle way of Scott telling him the session's over. He hasn't been keeping track of time, so he doesn't know if the hour's up, so to speak.

Scott just smiles and nods. Pushing himself out of his chair, he extends his arm to Jonny again. "I'll be waiting."

Jonny unravels his body and stands up, taking Scott's hand and shaking it. "Thanks, doc, you gave me lots to think about. I'll be seeing ya."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/39899.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	331. gerard: [E-mail to jonnyleemiller]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/30/) 09:23:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69418&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69418) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69418) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=69418&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**[E-mail to[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)**_[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)]  
To: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
From: [](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)**gerard**  
Subject: _Surprise_  
Attachment: [trulymademynight.wav](http://www.yestereve.com/establishment/trulymademynight.wav)

Teak,

The sound file is prolouge to what I'm going to do to you tonight. Take it as permission to come whenever you want during the scene. Bet you're really regretting teaching me how to use this computer.

I saw [this](http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/lights/6e2c) and [this](http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/lights/707b) around. I'm not exactly sure what a USB is, or how you'd plug this in, but I think it goes into a computer or one of your gaming systems. Isn't it cute? We could take holiday cheer with us (right? A USB is something that you take with you?) even when we're flying across the Atlantic.

~Gerry

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69418.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	332. gerard: GB/JLM: Making the most of the music of the night

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/11/30/) 17:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70040&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70040) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70040&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**GB/JLM: Making the most of the music of the night** _  
[players only. Follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/69418.html). [Listen to the song while you read](http://www.yestereve.com/musicofthenight.zip) (ripped by Luna)]

  
It had taken much less time than Gerard has thought for him to get all the speakers hooked up. He'd wanted real surround sound and the manual had, for once, been written in the kind of English he understood. He slides the CD into the stereo and places the remote conveniently next to the bed. He lights two candles before turning off the lights and going downstairs, blindfold and gag in hand. He's forbidden Jonny Lee from asking questions about what he was doing, and he creeps up behind his boy and gags him without warning.

Jonny Lee's staying in the kitchen, just as Master ordered, and he's put up the last of the dishes, everything clean and coffee even set for the morning. He's naked, having stripped down post-dinner before Gerard left the room to go plot whatever it is he has planned for the night. His boy isn't trying to figure it out, but he knows it involves _Phantom_ from the morning email and he's smiling, eyes closed as he hums to himself.

Then his music's silenced, the gag going on quickly, efficiently. He instinctively brings his hands up, balling them into fists at the movement, berating himself and dropping them to his side, then moving them to the small of his back as he realizes he's safe, it's Master and it's part of evening.

Gerard hadn't meant to send his boy into a panic, and he's relieved at how easily his boy swallows it. "Good boy," he whispers into Jonny Lee's ear as he brings the blindfold around and ties it tightly. "Now make no sound." He'd liked that humming, will have to ask his boy to do it more often, but for now even a dropping pin would break the mood.

Gerard leads Jonny Lee upstairs, giving him little nudges here and there to direct him, and gets him lying down on his back on the bed. He spreads Jonny Lee out and then reaches to hit 'play' on the remote. As the CD speeds up, Gerard presses his lips against Jonny Lee's nipple, and begins to suck.

He's disoriented, world black and unable to speak, but Jonny Lee can feel Gerard's hands on him and he knows he's safe. Then he's on the bed. He assumes in their bedroom, and there's a click and the music starts. And it's everywhere. It takes a moment, long enough for Gerard's lips to press and begin sucking, and Jonny Lee places the words.

_Darkness stirs and wakes imagination_

It's the _Phantom_ soundtrack, _Music of the Night_ and Gerard's voice is surrounding him, engulfing him, devouring his senses.

Gerard smiles as he hears the music pick up. He mouths the words against Jonny Lee's skin as he moves lower. _Turn your face away from the garish light of day._ Normally he'd be critiquing his voice, picking at every nit, but now he abandons himself to the song. Dark tones around him, soft skin beneath him, and nothing but darkness, and the music of the night.

His eyes are closed and his darkest dreams curl 'round him. They all start and end with Gerard. Master. Husband. _Mine._ He rocks his head back into the pillows, arms stretched out and not moving, not even as much as he wants to touch, caress.

_Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind_ Jonny Lee's fantasies are here, now, touching him, lips on flesh and hands scorching. He whimpers, the gag suppressing all voice he might give to the places his mind is soaring at the moment. Sinking, in the best way possible.

He arches and his cock is hard, blade-edge hard and aching under Gerard's body pressing against him.

The vocals and the piano weave in and out, and Gerard's thrown a little as the clip of the song used in the trailer comes on. It's always a shock to hear something you're used to hearing from the television come out of the stereo.

He inches lower, running his hands down Jonny Lee's skin, lips so close. But he waits for the cue. _Let your soul take you where you long to be_ Gerard smiles. "Only then can you belong to me," he whispers against Jonny Lee's cock, and then takes it down all the way.

_Belong to you. Yes. I belong to no one else. Ever._ Jonny Lee's numb with the overload, his skin tingling, his throat raw with unvoiced screams at wanting more, at taking what Master's giving. The music fills his brain, pulsing a spectrum of vivid colors behind the blindfold as he opens his eyes to the darkness. His body responds, cock weeping in Gerard's mouth. _You have permission. Remember. Not quite yet. Almost._

There's only about a minute left of the song, and Gerard makes it good. He sucks on Jonny Lee's cock, digging his nails into Jonny Lee's skin. This is sensory play at its best, he thinks. Everything surrounding, and then those touches. And Jonny Lee has permission to come without asking.

Jonny Lee holds off another few seconds, and then it's too much, his senses exploding. He comes, his vision going white from the force, the orgasm shattering with the music's last crescendo, his body jerking as he shivers, bites into the gag.

The orgasm is a perfect accompaniment to the last swell of music, and Gerard swallows. He pulls back slowly and kisses the head of Jonny Lee's cock, before crawling up the bed and turning the stereo off. He removes Jonny Lee's gag and blindfold and kisses him gently.

The kiss shocks, almost too gentle coming on the heels of sensory deprivation and subsequent explosion. "Master," Jonny Lee whispers, lips parched, "that was," he sucks in a breath, "fuckin' intense."

Gerard smiles and nuzzles Jonny Lee's neck. "So my boy liked having the Phantom sing love songs to him?" He'd assumed so, but it wasn't like Jonny Lee had never heard the song before. Gerard had practiced it so many times that he'd thought Jonny Lee might start throwing things at him.

"Your boy _loves_ having you sing to him, Master" Jonny Lee says, curling his arms up around Gerard's neck. He hasn't grown tired of the music, no matter how much he's heard it. "He's lucky, Master. He gets the Phantom all the time."

"The angsty, growly, possessive, homicidal maniac of a Phantom." Gerard grins and straddles Jonny Lee's chest. "The murderer who might just commit another if he sees another _Butler did it_ headline. The obsessive who spends three months writing an opera only to kill the lead." Gerard strokes his cock. "That kind of Phantom?"

Oh, shite. Jonny Lee would be hard again, if it were possible. The words are arousing enough, but Gerard straddling him, touching himself -- _oh, fuck, it's hot_ , just anticipating what might happen. "Yes, Master, that Phantom. Your boy wants the obsessive, possessive Phantom."

And the phantom wants him. Gerard twists his hand on his cock and traces Jonny Lee's lips with his other hand. "And the phantom wants this adorable boy, who somehow stumbled into his lair one day."

"Yours forever, Master." Jonny Lee brushes forward the briefest hint of a kiss on Gerard's fingers, a breath.

It's loving and caring and right now it's the most erotic thing in existence. To be loved. To have someone who loves you. Gerard groans as he comes over his fingers, remembering how Jonny Lee looked once they were finally married. Perfectly his.

Jonny Lee licks at the air, swiping his tongue over his lips, wanting to taste the come coating Gerard's fingers. Master. Husband. All his. "Please, Master, may your boy be allowed to clean his Master's fingers," he asks, soft smile on his lips.

"Of course." Gerard presses his fingers between Jonny Lee's lips. "My boy may have everything he wants."

It's sweeter than treacle, saltier than theater popcorn and more delicious than any manna in the desert. Jonny Lee curls his tongue around Gerard's fingers, licking and sucking until they're clean, every one. "Thank you, Master," he purrs when he's finished.

"Thank you, boy." Gerard brushes Jonny Lee's hair away from his eyes and then kisses him. "Thank you."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70040.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	333. est_news: [article is fictional. it did not appear

| The News ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/profile)[ **est_news**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/12/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/2004/12/02/) 00:33:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=10524&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=10524) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=10524) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=est_news&itemid=10524&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
** [article is fictional. it did not appear in Out magazine, nor did the photo accompanying it.] **

The man behind the mask:   
Gerry Butler comes clean

Gerard Butler dominates a room.

It could be the 6'2 frame. Or the well-cut abs and shoulders that beg for leather. Or the voice, brogue heavy and haunting.

It's none of those, though. It's the eyes. They command without words, staring through you when you've asked a pointed question, going cloudy when he's considering his future or dancing with delight when he glances at his lover, Jonny Lee Miller, who's sitting on the far side of the room, absorbing himself in a handheld video game while Butler answers questions.

  
The 35-year-old Scottish actor is the man of the moment. Starring in Andrew Lloyd-Weber's "Phantom of the Opera" later this month, he has girls (and guys) swooning in anticipation. It's taken two decades for the musical to come to film. Long enough that its original stage stars -- Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman -- are no longer the center of attention. Now the focus is on Butler and his young costar, Emmy Rossum.

Does Butler feel those most loyal fans will be rewarded by this production?"

"I think they will." He nods. "The script stayed very true to the original play and Andrew signed off on it. The costumes and settings were exquisitely detailed and there was a standard of trying to stay true to what everyone loved while putting the kind of effects into it that you can do with film but can't on stage."

He lights a cigarette as he talks. It's a habit, he'll confess, he's stopped and started more than he should. "I like to hope that I'll be well-received. I think that once people give me a chance, they'll be pleasantly surprised by the film."

Butler admits to having seen _Phantom_ on stage twice, neither time with Crawford singing the title role, but he's feels he's put his own mark on the creature. "It remains to be seen if that's the consensus of the rest of the world," he says, letting out a long breath of smoke. "It was very difficult. Emmy Rossum, who plays Christine, had never seen the musical, so it was easier for her to get into the role and put her own mark on it. I'd seen it twice before, and so it was hard to separate what I wanted to do with what I'd seen others do."

Then there's the gay factor. Butler's open about his sexuality, something that isn't always met well in Hollywood.

"I imagine it feels the same as being straight," he says. "There are some roles you're never going to get, and people judge you on what they've heard." He sips on his latte -- mocha with whole milk -- and goes quiet for a moment. "On the other hand, I do feel a sense of kinship with other out actors. They took the leap and there's a bond there because of it."

And it's with that honesty that Gerry Butler -- he corrects reporters who use his given name with an obscure comment that very few people are that formal around him -- answers the day's questions:

**Out:** Speaking of the rest of the world, there's a good bit of Oscar buzz behind the film. As well as saying it's poised to make you a star. Are you ready for that?  
 **GB:** I don't like to anticipate what will happen, but I think that if it does happen, then, yes, I think I'm ready." *laughs* "I'll probably be forced to swallow that in a month.

**Out:** People magazine just pointed you out as one of Hollywood's sexy men. Do you consider yourself sexy?  
 **GB:** "I've never thought of myself as sexy, but my partner does, and his opinion is the only one that matters to me."

**Out:** What would he say is sexy about you?  
 **GB:** "That's a loaded question if I've ever heard one."

**Out:** Then, let's try a safer one. How does he feel about your career? Your impending stardom?  
 **GB:** "He's very supportive and I know that he'll always be there for me, just as I'll always be there for him."

**Out:** Do you have plans to work together?  
 **GB:** "We already have."

**Out:** Yes, when you met, but in the future, would you like to work with your lover on a film?  
 **GB:** "It would have to depend on what the film is. I'd love to work with him, but I've been told several times that real life relationships don't translate well into screen chemistry. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to play anyone he didn't like. It'd be awkward."

**Out:** Prior to this year, you've been a very private person, especially regarding your personal life. Had you not been outed in May, how open would you be now about your relationship with Miller?  
 **GB:** "I'd be very open. We weren't outed. We outed ourselves by refusing to hide."

**Out:** So, can we assume when Britain legalizes same-sex unions, you'll be applying for license?  
 **GB:** "You can assume that, yes."

**Out:** Do you see yourself as a gay role model then?  
 **GB:** "Not really. I think to be a gay role model, you have to be vocal and passionate, and while I'd love to be legally married, I think there are better people suited to it than me. Also, I kiss women for money."

**Out:** Yes, you do. Including, I believe, your partner's ex-wife. How awkward was that?  
 **GB:** "Extremely. But Angie was a good sport about it all."

**Out:** And who's the better kisser?  
 **GB:** "Jonny is. Without a doubt."

**Out:** What was the most difficult part of transforming yourself into the Phantom?  
 **GB:** "The most difficult part of the transformation was getting into his head. Eric, the Phantom, is a genius, but he's also a very lonely man. There were parts of him that I could relate to, and then there were parts that were completely foreign."

**Out:** What part of Gerard Butler _is_ the Phantom?  
 **GB:** "We share a lot of insecurity and the desire for a happily ever after ending."

**Out:** And what part of the Phantom doesn't exist in you?  
 **GB:** "His desire to kill whoever stands in the way of his goals."

**Out:** Do you have any tattoos?  
 **GB:** "Yeah, I have three."

**Out:** They are?  
 **GB:** "I have a dagger cross on my right bicep, the initials JLM on the small of my back, and intertwined ivory and thistle on my back."

**Out:** Any piercings?  
 **GB:** He laughs. "Not yet."

**Out:** You've talked in interviews about being wild as a young man. What lingers from your past?  
 **GB:** I still can get self-destructive.

**Out:** What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?  
 **GB:** Recently. I, well, um. Christ. Ok. I was getting these cute accessories for Jonny's laptop and I tripped over myself in computer language pretty bloody badly. Jonny ended up sitting me down and pointing to the bits and pieces on the computer, and explaining what things were. That was embarrassing.

**Out:** And ever? What is there in Gerry Butler's past he'd like to redo?  
 **GB:** He goes very quiet for a long moment and looks back at his lover. "I walked out on him once," he says softly. "I'd like to go back and stop myself from doing that."

**Out:** That brings us around to a final question. You're gay. You're obviously in a serious relationship. How will that combination affect your box office appeal?  
 **GB:** "I have no idea. This is the first film that's come out since I _came_ out. It remains to be seen if there's still that appeal. Then again, fans go to see married actors all the time. There's still that fantasy, even though it'll never come true."

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	334. gerard: The ties that bind, the shoulders that beg

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/02/) 01:09:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70286&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70286) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70286) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70286&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**The ties that bind, the shoulders that beg** _  
[JL only]

Hey, Jonny. It appears that my [shoulders beg for leather](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_news/10524.html). I've never quite seen it that way, but I'll concede the point.

But, more precisely, I'd like to see _you_ beg for leather. I'm lacing up my boots now, and I'm wearing those leather pants that drive you crazy.

Beg for it, slut.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-02 06:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?thread=124814&format=light#t124814))   
---|---  
Give your boy a minute to make it upstairs and he'll be begging proper, Master. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?replyto=124814&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?thread=124814&format=light#t124814))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-02 06:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?thread=125070&format=light#t125070))   
---|---  
Very well. One minute.  
  
The clock is ticking, boy. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?replyto=125070&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html?thread=124814&format=light#t124814))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	335. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: The slut begs so well

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/02/) 11:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39536&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39536) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39536) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39536&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: The slut begs so well** _  
**[players only. occurs immediately after[this post on thursday, december 2.](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70286.html)]**

Mid-morning and the schedule allows for checking email, surfing through the journals. Jonny Lee grins when he sees Gerard's post. Beg for it, slut. Oh, yeah. He's into that, the thought of leather and laces going straight to his cock. He dashes a quick response to the post and slips off the couch and to the floor, crawling across the living room floor, then up the stairs, more of a puppy padding the carpet there. He doesn't have to crawl when Gerard's not in the room, but he likes it, finds it keeps him in the headspace. He finds his Master easily enough and pauses at the doorway, kneeling up in perfect posture, knees spread as wide as he can get and be in the position Gerard likes.

"Master, your slut would like to beg. May he?"

Gerard spins the chair around so that he's facing the door. Fifty-five seconds exactly, according to his watch. His legs are spread, he's relaxed, and he knows Jonny Lee wants him. He smirks. "Yes, my slut would like to beg." He rests his hand over his cock. "And if he's good enough, we'll see if he gets leather on his shoulders later."

Jonny Lee drops back to hands and knees and crawls to the chair. "Master, your slut wants the feel of leather in his mouth, on his body, inside him if Master chooses." He resists nudging Gerard's leg, going instead to kneeling back up between Gerard's spread legs, close enough to touch but keeping his hands laced at his back, eyes down.

"Inside him?" Gerard rubs Jonny Lee's head and pushes him down. "Presumptuous." Gerard isn't sure how he could get leather inside his boy, but Jonny Lee's creative. He's sure if he asked, Jonny Lee would have a reason. But he's not that curious. "Keep going."

The push is gentle but obvious enough. Boots. Jonny Lee nudges himself back just a step and bends down. "Your slut loves the taste of leather, Master." He presses his tongue against the toe of Gerard's boot. "May he show you, Master, how much?"

"He may." Gerard spreads his legs so that he'll have a better view. "Master loves to watch his boy clean his boots. Makes him want to fuck his slave into a wall."

His cock is instantly hard at the thought, but Jonny Lee tries not to think about it as he licks along the leather boot. It's not really dirty. Just a bit of closet dust. It's the leather that's scintillating the slut's tongue, feeding a craving he's learned to relish, to beg for. He licks long swaths of saliva over the leather, toe to heel, then alternates with short almost-kiss licks at just the toe. It's a labour of love, of service, of what it means to be a slave.

Number three kink, after biting and kneeling. Boot worship. If Gerard weren’t already hard, he'd be, just by watching Jonny Lee's lips kiss the toe of his boot. And then more, almost like a cat, and Gerard shifts against the chair, rubbing his palm against his cock.

The more he does it, the better he gets, and Jonny Lee's learned to balance himself, hands behind his back, mouth pressed to Gerard's boot, and be sleek. He lavishes attention on the right boot, not even thinking about moving to the left one until he's sure he's satisfied Master's craving for watching.

Jonny Lee's satisfied Master's craving for watching on that boot, and Gerard nudges his mouth lightly. "Other one," he orders. "And make it good, slut."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee murmurs, raising his head long enough to move to the other boot. He starts there with the short licks, skirting the edges of the laces. He's hard, his cock bobbing between his legs, but he's focusing on leather, the smell of dust filtering through the heavy odor of sex. The licks become longer, deeper, pressing hard against the leather and moving slowly, taking his time. He's not in any hurry to get up, to switch from being this low, in this headspace where all that matters, all he knows, is Master and how he can best please him.

It's sheer pleasure, enjoying every second of it. It's more luxurious than being toweled off, and Gerard's grown to love that more than before. He needs to get Jonny Lee to do this more often. Shouldn't save it for just a special treat. When his boots look clean enough, and Gerard's so hard he can't focus on anything else, he grabs Jonny Lee roughly and tugs. "Blowjob. Now."

That's one of the few things to make Jonny Lee want to stop licking his Master's boots, the promise of sucking his cock. It's his one true obsession. He settles up on his knees, the tug on his collar a sharp reminder of possession, and he leans in, lapping his tongue over Gerard's cock, licking the full length before covering its head with his mouth, pushing back the foreskin, letting teeth graze every so slightly.

Christ. Gerard laces his fingers together behind his back and lets Jonny Lee do what he wants. Jonny Lee always seems to know exactly what he wants anyway without being told. No need to think, no need to direct. Sit back and enjoy his boy's talented mouth.

Jonny Lee pushes down, closing his mouth around the swollen cock, letting it press against the roof of his mouth, swab the inside of his cheeks before pulling back and inching down again. He knows what Master likes, the pace, the twirl of tongue, and he's putting it to perfect use.

"So good," he groans, and he has the presence of mind to pull Jonny Lee's head off his cock before he comes. Jonny Lee hasn't earned the privilege of swallowing and a mind-blowing blowjob is no reason to spoil his slave.

There's a whimper at the loss of cock in his mouth, but Jonny Lee knows he hadn't the right to ask for it, to beg for the splash of come in his throat. He kneels back up, keeping his head lowered, waiting on Master to tell him what he deserves.

Gerard takes his cock in hand and comes after one stroke, aiming as best he can at Jonny Lee's face. Misses by a little, but he doesn't care.

Jonny Lee doesn't lick, doesn't dart out his tongue to catch the streaks of white. He doesn't flinch or draw back. He takes it, deep in the headspace, good slave, and stays kneeling in perfect position.

Gerard moans, and lifts his head from the back of the chair. Looks at his boy. "Lick it," he orders roughly. "Show me, show master how much you like it."

There's a moment of hesitation, not from lack of desire but uncertainty of how to proceed, then Jonny Lee's licking around the edges of his mouth as he draws his hand from behind his back and runs his fingers through the residue, swiping it up and taking his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean.

Good boy. Such a good boy. Always a good boy. Gerard watches through half-open eyes as Jonny Lee licks himself clean. Adorable, erotic, completely and utterly naughty. "Now thank me for letting you do it," Gerard says. He sits up in the chair and looks down at his boy. "For letting you have that treat."

"Thank you, Master, for indulging your slave, for permitting him your taste." Jonny Lee doesn't look up, but keeps his eyes lowered, his head straight, and returns his hand to behind his back. "Your slut welcomes the privilege of serving Master like this."

"And he's so good at it." Gerard ruffles Jonny Lee's hair and tugs. "Come up here. Master wants you to sit on his lap."

Jonny Lee climbs into Gerard's lap, curling himself up against his Master's chest. He's happiest like this, possessed, claimed, loved.

Gerard pets Jonny Lee's back and nuzzles his hair. Jonny Lee feels good like this. Is always going to feel good. "Such a good boy," he says. "My good boy."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/39536.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	336. gerard: Phantom scheduling

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[02](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/02/) 23:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70610&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70610) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70610) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70610&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**_Phantom_ scheduling** _  
[Put on fridge with a magnet]

  
6 December:

5PM: Leave for premiere.

1AM: Stumble back in, have sex.

8 December:

Fly to LA.

9, 10 December:

Watch master run around like a chicken with his head cut off. You can come to as many junkets as you want. Staying in the Establishment hotel.

10 December:

Night: Go up to Vancouver for Karl & Stuart's wedding.

11 December:

Wedding. We won't be able to stay long, love. Need to catch an early flight.

12 December:

6 AM: Arrive in New York.

5PM: Wake up, get ready for premiere.

Early-early morning: Stumble in, exhausted. Probably no sex.

13, 14, 15 December:

Go shopping. I still don't have a complete schedule for everywhere I need to be and everyone I need to talk to. Right now, I believe that they're locking me in a hotel room for twelve hours and shoving reporters at me. They should make that an olympic endurance sport.

17 December:

Fly home.

That's not the end of publicity, of course, but that's the end of being away from home. I hope. But we'll be home for Christmas.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70610.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	337. gerard: Fantasy

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/03/) 00:47:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70761&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70761) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70761) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70761&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Fantasy** _  
[JL only]

Name one fantasy you have that you'd like to play out, that can be done without any special equipment, and can be done in the privacy of our home, before the sky begins to fall.

I'm so fucking nervous, Teak. Am I allowed to say that? I haven't been more nervous in my life. My entire fucking _career_ is in the balance. If they don't like me, it's not the end of the world, but it's the end of this opportunity. And opportunity only knocks once. Christ. I need a drink, or a fag. ~~Or a beating.~~

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-03 08:32 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125289&format=light#t125289))   
---|---  
A fantasy, Master. The first one that comes to mind is sensory explosion. Hours of nothing but your touch.  
  
I'm blindfolded, gagged, plugged and spread out on the bed. You put the vampire gloves on and stroke over my body. Then you light the candles. And there's hot wax being drizzled over my nipples and you're taking such care not to touch the piercing although we both want you to, then trickling down around my cock. It'll be hell to pick out later, but your slave doesn't care. He wants to hurt for his Master.  
  
Then you switch to just the leather gloves, the ones that fit your hand so tightly. You work your fingers into my arse, fucking me, taking me to the edge of coming. But you won't me. Slave's not allowed to come, not until Master's ready.  
  
Does that intrigue Master at all?  
  
Stop being nervous, Pire. It's going to be fine. You don't need a drink. The fag's permitted. And come beat your boy. It'll make you feel better.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?replyto=125289&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125289&format=light#t125289))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-03 04:02 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125545&format=light#t125545))   
---|---  
Give me something harder, Teak. Something that's going to make you scream from the start.  
  
  
It's not going to be fine. I wish I could go into a coma until the end of December.

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?replyto=125545&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125289&format=light#t125289))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125545&format=light#t125545))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-03 05:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=126057&format=light#t126057))   
---|---  
Something harder? Okay. Then just beat the hell out of me, Master. Use your boy to take out your nervousness. Take me by surprise. Throw me down the playroom stairs. Slam me into the wall. Fuck me till I stop screaming.  
  
You said it needed to be without equipment so I'm naturally eliminating all the elaborate fantasies, the medieval torture and such. Hell, even fisting takes a bit of planning, but that's a fantasy, too. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?replyto=126057&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=125545&format=light#t125545))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=126057&format=light#t126057))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-03 06:18 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=126313&format=light#t126313))   
---|---  
Not 'no equipment'. No equipment that we don't already have.  
  
Slamming you hard and beating you sounds delicious. Be on your toes. Master's going to take advantage of the fact that he has a willing slut who knows how to scream and claw and bite and struggle. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?replyto=126313&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70761.html?thread=126057&format=light#t126057))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	338. gerard: Nervous Breakdown

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/03/) 09:25:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70964&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70964) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70964) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=70964&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Nervous Breakdown** _  
[originally private, but then left open to JL in the interest of full disclosure]

  
I really need a drink.

The first premiere is on Monday. Three days from now. Seventy-two hours. Four thousand, three hundred, twenty minutes. Two hundred thousand-some seconds.

It's too close. It's too soon.

I need to go back. I need to stop it all. I need to corner Joel and tell him that we need to reshoot all my scenes. They're bad. They're terrible. They're going to bring the movie down.

Box office success is so completely fucking random. Was it snowing or raining, was there anything better opening that weekend, were people too busy staying home. I can't bring the movie now. They can't let me.

What did I think I was doing, trying to pretend I can sing? I can't sing. And maybe I can act, but the role wasn't about that. The role was about singing and being mysterious and being heart-breakingly sadistic. Two out of three isn't enough to float a movie.

_Alexander._ Huge production, cast of thousands. Epic movie people would like.

Tanked. Bombed. Panned everywhere.

It's so fucking unpredictable. There's nothing I can do. I can't force people into their chairs, I can't bribe the critics to give good reviews. The movie's going to flop and that's it, it's all over. Seven months of my life, more, preparing and shooting the film. Going back and reshooting, doing the vocals. And it all doesn't matter if no one shows up. Built in audience, yes, but that won't last past the first weekend. Will people like it? Will they come back for more?

I can't be the one to drag this all down. I'm not a singer. What was I thinking?

_What was I thinking?_

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/70964.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	339. jonnyleemiller: Journal, Friday, December 3, 2004

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[03](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/03/) 01:57:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39300&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39300) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39300) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39300&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  content  
---|---  
  
_**Journal, Friday, December 3, 2004**_  
 **[written in notebook gerard's given jonny lee to keep thoughts in. left on nightstand in their bedroom with a post-it note on top: please read as you wish. there's nothing of me that you can't know.]**  
  
Who am I?  
  
Jonathan Lee Miller. It's a name I was born with. Got shortened to Jonny Lee when I decided to be an actor. Would rather just be Jonny. Or even Lee. Growing tired of the double name. Funny thing about two guys getting married. There's no tradition of dropping names. Just an odd thing I thought about while kneeling.  
  
Christ, I love kneeling. It's becoming the best part of the day. Well, the best part of the time I'm alone. The _best_ parts of the day are when I'm with Gerard. I love him and we're good married, no matter what Dr. Scott might think. There's enough separation of master and husband and while I'm in headspace nearly 24/7 these days, I can step out of role when Gerard needs me to do it. Like this. He says write the journal in first person, not formal, so that's what I'm doing.  
  
What am I?  
  
I remember in school we were taught slavery's bad. It's an evil thing, wrong to put people in bondage and servitude. Strange how your perceptions change. If we break it down to its basic level, that's what this is, being a slave, putting myself in service to another person. It's not about being _just_ a slave, though. I wouldn't want to do this for anyone else other than Gerard.  
  
And there's a distinction between slavery and submission. I know some would think it a fine line, but I see it. There are others who could put me under, drop me into that headspace where I'd do most anything, but there's no one else who makes me _want_ to sink myself to where all that matters is him. I'm not sure he realizes that sometimes.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/39300.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	340. gerard: December 6: Phantom London Premiere

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/06/) 19:10:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=71673&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=71673) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=71673) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=71673&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**December 6: Phantom London Premiere** _  
[players only.]

  
Gerard's doing his best not to pace. The suit is new, and tailored. Good fabric. Fits well. Not wrinkled. There's an image he needs to put out tonight and that of a nervous wreck isn't one of them. "I'm going to hyperventilate," he says aloud. He can see Jonny Lee behind him through the mirror. "I'm going to pass out on the carpet and that's all people are ever going to say about me. I passed out at a premiere."

Jonny Lee laughs and walks over to the dresser, leaning against its edge. "No, you're not." He soothes with his voice, calm even though he's just about as nervous as his lover. He's thinking of something Dr. Scott said, in giving Gerard a wall to slam into when things are rough. Well, tonight it's not their master/slave relationship giving them problems but Gerard's certainty everything's falling apart around him. "You're going to be too busy smiling and signing autographs and thinking about how proud your husband is of you."

"I'm going to be too busy dropping pens because my hand is shaking too hard, and smiling so wide that my face hurts, to think about anything more than the fact that the movie's going to bomb," Gerard corrects. He turns around and tugs at his sleeves. "I don't look terrible, do I?"

"You look perfect," Jonny Lee says, leaning up, kissing Gerard softly, corner of the mouth and then full lips. "My fuckin' gorgeous lover." He doesn't think the movie's going to bomb, but there's no concrete way of reassuring Gerard. "Concentrate on my discomfort. That'll keep your mind off the film." He shifts, the plug large enough to hold itself in nicely and the Gates already biting into his cock. Not to mention the slight rub of silk against the silver navel ring balancing out the dual sensations.

Gerard smiles slightly. "Yeah. That's a good distraction." He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and presses his thumb against where he knows the plug is. "Is it too big? I can put you in a smaller one. Don't want you to be walking funny."

"Nngh, no. It's fine." Jonny Lee squirms, more from the touch than the plug's size. "It's just right for tonight. Keeps my mind on what I'm getting later."

"And just what are you getting later?" Teasing's good. Teasing keeps his mind of the impending doom. "Dinner and a movie?"

"Dinner, a movie, maybe a grope in the dark."

"Oh?" Gerard brushes his lips against Jonny Lee's jaw and kisses lightly. "Grope in the dark during the movie? Naughty slut. Very naughty slut. Master should spank you for it."

Jonny Lee snuggles, arms tight around Gerard's waist. "Don't think we have time for spanking, Master. Can your slut get a raincheck?"

"Certainly." Gerard gives his boy one last nuzzle and then pulls back. "My slut's very good at distracting me from my worrying."

"It's in his job description, sir." Jonny Lee reaches up as Gerard steps back, straightens his husband's tie. "Slut distracts. Husband smiles lovingly."

"And what does my adorable boy do?" Be domestic from the looks of it. Gerard stands still while Jonny Lee straightens, and then he plays with Jonny Lee's tie until it's crooked. He wraps it around his hand and tugs Jonny Lee closer. There'll be time in the car to put it back to normal. "Does my adorable boy keep getting harder and feel leather and metal bite into his skin?"

"Your adorable boy, Master," Jonny says, glancing down at his rumpled tie and shaking his head, "revels in the bite of leather and metal and the random touches of his Master's hands. He's in such a good headspace it's annoying to the others in the brain."

"'Others in the brain'," Gerard repeats. He gives his boy a look. "Something I should know about, Teak? Going schizophrenic on me?"

"No more than usual, Pire. Just delineating those roles, like the doc said do." He grins. "Love you, with everything in me."

"Love you, too." He leans forward to kiss Jonny Lee, but startles back as the driver honks outside. "That's our ride."

"Sure, Master, ride's here." Jonny Lee grins. "It'll be great. And I'm right there, beside you."

"And not going anywhere." Gerard picks up his coat and shrugs it on. "You have to smile and wave with me."

"Me? You've got to be kidding. They don't wanna see me. I'll just blend into the background, luv." Jonny straightens his jacket and grabs their overcoats.

"You," Gerard says, "are the most gorgeous man alive." Except for Jude, who might be more gorgeous under a different light. "Everyone's going to want a piece of you."

"You don't lie well, but the thought's appreciated." Jonny knows he's not gorgeous. Cute, maybe. Adorable. But nothing approaching gorgeous. "C'mon, Master, gotta get you to your premiere."

"It's not a lie." Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee as they go downstairs. "If you want me to count your praises, I can pull out some poetry."

"Um, no." Jonny Lee risks the truth. "Singing's fine, but no poetry. Please."

"Spoilsport." Gerard grabs his keys from the table and smacks Jonny Lee on the arse. "I didn't mean mine."

Jonny Lee feigns hurt. "Not just yours. Anyone's. No poetry tonight." He opens the front door and bows deeply. "After you, Master."

Gerard swats him again, but lighter this time. "Liar." He brushes past Jonny Lee and straightens his tie as he walks over to the driver. Establishment driver, specially hired. The studio had offered one of their own, but Gerard had wanted to be able to maul his boy inside if he wanted.

The limo's nice, roomy, enough so for Jonny Lee to kneel, which is what he's tempted to do, especially since it's an Establishment driver, but then he really _is_ trying to be good and not tempt Gerard any more than he should. It's the premiere. He's to be on best behaviour. So, instead of kneeling, he's sitting in the seat, fidgeting slightly and playing with his ring.

Gerard stares at the window as the limo speeds across town. His bracelet is down by his wrist and he twists his finger in it, tightening it and loosening it as he watches the world go by. The limo slows as they get close to the theater, and he can see people lining up. He looks at Jonny Lee. "Ready?"

Deep breath. "Sure." It's only a half-lie. Jonny Lee's not the one in the spotlight. He's just the lover in the background. "C'mon, wow 'em."

"Think it's too late to skip and go bowling?" Gerard swallows hard as the door opens and he can hear the screaming. He forces his face into a smile and murmurs to Jonny Lee as he helps him out, "I think I'm going to be ill."

Jonny Lee playfully swats Gerard on the arse just before he moves out of the car. "You're not going to be ill. And, no, we can't go bowling."

"You sure?" Gerard asks, still grinning, and waving. "I think I know what stage fright is now." Flashes of light keep going off and he turns to whisper in Jonny Lee's ear. "Love you. Now get me out of here."

The limo door shuts behind them. "Sorry, Pire," Jonny says, brushing Gerard's cheek with the faintest of kisses, "but the only way out is straight ahead. Be a good boy and think about getting to the theater," he whispers. "You can find a bathroom to throw up in. Or torture your boy."

Throw up is winning out as Gerard walks over to the barricade to talk with the fans and sign autographs. He wonders if he's signing away his first born son or something, since he can't see the papers, and often can't even see the fan he's signing for. He tries his best to personalize, but there isn't time, and he wants to meet as many people as he can. Despite his protests, he doesn't mind. But the flashes and shouts are beginning to get to him.

Jonny Lee stays a step behind Gerard, close enough to reach out and give a reassuring touch, glide of his hand over his husband's back, being as unobtrusive as he can manage. He smiles when someone says his name, and manages not to blush too much. He can sense Gerard's nervousness, though, and leans in, whispering against his shoulder. "You're halfway there, Pire. Doing fine."

Halfway there. Gerard nods. He wants to cling to Jonny Lee, hold him tight, but he can't. He needs two hands now, and people are stuffing things against him to sign, and shouting his name and questions and he hopes he's hearing things. Surely no one's asking about his sex life, or his favourite positions.

He wants to hold him tight, wrap arms around him and pull him back from the crowd, get him where he feels safe and secure. But he can't. It's not just that Gerard has to do this, but they also promised the publicists they'd be good. _Good doesn't mean I can't be close._ Jonny Lee steps closer, keeps his hand at the small of Gerard's back, even answers a few of the questions being thrown Gerard's way, including the one from the adorable barely legal Kurt Cobain-lookalike about his sex life. _Why, yes, he has one._

Gerry's aware of Jonny Lee behind him, touching him, but he can't afford to think about that. He needs to stay sharp, smiling at fans, joking with them, as he slowly moves down. He doesn't think it's anything more than a squiggle now that he's signing, but it doesn't matter. He'll only be able to remember tonight in bits and flashes, and that's the way he'll like it.

They've reached the point where the photographers are wanting their group shots. Jonny Lee nudges Gerard away from the fans and in that direction. "Almost over the worst of it," he whispers. "Almost to the theater."

Almost done. Gerard takes a sigh of relief and lets Jonny Lee steer him towards the photographers. Gerard smiles in reflex and wraps his arms around his costars, obeying the photographers shouted instructions. They take photo after photo, and Gerard knows that he's talking to people, but he isn't sure what he's saying. He can't hear his own voice.

Jonny Lee watches, out of camera's range, smiling at Gerard. He knows his husband doesn't have a clue what he's saying to anyone, or even where he is, other than the random passing knowledge of being at the premiere. But he's gorgeous, so poised and near perfect. Master. Husband. Everything Jonny Lee wants.

Gerard thinks he understands Jonny Lee's zone now. Where you can go and be so focused on one thing that everything else drowns out. Right now his focus is ahead. Smile, make cute, blink against all the flashes, and then get inside. At last, the group as a whole moves inside and Gerard reaches out blindly to snag his boy on the way in.

The boy's snagged and he's tucking himself in close to Gerard as he can get, wrapping his arm around his husband's waist. Jonny Lee knows the look. The zone. He can tell from the way Gerard's eyes are fixed, the color not shifting as it normally does when he's changing emotions. "Pire, love you," he says, knowing Gerard's hearing him but not expecting much of an answer.

"Love you," Gerard whispers. _My adorable boy._ Only once the doors are closed behind him does Gerard begin to snap out of it. People around here, some he knows, some he doesn't. And Jonny Lee, right there in his arms. Gerard smiles and brushes his lips against Jonny Lee's cheek. "Still think I'm going to retch."

"Wanna slip into the loo, then, luv?" Jonny Lee murmurs, grinning. "To retch, of course."

"Can't. Too many eyes." Gerard said. "Later, after the showing and before the parties."

"Yes, Master," Jonny Lee says, dropping his voice to a bare whisper. "After the movie."

Gerard stiffens and tries to resist the urge to look behind him. "Don't say that here," Gerard whispers harshly. "Don't even bloody think it. Cameras and mics everywhere."

Jonny Lee does look around them. No one within hearing distance and the shouts are too loud to pick up any whispering conversation. "Sorry, Pire," he says, looking down, feeling properly chastised. "I'll be good."

"Thanks." Gerard sighs. "I just want to get out of here." He hates feeling like he has to watch everything he does, because everyone's watching him. Center of attention tonight. Can the amateur from Glasgow pull it off. "See anyone you want to talk to, Teak?"

"Not really, sir," Jonny Lees says quietly, looking around. He's seen a couple old friends, nodded at them, but he's not really wanting to wander too far from Gerard's side.

"All right." Gerry looks around also. "We need to stop over with Joel. You remember Emmy from Cannes, right?"

"Cannes? Uh, yeah, I remember Emmy. And Mr. Schumacher, of course." Jonny Lee's glad he doesn't have to do this that much. He'd go insane, having to make nice and smile night after night.

There's a lot of celebrities here and Gerard thinks he can spot people he gave invitations to, but working the crowd is low priority right now. He'll have to do it later, but for now he wants to settle more into his surroundings and get used to it. "Want me to do most of the talking, Teak?"

"Safer that way, Pire. I tend to say things I shouldn't." Jonny Lee's nervous enough in crowds he knows, but making small talk with strangers is too much. "You're doing well. Made it down the carpet without fainting."

"Only because you were there with me." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee lightly and then leads him through the room, making small talk as necessary. As he'd feared, he does step on Emmy's dress, but it's laughed off, and while he thinks someone took a picture of it, he doesn't think he'll look foolish. Then they're being herded inside. It's starting.

The dark theatre's much more comforting, and Jonny Lee settles into his seat next to Gerard, one of the film's other beautiful women ending up on his other side. As the lights go down, he touches Gerard's hand, rubbing a finger over his husband's wedding band. _Everything's going to be good._

Gerard rests his head on Jonny Lee's shoulder as it starts up. There's the theme that he knows so well and he soon can't watch. He closes his eyes, focusing on Jonny Lee's breathing over all the other noises. Later, he'll go to a real theater and watch real people react. Right now there's only how his boy feels when he sees it.

Jonny Lee's mesmerized by the film. He rubs Gerard's hand every so often. He's heard the songs so many times he knows they as well as Master, but seeing it, watching it, listening in the theatre, it's different. Gerard's breathtaking, entrancing. Jonny Lee squirms, the plug tights in his arse, and when _Music of the Night_ keys up, his cock stiffens completely in its metal confine. He squeezes Gerard's hand, hard enough to bruise.

Gerard smiles as he hears Music of the Night pick up. He knows Jonny Lee's enjoying it, and he's wondering how Jonny Lee's taking it all. So much of this was filmed before they got back together, and there are so many emotions running high through it all. Gerard wonders what Jonny Lee's going to think when the Phantom is refused by Christine.

As beautiful as it is, the film's heartbreaking, too, on so many levels. Jonny Lee knows exactly when Gerard was filming. For most of it, they were estranged. No, broken up, no hopes of getting back together. The critics don't know that, so they can't read the insecurity in the Phantom's voice as anything more than Gerard's acting. They don't see the anger in his eyes. Jonny Lee's not going to cry. That would be too much. But he's close, eyes closing for a moment as lifts Gerard's hand and leans over, first kissing the matching ring Gerard wears and then whispering.

"I love you, Pire, then, now, forever."

"I love you, too," Gerard whispers. Gerard thinks he knows what's going on in Jonny Lee's head, and he wants to pull Jonny Lee onto his lap and hold him tight. "Never stopped thinking of you. Will always love you."

The rest of the movie passes with Jonny Lee squirming, combination of hard cock, sore arse and having to watch the Phantom be rejected. That hits him sideways, kinda slamming into his brain. He's thankful, every day, he didn't reject his lover. Jonny Lee glances at Gerard, watches him watch the last of the film. _I'm damned lucky to have him._

Gerard spends the last of the movie with his arm wrapped around Jonny Lee's waist, holding him as tight as he can. He's heard a lot of things about how real the emotions are, and how tense Jonny Lee is against him makes Gerard feel bad for putting them there. But when he'd made most of this, he'd wanted it to hurt. He'd wanted Jonny Lee to see it and know how much Gerard ached for him, how much he wanted him back. And now it wasn't necessary at all. Jonny Lee's his. As the credits roll and the clapping begins, Gerard leans over and kisses Jonny Lee lightly. "Thank you for letting me come back."

The kiss shocks, tingling down Jonny Lee's spine, and he licks his lips to pull in the taste of his lover. "So glad you came back. Don't want to ever lose you again." He smiles and sits up, edge of his seat, waiting to stand, to move, to be at the after-party, home. Just wherever he can touch and kiss at random.

"You're not going to." It seems like the audience is going for a standing ovation and so Gerard stands up and offers Jonny Lee his hand. "I wanted you to see it and know that I was hurting and that I still wanted you. I wanted you to see it and love me."

Jonny Lee stands up, clutching Gerard's hand. The others can clap; he's showing his love of the film with words and smile. "Wouldn't have to see anything to know you love me. Know that every day I wake up." The _Master_ is on his tongue, but he doesn't say it. "And you're not hurting anymore, Pire. That's most important."

"I know." Gerard wishes he could take advantage of the darkness to kiss Jonny Lee, but he knows that people are looking at him. So many are going to want to congratulate him, but all he wants is to cling to Jonny Lee and not let go.

After that, it's a blur, Jonny Lee holding tight to Gerard's hand as he's congratulated, feted, moves on to the after-party. There are photos, and more photos, and Jonny Lee manages to stay out of most of them. He's content to watch his husband make silly faces at Emmy and walk around with the glass of sparkling juice.

And, finally, nowhere near fast enough, it's over. People leave, alone or together, and Joel catches Gerard's eye from across the room and nods. Gerard sighs. Off the hook. He wraps his arm around Jonny Lee and puts his empty glass down for the last time that night. "Let's go home," he murmurs, "I want to put a leash through your collar and fuck you hard."

As if he weren't already damned hard, cock rubbing against the metal of the Gates. "Fuck, yes, Master," he mutters, at that point less than giving a damn who hears. "Want that, too. Bad. Worse than bad."

"Good slut." Gerard nibbles on the top of Jonny Lee's ear and then pulls away. "C'mon, let's get our coats and go home."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/71673.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	341. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: After the premiere, it's time to play

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[06](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/06/) 21:54:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39946&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39946) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39946) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=39946&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: After the premiere, it's time to play** _  
**[players only. occurs monday night, december 6, immediately following[london premiere](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/71673.html?).]**

He makes sure they stop at an all-night store on the way back. Gerard darts inside and buys a cheap dog leash. The clerk gives him an odd look, but doesn't say anything. Gerard's quickly back in the car, and he rips the packaging off the leash. "Get on your knees, slave."

"Oh, fuck, yes," Jonny Lee nearly shouts, and he's on his knees almost before Gerard finishes the sentence. He kneels up, hands behind back, head down. "Your slave presents himself for Master's pleasure, Sir."

"What a good slave." Gerard strokes his hand lightly over the ends of Jonny Lee's hair and then grips hard. He tugs Jonny Lee's head up and to the side. "Master's slave is going to be used for master's pleasure." He secures the end of the leash to Jonny Lee's collar with a snap and then tugs. "How does that feel?"

"Wonderful, Master. Perfect." Jonny Lee tugs back on the leash, testing its pull. It's excellent. His head's snapped straight, and he's under Master's control. The headspace swirls his brain. "Yours, Master. Whatever you want to do with your slave."

"I know." Gerard rubs his tongue across Jonny Lee's lips. "Whatever I want to do to you." He wraps the leash around his hand and tugs lightly. "Master's shoes need seeing to before we get home."

"Yes, sir, of course." Jonny Lee scoots back just a step, as much as the leash will allow, and bends down. He's actually growing quite fond of this particular service. He works his tongue over the tip of the patent leather shoe, swiping away the random dust of the evening, imagining it tastes more like Gerard than it does, working his licks in slow swirling patterns around the side, almost to the sole, and then lavishing a bit of attention to the heel area.

Gerard keeps tugging on the leash as Jonny Lee works over his shoes. The driver is taking them steadily closer to home, and Gerard wants this much before they get there.

The shoe doesn't take as long as the boot does, and Jonny Lee moves to the other shoe in another minute, starting at the back of it and working forward, same motions in reverse, tongue pressing into the leather, licking it clean and then licking it just for taste.

Gerard watches, nudging his foot more into Jonny Lee's mouth. This is much more erotic with boots, but it's still delicious to watch. The car slows beneath them and then parks. Gerard tugs hard. "We're home, pet."

Jonny Lee's head jerks up, and he nods, but doesn't move other than that. Master hasn't said he can, and he's too fuckin' gone into headspace to interpret.

"Stay right here," Gerard orders. He gets out of the car and talks to the driver, pays him and thanks him. Then he looks around, checking out parked cars. Some look suspicious, and he shouldn't be surprised. "Hide the leash beneath your coat," he says quietly. "And as quickly as you can, let's get inside."

In silence, he does as ordered, tucking the leash in and dashing out of the car, heading up the drive and front steps, snatching his key from his pocket and opening the front door. Soon as he's inside, though, and out of the door's line of sight, Jonny Lee's back on his knees, holding the leash's end in his hands in front of him.

Gerard follows him inside and then closes and bolts the door behind him. He takes a quick glance to make sure that all the blinds are closed and the curtains drawn before tugging his clothing off. "Strip," he orders as he yanks his cuffs undone. "Now, and fast."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee jerks his coat off, tossing it aside, gets the shirt undone and off in a flash and then stands, only long enough to get rid of shoes and socks and pants and -- oh, fuck, that hurts, pulling the trousers off over the Gates, his cock throbbing, metal biting into it. Kneels again, all the clothes pushed aside, trying to balance his thoughts between cage, plug and collar, all centering him perfectly where he needs to be to serve his Master.

Gerard steps out of his shoes and then tugs his trousers down. When he's finally naked, he settles in on his knees behind Jonny Lee. He wraps the leash around one hand and the other snakes around to find Jonny Lee's cock. Hard and probably aching. Gerard smirks and begins to stroke. "And did my good boy enjoy master's movie?"

"Oh, god, yes, Master, your boy enjoyed Master's move very much." Jonny Lee bite at his lip, his cock definitely aching, responding to Gerard's touch, twitching in its confines.

Gerard rubs his thumb across one of the rings of the Gates. "Yes, master can tell. And he bets his boy enjoys being touched and stroked and teased." He tugs on the leash, pulling Jonny Lee backwards. "Doesn't he?"

Jonny Lee's pulled upright, back, and he's grinning. "Fuck, yes, Master." It hurts, every touch or hint of touch. "He loves being tormented at Master's pleasure."

"What a good slave." Gerard leans around and licks Jonny Lee's ear, blows again it. "And what kind of torment would my slave beg for tonight?"

"To be fucked," he answers quickly. "To come." Jonny Lee should regret asking for the second 'cause he knows it's gonna be through the Gates and that's gonna tear him apart.

"Mmm." Gerard bites down just above the piercing and sucks. He pulls off, stretching it as he goes. "My slut's earned both of those. But I think I'll let you have the second one first."

Be careful what you ask for. Jonny Lee never learned that one. "Yes. Oh, fuck, Master, that feels so good."

Orgasm and then fucking. Gerard smirks. He's in the mood to make his boy ache. "Remind master," he murmurs. "How big is the plug in my boy's arse?"

Seems huge, but Jonny Lee knows better. "Uh, it's one of the middle-sized ones, Master. About 5 inches long and maybe 2 inches round."

"Five inches," Gerard repeats. He tugs Jonny Lee's head back and squeezes his cock. "Bet it feels huge, doesn't it, slut? Bet it feels like it's ripping you apart, torturing you every minutes."

_Christ, yes. Oh, fuck, do that again._ Jonny Lee whimpers. "Yes, Master, your slut's feeling every move of it. Has been all night. Sitting for hours. God, yes, it's hurting."

"Good." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock, moving from gentle touches to a real handjob. "Don't hold back," he orders. "Master wants to hear you."

His cock's hardening, not that it needed much incentive, and it's moving from hurt to sheer pain, and so Jonny Lee gives Gerard what he wants. He screams. "Please, your slut needs to come. Oh, fuck, please, Master, oh, god, it hurts."

"You have permission," Gerard says. This is far too much fun. He gives Jonny Lee's cock another stroke and tugs a little on the rings. He wants it to be blinding pain when Jonny Lee comes.

"Thank you." Words panted out, Jonny Lee's throat tight with the collar pulled snug. He braces for the pain, knowing there's no way around it, and after another couple quick strokes of Gerard's fingers, he's coming. Hard. Shivering. Senses shattered, Vision red, then white, then just blackness, the void searing his brain as his cock fights the metal, white streaking silver, coming in pulses and screams.

Oh, god. That's perfect, excellent, everything he's been waiting for all night. He loves the way Jonny Lee gives up control, how he throws himself into everything. Gerard holds his boy through the shakes, stroking him lightly. He waits until it looks like it's over before lightly pulling the Gates off.

The shivering doesn't stop. Jonny Lee's body is too sensitized, too overwhelmed. He leans back into Gerard's touch. "Master," he breathes out, slurring the words, "fuck that was great."

Gerard wiggles the Gates a little as he works it off. "Felt wonderful, slave." He's trying not to hurt Jonny Lee more, but he knows he is. Doesn't really care.

Yes, it hurts. Like a dream enveloped in a nightmare. Fuckin' beautiful. Jonny Lee winces as the Gates finally comes off, letting out a breath. _One down. One to go. You can so do this._

Gerard puts the Gates to the side and then rubs Jonny Lee's cock where the metal bit in. "Tell me when you're ready to reach the point of no return, boy."

"Somewhere around the lake scene, Master. That's about when your boy started tripping into headspace. He's ready for anything. Everything."

Gerard chuckles. "I meant ready to get fucked, slut, but I'll take that as a compliment." He moves backwards and presses against the middle of Jonny Lee's back. "Hands and knees."

Jonny Lee drops immediately, bracing hands against the foyer's hardwood floor, settling knees so he won't slide too much. "Yes, sir, ready for that, too," he says, shifting down, angling his hips up.

"Good slave." Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse and then takes hold of the dildo. He pulls it out as slowly as he can, rocking in back and forth as he does. "You can start begging."

Beg. There's a pain, shooting, then dull throb, and then an emptiness, of not wanting the plug gone. "Master, please, your slut wants your cock. Inside him. Fucking him. Making him scream."

Plug out and away and then Gerard's getting into position and pushing on Jonny Lee until the angle's right. He presses the head of his cock against Jonny Lee and pushes in slowly. "Beg!"

"Please, Master, oh, god, please, fuck your slut." Jonny Lee tries not to push back, tries to hold steady, scraping his hands against the floor.

And Gerard does. He fucks Jonny Lee hard, like he's been aching to all night, knowing that it's hurting his boy. Jonny Lee's sensitive now and Gerard's taking every advantage he can. He pinches what skin he can get his hands on, and tweaks and twists Jonny Lee's nipples.

_Christ._ Jonny Lee focuses on the pain, on opening himself wider, knees sliding a bit, hands grappling to hold secure. He's in a space where there's nothing but Gerard, no coherent thought other than being used for Master's pleasure.

Gerard loves using him. The premiere and parties had taken too long and Gerard's been wanting to shove his boy against something since he first saw Jonny Lee's arse in those trousers. Gorgeous boy.

The boy's wanted it as much as his master, slut kept in check all night, trying to be good. He doesn't have to be now. He can scream. And he does. He can push back, take more of Gerard's cock. And he does. He can beg. "Please, hurt your slut. Bruise him. Make it so he's still hurting when we get to New York."

"No," Gerard grunts. "Gonna hurt you more until then, so that you won't know from tomorrow and today." He thrusts one last time and comes hard inside Jonny Lee.

"Pire, yes, god, that's, hm, perfect." Jonny Lee slides a bit forward, scrambles and pushes back. "Your slut loves you. Your boy wants to hurt for you. Every day."

"Going to hurt you," Gerard grunt. "Every day." He pulls out and flops down on the floor. "Love you."

"Love you, too. Fuck, more every day." Jonny Lee doesn't collapse. He's not sure he can move that far yet. "Love it when you hurt your boy." He's still tapped into the edges of headspace, not wanting to shrug it off yet.

"Love it also." Gerard looks towards the door, then towards the dark kitchen. He groans. "We're nowhere near the bed."

Jonny Lee looks around. "Couch is handy." He turns his head, smiles at Gerard. "Course, I can just crawl up the stairs."

"We should get to bed." Gerard tries to roll over but fails. "I need...fuck, I got a breakfast radio interview."

He shouldn't laugh, but he does, and then he kneels back, still damned sore. "Please tell your slave he gets to stay in bed while you go to that, Pire. He knows he's gonna hurt like hell once he gets to bed."

"Yeah, you can stay." Gerard swats in his boy's general direction. "But I'm going to want coffee when I get home."

The swat connects with Jonny Lee's outer thigh, enough to make him wince. "Yes, Master. Coffee. Minute you get home. Call your slave from the car and he'll be kneeling at the door."

"Good boy." Gerard manages to stand up and helps Jonny Lee up. "Now the phantom wants to cuddle."

Pulling himself up against Gerard's weight, Jonny Lee snuggles into his husband's arm. "I like that notion. Snuggling and cuddling and falling asleep."

"Next on the schedule." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's head. "And it's penciled in for tomorrow as well."

"Hmm, I like the way you schedule." Jonny Lee puts a foot in front of the other. "C'mon, I think we manage the stairs together."

"Good idea." Gerard mimics him with the foot and manages to get to the stairs. He turns to look at Jonny Lee. "I do mean it," he says softly. "Thank you for taking me back."

"I know you mean it. Thanks for coming back, for giving me the chance to make it right."

Gerard nuzzles Jonny Lee's neck. "Love you."

Jonny Lee purrs at the nuzzle. "Love you."

"I know." Gerard smiles. Finally, everything's perfect.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	342. jonnyleemiller: GB/JLM/SB: Sausage, eggs and a bit of angst

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[11](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/11/) 11:26:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40336&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40336) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40336) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40336&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**GB/JLM/SB: Sausage, eggs and a bit of angst** _  
**[occurs saturday morning, december 11. while in vancouver for karl and stuart's wedding, gerard, jonny and sean have breakfast.]**

It's been a whirlwind week and Jonny would like to sleep for hours, no days, but he's up running on Saturday morning, weather a brisk million below zero it seems, and he's promised to meet Pire in the bed and breakfast's restaurant area when he finishes. It's been a good run, cleared his head of a lot of cobwebs. He's slowed to a jog as he hits the front entrance and then a walk on getting into the lobby.

Sean's up at dawn, Eric still sound asleep in bed, and with the fact that there's no time change, Sean adjusted to the flight just fine. No jet lag, even. It's wonderful.

It also means he's up and starving, and as much as he's tried to sleep in, it turned out to be a losing battle. So early morning finds him walking down the stairs, looking for the dining room and wondering if he'll run into anyone he knows.

Gerard had lazed around in bed for ten minutes after Jonny left. The shower had been brisk and he's still wet when he goes down for breakfast. He's trying to enjoy the short break between promotions, but all he can think about is all the interviews he has to do before Sunday night. Gerard piles more pancakes onto his plate and sits down at one of the smaller tables. Maybe he can find someone to talk to.

Jonny's managed to cool himself down to a walk as he hits the dining room, but he's running his hand through his hair and not paying attention to where he's walking and he's nearly on the floor when he collides with the body crossing his path.

"Uh, sorry, excuse me," he says, looking up. It's Sean. He grins. "Hi."

"Jonny!" Sean grins right back, putting his hands out -- first for balance and then to draw Jonny into a hug. "God. How have you been?"

"Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. Got married. But you know that. And you did, too." Jonny's rambling as he's pulled into the hug, wraps his arms around Sean's waist and snuggles for a moment before pulling back. "How are you? Getting breakfast?"

"Just about to. And yeah, God, congratulations on the wedding. So fucking happy for you. I kept meaning to send a present for that, and then time got away from me and I didn't know what the hell to send and..." He's rambling. "But you got the birthday presents?"

"Fuck, yeah, got the pressies. God, Sean, they're great. Don't have a lot of time to play 'em, but they're friggin' wonderful." Jonny peers into the dining room. "Master's waiting for me. Wanna come join?"

_Gerard._ Fuck. Sean winces. "You don't think he'd mind?"

"Honest? I don't know. But my opinion is you two need to be in the same room for five minutes." Jonny smiles, nudges Sean ahead of him. "He won't kill you. I can promise that."

"All right, all right," Sean laughs. He heads into the dining room, looking for Gerard, and as much as his gut clenches when he sees him, Jonny's right. They need to be in the same room for at least five minutes. More than that. He heads over to Gerard's table, hoping he can come up with more to say than _Erm_ by the time he gets there.

Jonny's a step ahead, and he puts himself at Gerard's side, leaning down and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Morning, Master, run was nice," he says. "Picked up someone on the way in the door."

Gerard hadn't seen Jonny and Sean coming, so it's a surprise when Jonny kisses him. But it's a good surprise. He turns his head to return the kiss, and then looks beyond his boy, and falters. "Hello, Sean," he says.

Sean swallows hard. "Hello, Gerard," he replies, wondering if _Mr. Butler_ would have been better. He offers a hand all the same. "How are you?"

Gerard shakes Sean's hand. "I'm...overly stressed. Please, sit down." He looks over at Jonny. "How was your run?"

"Damned cold. Wanna soak in a hot tub for an hour after I eat," Jonny says. He settles into the chair beside Gerard. "Famished right now."

Gerard passes the plate over. "Eat up." There's still three pancakes left, liberally soaked in syrup. "Don't want my slave starving."

Sean slides into the seat next to Jonny, across from Gerard. _Christ. Awkward._ He doesn't even know where to start.

"Yes, sir." Jonny picks up the coffee pot and pours himself a cup. "Sean, you want coffee?"

"No, thanks. If someone comes by I might have some tea, though." Sean looks from Gerard to Jonny and clears his throat. "I was telling Jonny how happy I am for the two of you, for your recent marriage. Congratulations."

"Thank you." Gerard smiles at Sean. He's trying to be polite and friendly. Jonny likes Sean and Dr. Scott said some things that made him think about why he doesn't like Sean, and while he doesn't think they'll be fast friends, he can at least not try to throttle him. "And congratulations on your own wedding."

Jonny stays silent, stirs his coffee, smiling that at least they're talking. He loves Pire and Sean means a lot to him. Just wants them to realize there's no reason to hate each other, most of all not over him.

"Thank you," Sean says, exhaling softly. "We're very happy. I'm incredibly lucky to have found Eric."

"I know that feeling." Gerard makes eye contact with a waiter, who comes over. "What do you two want?"

"Eggs, bacon, potatoes, toast," Jonny says, rushing the words. "Please, sir."

"Sounds good. The same for me?" Sean asks. "And a pot of hot tea, earl grey. And some orange juice."

Gerard repeats it all to the waiter, who writes it all down and promises to have it back as soon as possible. Gerard looks from Sean to Jonny and then back again. Christ, this is awkward.

Jonny can feel the strain, but it doesn't have to be awkward. They have things in common. Other than him. There has to be something they can talk about that won't ignite a war. "So, let's see," he says, picking up his coffee cup, "safe topics for us would be the weather, footie and maybe the ratio of plug size to time worn." He takes a long sip, peers over his cup, waiting on some reaction, anything.

Sean laughs a little -- can't help it, Jonny's cute enough when he's _not_ trying to be. "The weather looks a bit rainy for a wedding, but I think that's normal enough here this time of year."

"It was a bitch running this morning. 'Bout gave up on it, but no pain, no adorably trim boy for Master to snuggle, so I stuck it out." Jonny glances at Gerard, smiles, then leans over, kisses his husband on the cheek. "Should've maybe asked you to make me stay in bed, Master."

"I would've kicked you out." Gerard smiles at Jonny. "I love how you are after you've pounded out on the pavement. But you may have a point." He kisses Jonny lightly. "You could always work out the pounds in bed."

Sean props his elbows on the table and laces his fingers, resting his chin on them, just enjoying watching Jonny and Gerard interact. It's interesting realizing that, as much as he's seen of Jonny, he's seen very little of him with the most important man in his life.

"You would, too." Jonny looks over at Sean. "Master has his boy on a proper schedule, Sean." _See, they can do it. Not fighting._ "Running's usually after lunch, but the wedding and all the _Phantom_ PR has things skewed a bit right now."

"Oh, more structure?" Sean asks, nodding. "That sounds good. Sounds like something that would suit." He has absolutely no idea what would suit Gerard, though, which makes him frown. "Are you enjoying it?" he asks, meaning the question for both of them.

"I am," Gerard replies. "And Jonny tells me he likes more structure. He's the one who had me draw up the schedule."

"That's great," Sean says, smile coming out a little more genuine now. He remembers a time when Jonny was hesitant about a lot of things, when it took a spanking to remind him that he's not supposed to argue when his top compliments him...

Sean blushes and wishes he had porridge to stir. _Shouldn't even be thinking about that._

Jonny's blushing, too, from the compliment and being able to take it. "I only ask for what I think Master would like to give his-- me." It would be so simple to slip into the formal speech, sitting here between Gerard and Sean, but Jonny's being good, trying to follow the rules. And that means no third-person with others.

"I do want to give it to you." Gerard reaches over and runs his thumb across Jonny's collar. "And you can go into formal tone. I don't mind." He looks at Sean. "Do you?"

"Not at all," Sean says. He's struck hard with an urge to apologize again for fucking up all those months ago, but that was in May, and he'd like to think it's water under the bridge. "Especially if it'll make you more comfortable."

Jonny breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Master. Your slave is grateful, Sir." He doesn't add how he likes it because it's such a public showing of being owned. He tilts his head, rubs against Gerard's hand. "So, Sirs are getting along well. This boy's very happy."

Gerard moves his hand down to stroke Jonny's neck. "I'm happy you're happy."

"And I'm glad to have a chance to see both of you together," Sean offers. The touch on Jonny's neck is such a sweet, obviously claiming gesture; more than anything, it reminds Sean of his time with Liam, how proud he was to have his collar on Liam's throat. "I know how much Jonny loves being yours," he tells Gerard. "Looking at you both, it's very easy to see why."

"Thank you." _See? He doesn't want Jonny._ "That means a lot, Sean."

He's purring, and it's taking constant reminders that this _isn't_ home or an Establishment restaurant, and Jonny bites his lip as their breakfast is brought. He wants to be on his knees, wants to show off. _Bad slave. Pride is a sin._ He grins, licks his lips at the other thoughts careening through his brain. _Master, Sean, between a rock and a very hard place._

Sean's feeling far less awkward once breakfast is served, and after munching on a piece of bacon, he asks, "How long are you two staying here in Vancouver?"

"Not long," Gerard replies. "I have a premiere on Sunday and we need to leave early in the morning."

"Early being like 1 a.m.," Jonny says, picking up a triangle of toast. "Then we're in New York for a few days before we can go home."

"Ouch," Sean says. "Redeyes are never that much fun. Easier to sleep through, though."

"Hopefully. We'll be doing our best to sleep our way to New York."

"That'll be a first," Jonny mutters, "actually sleeping on a flight."

Sean arches an eyebrow at Gerard and gives him a tiny nod, a sort of _oh yes, I can see where things other than sleeping would be preferable_ gesture.

Gerard kicks Jonny under the table. "It's an early flight," he says by way of explanation. "It's hard to torture boys when you can barely keep your eyes open."

Jonny winces at the kick, a damned sound one for being so close. "Yes, Master, but you seem to manage rather nicely most of the time."

"Most of the time I'm not exhausted from pimping myself out." In any other setting... "Feel free to torture yourself, if you'd like. Master needs his rest."

Sean laughs. This is _good_. Whatever problems they might have had, Gerard and Jonny are very much a pair. Entirely good together. And bantering like a married couple ought to.

"The slave should torture himself. Hmm." Jonny runs through the options. "Would that be just for the flight home or should he start now?" He grins, stuffs a bite of sausage into his mouth. "Master does realize that's likely to get his boy in trouble."

"In trouble with who? Certainly not with master." Gerard smiles and it's entirely evil. "What kind of torture did my adorable slut have in mind?"

"Well, if this were somewhere else, your adorable slut would be naked, kneeling up between Master and his guest, waiting to be fed, ordered. He'd be plugged, of course, and maybe back in the cage." Jonny drinks his coffee, takes a piece of bacon and starts nibbling. He's enjoying himself too much. "That's torture enough just thinking about it, Master."

"I'd say so," Gerard says. "And torture for your poor master as well, forced to listen to you list how you want to be hurt and unable to do it to you." Naked. Kneeling. Handfed. Micromanaged. Driven to insanity by a vibrating plug. Bloody hell. "Pure torture." He clears his throat and steals Jonny's coffee. "By all means, continue. Dig yourself in deeper, slave."

Bloody hell. Sean's going to have to pounce Eric the instant he gets back to the room, at the rate this is going.

Jonny looks from Gerard to Sean and back. He blushes. "Your slave thinks he's torturing Sean, too, Master. Not that it's his place to ask for punishment, but your slave bets he's gonna deserve it."

"He already has." Gerard looks at Sean. "It's your call, Sean. Are you comfortable with Jonny continuing?"

" _Comfortable_ is not the word," Sean says with a grin. "You have a wonderful boy, Gerard, and thinking of things to do with him is always pleasant, but I _will_ be heading upstairs to fuck my husband through the bedframe if this keeps up much longer."

"The slave would apologize, if he felt truly sorry, but he likes the notion of both of you thinking of things to do with him, so the contrition would be half-hearted at best." Jonny's continuing to eat, feeling more at ease than he has in months about Gerard and Sean getting along. "Plus, there's the added incentive of this boy getting himself into trouble."

For some reason, the thought of Sean fucking Eric because of Jonny doesn't bother him. "Then get yourself into more trouble," Gerard says. "Give me a reason to punish you later."

Sean remembers a time when Jonny was inclined to try to punish himself for things, and wonders how that's different now -- punishment is such a dicey area for Sean that he wonders if he'd ever be the type to misbehave in order to incur punishment, to be comfortable if someone under him were doing so. Even if it's not likely, he can appreciate watching it between the two of them.

"Your slave could imagine being fucked by Master while he's made to pleasure Sean, and Master's controlling his every move, telling him exactly how to push his tongue along the underside of Sean's cock, when to suck and when to stop, even how much he's allowed to respond to Sean's fingers holding his head."

It's a risk, and Jonny doesn't know if he's pushing too much, but that's the image in his head right now, of Master micromanaging his performance for others.

Gerard's happy he wasn't drinking. The coffee would be all over the table. "Jonny..." He doesn't know how to continue. The scenario sounds both nightmarish and a good idea. Nightmarish in that it would be with Sean and Gerard still hasn't come to grips with the fact that Jonny's attracted to Sean, but a good idea in that it might help him get over whatever this _thing_ is about Sean. But then there's another problem. "I don't dominate other dominants."

"I don't always top," Sean says, shifting in his seat. "I switch. And I've been on the bottom quite a lot lately."

Jonny's squirming visibly, more than happy Gerard didn't just slap him down for the idea. "Master would be domming his boy, for the most part, hands-on control." _And, see, Master, Sean doesn't want to control me all the time._

Gerard has little experience with switches and he isn't sure if Sean's saying that he'd do it or that it's out of the question. "Master likes hands-on control," he says to Jonny. "But that's not possible at this moment. What else does his boy want?"

"His boy wants to take advantage of being in a room with two of the most fuckably gorgeous men he knows, but," Jonny sighs, "he can't, so he's contenting himself with his fantasies. Like being on his leash at Master's feet while negotiations are made. Or being stretched over this table and spanked till his arse is so red it makes the strawberries blanch." He grins, unable to control his daydreaming or his libido, cock rapidly getting harder. And he's betting Gerard's not going to relieve that, make it easier.

Damn right Gerard's not going to relieve it. "I like the second one," he says casually. "You'd look good being stretched over the table and spanked."

"Out of the question, since it's such a nice place." Jonny really works to hide the smirk. "What a shame. This slave thinks Master and his guest would really enjoy that, too."

"We would." Gerard reaches beneath the table and puts his hand on Jonny's thigh, squeezes. "What happens after we bend you over the table and spank you, slut?"

_We._ Sean has to slide closer to the table, slipping his hand into his lap and squeezing his cock just to keep from going mad with the images.

Jonny whimpers, draws in a breath at the squeeze. "Your slut would squirm and beg. For more. For anything Master would give him. Hand. Plug. Cock. He'd kneel and open his mouth and push out his tongue, waiting to be allowed to serve his Master."

"What would he prefer?" Gerard strokes Jonny's thigh with his thumb and then moves his hand a little higher. "Would he prefer to be teased until he cries, would he like master's hand stretching him until he can't breathe? Or would he want the quick and dirty and then to sleep on the floor?"

Quite certain he's going to go mad, Sean can't take his eyes off either of them. It occurs to him that Gerard might have a guess at what Jonny wants, but Sean doesn't; to some extent, Sean's got Jonny on a pedestal, he realizes, and can't imagine giving him quick and dirty and letting him sleep on the floor. But given the way Jonny's squirming, he suspects all three ideas Gerard's just sent at him are appealing.

"All of above," Jonny murmurs, breath hitching as Gerard's hand moves closer to his cock, already hard and jerking against his sweats. "Your slut would like to be teased because he knows it pleases Master to make his boy want it without promise of having. Then stretched, beyond imagination, reason, taken to the limits of sanity. And to sleep on the floor, to know it's because Master's used his boy, had his pleasure, that would make his slave the happiest."

"So, in other words, my slut is very greedy." Gerard strokes Jonny's cock through his jeans. "He wants everything master wants to give him. Or he's indecisive. Which is it?"

"Oh, he's greedy. Very, very greedy when it comes to Master's gifts." Jonny bites particularly hard on the toast he's nibbling. "He wants it all."

"And he wants it now?" Gerard presses the palm of his hand down hard against Jonny's cock. "But if he has it now, he can't have it later."

Jonny jerks, not quite hitting the table. "He wants it when Master chooses to give it to him." He blushes, thinking on how he'd _really_ like to have it now, with Sean watching. Or later, with him watching.

Now sounds better to Sean than waiting, but he's just watching; this isn't his show. He squeezes his cock again, harder this time.

Gerard tsks. "No cop-out answers, slut. I thought I trained those out of you. What do you want?"

Jonny draws in a deep breath. He's gonna say it once, admit the fantasy and then deal with the fallout. "Your slave wants to be spanked and then be allowed to give Sean a blowjob while Master fucks his boy." He lets out the breath, picks up his coffee and takes a quick sip, wetting his suddenly too-dry throat. He puts the cup down, looks at Sean and then Gerard. "Master asked for an honest answer."

"Christ," Sean says. He looks at Jonny, then Gerard. "I've no idea if you ever want my hands anywhere near Jonny again, but I'd be a fool not to at least tell you that fantasy sounds fucking good. And I meant what I said earlier: I'm not by any means an exclusive top. If you'd like to play it with me under you, I could do that." He pauses, thinks about it. "Might want to talk to Eric about it first, but I can't see that he'd mind it."

Gerard's hand goes still in Jonny's lap. He isn't sure how to take all this, but there'll be time to freak out later. He knows that he doesn't like the thought of sharing his boy with anyone, and that the anyone is Sean only makes the possessiveness worse. But then there's the appeal - not an entirely healthy one, he thinks - of topping Sean and working out his frustrations that way. Either way, it shouldn't be in the heat of the moment. Gerard looks at the table and takes a drink of his coffee, says nothing.

Jonny wishes he could melt into the floor, based just on Gerard's silence. It's not that he wants Sean, and definitely not alone. He wants Gerard controlling him, manipulating him, in charge of everything. "Master," he says quietly, leaning over to Gerard, wanting more than ever to go his knees, "your boy doesn't mean to upset Master. And he only wants, in all honesty, what Master's comfortable with."

"It's the same for me," Sean says. "I don't want to make things overcomplicated, and I'd understand if the thought doesn't appeal."

"I need to think about it," Gerard says. He kisses Jonny quickly on the cheek. "I'm not mad at you," he whispers. "I just don't ever want to share you."

"Not asking you to share, Master," Jonny whispers. "Don't want anyone but you. Your slave just thought it would be interesting for Master to show off his slave a bit. Maybe this weekend's not good for it, and Master would feel more comfortable with it when we're at home."

"I love showing you off. I just don't want you blowing anyone else, or even being sexual with them." Gerard smiles a little. "If you want me to put you on a leash and keep you at my feet one night in public, I'm all for it."

Jonny blushes, feeling chagrined for even bringing up the fantasy. "Yes, Master. Your slave understands and respects your wishes." He's still whispering, keeping his voice as low as possible. "He'll not say anything else about it." Then he settles into his own chair, back straight and eyes on his plate, picking at the eggs before taking a bite.

Fuck. "I'm sorry," Gerard says softly. "I should have said something earlier. I don't mind that you have the fantasy, but I should have mentioned that I didn't want to do it."

There's no response, save a nod, and Jonny wishes the world would just collapse in on him. He's keeping his head down, struggling to ignore the water welling in his eyes. _Fuck, you're stupid. You should've known, should've realized he wouldn't like it. Fuck. Shite._

This has gotten awkward enough Sean's wondering if he should simply head back upstairs. He shifts a little, looking from one to the other. _Christ._

"Jonny..." Gerard reaches over and hugs his boy awkwardly. He doesn't give a damn if anyone see. "Jonny, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not your fault I'm an idiot. I'm not mad. I'm just an idiot."

"S'alright, Master," Jonny whispers, putting his cutlery down and holding his hands steady. "Your slave's fine. Master's not an idiot. Your slave just didn't understand the rules. He does now."

"It wasn't rules, Teak." Gerard kisses Jonny gently. "It was something I assumed and thought you assumed the same. I should have learned by now that you are an amazing person, but you can't read minds."

"It's alright. Really." It's not, but it will be, when Jonny has a minute to process it. He kisses Gerard, just as gently. "Please, just finish breakfast, talk with Sean. Your boy does want the two of you to get along."

"Ok." Gerard pulls back, looks at Jonny. This is all his fault. He should have said something earlier. He should have mentioned that something present earlier had solidified after their marriage. He was Jonny's and Jonny was his and no one else could come into that equation. "If it makes it any better," Gerard whispers. "I do think he's nice."

It doesn't make a damned thing better. It might, in a few days, when Jonny's not so angry. But for now all it merits is a smile. "Your slave's glad Master thinks so," he says, softly. _Not that your slave's opinion matters very much._

Sean can't imagine what his presence here is doing to help things. He clears his throat, scoots back from the table a bit. "Eric might be waking up about now," he says softly. "I, ah. I hope to see you both again before everyone leaves; it was good getting to talk to you a bit more, Gerard." Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Sean pushes to his feet.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gerard didn't mean to force Sean to leave. He pulls back and sits in his chair. "I hope I see you again, Sean. It was great getting to know you."

That much, at least, Sean can agree to -- it's good to have met Gerard, at least, and to be on better terms with him than he was beforehand. "It was good to get to talk to you, too, Gerard." He offers Gerard a hand.

Jonny looks up, but it hesitant to move beyond that. "Good-bye, Sean," he says. "Please give this boy's regards to Eric."

Sean shakes Gerard's hand and nods to Jonny, who's nearly curled in on himself; Sean doesn't know if even a handshake would be welcome. "I'll do that," Sean says softly. "Have a good day, both of you." He turns, wincing a little once his expression's out of view, and heads out of the dining room.

Gerard swallows hard and waits until Sean's out of sight before turning back to Jonny. He strokes Jonny's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. "Or should I leave you alone?" _Fucked up. My fault. Yet again, as always._

Jonny starts to speak, then pulls back the words. _There's no sense in getting angry. He's the master. He can do what he wants, when he wants. Changes the rules on a whim._ "Your slave is fine, Master. Please finish your breakfast and we'll go back to the room." _He'd scream, and that wouldn't be very good in public, especially not with the New York premiere tomorrow and reporters at the door._

Gerard pushes the plate away. "I'm done eating. Teak..." Jonny sounds angry. More pissed than he's been since the phone sex. "If you want," he goes on quietly, "I can avoid you for the rest of the day. Or stand while you scream at me."

He's retreating into formal tone, putting up a wall, not consciously but it's happening and Jonny can't stop it. He needs to process the information, figure out things before he can talk. "Your slave's not going to scream. He doesn't want to embarrass Master." He pushes back from the table. "It's up to Master whether he prefers to avoid his slave or not."

"You could scream in private." Gerard runs his hand through his hair. Needs time, probably. Teak needs time to think and decide how pissed he is. Gerard wishes he could tell Jonny to drop the formal tone, but he doesn't think he has that right now. "I don't want to avoid you."

"That's nice, Master." Jonny manages a weak smile. He loves Gerard, more than life, but he _is_ pissed and he's not sure how much or why exactly. "Your slave would like to be permitted to go to the room, Master. He'd like to shower." _And sink in a nice black hole._

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No," Jonny says. Too quick. "Yes." He shakes his head. "Master, your boy doesn't know. He's very confused at the moment and can't quite focus."

Gerard's always trusted the first response. "Let me settle the bill," he says. "Then I'm going to go look around." He doesn't think Jonny will follow him, but the choice is Jonny's. "If you want...do what you need."

"Yes, Master. Your slave will be in the room when you need him." _If you want him again._ Jonny's brain and heart are at war, the former wanting to scream and the latter just wanting to curl up with Gerard and go to sleep, hoping it'll all be better in the morning. Only problem is, it won't, he fears.

He stands up, then leans down and kisses Gerard on the cheek. "I love you. Remember that." Then he pulls back, not wanting it to linger, and walks out of the dining room.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	343. gerard: Journal

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/12/) 11:23:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72373&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72373) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72373) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72373&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal** _  
[private. follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40336.html).]

  
I feel like he's avoiding me.

Or maybe I'm just transferring what I'm feeling onto him.

I don't know how to deal with this. I thought it was clear. I thought he understood. Forsake all others. No one for me but him, and no one for him but me. I didn't think he needed anything more than a _vow_ to let him know that we were completely monogamous.

In the year I've been back, I haven't fucked anyone but him. In the year I've been back, _he's_ fucked so many people that it hurts to even list them. He's fucked Peter. Sean. Viggo. Jude.

I was never enough for him, but he was always enough for me. Dr. Scott said we shouldn't have gotten married for the reasons we did, but I like being married. I thought that it meant just us, forever.

Apparently Jonny had a different view. What would they call it, _marriage-plus_? He's got the man at home, and the ones on the side. Never having to choose. Never losing anything.

Marriage shouldn't be a sacrifice, but it's supposed to mean something. I'd thought it had meant fidelity.

I'd thought it was FUCKING OBVIOUS. What part of _forsake all others_ does he not understand?

I didn't change the rules? We don't HAVE any fucking rules. But we shouldn't need a motherfucking contract to say the obvious. After all those nights I've bitten him, marked him, told him that he was mine, and he still wants more than me. I don't fucking understand it. Don't I give him enough? Don't I give him everything he could ever fucking want?

And if I didn't, shouldn't he have told me? Shouldn't he have said "Pire, you're not enough. Can I shag Ewan so I can have some good sex, that'll last me during all those nights when you're not good enough."

If I can't give him what he wants, he should have fucking said so. And when I fucking proposed, too, not a month after we've been married.

It doesn't matter that he wanted Sean and me together. He wanted Sean to be topping him. He wanted a _good_ top there, to show me how to fucking do it. He wanted me to look and learn.

Fuck him. If he wants more than me, he can fucking leave.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/72373.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	344. jonnyleemiller: Journal entry

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[14](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/14/) 22:15:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40450&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40450) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40450) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40450&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

**Current mood:** |  frustrated  
---|---  
  
_**Journal entry**_  
[private, visible to gerard. is in reaction to [this incident](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40336.html).]  
  
Out of role.  
  
Definitely out of role. Taking the good doctor's advice and separating slave from husband. And I waited till the premiere was over. I was a good boy Monday; went shopping, sightseeing. And I was the best boy _this_ morning, standing in the wings while you enchanted the masses on that morning show.  
  
First off, I'm not apologizing for getting angry. I deserve it. This has little to do with being master and slave 'cause there's no contract and there's nothing written down that says I'm just yours and yours 100 percent alone.  
  
You changed the friggin' rules, Pire. I would say on a whim, but I'm sure you think you gave it due process and proper consideration. And I imagine you think I'd just know what's what and how being married suddenly means no one else is supposed to touch me. Ever. Again. I'm sorry. I don't read your mind. All I have to go on is what I see and hear. Jason and Carrie-Ann are married, and they play with others. Karl and Stuart sure as hell were at their reception. Hell, even Jon gets to play with others, with permission, and yeah, I know he's not married, but that's the most perfect example I have of master and slave to go by. Yes, the marriage vows say to forsake all others, but last I _heard_ from you, I needed express, explicit permission to play with people, but I could play. That implies -- no, scratch that, it fuckin' means it -- I can play with others. At least that's how I explained it to Jude when he asked if being married and being under new rules would make any changes. In fact, I asked you Pire. Point blank. And you said you wouldn't say no to me playing with old mates. So, now I get to go back to Jude and explain how "Yeah, mate, everything's changed between us. Don't think I can even kiss you."  
  
And before you get off on that tangent, this is not a rant about Sean. I don't want Sean. Hell, if I did, I'd've stayed in LA ilast fall nstead of coming back to London. **I. Want. You.** Got it? What I was thinking about Saturday was closure, for you to show Sean that I belonged to you, that you controlled me, even if he was touching me. Yeah, maybe it was a stupid notion, but I thought it might give you what you needed to get over your issues with him.  
  
If you want monogamous, if I can't ever be with anyone other you sexually, you damned well better tell me in very specific terms.  
  
Damn, if I didn't love you so much, I wouldn't even be getting this upset about all of it. I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you leave. I plan on growing old with you, whether you like it or not.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-15 06:51 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63490&format=light#t63490))   
---|---  
~~If you don't want Sean, why did you ask if you could blow him?~~ If you don't want Sean, why did you ask if you could blow him?  
  
I don't want to deny you anything, but I thought you understood. I thought you understood that getting married meant that it would be just us from now on. I thought that went without saying. It's not my fucking fault that we're surrounded by poly people. Have I ever given you the impression that I _wanted_ anyone but you?  
  
You want me to tell you? Fine. I don't want you shagging anyone else. Ever. I don't want anyone but you, and it boggles my mind that you could want anyone but me and still want to be married to me. Marriage is supposed to mean something, Teak, and I thought it meant something to you. It's not supposed to mean that I'm your primary partner. It's supposed to mean that I'm your _only_ partner. Do you think I would have proposed if I wanted anyone but you? ~~I hope you don't think so little of me.~~  
  
  
And I plan on growing old with you, but there's no way I'm doing it while knowing that you'd rather be fucking anyone but me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=63490&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63490&format=light#t63490))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-15 08:35 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63746&format=light#t63746))   
---|---  
Still not apologizing.  
  
Still think you weren't clear on the matter.  
  
Marriage means a lot to me. ~~That's why I wanted a damned church ceremony.~~  
  
For the record, I don't want to be out fucking anyone else. Not sure you'll ever believe that, but it's true. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=63746&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63490&format=light#t63490))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63746&format=light#t63746))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-15 10:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64002&format=light#t64002))   
---|---  
I'll believe it when you stop giving me reason to think so.  
  
Don't care if you apologize. Apology means nothing if you don't mean it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=64002&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=63746&format=light#t63746))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64002&format=light#t64002))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-15 11:09 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64258&format=light#t64258))   
---|---  
Fine, you want me to stop, then I stop. I won't mention another man's name ever again. That good enough? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=64258&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64002&format=light#t64002))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64258&format=light#t64258))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-15 11:13 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64514&format=light#t64514))   
---|---  
~~Fuck off.~~  
  
Why did you marry me, Teak? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=64514&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64258&format=light#t64258))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64514&format=light#t64514))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-15 11:21 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64770&format=light#t64770))   
---|---  
Because I love you, more than anyone else I've ever had even the hint of emotion about. Because I want to be with you. Because I wanted to wear your ring and be able to show it to people who wouldn't understand the collar and tell them I belong to someone. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=64770&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64514&format=light#t64514))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64770&format=light#t64770))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-15 11:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65026&format=light#t65026))   
---|---  
That's what I want, too. I love you, I want to be with you. I want to be married to you. I wanted it to be only us. Why are you angry with me?

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=65026&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=64770&format=light#t64770))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65026&format=light#t65026))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-15 11:37 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65282&format=light#t65282))   
---|---  
I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at making a fool of myself in front of Sean. I'm angry at not understanding, at being confused about where we stand.  
  
Honestly, Pire, you've _never_ come right out and said you wanted 100 percent monogamy, exclusivity, nobody but us, forever. I'm not good at interpreting. I never have been. I have to have things explained to me. We've bandied about the words, _forsaking all others_ , but not once in the last month have I truly understood you were telling me that we'd never scene with other people, ever again. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=65282&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65026&format=light#t65026))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65282&format=light#t65282))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-15 11:48 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65794&format=light#t65794))   
---|---  
Why? Because you keep using words like _forever_ and _never_ and _ever again_ every time I start to bring it up. You make me think that it's something you don't want. You make me think that you think being monogamous is a prison, and that you couldn't feel free unless you knew that years down the line, if you wanted a one night stand, you could have it. So, yes, I told you that, with my permission and knowing someone beforehand, you could cheat on me. Does that mean I wanted you to? No. Does that mean I was encouraging you to do so? No. Does that mean I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness to make you happy? Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. I'd sacrifice anything to see you happy, see you smile. I thought I could do this to make you happy, becuase I knew it did, when I couldn't.  
  
And I couldn't deal with it when it was flung in my face.  
  
Happy? I'm human, Jonny. I'm fucking human. I'm not fucking perfect. I thought I could deal with you wanting someone else, and I _can't_. So, yes, I'm talking in terms of forever now. I want you never fucking someone else. I want you never doing anything with anyone else like you do with me. I want you forever. Ok? I want you. Mine. Forever. Can _you_ deal with that? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=65794&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65282&format=light#t65282))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65794&format=light#t65794))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-16 12:14 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66050&format=light#t66050))   
---|---  
It's not a prison. Where do you get that idea? And I wouldn't actively cheat on you. Fuck it, Pire, when I was Berlin, I turned down offers, barely even spoke to anyone because I was being faithful.  
  
It's not about one-night stands. It's not even about the sex. I haven't gone out seeking people to have sex with. Did I enjoy blowing Jude while you watched? Yeah, but it's because **you were watching** not because it wasn't you or it was Jude.  
  
I can deal with being yours forever. Just yours. I want that.  
  
 ~~You realize I'm crying the whole time I'm writing this?~~ I didn't mean to make you angry or force you to lash out at me. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=66050&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65794&format=light#t65794))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66050&format=light#t66050))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-16 12:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66306&format=light#t66306))   
---|---  
You barely spoke to anyone, because you were scared of cheating on me? ~~You realize that doesn't make me feel any better? What am I, a fucking abuser, that you can't even bloody _talk_ to anyone?~~  
  
  
 _*sigh*_  
  
  
Let's stop fighting, love. We both agree on being just for each other forever. Let's stop being angry. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=66306&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66050&format=light#t66050))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66306&format=light#t66306))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-16 12:43 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66562&format=light#t66562))   
---|---  
Don't like fighting. I can agree to not being angry, to being just for each other forever. But we still need to talk. I don't want to misstep again. I don't like that most of all, feeling so stupid when I thought I was doing something that would make us stronger. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=66562&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66306&format=light#t66306))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66562&format=light#t66562))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-16 12:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66818&format=light#t66818))   
---|---  
I don't want you to ever feel stupid. We can talk. We should talk. where are you? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=66818&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66562&format=light#t66562))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66818&format=light#t66818))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-16 12:55 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=67074&format=light#t67074))   
---|---  
Just around the corner from the hotel at the café. Couldn't stay in the room any longer. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=67074&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=66818&format=light#t66818))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=67074&format=light#t67074))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-16 12:59 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=67330&format=light#t67330))   
---|---  
I'll be right there. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?replyto=67330&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=67074&format=light#t67074))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	345. gerard: [private]How long it's been since he's m

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/15/) 16:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72572&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72572) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72572) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72572&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
[private]

How long it's been since he's [made me cry](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html?thread=65794#t65794).

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	346. jonnyleemiller: Journal entry

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/15/) 12:40:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40808&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40808) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40808) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40808&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Journal entry** _  
**[damned well private]**

There is a difference between playing with and wanting. A cavern of difference. A whole fuckin' ocean of difference. Is he going to see that? No. Never.

Fidelity and monogamy are not synonomous. We live in a world with a lot where multiple playmates is the rule, not the exception. It is possible to be faithful without being monogamous. It involves putting someone first, making that person the only truly important person in your life.

I've done that. He _is_ the only one I _want_ or _need_ in my life. The others don't matter.

But, fuck, there's no explaining that to him.

Damn thick Scot.

Christ, I love him.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	347. gerard: Ger/JL: Post Fight Talking

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[15](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/15/) 20:39:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72798&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72798) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72798) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=72798&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Ger/JL: Post Fight Talking** _  
[players only. Immediately after [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/40450.html).]

  
Gerard has never liked arguing with his boy, and he has to admit that it's easier when he can't see Jonny's face. But the worst of it looks like it's over and Gerard's taken a quick shower and changed into comfortable clothing. And a sweater that he knows Jonny Lee loves. Gerard's not above trying to influence things.

He's seen the cafe while walking around, and he takes a shortcut on his way there. It takes him a moment to spot Jonny Lee when he walks in, and then he's walking to the back of the cafe. "Hey."

Jonny Lee looks up at the voice. No surprise. He was expecting Gerard. Hoping, at least. "Hi." He pulls back the sprawl, his legs stretched out on the booth's cushion, back against the wall, and crosses his legs instead, leaving Gerard room to sit beside him if he chooses, and sets the laptop on the tabletop. "They make a killer latté if you want."

Gerard sits down next to Jonny Lee. "I'm not thirsty." He looks at the laptop, then looks down. "I, um..." he shakes his head. "I don't know what to say."

"Maybe that's the problem. You don't say what you're thinking." It comes out with just a bit more bite than Jonny Lee intends. He nudges the toe of his Chucks against Gerard's thigh. "I mean, you say one thing but you're thinking something else. Honesty's more important than equality in this marriage thing."

Gerard winces. "You're right." _Please don't make me cry again._ "I'm sorry. That's what I am right now, I'm sorry. Honest to god, Teak. I'm sorry."

"Goes both ways. I don't ask questions when I'm not sure of things," Jonny Lee continues. He has to get all his thoughts out or he'll start crying again. "I don't want you knowing how stupid a husband you have. I'm sorry, too, Pire."

Gerard put his hand on Jonny Lee's knee, hoping that Jonny Lee will let him get away with it.. "You're not stupid," he says. "I don't like it when you say things like that." Honesty. "I wish you'd ask me things, but that cuts both ways. I need to...I need to explain more." Gerard stares at his shoes. "We just...we just fit together perfectly in so many ways, that I never stop and think that maybe you don't know exactly what I mean when I don't say things."

Jonny Lee doesn't move Gerard's hand, and he doesn't pull back. "Kinda hard since I don't read minds, Pire," he says, small smile creasing his lips. "Things have changed so fast. When we got back together, you liked the idea of me seeing other people, or at least you led me to believe that. Hell, you sent me out bar cruisin' and when we were in LA, you encouraged the play at the club." He's having trouble meeting Gerard's gaze, though, and he looks down again, picks at a small hole in his jeans inches away from his husband's hand. "I felt we belonged to each other all through that time, so what you said in Vancouver the other morning took me by surprise."

"Think it's been too fast?" Gerard wants to cover Jonny Lee's hand with his own, but he doesn't. Maybe once the ice is broken. Maybe after he gets over wanting to rewind the clock. "I just wanted to do what's good for you. I was scared of commitment and monogamous, scared of what it meant. I'm not scared anymore, Teak. I want this, I want what we have."

"No, not too fast." He's sure he's going to say the wrong words. Jonny Lee moves his hand, rubbing his thumb over the worn denim. "It seems like I was just getting used to the whole Establishment scene, the being shared with others, and now I have to switch gears. Just sudden change and I lost my footing a bit."

Being shared with others? Establishment scene? The fuck? "Jonny..." Gerard swallows and strokes his thumb across Jonny Lee's hand. "Jonny, did you think that because we're members of a club, we have to fuck them all?"

"No." Jonny Lee actually grins at that, or it could be Gerard's thumb stroking his hand. "Not all of them." He laughs, trying hard not to but failing miserably. "Pire, that came out all wrong. I know we're not obligated to shag anybody, but I thought you were into it, at least some of the fucking others part of it. Or wanting to watch me. Or something."

"I was. There were some fantasies," like seeing Jonny Lee with Carrie-Anne, "but they've been gone for the last few months. Now all my fantasies center around you. The only way I want to watch you is through a double-mirror or on video while you stroke yourself off to orders."

"So there's no desire to see me with anyone else?" Jonny Lee squirms a touch at the mention of videos and wanking on command. _Okay, that's a good fantasy._ "And you don't think there will be?"

"I can't predict the future," Gerard says. "Just like you can't read my mind." Gerard holds his breath, hoping the joke worked.

"Point made, Pire." The joke works. Jonny Lee shifts his hand, spreading his fingers under Gerard's continuing strokes. "Okay, so we're monogamous now. I cloister myself at home so I don't worry about taking a wrong step with someone. We're fine."

"Wait." Gerard puts his free hand up. "Go back. Cloister yourself at home? Jonny, love, I don't want you doing anything, and I mean anything, just because you think...or..." Honesty. Honesty to on and nothing but that. Gerard stares at the hole in Jonny Lee's jeans. "I don't want you to stop your life," he says carefully, "or quit your career, or do anything like that, just for me, or because you're scared of what I'll do or say, or because you think I won't like it, or because of any reason that revolves around me and not around what you would want to do even if I wasn't in your life. I, uh, I fell in love with you for who you are." Gerard tries to smile. "Not for anything you go out of your way to do so you don't hurt me."

"I'm not going to change everything. I am quitting work," Jonny Lee says, looking up, catching the _we've had this conversation before_ glint in Gerard's eye. "Well, at least cutting back. And not going outside the country, unless it's for a really good reason." He slides his finger through the hole, ripping the denim a bit more. "What I meant by cloister is," he pauses, cocking his head, frowning a bit, "I don't want to go out unless you know where I am and who I'm with, and you say it's okay, 'cause I don't want to do anything that makes it seem like I want to be with somebody else."

"Veto," Gerard mutters. Then, louder, "Teak, I don't want that." _Scares me. Frightens me._ "I like controlling you, but that kind of control," is the bad kind, "isn't something I want. I want you to go outside, talk to people, have friends, go pubbing. Whatever you want." He looks behind him and lowers his voice. "Just because you're my slave doesn't mean that that kind of control even comes into question. It doesn't. I don't want it, and frankly it scares me that you're offering it." Teak shouldn't trust him that much. Teak shouldn't trust _anyone_ that much. "I'm the jealous type, yes, but if I ever, ever, _ever_ , get jealous just because you talked to someone, I want you to kick me out and change the locks."

"You trust me enough not to fuck up?"

"Yes." Always. Forever.

"You have a lot more faith in your husband than he has in himself," Jonny Lee murmurs. He wouldn't ever consciously do anything wrong, but he knows he's not always making sensible choices. "Scared of the mate's friendly kiss stepping over the line when I don't mean for it to."

"No." Gerard looks up, tries to meet Jonny Lee's eyes. "Because I trust you. I trust that you know when to stop. And, well, I trust that you're not as horny as people tend to think gay men are. You're not going to fuck someone just because he gave you a friendly kiss. Unless, of course, it's me." Gerard frowns. "Am I making sense?"

"You're making sense for you." Jonny Lee smiles. "It's not the sex. I wouldn't shag somebody. But the touches, the kisses. It's stuff that's just sorta taken for granted. I mean, can I kiss somebody?" He slowly nods his head. "Of course, video games with Ewan are out. That nearly always ends up in blowjobs."

Gerard opens his mouth, closes it, then thinks for a moment. "You can kiss someone. But, I mean, not romantically. If you want to be friendly, if you want to just snog, that's fine. But if it means anything, then no." He doesn't say anything about video games. He doesn't have the best track record with him and Teak and video games.

"Wait a minute. You've lost me with the words again, Pire. If it means anything, then no. None of it _means_ anything, except when I'm with you. Blowing Ewan doesn't mean shit to me, other than I like sucking cock. And when I've kissed Jude, even the heavy petting kisses, it doesn't mean I love him, not as anything more than a mate I've known for years."

"I meant with kissing." Gerard slides his thumb through the hole in Jonny Lee's jeans. "Kissing doesn't always have to be sexual. A blowjob generally is."

"I could still argue that a blowjob might be sexual but it doesn't have to mean anything, and it sure as hell doesn't mean I want to be with that person forever." Jonny Lee's getting distracted by Gerard's touch. "But you've never going to see my point and you're going to think I'm just wanting someone else, which I don't. Empathically don't."

"I'd think that you would want someone, if you gave them a blowjob." Gerard admits. "It's one thing, that time at the bar. I knew you were serving me and that you were only doing it because I said to. But if you're doing it when you're alone with someone else, that's a whole different story. And, yeah, I'd think you wanted them."

Jonny Lee bangs his head gently against the wall. It's no use even trying to explain his reasoning. Gerard's not going to see it. _He's never going to get beyond his insecurity you'll leave him for someone he thinks you think is better._ "Then it's easy enough to resolve the problem. I don't touch anyone but you."

"But here's the problem." Gerard licks his lips slowly. "When you say touch, I think you mean sexually. But you're talking about touching, period, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am, 'cause I'm not sure how to distinguish between the two to make it work in your mind. I feel like I can't convince you I don't want anyone sexually unless I just don't interact with anyone in any way unless you're with me."

"I don't..." Gerard shakes his head and pulls back. "I don't understand. Teak...please. If you shake someone's hand. If you kiss them on the cheek. If you hug them. If there's nothing sexual at all, why would I think there is?"

Jonny Lee doesn't let Gerard pull back too far, reaching out and putting his hand over his husband's. "Because you might still be afraid I'm going to leave, that I think I could find something better." He squeezes. "None of that's true. You're the best I could ever have, and you're all I want."

"I'm always going to be afraid you're going to leave," Gerard says. "I don't think a thousand shrinks could change that." Gerard turns his hand so that he's holding Jonny Lee's. "But I don't want you to censor yourself because you're scared of my stupid fears."

"But I will, just to try and lessen those fears." Jonny Lee smiles at the increased contact. "I don't like it when you're afraid."

"Just don't go overboard, ok?" Gerard frowns. "I mean, if I get really panicky, slap me. Don't humour me."

"I'll try. Wouldn't humour you. Not intentionally."

"Thank you." Gerard looks behind himself self-consciously. "Should we...let's go back to the hotel, Teak."

"Okay." Jonny Lee's not sure it's the best idea. They'll just fall into familiar roles, and there'll be the sex, and damn but it'll be good and what he wants, but it's not clearing up the confusion any. But he's past the point of arguing, and maybe that's what a slave does. Just gives in, acquiesces to Master's line of thinking, even if he doesn't understand.

"No sex," Gerard goes on. "Least, not yet." He doesn't trust himself. He doesn't want to force anything and he knows it would happen. "Out of roles entirely."

"Out of roles. Yeah." Jonny Lee smiles, faint wisp of happiness. That's better, probably, not clouding things with sex. "Just keep talking?" He reaches over and toggles off his laptop, closing its case.

"Yeah. But in private."

"That's cool." Jonny Lee pulls back his hand so he can finish packing up his laptop into his messenger bag. "Ready when you are."

"I'm ready now." Gerard pulls away and stands up. "Let's go talk."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/72798.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	348. gerard: [Present for peterwing]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[17](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/17/) 02:50:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73039&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73039) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73039) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73039&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
__**[Present for[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/profile)[ **peterwing**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/peterwing/) ]**  
[delivered by courier, so that it would arrive with time to spare]

_The Note: </b>_

_Merry Christmas, Peter. For your enjoyment. - Gerry_

__

__

__

__  
[](http://www.calendars.com/product.asp?IID=14805&PID=1&MGID=-1&kbid=2156)   
  
  


__

__Chippendales: 2005 Wall Calendar  
Offering steamy sensuality and boy-next-door charm, the chiseled men of Chippendales are recognized the world over as the crème de la crème of girls' night out entertainment. The calendar includes international holidays and moon phases._ _

__Dancers featured include:_ _

___Jeff Kosinski_  
Jeff Beech  
Dexter Smith  
John Brice  
Kyle Hunter  
Steve Merker  
Kevin Ford  
Matt Kennedy  
Charles Dera  
Steve Kim  
Garrett Plante  
Kevin Cornell 

__

__

__

__

__

_[](http://www.babeland.com/page/TIB/PROD/men-top-picks/DX490340) _

__

____ **Male Chastity Belt**

Alright, so this is a cock ring like your car is a radio...but where else could we show you this tasty item? Built for the man who knows his place, this garment binds the penis with a series of five cock rings which are riveted to the front panel, pulling his love rocket upward into a terribly vulnerable position. A g-string style strap separates the balls before attaching to a shiny metal O-ring in the back. All this fastens to him with locking buckles, in case there remains a doubt who is in charge. A harness cuff completes the garment (do we have to spell this out? It's buttplug time!). Black leather. Available only on our site, not at our stores.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73039.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	349. gerard: London Bar Chat, 2004-12-18

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[18](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/18/) 22:37:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73413&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73413) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73413) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73413&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**London Bar Chat, 2004-12-18** _  
[players only. [London bar chat](http://www.journalfen.net/community/establishment/144419.html), edited for Ger/JL stuff because, while not very long, it's important and easier to read this way. And, well, I have nothing else to do today.]

  
**Gerard:** *walks in, wearing all black, with Santa boxers on beneath black jeans*

**Jonny:** *walks in a step behind Ger, wearing hip-hugging jeans and a white Oxford shirt tucked in*

**Gerard:** *tugs JL towards the bar* Treating you tonight. What do you want?

**Jonny:** Like alcohol? *is tugged and ends up at the bar's edge*

**Gerard:** Merry Christmas.

**Jonny:** Okay, just a Guinness'll be fine, Master.

**Gerard:** Great. *orders one for Jonny, and apple cider for himself*

**Jonny:** *smiles, looks around* Not many familiar faces. Most everyone's still out of town, I guess.

**Gerard:** Or maybe we just came at the wrong time. *looks around, sees Peter, grins* Jonny, did I tell you about the early presents I sent out?

**Jonny:** You mentioned something 'bout 'em. Why? *looks past Ger, down the bar, winces* Oh, is this a bad thing?

**Gerard:** That depends on how Peter takes to being sent a Chippendales calendar and a brother of the chastity belt I got you.

**Jonny:** You sent him _what_? Really? Fuck.

**Gerard:** Really. *grins* Think he'll be mad?

**Jonny:** No, think he'll be amused. But you could just go ask him.

**Gerard:** I could. Wanna come along?

**Jonny:** Uh, sure, Master, right behind you. *slightly nervous*

**Gerard:** Where you belong. Take your drink.

**Jonny:** *picks up drink, takes the top two inches off it before following*

**Gerard:** *leads Jonny over to Peter*

**Valentine:** *notes the men making a beeline for Peter and nods in their direction* I think you've been spotted. And we'll talk later about why 'conquest' isn't the right word, shall we?

**Peter:** *half-turns* Spotted. No one ... *smiles on seeing Gerry and Jonny* If it isn't the newlyweds. *points his finger at Ger* You are very naughty. But I'm sure you know that.

**Gerard:** *grins* Completely naughty. I hope you enjoyed the porn.

**Peter:** I did. However, I have absolutely no use for the other gift, I'm afraid. Do you need an extra?

**Gerard:** No, the boy's only got one cock.

**Peter:** *laughs* That's true. And how is he? All married now, I understand.

**Gerard:** It's not just for crazy straight men anymore.

**Jonny:** *sets his drink on the bar, slides in under Ger's arm* Hello, Peter.

**Peter:** Jonny. You're looking good. As is the master. Marriage seems to agree with you, Gerry.

**Gerard:** Thanks. *wraps arm around Jonny's shoulders*

**Gerard:** How've you been? Guy treating you right?

**Peter:** Guy's doing what he's supposed to, being the proper slave and all. He's not with me this trip, though.

**Gerard:** Ah. Well, I'll bet he'll enjoy the belt when he gets back.

**Peter:** *musing to himself* Perhaps. I'm sure he'd enjoy it more than my lover, although ... *shakes off all mental images there* ... so, can I buy you a water and conversation?

**Gerard:** Wait a minute. LOVER?

**Jonny:** *coughs at the thought of Peter having a lover, reaches over and grabs his beer, taking another couple inches off it. been a while since he's had one, and it tastes damned good*

**Gerard:** *pats Jonny on the back*

**Peter:** Yes, Gerry, a lover. It is rather a difficult concept, isn't it? I know. Took me some adjusting.

**Gerard:** I'm just trying to wrap my mind around....lover? You don't top him?

**Peter:** No, not intentionally. There can be sex without domination. *smirks*

**Gerard:** So I've heard. I don't think this one could go without being dominated. *kisses Jonny's hair*

**Jonny:** No, sir. *snuggles in closer to Ger* Want the domination _and_ the sex.

**Gerard:** *hugs Jonny close* Bet you fifty pounds you couldn't go a day without being controlled.

**Peter:** That doesn't surprise me, Jonny, which is why you're a perfect companion for Gerry. You're able to take exactly what he wants to give. *laughs at Gerry's offer* Better yet, Gerry, 50 pounds says you can't let him go a day.

**Gerard:** *mock outraged* Do you doubt my control, Peter?

**Peter:** No, I don't doubt _your_ control. I imagine you have a great bit of self-control. It's your desire to control Jonny I'm betting overwhelms anything else.

**Jonny:** *blushes. would agree with Peter except he thinks he probably should just keep his mouth shut*

**Gerard:** ...You may be right. But, then again, you may be wrong. What do you think, pet?

**Jonny:** Uh, um, Master, much as your boy hates to disagree with you, he thinks Peter might have the right notion.

**Gerard:** That I can't go without dominating you for 24 hours? And you're willing to put money to this? *grins* Deal.

**Jonny:** Sir, your boy didn't agree to bet. He just agreed with Peter.

**Gerard:** Peter put 50 pounds on it.

**Peter:** *laughs* Fifty pounds on you not being able to last a day without giving him order, Gerry.

**Gerard:** Do suggestions count? Can I ask him to get me a glass of water?

**Peter:** Depends on the suggestion. Nothing remotely sexual.

**Gerard:** So normal couple things are fine?

**Jonny:** Normal couples? We don't know any of those. Who you modeling on?

**Gerard:** Um. Television?

**Peter:** He has a point, Gerry. What's normal for you?

**Gerard:** Normal is me using him as a footrest.

**Peter:** That would require an order, I imagine.

**Gerard:** Not as much as you think.

**Jonny:** *buries head in Gerard's chest*

**Gerard:** *strokes JL's head*

**Peter:** *cocks his head* Really? He's that subservient. All the time?

**Gerard:** Yes. He's amazing.

**Peter:** I don't doubt that. Small taste I had showed me enough to know he likes to please. *pushes back any thoughts of that night to the fartherest corner of his brain* Slave. Husband. What more could you ask for?

**Gerard:** Legalized marriage. You?

**Peter:** A better understanding of the submissive mind.

**Gerard:** *pause* Yeah, I could use that as well.

**Peter:** Ah, but you have an advantage I don't, Gerry. You've actually played both sides of the equation.

**Gerard:** *softly* Don't.

**Peter:** *leans in, whispers against Ger's ear* Don't what? Offer you something you've wanted since you walked out of my house?

**Gerard:** *stiffens* Peter...if you say another word, I'm walking away.

**Jonny:** *squirms a bit, the tension from Gerry's body heating up his side*

**Gerard:** *holds Jonny close*

**Peter:** Which word would that be? Or is it a combination of them? Knees. Giving. Curious. *pulls back, straightens and shoves hands into pockets, scrunching up sweater's hem* I have to be going anyway, so let me this time.

**Gerard:** *goes very very tense* Peter. I do. Not. Submit. To anyone. Got it?

**Peter:** *laughs* Gerry, I wasn't suggesting that. *turns to walk away, then half-turns, glancing over his shoulder* I meant me, going down for you. *continues moving away from the bar*

**Gerard:** *grabs him by the arm* WHAT?!

**Peter:** *looks back* *stern voice* Gerry, let go of my arm.

**Gerard:** *doesn't let go* What did you just tell me?

**Jonny:** *cringes, is utterly confused*

**Peter:** *casually wraps his fingers over Ger's and pries them away from his arm* You heard what I said. It's an offer, something to consider.

**Gerard:** You submit to me? *can't believe his ears*

**Peter:** Yes. *shrugs* Call it a whim, but my head's in a very strange place right now and I'm wondering if I don't need to understand submission from the other side.

**Gerard:** .... ... ..... *snugs Jonny very very tight without noticing*

**Jonny:** *yelps at the sudden tightness* Uh, Master, Pire, can't breathe.

**Gerard:** Uh, right. *lets go* Sorry.

**Jonny:** *sucks in a deep breath* Thanks.

**Gerard:** Sorry. *looks at Peter* Please tell me it's April Fools.

**Peter:** No, it's December, Gerry. *sighs* You know me well enough to know I'm not joking. I wouldn't, about this.

**Gerard:** *sighs* Yeah. I don't know, Peter. You want an answer? No.

**Peter:** Decisive. I'm impressed. Didn't really expect you to say yes.

**Gerard:** You're finally right, Peter. Not going to cheat on Jonny.

**Peter:** *looks at Jonny, who's just smiling and seeming to want to melt into the floor* *shakes head* I'm not even going to try and explain why it wouldn't be cheating, Gerry. I have a strong suspicion your lawyer's brain wouldn't grasp it.

**Gerard:** Analytical, not emotional. *smiles* Anything with anyone else is cheating.

**Peter:** *ignores Gerry* Best of luck, Jonny. I hope you have a long, happy marriage. He _is_ a better catch than he likes people to think. *turns and actually walks away this time*

**Gerard:** *groans* He will never, ever cease to shock me...

**Jonny:** *starts to respond, but just stands there, mouth open and words not coming out*

**Gerard:** ...Yeah.

**Gerard:** *sighs* Let's have that drink, love.

**Jonny:** Yes, Master.

**Gerard:** You mad at me?

**Jonny:** No. Confused. Not mad.

**Gerard:** Join the club.

**Jonny:** At least he liked the Christmas gift. *grins* That's a plus.

**Gerard:** *grins as well* Yeah. That's a first.

**Jonny:** Other was too, I guess.

**Gerard:** *sighs* _Yeah_. You know, Teak, not in my wildest fucking dreams did I think he'd ever say what he just said.

**Jonny:** Well, yeah, I can see that. *bites lip nervously* He must have a reason. Out of the blue like that.

**Gerard:** Yeah. Reason. Right. *tugs Jonny over to the bar* Don't know what it is. Kind of curious, but I'm not that curious. Let's have that drink.

**Jonny:** Yeah, okay. *is curious, but knows better than to push*

**Gerard:** Still want Guinness?

**Jonny:** Sure. You don't mind a tipsy boy later, do you?

**Gerard:** You can get drunk on two drinks?

**Jonny:** No. Limiting me to two might be good idea, though.

**Gerard:** Fine. You're limited. *strokes Jonny's hand* I'll just take you home and put you to bed, tuck you in, and tell you a story.

**Jonny:** A nice, happy ending story. *nudges into Gerard's hand, purrs*

**Gerard:** We love happy endings in this relationship. *kisses Jonny*

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73413.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	350. gerard: It's nail-biting time

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[20](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/20/) 22:45:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73533&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73533) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73533) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=73533&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**It's nail-biting time** _  
[public]

  
**Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events**  
|    
... $30.2 million.  
  
---|---  
  
**Ocean's Twelve**  
|    
...$18.3 million.  
  
**Spanglish**  
|    
...$9.0 million.  
  
**The Polar Express**  
|    
...$8.6 million.  
  
**Blade: Trinity** |    
...$6.6 million.  
  
**National Treasure**  
|    
...$6.1 million.  
  
**Christmas with the Kranks** |    
...$5.7 million.  
  
  
**The Flight of the Phoenix** |    
...$5.1 million  
  
**Closer** |    
..$3.5 million.  
  
**The Incredibles** |    
...$3.3 million  
  
What kind of niche market am I going to find around family films and action movies? Who wants to see a musical at _Christmas_? They should have gone for New Year's. They should have gone for any date except sink-or-swim Christmas.

Fucking, bloody hell. But at least I made the [Onion](http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4051&n=1).

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-23 06:39 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126525&format=light#t126525))   
---|---  
Wow, Onion! You've made the big time! *g*  
  
Love you, Pire.  
*snogs* 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=126525&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126525&format=light#t126525))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-23 06:47 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126781&format=light#t126781))   
---|---  
Love you, Teak.  
  
Remind me that box office numbers don't matter until the second or third week. Remind me that they'll be low over the weekend because it's going to be heavily family and friend related, and the theater crowd is going to wait until all the reviews come in. ~~Remind me that it's not the end of the world.~~ Remind me that it doesn't open everywhere until January. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=126781&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126525&format=light#t126525))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126781&format=light#t126781))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-23 06:56 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127037&format=light#t127037))   
---|---  
Reminds you box office numbers don't matter. You've gotten great press from it already. That'll pay off. Reminds you there's a man living with you who loves you no matter what. Even if we give up all this, move to Glasgow and you go back to being a solicitor while I tend bar. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=127037&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=126781&format=light#t126781))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127037&format=light#t127037))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-23 07:08 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127293&format=light#t127293))   
---|---  
Can't be a solicitor, love, I was fired before I qualified.  
  
I don't know about the press, I just don't know. Today I got the question if I'm thankful I did Dracula, because of the story Joel keeps telling about how he saw me in that and kept me in mind for the Phantom. After the interview was over, I mentioned to the interviewer that I'd met my partner on Dracula, and he had no idea. Do not put your trust in princes, and all that shite.  
  
  
 ~~Distract me. Please.~~

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=127293&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127037&format=light#t127037))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127293&format=light#t127293))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-23 07:22 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127549&format=light#t127549))   
---|---  
I'm glad you did Dracula. Damned glad. I put my trust in you, and I don't fear the future.  
  
Want some distraction, Master? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=127549&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127293&format=light#t127293))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127549&format=light#t127549))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-23 07:23 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127805&format=light#t127805))   
---|---  
I love you, too. And I love when you read my mind. Distract me. Please. I need your mouth and your hands and that look in your eyes when I'm your whole world. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=127805&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=127549&format=light#t127549))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tyler_elf/profile)[**tyler_elf**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/tyler_elf/)  
2004-12-23 04:42 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=128061&format=light#t128061))   
---|---  
Gerad....I'll probably be seeing it on Christmas day. I would see a musical at Christmas. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=128061&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=128061&format=light#t128061))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-23 05:54 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=128317&format=light#t128317))   
---|---  
Thank you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?replyto=128317&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/73533.html?thread=128061&format=light#t128061))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	351. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: C'mon, just one gift ...

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[24](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/24/) 16:51:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40980&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40980) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40980) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=40980&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: C'mon, just one gift ...** _  
**[players only. gerard and jonny lee share their first christmas as a married couple. christmas eve is the time for new traditions.]**

Jonny Lee's glad to be back home, happy to not have to worry about being half-dressed or not dressed at all, and he's actually finished wrapping the last of Gerard's gifts, and is tucking them under the tree before starting dinner. Just them, home for the holidays. He's even bought one of the "First Christmas Together" ornaments for the tree; it seems to fit right in hanging next to the Obi-Wan.

The movie's open and there's nothing else Gerard can do to promote it. He's hoping that Santa will bring him huge box office numbers, but right now he's not thinking about it. He's lying on the couch, wearing nothing but red-heart boxers and a Santa cap, thumbing through _A Christmas Carol_ , and waiting for Jonny Lee to finish nudging the gifts.

  
"Master, can't I open just one?" Jonny Lee asks, turning and grinning at the sight of Gerard sprawled as a decadent Santa. "Promise I'll be good the rest of the night. Not shake anything else."

Gerard closes the book and looks up at Jonny Lee. "None until morning," he says sternly. "That's the rule."

Jonny Lee pouts. "Master's mean," he says, sighing, not really meaning it. He puts down the box he's been shaking and crawls over to the couch. "Maybe Master could occupy his slave's hands to keep them off the pressies."

Gerard raises an eyebrow. "Does my slut want to be entertained? Or does he want to be punished?"

"There's a difference?" Jonny Leecan't help the pout sliding into a smirk. He's sinking himself into hot water, he knows. "Master's slut knows better than to ask for punishment, Sir."

"Well, he seems to be asking for it now." Gerard slides his legs over and sits up. He grabs Jonny Lee by the chin and forces his head up. "Yes or no, slut. If you want something, ask for it. Don't make me punish you on Christmas Eve."

That voice. The tone that makes Jonny Lee shiver from brain to cock and back. "Your slut," he says, drawing in a breath, meeting Gerard's gaze, "wants to be spanked. Please, Master?"

Gerard smiles. "Of course he can be spanked." He pats Jonny Lee on the head. "You could have saved time and just asked for that outright, boy."

"Yes, Sir. He understands." Jonny Lee bites the smile from his lips. "Still want to open a present, though."

"We'll see about that later," Gerard says. He pats his lap. "C'mon, slut. Up here and I'll show you what Santa does to naughty boys to make them good."

Jonny Lee climbs onto Gerard's lap, draping himself over, wriggling to find the right balance of body weight, his cock rubbing against Gerard's parted thighs.

Gerard pats Jonny Lee's arse. "How many do you want?" He's considering this an early present. He'll let Jonny Lee set the pace.

"Uh," Jonny Lee thinks. He hates it when Master makes him choose. So he usually picks a number at random. "Your boy would prefer not to pick a number, Sir, but that Master spank him till he's reduced to tears."

"A crying boy?" Gerard traces the curve of Jonny Lee's arse with a finger and then pinches the top of his thigh. "Intriguing. I wonder how red your arse will be after that. Maybe I should put you on the roof and you'd match Rudolph's nose."

Jonny Lee winces at the sudden pain, then chuckles, the image of being on the roof waiting for Santa too much. "Your boy would put Rudolph to shame, Sir."

Ooh, nice reaction. Gerard pinches him again, a little to the left this time, to see if he can get Jonny Lee to yelp. "I bet he would. My boy always succeeds at what he puts his mind to."

He does yelp, that pinch harder and Jonny Lee can feel the bruise start to swell almost before Gerard finishes pinching.

That's perfect. Just perfect. "On that note," Gerard says, and he brings his hand up and spanks Jonny Lee so hard his wrist hurts.

The blow's hard enough to nudge Jonny Lee's body forward and he braces his hands on the couch to slip back into position. "Thank you, Sir."

Gerard's tempted to have Jonny Lee call him Santa. "Do you want to count, naughty boy?"

"Not really, Master. Could your boy compromise, count mentally and thank Master every fifth strike or so?"

"You don't have to, if you don't want to, adorable." Gerard reaches over and runs his fingers through Jonny Lee's hair. "All up to you. Consider this being pampered."

"Okay, Master." Jonny Lee wriggles again, pushing his cock between Gerard's legs a bit more. "Thank you, Master."

"You're very welcome, boy." Gerard pets him one last time, before spanking him again.

There's a slight wince on that one, much less than before. _Fuck, this is gonna be good._

How many will it take to make Jonny Lee cry? Gerard doesn't know, but he can hardly wait to find out. He gives the slaps in groups of five, alternating hands to give his palms a break. Soon Jonny Lee's arse is red, but Jonny Lee still isn't crying.

By the time Gerard's up to 25 slaps, Jonny Lee's biting his lip, and his arse is radiating a bit of heat, but he's not ready to cry. "Thank you, Sir. God, that feels good."

"I bet it does." Gerard's never been one for pain, but he knows that for Jonny Lee, pain and pleasure go hand in hand. This kind of hurt feels good. And so Gerard doesn't hesitate in giving him more. He wants his boy to cry.

The tears are just hinting at breaking free. "Please, Master, more," Jonny Lee pants. "Your slave, oh god, it hurts so much." He closes his eyes, hold them tight. "More."

"Yes, boy." Gerard grins and then spanks Jonny Lee so hard that it reverberates up his arm into his shoulder. There. That should get him crying.

That last strike does get Jonny Lee crying. It shatters his spirit and the tears stream down his cheek. Happy tears, that Master loves him enough to do this, to give him the pain. "Thank you, Master," he sobs out, shaking with the intensity of the slap, its reverberation.

There. Tears. He'd never thought it would be erotic to get his boy crying on his lap, but there it is, and there he is, and he's harder than sin. Gerard rubs Jonny Lee's heated arse, and rubs himself against his thigh.

It's odd, crying. Men aren't supposed to cry. But slaves do. Good boys do. They cry to make Master happy. They cry because the pain is exquisite. They cry for other reason than to let out the emotion, make room for more. Jonny Lee wriggles, just a bit, not enough to ease the ache in his cock, the heat in his body.

"You're gorgeous when you're crying for me," Gerard murmurs. "My good boy." He rubs over bruises and presses against one of them. "So good for master."

"Thank you, Master." Jonny Lee's tears are wetting Gerard's thigh, but he doesn't make any effort to stop them, dry them. "Your boy wants nothing more from life than to please Master."

"You do please me." Gerard nudges Jonny Lee's side, trying to roll him over so he can look at him and maybe rub his stomach. _Pervert._ "Always do, slave."

Jonny Lee takes the hint and rolls himself over, scooting down just a bit so he's not draped at such an odd angle. "Master's good to his slave." He runs his hand through his short, spiked hair, and stretches his arm out over his head.

"His slave is so good to master." Gerard shifts on the couch so it doesn't feel like Jonny Lee's going to fall off of him. Gerard strokes down Jonny Lee's chest and stomach and circles the piercing. "Master's good boy is certainly not getting coal this year."

"Yes, Master. No coal." Jonny Lee pulls back and then pushes forward as Gerard's fingers skirt the piercing. Soon, he thinks, it'll be healed completely and then Master can amuse himself with it. He tilts his head back, grins. "Can your boy open one of his gifts now?"

"That depends." Gerard teases his hand lower, and strokes Jonny Lee's stomach with his other hand. "Does my boy want what his master's thinking of giving him, or is he asking to forget that he's not allowed to open presents until morning?"

"Well, he was thinking about the second option, Master." Jonny Lee purrs at the touches, squirming as his arse rubs against the couch. "But he'd love to have whatever Master's thinking of giving him."

"My boy asked to unwrap a gift." Gerard grins and rubs his hands lower. "My boy knows what I'm thinking about, doesn't he?"

"Is it wrapped tight?"

"No." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock lightly. "Not wrapped tight. No ribbon on top. No wrapping paper or anything fancy." He moves his thumb to behind Jonny Lee's balls. "But I think you'll enjoy it anyway."

Jonny Lee moans, closes his eyes at the rubbing. "Master, please, that feels so good." He winces, though, as he shifts and his arse rubs again on the couch's upholstery. "Can your boy open his gift like this? Or does he need to turn over?"

"My boy needs to get on his knees." Gerard rubs a little harder, and pinches the inside of Jonny Lee's thigh. "But we can wait. I like torturing my boy like this."

"Knees. Yes, Sir. Torture first." Jonny Lee's starting to float, let the dashes of pain build one on the other. "Your boy likes it, too."

Maybe he'll save the blowjob for another time and give Jonny Lee the actual gift he has for tonight. Gerard doesn't want him off his lap, and he doesn't think Jonny Lee would go. "I love my boy," Gerard says softly. "Always."

"Your boy loves Master," Jonny Lee says, just as quietly, thinking he might disturb some moment Gerard has in mind if he's any louder. "He doesn't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else."

Gerard shifts and reaches between the cushions and pulls out a small jewelry box. "I got you something, for tonight." He strokes Jonny Lee's cheek. "I collared you a year ago, but I left it up to you how far we would go. And when I gave you a ring, I told you that it only meant as much as you wanted it to. I've stopped being indecisive, Teak." He opens the box and takes out the ring closest to the front. "Yours says slave, mine says master." Separating the roles, taken as literally as possible. "To remember that I love you for so many things other than the kink, but the kink is pretty nice as well." Two hands, two rings. Gerard smiles shyly. "Do you want it, Teak?"

"Yes." It's all Jonny Lee can get out for the moment. After everything -- marriage, misunderstanding, more structure -- it's almost too much. Not in a bad way. But good. Overwhelming. He holds up his left hand, the one without the wedding band. "Your slave wants very much to belong to you this way. Every way."

Gerard slides the ring onto Jonny Lee's finger. "Want you to belong to me." He puts the master ring on his own finger and then entwines his fingers with Jonny Lee. "Love you, Teak."

"Love you, Pire." Jonny Lee pulls their joined hands to his lips, kisses Gerard's fingers. "Already belong to you, Master, heart and soul and body."

Gerard smiles. "Me, too. Belong to you and love you." No matter what happens, that will never change.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	352. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: It's Christmas morning and Santa's come (Part 1)

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/25/) 07:42:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41236&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41236) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41236) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41236&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: It's Christmas morning and Santa's come (Part 1)** _  
** [players only. christmas morning in the butler-miller household, and it's time to unwrap the presents. mun note: went ahead and posted, predating, just in case we lose posting ability again, plus i won't be on computer tomorrow morning. *g*] **

Jonny Lee never has been good at staying in bed on Christmas morning.

When he was 7, his mum took to tying a rope from the knob on his door to the railing of the upstairs landing on Christmas Eve. He could open it just enough to be tempted, but there was no way he had the strength, or knowledge, to undo the knot. That lasted until he was 13. By then Jonny'd discovered ropes and knots and he'd also finally decided to believe St. Nick was mum and da. Course he didn't let them in on the fact.

He still has the problem, wanting to bound from bed the minute he wakes up and realizes it's Christmas Day. But it's not ropes keeping him snug in his room anymore. It's the man in bed next to him.

  
Master. Husband. Gerard.

Schedule says Jonny Lee's supposed to wake Master slowly with kisses. He snuggles in and starts, dropping the first kiss across the tattoo on Gerard's back, the initials, one snog for each letter.

Gerard wakes up slowly to the feel of Jonny Lee's lips on him, and he smiles and rolls over. Opens his eyes and looks at Jonny Lee. "G'morning. Santa pay us a visit?"

"Dunno," Jonny Lee says. He licks a trail up along Gerard's body as he turns over, tongue swabbing nipple before raising his head. "Been a good boy. Haven't been out of bed."

"Mm. Good boy." Gerard strokes his fingers through Jonny Lee's hair. "Don't see a lump of coal in your future."

"No, Sir," Jonny Lee drops in a nauseating Cockney voice, "I'm a right proper lad, I am. Does what the master says. Keep meself out of trouble." He climbs over Gerard's body, pressing full against him. "Got a pressie for me?"

Gerard doesn't know whether to be appalled or amused at the accent. _Note to self, never do a Cockney roleplay._ Gerard wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and rolls him over so that he's on top. He rubs his thigh against Jonny Lee's cock. "Think I'll save it for later. Master's got a bow with his boy's name on it."

"Oooh, that's nice." The accent's gone, maybe squished out of Jonny Lee by Gerard's weight. "A bow. Your boy likes bows." He grins. "Especially when they're tight and lead to good things."

"Is getting fucked beneath the tree a good thing?" Gerard pins Jonny Lee's hands over his head and leans down for a kiss. "Because then my boy's getting good things."

Snogging's a wonderful thing, especially on Christmas morning, and Jonny Lee wraps his arms up around Gerard's neck. "Your boy would absofrigginlutely adore being fucked 'neath the tree. Can it be after we open packages, so there's all the bows and wrapping paper to wallow in?"

"Of course." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee on the nose. "We open presents and eat cookies and then I fuck you while you're sliding around on the shiny paper I used to wrap your....you'll see."

The kiss tickles. Jonny Lee laughs and blushes. "Can we go now? Please?"

"Hmm." Gerard kisses him again and then rolls over onto his back next to Jonny Lee. "We could put on pajamas first, and then rip them off ceremonially for sex."

Jonny Lee rolls up on his side. "We could. A bit on the kinky side, but might be worth a try."

"Think there's a pajama kink?" Gerard looks over at the alarm clock. Eight o'clock. Too early to start worrying about box office numbers. "I bet there's one with flannel. You'd look adorable in flannel pajamas one size too big."

"Borders on age play, Pire. Oversized pyjamas. _And_ they're flannel."

"So that's a no?"

"No, it's not a no. It's a your husband's not interested, but your boy's willing to put it on the list for discussion in pushing boundaries."

"Ok." He'd figured that would be the answer. Gerard kisses Jonny Lee on the cheek and rolls out of bed. "Let me wash my face and I'll meet you by the tree."

Jonny Lee pushes himself up to sitting. "Don't want me to lick it clean?" He smirks and crawls to the foot of the bed as Gerard's coming 'round. "Love you, by the way."

"Love you." Gerard grabs his sweatshirt off the floor and tugs it on. "And I want to get clean, Teak, not shag you over the sink."

"You know, you could do both," Jonny Lee says to Gerard as he moves on into the bathroom. He shrugs and plops onto the bed. "Am I supposed to put on clothes?"

"You don't have to. I'm just cold." Gerard leaves the door open and turns the faucet on. He splashes his face twice and then rubs against his face.

"Okay, then, I'll tug on some jeans till I can get down and turn the logs on. That'll warm up the living room a good bit." Jonny Lee really likes the no-clothes option, but the house does seem particularly chilly this morning. Winter setting in, all nice and welcomed. He stretches as he stands, and looks around for discarded denim, finally finding it on the floor under the chair.

Gerard takes a moment to brush his teeth quickly and rinse before washing his face again. Feeling more awake, he dries himself with a towel and then heads downstairs.

Jonny Lee's a step behind him, and he heads straight for the fireplace, grabbing the remote from the hearth and igniting the flames. The jeans are tight, low, hanging on his hips, and he looks almost a debauched teen turning around, dropping the remote and running his hand through his hair.

Gerard turns around to stare at Jonny Lee's arse. His boy looks amazing like that, but there's presents. He can fuck his boy anytime. Christmas only comes once a year. "Who's opening first, me or you?"

"Uh, we could each open one."

"Smart boy." Gerard settles down on the floor by the presents and tosses one at random to Jonny Lee. "Choose for me."

Jonny Lee catches the gift and sets it on the floor, then gets on his knees and digs under the tree. "Okay, open this one," he says, carefully handing Gerard the medium-sized box.

Gerard takes it and then looks at Jonny Lee. "On the count of three?"

"Sure." He picks up the box, poises his hand. "One. Two." He smiles. "Three."

On three, Gerard rips the paper off the box and stares at it. He grins wide. "Teak, I love you so much."

Jonny Lee's a bit more methodical in his ripping, and he looks up to watch Gerard. "Thought you might like it. Can film your boy."

"Going to film my boy." Gerard turns the box around and looks at the technobable. He thinks he can figure out half of it. "We can make home movies!"

"Yeah, home --" Jonny Lee looks down again, having gotten the wrapping off. "Fuckin' fantastic, Pire," he shouts at uncovering the Nintendo DS game. "They're like sold out everywhere, but I got one." He's almost bouncing. "Love you."

"Yeah?" Gerard's almost bouncing with him. He'd known the game was popular, and so he'd put it on order as soon as he'd heard about it. But he hadn't expected a reaction like this. "Love you more."

"No, you don't." Jonny Lee sticks out his tongue. He's undoing the box's tape and pulling out the coveted handheld game. "Gonna have to buy all new games for it, you know."

"Thought you told Santa that your GameBoy games worked on it." Gerard's got a few new games stashed around, though. Not going to tell Jonny Lee that.

"They do, Pire, but still have to buy new ones. It's like a tradition." Jonny Lee's all smiles. "Second best gift I've gotten so far."

Gerard likes traditions. "What's the first best gift?"

Jonny lee puts down the box and holds up his hands, wriggling the fingers, silver rings on each. "Being yours."

"You're such a romantic." Gerard scoots forward and grabs Jonny Lee by his collar. "I'm glad you're mine," he says, and then kisses him.

"Not a romantic," he murmurs as lips part. "Like it when you do that. Grab my collar. That's romantic."

"That's kinky." Gerard starts kissing down Jonny Lee's chin, feather kisses, light and soft. "Bet you love it when you I claim you."

Jonny Lee whimpers at the soft touches, kisses that barely brush his flesh. "Hmm, yes, when you claim me, that's the best."

Gerard smiles and brushes his cheek against Jonny Lee's as he moves in to whisper in his ear. "Are you my christmas present, Teak? Are you under the tree, all wrapped up and ready for me?"

The blush that creeps over Jonny Lee's face is as red as Santa's suit. "Yes, Pire. All wrapped up, twisted and tied if you like, just for you."

"I've been meaning to study rope bondage." Gerard licks Jonny Lee's ear and then blows against it. "Would you like that, my adorable, desperate slut?"

"Knots and ropes and being tied very, very tightly." Jonny Lee's squirming, instinctively lacing his fingers behind his back. "Oh, fuck, Master, your boy likes that. Your slut thinks it sounds delightful.".

"And my boy's under the tree for me..." Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's jaw and pulls back. "I think my boy has exactly five seconds to get naked and in position for Santa to fuck him."

Jonny Lee's hands are on his jeans at _naked_ and the denim's down his hips at _fuck_. "Preference on position, Master?" he asks as he rocks back and tugs the jeans down his legs.

The sweater is thrown onto the couch. "So I can see you," Gerard says. He moves some of the pointier presents out of the way. "So you can beg me every second of it."

"Okay." Jeans tossed to the side, Jonny Lee slides down to his back, stretching his legs and then pulling his knees back, wrapping his hands around his calves and spreading himself wide. "Please, Master, your slut wants you, wants that thick," he licks his lips, "gorgeous cock rammed so deep in his arse he can't breathe anymore."

Oh, god. Gerard pauses his fruitless quick search for the Santa hat from last night, and crawls over to his boy. "You want me to choke you through anal sex, slut?" He wraps his fingers around Jonny Lee's wrists and pushes to spread him more. "You want me to hurt you and claim you?" He grins. "And did my slave remember to prep before opening presents?"

"Yes, fuck me and choke me." Jonny Lee knows better than to ask Gerard to choke him any other way. Breathplay, which something he's interested in trying, is one of those taboo subjects with Gerard. He grins. "Your slave's still prepped from last night. He suspects it's enough." He doesn't really care how much it hurts or doesn't; the more, the better, really.

"Good boy." It's unsteady and unfamiliar like this, with the tree so close, but Gerard gets on top of Jonny Lee and lines himself up. "Any last words?"

"I'm yours." Jonny Lee braces, knowing it's going to hurt like a silcone dream.

Gerard likes those last words. He closes his eyes as he shifts his hips forward and thrusts slowly, wincing at the burn. He really needs to have Jonny Lee prep more often.

The burn's wicked, and Jonny Lee really should've taken a minute to prep this morning, but he'd've missed this exquisite pain. He grits his teeth as Gerard pushes in, digs his fingers into his skin and opens his legs wider, shifting the angle of his hips ever so subtly.

"Greedy....greedy slut." The angle shift helps and Gerard is able to complete his thrust, getting all the way in, and then he lies there panting for a moment, amazed at how tight Jonny Lee is.

Tight. Clenching tight. Body holding tight against Gerard's advances, demanding he work for every inch into Jonny Lee's body, and then Jonny Lee's panting, small breaths. "More," he whispers. "Fuck your slut. Into the floor."

"Might...not...be...possible," Gerard grunts, trying to thrust again, this time harder. It burns so much that he has to stop, but he thinks Jonny Lee will enjoy what he managed. Gerard certainly is.

"Oh, god, that hurts, so damned much." Jonny Lee's biting his lip at each thrust, taking what Gerard's giving him, pushing back. Hell, yes, it hurts, but fuck if he doesn't want more.

Fucking beneath the Christmas tree, fucking _dry_ beneath the christmas tree. Gerard's definitely counting this as a present. He manages to get a steady rhythm, slow and hurting. The pain is good, keeps him right where he is, and never goes into the bad pain zones.

The pain's skirting the edges of being too much, just because Jonny Lee's mind is so attuned this morning to every nuance of Gerard's movements. He lets himself sink into that space where it doesn't matter how much he's hurting, where all that matters is that Master is fucking him and that Master is happy.

Master's very happy. Master's beyond happy. "Want you," Gerard gets out, "come like this. Just me, it, us." He thrusts again and moans. "Do that, Teak?"

"Yes," Jonny Lee murmurs. "For you, Pire." He tilts his head back, whimpering at the last thrust. Succinctly brutal. Perfectly harsh. Combined with the words, it's more than enough to push him over, his cock jerking with the first spasm of release.

The feeling of Jonny Lee coming around him is enough to bring Gerard over, and his fingers dig in as he does, not wanting to lose balance and fall directly on top of Jonny Lee and suffocate him.

  


* * *

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	353. gerard: JLM/GB: It's Christmas morning and Santa's come (Part 2)

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/25/) 16:27:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74370&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74370) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74370) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74370&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**JLM/GB: It's Christmas morning and Santa's come (Part 2)** _  
[players only. follows [this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41236.html). Posted early in case jf's present to us all is more time of not being able to post, and, anyway, the mun might skip off to see phantom again.]

  
Jonny's still sore from being thoroughly fucked, but it's a good feeling and he's wincing more from just moving around when he brings the tray back into the living room from the kitchen.

"Scones and muffins and coffee, Pire," he says, setting it down on the table in front of the couch. "Should replenish, get you through the rest of the packages."

"Thanks." Gerard reaches forward and tugs his boy onto his lap. He knows Jonny's sore and he's enjoying every moment of it. His marks, his boy. "Which we want to do next?"

"Ngh." Jonny lands in just the right spot to aggravate the soreness. Wonderful reminder of being owned. "Open more presents."

"That was the plan." Gerard strokes Jonny Lee's cock and then reaches beyond him and snags a present. "Think this one's for you."

"Uh, that one's for you," Jonny says, smirking. He's gonna be hard again before they get through the presents. Not that it matters. "And," he shifts, grabs the oblong box, "this one."

"Both for me?" Gerard kisses the back of Jonny's neck. "Going to spoil me rotten. Who's it from?"

"Your boy, who's going to indulge," Jonny says, twisting around so he can kiss Gerard's lips, "and pamper you all through the holiday."

"I love when you indulge me," Gerard smiles. "And I love being pampered." He returns the kiss and then opens the smaller box. And feels like his heart is going to burst. He brushes his finger over the picture frame and hugs Jonny hard. "Love you."

Jonny blushes. "Aren't many photos of the two of us. Thought that'd be nice for your desk or something." The photo had been made in Glasgow, by Gerard's sister, Julie, a black-and-white of them holding each other in the yard. Nothing fancy, just them.

"It's beautiful." Gerard's always heard that photos are a good gift, but he'd never understood that. Now he does. It's a picture, in a frame, but it's of the two of them, and they're happy, and they're together. And pictures capture moments forever. "Thank you so much, Teak."

"Didn't know she'd taken it," Jonny says, "then I had it converted to black-and-white, found the perfect frame." He touches the frame's edge. "I like this moment. We're happy, like we're going to be. Forever."

"Forever," Gerard repeats. "Love the sound of that." He kisses Jonny gently on the cheek. "You have a copy for yourself?"

"Yeah. Matching frame, even." Jonny turns his head, returns the kiss. "Silly romantic at the moment."

"You're adorable when you're romantic." Gerard wraps both his arms around Jonny's waist and kisses him on the nose. He loves how Jonny blushes when he does. "And you're even more adorable when you're being silly."

Jonny doesn't disappoint, the red spreading over his cheeks. "Glad I found someone who likes adorable." He's nearly forgotten about presents in the snuggling.

"I love adorable." Gerard kisses him again, then puts the picture to the side. "Should I open the next, dear?"

"Yeah. G'head." Jonny's nervous. "Hope you like it."

Gerard opens this one slowly, but speeds up once he realizes that it's books. Then he's kissing Jonny again, over and over again. "You know me so well," he says between kisses.

Is there such a thing as over-kissing? Jonny wonders as he's deluged with them. "You can even read aloud to me," he says, taking a quick breath, "if you like."

"I fully intend to." Gerard finds a nice spot on Jonny's neck and nips at it. "While you play with your DS."

Jonny thinks for a minute. _While I'm playing with the DS? Hmmm. Not the best idea._ "How 'bout I read aloud to you while you soak in a hot tub, Master? I bet you'd like that better."

"I bet I'd like my boy in there with me then," Gerard says. He sucks on the bite mark and then pulls off. "Unless my boy doesn't want me talking to him while he's having playtime."

Jonny whimpers at the bite, Gerard's sucking. "Master can talk all he wants while his boy games." He mumbles the rest of it. "Just anticipate him zoning you out."

"Spoilsport." Gerard finds Jonny's wrists and moves them to over his head. "Gaming more important than hearing master talk to himself. Think I should bite my boy for that one." Incentive, of course. Gerard's learned to love the way Jonny looks when he's focused on one thing, as long as that one thing doesn't have him zoned so far that he doesn't know that he's being beaten.

The stretch is nice. No, better than nice. Divine. He pushes into it. "Gaming's not more important. Nothing's more important than Master." He tilts his head back, exposing his throat. "But your boy should be reminded of that, perhaps."

"Perhaps yes." Gerry licks a wide strip up Jonny's throat and then tugs at the collar with his teeth, pulling as hard as he can before his teeth hurt. He licks his lips slowly. "I think my boy needs to be shown how much his master loves him."

Gerard's tugging pulls the collar against Jonny's neck, straightens his posture immediately. "Please, Master. Your boy craves such lessons."

"Know he does. Little slut." Gerard scrapes his teeth across Jonny's collarbone. "Love you so much. Not just for the photo or the books. Love you for you."

"Oh, god, yes." The touch of teeth is too much. Jonny's cock is hard again, jerking up. "Fuck, Master, your slut loves you. Wants you. So bad."

Gerard reaches down with one hand and wraps his fingers around Jonny's cock and starts stroking slowly. "How bad, love? Bad enough to put up with this?" He squeezes hard at the same time he sinks his teeth into Jonny's shoulder.

Jonny whimpers, moans, bites back the small scream building in the back of his throat. Oh, hell, yes, enough for that. And so much more. "Damn, that feels good." He licks his lips, squeezes his tongue between his teeth. "Yes, Sir, for hours, if need be."

"Pretty sounds," Gerry says. "Master approves completely." He lets go of Jonny's cock and moves up to kiss him. "How many hours?"

_You opened your mouth._ Jonny thinks. "A day. Eight hours."

"You could be tortured for thirty-two hours straight?"

"Thirty-two?" Jonny isn't at all sure. He hasn't done a lot of long-term torture. He's willing to try. _Be honest._ "Not sure. Your boy would try."

"You're the one who said a day and eight hours." Gerry shrugs and goes back to licking along Jonny's neck. "If we want to do prolonged torture, let's start with two hours or so and work up from there."

"I meant a day, Master, as in eight hours," Jonny says absently. Eight hours. Thirty-two. Doesn't matter. Right now, he'd subject himself to days of torture if Master wanted it. "But two's nice. Your boy'd like to push the limits a bit."

"Master likes to push limits." Gerard returns his hands to Jonny's wrists, and he pushes his boy even harder against the floor. "As long as they aren't the hard ones. What kind of torture my boy thinking?"

Jonny's palms are pressing into the floor, his wrists held tightly against the cold hardwood. Nice counter-chill to his body's heat. "He'd really like to get back to the sensory stuff. Overload with touch and heat and cold." He grins. "Maybe a few of the hard ones? Since it's just us now."

"Think we need a bit of negotiating before we start on with hard limits." Gerry bites the tip of Jonny's nose. "Maybe I'll stick a metal dildo in the freezer and then melt wax on top of it."

Jonny yelps at the bite, shivers at the suggestion. His cock, however, stiffens and juts up. "Metal frozen and waxed. Oh, Pire, that sounds delicious."

"Still sound that way if I throw in a gag? And a blindfold, and cuffs, and some prep with ice cubes sliding down your back and arms..." Gerry rubs the inside of Jonny's wrist. "I bet you'd squirm and beg and scream when the fire hit."

"That sounds even better," Jonny whispers, voice taken away by Gerard's gentle stroking. "Squirm. Beg. Your boy would, even with the gag, scream out for more."

"I know when my boy wants more. He always squirms just so." Gerry kisses Jonny lightly. "Like that."

_Your boy wants his pressies._ The thought tugs at the back of Jonny's brain. It's fighting with the one curling up his cock. _Your boy wants to be beaten black and blue._ He squirms again, quickly swipes his tongue over Gerard's lips.

"Mm. Good boy." Gerard presses Jonny hard against the floor as he kiss him, claiming everything he could ever want.

His body's heating up the wood beneath him and Jonny's nearly purring from the attention he's getting. Being claimed, marked as only master and husband can.

Gerard pulls back when he needs to breath, and then he strokes his fingers down Jonny's neck. He grins evilly. "Want the rest of your presents, slut?"

"Presents?" It takes Jonny's brain a second to come back. "Oh, right, it's Christmas." He smiles, takes in a slow, deep breath. "Yes, Master, your slut would love his other presents."

"Good boy." Gerard rolls off Jonny and goes over to the tree. The last few presents are cowering by the base and he grabs one and presents it to Jonny. "For you."

Jonny pulls himself up, half-dazed by the sensory assault Gerard laid down over his body. He shifts, his cock heavy against his thigh. The package is small and rectangular and he tears the paper off. He smiles on opening the box, giggles on pulling out the gift. "Just what Pire's puppy needs," he says, holding up the [bone gag](http://www.stockroom.com/b781.htm). "For when he's naughty."

"And even for when he's not." Gerard's been nervous about this one, hoping that Jonny wouldn't take it the wrong way. But it seems like Jonny likes it, and that's a huge relief. He'd seen it and immediately he'd wondered how Jonny would look while wearing it. Fuckable, Gerard thinks.

"Your boy really likes it, Master. He can't wait to try it out." Jonny pauses. "After _all_ the pressies are open."

"Drat. Wanted you to do it now." Gerry looks back at the tree. "What else is left, dear?"

"Not sure. I think you have one more under there. Plus there's gifts from our parents." Jonny grins. "How's this?" He puts the gag in his mouth, bites down and shakes his head.

"Adorable." Gerard resists the urge to strap the gag on tight. Later, after presents. "Let's do your parents' first, so I can stop having nightmares."

Jonny pulls the gag out and puts it aside. He tugs the big box forward. "Mum promised nothing sexual."

"As long as it's not a bloody violet wand again, I'm happy." Gerard tugs on the bow on top of it. "You open. I'm too scared."

"Oh, I'm sure it's not a violet wand, Pire. I mean, after you've given that, what's there to give?" Jonny rips into the paper and opens the box. He laughs. "Towels." He pulls out a stack of plush burgundy towels, then a layer of tissue paper. "Oooh, Master, matching robes." He pulls one out, holds it up. "See, she does love you."

Gerard grins. Towels. Bathrobes. Normal things. "She really does." And it's a gift they can use. Gerard can already imagine his boy lounging around in that. The colour'll be gorgeous on him.

"Oh, wow, wicked," Jonny shouts, digging to the bottom of the box. "Fuck, I got the best mum." He tugs out the box. Anti-Grav, the EyeToy hoverboard game for his PS2. "Pire, we can do this together."

"We can?" Gerard looks over, has no idea what the game is, but he's seen Jonny play with the EyeToy. Looks fun. "Fantastic." Gerry kisses Jonny on the cheek. "You'll whoop my ass."

"Only in video games, Master," Jonny murmurs, blushing, putting everything back into the box. "Balances out for the arse-beatings you give me."

"Maybe we should make that permanent." Gerard kisses him again. "Every time you beat me, I give you a beating with the flogger of your choice."

"Yes, Master. Add that to the rules." Jonny's going to get lost in kisses again, his body responding, temperature rising, cock hard. "Your slave could live with that."

"Bet he'd start playing to win now." Gerard tweaks Jonny's nipple. "More presents, or can we skip to me bending you over the couch and fucking you?"

"Nhgh," Jonny yelps, the tweak just accentuating his reactions. "He wouldn't be so quick to lose, at least. Presents? Fucking? Damn, Master, no fair making your boy chose like that."

"Never said I was fair." Gerard strokes a finger down Jonny's chest and taps lightly at the piercing. "What's it going to be, lad?"

_Lad._ The word shivers Jonny, more than boy. He's never figured out why. "You know, Master, that's healed enough to touch, just a bit." Sure, it's avoiding the question.

"I know." But Gerard keeps his touch light. "Didn't answer the question, slut. Shag or presents?"

"Presents," Jonny says softly. "Then shag, for hours?"

"Don't know if I can do hours, but I'll try." Gerard pinches just above the bar, and then pats Jonny's knee. "Get me the last one."

Jonny stretches out and pulls the long box over. "From your mum and da," he says, glancing at the tag. "No need to worry. It'll be nice."

"Yeah. They promised something to keep us warm. Something about London being cold this time of year."

"Hmm, warm. Flannel jammies?" Jonny sits back, watches Gerard open the box. "Ones with feet, maybe."

"You'd be extra adorable in those." Gerard opens the box and lifts up the plastic-wrapped package. "You're off the hook, my ageplay-phobic darling. It's a quilt."

"It's pretty. And I'm not ageplay-phobic. Just haven't pushed that particular limit yet. Right man, right scene." Jonny sticks his tongue out, quick as a lizard, and crinkles his nose. "Never know."

"I do never know," Gerard concedes. And maybe one day he'll figure out the perfect scene that'll make Jonny want to do it. Until then, he's not holding his breath. He gets the quilt out and spreads it over the both of them. "Missing any?"

"Any what?" Jonny wants to tell Gerard to push all his limits. He's tried to ask, will keep trying. Some day, it'll work.

"Presents, adorable."

"Oh, presents. Don't think so." Jonny snuggles down under the quilt.

"Wait." Gerry spots a peak of paper on the other side. He crawls over and brings it back to Jonny. "For the both of us," he says. "From Julie." He hands it to Jonny. "Open up."

Jonny tears off the paper and opens the box. There's a layer of tissue he rips through, his hand wrapping something large and hard. "Uh, Pire," he says, pulling out the large pillar candle. One, then another, followed by a half dozen smaller ones. And there are more on another layer below that. "Either Julie knows we're into waxplay or she thinks we should be more romantic."

"From the looks of it, romantic." The candles are gorgeous, just the right size for bath time. They'll flicker and cast different colours against the walls. "Wouldn't put waxplay off the list, but I don't think she'd make that a gift." _Unlike your mum._

He doesn't have to hear the unspoken to know what Gerard's thinking. "I like Julie," Jonny says, settling back, sniffing one of the scented candles. "If I were into girls, and I weren't already married to her gorgeous baby brother, I might date her."

"I think I should be offended." Gerard grabs one of the candles and weighs it in his hand. "Keep digging your grave, dear, and I'll pull out the bright purple rubber plug."

"That was a compliment, Pire." Jonny scoots closer, nudging his head against Gerard's shoulder. "I love your sister, like a sister. Quite happy with her brother."

"In that case..." Gerard kisses Jonny's hair. "I love my sister also, and I'm glad you two get along. But don't mention dating her again, ok? Bring out protective brother and husband at once, which is scaring me."

"Yes, Sir. No more talk of sisters." Jonny snuggles in closer. "Although I like the notion of the protective husband. Not scary at all."

"Whew." Gerard says. "Because I like being your protective husband. Caveman saves mate from problems of the world. That kind of thing." He grins. "Someone has to do it."

"Protective husband want to fuck his loving mate now? Or should we crawl up to the bathroom and put the gift to use?"

That reminds him. "Wait a sec." He kisses Jonny on the temple and then gets up and pulls out a package from under the couch. "Forgot about this." He'd considered putting them into the cabinet and waiting for Jonny to find it, but he'd promised they'd come from Santa, and so they deserve to be opened now.

"Who's it from?" Jonny doesn't wait for an answer before he's ripping paper and pulling the box open. What's inside as good as the Nintendo DS. Pots and pans. A dozen of them. He picks one up. Perfect chef-quality Calphalon. He laughs. "No way Jamie's getting out of giving me those cooking lessons now."

Gerard grins. "Should hope not." He doesn't know much more about the pots than what he'd read when he'd bought them, but he knows that they're high quality. "He really do it naked?"

"I don't think so. At least, not when I've been around." Jonny puts the pot back into the box and slides the package to the side. "You realize I'm going to be insufferable in the kitchen from now on. Home-cooked meals all the time."

"Is that somehow a problem?" Gerard doesn't think so. Can't think of anything better than cooked meals and a boy in his lap when he eats them. Fun, messy, and perfect.

"No, Sir, not that I know of. Just warning you."

"Of what? Being pampered by my pretty slut?"

"Uh, yeah, guess so." Jonny laughs. "Don't really need to warn you of that, though, Master. It's your slut's job. Pampering. Catering to his lover's every whim."

Gerard kisses Jonny's head. "And I pamper you. Evens out. Master pampers his good and adorable slave, and in return my slave pampers me."

Jonny's nudging up into Gerard's hand, wanting more of the gentle touches. He shifts, wrapping his leg over his husband's. "Master is very good to his slave. He doesn't think he could be any happier than he is now."

"Good." Gerard pats Jonny's knee. "But if you think of a way, tell me? I want to make you as happy as you could ever be."

"Same here." Jonny touches Gerard's hand, twines their fingers, the rings clinking. "I like that, rings on both so they always connect no matter which hand I'm holding."

"Like that also." Gerard strokes Jonny's palm. "Always mine, my husband and my boy. All wrapped up in the man I love."

"The man you love." Jonny smiles. "He's yours, snared and twined."

"Just the way I like him." Gerry kisses Jonny. "All mine."

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74370.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	354. gerard: First numbers...

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[25](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/25/) 23:00:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74745&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74745) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74745) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74745&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**First numbers...** _  
[public]

Wednesday, December 22 - 622 Screens  
$1,325,000  
(estimate)  
$2,130/per screen

Thursday, December 23 - 622 Screens  
$940,000  
$1,511/per screen

Two day total - $2,265,000

Not many screens. The drop off doesn't have to mean anything. It's Christmas. Limited release. It's Christmas. It's cold. It's a limited release.

~~Please, Santa, I need this. I need this.~~

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/crowe/profile)[**crowe**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/crowe/)  
2004-12-27 08:23 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=128761&format=light#t128761))   
---|---  
Mr Butler --  
  
I know we've never met or anything, but I just wanted to come back to this entry and tell you that I took my family to see _Phantom_ yesterday. We all loved it.  
  
Let me also add: I've done musical theatre and I've put out several albums and I absolutely know I could have never, ever, ever pulled off that role. Not with a lifetime of vocal training. You were brilliant, mate! 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?replyto=128761&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=128761&format=light#t128761))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-28 05:25 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=129017&format=light#t129017))   
---|---  
It's an honour to hear from you, Mr. Crowe, and your words help more than you can imagine. Thank you. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?replyto=129017&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=128761&format=light#t128761))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notjennifer/profile)[**notjennifer**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/notjennifer/)  
2005-01-03 02:35 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=132345&format=light#t132345))   
---|---  
I had the opportunity to see it at a theatre this week, and it was absolutely wonderful. Congratulations and good luck on it's full release. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?replyto=132345&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=132345&format=light#t132345))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2005-01-03 02:41 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=132601&format=light#t132601))   
---|---  
Thank you, Ms. Garner. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?replyto=132601&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74745.html?thread=132345&format=light#t132345))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	355. gerard: Boxing Day Blowjob and Beating

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[26](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/26/) 15:46:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74865&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74865) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74865) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=74865&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Boxing Day Blowjob and Beating** _  
[players only.]

  
There's no need to look at the clock. It's become instinct, knowing when 3 p.m. arrives. Jonny Lee strips down, carefully laying his jeans aside, and kneels in the center of the room.

A deep breath in. He centers himself. Knees spread, back straight, he slides his hands behind him, lacing his fingers, smiling as he rubs flesh over the rings. Both silver. One on either hand. Wedding rings binding him completely to master and husband.

Jonny Lee closes his eyes and drops himself into the headspace, that void where there's nothing but Master. No holiday weekend. No movies opening. No dinner to fix or kitchen to clean. Just him and his thoughts on what it is to belong to Gerard.

Forty-five minutes pass so quickly. He often loses track, stays an hour, deep in that dark place, serene.

Gerard loves the kneeling. Most days he isn't home, but it's Boxing Day, and he doesn't have to be anywhere. He loves watching his boy kneel for him, kneel and think things over. And there's so much more now. He checks his watch, and once the forty-five minutes are over, he clears his throat lightly. He doesn't want to startle Jonny, doesn't want to break the quiet mood, but he wants his boy to see him.

Jonny's slowly surfacing, and the noise draws his attention. He opens his eyes, glances around and finds what he wants most standing against the wall. "Master," he says softly, "your boy was just finishing. Is there something you need?"

"No, just you." Gerard licks his lips slowly. His boy is so brilliant. "Just my boy."

Jonny's smile widens. "How would you like your boy, Master?" He doesn't move, not even to break position, not until Gerard makes a specific order.

Gerard pushes himself off the wall and walks over to Jonny. He strokes Jonny's cheek lightly and then grabs him by his hair. "Just like this," he says, and cups the back of Jonny's head with his other hand. "One wish, right now. If you could have anything you want."

Gentle stroke yields quickly to harsh tug, Jonny's head snapped back and his eyes forced up. He thinks for a half-second. "Right now, your boy wishes to hurt for his master."

That's good, because Gerard's in the mood to hurt him. Gently, lovingly, but still hurt him. "What did my boy think about when he was kneeling for master?"

"How lucky he is to have Master, how he loves Master enough to give over every bit of control, even the parts Master doesn't want to take." Jonny's been thinking about limits and testing them. "It's just us now, Master. Your boy wants to be enough, to take everything."

That's the second time, maybe the third, that Jonny's said something like that. 'Just us now.' "You are enough," Gerard says, not entirely understanding that Jonny's asking. It's always been just them, to Gerard. "You're my adorable slut and nothing's going to change that."

_Just us now_ is something different, in Jonny's mind. Before, there have been others, the ones Gerard sent Jonny out to find, the mates and the club acquaintances. There was experimentation, trial and error outside the relationship he had with Gerard. No longer. Now it's him giving everything to one man, husband and lover and master combined. Making the mistakes, too.

"Your slut doesn't think himself adorable," Jonny says quietly, "but he defers to Master's opinion."

"As he should," Gerard replies, just as softly. "Because master thinks his boy is adorable. And master thinks that his boy has words for him that he doesn't agree with, but are just as true."

"Yes, Sir, he does." Perfect and wonderful come to Jonny's mind. "How may this adorable slave service his most incredible Master today?"

Incredible has to be pushing it, but Gerard isn't going to argue. "He can start with a blowjob," Gerard says. "Then we'll move on to cookies and candy canes."

"Yes, Sir. Would Master like his blowjob here? Or would he prefer to be more comfortable?"

"Here." No, wait. Gerard tugs lightly on Jonny's hair. "My boy in the mood to crawl?"

Jonny smiles. No, erase that. It's a bonafide grin. "Yes, Master, your slave would love to crawl."

"All right." Gerard gives Jonny's hair one last tug and then steps back. He walks over to the couch and sits down, then points to the floor in front of him. "Crawl."

Hands go down first, palms flat against the hardwood floor, and before he starts, Jonny stretches, pushing his body down and then up, arching his head. There's just enough distance to the couch to make it seductive, predatory, Jonny slinking forward in a slow pull of his body on hands and knees.

Gerard watches Jonny crawl, doesn't do anything to mask just how much he wants his boy right now. Jonny's always looked his best when he's crawling like this, and Gerard gets harder than he was before, just watching his boy kneel.

When he's covered the distance, Jonny kneels back up between Gerard's spread legs. His cock's heavy, the morning's choice of plug tight in his arse, and he's in heaven waiting for Master's bruising touch and choking thrusts.

Gerard unzippers his jeans and tugs them down. He wants this to be easy for Jonny. Slides forward and grabs Jonny by his hair and tugs him closer. "C'mere, slut. Master wants your mouth."

Jonny scoots forward, knees rubbing along the polished wood. _Christ, yes, slut wants._ He leans in, opens his mouth and takes in Gerard's cock. Sweet, familiar, taste better than treacle after medicine, so easy to take all the way in, let its tip paint the roof of his mouth on its slide to the back of his throat.

"Good boy," Gerard whispers, tugging Jonny as much forward as he can go. He's willing to let Jonny take his time, but he wants his boy choking.

_Good boy._ Jonny loves those words. He sinks himself deeper, cock wedged into his throat at an impossible angle, mind where only Master's voice and Master's body matter.

"Good boy. Good slut." The words come out low, and Gerard doesn't give a damn if Jonny's listening or not. The words are for him. "Master's good slave, adorable slut, taking master down, such a good boy. Master's good boy. Like that, you little whore, adorable boy."

_Boy. Slut. Slave. Whore._ Jonny hears the words, each one dropping him deeper. That's his purpose. Master's good boy. He sucks harder, opening his throat wider to take until there's nothing left to be pushed into his mouth. His breathing becomes more random, face pressed into flesh and denim, windpipe shut off by Master's thick, weeping cock. _Little whore. Adorable._

Oh, god. Jonny's head, right there, nothing left for him to take, so far down his boy's throat, so good, feels so fucking good. "S-slut. Whore. _Mine._. Master's...master's whore."

Yes. Master's whore. Master's slut. That's all Jonny is, all he wants to be. The edges of his world are going black, tinged over with a reddish-white. No oxygen. Breath coming more slowly. He sucks harder, pressing his tongue against cock, stretching and licking hurriedly over the weighted sacs. All for Master.

"Nng." Perfect boy. Perfect mouth. So fucking good that this...so good. Gerard comes in his mouth, letting Jonny move back if he wants so he doesn't choke.

Jonny doesn't move back, doesn't even think about choking. All he's focusing on is swallowing, suppressing everything else to take what Master offers. His throat opens, his breathing stops for a moment, the void tightening in on him. _Christ, yes, this is what I'm meant for. His. Only his._

Mine. Only mine. Gerard doesn't want this to stop. He wants Jonny to continue right where he is, until Gerard's hard again, but it's the day after Christmas. He needs to give his boy what he wants, and he shouldn't give in to being lazy. Even though he wants to. Gerard groans and tugs Jonny's head back. "Good...master's good slut."

There's no sound, not even a whimper, as Jonny's head is pulled back. He's gone, eyes glazed over and brain floating in rarefied air. _Master's good slut. Yes. He is._ He kneels back, tongue darting out to swipe at a streak of come at the corner of his mouth.

Jonny's zoned. That much is obvious. Gerard smudges the corner of Jonny's mouth with his thumb and then slides it in Jonny's mouth.

It's a good zone, one easily slipped into and, at the touch of Gerard's thumb to Jonny's tongue, slide out of. He sucks softly at the tip of the thumb, then smiles. "Thank you, Master," he says softly.

"You're very welcome, boy," Gerry replies, just as softly. "Master loves your mouth."

Jonny's coming back, slow and steady, pleased he's learning how to tap into the zone and back out of it. "Slave tries his best, Master."

"Know he does. And he succeeds." He strokes Jonny's cheek and tilts his head up. "Is there anything my slave wants?"

His throat is sore, his cock hard, his arse tight around the silicon plug. "No, Master," Jonny whispers. "Slave is content to be here, at Master's feet, for when Master wishes to use him."

"I know he's content." Gerry tucks himself back into his jeans and zippers them up. "Master wants to give him a present. Does my boy want anything?"

Jonny's puzzled by the question. What could a slave want more than to be in service to his master? He shouldn't ask, but Gerard's made the offer. "Pain," he whispers, casting his eyes down. "Slave wants to hurt till the new year."

Gerry smiles. "Master can arrange that." He pinches Jonny's cheek. "Where would my adorable slut like to be hurt? Would he like a flogging, a spanking? A beating of master's choice?"

The pain of the pinch whets his appetite. "Severe beating, Master," Jonny says, voice still rough and now hesitant, unsure how far he can push Gerard's love, "where slave can barely crawl after it's over."

_'Til he can barely crawl?_ Gerard bites his lip, then nods. It's Christmas, or mostly. And there's really nothing Jonny _needs_ to do until the New Year. "I can do that. What," Gerry forces Jonny to look at him. "What do you want to be hurt with?" If he's going to do something that severe, he wants Jonny to decide what it's with.

Jonny swallows, clearing his throat. He understands what he's asking for. "The tarred hemp flogger, Master." It's extreme, the strand ends knotted to bruise and split the skin.

Fuck. Leave it to Jonny to go straight to bruising and cutting. But he'd promised. "All right." Gerard looks down at Jonny sternly. "But tell me right now. How many can you take?" He's going to cut that number in half, but there's no need to tell Jonny that yet.

Trick question, and Jonny knows it. He could pad the number, but that wouldn't really work. He doesn't know how hard Gerard's going to be. "Thirty, Sir," he says, deciding on a realistic number if Master's going to make the strokes light. He's betting Gerard won't give him that many.

Fifteen, then, and maybe not even that. Gerry knows how hard that flogger is. He's going to do these one by one. "And on the cross?"

"Would Master consider using the suspended chains?"

Gerry considers it, then shakes his head. "No. I want you chained down hard, not able to move at all. And I want you to feel secure."

Jonny's still on the edges of headspace, enough to not even start to object. "Yes, Master," he says, head still held up, eyes meeting Gerard's. "Your slave understands."

He can tell that Jonny does. "Good boy." He strokes his fingers through Jonny's hair. "Tell master your safeword."

"Cacophony," Jonny whispers. _It's yours if you want it, Master._ He thinks, but doesn't give voice to the desire, knowing too well how Gerard feels about that facet of the dynamic.

This time, Gerry's going to be listening for it. He doesn't think Jonny'll say it, but this time he isn't taking chances. "I'm going to be giving you the buzzer as well," he says. "Secondary safeword.'

"Yes, Master." Words just as soft. _Won't use it. Won't stop you. Ever._

Gerry frowns. He tugs Jonny's hair, forcing Jonny's head up at an obscene angle. "Will you use it?"

Jonny so wants to look away, but he can't. "No, Master," he says, voice very still and calm. "Your slave wants to hurt and he trusts Master to stop if he thinks it's gone too far." He's being honest, hoping that balances out Gerard's fears. "He promises not to zone to the point of frightening Master."

Not the answer he was looking for, but it will have to do. He knows Jonny can't control the zone very much, and Gerard still doesn't trust himself. _Eight,_ he thinks. _No more than eight._ "Ok," he says finally. "But for the love of god, if you need it, say it."

"Trust yourself, Master. You won't hurt me more than we want."

"Easier said than done, boy." Gerard strokes the back of Jonny's neck. "I trust you more than I trust myself."

"Your boy trusts you, Master," Jonny says, tilting his head into the caresses. "Enough for both of us if he has to."

And he'll have to accept that. Later, maybe, he and Jonny can work something out, because if Jonny's not going to safeword, there needs to be more safety nets. But this is just a beating. Only eight hits. No, seven. Go with the lucky number. Gerard nods and stands up. "Crawl," he orders, and leads Jonny down to the playroom.

Jonny obeys, dropping back to hands and knees, following Gerard to the playroom. He knows he won't get exactly what he's asking for. There's still too much doubt in Gerard's mind about how far he can push Jonny. Some day. He hopes. For now, though, whatever beating Master will give him is enough. Jonny maneuvers carefully down the stairs, thankful there aren't more of them, and crawls over to the corner where the cross stands. He kneels up, not having been told to assume any other position.

"Up against the cross," Gerry orders. He makes a detour to the floggers and picks up the one Jonny specified. He tries it out on the air a few times to get the balance right, then aims for a point where Jonny's back would be. He hits the spot, and then does it again.

One hand stretches up, then the other, and Jonny spreads his legs, laying himself out along the crosspieces. Cold comfort he can relax into, let envelop him as he zones. It's inevitable, the blackening of his world, the focus on Master and the pain. But can he control it. That's the test.

Jonny takes a deep breath, centers himself and closes his eyes.

Gerard takes the time to pull his shirt off before chaining Jonny to the cross. "Six," he says. "You'll count each one and thank me." _Need to keep him focused out of the zone._ "Do you understand?"

Six? A long way down from 30. Jonny nods though. _Master's always right. Remember that. Don't argue._ "Yes, Sir, your slave understands." _Fuck it._

"Good boy." Gerry strokes his hand down Jonny's back, and then moves back. "One," he warns, and then brings the flogger down across Jonny's shoulders.

The flogger strikes, the knotted end thudding against his flesh. A wince, more anticipation than pain. "One, Master, thank you," Jonny snaps out. _Concentrate. Focus. You can make the pain worse than it is._ He freefalls into the void, stepping out of the plane and not even thinking about the parachute.

Gerry can't imagine giving his boy thirty of these. But that was what Jonny asked for, and he's only giving six, and he needs to make up for it. The second one is harder and Gerard flinches, hoping that it didn't hurt too badly.

"Two, Master," Jonny says, voice even. "thank you." The hemp strand bites, and he can feel the bruise it'll raise. Six of these won't leave him crawling, like he wanted, but he'll be hurting.

If Jonny can still talk like that, Gerard's not being as hard as he wants to be. The third is hard, his shoulder giving him a sudden burst of complaint.

That one hurts. The knot pops against Jonny's shoulder, cutting in. The pain ripples a shock of white into the void and Jonny's breath catches. _Yes. That's it._ "Three," he murmurs, "Master," breathes, "thank you so much."

The tail cuts into Jonny's skin and Gerry shivers. Gorgeous. He repeats the blow, mirroring it to the other side. Two more.

"Four." Jonny jerks, the blow a tad harder and slicing more easily. "Yes, thank you." Only two left. He wants more. Shouldn't beg yet though. So he floats on the pain, sweet and succulent.

Four's gone, and nothing in Jonny's posture or voice makes Gerard think that his boy's close to his limit, so he gives him a fifth, right on top of where the third hit.

Jonny's in the zone, freefall and his hand's so far from the ripcord he might's well not have one. Except that he knows it's there, and it's keeping him focused on Gerard, keeping his voice level even the fifth strike bites with venom, the bruise insinuating itself immediately, the faint treacle-pure scent of blood swirling his brain.

"Five, Master," he says slowly, breathing out. "Thank you, Sir."

He probably shouldn't have done that. It hit hard, it hurt, and Gerry can see the blood. But he promised six, and number six goes on top of number four, for the sake of balance.

Six's sweeter than the rest. It lays down a welt on top of a bruise barely formed. Jonny's soaring on the endorphin kick. "Six, Master. Please, more. Your slave thanks you, but he wants more."

No fucking way is he getting more. Gerry gave him his symmetry, and that's enough. _No, it's not. He asked for more. He wanted not being able to crawl._ He frowns and runs his fingers through the knots of the flogger. He'd given six. Jonny had asked for thirty. Surely an encore was ok. Seven hits on top of six and then Gerry tightens his hand into a fist. Enough. No more.

"Seven, thank you, Master," Jonny slurs out. That's almost perfect, even if the symmetry's broken. "Please." He's not broken yet, wants to be, but he knows he's pushing Gerard's limits, no matter how nice the zone is, how sweet the darkness.

"No." He puts the flogger down on the bench and walks over to Jonny. He traces the bruises gently. "Master gave his slave as much of a beating as he wanted to give him." He knows Jonny's zoned enough to be able to finish the end of that thought. Slave is supposed to take as much of a beating as master wants to give him. "If my boy begs enough, tomorrow master will give his boy another beating."

"Yes, Master." Jonny whimpers at each etching of Gerard's finger over a bruise. He doesn't jerk himself out of the zone. Not yet. Let's the white and red wash through the black, sluice his mind with the pain. Perfect. Bliss. At Master's hand. "Thank you, Sir, for the privilege of begging." His voice is ragged, the edges of the zone breaking down, Jonny hitting land, parachute barely opening. He shivers, whole body icy as the endorphins flush through his system. "Your slave loves his Master."

"You're welcome, boy." He reaches up and strokes Jonny's hair. "Master loves you." He frowns. He'd held the whip, done the strokes, but he didn't know how they feel. "Jonny, can I let you down?"

"Down?" It takes Jonny an extra heartbeat to process. "Yes, Master. Down."

"Down, as in off the cross." He doesn't want to think that Jonny's saying he can stand when really he's talking about something different.

"Off the cross," Jonny echoes. "Please, Master." He wants down, wants to be held, wants to feel Gerard's chest against his back, pressing in on the bruises, smearing the trickle of blood.

"Ok." Gerry kisses Jonny's neck. "Just making sure, love." He kneels down and frees Jonny's ankles, then stands up and does his wrists. He wraps his arms around Jonny and walks him backwards. "Need to sit down?"

"No. Need to be held." Jonny relaxes, lets his body drift in Gerard's arms. "Did your boy frighten you?"

"A little." Gerry tries to smile. "Didn't want to go too far without a safety net. You need to learn to safeword, love."

"Don't want to safeword. That's yours, Master." Jonny's shoulder is burning, but he ignores it, surfs on the sting. "Your boy's trying to make it easier. Zoned and controlled it."

"I don't want it." Gerard pinches the skin above Jonny's hip. "It's yours. You safeword, I stop. Your control."

Jonny shakes his head. "No. Master has control. Not _slave_." It's an old debate, and Jonny pulls back from it as soon as the words leave his mouth. "Your boy shouldn't question Master. He's sorry."

Gerard's lips form a little white line. He pulls away from Jonny. _Don't put that 'your boy' crap._ "Conversation over," he says coldly. "We'll talk about it later." _No fucking way am I letting you give up that kind of control. And if you refuse to safeword, then we're not doing heavy play again. Ever._ Right now Jonny's half-zoned, bleeding, and bruised. Probably doesn't know what he's saying. Like the night he gave Gerry a can of beer. Doesn't know what he's doing. "Let me see to your back."

The wince is real, but it's not from Jonny's bruises or cuts. It's from Gerard's words. Their tone. The harshness. Jonny can tell when he's made Master angry. He's not that zoned, not so much that he doesn't know what he's saying. "A bit of astringent," he says, uncertain if it's master or husband he's talking to at the moment, "and some antibiotic ointment, it'll be fine." He really doesn't care about his wounds. He's more concerned about Gerard pulling back from him.

Turning slowly, Jonny drops himself to his knees. "Forgive? Please? Didn't mean to upset."

"Yeah. Forgiven." But he's not, not really. But there's time, and he will be. Jonny's hurt, Gerry hurt him. He needs to see to that, and not upset his boy. It'll turn out to be his own fault anyway. "Get up."

Jonny pulls himself up, standing and trying not to stretch too much. Gerard's tone isn't of forgiveness. Jonny's screwed up. Trying to make the zone work. Trying to make amends. No matter what he does, he can't do it right. Maybe keeping his mouth shut will be better.

Gerry doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He gets the medicine and sets it up. "Where does it hurt the most?"

"On the cuts." Jonny hesitates. "It's not too bad. Just," he pauses again. "Out of role?" Jonny doesn't want to keep using the formal speech if it's going to cause more problems. "Husband or master right now?"

"Completely out of role." Gerry snaps the gloves on and applies the medicine to the cuts. "So far we can't see it."

Jonny chuckles. He'd used a similar phrase once. "Nng. You just hit the worst of them, Pire." He bites his lip. "That's the more I was talking about, pushing at the edges. What we just did. And I managed not to zone completely out."

"But we were working with a safeword." Gerard cleans that cut again, feeling entirely sadistic. "And you know how much that makes me worry."

It _is_ sadistic, the cut cleaned much more thoroughly than it needs to be. "Makes you worry that we have a safeword? I'm not following, Pire." Jonny shifts, scrunching his shoulder out of the way for a moment. "If I can zone and not tap completely out, that should make you feel more at ease."

"I like safewords." And a third time, just so that it hurts. Badly. "I like knowing that you can say stop when you need to. Your zoning scares me enough as it is without having to worry about you refusing to safeword on principle."

"Ouch. That really hurt." Jonny looks over his shoulder, frowns. "If it came down to it, if I really thought you were going past a line you shouldn't, I'd use it. I just don't want to think about it for pushing limits when I know you're not going to hurt me beyond what I can take."

"Sorry," Gerry says, though he isn't. "But what if you weren't conscious enough? What if I missed the signs again? I want you to have the way out, yes, but I also want to know that you'd use it. And you telling me that you don't want to, that you trust me, doesn't make me sleep any easier."

"That makes no sense. My trusting you that much should make you sleep easier. Shouldn't it? Isn't that part of what the doc was talking about, learning to trust each other." Jonny turns around, touches his hand to Gerard's cheek. "Trust yourself. You're a lot better person than you let yourself think."

"That may be true." Gerry frowns and turns Jonny around. "Haven't finished yet." This is easier to say to Jonny's back, and the cuts need seeing to. "I can go too far, Teak. It happens to everyone. And when I do, I'm going to feel so much better knowing that you'll stop me."

"Okay, I'll give you that. I'll stop you if you go too far," Jonny says, being good and not turning around again even though he'd like to see Gerard's face. "Answer me something, though. What happens if you go too far? Honestly. Do you think I'd leave?"

_No. I think I will._ "If I go too far," Gerard licks his lips nervously. "If I go too far again, I don't know what I'll do. God's honest truth. I don't know what I'd do."

"I wouldn't leave. And I wouldn't let you walk out, either. Forever, Pire. That's the promise I made. Not breaking it, no matter what."

"I believe you. But..." Gerard puts a bandage over the worst cut and pats it down. "But you've never seen me lose control. Not really." Flashes of getting thrown out of a club and singing songs drunkenly on the street pass before his eyes. "I can get...strange."

"Pire, you're living with a man who zones himself into oblivion, can play vid games for days on end and thinks pain is a definite pleasure." Jonny glances over his shoulder. "I think strange is normal for us."

"Different kind of strange," Gerard dismisses. He bandages the other cut. "Dangerous strange, not the kind of strange where you don't know what's going on. Drunk, hyper, wake up and not remember last night. That kind of strange."

"For better or worse, Pire. Remember? It applies to the other relationship, too." Jonny's starting to squirm, the bandage making his shoulder hurt more than the cut did. "Dangerous strange is alright. It's not gonna frighten me off."

"What would frighten you off?" _I beat a guy while I was drunk. Scary enough for the rest of my fucking life._ "For better or for worse, yeah. I'll promise that. But how much can you stand?"

"Nothing. There's not a single thing you could do to make me leave," Jonny says, "short of physically throwing me out of the house, but then I'd just sleep on the front stoop."

"And it's your house." Gerard can't help but smile. "All right. You win." _For now._ He pats Jonny on the back and takes the gloves off. "Let's get you to bed."

_It is, isn't it? Have to correct that._ "Bed sounds wonderful," Jonny murmurs, "but your boy has dinner to fix. Maybe just a quick nap."

"I'll fix it." He kisses Jonny on the forehead. "You lie down, love. I'll order pizza."

"Hmm, pizza." Jonny grins. "Can we have it in bed? Spend the rest of the night there, watching movies?"

That sounds perfect. "Of course." Gerard smiles. "You pick out movies, I'll order pizza."

Jonny pulls himself up their stairs, not really sore but rather exhausted, mentally as well as physically. Mindless films, he thinks, that's what they need. Something that won't make them argue over whose performance is better. Something, he yawns, he can fall asleep to.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/74865.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	356. jonnyleemiller: A day in the life of ...

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[28](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/28/) 20:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41569&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41569) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41569) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41569&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**A day in the life of ...** _  
**[written into log notebook and left on nightstand]**

  
**Remember: No formal language here.**

6:15 a.m. Woke up, ~~crawled~~ got out of bed, took morning piss, went downstairs and made coffee. Shoulders achy, but not hurting nearly as much as I wanted.

6:43 a.m. Brought coffee in thermal carafe back to bedroom. Climbed back into bed and curled up next to Pire. Can't ever get back to sleep. Most mornings, just listen to his breathing until it's time to wake him up. I like this time, when it's quiet. It's almost as good as the kneeling time.

8:14 a.m. Master stirred, so started rousing him with kisses. He didn't want blowjob (assume still bad mood from last night). Morning snuggle was short, and had him into shower with coffee in hand by 8:25. Okay, so he's less than happy with me. Not surprised. Off to make breakfast.

10:17 a.m. Master's fed. Morning spanking was nice, but I think Master's heart wasn't in it. He's taken to the living room to read. I have free time.

10:30 a.m. to 1:35 p.m. Called mum, downloaded some patches. Made soup for Master, then cleaned up kitchen and put out steak for dinner.

1:45 to 2:50 p.m. Running. Took a longer route, needing to clear brain.

3 to 4 p.m. Kneeling. Best time of day. Naked and in the bedroom. Feels so vulnerable and so fuckin' safe. Spent the hour thinking about last night. Why can't he see it? If I can control the zone, that's better than having a safeword. And what's so damned special about the safeword. He talks about going too far. I'd like to see it. Just once. Cross the line.

4 to 6 p.m. Ran out, took care of errands and getting hair blonded. Pire says he likes it that way better.

6 p.m. Started dinner. Steak with cracked peppercorns and a wine sauce, roasted potatoes, asparagus. Hope Master's in a better mood tonight.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41569.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  **[scrawled beneath it]**  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-29 07:36 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41569.html?thread=67681&format=light#t67681))   
---|---  
_Jonny - You left this out for me and so I read it. Cross the line, you said, but I'm too scared to. I've seen the other side and it's not a place I ever want to be again - or risk having to be again._  
  
I'm still a little melancholy, but the mood's brighter. I love your hair like this. What would you say to growing a goatee?  
  
Love you. - Pire 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41569.html?replyto=67681&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	357. gerard: New Years Resolution

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/12/30/) 15:28:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=75029&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=75029) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=75029) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=gerard&itemid=75029&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**New Years Resolution** _  
[public]

With the help of my boy, I'm going to quit smoking. Whenever I have an urge, I'm going to beat him, or tie him up and blow him. ~~And when the cravings get really bad, have him tie _me_ up, so I can't run to the store~~

More realistically speaking, I'm going to learn to think before I speak and stop taking Jonny for granted. ~~That should take me the rest of the year.~~

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/profile)[**est_marton**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/est_marton/)  
2004-12-31 02:12 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129045&format=light#t129045))   
---|---  
That sounds like a very good resolution, and one that's highly doable if you try. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=129045&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129045&format=light#t129045))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 07:00 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130069&format=light#t130069))   
---|---  
Thanks. Maybe this year... 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=130069&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129045&format=light#t129045))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/profile)[**jonathan_r_m**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonathan_r_m/)  
2004-12-31 03:21 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129301&format=light#t129301))   
---|---  
_With the help of my boy, I'm going to quit smoking._  
  
Good luck to you. Sounds very good.  
  
 _I'm going to learn to think before I speak and stop taking Jonny for granted._  
  
I think everyone does that, though. ~~Christian's therapist~~ Someone we know would say you should learn to recognize the behavior and then try to stop it without beating yourself up for it. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=129301&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129301&format=light#t129301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 07:01 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130325&format=light#t130325))   
---|---  
Thanks. Recognizing and stopping without beating myself up for it, sounds impossible, but it's a good sentiment. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=130325&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129301&format=light#t129301))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/profile)[**liam**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/liam/)  
2004-12-31 05:48 am UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129557&format=light#t129557))   
---|---  
Good luck with the smoking. What with Carrie being pregnant, I've given it up altogether. All I can say is that if the oral thing is part of why you're addicted, toothpicks help a lot. So does a punching bag. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=129557&format=light))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129557&format=light#t129557))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-31 05:29 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129813&format=light#t129813))   
---|---  
I think he has a punching bag, Mr. Neeson. It's me. *g* But I will go invest in boxes of toothpicks.  
  
Pire, gonna start running with me, too? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=129813&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129557&format=light#t129557))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129813&format=light#t129813))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 07:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130837&format=light#t130837))   
---|---  
I'm not sure I can keep up. Want me to try? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=130837&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129813&format=light#t129813))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130837&format=light#t130837))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-31 07:08 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131093&format=light#t131093))   
---|---  
You could go out with me a couple days, see if you like it. This level of masochism's not for everyone. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=131093&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130837&format=light#t130837))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131093&format=light#t131093))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 07:16 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131349&format=light#t131349))   
---|---  
I could. You want me to? I'm masochist enough to do a hundred push-ups a day, so if he want me to be more masochist, I can add sit-ups to the routine. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=131349&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131093&format=light#t131093))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131349&format=light#t131349))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[**jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/)  
2004-12-31 09:27 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131605&format=light#t131605))   
---|---  
Want a boy to sit on your feet while you exercise? No, erase that. Probably not a good idea. I'll see if I can't come up with something better while I'm kneeling this afternoon. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=131605&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131349&format=light#t131349))([Thread](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131605&format=light#t131605))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 09:30 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131861&format=light#t131861))   
---|---  
No, no, that's a great idea. You could play video games while I grunt and groan and force myself to do another set. All those books I've read say that we should merge our interests together as a couple in ways that work for us. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=131861&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=131605&format=light#t131605))  
  
|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-31 07:03 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=130581&format=light#t130581))   
---|---  
That's great advice, Liam, thanks. How's Carrie doing? 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?replyto=130581&format=light))([Parent](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/75029.html?thread=129557&format=light#t129557))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	358. jonnyleemiller: Damn, fuck, hell & all that shite

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/30/) 21:08:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42345&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42345) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42345) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42345&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Damn, fuck, hell & all that shite** _  
** [scribbled into notebook] **

Ger wants to give up smoking. Okay, that's nice.

Fuck. I've stopped drinking. No alcohol in the house. Now I have to give up the fags, too? 'Cause he's sure as hell not gonna want me smoking when he can't. I mean, yeah, it's nice that he wants to beat me more, but why do I have to give up all my vices?

Just shoot me now.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/42345.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	359. jonnyleemiller: Is there a "receive all" option?

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[30](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/30/) 11:07:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41799&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41799) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41799) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=41799&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Is there a "receive all" option?** _  
**[public]**

Okay, don't assume I'll get in too much trouble answering this meme going 'round.

**Do you prefer giving or receiving Christmas/Holiday gifts? Why?** This one's equal. Love getting gifts, especially video games for the new DS. But there's something 'bout giving that makes me feel even better. And I'd give up all the gifts I might ever receive for the look on the look on Gerard's face at opening the perfect gift.

**Do you prefer giving or receiving a beating? Why?** Uh, receiving. Don't know the first thing about giving one. Wouldn't want to. This is definitely a better to get moment. The way the knotted ends of a flogger bite into my skin, tear and shred the skin, blood oozing up ... oh, yeah, shouldn't get off on writing ... uh, just definitely prefer being beaten.

**Do you prefer giving or receiving a good hard fucking? Why?** Again, receiving. I guess. I haven't fucked that many people, and there's a really _really_ short list of guys I want to fuck. Wait, scratch that. Don't _want_ to fuck anyone. List is short of guys I have fucked that I enjoyed fucking before I stopped thinking about fucking anyone. Oh, that's confusing even me. Next question please.

**Do you prefer giving or receiving when it comes to rimming? Why?** Not enough experience either way to have a preference. Wonder if I should work on that?

**Do you prefer giving or receiving a fisting? Why?** Would have to be receiving as I've never done it to anyone. Not sure I want to. Definitely want to get more. Can I put that on my wish list?

**Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Why?** Giving. To infinity and beyond. Sucking cock's my favorite thing in the whole wide world. And I do it fucking well. Oh, yeah, definitely giving.  Although Master's getting damned good at the giving part so being on the other side's a lot more interesting these days.  


  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41799.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

|  ****  
[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[**gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/)  
2004-12-30 10:28 pm UTC ([link](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41799.html?thread=67911&format=light#t67911))   
---|---  
_Can I put that on my wish list?_  
  
You've given me latex gloves, so I'd assumed it was already on it. I was _going_ to wait until we had the new bed set up, but I don't see why we can't practice beforehand. 

([Reply to this](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/41799.html?replyto=67911&format=light))  
  
* * *

****

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


	360. jonnyleemiller: Just a thought

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/)-[31](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2004/12/31/) 12:13:00   
---|---  
  
> * * *
> 
> [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42577&dir=prev) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memadd.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/tellafriend.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42577) [](http://www.journalfen.net/go.bml?journal=jonnyleemiller&itemid=42577&dir=next)  
> ---  
>   
> * * *

  
_**Just a thought**_  
 **[jotted down in notebook he carries around the house]**  
Being taken for granted isn't a  bad thing. Means he loves me.

**[added later]**  
You contradict yourself, Jonny. If he takes you for granted, then it's assumed you'd give up everything, and that's what you want. Isn't it?

**[scrawled with Sharpie]**  
Buy rollerblades. He can skate with you instead of running.

  


* * *

  


**([Post a new comment](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/42577.html?mode=reply&format=light))**

* * *

[ [Home](http://www.journalfen.net/) | [Update Journal](http://www.journalfen.net/update.bml) | [Login](http://www.journalfen.net/login.bml)/[Logout](http://www.journalfen.net/logout.bml) | [Search](http://www.journalfen.net/site/search.bml) | [Browse Options](http://www.journalfen.net/manage/settings/) | [Site Map](http://www.journalfen.net/site/) ]


End file.
